TANNER。Sowearetomarryyoursistertoadamnedscoundrelbywayofreforminghercharacter！Onmysoul，Ithinkyouareallmad。
ANN。Don’tbeabsurd，Jack。Ofcourseyouarequiteright，Tavy；
butwedon’tknowwhoheis：Violetwon’ttellus。
TANNER。Whatonearthdoesitmatterwhoheis？He’sdonehispart；andVioletmustdotherest。
RAMSDEN。[besidehimself]Stuff！lunacy！Thereisarascalinourmidst，alibertine，avillainworsethanamurderer；andwearenottolearnwhoheis！Inourignorancewearetoshakehimbythehand；tointroducehimintoourhomes；totrustourdaughterswithhim；to——to——
ANN。[coaxingly]There，Granny，don’ttalksoloud。It’smostshocking：wemustalladmitthat；butifVioletwon’ttellus，whatcanwedo？Nothing。Simplynothing。
RAMSDEN。Hmph！I’mnotsosureofthat。IfanymanhaspaidVioletanyspecialattention，wecaneasilyfindthatout。Ifthereisanymanofnotoriouslylooseprinciplesamongus——
TANNER。Ahem！
RAMSDEN。[raisinghisvoice]Yessir，Irepeat，ifthereisanymanofnotoriouslylooseprinciplesamongus——
TANNER。Oranymannotoriouslylackinginself—control。
RAMSDEN。[aghast]DoyoudaretosuggestthatIamcapableofsuchanact？
TANNER。MydearRamsden，thisisanactofwhicheverymaniscapable。ThatiswhatcomesofgettingatcrosspurposeswithNature。Thesuspicionyouhavejustflungatmeclingstousall。
It’sasortofmudthatstickstothejudge’sermineorthecardinal’srobeasfastastotheragsofthetramp。Come，Tavy：
don’tlooksobewildered：itmighthavebeenme：itmighthavebeenRamsden；justasitmighthavebeenanybody。Ifithad，whatcouldwedobutlieandprotestasRamsdenisgoingtoprotest。
RAMSDEN。[choking]]I——I——I——
TANNER。Guiltitselfcouldnotstammermoreconfusedly，Andyetyouknowperfectlywellhe’sinnocent，Tavy。
RAMSDEN。[exhausted]Iamgladyouadmitthat，sir。Iadmit，myself，thatthereisanelementoftruthinwhatyousay，grosslyasyoumaydistortittogratifyyourmalicioushumor。I
hope，Octavius，nosuspicionofmeispossibleinyourmind。
OCTAVIUS。Ofyou！No，notforamoment。
TANNER。[drily]Ithinkhesuspectsmejustalittle。
OCTAVIUS。Jack：youcouldn’t——youwouldn’t——
TANNER。Whynot？
OCTAVIUS。[appalled]Whynot！
TANNER。Oh，well，I’lltellyouwhynot。First，youwouldfeelboundtoquarrelwithme。Second，Violetdoesn’tlikeme。Third，ifIhadthehonorofbeingthefatherofViolet’schild，I
shouldboastofitinsteadofdenyingit。Sobeeasy：ourFriendshipisnotindanger。
OCTAVIUS。Ishouldhaveputawaythesuspicionwithhorrorifonlyyouwouldthinkandfeelnaturallyaboutit。Ibegyourpardon。
TANNER。MYpardon！nonsense！Andnowlet’ssitdownandhaveafamilycouncil。[Hesitsdown。Therestfollowhisexample，moreorlessunderprotest]。VioletisgoingtodotheStateaservice；consequentlyshemustbepackedabroadlikeacriminaluntilit’sover。What’shappeningupstairs？
ANN。Violetisinthehousekeeper’sroom——byherself，ofcourse。
TANNER。Whynotinthedrawingroom？
ANN。Don’tbeabsurd，Jack。MissRamsdenisinthedrawingroomwithmymother，consideringwhattodo。
TANNER。Oh！thehousekeeper’sroomisthepenitentiary，I
suppose；andtheprisoneriswaitingtobebroughtbeforeherjudges。Theoldcats！
ANN。Oh，Jack！
RAMSDEN。Youareatpresentaguestbeneaththeroofofoneoftheoldcats，sir。Mysisteristhemistressofthishouse。
TANNER。Shewouldputmeinthehousekeeper’sroom，too，ifshedared，Ramsden。However，Iwithdrawcats。Catswouldhavemoresense。Ann：asyourguardian，IorderyoutogotoVioletatonceandbeparticularlykindtoher。
ANN。Ihaveseenher，Jack。AndIamsorrytosayIamafraidsheisgoingtoberatherobstinateaboutgoingabroad。IthinkTavyoughttospeaktoheraboutit。
OCTAVIUS。HowcanIspeaktoheraboutsuchathing[hebreaksdown]？
ANN。Don’tbreakdown，Ricky。Trytobearitforalloursakes。
RAMSDEN。Lifeisnotallplaysandpoems，Octavius。Come！faceitlikeaman。
TANNER。[chafingagain]Poordearbrother！Poordearfriendsofthefamily！PoordearTabbiesandGrimalkins。Poordeareverybodyexceptthewomanwhoisgoingtoriskherlifetocreateanotherlife！Tavy：don’tyoubeaselfishass。AwaywithyouandtalktoViolet；andbringherdownhereifshecarestocome。[Octaviusrises]。Tellherwe’llstandbyher。
RAMSDEN。[rising]No，sir——
TANNER。[risingalsoandinterruptinghim]Oh，weunderstand：
it’sagainstyourconscience；butstillyou’lldoit。
OCTAVIUS。Iassureyouall，onmyword，Inevermeanttobeselfish。It’ssohardtoknowwhattodowhenonewishesearnestlytodoright。
TANNER。MydearTavy，yourpiousEnglishhabitofregardingtheworldasamoralgymnasiumbuiltexpresslytostrengthenyourcharacterin，occasionallyleadsyoutothinkaboutyourownconfoundedprincipleswhenyoushouldbethinkingaboutotherpeople’snecessities。Theneedofthepresenthourisahappymotherandahealthybaby。Bendyourenergiesonthat；andyouwillseeyourwayclearlyenough。
Octavius，muchperplexed，goesout。
RAMSDEN。[facingTannerimpressively]AndMorality，sir？Whatistobecomeofthat？
TANNER。MeaningaweepingMagdalenandaninnocentchildbrandedwithhershame。Notinourcircle，thankyou。Moralitycangotoitsfatherthedevil。
RAMSDEN。Ithoughtso，sir。Moralitysenttothedeviltopleaseourlibertines，maleandfemale。ThatistobethefutureofEngland，isit？
TANNER。Oh，Englandwillsurviveyourdisapproval。Meanwhile，I
understandthatyouagreewithmeastothepracticalcoursewearetotake？
RAMSDEN。Notinyourspiritsir。Notforyourreasons。
TANNER。Youcanexplainthatifanybodycallsyoutoaccount，hereorhereafter。[Heturnsaway，andplantshimselfinfrontofMrHerbertSpencer，atwhomhestaresgloomily]。
ANN。[risingandcomingtoRamsden]Granny：hadn’tyoubettergouptothedrawingroomandtellthemwhatweintendtodo？
RAMSDEN。[lookingpointedlyatTanner]Ihardlyliketoleaveyoualonewiththisgentleman。Willyounotcomewithme？
ANN。MissRamsdenwouldnotliketospeakaboutitbeforeme，Granny。Ioughtnottobepresent。
RAMSDEN。Youareright：Ishouldhavethoughtofthat。Youareagoodgirl，Annie。
Hepatsherontheshoulder。Shelooksupathimwithbeamingeyesandhegoesout，muchmoved。Havingdisposedofhim，shelooksatTanner。Hisbackbeingturnedtoher，shegivesamoment’sattentiontoherpersonalappearance，thensoftlygoestohimandspeaksalmostintohisear。
ANN。Jack[heturnswithastart]：areyougladthatyouaremyguardian？Youdon’tmindbeingmaderesponsibleforme，Ihope。
TANNER。Thelatestadditiontoyourcollectionofscapegoats，eh？
ANN。Oh，thatstupidoldjokeofyoursaboutme！Dopleasedropit。Whydoyousaythingsthatyouknowmustpainme？Idomybesttopleaseyou，Jack：IsupposeImaytellyousonowthatyouaremyguardian。Youwillmakemesounhappyifyourefusetobefriendswithme。
TANNER。[studyingherasgloomilyashestudiedthedust]Youneednotgobeggingformyregard。Howunrealourmoraljudgmentsare！Youseemtometohaveabsolutelynoconscience——onlyhypocrisy；andyoucan’tseethedifference——yetthereisasortoffascinationaboutyou。Ialwaysattendtoyou，somehow。I
shouldmissyouifIlostyou。
ANN。[tranquillyslippingherarmintohisandwalkingaboutwithhim]Butisn’tthatonlynatural，Jack？Wehaveknowneachothersincewewerechildren。Doyouremember？
TANNER。[abruptlybreakingloose]Stop！IrememberEVERYTHING。
ANN。Oh，Idaresaywewereoftenverysilly；but——
TANNER。Iwon’thaveit，Ann。IamnomorethatschoolboynowthanIamthedotardofninetyIshallgrowintoifIlivelongenough。Itisover：letmeforgetit。
ANN。Wasn’titahappytime？[Sheattemptstotakehisarmagain]。
TANNER。Sitdownandbehaveyourself。[Hemakeshersitdowninthechairnextthewritingtable]。Nodoubtitwasahappytimeforyou。Youwereagoodgirlandnevercompromisedyourself。Andyetthewickedestchildthateverwasslappedcouldhardlyhavehadabettertime。Icanunderstandthesuccesswithwhichyoubulliedtheothergirls：yourvirtueimposedonthem。Buttellmethis：didyoueverknowagoodboy？
ANN。Ofcourse。Allboysarefoolishsometimes；butTavywasalwaysareallygoodboy。
TANNER。[struckbythis]Yes：you’reright。ForsomereasonyounevertemptedTavy。
ANN。Tempted！Jack！
TANNER。Yes，mydearLadyMephistopheles，tempted。Youwereinsatiablycuriousastowhataboymightbecapableof，anddiabolicallycleveratgettingthroughhisguardandsurprisinghisinmostsecrets。
ANN。Whatnonsense！Allbecauseyouusedtotellmelongstoriesofthewickedthingsyouhaddone——sillyboystricks！Andyoucallsuchthingsinmostsecrets：Boys’secretsarejustlikemen’s；andyouknowwhattheyare！
TANNER。[obstinately]NoIdon’t。Whatarethey，pray？
ANN。Why，thethingstheytelleverybody，ofcourse。
TANNER。NowIswearItoldyouthingsItoldnooneelse。Youluredmeintoacompactbywhichweweretohavenosecretsfromoneanother。Weweretotelloneanothereverything，Ididn’tnoticethatyounevertoldmeanything。
ANN。Youdidn’twanttotalkaboutme，Jack。Youwantedtotalkaboutyourself。
TANNER。Ah，true，horriblytrue。Butwhatadevilofachildyoumusthavebeentoknowthatweaknessandtoplayonitforthesatisfactionofyourowncuriosity！Iwantedtobragtoyou，tomakemyselfinteresting。AndIfoundmyselfdoingallsortsofmischievousthingssimplytohavesomethingtotellyouabout。I
foughtwithboysIdidn’thate；IliedaboutthingsImightjustaswellhavetoldthetruthabout；IstolethingsIdidn’twant；
IkissedlittlegirlsIdidn’tcarefor。Itwasallbravado：
passionlessandthereforeunreal。
ANN。Inevertoldofyou，Jack。
TANNER。No；butifyouhadwantedtostopmeyouwouldhavetoldofme。Youwantedmetogoon。
ANN。[flashingout]Oh，that’snottrue：it’sNOTtrue，Jack。I
neverwantedyoutodothosedull，disappointing，brutal，stupid，vulgarthings。Ialwayshopedthatitwouldbesomethingreallyheroicatlast。[Recoveringherself]Excuseme，Jack；butthethingsyoudidwereneverabitlikethethingsIwantedyoutodo。Theyoftengavemegreatuneasiness；butIcouldnottellonyouandgetyouintotrouble。Andyouwereonlyaboy。Iknewyouwouldgrowoutofthem。PerhapsIwaswrong。
TANNER。[sardonically]Donotgivewaytoremorse，Ann。AtleastnineteentwentiethsoftheexploitsIconfessedtoyouwerepurelies。Isoonnoticedthatyoudidn’tlikethetruestories。
ANN。OfcourseIknewthatsomeofthethingscouldn’thavehappened。But——
TANNER。Youaregoingtoremindmethatsomeofthemostdisgracefulonesdid。
ANN。[fondly，tohisgreatterror]Idon’twanttoremindyouofanything。ButIknewthepeopletheyhappenedto，andheardaboutthem。
TANNER。Yes；buteventhetruestoriesweretouchedupfortelling。Asensitiveboy’shumiliationsmaybeverygoodfunforordinarythickskinnedgrown—ups；buttotheboyhimselftheyaresoacute，soignominious，thathecannotconfessthem——cannotbutdenythempassionately。However，perhapsitwasaswellformethatIromancedabit；for，ontheoneoccasionwhenItoldyouthetruth，youthreatenedtotellofme。
ANN。Oh，never。Neveronce。
TANNER。Yes，youdid。Doyourememberadark—eyedgirlnamedRachelRosetree？[Ann’sbrowscontractforaninstantinvoluntarily]。Igotupaloveaffairwithher；andwemetonenightinthegardenandwalkedaboutveryuncomfortablywithourarmsroundoneanother，andkissedatparting，andweremostconscientiouslyromantic。Ifthatloveaffairhadgoneon，itwouldhaveboredmetodeath；butitdidn’tgoon；forthenextthingthathappenedwasthatRachelcutmebecauseshefoundoutthatIhadtoldyou。Howdidshefinditout？Fromyou。Youwenttoherandheldtheguiltysecretoverherhead，leadingheralifeofabjectterrorandhumiliationbythreateningtotellonher。
ANN。Andaverygoodthingforher，too。Itwasmydutytostophermisconduct；andsheisthankfultomeforitnow。
TANNER。Isshe？
ANN。Sheoughttobe，atallevents。
TANNER。Itwasnotyourdutytostopmymisconduct，Isuppose。
ANN。Ididstopitbystoppingher。
TANNER。Areyousureofthat？Youstoppedmytellingyouaboutmyadventures；buthowdoyouknowthatyoustoppedtheadventures？
ANN。Doyoumeantosaythatyouwentoninthesamewaywithothergirls？
TANNER。No。IhadenoughofthatsortofromantictomfoolerywithRachel。
ANN。[unconvinced]Thenwhydidyoubreakoffourconfidencesandbecomequitestrangetome？
TANNER。[enigmatically]IthappenedjustthenthatIgotsomethingthatIwantedtokeepalltomyselfinsteadofsharingitwithyou。
ANN。IamsureIshouldn’thaveaskedforanyofitifyouhadgrudgedit。
TANNER。Itwasn’taboxofsweets，Ann。Itwassomethingyou’dneverhaveletmecallmyown。
ANN。[incredulously]What？
TANNER。Mysoul。
ANN。Oh，dobesensible，Jack。Youknowyou’retalkingnonsense。
TANNER。Themostsolemnearnest，Ann。Youdidn’tnoticeatthattimethatyouweregettingasoultoo。Butyouwere。ItwasnotfornothingthatyousuddenlyfoundyouhadamoraldutytochastiseandreformRachel。Uptothattimeyouhadtradedprettyextensivelyinbeingagoodchild；butyouhadneversetupasenseofdutytoothers。Well，Isetoneuptoo。UptothattimeIhadplayedtheboybuccaneerwithnomoreconsciencethanafoxinapoultryfarm。ButnowIbegantohavescruples，tofeelobligations，tofindthatveracityandhonorwerenolongergoody—goodyexpressionsinthemouthsofgrownuppeople，butcompellingprinciplesinmyself。
ANN。[quietly]Yes，Isupposeyou’reright。Youwerebeginningtobeaman，andItobeawoman。
TANNER。Areyousureitwasnotthatwewerebeginningtobesomethingmore？Whatdoesthebeginningofmanhoodandwomanhoodmeaninmostpeople’smouths？Youknow：itmeansthebeginningoflove。Butlovebeganlongbeforethatforme。LoveplayeditspartintheearliestdreamsandfolliesandromancesIcanremember——mayIsaytheearliestfolliesandromanceswecanremember？——thoughwedidnotunderstanditatthetime。No：thechangethatcametomewasthebirthinmeofmoralpassion；andIdeclarethataccordingtomyexperiencemoralpassionistheonlyrealpassion。
ANN。Allpassionsoughttobemoral，Jack。
TANNER。Ought！Doyouthinkthatanythingisstrongenoughtoimposeoughtsonapassionexceptastrongerpassionstill？
ANN。Ourmoralsensecontrolspassion，Jack。Don’tbestupid。
TANNER。Ourmoralsense！Andisthatnotapassion？Isthedeviltohaveallthepassionsaswellasallthegoodtimes？Ifitwerenotapassion——ifitwerenotthemightiestofthepassions，alltheotherpassionswouldsweepitawaylikealeafbeforeahurricane。Itisthebirthofthatpassionthatturnsachildintoaman。
ANN。Thereareotherpassions，Jack。Verystrongones。
TANNER。Alltheotherpassionswereinmebefore；buttheywereidleandaimless——merechildishgreedinessesandcruelties，curiositiesandfancies，habitsandsuperstitions，grotesqueandridiculoustothematureintelligence。Whentheysuddenlybegantoshinelikenewlylitflamesitwasbynolightoftheirown，butbytheradianceofthedawningmoralpassion。Thatpassiondignifiedthem，gavethemconscienceandmeaning，foundthemamobofappetitesandorganizedthemintoanarmyofpurposesandprinciples。Mysoulwasbornofthatpassion。
ANN。Inoticedthatyougotmoresense。Youwereadreadfullydestructiveboybeforethat。
TANNER。Destructive！Stuff！Iwasonlymischievous。
ANN。OhJack，youwereverydestructive。Youruinedalltheyoungfirtreesbychoppingofftheirleaderswithawoodensword。Youbrokeallthecucumberframeswithyourcatapult。Yousetfiretothecommon：thepolicearrestedTavyforitbecauseheranawaywhenhecouldn’tstopyou。You——
TANNER。Pooh！pooh！pooh！thesewerebattles，bombardments，stratagemstosaveourscalpsfromtheredIndians。Youhavenoimagination，Ann。IamtentimesmoredestructivenowthanIwasthen。Themoralpassionhastakenmydestructivenessinhandanddirectedittomoralends。Ihavebecomeareformer，and，likeallreformers，aniconoclast。Inolongerbreakcucumberframesandburngorsebushes：Ishattercreedsanddemolishidols。
ANN。[bored]IamafraidIamtoofemininetoseeanysenseindestruction。Destructioncanonlydestroy。
TANNER。Yes。Thatiswhyitissouseful。Constructioncumbersthegroundwithinstitutionsmadebybusybodies。Destructionclearsitandgivesusbreathingspaceandliberty。
ANN。It’snouse，Jack。Nowomanwillagreewithyouthere。
TANNER。That’sbecauseyouconfuseconstructionanddestructionwithcreationandmurder。They’requitedifferent：Iadorecreationandabhormurder。Yes：Iadoreitintreeandflower，inbirdandbeast，eveninyou。[Aflushofinterestanddelightsuddenlyclearsthegrowingperplexityandboredomfromherface]。Itwasthecreativeinstinctthatledyoutoattachmetoyoubybondsthathavelefttheirmarkonmetothisday。Yes，Ann：theoldchildishcompactbetweenuswasanunconsciouslovecompact。
ANN。Jack！
TANNER。Oh，don’tbealarmed——
ANN。Iamnotalarmed。
TANNER。[whimsically]Thenyououghttobe：whereareyourprinciples？
ANN。Jack：areyouseriousorareyounot？
TANNER。Doyoumeanaboutthemoralpassion？
ANN。No，no；theotherone。[Confused]Oh！youaresosilly；oneneverknowshowtotakeyou。
TANNER。Youmusttakemequiteseriously。Iamyourguardian；anditismydutytoimproveyourmind。
ANN。Thelovecompactisover，then，isit？Isupposeyougrewtiredofme？
TANNER。No；butthemoralpassionmadeourchildishrelationsimpossible。Ajealoussenseofmynewindividualityaroseinme。
ANN。Youhatedtobetreatedasaboyanylonger。PoorJack！
TANNER。Yes，becausetobetreatedasaboywastobetakenontheoldfooting。Ihadbecomeanewperson；andthosewhoknewtheoldpersonlaughedatme。Theonlymanwhobehavedsensiblywasmytailor：hetookmymeasureaneweverytimehesawme，whilstalltherestwentonwiththeiroldmeasurementsandexpectedthemtofitme。
ANN。Youbecamefrightfullyself—conscious。
TANNER。Whenyougotoheaven，Ann，youwillbefrightfullyconsciousofyourwingsforthefirstyearorso。Whenyoumeetyourrelativesthere，andtheypersistintreatingyouasifyouwerestillamortal，youwillnotbeabletobearthem。Youwilltrytogetintoacirclewhichhasneverknownyouexceptasanangel。
ANN。Soitwasonlyyourvanitythatmadeyourunawayfromusafterall？
TANNER。Yes，onlymyvanity，asyoucallit。
ANN。YouneednothavekeptawayfromMEonthataccount。
TANNER。Fromyouaboveallothers。Youfoughtharderthananybodyagainstmyemancipation。
ANN。[earnestly]Oh，howwrongyouare！Iwouldhavedoneanythingforyou。
TANNER。Anythingexceptletmegetloosefromyou。Eventhenyouhadacquiredbyinstinctthatdamnablewoman’strickofheapingobligationsonaman，ofplacingyourselfsoentirelyandhelplesslyathismercythatatlasthedarenottakeastepwithoutrunningtoyouforleave。Iknowapoorwretchwhoseonedesireinlifeistorunawayfromhiswife。Shepreventshimbythreateningtothrowherselfinfrontoftheengineofthetrainheleavesherin。Thatiswhatallwomendo。Ifwetrytogowhereyoudonotwantustogothereisnolawtopreventus，butwhenwetakethefirststepyourbreastsareunderourfootasitdescends：yourbodiesareunderourwheelsaswestart。Nowomanshalleverenslavemeinthatway。
ANN。But，Jack，youcannotgetthroughlifewithoutconsideringotherpeoplealittle。
TANNER。Ay；butwhatotherpeople？Itisthisconsiderationofotherpeopleorratherthiscowardlyfearofthemwhichwecallconsiderationthatmakesusthesentimentalslavesweare。
Toconsideryou，asyoucallit，istosubstituteyourwillformyown。Howifitbeabaserwillthanmine？Arewomentaughtbetterthanmenorworse？Aremobsofvoterstaughtbetterthanstatesmenorworse？Worse，ofcourse，inbothcases。Andthenwhatsortofworldareyougoingtoget，withitspublicmenconsideringitsvotingmobs，anditsprivatemenconsideringtheirwives？WhatdoesChurchandStatemeannowadays？TheWomanandtheRatepayer。
ANN。[placidly]Iamsogladyouunderstandpolitics，Jack：itwillbemostusefultoyouifyougointoparliament[hecollapseslikeaprickedbladder]。ButIamsorryyouthoughtmyinfluenceabadone。
TANNER。Idon’tsayitwasabadone。Butbadorgood，Ididn’tchoosetobecuttoyourmeasure。AndIwon’tbecuttoit。
ANN。Nobodywantsyouto，Jack。Iassureyou——reallyonmyword——
Idon’tmindyourqueeropinionsonelittlebit。Youknowwehaveallbeenbroughtuptohaveadvancedopinions。Whydoyoupersistinthinkingmesonarrowminded？
TANNER。That’sthedangerofit。Iknowyoudon’tmind，becauseyou’vefoundoutthatitdoesn’tmatter。Theboaconstrictordoesn’tmindtheopinionsofastagonelittlebitwhenonceshehasgothercoilsroundit。
ANN。[risinginsuddenenlightenment]O—o—o—o—oh！NOWI
understandwhyyouwarnedTavythatIamaboaconstrictor。
Grannytoldme。[Shelaughsandthrowsherboaaroundherneck]。
Doesn’titfeelniceandsoft，Jack？
TANNER。[inthetoils]Youscandalouswoman，willyouthrowawayevenyourhypocrisy？
ANN。Iamneverhypocriticalwithyou，Jack。Areyouangry？[Shewithdrawstheboaandthrowsitonachair]。PerhapsIshouldn’thavedonethat。
TANNER。[contemptuously]Pooh，prudery！Whyshouldyounot，ifitamusesyou？
ANN。[Shyly]Well，because——becauseIsupposewhatyoureallymeantbytheboaconstrictorwasTHIS[sheputsherarmsroundhisneck]。
TANNER。[Staringather]Magnificentaudacity！[Shelaughsandpatshischeeks]。NowjusttothinkthatifImentionedthisepisodenotasoulwouldbelievemeexceptthepeoplewhowouldcutmefortelling，whilstifyouaccusedmeofitnobodywouldbelievemydenial。
ANN。[takingherarmsawaywithperfectdignity]Youareincorrigible，Jack。Butyoushouldnotjestaboutouraffectionforoneanother。Nobodycouldpossiblymisunderstandit。YOUdonotmisunderstandit，Ihope。
TANNER。Mybloodinterpretsforme，Ann。PoorRickyTikyTavy！
ANN。[lookingquicklyathimasifthiswereanewlight]SurelyyouarenotsoabsurdastobejealousofTavy。
TANNER。Jealous！WhyshouldIbe？ButIdon’twonderatyourgripofhim。Ifeelthecoilstighteningroundmyveryself，thoughyouareonlyplayingwithme。
ANN。DoyouthinkIhavedesignsonTavy？
TANNER。Iknowyouhave。
ANN。[earnestly]Takecare，Jack。YoumaymakeTavyveryhappyifyoumisleadhimaboutme。
TANNER。Neverfear：hewillnotescapeyou。
ANN。Iwonderareyoureallyacleverman！
TANNER。Whythissuddenmisgivingonthesubject？
ANN。YouseemtounderstandallthethingsIdon’tunderstand；
butyouareaperfectbabyinthethingsIdounderstand。
TANNER。IunderstandhowTavyfeelsforyou，Ann；youmaydependonthat，atallevents。
ANN。AndyouthinkyouunderstandhowIfeelforTavy，don’tyou？
TANNER。IknowonlytoowellwhatisgoingtohappentopoorTavy。
ANN。Ishouldlaughatyou，Jack，ifitwerenotforpoorpapa’sdeath。Mind！Tavywillbeveryunhappy。
TANNER。Yes；buthewon’tknowit，poordevil。Heisathousandtimestoogoodforyou。That’swhyheisgoingtomakethemistakeofhislifeaboutyou。
ANN。Ithinkmenmakemoremistakesbybeingtoocleverthanbybeingtoogood[shesitsdown，withatraceofcontemptforthewholemalesexintheelegantcarriageofhershoulders]。
TANNER。Oh，Iknowyoudon’tcareverymuchaboutTavy。Butthereisalwaysonewhokissesandonewhoonlyallowsthekiss。
Tavywillkiss；andyouwillonlyturnthecheek。Andyouwillthrowhimoverifanybodybetterturnsup。
ANN。[offended]Youhavenorighttosaysuchthings，Jack。Theyarenottrue，andnotdelicate。IfyouandTavychoosetobestupidaboutme，thatisnotmyfault。
TANNER。[remorsefully]Forgivemybrutalities，Ann。Theyarelevelledatthiswickedworld，notatyou。[Shelooksupathim，pleasedandforgiving。Hebecomescautiousatonce]。Allthesame，IwishRamsdenwouldcomeback。Ineverfeelsafewithyou：thereisadevilishcharm——orno：notacharm，asubtleinterest[shelaughs]。Justso：youknowit；andyoutriumphinit。Openlyandshamelesslytriumphinit！
ANN。Whatashockingflirtyouare，Jack！
TANNER。Aflirt！！I！！
ANN。Yes，aflirt。Youarealwaysabusingandoffendingpeople。
butyouneverreallymeantoletgoyourholdofthem。
TANNER。Iwillringthebell。ThisconversationhasalreadygonefurtherthanIintended。
RamsdenandOctaviuscomebackwithMissRamsden，ahardheadedoldmaidenladyinaplainbrownsilkgown，withenoughrings，chainsandbroochestoshowthatherplainnessofdressisamatterofprinciple，notofpoverty。Shecomesintotheroomverydeterminedly：thetwomen，perplexedanddowncast，followingher。
Annrisesandgoeseagerlytomeether。Tannerretreatstothewallbetweenthebustsandpretendstostudythepictures。
Ramsdengoestohistableasusual；andOctaviusclingstotheneighborhoodofTanner。
MISSRAMSDEN。[almostpushingAnnasideasshecomestoMr。
Whitefield’schairandplantsherselfthereresolutely]Iwashmyhandsofthewholeaffair。
OCTAVIUS。[verywretched]IknowyouwishmetotakeVioletaway，MissRamsden。Iwill。[Heturnsirresolutelytothedoor]。
RAMSDEN。Nono——
MISSRAMSDEN。Whatistheuseofsayingno，Roebuck？OctaviusknowsthatIwouldnotturnanytrulycontriteandrepentantwomanfromyourdoors。Butwhenawomanisnotonlywicked，butintendstogoonbeingwicked，sheandIpartcompany。
ANN。Oh，MissRamsden，whatdoyoumean？WhathasVioletsaid？
RAMSDEN。Violetiscertainlyveryobstinate。Shewon’tleaveLondon。Idon’tunderstandher。
MISSRAMSDEN。Ido。It’sasplainasthenoseonyourface，Roebuck，thatshewon’tgobecauseshedoesn’twanttobeseparatedfromthisman，whoeverheis。
ANN。Oh，surely，surely！Octavius：didyouspeaktoher？
OCTAVIUS。Shewon’ttellusanything。Shewon’tmakeanyarrangementuntilshehasconsultedsomebody。Itcan’tbeanybodyelsethanthescoundrelwhohasbetrayedher。
TANNER。[toOctavius]Well，letherconsulthim。Hewillbegladenoughtohavehersentabroad。Whereisthedifficulty？
MISSRAMSDEN。[TakingtheansweroutofOctavius’smouth]。Thedifficulty，MrJack，isthatwhenheofferedtohelpherIdidn’toffertobecomeheraccompliceinherwickedness。Sheeitherpledgesherwordnevertoseethatmanagain，orelseshefindssomenewfriends；andthesoonerthebetter。
[Theparlormaidappearsatthedoor。Annhastilyresumesherseat，andlooksasunconcernedaspossible。Octaviusinstinctivelyimitatesher]。
THEMAID。Thecabisatthedoor，ma’am。
MISSRAMSDEN。Whatcab？
THEMAID。ForMissRobinson。
MISSRAMSDEN。Oh！[Recoveringherself]Allright。[Themaidwithdraws]。Shehassentforacab。
TANNER。Iwantedtosendforthatcabhalfanhourago。
MISSRAMSDEN。Iamgladsheunderstandsthepositionshehasplacedherselfin。
RAMSDEN。Idon’tlikehergoingawayinthisfashion，Susan。Wehadbetternotdoanythingharsh。
OCTAVIUS。No：thankyouagainandagain；butMissRamsdenisquiteright。Violetcannotexpecttostay。
ANN。Hadn’tyoubettergowithher，Tavy？
OCTAVIUS。Shewon’thaveme。
MISSRAMSDEN。Ofcourseshewon’t。She’sgoingstraighttothatman。
TANNER。Asanaturalresultofhervirtuousreceptionhere。
RAMSDEN。[muchtroubled]There，Susan！Youhear！andthere’ssometruthinit。Iwishyoucouldreconcileitwithyourprinciplestobealittlepatientwiththispoorgirl。She’sveryyoung；andthere’satimeforeverything。
MISSRAMSDEN。Oh，shewillgetallthesympathyshewantsfromthemen。I’msurprisedatyou，Roebuck。
TANNER。SoamI，Ramsden，mostfavorably。
Violetappearsatthedoor。Sheisasimpenitentandself—assuredayoungladyasonewoulddesiretoseeamongthebestbehavedofhersex。Hersmallheadandtinyresolutemouthandchin；herhaughtycrispnessofspeechandtrimnessofcarriage；theruthlesseleganceofherequipment，whichincludesaverysmarthatwithadeadbirdinit，markapersonalitywhichisasformidableasitisexquisitelypretty。Sheisnotasiren，likeAnn：admirationcomestoherwithoutanycompulsionoreveninterestonherpart；besides，thereissomefuninAnn，butinthiswomannone，perhapsnomercyeither：ifanythingrestrainsher，itisintelligenceandpride，notcompassion。Hervoicemightbethevoiceofaschoolmistressaddressingaclassofgirlswhohaddisgracedthemselves，assheproceedswithcompletecomposureandsomedisgusttosaywhatshehascometosay。
VIOLET。IhaveonlylookedintotellMissRamsdenthatshewillfindherbirthdaypresenttome，thefilagreebracelet，inthehousekeeper’sroom。
TANNER。Docomein，Violet，andtalktoussensibly。
VIOLET。Thankyou：Ihavehadquiteenoughofthefamilyconversationthismorning。Sohasyourmother，Ann：shehasgonehomecrying。Butatallevents，Ihavefoundoutwhatsomeofmypretendedfriendsareworth。Goodbye。
TANNER。No，no：onemoment。IhavesomethingtosaywhichIbegyoutohear。[Shelooksathimwithouttheslightestcuriosity，butwaits，apparentlyasmuchtofinishgettinghergloveonastohearwhathehastosay]。Iamaltogetheronyoursideinthismatter。Icongratulateyou，withthesincerestrespect，onhavingthecouragetodowhatyouhavedone。Youareentirelyintheright；andthefamilyisentirelyinthewrong。
Sensation。AnnandMissRamsdenriseandturntowardthetwo。
Violet，moresurprisedthananyoftheothers，forgetsherglove，andcomesforwardintothemiddleoftheroom，bothpuzzledanddispleased。Qctaviusalonedoesnotmoveorraisehishead；heisoverwhelmedwithshame。
ANN。[pleadingtoTannertobesensible]Jack！
MISSRAMSDEN。[outraged}Well，Imustsay！
VIOLET。[sharplytoTanner]Whotoldyou？
TANNER。Why，RamsdenandTavyofcourse。Whyshouldtheynot？
VIOLET。Buttheydon’tknow。
TANNER。Don’tknowwhat？
VIOLET。Theydon’tknowthatIamintheright，Imean。
TANNER。Oh，theyknowitintheirhearts，thoughtheythinkthemselvesboundtoblameyoubytheirsillysuperstitionsaboutmoralityandproprietyandsoforth。ButIknow，andthewholeworldreallyknows，thoughitdarenotsayso，thatyouwererighttofollowyourinstinct；thatvitalityandbraveryarethegreatestqualitiesawomancanhave，andmotherhoodhersolemninitiationintowomanhood；andthatthefactofyournotbeinglegallymarriedmattersnotonescrapeithertoyourownworthortoourrealregardforyou。
VIOLET。[flushingwithindignation]Oh！Youthinkmeawickedwoman，liketherest。YouthinkIhavenotonlybeenvile，butthatIshareyourabominableopinions。MissRamsden：IhaveborneyourhardwordsbecauseIknewyouwouldbesorryforthemwhenyoufoundoutthetruth。ButIwon’tbearsuchahorribleinsultastobecomplimentedbyJackonbeingoneofthewretchesofwhomheapproves。Ihavekeptmymarriageasecretformyhusband’ssake。ButnowIclaimmyrightasamarriedwomannottobeinsulted。
OCTAVIUS。[raisinghisheadwithinexpressiblerelief]Youaremarried！
VIOLET。Yes；andIthinkyoumighthaveguessedit。WhatbusinesshadyoualltotakeitforgrantedthatIhadnorighttowearmyweddingring？Notoneofyouevenaskedme：Icannotforgetthat。
TANNER。[inruins]Iamutterlycrushed。Imeantwell——I
apologize——abjectlyapologize。
VIOLET。Ihopeyouwillbemorecarefulinfutureaboutthethingsyousay。Ofcourseonedoesnottakethemseriously。Buttheyareverydisagreeable，andratherinbadtaste。
TANNER。[bowingtothestorm]Ihavenodefence：Ishallknowbetterinfuturethantotakeanywoman’spart。Wehavealldisgracedourselvesinyoureyes，Iamafraid，exceptAnn，SHE
befriendedyou。ForAnn’ssake，forgiveus。
VIOLET。Yes：Annhasbeenverykind；butthenAnnknew。
TANNER。Oh！
MISSRAMSDEN。[stiffly]Andwho，pray，isthegentlemanwhodoesnotacknowledgehiswife？
VIOLET。[promptly]Thatismybusiness，MissRamsden，andnotyours。Ihavemyreasonsforkeepingmymarriageasecretforthepresent。
RAMSDEN。AllIcansayisthatweareextremelysorry，Violet。I
amshockedtothinkofhowwehavetreatedyou。
OCTAVIUS。[awkwardly]Ibegyourpardon，Violet。Icansaynomore。
MISSRAMSDEN。[stilllothtosurrender]Ofcoursewhatyousayputsaverydifferentcomplexiononthematter。Allthesame，I
oweittomyself——
VIOLET。[cuttinghershort]Youowemeanapology，MissRamsden：
that’swhatyouowebothtoyourselfandtome。Ifyouwereamarriedwomanyouwouldnotlikesittinginthehousekeeper’sroomandbeingtreatedlikeanaughtychildbyyounggirlsandoldladieswithoutanyseriousdutiesandresponsibilities。
TANNER。Don’thituswhenwe’redown，Violet。Weseemtohavemadefoolsofourselves；butreallyitwasyouwhomadefoolsofus。
VIOLET。Itwasnobusinessofyours，Jack，inanycase。
TANNER。Nobusinessofmine！Why，Ramsdenasgoodasaccusedmeofbeingtheunknowngentleman。
Ramsdenmakesafranticdemonstration；butViolet’scoolkeenangerextinguishesit。
VIOLET。You！Oh，howinfamous！howabominable！Howdisgracefullyyouhaveallbeentalkingaboutme！Ifmyhusbandknewithewouldneverletmespeaktoanyofyouagain。[ToRamsden]I
thinkyoumighthavesparedme，atleast。
RAMSDEN。ButIassureyouInever——atleastitisamonstrousperversionofsomethingIsaidthat——
MISSRAMSDEN。Youneedn’tapologize，Roebuck。Shebroughtitallonherself。Itisforhertoapologizeforhavingdeceivedus。
VIOLET。Icanmakeallowancesforyou，MissRamsden：youcannotunderstandhowIfeelonthissubjectthoughIshouldhaveexpectedratherbettertastefrompeopleofgreaterexperience。
However，Iquitefeelthatyouhaveallplacedyourselvesinaverypainfulposition；andthemosttrulyconsideratethingformetodoistogoatonce。Goodmorning。
Shegoes，leavingthemstaring。
MissRAMSDEN。Well，Imustsay——！
RAMSDEN。[plaintively]Idon’tthinksheisquitefairtous。
TANNER。Youmustcowerbeforetheweddingringliketherestofus，Ramsden。Thecupofourignominyisfull。
ActII
OnthecarriagedriveintheparkofacountryhousenearRichmondamotorcarhasbrokendown。Itstandsinfrontofaclumpoftreesroundwhichthedrivesweepstothehouse，whichispartlyvisiblethroughthem：indeedTanner，standinginthedrivewiththecaronhisrighthand，couldgetanunobstructedviewofthewestcornerofthehouseonhisleftwerehenotfartoomuchinterestedinapairofsupinelegsinbluesergetrouserswhichprotrudefrombeneaththemachine。Heiswatchingthemintentlywithbentbackandhandssupportedonhisknees。
Hisleathernovercoatandpeakedcapproclaimhimoneofthedismountedpassengers。
THELEGS。Aha！Igothim。
TANNER。Allrightnow？
THELEGS。Allrightnow。
Tannerstoopsandtakesthelegsbytheankles，drawingtheirownerforthlikeawheelbarrow，walkingonhishands，withahammerinhismouth。Heisayoungmaninaneatsuitofblueserge，cleanshaven，darkeyed，squarefingered，withshortwellbrushedblackhairandratherirregularscepticallyturnedeyebrows。Whenheismanipulatingthecarhismovementsareswiftandsudden，yetattentiveanddeliberate。WithTannerandTanner’sfriendshismannerisnotintheleastdeferential，butcoolandreticent，keepingthemquiteeffectuallyatadistancewhilstgivingthemnoexcuseforcomplainingofhim。Neverthelesshehasavigilanteyeonthemalways，andthat，too，rathercynically，likeamanwhoknowstheworldwellfromitsseamyside。Hespeaksslowlyandwithatouchofsarcasm；andashedoesnotatallaffectthegentlemaninhisspeech，itmaybeinferredthathissmartappearanceisamarkofrespecttohimselfandhisownclass，nottothatwhichemployshim。
Henowgetsintothecartotesthismachineryandputhiscapandovercoatonagain。Tannertakesoffhisleatherovercoatandpitchesitintothecar。Thechauffeur（orautomobilistormotoreerorwhateverEnglandmaypresentlydecidetocallhim）
looksroundinquiringlyintheactofstowingawayhishammer。
THECHAUFFEUR。Hadenoughofit，eh？
TANNER。Imayaswellwalktothehouseandstretchmylegsandcalmmynervesalittle。[Lookingathiswatch]IsupposeyouknowthatwehavecomefromHydeParkCornertoRichmondintwenty—oneminutes。
THECHAUFFEUR。I’dhavedoneitunderfifteenifI’dhadaclearroadalltheway。
TANNER。Whydoyoudoit？Isitforloveofsportorforthefunofterrifyingyourunfortunateemployer？
THECHAUFFEUR。Whatareyouafraidof？
TANNER。Thepolice，andbreakingmyneck。
THECHAUFFEUR。Well，ifyoulikeeasygoing，youcantakeabus，youknow。It’scheaper。Youpaymetosaveyourtimeandgiveyouthevalueofyourthousandpoundcar。[Hesitsdowncalmly]。
TANNER。Iamtheslaveofthatcarandofyoutoo。Idreamoftheaccursedthingatnight。
THECHAUFFEUR。You’llgetoverthat。Ifyou’regoinguptothehouse，mayIaskhowlongyou’regointostaythere？Becauseifyoumeantoputinthewholemorningtalkintotheladies，I’11
putthecarinthestablesandmakemyselfcomfortable。Ifnot，I’llkeepthecaronthegoaboutheretilyoucome。
TANNER。Betterwaithere。Weshan’tbelong。There’sayoungAmericangentleman，aMrMalone，whoisdrivingMrRobinsondowninhisnewAmericansteamcar。
THECHAUFFEUR。[springingupandcominghastilyoutofthecartoTanner]Americansteamcar！Wot！racinusdownfromLondon！
TANNER。Perhapsthey’reherealready。
THECHAUFFEUR。IfI’dknownit！[withdeepreproach]Whydidn’tyoutellme，MrTanner？
TANNER。BecauseI’vebeentoldthatthiscariscapableof84
milesanhour；andIalreadyknowwhatYOUarecapableofwhenthereisarivalcarontheroad。No，Henry：therearethingsitisnotgoodforyoutoknow；andthiswasoneofthem。However，cheerup：wearegoingtohaveadayafteryourownheart。TheAmericanistotakeMrRobinsonandhissisterandMissWhitefield。WearetotakeMissRhoda。
THECHAUFFEUR。[consoled，andmusingonanothermatter]That’sMissWhitefield’ssister，isn’tit？
TANNER。Yes。
THECHAUFFEUR。AndMissWhitefieldherselfisgoinintheothercar？Notwithyou？
TANNER。Whythedevilshouldshecomewithme？MrRobinsonwillbeintheothercar。[TheChauffeurlooksatTannerwithcoolincredulity，andturnstothecar，whistlingapopularairsoftlytohimself。Tanner，alittleannoyed，isabouttopursuethesubjectwhenhehearsthefootstepsofOctaviusonthegravel。
Octaviusiscomingfromthehouse，dressedformotoring，butwithouthisovercoat]。We’velosttherace，thankHeaven：here’sMrRobinson。Well，Tavy，isthesteamcarasuccess？
OCTAVIUS。Ithinkso。WecamefromHydeParkCornerhereinseventeenminutes。[TheChauffeur，furious，kicksthecarwithagroanofvexation]。Howlongwereyou？
TANNER。Oh，aboutthreequartersofanhourorso。
THECHAUFFEUR。[remonstrating]Now，now，MrTanner，comenow！Wecouldhadoneiteasyunderfifteen。
TANNER。Bytheway，letmeintroduceyou。MrOctaviusRobinson：
MrEnryStraker。
STRAKER。Pleasedtomeetyou，sir。MrTannerisgittinatyouwithhisEnryStraker，youknow。YoucallitHenery。ButIdon’tmind，blessyou。
TANNER。Youthinkit’ssimplybadtasteinmetochaffhim，Tavy。
Butyou’rewrong。Thismantakesmoretroubletodrophisaichesthaneverhisfatherdidtopickthemup。It’samarkofcastetohim。IhavenevermetanybodymoreswollenwiththeprideofclassthanEnryis。
STRAKER。Easy，easy！Alittlemoderation，MrTanner。
TANNER。Alittlemoderation，Tavy，youobserve。Youwouldtellmetodrawitmild，Butthischaphasbeeneducated。What’smore，heknowsthatwehaven’t。Whatwasthatboardschoolofyours，Straker？
STRAKER。SherbrookeRoad。
TANNER。SherbrookeRoad！WouldanyofussayRugby！Harrow！Eton！
inthattoneofintellectualsnobbery？SherbrookeRoadisaplacewhereboyslearnsomething；Etonisaboyfarmwherewearesentbecausewearenuisancesathome，andbecauseinafterlife，wheneveraDukeismentioned，wecanclaimhimasanoldschoolfellow。
STRAKER。Youdon’tknownothingaboutit，Mr。Tanner。It’snottheBoardSchoolthatdoesit：it’sthePolytechnic。
TANNER。Hisuniversity，Octavius。NotOxford，Cambridge，Durham，DublinorGlasgow。NoteventhoseNonconformistholesinWales。
No，Tavy。RegentStreet，Chelsea，theBorough——Idon’tknowhalftheirconfoundednames：thesearehisuniversities，notmereshopsforsellingclasslimitationslikeours。YoudespiseOxford，Enry，don’tyou？
STRAKER。No，Idon’t。Verynicesortofplace，Oxford，Ishouldthink，forpeoplethatlikethatsortofplace。Theyteachyoutobeagentlemanthere。InthePolytechnictheyteachyoutobeanengineerorsuchlike。See？
TANNER。Sarcasm，Tavy，sarcasm！Oh，ifyoucouldonlyseeintoEnry’ssoul，thedepthofhiscontemptforagentleman，thearroganceofhisprideinbeinganengineer，wouldappalyou。Hepositivelylikesthecartobreakdownbecauseitbringsoutmygentlemanlyhelplessnessandhisworkmanlikeskillandresource。
STRAKER。Neveryoumindhim，MrRobinson。Helikestotalk。Weknowhim，don’twe？
OCTAVIUS。[earnestly]Butthere’sagreattruthatthebottomofwhathesays。Ibelievemostintenselyinthedignityoflabor。
STRAKER。[unimpressed]That’sbecauseyouneverdoneanyMrRobinson。Mybusinessistodoawaywithlabor。You’llgetmoreoutofmeandamachinethanyouwilloutoftwentylaborers，andnotsomuchtodrinkeither。
TANNER。ForHeaven’ssake，Tavy，don’tstarthimonpoliticaleconomy。Heknowsallaboutit；andwedon’t。You’reonlyapoeticSocialist，Tavy：he’sascientificone。
STRAKER。[unperturbed]Yes。Well，thisconversationisveryimprovin；butI’vegottolookafterthecar；andyoutwowanttotalkaboutyourladies。Iknow。[Heretirestobusyhimselfaboutthecar；andpresentlysauntersofftowardsthehouse]。
TANNER。That’saverymomentoussocialphenomenon。
OCTAVIUS。Whatis？
TANNER。Strakeris。HerehaveweliteraryandculturedpersonsbeenforyearssettingupacryoftheNewWomanwheneversomeunusuallyoldfashionedfemalecamealong；andnevernoticingtheadventoftheNewMan。Straker’stheNewMan。
OOCTAVIUS。Iseenothingnewabouthim，exceptyourwayofchaffinghim。ButIdon’twanttotalkabouthimjustnow。IwanttospeaktoyouaboutAnn。
TANNER。Strakerkneweventhat。HelearntitatthePolytechnic，probably。Well，whataboutAnn？Haveyouproposedtoher？
OCTAVIUS。[self—reproachfully]Iwasbruteenoughtodosolastnight。
TANNER。Bruteenough！Whatdoyoumean？
OCTAVIUS。[dithyrambically]Jack：wemenareallcoarse。Weneverunderstandhowexquisiteawoman’ssensibilitiesare。HowcouldI
havedonesuchathing！
TANNER。Donewhat，youmaudlinidiot？
OCTAVIUS。Yes，Iamanidiot。Jack：ifyouhadheardhervoice！
ifyouhadseenhertears！Ihavelainawakeallnightthinkingofthem。Ifshehadreproachedme，Icouldhaveborneitbetter。
TANNER。Tears！that’sdangerous。Whatdidshesay？
OCTAVIUS。Sheaskedmehowshecouldthinkofanythingnowbutherdearfather。Shestifledasob——[hebreaksdown]。
TANNER。[pattinghimontheback]Bearitlikeaman，Tavy，evenifyoufeelitlikeanass。It’stheoldgame：she’snottiredofplayingwithyouyet。
OCTAVIUS。[impatiently]Oh，don’tbeafool，Jack。Doyousupposethiseternalshallowcynicismofyourshasanyrealbearingonanaturelikehers？
TANNER。Hm！Didshesayanythingelse？
OCTAVIUS。Yes；andthatiswhyIexposemyselfandhertoyourridiculebytellingyouwhatpassed。
TANNER。[remorsefully]No，dearTavy，notridicule，onmyhonor！
However，nomatter。Goon。
OCTAVIUS。Hersenseofdutyissodevout，soperfect，so——
TANNER。Yes：Iknow。Goon。
OCTAVIUS。Yousee，underthisnewarrangement，youandRamsdenareherguardians；andsheconsidersthatallherdutytoherfatherisnowtransferredtoyou。ShesaidshethoughtIoughttohavespokentoyoubothinthefirstinstance。Ofcoursesheisright；butsomehowitseemsratherabsurdthatIamtocometoyouandformallyasktobereceivedasasuitorforyourward’shand。
TANNER。Iamgladthatlovehasnottotallyextinguishedyoursenseofhumor，Tavy。
OCTAVIUS。Thatanswerwon’tsatisfyher。
TANNER。Myofficialansweris，obviously，Blessyou，mychildren：
mayyoubehappy！
OCTAVIUS。Iwishyouwouldstopplayingthefoolaboutthis。Ifitisnotserioustoyou，itistome，andtoher。
TANNER。Youknowverywellthatsheisasfreetochooseasyou。
Shedoesnotthinkso。
TANNER。Oh，doesn’tshe！just！However，saywhatyouwantmetodo。
OCTAVIUS。Iwantyoutotellhersincerelyandearnestlywhatyouthinkaboutme。Iwantyoutotellherthatyoucantrusthertome——thatis，ifyoufeelyoucan。
TANNER。IhavenodoubtthatIcantrusthertoyou。Whatworriesmeistheideaoftrustingyoutoher。HaveyoureadMaeterlinck’sbookaboutthebee？
OCTAVIUS。[keepinghistemperwithdifficulty]Iamnotdiscussingliteratureatpresent。
TANNER。Bejustalittlepatientwithme。Iamnotdiscussingliterature：thebookaboutthebeeisnaturalhistory。It’sanawfullessontomankind。YouthinkthatyouareAnn’ssuitor；
thatyouarethepursuerandshethepursued；thatitisyourparttowoo，topersuade，toprevail，toovercome。Fool：itisyouwhoarethepursued，themarkeddownquarry，thedestinedprey。Youneednotsitlookinglonginglyatthebaitthroughthewiresofthetrap：thedoorisopen，andwillremainsountilitshutsbehindyouforever。
OCTAVIUS。IwishIcouldbelievethat，vilelyasyouputit。
TANNER。Why，man，whatotherworkhassheinlifebuttogetahusband？Itisawoman’sbusinesstogetmarriedassoonaspossible，andaman’stokeepunmarriedaslongashecan。Youhaveyourpoemsandyourtragediestoworkat：Annhasnothing。
OCTAVIUS。Icannotwritewithoutinspiration。AndnobodycangivemethatexceptAnn。
TANNER。Well，hadn’tyoubettergetitfromheratasafedistance？Petrarchdidn’tseehalfasmuchofLaura，norDanteofBeatrice，asyouseeofAnnnow；andyettheywrotefirst—ratepoetry——atleastsoI’mtold。Theyneverexposedtheiridolatrytothetestofdomesticfamiliarity；anditlastedthemtotheirgraves。MarryAnnandattheendofaweekyou’llfindnomoreinspirationthaninaplateofmuffins。
OCTAVIUS。YouthinkIshalltireofher。
TANNER。Notatall：youdon’tgettiredofmuffins。Butyoudon’tfindinspirationinthem；andyouwon’tinherwhensheceasestobeapoet’sdreamandbecomesasolidelevenstonewife。You’llbeforcedtodreamaboutsomebodyelse；andthentherewillbearow。
OCTAVIUS。Thissortoftalkisnouse，Jack。Youdon’tunderstand。Youhaveneverbeeninlove。