saidItomyterrifiedemployer。IshmaelPickupwrunghisdirtyhandsandanswered，\"Yesh，mydear!\"
Ourinformantinthisawkwardmatterwasemployedattheofficeofthelawyerswhoweretohavetheconductingofthecaseagainstus；andhewasabletotellmesomeofthethingsImostwantedtoknowinrelationtothepicture。
IfoundoutfromhimthattheRembrandtwasstillinourcustomer\'spossession。Theoldgentlemanhadconsentedtothequestionofitsgenuinenessbeingtried，buthadfartoohighanideaofhisownknowledgeasaconnoisseurtoinclinetotheopinionthathehadbeentakenin。Hissuspiciousrelativewasnotstayinginthehouse，butwasinthehabitofvisitinghim，everyday，intheforenoon。ThatwasasmuchasIwantedtoknowfromothers。Therestdependedonmyself，onluck，time，humancredulity，andasmatteringofchemicalknowledgewhichIhadacquiredinthedaysofmymedicalstudies。Ilefttheconclaveatthepicture-dealer\'sforthwith，andpurchasedatthenearestdruggist\'sabottlecontainingacertainpowerfulliquid，whichI
declinetoparticularizeonhighmoralgrounds。Ilabeledthebottle\"TheAmsterdamCleansingCompound\"；andIwrappedrounditthefollowingnote:
\"Mr。Pickup\'srespectfulcomplimentstoMr——letussay，Green。
IsrejoicedtostatethathefindshimselfunexpectedlyabletoforwardMr。Green\'sviewsrelativetothecleaningof\'TheBurgomaster\'sBreakfast。\'TheinclosedcompoundhasjustreachedhimfromAmsterdam。ItismadefromarecipefoundamongthepapersofRembrandthimself——hasbeenusedwiththemostastonishingresultsontheMaster\'spicturesineverygalleryofHolland，andisnowbeingappliedtothesurfaceofthelargestRembrandtinMr。P。\'sowncollection。Directionsforuse:Laythepictureflat，pourthewholecontentsofthebottleoveritgently，soastofloodtheentiresurface；leavetheliquidonthesurfaceforsixhours，thenwipeitoffbrisklywithasoftclothofaslargeasizeascanbeconvenientlyused。Theeffectwillbethemostwonderfulremovalofalldirt，andacompleteandbrilliantmetamorphosisofthepresentdingysurfaceofthepicture。”
Ileftthisnoteandthebottlemyselfattwoo\'clockthatday；
thenwenthome，andconfidentlyawaitedtheresult。
Thenextmorningourfriendfromtheofficecalled，announcinghimselfbyaburstoflaughteroutsidethedoor。Mr。Greenhadimplicitlyfollowedthedirectionsintheletterthemomenthereceivedit——hadallowedthe\"AmsterdamCleansingCompound\"toremainontheRembrandtuntileighto\'clockintheevening——hadcalledforthesoftestlinenclothinthewholehouse——andhadthen，withhisownvenerablehands，carefullywipedoffthecompound，andwithitthewholesurfaceofthepicture!Thebrown，theblack，theBurgomaster，thebreakfast，andtherayofyellowlight，allcamecleanofftogetherinconsiderablylessthanaminuteoftime。Ifthepicture，wasbroughtintocourtnow，theevidenceitcouldgiveagainstuswaslimitedtoabitofplainpanel，andamassofblackpulprolledupinaduster。
Ourlineofdefensewas，ofcourse，thatthecompoundhadbeenimproperlyused。Fortherest，wereliedwithwell-placedconfidenceonthewantofevidenceagainstus。Mr。Pickupwiselyclosedhisshopforawhile，andwentofftotheContinenttoransacktheforeigngalleries。Ireceivedmyfiveandtwentypounds，rubbedoutthebeginningofmysecondRembrandt，closedthebackdooroftheworkshopbehindme，andtherewasanothersceneofmylifeatanend。Ihadbutonecircumstancetoregret——andIdidregretitbitterly。Iwasstillasignorantaseveroftheyounglady\'snameandaddress。
Myfirstvisitwastothestudioofmyexcellentartist-friend，whomIhavealreadypresentedtothereaderunderthesympatheticnameof\"Dick。”Hegreetedmewithaletterinhishand。Itwasaddressedtome——ithadbeenleftatthestudioafewdayssince；
andmarvelofallmarvels!thehandwritingwasMr。
Batterbury\'s。Hadthisphilanthropicmannotdonebefriendingmeevenyet？Werethereanypresentorprospectiveadvantagestobegotoutofhimstill？Readhisletter，andjudge。
\"SIR——Althoughyouhaveforfeitedbyyourungentlemanlyconducttowardmyself，andyourheartlesslymischievousreceptionofmydearwife，allclaimupontheforbearanceofthemostforbearingofyourrelatives，Iamdisposed，frommotivesofregardforthetranquillityofMrs。Batterbury\'sfamily，andofsheergood-naturesofarasIammyselfconcerned，toaffordyouonemorechanceofretrievingyourpositionbyleadingarespectablelife。ThesituationIamenabledtoofferyouisthatofsecretarytoanewLiteraryandScientificInstitution，abouttobeopenedinthetownofDuskydale，nearwhichneighborhoodI
possess，asyoumustbeaware，somelandedproperty。Theofficehasbeenplacedatmydisposal，asvice-presidentofthenewInstitution。Thesalaryisfiftypoundsayear，withapartmentsontheattic-floorofthebuilding。Thedutiesarevarious，andwillbeexplainedtoyoubythelocalcommittee，ifyouchoosetopresentyourselftothemwiththeinclosedletterofintroduction。Aftertheunscrupulousmannerinwhichyouhaveimposedonmyliberalitybydeceivingmeintogivingyoufiftypoundsforanaudaciouscaricatureofmyself，whichitisimpossibletohangupinanyroomofthehouse，Ithinkthisinstanceofmyforgivingdispositionstilltobefriendyou，afterallthathashappened，oughttoappealtoanybetterfeelingsthatyoumaystillhaveleft，andrevivethelongdormantemotionsofrepentanceandself-reproach，whenyouthinkonyourobedientservant，\"DANIELBATTERBURY。”
Blessme!WhatAlong-windedstyle，andwhatafussaboutfiftypoundsayear，andabedinanattic!ThesewerenaturallythefirstemotionswhichMr。Batterbury\'sletterproducedinme。Whatwashisrealmotiveforwritingit？IhopenobodywilldomesogreataninjusticeastosupposethatIhesitatedforoneinstantaboutthewayoffinding_that_out。OfcourseIstartedoffdirectlytoinquireifLadyMalkinshawhadhadanothernarrowescapeofdyingbeforeme。
\"Muchbetter，sir，\"answeredmygrandmother\'svenerablebutler，wipinghislipscarefullybeforehespoke；\"herladyship\'shealthhasbeenmuchimprovedsinceheraccident。”
\"Accident!\"Iexclaimed。\"What，another？Lately？Stairsagain？\"
\"No，sir；thedrawing-roomwindowthistime，\"answeredthebutler，withsemi-tipsygravity。\"Herladyship\'ssighthavingbeendefectiveoflateyears，occasionshersomedifficultyincalculatingdistances。Threedaysago，herladyshipwenttolookoutofthewindow，and，miscalculatingthedistance——\"Herethebutler，withafinedramaticfeelingfortellingastory，stoppedjustbeforetheclimaxofthenarrative，andlookedmeinthefacewithanexpressionofthedeepestsympathy。
\"Andmiscalculatingthedistance？\"Irepeatedimpatiently。
\"Putherheadthroughapaneofglass，\"saidthebutler，inasoftvoicesuitedtothepatheticnatureofthecommunication。
\"Bygreatgoodfortuneherladyshiphadbeendressedfortheday，andhadgotherturbanon。Thissavedherladyship\'shead。Butherladyship\'sneck，sir，hadaverynarrowescape。Abitofthebrokenglasswoundeditwithinhalfaquarterofaninchofthecarottyartery\"meaning，probably，carotid；\"Iheardthemedicalgentlemansay，andshallneverforgetittomydyingday，thatherladyship\'slifehadbeensavedbyahair-breadth。Asitwas，thebloodlostthemedicalgentlemansaidthat，too，sir
wasaccidentallyofthegreatestpossiblebenefit，beingapoplectic，inthewayofclearingoutthesystem。Herladyship\'sappetitehasbeenimprovedeversince——thecarriageisoutairingofheratthisverymoment——likewise，shetakesthefootman\'sarmandthemaid\'supanddownstairsnow，whichsheneverwouldhearofbeforethislastaccident。\'Ifeeltenyearsyounger\'thosewereherladyship\'sownwordstome，thisveryday，\'Ifeeltenyearsyounger，Vokins，sinceIbrokethedrawing-roomwindow。\'
Andherladyshiplooksit!\"
Nodoubt。HerewasthekeytoMr。Batterbury\'sletterofforgiveness。Hischanceofreceivingthelegacylookednowfurtheroffthanever；hecouldnotfeelthesameconfidenceashiswifeinmypoweroflivingdownanyamountofstarvationandadversity；andhewas，therefore，quitereadytotakethefirstopportunityofpromotingmypreciouspersonalwelfareandsecurity，ofwhichhecouldavailhimself，withoutspendingafarthingofmoney。Isawitallclearly，andadmiredthehereditarytoughnessoftheMalkinshawfamilymoregratefullythanever。WhatshouldIdo？GotoDuskydale？Whynot？Itdidn\'tmattertomewhereIwent，nowthatIhadnohopeofeverseeingthoselovelybrowneyesagain。
Igottomynewdestinationthenextday，presentedmycredentials，gavemyselfthefulladvantageofmyhighconnections，andwasreceivedwithenthusiasmanddistinction。
IfoundthenewInstitutiontornbyinternalschismsevenbeforeitwasopenedtothepublic。Twofactiousgovernedit——agravefactionandagayfaction。Twoquestionsagitatedit:thefirstreferringtotheproprietyofcelebratingtheopeningseasonbyapublicball，andthesecondtotheexpediencyofadmittingnovelsintothelibrary。ThegrimPuritaninterestofthewholeneighborhoodwas，ofcourse，onthegraveside——againstbothdancingandnovels，asproposedbylocalloosethinkersandlatitudinariansofeverydegree。Iwasofficiallyintroducedtothedebateattheheightofthesquabble；andfoundmyselfoneofalargepartyinasmallroom，sittingroundalongtable，eachmanofuswithanewpewterinkstand，anewquillpen，andacleansheetoffoolscappaperbeforehim。Seeingthateverybodyspoke，Igotonmylegsalongwiththerest，andmadeaslashingspeechontheloose-thinkingside。Iwasfollowedbytheleaderofthegrimfaction——anunlickedcurateofthelargestdimensions。
\"Iftherewere，sotospeak，nootherreasonagainstdancing，\"
saidmyreverendopponent，\"thereisoneunanswerableobjectiontoit。Gentlemen!JohntheBaptistlosthisheadthroughdancing!\"\'
Everymanofthegrimfactionhammereddelightedlyonthetable，asthatformidableargumentwasproduced；andthecuratesatdownintriumph。Ijumpeduptoreply，amidthecounter-cheeringoftheloose-thinkers；butbeforeIcouldsayawordthePresidentoftheInstitutionandtherectoroftheparishcameintotheroom。
Theywerebothmenofauthority，menofsense，andfathersofcharmingdaughters，andtheyturnedthescaleontherightsideinnotime。Thequestionrelatingtotheadmissionofnovelswaspostponed，andthequestionofdancingornodancingwasputtothevoteonthespot。ThePresident，therectorandmyself，thethreehandsomestandhighest-bredmenintheassembly，ledthewayontheliberalside，waggishlywarningallgallantgentlemenpresenttobewareofdisappointingtheyoungladies。Thisdecidedthewaverers，andthewaverersdecidedthemajority。Myfirstbusiness，asSecretary，wasthedrawingoutofamodelcardofadmissiontotheball。
Mynextoccupationwastolookattheroomsprovidedforme。
TheDuskydaleInstitutionoccupiedabadly-repairedten-roomedhouse，withagreatflimsysaloonbuiltatonesideofit，smellingofpaintanddampplaster，andcalledtheLectureTheater。Itwasthechilliest，ugliest，emptiest，gloomiestplaceIeverenteredinmylife；theideaofdoinganythingbutsittingdownandcryinginitseemedtomequitepreposterous；butthecommitteetookadifferentviewofthematter，andpraisedtheLectureTheaterasaperfectballroom。TheSecretary\'sapartmentsweretwogarrets，assertingthemselvesinthemostbarefacedmanner，withoutanattemptatdisguise。IfIhadintendedtodomorethanearnmyfirstquarter\'ssalary，Ishouldhavecomplained。ButasIhadnottheslightestintentionofremainingatDuskydale，Icouldaffordtoestablishareputationforamiabilitybysayingnothing。
\"HaveyouseenMr。Softly，thenewSecretary？Amostdistinguishedperson，andquiteanacquisitiontotheneighborhood。”Suchwasthepopularopinionofmeamongtheyoungladiesandtheliberalinhabitants。\"HaveyouseenMr。Softly，thenewSecretary？Aworldly，vaingloriousyoungman。ThelastpersoninEnglandtopromotetheinterestsofournewInstitution。”Suchwasthecounter-estimateofmeamongthePuritanpopulation。Ireportbothopinionsquitedisinterestedly。
Thereisgenerallysomethingtobesaidoneithersideofeveryquestion；and，asforme，Icanalwaysholdupthescalesimpartially，evenwhenmyowncharacteristhesubstanceweighinginthem。Readersofancienthistoryneednotbereminded，atthistimeofday，thattheremaybeRomanvirtueeveninaRogue。
Theobjects，interests，andgeneralbusinessoftheDuskydaleInstitutionwerematterswithwhichIneverthoughtoftroublingmyselfonassumingthedutiesofSecretary。Allmyenergiesweregiventothearrangementsconnectedwiththeopeningball。
Iwaselectedbyacclamationtotheofficeofgeneralmanageroftheentertainments；andIdidmybesttodeservetheconfidencereposedinme；leavingliteratureandscience，sofarasIwasconcerned，perfectlyatlibertytoadvancethemselvesornot，justastheyliked。Whatevermycolleaguesmayhavedone，afterI
leftthem，nobodyatDuskydalecanaccusemeofhavingeverbeenaccessorytothedisturbingofquietpeoplewithusefulknowledge。ItookthearduousanduniversallyneglecteddutyofteachingtheEnglishpeoplehowtobeamusedentirelyonmyownshoulders，andlefttheeasyandcustomarybusinessofmakingthemmiserabletoothers。
Myunhappycountrymen!andthriceunhappytheyofthepoorersort——anymancanpreachtothem，lecturetothem，andformthemintoclasses——butwhereisthemanwhocangetthemtoamusethemselves？Anybodymaycramtheirpoorheads；butwhowillbrightentheirgravefaces？Don\'treadstory-books，don\'tgotoplays，don\'tdance!Finishyourlongday\'sworkandthenintoxicateyourmindswithsolidhistory，revelinthetoo-attractiveluxuryofthelecture-room，sinkunderthesofttemptationofclassesformutualinstruction!Howmanypotent，graveandreverenttonguesdiscoursetothepopularearinthesesirenstrains，andhowobedientlyandresignedlythissamewearypopularearlistens!Whatifaboldmanspringuponeday，cryingaloudinoursocialwilderness，\"Play，forHeaven\'ssake，oryouwillworkyourselvesintoanationofautomatons!Shakealooselegtoalivelyfiddle!WomenofEngland!dragthelecturerofftherostrum，andthemalemutualinstructoroutoftheclass，andeasetheirpooraddledheadsofeveningsbymakingthemdanceandsingwithyou。Acceptnoofferfromanymanwhocannotbeproved，forayearpast，tohavesystematicallylosthisdignityatleastthreetimesaweek，afterofficehours。You，daughtersofEve，whohavethatwholesomeloveofpleasurewhichisoneofthegreatestadornmentsofthefemalecharacter，setupasocietyforthepromotionofuniversalamusement，andsavetheBritishnationfromthelamentablesocialconsequencesofitsowngravity!\"
Imagineavoicecryinglustilyafterthisfashion——whatsortofechoeswoulditfind？——Groans？
Iknowwhatsortofechoesmyvoicefound。Theyweresodiscouragingtome，andtothefrivolousminorityofpleasure-seekers，thatIrecommendedloweringthepriceofadmissionsoastosuitthemeansofanydecentpeoplewhowerewillingtoleaveoffmoney-grubbingandtearthemselvesfromthecharmsofmutualinstructionforoneeveningatleast。ThepropositionwasindignantlynegativedbythemanagersoftheInstitution。IamsosingularlyobstinateamanthatIwasnottobedepressedevenbythis。
Mynexteffortstofilltheballroomcouldnotbeblamed。I
procuredalocaldirectory，putfiftyticketsinmypocket，dressedmyselfinnankeenpantaloonsandasky-bluecoatthentheheightoffashion，andsetforthtotoutfordancersamongallthemembersofthegenteelpopulation，who，notbeingnotoriousPuritans，hadalsonotbeensoobligingastotaketicketsfortheball。Thereneverwasanyprideorbashfulnessaboutme。Exceptingcertainperiodsofsuspenseandanxiety，Iamaseven-temperedaRogueasyouhavemetwithanywheresincethedaysofGilBlas。
Mytemperamentbeingopposedtodoinganythingwithregularity，I
openedthedirectoryathazard，anddeterminedtomakemyfirstcallatthefirsthousethatcaughtmyeye。VallombrosaValeCottages。No。1。DoctorandMissDulcifer。Verygood。Ihavenopreferences。Letmesellthefirsttwoticketsthere。Ifoundtheplace；Iopenedthegardengate；Iadvancedtothedoor，innocentlywonderingwhatsortofpeopleIshouldfindinside。
IfIamaskedwhatwasthetruereasonforthisextraordinaryactivityonmypart，inservingtheinterestsofasetofpeopleforwhomIcarednothing，Imusthonestlyownthatthelossofmyyoungladywasatthebottomofit。Anyoccupationwaswelcomewhichkeptmymind，insomedegreeatleast，fromdwellingonthebitterdisappointmentthathadbefallenme。WhenIrangthebellatNo。1，didIfeelnopresentimentoftheexquisitesurpriseinstoreforme？Ifeltnothingofthesort。Thefactis，mydigestionisexcellent。Presentimentsaremorecloselyconnectedthanisgenerallysupposedwithaweakstateofstomach。
IaskedforMissDulcifer，andwasshownintothesitting-room。
Don\'texpectmetodescribemysensations:hundredsofsensationsflewalloverme。Thereshewas，sittingalone，nearthewindow!
Thereshewas，withnimblewhitefingers，workingasilkpurse!
Themelancholyinherfaceandmanner，whenIhadlastseenher，appearednomore。Shewasprettilydressedinmaizecolor，andtheroomwaswellfurnished。Herfatherhadevidentlygotoverhisdifficulties。Ihadbeeninclinedtolaughathisoddname，whenIfounditinthedirectory!NowIbegantodislikeit，becauseitwashername，too。Itwasaconsolationtorememberthatshecouldchangeit。Wouldshechangeitformine？
Iwasthefirsttorecover；Iboldlydrewachairnearherandtookherhand。
\"Yousee，\"Isaid，\"itisofnousetotrytoavoidme。Thisisthethirdtimewehavemet。Willyoureceivemeasavisitor，undertheseextraordinarycircumstances？WillyougivemealittlehappinesstocompensateforwhatIhavesufferedsinceyouleftme？\"
Shesmiledandblushed。
\"Iamsosurprised，\"sheanswered，\"Idon\'tknowwhattosay。”
\"Disagreeablysurprised？\"Iasked。
Shefirstwentonwithherwork，andthenrepliedalittlesadly，asIthought:
\"No!\"
Iwasreadyenoughtotakeadvantageofmyopportunitiesthistime；butshecontrivedwithperfectpolitenesstostopme。Sheseemedtorememberwithshame，poorsoul，thecircumstancesunderwhichIhadlastseenher。
\"HowdoyoucometobeatDuskydale？\"sheinquired，abruptlychangingthesubject。\"Andhowdidyoufindusouthere？\"
WhileIwasgivingherthenecessaryexplanationsherfathercamein。Ilookedathimwithconsiderablecuriosity。
Atallstoutgentlemanwithimpressiverespectabilityoozingoutofhimateverypore——withaswellingoutlineofblack-waistcoatedstomach，withaloftyforehead，withasmoothdoublechinrestingpulpilyonawhitecravat。Everythinginharmonyabouthimexcepthiseyes，andtheseweresosharp，brightandresolutethattheyseemedtocontradicttheblandconventionalitywhichoverspreadalltherestoftheman。Eyeswithwonderfulintelligenceandself-dependenceinthem；perhaps，also，withsomethingalittlefalseinthem，whichImighthavediscoveredimmediatelyunderordinarycircumstances:butIlookedatthedoctorthroughthemediumofhisdaughter，andsawnothingofhimatthefirstglancebuthismerits。
\"Wearebothverymuchindebtedtoyou，sir，foryourpolitenessincalling，\"hesaid，withexcessivecivilityofmanner。\"Butourstayatthisplacehasdrawntoanend。Ionlycamehereforthere-establishmentofmydaughter\'shealth。Shehasbenefitedgreatlybythechangeofair，andwehavearrangedtoreturnhometo-morrow。Otherwise，weshouldhavegladlyprofitedbyyourkindofferofticketsfortheball。”
OfcourseIhadoneeyeontheyoungladywhilehewasspeaking。
Shewaslookingatherfather，andasuddensadnesswasstealingoverherface。Whatdiditmean？Disappointmentatmissingtheball？No，itwasamuchdeeperfeelingthanthat。Myinterestwasexcited。Iaddressedacomplimentaryentreatytothedoctornottotakehisdaughterawayfromus。IaskedhimtoreflectontheirreparableeclipsethathewouldbecastingovertheDuskydaleballroom。Tomyamazement，sheonlylookeddowngloomilyonherworkwhileIspoke；herfatherlaughedcontemptuously。
\"Wearetoocompletelystrangershere，\"hesaid，\"forourlosstobefeltbyanyone。FromallthatIcangather，societyinDuskydalewillbegladtohearofourdeparture。Ibegyourpardon，Alicia——Ioughttohavesaid_my_departure。”
HernamewasAlicia!Ideclareitwasaluxurytometohearit——thenamewassoappropriate，sosuggestiveofthegraceanddignityofherbeauty。
Iturnedtowardherwhenthedoctorhaddone。Shelookedmoregloomilythanbefore。Iprotestedagainstthedoctor\'saccountofhimself。Helaughedagain，withaquickdistrustfullook，thistime，athisdaughter。
\"Ifyouweretomentionmynameamongyourrespectableinhabitants，\"hewenton，withastrong，sneeringemphasisonthewordrespectable，\"theywouldmostlikelypurseuptheirlipsandlookgraveatit。SinceIgaveuppracticeasaphysician，Ihaveengagedinchemicalinvestigationsonalargescale，destinedI
hope，toleadtosomeimportantpublicresults。UntilIarriveatthese，Iamnecessarilyobliged，inmyowninterests，tokeepmyexperimentssecret，andtoimposesimilardiscretionontheworkmenwhomIemploy。Thisunavoidableappearanceofmystery，andthestrictlyretiredlifewhichmystudiescompelmetolead，offendthenarrow-mindedpeopleinmypartofthecounty，closetoBarkingham；andtheunpopularityofmypursuitshasfollowedmehere。Thegeneralopinion，Ibelieve，is，thatIamseekingbyunholyartsforthephilosopher\'sstone。Plainman，asyouseeme，IfindmyselfgettingquitethereputationofaDoctorFaustusinthepopularmind。Eveneducatedpeopleinthisveryplaceshaketheirheadsandpitymydaughterthereforlivingwithanalchemicalparent，withineasysmelling-distanceofanexplosivelaboratory。Excessivelyabsurd，isitnot？\"
Itmighthavebeenexcessivelyabsurd，butthelovelyAliciasatwithhereyesonherwork，lookingasifitwereexcessivelysad，andnotgivingherfatherthefaintestansweringsmilewhenheglancedtowardherandlaughed，ashesaidhislastwords。I
couldnotatalltellwhattomakeofit。Thedoctortalkedofthesocialconsequencesofhischemicalinquiriesasifhewerelivinginthemiddleages。However，Iwasfartooanxioustoseethecharmingbrowneyesagaintoaskquestionswhichwouldbesuretokeepthemcastdown。SoIchangedthetopictochemistryingeneral；and，tothedoctor\'sevidentastonishmentandpleasure，toldhimofmyownearlystudiesinthescience。
Thisledtothementionofmyfather，whosereputationhadreachedtheearsofDoctorDulcifer。Ashetoldmethat，hisdaughterlookedup——thesunofbeautyshoneonmeagain!I
touchednextonmyhighconnections，andonLadyMalkinshaw；I
describedmyselfastemporarilybanishedfromhomeforhumorouscaricaturing，andamiableyouthfulwildness。Shewasinterested；
shesmiled——andthesunofbeautyshonewarmerthanever!I
divergedtogeneraltopics，andgotbrilliantandamusing。Shelaughed——thenightingalenotesofhermerrimentbubbledintomyearscaressingly——whycouldInotshutmyeyesandlistentothem？Hercolorrose；herfacegrewanimated。Poorsoul!Alittlelivelycompanywasbuttooevidentlyararetreattoher。Undersuchcircumstances，whowouldnotbeamusing？Ifshehadsaidtome，\"Mr。Softly，Iliketumbling，\"Ishouldhavemadeaclownofmyselfonthespot。IshouldhavestoodonmyheadifIcould，andbeenamplyrewardedforthegracefulexertion，iftheeyesofAliciahadlookedkindlyonmyelevatedheels!
HowlongIstayedismorethanIcantell。Lunchcameup。Ieatanddrank，andgrewmoreamusingthanever。WhenIatlastrosetogo，thebrowneyeslookedonmeverykindly，andthedoctorgavemehiscard。
\"Ifyoudon\'tmindtrustingyourselfintheclutchesofDoctorFaustus，\"hesaid，withagaysmile，\"IshallbedelightedtoseeyouifyouareeverintheneighborhoodofBarkingham。”
Iwrunghishand，mentallyrelinquishingmysecretaryshipwhileI
thankedhimfortheinvitation。Iputoutmyhandnexttohisdaughter，andthedearfriendlygirlmettheadvancewiththemostcharmingreadiness。Shegavemeagood，hearty，vigorous，uncompromisingshake。Opreciousrighthand!neverdidIproperlyappreciateyourvalueuntilthatmoment。
Goingoutwithmyheadintheair，andmysensesintheseventhheaven，Ijostledanelderlygentlemanpassingbeforethegardengate。Iturnedroundtoapologize；itwasmybrotherinoffice，theestimableTreasureroftheDuskydaleInstitute。
\"Ihavebeenhalfoverthetownlookingafteryou，\"hesaid。\"TheManagingCommittee，onreflection，consideryourplanofpersonallysolicitingpublicattendanceatthehalltobecompromisingthedignityoftheInstitution，andbegyou，therefore，toabandonit。”
\"Verywell，\"saidI，\"thereisnoharmdone。Thusfar，Ihaveonlysolicitedtwopersons，DoctorandMissDulcifer，inthatdelightfullittlecottagethere。”
\"Youdon\'tmeantosayyouhaveasked_them_tocometotheball!\"
\"TobesureIhave。AndIamsorrytosaytheycan\'taccepttheinvitation。Whyshouldtheynotbeasked？\"
\"Becausenobodyvisitsthem。”
\"Andwhyshouldnobodyvisitthem？\"
TheTreasurerputhisarmconfidentiallythroughmine，andwalkedmeonafewsteps。
\"Inthefirstplace，\"hesaid，\"DoctorDulcifer\'snameisnotdownintheMedicalList。”
\"Somemistake，\"Isuggested，inmyoff-handway。\"Orsomeforeigndoctor\'sdegreenotrecognizedbytheprejudicedpeopleinEngland。”
\"Inthesecondplace，\"continuedtheTreasurer，\"wehavefoundoutthatheisnotvisitedatBarkingham。Consequently，itwouldbetheheightofimprudencetovisithimhere。”
\"Pooh!pooh!Allthenonsenseofnarrow-mindedpeople，becausehelivesaretiredlife，andisengagedinfindingoutchemicalsecretswhichtheignorantpublicdon\'tknowhowtoappreciate。”
\"TheshuttersarealwaysupinthefronttopwindowsofhishouseatBarkingham，\"saidtheTreasurer，loweringhisvoicemysteriously。\"Iknowitfromafriendresidentnearhim。Thewindowsthemselvesarebarred。Itiscurrentlyreportedthatthetopofthehouse，inside，isshutoffbyirondoorsfromthebottom。Workmenareemployedtherewhodon\'tbelongtotheneighborhood，whodon\'tdrinkatthepublichouses，whoonlyassociatewitheachother。Unfamiliarsmellsandnoisesfindtheirwayoutsidesometimes。Nobodyinthehousecanbegottotalk。Thedoctor，ashecallshimself，doesnotevenmakeanattempttogetintosociety，doesnoteventrytoseecompanyforthesakeofhispoorunfortunatedaughter。Whatdoyouthinkofallthat？\"
\"Think!\"Irepeatedcontemptuously；\"IthinktheinhabitantsofBarkinghamarethebestfindersofmares\'nestsinallEngland。
ThedoctorismakingimportantchemicaldiscoveriesthepossiblevalueofwhichIcanappreciate，beingchemicalmyself，andheisnotquitefoolenoughtoexposevaluablesecretstotheviewofalltheworld。Hislaboratoryisatthetopofthehouse，andhewiselyshutsitofffromthebottomtopreventaccidents。HeisoneofthebestfellowsIevermetwith，andhisdaughteristheloveliestgirlintheworld。Whatdoyouallmeanbymakingmysteriesaboutnothing？Hehasgivenmeaninvitationtogoandseehim。Isupposethenextthingyouwillfindoutis，thatthereissomethingunderhandeveninthat？\"
\"Youwon\'taccepttheinvitation？\"
\"Ishall，attheveryfirstopportunity；andifyouhadseenMissAlicia，sowouldyou。”
\"Don\'tgo。Takemyadviceanddon\'tgo，\"saidtheTreasurer，gravely。\"Youareayoungman。Reputablefriendsareofimportancetoyouattheoutsetoflife。IsaynothingagainstDoctorDulcifer——hecamehereasastranger，andhegoesawayagainasastranger——butyoucan\'tbesurethathispurposeinaskingyousoreadilytohishouseisaharmlessone。Makinganewacquaintanceisalwaysadoubtfulspeculation；butwhenamanisnotvisitedbyhisrespectableneighbors——\"
\"Becausehedoesn\'topenhisshutters，\"Iinterposedsarcastically。
\"Becausetherearedoubtsabouthimandhishousewhichhewillnotclearup，\"retortedtheTreasurer。\"Youcantakeyourownway。Youmayturnoutright，andwemayallbewrong；Icanonlysayagain，itisrashtomakedoubtfulacquaintances。Soonerorlateryouarealwayssuretorepentit。InyourplaceIshouldcertainlynotaccepttheinvitation。”
\"Inmyplace，mydearsir，\"Ianswered，\"youwoulddoexactlywhatImeantodo。”
TheTreasurertookhisarmoutofmine，andwithoutsayinganotherword，wishedmegood-morning。
CHAPTERVII。
IHADspokenconfidentlyenough，whilearguingthequestionofDoctorDulcifer\'srespectabilitywiththeTreasureroftheD
uskydaleInstitution；but，ifmyperceptionshadnotbeenblindedbymyenthusiasticadmirationforAlicia，IthinkIshouldhavesecretlydistrustedmyownopinionassoonasIwasleftbymyself。HadIbeeninfullpossessionofmysenses，Imighthavequestioned，onreflection，whetherthedoctor\'smethodofaccountingforthesuspicionswhichkepthisneighborsalooffromhim，wasquitesatisfactory。Loveisgenerallydescribed，I
believe，asthetenderpassion。WhenIremembertheinsidiouslyrelaxingeffectofitonallmyfaculties，Ifeelinclinedtoalterthepopulardefinition，andtocallitamoralvapor-bath。
WhattheManagingCommitteeoftheDuskydaleInstitutionthoughtofthechangeinme，Icannotimagine。Thedoctorandhisdaughterleftthetownonthedaytheyhadoriginallyappointed，beforeIcouldmakeanyexcuseforcallingagain；and，asanecessaryconsequenceoftheirdeparture，Ilostallinterestintheaffairsoftheball，andyawnedinthefacesofthecommitteewhenIwasobligedtobepresentattheirdeliberationsinmyofficialcapacity。
ItwasallAliciawithme，whatevertheydid。IreadtheMinutesthroughasoftmediumofmaize-coloredskirts。Notesofmelodiouslaughterbubbled，inmymind\'sear，throughallthedrawlingandstammeringofourspeech-makingmembers。WhenourdignifiedPresidentthoughthehadcaughtmyeye，andmadeoratoricaloverturestomefromthetopofthetable，Iwaslostinthecontemplationofsilkpursesandwhitefingersweavingthem。I
meant\"Alicia\"whenIsaid\"hear，hear\"——andwhenIofficiallyproducedmysubscriptionlist，itwasallaglowwiththeroseatehuesofthemarriage-license。Ifanyunsympatheticmalereadersshouldthinkthisstatementexaggerated，Iappealtotheladies——_they_willappreciatetherigid，yettender，truthofit。
Thenightoftheballcame。Ihavenothingbutthevaguestrecollectionofit。
Irememberthatthemoretheperverselecturetheaterwaswarmedthemorepersistentlyitsmelledofdampplaster；andthatthemorebrightlyitwaslighted，themoreovergrownandlonesomeitlooked。Icanrecalltomindthatthecompanyassemblednumberedaboutfifty，theroombeingbigenoughtoholdthreehundred。I
haveavisionstillbeforeme，oftwentyoutofthesefiftyguests，solemnlyexecutingintricatefigure-dances，underthesuperintendenceofaninfirmlocaldancing-master——amerespeckoffidgetyhumanwretchednesstwistingaboutinthemiddleofanemptyfloor。Isee，faintly，downthedimvistaofthePast，anagreeablefigure，likemyself，withacockedhatunderitsarm，blacktightsonitslightlytrippinglegs，arosetteinitsbuttonhole，andanengagingsmileonitsface，walkingfromendtoendoftheroom，inthecharacterofMasteroftheCeremonies。
ThesevisionsandeventsIcanrecallvaguely；andwiththemmyremembrancesoftheballcometoaclose。Itwasacompletefailure，andthatwould，ofitself，havebeenenoughtosickenmeofremainingattheDuskydaleInstitution，evenifIhadnothadanyreasonsofthetendersortforwishingtoextendmytravelsinruralEnglandtotheneighborhoodofBarkingham。
Thedifficultywashowtofindadecentpretextforgettingaway。
Fortunately，theManagingCommitteerelievedmeofanyperplexityonthishead，bypassingaresolution，oneday，whichcalleduponthePresidenttoremonstratewithmeonmywantofproperinterestintheaffairsoftheInstitution。IrepliedtotheremonstrancethattheaffairsoftheInstitutionweresohopelesslydullthatitwasequallyabsurdandunjusttoexpectanyhumanbeingtotakethesmallestinterestinthem。Atthistherearoseanindignantcryof\"Resign!\"fromthewholecommittee；towhichIansweredpolitely，thatIshouldbedelightedtoobligethegentlemen，andtogoforthwith，onconditionofreceivingaquarter\'ssalaryinthewayofpreviouscompensation。
Afterasordidoppositionfromaneconomicalminority，myconditionofdeparturewasaccepted。Iwrotealetterofresignation，receivedinexchangetwelvepoundstenshillings，andtookmyplace，thatsameday，onthebox-seatoftheBarkinghammail。
Ratherchangeablethislifeofmine，wasitnot？BeforeIwastwenty-fiveyearsofage，Ihadtrieddoctoring，caricaturingportrait-painting，oldpicture-making，andInstitution-managing；
andnow，withthehelpofAlicia，Iwasabouttotryhowalittlemarryingwouldsuitme。Surely，Shakespearemusthavehadmepropheticallyinhiseye，whenhewroteabout\"onemaninhistimeplayingmanyparts。”WhatacharacterIshouldhavemadeforhim，ifhehadonlybeenalivenow!
Ifoundoutfromthecoachman，amongothermatters，thattherewasafamousfishingstreamnearBarkingham；andthefirstthingIdid，onarrivingatthetown，wastobuyarodandline。