第54章
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  Besides,Ishallbeoverhereagainbeforeyougo。I’malwaysonmyguardagainstsymptomsofdropsy。Ihaveknownitsupervene。’’ThenIshallnotseeMollyagain!’saidRoger,inatoneandwithalookofgreatdisappointment。MrGibsonturnedhiskeen,observanteyesupontheyoungman,andlookedathiminaspenetratingamannerasifhehadbeenbeginningwithanunknownillness。Thenthedoctorandthefathercompressedhislipsandgaveventtoalongintelligentwhistle。’Whew!’saidhe。Roger’sbronzedcheekstookadeepershade。’Youwilltakeamessagetoherfromme,won’tyou?Amessageoffarewell?’

  hepleaded。’NotI。I’mnotgoingtobeamessage—carrierbetweenanyyoungmanandyoungwoman。I’lltellmywomankindIforbadeyoutocomenearthehouse,andthatyou’resorrytogoawaywithoutbiddinggood—by。That’sallI

  shallsay。’’Butyoudonotdisapprove?—Iseeyouguesswhy。Oh!MrGibson,justspeaktomeonewordofwhatmustbeinyourheart,thoughyouarepretendingnottounderstandwhyIwouldgiveworldstoseeMollyagainbeforeIgo。’’Mydearboy!’saidMrGibson,moreaffectedthanhelikedtoshow,andlayinghishandonRoger’sshoulder。Thenhepulledhimselfup,andsaidgravelyenough,—’Mind,MollyisnotCynthia。Ifsheweretocareforyou,sheisnotonewhocouldtransferherlovetothenextcorner。’’YoumeannotasreadilyasIhavedone,’repliedRoger。’IonlywishyoucouldknowwhatadifferentfeelingthisistomyboyishloveforCynthia。’’Iwasn’tthinkingofyouwhenIspoke;but,however,asImighthaverememberedafterwardsthatyouwerenotamodelofconstancy,letushearwhatyouhavetosayforyourself。’’Notmuch。IdidloveCynthiaverymuch。Hermannersandherbeautybewitchedme;butherletters,—short,hurriedletters,—sometimesshowingthatshereallyhadn’ttakenthetroubletoreadminethrough,—Icannottellyouthepaintheygaveme!Twelvemonths’solitude,infrequentdangerofone’slife—facetofacewithdeath—sometimesagesamanlikemanyyears’experience。StillIlongedforthetimewhenIshouldseehersweetfaceagain,andhearherspeak。ThentheletterattheCape!—andstillIhoped。ButyouknowhowIfoundher,whenIwenttohavetheinterviewwhichItrustedmightendintherenewalofourrelations,—engagedtoMrHenderson。Isawherwalkingwithhiminyourgarden,coquettingwithhimaboutaflower,justassheusedtodowithme。IcanseethepityinglookinMolly’seyesasshewatchedme;Icanseeitnow。AndIcouldbeatmyselfforbeingsuchablindfoolasto——Whatmustshethinkofme?

  howshemustdespiseme,choosingthefalseDuessa。’’Come,come!Cynthiaisn’tsobadasthat。She’saveryfascinating,faultycreature。’’Iknow!Iknow!Iwillneverallowanyonetosayawordagainsther。

  IfIcalledherthefalseDuessaitwasbecauseIwantedtoexpressmysenseofthedifferencebetweenherandMollyasstronglyasIcould。Youmustallowforalover’sexaggeration。Besides,allIwantedtosaywas,—DoyouthinkthatMolly,afterseeingandknowingthatIhadlovedapersonsoinferiortoherself,couldeverbebroughttolistentome?’’Idon’tknow。Ican’ttell。AndevenifIcould,Iwouldnot。Onlyifit’sanycomforttoyou,Imaysaywhatmyexperiencehastaughtme。Womenarequeer,unreasoningcreatures,andarejustaslikelyasnottoloveamanwhohasbeenthrowingawayhisaffection。’’Thankyou,sir!’saidRoger,interruptinghim。’Iseeyoumeantogivemeencouragement。AndIhadresolvednevertogiveMollyahintofwhatIfelttillIreturned,—andthentotryandwinherbyeverymeansinmypower。Ideterminednottorepeattheformersceneintheformerplace,—inyourdrawing—room,—howeverImightbetempted。Andperhaps,afterall,sheavoidedmewhenshewasherelast。’’Now,Roger,I’velistenedtoyoulongenough。Ifyou’venothingbettertodowithyourtimethantotalkaboutmydaughter,Ihave。Whenyoucomebackitwillbetimeenoughtoenquirehowfaryourfatherwouldapproveofsuchanengagement。’’Hehimselfurgedituponmetheotherday—butthenIwasindespair—Ithoughtitwastoolate。’’Andwhatmeansyouarelikelytohaveofmaintainingawife,—IalwaysthoughtthatpointwaspassedtoolightlyoverwhenyouformedyourhurriedengagementtoCynthia。I’mnotmercenary,—Mollyhassomemoneyindependentlyofme,—thatshebythewayknowsnothingof,—notmuch;—andIcanallowhersomething。Butallthesethingsmustbelefttillyourreturn。’’Thenyousanctionmyattachment?’’Idon’tknowwhatyoumeanbysanctioningit。Ican’thelpit。Isupposelosingone’sdaughterisanecessaryevil。Still,’—seeingthedisappointedexpressiononRoger’sface—’itisbutfairtoyoutosayI’drathergivemychild,—myonlychild,remember!—toyou,thantoanymanintheworld!’’Thankyou!’saidRoger,shakinghandswithMrGibson,almostagainstthewillofthelatter。’AndImayseeher,justonce,beforeIgo?’’Decidedlynot。ThereIcomeinasdoctoraswellasfather。No!’’Butyouwilltakeamessage,atanyrate?’’Tomywifeandtoherconjointly。Iwillnotseparatethem。Iwillnotintheslightestwaybeago—between。’’Verywell,’saidRoger。’TellthembothasstronglyasyoucanhowIregretyourprohibition。IseeImustsubmit。ButifIdon’tcomeback,I’llhauntyouforhavingbeensocruel。’’Come,Ilikethat。Givemeawisemanofscienceinlove!Noonebeatshiminfolly。Good—by。’’Good—by,YouwillseeMollythisafternoon!’’Tobesure。Andyouwillseeyourfather。ButIdon’theavesuchportentoussighsatthethought。’MrGibsongaveRoger’smessagetohiswifeandtoMollythateveningatdinner。Itwasbutwhatthelatterhadexpected,afterallherfatherhadsaidoftheverygreatdangerofinfection;butnowthatherexpectationcameintheshapeofafinaldecision,ittookawayherappetite。Shesubmittedinsilence;butherobservantfathernoticedthatafterthisspeechofhis,sheonlyplayedwiththefoodonherplate,andconcealedagooddealofitunderherknifeandfork。’Loverversusfather!’thoughthe,halfsadly。’Loverwins。’Andhe,too,becameindifferenttoallthatremainedofhisdinner。MrsGibsonpatteredon;andnobodylistened。ThedayofRoger’sdeparturecame。MollytriedhardtoforgetitinworkingawayatacushionshewaspreparingasapresenttoCynthia;peopledidworsted—workinthosedays。One,two,three。One,two,three,four,five,six,seven;allwrong;shewasthinkingofsomethingelse,andhadtounpickit。Itwasarainyday,too;andMrsGibson,whohadplannedtogooutandpaysomecalls,hadtostayindoors。Thismadeherrestlessandfidgety。

  Shekeptgoingbackwardsandforwardstodifferentwindowsinthedrawing—roomtolookattheweather,asifsheimaginedthatwhileitrainedatonewindow,itmightbefineweatheratanother。’Molly—comehere!whoisthatmanwrappedupinacloak,—there,—neartheParkwall,underthebeech—tree—hehasbeentherethishalf—hourandmore,neverstirring,andlookingatthishouseallthetime!Ithinkit’sverysuspicious。’Mollylooked,andinaninstantrecognizedRogerunderallhiswraps。Herfirstinstinctwastodrawback。Thenexttocomeforwards,andsay,—

  ’Why,mamma,it’sRogerHamley!Looknow—he’skissinghishand;he’swishingusgood—byintheonlywayhecan!’Andsherespondedtohissign;

  butshewasnotsureifheperceivedhermodestquietmovement,forMrsGibsonbecameimmediatelysodemonstrativethatMollyfanciedthathereagerfoolishpantomimicmotionsmustabsorballhisattention。’Icallthissoattentiveofhim,’saidMrsGibson,inthemidstofavolleyofkissesofherhand。’Reallyitisquiteromantic。Itremindsmeofformerdays—buthewillbetoolate!Imustsendhimaway;itishalf—pasttwelve!’

  Andshetookoutherwatchandhelditup,tappingitwithherforefinger,andoccupyingtheverycentreofthewindow。Mollycouldonlypeephereandthere,dodgingnowup,nowdown,nowonthisside,nowonthat,oftheperpetually—movingarms。ShefanciedshesawsomethingofacorrespondingmovementonRoger’spart。Atlengthhewentaway,slowly,slowly,andoftenlookingback,inspiteofthetappedwatch。MrsGibsonatlastretreated,andMollyquietlymovedintoherplacetoseehisfigureoncemorebeforetheturnoftheroadhiditfromherview。He,too,knewwherethelastglimpseoftheGibsons’housewastobeobtained,andoncemoreheturned,andhiswhitehandkerchieffloatedontheair。Mollywavedhershighup,witheagerlongingthatitshouldbeseen。Andthen,hewasgone!andMollyreturnedtoherworsted—work,happy,glowing,sad,content,andthinkingtoherselfhowsweetis—friendship!Whenshecametoasenseofthepresent,MrsGibsonwassaying,—’Uponmyword,thoughRogerHamleyhasneverbeenagreatfavouriteofmine,thislittleattentionofhishasremindedmeveryforciblyofaverycharmingyoungman—asoupirant,astheFrenchwouldcallhim—

  LieutenantHarper—youmusthaveheardmespeakofhim,Molly?’’IthinkIhave!’saidMolly,absently。’Well,yourememberhowdevotedhewastomewhenIwasatMrsDuncombe’s,myfirstsituation,andIonlyseventeen。Andwhentherecruitingpartywasorderedtoanothertown,poorMrHarpercameandstoodoppositetheschoolroomwindowfornearlyanhour,andIknowitwashisdoingthatthebandplayed\"ThegirlIleftbehindme,\"whentheymarchedoutthenextday。PoorMrHarper!ItwasbeforeIknewdearMrKirkpatrick!Dearme。Howoftenmypoorhearthashadtobleedinthislifeofmine!notbutwhatdearpapaisaveryworthyman,andmakesmeveryhappy。Hewouldspoilme,indeed,ifIwouldlethim。StillheisnotasrichasMrHenderson。’ThatlastsentencecontainedthegermofMrsGibson’spresentgrievance。

  Havingmarried。Cynthia,ashermotherputit—takingcredittoherselfasifshehadhadtheprincipalpartintheachievement—shenowbecamealittleenviousofherdaughter’sgoodfortuneinbeingthewifeofayoung,handsome,richandmoderatelyfashionableman,wholivedinLondon。

  Shenaïvelyexpressedherfeelingsonthissubjecttoherhusbandonedaywhenshewasreallynotfeelingquitewell,andwhenconsequentlyherannoyancesweremuchmorepresenttohermindthanhersourcesofhappiness。’Itissuchapity!’saidshe,’thatIwasbornwhenIwas。Ishouldsohavelikedtobelongtothisgeneration。’’That’ssometimesmyownfeeling,’saidhe。’Somanynewviewsseemtobeopenedinscience,thatIshouldlike,ifitwerepossible,tolivetilltheirrealitywasascertained,andonesawwhattheyledto。ButI

  don’tsupposethat’syourreason,mydear,forwishingtobetwentyorthirtyyearsyounger。’’No,indeed。AndIdidnotputitinthathardunpleasantway;IonlysaidIshouldliketobelongtothisgeneration。Totellthetruth,IwasthinkingofCynthia。Withoutvanity,IbelieveIwasasprettyassheis—whenIwasagirl,Imean;Ihadnotherdarkeye—lashes,butthenmynosewasstraighter。Andnowlookatthedifference!Ihavetoliveinalittlecountrytownwiththreeservants,andnocarriage;andshewithherinferiorgoodlookswillliveinSussexPlace,’andkeepamanandabrougham,andIdon’tknowwhat。Butthefactis,inthisgenerationtherearesomanymorerichyoungmenthantherewerewhenIwasagirl。’’Oh,ho!sothat’syourreason,isit,mydear。IfyouhadbeenyoungnowyoumighthavemarriedsomebodyaswelloffasWalter?’’Yes!’saidshe。’Ithinkthatwasmyidea。OfcourseIshouldhavelikedhimtobeyou。Ialwaysthinkifyouhadgonetothebaryoumighthavesucceededbetter,andlivedinLondon,too。Idon’tthinkCynthiacaresmuchwhereshelives,yetyouseeithascometoher。’’Whathas—London?’’Oh,youdear,facetiousman。Nowthat’sjustthethingtohavecaptivatedajury。Idon’tbelieveWalterwilleverbesocleverasyouare。YethecantakeCynthiatoParis,andabroad,andeverywhere。Ionlyhopeallthisindulgencewon’tdevelopethefaultsinCynthia’scharacter。It’saweeksinceweheardfromher,andIdidwritesoparticularlytoaskherfortheautumnfashionsbeforeIboughtmynewbonnet。Butrichesareagreatsnare。’’Bethankfulyouaresparedtemptation,mydear。’’No,I’mnot。Everybodylikestobetempted。And,afterall,it’sveryeasytoresisttemptation,ifonewishes。’’Idon’tfinditsoeasy,’saidherhusband。’Here’smedicineforyou,mamma,’saidMolly,enteringwithaletterheldupinherhand。’AletterfromCynthia。’’Oh,youdearlittlemessengerofgoodnews!TherewasoneoftheheathendeitiesinMangnall’sQuestionswhoseofficethatwas。TheletterisdatedfromCalais。They’recominghome!She’sboughtmeashawlandabonnet!Thedearcreature!Alwaysthinkingofothersbeforeherself。

  goodfortunecannotspoilher。They’veafortnightleftoftheirholiday!

  Theirhouseisnotquiteready;they’recominghere。Oh,now,MrGibson,wemusthavethenewdinnerserviceatWatts’sI’vesetmyheartonsolong!\"Home\"Cynthiacallsthishouse。I’msureithasbeenahometoher,poordarling!Idoubtifthereisanothermanintheworldwhowouldhavetreatedhisstepdaughterlikedearpapa!And,Molly,youmusthaveanewgown。’’Come,come!RememberIbelongtothelastgeneration,’saidMrGibson。’AndCynthiawillnotnoticewhatIwear,’saidMolly,brightwithpleasureatthethoughtofseeingheragain。’No!butWalterwill。Hehassuchaquickeyefordress,andIthinkI

  rivalpapa;ifheisagoodstepfather,I’magoodstepmother,andIcouldnotbeartoseemyMollyshabby,andnotlookingherbest,Imusthaveanewgowntoo。Itwon’tdotolookasifwehadnothingbutthedresseswhichweworeatthewedding!’ButMollystoodagainstthenewgownforherself,andurgedthatifCynthiaandWalterweretocometovisitthemoften,theyhadbetterseethemastheyreallywere,indress,habits,andappointments。WhenMrGibsonhadlefttheroom,MrsGibsonsoftlyreproachedMollyforherobstinacy。’Youmighthaveallowedmetobegforanewgownforyou,Molly,whenyouknewhowmuchIhadadmiredthatfiguredsilkatBrown’stheotherday。

  Andnow,ofcourse,Ican’tbesoselfishastogetitformyself,andyoutohavenothing。Youshouldlearntounderstandthewishesofotherpeople。Still,onthewhole,youareadear,sweetgirl,andIonlywish—well,IknowwhatIwish;onlydearpapadoesnotlikeittobetalkedabout。Andnowcovermeupclose,andletmegotosleep,anddreamaboutmydearCynthiaandmynewshawl!’EndofPartSix

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