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Andthenwebrokedown。WebrokeourfaithwithbothMargaretandShoesmith,flungcareeranddutyoutofourlives,andwentawaytogether。
Itisonlynow,almostayearaftertheseevents,thatIcanbegintoseewhathappenedtome。AtthetimeitseemedtomeIwasarational,responsiblecreature,butindeedIhadnotpartedfromhertwodaysbeforeIbecameamonomaniactowhomnothingcouldmatterbutIsabel。Everytruthhadtobesquaredtothatobsession,everyduty。ItastoundsmetothinkhowIforgotMargaret,forgotmywork,forgoteverythingbutthatwetwowereparted。Istillbelievethatwithbetterchanceswemighthaveescapedtheconsequencesoftheemotionalstormthatpresentlyseizedusboth。
Butwehadnoforesightofthat,andnopreparationforit,andourcircumstancesbetrayedus。ItwaspartlyShoesmith\'sunwisdomindelayinghismarriageuntilaftertheendofthesession——partlymyownamazingfollyinreturningwithinfourdaystoWestminster。Butwewereallofusintentuponthedefeatofscandalandthecompleterestorationofappearances。ItseemednecessarythatShoesmith\'smarriageshouldnotseemtobehurried,stillmorenecessarythatI
shouldnotvanishinexplicably。IhadtobevisiblewithMargaretinLondonjustasmuchaspossible;wewenttorestaurants,wevisitedthetheatre;wecouldevencontemplatethepossibilityofmypresenceatthewedding。Forthat,however,wehadschemedaweekendvisittoWales,andafictitioussprainedankleatthelastmomentwhichwouldjustifymyabsence……