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Buttheprofoundimpossibilityofourrelationwasnowbecomingmoreandmoreapparenttous。Wefoundourselvesseekingjustification，clingingpassionatelytoasituationthatwascoldly，pitilessly，impossibleandfated。Wewantedquiteintenselytolivetogetherandhaveachild，butalsowewantedverymanyotherthingsthatwereincompatiblewiththesedesires。Itwasextraordinarilydifficulttoweighourpoliticalandintellectualambitionsagainstthoseintimatewishes。Theweightskeptalteringaccordingasonefoundoneselfgraspingthisvaluedthingorthat。Itwasn\'tasifwecouldthroweverythingasideforourlove，andhavethataswewantedit。Lovesuchasweboreoneanotherisn\'taltogether，orevenchiefly，athinginitself——itisforthemostpartavaluesetuponthings。Ourlovewasinterwovenwithallourotherinterests；
togooutoftheworldandliveinisolationseemedtouslikekillingthebestpartsofeachother；welovedthesightofeachotherengagedfinelyandcharacteristically，wekneweachotherbestasactivities。Wehadnodelusionsaboutmaterialfacts；wedidn\'twanteachotheraliveordead，wewantedeachotherfullyalive。Wewantedtodobigthingstogether，andforustotakeeachotheropenlyanddesperatelywouldleaveusnothingintheworldtodo。
Wewantedchildrenindeedpassionately，butchildrenwitheveryhelpfulchanceintheworld，andchildrenborninscandalwouldbehandicappedateveryturn。Wewantedtoshareahome，andnotasolitude。
Andwhenwewereatthisstageofrealisation，begantheintimationsthatwewerefoundout，andthatscandalwasafootagainstus……