Remotelyinmymindoccurredthethoughtthathehadlocatedhisheart，andthe\"peculiardeadlypain\"hehadmentionedseemedominous。I
suggested，however，thatitwasprobablysomerheumatictouch，andthisopinionseemedwarrantedwhen，afewmomentslater，thehotwaterhadagainrelievedit。Thistimethepainhadapparentlygonetostay，foritdidnotreturnwhilewewereinBaltimore。Itwasthefirstpositivemanifestationoftheanginawhicheventuallywouldtakehimfromus。
TheweatherwaspleasantinBaltimore，andhisvisittoSt。Timothy’sSchoolandhisaddresstherewerethekindofdiversionsthatmeantmosttohim。Theflockofgirls，allintheirprettycommencementdresses，assembledandrejoicingathisplayfullygivenadvice：nottosmoke——toexcess；nottodrink——toexcess；nottomarry——toexcess；hestandingthereinagarbaswhiteastheirown——itmadeararepicture——asweetmemory——anditwasthelasttimeheevergaveadvicefromtheplatformtoanyone。
EdwardS。Martinalsospoketotheschool，andthentherewasagreatfeastinginthebigassembly—hall。
ItwasonthelawnthatareporterapproachedhimwiththenewsofthedeathofEdwardEverettHale——anotheroftheoldgroup。Clemenssaidthoughtfully，afteramoment：
\"IhadthegreatestrespectandesteemforEdwardEverettHale，thegreatestadmirationforhiswork。IamasgrievedtohearofhisdeathasIcaneverbetohearofthedeathofanyfriend，thoughmygriefisalwaystemperedwiththesatisfactionofknowingthatfortheonethatgoes，thehard，bitterstruggleoflifeisended。\"
WewereleavingtheBelvederenextmorning，andwhenthesubjectofbreakfastcameupfordiscussionhesaid：
\"ThatwasthemostdeliciousBaltimorefriedchickenwehadyesterdaymorning。Ithinkwe’lljustrepeatthatorder。ItremindsmeofJohnQuarles’sfarm。\"
Wehadbeenhavingourmealsservedintherooms，butwehadbreakfastthatmorningdowninthediningroom，and\"Francesca\"andhermotherwerethere。
Ashestoodontherailwayplatformwaitingforthetrain，hetoldmehowonce，fifty—fiveyearsbefore，asaboyofeighteen，hehadchangedcarsthereforWashingtonandhadbarelycaughthistrain——thecrowdyellingathimasheran。
WeremainedovernightinNewYork，andthatevening，attheGrosvenor，hereadaloudapoemofhisownwhichIhadnotseenbefore。HehadbroughtitalongwithsomeintentionofreadingitatSt。Timothy’s，hesaid，buthadnotfoundtheoccasionsuitable。
\"IwroteitalongtimeagoinParis。I’dbeenreadingaloudtoMrs。
ClemensandSusy——in’93，Ithink——aboutLordCliveandWarrenHastings，fromMacaulay——howgreattheywereandhowfartheyfell。ThenItookanimaginarycase——thatofsomeolddementedmanmumblingofhisformerstate。Idescribedhim，andrepeatedsomeofhismumblings。SusyandMrs。Clemenssaid，’Writeit’——soIdid，byandby，andthisisit。I
callit’TheDerelict。’\"
Hereadinhiseffectivemannerthatfinepoem，theopeningstanzaofwhichfollows：
Yousneer，youshipsthatpassmeby，Yoursnow—purecanvastoweringproud！
Youtradersbase！——why，oncesuchfryPaidreverence，whenlikeacloudStorm—sweptIdrovealong，MyAdmiralatpost，hispennonblueFaintinthewildernessofsky，mylongYardsbristlingwithmygallantcrew，Myportsflungwide，mygunsdisplayed，Mytallsparshidinbellyingsail！
——Youstruckyourtopsailsthen，andmadeObeisance——nowyourmannersfail。
Hehademployedrhymewithmorefacilitythanwasusualforhim，andthefigureandphrasingwerefullofvigor。
\"Itisstrongandfine，\"Isaid，whenhehadfinished。
\"Yes，\"heassented。\"ItseemssoasIreaditnow。ItissolongsinceIhaveseenitthatitislikereadinganotherman’swork。Ishouldcallitgood，Ibelieve。\"
Heputthemanuscriptinhisbagandwalkedupanddownthefloortalking。
\"Thereisnofigureforthehumanbeingliketheship，\"hesaid；\"nosuchfigureforthestorm—beatenhumandriftasthederelict——suchmenasCliveandHastingscouldonlybeimaginedasderelictsadrift，helpless，tossedbyeverywindandtide。\"
WereturnedtoReddingnextday。Onthetraingoinghomehefelltotalkingofbooksandauthors，mainlyofthethingshehadneverbeenabletoread。
\"WhenItakeuponeofJaneAusten’sbooks，\"hesaid，\"suchasPrideandPrejudice，Ifeellikeabarkeeperenteringthekingdomofheaven。I
know，whathissensationwouldbeandhisprivatecomments。Hewouldnotfindtheplacetohistaste，andhewouldprobablysayso。\"
HerecalledagainhowStepniakhadcometoHartford，andhowhumiliatedMrs。ClemenshadbeentoconfessthatherhusbandwasnotfamiliarwiththewritingsofThackerayandothers。
\"Idon’tknowanythingaboutanything，\"hesaid，mournfully，\"andneverdid。MybrotherusedtotrytogetmetoreadDickens，longago。I
couldn’tdoit——Iwasashamed；butIcouldn’tdoit。Yes，IhavereadTheTaleofTwoCities，andcoulddoitagain。Ihavereaditagoodmanytimes；butInevercouldstandMeredithandmostoftheothercelebrities。\"
ByandbyhehandedmetheSaturdayTimesReview，saying：
\"Hereisafinepoem，agreatpoem，Ithink。Icanstandthat。\"
Itwas\"ThePalatineinthe’DarkAges’，\"byWillaSibertCather，reprintedfromMcClure’s。ThereaderwillunderstandbetterthanIcanexpresswhytheseloftyopeningstanzasappealedtoMarkTwain：
THEPALATINE
\"HaveyoubeenwiththeKingtoRome，Brother，bigbrother？\"
\"I’vebeenthereandI’vecomehome，Backtoyourplay，littlebrother。\"
\"Oh，howhighisCaesar’shouse，Brother，bigbrother？\"
\"Goatsaboutthedoorwaysbrowse；
Night—hawksnestintheburntroof—tree，Homeofthewildbirdandhomeofthebee。
AthousandchambersofmarblelieWidetothesunandthewindandthesky。
PoppieswefindamongstourwheatGrowonCaesar’sbanquetseat。
CattlecropandneatherdsdrowseOnthefloorsofCaesar’shouse。\"
\"ButwhathasbecomeofCaesar’sgold，Brother，bigbrother？\"
\"Thetimesarebadandtheworldisold——
WhoknowsthewhereoftheCaesar’sgold？
NightcomesblackontheCaesar’shill；
Thewellsaredeepandthetalesareill。
Firefliesgleaminthedampandmold，AllthatisleftoftheCaesar’sgold。
Backtoyourplay，littlebrother。\"
Fartheralonginourjourneyhehandedmethepaperagain，pointingtotheselinesofKipling：
HowisitnotgoodfortheChristian’shealthTohurrytheAryanbrown，FortheChristianrilesandtheAryansmiles，AndheweareththeChristiandown；
AndtheendofthefightisatombstonewhiteAndthenameofthelatedeceased：
Andtheepitaphdrear：\"AfoollieshereWhotriedtohustletheEast。\"
\"Icouldstandanyamountofthat，\"hesaid，andpresently：\"Lifeistoolongandtooshort。Toolongforthewearinessofit；tooshortfortheworktobedone。Attheverymost，theaveragemindcanonlymasterafewlanguagesandalittlehistory。\"
Isaid：\"Still，weneednotworry。Ifdeathendsallitdoesnotmatter；
andiflifeiseternaltherewillbetimeenough。\"
\"Yes，\"heassented，rathergrimly，\"thatoptimismofyoursisalwaysreadytoturnhell’sbackyardintoaplayground。\"
Isaidthat，oldasIwas，IhadtakenupthestudyofFrench，andmentionedBayardTaylor’shavingbegunGreekatfifty，expectingtoneeditinheaven。
Clemenssaid，reflectively：\"Yes——butyouseethatwasGreek。\"
CCLXXXI
THELASTSUMMERATSTORMFIELD
IwasatStormfieldprettyconstantlyduringtherestofthatyear。AtfirstIwentuponlyfortheday；butlater，whenhishealthdidnotimprove，andwhenheexpressedawishforcompanionshipevenings，I
remainedmostofthenightsaswell。Ourroomswereseparatedonlybyabath—room；andasneitherofuswasmuchgiventosleep，therewaslikelytobetalkorreadingaloudatalmostanyhourwhenbothwereawake。IntheveryearlymorningIwouldusuallyslipin，softly，sometimestofindhimproppedupagainsthispillowssoundasleep，hisglasseson，thereading—lampblazingawayasitusuallydid，dayornight；butasoftenasnothewasawake，andwouldhavesomenewplanorideaofwhichhewaseagertobedelivered，andtherewasalwaysinterest，andnearlyalwaysamusementinit，evenifithappenedtobethreeinthemorningorearlier。
Sometimes，whenhethoughtittimeformetobestirring，hewouldcallsoftly，butloudlyenoughformetohearifawake；andIwouldgoin，andwewouldsettleagainproblemsoflifeanddeathandscience，or，rather，hewouldsettlethemwhileIdroppedinaremarkhereandthere，merelytoholdthematteralittlelongerinsolution。
Thepainsinhisbreastcameback，andwithagooddealoffrequencyasthesummeradvanced；also，theybecamemoresevere。Dr。EdwardQuintardcameupfromNewYork，anddidnothesitatetosaythatthetroubleproceededchieflyfromtheheart，andcounseleddiminishedsmoking，withlessactiveexercise，advisingparticularlyagainstClemens’slifetimehabitoflightlyskippingupanddownstairs。
Therewasnoprohibitionastobilliards，however，orleisurelywalking，andweplayedprettysteadilythroughthosepeacefulsummerdays，andoftentookawalkdownintothemeadowsorperhapsintheotherdirection，whenitwasnottoowarmorwindy。Oncewewentasfarastheriver，andIshowedhimapartofhislandhehadnotseenbefore——abeautifulcedarhillside，remoteandsecluded，aplaceofenchantment。
OnthewayIpointedoutalittlecorneroflandwhichearlierhehadgivenmetostraightenourdivisionline。ItoldhimIwasgoingtobuildastudyonit，andcallit\"Markland。\"Hethoughtitanadmirablebuilding—site，andIthinkhewaspleasedwiththename。Laterhesaid：
\"Ifyouhadaplaceforthatextrabilliard—tableofmine[theRogerstable，whichhadbeenleftinNewYork]Iwouldturnitovertoyou。\"
IrepliedthatIcouldadaptthesizeofmyproposedstudytofitabilliard—table，andhesaid：
\"Nowthatwillbeverygood。Then，whenIwantexercise，Icanwalkdownandplaybilliardswithyou，andwhenyouwantexerciseyoucanwalkupandplaybilliardswithme。Youmustbuildthatstudy。\"
Soitwasweplanned，andbyandbyMr。Lounsburyhadundertakenthework。
DuringthewalksClemensrestedagooddeal。ThereweretheNewEnglandhillstoclimb，andthenhefoundthathetiredeasily，andthatwearinesssometimesbroughtonthepain。AsIremembernow，Ithinkhowbravelyheboreit。Itmusthavebeenadeadly，sickening，numbingpain，forIhaveseenitcrumplehim，andhisfacebecomecolorlesswhilehishanddugathisbreast；buthenevercomplained，heneverbewailed，andatbilliardshewouldpersistingoingonandplayinginhisturn，evenwhilehewasbowedwiththeanguishoftheattack。
Wehadfoundthataglassofveryhotwaterrelievedit，andwekeptalwaysathermosbottleortwofilledandready。AtthefirsthintfromhimIwouldpouroutaglassandanother，andsometimesthereliefcamequickly；butthereweretimes，andalas！theycameoftener，whenthatdeadlygrippingdidnotsoonreleasehim。Yettherewouldcomeaweekorafortnightwhenhewasapparentlyperfectlywell，andatsuchtimeswedismissedthethoughtofanyheartmalady，andattributedthewholetroubletoacuteindigestion，fromwhichhehadalwayssufferedmoreorless。
Wewerealonetogethermostofthetime。Hedidnotappeartocareforcompanythatsummer。ClaraClemenshadaconcerttourinprospect，andherfather，eagerforhersuccess，encouragedhertodevotealargepartofhertimetostudy。ForJean，whowasinlovewitheveryformofoutdoorandanimallife，hehadestablishedheadquartersinavacantfarm—houseononecorneroftheestate，whereshehadcollectedsomestockandpoultry，andwasover—flowinglyhappy。OssipGabrilowitschwasaguestinthehouseagoodportionofthesummer，buthadbeeninvalidedthroughseveresurgicaloperations，andforalongtimerarelyappeared，evenatmeal—times。SoitcameaboutthattherecouldhardlyhavebeenacloserdailycompanionshipthanwasoursduringthisthelastyearofMarkTwain’slife。Forme，ofcourse，nothingcaneverbelikeitagaininthisworld。Oneisnotlikelytoassociatetwicewithabeingfromanotherstar。
CCLXXXII
PERSONALMEMORANDA
InthenotesImadeofthisperiodIcaughtalittledriftofpersonalityandutterance，andIdonotknowbetterhowtopreservethesethingsthantogivethemhereasnearlyasmaybeinthesequenceandintheforthinwhichtheyweresetdown。
OneofthefirstoftheseentriesoccursinJune，whenClemenswasrereadingwithgreatinterestandrelishAndrewD。White’sScienceandTheology，whichhecalledalovelybook。——[’AHistoryoftheWarfareofSciencewithTheologyinChristendom’。]
June21。Apeacefulafternoon，andwewalkedfartherthanusual，restingatlastintheshadeofatreeinthelanethatleadstoJean’sfarm—house。Ipickedadandelion—ball，withsomeremarkaboutitsbeingoneoftheevidencesoftheintelligentprincipleinnature——theseedswingedforawiderdistribution。
\"Yes，\"hesaid，\"thosearethegreatevidences；noonewhoreasonscandoubtthem。\"
Andpresentlyheadded：
\"ThatisamostamusingbookofWhite’s。Whenyoureadityouseehowthoseoldtheologiansneverreasonedatall。WhitetellsofanoldbishopwhofiguredoutthatGodcreatedtheworldinaninstantonacertaindayinOctoberexactlysomanyyearsbeforeChrist，andprovedit。AndIknewapreachermyselfoncewhodeclaredthatthefossilsintherocksprovednothingastotheageoftheworld。HesaidthatGodcouldcreatetherockswiththosefossilsinthemforornamentsifHewantedto。Why，ittakestwentyyearstobuildalittleislandintheMississippiRiver，andthatmanactuallybelievedthatGodcreatedthewholeworldandallthat’sinitinsixdays。Whitetellsofanotherbishopwhogavetwonewreasonsforthunder；onebeingthatGodwantedtoshowtheworldHispower，andanotherthatHewishedtofrightensinnerstorepent。Nowconsidertheproportionsofthatconception，eveninthepettiestwayyoucanthinkofit。ConsidertheideaofGodthinkingofallthat。ConsiderthePresidentoftheUnitedStateswantingtoimpressthefliesandfleasandmosquitoes，gettinguponthedomeoftheCapitolandbeatingabass—drumandsettingoffredfire。\"
Hefollowedthethemealittlefurther，thenwemadeourwayslowlybackupthelonghill，heholdingtomyarm，andrestinghereandthere，butarrivingatthehouseseeminglyfreshandreadyforbilliards。
June23。Icameupthismorningwithabasketofstrawberries。Hewaswalkingupanddown，lookinglikeanancientRoman。Hesaid：
\"ConsiderthecaseofElsieSigel——[GranddaughterofGen。FranzSigel。ShewasmysteriouslymurderedwhileengagedinsettlementworkamongtheChinese。]——whataghastlyendingtoanylife！\"
Thenturninguponmefiercely，hecontinued：
\"Anybodythatknowsanythingknowsthattherewasnotasinglelifethatwaseverlivedthatwasworthliving。Notasinglechildeverbegottenthatthebegettingofitwasnotacrime。Supposeacommunityofpeopletobelivingontheslopeofavolcano，directlyunderthecraterandinthepathoflava—flow；thatvolcanohasbeenbreakingoutrightalongforagesandiscertaintobreakoutagain。
Theydonotknowwhenitwillbreakout，buttheyknowitwilldoit——thatmuchcanbecountedon。Supposethosepeoplegotoacommunityinafarneighborhoodandsay，’We’dliketochangeplaceswithyou。Cometakeourhomesandletushaveyours。’Thosepeoplewouldsay，’Nevermind，wearenotinterestedinyourcountry。Weknowwhathashappenedthere，andwhatwillhappenagain。’Wedon’tcaretoliveundertheblowthatislikelytofallatanymoment；
andyeteverytimewebringachildintotheworldwearebringingittoacountry，toacommunitygatheredunderthecraterofavolcano，knowingthatsoonerorlaterdeathwillcome，andthatbeforedeaththerewillbecatastrophesinfinitelyworse。Formerlyitwasmuchworsethannow，forbeforetheministersabolishedhellamanknew，whenhewasbegettingachild，thathewasbegettingasoulthathadonlyonechanceinahundredofescapingtheeternalfiresofdamnation。Heknewthatinallprobabilitythatchildwouldbebroughttodamnation——oneoftheninety—nineblacksheep。
Butsincehellhasbeenabolisheddeathhasbecomemorewelcome。
Iwroteafairystoryonce。Itwaspublishedsomewhere。Idon’trememberjustwhatitwasnow，butthesubstanceofitwasthatafairygaveamanthecustomarywishes。Iwasinterestedinseeingwhathewouldtake。Firsthechosewealthandwentawaywithit，butitdidnotbringhimhappiness。Thenhecamebackforthesecondselection，andchosefame，andthatdidnotbringhappinesseither。Finallyhewenttothefairyandchosedeath，andthefairysaid，insubstance，’Ifyouhadn’tbeenafoolyou’dhavechosenthatinthefirstplace。’
\"Thepaperscalledmeapessimistforwritingthatstory。
Pessimist——themanwhoisn’tapessimistisad———dfool。\"
Butthiswasoneofhissavagehumors，stirredbytragiccircumstance。
UnderdateofJuly5thIfindthishappierentry：
Wehaveinventedanewgame，three—ballcarombilliards，eachplayercontinuinguntilhehasmadefive，countingthenumberofhisshotsasingolf，theonewhofinishesinthefewershotswins。Itisagameweplaywithalmostexactlyequalskill，andheishighlypleasedwithit。Hesaidthisafternoon：
\"IhaveneverenjoyedbilliardsasIdonow。Ilookforwardtoiteveryafternoonasmyrewardattheendofagoodday’swork。\"——[HisworkatthistimewasanarticleonMarjorieFleming，the\"wonderchild，\"whosequaintwritingsandbrieflittlelifehadbeenpublishedtotheworldbyDr。JohnBrown。ClemensalwaysadoredthethoughtofMarjorie，andinthisarticleonecanseethatsherankedalmostnexttoJoanofArcinhisaffections。]
WewentoutintheloggiabyandbyandClemensreadaloudfromabookwhichProfessorZubelinlefthereafewdaysago——’TheReligionofaDemocrat’。SomethinginitmusthavesuggestedtoClemenshisfavoritescience，forpresentlyhesaid：
\"Ihavebeenreadinganoldastronomy；itspeaksoftheperfectlineofcurvatureoftheearthinspiteofmountainsandabysses，andI
haveimaginedamanthreehundredthousandmileshighpickingupaballliketheearthandlookingatitandholdingitinhishand。
Itwouldbeaboutlikeabilliard—balltohim，andhewouldturnitoverinhishandandrubitwithhisthumb，andwhereherubbedoverthemountainrangeshemightsay，’Thereseemstobesomeslightroughnesshere，butIcan’tdetectitwithmyeye；itseemsperfectlysmoothtolookat。’TheHimalayastohim，thehighestpeak，wouldbeone—sixty—thousandthofhisheight，orabouttheone—
thousandthpartofaninchascomparedwiththeaverageman。\"
Ispokeofhavingsomewherereadofsomeverytinysatellites，oneassmall，perhaps，assixmilesindiameter，yetagenuineworld。
\"Couldamanliveonaworldsosmallasthat？\"Iasked。
\"Ohyes，\"hesaid。\"Thegravitationthatholdsittogetherwouldholdhimon，andhewouldalwaysseemupright，thesameashere。
Hishorizonwouldbesmaller，butevenifheweresixfeettallhewouldonlyhaveonefootforeachmileofthatworld’sdiameter，soyouseehewouldbelittleenough，evenforaworldthathecouldwalkaroundinhalfaday。\"
Hetalkedastronomyagreatdeal——marvelastronomy。Hehadnorealknowledgeofthesubject，andIhadnoneofanykind，whichmadeitsungraspablefactsallthemorethrilling。Hewasalwaysthrownintoasortofecstasybytheunthinkabledistancesofspace——thesupremedramaoftheuniverse。ThefactthatAlphaCentauriwastwenty—fivetrillionsofmilesaway——twohundredandfiftythousandtimesthedistanceofourownremotesun，andthatoursolarsystemwastraveling，asawhole，towardthebrightstarVega，intheconstellationofLyra，attherateofforty—fourmilesasecond，yetwouldbethousandsuponthousandsofyearsreachingitsdestination，fairlyenrapturedhim。
Theastronomicallight—year——thatistosay，thedistancewhichlighttravelsinayear——wasoneofthethingswhichhelovedtocontemplate；
buthedeclaredthatnotwoauthoritieseverfigureditalike，andthathewasgoingtofigureitforhimself。Icameinonemorning，tofindthathehadcoveredseveralsheetsofpaperwithalmostinterminablerowsofciphers，andwitharesult，tohimatleast，entirelysatisfactory。
Iamquitecertainthathewasprouderofthosefiguresandtheirenormousaggregatethanifhehadjustcompletedanimmortaltale；andwhenheaddedthatthenearestfixedstar——AlphaCentauri——wasbetweenfourandfivelight—yearsdistantfromtheearth，andthattherewasnopossiblewaytothinkthatdistanceinmilesorevenanycalculablefractionofit，hisglassesshoneandhishairwasroachedupaswiththestimulationofthesestupendousfacts。
Byandbyhesaid：
\"IcameinwithHalley’scometin1835。Itiscomingagainnextyear，andIexpecttogooutwithit。ItwillbethegreatestdisappointmentofmylifeifIdon’tgooutwithHalley’scomet。TheAlmightyhassaid，nodoubt：’Nowherearethesetwounaccountablefreaks；theycameintogether，theymustgoouttogether。’Oh！Iamlookingforwardtothat。\"Andalittlelaterheadded：
\"I’vegotsomekindofaheartdisease，andQuintardwon’ttellmewhetheritisthekindthatcarriesamanoffinaninstantorkeepshimlingeringalongandsufferingfortwentyyearsorso。IwasinhopesthatQuintardwouldtellmethatIwaslikelytodropdeadanyminute；
buthedidn’t。Heonlytoldmethatmyblood—pressurewastoostrong。
Hedidn’tgivemeanyschedule；butIexpecttogowithHalley’scomet。\"
Iseemtohaveomittedmakinganyentriesforafewdays；butamonghisnotesIfindthisentry，whichseemstorefertosomediscussionofafavoritephilosophy，andhasaspecialinterestofitsown：
July14，1909。Yesterday’sdisputeresumed，Istillmaintainingthat，whereaswecanthink，wegenerallydon’tdoit。Don’tdoit，&don’thavetodoit：weareautomaticmachineswhichactunconsciously。Frommorningtillsleeping—time，alldaylong。Alldaylongourmachineryisdoingthingsfromhabit&instinct，&
withoutrequiringanyhelporattentionfromourpoorlittle7—by—9
thinkingapparatus。Thisremindedmeofsomething：thirtyyearsago，inHartford，thebilliard—roomwasmystudy，&Iwrotemyletterstherethefirstthingeverymorning。Mytablelaytwopointsoffthestarboardbowofthebilliard—table，&thedoorofexitandentranceborenortheast&—by—east—half—eastfromthatposition，consequentlyyoucouldseethedooracrossthelengthofthebilliard—table，butyoucouldn’tseethefloorbythesaidtable。IfoundIwasalwaysforgettingtoaskintruderstocarrymylettersdown—stairsforthemail，soIconcludedtolaythemonthefloorbythedoor；thentheintruderwouldhavetowalkoverthem，&
thatwouldindicatetohimwhattheyweretherefor。Didit？No，itdidn’t。Hewasamachine，&hadhabits。Habitstakeprecedenceofthought。
Nowconsiderthis：astamped&addressedletterlyingonthefloor——
lyingaggressively&conspicuouslyonthefloor——isanunusualspectacle；sounusualaspectaclethatyouwouldthinkanintrudercouldn’tseeittherewithoutimmediatelydiviningthatitwasnottherebyaccident，buthadbeendeliberatelyplacedthere&foradefinitepurpose。Verywell——itmaysurpriseyoutolearnthatthatmostsimple&mostnatural&obviousthoughtwouldneveroccurtoanyintruderonthisplanet，whetherhebefool，half—fool，orthemostbrilliantofthinkers。Forheisalwaysanautomaticmachine&
hashabits，&hishabitswillactbeforehisthinkingapparatuscangetachancetoexertitspowers。Myschemefailedbecauseeveryhumanbeinghasthehabitofpickingupanyapparentlymisplacedthing&placingitwhereitwon’tbesteppedon。
MyfirstintruderwasGeorge。Hewentandcamewithoutsayinganything。PresentlyIfoundthelettersneatlypileduponthebilliard—table。Iwasastonished。Iputthemontheflooragain。
Thenextintruderpiledthemonthebilliard—tablewithoutaword。
Iwasprofoundlymoved，profoundlyinterested。SoIsetthetrapagain。Alsoagain，&again，&yetagain——alldaylong。Icaughteverymemberofthefamily，&everyservant；alsoIcaughtthethreefinestintellectsinthetown。Ineveryinstanceold，time—wornautomatichabitgotinitsworksopromptlythatthethinkingapparatusnevergotachance。
Idonotrememberthisparticulardiscussion，butIdodistinctlyrecallbeingoneofthosewhoseintelligencewasnotsufficienttopreventmypickinguptheletterhehadthrownonthefloorinfrontofhisbed，andbeingproperlyclassifiedfordoingit。
Clemensnolongerkeptnote—books，asinanearliertime，butsetdowninnumerablememoranda—comments，strayreminders，andthelike——onsmallpads，andbunchesofthesetinysheetsaccumulatedonhistableandabouthisroom。Igatheredupmanyofthemthenandafterward，andafewofthesecharacteristicbitsmaybeofferedhere。
KNEE
Itisatourmother’skneethatweacquireournoblest&truest&highestideals，butthereisseldomanymoneyinthem。
JEHOVAH
Heisall—good。Hemademanforhellorhellforman，oneortheother——
takeyourchoice。Hemadeithardtogetintoheavenandeasytogetintohell。Hecommendedmantomultiply&replenish—what？Hell。
MODESTYANTEDATESCLOTHES
&willberesumedwhenclothesarenomore。
[Thelatterpartofthisaphorismiserasedandunderneathitheadds：]
MODESTYDIED
whenclotheswereborn。
MODESTYDIED
whenfalsemodestywasborn。
HISTORY
Ahistorianwhowouldconveythetruthhasgottolie。Oftenhemustenlargethetruthbydiameters，otherwisehisreaderwouldnotbeabletoseeit。
MORALS
arenottheimportantthing——norenlightenment——norcivilization。Amancandoabsolutelywellwithoutthem，buthecan’tdowithoutsomethingtoeat。Thesupremestthingistheneedsofthebody，notofthemind&
spirit。
SUGGESTION
Thereisconscioussuggestion&thereisunconscioussuggestion——bothcomefromoutside——whenceallideascome。
DUELS
IthinkIcouldwipeoutadishonorbycripplingtheotherman，butI
don’tseehowIcoulddoitbylettinghimcrippleme。
IhavenofeelingofanimositytowardpeoplewhodonotbelieveasIdo；
Imerelydonotrespect’em。Insomeseriousmattersrelig。Iwouldhavethemburnt。
Iamoldnowandoncewasasinner。Ioftenthinkofitwithakindofsoftregret。Itrustmydaysarenumbered。Iwouldnothavethatdetailoverlooked。
Shewasalwaysagirl，shewasalwaysyoungbecauseherheartwasyoung；
&Iwasyoungbecauseshelivedinmyheart&preserveditsyouthfromdecay。
Heoftenbusiedhimselfworkingoutmoreextensivelysomeoftheideasthatcametohim——moralideas，hecalledthem。Onefancywhichhefollowedinseveralformssomeofthemnotwithintheprivilegeofprintwasthatofaninquisitivelittlegirl，Bessie，whopursueshermotherwithdifficultquestionings。——[UnderAppendixw，attheendofthisvolume，thereaderwillfindoneofthe\"Bessie\"dialogues。]——Hereadthesealoudashefinishedthem，anditiscertainthattheylackedneitherlogicnorhumor。
Sometimeshewenttoabigdrawerinhisdresser，wherehekepthisfinishedmanuscripts，andtookthemoutandlookedoverthem，andreadpartsofthemaloud，andtalkedoftheplanshehadhadforthem，andhowoneideaafteranotherhadbeenfollowedforatimeandhadfailedtosatisfyhimintheend。
Twofictionschemesthathadalwayspossessedhimhehadbeenunabletobringtoanyconclusion。Bothofthesehavebeenmentionedinformerchapters；onebeingthenotionofalongperiodofdream—existenceduringabriefmomentofsleep，andtheotherbeingthestoryofamysteriousvisitantfromanotherrealm。Hehadexperimentedwitheachoftheseideasinnolessthanthreeforms，andtherewasfinewritinganddramaticnarrativeinall；buthisliteraryarchitecturehadsomehowfallenshortofhisconception。\"TheMysteriousStranger\"inoneofitsformsIthoughtmightbesatisfactorilyconcluded，andheadmittedthathecouldprobablyenditwithoutmuchlabor。Hediscussedsomethingofhisplans，andlaterIfoundthenotesforitsconclusion。ButIsupposehewasbeyondtheplacewherehecouldtakeupthoseoldthreads，thoughhecontemplated，fondlyenough，thepossibility，andrecalledhowhehadreadatleastoneformofthedreamtaletoHowells，whohadurgedhimtocompleteit。
CCLXXXIII
ASTRONOMYANDDREAMS
August5，1909。ThismorningInoticedonachairacopyofFlaubert’sSalammbowhichIrecentlylenthim。Iaskedifhelikedit。
\"No，\"hesaid，\"Ididn’tlikeanyofit。\"
\"Butyoureadit？\"
\"Yes，Ireadeverylineofit。\"
\"Youadmitteditsliteraryart？\"
\"Well，it’slikethis：IfIshouldgototheChicagostockyardsandtheyshouldkillabeefandcutitupandthebloodshouldsplashallovereverything，andthentheyshouldtakemetoanotherpenandkillanotherbeefandthebloodshouldsplashovereverythingagain，andsoontopenafterpen，IshouldcareforitaboutasmuchasIdoforthatbook。\"
\"Butthosewerebloodydays，andyoucareverymuchforthatperiodinhistory。\"
\"Yes，thatisso。ButwhenIreadTacitusandknowthatIamreadinghistoryIcanacceptitassuchandsupplytheimaginarydetailsandenjoyit，butthisthingissuchacontinuousprocessionofbloodandslaughterandstenchitworriesme。Ithasgreatart——Icanseethat。
Thatsceneofthecrucifiedlionsandthedeathcanonandthetentscenearemarvelous，butIwouldn’treadthatbookagainwithoutasalary。\"
August16。HeisreadingSuetonius，whichhealreadyknowsbyheart——sofullofthecrueltiesandlicentiousnessofimperialRome。
ThisafternoonhebegantalkingaboutClaudius。
\"TheycalledClaudiusalunatic，\"hesaid，\"butjustseewhatnicefancieshehad。Hewouldgotothearenabetweentimesandhavecaptivesandwildbeastsbroughtoutandturnedintogetherforhisspecialenjoyment。Sometimeswhentherewerenocaptivesonhandhewouldsay，’Well，nevermind；bringoutacarpenter。’Carpenteringaroundthearenawasn’tapopularjobinthosedays。Hewentvisitingoncetoaprovinceandthoughtitwouldbepleasanttoseehowtheydisposedofcriminalsandcaptivesintheircrude，old—fashionedway，buttherewasnoexecutioneronhand。Nomatter；theEmperorofRomewasinnohurry——hewouldwait。Sohesatdownandstayedthereuntilanexecutionercame。\"
Isaid，\"Howdoyouaccountforthechangedattitudetowardthesethings？
Wearefilledwithpityto—dayatthethoughtoftortureandsuffering。\"
\"Ah！butthatisbecausewehavedriftedthatwayandexercisedthequalityofcompassion。Relaxamuscleanditsoonlosesitsvigor；relaxthatqualityandintwogenerations——inonegeneration——weshouldbegloatingoverthespectacleofbloodandtorturejustthesame。Why，I
readsomewherealetterwrittenjustbeforetheLisboncatastrophein1755aboutasceneonthepublicsquareofLisbon：Alotofstakeswiththefagotspiledforburningandhereticschainedforburning。Thesquarewascrowdedwithmenandwomenandchildren，andwhenthosefireswerelighted，andthehereticsbegantoshriekandwrithe，thosemenandwomenandchildrenlaughedsotheywerefairlybesidethemselveswiththeenjoymentofthescene。TheGreeksdon’tseemtohavedonethesethings。
Isupposethatindicatesearlieradvancementincompassion。\"
ColonelHarveyandMr。Dunekacameuptospendthenight。Mr。Clemenshadoneofhisseizuresduringtheevening。Theycomeoftenerandlastlonger。Onelastnightcontinuedforanhourandahalf。Isleptthere。
September7。To—daynewsoftheNorthPolediscoveredbyPeary。FivedaysagothesamediscoverywasreportedbyCook。Clemens’scomment：
\"It’sthegreatestjokeoftheages。\"ButamomentlaterhereferredtothestupendousfactofArcturusbeingfiftythousandtimesasbigasthesun。
September21。Thismorninghetoldme，withgreatglee，thedreamhehadhadjustbeforewakening。Hesaid：
\"Iwasinanautomobilegoingslowly，with’alittlegirlbesideme，andsomeuniformedpersonwalkingalongbyus。Isaid，’I’llgetoutandwalk，too’；buttheofficerreplied，’Thisisonlyoneofthesmallestofourfleet。’
\"ThenInoticedthattheautomobilehadnofront，andthereweretwocannonsmountedwherethefrontshouldbe。Inoticed，too，thatweweretravelingverylow，almostdownontheground。Presentlywegottothebottomofahillandstartedupanother，andIfoundmyselfwalkingaheadofthe’mobile。Iturnedaroundtolookforthelittlegirl，andinsteadofherIfoundakittencaperingbesideme，andwhenwereachedthetopofthehillwewerelookingoutoveramostbarrenanddesolatewasteofsand—heapswithoutaspeckofvegetationanywhere，andthekittensaid，’Thisviewbeggarsalladmiration。’ThenallatoncewewereinagreatgroupofpeopleandIundertooktorepeattothemthekitten’sremark，butwhenI
triedtodoitthewordsweresotouchingthatIbrokedownandcried，andallthegroupcried，too，overthekitten’smovingremark。\"
Thejoywithwhichhetoldthisabsurdsleepfancymadeitsupremelyridiculousandwelaugheduntiltearsreallycame。
Onemorninghesaid：\"Iwasawakeagooddealinthenight，andItriedtothinkofinterestingthings。Igottoworkingoutgeologicalperiods，tryingtothinkofsomewaytocomprehendthem，andthenastronomicalperiods。Ofcourseit’simpossible，butIthoughtofaplanthatseemedtomeansomethingtome。IrememberedthatNeptuneistwobillioneighthundredmillionmilesaway。That，ofcourse，isincomprehensible，butthenthereisthenearestfixedstarwithitstwenty—fivetrillionmiles—
—twenty—fivetrillion——ornearlyathousandtimesasfar，andthenItookthisbookandcountedthelinesonapageandIfoundthattherewasanaverageofthirty—twolinestothepageandtwohundredandfortypages，andIfiguredoutthat，countingthedistancetoNeptuneasoneline，therewerestillnotenoughlinesinthebookbynearlytwothousandtoreachthenearestfixedstar，andsomehowthatgavemeasortofdimideaofthevastnessofthedistanceandkindofajourneyintospace。\"
LaterIfiguredoutanothermethodofcomprehendingalittleofthatgreatdistancebyestimatingtheexistenceofthehumanraceatthirtythousandyearsLordKelvin’sfiguresandtheaveragegenerationtohavebeenthirty—threeyearswithaworldpopulationof1，500，000，000souls。
IassumedthenearestfixedstartobethefirststationinParadiseandthefirstsoultohavestartedthirtythousandyearsago。Travelingattherateofaboutthirtymilesasecond，itwouldjustnowbearrivinginAlphaCentauriwithalltherestofthatburiedmultitudestringingoutbehindatanaveragedistanceoftwentymilesapart。
Fewthingsgavehimmorepleasurethanthecontemplationofsuchfiguresasthese。WemadeoccasionalbusinesstripstoNewYork，andduringoneofthemvisitedtheMuseumofNaturalHistorytolookatthebrontosaurandthemeteoritesandtheastronomicalmodelintheentrancehall。Tohimthesewerethemostfascinatingthingsintheworld。Hecontemplatedthemeteoritesandthebrontosaur，andlosthimselfinstrangeandmarvelousimaginingsconcerningthefarreachesoftimeandspacewhencetheyhadcomedowntous。
MarkTwainlivedcuriouslyapartfromtheactualitiesoflife。Dwellingmainlyamonghisphilosophiesandspeculations，heobservedvaguely，orminutely，whatwentonabouthim；butineithercasethefacttookaplace，notintheactualworld，butinaworldwithinhisconsciousness，orsubconsciousness，aplacewherefactswerelikelytoassumenewandaltogetherdifferentrelationsfromthosetheyhadborneinthephysicaloccurrence。Itnotinfrequentlyhappened，therefore，whenherecountedsomeincident，eventhemostrecent，thathistorytookonfreshandstartlingforms。MorethanonceIhaveknownhimtorelateanoccurrenceofthedaybeforewitharealityofcircumstancethatcarriedabsoluteconviction，whenthedetailsthemselveswerepreciselyreversed。Ifhisattentionwerecalledtothediscrepancy，hisfacewouldtakeonablanklook，asofonesuddenlyarousedfromdreamland，tobefollowedbyanalmostchildishinterestinyourrevelationandreadyacknowledgmentofhismistake。Idonotthinksuchmistakeshumiliatedhim；buttheyoftensurprisedand，Ithink，amusedhim。
Insubstantialanddeceptiveaswasthisinnerworldofhis，tohimitmusthavebeenmuchmorerealthantheworldofflittingphysical。
shapesabouthim。Hewouldfixyoukeenlywithhisattention，butyourealized，atlast，thathewasplacingyouandseeingyounotasapartofthemateriallandscape，butasanitemofhisowninnerworld——aworldinwhichphilosophiesandmoralsstoodupright——averygoodworldindeed，butcertainlyatopsy—turvyworldwhenviewedwiththeeyeofmereliteralscrutiny。Andthiswas，mainly，ofcourse，becausetheroutineoflifedidnotappealtohim。Evenmembersofhishouseholddidnotalwaysstirhisconsciousness。
Heknewtheywerethere；hecouldcallthembyname；herelieduponthem；
buthisknowledgeofthemalwayssuggestedtheknowledgethatMountEverestmighthaveoftheforestsandcavesandbouldersuponitsslopes，useful，perhaps，buthardlynecessarytothegiant’sexistence，andinnoimportantmatterapartofitsgreaterlife。
CCLXXXIV
ALIBRARYCONCERT
InaletterwhichClemenswrotetoMissWallaceatthistime，hetellsofaconcertgivenatStormfieldonSeptember21stforthebenefitofthenewReddingLibrary。Gabrilowitschhadsofarrecoveredthathewasupandaboutandabletoplay。DavidBispham，thegreatbarytone，alwaysgenialandgenerous，agreedtotakepart，andClaraClemens，alreadyaccustomedtopublicsinging，wastojoinintheprogram。ThelettertoMissWallacesuppliestherestofthehistory。
Wehadagrandtimehereyesterday。Concertinaidofthelittlelibrary。
TEAM
Gabrilowitsch，pianist。
DavidBispham，vocalist。
ClaraClemens，ditto。
MarkTwain，introducesofteam。
Detachmentsandsquadsandgroupsandsinglescamefromeverywhere—
Danbury，NewHaven，Norwalk，Redding，ReddingRidge，Ridgefield，andevenfromNewYork：somein60—h。p。motor—cars，someinbuggiesandcarriages，andaswarmoffarmer—young—folkonfootfrommilesaround——525altogether。
Ifwehadn’tstoppedthesaleofticketsadayandahalfbeforetheperformanceweshouldhavebeenswamped。Wejammed160intothelibrarynotquiteallhadseats，wefilledtheloggia，thedining—
room，thehall，clearintothebilliard—room，thestairs，andthebrick—pavedsquareoutsidethedining—roomdoor。
Theartistswerereceivedwithagreatwelcome，anditwokethemup，andItellyoutheyperformedtotheQueen’staste！Theprogramwasanhourandthree—quarterslongandtheencoresaddedahalf—hourtoit。Theenthusiasmofthehousewashair—lifting。Theyallstayedanhouraftertheclosetoshakehandsandcongratulate。
Wehadnodollarseatsexceptinthelibrary，butweaccumulated$372fortheBuildingFund。Wehadteaathalfpastsixforadozen——theHawthornes，JeannetteGilder，andherniece，etc。；andafter8—o’clockdinnerwehadaprivateconcertandaballinthebare—strippedlibraryuntil10；nobodypresentbuttheteamandMr。
andMrs。PaineandJeanandherdog。Andme。Bisphamdid\"DannyDeever\"andthe\"Erlkonig\"inhismajestic，greatorgan—tonesandartillery，andGabrilowitschplayedtheaccompanimentsastheywereneverplayedbefore，Idosuppose。
Thereisnotmuchtoaddtothataccount。Clemens，introducingtheperformers，wasthegayfeatureoftheoccasion。HespokeofthegreatreputationofBisphamandGabrilowitsch；thenhesaid：
\"Mydaughterisnotasfamousasthesegentlemen，butsheiseversomuchbetter—looking。\"
Themusicoftheeveningthatfollowed，withGabrilowitschatthepianoandDavidBisphamtosing，wassomethingnotlikelyevertoberepeated。
Bisphamsangthe\"Erlkonig\"and\"Killiecrankie\"andthe\"Grenadiers\"andseveralothersongs。HespokeofhavingsungWagner’sarrangementofthe\"Grenadiers\"atthecomposer’shomefollowinghisdeath，andhownoneofthefamilyhadhearditbefore。
Therefolloweddancing，andJeanClemens，fineandhandsome，apparentlyfulloflifeandhealth，danceddownthatgreatliving—roomascare—freeasiftherewasnoshadowuponherlife。Andtheeveningwasdistinguishedinanotherway，forbeforeitendedClaraClemenshadpromisedOssipGabrilowitschtobecomehiswife。
CCLXXXV
AWEDDINGATSTORMFIELD
TheweddingofOssipGabrilowitschandClaraClemenswasnotdelayed。
GabrilowitschhadsignedforaconcerttourinEurope，andunlessthemarriagetookplaceforthwithitmustbepostponedmanymonths。Itfollowed，therefore，fifteendaysaftertheengagement。Theywerebusydays。Clemens，enormouslyexcitedandpleasedovertheprospectofthefirstweddinginhisfamily，personallyattendedtotheselectionofthosewhoweretohaveannouncement—cards，employingastenographertomakethelist。
October6thwasaperfectwedding—day。Itwasoneofthosequiet，lovelyfalldayswhenthewholeworldseemsatpeace。Claude，thebutler，withhisusualskillinsuchmatters，haddecoratedthegreatliving—roomwithgayautumnfoliageandflowers，broughtinmainlyfromthewoodsandfields。Theyblendedperfectlywiththewarmtonesofthewallsandfurnishings，andIdonotremembereverhavingseenamorebeautifulroom。Onlyrelativesandafewofthenearestfriendswereinvitedtotheceremony。TheTwichellscameoveradayahead，forTwichell，whohadassistedinthemarriageritesbetweenSamuelClemensandOliviaLangdon，wastoperformthatceremonyfortheirdaughternow。Afellow—studentofthebrideandgroomwhentheyhadbeenpupilsofLeschetizky，inVienna——
MissEthelNewcomb——wasatthepianoandplayedsoftlytheWeddingMarchfrom\"Taunhauser。\"JeanClemenswastheonlybridesmaid，andshewasstatelyandclassicallybeautiful，withaprouddignityinheroffice。
JervisLangdon，thebride’scousinandchildhoodplaymate，actedasbestman，andClemens，ofcourse，gavethebrideaway。ByrequestheworehisscarletOxfordgownoverhissnowyflannels，andwassplendidbeyondwords。Idonotwriteoftheappearanceofthebrideandgroom，forbridesandgroomsarealwayshandsomeandalwayshappy，andcertainlythesewerenoexception。Itwasallsosoonover，thefeastingended，andtheprincipalswhirlingawayintothefuture。Ihaveapictureinmymindofthemseatedtogetherintheautomobile，withRichardWatsonGilderstandingonthestepforalastgood—by，andbeforethemawideexpanseofautumnfoliageanddistanthills。IrememberGilder’svoicesaying，whenthecarwasontheturn，andtheywerewavingbacktous：
\"Overthehillsandfaraway，Beyondtheutmostpurplerim，Beyondthenight，beyondtheday，Throughalltheworldshefollowedhim。\"
Thematteroftheweddinghadbeenkeptfromthenewspapersuntiltheeveofthewedding，whentheAssociatedPresshadbeennotified。A
representativewasthere；butClemenshadcharacteristicallyinterviewedhimselfonthesubject，anditwasonlynecessarytohandthereporteratypewrittencopy。Replyingtothequestionputtohimself，\"Areyoupleasedwiththemarriage？\"heanswered：
Yes，fullyasmuchasanymarriagecouldpleasemeoranyotherfather。Therearetwoorthreesolemnthingsinlifeandahappymarriageisoneofthem，fortheterrorsoflifearealltocome。
Iamgladofthismarriage，andMrs。Clemenswouldbeglad，forshealwayshadawarmaffectionforGabrilowitsch。
TherewasanotherweddingatStormfieldonthefollowingafternoon——animitationwedding。LittleJoycameupwithme，andwishedshecouldstandinjustthespotwhereshehadseenthebridestand，andsheexpressedawishthatshecouldgetmarriedlikethat。Clemenssaid：
\"Franknessisajewel；onlytheyoungcanaffordit。\"
Thenhehappenedtorememberaridiculousboy—doll——awhite—hairedcreaturewithredcoatandgreentrousers，asouvenirimitationofhimselffromoneoftheRogerses’Christmastrees。Heknewwhereitwas，andhegotitout。Thenhesaid：
\"Now，Joy，wewillhaveanotherwedding。ThisisMr。ColonelWilliams，andyouaretobecomehisweddedwife。
SoJoystoodupverygravelyandClemensperformedtheceremony，andI
gavethebrideaway，andJoytohimbecameMrs。ColonelWilliamsthereafter，andenteredhappilyintohernewestate。
CCLXXXVI
AUTUMNDAYS
Aharvestoflettersfollowedthewedding：ageneralcongratulatoryexpression，mingledwithadmiration，affection，andgood—will。InhisinterviewClemenshadreferredtothepaininhisbreast；andmanybeggedhimtodenythattherewasanythingseriousthematterwithhim，urginghimtotrythisrelieforthat，patheticallyeagerforhiscontinuedlifeandhealth。Theycitedthecomforthehadbroughttoworld—wearyhumanityandhisunfailingstandforhumanjusticeasreasonswhyheshouldlive。Suchletterscouldnotfailtocheerhim。
Aletterofthisperiod，fromJohnBigelow，gavehimapleasureofitsown。ClemenshadwrittenBigelow，aproposofsomeadverseexpressiononthetariff：
Thankyouforanyhardwordyoucansayaboutthetariff。Iguessthegovernmentthatrobsitsownpeopleearnsthefutureitispreparingforitself。
BigelowwasjustthendeclininganinvitationtotheannualdinneroftheChamberofCommerce。Insendinghisregretshesaid：
ThesentimentIwouldproposeifIdaredtobepresentwouldbethewordsofMarkTwain，thestatesman：
\"Thegovernmentthatrobsitsownpeopleearnsthefutureitispreparingforitself。\"
NowtoClemenshimselfhewrote：
Rochefoucaultneversaidaclevererthing，norDr。Franklinawiserone……Becareful，ortheDemoswillberunningyouforPresidentwhenyouarenotonyourguard。
Yoursmorethanever，JOHNBIGELOW。
Amongthetributesthatcame，wasasermonbytheRev。FredWindowAdams，ofSchenectady，NewYork，withMarkTwainasitssubject。Mr。Adamschoseforhistext，\"TakeMarkandbringhimwiththee；forheisprofitablefortheministry，\"andheplacedthetwoMarks，St。MarkandMarkTwain，sidebysideasministerstohumanity，andcharacterizedhimas\"afearlessknightofrighteousness。\"AfewweekslaterMr。AdamshimselfcametoStormfield，and，likeallopen—mindedministersoftheGospel，hefoundthathecouldgetonverywellindeedwithMarkTwain。
Inspiteofthegood—willandthegoodwishesClemens’smaladydidnotimprove。Asthedaysgrewchillierhefoundthathemustremaincloserindoors。Thecoldairseemedtobringonthepains，andtheyweregraduallybecomingmoresevere；then，too，hedidnotfollowthedoctor’sordersinthematterofsmoking，noraltogetherastoexercise。
ToMissWallacehewrote：
Ican’twalk，Ican’tdrive，I’mnotdown—stairsmuch，andIdon’tseecompany，butIdrinkbarrelsofwatertokeepthepainquiet；Iread，andread，andread，andsmoke，andsmoke，andsmokeallthetimeasformerly，andit’sacontentedandcomfortablelife。
Butthiswasnotaltogetheraccurateastodetails。Hedidcomedown—
stairsmanytimesdaily，andhepersistedinbilliardsregardlessoftheparoxysms。Wefound，too，thattheseizureswereinducedbymentalagitation。OnenighthereadaloudtoJeanandmyselfthefirstchapterofanarticle，\"TheTurning—PointinMyLife，\"whichhewaspreparingforHarper’sBazar。Hehadbegunitwithoneofhisimpossibleburlesquefancies，andhefeltourattitudeofdisappointmentevenbeforeanywordhadbeensaid。Suddenlyherose，andlayinghishandonhisbreastsaid，\"Imustliedown，\"andstartedtowardthestair。Isupportedhimtohisroomandhurriedlypouredoutthehotwater。Hedrankitanddroppedbackonthebed。
\"Don’tspeaktome，\"hesaid；\"don’tmakemetalk。\"
Jeancamein，andwesatthereseveralmomentsinsilence。Ithinkwebothwonderedifthismightnotbetheend；butpresentlyhespokeofhisownaccord，declaringhewasbetter，andreadyforbilliards。
Weplayedforatleastanhourafterward，andheseemednoworsefortheattack。Itisacuriousmalady——thatangina；eventhedoctorsareacquaintedwithitsmanifestations，ratherthanitscause。Clemens’sgeneralhabitsofbodyandmindwereprobablynotsuchastodelayitsprogress；furthermore，therehadbefallenhimthatyearoneofthosemisfortuneswhichhisconfidingnaturepeculiarlyinvited——abetrayaloftrustbythoseinwhomithadbeenboundlesslyplaced——anditseemslikelythattheresultinghumiliationaggravatedhiscomplaint。Thewritingofadetailedhistoryofthisepisodeaffordedhimoccupationandacertainamusement，butprobablydidnotcontributetohishealth。Onedayhesentforhisattorney，Mr。CharlesT。Lark，andmadesomefinalrevisionsinhiswill。——[MarkTwain’sestate，laterappraisedatsomethingmorethan$600，000wasleftinthehandsoftrusteesforhisdaughters。ThetrusteeswereEdwardE。Loomis，JervisLangdon，andZohethS。Freeman。ThedirectionofhisliteraryaffairswaslefttohisdaughterClaraandthewriterofthishistory。
Toseehimyouwouldneverhavesuspectedthathewasill。Hewasingoodflesh，andhismovementwasasairyandhiseyeasbrightandhisfaceasfullofbloomasatanytimeduringtheperiodIhadknownhim；
also，hewasaslight—heartedandfullofideasandplans，andhewasevengentler——havinggrownmellowwithageandretirement，likegoodwine。
Andofcoursehewouldfindamusementinhiscondition。Hesaid：
\"Ihavealwayspretendedtobesicktoescapevisitors；now，forthefirsttime，Ihavegotagenuineexcuse。Itmakesmefeelsohonest。\"
Andonce，whenJeanreportedacallerinthelivingroom，hesaid：
\"Jean，Ican’tseeher。TellherIamlikelytodropdeadanyminuteanditwouldbemostembarrassing。\"
Buthedidseeher，foritwasapoet——AngelaMorgan——andhereadherpoem，\"God’sMan，\"aloudwithgreatfeeling，andlaterhesolditforhertoCollier’sWeekly。
Hestillhadviolentragesnowandthen，rememberingsomeofthemostnotableofhismistakes；andonce，afterdenouncinghimself，ratherinclusively，asanidiot，hesaid：
\"IwishtoGodthelightningwouldstrikeme；butI’vewishedthatfiftythousandtimesandnevergotanythingoutofityet。Ihavemissedseveralgoodchances。Mrs。Clemenswasafraidoflightning，andwouldneverletmebaremyheadtothestorm。\"
Theelementofhumorwasneverlacking，andtheragesbecamelessviolentandlessfrequent。
IwasatStormfieldsteadilynow，andtherewasaregularroutineofafternoonsessionsofbilliardsorreading，inwhichweweregenerallyalone；forJean，occupiedwithherfarmingandhersecretarylabors，seldomappearedexceptatmeal—times。Occasionallyshejoinedinthebilliardgames；butitwasdifficultlearningandherinterestwasnotgreat。Shewouldhavemadeafineplayer，forshehadanaturaltalentforgames，asshehadforlanguages，andshecouldhavemasteredthescienceofanglesasshehadmasteredtennisandFrenchandGermanandItalian。Shehadnaturallyafineintellect，withmanyofherfather’scharacteristics，andatenderheartthatmadeeverydumbcreatureherfriend。
KatieLeary，whohadbeenJean’snurse，oncetoldhow，asalittlechild，JeanhadnotbeenparticularlyinterestedinapictureoftheLisbonearthquake，wherethepeoplewerebeingswallowedup；butonlookingatthenextpage，whichshowedanumberofanimalsbeingoverwhelmed，shehadsaid：
\"Poorthings！\"
Katiesaid：
\"Why，youdidn’tsaythataboutthepeople！\"
ButJeananswered：
\"Oh，theycouldspeak。\"
Onenightatthedinner—tableherfatherwassayinghowdifficultitmustbeforamanwhohadledabusylifetogiveupthehabitofwork。
\"ThatiswhytheRogerseskillthemselves，\"hesaid。Theywouldratherkillthemselvesintheoldtreadmillthanstopandtrytokilltime。
Theyhaveforgottenhowtorest。Theyknownothingbuttokeepontilltheydrop。\"
ItoldofsomethingIhadreadnotlongbefore。ItwasaboutanagedlionthathadbrokenloosefromhiscageatConeyIsland。Hehadnotofferedtohurtanyone；butafterwanderingaboutalittle，ratheraimlessly，hehadcometoapicket—fence，andamomentlaterbeganpacingupanddowninfrontofit，justthelengthofhiscage。Theyhadcomeandledhimbacktohisprisonwithouttrouble，andhehadrushedeagerlyintoit。InoticedthatJeanwaslisteninganxiously，andwhenI
finishedshesaid：
\"Isthatatruestory？\"
Shehadforgottenaltogetherthepointinillustration。Shewasconcernedonlywiththepooroldbeastthathadfoundnojoyinhisliberty。
AmongthelettersthatClemenswrotejustthenwasonetoMissWallace，inwhichhedescribedthegloryofthefallcolorsasseenfromhiswindows。
Theautumnsplendorspassedyouby？Whatapity！Iwishyouhadbeenhere。Itwasbeyondwords！Itwasheaven&hell&sunset&
rainbows&theauroraallfusedintoonedivineharmony，&youcouldn’tlookatitandkeepthetearsback。
Suchasingingtogether，&suchawhisperingtogether，&suchasnugglingtogetherofcozy，softcolors，&suchkissing&caressing，&suchprettyblushingwhenthesunbreaksout&catchesthosedaintyweedsatit——yourememberthatweed—gardenofmine？——&then——
thenthefarhillssleepinginadimbluetrance——oh，hearingaboutitisnothing，youshouldbeheretoseeit！
Inthesameletterhereferstosomeworkthathewaswritingforhisownsatisfaction——’LettersfromtheEarth’；saidletterssupposedtohavebeenwrittenbyanimmortalvisitantandaddressedtootherimmortalsinsomeremotesphere。
I’llreadpassagestoyou。Thisbookwillneverbepublished—infactitcouldn’tbe，becauseitwouldbefelony……Paineenjoysit，butPaineisgoingtobedamnedoneofthesedays，I
suppose。
Iverywellrememberhiswritingthose’LettersfromtheEarth’。Hereadthemtomefromtimetotimeashewrotethem，andtheywerefairlyoverflowingwithhumorandphilosophyandsatireconcerningthehumanrace。Theimmortalvisitorpointedout，oneafteranother，theabsurditiesofmankind，hisridiculousconceptionofheaven，andhisspecialconceitinbelievingthathewastheCreator’spet——theparticularformoflifeforwhichalltheuniversewascreated。Clemensallowedhisexuberantfancyfreerein，beingundernorestrictionsastothepossibilityofprintorpublicoffense。Heenjoyedthemhimself，too，ashereadthemaloud，andwelaughedourselvesweakoverhisboldimaginings。
Oneadmissibleextractwillcarrysomethingoftheflavorofthesechapters。Itiswherethecelestialcorrespondentdescribesman’sreligion。
Hisheavenislikehimself：strange，interesting，astonishing，grotesque。Igiveyoumywordithasnotasinglefeatureinitthatheactuallyvalues。Itconsists——utterlyandentirely——ofdiversionswhichhecaresnexttonothingabouthereintheearth，yetheisquitesurehewilllikeinheaven。Isn’titcurious？
Isn’titinteresting？YoumustnotthinkIamexaggerating，foritisnotso。Iwillgiveyouthedetails。
Most，mendonotsing，mostmencannotsing，mostmenwillnotstaywhereothersaresingingifitbecontinuedmorethantwohours。
Notethat。
Onlyabouttwomeninahundredcanplayuponamusicalinstrument，andnotfourinahundredhaveanywishtolearnhow。Setthatdown。
Manymenpray，notmanyofthemliketodoit。Afewpraylong，theothersmakeashort—cut。
Moremengotochurchthanwantto。
Toforty—ninemeninfiftytheSabbathdayisadreary，drearybore。
Further，allsanepeopledetestnoise。
Allpeople，saneorinsane，liketohavevarietyintheirlives。
Monotonyquicklyweariesthem。
Nowthen，youhavethefacts。Youknowwhatmendon’tenjoy。Well，theyhaveinventedaheaven，outoftheirownheads，allbythemselves；guesswhatitislike？Infifteenhundredyearsyoucouldn’tdoit。Theyhaveleftouttheverythingstheycareformosttheirdearestpleasures——andreplacedthemwithprayer！
Inman’sheaveneverybodysings。Therearenoexceptions。Themanwhodidnotsingonearthsingsthere；themanwhocouldnotsingonearthsingsthere。Thusuniversalsingingisnotcasual，notoccasional，notrelievedbyintervalsofquiet；itgoesonalldaylongandeverydayduringastretchoftwelvehours。Andeverybodystayswhereonearththeplacewouldbeemptyintwohours。Thesingingisofhymnsalone。Nay，itisonehymnalone。Thewordsarealwaysthesameinnumber——theyareonlyaboutadozen——thereisnorhyme——thereisnopoetry。\"Hosanna，hosanna，hosannauntothehighest！\"andafewsuchphrasesconstitutethewholeservice。
Meantime，everypersonisplayingonaharp！Considerthedeafeninghurricaneofsound。Consider，further，itisapraiseservice——aserviceofcompliment，flattery，adulation。Doyouaskwhoitisthatiswillingtoendurethisstrangecompliment，thisinsanecompliment，andwhonotonlyenduresitbutlikesit，enjoysit，requiresit，commandsit？Holdyourbreath：ItisGod！Thisrace’sGodImean——theirownpetinvention。
Mostoftheideaspresentedinthishislastcommentaryonhumanabsurditieswerenewonlyastophrasing。Hehadexhaustedthetopiclongago，inonewayoranother；butitwasoneofthethemesinwhichheneverlostinterest。Manysubjectsbecamestaletohimatlast；butthecuriousinventioncalledmanremainedanoveltytohimtotheend。
Frommynote—book：
October25。Iamconstantlyamazedathisknowledgeofhistory——allhistory——religious，political，military。HeseemstohavereadeverythingintheworldconcerningRome，France，andEnglandparticularly。
Lastnightwestoppedplayingbilliardswhilehereviewed，inthemostvividandpicturesquephrasing，thereasonsofRome’sdecline。
Suchapresentationwouldhaveenthralledanyaudience——Icouldnothelpfeelingagreatpitythathehadnotdevotedsomeofhispublicefforttoworkofthatsort。Noonecouldhaveequaledhimatit。
HeconcludedwithsomecommentsonthepossibilityofAmericafollowingRome’sexample，thoughhethoughtthevoteofthepeoplewouldalways，oratleastforalongperiod，preventimperialism。
November1。To—dayhehasbeenabsorbedinhisoldinterestinshorthand。\"Itistheonlyrationalalphabet，\"hedeclared。\"Allthisspellingreformisnonsense。Whatweneedisalphabetreform，andshorthandisthething。TaketheletterM，forinstance；itismadewithonestrokeinshorthand，whileinlonghanditrequiresatleastthree。ThewordMephistophelescanbewritteninshorthandwithone—sixththenumberofstrokesthatisrequiredinlonghand。
Itellyoushorthandshouldbeadoptedasthealphabet。\"
Isaid：\"Thereisthisobjection：thecharactersaresoslightlydifferentthateachwritersoonformsasystemofhisownanditisseldomthattwocanreadeachother’snotes。\"
\"Youaretalkingofstenographicreporting，\"hesaid，ratherwarmly。
\"Nothingofthekindistrueinthecaseoftheregularalphabet。
Itisperfectlyclearandlegible。\"
\"Wouldyouhaveitintheschools，then？\"
\"Yes，itshouldbetaughtintheschools，notforstenographicpurposes，butonlyforuseinwritingtosavetime。\"
Hewasverymuchinearnest，andsaidhehadundertakenanarticleonthesubject。
November3。Hesaidhecouldnotsleeplastnight，forthinkingwhatafoolhehadbeeninhisvariousinvestments。
\"Ihavealwaysbeenthevictimofsomebody，\"hesaid，\"andalwaysanidiotmyself，doingthingsthatevenachildwouldnotdo。Neveraskinganybody’sadvice——nevertakingitwhenitwasoffered。I
can’tseehowanybodycoulddothethingsIhavedoneandhavekeptrightondoing。\"
Icouldseethatthethoughtagitatedhim，andIsuggestedthatwegotohisroomandread，whichwedid，andhadariotoustimeoverthemostrecentchaptersofthe’LettersfromtheEarth’，andsomenoteshehadmadeforfuturechaptersoninfantdamnationandotherdistinctivefeaturesoforthodoxcreeds。HetoldananecdoteofanoldministerwhodeclaredthatPresbyterianismwithoutinfantdamnationwouldbelikethedogonthetrainthatcouldn’tbeidentifiedbecauseithadlostitstag。
SomewhatonthedefensiveIsaid，\"Butwemustadmitthattheso—
calledChristiannationsarethemostenlightenedandprogressive。\"
Heanswered，\"Yes，butinspiteoftheirreligion，notbecauseofit。TheChurchhasopposedeveryinnovationanddiscoveryfromthedayofGalileodowntoourowntime，whentheuseofanestheticsinchild—birthwasregardedasasinbecauseitavoidedthebiblicalcursepronouncedagainstEve。Andeverystepinastronomyandgeologyevertakenhasbeenopposedbybigotryandsuperstition。
TheGreekssurpassedusinartisticcultureandinarchitecturefivehundredyearsbeforetheChristianreligionwasborn。
\"IhavebeenreadingGibbon’scelebratedFifteenthChapter，\"hesaidlater，\"andIdon’tseewhatChristiansfoundagainstit。Itissomild——sogentleinitssarcasm。\"HeaddedthathehadbeenreadingalsoalittlebookofbriefbiographiesandhadfoundinitthesayingofDarwin’sfather，\"UnitarianismisafeatherbedtocatchfallingChristians。\"
\"Iwasgladtofindandidentifythatsaying，\"hesaid；\"itissogood。\"
HefinishedtheeveningbyreadingachapterfromCarlyle’sFrenchRevolution——afinepyrotechnicpassage——thegatheringatVersailles。
IsaidthatCarlylesomehowremindedmeofafervidstump—speakerwhopoundedhisfistsandwentathisaudiencefiercely，determinedtoconvincethem。
\"Yes，\"hesaid，\"butheisthebestonethateverlived。\"
November10。Thismorningearlyheheardmestirringandcalled。I
wentinandfoundhimproppedupwithabook，asusual。Hesaid：
\"IseldomreadChristmasstories，butthisisverybeautiful。Ithasmademecry。Iwantyoutoreadit。\"ItwasBoothTarkington’s’Beasley’sChristmasParty’。\"Tarkingtonhasthetruetouch，\"hesaid；\"hisworkalwayssatisfiesme。\"AnotherbookhehasbeenreadingwithgreatenjoymentisJamesBranchCabell’sChivalry。HecannotsayenoughofthesubtlepoeticartwithwhichCabellhasflungthelightofromanceaboutdarkandsordidchaptersofhistory。
CCLXXVII
MARKTWAIN’SREADING
PerhapshereonemayspeakofMarkTwain’sreadingingeneral。Onthetablebyhim，andonhisbed，andinthebilliard—roomshelveshekeptthebookshereadmost。Theywerenotmany——notmorethanadozen——buttheyweremanifestlyoffamiliarandfrequentusage。All，ornearlyall，hadannotations——spontaneouslyutteredmarginalnotes，titleprefatories，orconcludingcomments。Theywerethebookshehadreadagainandagain，anditwasseldomthathehadnothadsomethingtosaywitheachfreshreading。
TherewerethethreebigvolumesbySaint—Simon——’TheMemoirs’——whichheoncetoldmehehadreadnolessthantwentytimes。Onthefly—leafofthefirstvolumehewroteThis，&Casanova&Pepys，setinparallelcolumns，couldaffordagoodcoupd’oeilofFrench&Englishhighlifeofthatepoch。
Allthroughthosefinelyprintedvolumesarehiscommentaries，sometimesnomorethanaword，sometimesafilled，closelywrittenmargin。HefoundlittletoadmireinthehumannatureofSaint—Simon’speriod——
littletoapproveinSaint—Simonhimselfbeyondhisunrestrainedfrankness，whichheadmiredwithoutstint，andinoneparagraphwherethedetailsofthatearlyperiodaresetdownwithstartlingfidelityhewrote：\"Oh，incomparableSaint—Simon！\"
Saint—Simonisalwaysfrank，andMarkTwainwasequallyso。WheretheformertellsoneoftheunspeakablecompulsionsofLouisXIV。，thelatterhascommented：
WehavetograntthatGodmadethisroyalhog；wemayalsobepermittedtobelievethatitwasacrimetodoso。
Andonanotherpage：
InhermemoriesofthisperiodtheDuchessedeSt。Clairmakesthisstrikingremark：\"Sometimesonecouldtellagentleman，butitwasonlybyhismannerofusinghisfork。\"
HiscommentsontheorthodoxreligionofSaint—Simon’speriodarenotmarkedbygentleness。Oftheauthor’sreferencetotheEdictofNantes，whichhesaysdepopulatedhalfoftherealm，ruineditscommerce，and\"authorizedtormentsandpunishmentsbywhichsomanyinnocentpeopleofbothsexeswerekilledbythousands，\"Clemenswrites：
SomuchbloodhasbeenshedbytheChurchbecauseofanomissionfromtheGospel：\"Yeshallbeindifferentastowhatyourneighbor’sreligionis。\"
Notmerelytolerantofit，butindifferenttoit。Divinityisclaimedformanyreligions；butnoreligionisgreatenoughordivineenoughtoaddthatnewlawtoitscode。
IntheplacewhereSaint—SimondescribesthedeathofMonseigneur，sonoftheking，andthecourthypocritesarewailingtheirextravagantlypretendedsorrow，Clemenswrote：
Itisallsotrue，allsohuman。Godmadetheseanimals。Hemusthavenoticedthisscene；IwishIknewhowitstruckHim。
TherewerenotmanynotesintheSuetonius，norintheCarlyleRevolution，thoughthesewereamongthevolumeshereadoftenest。
Perhapstheyexpressedforhimtoocompletelyandtoorichlytheirsubject—mattertorequireanythingathishand。Hereandtherearemarkedpassagesandoccasionalcross—referencestorelatedhistoryandcircumstance。
TherewasnotmuchroomforcommentonthenarrowmarginsoftheoldcopyofPepys，whichhehadreadsteadilysincetheearlyseventies；buthereandthereafewcrispwords，andtheunderscoringandmarkedpassagesareplentifulenoughtoconveyhisdevotiontothatquaintrecordwhich，perhapsnexttoSuetonius，wasthebookhereadandquotedmost。
FrancisParkman’sCanadianHistorieshehadreadperiodically，especiallythestoryoftheOldRegimeandoftheJesuitsinNorthAmerica。AslateasJanuary，1908，hewroteonthetitle—pageoftheOldRegime：
Veryinteresting。IttellshowpeoplereligiouslyandotherwiseinsanecameoverfromFranceandcolonizedCanada。