AndhowsorryIwasforhimsometimes!Hewouldsitinacornerandlookatme,Iusedtofeelsosorryforhim,Iusedtowanttobekindtohimandthenwouldthinktomyself：\'bekindtohimandhewilldrinkagain,\'itwasonlybyseveritythatyoucouldkeephimwithinbounds。“
“Yes,heusedtogethishairpulledprettyoften,“roaredthecommissariatclerkagain,swallowinganotherglassofvodka。
“Somefoolswouldbethebetterforagooddrubbing,aswellashavingtheirhairpulled。Iamnottalkingofmylatehusbandnow！”
KaterinaIvanovnasnappedathim。
Theflushonhercheeksgrewmoreandmoremarked,herchestheaved。
Inanotherminuteshewouldhavebeenreadytomakeascene。Manyofthevisitorsweresniggering,evidentlydelighted。Theybeganpokingthecommissariatclerkandwhisperingsomethingtohim。Theywereevidentlytryingtoegghimon。
“Allowmetoaskwhatareyoualludingto,“begantheclerk,“thatistosay,whose……aboutwhom……didyousayjustnow……ButI
don\'tcare!That\'snonsense!Widow!Iforgiveyou……Pass！”
Andhetookanotherdrinkofvodka。
Raskolnikovsatinsilence,listeningwithdisgust。Heonlyatefrompoliteness,justtastingthefoodthatKaterinaIvanovnawascontinuallyputtingonhisplate,toavoidhurtingherfeelings。HewatchedSoniaintently。ButSoniabecamemoreandmoreanxiousanddistressed;she,too,foresawthatthedinnerwouldnotendpeaceably,andsawwithterrorKaterinaIvanovna\'sgrowingirritation。Sheknewthatshe,Sonia,wasthechiefreasonforthe\'genteel\'ladies\'
contemptuoustreatmentofKaterinaIvanovna\'sinvitation。ShehadheardfromAmaliaIvanovnathatthemotherwaspositivelyoffendedattheinvitationandhadaskedthequestion：“howcouldsheletherdaughtersitdownbesidethatyoungperson？”SoniahadafeelingthatKaterinaIvanovnahadalreadyheardthisandaninsulttoSoniameantmoretoKaterinaIvanovnathananinsulttoherself,herchildren,orherfather,SoniaknewthatKaterinaIvanovnawouldnotbesatisfiednow,“tillshehadshownthosedraggletailsthattheywereboth……“TomakemattersworsesomeonepassedSonia,fromtheotherendofthetable,aplatewithtwoheartspiercedwithanarrow,cutoutofblackbread。KaterinaIvanovnaflushedcrimsonandatoncesaidaloudacrossthetablethatthemanwhosentitwas“adrunkenass！”
AmaliaIvanovnawasforeseeingsomethingamiss,andatthesametimedeeplywoundedbyKaterinaIvanovna\'shaughtiness,andtorestorethegood-humourofthecompanyandraiseherselfintheiresteemshebegan,aproposofnothing,tellingastoryaboutanacquaintanceofhers“Karlfromthechemist\'s,“whowasdrivingonenightinacab,andthat“thecabmanwantedhimtokill,andKarlverymuchbeggedhimnottokill,andweptandclaspedhands,andfrightenedandfromfearpiercedhisheart。“ThoughKaterinaIvanovnasmiled,sheobservedatoncethatAmaliaIvanovnaoughtnottotellanecdotesinRussian;
thelatterwasstillmoreoffended,andsheretortedthather“VaterausBerlinwasaveryimportantman,andalwayswentwithhishandsinpockets。“KaterinaIvanovnacouldnotrestrainherselfandlaughedsomuchthatAmaliaIvanovnalostpatienceandcouldscarcelycontrolherself。
“Listentotheowl！”KaterinaIvanovnawhisperedatonce,hergood-humouralmostrestored,“shemeanttosayhekepthishandsinhispockets,butshesaidheputhishandsinpeople\'spockets。
Cough-cough。Andhaveyounoticed,RodionRomanovitch,thatallthesePetersburgforeigners,theGermansespecially,areallstupiderthanwe!Canyoufancyanyoneofustellinghow\'Karlfromthechemist\'spiercedhisheartfromfear\'andthattheidiotinsteadofpunishingthecabman,\'claspedhishandsandwept,andmuchbegged。\'Ah,thefool!Andyouknowshefanciesit\'sverytouchinganddoesnotsuspecthowstupidsheis!Tomythinkingthatdrunkencommissariatclerkisagreatdealcleverer,anywayonecanseethathehasaddledhisbrainswithdrink,butyouknow,theseforeignersarealwayssowellbehavedandserious……Lookhowshesitsglaring!Sheisangry,ha-ha!Cough-cough-cough。“
Regaininghergood-humour,KaterinaIvanovnabeganatoncetellingRaskolnikovthatwhenshehadobtainedherpension,sheintendedtoopenaschoolforthedaughtersofgentlemeninhernativetownT___。Thiswasthefirsttimeshehadspokentohimoftheproject,andshelaunchedoutintothemostalluringdetails。ItsuddenlyappearedthatKaterinaIvanovnahadinherhandstheverycertificateofhonourofwhichMarmeladovhadspokentoRaskolnikovinthetavern,whenhetoldhimthatKaterinaIvanovna,hiswife,haddancedtheshawldancebeforethegovernorandothergreatpersonagesonleavingschool。ThiscertificateofhonourwasobviouslyintendednowtoproveKaterinaIvanovna\'srighttoopenaboarding-school;butshehadarmedherselfwithitchieflywiththeobjectofoverwhelming“thosetwostuck-updraggletails“iftheycametothedinner,andprovingincontestablythatKaterinaIvanovnawasofthemostnoble,“shemightevensayaristocraticfamily,acolonel\'sdaughterandwasfarsuperiortocertainadventuresseswhohavebeensomuchtotheforeoflate。“Thecertificateofhonourimmediatelypassedintothehandsofthedrunkenguests,andKaterinaIvanovnadidnottrytoretainit,foritactuallycontainedthestatemententouteslettres,thatherfatherwasoftherankofamajor,andalsoacompanionofanorder,sothatshereallywasalmostthedaughterofacolonel。
Warmingup,KaterinaIvanovnaproceededtoenlargeonthepeacefulandhappylifetheywouldleadinT___,onthegymnasiumteacherswhomshewouldengagetogivelessonsinherboarding-school,oneamostrespectableoldFrenchman,oneMangot,whohadtaughtKaterinaIvanovnaherselfinolddaysandwasstilllivinginT___,andwouldnodoubtteachinherschoolonmoderateterms。NextshespokeofSoniawhowouldgowithhertoT___andhelpherinallherplans。
Atthissomeoneatthefurtherendofthetablegaveasuddenguffaw。
ThoughKaterinaIvanovnatriedtoappeartobedisdainfullyunawareofit,sheraisedhervoiceandbeganatoncespeakingwithconvictionofSonia\'sundoubtedabilitytoassisther,of“hergentleness,patience,devotion,generosityandgoodeducation,“
tappingSoniaonthecheekandkissingherwarmlytwice。Soniaflushedcrimson,andKaterinaIvanovnasuddenlyburstintotears,immediatelyobservingthatshewas“nervousandsilly,thatshewastoomuchupset,thatitwastimetofinish,andasthedinnerwasover,itwastimetohandroundthetea。“
Atthatmoment,AmaliaIvanovna,deeplyaggrievedattakingnopartintheconversation,andnotbeinglistenedto,madeonelasteffort,andwithsecretmisgivingsventuredonanexceedinglydeepandweightyobservation,that“inthefutureboarding-schoolshewouldhavetopayparticularattentiontodieWasche,andthattherecertainlymustbeagoodDametolookafterthelinen,andsecondlythattheyoungladiesmustnotnovelsatnightread。“
KaterinaIvanovna,whocertainlywasupsetandverytired,aswellasheartilysickofthedinner,atoncecutshortAmaliaIvanovna,saying“sheknewnothingaboutitandwastalkingnonsense,thatitwasthebusinessofthelaundrymaid,andnotofthedirectressofahigh-classboarding-schooltolookafterdieWasche,andasfornovelreading,thatwassimplyrudeness,andshebeggedhertobesilent。“AmaliaIvanovnafiredupandgettingangryobservedthatsheonly“meanthergood,“andthat“shehadmeantherverygood,“andthat“itwaslongsinceshehadpaidherGoldforthelodgings。“
KaterinaIvanovnaatonce“setherdown,“sayingthatitwasalietosayshewishedhergood,becauseonlyyesterdaywhenherdeadhusbandwaslyingonthetable,shehadworriedheraboutthelodgings。TothisAmaliaIvanovnaveryappropriatelyobservedthatshehadinvitedthoseladies,but“thoseladieshadnotcome,becausethoseladiesareladiesandcannotcometoaladywhoisnotalady。“KaterinaIvanovnaatoncepointedouttoher,thatasshewasaslutshecouldnotjudgewhatmadeonereallyalady。AmaliaIvanovnaatoncedeclaredthather“VaterausBerlinwasavery,veryimportantman,andbothhandsinpocketswent,andalwaysusedtosay：poof!poof！”andsheleaptupfromthetabletorepresentherfather,stickingherhandsinherpockets,puffinghercheeks,andutteringvaguesoundsresembling“poof!poof！”amidloudlaughterfromallthelodgers,whopurposelyencouragedAmaliaIvanovna,hopingforafight。
ButthiswastoomuchforKaterinaIvanovna,andsheatoncedeclared,sothatallcouldhear,thatAmaliaIvanovnaprobablyneverhadafather,butwassimplyadrunkenPetersburgFinn,andhadcertainlyoncebeenacookandprobablysomethingworse。AmaliaIvanovnaturnedasredasalobsterandsquealedthatperhapsKaterinaIvanovnaneverhadafather,“butshehadavaterausBerlinandthatheworealongcoatandalwayssaidpoof-poof-poof！”
KaterinaIvanovnaobservedcontemptuouslythatallknewwhatherfamilywasandthatonthatverycertificateofhonouritwasstatedinprintthatherfatherwasacolonel,whileAmaliaIvanovna\'sfather-ifshereallyhadone-wasprobablysomeFinnishmilkman,butthatprobablysheneverhadafatheratall,sinceitwasstilluncertainwhetherhernamewasAmaliaIvanovnaorAmaliaLudwigovna。
AtthisAmaliaIvanovna,lashedtofury,struckthetablewithherfist,andshriekedthatshewasAmaliaIvanovna,andnotLudwigovna,“thatherVaterwasnamedJohannandthathewasaburgomeister,andthatKaterinaIvanovna\'sVaterwasquiteneveraburgomeister。“
KaterinaIvanovnarosefromherchair,andwithasternandapparentlycalmvoicethoughshewaspaleandherchestwasheavingobservedthat“ifshedaredforonemomenttosethercontemptiblewretchofafatheronalevelwithherpapa,she,KaterinaIvanovna,wouldtearhercapoffherheadandtrampleitunderfoot。“AmaliaIvanovnaranabouttheroom,shoutingatthetopofhervoice,thatshewasmistressofthehouseandthatKaterinaIvanovnashouldleavethelodgingsthatminute;thensherushedforsomereasontocollectthesilverspoonsfromthetable。Therewasagreatoutcryanduproar,thechildrenbegancrying。SoniarantorestrainKaterinaIvanovna,butwhenAmaliaIvanovnashoutedsomethingabout“theyellowticket,“KaterinaIvanovnapushedSoniaaway,andrushedatthelandladytocarryoutherthreat。
Atthatminutethedooropened,andPyotrPetrovitchLuzhinappearedonthethreshold。Hestoodscanningthepartywithsevereandvigilanteyes。KaterinaIvanovnarushedtohim。
ChapterThree“PYOTRPETROVITCH,“shecried,“protectme……youatleast!Makethisfoolishwomanunderstandthatshecan\'tbehavelikethistoaladyinmisfortune……thatthereisalawforsuchthings……I\'llgotothegovernor-generalhimself……Sheshallanswerforit……
Rememberingmyfather\'shospitalityprotecttheseorphans。“
“Allowme,madam……Allowme。“PyotrPetrovitchwavedheroff。
“Yourpapa,asyouarewellaware,Ihadnotthehonourofknowing“
someonelaughedaloud“andIdonotintendtotakepartinyoureverlastingsquabbleswithAmaliaIvanovna……Ihavecomeheretospeakofmyownaffairs……andIwanttohaveawordwithyourstepdaughter,Sofya……Ivanovna,Ithinkitis?Allowmetopass。“
PyotrPetrovitch,edgingbyher,wenttotheoppositecornerwhereSoniawas。
KaterinaIvanovnaremainedstandingwhereshewas,asthoughthunderstruck。ShecouldnotunderstandhowPyotrPetrovitchcoulddenyhavingenjoyedherfather\'shospitility。Thoughshehadinventeditherself,shebelievedinitfirmlybythistime。Shewasstrucktoobythebusinesslike,dryandevencontemptuouslymenacingtoneofPyotrPetrovitch。Alltheclamourgraduallydiedawayathisentrance。Notonlywasthis“seriousbusinessman“strikinglyincongruouswiththerestoftheparty,butitwasevident,too,thathehadcomeuponsomematterofconsequence,thatsomeexceptionalcausemusthavebroughthimandthatthereforesomethingwasgoingtohappen。Raskolnikov,standingbesideSonia,movedasidetolethimpass;PyotrPetrovitchdidnotseemtonoticehim。AminutelaterLebeziatnikov,too,appearedinthedoorway;hedidnotcomein,butstoodstill,listeningwithmarkedinterest,almostwonder,andseemedforatimeperplexed。
“Excusemeforpossiblyinterruptingyou,butit\'samatterofsomeimportance,“PyotrPetrovitchobserved,addressingthecompanygenerally。“Iamgladindeedtofindotherpersonspresent。AmaliaIvanovna,IhumblybegyouasmistressofthehousetopaycarefulattentiontowhatIhavetosaytoSofyaIvanovna。SofyaIvanovna,“hewenton,addressingSonia,whowasverymuchsurprisedandalreadyalarmed,“immediatelyafteryourvisitIfoundthatahundred-roublenotewasmissingfrommytable,intheroomofmyfriendMr。
Lebeziatnikov。Ifinanywaywhateveryouknowandwilltelluswhereitisnow,Iassureyouonmywordofhonourandcallallpresenttowitnessthatthemattershallendthere。IntheoppositecaseIshallbecompelledtohaverecoursetoveryseriousmeasuresandthen……youmustblameyourself。“
Completesilencereignedintheroom。Eventhecryingchildrenwerestill。Soniastooddeadlypale,staringatLuzhinandunabletosayaword。Sheseemednottounderstand。Somesecondspassed。
“Well,howisittobethen？”askedLuzhin,lookingintentlyather。
“Idon\'tknow……Iknownothingaboutit,“Soniaarticulatedfaintlyatlast。
“No,youknownothing？”Luzhinrepeatedandagainhepausedforsomeseconds。“Thinkamoment,mademoiselle,“hebeganseverely,butstill,asitwere,admonishingher。“Reflect,Iampreparedtogiveyoutimeforconsideration。Kindlyobservethis：ifIwerenotsoentirelyconvincedIshouldnot,youmaybesure,withmyexperienceventuretoaccuseyousodirectly。Seeingthatforsuchdirectaccusationbeforewitnesses,iffalseorevenmistaken,Ishouldmyselfinacertainsensebemaderesponsible,Iamawareofthat。ThismorningIchangedformyownpurposesseveralfivepercent。securitiesforthesumofapproximatelythreethousandroubles。Theaccountisnoteddowninmypocket-book。OnmyreturnhomeIproceededtocountthemoney,-asMr。Lebeziatnikovwillbearwitness-andaftercountingtwothousandthreehundredroublesIputtherestinmypocket-bookinmycoatpocket。Aboutfivehundredroublesremainedonthetableandamongthemthreenotesofahundredroubleseach。Atthatmomentyouenteredatmyinvitation-andallthetimeyouwerepresentyouwereexceedinglyembarrassed;sothatthreetimesyoujumpedupinthemiddleoftheconversationandtriedtomakeoff。Mr。Lebeziatnikovcanbearwitnesstothis。Youyourself,mademoiselle,probablywillnotrefusetoconfirmmystatementthatIinvitedyouthroughMr。
Lebeziatnikov,solelyinordertodiscusswithyouthehopelessanddestitutepositionofyourrelative,KaterinaIvanovnawhosedinnerI
wasunabletoattend,andtheadvisabilityofgettingupsomethingofthenatureofasubscription,lotteryorthelike,forherbenefit。
Youthankedmeandevenshedtears。Idescribeallthisasittookplace,primarilytorecallittoyourmindandsecondlytoshowyouthatnottheslightestdetailhasescapedmyrecollection。ThenItookaten-roublenotefromthetableandhandedittoyoubywayoffirstinstalmentonmypartforthebenefitofyourrelative。Mr。
Lebeziatnikovsawallthis。ThenIaccompaniedyoutothedoor,-youbeingstillinthesamestateofembarrassment-afterwhich,beingleftalonewithMr。LebeziatnikovItalkedtohimfortenminutes,-
thenMr。LebeziatnikovwentoutandIreturnedtothetablewiththemoneylyingonit,intendingtocountitandtoputitaside,asI
proposeddoingbefore。Tomysurpriseonehundred-roublenotehaddisappeared。Kindlyconsidertheposition。Mr。LebeziatnikovI
cannotsuspect。Iamashamedtoalludetosuchasupposition。Icannothavemadeamistakeinmyreckoning,fortheminutebeforeyourentranceIhadfinishedmyaccountsandfoundthetotalcorrect。Youwilladmitthatrecollectingyourembarrassment,youreagernesstogetawayandthefactthatyoukeptyourhandsforsometimeonthetable,andtakingintoconsiderationyoursocialpositionandthehabitsassociatedwithit,Iwas,sotosay,withhorrorandpositivelyagainstmywill,compelledtoentertainasuspicion-acruel,butjustifiablesuspicion!Iwilladdfurtherandrepeatthatinspiteofmypositiveconviction,IrealisethatIrunacertainriskinmakingthisaccusation,butasyousee,Icouldnotletitpass。I
havetakenactionandIwilltellyouwhy：solely,madam,solely,owingtoyourblackingratitude!Why!Iinviteyouforthebenefitofyourdestituterelative,Ipresentyouwithmydonationoftenroublesandyou,onthespot,repaymeforallthatwithsuchanaction。Itistoobad!Youneedalesson。Reflect!Moreover,likeatruefriendIbegyou-andyoucouldhavenobetterfriendatthismoment-thinkwhatyouaredoing,otherwiseIshallbeimmovable!
Well,whatdoyousay？”
“Ihavetakennothing,“Soniawhisperedinterror,“yougavemetenroubles,hereitis,takeit。“
Soniapulledherhandkerchiefoutofherpocket,untiedacornerofit,tookoutthetenroublenoteandgaveittoLuzhin。
“Andthehundredroublesyoudonotconfesstotaking？”heinsistedreproachfully,nottakingthenote。
Sonialookedabouther。Allwerelookingatherwithsuchawful,stern,ironical,hostileeyes。ShelookedatRaskolnikov……hestoodagainstthewall,withhisarmscrossed,lookingatherwithglowingeyes。
“GoodGod！”brokefromSonia。
“AmaliaIvanovna,weshallhavetosendwordtothepoliceandthereforeIhumblybegyoumeanwhiletosendforthehouseporter,“
Luzhinsaidsoftlyandevenkindly。
“Gottderbarmherzige!Iknewshewasthethief,“criedAmaliaIvanovna,throwingupherhands。
“Youknewit？”Luzhincaughtherup,“thenIsupposeyouhadsomereasonbeforethisforthinkingso。Ibegyou,worthyAmaliaIvanovna,torememberyourwordswhichhavebeenutteredbeforewitnesses。“
Therewasabuzzofloudconversationonallsides。Allwereinmovement。
“What！”criedKaterinaIvanovna,suddenlyrealisingtheposition,andsherushedatLuzhin。“What!Youaccuseherofstealing?Sonia?
Ah,thewretches,thewretches！”
AndrunningtoSoniasheflungherwastedarmsroundherandheldherasinavise。
“Sonia!howdaredyoutaketenroublesfromhim?Foolishgirl!
Giveittome!Givemethetenroublesatonce-here!
AndsnatchingthenotefromSonia,KaterinaIvanovnacrumpleditupandflungitstraightintoLuzhin\'sface。Ithithimintheeyeandfellontheground。AmaliaIvanovnahastenedtopickitup。PyotrPetrovitchlosthistemper。
“Holdthatmadwoman！”heshouted。
Atthatmomentseveralotherpersons,besidesLebeziatnikov,appearedinthedoorway,amongthemthetwoladies。
“What!Mad?AmImad?Idiot！”shriekedKaterinaIvanovna。“Youareanidiotyourself,pettifogginglawyer,baseman!Sonia,Soniatakehismoney!Soniaathief!Why,she\'dgiveawayherlastpenny！”andKaterinaIvanovnabrokeintohystericallaughter。“Didyoueverseesuchanidiot？”sheturnedfromsidetoside。“Andyoutoo？”shesuddenlysawthelandlady,“andyoutoo,sausageeater,youdeclarethatsheisathief,youtrashyPrussianhen\'sleginacrinoline!Shehasn\'tbeenoutofthisroom：shecamestraightfromyou,youwretch,andsatdownbesideme,everyonesawher。Shesathere,byRodionRomanovitch。Searchher!Sinceshe\'snotlefttheroom,themoneywouldhavetobeonher!Searchher,searchher!Butifyoudon\'tfindit,thenexcuseme,mydearfellow,you\'llanswerforit!
I\'llgotoourSovereign,toourSovereign,toourgraciousTsarhimself,andthrowmyselfathisfeet,to-day,thisminute!Iamaloneintheworld!Theywouldletmein!Doyouthinktheywouldn\'t?You\'rewrong,Iwillgetin!Iwillgetin!Youreckonedonhermeekness!Yourelieduponthat!ButIamnotsosubmissive,letmetellyou!
You\'vegonetoofaryourself。Searchher,searchher！”
AndKaterinaIvanovnainafrenzyshookLuzhinanddraggedhimtowardsSonia。
“Iamready,I\'llberesponsible……butcalmyourself,madam,calmyourself。Iseethatyouarenotsosubmissive!……Well,well,butastothat……“Luzhinmuttered,“thatoughttobebeforethepolice……
thoughindeedtherearewitnessesenoughasitis……Iamready……
Butinanycaseit\'sdifficultforaman……onaccountofhersex……ButwiththehelpofAmaliaIvanovna……though,ofcourse,it\'snotthewaytodothings……Howisittobedone？”
“Asyouwill!Letanyonewholikessearchher！”criedKaterinaIvanovna。“Sonia,turnoutyourpockets!See。Look,monster,thepocketisempty,herewasherhandkerchief!Hereistheotherpocket,look!D\'yousee,d\'yousee？”
AndKaterinaIvanovnaturned-orrathersnatched-bothpocketsinsideout。ButfromtherightpocketapieceofpaperflewoutanddescribingaparabolaintheairfellatLuzhin\'sfeet。Everyonesawit,severalcriedout。PyotrPetrovitchstoopeddown,pickedupthepaperintwofingers,lifteditwhereallcouldseeitandopenedit。Itwasahundred-roublenotefoldedineight。PyotrPetrovitchheldupthenoteshowingittoeveryone。
“Thief!Outofmylodging。Police,police！”yelledAmaliaIvanovna。“TheymusttoSiberiabesent!Away！”
Exclamationsaroseonallsides。Raskolnikovwassilent,keepinghiseyesfixedonSonia,exceptforanoccasionalrapidglanceatLuzhin。Soniastoodstill,asthoughunconscious。Shewashardlyabletofeelsurprise。Suddenlythecolourrushedtohercheeks;sheutteredacryandhidherfaceinherhands。
“No,itwasn\'tI!Ididn\'ttakeit!Iknownothingaboutit,“shecriedwithaheartrendingwail,andsherantoKaterinaIvanovna,whoclaspedhertightlyinherarms,asthoughshewouldshelterherfromalltheworld。
“Sonia!Sonia!Idon\'tbelieveit!Yousee,Idon\'tbelieveit！”shecriedinthefaceoftheobviousfact,swayinghertoandfroinherarmslikeababy,kissingherfacecontinually,thensnatchingatherhandsandkissingthem,too。“Youtookit!Howstupidthesepeopleare!Ohdear!Youarefools,fools,“shecried,addressingthewholeroom,“youdon\'tknow,youdon\'tknowwhataheartshehas,whatagirlsheis!Shetakeit,she?She\'dsellherlastrag,she\'dgobarefoottohelpyouifyouneededit,that\'swhatsheis!Shehastheyellowpassportbecausemychildrenwerestarving,shesoldherselfforus!Ah,husband,husband!Doyousee?Doyousee?Whatamemorialdinnerforyou!Mercifulheavens!Defendher,whyareyouallstandingstill?RodionRomanovitch,whydon\'tyoustandupforher?Doyoubelieveit,too?Youarenotworthherlittlefinger,allofyoutogether!GoodGod!Defendhernow,atleast！”
Thewailofthepoor,consumptive,helplesswomanseemedtoproduceagreateffectonheraudience。Theagonised,wasted,consumptiveface,theparchedblood-stainedlips,thehoarsevoice,thetearsunrestrainedasachild\'s,thetrustful,childishandyetdespairingprayerforhelpweresopiteousthateveryoneseemedtofeelforher。PyotrPetrovitchatanyratewasatoncemovedtocompassion。
“Madam,madam,thisincidentdoesnotreflectuponyou！”hecriedimpressively,“noonewouldtakeuponhimselftoaccuseyouofbeinganinstigatororevenanaccompliceinit,especiallyasyouhaveprovedherguiltbyturningoutherpockets,showingthatyouhadnopreviousideaofit。Iammostready,mostreadytoshowcompassion,ifpoverty,sotospeak,droveSofyaSemyonovnatoit,butwhydidyourefusetoconfess,mademoiselle?Wereyouafraidofthedisgrace?
Thefirststep?Youlostyourhead,perhaps?Onecanquiteunderstandit……Buthowcouldyouhaveloweredyourselftosuchanaction?Gentlemen,“headdressedthewholecompany,“gentlemen!
Compassionateandsotosaycommiseratingthesepeople,Iamreadytooverlookitevennowinspiteofthepersonalinsultlavisheduponme!Andmaythisdisgracebealessontoyouforthefuture,“
hesaid,addressingSonia,“andIwillcarrythematternofurther。
Enough！”
PyotrPetrovitchstoleaglanceatRaskolnikov。Theireyesmet,andthefireinRaskolnikov\'sseemedreadytoreducehimtoashes。
MeanwhileKaterinaIvanovnaapparentlyheardnothing。ShewaskissingandhuggingSonialikeamadwoman。Thechildren,too,wereembracingSoniaonallsides,andPolenka,-thoughshedidnotfullyunderstandwhatwaswrong,-wasdrownedintearsandshakingwithsobs,asshehidherprettylittleface,swollenwithweeping,onSonia\'sshoulder。
“Howvile！”aloudvoicecriedsuddenlyinthedoorway。
PyotrPetrovitchlookedroundquickly。
“Whatvileness！”Lebeziatnikovrepeated,staringhimstraightintheface。
PyotrPetrovitchgaveapositivestart-allnoticeditandrecalleditafterwards。Lebeziatnikovstrodeintotheroom。
“Andyoudaredtocallmeaswitness？”hesaid,goinguptoPyotrPetrovitch。
“Whatdoyoumean?Whatareyoutalkingabout？”mutteredLuzhin。
“Imeanthatyou……areaslanderer,that\'swhatmywordsmean！”
Lebeziatnikovsaidhotly,lookingsternlyathimwithhisshortsightedeyes。
Hewasextremelyangry。Raskolnikovgazedintentlyathim,asthoughseizingandweighingeachword。Againtherewasasilence。PyotrPetrovitchindeedseemedalmostdumbfoundedforthefirstmoment。
“Ifyoumeanthatforme,……“hebegan,stammering。“Butwhat\'sthematterwithyou?Areyououtofyourmind？”
“I\'minmymind,butyouareascoundrel!Ah,howvile!Ihaveheardeverything。Ikeptwaitingonpurposetounderstandit,forImustownevennowitisnotquitelogical……WhatyouhavedoneitallforI
can\'tunderstand。“
“Why,whathaveIdonethen?Giveovertalkinginyournonsensicalriddles!Ormaybeyouaredrunk！”
“Youmaybeadrunkard,perhaps,vileman,butIamnot!Inevertouchvodka,forit\'sagainstmyconvictions。Wouldyoubelieveit,he,hehimself,withhisownhandsgaveSofyaSemyonovnathathundred-roublenote-Isawit,Iwasawitness,I\'lltakemyoath!
Hedidit,he！”repeatedLebeziatnikov,addressingall。
“Areyoucrazy,milksop？”squealedLuzhin。“Sheisherselfbeforeyou,-sheherselfheredeclaredjustnowbeforeeveryonethatI
gaveheronlytenroubles。HowcouldIhavegivenittoher？”
“Isawit,Isawit,“Lebeziatnikovrepeated,“andalthoughitisagainstmyprinciples,Iamreadythisveryminutetotakeanyoathyoulikebeforethecourt,forIsawhowyouslippeditinherpocket。
OnlylikeafoolIthoughtyoudiditoutofkindness!Whenyouweresayinggood-byetoheratthedoor,whileyouheldherhandinonehand,withtheother,theleft,youslippedthenoteintoherpocket。Isawit,Isawit！”
Luzhinturnedpale。
“Whatlies！”hecriedimpudently,“why,howcouldyou,standingbythewindow,seethenote!Youfancieditwithyourshortsightedeyes。Youareraving！”
“No,Ididn\'tfancyit。AndthoughIwasstandingsomewayoff,I
sawitall。Andthoughitcertainlywouldbehardtodistinguishanotefromthewindow,-that\'strue-Iknewforcertainthatitwasahundred-roublenote,because,whenyouweregoingtogiveSofyaSemyonovnatenroubles,youtookupfromthetableahundred-roublenoteIsawitbecauseIwasstandingnearthen,andanideastruckmeatonce,sothatIdidnotforgetyouhaditinyourhand。Youfoldeditandkeptitinyourhandallthetime。Ididn\'tthinkofitagainuntil,whenyouweregettingup,youchangeditfromyourrighthandtoyourleftandnearlydroppedit!Inoticeditbecausethesameideastruckmeagain,thatyoumeanttodoherakindnesswithoutmyseeing。YoucanfancyhowIwatchedyouandIsawhowyousucceededinslippingitintoherpocket。Isawit,Isawit,I\'lltakemyoath。“
Lebeziatnikovwasalmostbreathless。Exclamationsaroseonallhandschieflyexpressiveofwonder,butsomeweremenacingintone。TheyallcrowdedroundPyotrPetrovitch。KaterinaIvanovnaflewtoLebeziatnikov。
“Iwasmistakeninyou!Protecther!Youaretheonlyonetotakeherpart!Sheisanorphan。Godhassentyou！”
KaterinaIvanovna,hardlyknowingwhatshewasdoing,sankonherkneesbeforehim。
“Apackofnonsense！”yelledLuzhin,rousedtofury,“it\'sallnonsenseyou\'vebeentalking!\'Anideastruckyou,youdidn\'tthink,younoticed\'-whatdoesitamountto?SoIgaveittoherontheslyonpurpose?Whatfor?Withwhatobject?WhathaveItodowiththis……？”
“Whatfor?That\'swhatIcan\'tunderstand,butthatwhatIamtellingyouisthefact,that\'scertain!Sofarfrommybeingmistaken,youinfamous,criminalman,Irememberhow,onaccountofit,aquestionoccurredtomeatonce,justwhenIwasthankingyouandpressingyourhand。Whatmadeyouputitsecretlyinherpocket?
Whyyoudiditsecretly,Imean?Coulditbesimplytoconcealitfromme,knowingthatmyconvictionsareopposedtoyoursandthatIdonotapproveofprivatebenevolence,whicheffectsnoradicalcure?Well,I
decidedthatyoureallywereashamedofgivingsuchalargesumbeforeme。Perhaps,too,Ithought,hewantstogiveherasurprise,whenshefindsawholehundred-roublenoteinherpocket。ForIknowsomebenevolentpeopleareveryfondofdeckingouttheircharitableactionsinthatway。Thentheideastruckme,too,thatyouwantedtotesther,toseewhether,whenshefoundit,shewouldcometothankyou。Then,too,thatyouwantedtoavoidthanksandthat,asthesayingis,yourrighthandshouldnotknow……somethingofthatsort,infact。IthoughtofsomanypossibilitiesthatIputoffconsideringit,butstillthoughtitindelicatetoshowyouIknewyoursecret。ButanotherideastruckmeagainthatSofyaSemyonovnamighteasilylosethemoneybeforeshenoticedit,thatwaswhyI
decidedtocomeinheretocallheroutoftheroomandtotellherthatyouputahundredroublesinherpocket。ButonmywayIwentfirsttoMadameKobilatnikov\'stotakethemthe\'GeneralTreatiseonthePositiveMethod\'andespeciallytorecommendPiderit\'sarticleandalsoWagner\'s;thenIcomeonhereandwhatastateofthingsIfind!NowcouldI,couldI,havealltheseideasandreflections,ifIhadnotseenyouputthehundred-roublenoteinherpocket？”
WhenLebeziatnikovfinishedhislong-windedharanguewiththelogicaldeductionattheend,hewasquitetired,andtheperspirationstreamedfromhisface。Hecouldnot,alas,evenexpresshimselfcorrectlyinRussian,thoughheknewnootherlanguage,sothathewasquiteexhausted,almostemaciatedafterthisheroicexploit。Buthisspeechproducedapowerfuleffect。Hehadspokenwithsuchvehemence,withsuchconvictionthateveryoneobviouslybelievedhim。
PyotrPetrovitchfeltthatthingsweregoingbadlywithhim。
“Whatisittodowithmeifsillyideasdidoccurtoyou？”heshouted,“that\'snoevidence。Youmayhavedreamtit,that\'sall!
AndItellyou,youarelying,sir。Youarelyingandslanderingfromsomespiteagainstme,simplyfrompique,becauseIdidnotagreewithyourfreethinking,godless,socialpropositions！”
ButthisretortdidnotbenefitPyotrPetrovitch。Murmursofdisapprovalwereheardonallsides。
“Ah,that\'syourlinenow,isit！”criedLebeziatnikov,“that\'snonsense!CallthepoliceandI\'lltakemyoath!There\'sonlyonethingIcan\'tunderstand：whatmadehimrisksuchacontemptibleaction。Oh,pitiful,despicableman！”
“Icanexplainwhyheriskedsuchanaction,andifnecessary,I,too,willsweartoit,“Raskolnikovsaidatlastinafirmvoice,andhesteppedforward。
Heappearedtobefirmandcomposed。Everyonefeltclearly,fromtheverylookofhimthathereallyknewaboutitandthatthemysterywouldbesolved。
“NowIcanexplainitalltomyself,“saidRaskolnikov,addressingLebeziatnikov。“Fromtheverybeginningofthebusiness,Isuspectedthattherewassomescoundrellyintrigueatthebottomofit。I
begantosuspectitfromsomespecialcircumstancesknowntomeonly,whichIwillexplainatoncetoeveryone：theyaccountforeverything。Yourvaluableevidencehasfinallymadeeverythingcleartome。Ibegall,alltolisten。ThisgentlemanhepointedtoLuzhin
wasrecentlyengagedtobemarriedtoayounglady-mysister,AvdotyaRomanovnaRaskolnikov。ButcomingtoPetersburghequarrelledwithme,thedaybeforeyesterday,atourfirstmeetingandIdrovehimoutofmyroom-Ihavetwowitnessestoproveit。Heisaveryspitefulman……ThedaybeforeyesterdayIdidnotknowthathewasstayinghere,inyourroom,andthatconsequentlyontheverydaywequarrelled-thedaybeforeyesterday-hesawmegiveKaterinaIvanovnasomemoneyforthefuneral,asafriendofthelateMr。Marmeladov。HeatoncewroteanotetomymotherandinformedherthatIhadgivenawayallmymoney,nottoKaterinaIvanovna,buttoSofyaSemyonovna,andreferredinamostcontemptiblewaytothe……
characterofSofyaSemyonovna,thatis,hintedatthecharacterofmyattitudetoSofyaSemyonovna。Allthisyouunderstandwaswiththeobjectofdividingmefrommymotherandsister,byinsinuatingthatIwassquanderingonunworthyobjectsthemoneywhichtheyhadsentmeandwhichwasalltheyhad。Yesterdayevening,beforemymotherandsisterandinhispresence,IdeclaredthatIhadgiventhemoneytoKaterinaIvanovnaforthefuneralandnottoSofyaSemyonovnaandthatIhadnoacquaintancewithSofyaSemyonovnaandhadneverseenherbefore,indeed。AtthesametimeIaddedthathe,PyotrPetrovitchLuzhin,withallhisvirtueswasnotworthSofyaSemyonovna\'slittlefinger,thoughhespokesoillofher。Tohisquestion-wouldIletSofyaSemyonovnasitdownbesidemysister,I
answeredthatIhadalreadydonesothatday。Irritatedthatmymotherandsisterwereunwillingtoquarrelwithmeathisinsinuations,hegraduallybeganbeingunpardonablyrudetothem。Afinalrupturetookplaceandhewasturnedoutofthehouse。Allthishappenedyesterdayevening。NowIbegyourspecialattention：consider：ifhehadnowsucceededinprovingthatSofyaSemyonovnawasathief,hewouldhaveshowntomymotherandsisterthathewasalmostrightinhissuspicions,thathehadreasontobeangryatmyputtingmysisteronalevelwithSofyaSemyonovna,that,inattackingme,hewasprotectingandpreservingthehonourofmysister,hisbetrothed。Infacthemighteven,throughallthis,havebeenabletoestrangemefrommyfamily,andnodoubthehopedtoberestoredtofavourwiththem;tosaynothingofrevenginghimselfonmepersonally,forhehasgroundsforsupposingthatthehonourandhappinessofSofyaSemyonovnaareveryprecioustome。Thatwaswhathewasworkingfor!That\'showIunderstandit。That\'sthewholereasonforitandtherecanbenoother！”
Itwaslikethis,orsomewhatlikethis,thatRaskolnikovwounduphisspeechwhichwasfollowedveryattentively,thoughofteninterruptedbyexclamationsfromhisaudience。Butinspiteofinterruptionshespokeclearly,calmly,exactly,firmly。Hisdecisivevoice,histoneofconvictionandhissternfacemadeagreatimpressiononeveryone。
“Yes,yes,that\'sit,“Lebeziatnikovassentedgleefully,“thatmustbeit,forheaskedme,assoonasSofyaSemyonovnacameintoourroom,whetheryouwerehere,whetherIhadseenyouamongKaterinaIvanovna\'sguests。Hecalledmeasidetothewindowandaskedmeinsecret。Itwasessentialforhimthatyoushouldbehere!That\'sit,that\'sit！”
Luzhinsmiledcontemptuouslyanddidnotspeak。Buthewasverypale。Heseemedtobedeliberatingonsomemeansofescape。Perhapshewouldhavebeengladtogiveupeverythingandgetaway,butatthemomentthiswasscarcelypossible。Itwouldhaveimpliedadmittingthetruthoftheaccusationsbroughtagainsthim。Moreover,thecompany,whichhadalreadybeenexcitedbydrink,wasnowtoomuchstirredtoallowit。Thecommissariatclerk,thoughindeedhehadnotgraspedthewholeposition,wasshoutinglouderthananyoneandwasmakingsomesuggestionsveryunpleasanttoLuzhin。Butnotallthosepresentweredrunk;lodgerscameinfromalltherooms。ThethreePolesweretremendouslyexcitedandwerecontinuallyshoutingathim：“ThePanisalajdak！”andmutteringthreatsinPolish。Soniahadbeenlisteningwithstrainedattention,thoughshetooseemedunabletograspitall;
sheseemedasthoughshehadjustreturnedtoconsciousness。ShedidnottakehereyesoffRaskolnikov,feelingthatallhersafetylayinhim。KaterinaIvanovnabreathedhardandpainfullyandseemedfearfullyexhausted。AmaliaIvanovnastoodlookingmorestupidthananyone,withhermouthwideopen,unabletomakeoutwhathadhappened。SheonlysawthatPyotrPetrovitchhadsomehowcometogrief。
Raskolnikovwasattemptingtospeakagain,buttheydidnotlethim。
EveryonewascrowdingroundLuzhinwiththreatsandshoutsofabuse。ButPyotrPetrovitchwasnotintimidated。SeeingthathisaccusationofSoniahadcompletelyfailed,hehadrecoursetoinsolence：
“Allowme,gentlemen,allowme!Don\'tsqueeze,letmepass！”hesaid,makinghiswaythroughthecrowd。“Andnothreatsifyouplease!
Iassureyouitwillbeuseless,youwillgainnothingbyit。Onthecontrary,you\'llhavetoanswer,gentlemen,forviolentlyobstructingthecourseofjustice。Thethiefhasbeenmorethanunmasked,andIshallprosecute。Ourjudgesarenotsoblindand……
notsodrunk,andwillnotbelievethetestimonyoftwonotoriousinfidels,agitators,andatheists,whoaccusemefrommotivesofpersonalrevengewhichtheyarefoolishenoughtoadmit……Yes,allowmetopass！”
“Don\'tletmefindatraceofyouinmyroom!Kindlyleaveatonce,andeverythingisatanendbetweenus!WhenIthinkofthetroubleI\'vebeentaking,thewayI\'vebeenexpounding……allthisfortnight！”
“Itoldyoumyselfto-daythatIwasgoing,whenyoutriedtokeepme;nowIwillsimplyaddthatyouareafool。Iadviseyoutoseeadoctorforyourbrainsandyourshortsight。Letmepass,gentlemen！”
Heforcedhiswaythrough。Butthecommissariatclerkwasunwillingtolethimoffsoeasily：hepickedupaglassfromthetable,brandisheditintheairandflungitatPyotrPetrovitch;
buttheglassflewstraightatAmaliaIvanovna。Shescreamed,andtheclerk,overbalancing,fellheavilyunderthetable。PyotrPetrovitchmadehiswaytohisroomandhalfanhourlaterhadleftthehouse。Sonia,timidbynature,hadfeltbeforethatdaythatshecouldbeill-treatedmoreeasilythananyone,andthatshecouldbewrongedwithimpunity。Yettillthatmomentshehadfanciedthatshemightescapemisfortunebycare,gentlenessandsubmissivenessbeforeeveryone。Herdisappointmentwastoogreat。Shecould,ofcourse,bearwithpatienceandalmostwithoutmurmuranything,eventhis。Butforthefirstminuteshefeltittoobitter。Inspiteofhertriumphandherjustification-whenherfirstterrorandstupefactionhadpassedandshecouldunderstanditallclearly-thefeelingofherhelplessnessandofthewrongdonetohermadeherheartthrobwithanguishandshewasovercomewithhystericalweeping。
Atlast,unabletobearanymore,sherushedoutoftheroomandranhome,almostimmediatelyafterLuzhin\'sdeparture。WhenamidstloudlaughtertheglassflewatAmaliaIvanovna,itwasmorethanthelandladycouldendure。WithashrieksherushedlikeafuryatKaterinaIvanovna,consideringhertoblameforeverything。
“Outofmylodgings!Atonce!Quickmarch！”
AndwiththesewordsshebegansnatchingupeverythingshecouldlayherhandsonthatbelongedtoKaterinaIvanovna,andthrowingitonthefloor,KaterinaIvanovna,pale,almostfainting,andgaspingforbreath,jumpedupfromthebedwhereshehadsunkinexhaustionanddartedatAmaliaIvanovna。Butthebattlewastoounequal：thelandladywavedherawaylikeafeather。
“What!Asthoughthatgodlesscalumnywasnotenough-thisvilecreatureattacksme!What!Onthedayofmyhusband\'sfuneralIamturnedoutofmylodgings!Aftereatingmybreadandsaltsheturnsmeintothestreet,withmyorphans!WhereamItogo？”wailedthepoorwoman,sobbingandgasping。“GoodGod！”shecriedwithflashingeyes,“istherenojusticeuponearth?Whomshouldyouprotectifnotusorphans?Weshallsee!Thereislawandjusticeonearth,thereis,Iwillfindit!Waitabit,godlesscreature!Polenka,staywiththechildren,I\'llcomeback。Waitforme,ifyouhavetowaitinthestreet。Wewillseewhetherthereisjusticeonearth！”
AndthrowingoverherheadthatgreenshawlwhichMarmeladovhadmentionedtoRaskolnikov,KaterinaIvanovnasqueezedherwaythroughthedisorderlyanddrunkencrowdoflodgerswhostillfilledtheroom,and,wailingandtearful,sheranintothestreet-withavagueintentionofgoingatoncesomewheretofindjustice。Polenkawiththetwolittleonesinherarmscrouched,terrified,onthetrunkinthecorneroftheroom,whereshewaitedtremblingforhermothertocomeback。AmaliaIvanovnaragedabouttheroom,shrieking,lamentingandthrowingeverythingshecameacrossonthefloor。Thelodgerstalkedincoherently,somecommentedtothebestoftheirabilityonwhathadhappened,othersquarreledandsworeatoneanother,whileothersstruckupasong……
“Nowit\'stimeformetogo,“thoughtRaskolnikov。“Well,SofyaSemyonovna,weshallseewhatyou\'llsaynow！”
AndhesetoffinthedirectionofSonia\'slodgings。
ChapterFourRASKOLNIKOVhadbeenavigorousandactivechampionofSoniaagainstLuzhin,althoughhehadsuchaloadofhorrorandanguishinhisownheart。Buthavinggonethroughsomuchinthemorning,hefoundasortofreliefinachangeofsensations,apartfromthestrongpersonalfeelingwhichimpelledhimtodefendSonia。Hewasagitatedtoo,especiallyatsomemoments,bythethoughtofhisapproachinginterviewwithSonia：hehadtotellherwhohadkilledLizaveta。Heknewtheterriblesufferingitwouldbetohimand,asitwere,brushedawaythethoughtofit。SowhenhecriedasheleftKaterinaIvanovna\'s,“Well,SofyaSemyonovna,weshallseewhatyou\'llsaynow！”hewasstillsuperficiallyexcited,stillvigorousanddefiantfromhistriumphoverLuzhin。But,strangetosay,bythetimehereachedSonia\'slodging,hefeltasuddenimpotenceandfear。Hestoodstillinhesitationatthedoor,askinghimselfthestrangequestion：“MustItellherwhokilledLizaveta？”Itwasastrangequestionbecausehefeltattheverytimenotonlythathecouldnothelptellingher,butalsothathecouldnotputoffthetelling。Hedidnotyetknowwhyitmustbeso,heonlyfeltit,andtheagonisingsenseofhisimpotencebeforetheinevitablealmostcrushedhim。Tocutshorthishesitationandsuffering,hequicklyopenedthedoorandlookedatSoniafromthedoorway。Shewassittingwithherelbowsonthetableandherfaceinherhands,butseeingRaskolnikovshegotupatonceandcametomeethimasthoughshewereexpectinghim。
“Whatwouldhavebecomeofmebutforyou！”shesaidquickly,meetinghiminthemiddleoftheroom。
Evidentlyshewasinhastetosaythistohim。Itwaswhatshehadbeenwaitingfor。
Raskolnikovwenttothetableandsatdownonthechairfromwhichshehadonlyjustrisen。Shestoodfacinghim,twostepsaway,justasshehaddonethedaybefore。
“Well,Sonia？”hesaid,andfeltthathisvoicewastrembling,“itwasalldueto\'yoursocialpositionandthehabitsassociatedwithit。\'Didyouunderstandthatjustnow？”
Herfaceshowedherdistress。
“Onlydon\'ttalktomeasyoudidyesterday,“sheinterruptedhim。
“Pleasedon\'tbeginit。Thereismiseryenoughwithoutthat。“
Shemadehastetosmile,afraidthathemightnotlikethereproach。
“Iwassillytocomeawayfromthere。Whatishappeningtherenow?I
wantedtogobackdirectly,butIkeptthinkingthat……youwouldcome。“
HetoldherthatAmaliaIvanovnawasturningthemoutoftheirlodgingandthatKaterinaIvanovnahadrunoffsomewhere“toseekjustice。“
“MyGod！”criedSonia,“let\'sgoatonce……“
Andshesnatcheduphercape。
“It\'severlastinglythesamething！”saidRaskolnikov,irritably。
“You\'venothoughtexceptforthem!Stayalittlewithme。“
“But……KaterinaIvanovna？”
“Youwon\'tloseKaterinaIvanovna,youmaybesure,she\'llcometoyouherselfsinceshehasrunout,“headdedpeevishly。“Ifshedoesn\'tfindyouhere,you\'llbeblamedforit……“
Soniasatdowninpainfulsuspense。Raskolnikovwassilent,gazingattheflooranddeliberating。
“ThistimeLuzhindidnotwanttoprosecuteyou,“hebegan,notlookingatSonia,“butifhehadwantedto,ifithadsuitedhisplans,hewouldhavesentyoutoprisonifithadnotbeenforLebeziatnikovandme。Ah？”
“Yes,“sheassentedinafaintvoice。“Yes,“sherepeated,preoccupiedanddistressed。
“ButImighteasilynothavebeenthere。AnditwasquiteanaccidentLebeziatnikov\'sturningup。“
Soniawassilent。
“Andifyou\'dgonetoprison,whatthen?DoyourememberwhatIsaidyesterday？”
Againshedidnotanswer。Hewaited。
“Ithoughtyouwouldcryoutagain\'don\'tspeakofit,leaveoff。\'“Raskolnikovgavealaugh,butratheraforcedone。“What,silenceagain？”heaskedaminutelater。“Wemusttalkaboutsomething,youknow。Itwouldbeinterestingformetoknowhowyouwoulddecideacertain\'problem\'asLebeziatnikovwouldsay。“Hewasbeginningtolosethethread。“No,really,Iamserious。Imagine,Sonia,thatyouhadknownallLuzhin\'sintentionsbeforehand。Known,thatis,forafact,thattheywouldbetheruinofKaterinaIvanovnaandthechildrenandyourselfthrownin-sinceyoudon\'tcountyourselfforanything-Polenkatoo……forshe\'llgothesameway。Well,ifsuddenlyitalldependedonyourdecisionwhetherheortheyshouldgoonliving,thatiswhetherLuzhinshouldgoonlivinganddoingwickedthings,orKaterinaIvanovnashoulddie?Howwouldyoudecidewhichofthemwastodie?Iaskyou？”
Sonialookeduneasilyathim。Therewassomethingpeculiarinthishesitatingquestion,whichseemedapproachingsomethinginaroundaboutway。
“Ifeltthatyouweregoingtoasksomequestionlikethat,“shesaid,lookinginquisitivelyathim。
“Idaresayyoudid。Buthowisittobeanswered？”
“Whydoyouaskaboutwhatcouldnothappen？”saidSoniareluctantly。
“ThenitwouldbebetterforLuzhintogoonlivinganddoingwickedthings?Youhaven\'tdaredtodecideeventhat！”
“ButIcan\'tknowtheDivineProvidence……Andwhydoyouaskwhatcan\'tbeanswered?What\'stheuseofsuchfoolishquestions?
Howcouldithappenthatitshoulddependonmydecision-whohasmademeajudgetodecidewhoistoliveandwhoisnottolive？”
“Oh,iftheDivineProvidenceistobemixedupinit,thereisnodoinganything,“Raskolnikovgrumbledmorosely。
“You\'dbettersaystraightoutwhatyouwant！”Soniacriedindistress。“Youareleadinguptosomethingagain……Canyouhavecomesimplytotortureme？”
Shecouldnotcontrolherselfandbegancryingbitterly。Helookedatheringloomymisery。Fiveminutespassed。
“Ofcourseyou\'reright,Sonia,“hesaidsoftlyatlast。Hewassuddenlychanged。Histoneofassumedarroganceandhelplessdefiancewasgone。Evenhisvoicewassuddenlyweak。“ItoldyouyesterdaythatIwasnotcomingtoaskforgivenessandalmostthefirstthingI\'vesaidistoaskforgiveness……IsaidthataboutLuzhinandProvidenceformyownsake。Iwasaskingforgiveness,Sonia……“
Hetriedtosmile,buttherewassomethinghelplessandincompleteinhispalesmile。Hebowedhisheadandhidhisfaceinhishands。
Andsuddenlyastrange,surprisingsensationofasortofbitterhatredforSoniapassedthroughhisheart。Asitwerewonderingandfrightenedofthissensation,heraisedhisheadandlookedintentlyather;buthemetheruneasyandpainfullyanxiouseyesfixedonhim;
therewasloveinthem;hishatredvanishedlikeaphantom。Itwasnottherealfeeling;hehadtakentheonefeelingfortheother。Itonlymeantthatthatminutehadcome。
Hehidhisfaceinhishandsagainandbowedhishead。Suddenlyheturnedpale,gotupfromhischair,lookedatSonia,andwithoututteringawordsatdownmechanicallyonherbed。
Hissensationsthatmomentwereterriblylikethemomentwhenhehadstoodovertheoldwomanwiththeaxeinhishandandfeltthat“hemustnotloseanotherminute。“
“What\'sthematter？”askedSonia,dreadfullyfrightened。
Hecouldnotutteraword。Thiswasnotatall,notatallthewayhehadintendedto“tell“andhedidnotunderstandwhatwashappeningtohimnow。Shewentuptohim,softly,satdownonthebedbesidehimandwaited,nottakinghereyesoffhim。Herheartthrobbedandsank。Itwasunendurable;heturnedhisdeadlypalefacetoher。Hislipsworked,helplesslystrugglingtouttersomething。ApangofterrorpassedthroughSonia\'sheart。
“What\'sthematter？”sherepeated,drawingalittleawayfromhim。
“Nothing,Sonia,don\'tbefrightened……It\'snonsense。Itreallyisnonsense,ifyouthinkofit,“hemuttered,likeamanindelirium。
“WhyhaveIcometotortureyou？”headdedsuddenly,lookingather。
“Why,really?Ikeepaskingmyselfthatquestion,Sonia……“
Hehadperhapsbeenaskinghimselfthatquestionaquarterofanhourbefore,butnowhespokehelplessly,hardlyknowingwhathesaidandfeelingacontinualtremorallover。
“Oh,howyouaresuffering！”shemutteredindistress,lookingintentlyathim。
“It\'sallnonsense……Listen,Sonia。“Hesuddenlysmiled,apalehelplesssmilefortwoseconds。“YourememberwhatImeanttotellyouyesterday？”
Soniawaiteduneasily。
“IsaidasIwentawaythatperhapsIwassayinggood-byeforever,butthatifIcameto-dayIwouldtellyouwho……whokilledLizaveta。“
Shebegantremblingallover。
“Well,hereI\'vecometotellyou。“
“Thenyoureallymeantityesterday？”shewhisperedwithdifficulty。
“Howdoyouknow？”sheaskedquickly,asthoughsuddenlyregainingherreason。
Sonia\'sfacegrewpalerandpaler,andshebreathedpainfully。
“Iknow。“
Shepausedaminute。
“Havetheyfoundhim？”sheaskedtimidly。
“No。“
“Thenhowdoyouknowaboutit？”sheaskedagain,hardlyaudiblyandagainafteraminute\'spause。
Heturnedtoherandlookedveryintentlyather。
“Guess,“hesaid,withthesamedistortedhelplesssmile。
Ashudderpassedoverher。
“Butyou……whydoyoufrightenmelikethis？”shesaid,smilinglikeachild。
“Imustbeagreatfriendofhis……sinceIknow,“Raskolnikovwenton,stillgazingintoherface,asthoughhecouldnotturnhiseyesaway。“He……didnotmeantokillthatLizaveta……he……killedheraccidentally……Hemeanttokilltheoldwomanwhenshewasaloneandhewentthere……andthenLizavetacamein……hekilledhertoo。“
Anotherawfulmomentpassed。Bothstillgazedatoneanother。
“Youcan\'tguess,then？”heaskedsuddenly,feelingasthoughhewereflinginghimselfdownfromasteeple。
“N-no……“whisperedSonia。
“Takeagoodlook。“
Assoonashehadsaidthisagain,thesamefamiliarsensationfrozehisheart。HelookedatherandallatonceseemedtoseeinherfacethefaceofLizaveta。HerememberedclearlytheexpressioninLizaveta\'sface,whenheapproachedherwiththeaxeandshesteppedbacktothewall,puttingoutherhand,withchildishterrorinherface,lookingaslittlechildrendowhentheybegintobefrightenedofsomething,lookingintentlyanduneasilyatwhatfrightensthem,shrinkingbackandholdingouttheirlittlehandsonthepointofcrying。AlmostthesamethinghappenednowtoSonia。Withthesamehelplessnessandthesameterror,shelookedathimforawhileand,suddenlyputtingoutherlefthand,pressedherfingersfaintlyagainsthisbreastandslowlybegantogetupfromthebed,movingfurtherfromhimandkeepinghereyesfixedevenmoreimmovablyonhim。Herterrorinfectedhim。Thesamefearshoweditselfonhisface。
Inthesamewayhestaredatherandalmostwiththesamechildishsmile。
“Haveyouguessed？”hewhisperedatlast。
“GoodGod！”brokeinanawfulwailfromherbosom。
Shesankhelplesslyonthebedwithherfaceinthepillows,butamomentlatershegotup,movedquicklytohim,seizedbothhishandsand,grippingthemtightinherthinfingers,beganlookingintohisfaceagainwiththesameintentstare。Inthislastdesperatelookshetriedtolookintohimandcatchsomelasthope。Buttherewasnohope;therewasnodoubtremaining;itwasalltrue!Lateron,indeed,whensherecalledthatmoment,shethoughtitstrangeandwonderedwhyshehadseenatoncethattherewasnodoubt。Shecouldnothavesaid,forinstance,thatshehadforeseensomethingofthesort-andyetnow,assoonashetoldher,shesuddenlyfanciedthatshehadreallyforeseenthisverything。
“Stop,Sonia,enough!don\'ttortureme,“hebeggedhermiserably。
Itwasnotatall,notatalllikethishehadthoughtoftellingher,butthisishowithappened。
Shejumpedup,seemingnottoknowwhatshewasdoing,and,wringingherhands,walkedintothemiddleoftheroom;but,quicklywentbackandsatdownagainbesidehim,hershoulderalmosttouchinghis。Allofasuddenshestartedasthoughshehadbeenstabbed,utteredacryandfellonherkneesbeforehim,shedidnotknowwhy。
“Whathaveyoudone-whathaveyoudonetoyourself！”shesaidindespair,and,jumpingup,sheflungherselfonhisneck,threwherarmsroundhim,andheldhimtight。
Raskolnikovdrewbackandlookedatherwithamournfulsmile。
“Youareastrangegirl,Sonia-youkissmeandhugmewhenItellyouaboutthat……Youdon\'tthinkwhatyouaredoing。“
“Thereisnoone-nooneinthewholeworldnowsounhappyasyou！”shecriedinafrenzy,nothearingwhathesaid,andshesuddenlybrokeintoviolenthystericalweeping。
Afeelinglongunfamiliartohimfloodedhisheartandsofteneditatonce。Hedidnotstruggleagainstit。Twotearsstartedintohiseyesandhungonhiseyelashes。
“Thenyouwon\'tleaveme,Sonia？”hesaid,lookingatheralmostwithhope。
“No,no,never,nowhere！”criedSonia。“Iwillfollowyou,Iwillfollowyoueverywhere。Oh,myGod!Oh,howmiserableIam!……Why,whydidn\'tIknowyoubefore!Whydidn\'tyoucomebefore?Oh,dear！”
“HereIhavecome。“
“Yes,now!What\'stobedonenow!……Together,together！”sherepeatedasitwereunconsciously,andshehuggedhimagain。“I\'llfollowyoutoSiberia！”
Herecoiledatthis,andthesamehostile,almosthaughtysmilecametohislips。
“PerhapsIdon\'twanttogotoSiberiayet,Sonia,“hesaid。
Sonialookedathimquickly。
Againafterherfirstpassionate,agonisingsympathyfortheunhappymantheterribleideaofthemurderoverwhelmedher。Inhischangedtonesheseemedtohearthemurdererspeaking。Shelookedathimbewildered。Sheknewnothingasyet,why,how,withwhatobjectithadbeen。Nowallthesequestionsrushedatonceintohermind。Andagainshecouldnotbelieveit：“He,heisamurderer!Coulditbetrue？”
“What\'sthemeaningofit?WhereamI？”shesaidincompletebewilderment,asthoughstillunabletorecoverherself。“Howcouldyou,you,amanlikeyou……Howcouldyoubringyourselftoit?……
Whatdoesitmean？”
“Oh,well-toplunder。Leaveoff,Sonia,“heansweredwearily,almostwithvexation。
Soniastoodasthoughstruckdumb,butsuddenlyshecried：
“Youwerehungry!Itwas……tohelpyourmother?Yes？”
“No,Sonia,no,“hemuttered,turningawayandhanginghishead。
“Iwasnotsohungry……Icertainlydidwanttohelpmymother,but……that\'snottherealthingeither……Don\'ttortureme,Sonia。“
Soniaclaspedherhands。
“Couldit,coulditallbetrue?GoodGod,whatatruth!Whocouldbelieveit?Andhowcouldyougiveawayyourlastfarthingandyetrobandmurder!Ah,“shecriedsuddenly,“thatmoneyyougaveKaterinaIvanovna……thatmoney……Canthatmoney……“
“No,Sonia,“hebrokeinhurriedly,“thatmoneywasnotit。Don\'tworryyourself!ThatmoneymymothersentmeanditcamewhenIwasill,thedayIgaveittoyou……Razumihinsawit……hereceiveditforme……Thatmoneywasmine-myown。“
Sonialistenedtohiminbewildermentanddidherutmosttocomprehend。
“Andthatmoney……Idon\'tevenknowreallywhethertherewasanymoney,“headdedsoftly,asthoughreflecting。“Itookapurseoffherneck,madeofchamoisleather……apursestuffedfullofsomething……butIdidn\'tlookinit;IsupposeIhadn\'ttime……
Andthethings-chainsandtrinkets-IburiedunderastonewiththepursenextmorninginayardofftheV__Prospect。Theyarealltherenow……“
Soniastrainedeverynervetolisten。
“Thenwhy……why,yousaidyoudidittorob,butyoutooknothing？”
sheaskedquickly,catchingatastraw。
“Idon\'tknow……Ihaven\'tyetdecidedwhethertotakethatmoneyornot,“hesaid,musingagain;and,seemingtowakeupwithastart,hegaveabriefironicalsmile。“Ach,whatsillystuffIamtalking,eh？”
ThethoughtflashedthroughSonia\'smind,wasn\'themad?Butshedismisseditatonce。“No,itwassomethingelse。“Shecouldmakenothingofit,nothing。
“Doyouknow,Sonia,“hesaidsuddenlywithconviction,“letmetellyou：ifI\'dsimplykilledbecauseIwashungry,“layingstressoneverywordandlookingenigmaticallybutsincerelyather,“Ishouldbehappynow。Youmustbelievethat!Whatwoulditmattertoyou,“
hecriedamomentlaterwithasortofdespair,“whatwoulditmattertoyouifIweretoconfessthatIdidwrong!Whatdoyougainbysuchastupidtriumphoverme?Ah,Sonia,wasitforthatI\'vecometoyouto-day？”
AgainSoniatriedtosaysomething,butdidnotspeak。
“IaskedyoutogowithmeyesterdaybecauseyouareallIhaveleft。“
“Gowhere？”askedSoniatimidly。
“Nottostealandnottomurder,don\'tbeanxious,“hesmiledbitterly。“Wearesodifferent……Andyouknow,Sonia,it\'sonlynow,onlythismomentthatIunderstandwhereIaskedyoutogowithmeyesterday!YesterdaywhenIsaiditIdidnotknowwhere。Iaskedyouforonething,Icametoyouforonething-nottoleaveme。Youwon\'tleaveme,Sonia？”
Shesqueezedhishand。
“Andwhy,whydidItellher?WhydidIletherknow？”hecriedaminutelaterindespair,lookingwithinfiniteanguishather。“Hereyouexpectanexplanationfromme,Sonia;youaresittingandwaitingforit,Iseethat。ButwhatcanItellyou?Youwon\'tunderstandandwillonlysuffermisery……onmyaccount!Well,youarecryingandembracingmeagain。Whydoyoudoit?BecauseIcouldn\'tbearmyburdenandhavecometothrowitonanother：yousuffertoo,andIshallfeelbetter!Andcanyoulovesuchameanwretch？”
“Butaren\'tyousuffering,too？”criedSonia。
Againawaveofthesamefeelingsurgedintohisheart,andagainforaninstantsoftenedit。
“Sonia,Ihaveabadheart,takenoteofthat。Itmayexplainagreatdeal。IhavecomebecauseIambad。Therearemenwhowouldn\'thavecome。ButIamacowardand……ameanwretch。But……nevermind!That\'snotthepoint。Imustspeaknow,butIdon\'tknowhowtobegin。“
Hepausedandsankintothought。
“Ach,wearesodifferent,“hecriedagain,“wearenotalike。Andwhy,whydidIcome?Ishallneverforgivemyselfthat。“
“No,no,itwasagoodthingyoucame,“criedSonia。“It\'sbetterIshouldknow,farbetter！”
Helookedatherwithanguish。
“Whatifitwerereallythat？”hesaid,asthoughreachingaconclusion。“Yes,that\'swhatitwas!IwantedtobecomeaNapoleon,thatiswhyIkilledher……Doyouunderstandnow？”
“N-no,“Soniawhisperednaivelyandtimidly。“Onlyspeak,speak,I
shallunderstand,Ishallunderstandinmyself！”shekeptbegginghim。
“You\'llunderstand?Verywell,weshallsee！”Hepausedandwasforsometimelostinmeditation。
“Itwaslikethis：Iaskedmyselfonedaythisquestion-whatifNapoleon,forinstance,hadhappenedtobeinmyplace,andifhehadnothadToulonnorEgyptnorthepassageofMontBlanctobeginhiscareerwith,butinsteadofallthosepicturesqueandmonumentalthings,therehadsimplybeensomeridiculousoldhag,apawnbroker,whohadtobemurderedtootogetmoneyfromhertrunkforhiscareer,youunderstand。Well,wouldhehavebroughthimselftothat,iftherehadbeennoothermeans?Wouldn\'thehavefeltapangatitsbeingsofarfrommonumentaland……andsinful,too?Well,I
musttellyouthatIworriedmyselffearfullyoverthat\'question\'
sothatIwasawfullyashamedwhenIguessedatlastallofasudden,somehowthatitwouldnothavegivenhimtheleastpang,thatitwouldnotevenhavestruckhimthatitwasnotmonumental……thathewouldnothaveseenthattherewasanythinginittopauseover,andthat,ifhehadhadnootherway,hewouldhavestrangledherinaminutewithoutthinkingaboutit!Well,Itoo……leftoffthinkingaboutit……murderedher,followinghisexample。Andthat\'sexactlyhowitwas!Doyouthinkitfunny?Yes,Sonia,thefunniestthingofallisthatperhapsthat\'sjusthowitwas。“
Soniadidnotthinkitatallfunny。
“Youhadbettertellmestraightout……withoutexamples,“shebegged,stillmoretimidlyandscarcelyaudibly。
Heturnedtoher,lookedsadlyatherandtookherhands。
“Youarerightagain,Sonia。Ofcoursethat\'sallnonsense,it\'salmostalltalk!Yousee,youknowofcoursethatmymotherhasscarcelyanything,mysisterhappenedtohaveagoodeducationandwascondemnedtodrudgeasagoverness。Alltheirhopeswerecenteredonme。Iwasastudent,butIcouldn\'tkeepmyselfattheuniversityandwasforcedforatimetoleaveit。EvenifIhadlingeredonlikethat,intenortwelveyearsImightwithluckhopetobesomesortofteacherorclerkwithasalaryofathousandroubles“herepeateditasthoughitwerealesson“andbythattimemymotherwouldbewornoutwithgriefandanxietyandIcouldnotsucceedinkeepingherincomfortwhilemysister……well,mysistermightwellhavefaredworse!Andit\'sahardthingtopasseverythingbyallone\'slife,toturnone\'sbackuponeverything,toforgetone\'smotheranddecorouslyaccepttheinsultsinflictedonone\'ssister。Whyshouldone?Whenonehasburiedthemtoburdenoneselfwithothers-
wifeandchildren-andtoleavethemagainwithoutafarthing?SoI
resolvedtogainpossessionoftheoldwoman\'smoneyandtouseitformyfirstyearswithoutworryingmymother,tokeepmyselfattheuniversityandforalittlewhileafterleavingit-andtodothisallonabroad,thoroughscale,soastobuildupacompletelynewcareerandenteruponanewlifeofindependence……Well……that\'sall……Well,ofcourseinkillingtheoldwomanIdidwrong……Well,that\'senough。“
Hestruggledtotheendofhisspeechinexhaustionandlethisheadsink。
“Oh,that\'snotit,that\'snotit,“Soniacriedindistress。“Howcouldone……no,that\'snotright,notright。“
“Youseeyourselfthatit\'snotright。ButI\'vespokentruly,it\'sthetruth。“
“Asthoughthatcouldbethetruth!GoodGod！”
“I\'veonlykilledalouse,Sonia,auseless,loathsome,harmfulcreature。“
“Ahumanbeing-alouse！”
“Itooknowitwasn\'talouse,“heanswered,lookingstrangelyather。“ButIamtalkingnonsense,Sonia,“headded。“I\'vebeentalkingnonsensealongtime……That\'snotit,youarerightthere。
Therewerequite,quiteothercausesforit!Ihaven\'ttalkedtoanyoneforsolong,Sonia……Myheadachesdreadfullynow。“
Hiseyesshonewithfeverishbrilliance。Hewasalmostdelirious;anuneasysmilestrayedonhislips。Histerribleexhaustioncouldbeseenthroughhisexcitement。Soniasawhowhewassuffering。Shetoowasgrowingdizzy。Andhetalkedsostrangely;itseemedsomehowcomprehensible,butyet……“Buthow,how!GoodGod！”Andshewrungherhandsindespair。
“No,Sonia,that\'snotit,“hebeganagainsuddenly,raisinghishead,asthoughanewandsuddentrainofthoughthadstruckandasitwererousedhim-“that\'snotit!Better……imagine-yes,it\'scertainlybetter-imaginethatIamvain,envious,malicious,base,vindictiveand……well,perhapswithatendencytoinsanity。Let\'shaveitalloutatonce!They\'vetalkedofmadnessalready,I
noticed。ItoldyoujustnowIcouldnotkeepmyselfattheuniversity。ButdoyouknowthatperhapsImighthavedone?MymotherwouldhavesentmewhatIneededforthefeesandIcouldhaveearnedenoughforclothes,bootsandfood,nodoubt。Lessonshadturnedupathalfarouble。Razumihinworks!ButIturnedsulkyandwouldn\'t。Yes,sulkiness,that\'stherightwordforit!Isatinmyroomlikeaspider。You\'vebeeninmyden,you\'veseenit……Anddoyouknow,Sonia,thatlowceilingsandtinyroomscrampthesoulandthemind?Ah,howIhatedthatgarret!AndyetIwouldn\'tgooutofit!Iwouldn\'tonpurpose!Ididn\'tgooutfordaystogether,andI
wouldn\'twork,Iwouldn\'teveneat,Ijustlaytheredoingnothing。IfNastasyabroughtmeanything,Iateit,ifshedidn\'t,Iwentalldaywithout;Iwouldn\'task,onpurpose,fromsulkiness!AtnightI
hadnolight,IlayinthedarkandIwouldn\'tearnmoneyforcandles。
Ioughttohavestudied,butIsoldmybooks;andthedustliesaninchthickonthenotebooksonmytable。Ipreferredlyingstillandthinking。AndIkeptthinking……AndIhaddreamsallthetime,strangedreamsofallsorts,noneedtodescribe!OnlythenIbegantofancythat……No,that\'snotit!AgainIamtellingyouwrong!YouseeIkeptaskingmyselfthen：whyamIsostupidthatifothersarestupid-andIknowtheyare-yetIwon\'tbewiser?ThenIsaw,Sonia,thatifonewaitsforeveryonetogetwiseritwilltaketoolong……AfterwardsIunderstoodthatthatwouldnevercometopass,thatmenwon\'tchangeandthatnobodycanalteritandthatit\'snotworthwastingeffortoverit。Yes,that\'sso。That\'sthelawoftheirnature,Sonia,……that\'sso!……AndIknownow,Sonia,thatwhoeverisstronginmindandspiritwillhavepoweroverthem。Anyonewhoisgreatlydaringisrightintheireyes。Hewhodespisesmostthingswillbealawgiveramongthemandhewhodaresmostofallwillbemostintheright!Soithasbeentillnowandsoitwillalwaysbe。Amanmustbeblindnottoseeit！”