第59章
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  “Nottowhatismosteasy,buttowhatishardest;

  “Nottowhattastesbest,buttowhatismostdistasteful;

  “Nottowhatmostpleases,buttowhatdisgusts;

  “Nottomatterofconsolation,buttomatterfordesolationrather;

  “Nottorest,buttolabor;

  “Nottodesirethemore,buttheless;

  “Nottoaspiretowhatishighestandmostprecious,buttowhatislowestandmostcontemptible;

  “Nottowillanything,buttowillnothing;

  “Nottoseekthebestineverything,buttoseektheworst,sothatyoumayenterfortheloveofChristintoacompletedestitution,aperfectpovertyofspirit,andanabsoluterenunciationofeverythinginthisworld。

  “Embracethesepracticeswithalltheenergyofyoursoulandyouwillfindinashorttimegreatdelightsandunspeakableconsolations。

  “Despiseyourself,andwishthatothersshoulddespiseyou;

  “Speaktoyourowndisadvantage,anddesireotherstodothesame;

  “Conceivealowopinionofyourself,andfinditgoodwhenothersholdthesame;

  “Toenjoythetasteofallthings,havenotasteforanything。

  “Toknowallthings,learntoknownothing。

  “Topossessallthings,resolvetopossessnothing。

  “Tobeallthings,bewillingtobenothing。

  “Togettowhereyouhavenotasteforanything,gothroughwhateverexperiencesyouhavenotastefor。

  “Tolearntoknownothing,gowhitheryouareignorant。

  “Toreachwhatyoupossessnot,gowhithersoeveryouownnothing。

  “Tobewhatyouarenot,experiencewhatyouarenot。”

  Theselaterversesplaywiththatvertigoofself-contradictionwhichissodeartomysticism。Thosethatcomenextarecompletelymystical,forinthemSaintJohnpassesfromGodtothemoremetaphysicalnotionoftheAll。

  “Whenyoustopatonething,youceasetoopenyourselftotheAll。

  “FortocometotheAllyoumustgiveuptheAll。

  “AndifyoushouldattaintoowningtheAll,youmustownit,desiringNothing。

  “Inthisspoliation,thesoulfindsitstranquillityandrest。

  Profoundlyestablishedinthecentreofitsownnothingness,itcanbeassailedbynaughtthatcomesfrombelow;andsinceitnolongerdesiresanything,whatcomesfromabovecannotdepressit;

  foritsdesiresalonearethecausesofitswoes。”[182]

  [182]SaintJeandelaCroix,vieetOeuvres,Paris,1893,ii。

  94,99,abridged。

  Andnow,asamoreconcreteexampleofheads4and5,infactofallourheadstogether,andoftheirrationalextremetowhichapsychopathicindividualmaygointhelineofbodilyausterity,I

  willquotethesincereSuso’saccountofhisownself-tortures。

  Suso,youwillremember,wasoneofthefourteenthcenturyGermanmystics;hisautobiography,writteninthethirdperson,isaclassicreligiousdocument。

  “Hewasinhisyouthofatemperamentfulloffireandlife;andwhenthisbegantomakeitselffelt,itwasverygrievoustohim;

  andhesoughtbymanydeviceshowhemightbringhisbodyintosubjection。Heworeforalongtimeahairshirtandanironchain,untilthebloodranfromhim,sothathewasobligedtoleavethemoff。Hesecretlycausedanundergarmenttobemadeforhim;andintheundergarmenthehadstripsofleatherfixed,intowhichahundredandfiftybrassnails,pointedandfiledsharp,weredriven,andthepointsofthenailswerealwaysturnedtowardstheflesh。Hehadthisgarmentmadeverytight,andsoarrangedastogoroundhimandfasteninfrontinorderthatitmightfittheclosertohisbody,andthepointednailsmightbedrivenintohisflesh;anditwashighenoughtoreachupwardstohisnavel。Inthisheusedtosleepatnight。Nowinsummer,whenitwashot,andhewasverytiredandillfromhisjourneyings,orwhenheheldtheofficeoflecturer,hewouldsometimes,ashelaythusinbonds,andoppressedwithtoil,andtormentedalsobynoxiousinsects,cryaloudandgivewaytofretfulness,andtwistroundandroundinagony,asawormdoeswhenrunthroughwithapointedneedle。Itoftenseemedtohimasifhewerelyinguponanant-hill,fromthetorturecausedbytheinsects;forifhewishedtosleep,orwhenhehadfallenasleep,theyviedwithoneanother。[183]SometimeshecriedtoAlmightyGodinthefullnessofhisheart:Alas!GentleGod,whatadyingisthis!Whenamaniskilledbymurderersorstrongbeastsofpreyitissoonover;butIliedyinghereunderthecruelinsects,andyetcannotdie。Thenightsinwinterwereneversolong,norwasthesummersohot,astomakehimleaveoffthisexercise。Onthecontrary,hedevisedsomethingfarther——twoleathernloopsintowhichheputhishands,andfastenedoneoneachsidehisthroat,andmadethefasteningssosecurethatevenifhiscellhadbeenonfireabouthim,hecouldnothavehelpedhimself。Thishecontinueduntilhishandsandarmshadbecomealmosttremulouswiththestrain,andthenhedevisedsomethingelse:twoleathergloves;andhecausedabraziertofitthemalloverwithsharp-pointedbrasstacks,andheusedtoputthemonatnight,inorderthatifheshouldtrywhileasleeptothrowoffthehairundergarment,orrelievehimselffromthegnawingsofthevileinsects,thetacksmightthenstickintohisbody。Andsoitcametopass。Ifeverhesoughttohelphimselfwithhishandsinhissleep,hedrovethesharptacksintohisbreast,andtorehimself,sothathisfleshfestered。Whenaftermanyweeksthewoundshadhealed,hetorehimselfagainandmadefreshwounds。

  [183]“Insects。”i。e。lice,wereanunfailingtokenofmediaevalsainthood。WereadofFrancisofAssisi’ssheepskinthat“oftenacompanionofthesaintwouldtakeittothefiretocleananddispediculateit,doingso,ashesaid,becausetheseraphicfatherhimselfwasnoenemyofpedocchi,butonthecontrarykeptthemonhimleportavaadossoandhelditforanhonorandaglorytowearthesecelestialpearlsinhishabit。QuotedbyP。

  Sabatier:SpeculumPerfectionis,etc。,Paris,1898,p。231,note。

  “Hecontinuedthistormentingexerciseforaboutsixteenyears。

  Attheendofthistime,whenhisbloodwasnowchilled,andthefireofhistemperamentdestroyed,thereappearedtohiminavisiononWhitsunday,amessengerfromheaven,whotoldhimthatGodrequiredthisofhimnolonger。Whereuponhediscontinuedit,andthrewallthesethingsawayintoarunningstream。”

  Susothentellshow,toemulatethesorrowsofhiscrucifiedLord,hemadehimselfacrosswiththirtyprotrudingironneedlesandnails。Thisheboreonhisbarebackbetweenhisshouldersdayandnight。“Thefirsttimethathestretchedoutthiscrossuponhisbackhistenderframewasstruckwithterroratit,andbluntedthesharpnailsslightlyagainstastone。Butsoon,repentingofthiswomanlycowardice,hepointedthemallagainwithafile,andplacedoncemorethecrossuponhim。Itmadehisback,wherethebonesare,bloodyandseared。Wheneverhesatdownorstoodup,itwasasifahedgehog-skinwereonhim。

  Ifanyonetouchedhimunawares,orpushedagainsthisclothes,ittorehim。”

  Susonexttellsofhispenitencesbymeansofstrikingthiscrossandforcingthenailsdeeperintotheflesh,andlikewiseofhisself-scourgings——adreadfulstory——andthengoesonasfollows:

  “AtthissameperiodtheServitorprocuredanoldcastawaydoor,andheusedtolieuponitatnightwithoutanybedclothestomakehimcomfortable,exceptthathetookoffhisshoesandwrappedathickcloakroundhim。Hethussecuredforhimselfamostmiserablebed;forhardpea-stalkslayinhumpsunderhishead,thecrosswiththesharpnailsstuckintohisback,hisarmswerelockedfastinbonds,thehorsehairundergarmentwasroundhisloins,andthecloaktoowasheavyandthedoorhard。

  Thushelayinwretchedness,afraidtostir,justlikealog,andhewouldsendupmanyasightoGod。

  “Inwinterhesufferedverymuchfromthefrost。Ifhestretchedouthisfeettheylaybareonthefloorandfroze,ifhegatheredthemupthebloodbecameallonfireinhislegs,andthiswasgreatpain。Hisfeetwerefullofsores,hislegsdropsical,hiskneesbloodyandseared,hisloinscoveredwithscarsfromthehorsehair,hisbodywasted,hismouthparchedwithintensethirst,andhishandstremulousfromweakness。Amidthesetormentshespenthisnightsanddays;andheenduredthemalloutofthegreatnessofthelovewhichheboreinhishearttotheDivineandEternalWisdom,ourLordJesusChrist,whoseagonizingsufferingshesoughttoimitate。Afteratimehegaveupthispenitentialexerciseofthedoor,andinsteadofithetookuphisabodeinaverysmallcell,andusedthebench,whichwassonarrowandshortthathecouldnotstretchhimselfuponit,ashisbed。Inthishole,oruponthedoor,helayatnightinhisusualbonds,forabouteightyears。Itwasalsohiscustom,duringthespaceoftwenty-fiveyears,providedhewasstayingintheconvent,nevertogoaftercomplineinwinterintoanywarmroom,ortotheconventstovetowarmhimself,nomatterhowcolditmightbe,unlesshewasobligedtodosoforotherreasons。Throughoutalltheseyearshenevertookabath,eitherawaterorasweatingbath;andthishedidinordertomortifyhiscomfort-seekingbody。Hepracticedduringalongtimesuchrigidpovertythathewouldneitherreceivenortouchapenny,eitherwithleaveorwithoutit。Foraconsiderabletimehestrovetoattainsuchahighdegreeofpuritythathewouldneitherscratchnortouchanypartofhisbody,saveonlyhishandsandfeet。”[184]

  [184]TheLifeoftheBlessedHenrySuso,byHimself,translatedbyT。F。Knox,London,1865,pp。56-80,abridged。

  IspareyoutherecitalofpoorSuso’sself-inflictedtorturesfromthirst。Itispleasanttoknowthatafterhisfortiethyear,Godshowedhimbyaseriesofvisionsthathehadsufficientlybrokendownthenaturalman,andthathemightleavetheseexercisesoff。Hiscaseisdistinctlypathological,buthedoesnotseemtohavehadthealleviation,whichsomeasceticshaveenjoyed,ofanalterationofsensibilitycapableofactuallyturningtormentintoaperversekindofpleasure。OfthefounderoftheSacredHeartorder,forexample,wereadthat“Herloveofpainandsufferingwasinsatiable……Shesaidthatshecouldcheerfullylivetillthedayofjudgment,providedshemightalwayshavematterforsufferingforGod;butthattoliveasingledaywithoutsufferingwouldbeintolerable。Shesaidagainthatshewasdevouredwithtwounassuageablefevers,onefortheholycommunion,theotherforsuffering,humiliation,andannihilation。’Nothingbutpain,’shecontinuallysaidinherletters,’makesmylifesupportable。’“[185]

  [185]Bougaud:HistdelabienheureuseMargueriteMarie,Paris,1894,pp。265,171。Compare,also,pp。386,387。

  Somuchforthephenomenatowhichtheasceticimpulsewillincertainpersonsgiverise。Intheecclesiasticallyconsecratedcharacterthreeminorbranchesofself-mortificationhavebeenrecognizedasindispensablepathwaystoperfection。Irefertothechastity,obedience,andpovertywhichthemonkvowstoobserve;andupontheheadsofobedienceandpovertyIwillmakeafewremarks。

  First,ofObedience。Thesecularlifeofourtwentiethcenturyopenswiththisvirtueheldinnohighesteem。Thedutyoftheindividualtodeterminehisownconductandprofitorsufferbytheconsequencesseems,onthecontrary,tobeoneofourbestrootedcontemporaryProtestantsocialideals。Somuchsothatitisdifficultevenimaginativelytocomprehendhowmenpossessedofaninnerlifeoftheirowncouldeverhavecometothinkthesubjectionofitswilltothatofotherfinitecreaturesrecommendable。Iconfessthattomyselfitseemssomethingofamystery。Yetitevidentlycorrespondstoaprofoundinteriorneedofmanypersons,andwemustdoourbesttounderstandit。

  Onthelowestpossibleplane,oneseeshowtheexpediencyofobedienceinafirmecclesiasticalorganizationmusthaveledtoitsbeingviewedasmeritorious。Next,experienceshowsthattherearetimesineveryone’slifewhenonecanbebettercounseledbyothersthanbyone’sself。Inabilitytodecideisoneofthecommonestsymptomsoffatiguednerves;friendswhoseeourtroublesmorebroadly,oftenseethemmorewiselythanwedo;

  soitisfrequentlyanactofexcellentvirtuetoconsultandobeyadoctor,apartner,orawife。But,leavingtheselowerprudentialregions,wefind,inthenatureofsomeofthespiritualexcitementswhichwehavebeenstudying,goodreasonsforidealizingobedience。Obediencemayspringfromthegeneralreligiousphenomenonofinnersofteningandself-surrenderandthrowingone’sselfonhigherpowers。Sosavingaretheseattitudesfelttobethatinthemselves,apartfromutility,theybecomeideallyconsecrated;andinobeyingamanwhosefallibilityweseethroughthoroughly,we,nevertheless,mayfeelmuchaswedowhenweresignourwilltothatofinfinitewisdom。

  Addself-despairandthepassionofself-crucifixiontothis,andobediencebecomesanasceticsacrifice,agreeablequiteirrespectiveofwhateverprudentialusesitmighthave。

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