wentoncemoretothepolicecourt，andtoldmystory——toanothermagistratethistime。Myonlypetitionwastohavemyhusbandkeptawayfromme。’Idon’twanttobeaburdenonothers’Isays’Idon’twanttodoanythingbutwhat’sright。
Idon’tevencomplainofhavingbeenverycruellyused。AllIaskistobelettoearnanhonestliving。Willthelawprotectmeintheefforttodothat？’
“Theanswer，insubstance，wasthatthelawmightprotectme，providedIhadmoneytospendinaskingsomehighercourttograntmeaseparation。AfterallowingmyhusbandtorobmeopenlyoftheonlypropertyIpossessed——namely，myfurniture——thelawturnedroundonmewhenIcalleduponitinmydistress，andheldoutitshandtobepaid。Ihadjustthreeandsixpenceleftintheworld——andtheprospect，ifIearnedmore，ofmyhusbandcomingwithpermissionofthelawandtakingitawayfromme。
Therewasonlyonechance——namely，togettimetoturnroundin，andtoescapehimagain。Igotamonth’sfreedomfromhim，bycharginghimwithknockingmedown。Themagistratehappeningtobeyoung，andnewtohisbusinesssenthimtoprison，insteadoffininghim。Thisgavemetimetogetacharacterfromtheclub，aswellasaspecialtestimonialfromgoodMr。Bapchild。Withthehelpofthese，Iobtainedaplaceinaprivatefamily——aplaceinthecountry，thistime。
“Ifoundmyselfnowinahavenofpeace。Iwasamongworthykind-heartedpeople，whofeltformydistresses，andtreatedmemostindulgently。Indeed，throughallmytroubles，ImustsayI
havefoundonethingholdgood。Inmyexperience，Ihaveobservedthatpeopleareoftenerquickthannottofeelahumancompassionforothersindistress。Also，thattheymostlyseeplainenoughwhat’shardandcruelandunfairontheminthegoverningofthecountrywhichtheyhelptokeepgoing。Butonceaskthemtogetonfromsittingdownandgrumblingaboutit，torisingupandsettingitright，andwhatdoyoufindthem？Ashelplessasaflockofsheep——that’swhatyoufindthem。
“Morethansixmonthspassed，andIsavedalittlemoneyagain。
“Onenight，justasweweregoingtobed，therewasaloudringatthebell。Thefootmanansweredthedoor——andIheardmyhusband’svoiceinthehall。Hehadtracedme，withthehelpofamanheknewinthepolice；andhehadcometoclaimhisrights。I
offeredhimallthelittlemoneyIhad，toletmebe。Mygoodmasterspoketohim。Itwasalluseless。Hewasobstinateandsavage。If——insteadofmyrunningofffromhim——ithadbeenalltheotherwayandhehadrunofffromme，somethingmighthavebeendoneasIunderstoodtoprotectme。Buthestucktohiswife。AslongasIcouldmakeafarthing，hestucktohiswife。
Beingmarriedtohim，Ihadnorighttohavelefthim；Iwasboundtogowithmyhusband；therewasnoescapeforme。Ibadethemgood-by。AndIhaveneverforgottentheirkindnesstomefromthatdaytothis。
“MyhusbandtookmebacktoLondon。
“Aslongasthemoneylasted，thedrinkingwenton。Whenitwasgone，Iwasbeatenagain。Wherewastheremedy？Therewasnoremedy，buttotryandescapehimoncemore。Whydidn’tIhavehimlockedup？Whatwasthegoodofhavinghimlockedup？Inafewweekshewouldbeoutofprison；soberandpenitent，andpromisingamendment——andthenwhenthefittookhim，therehewouldbe，thesamefurioussavagethatbehadbeenoftenandoftenbefore。Myheartgothardunderthehopelessnessofit；anddarkthoughtsbesetme，mostlyatnight。AboutthistimeIbegantosaytomyself，’There’snodeliverancefromthis，butindeath——hisdeathormine。’
“OnceortwiceIwentdowntothebridgesafterdarkandlookedoverattheriver。No。Iwasn’tthesortofwomanwhoendsherownwretchednessinthatway。Yourbloodmustbeinafever，andyourheadinaflame——atleastIfancyso——youmustbehurriedintoit，like，togoandmakeawaywithyourself。Mytroublesnevertookthateffectonme。Ialwaysturnedcoldundertheminsteadofhot。Badforme，Idaresay；butwhatyouare——youare。CantheEthiopianchangehisskin，ortheleopardhisspots？
“Igotawayfromhimoncemore，andfoundgoodemploymentoncemore。Itdon’tmatterhow，anditdon’tmatterwhere。Mystoryisalwaysthesamething，overandoveragain。Bestgettotheend。
“Therewasonechange，however，thistime。Myemploymentwasnotinaprivatefamily。Iwasalsoallowedtoteachcookerytoyoungwomen，inmyleisurehours。Whatwiththis，andwhatwithalongertimepassingonthepresentoccasionbeforemyhusbandfoundmeout，IwasascomfortablyoffasinmypositionIcouldhopetobe。Whenmyworkwasdone，Iwentawayatnighttosleepinalodgingofmyown。Itwasonlyabedroom；andIfurnisheditmyself——partlyforthesakeofeconomytherentbeingnothalfasmuchasforafurnishedroom；andpartlyforthesakeofcleanliness。ThroughallmytroublesIalwayslikedthingsneataboutme——neatandshapelyandgood。
“Well，it’sneedlesstosayhowitended。Hefoundmeoutagain——thistimebyachancemeetingwithmeinthestreet。
“Hewasinrags，andhalfstarved。Butthatdidn’tmatternow。
Allhehadtodowastoputhishandintomypocketandtakewhathewanted。Thereisnolimit，inEngland，towhatabadhusbandmaydo——aslongashestickstohiswife。Onthepresentoccasion，hewascunningenoughtoseethathewouldbetheloserifhedisturbedmeinmyemployment。Forawhilethingswentonassmoothlyastheycould。Imadeapretensethattheworkwasharderthanusual；andIgotleaveloathingthesightofhim，I
honestlyowntosleepattheplacewhereIwasemployed。Thiswasnotforlong。Thefittookhimagain，induecourse；andhecameandmadeadisturbance。Asbefore，thiswasnottobebornebydecentpeople。Asbefore，theyweresorrytopartwithme。Asbefore，Ilostmyplace。
“Anotherwomanwouldhavegonemadunderit。Ifancyitjustmissed，byahair’sbreadth，maddeningMe。
“WhenIlookedathimthatnight，deepinhisdrunkensleep，I
thoughtofJaelandSiseraseethebookofJudges；chapter4th；
verses17to21。Itsays，she’tookanailofthetent，andtookahammerinherhand，andwentsoftlyuntohim，andsmotethenailintohistemples，andfasteneditintotheground：forhewasfastasleepandweary。Sohedied。’ShedidthisdeedtodeliverhernationfromSisera。Iftherehadbeenahammerandanailintheroomthatnight，IthinkIshouldhavebeenJael——withthisdifference，thatIshouldhavedoneittodelivermyself。
“Withthemorningthispassedoff，forthetime。Iwentandspoketoalawyer。
“Mostpeople，inmyplace，wouldhavehadenoughofthelawalready。ButIwasoneofthesortwhodrainthecuptothedregs。WhatIsaidtohimwas，insubstance，this。’Icometoaskyouradviceaboutamadman。Madpeople，asIunderstandit，arepeoplewhohavelostcontrolovertheirownminds。Sometimesthisleadsthemtoentertainingdelusions；andsometimesitleadsthemtocommittingactionshurtfultoothersortothemselves。Myhusbandhaslostallcontroloverhisowncravingforstrongdrink。Herequirestobekeptfromliquor，asothermadmenrequiretobekeptfromattemptingtheirownlives，orthelivesofthoseaboutthem。It’safrenzybeyondhisowncontrol，with_him_——justasit’safrenzybeyondtheirowncontrol，with_them。_ThereareAsylumsformadpeople，alloverthecountry，atthepublicdisposal，oncertainconditions。IfIfulfillthoseconditions，willthelawdelivermefromthemiseryofbeingmarriedtoamadman，whosemadnessisdrink？’——’No，’saysthelawyer。’ThelawofEnglanddeclinestoconsideranincurabledrunkardasafitobjectforrestraint，thelawofEnglandleavesthehusbandsandwivesofsuchpeopleinaperfectlyhelplesssituation，todealwiththeirownmiseryastheybestcan。’
“Imademyacknowledgmentstothegentlemanandlefthim。Thelastchancewasthischance——andthishadfailedme。
“Thethoughtthathadoncefounditswayintomymindalready，nowfounditswaybackagain，andneveraltogetherleftmefromthattimeforth。Nodeliveranceformebutindeath——hisdeath，ormine。
“Ihaditbeforemenightandday；inchapelandoutofchapeljustthesame。IreadthestoryofJaelandSiserasooftenthattheBiblegottoopenofitselfatthatplace。
“Thelawsofmycountry，whichoughttohaveprotectedmeasanhonestwoman，leftmehelpless。InplaceofthelawsIhadnofriendneartoopenmyheartto。Iwasshutupinmyself。AndI
wasmarriedtothatman。Considermeasahumancreature，andsay，Wasthisnottryingmyhumanityveryhardly？
“IwrotetogoodMr。Bapchild。Notgoingintoparticulars；onlytellinghimIwasbesetbytemptation，andbegginghimtocomeandhelpme。Hewasconfinedtohisbedbyillness；hecouldonlywritemealetterofgoodadvice。Toprofitbygoodadvicepeoplemusthaveaglimpseofhappinesstolookforwardtoasarewardforexertingthemselves。Religionitselfisobligedtoholdoutareward，andtosaytouspoormortals，Begood，andyoushallgotoHeaven。Ihadnoglimpseofhappiness。IwasthankfulinadullsortofwaytogoodMr。Bapchild——andthereitended。
“Thetimehadbeenwhenawordfrommyoldpastorwouldhaveputmeintherightwayagain。Ibegantofeelscaredbymyself。IfthenextillusageIreceivedfromJoelDethridgefoundmeanunchangedwoman，itwasborneinstronglyonmymindthatI
shouldbeaslikelyasnottogetmydeliverancefromhimbymyownhand。
“Goadedtoit，bythefearofthis，Ihumbledmyselfbeforemyrelationsforthefirsttime。Iwrotetobegtheirpardon；toownthattheyhadprovedtoberightintheiropinionofmyhusband；
andtoentreatthemtobefriendswithmeagain，sofarastoletmevisitthemfromtimetotime。Mynotionwas，thatitmightsoftenmyheartifIcouldseetheoldplace，andtalktheoldtalk，andlookagainatthewell-rememberedfaces。Iamalmostashamedtoownit——but，ifIhadhadanythingtogive，Iwouldhavepartedwithitall，tobeallowedtogobackintomother’skitchenandcooktheSundaydinnerforthemoncemore。
“Butthiswasnottobe。Notlongbeforemyletterwasreceivedmotherhaddied。Theylaiditallatmydoor。Shehadbeenailingforyearspast，andthedoctorshadsaiditwashopelessfromthefirst——buttheylaiditallatmydoor。Oneofmysisterswrotetosaythatmuch，inasfewwordsascouldpossiblysufficeforsayingit。Myfatherneveransweredmyletteratall。