Closeathandcamethehowlingofmanywolves。Itwasalmostasifthesoundsprangupattherisingofhishand,justasthemusicofagreatorchestraseemstoleapunderthebatonoftheconductor。
Afterapauseofamoment,heproceeded,inhisstatelyway,tothedoor,drewbacktheponderousbolts,unhookedtheheavychains,andbegantodrawitopen。
TomyintenseastonishmentIsawthatitwasunlocked。
Suspiciously,Ilookedallround,butcouldseenokeyofanykind。
Asthedoorbegantoopen,thehowlingofthewolveswithoutgrewlouderandangrier。Theirredjaws,withchampingteeth,andtheirblunt-clawedfeetastheyleaped,cameinthroughtheopeningdoor。
IknewthanthattostruggleatthemomentagainsttheCountwasuseless。
Withsuchalliesastheseathiscommand,Icoulddonothing。
Butstillthedoorcontinuedslowlytoopen,andonlytheCount\'sbodystoodinthegap。Suddenlyitstruckmethatthismightbethemomentandmeansofmydoom。
Iwastobegiventothewolves,andatmyowninstigation。
TherewasadiabolicalwickednessintheideagreatenoughfortheCount,andasthelastchanceIcriedout,“Shutthedoor!
Ishallwaittillmorning。“AndIcoveredmyfacewithmyhandstohidemytearsofbitterdisappointment。
Withonesweepofhispowerfularm,theCountthrewthedoorshut,andthegreatboltsclangedandechoedthroughthehallastheyshotbackintotheirplaces。
Insilencewereturnedtothelibrary,andafteraminuteortwoIwenttomyownroom。ThelastIsawofCountDraculawashiskissinghishandtome,witharedlightoftriumphinhiseyes,andwithasmilethatJudasinhellmightbeproudof。
WhenIwasinmyroomandabouttoliedown,IthoughtIheardawhisperingatmydoor。Iwenttoitsoftlyandlistened。
Unlessmyearsdeceivedme,IheardthevoiceoftheCount。
“Back!Backtoyourownplace!Yourtimeisnotyetcome。Wait!Havepatience!Tonightismine。
Tomorrownightisyours!”
Therewasalow,sweetrippleoflaughter,andinarageIthrewopenthedoor,andsawwithoutthethreeterriblewomenlickingtheirlips。
AsIappeared,theyalljoinedinahorriblelaugh,andranaway。
Icamebacktomyroomandthrewmyselfonmyknees。
Itisthensoneartheend?Tomorrow!Tomorrow!Lord,helpme,andthosetowhomIamdear!
30June——ThesemaybethelastwordsIeverwriteinthisdiary。
Islepttilljustbeforethedawn,andwhenIwokethrewmyselfonmyknees,forIdeterminedthatifDeathcameheshouldfindmeready。
AtlastIfeltthatsubtlechangeintheair,andknewthatthemorninghadcome。Thencamethewelcomecockcrow,andIfeltthatIwassafe。
Withagladheart,Iopenedthedoorandrandownthehall。
Ihadseenthatthedoorwasunlocked,andnowescapewasbeforeme。
Withhandsthattrembledwitheagerness,Iunhookedthechainsandthrewbackthemassivebolts。
Butthedoorwouldnotmove。Despairseizedme。Ipulledandpulledatthedoor,andshookittill,massiveasitwas,itrattledinitscasement。Icouldseetheboltshot。
IthadbeenlockedafterIlefttheCount。
Thenawilddesiretookmetoobtainthekeyatanyrisk,andIdeterminedthenandtheretoscalethewallagain,andgaintheCount\'sroom。Hemightkillme,butdeathnowseemedthehappierchoiceofevils。WithoutapauseIrusheduptotheeastwindow,andscrambleddownthewall,asbefore,intotheCount\'sroom。Itwasempty,butthatwasasIexpected。
Icouldnotseeakeyanywhere,buttheheapofgoldremained。
Iwentthroughthedoorinthecorneranddownthewindingstairandalongthedarkpassagetotheoldchapel。
IknewnowwellenoughwheretofindthemonsterIsought。
Thegreatboxwasinthesameplace,closeagainstthewall,butthelidwaslaidonit,notfasteneddown,butwiththenailsreadyintheirplacestobehammeredhome。
IknewImustreachthebodyforthekey,soIraisedthelid,andlaiditbackagainstthewall。AndthenIsawsomethingwhichfilledmyverysoulwithhorror。TherelaytheCount,butlookingasifhisyouthhadbeenhalfrestored。
Forthewhitehairandmoustachewerechangedtodarkiron-grey。Thecheekswerefuller,andthewhiteskinseemedruby-redunderneath。Themouthwasredderthanever,foronthelipsweregoutsoffreshblood,whichtrickledfromthecornersofthemouthandrandownoverthechinandneck。
Eventhedeep,burningeyesseemedsetamongstswollenflesh,forthelidsandpouchesunderneathwerebloated。Itseemedasifthewholeawfulcreatureweresimplygorgedwithblood。
Helaylikeafilthyleech,exhaustedwithhisrepletion。
IshudderedasIbentovertotouchhim,andeverysenseinmerevoltedatthecontact,butIhadtosearch,orIwaslost。
Thecomingnightmightseemyownbodyabanquetinasimilarwartothosehorridthree。Ifeltalloverthebody,butnosigncouldIfindofthekey。ThenIstoppedandlookedattheCount。
Therewasamockingsmileonthebloatedfacewhichseemedtodrivememad。ThiswasthebeingIwashelpingtotransfertoLondon,where,perhaps,forcenturiestocomehemight,amongstitsteemingmillions,satiatehislustforblood,andcreateanewandever-wideningcircleofsemi-demonstobattenonthehelpless。
Theverythoughtdrovememad。Aterribledesirecameuponmetoridtheworldofsuchamonster。
Therewasnolethalweaponathand,butIseizedashovelwhichtheworkmenhadbeenusingtofillthecases,andliftingithigh,struck,withtheedgedownward,atthehatefulface。
ButasIdidsotheheadturned,andtheeyesfelluponme,withalltheirblazeofbasiliskhorror。Thesightseemedtoparalyzeme,andtheshovelturnedinmyhandandglancedfromtheface,merelymakingadeepgashabovetheforehead。
Theshovelfellfrommyhandacrossthebox,andasIpulleditawaytheflangeofthebladecaughttheedgeofthelidwhichfelloveragain,andhidthehorridthingfrommysight。
ThelastglimpseIhadwasofthebloatedface,blood-stainedandfixedwithagrinofmalicewhichwouldhavehelditsowninthenethermosthell。
Ithoughtandthoughtwhatshouldbemynextmove,butmybrainseemedonfire,andIwaitedwithadespairingfeelinggrowingoverme。AsIwaitedIheardinthedistanceagipsysongsungbymerryvoicescomingcloser,andthroughtheirsongtherollingofheavywheelsandthecrackingofwhips。
TheSzganyandtheSlovaksofwhomtheCounthadspokenwerecoming。
Withalastlookaroundandattheboxwhichcontainedthevilebody,IranfromtheplaceandgainedtheCount\'sroom,determinedtorushoutatthemomentthedoorshouldbeopened。
Withstrainedears,Ilistened,andhearddownstairsthegrindingofthekeyinthegreatlockandthefallingbackoftheheavydoor。
Theremusthavebeensomeothermeansofentry,orsomeonehadakeyforoneofthelockeddoors。
Thentherecamethesoundofmanyfeettrampinganddyingawayinsomepassagewhichsentupaclangingecho。
Iturnedtorundownagaintowardsthevault,whereImightfindthenewentrance,butatthemomentthereseemedtocomeaviolentpuffofwind,andthedoortothewindingstairblewtowithashockthatsetthedustfromthelintelsflying。
WhenIrantopushitopen,Ifoundthatitwashopelesslyfast。
Iwasagainaprisoner,andthenetofdoomwasclosingroundmemoreclosely。
AsIwritethereisinthepassagebelowasoundofmanytrampingfeetandthecrashofweightsbeingsetdownheavily,doubtlesstheboxes,withtheirfreightofearth。
Therewasasoundofhammering。Itistheboxbeingnaileddown。
NowIcanheartheheavyfeettrampingagainalongthehall,withwithmanyotheridlefeetcomingbehindthem。
Thedoorisshut,thechainsrattle。Thereisagrindingofthekeyinthelock。Icanhearthekeywithdrawn,thenanotherdooropensandshuts。
Ihearthecreakingoflockandbolt。
Hark!Inthecourtyardanddowntherockywaytherollofheavywheels,thecrackofwhips,andthechorusoftheSzganyastheypassintothedistance。
Iamaloneinthecastlewiththosehorriblewomen。Faugh!Minaisawoman,andthereisnoughtincommon。TheyaredevilsofthePit!
Ishallnotremainalonewiththem。IshalltrytoscalethecastlewallfartherthanIhaveyetattempted。
Ishalltakesomeofthegoldwithme,lestIwantitlater。
Imayfindawayfromthisdreadfulplace。
Andthenawayforhome!Awaytothequickestandnearesttrain!
Awayfromthecursedspot,fromthiscursedland,wherethedevilandhischildrenstillwalkwithearthlyfeet!
AtleastGod\'smercyisbetterthanthatofthosemonsters,andtheprecipiceissteepandhigh。Atitsfootamanmaysleep,asaman。Goodbye,all。Mina!
CHAPTER5
LETTERFROMMISSMINAMURRAYTOMISSLUCYWESTENRA
9May。
MydearestLucy,Forgivemylongdelayinwriting,butIhavebeensimplyoverwhelmedwithwork。Thelifeofanassistantschoolmistressissometimestrying。
Iamlongingtobewithyou,andbythesea,wherewecantalktogetherfreelyandbuildourcastlesintheair。Ihavebeenworkingveryhardlately,becauseIwanttokeepupwithJonathan\'sstudies,andIhavebeenpracticingshorthandveryassiduously。
WhenwearemarriedIshallbeabletobeusefultoJonathan,andifIcanstenographwellenoughIcantakedownwhathewantstosayinthiswayandwriteitoutforhimonthetypewriter,atwhichalsoIampracticingveryhard。
HeandIsometimeswritelettersinshorthand,andheiskeepingastenographicjournalofhistravelsabroad。WhenIamwithyouIshallkeepadiaryinthesameway。Idon\'tmeanoneofthosetwo-pages-to-the-week-with-Sunday-squeezed-in-a-cornerdiaries,butasortofjournalwhichIcanwriteinwheneverIfeelinclined。
Idonotsupposetherewillbemuchofinteresttootherpeople,butitisnotintendedforthem。ImayshowittoJonathansomedayifthereisinitanythingworthsharing,butitisreallyanexercisebook。
IshalltrytodowhatIseeladyjournalistsdo,interviewingandwritingdescriptionsandtryingtorememberconversations。Iamtoldthat,withalittlepractice,onecanrememberallthatgoesonorthatonehearssaidduringaday。
However,weshallsee。Iwilltellyouofmylittleplanswhenwemeet。
IhavejusthadafewhurriedlinesfromJonathanfromTransylvania。
Heiswell,andwillbereturninginaboutaweek。Iamlongingtohearallhisnews。Itmustbenicetoseestrangecountries。
Iwonderifwe,ImeanJonathanandI,shalleverseethemtogether。
Thereistheteno\'clockbellringing。Goodbye。
YourlovingMinaTellmeallthenewswhenyouwrite。Youhavenottoldmeanythingforalongtime。Ihearrumours,andespeciallyofatall,handsome,curly-hairedman。???
LETTER,LUCYWESTENRATOMINAMURRAY
17,ChathamStreetWednesdayMydearestMina,Imustsayyoutaxmeveryunfairlywithbeingabadcorrespondent。
Iwroteyoutwicesinceweparted,andyourlastletterwasonlyyoursecond。Besides,Ihavenothingtotellyou。
Thereisreallynothingtointerestyou。
Townisverypleasantjustnow,andwegoagreatdealtopicture-galleriesandforwalksandridesinthepark。
Astothetall,curly-hairedman,IsupposeitwastheonewhowaswithmeatthelastPop。Someonehasevidentlybeentellingtales。
ThatwasMr。Holmwood。Heoftencomestoseeus,andheandMammagetonverywelltogether,theyhavesomanythingstotalkaboutincommon。
Wemetsometimeagoamanthatwouldjustdoforyou,ifyouwerenotalreadyengagedtoJonathan。Heisanexcellantparti,beinghandsome,welloff,andofgoodbirth。Heisadoctorandreallyclever。Justfancy!Heisonlynine-andtwenty,andhehasanimmenselunaticasylumallunderhisowncare。
Mr。Holmwoodintroducedhimtome,andhecalledheretoseeus,andoftencomesnow。IthinkheisoneofthemostresolutemenI
eversaw,andyetthemostcalm。Heseemsabsolutelyimperturbable。
Icanfancywhatawonderfulpowerhemusthaveoverhispatients。
Hehasacurioushabitoflookingonestraightintheface,asiftryingtoreadone\'sthoughts。Hetriesthisonverymuchwithme,butIflattermyselfhehasgotatoughnuttocrack。
Iknowthatfrommyglass。
Doyouevertrytoreadyourownface?Ido,andIcantellyouitisnotabadstudy,andgivesyoumoretroublethanyoucanwellfancyifyouhavenevertriedit。
HesaythatIaffordhimacuriouspsychologicalstudy,andIhumblythinkIdo。Idonot,asyouknow,takesufficientinterestindresstobeabletodescribethenewfashions。
Dressisabore。Thatisslangagain,butnevermind。
Arthursaysthateveryday。
There,itisallout,Mina,wehavetoldalloursecretstoeachothersincewewerechildren。Wehaveslepttogetherandeatentogether,andlaughedandcriedtogether,andnow,thoughIhavespoken,Iwouldliketospeakmore。Oh,Mina,couldn\'tyouguess?Ilovehim。
IamblushingasIwrite,foralthoughIthinkhelovesme,hehasnottoldmesoinwords。But,oh,Mina,Ilovehim。
Ilovehim!There,thatdoesmegood。
IwishIwerewithyou,dear,sittingbythefireundressing,asweusedtosit,andIwouldtrytotellyouwhatIfeel。
IdonotknowhowIamwritingthiseventoyou。
Iamafraidtostop,orIshouldtearuptheletter,andIdon\'twanttostop,forIdosowanttotellyouall。
Letmehearfromyouatonce,andtellmeallthatyouthinkaboutit。Mina,prayformyhappiness。
LucyP。S——Ineednottellyouthisisasecret。Goodnightagain。L。
LETTER,LUCYWESTENRATOMINAMURRAY
24MayMydearestMina,Thanks,andthanks,andthanksagainforyoursweetletter。
Itwassonicetobeabletotellyouandtohaveyoursympathy。
Mydear,itneverrainsbutitpours。Howtruetheoldproverbsare。
HereamI,whoshallbetwentyinSeptember,andyetIneverhadaproposaltilltoday,notarealproposal,andtodayIhadthree。
Justfancy!Threeproposalsinoneday!Isn\'titawful!
Ifeelsorry,reallyandtrulysorry,fortwoofthepoorfellows。
Oh,Mina,IamsohappythatIdon\'tknowwhattodowithmyself。
Andthreeproposals!But,forgoodness\'sake,don\'ttellanyofthegirls,ortheywouldbegettingallsortsofextravagantideas,andimaginingthemselvesinjuredandslightedifintheirveryfirstdayathometheydidnotgetsixatleast。Somegirlsaresovain!
YouandI,Minadear,whoareengagedandaregoingtosettledownsoonsoberlyintooldmarriedwomen,candespisevanity。
Well,Imusttellyouaboutthethree,butyoumustkeepitasecret,dear,fromeveryoneexcept,ofcourse,Jonathan。
Youwilltellhim,becauseIwould,ifIwereinyourplace,certainlytellArthur。Awomanoughttotellherhusbandeverything。
Don\'tyouthinkso,dear?AndImustbefair。Menlikewomen,certainlytheirwives,tobequiteasfairastheyare。Andwomen,Iamafraid,arenotalwaysquiteasfairastheyshouldbe。
Well,mydear,numberOnecamejustbeforelunch。
Itoldyouofhim,Dr。JohnSeward,thelunaticasylumman,withthestrongjawandthegoodforehead。
Hewasverycooloutwardly,butwasnervousallthesame。
Hehadevidentlybeenschoolinghimselfastoallsortsoflittlethings,andrememberedthem,buthealmostmanagedtositdownonhissilkhat,whichmendon\'tgenerallydowhentheyarecool,andthenwhenhewantedtoappearateasehekeptplayingwithalancetinawaythatmademenearlyscream。
Hespoketome,Mina,verystraightfordwardly。HetoldmehowdearIwastohim,thoughhehadknownmesolittle,andwhathislifewouldbewithmetohelpandcheerhim。
HewasgoingtotellmehowunhappyhewouldbeifI
didnotcareforhim,butwhenhesawmecryhesaidhewasabruteandwouldnotaddtomypresenttrouble。
ThenhebrokeoffandaskedifIcouldlovehimintime,andwhenIshookmyheadhishandstrembled,andthenwithsomehesitationheaskedmeifIcaredalreadyforanyoneelse。
Heputitverynicely,sayingthathedidnotwanttowringmyconfidencefromme,butonlytoknow,becauseifawoman\'sheartwasfreeamanmighthavehope。Andthen,Mina,Ifeltasortofdutytotellhimthattherewassomeone。
Ionlytoldhimthatmuch,andthenhestoodup,andhelookedverystrongandverygraveashetookbothmyhandsinhisandsaidhehopedIwouldbehappy,andthatIfIeverwantedafriendImustcounthimoneofmybest。
Oh,Minadear,Ican\'thelpcrying,andyoumustexcusethisletterbeingallblotted。Beingproposedtoisallveryniceandallthatsortofthing,butitisn\'tatallahappythingwhenyouhavetoseeapoorfellow,whomyouknowlovesyouhonestly,goingawayandlookingallbrokenhearted,andtoknowthat,nomatterwhathemaysayatthemoment,youarepassingoutofhislife。Mydear,Imuststophereatpresent,Ifeelsomiserable,thoughIamsohappy。
Evening。
Arthurhasjustgone,andIfeelinbetterspiritsthanwhenIleftoff,soIcangoontellingyouabouttheday。
Well,mydear,numberTwocameafterlunch。Heissuchanicefellow,andAmericanfromTexas,andhelookssoyoungandsofreshthatitseemsalmostimpossiblethathehasbeentosomanyplacesandhassuchadventures。
IsympathizewithpoorDesdemonawhenshehadsuchastreampouredinherear,evenbyablackman。Isupposethatwewomenaresuchcowardsthatwethinkamanwillsaveusfromfears,andwemarryhim。
IknownowwhatIwoulddoifIwereamanandwantedtomakeagirlloveme。No,Idon\'t,fortherewasMr。Morristellingushisstories,andArthurnevertoldany,andyet……
Mydear,Iamsomewhatprevious。Mr。QuincyP。Morrisfoundmealone。Itseemsthatamanalwaysdoesfindagirlalone。
No,hedoesn\'t,forArthurtriedtwicetomakeachance,andIhelpinghimallIcould,Iamnotashamedtosayitnow。
ImusttellyoubeforehandthatMr。Morrisdoesn\'talwaysspeakslang,thatistosay,heneverdoessotostrangersorbeforethem,forheisreallywelleducatedandhasexquisitemanners,buthefoundoutthatitamusedmetohearhimtalkAmericanslang,andwheneverIwaspresent,andtherewasnoonetobeshocked,hesaidsuchfunnythings。
Iamafraid,mydear,hehastoinventitall,foritfitsexactlyintowhateverelsehehastosay。Butthisisawayslanghas。
IdonotknowmyselfifIshalleverspeakslang。
IdonotknowifArthurlikesit,asIhaveneverheardhimuseanyasyet。
Well,Mr。Morrissatdownbesidemeandlookedashappyandjollyashecould,butIcouldseeallthesamethathewasverynervous。
Hetookmyhandinhis,andsaideversosweetly……
“MissLucy,IknowIain\'tgoodenoughtoregulatethefixin\'sofyourlittleshoes,butIguessifyouwaittillyoufindamanthatisyouwillgojointhemsevenyoungwomenwiththelampswhenyouquit。
Won\'tyoujusthitchupalongsideofmeandletusgodownthelongroadtogether,drivingindoubleharness?”
Well,hedidlooksohoodhumouredandsojollythatitdidn\'tseemhalfsohardtorefusehimasitdidpoorDr。Seward。
SoIsaid,aslightlyasIcould,thatIdidnotknowanythingofhitching,andthatIwasn\'tbrokentoharnessatallyet。
Thenhesaidthathehadspokeninalightmanner,andhehopedthatifhehadmadeamistakeindoingsoonsograve,somomentous,andoccasionforhim,Iwouldforgivehim。
Hereallydidlookseriouswhenhewassayingit,andIcouldn\'thelpfeelingasortofexultationthathewasnumberTwoinoneday。
Andthen,mydear,beforeIcouldsayawordhebeganpouringoutaperfecttorrentoflove-making,layinghisveryheartandsoulatmyfeet。HelookedsoearnestoveritthatI
shallneveragainthinkthatamanmustbeplayfulalways,andneverearnest,becauseheismerryattimes。
Isupposehesawsomethinginmyfacewhichcheckedhim,forhesuddenlystopped,andsaidwithasortofmanlyfervourthatIcouldhavelovedhimforifIhadbeenfree……
“Lucy,youareanhonestheartedgirl,Iknow。IshouldnotbeherespeakingtoyouasIamnowifIdidnotbelieveyoucleangrit,rightthroughtotheverydepthsofyoursoul。Tellme,likeonegoodfellowtoanother,isthereanyoneelsethatyoucarefor?
AndifthereisI\'llnevertroubleyouahair\'sbreadthagain,butwillbe,ifyouwillletme,averyfaithfulfriend。“
MydearMina,whyaremensonoblewhenwewomenaresolittleworthyofthem?HerewasIalmostmakingfunofthisgreathearted,truegentleman。
Iburstintotears,Iamafraid,mydear,youwillthinkthisaverysloppyletterinmorewaysthanone,andIreallyfeltverybadly。
Whycan\'ttheyletagirlmarrythreemen,orasmanyaswanther,andsaveallthistrouble?Butthisisheresy,andImustnotsayit。
Iamgladtosaythat,thoughIwascrying,IwasabletolookintoMr。Morris\'braveeyes,andItoldhimoutstraight……
“Yes,thereissomeoneIlove,thoughhehasnottoldmeyetthatheevenlovesme。“Iwasrighttospeaktohimsofrankly,forquitealightcameintohisface,andheputoutbothhishandsandtookmine,IthinkIputthemintohis,andsaidinaheartyway……
“That\'smybravegirl。It\'sbetterworthbeinglateforachanceofwinningyouthanbeingintimeforanyothergirlintheworld。Don\'tcry,mydear。Ifit\'sforme,I\'mahardnuttocrack,andItakeitstandingup。
Ifthatotherfellowdoesn\'tknowhishappiness,well,he\'dbetterlookforitsoon,orhe\'llhavetodealwithme。
Littlegirl,yourhonestyandpluckhavemademeafriend,andthat\'srarerthanalover,it\'smoreselfishanyhow。
Mydear,I\'mgoingtohaveaprettylonelywalkbetweenthisandKingdomCome。Won\'tyougivemeonekiss?
It\'llbesomethingtokeepoffthedarknessnowandthen。
Youcan,youknow,ifyoulike,forthatothergoodfellow,oryoucouldnotlovehim,hasn\'tspokenyet。“
Thatquitewonme,Mina,foritwasbraveandsweetofhim,andnobletoo,toarival,wasn\'tit?Andhesosad,soIleantoverandkissedhim。
Hestoodupwithmytwohandsinhis,andashelookeddownintomyface,IamafraidIwasblushingverymuch,hesaid,“Littlegirl,Iholdyourhand,andyou\'vekissedme,andifthesethingsdon\'tmakeusfriendsnothingeverwill。
Thankyouforyoursweethonestytome,andgoodbye。“
Hewrungmyhand,andtakinguphishat,wentstraightoutoftheroomwithoutlookingback,withoutatearoraquiverorapause,andIamcryinglikeababy。
Oh,whymustamanlikethatbemadeunhappywhentherearelotsofgirlsaboutwhowouldworshiptheverygroundhetrodon?
IknowIwouldifIwerefree,onlyIdon\'twanttobefreeMydear,thisquiteupsetme,andIfeelIcannotwriteofhappinessjustatonce,aftertellingyouofit,andIdon\'twishtotellofthenumberThreeuntilitcanbeallhappy。
Everyourloving……
LucyP。S——Oh,aboutnumberThree,Ineedn\'ttellyouofnumberThree,needI?
Besides,itwasallsoconfused。Itseemedonlyamomentfromhiscomingintotheroomtillbothhisarmswereroundme,andhewaskissingme。
Iamvery,veryhappy,andIdon\'tknowwhatIhavedonetodeserveit。
ImustonlytryinthefuturetoshowthatIamnotungratefultoGodforallHisgoodnesstomeinsendingtomesuchalover,suchahusband,andsuchafriend。
Goodbye。
DR。SEWARD\'SDIARYKeptinphonograph
25May——Ebbtideinappetitetoday。Cannoteat,cannotrest,sodiaryinstead。sincemyrebuffofyesterdayIhaveasortofemptyfeeling。
Nothingintheworldseemsofsufficientimportancetobeworththedoing。
AsIknewthattheonlycureforthissortofthingwaswork,Iwentamongstthepatients。Ipickedoutonewhohasaffordedmeastudyofmuchinterest。
HeissoquaintthatIamdeterminedtounderstandhimaswellasIcan。
TodayIseemedtogetnearerthaneverbeforetotheheartofhismystery。
IquestionedhimmorefullythanIhadeverdone,withaviewtomakingmyselfmasterofthefactsofhishallucination。
Inmymannerofdoingittherewas,Inowsee,somethingofcruelty。
Iseemedtowishtokeephimtothepointofhismadness,athingwhichIavoidwiththepatientsasIwouldthemouthofhell。
Mem。,UnderwhatcircumstanceswouldInotavoidthepitofhell?OmniaRomaevenaliasunt。Hellhasitsprice!
Iftherebeanythingbehindthisinstinctitwillbevaluabletotraceitafterwardsaccurately,soIhadbettercommencetodoso,therefore……
R。M,Renfield,age59。Sanguinetemperament,greatphysicalstrength,morbidlyexcitable,periodsofgloom,endinginsomefixedideawhichI
cannotmakeout。Ipresumethatthesanguinetemperamentitselfandthedisturbinginfluenceendinamentally-accomplishedfinish,apossiblydangerousman,probablydangerousifunselfish。Inselfishmencautionisassecureanarmourfortheirfoesasforthemselves。
WhatIthinkofonthispointis,whenselfisthefixedpointthecentripetalforceisbalancedwiththecentrifugal。Whenduty,acause,etc。,isthefixedpoint,thelatterforceisparamount,andonlyaccidentofaseriesofaccidentscanbalanceit。
LETTER,QUINCEYP。MORRISTOHON。ARTHURHOLMOOD
25May。
MydearArt,We\'vetoldyarnsbythecampfireintheprairies,anddressedoneanother\'swoundsaftertryingalandingattheMarquesas,anddrunkhealthsontheshoreofTiticaca。Therearemoreyarnstobetold,andotherwoundstobehealed,andanotherhealthtobedrunk。Won\'tyouletthisbeatmycampfiretomorrownight?
Ihavenohesitationinaskingyou,asIknowacertainladyisengagedtoacertaindinnerparty,andthatyouarefree。
Therewillonlybeoneother,ouroldpalattheKorea,JackSeward。
He\'scoming,too,andwebothwanttomingleourweepsoverthewinecup,andtodrinkahealthwithallourheartstothehappiestmaninallthewideworld,whohaswonthenoblestheartthatGodhasmadeandbestworthwinning。Wepromiseyouaheartywelcome,andalovinggreeting,andahealthastrueasyourownrighthand。
Weshallbothsweartoleaveyouathomeifyoudrinktoodeeptoacertainpairofeyes。Come!
Yours,aseverandalways,QuinceyP。MorrisTELEGRAMFROMARTHURHOLMWOODTOQUINCEYP。MORRIS
26MayCountmeineverytime。Ibearmessageswhichwillmakebothyourearstingle。
ArtCHAPTER6
MINAMURRAY\'SJOURNAL
24July。Whitby——Lucymetmeatthestation,lookingsweeterandlovlierthanever,andwedroveuptothehouseattheCrescentinwhichtheyhaverooms。Thisisalovelyplace。Thelittleriver,theEsk,runsthroughadeepvalley,whichbroadensoutasitcomesneartheharbour。Agreatviaductrunsacross,withhighpiers,throughwhichtheviewseemssomehowfurtherawaythanitreallyis。
Thevalleyisbeautifullygreen,anditissosteepthatwhenyouareonthehighlandoneithersideyoulookrightacrossit,unlessyouarenearenoughtoseedown。Thehousesoftheoldtown——
thesideawayfromus,areallred-roofed,andseempileduponeovertheotheranyhow,likethepicturesweseeofNuremberg。
RightoverthetownistheruinofWhitbyAbbey,whichwassackedbytheDanes,andwhichisthesceneofpartof“Marmion,“
wherethegirlwasbuiltupinthewall。Itisamostnobleruin,ofimmensesize,andfullofbeautifulandromanticbits。
Thereisalegendthatawhiteladyisseeninoneofthewindows。
Betweenitandthetownthereisanotherchurch,theparishone,roundwhichisabiggraveyard,allfulloftombstones。
ThisistomymindthenicestspotinWhitby,foritliesrightoverthetown,andhasafullviewoftheharbourandallupthebaytowheretheheadlandcalledKettlenessstretchesoutintothesea。
Itdescendssosteeplyovertheharbourthatpartofthebankhasfallenaway,andsomeofthegraveshavebeendestroyed。
Inoneplacepartofthestoneworkofthegravesstretchesoutoverthesandypathwayfarbelow。Therearewalks,withseatsbesidethem,throughthechurchyard,andpeoplegoandsittherealldaylonglookingatthebeautifulviewandenjoyingthebreeze。
Ishallcomeandsithereoftenmyselfandwork。
Indeed,Iamwritingnow,withmybookonmyknee,andlisteningtothetalkofthreeoldmenwhoaresittingbesideme。
Theyseemtodonothingalldaybutsithereandtalk。
Theharbourliesbelowme,with,onthefarside,onelonggranitewallstretchingoutintothesea,withacurveoutwardsattheendofit,inthemiddleofwhichisalighthouse。
Aheavyseawallrunsalongoutsideofit。Onthenearside,theseawallmakesanelbowcrookedinversely,anditsendtoohasalighthouse。
Betweenthetwopiersthereisanarrowopeningintotheharbour,whichthensuddenlywidens。
Itisniceathighwater,butwhenthetideisoutitshoalsawaytonothing,andthereismerelythestreamoftheEsk,runningbetweenbanksofsand,withrockshereandthere。
Outsidetheharbouronthissidethererisesforabouthalfamileagreatreef,thesharpofwhichrunsstraightoutfrombehindthesouthlighthouse。Attheendofitisabuoywithabell,whichswingsinbadweather,andsendsinamournfulsoundonthewind。
Theyhavealegendherethatwhenashipislostbellsareheardoutatsea。
Imustasktheoldmanaboutthis。Heiscomingthisway……
Heisafunnyoldman。Hemustbeawfullyold,forhisfaceisgnarledandtwistedlikethebarkofatree。
Hetellsmethatheisnearlyahundred,andthathewasasailorintheGreenlandfishingfleetwhenWaterloowasfought。
Heis,Iamafraid,averyscepticalperson,forwhenIaskedhimaboutthebellsatseaandtheWhiteLadyattheabbeyhesaidverybrusquely,“Iwouldn\'tfashmasel\'aboutthem,miss。Themthingsbeallworeout。Mind,Idon\'tsaythattheyneverwas,butIdosaythattheywasn\'tinmytime。Theybeallverywellforcomersandtrippers,an\'thelike,butnotforaniceyoungladylikeyou。
Themfeet-folksfromYorkandLeedsthatbealwayseatin\'curedherrin\'sanddrinkin\'teaan\'lookin\'outtobuycheapjetwouldcreedaught。
Iwondermasel\'who\'dbebotheredtellin\'liestothem,eventhenewspapers,whichisfulloffool-talk。“
Ithoughthewouldbeagoodpersontolearninterestingthingsfrom,soIaskedhimifhewouldmindtellingmesomethingaboutthewhalefishingintheolddays。
Hewasjustsettlinghimselftobeginwhentheclockstrucksix,whereuponhelabouredtogetup,andsaid,“Imustgangageeanwardshomenow,miss。Mygrand-daughterdoesn\'tliketobekeptwaitin\'whentheteaisready,forittakesmetimetocrammleaboonthegrees,fortherebeamanyof`em,andmiss,Ilackbelly-timbersairlybytheclock。“
Hehobbledaway,andIcouldseehimhurrying,aswellashecould,downthesteps。Thestepsareagreatfeatureontheplace。
Theyleadfromthetowntothechurch,therearehundredsofthem,Idonotknowhowmany,andtheywindupinadelicatecurve。
Theslopeissogentlethatahorsecouldeasilywalkupanddownthem。
Ithinktheymustoriginallyhavehadsomethingtodowiththeabbey。
Ishallgohometoo。Lucywentout,visitingwithhermother,andastheywereonlydutycalls,Ididnotgo。
1August——IcameuphereanhouragowithLucy,andwehadamostinterestingtalkwithmyoldfriendandthetwootherswhoalwayscomeandjoinhim。
HeisevidentlytheSirOracleofthem,andIshouldthinkmusthavebeeninhistimeamostdictatorialperson。
Hewillnotadmitanything,anddownfaceseverybody。
Ifhecan\'tout-arguethemhebulliesthem,andthentakestheirsilenceforagreementwithhisviews。
Lucywaslookingsweetlyprettyinherwhitelawnfrock。
Shehasgotabeautifulcoloursinceshehasbeenhere。
Inoticedthattheoldmendidnotloseanytimeincomingandsittingnearherwhenwesatdown。Sheissosweetwitholdpeople,Ithinktheyallfellinlovewithheronthespot。
Evenmyoldmansuccumbedanddidnotcontradicther,butgavemedoubleshareinstead。Igothimonthesubjectofthelegends,andhewentoffatonceintoasortofsermon。
Imusttrytorememberitandputitdown。
“Itbeallfool-talk,lock,stock,andbarrel,that\'swhatitbeandnowtelse。Thesebansan\'waftsan\'boh-ghostsan\'
bar-guestsan\'boglesan\'allanentthemisonlyfittosetbairnsan\'
dizzywomena\'belderin\'。Theybenowtbutair-blebs。They,an\'
allgrimsan\'signsan\'warnin\'s,beallinventedbyparsonsan\'
illsomeberk-bodiesan\'railwaytouterstoskeeran\'scunnerhafflin\'s,an\'
togetfolkstodosomethin\'thattheydon\'totherinclineto。
Itmakesmeirefultothinko\'them。Why,it\'sthemthat,notcontentwithprintin\'liesonpaperan\'preachin\'themoutofpulpits,doeswanttobecuttin\'themonthetombstones。Lookhereallaroundyouinwhatairtyewill。Allthemsteans,holdin\'uptheirheadsaswellastheycanoutoftheirpride,isacant,simplytumblin\'
downwiththeweighto\'thelieswroteonthem,`Hereliesthebody\'
or`Sacredtothememory\'wroteonallofthem,an\'yetinnighhalfofthemtherebean\'tnobodiesatall,an\'thememoriesofthembean\'tcaredapinchofsnuffabout,muchlesssacred。
Liesallofthem,nothin\'butliesofonekindoranother!
Mygog,butit\'llbeaquarescowdermentattheDayofJudgmentwhentheycometumblin\'upintheirdeath-sarks,alljoupedtogetheran\'trying\'todragtheirtombsteanswiththemtoprovehowgoodtheywas,someofthemtrimmlin\'an\'dithering,withtheirhandsthatdozzenedan\'slipperyfromlyin\'intheseathattheycan\'tevenkeeptheirgurpo\'them。“
Icouldseefromtheoldfellow\'sself-satisfiedairandthewayinwhichhelookedroundfortheapprovalofhiscroniesthathewas“showingoff,“
soIputinawordtokeephimgoing。
“Oh,Mr。Swales,youcan\'tbeserious。Surelythesetombstonesarenotallwrong?”
“Yabblins!Theremaybeapoorishfewnotwrong,savin\'wheretheymakeoutthepeopletoogood,fortherebefolkthatdothinkabalm-bowlbelikethesea,ifonlyitbetheirown。
Thewholethingbeonlylies。Nowlookyouhere。
Youcomehereastranger,an\'youseethiskirkgarth。“
Inodded,forIthoughtitbettertoassent,thoughIdidnotquiteunderstandhisdialect。Iknewithadsomethingtodowiththechurch。
Hewenton,“Andyouconsatethatallthesesteansbeaboonfolkthatbehapedhere,snodan\'snog?”Iassentedagain。
“Thenthatbejustwheretheliecomesin。Why,therebescoresoftheselaybedsthatbetoomasoldDun\'s`baccaboxonFridaynight。“
Henudgedoneofhiscompanions,andtheyalllaughed。
“And,mygog!Howcouldtheybeotherwise?Lookatthatone,theaftestabaftthebier-bank,readit!”
Iwentoverandread,“EdwardSpencelagh,mastermariner,murderedbypiratesoffthecoastofAndres,April,1854,age30。“
WhenIcamebackMr。Swaleswenton,“Whobroughthimhome,Iwonder,tohaphimhere?MurderedoffthecoastofAndres!An\'youconsatedhisbodylayunder!
Why,IcouldnameyeadozenwhoseboneslieintheGreenlandseasabove,“
hepointednorthwards,“orwherethecurrantsmayhavedriftedthem。
Therebethesteansaroundye。Yecan,withyouryoungeyes,readthesmallprintoftheliesfromhere。ThisBraithwaiteLowery,Iknewhisfather,lostintheLivelyoffGreenlandin`20,orAndrewWoodhouse,drownedinthesameseasin1777,orJohnPaxton,drownedoffCapeFarewellayearlater,oroldJohnRawlings,whosegrandfathersailedwithme,drownedintheGulfofFinlandin`50。DoyethinkthatallthesemenwillhavetomakearushtoWhitbywhenthetrumpetsounds?Ihavemeantherumsabootit!
Itellyethatwhentheygotherethey\'dbejommlin\'andjostlin\'
oneanotherthatwaythatit`udbelikeafightupontheiceintheolddays,whenwe\'dbeatoneanotherfromdaylighttodark,an\'tryin\'totieupourcutsbytheauroraborealis。“
Thiswasevidentlylocalpleasantry,fortheoldmancackledoverit,andhiscroniesjoinedinwithgusto。
“But,“Isaid,“surelyyouarenotquitecorrect,foryoustartontheassumptionthatallthepoorpeople,ortheirspirits,willhavetotaketheirtombstoneswiththemontheDayofJudgment。
Doyouthinkthatwillbereallynecessary?”
“Well,whatelsebetheytombstonesfor?Answermethat,miss!”
“Topleasetheirrelatives,Isuppose。“
“Topleasetheirrelatives,yousuppose!”Thishesaidwithintensescorn。
“Howwillitpleasuretheirrelativestoknowthatliesiswroteoverthem,andthateverybodyintheplaceknowsthattheybelies?”
Hepointedtoastoneatourfeetwhichhadbeenlaiddownasaslab,onwhichtheseatwasrested,closetotheedgeofthecliff。
“Readtheliesonthatthruff-stone,“hesaid。
TheletterswereupsidedowntomefromwhereIsat,butLucywasmoreoppositetothem,sosheleantoverandread,“SacredtothememoryofGeorgeCanon,whodied,inthehopeofagloriousresurrection,onJuly29,1873,fallingfromtherocksatKettleness。
Thistombwaserectedbyhissorrowingmothertoherdearlybelovedson。`Hewastheonlysonofhismother,andshewasawidow。\'
Really,Mr。Swales,Idon\'tseeanythingveryfunnyinthat!”
Shespokehercommentverygravelyandsomewhatseverely。
“Yedon\'tseeaughtfunny!Ha-ha!Butthat\'sbecauseyedon\'tgawmthesorrowin\'motherwasahell-catthathatedhimbecausehewasacrewk\'d,aregularlamiterhewas,an\'hehatedhersothathecommittedsuicideinorderthatshemightn\'tgetaninsurancesheputonhislife。Heblewnighthetopofhisheadoffwithanoldmusketthattheyhadforscarin\'
crowswith。`twarn\'tforcrowsthen,foritbroughttheclegsandthedowpstohim。That\'sthewayhefellofftherocks。
And,astohopesofagloriousresurrection,I\'veoftenheardhimsaymasel\'thathehopedhe\'dgotohell,forhismotherwassopiousthatshe\'dbesuretogotoheaven,an\'hedidn\'twanttoaddlewhereshewas。Nowisn\'tthatsteanatanyrate,“
hehammereditwithhisstickashespoke,“apackoflies?
Andwon\'titmakeGabrielkecklewhenGeordiecomespantin\'
utthegreeswiththetompsteanbalancedonhishump,andaskstobetookasevidence!”
Ididnotknowwhattosay,butLucyturnedtheconversationasshesaid,risingup,“Oh,whydidyoutellusofthis?
Itismyfavoriteseat,andIcannotleaveit,andnowIfindImustgoonsittingoverthegraveofasuicide。“
“Thatwon\'tharmye,mypretty,an\'itmaymakepoorGeordiegladsometohavesotrimalasssittin\'onhislap。
Thatwon\'thurtye。Why,I\'vesathereoffan\'onfornightwentyyearspast,an\'ithasn\'tdonemenoharm。
Don\'tyefashaboutthemasliesunderye,orthatdoesn\'
liethereeither!It\'llbetimeforyetobegettingscartwhenyeseethetombsteansallrunawaywith,andtheplaceasbareasastubble-field。There\'stheclock,and\'Imustgang。
Myservicetoye,ladies!”Andoffhehobbled。
LucyandIsatawhile,anditwasallsobeautifulbeforeusthatwetookhandsaswesat,andshetoldmealloveragainaboutArthurandtheircomingmarriage。
Thatmademejustalittleheart-sick,forIhaven\'theardfromJonathanforawholemonth。
Thesameday。Icameupherealone,forIamverysad。Therewasnoletterforme。IhopetherecannotbeanythingthematterwithJonathan。
Theclockhasjuststrucknine。Iseethelightsscatteredalloverthetown,sometimesinrowswherethestreetsare,andsometimessingly。
TheyrunrightuptheEskanddieawayinthecurveofthevalley。
Tomylefttheviewiscutoffbyablacklineofroofoftheoldhousenexttotheabbey。Thesheepandlambsarebleatinginthefieldsawaybehindme,andthereisaclatterofdonkeys\'hoofsupthepavedroadbelow。
Thebandonthepierisplayingaharshwaltzingoodtime,andfurtheralongthequaythereisaSalvationArmymeetinginabackstreet。
Neitherofthebandshearstheother,butuphereIhearandseethemboth。IwonderwhereJonathanisandifheisthinkingofme!
Iwishhewerehere。
DR。SEWARD\'SDIARY
5June——ThecaseofRenfieldgrowsmoreinterestingthemoreIgettounderstandtheman。Hehascertainqualitiesverylargelydeveloped,selfishness,secrecy,andpurpose。
IwishIcouldgetatwhatistheobjectofthelatter。Heseemstohavesomesettledschemeofhisown,butwhatitisIdonotknow。
Hisredeemingqualityisaloveofanimals,though,indeed,hehassuchcuriousturnsinitthatIsometimesimagineheisonlyabnormallycruel。
Hispetsareofoddsorts。
Justnowhishobbyiscatchingflies。HehasatpresentsuchaquantitythatIhavehadmyselftoexpostulate。
Tomyastonishment,hedidnotbreakoutintoafury,asIexpected,buttookthematterinsimpleseriousness。
Hethoughtforamoment,andthensaid,“MayIhavethreedays?
Ishallclearthemaway。“Ofcourse,Isaidthatwoulddo。
Imustwatchhim。
18June——Hehasturnedhismindnowtospiders,andhasgotseveralverybigfellowsinabox。Hekeepsfeedingthemhisflies,andthenumberofthelatterisbecomingsensiblydiminished,althoughhehasusedhalfhisfoodinattractingmorefliesfromoutsidetohisroom。
1July——Hisspidersarenowbecomingasgreatanuisanceashisflies,andtodayItoldhimthathemustgetridofthem。
Helookedverysadatthis,soIsaidthathemustsomeofthem,atallevents。Hecheerfullyacquiescedinthis,andIgavehimthesametimeasbeforeforreduction。
Hedisgustedmemuchwhilewithhim,forwhenahorridblowfly,bloatedwithsomecarrionfood,buzzedintotheroom,hecaughtit,helditexultantlyforafewmomentsbetweenhisfingerandthumb,andbeforeIknewwhathewasgoingtodo,putitinhismouthandateit。
Iscoldedhimforit,buthearguedquietlythatitwasverygoodandverywholesome,thatitwaslife,stronglife,andgavelifetohim。
Thisgavemeanidea,ortherudimentofone。Imustwatchhowhegetsridofhisspiders。
Hehasevidentlysomedeepprobleminhismind,forhekeepsalittlenotebookinwhichheisalwaysjottingdownsomething。
wholepagesofitarefilledwithmassesoffigures,generallysinglenumbersaddedupinbatches,andthenthetotalsaddedinbatchesagain,asthoughhewerefocussingsomeaccount,astheauditorsputit。
8July——Thereisamethodinhismadness,andtherudimentaryideainmymindisgrowing。Itwillbeawholeideasoon,andthen,oh,unconsciouscerebration,youwillhavetogivethewalltoyourconsciousbrother。
Ikeptawayfrommyfriendforafewdays,sothatImightnoticeiftherewereanychange。Thingsremainastheywereexceptthathehaspartedwithsomeofhispetsandgotanewone。
Hehasmanagedtogetasparrow,andhasalreadypartiallytamedit。
Hismeansoftamingissimple,foralreadythespidershavediminshed。
Thosethatdoremain,however,arewellfed,forhestillbringsinthefliesbytemptingthemwithhisfood。
19July——Weareprogressing。Myfriendhasnowawholecolonyofsparrows,andhisfliesandspidersarealmostobliterated。WhenIcameinherantomeandsaidhewantedtoaskmeagreatfavour,avery,verygreatfavour。
Andashespoke,hefawnedonmelikeadog。
Iaskedhimwhatitwas,andhesaid,withasortofraptureinhisvoiceandbearing,“Akitten,anice,little,sleekplayfulkitten,thatIcanplaywith,andteach,andfeed,andfeed,andfeed!”
Iwasnotunpreparedforthisrequest,forIhadnoticedhowhispetswentonincreasinginsizeandvivacity,butI
didnotcarethathisprettyfamilyoftamesparrowsshouldbewipedoutinthesamemannerasthefliesandspiders。
SoIsaidIwouldseeaboutit,andaskedhimifhewouldnotratherhaveacatthanakitten。
Hiseagernessbetrayedhimasheanswered,“Oh,yes,Iwouldlikeacat!
Ionlyaskedforakittenlestyoushouldrefusemeacat。
Noonewouldrefusemeakitten,wouldthey?”
Ishookmyhead,andsaidthatatpresentIfeareditwouldnotbepossible,butthatIwouldseeaboutit。
Hisfacefell,andIcouldseeawarningofdangerinit,fortherewasasuddenfierce,sidelonglookwhichmeantkilling。
Themanisanundevelopedhomicidalmaniac。Ishalltesthimwithhispresentcravingandseehowitwillworkout,thenIshallknowmore。
10pm——Ihavevisitedhimagainandfoundhimsittinginacornerbrooding。
WhenIcameinhethrewhimselfonhiskneesbeforemeandimploredmetolethimhaveacat,thathissalvationdependeduponit。
Iwasfirm,however,andtoldhimthathecouldnothaveit,whereuponhewentwithoutaword,andsatdown,gnawinghisfingers,inthecornerwhereIhadfoundhim。
Ishallseehiminthemorningearly。
20July——VisitedRenfieldveryearly,beforeattendantwenthisrounds。
Foundhimupandhummingatune。Hewasspreadingouthissugar,whichhehadsaved,inthewindow,andwasmanifestlybeginninghisflycatchingagain,andbeginningitcheerfullyandwithagoodgrace。
Ilookedaroundforhisbirds,andnotseeingthem,askedhimwheretheywere。
Hereplied,withoutturninground,thattheyhadallflownaway。
Therewereafewfeathersabouttheroomandonhispillowadropofblood。
Isaidnothing,butwentandtoldthekeepertoreporttomeiftherewereanythingoddabouthimduringtheday。
11am——TheattendanthasjustbeentoseemetosaythatRenfieldhasbeenverysickandhasdisgorgedawholelotoffeathers。
“Mybeliefis,doctor,“hesaid,“thathehaseatenhisbirds,andthathejusttookandatethemraw!”
11pm——IgaveRenfieldastrongopiatetonight,enoughtomakeevenhimsleep,andtookawayhispocketbooktolookatit。
Thethoughtthathasbeenbuzzingaboutmybrainlatelyiscomplete,andthetheoryproved。
Myhomicidalmaniacisofapeculiarkind。Ishallhavetoinventanewclassificationforhim,andcallhimazoophagouslife-eatingmaniac。
Whathedesiresistoabsorbasmanylivesashecan,andhehaslaidhimselfouttoachieveitinacumulativeway。Hegavemanyfliestoonespiderandmanyspiderstoonebird,andthenwantedacattoeatthemanybirds。
Whatwouldhavebeenhislatersteps?
Itwouldalmostbeworthwhiletocompletetheexperiment。
Itmightbedoneiftherewereonlyasufficientcause。
Mensneeredatvivisection,andyetlookatitsresultstoday!
Whynotadvancescienceinitsmostdifficultandvitalaspect,theknowledgeofthebrain?
HadIeventhesecretofonesuchmind,didIholdthekeytothefancyofevenonelunatic,ImightadvancemyownbranchofsciencetoapitchcomparedwithwhichBurdon-Sanderson\'sphysiologyorFerrier\'sbrainknowledgewouldbeasnothing。Ifonlytherewereasufficientcause!
Imustnotthinktoomuchofthis,orImaybetempted。
Agoodcausemightturnthescalewithme,formaynotItoobeofanexceptionalbrain,congenitally?
Howwellthemanreasoned。Lunaticsalwaysdowithintheirownscope。
Iwonderathowmanyliveshevaluesaman,orifatonlyone。
Hehasclosedtheaccountmostaccurately,andtodaybegunanewrecord。
Howmanyofusbeginanewrecordwitheachdayofourlives?
Tomeitseemsonlyyesterdaythatmywholelifeendedwithmynewhope,andthattrulyIbegananewrecord。
SoitshallbeuntiltheGreatRecordersumsmeupandclosesmyledgeraccountwithabalancetoprofitorloss。
Oh,Lucy,Lucy,Icannotbeangrywithyou,norcanIbeangrywithmyfriendwhosehappinessisyours,butImustonlywaitonhopelessandwork。Work!Work!
IfIcouldhaveasstrongacauseasmypoormadfriendthere,agood,unselfishcausetomakemework,thatwouldbeindeedhappiness。
MINAMURRAY\'SJOURNAL
26July——Iamanxious,anditsoothesmetoexpressmyselfhere。
Itislikewhisperingtoone\'sselfandlisteningatthesametime。
Andthereisalsosomethingabouttheshorthandsymbolsthatmakesitdifferentfromwriting。IamunhappyaboutLucyandaboutJonathan。
IhadnotheardfromJonathanforsometime,andwasveryconcerned,butyesterdaydearMr。Hawkins,whoisalwayssokind,sentmealetterfromhim。Ihadwrittenaskinghimifhehadheard,andhesaidtheenclosedhadjustbeenreceived。ItisonlyalinedatedfromCastleDracula,andsaysthatheisjuststartingforhome。ThatisnotlikeJonathan。
Idonotunderstandit,anditmakesmeuneasy。
Then,too,Lucy,althoughsheissowell,haslatelytakentoheroldhabitofwalkinginhersleep。Hermotherhasspokentomeaboutit,andwehavedecidedthatIamtolockthedoorofourroomeverynight。
Mrs。Westenrahasgotanideathatsleep-walkersalwaysgooutonroofsofhousesandalongtheedgesofcliffsandthengetsuddenlywakenedandfalloverwithadespairingcrythatechoesallovertheplace。
Poordear,sheisnaturallyanxiousaboutLucy,andshetellsmethatherhusband,Lucy\'sfather,hadthesamehabit,thathewouldgetupinthenightanddresshimselfandgoout,ifhewerenotstopped。
Lucyistobemarriedintheautumn,andsheisalreadyplanningoutherdressesandhowherhouseistobearranged。
Isympathisewithher,forIdothesame,onlyJonathanandI
willstartinlifeinaverysimpleway,andshallhavetotrytomakebothendsmeet。
Mr。Holmwood,heistheHon。ArthurHolmwood,onlysonofLordGodalming,iscominguphereveryshortly,assoonashecanleavetown,forhisfatherisnotverywell,andIthinkdearLucyiscountingthemomentstillhecomes。
ShewantstotakehimupintheseatonthechurchyardcliffandshowhimthebeautyofWhitby。Idaresayitisthewaitingwhichdisturbsher。
Shewillbeallrightwhenhearrives。
27July——NonewsfromJonathan。Iamgettingquiteuneasyabouthim,thoughwhyIshouldIdonotknow,butIdowishthathewouldwrite,ifitwereonlyasingleline。
Lucywalksmorethanever,andeachnightIamawakenedbyhermovingabouttheroom。Fortunately,theweatherissohotthatshecannotgetcold。
Butstill,theanxietyandtheperpetuallybeingawakenedisbeginningtotellonme,andIamgettingnervousandwakefulmyself。
ThankGod,Lucy\'shealthkeepsup。Mr。HolmwoodhasbeensuddenlycalledtoRingtoseehisfather,whohasbeentakenseriouslyill。
Lucyfretsatthepostponementofseeinghim,butitdoesnottouchherlooks。Sheisatriflestouter,andhercheeksarealovelyrose-pink。Shehaslosttheanemiclookwhichshehad。
Iprayitwillalllast。
3August——Anotherweekgoneby,andnonewsfromJonathan,noteventoMr。Hawkins,fromwhomIhaveheard。Oh,Idohopeheisnotill。Hesurelywouldhavewritten。Ilookatthatlastletterofhis,butsomehowitdoesnotsatisfyme。
Itdoesnotreadlikehim,andyetitishiswriting。
Thereisnomistakeofthat。
Lucyhasnotwalkedmuchinhersleepthelastweek,butthereisanoddconcentrationaboutherwhichIdonotunderstand,eveninhersleepsheseemstobewatchingme。
Shetriesthedoor,andfindingitlocked,goesabouttheroomsearchingforthekey。
6August——Anotherthreedays,andnonews。
Thissuspenseisgettingdreadful。IfIonlyknewwheretowritetoorwheretogoto,Ishouldfeeleasier。
ButnoonehasheardawordofJonathansincethatlastletter。
ImustonlypraytoGodforpatience。
Lucyismoreexcitablethanever,butisotherwisewell。Lastnightwasverythreatening,andthefishermensaythatweareinforastorm。
Imusttrytowatchitandlearntheweathersigns。
Todayisagrayday,andthesunasIwriteishiddeninthickclouds,highoverKettleness。Everythingisgrayexceptthegreengrass,whichseemslikeemeraldamongstit,grayearthyrock,grayclouds,tingedwiththesunburstatthefaredge,hangoverthegraysea,intowhichthesandpointsstretchlikegrayfigures。Theseaistumblinginovertheshallowsandthesandyflatswitharoar,muffledinthesea-mistsdriftinginland。Thehorizonislostinagraymist。
Allvastness,thecloudsarepileduplikegiantrocks,andthereisa`brool\'overtheseathatsoundslikesomepassageofdoom。
Darkfiguresareonthebeachhereandthere,sometimeshalfshroudedinthemist,andseem`menliketreeswalking\'。Thefishingboatsareracingforhome,andriseanddipinthegroundswellastheysweepintotheharbour,bendingtothescuppers。HerecomesoldMr。Swales。
Heismakingstraightforme,andIcansee,bythewayheliftshishat,thathewantstotalk。
Ihavebeenquitetouchedbythechangeinthepooroldman。
Whenhesatdownbesideme,hesaidinaverygentleway,“Iwanttosaysomethingtoyou,miss。“
Icouldseehewasnotatease,soItookhispooroldwrinkledhandinmineandaskedhimtospeakfully。
Sohesaid,leavinghishandinmine,“I\'mafraid,mydeary,thatImusthaveshockedyoubyallthewickedthingsI\'vebeensayin\'
aboutthedead,andsuchlike,forweekspast,butIdidn\'tmeanthem,andIwantyetorememberthatwhenI\'mgone。Weaudfolksthatbedaffled,andwithonefootabaftthekrok-hooal,don\'taltogetherliketothinkofit,andwedon\'twanttofeelscartofit,andthat\'swhyI\'vetooktomakin\'lightofit,sothatI\'dcheerupmyownheartabit。
But,Lordloveye,miss,Iain\'tafraidofdyin\',notabit,onlyI
don\'twanttodieifIcanhelpit。Mytimemustbenighathandnow,forIbeaud,andahundredyearsistoomuchforanymantoexpect。
AndI\'msonighitthattheAudManisalreadywhettin\'hisscythe。
Yesee,Ican\'tgetouto\'thehabitofcaffin\'aboutitallatonce。
Thechaftswillwagastheybeusedto。SomedaysoontheAngelofDeathwillsoundhistrumpetforme。Butdon\'tyedooalan\'greet,mydeary!”——
forhesawthatIwascrying——“ifheshouldcomethisverynightI\'dnotrefusetoanswerhiscall。Forlifebe,afterall,onlyawaitin\'
forsomethin\'elsethanwhatwe\'redoin\',anddeathbeallthatwecanrightlydependon。ButI\'mcontent,forit\'scomin\'tome,mydeary,andcomin\'quick。Itmaybecomin\'whilewebelookin\'andwonderin\'。Maybeit\'sinthatwindoutovertheseathat\'sbringin\'withitlossandwreck,andsoredistress,andsadhearts。Look!Look!”hecriedsuddenly。
“There\'ssomethinginthatwindandinthehoastbeyontthatsounds,andlooks,andtastes,andsmellslikedeath。It\'sintheair。
Ifeelitcomin\'。Lord,makemeanswercheerful,whenmycallcomes!”
Hehelduphisarmsdevoutly,andraisedhishat。Hismouthmovedasthoughhewerepraying。Afterafewminutes\'silence,hegotup,shookhandswithme,andblessedme,andsaidgoodbye,andhobbledoff。
Italltouchedme,andupsetmeverymuch。
Iwasgladwhenthecoastguardcamealong,withhisspyglassunderhisarm。
Hestoppedtotalkwithme,ashealwaysdoes,butallthetimekeptlookingatastrangeship。
“Ican\'tmakeherout,“hesaid。“She\'saRussian,bythelookofher。
Butshe\'sknockingaboutinthequeerestway。Shedoesn\'tknowhermindabit。Sheseemstoseethestormcoming,butcan\'tdecidewhethertorunupnorthintheopen,ortoputinhere。
Lookthereagain!Sheissteeredmightystrangely,forshedoesn\'tmindthehandonthewheel,changesaboutwitheverypuffofwind。
We\'llhearmoreofherbeforethistimetomorrow。“