TheybroughtthenewstoRevereandhegroaned“AnyonebutBobbyandIshouldn’thavecared！TheSergeant-Majorwasright。”
“Notgoingoutthisjourney。”gaspedBobby，ashewasliftedfromthedoolie“Notgoingoutthisjourney。”Thenwithanairofsupremeconviction-“Ican’t，yousee。”
“NotifIcandoanything！”saidtheSurgeon-Major，whohadhastenedoverfromthemesswherehehadbeendining。
HeandtheRegimentalSurgeonfoughttogetherwithDeathforthelifeofBobbyWickTheirworkwasinterruptedbyahairyapparitioninablue-greydressing-gownwhostaredinhorroratthebedandcried-“Oh，myGawdItcan’tbe’im！”untilanindignantHospitalOrderlywhiskedhimaway。
Ifcareofmananddesiretolivecouldhavedoneaught，BobbywouldhavebeensavedAsitwas，hemadeafightofthreedays，andtheSurgeon-Major’sbrowuncreased“We’llsavehimyet。”hesaid；andtheSurgeon，who，thoughherankedwiththeCaptain，hadaveryyouthfulheart，wentoutuponthewordandprancedjoyouslyinthemud。
“Notgoingoutthisjourney。”whisperedBobbyWick，gallantly，attheendofthethirdday。
“Bravo！”saidtheSurgeon-Major“That’sthewaytolookatit，Bobby。”
AseveningfellagreyshadegatheredroundBobby’smouth，andheturnedhisfacetothetentwallwearilyTheSurgeon-Majorfrowned。
“I’mawfullytired。”saidBobby，veryfaintly“What’stheuseofbotheringmewithmedicine？
I~on’t-want-itLetmealone。”
Thedesireforlifehaddeparted，andBobbywascontenttodriftawayontheeasytideofDeath。
“It’snogood。”saidtheSurgeonMajor“Hedoesn’twanttolive。
He’smeetingit，poorchild。”Andheblewhisnose。
Halfamileaway，theregimentalbandwasplayingtheoverturetotheSing。
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song，forthemenhadbeentoldthatBobbywasoutofdanger。
TheclashofthebrassandthewailofthehornsreachedBobby’sears。
Isthereasinglejoyorpain，ThatIshouldneverkno~ow？
Youdonot~oveme，’tisinvain，Bidmegood-byeandgo！
Anexpressionofhopelessirritationcrossedtheboy’sface，andhetriedtoshakehishead。
TheSurgeon-Majorbentdown-“Whatisit？Bobby？”-“Notthatwaltz。”mutteredBobby。
“That’sourown-ourveryownestown。
Mummydear。”
Withthishesankintothestuporthatgaveplacetodeathearlynextmorning。
Revere，hiseyesredattherimsandhisnoseverywhite，wentintoBobby’stenttowritealettertoPapaWickwhichshouldbowthewhiteheadoftheex-CommissionerofChota-BuldanainthekeenestsorrowofhislifeBobby’slittlestoreofpaperslayinconfusiononthetable，andamongthemahalf-finishedletterThelastsentenceran：
“Soyousee，darling，thereisreallynofear，becauseaslongasI
knowyoucareformeandIcareforyou，nothingcantouchme。”
ReverestayedinthetentforanhourWhenhecameout，hiseyeswereredderthanever。
PrivateConklinsatonaturned-downbucket，andlistenedtoanotunfamiliartunePrivateConklinwasaconvalescentandshouldhavebeentenderlytreated。
“Ho！”saidPrivateConklin“There’sanotherbloomin’orf’cerda~d。”
Thebucketshotfromunderhim，andhiseyesfilledwithasmithyfulofsparksAtallmaninablue-greybedgownwasregardinghimwithdeepdisfavor。
“Yououghttotakeshameforyourself，Conky！Orf’cer？-bloomin’
orf’cer？I’lllearnyoutomisnamethelikesof’imHangel！Bloomin’Hangel！That’swot’eis！”
AndtheHospitalOrderlywassosatisfiedwiththejusticeofthepunishmentthathedidnotevenorderPrivateDormerbacktohiscot。
IntheMatterofaPrivateHurrah！hurrah！asoldier’slifeforme！Shout，boys，shout！foritmakesyoujollyandfree-
TheRamrodCorps。
PEOPLEwhohaveseen，saythatoneofthequaintestspectaclesofhumanfrailtyisanoutbreakofhystericsinagirls’schoolItstartswithoutwarning，generallyonahotafternoonamongtheelderpupilsAgirlgigglestillthegigglegetsbeyondcontrol。
Thenshethrowsupherhead，andcries，“Honk，honk，honk。”likeawildgoose，andtearsmixwiththelaughterIfthen，istresbewiseshewillrapoutsometl~ngsevercatthispoint0checkmattersIfshebetender-hearted，andsendforadrinkofwater，thechancesarelargelyini42
WORKSOFRUDYARDKIPLING
favorofanothergirllaughingattheafflictedoneandherselfcollapsingThusLhetroublespreads，andmayendinhalfofwhatanswerstotheLowerSixthofaboys’schoolrockingandwhoopingtogetherGivenaweekofwarmweather，twostatelypromenadesperdiem，aheavymuttonandricemealinthemiddleoftheday，acertainamountofnaggingfromtheteachers，andafewotherthings，someamazingeffectsdevelopAtleastthisiswhatfolksaywhohavehadexperience。
Now，theMotherSuperiorofaConventandtheColonelofaBritishInfantryRegimentwouldbejustlyshockedatanycomparisonbeingmadebetweentheirrespectivechargesButitisafactthat，undercertaincircumstances，Thomasinbulkcanbeworkedupintoditthering，ripplinghysteriaHedoesnotweep，butheshowshistroubleunmistakably，andtheconsequencesgetintothenewspapers，andallthegoodpeoplewhohardlyknowaMartinifrom~Snidersay：
“Takeawaythebrute’sammunition！”
Thomasisn’tabrute，andhisbusiness，whichistolookafterthevirtuouspeople，nemandsthatheshallhavehisam-munitiontohishandHedoesn’twearsilkstockings，andhereallyoughttohesuppliedwithanewAdjectivetohelphimtoexpresshisopinions；but，forallthat，heisagreatmanIfyoucallhim“theheroicdefenderofthenationalhonor“oneday，and“abrutalandlicentioussoldiery“thenext，younaturallybewilderhim，andhelooksuponyouwithsuspicion。
ThereisnobodytospeakforThomasexceptpeoplewhohavetheoriestoworkoffonhim；andnobodyunderstandsThomasexceptThomas，andhedoesnotalwayskno~whatisthematterwithhimself。
ThatistheprologueThisisthestory：
CorporalSlanewasengagedtobemarriedtoMissJhansiM’Kenna，whosehistoryiswellknownintheregimentandelsewhereHehadhisColonel’spermission，and，beingpopularwiththemen，everyarrangementhadbeenmadetogivetheweddingwhatPrivateOrtheriscalled“eeklar。”Itfellintheheartofthehotweather，and，afterthewedding，SlanewasgoinguptotheHillswiththeBrideNonetheless，Slane’sgrievancewasthattheaffairwouldheonlyahired-carriagewedding，andhefeltthatthe“eeklar“ofthatwasmeagreMissM’KennadidnotcaresomuchTheSergeant’swifewashelpinghertomakeherwedding-dress，andshewasverybusySlanewas，justthen，theonlymoderatelycontentedmaninbarracksAlltherestweremoreorlessmiserable。
Andtheyhadsomuchtomakethemhappy，tooAlltheirworkwasoverateightinthemorning，andfortherestofthedaytheycouldlieontheirbacksandsmokeCanteen-plugandswearatthepunkab-cooliesTheyenjoyedafine，fullfleshmealinthemiddleoftheday，andthenthrewthemselvesdownontheircot~andsweatedandslepttillitwascoolenoughtogooutwiththeir“towny。”whosevocabularycontainedlessthansixhundredwords，andtheAdjective，andwhoseviewsoneveryconceivablequestiontheyhadheardmanytimesbefore。
TherewastheCanteen，ofcourse，andtherewastheTemperanceRoomwiththesecond-handpapersinit；butINThEMATTEROFAPRIVATE
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amanofanyprofessioncannotreadforeighthoursadayinatemperatureof960or980intheshade，runningupsometimesto1030atmidnightVeryfewmen，eventhoughtheygetapannikinofflat，stale，muddybeerandhideitundertheircots，cancontinuedrinkmgforsixhoursadayOnemantried，buthedied，andnearlythewholeregimentwenttohisfuneralbecauseitgavethemsomethingtodoItwastooearlyfortheexcitementoffeverorcholera。
Themencouldonlywaitandwaitandwait，andwatchtheshadowofthebarrackcreepingacrosstheblindingwhitedustThatwasagaylife。
Theyloungedaboutcantonments-itwastoohotforanysortofgame，andalmosttoohotforvice-andfuddledthemselvesintheevening，andfilledthemselvestodistensionwiththehealthynitrogenousfoodprovidedforthem，andthemoretheystokedthelessexercisetheytookandmoreexplosivetheygrewThentempersbegantowearaway，andmenfella-broodingoverinsultsrealorimaginary，fortheyhadnothingelsetothinkofThetoneofthereparteeschanged，andinsteadofsayinglight-heartedly：“I’llknockyoursillyfacein。”mengrewlaboriouslyp0liteandhintedthatthecantonmentswerenotbigenoughforthemselvesandtheirenemy，andthattherewouldhemorespaceforoneofthetwoinanotherplace。
ItmayhavebeentheDevilwhoarrangedthething，butthefactof，hecaseisthatLossonhadforalongtimebeenworryingSimmonsinanaimlesswayItgavehimoccupationThetwohadtheircotssidebyside，andwouldsometimesspendalongafternoonswearingateachother；butSimmonswasafraidofLossonanddarednotchallengehimtoafightHethoughtoverthewordsinthehotstillnights，andhalfthehatehefelttowardLossonbeventedonthewretchedpunkahcoolie。
Lossonboughtaparrotinthebazar，andputitintoalittlecage，andloweredthecageintothecooldarknessofawell，andsatonthewell-curb，shoutingbadlanguagedowntotheparrotHetaughtittosay：“Simmons，yeso-oor。”whichmeansswine，andseveralotherthingsentirelyunfitforpublicationHewasabiggrossman，andheshooklikeajellywhentheparrothadthesentencecorrectlySimmons，however，shookwithrage，foralltheroomwerelaughingathim-theparrotwassuchadisreputablepuffofgreenfeathersanditlookedsohumanwhenitchatteredLossonusedtosit，swinginghisfatlegs，onthesideofthecot，andasktheparrotwhatitthoughtofSimmonsTheparrotwouldanswer：
“Simmons，yeso-oor。”“Goodboy。”Lossonusedtosay，scratchingtheparrot’shead；“ye’earthat，Sim？”AndSimmonsusedtoturnoveronhisstomachandmakeanswer：“I’earTake’eedyoudon’t’earsomethingoneofthesedays。”
Intherestlessnights，afterhehadbeenasleepallday，fitsofblindragecameuponSimmonrandheldhimtillhetrembledallover，whilehethoughtinhowmanydifferentwayshewouldslayLossonSometimeshewouldpicturehimselftramplingthelifeoutoftheman，withheavyammunition-boots，andatotherssmashinginhisfacewith244
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thebutt，andatoth~r~jumpingonhisshouldersanddraggingtheheadbacktillthenecKbonecrackedThenhismouthwouldfeelhotandfevered，andhewouldreachoutforanothersupofthebeerintuepannikin。
ButthefancythatcametohimmostfrequentlyandstayedwithhimlongestwasoneconnectedwiththegreatrolloffatunderLosson’srightearHenoticeditfirstonamoonlightnight，andthereafteritwasalwaysbeforehiseyesItwasafascinatingrolloffatAmancouldgethishanduponitandtearawayonesideoftheneck；orhecouldplacethemuzzleofarifleonitandblowawayalltheheadinaflashLossonhadnorighttobesleekandcontentedandwell-to-do，whenhe，Simmons，wasthebuttoftheroom，Someday，perhaps，hewouldshowthosewholaughedatthe“Simmons，yeso-oor“joke，thathewasasgoodastherest，andheldaman’slifeinthecrookofhisforefingerWhenLossonsnored，SimmonshatedhimmorebitterlythaneverWhyshouldLossonbeabletosleepwhenSimmonshadtostayawakehourafterhour，tossingandturningonthetapes，withthedullliverpaingnawingintohisrightsideandhisheadthrobbingandachingafterCanteen？Hethoughtoverthisformanynights，andtheworldbecameunprofitabletohimHeevenbluntedhisnaturallyfineappetitewithbeerandtobacco；andallthewhiletheparrottalkedatandmadeamockofhim。
TheheatcontinuedandthetempersworeawaymorequicklythanbeforeASergeant’swifediedofheat-apoplexyinthenight，andtherumorranabroadthatitwascholeraMenrejoicedopenly，hopingthatitwouldspreadandsendthemintocamp。
Butthatwasafalsealarm。
ItwaslateonaTuesdayevening，andthemenwerewaitinginthedeepdoubleverandasfor“LastPosts。”whenSimmonswenttotheboxatthefootofhisbed，tookauthispipe，andslammedtheliddownwithabangthatechoedthroughthedesertedbarracklikethecrackofarifleOrdinarilyspeaking，themenwouldhavetakennonotice；
buttheirnerveswerefrettedtofiddle-stringsTheyjumpedup，andthreeorfourclatteredintothebarrack-roomonlytofindSimmonskneelingbyhisbox。
“OwlIt’syou，isit？”theysaidandlaughedfoolishly“Weth0ught’twas“-SimmonsroseslowlyIfth~accidenthadsoshakenhisfellows，whatwouldnottherealitydo？
“Youthoughtitwas-didyou？Andwhatmakesyouthink？”hesaid，iashmghimselfintomadnessashewenton；“toHellwithyourthinking，yedirtyspies。”
“Simmons，yeso-oor。”chuckledtheparrotintheveranda，sleepily，recognizingawell-knownvoiceNowthatwasabsolutelyall。
ThetensionsnappedSimmonsfellbackonthearm-rackdeliberately，-themenwereatthefarendoftheroom，-andtookouthisrifleandpacketofammunition。
“Don’tgo~layingthegoat，Sim！”saidLosson“Putitdown。”buttherewasaquaverinhisvoiceAnothermanstooped，slippedhisbootandhurleditatSimmon’sheadThepromptanswerwasashotINThEMATTEROFAPRIVATE