LovehadmadeCatherinemakeeachlover\'sfortune，Unlikeourownhalf-chasteElizabeth，Whoseavaricealldisbursementsdidimportune，Ifhistory，thegrandliar，eversaithThetruth；andthoughgriefheroldagemightshorten，Becausesheputafavouritetodeath，Hervile，ambiguousmethodofflirtation，Andstinginess，disgracehersexandstation。
Butwhentheleveerose，andallwasbustleInthedissolvingcircle，allthenations\'
Ambassadorsbeganas\'tweretohustleRoundtheyoungmanwiththeircongratulations。
AlsothesoftersilkswereheardtorustleOfgentledames，amongwhoserecreationsItistospeculateonhandsomefaces，Especiallywhensuchleadtohighplaces。
Juan，whofoundhimself，heknewnothow，Ageneralobjectofattention，madeHisanswerswithaverygracefulbow，Asifbornfortheministerialtrade。
Thoughmodest，onhisunembarrass\'dbrowNaturehadwritten\'gentleman。\'HesaidLittle，buttothepurpose；andhismannerFlunghoveringgraceso\'erhimlikeabanner。
Anorderfromhermajestyconsign\'dOuryounglieutenanttothegenialcareOfthoseinoffice：alltheworldlook\'dkindAsitwilllooksometimeswiththefirststare，Whichyouthwouldnotactilltokeepinmind，AsalsodidMissProtasoffthenthere，Namedfromhermysticoffice\'l\'Eprouveuse，\'
AterminexplicabletotheMuse。
Withherthen，asinhumbledutybound，Juanretired，-andsowillI，untilMyPegasusshalltireoftouchingground。
Wehavejustlitona\'heaven-kissinghill，\'
SoloftythatIfeelmybrainturnround，Andallmyfancieswhirlinglikeamill；
Whichisasignaltomynervesandbrain，TotakeaquietrideinsomegreenLane。
CANTOTHETENTH。
WHENNewtonsawanapplefall，hefoundInthatslightstartlefromhiscontemplation-
\'TissaidforI\'llnotanswerabovegroundForanysage\'screedorcalculation-
Amodeofprovingthattheearthturn\'droundInamostnaturalwhirl，called\'gravitation；\'
Andthisisthesolemortalwhocouldgrapple，SinceAdam，withafallorwithanapple。
Manfellwithapples，andwithapplesrose，Ifthisbetrue；forwemustdeemthemodeInwhichSirIsaacNewtoncoulddiscloseThroughthethenunpavedstarstheturnpikeroad，Athingtocounterbalancehumanwoes：
Foreversinceimmortalmanhathglow\'dWithallkindsofmechanics，andfullsoonSteam-engineswillconducthimtothemoon。
Andwhereforethisexordium？-Why，justnow，Intakingupthispaltrysheetofpaper，Mybosomunderwentagloriousglow，Andmyinternalspiritcutacaper：
Andthoughsomuchinferior，asIknow，Tothosewho，bythedintofglassandvapour，Discoverstarsandsailinthewind\'seye，Iwishtodoasmuchbypoesy。
Inthewind\'seyeIhavesail\'d，andsail；butforThestars，Iownmytelescopeisdim：
ButatleastIhaveshunn\'dthecommonshore，Andleavinglandfaroutofsight，wouldskimTheoceanofeternity：theroarOfbreakershasnotdauntedmyslight，trim，Butstillsea-worthyskiff；andshemayfloatWhereshipshavefounder\'d，asdothmanyaboat。
Weleftourhero，Juan，inthebloomOffavouritism，butnotyetintheblush；
AndfarbeitfrommyMusestopresumeForIhavemorethanoneMuseatapush
Tofollowhimbeyondthedrawing-room：
ItisenoughthatFortunefoundhimflushOfyouth，andvigour，beauty，andthosethingsWhichforaninstantclipenjoyment\'swings。
Butsoontheygrowagainandleavetheirnest。
\'Oh！\'saiththePsalmist，\'thatIhadadove\'sPinionstofleeaway，andbeatrest！\'
Andwhothatrecollectsyoungyearsandloves，-
Thoughhoarynow，andwithawitheringbreast，Andpalsiedfancy，whichnolongerrovesBeyonditsdimm\'deye\'ssphere，-butwouldmuchratherSighlikehisson，thancoughlikehisgrandfather？
Butsighssubside，andtearsevenwidows\'shrink，LikeArnointhesummer，toashallow，Sonarrowastoshametheirwintrybrink，Whichthreatensinundationsdeepandyellow！
Suchdifferencedothafewmonthsmake。You\'dthinkGriefarichfieldwhichneverwouldliefallow；
Nomoreitdoth，itsploughsbutchangetheirboys，Whofurrowsomenewsoiltosowforjoys。
Butcoughswillcomewhensighsdepart-andnowAndthenbeforesighscease；forofttheoneWillbringtheother，erethelake-likebrowIsruffledbyawrinkle，orthesunOflifereach\'dteno\'clock：andwhileaglow，Hecticandbriefassummer\'sdaynighdone，O\'erspreadsthecheekwhichseemstoopureforclay，Thousandsblaze，love，hope，die，-howhappythey！
ButJuanwasnotmeanttodiesosoon。
WelefthiminthefocusofsuchgloryAsmaybewonbyfavourofthemoonOrladies\'fancies-rathertransitoryPerhaps；butwhowouldscornthemonthofJune，BecauseDecember，withhisbreathsohoary，Mustcome？Muchrathershouldhecourttheray，Tohoardupwarmthagainstawintryday。
Besides，hehadsomequalitieswhichfixMiddle-agedladiesevenmorethanyoung：
Theformerknowwhat\'swhat；whilenew-fledgedchicksKnowlittlemoreoflovethanwhatissungInrhymes，ordreamtforfancywillplaytricks
InvisionsofthoseskiesfromwhenceLovesprung。
Somereckonwomenbytheirsunsoryears，Iratherthinkthemoonshoulddatethedears。
Andwhy？becauseshe\'schangeableandchaste。
Iknownootherreason，whatsoe\'erSuspiciouspeople，whofindfaultinhaste，Maychoosetotaxmewith；whichisnotfair，Norflatteringto\'theirtemperortheirtaste，\'
AsmyfriendJeffreywriteswithsuchanair：
However，Iforgivehim，andItrustHewillforgivehimself；-ifnot，Imust。
OldenemieswhohavebecomenewfriendsShouldsocontinue-\'tisapointofhonour；
AndIknownothingwhichcouldmakeamendsForareturntohatred：IwouldshunherLikegarlic，howsoeversheextendsHerhundredarmsandlegs，andfainoutrunher。
Oldflames，newwives，becomeourbitterestfoes-
Convertedfoesshouldscorntojoinwiththose。
Thisweretheworstdesertion：-renegadoes，EvenshufflingSouthey，thatincarnatelie，Wouldscarcelyjoinagainthe\'reformadoes，\'
Whomheforsooktofillthelaureate\'ssty：
AndhonestmenfromIcelandtoBarbadoes，WhetherinCaledonorItaly，Shouldnotveerroundwitheverybreath，norseizeTopain，themomentwhenyouceasetoplease。
ThelawyerandthecriticbutbeholdThebasersidesofliteratureandlife，Andnoughtremainsunseen，butmuchuntold，Bythosewhoscourthosedoublevalesofstrife。
Whilecommonmengrowignorantlyold，Thelawyer\'sbriefislikethesurgeon\'sknife，Dissectingthewholeinsideofaquestion，Andwithitalltheprocessofdigestion。
Alegalbroom\'samoralchimney-sweeper，Andthat\'sthereasonhehimself\'ssodirty；
TheendlesssootbestowsatintfardeeperThancanbehidbyalteringhisshirt；heRetainsthesablestainsofthedarkcreeper，Atleastsometwenty-ninedooutofthirty，Inalltheirhabits；-notsoyou，Iown；
AsCaesarworehisrobeyouwearyourgown。
Andallourlittlefeuds，atleastallmine，DearJefferson，oncemymostredoubtedfoeAsfarasrhymeandcriticismcombineTomakesuchpuppetsofusthingsbelow，Areover：Here\'sahealthto\'AuldLangSyne！\'
Idonotknowyou，andmayneverknowYourface-butyouhaveactedonthewholeMostnobly，andIownitfrommysoul。
AndwhenIusethephraseof\'AuldLangSyne！\'
\'Tisnotaddress\'dtoyou-themore\'sthepityForme，forIwouldrathertakemywineWithyou，thanaughtsaveScottinyourproudcity。
Butsomehow，-itmayseemaschoolboy\'swhine，AndyetIseeknottobegrandnorwitty，ButIamhalfaScotbybirth，andbredAwholeone，andmyheartfliestomyhead，-
As\'AuldLangSyne\'bringsScotland，oneandall，Scotchplaids，Scotchsnoods，thebluehills，andclearstreams，TheDee，theDon，Balgounie\'sbrig\'sblackwall，Allmyboyfeelings，allmygentlerdreamsOfwhatIthendreamt，clothedintheirownpall，LikeBanquo\'soffspring；-floatingpastmeseemsMychildhoodinthischildishnessofmine：
Icarenot-\'tisaglimpseof\'AuldLangSyne。\'
Andthough，asyouremember，inafitOfwrathandrhyme，whenjuvenileandcurly，Irail\'datScotstoshowmywrathandwit，Whichmustbeown\'dwassensitiveandsurly，Yet\'tisinvainsuchsalliestopermit，Theycannotquenchyoungfeelingsfreshandearly：
I\'scotch\'dnotkill\'d\'theScotchmaninmyblood，Andlovethelandof\'mountainandofflood。\'
DonJuan，whowasreal，orideal，-
Forbotharemuchthesame，sincewhatmenthinkExistswhentheoncethinkersarelessrealThanwhattheythought，formindcanneversink，And\'gainstthebodymakesastrongappeal；
Andyet\'tisverypuzzlingonthebrinkOfwhatiscall\'deternity，tostare，Andknownomoreofwhatishere，thanthere；-
DonJuangrewaverypolish\'dRussian-
Howwewon\'tmention，whyweneednotsay：
FewyouthfulmindscanstandthestrongconcussionOfanyslighttemptationintheirway；
ButhisjustnowwerespreadasisacushionSmooth\'dforamonarch\'sseatofhonour；gayDamsels，anddances，revels，readymoney，Madeiceseemparadise，andwintersunny。
Thefavouroftheempresswasagreeable；
Andthoughthedutywax\'dalittlehard，YoungpeopleathistimeoflifeshouldbeableTocomeoffhandsomelyinthatregard。
Hewasnowgrowinguplikeagreentree，ableForlove，war，orambition，whichrewardTheirluckiervotaries，tilloldage\'stediumMakesomepreferthecirculatingmedium。
Aboutthistime，asmighthavebeenanticipated，Seducedbyyouthanddangerousexamples，DonJuangrew，Ifear，alittledissipated；
Whichisasadthing，andnotonlytramplesOnourfreshfeelings，but-asbeingparticipatedWithallkindsofincorrigiblesamplesOffrailhumanity-mustmakeusselfish，Andshutoursoulsupinuslikeashell-fish。
Thiswepassover。WewillalsopassTheusualprogressofintriguesbetweenUnequalmatches，suchasare，alas！
Ayounglieutenant\'swithanotoldqueen，ButonewhoisnotsoyouthfulasshewasInalltheroyaltyofsweetseventeen。
Sovereignsmayswaymaterials，butnotmatter，AndDeath，thesovereign\'ssovereign，thoughthegreatGracchusofallmortality，wholevelsWithhisAgrarianlawsthehighestateOfhimwhofeasts，andfights，androars，andrevels，Toonesmallgrass-grownpatchwhichmustawaitCorruptionforitscropwiththepoordevilsWhoneverhadafootoflandtillnow，-
Death\'sareformer，allmenmustallow。
HelivednotDeath，butJuaninahurryOfwaste，andhaste，andglare，andgloss，andglitter，Inthisgayclimeofbear-skinsblackandfurry-
WhichthoughIhatetosayathingthat\'sbitter
Peepoutsometimes，whenthingsareinaflurry，Throughallthe\'purpleandfinelinen，\'fitterForBabylon\'sthanRussia\'sroyalharlot-
Andneutralizeheroutwardshowofscarlet。
Andthissamestatewewon\'tdescribe：wewouldPerhapsfromhearsay，orfromrecollection；
ButgettingnighgrimDante\'s\'obscurewood，\'
Thathorridequinox，thathatefulsectionOfhumanyears，thathalf-wayhouse，thatrudeHut，whencewisetravellersdrivewithcircumspectionLife\'ssadpost-horseso\'erthedrearyfrontierOfage，andlookingbacktoyouth，giveonetear；-
Iwon\'tdescribe，-thatis，ifIcanhelpDescription；andIwon\'treflect，-thatis，IfIcanstaveoffthought，which-asawhelpClingstoitsteat-stickstomethroughtheabyssOfthisoddlabyrinth；orasthekelpHoldsbytherock；orasalover\'skissDrainsitsfirstdraughtoflips：-but，asIsaid，Iwon\'tphilosophise，andwillberead。
Juan，insteadofcourtingcourts，wascourted，-
Athingwhichhappensrarely：thisheowedMuchtohisyouth，andmuchtohisreportedValour；muchalsotothebloodheshow\'d，Likearace-horse；muchtoeachdresshesported，Whichsetthebeautyoffinwhichheglow\'d，Aspurplecloudsbefringethesun；butmostHeowedtoanoldwomanandhispost。
HewrotetoSpain：-andallhisnearrelations，PerceivingfiewasinahandsomewayOfgettingonhimself，andfindingstationsForcousinsalso，answer\'dthesameday。
Severalpreparedthemselvesforemigrations；
Andeatingices，wereo\'erheardtosay，Thatwiththeadditionofaslightpelisse，Madrid\'sandMoscow\'sclimeswereofapiece。
Hismother，DonnaInez，finding，too，Thatinthelieuofdrawingonhisbanker，Wherehisassetswerewaxingratherfew，Hehadbroughthisspendingtoahandsomeanchor，-
Replied，\'thatshewasgladtoseehimthroughThosepleasuresafterwhichwildyouthwillhanker；
Asthesolesignofman\'sbeinginhissensesIs，learningtoreducehispastexpenses。
\'ShealsorecommendedhimtoGod，AndnolesstoGod\'sSon，aswellasMother，Warn\'dhimagainstGreekworship，whichlooksoddInCatholiceyes；buttoldhim，too，tosmotherOutwarddislike，whichdon\'tlookwellabroad；
Inform\'dhimthathehadalittlebrotherBorninasecondwedlock；andaboveAll，praisedtheempress\'smaternallove。
\'ShecouldnottoomuchgiveherapprobationUntoanempress，whopreferr\'dyoungmenWhoseage，andwhatwasbetterstill，whosenationAndclimate，stopp\'dallscandalnowandthen：-
Athomeitmighthavegivenhersomevexation；
Butwherethermometerssunkdowntoten，Orfive，orone，orzero，shecouldneverBelievethatvirtuethaw\'dbeforetheriver。\'
Ohforaforty-parsonpowertochantThypraise，Hypocrisy！OhforahymnLoudasthevirtuesthoudostloudlyvaunt，Notpractise！Ohfortrumpsofcherubim！
Ortheear-trumpetofmygoodoldaunt，Who，thoughherspectaclesatlastgrewdim，Drewquietconsolationthroughitshint，Whenshenomorecouldreadthepiousprint。
Shewasnohypocriteatleast，poorsoul，ButwenttoheaveninassincereawayAsanybodyontheelectedroll，WhichportionsoutuponthejudgmentdayHeaven\'sfreeholds，inasortofdoomsdayscroll，SuchastheconquerorWilliamdidrepayHisknightswith，lottingothers\'propertiesIntosomesixtythousandnewknights\'fees。
Ican\'tcomplain，whoseancestorsarethere，Erneis，Radulphus-eight-and-fortymanorsIfthatmymemorydothnotgreatlyerr
WeretheirrewardforfollowingBilly\'sbanners：
AndthoughIcan\'thelpthinking\'twasscarcefairTostriptheSaxonsoftheirhydes，liketanners；
Yetastheyfoundedchurcheswiththeproduce，You\'lldeem，nodoubt，theyputittoagooduse。
ThegentleJuanflourish\'d，thoughattimesHefeltlikeotherplantscalledsensitive，Whichshrinkfromtouch，asmonarchsdofromrhymes，SavesuchasSoutheycanaffordtogive。
Perhapshelong\'dinbitterfrostsforclimesInwhichtheNeva\'sicewouldceasetoliveBeforeMay-day：perhaps，despitehisduty，Inroyalty\'svastarmshesighdforbeauty：
Perhaps-but，sansperhaps，weneednotseekForcausesyoungorold：thecanker-wormWillfeeduponthefairest，freshestcheek，Aswellasfurtherdrainthewither\'dform：
Care，likeahousekeeper，bringseveryweekHisbillsin，andhoweverwemaystorm，Theymustbepaid：thoughsixdayssmoothlyrun，Theseventhwillbringbluedevilsoradun。
Idon\'tknowhowitwas，buthegrewsick：
Theempresswasalarm\'d，andherphysicianThesamewhophysick\'dPeterfoundthetickOfhisfiercepulsebetokenaconditionWhichaugur\'dofthedead，howeverquickItself，andshow\'dafeverishdisposition；
Atwhichthewholecourtwasextremelytroubled，Thesovereignshock\'d，andallhismedicinesdoubled。
Lowwerethewhispers，manifoldtherumours：
Somesaidhehadbeenpoison\'dbyPotemkin；
Otherstalk\'dlearnedlyofcertaintumours，Exhaustion，ordisordersofthesamekin；
Somesaid\'twasaconcoctionofthehumours，Whichwiththebloodtooreadilywillclaimkin；
Othersagainwerereadytomaintain，\'\'Twasonlythefatigueoflastcampaign。\'
Buthereisoneprescriptionoutofmany：
\'Sodaesulphat。3vj。3fs。Mannaeoptim。
Aq。fervent。f。3ifs。3ij。tinct。SennaeHaustus\'Andherethesurgeoncameandcupp\'dhim
\'RxPulvComgr。iij。Ipecacuanhae\'
WithmorebesideifJuanhadnotstopp\'d\'em。
\'BolusPotassaeSulphuret。sumendus，Ethaustusterindiecapiendus。\'
Thisisthewayphysiciansmendorendus，Secundumartem：butalthoughwesneerInhealth-whenill，wecallthemtoattendus，Withouttheleastpropensitytojeer：
Whilethat\'hiatusmaximedeflendus\'
Tobefill\'dupbyspadeormattock\'snear，InsteadofglidinggraciouslydownLethe，WeteasemildBaillie，orsoftAbernethy。
Juandemurr\'datthisfirstnoticetoQuit；andthoughdeathhadthreaten\'danejection，Hisyouthandconstitutionborehimthrough，Andsentthedoctorsinanewdirection。
Butstillhisstatewasdelicate：thehueOfhealthbutflicker\'dwithafaintreflectionAlonghiswastedcheek，andseem\'dtogravelThefaculty-whosaidthathemusttravel。
Theclimatewastoocold，theysaid，forhim，Meridian-born，tobloomin。ThisopinionMadethechasteCatherinelookalittlegrim，Whodidnotlikeatfirsttoloseherminion：
Butwhenshesawhisdazzlingeyewaxdim，Anddroopinglikeaneagle\'swithcliptpinion，Shethenresolvedtosendhimonamission，Butinastylebecominghiscondition。
Therewasjustthenakindofadiscussion，AsortoftreatyornegotiationBetweentheBritishcabinetandRussian，Maintain\'dwithallthedueprevaricationWithwhichgreatstatessuchthingsareapttopushon；
SomethingabouttheBaltic\'snavigation，Hides，train-oil，tallow，andtherightsofThetis，WhichBritonsdeemtheir\'utipossidetis。\'
SoCatherine，whohadahandsomewayOffittingoutherfavourites，conferr\'dThissecretchargeonJuan，todisplayAtonceherroyalsplendour，andrewardHisservices。Hekiss\'dhandsthenextday，Receivedinstructionshowtoplayhiscard，Wasladenwithallkindsofgiftsandhonours，Whichshow\'dwhatgreatdiscernmentwasthedonor\'s。
Butshewaslucky，andluck\'sall。YourqueensAregenerallyprosperousinreigning；
WhichpuzzlesustoknowwhatFortunemeans。
Buttocontinue：thoughheryearswerewaningHerclimactericteasedherlikeherteens；
Andthoughherdignitybrook\'dnocomplaining，SomuchdidJuan\'ssettingoffdistressher，Shecouldnotfindatfirstafitsuccessor。
Buttime，thecomforter，willcomeatlast；
Andfour-and-twentyhours，andtwicethatnumberOfcandidatesrequestingtobeplaced，MadeCatherinetastenextnightaquietslumber：-
Notthatshemeanttofixagaininhaste，Nordidshefindthequantityencumber，Butalwayschoosingwithdeliberation，Kepttheplaceopenfortheiremulation。
Whilethishighpostofhonour\'sinabeyance，Foroneortwodays，reader，werequestYou\'llmountwithouryoungherotheconveyanceWhichwaftedhimfromPetersburgh：thebestBarouche，whichhadtheglorytodisplayonceThefairczarina\'sautocraticcrest，When，anewlphigene，shewenttoTauris，Wasgiventoherfavourite，andnowborehis。
Abull-dog，andabullfinch，andanermine，AllprivatefavouritesofDonJuan；-forLetdeepersagesthetruecausedetermine
Hehadakindofinclination，orWeakness，forwhatmostpeopledeemmerevermin，Liveanimals：anoldmaidofthreescoreForcatsandbirdsmorepenchantne\'erdisplay\'d，Althoughhewasnotold，norevenamaid；-
TheanimalsaforesaidoccupiedTheirstation：therewerevalets，secretaries，Inothervehicles；butathissideSatlittleLeila，whosurvivedtheparriesHemade\'gainstCossacquesabres，inthewideSlaughterofIsmail。ThoughmywildMusevariesHernote，shedon\'tforgettheinfantgirlWhomhepreserved，apureandlivingpearlPoorlittlething！Shewasasfairasdocile，Andwiththatgentle，seriouscharacter，AsrareinlivingbeingsasafossileMan，\'midstthymouldymammoths，\'grandCuvier！\'
IllfittedwasherignorancetojostleWiththiso\'erwhelmingworld，whereallmusterr：
Butshewasyetbuttenyearsold，andthereforeWastranquil，thoughsheknewnotwhyorwherefore。
DonJuanlovedher，andshelovedhim，asNorbrother，father，sister，daughterlove。
Icannottellexactlywhatitwas；
HewasnotyetquiteoldenoughtoproveParentalfeelings，andtheotherclass，Call\'dbrotherlyaffection，couldnotmoveHisbosom，-forheneverhadasister：
Ah！ifhehad，howmuchhewouldhavemiss\'dher！
Andstilllesswasitsensual；forbesidesThathewasnotanancientdebaucheeWholikesourfruit，tostirtheirveins\'salttides，Asacidsrouseadormantalkali，Although\'twillhappenasourplanetguides
Hisyouthwasnotthechastestthatmightbe，TherewasthepurestPlatonismatbottomOfallhisfeelings-onlyheforgot\'em。
Justnowtherewasnoperiloftemptation；
Helovedtheinfantorphanhehadsaved，Aspatriotsnowandthenmayloveanation；
Hispride，too，feltthatshewasnotenslavedOwingtohim；-asalsohersalvationThroughhismeansandthechurch\'smightbepaved。
Butonething\'sodd，whichheremustbeinserted，ThelittleTurkrefusedtobeconverted。
\'TwasstrangeenoughsheshouldretaintheimpressionThroughsuchasceneofchange，anddread，andslaughter；
Butthoughthreebishopstoldherthetransgression，Sheshow\'dagreatdisliketoholywater：
Shealsohadnopassionforconfession；
Perhapsshehadnothingtoconfess：-nomatter，Whate\'erthecause，thechurchmadelittleofit-
ShestillheldoutthatMahometwasaprophet。
Infact，theonlyChristianshecouldbearWasJuan；whomsheseem\'dtohaveselectedInplaceofwhatherhomeandfriendsoncewere。
Henaturallylovedwhatheprotected：
Andthustheyform\'darathercuriouspair，Aguardiangreeninyears，awardconnectedInneitherclime，time，blood，withherdefender；
Andyetthiswantoftiesmadetheirsmoretender。
Theyjourney\'donthroughPolandandthroughWarsaw，Famousforminesofsaltandyokesofiron：
ThroughCourlandalso，whichthatfamousfarcesawWhichgaveherdukesthegracelessnameof\'Biron。\'
\'TisthesamelandscapewhichthemodernMarssaw，Whomarch\'dtoMoscow，ledbyFame，thesiren！
Tolosebyonemonth\'sfrostsometwentyyearsOfconquest，andhisguardofgrenadiers。
Letthisnotseemananti-climax：-\'Oh！
Myguard！myoldguardexclaim\'d！\'exclaim\'dthatgodofday。
ThinkoftheThunderer\'sfallingdownbelowCarotid-artery-cuttingCastlereagh！
Alas，thatgloryshouldbechill\'dbysnow！
ButshouldwewishtowarmusonourwayThroughPoland，thereisKosciusko\'snameMightscatterfirethroughice，likeHecla\'sflame。
FromPolandtheycameonthroughPrussiaProper，AndKonigsbergthecapital，whosevaunt，Besidessomeveinsofiron，lead，orcopper，HaslatelybeenthegreatProfessorKant。
Juan，whocarednotatobacco-stopperAboutphilosophy，pursuedhisjauntToGermany，whosesomewhattardymillionsHaveprinceswhospurmorethantheirpostilions。
AndthencethroughBerlin，Dresden，andthelike，Untilhereach\'dthecastellatedRhine：-
YegloriousGothicscenes！howmuchyestrikeAllphantasies，notevenexceptingmine；
Agreywall，agreenruin，rustypike，MakemysoulpasstheequinoctiallineBetweenthepresentandpastworlds，andhoverUpontheirairyconfine，half-seas-over。
ButJuanpostedonthroughManheim，Bonn，WhichDrachenfelsfrownsoverlikeaspectreOfthegoodfeudaltimesforevergone，OnwhichIhavenottimejustnowtolecture。
FromthencehewasdrawnonwardstoCologne，AcitywhichpresentstotheinspectorEleventhousandmaidenheadsofbone，Thegreatestnumberfleshhatheverknown。
FromthencetoHolland\'sHagueandHelvoetsluys，Thatwater-landofDutchmenandofditches，Wherejuniperexpressesitsbestjuice，Thepoorman\'ssparklingsubstituteforriches。
Senatesandsageshavecondemn\'ditsuse-
Buttodenythemobacordial，whichisToooftenalltheclothing，meat，orfuel，Goodgovernmenthasleftthem，seemsbutcruel。
Hereheembark\'d，andwithaflowingsailWentboundingfortheislandofthefree，Towardswhichtheimpatientwindblewhalfagale；
Highdash\'dthespray，thebowsdipp\'dinthesea，Andsea-sickpassengersturn\'dsomewhatpale；
ButJuan，season\'d，ashewellmightbe，Byformervoyages，stoodtowatchtheskiffsWhichpass\'d，orcatchthefirstglimpseofthecliffs。
Atlengththeyrose，likeawhitewallalongThebluesea\'sborder；andIDonJuanfelt-
WhatevenyoungstrangersfeelalittlestrongAtthefirstsightofAlbion\'schalkybelt-
AkindofpridethatheshouldbeamongThosehaughtyshopkeepers，whosternlydealtTheirgoodsandedictsoutfrompoletopole，Andmadetheverybillowspaythemtoll。
I\'venogreatcausetolovethatspotofearth，Whichholdswhatmighthavebeenthenoblestnation；
ButthoughIoweitlittlebutmybirth，Ifeelamix\'dregretandvenerationForitsdecayingfameandformerworth。
Sevenyearstheusualtermoftransportation
Ofabsencelayone\'soldresentmentslevel，Whenaman\'scountry\'sgoingtothedevil。
Alas！couldshebutfully，truly，knowHowhergreatnameisnowthroughoutabhorr\'d：
HoweageralltheearthisfortheblowWhichshalllaybareherbosomtothesword；
Howallthenationsdeemhertheirworstfoe，Thatworsethanworstoffoes，theonceadoredFalsefriend，whoheldoutfreedomtomankind，Andnowwouldchainthem，totheverymind：-
Wouldshebeproud，orboastherselfthefree，Whoisbutfirstofslaves？ThenationsareInprison，-butthegaoler，whatishe？
Nolessavictimtotheboltandbar。
IsthepoorprivilegetoturnthekeyUponthecaptive，freedom？He\'sasfarFromtheenjoymentoftheearthandairWhowatcheso\'erthechain，astheywhowear。
DonJuannowsawAlbion\'searliestbeauties，Thycliffs，dearDover！harbour，andhotel；
Thycustom-house，withallitsdelicateduties；
Thywaitersrunningmucksateverybell；
Thypackets，allwhosepassengersarebootiesTothosewhouponlandorwaterdwell；
Andlast，notleast，tostrangersuninstructed，Thylong，longbills，whencenothingisdeducted。
Juan，thoughcareless，young，andmagnifique，Andrichinrubles，diamonds，cash，andcredit，Whodidnotlimitmuchhisbillsperweek，Yetstaredatthisalittle，thoughhepaiditHisMaggiorDuomo，asmart，subtleGreek，Beforehimsumm\'dtheawfulscrollandreadit；
Butdoubtlessastheair，thoughseldomsunny，Isfree，therespiration\'sworththemoney。
Onwiththehorses！OfftoCanterbury！
Tramp，trampo\'erpebble，andsplash，splashthroughpuddle；
Hurrah！howswiftlyspeedsthepostsomerry！
NotlikeslowGermany，whereintheymuddleAlongtheroad，asiftheywenttoburyTheirfare；andalsopausebesides，tofuddleWith\'schnapps\'-saddogs！whom\'Hundsfot，\'or\'Verflucter，\'
Affectnomorethanlightningaconductor。
Nowthereisnothinggivesamansuchspirits，Leaveninghisbloodascayennedothacurry，Asgoingatfullspeed-nomatterwhereitsDirectionbe，so\'tisbutinahurry，Andmerelyforthesakeofitsownmerits；
Forthelesscausethereisforallthisflurry，ThegreateristhepleasureinarrivingAtthegreatendoftravel-whichisdriving。
TheysawatCanterburythecathedral；
BlackEdward\'shelm，andBecket\'sbloodystone，Werepointedoutasusualbythebedral，Inthesamequaint，uninterestedtone：-
There\'sgloryagainforyou，gentlereader！AllEndsinarustycasqueanddubiousbone，Half-solvedintothesesodasormagnesias；
Whichformthatbitterdraught，thehumanspecies。
TheeffectonJuanwasofcoursesublime：
HebreathedathousandCressys，ashesawThatcasque，whichneverstoop\'dexcepttoTime。
EventheboldChurchman\'stombexcitedawe，WhodiedinthethengreatattempttoclimbO\'erkings，whonowatleastmusttalkoflawBeforetheybutcher。LittleLeilagazed，Andask\'dwhysuchastructurehadbeenraised：
Andbeingtolditwas\'God\'shouse，\'shesaidHewaswelllodged，butonlywonder\'dhowHesuffer\'dInfidelsinhishomestead，ThecruelNazarenes，whohadlaidlowHisholytemplesinthelandswhichbredTheTrueBelievers：-andherinfantbrowWasbentwithgriefthatMahometshouldresignAmosquesonoble，flunglikepearlstoswine。
Oh！oh！throughmeadowsmanagedlikeagarden，Aparadiseofhopsandhighproduction；
ForafteryearsoftravelbyabardinCountriesofgreaterheat，butlessersuction，AgreenfieldisasightwhichmakeshimpardonTheabsenceofthatmoresublimeconstruction，Whichmixesupvines，olives，precipices，Glaciers，volcanos，oranges，andices。
AndwhenIthinkuponapotofbeer-
ButIwon\'tweep！-andsodriveon，postilions！
Asthesmartboysspurr\'dfastintheircareer，Juanadmiredthesehighwaysoffreemillions；
AcountryinallsensesthemostdearToforeignerornative，savesomesillyones，Who\'kickagainstthepricks\'justatthisjuncture，Andfortheirpainsgetonlyafreshpuncture。
Whatadelightfulthing\'saturnpikeroad！
Sosmooth，solevel，suchamodeofshavingTheearth，asscarcetheeagleinthebroadAircanaccomplish，withhiswidewingswaving。
HadsuchbeencutinPhaeton\'stime，thegodHadtoldhissontosatisfyhiscravingWiththeYorkmail；-butonwardasweroll，\'Surgitamarialiquid\'-thetollAlas，howdeeplypainfulisallpayment！
Takelives，takewives，takeaughtexceptmen\'spurses：
AsMachiavelshowsthoseinpurpleraiment，Suchistheshortestwaytogeneralcurses。
TheyhateamurderermuchlessthanaclaimantOnthatsweetorewhicheverybodynurses；-
Killaman\'sfamily，andhemaybrookit，Butkeepyourhandsoutofhisbreeches\'pocket。
SosaidtheFlorentine：yemonarchs，hearkenToyourinstructor。Juannowwasborne，Justasthedaybegantowaneanddarken，O\'erthehighhill，whichlookswithprideorscornTowardthegreatcity-YewhohaveasparkinYourveinsofCockneyspirit，smileormournAccordingasyoutakethingswellorill；-
BoldBritons，wearenowonShooter\'sHill！
Thesunwentdown，thesmokeroseup，asfromAhalf-unquench\'dvolcano，o\'eraspaceWhichwellbeseem\'dthe\'Devil\'sdrawing-room，\'
Assomehavequalifiedthatwondrousplace：
ButJuanfelt，thoughnotapproachinghome，Asonewho，thoughhewerenotoftherace，Reveredthesoil，ofthosetruesonsthemother，Whobutcher\'dhalftheearth，andbulliedt\'other。
Amightymassofbrick，andsmoke，andshipping，Dirtyanddusky，butaswideaseyeCouldreach，withhereandthereasailjustskippingInsight，thenlostamidsttheforestryOfmasts；awildernessofsteeplespeepingOntiptoethroughtheirsea-coalcanopy；
Ahuge，duncupola，likeafoolscapcrownOnafool\'shead-andthereisLondonTown！
ButJuansawnotthis：eachwreathofsmokeAppear\'dtohimbutasthemagicvapourOfsomealchymicfurnace，fromwhencebrokeThewealthofworldsawealthoftaxandpaper：
Thegloomyclouds，whicho\'eritasayokeArebow\'d，andputthesunoutlikeataper，Werenothingbutthenaturalatmosphere，Extremelywholesome，thoughbutrarelyclear。
Hepaused-andsowillI；asdothacrewBeforetheygivetheirbroadside。Byandby，Mygentlecountrymen，wewillrenewOuroldacquaintance；andatleastI\'lltryTotellyoutruthsyouwillnottakeastrue，Becausetheyareso；-amaleMrs。Fry，WithasoftbesomwillIsweepyourhalls，Andbrushawebortwofromoffthewalls。
OhMrs。Fry！WhygotoNewgate？WhyPreachtopoorrogues？AndwhereforenotbeginWithCarlton，orwithotherhouses？TryYourheadatharden\'dandimperialsin。
Tomendthepeople\'sanabsurdity，Ajargon，amerephilanthropicdin，Unlessyoumaketheirbettersbetter：-Fy！
Ithoughtyouhadmorereligion，Mrs。Fry。
Teachthemthedecenciesofgoodthreescore；
Curethemoftours，hussarandhighlanddresses；
Tellthemthatyouthoncegonereturnsnomore，Thathiredhuzzasredeemnoland\'sdistresses；
TellthemSirWilliamCurtisisabore，Toodullevenforthedullestofexcesses，ThewitlessFalstaffofahoaryHal，Afoolwhosebellshaveceasedtoringatall。
Tellthem，thoughitmaybeperhapstoolate，Onlife\'swornconfine，jaded，bloated，sated，Tosetupvainpretenceofbeinggreat，\'Tisnotsotobegood；andbeitstated，Theworthiestkingshaveeverlovedleaststate；
Andtellthem-Butyouwon\'t，andIhavepratedJustnowenough；butbyandbyI\'llprattleLikeRoland\'shorninRoncesvalles\'battle。
CANTOTHEELEVENTH。
WHENBishopBerkeleysaid\'therewasnomatter，\'
Andprovedit-\'twasnomatterwhathesaid：
Theysayhissystem\'tisinvaintobatter，Toosubtlefortheairiesthumanhead；
Andyetwhocanbelieveit？IwouldshatterGladlyallmattersdowntostoneorlead，Oradamant，tofindtheworldaspirit，Andwearmyhead，denyingthatIwearit。
Whatasublimediscovery\'twastomaketheUniverseuniversalegotism，Thatall\'sideal-allourselves：I\'llstaketheWorldbeitwhatyouwillthatthat\'snoschism。
OhDoubt！-ifthoube\'stDoubt，forwhichsometakethee；
ButwhichIdoubtextremely-thousoleprismOftheTruth\'srays，spoilnotmydraughtofspirit！
Heaven\'sbrandy，thoughourbraincanhardlybearit。
ForeverandanoncomesIndigestion，Notthemost\'daintyAriel\'andperplexesOursoaringswithanothersortofquestion：
Andthatwhichafterallmyspiritvexes，Is，thatIfindnospotwheremancanresteyeon，Withoutconfusionofthesortsandsexes，Ofbeings，stars，andthisunriddledwonder，Theworld，whichattheworst\'sagloriousblunder-
Ifitbechance；orifitbeaccordingTotheoldtext，stillbetter：-lestitshouldTurnoutso，we\'llsaynothing\'gainstthewording，Asseveralpeoplethinksuchhazardsrude。
They\'reright；ourdaysaretoobriefforaffordingSpacetodisputewhatnooneevercouldDecide，andeverybodyonedaywillKnowveryclearly-oratleastliestill。
AndthereforewillIleaveoffmetaphysicalDiscussion，whichisneitherherenorthere：
IfIagreethatwhatis，is；thenthisIcallBeingquiteperspicuousandextremelyfair；
Thetruthis，I\'vegrownlatelyratherphthisical：
Idon\'tknowwhatthereasonis-theairPerhaps；butasIsufferfromtheshocksOfillness，Igrowmuchmoreorthodox。
ThefirstattackatonceprovedtheDivinityButthatIneverdoubted，northeDevil；
Thenext，theVirgin\'smysticalvirginity；
Thethird，theusualOriginofEvil；
Thefourthatonceestablish\'dthewholeTrinityOnsouncontrovertiblealevel，ThatIdevoutlywish\'dthethreewerefour，Onpurposetobelievesomuchthemore。
ToourTheme-ThemanwhohasstoodontheAcropolis，Andlook\'ddownoverAttica；orheWhohassail\'dwherepicturesqueConstantinopleis，OrseenTimbuctoo，orhathtakenteaInsmall-eyedChina\'scrockery-waremetropolis，OrsatamidstthebricksofNineveh，MaynotthinkmuchofLondon\'sfirstappearance-
Butaskhimwhathethinksofitayearhence？
DonJuanhadgotoutonShooter\'sHill；
Sunsetthetime，theplacethesamedeclivityWhichlooksalongthatvaleofgoodandillWhereLondonstreetsfermentinfullactivity；
Whileeverythingaroundwascalmandstill，Exceptthecreakofwheels，whichontheirpivotheHeard，-andthatbee-like，bubbling，busyhumOfcities，thatboiloverwiththeirscum：-
Isay，DonJuan，wraptincontemplation，Walk\'donbehindhiscarriage，o\'erthesummit，Andlostinwonderofsogreatanation，Gavewayto\'t，sincehecouldnotovercomeit。
\'Andhere，\'hecried，\'isFreedom\'schosenstation；
Herepealsthepeople\'svoice，norcanentombitRacks，prisons，inquisitions；resurrectionAwaitsit，eachnewmeetingorelection。
\'Herearechastewives，purelives；herepeoplepayButwhattheyplease；andifthatthingsbedear，\'TisonlythattheylovetothrowawayTheircash，toshowhowmuchtheyhavea-year。
Herelawsareallinviolate；nonelayTrapsforthetraveller；everyhighway\'sclear：
Here-\'hewasinterruptedbyaknife，With，-\'Damnyoureyes！yourmoneyoryourlife！\'
ThesefreebornsoundsproceededfromfourpadsInambushlaid，whohadperceivedhimloiterBehindhiscarriage；and，likehandylads，Hadseizedtheluckyhourtoreconnoitre，InwhichtheheedlessgentlemanwhogadsUpontheroad，unlessheproveafighter，MayfindhimselfwithinthatisleofrichesExposedtolosehislifeaswellasbreeches。
Juan，whodidnotunderstandawordOfEnglish，savetheirshibboleth，\'Goddamn！\'
Andeventhathehadsorarelyheard，Hesometimesthought\'twasonlytheir\'Salam，\'
Or\'Godbewithyou！\'-and\'tisnotabsurdTothinkso：forhalfEnglishasIamTomymisfortune，nevercanIsayIheardthemwish\'Godwithyou，\'savethatway；-
Juanyetquicklyunderstoodtheirgesture，Andbeingsomewhatcholericandsudden，Drewforthapocketpistolfromhisvesture，Andfireditintooneassailant\'spudding-
Whofell，asrollsanoxo\'erinhispasture，Androar\'dout，ashewrithedhisnativemudin，Untohisnearestfollowerorhenchman，\'OhJack！I\'mfloor\'dbythat\'erebloodyFrenchman！\'
OnwhichJackandhistrainsetoffatspeed，AndJuan\'ssuite，latescatter\'datadistance，Cameup，allmarvellingatsuchadeed，Andoffering，asusual，lateassistance。
Juan，whosawthemoon\'slateminionbleedAsifhisveinswouldpourouthisexistence，Stoodcallingoutforbandagesandlint，Andwish\'dhehadbeenlesshastywithhisflint。
\'Perhaps，\'thoughthe，\'itisthecountry\'swontTowelcomeforeignersinthisway：nowIrecollectsomeinnkeeperswhodon\'tDiffer，exceptinrobbingwithabow，Inlieuofabarebladeandbrazenfront。
Butwhatistobedone？Ican\'tallowThefellowtoliegroaningontheroad：
Sotakehimup；I\'llhelpyouwiththeload。\'
Buteretheycouldperformthispiousduty，Thedyingmancried，\'Hold！I\'vegotmygruel！
Ohforaglassofmax！We\'vemiss\'dourbooty；
LetmediewhereIam！\'AndasthefuelOflifeshrunkinhisheart，andthickandsootyThedropsfellfromhisdeath-wound，andhedrewillHisbreath，-hefromhisswellingthroatuntiedAkerchief，crying，\'GiveSalthat！\'-anddied。
Thecravatstain\'dwithbloodydropsfelldownBeforeDonJuan\'sfeet：hecouldnottellExactlywhyitwasbeforehimthrown，Norwhatthemeaningoftheman\'sfarewell。
PoorTomwasonceakiddyupontown，Athoroughvarmint，andarealswell，Fullflash，allfancy，untilfairlydiddled，Hispocketsfirstandthenhisbodyriddled。
DonJuan，havingdonethebesthecouldInallthecircumstancesofthecase，Assoonas\'Crowner\'squest\'allow\'d，pursuedHistravelstothecapitalapace；-
EsteemingitalittlehardheshouldIntwelvehours\'time，andverylittlespace，HavebeenobligedtoslayafreebornnativeInself-defence：thismadehimmeditative。
Hefromtheworldhadcutoffagreatman，Whoinhistimehadmadeheroicbustle。
WhoinarowlikeTomcouldleadthevan，Boozeintheken，oratthespellkenhustle？
Whoqueeraflat？WhospiteofBowStreet\'sban
Onthehightoby-spicesoflashthemuzzle？
Whoonalark，withblack-eyedSalhisblowing，Soprime，soswell，sonutty，andsoknowing？
ButTom\'snomore-andsonomoreofTom。
Heroesmustdie；andbyGod\'sblessing\'tisNotlongbeforethemostofthemgohome。
Hail！Thamis，Hail！UponthyvergeitisThatJuan\'schariot，rollinglikeadrumInthunder，holdsthewayitcan\'twellmiss，ThroughKenningtonandalltheother\'tons，\'
Whichmakesuswishourselvesintownatonce；-
ThroughGroves，socall\'dasbeingvoidoftreesLikelucusfromnolight；throughprospectsnamedMountPleasant，ascontainingnoughttoplease，Normuchtoclimb；throughlittleboxesframedOfbricks，toletthedustinatyourease，With\'Tobelet\'upontheirdoorsproclaim\'d；
Through\'Rows\'mostmodestlycall\'d\'Paradise，\'
WhichEvemightquitwithoutmuchsacrifice；-
Throughcoaches，drays，chokedturnpikes，andawhirlOfwheels，androarofvoices，andconfusion；
Heretavernswooingtoapintof\'purl，\'
Theremailsfastflyingofflikeadelusion；
Therebarbers\'blockswithperiwigsincurlInwindows；herethelamplighter\'sinfusionSlowlydistill\'dintotheglimmeringglassForinthosedayswehadnotgottogas；-
Throughthis，andmuch，andmore，istheapproachOftravellerstomightyBabylon：
Whethertheycomebyhorse，orchaise，orcoach，Withslightexceptions，allthewaysseemone。
Icouldsaymore，butdonotchoosetoencroachUpontheGuide-book\'sprivilege。ThesunHadsetsometime，andnightwasontheridgeOftwilight，asthepartycross\'dthebridge，-
That\'sratherfine。ThegentlesoundofThamis-
Whovindicatesamoment，too，hisstream，Thoughhardlyheardthroughmultifarious\'damme\'s\'-
ThelampsofWestminster\'smoreregulargleam，Thebreadthofpavement，andyonshrinewherefameisAspectralresident-whosepallidbeamInshapeofmoonshinehoverso\'erthepile-
MakethisasacredpartofAlbion\'sisle。
TheDruids\'grovesaregone-somuchthebetter：
Stone-Hengeisnot-butwhatthedevilisit？-
ButBedlamstillexistswithitssagefetter，Thatmadmenmaynotbiteyouonavisit；
TheBenchtooseatsorsuitsfullmanyadebtor；
TheMansionHousetoothoughsomepeoplequizit
Tomeappearsastiffyetgranderection；
ButthentheAbbey\'sworththewholecollection。
Thelineoflights，too，uptoCharingCross，PallMall，andsoforth，haveacoruscationLikegoldasincomparisontodross，Match\'dwiththeContinent\'sillumination，WhosecitiesNightbynomeansdeignstogloss。
TheFrenchwerenotyetalamp-lightingnation，Andwhentheygrewso-ontheirnew-foundlantern，Insteadofwicks，theymadeawickedmanturn。
ArowofgentlemenalongthestreetsSuspendedmayilluminatemankind，Asalsobonfiresmadeofcountryseats；
Buttheoldwayisbestforthepurblind：
Theotherlookslikephosphorusonsheets，Asortofignisfatuustothemind，Which，though\'tiscertaintoperplexandfrighten，Mustburnmoremildlyereitcanenlighten。
ButLondon\'ssowelllit，thatifDiogenesCouldrecommencetohunthishonestman，AndfoundhimnotamidstthevariousprogeniesOfthisenormouscity\'sspreadingspan，\'TwerenotforwantoflampstoaidhisdodginghisYetundiscover\'dtreasure。WhatIcan，I\'vedonetofindthesamethroughoutlife\'sjourney，Butseetheworldisonlyoneattorney。
OverthestonesstillrattlingupPallMall，Throughcrowdsandcarriages，butwaxingthinnerAsthunder\'dknockersbrokethelongseal\'dspellOfdoors\'gainstduns，andtoanearlydinnerAdmittedasmallpartyasnightfell，-
DonJuan，ouryoungdiplomaticsinner，Pursuedhispath，anddrovepastsomehotels，St。James\'sPalaceandSt。James\'s\'Hells。\'
Theyreach\'dthehotel：forthstream\'dfromthefrontdoorAtideofwell-cladwaiters，andaroundThemobstood，andasusualseveralscoreOfthosepedestrianPaphianswhoaboundIndecentLondonwhenthedaylight\'so\'er；
Commodiousbutimmoral，theyarefoundUseful，likeMalthus，inpromotingmarriage-
ButJuannowissteppingfromhiscarriageIntooneofthesweetestofhotels，Especiallyforforeigners-andmostlyForthosewhomfavourorwhomfortuneswells，Andcannotfindabill\'ssmallitemscostly。
TheremanyanenvoyeitherdweltordwellsThedenofmanyadiplomaticlostlie，Untiltosomeconspicuoussquaretheypass，Andblazono\'erthedoortheirnamesinbrass。
Juan，whosewasadelicatecommission，Private，thoughpubliclyimportant，boreNotitletopointoutwithdueprecisionTheexactaffaironwhichhewassento\'er。
\'Twasmerelyknown，thatonasecretmissionAforeignerofrankhadgracedourshore，Young，handsome，andaccomplish\'d，whowassaidInwhisperstohaveturn\'dhissovereign\'shead。
SomerumouralsoofsomestrangeadventuresHadgonebeforehim，andhiswarsandloves；
Andasromanticheadsareprettypainters，And，aboveall，anEnglishwoman\'srovesIntotheexcursive，breakingtheindenturesOfsoberreasonwheresoe\'eritmoves，Hefoundhimselfextremelyinthefashion，Whichservesourthinkingpeopleforapassion。
Idon\'tmeanthattheyarepassionless，butquiteThecontrary；butthen\'tisinthehead；
YetastheconsequencesareasbrightAsiftheyactedwiththeheartinstead，WhatafterallcansignifythesiteOfladies\'lucubrations？SotheyleadInsafetytotheplaceforwhichyoustart，Whatmattersiftheroadbeheadorheart？
Juanpresentedintheproperplace，Toproperplacemen，everyRusscredential；
AndwasreceivedwithalltheduegrimaceBythosewhogoverninthemoodpotential，Who，seeingahandsomestriplingwithsmoothface，Thoughtwhatinstateaffairsismostessential
Thattheyaseasilymightdotheyoungster，Ashawksmaypounceuponawoodlandsongster。
Theyerr\'d，asagedmenwilldo；butbyAndbywe\'lltalkofthat；andifwedon\'t，\'TwillbebecauseournotionisnothighOfpoliticiansandtheirdoublefront，Wholivebylies，yetdarenotboldlylie：-
NowwhatIloveinwomenis，theywon\'tOrcan\'tdootherwisethanlie，butdoitSowell，theverytruthseemsfalsehoodtoit。
And，afterall，whatisalie？\'TisbutThetruthinmasquerade；andIdefyHistorians，heroes，lawyers。priests，toputAfactwithoutsomeleavenofalie。
TheveryshadowoftrueTruthwouldshutUpannals，revelations，poesy，Andprophecy-exceptitshouldbedatedSomeyearsbeforetheincidentsrelated。
Praisedbeallliarsandalllies！WhonowCantaxmymildMusewithmisanthropy？
Sheringstheworld\'s\'TeDeum，\'andherbrowBlushesforthosewhowillnot：-buttosighIsidle；letuslikemostothersbow，Kisshands，feet，anypartofmajesty，Afterthegoodexampleof\'GreenErin，\'
Whoseshamrocknowseemsratherworseforwearing。
DonJuanwaspresented，andhisdressAndmienexcitedgeneraladmiration-
Idon\'tknowwhichwasmoreadmiredorless：
Onemonstrousdiamonddrewmuchobservation，WhichCatherineinamomentof\'ivresse\'
Inloveorbrandy\'sferventfermentation
Bestow\'duponhim，asthepubliclearn\'d；
And，tosaytruth，ithadbeenfairlyearn\'d。
Besidestheministersandunderlings，WhomustbecourteoustotheaccreditedDiplomatistsofratherwaveringkings，Untiltheirroyalriddle\'sfullyread，Theveryclerks，-thosesomewhatdirtyspringsOfoffice，orthehouseofoffice，fedByfoulcorruptionintostreams，-eventheyWerehardlyrudeenoughtoearntheirpay：
AndinsolencenodoubtiswhattheyareEmploy\'dfor，sinceitistheirdailylabour，Inthedearofficesofpeaceorwar；
Andshouldyoudoubt，prayaskofyournextneighbour，Whenforapassport，orsomeotherbarTofreedom，heappliedagriefandabore，Ifhefoundnothisspawnoftaxbornriches，ButJuanwasreceivedwithmuch\'empressement：\'-
ThesephrasesofrefinementImustborrowFromournextneighbours\'land，where，likeachessman，ThereisamovesetdownforjoyorsorrowNotonlyinmeretalking，butthepress。ManInislandsis，itseems，downrightandthorough，Morethanoncontinents-asiftheseaSeeBillingsgatemadeeventhetonguemorefree。
AndyettheBritish\'Damme\'\'sratherAttic：
Yourcontinentaloathsarebutincontinent，AndturnonthingswhichnoaristocraticSpiritwouldname，andthereforeevenIwon\'tanentThissubjectquote；asitwouldbeschismaticInpolitesse，andhaveasoundaffrontingin\'t：-
But\'Damme\'\'squiteethereal，thoughtoodaring-
Platonicblasphemy，thesoulofswearing。
Fordownrightrudeness，yemaystayathome；
FortrueorfalsepolitenessandscarcethatNowyoumaycrossthebluedeepandwhitefoam-
ThefirsttheemblemrarelythoughofwhatYouleavebehind，thenextofmuchyoucomeTomeet。However，\'tisnotimetochatOngeneraltopics：poemsmustconfineThemselvestounity，likethisofmine。
Inthegreatworld，-which，beinginterpreted，Meaneththewestorworstendofacity，AndabouttwicetwothousandpeoplebredBynomeanstobeverywiseorwitty，Buttositupwhileotherslieinbed，Andlookdownontheuniversewithpity，-
Juan，asaninveteratepatrician，Waswellreceivedbypersonsofcondition。
Hewasabachelor，whichisamatterOfimportbothtovirginandtobride，Theformer\'shymenealhopestoflatter；
Andshouldshenotholdfastbyloveorpride
\'Tisalsoofsomemomenttothelatter：
Arib\'sathorninawedgallant\'sside，Requiresdecorum，andisapttodoubleThehorridsin-andwhat\'sstillworse，thetrouble。
ButJuanwasabachelor-ofarts，Andparts，andhearts：hedancedandsung，andhadAnairassentimentalasMozart\'sSoftestofmelodies；andcouldbesadOrcheerful，withoutany\'flawsorstarts，\'
Justatthepropertime；andthoughalad，Hadseentheworld-whichisacurioussight，Andverymuchunlikewhatpeoplewrite。
Fairvirginsblush\'duponhim；weddeddamesBloom\'dalsoinlesstransitoryhues；
ForbothcommoditiesdwellbytheThames，Thepaintingandthepainted；youth，ceruse，Againsthisheartpreferr\'dtheirusualclaims，Suchasnogentlemancanquiterefuse：
Daughtersadmiredhisdress，andpiousmothersInquiredhisincome，andifhehadbrothers。
Themillinerswhofurnish\'draperyMisses\'
Throughouttheseason，uponspeculationOfpaymenterethehoney-moon\'slastkissesHavewanedintoacrescent\'scoruscation，Thoughtsuchanopportunityasthisis，Ofarichforeigner\'sinitiation，Nottobeoverlook\'d-andgavesuchcredit，Thatfuturebridegroomsswore，andsigh\'d，andpaidit。
TheBlues，thattendertribewhosigho\'ersonnets，AndwiththepagesofthelastReviewLinetheinterioroftheirheadsorbonnets，Advancedinalltheirazure\'shighesthue：
Theytalk\'dbadFrenchorSpanish，anduponitsLateauthorsask\'dhimforahintortwo；
Andwhichwassoftest，RussianorCastilian？
AndwhetherinhistravelshesawIlion？
Juan，whowasalittlesuperficial，AndnotinliteratureagreatDrawcansir，ExaminedbythislearnedandespecialJuryofmatrons，scarceknewwhattoanswer：
Hisdutieswarlike，lovingorofficial，Hissteadyapplicationasadancer，HadkepthimfromthebrinkofHippocrene，Whichnowhefoundwasblueinsteadofgreen。
However，herepliedathazard，withAmodestconfidenceandcalmassurance，Whichlenthislearnedlucubrationspith，Andpass\'dforargumentsofgoodendurance。
Thatprodigy，MissAramintaSmithWhoatsixteentranslated\'HerculesFurens\'
IntoasfuriousEnglish，withherbestlook，Setdownhissayingsinhercommon-placebook。
Juanknewseverallanguages-aswellHemight-andbroughtthemupwithskill，intimeTosavehisfamewitheachaccomplish\'dbelle，Whostillregrettedthathedidnotrhyme。
TherewantedbutthisrequisitetoswellHisqualitieswiththemintosublime：
LadyFitz-Frisky，andMissMaeviaMannish，Bothlong\'dextremelytobesunginSpanish。
However，hedidprettywell，andwasAdmittedasanaspiranttoallThecoteries，and，asinBanquo\'sglass，Atgreatassembliesorinpartiessmall，Hesawtenthousandlivingauthorspass，Thatbeingabouttheiraveragenumeral；
Alsotheeighty\'greatestlivingpoets，\'
Aseverypaltrymagazinecanshowits。
Intwicefiveyearsthe\'greatestlivingpoet，\'
Liketothechampioninthefistyring，Iscall\'dontosupporthisclaim，orshowit，Although\'tisanimaginarything。
EvenI-albeitI\'msureIdidnotknowit，Norsoughtoffoolscapsubjectstobeking-
Wasreckon\'daconsiderabletime，ThegrandNapoleonoftherealmsofrhyme。
ButJuanwasmyMoscow，andFalieroMyLeipsic，andmyMountSaintJeanseemsCain：
\'LaBelleAlliance\'ofduncesdownatzero，NowthattheLion\'sfall\'n，mayriseagain：
ButIwillfallatleastasfellmyhero；
Norreignatall，orasamonarchreign；
Ortosomelonelyisleofgaolersgo，WithturncoatSoutheyformyturnkeyLowe。