Inspiteofthemoderationofhistone，eachwordhespokehadtheeffectofconfirmingLily’sresistance。Theveryapprehensionshearousedhardenedheragainsthim:shehadbeenonthealertforthenoteofpersonalsympathy，foranysignofrecoveredpoweroverhim；andhisattitudeofsoberimpartiality，theabsenceofallresponsetoherappeal，turnedherhurtpridetoblindresentmentofhisinterference。TheconvictionthathehadbeensentbyGerty，andthat，whateverstraitsheconceivedhertobein，hewouldnevervoluntarilyhavecometoheraid，strengthenedherresolvenottoadmithimahair’sbreadthfartherintoherconfidence。Howeverdoubtfulshemightfeelhersituationtobe，shewouldratherpersistindarknessthanoweherenlightenmenttoSelden。
\"Idon’tknow，\"shesaid，whenhehadceasedtospeak，\"whyyouimaginemetobesituatedasyoudescribe；butasyouhavealwaystoldmethatthesoleobjectofabringing-uplikeminewastoteachagirltogetwhatshewants，whynotassumethatthatispreciselywhatIamdoing？\"
Thesmilewithwhichshesummeduphercasewaslikeaclearbarrierraisedagainstfartherconfidences:itsbrightnessheldhimatsuchadistancethathehadasenseofbeingalmostoutofhearingasherejoined:\"IamnotsurethatIhaveevercalledyouasuccessfulexampleofthatkindofbringing-up。\"
Hercolourrosealittleattheimplication，butshesteeledherselfwithalightlaugh。\"Ah，waitalittlelonger——givemealittlemoretimebeforeyoudecide！\"Andashewaveredbeforeher，stillwatchingforabreakintheimpenetrablefrontshepresented:\"Don’tgivemeup；Imaystilldocredittomytraining！\"sheaffirmed。
Lookatthosespangles，MissBart——everyoneof’emsewedoncrooked。\"
Thetallforewoman，apinchedperpendicularfigure，droppedthecondemnedstructureofwireandnetonthetableatLily’sside，andpassedontothenextfigureintheline。
Thereweretwentyoftheminthework-room，theirfaggedprofiles，underexaggeratedhair，bowedintheharshnorthlightabovetheutensilsoftheirart；foritwassomethingmorethananindustry，surely，thiscreationofever-variedsettingsforthefaceoffortunatewomanhood。Theirownfacesweresallowwiththeunwholesomenessofhotairandsedentarytoil，ratherthanwithanyactualsignsofwant:theywereemployedinafashionablemillineryestablishment，andwerefairlywellclothedandwellpaid；buttheyoungestamongthemwasasdullandcolourlessasthemiddle-aged。Inthewholework-roomtherewasonlyoneskinbeneathwhichthebloodstillvisiblyplayed；andthatnowburnedwithvexationasMissBart，underthelashoftheforewoman’scomment，begantostripthehat-frameofitsover-lappingspangles。
ToGertyFarish’shopefulspiritasolutionappearedtohavebeenreachedwhensherememberedhowbeautifullyLilycouldtrimhats。
Instancesofyounglady-millinersestablishingthemselvesunderfashionablepatronage，andimpartingtotheir\"creations\"thatindefinabletouchwhichtheprofessionalhandcannevergive，hadflatteredGerty’svisionsofthefuture，andconvincedevenLilythatherseparationfromMrs。NormaHatchneednotreducehertodependenceonherfriends。
ThepartinghadoccurredafewweeksafterSelden’svisit，andwouldhavetakenplacesoonerhaditnotbeenfortheresistancesetupinLilybyhisill-starredofferofadvice。ThesenseofbeinginvolvedinatransactionshewouldnothavecaredtoexaminetoocloselyhadsoonafterwarddefineditselfinthelightofahintfromMr。Stancythat，ifshe\"sawthemthrough，\"
shewouldhavenoreasontobesorry。Theimplicationthatsuchloyaltywouldmeetwithadirectrewardhadhastenedherflight，andflungherback，ashamedandpenitent，onthebroadbosomofGerty’ssympathy。Shedidnot，however，proposetoliethereprone，andGerty’sinspirationaboutthehatsatoncerevivedherhopesofprofitableactivity。Herewas，afterall，somethingthathercharminglistlesshandscouldreallydo；shehadnodoubtoftheircapacityforknottingaribbonorplacingaflowertoadvantage。Andofcourseonlythesefinishingtoucheswouldbeexpectedofher:subordinatefingers，blunt，grey，needle-prickedfingers，wouldpreparetheshapesandstitchthelinings，whileshepresidedoverthecharminglittlefrontshop——ashopallwhitepanels，mirrors，andmoss-greenhangings——whereherfinishedcreations，hats，wreaths，aigrettesandtherest，perchedontheirstandslikebirdsjustpoisingforflight。
ButattheveryoutsetofGerty’scampaignthisvisionofthegreen-and-whiteshophadbeendispelled。Otheryoungladiesoffashionhadbeenthus\"set-up，\"sellingtheirhatsbythemereattractionofanameandthereputedknackoftyingabow；buttheseprivilegedbeingscouldcommandafaithintheirpowersmateriallyexpressedbythereadinesstopaytheirshop-rentandadvanceahandsomesumforcurrentexpenses。WherewasLilytofindsuchsupport？Andevencouldithavebeenfound，howweretheladiesonwhoseapprovalshedependedtobeinducedtogivehertheirpatronage？Gertylearnedthatwhateversympathyherfriend’scasemighthaveexcitedafewmonthssincehadbeenimperilled，ifnotlost，byherassociationwithMrs。Hatch。Onceagain，Lilyhadwithdrawnfromanambiguoussituationintimetosaveherself-respect，buttoolateforpublicvindication。
FreddyVanOsburghwasnottomarryMrs。Hatch；hehadbeenrescuedattheeleventhhour——somesaidbytheeffortsofGusTrenorandRosedale——anddespatchedtoEuropewitholdNedVanAlstyne；buttheriskhehadrunwouldalwaysbeascribedtoMissBart’sconnivance，andwouldsomehowserveasasumming-upandcorroborationofthevaguegeneraldistrustofher。Itwasarelieftothosewhohadhungbackfromhertofindthemselvesthusjustified，andtheywereinclinedtoinsistalittleonherconnectionwiththeHatchcaseinordertoshowthattheyhadbeenright。
Gerty’squest，atanyrate，broughtupagainstasolidwallofresistance；andevenwhenCarryFisher，momentarilypenitentforhershareintheHatchaffair，joinedhereffortstoMissFarish’s，theymetwithnobettersuccess。Gertyhadtriedtoveilherfailureintenderambiguities；butCarry，alwaysthesoulofcandour，putthecasesquarelytoherfriend。
\"IwentstraighttoJudyTrenor；shehasfewerprejudicesthantheothers，andbesidesshe’salwayshatedBerthaDorset。ButwhatHAVEyoudonetoher，Lily？Attheveryfirstwordaboutgivingyouastartsheflamedoutaboutsomemoneyyou’dgotfromGus；Ineverknewhersohotbefore。Youknowshe’lllethimdoanythingbutspendmoneyonhisfriends:theonlyreasonshe’sdecenttomenowisthatsheknowsI’mnothardup——Hespeculatedforyou，yousay？Well，what’stheharm？Hehadnobusinesstolose。HeDIDN’Tlose？Thenwhatonearth——butIneverCOULDunderstandyou，Lily！\"
Theendofitwasthat，afteranxiousenquiryandmuchdeliberation，Mrs。FisherandGerty，foronceoddlyunitedintheirefforttohelptheirfriend，decidedonplacingherinthework-roomofMme。Regina’srenownedmillineryestablishment。Eventhisarrangementwasnoteffectedwithoutconsiderablenegotiation，forMme。Reginahadastrongprejudiceagainstuntrainedassistance，andwasinducedtoyieldonlybythefactthatsheowedthepatronageofMrs。BryandMrs。GormertoCarryFisher’sinfluence。ShehadbeenwillingfromthefirsttoemployLilyintheshow-room:asadisplayerofhats，afashionablebeautymightbeavaluableasset。ButtothissuggestionMissBartopposedanegativewhichGertyemphaticallysupported，whileMrs。Fisher，inwardlyunconvinced，butresignedtothislatestproofofLily’sunreason，agreedthatperhapsintheenditwouldbemoreusefulthatsheshouldlearnthetrade。ToRegina’swork-roomLilywasthereforecommittedbyherfriends，andthereMrs。Fisherleftherwithasighofrelief，whileGerty’swatchfulnesscontinuedtohoveroverheratadistance。
LilyhadtakenupherworkearlyinJanuary:itwasnowtwomonthslater，andshewasstillbeingrebukedforherinabilitytosewspanglesonahat-frame。Asshereturnedtoherworksheheardatitterpassdownthetables。Sheknewshewasanobjectofcriticismandamusementtotheotherwork-women。Theywere，ofcourse，awareofherhistory——theexactsituationofeverygirlintheroomwasknownandfreelydiscussedbyalltheothers——buttheknowledgedidnotproduceinthemanyawkwardsenseofclassdistinction:itmerelyexplainedwhyheruntutoredfingerswerestillblunderingovertherudimentsofthetrade。
Lilyhadnodesirethattheyshouldrecognizeanysocialdifferenceinher；butshehadhopedtobereceivedastheirequal，andperhapsbeforelongtoshowherselftheirsuperiorbyaspecialdeftnessoftouch，anditwashumiliatingtofindthat，aftertwomonthsofdrudgery，shestillbetrayedherlackofearlytraining。Remotewasthedaywhenshemightaspiretoexercisethetalentsshefeltconfidentofpossessing；onlyexperiencedworkerswereentrustedwiththedelicateartofshapingandtrimmingthehat，andtheforewomanstillheldherinexorablytotheroutineofpreparatorywork。
Shebegantoripthespanglesfromtheframe，listeningabsentlytothebuzzoftalkwhichroseandfellwiththecomingandgoingofMissHaines’sactivefigure。Theairwascloserthanusual，becauseMissHaines，whohadacold，hadnotallowedawindowtobeopenedevenduringthenoonrecess；andLily’sheadwassoheavywiththeweightofasleeplessnightthatthechatterofhercompanionshadtheincoherenceofadream。
\"ITOLDherhe’dneverlookatheragain；andhedidn’t。I
wouldn’thave，either——Ithinksheactedrealmeantohim。HetookhertotheArionBall，andhadahackforherbothways……
She’stakentenbottles，andherheadachesdon’tseemnobetter——butshe’swrittenatestimonialtosaythefirstbottlecuredher，andshegotfivedollarsandherpictureinthepaper……Mrs。Trenor’shat？TheonewiththegreenParadise？
Here，MissHaines——it’llbereadyrightoff……ThatwasoneoftheTrenorgirlshereyesterdaywithMrs。GeorgeDorset。How’dI
know？Why，MadamsentformetoaltertheflowerinthatVirothat——thebluetulle:she’stallandslight，withherhairfuzzedout——agooddeallikeMamieLeach，on’ythinner……\"
Onandonitflowed，acurrentofmeaninglesssound，onwhich，startlinglyenough，afamiliarnamenowandthenfloatedtothesurface。ItwasthestrangestpartofLily’sstrangeexperience，thehearingofthesenames，theseeingthefragmentaryanddistortedimageoftheworldshehadlivedinreflectedinthemirroroftheworking-girls’minds。Shehadneverbeforesuspectedthemixtureofinsatiablecuriosityandcontemptuousfreedomwithwhichsheandherkindwerediscussedinthisunderworldoftoilerswholivedontheirvanityandself-indulgence。EverygirlinMme。Regina’swork-roomknewtowhomtheheadgearinherhandswasdestined，andhadheropinionofitsfuturewearer，andadefiniteknowledgeofthelatter’splaceinthesocialsystem。ThatLilywasastarfallenfromthatskydidnot，afterthefirststirofcuriosityhadsubsided，materiallyaddtotheirinterestinher。Shehadfallen，shehad\"goneunder，\"andtruetotheidealoftheirrace，theywereawedonlybysuccess——bythegrosstangibleimageofmaterialachievement。Theconsciousnessofherdifferentpointofviewmerelykeptthematalittledistancefromher，asthoughshewereaforeignerwithwhomitwasanefforttotalk。
\"MissBart，ifyoucan’tsewthosespanglesonmoreregularI
guessyou’dbettergivethehattoMissKilroy。\"
Lilylookeddownruefullyatherhandiwork。Theforewomanwasright:thesewingonofthespangleswasinexcusablybad。Whatmadehersomuchmoreclumsythanusual？Wasitagrowingdistasteforhertask，oractualphysicaldisability？Shefelttiredandconfused:itwasanefforttoputherthoughtstogether。SheroseandhandedthehattoMissKilroy，whotookitwithasuppressedsmile。
\"I’msorry；I’mafraidIamnotwell，\"shesaidtotheforewoman。
MissHainesofferednocomment。FromthefirstshehadauguredillofMme。Regina’sconsentingtoincludeafashionableapprenticeamongherworkers。Inthattempleofartnorawbeginnerswerewanted，andMissHaineswouldhavebeenmorethanhumanhadshenottakenacertainpleasureinseeingherforebodingsconfirmed。
\"You’dbettergobacktobindingedges，\"shesaiddrily。Lilyslippedoutlastamongthebandofliberatedwork-women。Shedidnotcaretobemingledintheirnoisydispersal:onceinthestreet，shealwaysfeltanirresistiblereturntoheroldstandpoint，aninstinctiveshrinkingfromallthatwasunpolishedandpromiscuous。Inthedays——howdistanttheynowseemed！——whenshehadvisitedtheGirls’ClubwithGertyFarish，shehadfeltanenlightenedinterestintheworking-classes；butthatwasbecauseshelookeddownonthemfromabove，fromthehappyaltitudeofhergraceandherbeneficence。Nowthatshewasonalevelwiththem，thepointofviewwaslessinteresting。
Shefeltatouchonherarm，andmetthepenitenteyeofMissKilroy。\"MissBart，IguessyoucansewthosespanglesonaswellasIcanwhenyou’refeelingright。MissHainesdidn’tactfairtoyou。\"
Lily’scolourroseattheunexpectedadvance:itwasalongtimesincerealkindnesshadlookedatherfromanyeyesbutGerty’s。
\"Oh，thankyou:I’mnotparticularlywell，butMissHaineswasright。IAMclumsy。\"
\"Well，it’smeanworkforanybodywithaheadache。\"MissKilroypausedirresolutely。\"Yououghttogorighthomeandlaydown。
Evertryorangeine？\"
\"Thankyou。\"Lilyheldoutherhand。\"It’sverykindofyou——I
meantogohome。\"
ShelookedgratefullyatMissKilroy，butneitherknewwhatmoretosay。Lilywasawarethattheotherwasonthepointofofferingtogohomewithher，butshewantedtobealoneandsilent——evenkindness，thesortofkindnessthatMissKilroycouldgive，wouldhavejarredonherjustthen。
\"Thankyou，\"sherepeatedassheturnedaway。
ShestruckwestwardthroughthedrearyMarchtwilight，towardthestreetwhereherboarding-housestood。ShehadresolutelyrefusedGerty’sofferofhospitality。Somethingofhermother’sfierceshrinkingfromobservationandsympathywasbeginningtodevelopinher，andthepromiscuityofsmallquartersandcloseintimacyseemed，onthewhole，lessendurablethanthesolitudeofahallbedroominahousewhereshecouldcomeandgounremarkedamongotherworkers。Forawhileshehadbeensustainedbythisdesireforprivacyandindependence；butnow，perhapsfromincreasingphysicalweariness，thelassitudebroughtaboutbyhoursofunwontedconfinement，shewasbeginningtofeelacutelytheuglinessanddiscomfortofhersurroundings。Theday’staskdone，shedreadedtoreturntohernarrowroom，withitsblotchedwallpaperandshabbypaint；andshehatedeverystepofthewalkthither，throughthedegradationofaNewYorkstreetinthelaststagesofdeclinefromfashiontocommerce。
Butwhatshedreadedmostofallwashavingtopassthechemist’satthecornerofSixthAvenue。Shehadmeanttotakeanotherstreet:shehadusuallydonesooflate。Buttodayherstepswereirresistiblydrawntowardtheflaringplate-glasscomer；shetriedtotakethelowercrossing，butaladendraycrowdedherback，andshestruckacrossthestreetobliquely，reachingthesidewalkjustoppositethechemist’sdoor。
Overthecountershecaughttheeyeoftheclerkwhohadwaitedonherbefore，andslippedtheprescriptionintohishand。Therecouldbenoquestionabouttheprescription:itwasacopyofoneofMrs。Hatch’s，obliginglyfurnishedbythatlady’schemist。
Lilywasconfidentthattheclerkwouldfillitwithouthesitation；yetthenervousdreadofarefusal，orevenofanexpressionofdoubt，communicateditselftoherrestlesshandsassheaffectedtoexaminethebottlesofperfumestackedontheglasscasebeforeher。
Theclerkhadreadtheprescriptionwithoutcomment；butintheactofhandingoutthebottlehepaused。
\"Youdon’twanttoincreasethedose，youknow，\"heremarked。
Lily’sheartcontracted。
Whatdidhemeanbylookingatherinthatway？
\"Ofcoursenot，\"shemurmured，holdingoutherhand。
\"That’sallright:it’saqueer-actingdrug。Adroportwomore，andoffyougo——thedoctorsdon’tknowwhy。\"
Thedreadlestheshouldquestionher，orkeepthebottleback，chokedthemurmurofacquiescenceinherthroat；andwhenatlengthsheemergedsafelyfromtheshopshewasalmostdizzywiththeintensityofherrelief。Themeretouchofthepacketthrilledhertirednerveswiththedeliciouspromiseofanightofsleep，andinthereactionfromhermomentaryfearshefeltasifthefirstfumesofdrowsinesswerealreadystealingoverher。
Inherconfusionshestumbledagainstamanwhowashurryingdownthelaststepsoftheelevatedstation。Hedrewback，andsheheardhernameutteredwithsurprise。ItwasRosedale，fur-coated，glossyandprosperous——butwhydidsheseemtoseehimsofaroff，andasifthroughamistofsplinteredcrystals？
Beforeshecouldaccountforthephenomenonshefoundherselfshakinghandswithhim。Theyhadpartedwithscornonhersideandangeruponhis；butalltraceoftheseemotionsseemedtovanishastheirhandsmet，andshewasonlyawareofaconfusedwishthatshemightcontinuetoholdfasttohim。
\"Why，what’sthematter，MissLily？You’renotwell！\"heexclaimed；andsheforcedherlipsintoapallidsmileofreassurance。
\"I’malittletired——it’snothing。Staywithmeamoment，please，\"shefaltered。ThatsheshouldbeaskingthisserviceofRosedale！
Heglancedatthedirtyandunpropitiouscomeronwhichtheystood，withtheshriekofthe\"elevated\"andthetumultoftramsandwaggonscontendinghideouslyintheirears。
\"Wecan’tstayhere；butletmetakeyousomewhereforacupoftea。TheLONGWORTHisonlyafewyardsoff，andthere’llbenoonethereatthishour。\"
Acupofteainquiet，somewhereoutofthenoiseandugliness，seemedforthemomenttheonesolaceshecouldbear。Afewstepsbroughtthemtotheladies’doorofthehotelhehadnamed，andamomentlaterhewasseatedoppositetoher，andthewaiterhadplacedthetea-traybetweenthem。
\"Notadropofbrandyorwhiskeyfirst？Youlookregularlydoneup，MissLily。Well，takeyourteastrong，then；and，waiter，getacushionforthelady’sback。\"
Lilysmiledfaintlyattheinjunctiontotakeherteastrong。Itwasthetemptationshewasalwaysstrugglingtoresist。Hercravingforthekeenstimulantwasforeverconflictingwiththatothercravingforsleep——themidnightcravingwhichonlythelittlephialinherhandcouldstill。Buttoday，atanyrate，theteacouldhardlybetoostrong:shecountedonittopourwarmthandresolutionintoheremptyveins。
Assheleanedbackbeforehim，herlidsdroopinginutterlassitude，thoughthefirstwarmdraughtalreadytingedherfacewithreturninglife，Rosedalewasseizedafreshbythepoignantsurpriseofherbeauty。Thedarkpencillingoffatigueunderhereyes，themorbidblue-veinedpallourofthetemples，broughtoutthebrightnessofherhairandlips，asthoughallherebbingvitalitywerecentredthere。Againstthedullchocolate-colouredbackgroundoftherestaurant，thepurityofherheadstoodoutasithadneverdoneinthemostbrightly-litball-room。Helookedatherwithastartleduncomfortablefeeling，asthoughherbeautywereaforgottenenemythathadlaininambushandnowsprangoutonhimunawares。
Tocleartheairhetriedtotakeaneasytonewithher。\"Why，MissLily，Ihaven’tseenyouforanage。Ididn’tknowwhathadbecomeofyou。\"
Ashespoke，hewascheckedbyanembarrassingsenseofthecomplicationstowhichthismightlead。Thoughhehadnotseenherhehadheardofher；heknewofherconnectionwithMrs。
Hatch，andofthetalkresultingfromit。Mrs。Hatch’sMILIEUwasonewhichhehadonceassiduouslyfrequented，andnowasdevoutlyshunned。
Lily，towhomtheteahadrestoredherusualclearnessofmind，sawwhatwasinhisthoughtsandsaidwithaslightsmile:\"Youwouldnotbelikelytoknowaboutme。Ihavejoinedtheworkingclasses。\"
Hestaredingenuinewonder。\"Youdon’tmean？Why，whatonearthareyoudoing？\"
\"Learningtobeamilliner——atleastTRYINGtolearn，\"shehastilyqualifiedthestatement。
Rosedalesuppressedalowwhistleofsurprise。\"Comeoff——youain’tserious，areyou？\"
\"Perfectlyserious。I’mobligedtoworkformyliving。\"
\"ButIunderstood——IthoughtyouwerewithNormaHatch。\"
\"YouheardIhadgonetoherashersecretary？\"
\"Somethingofthekind，Ibelieve。\"Heleanedforwardtorefillhercup。
Lilyguessedthepossibilitiesofembarrassmentwhichthetopicheldforhim，andraisinghereyestohis，shesaidsuddenly:\"I
lefthertwomonthsago。\"
Rosedalecontinuedtofumbleawkwardlywiththetea-pot，andshefeltsurethathehadheardwhathadbeensaidofher。ButwhatwastherethatRosedaledidnothear？
\"Wasn’titasoftberth？\"heenquired，withanattemptatlightness。
\"Toosoft——onemighthavesunkintoodeep。\"Lilyrestedonearmontheedgeofthetable，andsatlookingathimmoreintentlythanshehadeverlookedbefore。Anuncontrollableimpulsewasurginghertoputhercasetothisman，fromwhosecuriosityshehadalwayssofiercelydefendedherself。
\"YouknowMrs。Hatch，Ithink？Well，perhapsyoucanunderstandthatshemightmakethingstooeasyforone。\"
Rosedalelookedfaintlypuzzled，andsherememberedthatallusivenesswaslostonhim。
\"Itwasnoplaceforyou，anyhow，\"heagreed，sosuffusedandimmersedinthelightofherfullgazethathefoundhimselfbeingdrawnintostrangedepthsofintimacy。Hewhohadhadtosubsistonmerefugitiveglances，lookswingedinflightandswiftlylostundercovert，nowfoundhereyessettlingonhimwithabroodingintensitythatfairlydazzledhim。
\"Ileft，\"Lilycontinued，\"lestpeopleshouldsayIwashelpingMrs。HatchtomarryFreddyVanOsburgh——whoisnotintheleasttoogoodforher——andastheystillcontinuetosayit，IseethatImightaswellhavestayedwhereIwas。\"
\"Oh，Freddy——\"Rosedalebrushedasidethetopicwithanairofitsunimportancewhichgaveasenseoftheimmenseperspectivehehadacquired。\"Freddydon’tcount——butIknewYOUweren’tmixedupinthat。Itain’tyourstyle。\"
Lilycolouredslightly:shecouldnotconcealfromherselfthatthewordsgaveherpleasure。Shewouldhavelikedtositthere，drinkingmoretea，andcontinuingtotalkofherselftoRosedale。
Buttheoldhabitofobservingtheconventionsremindedherthatitwastimetobringtheircolloquytoanend，andshemadeafaintmotiontopushbackherchair。
Rosedalestoppedherwithaprotestinggesture。\"Waitaminute——don’tgoyet；sitquietandrestalittlelonger。Youlookthoroughlyplayedout。Andyouhaven’ttoldme——\"Hebrokeoff，consciousofgoingfartherthanhehadmeant。Shesawthestruggleandunderstoodit；understoodalsothenatureofthespelltowhichheyieldedas，withhiseyesonherface，hebeganagainabruptly:\"Whatonearthdidyoumeanbysayingjustnowthatyouwerelearningtobeamilliner？\"
\"JustwhatIsaid。IamanapprenticeatRegina’s。\"
\"GoodLord——YOU？Butwhatfor？Iknewyouraunthadturnedyoudown:Mrs。Fishertoldmeaboutit。ButIunderstoodyougotalegacyfromher——\"
\"Igottenthousanddollars；butthelegacyisnottobepaidtillnextsummer。\"
\"Well，but——lookhere:youcouldBORROWonitanytimeyouwanted。\"
Sheshookherheadgravely。\"No；forIoweitalready。\"
\"Oweit？Thewholetenthousand？\"
\"Everypenny。\"Shepaused，andthencontinuedabruptly，withhereyesonhisface:\"IthinkGusTrenorspoketoyouonceabouthavingmadesomemoneyformeinstocks。\"
Shewaited，andRosedale，congestedwithembarrassment，mutteredthatherememberedsomethingofthekind。
\"Hemadeaboutninethousanddollars，\"Lilypursued，inthesametoneofeagercommunicativeness。\"Atthetime，Iunderstoodthathewasspeculatingwithmyownmoney:itwasincrediblystupidofme，butIknewnothingofbusiness。AfterwardIfoundoutthathehadNOTusedmymoney——thatwhathesaidhehadmadeformehehadreallygivenme。Itwasmeantinkindness，ofcourse；butitwasnotthesortofobligationonecouldremainunder。
UnfortunatelyIhadspentthemoneybeforeIdiscoveredmymistake；andsomylegacywillhavetogotopayitback。ThatisthereasonwhyIamtryingtolearnatrade。\"
Shemadethestatementclearly，deliberately，withpausesbetweenthesentences，sothateachshouldhavetimetosinkdeeplyintoherhearer’smind。Shehadapassionatedesirethatsomeoneshouldknowthetruthaboutthistransaction，andalsothattherumourofherintentiontorepaythemoneyshouldreachJudyTrenor’sears。AndithadsuddenlyoccurredtoherthatRosedale，whohadsurprisedTrenor’sconfidence，wasthefittingpersontoreceiveandtransmitherversionofthefacts。Shehadevenfeltamomentaryexhilarationatthethoughtofthusrelievingherselfofherdetestedsecret；butthesensationgraduallyfadedinthetelling，andassheendedherpallourwassuffusedwithadeepblushofmisery。
Rosedalecontinuedtostareatherinwonder；butthewondertooktheturnshehadleastexpected。
\"Butseehere——ifthat’sthecase，itcleansyououtaltogether？\"
Heputittoherasifshehadnotgraspedtheconsequencesofheract；asifherincorrigibleignoranceofbusinesswereabouttoprecipitateherintoafreshactoffolly。
\"Altogether——yes，\"shecalmlyagreed。
Hesatsilent，histhickhandsclaspedonthetable，hislittlepuzzledeyesexploringtherecessesofthedesertedrestaurant。
\"Seehere——that’sfine，\"heexclaimedabruptly。
Lilyrosefromherseatwithadeprecatinglaugh。\"Oh，no——it’smerelyabore，\"sheasserted，gatheringtogethertheendsofherfeatherscarf。
Rosedaleremainedseated，toointentonhisthoughtstonoticehermovement。\"MissLily，ifyouwantanybacking——Ilikepluck——
\"brokefromhimdisconnectedly。
\"Thankyou。\"Sheheldoutherhand。\"Yourteahasgivenmeatremendousbacking。Ifeelequaltoanythingnow。\"
Hergestureseemedtoshowadefiniteintentionofdismissal，buthercompanionhadtossedabilltothewaiter，andwasslippinghisshortarmsintohisexpensiveovercoat。
\"Waitaminute——you’vegottoletmewalkhomewithyou，\"hesaid。
Lilyutterednoprotest，andwhenhehadpausedtomakesureofhischangetheyemergedfromthehotelandcrossedSixthAvenueagain。Assheledthewaywestwardpastalonglineofareaswhich，throughthedistortionoftheirpaintlessrails，revealedwithincreasingcandourtheDISJECTAMEMBRAofbygonedinners，LilyfeltthatRosedalewastakingcontemptuousnoteoftheneighbourhood；andbeforethedoorstepatwhichshefinallypausedhelookedupwithanairofincredulousdisgust。
\"Thisisn’ttheplace？SomeonetoldmeyouwerelivingwithMissFarish。\"
\"No:Iamboardinghere。Ihavelivedtoolongonmyfriends。\"
Hecontinuedtoscantheblisteredbrownstonefront，thewindowsdrapedwithdiscolouredlace，andthePompeiandecorationofthemuddyvestibule；thenhelookedbackatherfaceandsaidwithavisibleeffort:\"You’llletmecomeandseeyousomeday？\"
Shesmiled，recognizingtheheroismoftheoffertothepointofbeingfranklytouchedbyit。\"Thankyou——Ishallbeveryglad，\"shemadeanswer，inthefirstsincerewordsshehadeverspokentohim。
ThateveninginherownroomMissBart——whohadfledearlyfromtheheavyfumesofthebasementdinner-table——satmusingupontheimpulsewhichhadledhertounbosomherselftoRosedale。Beneathitshediscoveredanincreasingsenseofloneliness——adreadofreturningtothesolitudeofherroom，whileshecouldbeanywhereelse，orinanycompanybutherown。Circumstances，oflate，hadcombinedtocutheroffmoreandmorefromherfewremainingfriends。OnCarryFisher’spartthewithdrawalwasperhapsnotquiteinvoluntary。HavingmadeherfinaleffortonLily’sbehalf，andlandedhersafelyinMme。Regina’swork-room，Mrs。Fisherseemeddisposedtorestfromherlabours；andLily，understandingthereason，couldnotcondemnher。CarryhadinfactcomedangerouslyneartobeinginvolvedintheepisodeofMrs。NormaHatch，andithadtakensomeverbalingenuitytoextricateherself。ShefranklyownedtohavingbroughtLilyandMrs。Hatchtogether，butthenshedidnotknowMrs。Hatch——shehadexpresslywarnedLilythatshedidnotknowMrs。Hatch——andbesides，shewasnotLily’skeeper，andreallythegirlwasoldenoughtotakecareofherself。Carrydidnotputherowncasesobrutally，butsheallowedittobethusputforherbyherlatestbosomfriend，Mrs。JackStepney:Mrs。Stepney，tremblingoverthenarrownessofheronlybrother’sescape，buteagertovindicateMrs。Fisher，atwhosehouseshecouldcountonthe\"jollyparties\"whichhadbecomeanecessitytohersincemarriagehademancipatedherfromtheVanOsburghpointofview。
Lilyunderstoodthesituationandcouldmakeallowancesforit。
Carryhadbeenagoodfriendtoherindifficultdays，andperhapsonlyafriendshiplikeGerty’scouldbeproofagainstsuchanincreasingstrain。Gerty’sfriendshipdidindeedholdfast；yetLilywasbeginningtoavoidheralso。ForshecouldnotgotoGerty’swithoutriskofmeetingSelden；andtomeethimnowwouldbepurepain。Itwaspainenougheventothinkofhim，whethersheconsideredhiminthedistinctnessofherwakingthoughts，orfelttheobsessionofhispresencethroughtheblurofhertormentednights。ThatwasoneofthereasonswhyshehadturnedagaintoMrs。Hatch’sprescription。Intheuneasysnatchesofhernaturaldreamshecametohersometimesintheoldguiseoffellowshipandtenderness；andshewouldrisefromthesweetdelusionmockedandemptiedofhercourage。Butinthesleepwhichthephialprocuredshesankfarbelowsuchhalf-wakingvisitations，sankintodepthsofdreamlessannihilationfromwhichshewokeeachmorningwithanobliteratedpast。
Gradually，tobesure，thestressoftheoldthoughtswouldreturn；butatleasttheydidnotimportuneherwakinghour。Thedruggaveheramomentaryillusionofcompleterenewal，fromwhichshedrewstrengthtotakeupherdailywork。Thestrengthwasmoreandmoreneededastheperplexitiesofherfutureincreased。SheknewthattoGertyandMrs。Fishershewasonlypassingthroughatemporaryperiodofprobation，sincetheybelievedthattheapprenticeshipshewasservingatMme。Regina’swouldenableher，whenMrs。Peniston’slegacywaspaid，torealizethevisionofthegreen-and-whiteshopwiththefullercompetenceacquiredbyherpreliminarytraining。ButtoLilyherself，awarethatthelegacycouldnotbeputtosuchause，thepreliminarytrainingseemedawastedeffort。Sheunderstoodclearlyenoughthat，evenifshecouldeverlearntocompetewithhandsformedfromchildhoodfortheirspecialwork，thesmallpayshereceivedwouldnotbeasufficientadditiontoherincometocompensateherforsuchdrudgery。Andtherealizationofthisfactbroughtherrecurringlyfacetofacewiththetemptationtousethelegacyinestablishingherbusiness。Onceinstalled，andincommandofherownwork-women，shebelievedshehadsufficienttactandabilitytoattractafashionableCLIENTELE；andifthebusinesssucceededshecouldgraduallylayasidemoneyenoughtodischargeherdebttoTrenor。Butthetaskmighttakeyearstoaccomplish，evenifshecontinuedtostintherselftotheutmost；
andmeanwhileherpridewouldbecrushedundertheweightofanintolerableobligation。
Thesewerehersuperficialconsiderations；butunderthemlurkedthesecretdreadthattheobligationmightnotalwaysremainintolerable。Sheknewshecouldnotcountonhercontinuityofpurpose，andwhatreallyfrightenedherwasthethoughtthatshemightgraduallyaccommodateherselftoremainingindefinitelyinTrenor’sdebt，asshehadaccommodatedherselftothepartallottedherontheSabrina，andasshehadsonearlydriftedintoacquiescingwithStancy’sschemefortheadvancementofMrs。Hatch。Herdangerlay，assheknew，inheroldincurabledreadofdiscomfortandpoverty；inthefearofthatmountingtideofdinginessagainstwhichhermotherhadsopassionatelywarnedher。Andnowanewvistaofperilopenedbeforeher。SheunderstoodthatRosedalewasreadytolendhermoney；andthelongingtotakeadvantageofhisofferbegantohauntherinsidiously。ItwasofcourseimpossibletoacceptaloanfromRosedale；butproximatepossibilitieshoveredtemptinglybeforeher。Shewasquitesurethathewouldcomeandseeheragain，andalmostsurethat，ifhedid，shecouldbringhimtothepointofofferingtomarryheronthetermsshehadpreviouslyrejected。
Wouldshestillrejectthemiftheywereoffered？Moreandmore，witheveryfreshmischancebefallingher，didthepursuingfuriesseemtotaketheshapeofBerthaDorset；andcloseathand，safelylockedamongherpapers，laythemeansofendingtheirpursuit。Thetemptation，whichherscornofRosedalehadonceenabledhertoreject，nowinsistentlyreturneduponher；andhowmuchstrengthwaslefthertoopposeit？
Whatlittletherewasmustatanyratebehusbandedtotheutmost；shecouldnottrustherselfagaintotheperilsofasleeplessnight。Throughthelonghoursofsilencethedarkspiritoffatigueandlonelinesscroucheduponherbreast，leavinghersodrainedofbodilystrengththathermorningthoughtsswaminahazeofweakness。Theonlyhopeofrenewallayinthelittlebottleatherbed-side；andhowmuchlongerthathopewouldlastshedarednotconjecture。
Lily，lingeringforamomentonthecorner，lookedoutontheafternoonspectacleofFifthAvenue。ItwasadayinlateApril，andthesweetnessofspringwasintheair。Itmitigatedtheuglinessofthelongcrowdedthoroughfare，blurredthegauntroof-lines，threwamauveveiloverthediscouragingperspectiveofthesidestreets，andgaveatouchofpoetrytothedelicatehazeofgreenthatmarkedtheentrancetothePark。
AsLilystoodthere，sherecognizedseveralfamiliarfacesinthepassingcarriages。Theseasonwasover，anditsrulingforceshaddisbanded；butafewstilllingered，delayingtheirdepartureforEurope，orpassingthroughtownontheirreturnfromtheSouth。
AmongthemwasMrs。VanOsburgh，swayingmajesticallyinherC-springbarouche，withMrs。PercyGryceatherside，andthenewheirtotheGrycemillionsenthronedbeforethemonhisnurse’sknees。TheyweresucceededbyMrs。Hatch’selectricvictoria，inwhichthatladyreclinedinthelonelysplendourofaspringtoiletobviouslydesignedforcompany；andamomentortwolatercameJudyTrenor，accompaniedbyLadySkiddaw，whohadcomeoverforherannualtarponfishingandadipinto\"thestreet。\"
ThisfleetingglimpseofherpastservedtoemphasizethesenseofaimlessnesswithwhichLilyatlengthturnedtowardhome。Shehadnothingtodofortherestoftheday，norforthedaystocome；fortheseasonwasoverinmillineryaswellasinsociety，andaweekearlierMme。Reginahadnotifiedherthatherserviceswerenolongerrequired。Mme。ReginaalwaysreducedherstaffonthefirstofMay，andMissBart’sattendancehadoflatebeensoirregular——shehadsooftenbeenunwell，andhaddonesolittleworkwhenshecame——thatitwasonlyasafavourthatherdismissalhadhithertobeendeferred。
Lilydidnotquestionthejusticeofthedecision。Shewasconsciousofhavingbeenforgetful，awkwardandslowtolearn。Itwasbittertoacknowledgeherinferiorityeventoherself，butthefacthadbeenbroughthometoherthatasabread-winnershecouldnevercompetewithprofessionalability。
Sinceshehadbeenbroughtuptobeornamental，shecouldhardlyblameherselfforfailingtoserveanypracticalpurpose；butthediscoveryputanendtoherconsolingsenseofuniversalefficiency。
Assheturnedhomewardherthoughtsshrankinanticipationfromthefactthattherewouldbenothingtogetupforthenextmorning。Theluxuryoflyinglateinbedwasapleasurebelongingtothelifeofease；ithadnopartintheutilitarianexistenceoftheboarding-house。Shelikedtoleaveherroomearly，andtoreturntoitaslateaspossible；andshewaswalkingslowlynowinordertopostponethedetestedapproachtoherdoorstep。
Butthedoorstep，asshedrewnearit，acquiredasuddeninterestfromthefactthatitwasoccupied——andindeedfilled——bytheconspicuousfigureofMr。Rosedale，whosepresenceseemedtotakeonanaddedamplitudefromthemeannessofhissurroundings。
ThesightstirredLilywithanirresistiblesenseoftriumph。
Rosedale，adayortwoaftertheirchancemeeting，hadcalledtoenquireifshehadrecoveredfromherindisposition；butsincethenshehadnotseenorheardfromhim，andhisabsenceseemedtobetokenastruggletokeepaway，toletherpassoncemoreoutofhislife。Ifthiswerethecase，hisreturnshowedthatthestrugglehadbeenunsuccessful，forLilyknewhewasnotthemantowastehistimeinanineffectualsentimentaldalliance。Hewastoobusy，toopractical，andabovealltoomuchpreoccupiedwithhisownadvancement，toindulgeinsuchunprofitableasides。
Inthepeacock-blueparlour，withitsbunchesofdriedpampasgrass，anddiscolouredsteelengravingsofsentimentalepisodes，helookedabouthimwithunconcealeddisgust，layinghishatdistrustfullyonthedustyconsoleadornedwithaRogersstatuette。
Lilysatdownononeoftheplushandrosewoodsofas，andhedepositedhimselfinarocking-chairdrapedwithastarchedantimacassarwhichscrapedunpleasantlyagainstthepinkfoldofskinabovehiscollar。
\"Mygoodness——youcan’tgoonlivinghere！\"heexclaimed。
Lilysmiledathistone。\"IamnotsurethatIcan；butIhavegoneovermyexpensesverycarefully，andIratherthinkIshallbeabletomanageit。\"
\"Beabletomanageit？That’snotwhatImean——it’snoplaceforyou！\"
\"It’swhatImean；forIhavebeenoutofworkforthelastweek。\"
\"Outofwork——outofwork！Whatawayforyoutotalk！Theideaofyourhavingtowork——it’spreposterous。\"Hebroughtouthissentencesinshortviolentjerks，asthoughtheywereforcedupfromadeepinnercraterofindignation。\"It’safarce——acrazyfarce，\"herepeated，hiseyesfixedonthelongvistaoftheroomreflectedintheblotchedglassbetweenthewindows。
Lilycontinuedtomeethisexpostulationswithasmile。\"Idon’tknowwhyIshouldregardmyselfasanexception——\"shebegan。
\"BecauseyouARE；that’swhy；andyourbeinginaplacelikethisisadamnableoutrage。Ican’ttalkofitcalmly。\"
Shehadintruthneverseenhimsoshakenoutofhisusualglibness；andtherewassomethingalmostmovingtoherinhisinarticulatestrugglewithhisemotions。
Herosewithastartwhichlefttherocking-chairquiveringonitsbeamends，andplacedhimselfsquarelybeforeher。
\"Lookhere，MissLily，I’mgoingtoEuropenextweek:goingovertoParisandLondonforacoupleofmonths——andIcan’tleaveyoulikethis。Ican’tdoit。Iknowit’snoneofmybusiness——you’veletmeunderstandthatoftenenough；butthingsareworsewithyounowthantheyhavebeenbefore，andyoumustseethatyou’vegottoaccepthelpfromsomebody。YouspoketometheotherdayaboutsomedebttoTrenor。Iknowwhatyoumean——andIrespectyouforfeelingasyoudoaboutit。\"
AblushofsurpriserosetoLily’spaleface，butbeforeshecouldinterrupthimhehadcontinuedeagerly:\"Well，I’lllendyouthemoneytopayTrenor；andIwon’t——I——seehere，don’ttakemeuptillI’vefinished。WhatImeanis，it’llbeaplainbusinessarrangement，suchasonemanwouldmakewithanother。
Now，whathaveyougottosayagainstthat？\"
Lily’sblushdeepenedtoaglowinwhichhumiliationandgratitudeweremingled；andbothsentimentsrevealedthemselvesintheunexpectedgentlenessofherreply。
\"Onlythis:thatitisexactlywhatGusTrenorproposed；andthatIcanneveragainbesureofunderstandingtheplainestbusinessarrangement。\"Then，realizingthatthisanswercontainedagermofinjustice，sheadded，evenmorekindly:\"NotthatIdon’tappreciateyourkindness——thatI’mnotgratefulforit。Butabusinessarrangementbetweenuswouldinanycasebeimpossible，becauseIshallhavenosecuritytogivewhenmydebttoGusTrenorhasbeenpaid。\"
Rosedalereceivedthisstatementinsilence:heseemedtofedthenoteoffinalityinhervoice，yettobeunabletoacceptitasclosingthequestionbetweenthem。
InthesilenceLilyhadaclearperceptionofwhatwaspassingthroughhismind。Whateverperplexityhefeltastotheinexorablenessofhercourse——howeverlittlehepenetrateditsmotive——shesawthatitunmistakablytendedtostrengthenherholdoverhim。Itwasasthoughthesenseinherofunexplainedscruplesandresistanceshadthesameattractionasthedelicacyoffeature，thefastidiousnessofmanner，whichgaveheranexternalrarity，anairofbeingimpossibletomatch。Asheadvancedinsocialexperiencethisuniquenesshadacquiredagreatervalueforhim，asthoughhewereacollectorwhohadlearnedtodistinguishminordifferencesofdesignandqualityinsomelong-covetedobject。
Lily，perceivingallthis，understoodthathewouldmarryheratonce，onthesoleconditionofareconciliationwithMrs。Dorset；
andthetemptationwasthelesseasytoputasidebecause，littlebylittle，circumstanceswerebreakingdownherdislikeforRosedale。Thedislike，indeed，stillsubsisted；butitwaspenetratedhereandtherebytheperceptionofmitigatingqualitiesinhim:ofacertaingrosskindliness，aratherhelplessfidelityofsentiment，whichseemedtobestrugglingthroughthehardsurfaceofhismaterialambitions。
Readinghisdismissalinhereyes，heheldouthishandwithagesturewhichconveyedsomethingofthisinarticulateconflict。
\"Ifyou’donlyletme，I’dsetyouupoverthemall——I’dputyouwhereyoucouldwipeyourfeeton’em！\"hedeclared；andittouchedheroddlytoseethathisnewpassionhadnotalteredhisoldstandardofvalues。
Lilytooknosleeping-dropsthatnight。ShelayawakeviewinghersituationinthecrudelightwhichRosedale’svisithadshedonit。Infendingofftheofferhewassoplainlyreadytorenew，hadshenotsacrificedtooneofthoseabstractnotionsofhonourthatmightbecalledtheconventionalitiesofthemorallife？
Whatdebtdidsheowetoasocialorderwhichhadcondemnedandbanishedherwithouttrial？Shehadneverbeenheardinherowndefence；shewasinnocentofthechargeonwhichshehadbeenfoundguilty；andtheirregularityofherconvictionmightseemtojustifytheuseofmethodsasirregularinrecoveringherlostrights。BerthaDorset，tosaveherself，hadnotscrupledtoruinherbyanopenfalsehood；whyshouldshehesitatetomakeprivateuseofthefactsthatchancehadputinherway？Afterall，halftheopprobriumofsuchanactliesinthenameattachedtoit。
Callitblackmailanditbecomesunthinkable；butexplainthatitinjuresnoone，andthattherightsregainedbyitwereunjustlyforfeited，andhemustbeaformalistindeedwhocanfindnopleainitsdefence。
TheargumentspleadingforitwithLilyweretheoldunanswerableonesofthepersonalsituation:thesenseofinjury，thesenseoffailure，thepassionatecravingforafairchanceagainsttheselfishdespotismofsociety。Shehadlearnedbyexperiencethatshehadneithertheaptitudenorthemoralconstancytoremakeherlifeonnewlines；tobecomeaworkeramongworkers，andlettheworldofluxuryandpleasuresweepbyherunregarded。Shecouldnotholdherselfmuchtoblameforthisineffectiveness，andshewasperhapslesstoblamethanshebelieved。Inheritedtendencieshadcombinedwithearlytrainingtomakeherthehighlyspecializedproductshewas:anorganismashelplessoutofitsnarrowrangeasthesea-anemonetornfromtherock。Shehadbeenfashionedtoadornanddelight；towhatotherenddoesnatureroundtherose-leafandpaintthehumming-bird’sbreast？
Andwasitherfaultthatthepurelydecorativemissionislesseasilyandharmoniouslyfulfilledamongsocialbeingsthanintheworldofnature？Thatitisapttobehamperedbymaterialnecessitiesorcomplicatedbymoralscruples？
Theselastwerethetwoantagonisticforceswhichfoughtouttheirbattleinherbreastduringthelongwatchesofthenight；
andwhensherosethenextmorningshehardlyknewwherethevictorylay。Shewasexhaustedbythereactionofanightwithoutsleep，comingaftermanynightsofrestartificiallyobtained；
andinthedistortinglightoffatiguethefuturestretchedoutbeforehergrey，interminableanddesolate。
Shelaylateinbed，refusingthecoffeeandfriedeggswhichthefriendlyIrishservantthrustthroughherdoor，andhatingtheintimatedomesticnoisesofthehouseandthecriesandrumblingsofthestreet。Herweekofidlenesshadbroughthometoherwithexaggeratedforcethesesmallaggravationsoftheboarding-houseworld，andsheyearnedforthatotherluxuriousworld，whosemachineryissocarefullyconcealedthatonesceneflowsintoanotherwithoutperceptibleagency。
Atlengthsheroseanddressed。SinceshehadleftMme。Regina’sshehadspentherdaysinthestreets，partlytoescapefromtheuncongenialpromiscuitiesoftheboarding-house，andpartlyinthehopethatphysicalfatiguewouldhelphertosleep。Butonceoutofthehouse，shecouldnotdecidewheretogo；forshehadavoidedGertysinceherdismissalfromthemilliner’s，andshewasnotsureofawelcomeanywhereelse。
Themorningwasinharshcontrasttothepreviousday。Acoldgreyskythreatenedrain，andahighwinddrovethedustinwildspiralsupanddownthestreets。LilywalkedupFifthAvenuetowardthePark，hopingtofindashelterednookwhereshemightsit；butthewindchilledher，andafteranhour’swanderingunderthetossingboughssheyieldedtoherincreasingweariness，andtookrefugeinalittlerestaurantinFifty-ninthStreet。Shewasnothungry，andhadmeanttogowithoutluncheon；butshewastootiredtoreturnhome，andthelongperspectiveofwhitetablesshowedalluringlythroughthewindows。
Theroomwasfullofwomenandgirls，alltoomuchengagedintherapidabsorptionofteaandpietoremarkherentrance。Ahumofshrillvoicesreverberatedagainstthelowceiling，leavingLilyshutoutinalittlecircleofsilence。Shefeltasuddenpangofprofoundloneliness。Shehadlostthesenseoftime，anditseemedtoherasthoughshehadnotspokentoanyonefordays。Hereyessoughtthefacesabouther，cravingaresponsiveglance，somesignofanintuitionofhertrouble。Butthesallowpreoccupiedwomen，withtheirbagsandnote-booksandrollsofmusic，wereallengrossedintheirownaffairs，andeventhosewhosatbythemselveswerebusyrunningoverproof-sheetsordevouringmagazinesbetweentheirhurriedgulpsoftea。Lilyalonewasstrandedinagreatwasteofdisoccupation。
Shedrankseveralcupsoftheteawhichwasservedwithherportionofstewedoysters，andherbrainfeltclearerandlivelierwhensheemergedoncemoreintothestreet。Sherealizednowthat，asshesatintherestaurant，shehadunconsciouslyarrivedatafinaldecision。Thediscoverygaveheranimmediateillusionofactivity:itwasexhilaratingtothinkthatshehadactuallyareasonforhurryinghome。Toprolongherenjoymentofthesensationshedecidedtowalk；butthedistancewassogreatthatshefoundherselfglancingnervouslyattheclocksontheway。Oneofthesurprisesofherunoccupiedstatewasthediscoverythattime，whenitislefttoitselfandnodefinitedemandsaremadeonit，cannotbetrustedtomoveatanyrecognizedpace。Usuallyitloiters；butjustwhenonehascometocountuponitsslowness，itmaysuddenlybreakintoawildirrationalgallop。
Shefound，however，onreachinghome，thatthehourwasstillearlyenoughforhertositdownandrestafewminutesbeforeputtingherplanintoexecution。Thedelaydidnotperceptiblyweakenherresolve。Shewasfrightenedandyetstimulatedbythereservedforceofresolutionwhichshefeltwithinherself:shesawitwasgoingtobeeasier，agreatdealeasier，thanshehadimagined。
Atfiveo’clocksherose，unlockedhertrunk，andtookoutasealedpacketwhichsheslippedintothebosomofherdress。Eventhecontactwiththepacketdidnotshakehernervesasshehadhalf-expecteditwould。Sheseemedencasedinastrongarmourofindifference，asthoughthevigorousexertionofherwillhadfinallybenumbedherfinersensibilities。
Shedressedherselfoncemoreforthestreet，lockedherdoorandwentout。Whensheemergedonthepavement，thedaywasstillhigh，butathreatofraindarkenedtheskyandcoldgustsshookthesignsprojectingfromthebasementshopsalongthestreet。ShereachedFifthAvenueandbegantowalkslowlynorthward。ShewassufficientlyfamiliarwithMrs。Dorset’shabitstoknowthatshecouldalwaysbefoundathomeafterfive。
Shemightnot，indeed，beaccessibletovisitors，especiallytoavisitorsounwelcome，andagainstwhomitwasquitepossiblethatshehadguardedherselfbyspecialorders；butLilyhadwrittenanotewhichshemeanttosendupwithhername，andwhichshethoughtwouldsecureheradmission。
ShehadallowedherselftimetowalktoMrs。Dorset’s，thinkingthatthequickmovementthroughthecoldeveningairwouldhelptosteadyhernerves；butshereallyfeltnoneedofbeingtranquillized。Hersurveyofthesituationremainedcalmandunwavering。
AsshereachedFiftiethStreetthecloudsbrokeabruptly，andarushofcoldrainslantedintoherface。Shehadnoumbrellaandthemoisturequicklypenetratedherthinspringdress。Shewasstillhalfamilefromherdestination，andshedecidedtowalkacrosstoMadisonAvenueandtaketheelectriccar。Assheturnedintothesidestreet，avaguememorystirredinher。Therowofbuddingtrees，thenewbrickandlimestonehouse-fronts，theGeorgianflat-housewithflowerboxesonitsbalconies，weremergedtogetherintothesettingofafamiliarscene。ItwasdownthisstreetthatshehadwalkedwithSelden，thatSeptemberdaytwoyearsago；afewyardsaheadwasthedoorwaytheyhadenteredtogether。Therecollectionloosenedathrongofbenumbedsensations——longings，regrets，imaginings，thethrobbingbroodoftheonlyspringherhearthadeverknown。Itwasstrangetofindherselfpassinghishouseonsuchanerrand。Sheseemedsuddenlytoseeheractionashewouldseeit——andthefactofhisownconnectionwithit，thefactthat，toattainherend，shemusttradeonhisname，andprofitbyasecretofhispast，chilledherbloodwithshame。Whatalongwayshehadtravelledsincethedayoftheirfirsttalktogether！Eventhenherfeethadbeensetinthepathshewasnowfollowing——eventhenshehadresistedthehandhehadheldout。
Allherresentmentofhisfanciedcoldnesswassweptawayinthisoverwhelmingrushofrecollection。Twicehehadbeenreadytohelpher——tohelpherbylovingher，ashehadsaid——andif，thethirdtime，hehadseemedtofailher，whombutherselfcouldsheaccuse？……Well，thatpartofherlifewasover；shedidnotknowwhyherthoughtsstillclungtoit。Butthesuddenlongingtoseehimremained；itgrewtohungerasshepausedonthepavementoppositehisdoor。Thestreetwasdarkandempty，sweptbytherain。Shehadavisionofhisquietroom，ofthebookshelves，andthefireonthehearth。Shelookedupandsawalightinhiswindow；thenshecrossedthestreetandenteredthehouse。
Thelibrarylookedasshehadpicturedit。Thegreen-shadedlampsmadetranquilcirclesoflightinthegatheringdusk，alittlefireflickeredonthehearth，andSelden’seasy-chair，whichstoodnearit，hadbeenpushedasidewhenherosetoadmither。
Hehadcheckedhisfirstmovementofsurprise，andstoodsilent，waitingforhertospeak，whileshepausedamomentonthethreshold，assailedbyarushofmemories。
Thescenewasunchanged。SherecognizedtherowofshelvesfromwhichhehadtakendownhisLaBruyere，andthewornarmofthechairhehadleanedagainstwhilesheexaminedthepreciousvolume。ButthenthewideSeptemberlighthadfilledtheroom，makingitseemapartoftheouterworld:nowtheshadedlampsandthewarmhearth，detachingitfromthegatheringdarknessofthestreet，gaveitasweetertouchofintimacy。
BecominggraduallyawareofthesurpriseunderSelden’ssilence，Lilyturnedtohimandsaidsimply:\"IcametotellyouthatI
wassorryforthewayweparted——forwhatIsaidtoyouthatdayatMrs。Hatch’s。\"
Thewordsrosetoherlipsspontaneously。Evenonherwayupthestairs，shehadnotthoughtofpreparingapretextforhervisit，butshenowfeltanintenselongingtodispelthecloudofmisunderstandingthathungbetweenthem。
Seldenreturnedherlookwithasmile。\"Iwassorrytoothatweshouldhavepartedinthatway；butIamnotsureIdidn’tbringitonmyself。LuckilyIhadforeseentheriskIwastaking——\"
\"Sothatyoureallydidn’tcare——？\"brokefromherwithaflashofheroldirony。
\"SothatIwaspreparedfortheconsequences，\"hecorrectedgood-humouredly。\"Butwe’lltalkofallthislater。Docomeandsitbythefire。Icanrecommendthatarm-chair，ifyou’llletmeputacushionbehindyou。\"
Whilehespokeshehadmovedslowlytothemiddleoftheroom，andpausednearhiswriting-table，wherethelamp，strikingupward，castexaggeratedshadowsonthepallourofherdelicately-hollowedface。
\"Youlooktired——dositdown，\"herepeatedgently。
Shedidnotseemtoheartherequest。\"IwantedyoutoknowthatIleftMrs。HatchimmediatelyafterIsawyou，\"shesaid，asthoughcontinuingherconfession。
\"Yes——yes；Iknow，\"heassented，witharisingtingeofembarrassment。
\"AndthatIdidsobecauseyoutoldmeto。BeforeyoucameIhadalreadybeguntoseethatitwouldbeimpossibletoremainwithher——forthereasonsyougaveme；butIwouldn’tadmitit——I
wouldn’tletyouseethatIunderstoodwhatyoumeant。\"
\"Ah，Imighthavetrustedyoutofindyourownwayout——don’toverwhelmmewiththesenseofmyofficiousness！\"
Hislighttone，inwhich，hadhernervesbeensteadier，shewouldhaverecognizedthemereefforttobridgeoveranawkwardmoment，jarredonherpassionatedesiretobeunderstood。Inherstrangestateofextra-lucidity，whichgaveherthesenseofbeingalreadyattheheartofthesituation，itseemedincrediblethatanyoneshouldthinkitnecessarytolingerintheconventionaloutskirtsofword-playandevasion。
\"Itwasnotthat——Iwasnotungrateful，\"sheinsisted。Butthepowerofexpressionfailedhersuddenly；shefeltatremorinherthroat，andtwotearsgatheredandfellslowlyfromhereyes。
Seldenmovedforwardandtookherhand。\"Youareverytired。Whywon’tyousitdownandletmemakeyoucomfortable？\"
Hedrewhertothearm-chairnearthefire，andplacedacushionbehindhershoulders。
\"Andnowyoumustletmemakeyousometea:youknowIalwayshavethatamountofhospitalityatmycommand。\"
Sheshookherhead，andtwomoretearsranover。Butshedidnotweepeasily，andthelonghabitofself-controlreasserteditself，thoughshewasstilltootremuloustospeak。
\"YouknowIcancoaxthewatertoboilinfiveminutes，\"Seldencontinued，speakingasthoughshewereatroubledchild。
Hiswordsrecalledthevisionofthatotherafternoonwhentheyhadsattogetheroverhistea-tableandtalkedjestinglyofherfuture。Thereweremomentswhenthatdayseemedmoreremotethananyothereventinherlife；andyetshecouldalwaysreliveitinitsminutestdetail。
Shemadeagestureofrefusal。\"No:Idrinktoomuchtea。Iwouldrathersitquiet——Imustgoinamoment，\"sheaddedconfusedly。
Seldencontinuedtostandnearher，leaningagainstthemantelpiece。Thetingeofconstraintwasbeginningtobemoredistinctlyperceptibleunderthefriendlyeaseofhismanner。Herself-absorptionhadnotallowedhertoperceiveitatfirst；butnowthatherconsciousnesswasoncemoreputtingforthitseagerfeelers，shesawthatherpresencewasbecominganembarrassmenttohim。Suchasituationcanbesavedonlybyanimmediateoutrushoffeeling；andonSelden’ssidethedeterminingimpulsewasstilllacking。
ThediscoverydidnotdisturbLilyasitmightoncehavedone。
Shehadpassedbeyondthephaseofwell-bredreciprocity，inwhicheverydemonstrationmustbescrupulouslyproportionedtotheemotionitelicits，andgenerosityoffeelingistheonlyostentationcondemned。ButthesenseoflonelinessreturnedwithredoubledforceasshesawherselfforevershutoutfromSelden’sinmostself。Shehadcometohimwithnodefinitepurpose；themerelongingtoseehimhaddirectedher；butthesecrethopeshehadcarriedwithhersuddenlyrevealeditselfinitsdeath-pang。
\"Imustgo，\"sherepeated，makingamotiontorisefromherchair。\"ButImaynotseeyouagainforalongtime，andIwantedtotellyouthatIhaveneverforgottenthethingsyousaidtomeatBellomont，andthatsometimes——sometimeswhenIseemedfarthestfromrememberingthem——theyhavehelpedme，andkeptmefrommistakes；keptmefromreallybecomingwhatmanypeoplehavethoughtme。\"
Striveasshewouldtoputsomeorderinherthoughts，thewordswouldnotcomemoreclearly；yetshefeltthatshecouldnotleavehimwithouttryingtomakehimunderstandthatshehadsavedherselfwholefromtheseemingruinofherlife。
AchangehadcomeoverSelden’sfaceasshespoke。Itsguardedlookhadyieldedtoanexpressionstilluntingedbypersonalemotion，butfullofagentleunderstanding。
\"Iamgladtohaveyoutellmethat；butnothingIhavesaidhasreallymadethedifference。Thedifferenceisinyourself——itwillalwaysbethere。AndsinceitISthere，itcan’treallymattertoyouwhatpeoplethink:youaresosurethatyourfriendswillalwaysunderstandyou。\"
\"Ah，don’tsaythat——don’tsaythatwhatyouhavetoldmehasmadenodifference。Itseemstoshutmeout——toleavemeallalonewiththeotherpeople。\"Shehadrisenandstoodbeforehim，oncemorecompletelymasteredbytheinnerurgencyofthemoment。
Theconsciousnessofhishalf-divinedreluctancehadvanished。
Whetherhewisheditornot，hemustseeherwhollyforoncebeforetheyparted。
Hervoicehadgatheredstrength，andshelookedhimgravelyintheeyesasshecontinued。\"Once——twice——yougavemethechancetoescapefrommylife，andIrefusedit:refuseditbecauseI
wasacoward。AfterwardIsawmymistake——IsawIcouldneverbehappywithwhathadcontentedmebefore。Butitwastoolate:youhadjudgedme——Iunderstood。Itwastoolateforhappiness——butnottoolatetobehelpedbythethoughtofwhatIhadmissed。
ThatisallIhavelivedon——don’ttakeitfrommenow！Eveninmyworstmomentsithasbeenlikealittlelightinthedarkness。
Somewomenarestrongenoughtobegoodbythemselves，butI
neededthehelpofyourbeliefinme。PerhapsImighthaveresistedagreattemptation，butthelittleoneswouldhavepulledmedown。AndthenIremembered——Irememberedyoursayingthatsuchalifecouldneversatisfyme；andIwasashamedtoadmittomyselfthatitcould。Thatiswhatyoudidforme——thatiswhatIwantedtothankyoufor。IwantedtotellyouthatI
havealwaysremembered；andthatIhavetried——triedhard……\"
Shebrokeoffsuddenly。Hertearshadrisenagain，andindrawingoutherhandkerchiefherfingerstouchedthepacketinthefoldsofherdress。Awaveofcoloursuffusedher，andthewordsdiedonherlips。Thensheliftedhereyestohisandwentoninanalteredvoice。
\"Ihavetriedhard——butlifeisdifficult，andIamaveryuselessperson。Icanhardlybesaidtohaveanindependentexistence。IwasjustascreworacoginthegreatmachineIcalledlife，andwhenIdroppedoutofitIfoundIwasofnouseanywhereelse。Whatcanonedowhenonefindsthatoneonlyfitsintoonehole？Onemustgetbacktoitorbethrownoutintotherubbishheap——andyoudon’tknowwhatit’slikeintherubbishheap！\"
Herlipswaveredintoasmile——shehadbeendistractedbythewhimsicalremembranceoftheconfidencesshehadmadetohim，twoyearsearlier，inthatveryroom。ThenshehadbeenplanningtomarryPercyGryce——whatwasitshewasplanningnow？
ThebloodhadrisenstronglyunderSelden’sdarkskin，buthisemotionshoweditselfonlyinanaddedseriousnessofmanner。
\"Youhavesomethingtotellme——doyoumeantomarry？\"hesaidabruptly。
Lily’seyesdidnotfalter，butalookofwonder，ofpuzzledself-interrogation，formeditselfslowlyintheirdepths。Inthelightofhisquestion，shehadpausedtoaskherselfifherdecisionhadreallybeentakenwhensheenteredtheroom。
\"YoualwaystoldmeIshouldhavetocometoitsoonerorlater！\"
shesaidwithafaintsmile。