Inthisstateofmind，IresolvedtoconfessmyselftoLudlowinthewaythatherequired，reservingonlythesecretofthisfaculty。Awful，indeed，saidI，isthecrisisofmyfate。IfLudlow\'sdeclarationsaretrue，ahorridcatastropheawaitsme:
butasfastasmyresolutionswereshaken，theywereconfirmedanewbytherecollection——Whocanbetraymebutmyself？IfIdeny，whoistherecanprove？Suspicioncanneverlightuponthetruth。Ifitdoes，itcanneverbeconvertedintocertainty。Evenmyownlipscannotconfirmit，sincewhowillbelievemytestimony？
BysuchillusionswasIfortifiedinmydesperateresolution。
Ludlowreturnedatthetimeappointed。HeinformedmethatMrs。
Beningtonexpectedmenextmorning。Shewasreadytodepartforhercountryresidence，wheresheproposedtospendtheensuingsummer，andwouldcarrymealongwithher。Inconsequenceofthisarrangement，hesaid，manymonthswouldelapsebeforeheshouldseemeagain。Youwillindeed，continuedhe，beprettymuchshutupfromallsociety。Yourbooksandyournewfriendwillbeyourchief，ifnotonlycompanions。Herlifeisnotasocialone，becauseshehasformedextravagantnotionsoftheimportanceoflonelyworshipanddevoutsolitude。Muchofhertimewillbespentinmeditationuponpiousbooksinhercloset。Someofitinlongsolitaryridesinhercoach，forthesakeofexercise。Littlewillremainforeatingandsleeping，sothatunlessyoucanprevailuponhertoviolateherordinaryrulesforyoursake，youwillbeleftprettymuchtoyourself。Youwillhavethemoretimetoreflectuponwhathashithertobeenthethemeofourconversations。Youcancometotownwhenyouwanttoseeme。Ishallgenerallybefoundintheseapartments。
Inthepresentstateofmymind，thoughimpatienttoseeMrs。
Benington，IwasstillmoreimpatienttoremovetheveilbetweenLudlowandmyself。Aftersomepause，Iventuredtoenquireiftherewasanyimpedimenttomyadvancementintheroadhehadalreadypointedouttomycuriosityandambition。
Hereplied，withgreatsolemnity，thatIwasalreadyacquaintedwiththenextsteptobetakeninthisroad。IfIwaspreparedtomakehimmyconfessor，astothepast，thepresent，andthefuture，~~withoutexceptionorcondition~~，butwhatarosefromdefectofmemory，hewaswillingtoreceivemyconfession。
Ideclaredmyselfreadytodoso。
Ineednot，hereturned，remindyouoftheconsequencesofconcealmentordeceit。Ihavealreadydweltupontheseconsequences。Astothepast，youhavealreadytoldme，perhaps，allthatisofanymomenttoknow。Itisinrelationtothefuturethatcautionwillbechieflynecessary。Hithertoyouractionshavebeennearlyindifferenttotheendsofyourfutureexistence。
Confessionsofthepastarerequired，becausetheyareanearnestofthefuturecharacterandconduct。Haveyouthen——butthisistooabrupt。Takeanhourtoreflectanddeliberate。Gobyyourself；takeyourselftoseveretask，andmakeupyourmindwithafull，entire，andunfailingresolution；forthemomentinwhichyouassumethisnewobligationwillmakeyouanewbeing。
Perditionorfelicitywillhanguponthatmoment。
Thisconversationwaslateintheevening。AfterIhadconsentedtopostponethissubject，weparted，hetellingmethathewouldleavehischamberdooropen，andassoonasmymindwasmadeupImightcometohim。
*ThereadermustberemindedthattheincidentsofthisnarrativearesupposedtohavetakenplacebeforethevoyagesofBougainvilleandCook——Editor。
ChapterX。
Iretiredaccordinglytomyapartment，andspenttheprescribedhourinanxiousandirresolutereflections。Theywerenootherthanhadhithertooccurred，buttheyoccurredwithmoreforcethanever。Somefatalobstinacy，however，gotpossessionofme，andIpersistedintheresolutionofconcealing~~onething~~。
Webecomefondlyattachedtoobjectsandpursuits，frequentlyfornoconceivablereasonbutthepainandtroubletheycostus。Inproportiontothedangerinwhichtheyinvolveusdowecherishthem。Ourdarlingpotionisthepoisonthatscorchesourvitals。
Aftersometime，IwenttoLudloe\'sapartment。Ifoundhimsolemn，andyetbenign，atmyentrance。Afterintimatingmycompliancewiththetermsprescribed，whichIdid，inspiteofallmylabourforcomposure，withaccentshalffaultering，heproceededtoputvariousquestionstome，relativetomyearlyhistory。
Iknewtherewasnoothermodeofaccomplishingtheendinview，butbyputtingallthatwasrelatedintheformofanswerstoquestions；andwhenmeditatingonthecharacterofLudloe，I
experiencedexcessiveuneasinessastotheconsummateartandpenetrationwhichhisquestionswouldmanifest。Consciousofapurposetoconceal，myfancyinvestedmyfriendwiththerobeofajudicialinquisitor，allwhosequestionsshouldaimatextractingthetruth，andentrappingtheliar。
Inthisrespect，however，Iwaswhollydisappointed。Allhisinquiriesweregeneralandobvious——Theybetokenedcuriosity，butnotsuspicion；yetthereweremomentswhenIsaw，orfanciedIsaw，somedissatisfactionbetrayedinhisfeatures；andwhenIarrivedatthatperiodofmystorywhichterminatedwithmydeparture，ashiscompanion，forEurope，hispauseswere，Ithought，alittlelongerandmoremusefulthanIliked。Atthisperiod，ourfirstconferenceended。Afteratalk，whichhadcommencedatalatehour，andhadcontinuedmanyhours，itwastimetosleep，anditwasagreedthatnextmorningtheconferenceshouldberenewed。
Onretiringtomypillow，andreviewingallthecircumstancesofthisinterview，mymindwasfilledwithapprehensionanddisquiet。Iseemedtorecollectathousandthings，whichshowedthatLudloewasnotfullysatisfiedwithmypartinthisinterview。
Astrangeandnamelessmixtureofwrathandofpityappeared，onrecollection，intheglanceswhich，fromtimetotime，hecastuponme。Someemotionplayeduponhisfeatures，inwhich，asmyfearsconceived，therewasatinctureofresentmentandferocity。InvainIcalledmyusualsophistriestomyaid。InvainIponderedontheinscrutablenatureofmypeculiarfaculty。InvainI
endeavouredtopersuademyself，that，bytellingthetruth，insteadofentitlingmyselftoLudloe\'sapprobation，Ishouldonlyexcitehisanger，bywhathecouldnotbutdeemanattempttoimposeuponhisbeliefanincredibletaleofimpossibleevents。Ihadneverheardorreadofanyinstanceofthisfaculty。Isupposedthecasetobeabsolutelysingular，andIshouldbenomoreentitledtocreditinproclaimingit，thanifIshouldmaintainthatacertainbilletofwoodpossessedthefacultyofarticulatespeech。Itwasnow，however，toolatetoretract。Ihadbeenguiltyofasolemnanddeliberateconcealment。Iwasnowinthepathinwhichtherewasnoturningback，andImustgoforward。
Thereturnofday\'sencouragingbeamsinsomedegreequietedmynocturnalterrors，andIwent，attheappointedhour，toLudloe\'spresence。IfoundhimwithamuchmorecheerfulaspectthanIexpected，andbegantochidemyself，insecret，forthefollyofmylateapprehensions。
Afteralittlepause，heremindedme，thathewasonlyoneamongmany，engagedinagreatandarduousdesign。Aseachofus，continuedhe，ismortal，eachofusmust，intime，yieldhisposttoanother——Eachofusisambitioustoprovidehimselfasuccessor，tohavehisplacefilledbyoneselectedandinstructedbyhimself。Allourpersonalfeelingsandaffectionsarebynomeansintendedtobeswallowedupbyapassionforthegeneralinterest；whentheycanbekeptaliveandbebroughtintoplay，insubordinationandsubserviencetothe~~greatend~~，theyarecherishedasuseful，andreveredaslaudable；andwhateverausterityandrigouryoumayimputetomycharacter，therearefewmoresusceptibleofpersonalregardsthanIam。
Youcannotknow，till~~you~~arewhat~~I~~am，whatdeep，whatall-absorbinginterestIhaveinthesuccessofmytutorshiponthisoccasion。MostjoyfullywouldIembraceathousanddeaths，ratherthanthatyoushouldprovearecreant。Theconsequencesofanyfailureinyourintegritywill，itistrue，befataltoyourself:buttherearesomeminds，ofageneroustexture，whoaremoreimpatientunderillstheyhaveinflicteduponothers，thanofthosetheyhavebroughtuponthemselves；whohadratherperish，themselves，ininfamy，thanbringinfamyordeathuponabenefactor。
Perhapsofsuchnoblematerialsisyourmindcomposed。IfI
hadnotthoughtso，youwouldneverhavebeenanobjectofmyregard，andtherefore，inthemotivesthatshallimpelyoutofidelity，sincerity，andperseverance，someregardtomyhappinessandwelfarewill，nodoubt，haveplace。
AndyetIexactnothingfromyouonthisscore。Ifyourownsafetybeinsufficienttocontroulyou，youarenotfitforus。
Thereis，indeed，abundantneedofallpossibleinducementstomakeyoufaithful。Thetaskofconcealingnothingfrommemustbeeasy。
Thatofconcealingeverythingfromothersmustbetheonlyarduousone。The~~first~~youcanhardlyfailofperforming，whentheexigencerequiresit，forwhatmotivecanyoupossiblyhavetopracticeevasionordisguisewithme？Youhavesurelycommittednocrime；youhaveneitherrobbed，normurdered，norbetrayed。Ifyouhave，thereisnoroomforthefearofpunishmentortheterrorofdisgracetostepin，andmakeyouhideyourguiltfromme。Youcannotdreadanyfurtherdisclosure，becauseIcanhavenointerestinyourruinoryourshame:andwhatevilcouldensuetheconfessionofthefoulestmurder，evenbeforeabenchofmagistrates，moredreadfulthanthatwhichwillinevitablyfollowthepracticeoftheleastconcealmenttome，ortheleastunduedisclosuretoothers？
Youcannoteasilyconceivetheemphaticalsolemnitywithwhichthiswasspoken。Hadhefixedpiercingeyesonmewhilehespoke；
hadIperceivedhimwatchingmylooks，andlabouringtopenetratemysecretthoughts，Ishoulddoubtlesshavebeenruined:buthefixedhiseyesuponthefloor，andnogestureorlookindicatedthesmallestsuspicionofmyconduct。Aftersomepause，hecontinued，inamorepathetictone，whilehiswholeframeseemedtopartakeofhismentalagitation。
IamgreatlyatalossbywhatmeanstoimpressyouwithafullconvictionofthetruthofwhatIhavejustsaid。Endlessarethesophistriesbywhichweseduceourselvesintoperilousanddoubtfulpaths。Whatwedonotsee，wedisbelieve，orweheednot。
Theswordmaydescenduponourinfatuatedheadfromabove，butwewhoare，meanwhile，busilyinspectingthegroundatourfeet，orgazingatthescenearoundus，arenotawareorapprehensiveofitsirresistiblecoming。Inthiscase，itmustnotbeseenbeforeitisfelt，orbeforethattimecomeswhenthedangerofincurringitisover。Icannotwithdrawtheveil，anddisclosetoyourviewtheexterminatingangel。Allmustbevacantandblank，andthedangerthatstandsarmedwithdeathatyourelbowmustcontinuetobetotallyinvisible，tillthatmomentwhenitsvengeanceisprovokedorunprovokable。Iwilldomyparttoencourageyouingood，orintimidateyoufromevil。Iamanxioustosetbeforeyouallthemotiveswhicharefittedtoinfluenceyourconduct；buthowshallIworkonyourconvictions？
Hereanotherpauseensued，whichIhadnotcourageenoughtointerrupt。Hepresentlyresumed。
Perhapsyourecollectavisitwhichyoupaid，onChristmasday，intheyear——，tothecathedralchurchatToledo。Doyouremember？
Amoment\'sreflectionrecalledtomymindalltheincidentsofthatday。Ihadgoodreasontorememberthem。IfeltnosmalltrepidationwhenLudloereferredmetothatday，for，atthemoment，IwasdoubtfulwhethertherehadnotbeensomebivocalagencyexertedOnthatoccasion。Luckily，however，itwasalmosttheonlysimilaroccasioninwhichithadbeenwhollysilent。
Iansweredintheaffirmative。Irememberthemperfectly。
Andyet，saidLudloe，withasmilethatseemedintendedtodisarmthisdeclarationofsomeofitsterrors，Isuspectyourrecollectionisnotasexactasmine，nor，indeed，yourknowledgeasextensive。Youmetthere，forthefirsttime，afemale，whosenominaluncle，butrealfather，adeanofthatancientchurch，residedinabluestonehouse，thethirdfromthewestangleofthesquareofSt。Jago。
Allthiswasexactlytrue。
Thisfemale，continuedhe，fellinlovewithyou。Herpassionmadeherdeaftoallthedictatesofmodestyandduty，andshegaveyousufficientintimations，insubsequentinterviewsatthesameplace，ofthispassion；which，shebeingfairandenticing，youwerenotslowincomprehendingandreturning。Asnotonlythesafetyofyourintercourse，butevenofbothyourlives，dependedonbeingshieldedevenfromsuspicion，theutmostwarinessandcautionwasobservedinallyourproceedings。Tellmewhetheryousucceededinyoureffortstothisend。
Ireplied，that，atthetime，IhadnodoubtbutIhad。
Andyet，saidhe，drawingsomethingfromhispocket，andputtingitintomyhand，thereistheslipofpaper，withthepreconcertedembleminscribeduponit，whichtheinfatuatedgirldroppedinyoursight，oneevening，intheleftaisleofthatchurch。Thatpaperyouimaginedyouafterwardsburntinyourchamberlamp。Inpursuanceofthistoken，youdeferredyourintendedvisit，andnextdaytheladywasaccidentallydrowned，inpassingariver。Hereendedyourconnexionwithher，andwithherwasburied，asyouthought，allmemoryofthistransaction。
Ileaveyoutodrawyourowninferencefromthisdisclosure。
Meditateuponitwhenalone。Recalalltheincidentsofthatdrama，andlabourtoconceivethemeansbywhichmysagacityhasbeenabletoreacheventsthattookplacesofaroff，andundersodeepacovering。Ifyoucannotpenetratethesemeans，learntoreverencemyassertions，thatIcannotbedeceived；andletsinceritybehenceforththeruleofyourconducttowardsme，notmerelybecauseitisright，butbecauseconcealmentisimpossible。
Wewillstophere。Thereisnohasterequiredofus。
Yesterday\'sdiscoursewillsufficeforto-day，andformanydaystocome。Letwhathasalreadytakenplacebethesubjectofprofoundandmaturereflection。Review，oncemore，theincidentsofyourearlylife，previoustoyourintroductiontome，and，atournextconference，preparetosupplyallthosedeficienciesoccasionedbynegligence，forgetfulness，ordesignonourfirst。Theremustbesome。Theremustbemany。Thewholetruthcanonlybedisclosedafternumerousandrepeatedconversations。Thesemusttakeplaceatconsiderableintervals，andwhen~~all~~istold，thenshallyoubereadytoencounterthefinalordeal，andloadyourselfwithheavyandterrificsanctions。
Ishallbetheproperjudgeofthecompletenessofyourconfession——Knowingpreviously，andbyunerringmeans，yourwholehistory，Ishallbeabletodetectallthatisdeficient，aswellasallthatisredundant。Yourconfessionshavehithertoadheredtothetruth，butdeficienttheyare，andtheymustbe，forwho，atasingletrial，candetailthesecretsofhislife？whoserecollectioncanfullyservehimataninstant\'snotice？whocanfreehimself，byasingleeffort，fromthedominionoffearandshame？Weexpectnomiraclesoffortitudeandpurityfromourdisciples。Itisourdiscipline，ourwariness，ourlaboriouspreparationthatcreatestheexcellencewehaveamongus。Wefinditnotreadymade。
IcounselyoutojoinMrs。Beningtonwithoutdelay。Youmayseemewhenandasoftenasyouplease。Whenitispropertorenewthepresenttopic，itshallberenewed。Tillthenwewillbesilent——HereLudloeleftmealone，butnottoindifferenceorvacuity。IndeedIwasoverwhelmedwiththereflectionsthatarosefromthisconversation。So，saidI，Iamstillsaved，ifIhavewisdomenoughtousetheopportunity，fromtheconsequencesofpastconcealments。ByadistinctionwhichIhadwhollyoverlooked，butwhichcouldnotbemissedbythesagacityandequityofLudloe，I
havepraisefortellingthetruth，andanexcuseforwithholdingsomeofthetruth。Itwas，indeed，apraisetowhichIwasentitled，forIhavemadeno~~additions~~tothetaleofmyearlyadventures。Ihadnomotivetoexaggerateordressoutinfalsecolours。WhatIsoughttoconceal，Iwascarefultoexcludeentirely，thatalameordefectivenarrativemightawakennosuspicions。
TheallusiontoincidentsatToledoconfoundedandbewilderedallmythoughts。Istillheldthepaperhehadgivenme。Sofarasmemorycouldbetrusted，itwasthesamewhich，anhourafterI
hadreceivedit，Iburnt，asIconceived，withmyownhands。HowLudloecameintopossessionofthispaper；howhewasapprisedofincidents，towhichonlythefemalementionedandmyselfwereprivy；whichshehadtoogoodreasontohidefromalltheworld，andwhichIhadtakeninfinitepainstoburyinoblivion，Ivainlyendeavouredtoconjecture。