SuddenlyBarbara,pointingtothefloor,cried:
\"Oh！Granny,forHeaven\'ssake,standstill;haven\'tyousquashedthehornetenough,evenifhedidcomeinwherehehadn\'tanybusiness？\"
LadyCasterleylookeddownatthedebrisoftheinsect。
\"Disgusting！\"shesaid;butwhenshenextspokeitwasinalesshard,morequerulousvoice。
\"Thatman——whatwashisname——haveyougotridofhim？\"
Barbarawentcrimson。
\"Abusemyfriends,andIwillgostraighthomeandneverspeaktoyouagain。\"
ForamomentLadyCasterleylookedalmostasifshemightstrikehergranddaughter;thenalittlesardonicsmilebrokeoutonherface。
\"Acreditablesentiment！\"shesaid。
Lettingfallheruncle\'shand,Barbaracried:
\"Inanycase,I\'dbettergo。Idon\'tknowwhyyousentforme。\"
LadyCasterleyansweredcoldly:
\"Toletyouandyourmotherknowofthiswoman\'smostunselfishbehaviour;toputyouonthe\'quivive\'forwhatEustacemaydonow;
togiveyouachancetomakeupforyourfolly。Moreovertowarnyouagainst————\"shepaused。
\"Yes？\"
\"Letme————\"interruptedLordDennis。
\"No,UncleDennis,letGrannytakehershoe！\"
Shehadwithdrawnagainstthewall,tall,andasitwere,formidable,withherheadup。LadyCasterleyremainedsilent。
\"Haveyougotitready？\"criedBarbara:\"Unfortunatelyhe\'sflown！\"
Avoicesaid:
\"LordMiltoun。\"
Hehadcomeinquietlyandquickly,precedingtheannouncement,andstoodalmosttouchingthatlittlegroupatthewindowbeforetheycaughtsightofhim。Hisfacehadtheratherghastlylookofsunburntfacesfromwhichemotionhasdriventheblood;andhiseyes,alwayssomuchthemostlivingpartofhim,werefullofsuchstabbinganger,thatinvoluntarilytheyalllookeddown。
\"Iwanttospeaktoyoualone,\"hesaidtoLadyCasterley。
Visibly,forperhapsthefirsttimeinherlife,thatindomitablelittlefigureflinched。LordDennisdrewBarbaraaway,butatthedoorhewhispered:
\"Stayherequietly,Babs;Idon\'tlikethelookofthis。\"
Unnoticed,Barbararemainedhovering。
Thetwovoices,low,andsofaroffinthelongwhiteroom,wereuncannilydistinct,emotionchargingeachwordwithpreternaturalpowerofpenetration;andeverymovementofthespeakershadtothegirl\'sexcitedeyesaweirdprecision,asoflittlefiguresshehadonceseenataParispuppetshow。ShecouldhearMiltounreproachinghisgrandmotherinwordsterriblydryandbitter。Sheedgednearerandnearer,till,seeingthattheypaidnomoreheedtoherthanifshewereanattendantstatue,shehadregainedherpositionbythewindow。
LadyCasterleywasspeaking。
\"Iwasnotgoingtoseeyouruinedbeforemyeyes,Eustace。IdidwhatIdidatverygreatcost。Ididmybestforyou。\"
BarbarasawMiltoun\'sfacetransfiguredbyadreadfulsmile——thesmileofonedefyinghistorturerwithhate。LadyCasterleywenton:
\"Yes,youstandtherelookinglikeadevil。Hatemeifyoulike——butdon\'tbetrayus,moaningandmopingbecauseyoucan\'thavethemoon。
Putonyourarmour,andgodownintothebattle。Don\'tplaythecoward,boy！\"
Miltoun\'sanswercutlikethelashofawhip。
\"ByGod！Besilent！\"
Andweirdly,therewassilence。Itwasnotthebrutalityofthewords,butthesightofforcesuddenlynakedofalldisguise——likeafiercedogletforamomentoffitschain——whichmadeBarbarautteralittledismayedsound。LadyCasterleyhaddroppedintoachair,trembling。AndwithoutalookMiltounpassedher。Iftheirgrandmotherhadfallendead,Barbaraknewhewouldnothavestoppedtosee。Sheranforward,buttheoldwomanwavedheraway。
\"Goafterhim,\"shesaid,\"don\'tlethimgoalone。\"
Andinfectedbythefearinthatwizenedvoice,Barbaraflew。
Shecaughtherbrotherashewasenteringthetaxi—cabinwhichhehadcome,andwithoutawordslippedinbesidehim。Thedriver\'sfaceappearedatthewindow,butMiltounonlymotionedwithhishead,asiftosay:Anywhere,awayfromhere！
ThethoughtflashedthroughBarbara:\"IfonlyIcankeephiminherewithme！\"
Sheleanedout,andsaidquietly:
\"ToNettlefold,inSussex——nevermindyourpetrol——getmoreontheroad。Youcanhavewhatfareyoulike。Quick！\"
Themanhesitated,lookedinherface,andsaid:
\"Verywell;miss。ByDorking,ain\'tit？\"
Barbaranodded。
CHAPTERXXVIII
TheclockoverthestableswaschimingsevenwhenMiltounandBarbarapassedoutofthetallirongates,intheirswift—movingsmallworld,thatsmelledfaintlyofpetrol。Thoughthecabwasclosed,lightspurtsofraindriftedinthroughtheopenwindows,refreshingthegirl\'shotface,relievingalittleherdreadofthisdrive。For,nowthatFatehadbeenreallycruel,nowthatitnolongerlayinMiltoun\'shandstosavehimselffromsuffering,herheartbledforhim;andsherememberedtoforgetherself。Theimmobilitywithwhichhehadreceivedherintrusion,wasominous。Andthoughsilentinhercorner,shewasdesperatelyworkingallherwoman\'switstodiscoverawayofbreakingintothehouseofhissecretmood。HeappearednoteventohavenoticedthattheyhadturnedtheirbacksonLondon,andpassedintoRichmondPark。
Herethetrees,madedarkbyrain,seemedtowatchgloomilytheprogressofthiswhirring—wheeledredbox,unreconciledevenyettosuchharshintrudersontheirwind—scentedtranquillity。Andthedeer,pursuinghappinessonthesweetgrasses,raiseddisquietednoses,aswhoshouldsay:Poisonersofthefern,defilersofthetrailsofair！
Barbaravaguelyfelttheserenityoutthereintheclouds,andthetrees,andwind。Ifitwouldbutcreepintothisdim,travellingprison,andhelpher;ifitwouldbutcome,likesleep,andstealawaydarksorrow,andinonemomentmakegrief—joy。Butitstayedoutsideonitswistfulwings;andthatgrandchasmwhichyawnsbetweensoulandsoulremainedunbridged。Forwhatcouldshesay？
Howmakehimspeakofwhathewasgoingtodo？Whatalternativesindeedwerenowbeforehim？Wouldhesullenlyresignhisseat,andwaittillhecouldfindAudreyNoelagain？Butevenifhedidfindher,theywouldonlybewheretheywere。Shehadgone,inordernottobeadragonhim——itwouldonlybethesamethingalloveragain！
Wouldhethen,asGrannyhadurgedhim,putonhisarmour,andgodownintothefight？Butthatindeedwouldmeantheend,forifshehadhadthestrengthtogoawaynow,shewouldsurelynevercomebackandbreakinonhislifeasecondtime。AndagrimthoughtswoopeddownonBarbara。Whatifheresignedeverything！Wentoutintothedark！Mendidsometimes——sheknew——caughtlikethisinthefullflushofpassion。ButsurelynotMiltoun,withhisfaith！\'Ifthelark\'ssongmeansnothing——ifthatskyisamorassofourinvention——
ifwearepettilycreepingon,furtheringnothing——persuademeofit,Babs,andI\'llblessyou。\'Buthadhestillthatanchorage,topreventhimslippingouttosea？Thissuddenthoughtofdeathtooneforwhomlifewasjoy,whohadneverevenseentheGreatStillness,wasveryterrifying。Shefixedhereyesonthebackofthechauffeur,inhisdrabcoatwiththeredcollar,findingsomecomfortinitssolidity。Theywereinataxi—cab,inRichmondPark！Death—
incongruous,incredibledeath！Itwasstupidtobefrightened！SheforcedherselftolookatMiltoun。Heseemedtobeasleep;hiseyeswereclosed,hisarmsfolded——onlyaquiveringofhiseyelidsbetrayedhim。Impossibletotellwhatwasgoingoninthatgrimwakingsleep,whichmadeherfeelthatshewasnotthereatall,soutterlydidheseemwithdrawnintohimself！
Heopenedhiseyes,andsaidsuddenly:
\"SoyouthinkI\'mgoingtolayhandsonmyself,Babs？\"
Horriblystartledbythisreadingofherthoughts,Barbaracouldonlyedgeawayandstammer:
\"No;oh,no！\"
\"Wherearewegoinginthisthing？\"
\"Nettlefold。Wouldyoulikehimstopped？\"
\"Itwilldoaswellasanywhere。\"
Terrifiedlestheshouldrelapseintothatgrimsilence,shetimidlypossessedherselfofhishand。
Itwasfastgrowingdark;thecab,havingleftthevillasofSurbitonbehind,wasflyingalongatgreatspeedamongpine—treesandstretchesofheathergloomywithfadeddaylight。
Miltounsaidpresently,inaqueer,slowvoice\"IfIwant,Ihaveonlytoopenthatdoorandjump。Youwhobelievethat\'to—morrowwedie\'——givemethefaithtofeelthatIcanfreemyselfbythatjump,andoutIgo！\"Then,seemingtopityherterrifiedsqueezeofhishand,headded:\"It\'sallright,Babs;we,shallsleepcomfortablyenoughinourbedstonight。\"
But,sodesolatetothegirlwashisvoice,thatshehopednowforsilence。
\"Letusbeskinnedquietly,\"mutteredMiltoun,\"ifnothingelse。
Sorrytohavedisturbedyou。\"
Pressingcloseuptohim,Barbaramurmured:
\"Ifonly————Talktome！\"。
ButMiltoun,thoughhestrokedherhand,wassilent。
Thecab,movingatunaccustomedspeedalongthesedesertedroads,moaneddismally;andBarbarawaspossessednowbyadesirewhichshedarednotputinpractice,topullhisheaddown,androckitagainsther。Herheartfeltempty,andtimid;tohavesomethingwarmrestingonitwouldhavemadeallthedifference。Everythingreal,substantial,comforting,seemedtohaveslippedaway。Amongtheseflyingdarkghostsofpine—trees——asitweretheunfrequentedborderlandbetweentwoworlds——thefeelingofacheekagainstherbreastalonecouldhelpmufflethedeepdisquietinher,lostlikeachildinawood。
Thecabslackenedspeed,thedriverwaslightinghislamps;andhisredfaceappearedatthewindow。
\"We\'ll\'avetostophere,miss;I\'moutofpetrol。Willyougetsomedinner,orgothrough？\"
\"Through,\"answeredBarbara:
Whiletheywerepassingthelittletheir,buyingthenpetrol,askingtheway,shefeltlessmiserable,andevenlookedaboutherwithasortofeagerness。Thenwhentheyhadstartedagain,shethought:IfIcouldgethimtosleep——theseawillcomforthim！Buthiseyeswerestaring,wide—open。Shefeignedsleepherself;lettingherheadslipalittletooneside,causingsmallsoundsofbreathingtoescape。Thewhirringofthewheels,themoaningofthecabjoints,thedarktreesslippingby,thescentofthewetferndriftingin,allthesemustsurelyhelp！Andpresentlyshefeltthathewasindeedslippingintodarkness——andthen—shefeltnothing。
WhensheawokefromthesleepintowhichshehadseenMiltounfall,thecabwasslowlymountingasteephill,abovewhichthemoonhadrisen。Theairsmelledstrongandsweet,asthoughithadpassedoverleaguesofgrass。
\"TheDowns！\"shethought;\"Imusthavebeenasleep！\"
Insuddenterror,shelookedroundforMiltoun。Buthewasstillthere,exactlyasbefore,leaningbackrigidinhiscornerofthecab,withstaringeyes,andnoothersignsoflife。Andstillonlyhalfawake,likeagreatwarmsleepychildstartledoutoftoodeepslumber,sheclutched,andclungtohim。Thethoughtthathehadbeensittinglikethat,withhisspiritfaraway,allthetimethatshehadbeenbetrayingherwatchinsleep,wasdreadful。Buttoherembracetherewasnoresponse,andawakeindeednow,ashamed,sore,Barbarareleasedhim,andturnedherfacetotheair。
Outthere,twothin,dense—black,longclouds,shapedlikethewingsofahawk,hadjoinedthemselvestogether,sothatnothingofthemoonshowedbutalivingbrightnessimprisoned,liketheeyesandlifeofabird,betweenthoseswiftsweepsofdarkness。Thisgreatuncannyspirit,broodingmalevolentoverthehighleaguesofmoon—wangrass,seemedwaitingtoswoop,andpluckupinitstalons,anddevour,allthatintrudedonthewildlonenessofthesefar—upplainsoffreedom。Barbaraalmostexpectedtohearcomingfromitthelostwhistleofthebuzzardhawks。Andherdreamcamebacktoher。Wherewereherwings—thewingsthatinsleephadbornehertothestars;
thewingsthatwouldneverlifther——waking——fromtheground？WheretoowereMiltoun\'swings？Shecrouchedbackintohercorner;atearstoleupandtrickledoutbetweenherclosedlids—anotherandanotherfollowed。Fasterandfastertheycame。ThenshefeltMiltoun\'sarmroundher,andheardhimsay:\"Don\'tcry,Babs！\"Instincttellingherwhattodo,shelaidherheadagainsthischest,andsobbedbitterly。Strugglingwiththosesobs,shegrewlessandlessunhappy——knowingthathecouldneveragainfeelquitesodesolate,asbeforehetriedtogivehercomfort。Itwasallabaddream,andtheywouldsoonwakefromit！Andtheywouldbehappy;ashappyastheyhadbeenbefore——beforetheselastmonths！Andshewhispered:
\"Onlyalittlewhile,Eusty！\"
CHAPTERXXIX
OldLadyHarbingerdyingintheearlyFebruaryofthefollowingyear,themarriageofBarbarawithhersonwaspostponedtillJune。
MuchofthewildsweetnessofSpringstillclungtothehighmoorbordersofMonklandontheearlymorningoftheweddingday。
Barbarawasalreadyupanddressedforridingwhenhermaidcametocallher;andnotingStacey\'sastonishedeyesfixthemselvesonherboots,shesaid:
\"Well,Stacey？\"
\"It\'lltireyou。\"
\"Nonsense;I\'mnotgoingtobehung。\"
Refusingthecompanyofagroom,shemadeherwaytowardsthestretchofhighmoorwhereshehadriddenwithCourtierayearago。Hereovertheshort,asyetunflowering,heather,therewasamileormoreoflevelgallopingground。Shemountedsteadily,andherspiritrode,asitwere,beforeher,longingtogetupthereamongthepeewitsandcurlew,tofeelthecrisp,peatyearthslipawayunderher,andthewinddriveinherface,underthatdeepbluesky。
Carriedbythiswarm—bloodedsweetheartofhers,readytojumpoutofhissmoothhidewithpleasure,snufflingandsneezinginsheerjoy,whoseeyeshecouldseestrayingroundtocatchaglimpseofherintentions,fromwhoselipsshecouldhearissuingthesweetbitt—
music,whosevagariesevenseemeddesignedtostartlefromheracloserembracing——shewasfilledwithasortofdeliciousimpatiencewitheverythingthatwasnotthisperfectcommuningwithvigour。
Reachingthetop,sheputhimintoagallop。Withthewindfuriouslyassailingherfaceandthroat,everymusclecrisped;andallherbloodtingling——thiswasaveryecstasyofmotion！
ShereinedinatthecairnwhencesheandCourtierhadlookeddownattheherdsofponies。Itwasthemerestmemorynow,vagueandalittlesweet,liketheremembranceofsomeexceptionalSpringday,whentreesseemtoflowerbeforeyoureyes,andinsheerwantonnessexhaleascentoflemons。Theponiesweretherestill,andindistancetheshiningsea。Shesatthinkingofnothing,buthowgooditwastobealive。Thefullnessandsweetnessofitall,thefreedomandstrength！AwaytotheWestoveralonelyfarmshecouldseetwobuzzardhawkshuntinginwidecircles。Shedidnotenvythem——sohappywasshe,ashappyasthemorning。Andtherecametohersuddenlythetrue,theovermasteringlongingofmountaintops。
\"Imust,\"shethought;\"Isimplymust！\"
Slippingoffherhorseshelaydownonherback,andatonceeverythingwaslostexceptthesky。Overherbody,supportedabovesolidearthbythewarm,softheather,thewindskimmedwithoutsoundortouch。Herspiritbecameonewiththatcalmunimaginablefreedom。
Transportedbeyondherowncontentment,shenolongerevenknewwhethershewasjoyful。
ThehorseHal,attemptingtoeathersleeve,arousedher。Shemountedhim,androdedown。Nearhomeshetookashortcutacrossameadow,throughwhichflowedtwothinbrightstreams,formingadeltafulloflingering\'milkmaids,\'mauvemarshorchis,andyellowflags。
>Fromendtoendofthislongmeadow,sovaried,sopiedwithtreesandstones,andflowers,andwater,thelastoftheSpringwaspassing。
Someponies,shylycuriousofBarbaraandherhorse,stoleup,andstoodatasafedistance,withtheirnosesdubiouslystretchedout,swishingtheirleantails。Andsuddenly,farup,followingtheirownmusic,twocuckoosflewacross,seekingthethorn—treesoutonthemoor。Whileshewaswatchingthearrowybirds,shecaughtsightofsomeonecomingtowardsherfromaclumpofbeech—trees,andsuddenlysawthatitwasMrs。Noel！
Sherodeforward,flushing。Whatdaredshesay？Couldshespeakofherwedding,andbetrayMiltoun\'spresence？Couldsheopenhermouthatallwithoutrousingpainfulfeelingofsomesort？Then,impatientofindecision,shebegan:
\"I\'msogladtoseeyouagain。Ididn\'tknowyouwerestilldownhere。\"
\"IonlycamebacktoEnglandyesterday,andI\'mjustheretoseetothepackingofmythings。\"
\"Oh！\"murmuredBarbara。\"Youknowwhat\'shappeningtome,I
suppose？\"
Mrs。Noelsmiled,lookedup,andsaid:\"Iheardlastnight。Alljoytoyou！\"
AlumproseinBarbara\'sthroat。
\"I\'msogladtohaveseenyou,\"shemurmuredoncemore;\"IexpectI
oughttobegettingon,\"andwiththeword\"Good—bye,\"gentlyechoed,sherodeaway。
Buthermoodofdelightwasgone;eventhehorseHalseemedtotreadunevenly,forallthathewasgoingbacktothatstablewhicheverappearedtohimdesirabletenminutesafterhehadleftit。
Exceptthathereyesseemeddarker,Mrs。Noelhadnotchanged。Ifshehadshownthefaintestsignofself—pity,thegirlwouldneverhavefelt,asshedidnow,sosorryandupset。
Leavingthestables,shesawthatthewindwasdrivingupahuge,white,shiningcloud。\"Isn\'titgoingtobefineafterall！\"shethought。
Re—enteringthehousebyanoldandso—calledsecretstairwaythatledstraighttothelibrary,shehadtotraversethatgreatdarkroom。There,buriedinanarmchairinfrontofthehearthshesawMiltounwithabookonhisknee,notreading,butlookingupatthepictureoftheoldCardinal。Shehurriedon,tiptoeingoverthe。
softcarpet,holdingherbreath,fearfulofdisturbingthequeerinterview,feelingguilty,too,ofhernewknowledge,whichshedidnotmeantoimpart。Shehadburntherfingersonceattheflamebetweenthem;shewouldnotdosoasecondtime！
Throughthewindowatthefarendshesawthatthecloudhadburst;
itwasrainingfuriously。Sheregainedherbedroomunseen。Inspiteofherjoyoutthereonthemoor,thislastadventureofhergirlhoodhadnotbeenallsuccess;shehadagaintheoldsensations,theolddoubts,thedissatisfactionwhichshehadthoughtdead。Thosetwo！
Toshutone\'seyes,andbehappy——wasitpossible！Agreatrainbow,thenearestshehadeverseen,hadsprungupinthepark,andwascometoearthagaininsomefieldscloseby。Thesunwasshiningoutalreadythroughthewind—drivenbrightrain。Jewelsofbluehadbeguntostartheblackandwhiteandgoldenclouds。Astrangewhitelight—ghostofSpringpassinginthislastviolentoutburst—paintedtheleavesofeverytree;andahundredsavagehueshadcomedownlikeamotleyofbrightbirdsonmoorandfields。
ThemomentofdesperatebeautycaughtBarbarabythethroat。Itsspiritofgallopingwildnessflewstraightintoherheart。Sheclaspedherhandsacrossherbreasttotryandkeepthatmoment。Farout,acuckoohooted—andtheimmortalcallpassedonthewind。Inthatcallallthebeauty,andcolour,andraptureoflifeseemedtobeflyingby。Ifshecouldonlyseizeandevermorehaveitinherheart,asthebuttercupsoutthereimprisonedthesun,orthefallenraindropsonthesweetbriarsroundthewindowsenclosedallchanginglight！Ifonlytherewerenochains,nowalls,andfinalityweredead！
Herclockstruckten。Atthistimeto—morrow！Hercheeksturnedhot;inamirrorshecouldseethemburning,herlipsscornfullycurved,hereyesstrange。Standingthere,shelookedlongatherself,till,littlebylittle,herfacelosteveryvestigeofthatdisturbance,becamesolidandresoluteagain。Sheceasedtohavethegallopingwildfeelinginherheart,andinsteadfeltcold。Detachedfromherselfshewatched,withcontentment,herowncalmandradiantbeautyresumethearmourithadforthatmomentputoff。
Afterdinnerthatnight,whenthemenleftthedining—hall,Miltounslippedawaytohisden。Ofallthosepresentinthelittlechurchhehadseemedmostunemotional,andhadbeenmostmoved。Thoughithadbeensoquietandprivateawedding,hehadresentedallcheapfestivityaccompanyingthepassingofhisyoungsister。HewouldhavehadthatceremonyinthelittledarkdisusedchapelattheCourt;thosetwo,andthepriestalone。Here,inthishalf—paganlittlecountrychurchsmotheredhastilyinflowers,withtherawsingingofthehalf—paganchoir,andallthevillagecuriosityandhomage—everythinghadjarred,andthestaleaftermathsickenedhim。
Changinghisswallow—tailtoanoldsmokingjacket,hewentoutontothelawn。Inthewidedarknesshecouldridhimselfofhisexasperation。
SincethedayofhiselectionhehadnotoncebeenatMonkland;sinceMrs。Noel\'sflighthehadneverleftLondon。InLondonandworkhehadburiedhimself;byLondonandworkhehadsavedhimself！Hehadgonedownintothebattle。
Dewhadnotyetfallen,andhetookthepathacrossthefields。
Therewasnomoon,nostars,nowind;thecattlewerenoiselessunderthetrees;therewerenoowlscalling,nonight—jarschurring,thefly—by—nightchaferswerenotabroad。Thestreamalonewasaliveinthequietdarkness。AndasMiltounfollowedthewispylineofgreypathcleavingthedimglamourofdaisiesandbuttercups,therecametohimthefeelingthathewasinthepresence,notofsleep,butofeternalwaiting。Thesoundofhisfootfallsseemeddesecration。Sodevotionalwasthathush,burningthespicyincenseofmillionsofleavesandbladesofgrass。
Crossingthelaststilehecameout,closetoherdesertedcottage,underherlime—tree,whichonthenightofCourtier\'sadventurehadhungblue—blackroundthemoon。Onthatside,onlyarail,andafewshrubsconfinedhergarden。
Thehousewasalldark,butthemanytallwhiteflowers,likeabrightvapourrisingfromearth,clungtotheairabovethebeds。
LeaningagainstthetreeMiltoungavehimselftomemory。
>Fromthesilentboughswhichdroopedroundhisdarkfigure,alittlesleepybirdutteredafaintcheep;ahedgehog,orsomesmallbeastofnight,rustledawayinthegrasscloseby;amothflewpast,seekingitscandleflame。AndsomethinginMiltoun\'shearttookwingsafterit,searchingforthewarmthandlightofhisblowncandleoflove。
Then,inthehushheheardasoundasofabranchceaselesslytrailedthroughlonggrass,fainterandfainter,moreandmoredistinct;
againfainter;butnothingcouldheseethatshouldmakethathomelesssound。Andthesenseofsomenearbutunseenpresencecreptonhim,tillthehairmovedonhisscalp。IfGodwouldlightthemoonorstars,andlethimsee！IfGodwouldendtheexpectationofthisnight,letonewanglimmerdownintohergarden,andonewanglimmerintohisbreast！Butitstayeddark,andthehomelessnoiseneverceased。TheweirdthoughtcametoMiltounthatitwasmadebyhisownheart,wanderingoutthere,tryingtofeelwarmagain。Heclosedhiseyesandatonceknewthatitwasnothisheart,butindeedsomeexternalpresence,unconsoled。Andstretchinghishandsouthemovedforwardtoarrestthatsound。Ashereachedtherailing,itceased。Andhesawaflameleapup,apalebroadpathwayoflightblanchingthegrass。
And,realizingthatshewasthere,within,hegasped。Hisfinger—
nailsbentandbrokeagainsttheironrailingwithouthisknowing。
Itwasnotasonthatnightwhentheredflowersonherwindowsillhadwaftedtheirscenttohim;itwasnosheeroverpoweringrushofpassion。Profounder,moreterrible,wasthisrisingupwithinhimofyearningforlove——asif,nowdefeated,itwouldnevermorestir,butliedeadonthatdarkgrassbeneaththosedarkboughs。Andifvictorious——whatthen？Hestolebackunderthetree。
Hecouldseelittlewhitemothstravellingdownthatpathoflamplight;hecouldseethewhiteflowersquiteplainlynow,apalewatchofblossomsguardingthedarksleepyones;andhestood,notreasoning,hardlyanylongerfeeling;stunned,batteredbystruggle。
Hisfaceandhandswerestickywiththehoney—dew,slowly,invisiblydistillingfromthelime—tree。Hebentdownandfeltthegrass。Andsuddenlytherecameoverhimthecertaintyofherpresence。Yes,shewasthere——outontheverandah！Hecouldseeherwhitefigurefromheadtofoot;and,notrealizingthatshecouldnotseehim,heexpectedhertouttersomecry。Butnosoundcamefromher,nogesture;sheturnedbackintothehouse。Miltounranforwardtotherailing。Butthere,oncemore,hestopped——unabletothink,unabletofeel;asitwereabandonedbyhimself。Andhesuddenlyfoundhishandupathismouth,asthoughtherewerebloodtheretobestaunchedthathadescapedfromhisheart。
Stillholdingthathandbeforehismouth,andsmotheringthesoundofhisfeetinthelonggrass,hecreptaway。
CHAPTERXXX
InthegreatglasshouseatRavensham,LadyCasterleystoodclosetosomeJapaneselilies,withaletterinherhand。Herfacewasverywhite,foritwasthefirstdayshehadbeenalloweddownafteranattackofinfluenza;norhadthehandinwhichsheheldtheletteritsusualsteadiness。Sheread:
\"MONKLANDCOURT。
\"Justaline,dear,beforethepostgoes,totellyouthatBabshasgoneoffhappily。Thechildlookedbeautiful。Shesentyouherlove,andsomeabsurdmessage——thatyouwouldbegladtohear,shewasperfectlysafe,withbothfeetfirmlyontheground。\"
AgrimlittlesmileplayedonLadyCasterley\'spalelips:—Yes,indeed,andtimetoo！Thechildhadbeenveryneartheedgeofthecliffs！Verynearcommittingapieceofromanticfolly！Thatwaswellover！Andraisingtheletteragain,shereadon:
\"Wewerealldownforit,ofcourse,andcomebacktomorrow。
Geoffreyisquitecutup。Thingscan\'tbewhattheywerewithoutourBabs。I\'vewatchedEustaceverycarefully,andIreallybelievehe\'ssafelyoverthataffairatlast。HeisdoingextraordinarilywellintheHousejustnow。GeoffreysayshisspeechonthePoorLawwasheadandshouldersthebestmade。\"
LadyCasterleyletfallthehandwhichheldtheletter。Safe？Yes,hewassafe！Hehaddonetheright——thenaturalthing！Andintimehewouldbehappy！Hewouldrisenowtothatpinnacleofdesiredauthoritywhichshehaddreamedofforhim,eversincehewasatinything,eversincehislittlethinbrownhandhadclaspedhersintheirwanderingsamongsttheflowers,andthefurnitureoftallrooms。But,asshestood——crumplingtheletter,grey—whiteassomesmallresoluteghost,amonghertallliliesthatfilledwiththeirscentthegreatglasshouse—shadowsflittedacrossherface。Wasitthefugitivenoonsunshine？OrwasitsomeglimmeringperceptionoftheoldGreeksaying——\'CharacterisFate;\'somesuddensenseoftheuniversaltruththatallareinbondtotheirownnatures,andwhatamanhasmostdesiredshallintheendenslavehim？