\"Andyouhavecometoitnow？\"
\"Ishallhavetocometoit——presently。ButthereissomethingelseImustcometofirst。\"Shepausedagain，tryingtotransmittohervoicethesteadinessofherrecoveredsmile。\"ThereissomeoneImustsaygoodbyeto。Oh，notYOU——wearesuretoseeeachotheragain——buttheLilyBartyouknew。Ihavekeptherwithmeallthistime，butnowwearegoingtopart，andIhavebroughtherbacktoyou——Iamgoingtoleaveherhere。WhenIgooutpresentlyshewillnotgowithme。Ishallliketothinkthatshehasstayedwithyou——andshe’llbenotrouble，she’lltakeupnoroom。\"
Shewenttowardhim，andputoutherhand，stillsmiling。\"Willyouletherstaywithyou？\"sheasked。
Hecaughtherhand，andshefeltinhisthevibrationoffeelingthathadnotyetrisentohislips。\"Lily——can’tIhelpyou？\"heexclaimed。
Shelookedathimgently。\"Doyourememberwhatyousaidtomeonce？Thatyoucouldhelpmeonlybylovingme？Well——youdidlovemeforamoment；andithelpedme。Ithasalwayshelpedme。Butthemomentisgone——itwasIwholetitgo。Andonemustgoonliving。Goodbye。\"
Shelaidherotherhandonhis，andtheylookedateachotherwithakindofsolemnity，asthoughtheystoodinthepresenceofdeath。Somethingintruthlaydeadbetweenthem——theloveshehadkilledinhimandcouldnolongercalltolife。Butsomethinglivedbetweenthemalso，andleapedupinherlikeanimperishableflame:itwasthelovehislovehadkindled，thepassionofhersoulforhis。
Initslighteverythingelsedwindledandfellawayfromher。Sheunderstoodnowthatshecouldnotgoforthandleaveheroldselfwithhim:thatselfmustindeedliveoninhispresence，butitmuststillcontinuetobehers。
Seldenhadretainedherhand，andcontinuedtoscrutinizeherwithastrangesenseofforeboding。Theexternalaspectofthesituationhadvanishedforhimascompletelyasforher:hefeltitonlyasoneofthoseraremomentswhichlifttheveilfromtheirfacesastheypass。
\"Lily，\"hesaidinalowvoice，\"youmustn’tspeakinthisway。I
can’tletyougowithoutknowingwhatyoumeantodo。Thingsmaychange——buttheydon’tpass。Youcannevergooutofmylife。\"
Shemethiseyeswithanilluminedlook。\"No，\"shesaid。\"Iseethatnow。Letusalwaysbefriends。ThenIshallfeelsafe，whateverhappens。\"
\"Whateverhappens？Whatdoyoumean？Whatisgoingtohappen？\"
Sheturnedawayquietlyandwalkedtowardthehearth。
\"Nothingatpresent——exceptthatIamverycold，andthatbeforeIgoyoumustmakeupthefireforme。\"
Shekneltonthehearth-rug，stretchingherhandstotheembers。
Puzzledbythesuddenchangeinhertone，hemechanicallygatheredahandfulofwoodfromthebasketandtosseditonthefire。Ashedidso，henoticedhowthinherhandslookedagainsttherisinglightoftheflames。Hesawtoo，underthelooselinesofherdress，howthecurvesofherfigurehadshrunktoangularity；herememberedlongafterwardhowtheredplayoftheflamesharpenedthedepressionofhernostrils，andintensifiedtheblacknessoftheshadowswhichstruckupfromhercheekbonestohereyes。Shekneltthereforafewmomentsinsilence；asilencewhichhedarednotbreak。Whensherosehefanciedthathesawherdrawsomethingfromherdressanddropitintothefire；buthehardlynoticedthegestureatthetime。Hisfacultiesseemedtranced，andhewasstillgropingforthewordtobreakthespell。Shewentuptohimandlaidherhandsonhisshoulders。\"Goodbye，\"shesaid，andashebentoverhershetouchedhisforeheadwithherlips。
Thestreet-lampswerelit，buttherainhadceased，andtherewasamomentaryrevivaloflightintheuppersky。Lilywalkedonunconsciousofhersurroundings。Shewasstilltreadingthebuoyantetherwhichemanatesfromthehighmomentsoflife。Butgraduallyitshrankawayfromherandshefeltthedullpavementbeneathherfeet。Thesenseofwearinessreturnedwithaccumulatedforce，andforamomentshefeltthatshecouldwalknofarther。ShehadreachedthecornerofForty-firstStreetandFifthAvenue，andsherememberedthatinBryantParktherewereseatswhereshemightrest。
Thatmelancholypleasure-groundwasalmostdesertedwhensheenteredit，andshesankdownonanemptybenchintheglareofanelectricstreet-lamp。Thewarmthofthefirehadpassedoutofherveins，andshetoldherselfthatshemustnotsitlonginthepenetratingdampnesswhichstruckupfromthewetasphalt。Butherwill-powerseemedtohavespentitselfinalastgreateffort，andshewaslostintheblankreactionwhichfollowsonanunwontedexpenditureofenergy。Andbesides，whatwastheretogohometo？Nothingbutthesilenceofhercheerlessroom——thatsilenceofthenightwhichmaybemorerackingtotirednervesthanthemostdiscordantnoises:that，andthebottleofchloralbyherbed。Thethoughtofthechloralwastheonlyspotoflightinthedarkprospect:shecouldfeelitslullinginfluencestealingoverheralready。Butshewastroubledbythethoughtthatitwaslosingitspower——shedarednotgobacktoittoosoon。Oflatethesleepithadbroughtherhadbeenmorebrokenandlessprofound；therehadbeennightswhenshewasperpetuallyfloatingupthroughittoconsciousness。Whatiftheeffectofthedrugshouldgraduallyfail，asallnarcoticsweresaidtofail？Sherememberedthechemist’swarningagainstincreasingthedose；andshehadheardbeforeofthecapriciousandincalculableactionofthedrug。Herdreadofreturningtoasleeplessnightwassogreatthatshelingeredon，hopingthatexcessivewearinesswouldreinforcethewaningpowerofthechloral。
Nighthadnowclosedin，andtheroaroftrafficinForty-secondStreetwasdyingout。Ascompletedarknessfellonthesquarethelingeringoccupantsofthebenchesroseanddispersed；butnowandthenastrayfigure，hurryinghomeward，struckacrossthepathwhereLilysat，loomingblackforamomentinthewhitecircleofelectriclight。Oneortwoofthesepassers-byslackenedtheirpacetoglancecuriouslyatherlonelyfigure；
butshewashardlyconsciousoftheirscrutiny。
Suddenly，however，shebecameawarethatoneofthepassingshadowsremainedstationarybetweenherlineofvisionandthegleamingasphalt；andraisinghereyesshesawayoungwomanbendingoverher。
\"Excuseme——areyousick？——Why，it’sMissBart！\"ahalf-familiarvoiceexclaimed。
Lilylookedup。Thespeakerwasapoorly-dressedyoungwomanwithabundleunderherarm。Herfacehadtheairofunwholesomerefinementwhichill-healthandover-workmayproduce，butitscommonprettinesswasredeemedbythestrongandgenerouscurveofthelips。
\"Youdon’trememberme，\"shecontinued，brighteningwiththepleasureofrecognition，\"butI’dknowyouanywhere，I’vethoughtofyousuchalot。Iguessmyfolksallknowyournamebyheart。
IwasoneofthegirlsatMissFarish’sclub——youhelpedmetogotothecountrythattimeIhadlung-trouble。Myname’sNettieStruther。ItwasNettieCranethen——butIdaresayyoudon’trememberthateither。\"
Yes:Lilywasbeginningtoremember。TheepisodeofNettieCrane’stimelyrescuefromdiseasehadbeenoneofthemostsatisfyingincidentsofherconnectionwithGerty’scharitablework。Shehadfurnishedthegirlwiththemeanstogotoasanatoriuminthemountains:itstruckhernowwithapeculiarironythatthemoneyshehadusedhadbeenGusTrenor’s。
Shetriedtoreply，toassurethespeakerthatshehadnotforgotten；buthervoicefailedintheeffort，andshefeltherselfsinkingunderagreatwaveofphysicalweakness。NettieStruther，withastartledexclamation，satdownandslippedashabbily-cladarmbehindherback。
\"Why，MissBart，youAREsick。Justleanonmealittletillyoufeelbetter。\"
AfaintglowofreturningstrengthseemedtopassintoLilyfromthepressureofthesupportingarm。
\"I’monlytired——itisnothing，\"shefoundvoicetosayinamoment；andthen，asshemetthetimidappealofhercompanion’seyes，sheaddedinvoluntarily:\"Ihavebeenunhappy——ingreattrouble。\"
\"YOUintrouble？I’vealwaysthoughtofyouasbeingsohighup，whereeverythingwasjustgrand。Sometimes，whenIfeltrealmean，andgottowonderingwhythingsweresoqueerlyfixedintheworld，Iusedtorememberthatyouwerehavingalovelytime，anyhow，andthatseemedtoshowtherewasakindofjusticesomewhere。Butyoumustn’tsitheretoolong——it’sfearfullydamp。Don’tyoufeelstrongenoughtowalkonalittlewaysnow？\"
shebrokeoff。
\"Yes——yes；Imustgohome，\"Lilymurmured，rising。
Hereyesrestedwonderinglyonthethinshabbyfigureatherside。ShehadknownNettieCraneasoneofthediscouragedvictimsofover-workandanaemicparentage:oneofthesuperfluousfragmentsoflifedestinedtobesweptprematurelyintothatsocialrefuse-heapofwhichLilyhadsolatelyexpressedherdread。ButNettieStruther’sfrailenvelopewasnowalivewithhopeandenergy:whateverfatethefuturereservedforher，shewouldnotbecastintotherefuse-heapwithoutastruggle。
\"Iamverygladtohaveseenyou，\"Lilycontinued，summoningasmiletoherunsteadylips。\"It’llbemyturntothinkofyouashappy——andtheworldwillseemalessunjustplacetometoo。\"
\"Oh，butIcan’tleaveyoulikethis——you’renotfittogohomealone。AndIcan’tgowithyoueither！\"NettieStrutherwailedwithastartofrecollection。\"Yousee，it’smyhusband’snight-shift——he’samotor-man——andthefriendIleavethebabywithhastostepupstairstogetHERhusband’ssupperatseven。I
didn’ttellyouIhadababy，didI？She’llbefourmonthsolddayaftertomorrow，andtolookatheryouwouldn’tthinkI’deverhadasickday。I’dgiveanythingtoshowyouthebaby，MissBart，andweliverightdownthestreethere——it’sonlythreeblocksoff。\"SheliftedhereyestentativelytoLily’sface，andthenaddedwithaburstofcourage:\"Whywon’tyougetrightintothecarsandcomehomewithmewhileIgetbaby’ssupper？
It’srealwarminourkitchen，andyoucanrestthere，andI’lltakeYOUhomeassoonasevershedropsofftosleep。\"
ItWASwarminthekitchen，which，whenNettieStruther’smatchhadmadeaflameleapfromthegas-jetabovethetable，revealeditselftoLilyasextraordinarilysmallandalmostmiraculouslyclean。Afireshonethroughthepolishedflanksoftheironstove，andnearitstoodacribinwhichababywassittingupright，withincipientanxietystrugglingforexpressiononacountenancestillplacidwithsleep。
Havingpassionatelycelebratedherreunionwithheroffspring，andexcusedherselfincrypticlanguageforthelatenessofherreturn，NettierestoredthebabytothecribandshylyinvitedMissBarttotherocking-chairnearthestove。
\"We’vegotaparlourtoo，\"sheexplainedwithpardonablepride；
\"butIguessit’swarmerinhere，andIdon’twanttoleaveyoualonewhileI’mgettingbaby’ssupper。\"
OnreceivingLily’sassurancethatshemuchpreferredthefriendlyproximityofthekitchenfire，Mrs。Strutherproceededtoprepareabottleofinfantilefood，whichshetenderlyappliedtothebaby’simpatientlips；andwhiletheensuingdegustationwenton，sheseatedherselfwithabeamingcountenancebesidehervisitor。
\"You’resureyouwon’tletmewarmupadropofcoffeeforyou，MissBart？There’ssomeofbaby’sfreshmilkleftover——well，maybeyou’dratherjustsitquietandrestalittlewhile。It’stoolovelyhavingyouhere。I’vethoughtofitsooftenthatI
can’tbelieveit’sreallycometrue。I’vesaidtoGeorgeagainandagain:’IjustwishMissBartcouldseemeNOW——’andIusedtowatchforyournameinthepapers，andwe’dtalkoverwhatyouweredoing，andreadthedescriptionsofthedressesyouwore。I
haven’tseenyournameforalongtime，though，andIbegantobeafraidyouweresick，anditworriedmesothatGeorgesaidI’dgetsickmyself，frettingaboutit。\"Herlipsbrokeintoareminiscentsmile。\"Well，Ican’taffordtobesickagain，that’safact:thelastspellnearlyfinishedme。WhenyousentmeoffthattimeIneverthoughtI’dcomebackalive，andIdidn’tmuchcareifIdid。YouseeIdidn’tknowaboutGeorgeandthebabythen。\"
Shepausedtoreadjustthebottletothechild’sbubblingmouth。
\"Youprecious——don’tyoubeintoomuchofahurry！Wasitmadwithmommerforgettingitssuppersolate？MarryAnto’nette——that’swhatwecallher:aftertheFrenchqueeninthatplayattheGarden——ItoldGeorgetheactressremindedmeofyou，andthatmademefancythename……IneverthoughtI’dgetmarried，youknow，andI’dneverhavehadthehearttogoonworkingjustformyself。\"
Shebrokeoffagain，andmeetingtheencouragementinLily’seyes，wenton，withaflushrisingunderheranaemicskin:\"YouseeIwasn’tonlyjustSICKthattimeyousentmeoff——Iwasdreadfullyunhappytoo。I’dknownagentlemanwhereIwasemployed——Idon’tknowasyourememberIdidtype-writinginabigimportingfirm——and——well——Ithoughtweweretobemarried:
he’dgonesteadywithmesixmonthsandgivenmehismother’sweddingring。ButIpresumehewastoostylishforme——hetravelledforthefirm，andhadseenagreatdealofsociety。
Workgirlsaren’tlookedafterthewayyouare，andtheydon’talwaysknowhowtolookafterthemselves。Ididn’t……anditprettynearkilledmewhenhewentawayandleftoffwriting……ItwasthenIcamedownsick——Ithoughtitwastheendofeverything。Iguessitwouldhavebeenifyouhadn’tsentmeoff。
ButwhenIfoundIwasgettingwellIbegantotakeheartinspiteofmyself。Andthen，whenIgotbackhome，Georgecameroundandaskedmetomarryhim。AtfirstIthoughtIcouldn’t，becausewe’dbeenbroughtuptogether，andIknewheknewaboutme。ButafterawhileIbegantoseethatthatmadeiteasier。I
nevercouldhavetoldanotherman，andI’dneverhavemarriedwithouttelling；butifGeorgecaredformeenoughtohavemeasIwas，Ididn’tseewhyIshouldn’tbeginoveragain——andIdid。\"
Thestrengthofthevictoryshoneforthfromherassheliftedherirradiatedfacefromthechildonherknees。\"But，mercy，I
didn’tmeantogoonlikethisaboutmyself，withyousittingtherelookingsofaggedout。Onlyit’ssolovelyhavingyouhere，andlettingyouseejusthowyou’vehelpedme。\"Thebabyhadsunkbackblissfullyreplete，andMrs。Struthersoftlyrosetolaythebottleaside。ThenshepausedbeforeMissBart。
\"IonlywishIcouldhelpYOU——butIsupposethere’snothingonearthIcoulddo，\"shemurmuredwistfully。
Lily，insteadofanswering，rosewithasmileandheldoutherarms；andthemother，understandingthegesture，laidherchildinthem。
Thebaby，feelingherselfdetachedfromherhabitualanchorage，madeaninstinctivemotionofresistance；butthesoothinginfluencesofdigestionprevailed，andLilyfeltthesoftweightsinktrustfullyagainstherbreast。Thechild’sconfidenceinitssafetythrilledherwithasenseofwarmthandreturninglife，andshebentover，wonderingattherosyblurofthelittleface，theemptyclearnessoftheeyes，thevaguetendrillymotionsofthefoldingandunfoldingfingers。Atfirsttheburdeninherarmsseemedaslightasapinkcloudoraheapofdown，butasshecontinuedtoholdittheweightincreased，sinkingdeeper，andpenetratingherwithastrangesenseofweakness，asthoughthechildenteredintoherandbecameapartofherself。
Shelookedup，andsawNettie’seyesrestingonherwithtendernessandexultation。
\"Wouldn’titbetoolovelyforanythingifshecouldgrowuptobejustlikeyou？OfcourseIknowsheneverCOULD——butmothersarealwaysdreamingthecraziestthingsfortheirchildren。\"
Lilyclaspedthechildcloseforamomentandlaidherbackinhermother’sarms。
\"Oh，shemustnotdothat——Ishouldbeafraidtocomeandseehertoooften！\"shesaidwithasmile；andthen，resistingMrs。
Struther’sanxiousofferofcompanionship，andreiteratingthepromisethatofcourseshewouldcomebacksoon，andmakeGeorge’sacquaintance，andseethebabyinherbath，shepassedoutofthekitchenandwentalonedownthetenementstairs。
Asshereachedthestreetsherealizedthatshefeltstrongerandhappier:thelittleepisodehaddonehergood。Itwasthefirsttimeshehadevercomeacrosstheresultsofherspasmodicbenevolence，andthesurprisedsenseofhumanfellowshiptookthemortalchillfromherheart。
Itwasnottillsheenteredherowndoorthatshefeltthereactionofadeeperloneliness。Itwaslongafterseveno’clock，andthelightandodoursproceedingfromthebasementmadeitmanifestthattheboarding-housedinnerhadbegun。Shehasteneduptoherroom，litthegas，andbegantodress。Shedidnotmeantopamperherselfanylonger，togowithoutfoodbecausehersurroundingsmadeitunpalatable。Sinceitwasherfatetoliveinaboarding-house，shemustlearntofallinwiththeconditionsofthelife。Neverthelessshewasgladthat，whenshedescendedtotheheatandglareofthedining-room，therepastwasnearlyover。
Inherownroomagain，shewasseizedwithasuddenfeverofactivity。Forweekspastshehadbeentoolistlessandindifferenttosetherpossessionsinorder，butnowshebegantoexaminesystematicallythecontentsofherdrawersandcupboard。
Shehadafewhandsomedressesleft——survivalsofherlastphaseofsplendour，ontheSabrinaandinLondon——butwhenshehadbeenobligedtopartwithhermaidshehadgiventhewomanagenerousshareofhercast-offapparel。Theremainingdresses，thoughtheyhadlosttheirfreshness，stillkeptthelongunerringlines，thesweepandamplitudeofthegreatartist’sstroke，andasshespreadthemoutonthebedthescenesinwhichtheyhadbeenwornrosevividlybeforeher。Anassociationlurkedineveryfold:
eachfalloflaceandgleamofembroiderywaslikealetterintherecordofherpast。Shewasstartledtofindhowtheatmosphereofheroldlifeenvelopedher。But，afterall，itwasthelifeshehadbeenmadefor:everydawningtendencyinherhadbeencarefullydirectedtowardit，allherinterestsandactivitieshadbeentaughttocentrearoundit。Shewaslikesomerareflowergrownforexhibition，aflowerfromwhicheverybudhadbeennippedexceptthecrowningblossomofherbeauty。
Lastofall，shedrewforthfromthebottomofhertrunkaheapofwhitedraperywhichfellshapelesslyacrossherarm。ItwastheReynoldsdressshehadwornintheBryTABLEAUX。Ithadbeenimpossibleforhertogiveitaway，butshehadneverseenitsincethatnight，andthelongflexiblefolds，assheshookthemout，gaveforthanodourofvioletswhichcametoherlikeabreathfromtheflower-edgedfountainwhereshehadstoodwithLawrenceSeldenanddisownedherfate。Sheputbackthedressesonebyone，layingawaywitheachsomegleamoflight，somenoteoflaughter，somestraywaftfromtherosyshoresofpleasure。Shewasstillinastateofhighly-wroughtimpressionability，andeveryhintofthepastsentalingeringtremoralonghernerves。
ShehadjustclosedhertrunkonthewhitefoldsoftheReynoldsdresswhensheheardatapatherdoor，andtheredfistoftheIrishmaid-servantthrustinabelatedletter。Carryingittothelight，Lilyreadwithsurprisetheaddressstampedontheuppercomeroftheenvelope。Itwasabusinesscommunicationfromtheofficeofheraunt’sexecutors，andshewonderedwhatunexpecteddevelopmenthadcausedthemtobreaksilencebeforetheappointedtime。Sheopenedtheenvelopeandachequeflutteredtothefloor。Asshestoopedtopickitupthebloodrushedtoherface。
ThechequerepresentedthefullamountofMrs。Peniston’slegacy，andtheletteraccompanyingitexplainedthattheexecutors，havingadjustedthebusinessoftheestatewithlessdelaythantheyhadexpected，haddecidedtoanticipatethedatefixedforthepaymentofthebequests。
Lilysatdownbesidethedeskatthefootofherbed，andspreadingoutthecheque，readoverandovertheTENTHOUSAND
DOLLARSwrittenacrossitinasteelybusinesshand。Tenmonthsearliertheamountitstoodforhadrepresentedthedepthsofpenury；butherstandardofvalueshadchangedintheinterval，andnowvisionsofwealthlurkedineveryflourishofthepen。Asshecontinuedtogazeatit，shefelttheglitterofthevisionsmountingtoherbrain，andafterawhilesheliftedthelidofthedeskandslippedthemagicformulaoutofsight。Itwaseasiertothinkwithoutthosefivefiguresdancingbeforehereyes；andshehadagreatdealofthinkingtodobeforesheslept。
Sheopenedhercheque-book，andplungedintosuchanxiouscalculationsashadprolongedhervigilatBellomontonthenightwhenshehaddecidedtomarryPercyGryce。Povertysimplifiesbook-keeping，andherfinancialsituationwaseasiertoascertainthanithadbeenthen；butshehadnotyetlearnedthecontrolofmoney，andduringhertransientphaseofluxuryattheEmporiumshehadslippedbackintohabitsofextravagancewhichstillimpairedherslenderbalance。Acarefulexaminationofhercheque-book，andoftheunpaidbillsinherdesk，showedthat，whenthelatterhadbeensettled，shewouldhavebarelyenoughtoliveonforthenextthreeorfourmonths；andevenafterthat，ifsheweretocontinueherpresentwayofliving，withoutearninganyadditionalmoney，allincidentalexpensesmustbereducedtothevanishingpoint。Shehidhereyeswithashudder，beholdingherselfattheentranceofthatever-narrowingperspectivedownwhichshehadseenMissSilverton’sdowdyfiguretakeitsdespondentway。
Itwasnolonger，however，fromthevisionofmaterialpovertythatsheturnedwiththegreatestshrinking。Shehadasenseofdeeperempoverishment——ofaninnerdestitutioncomparedtowhichoutwardconditionsdwindledintoinsignificance。Itwasindeedmiserabletobepoor——tolookforwardtoashabby，anxiousmiddle-age，leadingbydrearydegreesofeconomyandself-denialtogradualabsorptioninthedingycommunalexistenceoftheboarding-house。Buttherewassomethingmoremiserablestill——itwastheclutchofsolitudeatherheart，thesenseofbeingsweptlikeastrayuprootedgrowthdowntheheedlesscurrentoftheyears。Thatwasthefeelingwhichpossessedhernow——thefeelingofbeingsomethingrootlessandephemeral，merespin-driftofthewhirlingsurfaceofexistence，withoutanythingtowhichthepoorlittletentaclesofselfcouldclingbeforetheawfulfloodsubmergedthem。Andasshelookedbackshesawthattherehadneverbeenatimewhenshehadhadanyrealrelationtolife。Herparentstoohadbeenrootless，blownhitherandthitheroneverywindoffashion，withoutanypersonalexistencetoshelterthemfromitsshiftinggusts。Sheherselfhadgrownupwithoutanyonespotofearthbeingdearertoherthananother:therewasnocentreofearlypieties，ofgraveendearingtraditions，towhichherheartcouldrevertandfromwhichitcoulddrawstrengthforitselfandtendernessforothers。Inwhateverformaslowly-accumulatedpastlivesintheblood——whetherintheconcreteimageoftheoldhousestoredwithvisualmemories，orintheconceptionofthehousenotbuiltwithhands，butmadeupofinheritedpassionsandloyalties——ithasthesamepowerofbroadeninganddeepeningtheindividualexistence，ofattachingitbymysteriouslinksofkinshiptoallthemightysumofhumanstriving。
SuchavisionofthesolidarityoflifehadneverbeforecometoLily。Shehadhadapremonitionofitintheblindmotionsofhermating-instinct；buttheyhadbeencheckedbythedisintegratinginfluencesofthelifeabouther。Allthemenandwomensheknewwerelikeatomswhirlingawayfromeachotherinsomewildcentrifugaldance:herfirstglimpseofthecontinuityoflifehadcometoherthateveninginNettieStruther’skitchen。
Thepoorlittleworking-girlwhohadfoundstrengthtogatherupthefragmentsofherlife，andbuildherselfashelterwiththem，seemedtoLilytohavereachedthecentraltruthofexistence。Itwasameagreenoughlife，onthegrimedgeofpoverty，withscantmarginforpossibilitiesofsicknessormischance，butithadthefrailaudaciouspermanenceofabird’snestbuiltontheedgeofacliff——amerewispofleavesandstraw，yetsoputtogetherthatthelivesentrustedtoitmayhangsafelyovertheabyss。
Yes——butithadtakentwotobuildthenest；theman’sfaithaswellasthewoman’scourage。LilyrememberedNettie’swords:I
KNEWHEKNEWABOUTME。Herhusband’sfaithinherhadmadeherrenewalpossible——itissoeasyforawomantobecomewhatthemanshelovesbelieveshertobe！Well——SeldenhadtwicebeenreadytostakehisfaithonLilyBart；butthethirdtrialhadbeentoosevereforhisendurance。Theveryqualityofhislovehadmadeitthemoreimpossibletorecalltolife。Ifithadbeenasimpleinstinctoftheblood，thepowerofherbeautymighthaverevivedit。Butthefactthatitstruckdeeper，thatitwasinextricablywoundupwithinheritedhabitsofthoughtandfeeling，madeitasimpossibletorestoretogrowthasadeep-rootedplanttomfromitsbed。Seldenhadgivenherofhisbest；buthewasasincapableasherselfofanuncriticalreturntoformerstatesoffeeling。
Thereremainedtoher，asshehadtoldhim，theupliftingmemoryofhisfaithinher；butshehadnotreachedtheagewhenawomancanliveonhermemories。AssheheldNettieStruther’schildinherarmsthefrozencurrentsofyouthhadloosedthemselvesandrunwarminherveins:theoldlife-hungerpossessedher，andallherbeingclamouredforitsshareofpersonalhappiness。Yes——itwashappinessshestillwanted，andtheglimpseshehadcaughtofitmadeeverythingelseofnoaccount。Onebyoneshehaddetachedherselffromthebaserpossibilities，andshesawthatnothingnowremainedtoherbuttheemptinessofrenunciation。
Itwasgrowinglate，andanimmensewearinessoncemorepossessedher。Itwasnotthestealingsenseofsleep，butavividwakefulfatigue，awanlucidityofmindagainstwhichallthepossibilitiesofthefuturewereshadowedforthgigantically。Shewasappalledbytheintensecleannessofthevision；sheseemedtohavebrokenthroughthemercifulveilwhichintervenesbetweenintentionandaction，andtoseeexactlywhatshewoulddoinallthelongdaystocome。Therewasthechequeinherdesk，forinstance——shemeanttouseitinpayingherdebttoTrenor；butsheforesawthatwhenthemorningcameshewouldputoffdoingso，wouldslipintogradualtoleranceofthedebt。Thethoughtterrifiedher——shedreadedtofallfromtheheightofherlastmomentwithLawrenceSelden。Buthowcouldshetrustherselftokeepherfooting？Sheknewthestrengthoftheopposingimpulses-shecouldfeelthecountlesshandsofhabitdraggingherbackintosomefreshcompromisewithfate。Shefeltanintenselongingtoprolong，toperpetuate，themomentaryexaltationofherspirit。Ifonlylifecouldendnow——endonthistragicyetsweetvisionoflostpossibilities，whichgaveherasenseofkinshipwithallthelovingandforegoingintheworld！
Shereachedoutsuddenlyand，drawingthechequefromherwriting-desk，encloseditinanenvelopewhichsheaddressedtoherbank。ShethenwroteoutachequeforTrenor，andplacingit，withoutanaccompanyingword，inanenvelopeinscribedwithhisname，laidthetwoletterssidebysideonherdesk。Afterthatshecontinuedtositatthetable，sortingherpapersandwriting，tilltheintensesilenceofthehouseremindedherofthelatenessofthehour。Inthestreetthenoiseofwheelshadceased，andtherumbleofthe\"elevated\"cameonlyatlongintervalsthroughthedeepunnaturalhush。Inthemysteriousnocturnalseparationfromalloutwardsignsoflife，shefeltherselfmorestrangelyconfrontedwithherfate。Thesensationmadeherbrainreel，andshetriedtoshutoutconsciousnessbypressingherhandsagainsthereyes。Buttheterriblesilenceandemptinessseemedtosymbolizeherfuture——shefeltasthoughthehouse，thestreet，theworldwereallempty，andshealoneleftsentientinalifelessuniverse。
Butthiswasthevergeofdelirium……shehadneverhungsonearthedizzybrinkoftheunreal。Sleepwaswhatshewanted——sherememberedthatshehadnotclosedhereyesfortwonights。Thelittlebottlewasatherbed-side，waitingtolayitsspelluponher。Sheroseandundressedhastily，hungeringnowforthetouchofherpillow。Shefeltsoprofoundlytiredthatshethoughtshemustfallasleepatonce；butassoonasshehadlaindowneverynervestartedoncemoreintoseparatewakefulness。Itwasasthoughagreatblazeofelectriclighthadbeenturnedoninherhead，andherpoorlittleanguishedselfshrankandcoweredinit，withoutknowingwheretotakerefuge。
Shehadnotimaginedthatsuchamultiplicationofwakefulnesswaspossible:herwholepastwasreenactingitselfatahundreddifferentpointsofconsciousness。Wherewasthedrugthatcouldstillthislegionofinsurgentnerves？Thesenseofexhaustionwouldhavebeensweetcomparedtothisshrillbeatofactivities；
butwearinesshaddroppedfromherasthoughsomecruelstimulanthadbeenforcedintoherveins。
Shecouldbearit——yes，shecouldbearit；butwhatstrengthwouldbeleftherthenextday？Perspectivehaddisappeared——thenextdaypressedcloseuponher，andonitsheelscamethedaysthatweretofollow——theyswarmedaboutherlikeashriekingmob。
Shemustshutthemoutforafewhours；shemusttakeabriefbathofoblivion。Sheputoutherhand，andmeasuredthesoothingdropsintoaglass；butasshedidso，sheknewtheywouldbepowerlessagainstthesupernaturallucidityofherbrain。Shehadlongsinceraisedthedosetoitshighestlimit，buttonightshefeltshemustincreaseit。Sheknewshetookaslightriskindoingso——sherememberedthechemist’swarning。Ifsleepcameatall，itmightbeasleepwithoutwaking。Butafterallthatwasbutonechanceinahundred:theactionofthedrugwasincalculable，andtheadditionofafewdropstotheregulardosewouldprobablydonomorethanprocureforhertherestshesodesperatelyneeded……
Shedidnot，intruth，considerthequestionveryclosely——thephysicalcravingforsleepwasheronlysustainedsensation。Hermindshrankfromtheglareofthoughtasinstinctivelyaseyescontractinablazeoflight——darkness，darknesswaswhatshemusthaveatanycost。Sheraisedherselfinbedandswallowedthecontentsoftheglass；thensheblewouthercandleandlaydown。
Shelayverystill，waitingwithasensuouspleasureforthefirsteffectsofthesoporific。Sheknewinadvancewhatformtheywouldtake——thegradualcessationoftheinnerthrob，thesoftapproachofpassiveness，asthoughaninvisiblehandmademagicpassesoverherinthedarkness。Theveryslownessandhesitancyoftheeffectincreaseditsfascination:itwasdelicioustoleanoverandlookdownintothedimabyssesofunconsciousness。Tonightthedrugseemedtoworkmoreslowlythanusual:eachpassionatepulsehadtobestilledinturn，anditwaslongbeforeshefeltthemdroppingintoabeyance，likesentinelsfallingasleepattheirposts。Butgraduallythesenseofcompletesubjugationcameoverher，andshewonderedlanguidlywhathadmadeherfeelsouneasyandexcited。Shesawnowthattherewasnothingtobeexcitedabout——shehadreturnedtohernormalviewoflife。Tomorrowwouldnotbesodifficultafterall:shefeltsurethatshewouldhavethestrengthtomeetit。
Shedidnotquiterememberwhatitwasthatshehadbeenafraidtomeet，buttheuncertaintynolongertroubledher。Shehadbeenunhappy，andnowshewashappy——shehadfeltherselfalone，andnowthesenseoflonelinesshadvanished。
Shestirredonce，andturnedonherside，andasshedidso，shesuddenlyunderstoodwhyshedidnotfeelherselfalone。Itwasodd——butNettieStruther’schildwaslyingonherarm:shefeltthepressureofitslittleheadagainsthershoulder。Shedidnotknowhowithadcomethere，butshefeltnogreatsurpriseatthefact，onlyagentlepenetratingthrillofwarmthandpleasure。
Shesettledherselfintoaneasierposition，hollowingherarmtopillowtherounddownyhead，andholdingherbreathlestasoundshoulddisturbthesleepingchild。
AsshelaythereshesaidtoherselfthattherewassomethingshemusttellSelden，somewordshehadfoundthatshouldmakelifeclearbetweenthem。Shetriedtorepeattheword，whichlingeredvagueandluminousonthefaredgeofthought——shewasafraidofnotrememberingitwhenshewoke；andifshecouldonlyrememberitandsayittohim，shefeltthateverythingwouldbewell。
Slowlythethoughtofthewordfaded，andsleepbegantoenfoldher。Shestruggledfaintlyagainstit，feelingthatsheoughttokeepawakeonaccountofthebaby；buteventhisfeelingwasgraduallylostinanindistinctsenseofdrowsypeace，throughwhich，ofasudden，adarkflashoflonelinessandterrortoreitsway。
Shestartedupagain，coldandtremblingwiththeshock:foramomentsheseemedtohavelostherholdofthechild。Butno——shewasmistaken——thetenderpressureofitsbodywasstillclosetohers:therecoveredwarmthflowedthroughheroncemore，sheyieldedtoit，sankintoit，andslept。
Thenextmorningrosemildandbright，withapromiseofsummerintheair。ThesunlightslantedjoyouslydownLily’sstreet，mellowedtheblisteredhouse-front，gildedthepaintlessrailingsofthedoor-step，andstruckprismaticgloriesfromthepanesofherdarkenedwindow。
Whensuchadaycoincideswiththeinnermoodthereisintoxicationinitsbreath；andSelden，hasteningalongthestreetthroughthesqualorofitsmorningconfidences，felthimselfthrillingwithayouthfulsenseofadventure。Hehadcutloosefromthefamiliarshoresofhabit，andlaunchedhimselfonunchartedseasofemotion；alltheoldtestsandmeasureswereleftbehind，andhiscoursewastobeshapedbynewstars。
Thatcourse，forthemoment，ledmerelytoMissBart’sboarding-house；butitsshabbydoor-stephadsuddenlybecomethethresholdoftheuntried。Asheapproachedhelookedupatthetriplerowofwindows，wonderingboyishlywhichoneofthemwashers。Itwasnineo’clock，andthehouse，beingtenantedbyworkers，alreadyshowedanawakenedfronttothestreet。Herememberedafterwardhavingnoticedthatonlyoneblindwasdown。
Henoticedtoothattherewasapotofpansiesononeofthewindowsills，andatonceconcludedthatthewindowmustbehers:
itwasinevitablethatheshouldconnectherwiththeonetouchofbeautyinthedingyscene。
Nineo’clockwasanearlyhourforavisit，butSeldenhadpassedbeyondallsuchconventionalobservances。HeonlyknewthathemustseeLilyBartatonce——hehadfoundthewordhemeanttosaytoher，anditcouldnotwaitanothermomenttobesaid。Itwasstrangethatithadnotcometohislipssooner——thathehadletherpassfromhimtheeveningbeforewithoutbeingabletospeakit。Butwhatdidthatmatter，nowthatanewdayhadcome？Itwasnotawordfortwilight，butforthemorning。
Seldenraneagerlyupthestepsandpulledthebell；andeveninhisstateofself-absorptionitcameasasharpsurprisetohimthatthedoorshouldopensopromptly。Itwasstillmoreofasurprisetosee，asheentered，thatithadbeenopenedbyGertyFarish——andthatbehindher，inanagitatedblur，severalotherfiguresominouslyloomed。
\"Lawrence！\"Gertycriedinastrangevoice，\"howcouldyougetheresoquickly？\"——andthetremblinghandshelaidonhimseemedinstantlytocloseabouthisheart。
Henoticedtheotherfaces，vaguewithfearandconjecture——hesawthelandlady’simposingbulkswayprofessionallytowardhim；
butheshrankback，puttinguphishand，whilehiseyesmechanicallymountedthesteepblackwalnutstairs，upwhichhewasimmediatelyawarethathiscousinwasabouttoleadhim。
Avoiceinthebackgroundsaidthatthedoctormightbebackatanyminute——andthatnothing，upstairs，wastobedisturbed。Someoneelseexclaimed:\"Itwasthegreatestmercy——\"thenSeldenfeltthatGertyhadtakenhimgentlybythehand，andthattheyweretobesufferedtogoupalone。
Insilencetheymountedthethreeflights，andwalkedalongthepassagetoacloseddoor。Gertyopenedthedoor，andSeldenwentinafterher。Thoughtheblindwasdown，theirresistiblesunlightpouredatemperedgoldenfloodintotheroom，andinitslightSeldensawanarrowbedalongthewall，andonthebed，withmotionlesshandsandcalmunrecognizingface，thesemblanceofLilyBart。
Thatitwasherrealself，everypulseinhimardentlydenied。
Herrealselfhadlainwarmonhisheartbutafewhoursearlier——whathadhetodowiththisestrangedandtranquilfacewhich，forthefirsttime，neitherpalednorbrightenedathiscoming？
Gerty，strangelytranquiltoo，withtheconsciousself-controlofonewhohasministeredtomuchpain，stoodbythebed，speakinggently，asiftransmittingafinalmessage。
\"Thedoctorfoundabottleofchloral——shehadbeensleepingbadlyforalongtime，andshemusthavetakenanoverdosebymistake……Thereisnodoubtofthat——nodoubt——therewillbenoquestion——hehasbeenverykind。ItoldhimthatyouandIwouldliketobeleftalonewithher——togooverherthingsbeforeanyoneelsecomes。Iknowitiswhatshewouldhavewished。\"
Seldenwashardlyconsciousofwhatshesaid。Hestoodlookingdownonthesleepingfacewhichseemedtolielikeadelicateimpalpablemaskoverthelivinglineamentshehadknown。
HefeltthattherealLilywasstillthere，closetohim，yetinvisibleandinaccessible；andthetenuityofthebarrierbetweenthemmockedhimwithasenseofhelplessness。Therehadneverbeenmorethanalittleimpalpablebarrierbetweenthem——andyethehadsufferedittokeepthemapart！Andnow，thoughitseemedslighterandfrailerthanever，ithadsuddenlyhardenedtoadamant，andhemightbeathislifeoutagainstitinvain。
Hehaddroppedonhiskneesbesidethebed，butatouchfromGertyarousedhim。Hestoodup，andastheireyesmethewasstruckbytheextraordinarylightinhiscousin’sface。
\"Youunderstandwhatthedoctorhasgonefor？Hehaspromisedthatthereshallbenotrouble——butofcoursetheformalitiesmustbegonethrough。AndIaskedhimtogiveustimetolookthroughherthingsfirst——\"
Henodded，andsheglancedaboutthesmallbareroom。\"Itwon’ttakelong，\"sheconcluded。
\"No——itwon’ttakelong，\"heagreed。
Sheheldhishandinhersamomentlonger，andthen，withalastlookatthebed，movedsilentlytowardthedoor。Onthethresholdshepausedtoadd:\"Youwillfindmedownstairsifyouwantme。\"
Seldenrousedhimselftodetainher。\"Butwhyareyougoing？Shewouldhavewished——\"
Gertyshookherheadwithasmile。\"No:thisiswhatshewouldhavewished——\"andasshespokealightbrokethroughSelden’sstonymisery，andhesawdeepintothehiddenthingsoflove。
ThedoorclosedonGerty，andhestoodalonewiththemotionlesssleeperonthebed。Hisimpulsewastoreturntoherside，tofallonhisknees，andresthisthrobbingheadagainstthepeacefulcheekonthepillow。Theyhadneverbeenatpeacetogether，theytwo；andnowhefelthimselfdrawndownwardintothestrangemysteriousdepthsofhertranquillity。
ButherememberedGerty’swarningwords——heknewthat，thoughtimehadceasedinthisroom，itsfeetwerehasteningrelentlesslytowardthedoor。Gertyhadgivenhimthissupremehalf-hour，andhemustuseitasshewilled。
Heturnedandlookedabouthim，sternlycompellinghimselftoregainhisconsciousnessofoutwardthings。Therewasverylittlefurnitureintheroom。Theshabbychestofdrawerswasspreadwithalacecover，andsetoutwithafewgold-toppedboxesandbottles，arose-colouredpin-cushion，aglasstraystrewnwithtortoise-shellhair-pins——heshrankfromthepoignantintimacyofthesetrifles，andfromtheblanksurfaceofthetoilet-mirrorabovethem。
Theseweretheonlytracesofluxury，ofthatclingingtotheminuteobservanceofpersonalseemliness，whichshowedwhatherotherrenunciationsmusthavecost。Therewasnoothertokenofherpersonalityabouttheroom，unlessitshoweditselfinthescrupulousneatnessofthescantarticlesoffurniture:awashing-stand，twochairs，asmallwriting-desk，andthelittletablenearthebed。Onthistablestoodtheemptybottleandglass，andfromthesealsoheavertedhiseyes。
Thedeskwasclosed，butonitsslantinglidlaytwoletterswhichhetookup。Oneboretheaddressofabank，andasitwasstampedandsealed，Selden，afteramoment’shesitation，laiditaside。OntheotherletterhereadGusTrenor’sname；andtheflapoftheenvelopewasstillungummed。
Temptationleaptonhimlikethestabofaknife。Hestaggeredunderit，steadyinghimselfagainstthedesk。WhyhadshebeenwritingtoTrenor——writing，presumably，justaftertheirpartingofthepreviousevening？Thethoughtunhallowedthememoryofthatlasthour，madeamockofthewordhehadcometospeak，anddefiledeventhereconcilingsilenceuponwhichitfell。Hefelthimselfflungbackonalltheuglyuncertaintiesfromwhichhethoughthehadcastlooseforever。Afterall，whatdidheknowofherlife？Onlyasmuchasshehadchosentoshowhim，andmeasuredbytheworld’sestimate，howlittlethatwas！Bywhatright——theletterinhishandseemedtoask——bywhatrightwasithewhonowpassedintoherconfidencethroughthegatewhichdeathhadleftunbarred？Hisheartcriedoutthatitwasbyrightoftheirlasthourtogether，thehourwhensheherselfhadplacedthekeyinhishand。Yes——butwhatifthelettertoTrenorhadbeenwrittenafterward？
Heputitfromhimwithsuddenloathing，andsettinghislips，addressedhimselfresolutelytowhatremainedofhistask。Afterall，thattaskwouldbeeasiertoperform，nowthathispersonalstakeinitwasannulled。
Heraisedthelidofthedesk，andsawwithinitacheque-bookandafewpacketsofbillsandletters，arrangedwiththeorderlyprecisionwhichcharacterizedallherpersonalhabits。Helookedthroughthelettersfirst，becauseitwasthemostdifficultpartofthework。Theyprovedtobefewandunimportant，butamongthemhefound，withastrangecommotionoftheheart，thenotehehadwrittenherthedayaftertheBrys’entertainment。
\"WhenmayIcometoyou？\"——hiswordsoverwhelmedhimwitharealizationofthecowardicewhichhaddrivenhimfromherattheverymomentofattainment。Yes——hehadalwaysfearedhisfate，andhewastoohonesttodisownhiscowardicenow；forhadnotallhisolddoubtsstartedtolifeagainatthemeresightofTrenor’sname？
Helaidthenoteinhiscard-case，foldingitawaycarefully，assomethingmadepreciousbythefactthatshehadhelditso；
then，growingoncemoreawareofthelapseoftime，hecontinuedhisexaminationofthepapers。
Tohissurprise，hefoundthatallthebillswerereceipted；
therewasnotanunpaidaccountamongthem。Heopenedthecheque-book，andsawthat，theverynightbefore，achequeoftenthousanddollarsfromMrs。Peniston’sexecutorshadbeenenteredinit。Thelegacy，then，hadbeenpaidsoonerthanGertyhadledhimtoexpect。But，turninganotherpageortwo，hediscoveredwithastonishmentthat，inspiteofthisrecentaccessionoffunds，thebalancehadalreadydeclinedtoafewdollars。Arapidglanceatthestubsofthelastcheques，allofwhichborethedateofthepreviousday，showedthatbetweenfourorfivehundreddollarsofthelegacyhadbeenspentinthesettlementofbills，whiletheremainingthousandswerecomprehendedinonecheque，madeout，atthesametime，toCharlesAugustusTrenor。
Seldenlaidthebookaside，andsankintothechairbesidethedesk。Heleanedhiselbowsonit，andhidhisfaceinhishands。Thebitterwatersoflifesurgedhighabouthim，theirsteriletastewasonhislips。DidthechequetoTrenorexplainthemysteryordeepenit？Atfirsthismindrefusedtoact——hefeltonlythetaintofsuchatransactionbetweenamanlikeTrenorandagirllikeLilyBart。Then，gradually，histroubledvisioncleared，oldhintsandrumourscamebacktohim，andoutoftheveryinsinuationshehadfearedtoprobe，heconstructedanexplanationofthemystery。Itwastrue，then，thatshehadtakenmoneyfromTrenor；buttruealso，asthecontentsofthelittledeskdeclared，thattheobligationhadbeenintolerabletoher，andthatatthefirstopportunityshehadfreedherselffromit，thoughtheactleftherfacetofacewithbareunmitigatedpoverty。
Thatwasallheknew——allhecouldhopetounravelofthestory。
Themutelipsonthepillowrefusedhimmorethanthis——unlessindeedtheyhadtoldhimtherestinthekisstheyhadleftuponhisforehead。Yes，hecouldnowreadintothatfarewellallthathisheartcravedtofindthere；hecouldevendrawfromitcouragenottoaccusehimselfforhavingfailedtoreachtheheightofhisopportunity。
Hesawthatalltheconditionsoflifehadconspiredtokeepthemapart；sincehisverydetachmentfromtheexternalinfluenceswhichswayedherhadincreasedhisspiritualfastidiousness，andmadeitmoredifficultforhimtoliveandloveuncritically。ButatleastheHADlovedher——hadbeenwillingtostakehisfutureonhisfaithinher——andifthemomenthadbeenfatedtopassfromthembeforetheycouldseizeit，hesawnowthat，forboth，ithadbeensavedwholeoutoftheruinoftheirlives。
Itwasthismomentoflove，thisfleetingvictoryoverthemselves，whichhadkeptthemfromatrophyandextinction；
which，inher，hadreachedouttohimineverystruggleagainsttheinfluenceofhersurroundings，andinhim，hadkeptalivethefaiththatnowdrewhimpenitentandreconciledtoherside。
Hekneltbythebedandbentoverher，drainingtheirlastmomenttoitslees；andinthesilencetherepassedbetweenthemthewordwhichmadeallclear。
THEEND