IknowyourregimentTheRogue’sMarchisthequickstepwhereyoucomefromYou’reablackshametotheService。”
Golightlykepthistemper，andbeganexplainingalloveragainfromthebeginningThenhewasmarchedoutoftherainintotherefreshment-roomandtoldnottomakeaqualifiedfoolofhimself。
ThemenweregoingtorunhimuptoFortGovindgharAnd“runningup“isaperformancealmostasundignifiedastheFrogMarch。
GolightlywasnearlyhystericalwithrageandthechillandthemistakeandthehandcuffsandtheheadachethatthecutonhisforeheadhadgivenhimHereallylaidhimselfouttoexpresswhatwasinhismindWhenhehadquitefinishedandhisthroatwasfeelingdry，oneofthemensaid：——“I’ve’eardafewbeggarsintheclickblind，stiffandcrackonabit；butI’venever’eardanyonetotouchthis’ere’orficer。’“TheywerenotangrywithhimTheyratheradmiredhimTheyhadsomebeerattherefreshment-room，andofferedGolightlysometoo，becausehehad“sworewon’erful。”
TheyaskedhimtotellthemallabouttheadventuresofPrivateJohnBinklewhilehewaslooseonthecountryside；andthatmadeGolightlywilderthaneverIfhehadkepthiswitsabouthimhewouldhavekeptquietuntilanofficercame；butheattemptedtorun。
NowthebuttofaMartiniinthesmallofyourbackhurtsagreatdeal，androtten，rain-soakedkhakitearseasilywhentwomenarejerkingatyourcollar。
Golightlyrosefromthefloorfeelingverysickandgiddy，withhisshirtrippedopenalldownhisbreastandnearlyalldownhisback。
Heyieldedtohisluck，andatthatpointthedown-trainfromLahorecameincarryingoneofGolightly’sMajors。
ThisistheMajor’sevidenceinfull：——
“Therewasthesoundofascuffleinthesecond-classrefreshment-
room，soIwentinandsawthemostvillainousloaferthatIeverseteyesonHisbootsandbreecheswereplasteredwithmudandbeer-stainsHeworeamuddy-whitedunghillsortofthingonhishead，andithungdowninslipsonhisshoulders，whichwereagooddealscratchedHewashalfinandhalfoutofashirtasnearlyintwopiecesasitcouldbe，andhewasbeggingtheguardtolookatthenameonthetailofitAshehadruckedtheshirtalloverhishead，Icouldn’tatfirstseewhohewas，butIfanciedthathewasamaninthefirststageofDTfromthewayhesworewhilehewrestledwithhisragsWhenheturnedround，andIhadmadeallowanceforalumpasbigasapork-pieoveroneeye，andsomegreenwar-paintontheface，andsomevioletstripesroundtheneck，IsawthatitwasGolightlyHewasverygladtoseeme。”saidtheMajor，“andhehopedIwouldnottelltheMessaboutitIdidn’t，butyoucanifyoulike，nowthatGolightlyhasgoneHome。”
GolightlyspentthegreaterpartofthatsummerintryingtogettheCorporalandthetwosoldierstriedbyCourt-Martialforarrestingan“officerandagentleman。”Theywere，ofcourse，verysorryfortheirerrorButthetaleleakedintotheregimentalcanteen，andthenceranabouttheProvince。
THEHOUSEOFSUDDHOO
Astone’sthrowoutoneitherhandFromthatwell-orderedroadwetread，Andalltheworldiswildandstrange；
ChurelandghoulandDjinnandspriteShallbearuscompanyto-night，ForwehavereachedtheOldestLandWhereinthePowersofDarknessrange。
FromtheDusktotheDawn。
ThehouseofSuddhoo，neartheTaksaliGate，istwo-storied，withfourcarvedwindowsofoldbrownwood，andaflatroofYoumayrecognizeitbyfiveredhand-printsarrangedliketheFiveofDiamondsonthewhitewashbetweentheupperwindows。
BhagwanDass，thebunnia，andamanwhosayshegetshislivingbyseal-cutting，liveinthelowerstorywithatroopofwives，servants，friends，andretainersThetwoupperroomsusedtobeoccupiedbyJanooandAzizunandalittleblack-and-tanterrierthatwasstolenfromanEnglishman’shouseandgiventoJanoobyasoldierTo-day，onlyJanoolivesintheupperroomsSuddhoosleepsontheroofgenerally，exceptwhenhesleepsinthestreetHeusedtogotoPeshawarinthecoldweathertovisithisson，whosellscuriositiesneartheEdwardes’Gate，andthenhesleptunderarealmudroof。
Suddhooisagreatfriendofmine，becausehiscousinhadasonwhosecured，thankstomyrecommendation，thepostofhead-messengertoabigfirmintheStationSuddhoosaysthatGodwillmakemeaLieutenant-GovernoroneofthesedaysIdaresayhisprophecywillcometrueHeisvery，veryold，withwhitehairandnoteethworthshowing，andhehasoutlivedhiswits——outlivednearlyeverythingexcepthisfondnessforhissonatPeshawarJanooandAzizunareKashmiris，LadiesoftheCity，andtheirswasanancientandmoreorlesshonorableprofession；butAzizunhassincemarriedamedicalstudentfromtheNorth-WestandhassettleddowntoamostrespectablelifesomewherenearBareillyBhagwanDassisanextortionateandanadulteratorHeisveryrichThemanwhoissupposedtogethislivingbyseal-cuttingpretendstobeverypoor。
ThisletsyouknowasmuchasisnecessaryofthefourprincipaltenantsinthehouseofSuddhooThenthereisMe，ofcourse；butI
amonlythechorusthatcomesinattheendtoexplainthingsSoI
donotcount。
SuddhoowasnotcleverThemanwhopretendedtocutsealswasthecleverestofthemall——BhagwanDassonlyknewhowtolie——exceptJanooShewasalsobeautiful，butthatwasherownaffair。
Suddhoo’ssonatPeshawarwasattackedbypleurisy，andoldSuddhoowastroubledTheseal-cuttermanheardofSuddhoo’sanxietyandmadecapitaloutofitHewasabreastofthetimesHegotafriendinPeshawartotelegraphdailyaccountsoftheson’shealth。
Andherethestorybegins。
Suddhoo’scousin’ssontoldme，oneevening，thatSuddhoowantedtoseeme；thathewastoooldandfeebletocomepersonally，andthatIshouldbeconferringaneverlastinghonorontheHouseofSuddhooifIwenttohimIwent；butIthink，seeinghowwell-offSuddhoowasthen，thathemighthavesentsomethingbetterthananekka，whichjoltedfearfully，tohauloutafutureLieutenant-GovernortotheCityonamuggyAprileveningTheekkadidnotrunquickly。
ItwasfulldarkwhenwepulledupoppositethedoorofRanjitSingh’sTombnearthemaingateoftheFortHerewasSuddhooandhesaidthat，byreasonofmycondescension，itwasabsolutelycertainthatIshouldbecomeaLieutenant-GovernorwhilemyhairwasyetblackThenwetalkedabouttheweatherandthestateofmyhealth，andthewheatcrops，forfifteenminutes，intheHuzuriBagh，underthestars。
SuddhoocametothepointatlastHesaidthatJanoohadtoldhimthattherewasanorderoftheSirkaragainstmagic，becauseitwasfearedthatmagicmightonedaykilltheEmpressofIndiaIdidn’tknowanythingaboutthestateofthelaw；butIfanciedthatsomethinginterestingwasgoingtohappenIsaidthatsofarfrommagicbeingdiscouragedbytheGovernmentitwashighlycommended。
ThegreatestofficialsoftheStatepracticeditthemselvesIftheFinancialStatementisn’tmagic，Idon’tknowwhatis。Then，toencouragehimfurther，Isaidthat，iftherewasanyjadooafoot，Ihadnottheleastobjectiontogivingitmycountenanceandsanction，andtoseeingthatitwascleanjadoo——whitemagic，asdistinguishedfromtheuncleanjadoowhichkillsfolkIttookalongtimebeforeSuddhooadmittedthatthiswasjustwhathehadaskedmetocomeforThenhetoldme，injerksandquavers，thatthemanwhosaidhecutsealswasasorcererofthecleanestkind；
thateverydayhegaveSuddhoonewsofthesicksoninPeshawarmorequicklythanthelightningcouldfly，andthatthisnewswasalwayscorroboratedbythelettersFurther，thathehadtoldSuddhoohowagreatdangerwasthreateninghisson，whichcouldberemovedbycleanjadoo；and，ofcourse，heavypaymentIbegantoseehowthelandlay，andtoldSuddhoothatIalsounderstoodalittlejadoointheWesternline，andwouldgotohishousetoseethateverythingwasdonedecentlyandinorderWesetofftogether；andonthewaySuddhootoldmehehadpaidtheseal-cutterbetweenonehundredandtwohundredrupeesalready；andthejadooofthatnightwouldcosttwohundredmoreWhichwascheap，hesaid，consideringthegreatnessofhisson’sdanger；butIdonotthinkhemeantit。
ThelightswereallcloakedinthefrontofthehousewhenwearrivedIcouldhearawfulnoisesfrombehindtheseal-cutter’sshop-front，asifsomeoneweregroaninghissouloutSuddhooshookallover，andwhilewegropedourwayupstairstoldmethatthejadoohadbegunJanooandAzizunmetusatthestair-head，andtoldusthatthejadoo-workwascomingoffintheirrooms，becausetherewasmorespacethereJanooisaladyofafreethinkingturnofmindShewhisperedthatthejadoowasaninventiontogetmoneyoutofSuddhoo，andthattheseal-cutterwouldgotoahotplacewhenhediedSuddhoowasnearlycryingwithfearandoldage。
Hekeptwalkingupanddowntheroominthehalflight，repeatinghisson’snameoverandoveragain，andaskingAzizuniftheseal-cutteroughtnottomakeareductioninthecaseofhisownlandlord。
Janoopulledmeovertotheshadowintherecessofthecarvedbow-
windowsTheboardswereup，andtheroomswereonlylitbyonetinylampTherewasnochanceofmybeingseenifIstayedstill。
Presently，thegroansbelowceased，andweheardstepsonthestaircaseThatwastheseal-cutterHestoppedoutsidethedoorastheterrierbarkedandAzizunfumbledatthechain，andhetoldSuddhootoblowoutthelampThislefttheplaceinjetdarkness，exceptfortheredglowfromthetwohuqasthatbelongedtoJanooandAzizunTheseal-cuttercamein，andIheardSuddhoothrowhimselfdownonthefloorandgroanAzizuncaughtherbreath，andJanoobackedtooneofthebedswithashudderTherewasaclinkofsomethingmetallic，andthenshotupapaleblue-greenflamenearthegroundThelightwasjustenoughtoshowAzizun，pressedagainstonecorneroftheroomwiththeterrierbetweenherknees；
Janoo，withherhandsclasped，leaningforwardasshesatonthebed；Suddhoo，facedown，quivering，andtheseal-cutter。
IhopeImayneverseeanothermanlikethatseal-cutterHewasstrippedtothewaist，withawreathofwhitejasmineasthickasmywristroundhisforehead，asalmon-coloredloin-clothroundhismiddle，andasteelbangleoneachankleThiswasnotawe-
inspiringItwasthefaceofthemanthatturnedmecoldItwasblue-grayinthefirstplaceInthesecond，theeyeswererolledbacktillyoucouldonlyseethewhitesofthem；and，inthethird，thefacewasthefaceofademon——aghoul——anythingyoupleaseexceptofthesleek，oilyoldruffianwhosatintheday-timeoverhisturning-lathedownstairsHewaslyingonhisstomach，withhisarmsturnedandcrossedbehindhim，asifhehadbeenthrowndownpinionedHisheadandneckweretheonlypartsofhimoffthefloorTheywerenearlyatrightanglestothebody，liketheheadofacobraatspringItwasghastlyInthecentreoftheroom，onthebareearthfloor，stoodabig，deep，brassbasin，withapaleblue-greenlightfloatinginthecentrelikeanight-lightRoundthatbasinthemanonthefloorwriggledhimselfthreetimesHowhediditIdonotknowIcouldseethemusclesripplealonghisspineandfallsmoothagain；butIcouldnotseeanyothermotion。
Theheadseemedtheonlythingaliveabouthim，exceptthatslowcurlanduncurlofthelaboringback-musclesJanoofromthebedwasbreathingseventytotheminute；Azizunheldherhandsbeforehereyes；andoldSuddhoo，fingeringatthedirtthathadgotintohiswhitebeard，wascryingtohimselfThehorrorofitwasthatthecreeping，crawlythingmadenosound——onlycrawled！And，remember，thislastedfortenminutes，whiletheterrierwhined，andAzizunshuddered，andJanoogasped，andSuddhoocried。
Ifeltthehairliftatthebackofmyhead，andmyheartthumplikeathermantidotepaddleLuckily，theseal-cutterbetrayedhimselfbyhismostimpressivetrickandmademecalmagainAfterhehadfinishedthatunspeakabletriplecrawl，hestretchedhisheadawayfromthefloorashighashecould，andsentoutajetoffirefromhisnostrilsNow，Iknewhowfire-spoutingisdone——Icandoitmyself——soIfeltateaseThebusinesswasafraudIfhehadonlykepttothatcrawlwithouttryingtoraisetheeffect，goodnessknowswhatImightnothavethoughtBoththegirlsshriekedatthejetoffireandtheheaddropped，chindown，onthefloorwithathud；thewholebodylyingthenlikeacorpsewithitsarmstrussed。
Therewasapauseoffivefullminutesafterthis，andtheblue-
greenflamedieddownJanoostoopedtosettleoneofheranklets，whileAzizunturnedherfacetothewallandtooktheterrierinherarmsSuddhooputoutanarmmechanicallytoJanoo’shuqa，andshesliditacrossthefloorwithherfootDirectlyabovethebodyandonthewall，wereacoupleofflamingportraits，instampedpaperframes，oftheQueenandthePrinceofWalesTheylookeddownontheperformance，and，tomythinking，seemedtoheightenthegrotesquenessofitall。