The New Machiavelli

第11章

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第11章

The New Machiavelli Powell, Jonathan

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The New Machiavelli
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  Icometothemostevasiveanddifficultpartofmystory,whichistotellhowIsabelandIhavemadeacommonwreckofourjointlives。

  Itisnotthetellingofonesimpledisastrousaccident。Therewasaveininournaturesthatledtothiscollapse,graduallyandatthispointandthatitcrepttothesurface。Onemayindeedseeourdestruction——forindeedpoliticallywecouldnotbemoreextinctifwehadbeenshotdead——intheformofacatastropheasdisconnectedandconclusiveasameteoricstonefallingoutofheavenupontwofriendsandcrushingthemboth。ButIdonotthinkthatistruetooursituationorourselves。Wewerenottakenbysurprise。Thethingwasinusandnotfromwithout,itwasakintoourwayofthinkingandourhabitualattitudes;ithad,forallitsimpulsiveeffect,acertainnecessity。Wemighthaveescapednodoubt,astwomenatahundredyardsmayshootateachotherwithpistolsforaconsiderabletimeandescape。Butitisn\'tparticularlyreasonabletotalkofthecontrarietyoffateiftheybothgethit。

  IsabelandIweredangeroustoeachotherforseveralyearsoffriendship,andnotquiteunwittinglyso。

  Inwritingthis,moreover,thereisaverygreatdifficultyinsteeringmywaybetweentwoequallyundesirabletonesinthetelling。InthefirstplaceIdonotwanttoseemtoconfessmysinswithapenitenceIamverydoubtfulifIfeel。NowthatIhavegotIsabelwecannodoubtcountthecostofitandfeelunquenchableregrets,butIamnotsurewhether,ifwecouldbeputbacknowintosuchcircumstancesaswewereinayearago,ortwoyearsago,whetherwithmyeyesfullyopenIshouldnotdooveragainverymuchasIdid。AndontheotherhandIdonotwanttojustifythethingswehavedone。Wearetwobadpeople——ifthereistobeanyclassificationofgoodandbadatall,wehaveactedbadly,andquiteapartfromanyotherconsiderationswe\'velargelywastedourownverygreatpossibilities。Butitispartofaqueerhumourthatunderliesallthis,thatIfindmyselfslippingagainandagainintoasentimentaltreatmentofourcasethatisasunpremeditatedasitisinsincere。WhenIamalittletiredafteramorning\'swritingIfindthefaintsuggestiongettingintoeveryothersentencethatourblundersandmisdeedsembodied,afterthefashionoftheprophetHosea,profoundmoraltruths。Indeed,IfeelsolittleconfidenceinmyabilitytokeepthisaltogetheroutofmybookthatIwarnthereaderherethatinspiteofanythinghemayreadelsewhereinthestory,intimatinghowevershylyanesotericandexaltedvirtueinourproceedings,theplaintruthofthisbusinessisthatIsabelandIwantedeachotherwithawantentirelyformless,inconsiderate,andoverwhelming。AndthoughIcouldtellyoucountlessdelightfulandbeautifulthingsaboutIsabel,werethisabookinherpraise,Icannoteitheranalysethatwantoraccountforitsextremeintensity。

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