THEDEVIL。[ironically]What！youaCatholic，SenorDonJuan！A
devotee！Mycongratulations。
THESTATUE。[seriously]Comecome！asasoldier，IcanlistentonothingagainsttheChurch。
DONJUAN。Havenofear，Commander：thisideaofaCatholicChurchwillsurviveIslam，willsurvivetheCross，willsurviveeventhatvulgarpageantofincompetentschoolboyishgladiatorswhichyoucalltheArmy。
THESTATUE。Juan：youwillforcemetocallyoutoaccountforthis。
DONJUAN。Useless：Icannotfence。EveryideaforwhichManwilldiewillbeaCatholicidea。WhentheSpaniardlearnsatlastthatheisnobetterthantheSaracen，andhisprophetnobetterthanMahomet，hewillarise，moreCatholicthanever，anddieonabarricadeacrossthefilthyslumhestarvesin，foruniversallibertyandequality。
THESTATUE。Bosh！
DONJUAN。Whatyoucallboshistheonlythingmendarediefor。
Lateron，LibertywillnotbeCatholicenough：menwilldieforhumanperfection，towhichtheywillsacrificealltheirlibertygladly。
THEDEVIL。Ay：theywillneverbeatalossforanexcuseforkillingoneanother。
DONJUAN。Whatofthat？Itisnotdeaththatmatters，butthefearofdeath。Itisnotkillinganddyingthatdegradeus，butbaseliving，andacceptingthewagesandprofitsofdegradation。
Bettertendeadmenthanoneliveslaveorhismaster。Menshallyetriseup，fatheragainstsonandbrotheragainstbrother，andkilloneanotherforthegreatCatholicideaofabolishingslavery。
THEDEVIL。Yes，whentheLibertyandEqualityofwhichyouprateshallhavemadefreewhiteChristianscheaperinthelabormarketthanbyauctionattheblock。
DONJUAN。Neverfear！thewhitelaborershallhavehisturntoo。
ButIamnotnowdefendingtheillusoryformsthegreatideastake。IamgivingyouexamplesofthefactthatthiscreatureMan，whoinhisownselfishaffairsisacowardtothebackbone，willfightforanidealikeahero。Hemaybeabjectasacitizen；butheisdangerousasafanatic。Hecanonlybeenslavedwhilstheisspirituallyweakenoughtolistentoreason。Itellyou，gentlemen，ifyoucanshowamanapieceofwhathenowcallsGod’sworktodo，andwhathewilllateroncallbymanynewnames，youcanmakehimentirelyrecklessoftheconsequencestohimselfpersonally。
ANA。Yes：heshirksallhisresponsibilities，andleaveshiswifetograpplewiththem。
THESTATUE。Wellsaid，daughter。Donotlethimtalkyououtofyourcommonsense。
THEDEVIL。Alas！SenorCommander，nowthatwehavegotontothesubjectofWoman，hewilltalkmorethanever。However，Iconfessitisformetheonesupremelyinterestingsubject。
DONJUAN。Toawoman，Senora，man’sdutiesandresponsibilitiesbeginandendwiththetaskofgettingbreadforherchildren。Toher，Manisonlyameanstotheendofgettingchildrenandrearingthem。
ANA。Isthatyourideaofawoman’smind？Icallitcynicalanddisgustingmaterialism。
DONJUAN。Pardonme，Ana：Isaidnothingaboutawoman’swholemind。IspokeofherviewofManasaseparatesex。ItisnomorecynicalthanherviewofherselfasaboveallthingsaMother。
Sexually，WomanisNature’scontrivanceforperpetuatingitshighestachievement。Sexually，ManisWoman’scontrivanceforfulfillingNature’sbehestinthemosteconomicalway。Sheknowsbyinstinctthatfarbackintheevolutionalprocesssheinventedhim，differentiatedhim，createdhiminordertoproducesomethingbetterthanthesingle—sexedprocesscanproduce。
Whilsthefulfilsthepurposeforwhichshemadehim，heiswelcometohisdreams，hisfollies，hisideals，hisheroisms，providedthatthekeystoneofthemallistheworshipofwoman，ofmotherhood，ofthefamily，ofthehearth。Buthowrashanddangerousitwastoinventaseparatecreaturewhosesolefunctionwasherownimpregnation！Formarkwhathashappened。
First，Manhasmultipliedonherhandsuntilthereareasmanymenaswomen；sothatshehasbeenunabletoemployforherpurposesmorethanafractionoftheimmenseenergyshehasleftathisdisposalbysavinghimtheexhaustinglaborofgestation。
Thissuperfluousenergyhasgonetohisbrainandtohismuscle。
Hehasbecometoostrongtobecontrolledbyherbodily，andtooimaginativeandmentallyvigoroustobecontentwithmereself—
reproduction。Hehascreatedcivilizationwithoutconsultingher，takingherdomesticlaborforgrantedasthefoundationofit。
ANA。THATistrue，atallevents。
THEDEVIL。Yes；andthiscivilization！whatisit，afterall？
DONJUAN。Afterall，anexcellentpegtohangyourcynicalcommonplaceson；butBEFOREall，itisanattemptonMan’sparttomakehimselfsomethingmorethanthemereinstrumentofWoman’spurpose。Sofar，theresultofLife’scontinualeffortnotonlytomaintainitself，buttoachievehigherandhigherorganizationandcompleterself—consciousness，isonly，atbest，adoubtfulcampaignbetweenitsforcesandthoseofDeathandDegeneration。Thebattlesinthiscampaignaremereblunders，mostlywon，likeactualmilitarybattles，inspiteofthecommanders。
THESTATUE。Thatisadigatme。Nomatter：goon，goon。
DONJUAN。Itisadigatamuchhigherpowerthanyou，Commander。
Still，youmusthavenoticedinyourprofessionthatevenastupidgeneralcanwinbattleswhentheenemy’sgeneralisalittlestupider。
THESTATUE。[veryseriously]Mosttrue，Juan，mosttrue。Somedonkeyshaveamazingluck。
DONJUAN。Well，theLifeForceisstupid；butitisnotsostupidastheforcesofDeathandDegeneration。Besides，theseareinitspayallthetime。AndsoLifewins，afterafashion。Whatmerecopiousnessoffecunditycansupplyandmeregreedpreserve，wepossess。Thesurvivalofwhateverformofcivilizationcanproducethebestrifleandthebestfedriflemenisassured。
THEDEVIL。Exactly！thesurvival，notofthemosteffectivemeansofLifebutofthemosteffectivemeansofDeath。Youalwayscomebacktomypoint，inspiteofyourwrigglingsandevasionsandsophistries，nottomentiontheintolerablelengthofyourspeeches。
DONJUAN。Ohcome！whobeganmakinglongspeeches？However，ifI
overtaxyourintellect，youcanleaveusandseekthesocietyofloveandbeautyandtherestofyourfavoriteboredoms。
THEDEVIL。[muchoffended]Thisisnotfair，DonJuan，andnotcivil。Iamalsoontheintellectualplane。NobodycanappreciateitmorethanIdo。Iamarguingfairlywithyou，and，Ithink，utterlyrefutingyou。Letusgoonforanotherhourifyoulike。
DONJUAN。Good：letus。
THESTATUE。NotthatIseeanyprospectofyourcomingtoanypointinparticular，Juan。Still，sinceinthisplace，insteadofmerelykillingtimewehavetokilleternity，goaheadbyallmeans。
DONJUAN。[somewhatimpatiently]Mypoint，youmarbleheadedoldmasterpiece，isonlyastepaheadofyou。AreweagreedthatLifeisaforcewhichhasmadeinnumerableexperimentsinorganizingitself；thatthemammothandtheman，themouseandthemegatherium，thefliesandthefleasandtheFathersoftheChurch，areallmoreorlesssuccessfulattemptstobuildupthatrawforceintohigherandhigherindividuals，theidealindividualbeingomnipotent，omniscient，infallible，andwithalcompletely，unilludedlyself—conscious：inshort，agod？
THEDEVIL。Iagree，forthesakeofargument。
THESTATUE。Iagree，forthesakeofavoidingargument。
ANA。ImostemphaticallydisagreeasregardstheFathersoftheChurch；andImustbegyounottodragthemintotheargument。
DONJUAN。Ididsopurelyforthesakeofalliteration，Ana；andIshallmakenofurtherallusiontothem。Andnow，sinceweare，withthatexception，agreedsofar，willyounotagreewithmefurtherthatLifehasnotmeasuredthesuccessofitsattemptsatgodheadbythebeautyorbodilyperfectionoftheresult，sinceinboththeserespectsthebirds，asourfriendAristophaneslongagopointedout，aresoextraordinarilysuperior，withtheirpowerofflightandtheirlovelyplumage，and，mayIadd，thetouchingpoetryoftheirlovesandnestings，thatitisinconceivablethatLife，havingonceproducedthem，should，ifloveandbeautywereherobject，startoffonanotherlineandlaborattheclumsyelephantandthehideousape，whosegrandchildrenweare？
ANA。Aristophaneswasaheathen；andyou，Juan，Iamafraid，areverylittlebetter。
THEDEVIL。Youconclude，then，thatLifewasdrivingatclumsinessandugliness？
DONJUAN。No，perversedevilthatyouare，athousandtimesno。
Lifewasdrivingatbrains——atitsdarlingobject：anorganbywhichitcanattainnotonlyself—consciousnessbutself—understanding。
THESTATUE。Thisismetaphysics，Juan。Whythedevilshould——[totheDevil]IBEGyourpardon。
THEDEVIL。Praydon’tmentionit。Ihavealwaysregardedtheuseofmynametosecureadditionalemphasisasahighcomplimenttome。Itisquiteatyourservice，Commander。
THESTATUE。Thankyou：that’sverygoodofyou。Eveninheaven，I
neverquitegotoutofmyoldmilitaryhabitsofspeech。WhatI
wasgoingtoaskJuanwaswhyLifeshouldbotheritselfaboutgettingabrain。Whyshoulditwanttounderstanditself？Whynotbecontenttoenjoyitself？
DONJUAN。Withoutabrain，Commander，youwouldenjoyyourselfwithoutknowingit，andsoloseallthefun。
THESTATUE。True，mosttrue。ButIamquitecontentwithbrainenoughtoknowthatI’menjoyingmyself。Idon’twanttounderstandwhy。Infact，I’drathernot。Myexperienceisthatone’spleasuresdon’tbearthinkingabout。
DONJUAN。Thatiswhyintellectissounpopular。ButtoLife，theforcebehindtheMan，intellectisanecessity，becausewithoutitheblundersintodeath。JustasLife，afteragesofstruggle，evolvedthatwonderfulbodilyorgantheeye，sothatthelivingorganismcouldseewhereitwasgoingandwhatwascomingtohelporthreatenit，andthusavoidathousanddangersthatformerlyslewit，soitisevolvingto—dayamind’seyethatshallsee，notthephysicalworld，butthepurposeofLife，andtherebyenabletheindividualtoworkforthatpurposeinsteadofthwartingandbafflingitbysettingupshortsightedpersonalaimsasatpresent。Evenasitis，onlyonesortofmanhaseverbeenhappy，haseverbeenuniversallyrespectedamongalltheconflictsofinterestsandillusions。
THESTATUE。Youmeanthemilitaryman。
DONJUAN。Commander：Idonotmeanthemilitaryman。Whenthemilitarymanapproaches，theworldlocksupitsspoonsandpacksoffitswomankind。No：Ising，notarmsandthehero，butthe，philosophicman：hewhoseeksincontemplationtodiscovertheinnerwilloftheworld，ininventiontodiscoverthemeansoffulfillingthatwill，andinactiontodothatwillbytheso—discoveredmeans。OfallothersortsofmenIdeclaremyselftired。They’retediousfailures。WhenIwasonearth，professorsofallsortsprowledroundmefeelingforanunhealthyspotinmeonwhichtheycouldfasten。ThedoctorsofmedicinebademeconsiderwhatImustdotosavemybody，andofferedmequackcuresforimaginarydiseases。IrepliedthatIwasnotahypochondriac；sotheycalledmeIgnoramusandwenttheirway。
ThedoctorsofdivinitybademeconsiderwhatImustdotosavemysoul；butIwasnotaspiritualhypochondriacanymorethanabodilyone，andwouldnottroublemyselfaboutthateither；sotheycalledmeAtheistandwenttheirway。Afterthemcamethepolitician，whosaidtherewasonlyonepurposeinNature，andthatwastogethimintoparliament。ItoldhimIdidnotcarewhetherhegotintoparliamentornot；sohecalledmeMugwumpandwenthisway。Thencametheromanticman，theArtist，withhislovesongsandhispaintingsandhispoems；andwithhimI
hadgreatdelightformanyyears，andsomeprofit；forI
cultivatedmysensesforhissake；andhissongstaughtmetohearbetter，hispaintingstoseebetter，andhispoemstofeelmoredeeply。ButheledmeatlastintotheworshipofWoman。
ANA。Juan！
DONJUAN。Yes：Icametobelievethatinhervoicewasallthemusicofthesong，inherfaceallthebeautyofthepainting，andinhersoulalltheemotionofthepoem。
ANA。Andyouweredisappointed，Isuppose。Well，wasitherfaultthatyouattributedalltheseperfectionstoher？
DONJUAN。Yes，partly。Forwithawonderfulinstinctivecunning，shekeptsilentandallowedmetoglorifyher；tomistakemyownvisions，thoughts，andfeelingsforhers。Nowmyfriendtheromanticmanwasoftentoopoorortootimidtoapproachthosewomenwhowerebeautifulorrefinedenoughtoseemtorealizehisideal；andsohewenttohisgravebelievinginhisdream。ButI
wasmorefavoredbynatureandcircumstance。Iwasofnoblebirthandrich；andwhenmypersondidnotplease，myconversationflattered，thoughIgenerallyfoundmyselffortunateinboth。
THESTATUE。Coxcomb！
DONJUAN。Yes；butevenmycoxcombrypleased。Well，IfoundthatwhenIhadtouchedawoman’simagination，shewouldallowmetopersuademyselfthatshelovedme；butwhenmysuitwasgrantedsheneversaid\"Iamhappy：myloveissatisfied\"：shealwayssaid，first，\"Atlast，thebarriersaredown，\"andsecond，\"Whenwillyoucomeagain？\"
ANA。Thatisexactlywhatmensay。
DONJUAN。IprotestIneversaidit。Butallwomensayit。Well，thesetwospeechesalwaysalarmedme；forthefirstmeantthatthelady’simpulsehadbeensolelytothrowdownmyfortificationsandgainmycitadel；andthesecondopenlyannouncedthathenceforthsheregardedmeasherproperty，andcountedmytimeasalreadywhollyatherdisposal。
THEDEVIL。Thatiswhereyourwantofheartcamein。
THESTATUE。[shakinghishead]Youshouldn’trepeatwhatawomansays，Juan。
ANA。[severely]Itshouldbesacredtoyou。
THESTATUE。Still，theycertainlydoalwayssayit。Inevermindedthebarriers；buttherewasalwaysaslightshockabouttheother，unlessonewasveryhardhitindeed。
DONJUAN。Thenthelady，whohadbeenhappyandidleenoughbefore，becameanxious，preoccupiedwithme，alwaysintriguing，conspiring，pursuing，watching，waiting，bentwhollyonmakingsureofherprey——Ibeingtheprey，youunderstand。NowthiswasnotwhatIhadbargainedfor。Itmayhavebeenveryproperandverynatural；butitwasnotmusic，painting，poetryandjoyincarnatedinabeautifulwoman。Iranawayfromit。Iranawayfromitveryoften：infactIbecamefamousforrunningawayfromit。
ANA。Infamous，youmean，DONJUAN。Ididnotrunawayfromyou。Doyoublamemeforrunningawayfromtheothers？
ANA。Nonsense，man。Youaretalkingtoawomanof77now。Ifyouhadhadthechance，youwouldhaverunawayfrommetoo——ifIhadletyou。Youwouldnothavefounditsoeasywithmeaswithsomeoftheothers。Ifmenwillnotbefaithfultotheirhomeandtheirduties，theymustbemadetobe。Idaresayyouallwanttomarrylovelyincarnationsofmusicandpaintingandpoetry。Well，youcan’thavethem，becausetheydon’texist。Iffleshandbloodisnotgoodenoughforyouyoumustgowithout：that’sall。Womenhavetoputupwithflesh—and—bloodhusbands——andlittleenoughofthattoo，sometimes；andyouwillhavetoputupwithflesh—and—bloodwives。TheDevillooksdubious。TheStatuemakesawryface。Iseeyoudon’tlikethat，anyofyou；butit’strue，forallthat；soifyoudon’tlikeityoucanlumpit。
DONJUAN。Mydearlady，youhaveputmywholecaseagainstromanceintoafewsentences。ThatisjustwhyIturnedmybackontheromanticmanwiththeartistnature，ashecalledhisinfatuation。Ithankedhimforteachingmetousemyeyesandears；butItoldhimthathisbeautyworshippingandhappinesshuntingandwomanidealizingwasnotworthadumpasaphilosophyoflife；sohecalledmePhilistineandwenthisway。
ANA。ItseemsthatWomantaughtyousomething，too，withallherdefects。
DONJUAN。Shedidmore：sheinterpretedalltheotherteachingforme。Ah，myfriends，whenthebarriersweredownforthefirsttime，whatanastoundingillumination！Ihadbeenpreparedforinfatuation，forintoxication，foralltheillusionsoflove’syoungdream；andlo！neverwasmyperceptionclearer，normycriticismmoreruthless。ThemostjealousrivalofmymistressneversaweveryblemishinhermorekeenlythanI。Iwasnotduped：Itookherwithoutchloroform。
ANA。Butyoudidtakeher。
DONJUAN。Thatwastherevelation。UptothatmomentIhadneverlostthesenseofbeingmyownmaster；neverconsciouslytakenasinglestepuntilmyreasonhadexaminedandapprovedit。IhadcometobelievethatIwasapurelyrationalcreature：athinker！
Isaid，withthefoolishphilosopher，\"Ithink；thereforeIam。\"
ItwasWomanwhotaughtmetosay\"Iam；thereforeIthink。\"Andalso\"Iwouldthinkmore；thereforeImustbemore。\"
THESTATUE。Thisisextremelyabstractandmetaphysical，Juan。Ifyouwouldsticktotheconcrete，andputyourdiscoveriesintheformofentertaininganecdotesaboutyouradventureswithwomen，yourconversationwouldbeeasiertofollow。
DONJUAN。Bah！whatneedIadd？DoyounotunderstandthatwhenI
stoodfacetofacewithWoman，everyfibreinmyclearcriticalbrainwarnedmetospareherandsavemyself。MymoralssaidNo。
MyconsciencesaidNo。MychivalryandpityforhersaidNo。MyprudentregardformyselfsaidNo。Myear，practisedonathousandsongsandsymphonies；myeye，exercisedonathousandpaintings；torehervoice，herfeatures，hercolortoshreds。I
caughtallthosetell—taleresemblancestoherfatherandmotherbywhichIknewwhatshewouldbelikeinthirtyyearstime。I
notedthegleamofgoldfromadeadtoothinthelaughingmouth：
Imadecuriousobservationsofthestrangeodorsofthechemistryofthenerves。Thevisionsofmyromanticreveries，inwhichI
hadtrodtheplainsofheavenwithadeathless，agelesscreatureofcoralandivory，desertedmeinthatsupremehour。I
rememberedthemanddesperatelystrovetorecovertheirillusion；
buttheynowseemedtheemptiestofinventions：myjudgmentwasnottobecorrupted：mybrainstillsaidNooneveryissue。AndwhilstIwasintheactofframingmyexcusetothelady，Lifeseizedmeandthrewmeintoherarmsasasailorthrowsascrapoffishintothemouthofaseabird。
THESTATUE。Youmightaswellhavegonewithoutthinkingsuchalotaboutit，Juan。Youarelikealltheclevermen：youhavemorebrainsthanisgoodforyou。
THEDEVIL。Andwereyounotthehappierfortheexperience，SenorDonJuan？
DONJUAN。Thehappier，no：thewiser，yes。Thatmomentintroducedmeforthefirsttimetomyself，and，throughmyself，totheworld。IsawthenhowuselessitistoattempttoimposeconditionsontheirresistibleforceofLife；topreachprudence，carefulselection，virtue，honor，chastity——
ANA。DonJuan：awordagainstchastityisaninsulttome。
DONJUAN。Isaynothingagainstyourchastity，Senora，sinceittooktheformofahusbandandtwelvechildren。Whatmorecouldyouhavedonehadyoubeenthemostabandonedofwomen？
ANA。Icouldhavehadtwelvehusbandsandnochildrenthat’swhatIcouldhavedone，Juan。AndletmetellyouthatthatwouldhavemadeallthedifferencetotheearthwhichIreplenished。
THESTATUE。BravoAna！Juan：youarefloored，quelled，annihilated。
DONJUAN。No；forthoughthatdifferenceisthetrueessentialdifference——DonaAnahas，Iadmit，gonestraighttotherealpoint——yetitisnotadifferenceofloveorchastity，orevenconstancy；fortwelvechildrenbytwelvedifferenthusbandswouldhavereplenishedtheearthperhapsmoreeffectively。SupposemyfriendOttaviohaddiedwhenyouwerethirty，youwouldneverhaveremainedawidow：youweretoobeautiful。SupposethesuccessorofOttaviohaddiedwhenyouwereforty，youwouldstillhavebeenirresistible；andawomanwhomarriestwicemarriesthreetimesifshebecomesfreetodoso。Twelvelawfulchildrenbornebyonehighlyrespectableladytothreedifferentfathersisnotimpossiblenorcondemnedbypublicopinion。Thatsuchaladymaybemorelawabidingthanthepoorgirlwhomweusedtospurnintothegutterforbearingoneunlawfulinfantisnodoubttrue；butdareyousaysheislessself—indulgent？
ANA。Sheislessvirtuous：thatisenoughforme。
DONJUAN。Inthatcase，whatisvirtuebuttheTradeUnionismofthemarried？Letusfacethefacts，dearAna。TheLifeForcerespectsmarriageonlybecausemarriageisacontrivanceofitsowntosecurethegreatestnumberofchildrenandtheclosestcareofthem。Forhonor，chastityandalltherestofyourmoralfigmentsitcaresnotarap。Marriageisthemostlicentiousofhumaninstitutions——
ANA。Juan！
THESTATUE。[protesting]Really！——
DONJUAN。[determinedly]Isaythemostlicentiousofhumaninstitutions：thatisthesecretofitspopularity。Andawomanseekingahusbandisthemostunscrupulousofallthebeastsofprey。Theconfusionofmarriagewithmoralityhasdonemoretodestroytheconscienceofthehumanracethananyothersingleerror。Come，Ana！donotlookshocked：youknowbetterthananyofusthatmarriageisamantrapbaitedwithsimulatedaccomplishmentsanddelusiveidealizations。Whenyoursaintedmother，bydintofscoldingsandpunishments，forcedyoutolearnhowtoplayhalfadozenpiecesonthespinetwhichshehatedasmuchasyoudid——hadsheanyotherpurposethantodeludeyoursuitorsintothebeliefthatyourhusbandwouldhaveinhishomeanangelwhowouldfillitwithmelody，oratleastplayhimtosleepafterdinner？YoumarriedmyfriendOttavio：well，didyoueveropenthespinetfromthehourwhentheChurchunitedhimtoyou？
ANA。Youareafool，Juan。Ayoungmarriedwomanhassomethingelsetodothansitatthespinetwithoutanysupportforherback；soshegetsoutofthehabitofplaying。
DONJUAN。Notifshelovesmusic。No：believeme，sheonlythrowsawaythebaitwhenthebirdisinthenet。
ANA。[bitterly]Andmen，Isuppose，neverthrowoffthemaskwhentheirbirdisinthenet。Thehusbandneverbecomesnegligent，selfish，brutal——ohnever！
DONJUAN。Whatdotheserecriminationsprove，Ana？Onlythattheheroisasgrossanimpostureastheheroine。
ANA。Itisallnonsense：mostmarriagesareperfectlycomfortable。
DONJUAN。\"Perfectly\"isastrongexpression，Ana。Whatyoumeanisthatsensiblepeoplemakethebestofoneanother。Sendmetothegalleysandchainmetothefelonwhosenumberhappenstobenextbeforemine；andImustaccepttheinevitableandmakethebestofthecompanionship。Manysuchcompanionships，theytellme，aretouchinglyaffectionate；andmostareatleasttolerablyfriendly。Butthatdoesnotmakeachainadesirableornamentnorthegalleysanabodeofbliss。Thosewhotalkmostabouttheblessingsofmarriageandtheconstancyofitsvowsaretheverypeoplewhodeclarethatifthechainwerebrokenandtheprisonersleftfreetochoose，thewholesocialfabricwouldflyasunder。Youcannothavetheargumentbothways。Iftheprisonerishappy，whylockhimin？Ifheisnot，whypretendthatheis？
ANA。Atallevents，letmetakeanoldwoman’sprivilegeagain，andtellyouflatlythatmarriagepeoplestheworldanddebaucherydoesnot。
DONJUAN。Howifatimecomeswhenthisshallceasetobetrue？Doyounotknowthatwherethereisawillthereisaway——thatwhateverManreallywishestodohewillfinallydiscoverameansofdoing？Well，youhavedoneyourbest，youvirtuousladies，andothersofyourwayofthinking，tobendMan’smindwhollytowardshonorableloveasthehighestgood，andtounderstandbyhonorableloveromanceandbeautyandhappinessinthepossessionofbeautiful，refined，delicate，affectionatewomen。Youhavetaughtwomentovaluetheirownyouth，health，shapeliness，andrefinementaboveallthings。Well，whatplacehavesquallingbabiesandhouseholdcaresinthisexquisiteparadiseofthesensesandemotions？Isitnottheinevitableendofitallthatthehumanwillshallsaytothehumanbrain：InventmeameansbywhichIcanhavelove，beauty，romance，emotion，passionwithouttheirwretchedpenalties，theirexpenses，theirworries，theirtrials，theirillnessesandagoniesandrisksofdeath，theirretinueofservantsandnursesanddoctorsandschoolmasters。
THEDEVIL。Allthis，SenorDonJuan，isrealizedhereinmyrealm。
DONJUAN。Yes，atthecostofdeath。Manwillnottakeitatthatprice：hedemandstheromanticdelightsofyourhellwhilstheisstillonearth。Well，themeanswillbefound：thebrainwillnotfailwhenthewillisinearnest。Thedayiscomingwhengreatnationswillfindtheirnumbersdwindlingfromcensustocensus；
whenthesixroomedvillawillriseinpriceabovethefamilymansion；whentheviciouslyrecklesspoorandthestupidlypiousrichwilldelaytheextinctionoftheraceonlybydegradingit；
whilsttheboldlyprudent，thethriftilyselfishandambitious，theimaginativeandpoetic，theloversofmoneyandsolidcomfort，theworshippersofsuccess，art，andoflove，willallopposetotheForceofLifethedeviceofsterility。
THESTATUE。Thatisallveryeloquent，myyoungfriend；butifyouhadlivedtoAna’sage，oreventomine，youwouldhavelearnedthatthepeoplewhogetridofthefearofpovertyandchildrenandalltheotherfamilytroubles，anddevotethemselvestohavingagoodtimeofit，onlyleavetheirmindsfreeforthefearofoldageanduglinessandimpotenceanddeath。Thechildlesslaborerismoretormentedbyhiswife’sidlenessandherconstantdemandsforamusementanddistractionthanhecouldbebytwentychildren；andhiswifeismorewretchedthanhe。I
havehadmyshareofvanity；forasayoungmanIwasadmiredbywomen；andasastatueIampraisedbyartcritics。ButIconfessthathadIfoundnothingtodointheworldbutwallowinthesedelightsIshouldhavecutmythroat。WhenImarriedAna’smother——orperhaps，tobestrictlycorrect，IshouldrathersaywhenIatlastgaveinandallowedAna’smothertomarryme——I
knewthatIwasplantingthornsinmypillow，andthatmarriageforme，aswaggeringyoungofficerthithertounvanquished，meantdefeatandcapture。
ANA。[scandalized]Father！
THESTATUE。Iamsorrytoshockyou，mylove；butsinceJuanhasstrippedeveryragofdecencyfromthediscussionImayaswelltellthefrozentruth。
ANA。Hmf！IsupposeIwasoneofthethorns。
THESTATUE。Bynomeans：youwereoftenarose。Yousee，yourmotherhadmostofthetroubleyougave。
DONJUAN。ThenmayIask，Commander，whyyouhaveleftHeaventocomehereandwallow，asyouexpressit，insentimentalbeatitudeswhichyouconfesswouldoncehavedrivenyoutocutyourthroat？
THESTATUE。[struckbythis]Egad，that’strue。
THEDEVIL。[alarmed]What！Youaregoingbackfromyourword。[ToDonJuan]Andallyourphilosophizinghasbeennothingbutamaskforproselytizing！[TotheStatue]HaveyouforgottenalreadythehideousdulnessfromwhichIamofferingyouarefugehere？[ToDonJuan]Anddoesyourdemonstrationoftheapproachingsterilizationandextinctionofmankindleadtoanythingbetterthanmakingthemostofthosepleasuresofartandlovewhichyouyourselfadmitrefinedyou，elevatedyou，developedyou？
DONJUAN。Ineverdemonstratedtheextinctionofmankind。Lifecannotwillitsownextinctioneitherinitsblindamorphousstateorinanyoftheformsintowhichithasorganizeditself。
IhadnotfinishedwhenHisExcellencyinterruptedme。
THESTATUE。Ibegintodoubtwhetheryoueverwillfinish，myfriend。Youareextremelyfondofhearingyourselftalk。
DONJUAN。True；butsinceyouhaveenduredsomuch。youmayaswellenduretotheend。LongbeforethissterilizationwhichI
describedbecomesmorethanaclearlyforeseenpossibility，thereactionwillbegin。Thegreatcentralpurposeofbreedingtherace，ay，breedingittoheightsnowdeemedsuperhuman：thatpurposewhichisnowhiddeninamephiticcloudofloveandromanceandpruderyandfastidiousness，willbreakthroughintoclearsunlightasapurposenolongertobeconfusedwiththegratificationofpersonalfancies，theimpossiblerealizationofboys’andgirls’dreamsofbliss，ortheneedofolderpeopleforcompanionshipormoney。Theplain—spokenmarriageservicesofthevernacularChurcheswillnolongerbeabbreviatedandhalfsuppressedasindelicate。Thesoberdecency，earnestnessandauthorityoftheirdeclarationoftherealpurposeofmarriagewillbehonoredandaccepted，whilsttheirromanticvowingsandpledgingsanduntil—death—do—us—partingsandthelikewillbeexpungedasunbearablefrivolities。Domysexthejusticetoadmit，Senora，thatwehavealwaysrecognizedthatthesexrelationisnotapersonalorfriendlyrelationatall。
ANA。Notapersonalorfriendlyrelation！Whatrelationismorepersonal？moresacred？moreholy？
DONJUAN。Sacredandholy，ifyoulike，Ana，butnotpersonallyfriendly。YourrelationtoGodissacredandholy：dareyoucallitpersonallyfriendly？Inthesexrelationtheuniversalcreativeenergy，ofwhichthepartiesareboththehelplessagents，over—ridesandsweepsawayallpersonalconsiderationsanddispenseswithallpersonalrelations。Thepairmaybeutterstrangerstooneanother，speakingdifferentlanguages，differinginraceandcolor，inageanddisposition，withnobondbetweenthembutapossibilityofthatfecundityforthesakeofwhichtheLifeForcethrowsthemintooneanother’sarmsattheexchangeofaglance。Dowenotrecognizethisbyallowingmarriagestobemadebyparentswithoutconsultingthewoman？
HaveyounotoftenexpressedyourdisgustattheimmoralityoftheEnglishnation，inwhichwomenandmenofnoblebirthbecomeacquaintedandcourteachotherlikepeasants？Andhowmuchdoeseventhepeasantknowofhisbrideorsheofhimbeforeheengageshimself？Why，youwouldnotmakeamanyourlawyeroryourfamilydoctoronsoslightanacquaintanceasyouwouldfallinlovewithandmarryhim！
ANA。Yes，Juan：weknowthelibertine’sphilosophy。Alwaysignoretheconsequencestothewoman。
DONJUAN。Theconsequences，yes：theyjustifyherfiercegripoftheman。Butsurelyyoudonotcallthatattachmentasentimentalone。Aswellcallthepoliceman’sattachmenttohisprisoneraloverelation。
ANA。Youseeyouhavetoconfessthatmarriageisnecessary，though，accordingtoyou，loveistheslightestofalltherelations。
DONJUAN。Howdoyouknowthatitisnotthegreatestofalltherelations？fartoogreattobeapersonalmatter。CouldyourfatherhaveservedhiscountryifhehadrefusedtokillanyenemyofSpainunlesshepersonallyhatedhim？Canawomanservehercountryifsherefusestomarryanymanshedoesnotpersonallylove？Youknowitisnotso：thewomanofnoblebirthmarriesasthemanofnoblebirthfights，onpoliticalandfamilygrounds，notonpersonalones。
THESTATUE。[impressed]Averycleverpointthat，Juan：Imustthinkitover。Youarereallyfullofideas。Howdidyoucometothinkofthisone？
DONJUAN。Ilearntitbyexperience。WhenIwasonearth，andmadethoseproposalstoladieswhich，thoughuniversallycondemned，havemademesointerestingaherooflegend，Iwasnotinfrequentlymetinsomesuchwayasthis。Theladywouldsaythatshewouldcountenancemyadvances，providedtheywerehonorable。Oninquiringwhatthatprovisomeant，IfoundthatitmeantthatIproposedtogetpossessionofherpropertyifshehadany，ortoundertakehersupportforlifeifshehadnot；
thatIdesiredhercontinualcompanionship，counselandconversationtotheendofmydays，andwouldbindmyselfunderpenaltiestobealwaysenrapturedbythem；and，aboveall，thatIwouldturnmybackonallotherwomenforeverforhersake。Ididnotobjecttotheseconditionsbecausetheywereexorbitantandinhuman：itwastheirextraordinaryirrelevancethatprostratedme。IinvariablyrepliedwithperfectfranknessthatIhadneverdreamtofanyofthesethings；thatunlessthelady’scharacterandintellectwereequalorsuperiortomyown，herconversationmustdegradeandhercounselmisleadme；thatherconstantcompanionshipmight，forallIknew，becomeintolerablytedioustome；thatIcouldnotanswerformyfeelingsforaweekinadvance，muchlesstotheendofmylife；
thattocutmeofffromallnaturalandunconstrainedrelationswiththerestofmyfellowcreatureswouldnarrowandwarpmeifIsubmittedtoit，and，ifnot，wouldbringmeunderthecurseofclandestinity；that，finally，myproposalstoherwerewhollyunconnectedwithanyofthesematters，andweretheoutcomeofaperfectlysimpleimpulseofmymanhoodtowardsherwomanhood。
ANA。Youmeanthatitwasanimmoralimpulse。
DONJUAN。Nature，mydearlady，iswhatyoucallimmoral。Iblushforit；butIcannothelpit。Natureisapandar，Timeawrecker，andDeathamurderer。Ihavealwayspreferredtostanduptothosefactsandbuildinstitutionsontheirrecognition。Youprefertopropitiatethethreedevilsbyproclaimingtheirchastity，theirthrift，andtheirlovingkindness；andtobaseyourinstitutionsontheseflatteries。Isitanywonderthattheinstitutionsdonotworksmoothly？
THESTATUE。Whatusedtheladiestosay，Juan？
DONJUAN。Oh，come！Confidenceforconfidence。Firsttellmewhatyouusedtosaytotheladies。
THESTATUE。I！Oh，IsworethatIwouldbefaithfultothedeath；
thatIshoulddieiftheyrefusedme；thatnowomancouldeverbetomewhatshewas——
ANA。She？Who？
THESTATUE。Whoeverithappenedtobeatthetime，mydear。IhadcertainthingsIalwayssaid。OneofthemwasthatevenwhenI
waseighty，onewhitehairofthewomanIlovedwouldmakemetremblemorethanthethickestgoldtressfromthemostbeautifulyounghead。AnotherwasthatIcouldnotbearthethoughtofanyoneelsebeingthemotherofmychildren。
DONJUAN。[revolted]Youoldrascal！
THESTATUE。[Stoutly]Notabit；forIreallybelieveditwithallmysoulatthemoment。Ihadaheart：notlikeyou。Anditwasthissinceritythatmademesuccessful。
DONJUAN。Sincerity！Tobefoolenoughtobelievearamping，stamping，thumpinglie：thatiswhatyoucallsincerity！Tobesogreedyforawomanthatyoudeceiveyourselfinyoureagernesstodeceiveher：sincerity，youcallit！
THESTATUE。Oh，damnyoursophistries！Iwasamaninlove，notalawyer。Andthewomenlovedmeforit，blessthem！
DONJUAN。Theymadeyouthinkso。WhatwillyousaywhenItellyouthatthoughIplayedthelawyersocallously，theymademethinksotoo？IalsohadmymomentsofinfatuationinwhichI
gushednonsenseandbelievedit。SometimesthedesiretogivepleasurebysayingbeautifulthingssoroseinmeonthefloodofemotionthatIsaidthemrecklessly。AtothertimesIarguedagainstmyselfwithadevilishcoldnessthatdrewtears。ButI
founditjustashardtoescapeintheonecaseasintheothers。
Whenthelady’sinstinctwassetonme，therewasnothingforitbutlifelongservitudeorflight。
ANA。Youdareboast，beforemeandmyfather，thateverywomanfoundyouirresistible。
DONJUAN。AmIboasting？ItseemstomethatIcutthemostpitiableoffigures。Besides，Isaid\"whenthelady’sinstinctwassetonme。\"Itwasnotalwaysso；andthen，heavens！whattransportsofvirtuousindignation！whatoverwhelmingdefiancetothedastardlyseducer！whatscenesofImogenandIachimo！
ANA。Imadenoscenes。Isimplycalledmyfather。
DONJUAN。Andhecame，swordinhand，tovindicateoutragedhonorandmoralitybymurderingme。
THESTATUE。Murdering！Whatdoyoumean？DidIkillyouordidyoukillme？
DONJUAN。Whichofuswasthebetterfencer？
THESTATUE。Iwas。
DONJUAN。Ofcourseyouwere。Andyetyou，theheroofthosescandalousadventuresyouhavejustbeenrelatingtous，youhadtheeffronterytoposeastheavengerofoutragedmoralityandcondemnmetodeath！Youwouldhaveslainmebutforanaccident。
THESTATUE。Iwasexpectedto，Juan。Thatishowthingswerearrangedonearth。Iwasnotasocialreformer；andIalwaysdidwhatitwascustomaryforagentlemantodo。
DONJUAN。Thatmayaccountforyourattackingme，butnotfortherevoltinghypocrisyofyoursubsequentproceedingsasastatue。
THESTATUE。ThatallcameofmygoingtoHeaven。
THEDEVIL。Istillfailtosee，SenorDonJuan，thattheseepisodesinyourearthlycareerandinthatoftheSenorCommanderinanywaydiscreditmyviewoflife。Here，Irepeat，youhaveallthatyousoughtwithoutanythingthatyoushrankfrom。
DONJUAN。Onthecontrary，hereIhaveeverythingthatdisappointedmewithoutanythingthatIhavenotalreadytriedandfoundwanting。ItellyouthataslongasIcanconceivesomethingbetterthanmyselfIcannotbeeasyunlessIamstrivingtobringitintoexistenceorclearingthewayforit。
Thatisthelawofmylife。ThatistheworkingwithinmeofLife’sincessantaspirationtohigherorganization，wider，deeper，intenserself—consciousness，andclearerself—understanding。Itwasthesupremacyofthispurposethatreducedloveformetothemerepleasureofamoment，artformetothemereschoolingofmyfaculties，religionformetoamereexcuseforlaziness，sinceithadsetupaGodwholookedattheworldandsawthatitwasgood，againsttheinstinctinmethatlookedthroughmyeyesattheworldandsawthatitcouldbeimproved。Itellyouthatinthepursuitofmyownpleasure，myownhealth，myownfortune，Ihaveneverknownhappiness。ItwasnotloveforWomanthatdeliveredmeintoherhands：itwasfatigue，exhaustion。WhenIwasachild，andbruisedmyheadagainstastone，Irantothenearestwomanandcriedawaymypainagainstherapron。WhenIgrewup，andbruisedmysoulagainstthebrutalitiesandstupiditieswithwhichIhadtostrive，IdidagainjustwhatIhaddoneasachild。Ihaveenjoyed，too，myrests，myrecuperations，mybreathingtimes，myveryprostrationsafterstrife；butratherwouldIbedraggedthroughallthecirclesofthefoolishItalian’sInfernothanthroughthepleasuresofEurope。Thatiswhathasmadethisplaceofeternalpleasuressodeadlytome。ItistheabsenceofthisinstinctinyouthatmakesyouthatstrangemonstercalledaDevil。Itisthesuccesswithwhichyouhavedivertedtheattentionofmenfromtheirrealpurpose，whichinonedegreeoranotheristhesameasmine，toyours，thathasearnedyouthenameofTheTempter。Itisthefactthattheyaredoingyourwill，orratherdriftingwithyourwantofwill，insteadofdoingtheirown，thatmakesthemtheuncomfortable，false，restless，artificial，petulant，wretchedcreaturestheyare。
THEDEVIL。[mortified]SenorDonJuan：youareunciviltomyfriends。
DONJUAN。Pooh！whyshouldIbeciviltothemortoyou？InthisPalaceofLiesatruthortwowillnothurtyou。YourfriendsareallthedullestdogsIknow。Theyarenotbeautiful：theyareonlydecorated。Theyarenotclean：theyareonlyshavedandstarched。Theyarenotdignified：theyareonlyfashionablydressed。Theyarenoteducatedtheyareonlycollegepassmen。
Theyarenotreligious：theyareonlypewrenters。Theyarenotmoral：theyareonlyconventional。Theyarenotvirtuous：theyareonlycowardly。Theyarenotevenvicious：theyareonly\"frail。\"Theyarenotartistic：theyareonlylascivious。Theyarenotprosperous：theyareonlyrich。Theyarenotloyal，theyareonlyservile；notdutiful，onlysheepish；notpublicspirited，onlypatriotic；notcourageous，onlyquarrelsome；notdetermined，onlyobstinate；notmasterful，onlydomineering；notself—controlled，onlyobtuse；notself—respecting，onlyvain；notkind，onlysentimental；notsocial，onlygregarious；notconsiderate，onlypolite；notintelligent，onlyopinionated；notprogressive，onlyfactious；notimaginative，onlysuperstitious；
notjust，onlyvindictive；notgenerous，onlypropitiatory；notdisciplined，onlycowed；andnottruthfulatall——liarseveryoneofthem，totheverybackboneoftheirsouls。
THESTATUE。Yourflowofwordsissimplyamazing，Juan。HowI
wishIcouldhavetalkedlikethattomysoldiers。
THEDEVIL。Itismeretalk，though。Ithasallbeensaidbefore；
butwhatchangehasitevermade？Whatnoticehastheworldevertakenofit？
DONJUAN。Yes，itismeretalk。Butwhyisitmeretalk？Because，myfriend，beauty，purity，respectability，religion，morality，art，patriotism，braveryandtherestarenothingbutwordswhichIoranyoneelsecanturninsideoutlikeaglove。Weretheyrealities，youwouldhavetopleadguiltytomyindictment；butfortunatelyforyourself—respect，mydiabolicalfriend，theyarenotrealities。Asyousay，theyaremerewords，usefulfordupingbarbariansintoadoptingcivilization，orthecivilizedpoorintosubmittingtoberobbedandenslaved。Thatisthefamilysecretofthegoverningcaste；andifwewhoareofthatcasteaimedatmoreLifefortheworldinsteadofatmorepowerandluxuryforourmiserableselves，thatsecretwouldmakeusgreat。Now，sinceI，beinganobleman，aminthesecrettoo，thinkhowtedioustomemustbeyourunendingcantaboutallthesemoralisticfigments，andhowsqualidlydisastrousyoursacrificeofyourlivestothem！Ifyouevenbelievedinyourmoralgameenoughtoplayitfairly，itwouldbeinterestingtowatch；butyoudon’t：
youcheatateverytrick；andifyouropponentoutcheatsyou，youupsetthetableandtrytomurderhim。
THEDEVIL。Onearththeremaybesometruthinthis，becausethepeopleareuneducatedandcannotappreciatemyreligionofloveandbeauty；buthere——
DONJUAN。Ohyes：Iknow。Herethereisnothingbutloveandbeauty。Ugh！itislikesittingforalleternityatthefirstactofafashionableplay，beforethecomplicationsbegin。NeverinmyworstmomentsofsuperstitiousterroronearthdidIdreamthatHellwassohorrible。Ilive，likeahairdresser，inthecontinualcontemplationofbeauty，toyingwithsilkentresses。I
breatheanatmosphereofsweetness，likeaconfectioner’sshopboy。Commander：arethereanybeautifulwomeninHeaven？
THESTATUE。None。Absolutelynone。Alldowdies。Nottwopennorthofjewelleryamongadozenofthem。Theymightbemenoffifty。
DONJUAN。Iamimpatienttogetthere。Isthewordbeautyevermentioned；andarethereanyartisticpeople？
THESTATUE。Igiveyoumywordtheywon’tadmireafinestatueevenwhenitwalkspastthem。
DONJUAN。Igo。
THEDEVIL。DonJuan：shallIbefrankwithyou？
DONJUAN。Wereyounotsobefore？
THEDEVIL。AsfarasIwent，yes。ButIwillnowgofurther，andconfesstoyouthatmengettiredofeverything，ofheavennolessthanofhell；andthatallhistoryisnothingbutarecordoftheoscillationsoftheworldbetweenthesetwoextremes。Anepochisbutaswingofthependulum；andeachgenerationthinkstheworldisprogressingbecauseitisalwaysmoving。ButwhenyouareasoldasIam；whenyouhaveathousandtimesweariedofheaven，likemyselfandtheCommander，andathousandtimesweariedofhell，asyouareweariednow，youwillnolongerimaginethateveryswingfromheaventohellisanemancipation，everyswingfromhelltoheavenanevolution。Whereyounowseereform，progress，fulfilmentofupwardtendency，continualascentbyManonthesteppingstonesofhisdeadselvestohigherthings，youwillseenothingbutaninfinitecomedyofillusion。
YouwilldiscovertheprofoundtruthofthesayingofmyfriendKoheleth，thatthereisnothingnewunderthesun。Vanitasvanitatum——
DONJUAN。[outofallpatience]ByHeaven，thisisworsethanyourcantaboutloveandbeauty。Cleverdoltthatyouare，isamannobetterthanaworm，oradogthanawolf，becausehegetstiredofeverything？Shallhegiveupeatingbecausehedestroyshisappetiteintheactofgratifyingit？Isafieldidlewhenitisfallow？CantheCommanderexpendhishellishenergyherewithoutaccumulatingheavenlyenergyforhisnexttermofblessedness？GrantedthatthegreatLifeForcehashitonthedeviceoftheclockmaker’spendulum，andusestheearthforitsbob；thatthehistoryofeachoscillation，whichseemssonoveltoustheactors，isbutthehistoryofthelastoscillationrepeated；naymore，thatintheunthinkableinfinitudeoftimethesunthrowsofftheearthandcatchesitagainathousandtimesasacircusriderthrowsupaball，andthatthetotalofallourepochsisbutthemomentbetweenthetossandthecatch，hasthecolossalmechanismnopurpose？
THEDEVIL。None，myfriend。Youthink，becauseyouhaveapurpose，Naturemusthaveone。Youmightaswellexpectittohavefingersandtoesbecauseyouhavethem。
DONJUAN。ButIshouldnothavethemiftheyservednopurpose。
AndI，myfriend，amasmuchapartofNatureasmyownfingerisapartofme。IfmyfingeristheorganbywhichIgrasptheswordandthemandoline，mybrainistheorganbywhichNaturestrivestounderstanditself。Mydog’sbrainservesonlymydog’spurposes；butmybrainlaborsataknowledgewhichdoesnothingformepersonallybutmakemybodybittertomeandmydecayanddeathacalamity。WereInotpossessedwithapurposebeyondmyownIhadbetterbeaploughmanthanaphilosopher；fortheploughmanlivesaslongasthephilosopher，eatsmore，sleepsbetter，andrejoicesinthewifeofhisbosomwithlessmisgiving。ThisisbecausethephilosopherisinthegripoftheLifeForce。ThisLifeForcesaystohim\"Ihavedoneathousandwonderfulthingsunconsciouslybymerelywillingtoliveandfollowingthelineofleastresistance：nowIwanttoknowmyselfandmydestination，andchoosemypath；soIhavemadeaspecialbrain——aphilosopher’sbrain——tograspthisknowledgeformeasthehusbandman’shandgraspstheploughforme。\"Andthis\"saystheLifeForcetothephilosopher\"mustthoustrivetodoformeuntilthoudiest，whenIwillmakeanotherbrainandanotherphilosophertocarryonthework。\"
THEDEVIL。Whatistheuseofknowing？
DONJUAN。Why，tobeabletochoosethelineofgreatestadvantageinsteadofyieldinginthedirectionoftheleastresistance。Doesashipsailtoitsdestinationnobetterthanalogdriftsnowhither？ThephilosopherisNature’spilot。Andthereyouhaveourdifference：tobeinhellistodrift：tobeinheavenistosteer。
THEDEVIL。Ontherocks，mostlikely。
DONJUAN。Pooh！whichshipgoesoftenestontherocksortothebottom——thedriftingshiportheshipwithapilotonboard？
THEDEVIL。Well，well，goyourway，SenorDonJuan。Iprefertobemyownmasterandnotthetoolofanyblunderinguniversalforce。Iknowthatbeautyisgoodtolookat；thatmusicisgoodtohear；thatloveisgoodtofeel；andthattheyareallgoodtothinkaboutandtalkabout。Iknowthattobewellexercisedinthesesensations，emotions，andstudiesistobearefinedandcultivatedbeing。Whatevertheymaysayofmeinchurchesonearth，IknowthatitisuniversallyadmittedingoodsocietythattheprinceofDarknessisagentleman；andthatisenoughforme。AstoyourLifeForce，whichyouthinkirresistible，itisthemostresistiblethingintheworldforapersonofanycharacter。Butifyouarenaturallyvulgarandcredulous，asallreformersare，itwillthrustyoufirstintoreligion，whereyouwillsprinklewateronbabiestosavetheirsoulsfromme；thenitwilldriveyoufromreligionintoscience，whereyouwillsnatchthebabiesfromthewatersprinklingandinoculatethemwithdiseasetosavethemfromcatchingitaccidentally；thenyouwilltaketopolitics，whereyouwillbecomethecatspawofcorruptfunctionariesandthehenchmanofambitioushumbugs；andtheendwillbedespairanddecrepitude，brokennerveandshatteredhopes，vainregretsforthatworstandsilliestofwastesandsacrifices，thewasteandsacrificeofthepowerofenjoyment：inaword，thepunishmentofthefoolwhopursuesthebetterbeforehehassecuredthegood。
DONJUAN。ButatleastIshallnotbebored。TheserviceoftheLifeForcehasthatadvantage，atallevents。Sofareyouwell，SenorSatan。
THEDEVIL。[amiably]Fareyouwell，DonJuan。Ishalloftenthinkofourinterestingchatsaboutthingsingeneral。Iwishyoueveryhappiness：Heaven，asIsaidbefore，suitssomepeople。Butifyoushouldchangeyourmind，donotforgetthatthegatesarealwaysopenheretotherepentantprodigal。Ifyoufeelatanytimethatwarmthofheart，sincereunforcedaffection，innocentenjoyment，andwarm，breathing，palpitatingreality——
DONJUAN。Whynotsayfleshandbloodatonce，thoughwehaveleftthosetwogreasycommonplacesbehindus？
THEDEVIL。[angrily]Youthrowmyfriendlyfarewellbackinmyteeth，then，DonJuan？
DONJUAN。Bynomeans。Butthoughthereismuchtobelearntfromacynicaldevil，Ireallycannotstandasentimentalone。SenorCommander：youknowthewaytothefrontierofhellandheaven。
Begoodenoughtodirectme。
THESTATUE。Oh，thefrontierisonlythedifferencebetweentwowaysoflookingatthings。Anyroadwilltakeyouacrossitifyoureallywanttogetthere。
DONJUAN。Good。[salutingDonaAna]Senora：yourservant。
ANA。ButIamgoingwithyou。
DONJUAN。Icanfindmyownwaytoheaven，Ana；butIcannotfindyours[hevanishes]。
ANA。Howannoying！
THESTATUE。[callingafterhim]Bonvoyage，Juan！[Hewaftsafinalblastofhisgreatrollingchordsafterhimasapartingsalute。Afaintechoofthefirstghostlymelodycomesbackinacknowledgment]。Ah！therehegoes。[Puffingalongbreathoutthroughhislips]Whew！Howhedoestalk！They’llneverstanditinheaven。
THEDEVIL。[gloomily]Hisgoingisapoliticaldefeat。IcannotkeeptheseLifeWorshippers：theyallgo。ThisisthegreatestlossIhavehadsincethatDutchpainterwent——afellowwhowouldpaintahagof70withasmuchenjoymentasaVenusof20。
THESTATUE。Iremember：hecametoheaven。Rembrandt。
THEDEVIL。Ay，Rembrandt。Thereasomethingunnaturalaboutthesefellows。Donotlistentotheirgospel，SenorCommander：itisdangerous。BewareofthepursuitoftheSuperhuman：itleadstoanindiscriminatecontemptfortheHuman。Toaman，horsesanddogsandcatsaremerespecies，outsidethemoralworld。Well，totheSuperman，menandwomenareamerespeciestoo，alsooutsidethemoralworld。ThisDonJuanwaskindtowomenandcourteoustomenasyourdaughterherewaskindtoherpetcatsanddogs；butsuchkindnessisadenialoftheexclusivelyhumancharacterofthesoul。
THESTATUE。AndwhothedeuceistheSuperman？
THEDEVIL。Oh，thelatestfashionamongtheLifeForcefanatics。
DidyounotmeetinHeaven，amongthenewarrivals，thatGermanPolishmadman——whatwashisname？Nietzsche？
THESTATUE。Neverheardofhim。
THEDEVIL。Well，hecameherefirst，beforeherecoveredhiswits。Ihadsomehopesofhim；buthewasaconfirmedLifeForceworshipper。ItwashewhorakeduptheSuperman，whoisasoldasPrometheus；andthe20thcenturywillrunafterthisnewestoftheoldcrazeswhenitgetstiredoftheworld，theflesh，andyourhumbleservant。
THESTATUE。Supermanisagoodcry；andagoodcryishalfthebattle。IshouldliketoseethisNietzsche。
THEDEVIL。UnfortunatelyhemetWagnerhere，andhadaquarrelwithhim。
THESTATUE。Quiteright，too。Mozartforme！
THEDEVIL。Oh，itwasnotaboutmusic。WagneroncedriftedintoLifeForceworship，andinventedaSupermancalledSiegfried。Buthecametohissensesafterwards。Sowhentheymethere，Nietzschedenouncedhimasarenegade；andWagnerwroteapamphlettoprovethatNietzschewasaJew；anditendedinNietzsche’sgoingtoheaveninahuff。Andagoodriddancetoo。Andnow，myfriend，letushastentomypalaceandcelebrateyourarrivalwithagrandmusicalservice。
THESTATUE。Withpleasure：you’remostkind。
THEDEVIL。Thisway，Commander。Wegodowntheoldtrap[heplaceshimselfonthegravetrap]。
THESTATUE。Good。[Reflectively]Allthesame，theSupermanisafineconception。Thereissomethingstatuesqueaboutit。[HeplaceshimselfonthegravetrapbesideTheDevil。Itbeginstodescendslowly。Redglowfromtheabyss]。Ah，thisremindsmeofoldtimes。
THEDEVIL。Andmealso。
ANA。Stop！[Thetrapstops]。
THEDEVIL。You，Senora，cannotcomethisway。Youwillhaveanapotheosis。Butyouwillbeatthepalacebeforeus。
ANA。ThatisnotwhatIstoppedyoufor。TellmewherecanIfindtheSuperman？
THEDEVIL。Heisnotyetcreated，Senora。
THESTATUE。Andneverwillbe，probably。Letusproceed：theredfirewillmakemesneeze。[Theydescend]。
ANA。Notyetcreated！Thenmyworkisnotyetdone。[Crossingherselfdevoutly]IbelieveintheLifetoCome。[Cryingtotheuniverse]Afather——afatherfortheSuperman！
Shevanishesintothevoid；andagainthereisnothing：allexistenceseemssuspendedinfinitely。Then，vaguely，thereisalivehumanvoicecryingsomewhere。Onesees，withashock，amountainpeakshowingfaintlyagainstalighterbackground。Theskyhasreturnedfromafar；andwesuddenlyrememberwherewewere。Thecrybecomesdistinctandurgent：itsaysAutomobile，Automobile。Thecompleterealitycomesbackwitharush：inamomentitisfullmorningintheSierra；andthebrigandsarescramblingtotheirfeetandmakingfortheroadasthegoatherdrunsdownfromthehill，warningthemoftheapproachofanothermotor。TannerandMendozariseamazedlyandstareatoneanotherwithscatteredwits。Strakersitsuptoyawnforamomentbeforehegetsonhisfeet，makingitapointofhonornottoshowanyundueinterestintheexcitementofthebandits。Mendozagivesaquicklooktoseethathisfollowersareattendingtothealarm；
thenexchangesaprivatewordwithTanner。
MENDOZA。Didyoudream？
TANNER。Damnably。Didyou？
MENDOZA。Yes。Iforgetwhat。Youwereinit。
TANNER。Sowereyou。AmazingMENDOZA。Iwarnedyou。[ashotisheardfromtheroad]。Dolts！
theywillplaywiththatgun。[Thebrigandscomerunningbackscared]。Whofiredthatshot？[toDuval]Wasityou？
DUVAL。[breathless]Ihavenotshoot。Deyshootfirst。
ANARCHIST。ItoldyoutobeginbyabolishingtheState。Nowwearealllost。
THEROWDYSOCIAL—DEMOCRAT。[stampedingacrosstheamphitheatre]
Run，everybody。
MENDOZA。[collaringhim；throwinghimonhisback；anddrawingaknife]Istabthemanwhostirs。[Heblockstheway。Thestampedeitchecked]。Whathashappened？
THESULKYSOCIAL—DEMOCRAT，Amotor——
THEANARCHIST。Threemen——
DUVAL。Deuxfemmes——
MENDOZA。Threemenandtwowomen！Whyhaveyounotbroughtthemhere？Areyouafraidofthem？
THEROWDYONE。[gettingup]Thyveahescort。Ow，de—oohlut’sookit，Mendowza。
THESULKYONE。Twoarmoredcarsfullosoldiersattheendothevalley。
ANARCHIST。Theshotwasfiredintheair。Itwasasignal。
Strakerwhistleshisfavoriteair，whichfallsontheearsofthebrigandslikeafuneralmarch。
TANNER。Itisnotanescort，butanexpeditiontocaptureyou。Wewereadvisedtowaitforit；butIwasinahurry。
THEROWDYONE。[inanagonyofapprehension]AndOwmygoodLord，ereweare，wytinforem！Lut’stiketothemahntns。
MENDOZA。Idiot，whatdoyouknowaboutthemountains？AreyouaSpaniard？Youwouldbegivenupbythefirstshepherdyoumet。
Besides，wearealreadywithinrangeoftheirrifles。
THEROWDYONE。Bat——
MENDOZA。Silence。Leavethistome。[ToTanner]Comrade：youwillnotbetrayus。
STRAKER。Ooareyoucallincomrade？
MENDOZA。Lastnighttheadvantagewaswithme。Therobberofthepoorwasatthemercyoftherobberoftherich。Youofferedyourhand：Itookit。
TANNER。Ibringnochargeagainstyou，comrade。Wehavespentapleasanteveningwithyou：thatisall。
STRAKER。Igevmyandtonobody，see？
MENDOZA。[turningonhimimpressively]Youngman，ifIamtried，Ishallpleadguilty，andexplainwhatdrovemefromEngland，homeandduty。DoyouwishtohavetherespectablenameofStrakerdraggedthroughthemudofaSpanishcriminalcourt？Thepolicewillsearchme。TheywillfindLouisa’sportrait。Itwillbepublishedintheillustratedpapers。Youblench。Itwillbeyourdoing，remember。
STRAKER。[withbaffledrage]Idon’tcareaboutthecourt。It’savinournamemixedupwithyoursthatIobjectto，youblackmailinswine，you。
MENDOZA。LanguageunworthyofLouisa’sbrother！Butnomatter：
youaremuzzled：thatisenoughforus。[Heturnstofacehisownmen，whobackuneasilyacrosstheamphitheatretowardsthecavetotakerefugebehindhim，asafreshparty，muffledformotoring，comesfromtheroadinriotousspirits。Ann，whomakesstraightforTanner，comesfirst；thenViolet，helpedovertheroughgroundbyHectorholdingherrighthandandRamsdenherleft。Mendozagoestohispresidentialblockandseatshimselfcalmlywithhisrankandfilegroupedbehindhim，andhisStaff，consistingofDuvalandtheAnarchistonhisrightandthetwoSocial—Democratsonhisleft，supportinghiminflank]。
ANN。It’sJack！
TANNER。Caught！
HECTOR。Why，certainlyitis。Isaiditwasyou，Tanner，We’vejustbeenstoppedbyapuncture：theroadisfullofnails。
VIOLET。Whatareyoudoingherewithallthesemen？
ANN。Whydidyouleaveuswithoutawordofwarning？
HECTOR。Iwantthatbunchofroses，MissWhitefield。[ToTanner]
Whenwefoundyouweregone，MissWhitefieldbetmeabunchofrosesmycarwouldnotovertakeyoursbeforeyoureachedMonteCarlo。
TANNER。ButthisisnottheroadtoMonteCarlo。
HECTOR。Nomatter。MissWhitefieldtrackedyouateverystoppingplace：sheisaregularSherlockHolmes。
TANNER。TheLifeForce！Iamlost。
OCTAVIUS。[Boundinggailydownfromtheroadintotheamphitheatre，andcomingbetweenTannerandStraker]Iamsogladyouaresafe，oldchap。Wewereafraidyouhadbeencapturedbybrigands。
RAMSDEN。[whohasbeenstaringatMendoza]Iseemtorememberthefaceofyourfriendhere。[MendozarisespolitelyandadvanceswithasmilebetweenAnnandRamsden]。
HECTOR。Why，sodoI。
OCTAVIUS。Iknowyouperfectlywell，Sir；butIcan’tthinkwhereIhavemetyou。
MENDOZA。[toViolet]DoYOUrememberme，madam？
VIOLET。Oh，quitewell；butIamsostupidaboutnames。
MENDOZA。ItwasattheSavoyHotel。[ToHector]You，sir，usedtocomewiththislady[Violet]tolunch。[ToOctavius]You，sir，oftenbroughtthislady[Ann]andhermothertodinneronyourwaytotheLyceumTheatre。[ToRamsden]You，sir，usedtocometosupper，with[droppinghisvoicetoaconfidentialbutperfectlyaudiblewhisper]severaldifferentladies。
RAMSDEN。[angrily]Well，whatisthattoyou，pray？
OCTAVIUS。Why，Violet，Ithoughtyouhardlyknewoneanotherbeforethistrip，youandMalone！
VIOLET。[vexed]Isupposethispersonwasthemanager。
MENDOZA。Thewaiter，madam。Ihaveagratefulrecollectionofyouall。Igatheredfromthebountifulwayinwhichyoutreatedmethatyouallenjoyedyourvisitsverymuch。
VIOLET。Whatimpertinence！[Sheturnsherbackonhim，andgoesupthehillwithHector]。
RAMSDEN。Thatwilldo，myfriend。Youdonotexpecttheseladiestotreatyouasanacquaintance，Isuppose，becauseyouhavewaitedonthemattable。
MENDOZA。Pardonme：itwasyouwhoclaimedmyacquaintance。Theladiesfollowedyourexample。However，thisdisplayoftheunfortunatemannersofyourclassclosestheincident。Forthefuture，youwillpleaseaddressmewiththerespectduetoastrangerandfellowtraveller。[Heturnshaughtilyawayandresumeshispresidentialseat]。
TANNER。There！Ihavefoundonemanonmyjourneycapableofreasonableconversation；andyouallinstinctivelyinsulthim。
EventheNewManisasbadasanyofyou。Enry：youhavebehavedjustlikeamiserablegentleman。
STRAKER。Gentleman！Notme。
RAMSDEN。Really，Tanner，thistone——
ANN。Don’tmindhim，Granny：yououghttoknowhimbythistime[shetakeshisarmandcoaxeshimawaytothehilltojoinVioletandHector。Octaviusfollowsher，doglike]。
VIOLET。[callingfromthehill]Herearethesoldiers。Theyaregettingoutoftheirmotors。
DUVAL。[panicstricken]Oh，nomdeDieu！
THEANARCHIST。Fools：theStateisabouttocrushyoubecauseyouspareditatthepromptingofthepoliticalhangers—onofthebourgeoisie。
THESULKYSOCIAL—DEMOCRAT。[argumentativetothelast]Onthecontrary，onlybycapturingtheStatemachine——
THEANARCHIST。Itisgoingtocaptureyou。
THEROWDYSOCIAL—DEMOCRAT。[hisanguishculminating]Ow，chockit。Wotareweerefor？WOTarewewytinfor？
MENDOZA。[betweenhisteeth]Goon。Talkpolitics，youidiots：
nothingsoundsmorerespectable。Keepitup，Itellyou。
Thesoldierslinetheroad，commandingtheamphitheatrewiththeirrifles。Thebrigands，strugglingwithanover—whelmingimpulsetohidebehindoneanother，lookasunconcernedastheycan。Mendozarisessuperbly，withundauntedfront。Theofficerincommandstepsdownfromtheroadintotheamphitheatre；
lookshardatthebrigands；andtheninquiringlyatTanner。