ItwassevenandmorewhenSheltonreturned,fromhiswalk;afewheatdropshadsplashedtheleaves,butthestormhadnotyetbroken。
Inbroodingsilencetheworldseemedpentbeneaththepurplefirmament。
ByrapidwalkingintheheatSheltonhadgotridofhisdespondency。
Hefeltlikeonewhoistoseehismistressafterlongestrangement。
He,bathed,and,straighteninghistie-ends,stoodsmilingattheglass。Hisfear,unhappiness,anddoubtsseemedlikeanevildream;
howmuchworseoffwouldhenothavebeen,haditallbeentrue?
Itwasdinner-partynight,andwhenhereachedthedrawing-roomtheguestsweretherealready,chatteringofthecomingstorm。Antoniawasnotyetdown,andSheltonstoodbythepianowaitingforherentry。Redfaces,spotlessshirt-fronts,whitearms;andfreshly-
twistedhairwereallaroundhim。Someonehandedhimaclovecarnation,and,asheheldittohisnose,Antoniacamein,breathless,asthoughshehadrusheddown-stairs,Hercheekswerepalenolonger;herhandkeptstealingtoherthroat。Theflamesofthecomingstormseemedtohavecaughtfirewithinher,tobescorchingherinherwhitefrock;shepassedhimclose,andherfragrancewhippedhissenses。
Shehadneverseemedtohimsolovely。
NeveragainwillSheltonbreathetheperfumeofmelonsandpineappleswithoutastrangeemotion。FromwherehesatatdinnerhecouldnotseeAntonia,butamidstthechatteringofvoices,theclinkofglassandsilver,thesightsandsoundsandscentsoffeasting,hethoughthowhewouldgotoherandsaythatnothingmatteredbutherlove。
Hedrankthefrosted,pale-goldliquidofchampagneasifithadbeenwater。
Thewindowsstoodwideopenintheheat;thegardenlayinthick,softshadow,wherethepitchyshapesoftreescouldbediscerned。
Therewasnotabreathofairtofanthecandle-flamesabovetheflowers;buttwolargemoths,fearfuloftheheavydark,flewinandwheeledbetweenthelightsoverthediners\'heads。Onefellscorchedintoadishoffruit,andwasremoved;theother,eludingalltheswishofnapkinsandtheeffortsofthefootmen,continuedtomakesoft,flutteringrushestillSheltonroseandcaughtitinhishand。
Hetookittothewindowandthrewitoutintothedarkness,andhenoticedthattheairwasthickandtepidtohisface。AtasignfromMr。Dennantthemuslincurtainswerethendrawnacrossthewindows,andingratitude,perhaps,forthisprotection,thisfilmybarrierbetweenthemandthemuffledthreatsofNature,everyonebrokeoutintalk。Itwassuchanightascomesinsummerafterperfectweather,frighteninginitsheat,andsilence,whichwasbrokenbythedistantthundertravellinglowalongthegroundlikethemutteringofalldarkplacesontheearth——suchanightasseems,byverybreathlessness,tosmotherlife,andwithitsfatefulthreatstojustifyman\'scowardice。
Theladiesroseatlast。Thecircleoftherosewooddining-table,whichhadnocloth,strewnwithflowersandsilvergilt,hadalikenesstosomeautumnpoolwhosebrowndepthsofoilywatergleamunderthesunsetwithredandyellowleaves;aboveitthesmokeofcigaretteswasclinging,likeamisttowaterwhenthesungoesdown。
SheltonbecameinvolvedinargumentwithhisneighbourontheEnglishcharacter。
\"InEnglandwe\'vemislaidtherecipeoflife,\"hesaid。\"Pleasure\'salostart。Wedon\'tgetdrunk,we\'reashamedoflove,andastobeauty,we\'velosttheeyefor\'it。Inexchangewehavegotmoney,butwhat\'sthegoodofmoneywhenwedon\'tknowhowtospendit?\"
Excitedbyhisneighbour\'ssmile,headded:\"Astothought,wethinksomuchofwhatourneighboursthinkthatweneverthinkatall……
Haveyoueverwatchedaforeignerwhenhe\'slisteningtoanEnglishman?We\'reinthehabitofdespisingforeigners;thescornwehaveforthemisnothingtothescorntheyhaveforus。Andtheyareright!Lookatourtaste!Whatisthegoodofowningrichesifwedon\'tknowhowtousethem?\"
\"That\'srathernewtome,\"hisneighboursaid。\"Theremaybesomethinginit……DidyouseethatcaseinthepaperstheotherdayofoldHornblower,wholeftthe1820portthatfetchedaguineaabottle?Whenthepurchaser——poorfeller!——cametodrinkithefoundelevenbottlesoutoftwelvecompletelyullaged——ha!ha!Well,there\'snothingwrongwiththis\";andhedrainedhisglass。
\"No,\"answeredShelton。
Whentheyrosetojointheladies,heslippedoutonthelawn。
Atoncehewasenvelopedinabathofheat。Aheavyodour,sensual,sinister,wasintheair,asfromasuddenfloweringofamorousshrubs。Hestoodanddrankitinwithgreedynostrils。Puttinghishanddown,hefeltthegrass;itwasdry,andchargedwithelectricity。Thenhesaw,paleandcandescentintheblackness,threeorfourgreatlilies,theauthorsofthatperfume。Theblossomsseemedtoberisingathimthroughthedarkness;asthoughputtinguptheirfacestobekissed。Hestraightenedhimselfabruptlyandwentin。
TheguestswereleavingwhenShelton,whowaswatching;sawAntoniaslipthroughthedrawing-roomwindow。Hecouldfollowthewhiteglimmerofherfrockacrossthelawn,butlostitintheshadowofthetrees;castingahastylooktoseethathewasnotobserved,hetooslippedout。Theblacknessandtheheatwerestiflinghetookgreatbreathsofitasifitwerethepurestmountainair,and,treadingsoftlyonthegrass,stoleontowardstheholmoak。Hislipsweredry,,hisheartbeatpainfully。Themutterofthedistantthunderhadquiteceased;wavesofhotaircamewheelinginhisface,andintheirmidstasuddenrushofcold。Hethought,\"Thestormiscomingnow!\"andstoleontowardsthetree。Shewaslyinginthehammock,herfigureawhiteblurin,theheartofthetree\'sshadow,rockinggentlytoalittlecreakingofthebranch。Sheltonheldhisbreath;shehadnotheardhim。Hecreptupclosebehindthetrunktillhestoodintouchofher。\"Imustn\'tstartleher,\"hethought。
\"Antonia!\"
Therewasafaintstirinthehammock,butnoanswer。Hestoodoverher,buteventhenhecouldnotseeherface;heonly,hadasenseofsomethingbreathingandalivewithinayardofhim——ofsomethingwarmandsoft。Hewhisperedagain,\"Antonia!\"butagaintherecamenoanswer,andasortoffearandfrenzyseizedonhim。Hecouldnolongerhearherbreathe;thecreakingofthebranchhadceased。Whatwaspassinginthatsilent,livingcreaturetheresoclose?Andthenheheardagainthesoundofbreathing,quickandscared,liketheflutteringofabird;inamomenthewasstaringinthedarkatanemptyhammock。
Hestayedbesidetheemptyhammocktillhecouldbearuncertaintynolonger。Butashecrossedthelawntheskywasrentfromendtoendbyjaggedlightning,rainspatteredhimfromheadtofoot,andwithadeafeningcrackthethunderbroke。
Hesoughtthesmoking-room,but,recoilingatthedoor,wenttohisownroom,andthrewhimselfdownonthebed。Thethundergroanedandsputteredinlongvolleys;thelightningshowedhimtheshapesofthingswithintheroom,withaweirddistinctnessthatrentfromthemalllikenesstothepurposetheyweremadefor,bereavedthemofutility,oftheirmatter-of-factness,presentedthemasskeletons,abstractions,withindecencyintheirappearance,likethenakednervesandsinewsofalegpreservedin,spirit。Thesoundoftherainagainstthehousestunnedhispowerofthinking,herosetoshuthiswindows;then,returningtohisbed,threwhimselfdownagain。
Hestayedtheretillthestormwasover,inakindofstupor;butwhentheboomoftheretreatingthundergreweveryminutelessdistinct,herose。Thenforthefirsttimehesawsomethingwhiteclosebythedoor。
Itwasanote:
Ihavemadeamistake。Pleaseforgiveme,andgoaway——ANTONIA。
CHAPTERXXXII
WILDERNESS
Whenhehadreadthisnote,Sheltonputitdownbesidehissleeve-
linksonhisdressingtable,staredinthemirrorathimself,andlaughed。Buthislipssoonstoppedhimlaughing;hethrewhimselfuponhisbedandpressedhisfaceintothepillows。Helaytherehalf-dressedthroughoutthenight,andwhenherose,soonafterdawn,hehadnotmadehismindupwhattodo。TheonlythingheknewforcertainwasthathemustnotmeetAntonia。
Atlasthepennedthefollowing:
Ihavehadasleeplessnightwithtoothache,andthinkitbesttorunuptothedentistatonce。Ifatoothmustcomeout,thesoonerthebetter。
HeaddressedittoMrs。Dennant,andleftitonhistable。Afterdoingthishethrewhimselfoncemoreuponhisbed,andthistimefellintoadoze。
Hewokewithastart,dressed,andlethimselfquietlyout。ThelikenessofhisgoingtothatofFerrandstruckhim。\"Bothoutcastsnow,\"hethought。
Hetrampedontillnoonwithoutknowingorcaringwherehewent;
then,enteringafield,threwhimselfdownunderthehedge,andfellasleep。
Hewasawakenedbyawhirr。Acoveyofpartridges,withwingsglisteninginthesun,werestragglingoutacrosstheadjoiningfieldofmustard。Theysoonsettledintheold-maidishwayofpartridges,andbegantocalluponeachother。
Somecattlehadapproachedhiminhissleep,andabeautifulbaycow,withherheadturnedsideways,wassnuffingathimgently,exhalingherpeculiarsweetness。Shewasasfineinlegsandcoatasanyrace-horse。Shedribbledatthecornersofherblack,moistlips;
hereyewassoftandcynical。Breathingthevaguesweetnessofthemustard-field,rubbingdrygrasp-stalksinhisfingers,Sheltonhadamoment\'shappiness——thehappinessofsunandsky,oftheeternalquiet,anduntoldmovementsofthefields。Whycouldnothumanbeingslettheirtroublesbeasthiscowleftthefliesthatclungabouthereyes?Hedozedagain,andwokeupwithalaugh,forthiswaswhathedreamed:
Hefanciedhewasinaroom,atoncethehallanddrawing-roomofsomecountryhouse。Inthecentreofthisroomaladystood,whowaslookinginahand-glassatherface。Beyondadoororwindowcouldbeseenagardenwitharowofstatues,andthroughthisdoorpeoplepassedwithoutapparentobject。
SuddenlySheltonsawhismotheradvancingtotheladywiththehand-
glass,whomnowherecognisedasMrs。Foliot。But,ashelooked,hismotherchangedtoMrs。Dennant,andbeganspeakinginavoicethatwasasortofabstractofrefinement。\"Jefaisdelaphilosophic,\"
itsaid;\"Itaketheindividualforwhatshe\'sworth。Idonotcondemn;aboveall,onemusthavespirit!\"Theladywiththemirrorcontinuedlookingintheglass;and,thoughhecouldnotseeherface,hecouldseeitsimage-pale,withgreenisheyes,andasmilelikescornitself。Then,byaswifttransition,hewaswalkinginthegardentalkingtoMrs。Dennant。
Itwasfromthistalkthatheawokewithlaughter。\"But,\"shehadbeensaying,\"Dick,I\'vealwaysbeenaccustomedtobelievewhatIwastold。ItwassounkindofhertoscornmejustbecauseIhappentobesecond-hand。\"AndhervoiceawakenedShelton\'spity;itwaslikeafrightenedchild\'s。\"Idon\'tknowwhatIshalldoifIhavetoformopinionsformyself。Iwasn\'tbroughtuptoit。I\'vealwayshadthemniceandsecondhand。HowamItogotowork?Onemustbelievewhatotherpeopledo;notthatIthinkmuchofotherpeople,but,youdoknowwhatitis——onefeelssomuchmorecomfortable,\"andherskirtsrustled。\"But,Dick,whateverhappens\"——hervoiceentreated——\"doletAntoniagetherjudgmentssecondhand。Nevermindforme——ifImustformopinionsformyself,Imust——butdon\'tlether;anyoldopinionssolongastheyareold。It\'sdreadfultohavetothinkoutnewonesforoneself。\"Andheawoke。HisdreamhadhadinittheelementcalledArt,for,initsgrossabsurdity,Mrs。Dennanthadsaidthingsthatshowedhersoulmorefullythananythingshewouldhavesaidinlife。
\"No,\"saidavoicequiteclose,behindthehedge,\"notmanyFrenchmen,thanktheLord!AfewcoveysofHungariansoverfromtheDuke\'s。SirJames,somepie?\"
Sheltonraisedhimselfwithdrowsycuriosity——stillhalfasleep——andappliedhisfacetoagapinthehigh,thickosiersofthehedge。
Fourmenwereseatedoncamp-stoolsroundafolding-table,onwhichwasapieandotherthingstoeat。Agame-cart,well-adornedwithbirdsandhares,stoodatashortdistance;thetailsofsomedogswereseenmovinghumbly,andavaletopeningbottles。Sheltonhadforgottenthatitwas\"thefirst。\"Thehostwasasoldierlyandfreckledman;anoldermansatnexthim,square-jawed,withanabsent-lookingeyeandsharpenednose;nexthim,again,therewasabeardedpersonwhomtheyseemedtocalltheCommodore;inthefourth,tohisalarm,SheltonrecognisedthegentlemancalledMabbey。Itwasreallynomatterforsurprisetomeethimmilesfromhisownplace,forhewasoneofthosewhowanderwithavaletandtwogunsfromthetwelfthofAugusttotheendofJanuary,andarethensupposedtogotoMonteCarloortosleepuntilthetwelfthofAugustcomesagain。
Hewasspeaking。
\"Didyouhearwhatabagwemadeonthetwelfth,SirJames?\"
\"Ah!yes;whatwasthat?Haveyousoldyourbayhorse,Glennie?\"
Sheltonhadnotdecidedwhetherornotosneakaway,whentheCommodore\'sthickvoicebegan:
\"MymantellshmethatMrs。Foliot——haw——haslamedherArab。Doesshemeantocomeoutcubbing?\"
Sheltonobservedthesmilethatcameonalltheirfaces。\"Foliot\'spayingforhisgoodtimenow;whatadonkeytogetcaught!\"itseemedtosay。Heturnedhisbackandshuthiseyes。
\"Cubbing?\"repliedGlennie;\"hardly。\"
\"Nevercouldsheeanythingwonderfulinherlooks,\"wentontheCommodore;\"soquiet,youneverknewthatshewasintheroom。I
remembersayin\'toheronce,\"Mrs。Lutheran,nowwhatdoyoulikebeshtinalltheworld?andwhatdoyouthinksheanswered?\'Music!\'
Haw!\"
ThevoiceofMabbeysaid:
\"Hewasalwaysadarkhorse,Foliot:It\'salwaysthedarkhorsesthatgetletinforthiskindofthing\";andtherewasasoundasthoughhelickedhislips。
\"Theysay,\"saidthevoiceofthehost,\"henevergivesyoubackagreetingnow。Queerfish;theysaythatshe\'sdevotedtohim。\"
Comingsocloselyonhismeetingwiththislady,andonthedreamfromwhichhehadawakened,thisconversationmesmerisedthelistenerbehindthehedge。
\"Ifhegivesuphishuntin\'andhisshootin\',Idon\'tseewhatthedeucehe\'lldo;he\'sresignedhisclubs;astohischanceofParliament——\"saidthevoiceofMabbey。
\"Thousandpities,\"saidSirJames;\"still,heknewwhattoexpect。\"
\"Veryqueerfellows,thoseFoliots,\"saidtheCommodore。\"Therewashisfather:he\'dalwaysrathertalktoanyscarecrowhecameacrossthantoyouorme。Wonderwhathe\'lldowithallhishorses;I
shouldlikethatchestnutofhis。\"
\"Youcan\'ttellwhatafellow\'lldo,\"saidthevoiceofMabbey——
\"taketodrinkorwritin\'books。OldCharlieWaynecametogazin\'atstars,andtwiceaweekheusedtogoandpaddleroundinWhitechapel,teachin\'pothooks——\"
\"Glennie,\"saidSirJames,\"what\'sbecomeofSmollett,youroldkeeper?\"
\"Obligedtogetridofhim。\"Sheltontriedagaintoclosehisears,butagainhelistened。\"Gettingabittooold;lostmealotofeggslastseason。\"
\"Ah!\"saidtheCommodore,\"whentheyonceshbegintoloseeggsh\"
\"Asamatteroffact,hisson——yourememberhim,SirJames,heusedtoloadforyou?——gotagirlintotrouble;whenherpeoplegaveherthechuckoldSmollettookherin;beastlyscandalitmade,too。ThegirlrefusedtomarrySmollett,andoldSmollettbackedherup。
Naturally,theparsonandthevillagecutuprough;mywifeofferedtogetherintooneofthosereformatorywhat-d\'you-call-\'ems,buttheoldfellowsaidsheshouldn\'tgoifshedidn\'twantto。Badbusinessaltogether;puthimquiteoffhisstroke。Ionlygotfivehundredpheasantslastyearinsteadofeight。\"
Therewasasilence。Sheltonagainpeepedthroughthehedge。Allwereeatingpie。
\"InWarwickshire,\"saidtheCommodore,\"theyalwaysmarry——haw——andlivereshpectableeverafter。\"
\"Quiteso,\"remarkedthehost;\"itwasabittoothick,herrefusingtomarryhim。Shesaidhetookadvantageofher。\"
\"She\'ssorrybythistime,\"saidSirJames;\"luckyescapeforyoungSmollett。Queer,theobstinacyofsomeoftheseoldfellows!\"
\"Whatarewedoingafterlunch?\"askedtheCommodore。
\"Thenextfield,\"saidthehost,\"ispasture。Welineupalongthehedge,anddrivethatmustardtowardstheroots;thereoughttobeagoodfewbirds。\"
\"Sheltonrose,and,crouching,stolesoftlytothegate:
\"Onthetwelfth,shootin\'intwoparties,\"followedthevoiceofMabbeyfromthedistance。
Whetherfromhiswalkorfromhissleeplessnight,Sheltonseemedtoacheineverylimb;buthecontinuedhistrampalongtheroad。Hewasnonearertodecidingwhattodo。ItwaslateintheafternoonwhenhereachedMaidenhead,and,afterbreakingfast,gotintoaLondontrainandwenttosleep。Atteno\'clockthateveninghewalkedintoSt。James\'sParkandtheresatdown。
Thelamplightdappledthroughthetiredfoliageontothesebencheswhichhaverestedmanyvagrants。Darknesshasceasedtobethelawfulcloakoftheunhappy;butMotherNightwassoftandmoonless,andmanhadnotdespoiledherofhercomfort,quite。
Sheltonwasnotaloneupontheseat,foratthefarendwassittingayounggirlwithared,round,sullenface;andbeyond,andfurtherstill,weredimbenchesanddimfiguressittingonthem,asthoughlife\'sinstitutionshadshotthemoutinanendlesslineofrubbish。
\"Ah!\"thoughtShelton,inthedreamywayoftiredpeople;\"theinstitutionsareallright;it\'sthespiritthat\'sall——\"
\"Wrong?\"saidavoicebehindhim;\"why,ofcourse!You\'vetakenthewrongturn,oldman。\"
Hesawapoliceman,witharedfaceshiningthroughthedarkness,talkingtoastrangeoldfigurelikesomeagedanddishevelledbird。
\"Thankyou,constable,\"theoldmansaid,\"asI\'vecomewrongI\'lltakearest。\"Chewinghisgums,heseemedtofeartotakethelibertyofsittingdown。
Sheltonmaderoom,andtheoldfellowtookthevacantplace。
\"You\'llexcuseme,sir,I\'msure,\"hesaidinshakytones,andsnatchingathisbatteredhat;\"Iseeyouwasagentleman\"——andlovinglyhedweltupontheword——\"wouldn\'tdisturbyoufortheworld。I\'mnotusedtobeingoutatnight,andtheseatsdogetsofull。Oldagemustleanonsomething;you\'llexcuseme,sir,I\'msure。\"
\"Ofcourse,\"saidSheltongently。
\"I\'marespectableoldman,really,\"saidhisneighbour;\"Inevertookalibertyinmylife。Butatmyage,sir,yougetnervous;
standin\'aboutthestreetsasIbeenthislastweek,an\'sleepin\'inthemdoss-houses——Oh,they\'redreadfulroughplaces——adreadfulroughlotthere!Yes,\"theoldmansaidagain,asSheltonturnedtolookathim,struckbytherealself-pityinhisvoice,\"dreadfulroughplaces!\"
Amovementofhishead,whichgrewonalean,pluckednecklikethatofanoldfowl,hadbroughthisfaceintothelight。Itwaslong,andruntoseed,andhadalarge,rednose;itsthin,colourlesslipsweretwistedsidewaysandapart,showinghissemi-toothlessmouth;
andhiseyeshadthatagedlookofeyesinwhichallcolourrunsintoathinrimroundtheiris;andoverthemkeptcomingfilmslikethefilmsoverparrots\'eyes。Hewas,orshouldhavebeen,clean-shaven。
Hishair——forhehadtakenoffhishatwasthickandlank,ofdustycolour,asfarascouldbeseen,withoutaspeckofgrey,andpartedverybeautifullyjustaboutthemiddle。
\"Icanputupwiththat,\"hesaidagain。\"Ineverinterfereswithnobody,andnobodydon\'tinterferewithme;butwhatfrightensme\"——
hisvoicegrewsteady,asiftooterrifiedtoshake,isneverknowin\'
daytodaywhat\'stobecomeofyer。Oh,that\'adreadful,thatis!\"
\"Itmustbe,\"answeredShelton。
\"Ah!itis,\"theoldmansaid;\"andthewintercumin\'on。Ineverwasmuchusedtoopenair,bein\'indomesticserviceallmylife;butIdon\'tmindthatsolongasIcanseemywaytoearnalivin\'。
Well,thankGod!I\'vegotajobatlast\";andhisvoicegrewcheerfulsuddenly。\"Sellin\'papersisnotwhatIbeenaccustomedto;
buttheWestminister,theytellmethat\'soneofthemostrespectableoftheevenin\'papers——infact,Iknowitis。SonowI\'msuretogeton;Itryhard。\"
\"Howdidyougetthejob?\"askedShelton。
\"I\'vegotmycharacter,\"theoldfellowsaid,makingagesturewithaskinnyhandtowardshischest,asifitweretherehekepthischaracter。
\"ThankGod,nobodycan\'ttakethataway!Ineverpartsfromthat\";
andfumbling,heproducedapacket,holdingfirstonepapertothelight,andthenanother,andhelookedanxiouslyatShelton。\"InthathousewhereIbeensleepin\'they\'renothonest;they\'vestolenaparcelofmythings——alovelyshirtan\'apairofbeautifulglovesagentlemangavemeforholdin\'ofhishorse。Now,wouldn\'tyouprosecute\'em,sir?\"
\"Itdependsonwhatyoucanprove。\"
\"Iknowtheyhad\'em。Amanmuststandupforhisrights;that\'sonlyproper。Ican\'taffordtolosebeautifulthingslikethem。I
thinkIoughttoprosecute,now,don\'tyou,sir?\"
Sheltonrestrainedasmile。
\"There!\"saidtheoldman,smoothingoutapieceofpapershakily,\"that\'sSirGeorge!\"andhiswitheredfinger-tipstrembledonthemiddleofthepage:\'JoshuaCreed,inmyservicefiveyearsasbutler,duringwhichtimeIhavefoundhimallthataservantshouldbe。\'Andthis\'ere\'——hefumbledwithanother——\"this\'ere\'sLadyGlengow:\'JoshuaCreed——\'IthoughtI\'dlikeyoutoread\'emsinceyou\'vebeensokind。\"
\"Willyouhaveapipe?\"
\"Thankye,sir,\"repliedtheagedbutler,fillinghisclayfromShelton\'spouch;then,takingafronttoothbetweenhisfingerandhisthumb,hebegantofeelittenderly,workingittoandfrowithasortofmelancholypride。
\"Myteeth\'sa-comin\'out,\"hesaid;\"butIenjoysprettygoodhealthforamanofmyage。\"
\"Howoldisthat?\"
\"Seventy-two!Barrin\'mycough,andmyrupture,andthis\'ereaffliction\"——hepassedhishandoverhisface——\"I\'venothingtocomplainof;everybodyhassomethink,itseems。I\'mawonderformyage,Ithink。\"
Shelton,forallhispity,wouldhavegivenmuchtolaugh。
\"Seventy-two!\"hesaid;\"yes,agreatage。Yourememberthecountrywhenitwasverydifferenttowhatitisnow?\"
\"Ah!\"saidtheoldbutler,\"therewasgentrythen;Irememberthemdrivin\'downtoNewmarketmynativeplace,sirwiththeirownhorses。Therewasn\'tsomucho\'theseheremiddleclassesthen。
Therewasmore,too,whatyoumightcallthemilko\'humankindnessinpeoplethen——noneo\'themamalgamatedstores,everymankeepin\'
hisownlittleshop;notsoeagertocuthisneighbour\'sthroat,asyoumightsay。Andthenlookatthepriceofbread!Odear!why,itisn\'taquarterwhatitwas!\"
\"Andarepeoplehappiernowthantheywerethen?\"askedShelton。
Theoldbutlersuckedhispipe。
\"No,\"heanswered,shakinghisoldhead;\"they\'velostthecontentedspirit。Iseepeoplerunnin\'hereandrunnin\'there,readin\'books,findin\'thingsout;theyain\'tnotsoself-contentedastheywere。\"
\"Isthatpossible?\"thoughtShelton。
\"No,\"repeatedtheoldman,againsuckingathispipe,andthistimeblowingoutalotofsmoke;\"Idon\'tseeasmuchhappinessabout,notthesamelookonthefaces。\'Tisn\'tlikely。Seethese\'eremotor-
cars,too;theysay\'orsesisgoin\'out\";and,asifdumbfoundedathisownconclusion,hesatsilentforsometime,engagedinthelightingandrelightingofhispipe。
Thegirlatthefarendstirred,clearedherthroat,andsettleddownagain;hermovementdisengagedascentoffrowsyclothes。Thepolicemanhadapproachedandscrutinisedtheseill-assortedfaces;
hisglancewasjoviallycontemptuoustillhenoticedShelton,andthenwasmodifiedbycuriosity。
\"There\'sgoodmeninthepolice,\"theagedbutlersaid,whenthepolicemanhadpassedon——\"there\'sgoodmeninthepolice,asgoodmenasyoucansee,andthere\'sthemthattreatsyoulikethedirt——
adreadfullowclassofman。Ohdear,yes!whentheyseeyoudownintheworld,theythinktheycanspeaktoyouastheylike;Idon\'tgivethemnochancetoworryme;Ikeepsmyselftomyself,andspeakciviltoalltheworld。Youhavetoholdthecandletothem;for,ohdear!ifthey\'recrossed——someofthem——they\'readreadfulunscrup\'louslotofmen!\"
\"Areyougoingtospendthenighthere?\"
\"It\'sniceandwarmto-night,\"repliedtheagedbutler。\"IsaidtothemanatthatlowplaceIsaid:\'Don\'tyoueverspeaktomeagain,\'
Isaid,\'don\'tyoucomenearme!\'Straightforwardandhonest\'sbeenmymottoallmylife;Idon\'twanttohavenothingtosaytothemlowfellows\"——hemadeanannihilatinggesture——\"afterthewaytheytreatedme,takin\'mythingslikethat。TomorrowIshallgetaroomforthreeshillin\'saweek,don\'tyouthinkso,sir?Well,thenI
shallbeallright。I\'mnotafraidnow;themindatrest。SolongasIrankeepmyself,that\'sallIwant。Ishalldofirst-rate,I
think\";andhestaredatShelton,butthelookinhiseyesandthehalf-scaredoptimismofhisvoiceconvincedthelatterthathelivedindread。\"SolongasIcankeepmyself,\"hesaidagain,\"Isha\'n\'tneednoworkhousenorloserespectability。\"
\"No,\"thoughtShelton;andforsometimesatwithoutaword。\"Whenyoucan;\"hesaidatlast,\"comeandseeme;here\'smycard。\"
Theagedbutlerbecameconsciouswithajerk,forhewasnodding。
\"Thankye,sir;Iwill,\"hesaid,withpitifulalacrity。\"DownbyBelgravia?Oh,Iknowitwell;IliveddowninthempartswithagentlemanofthenameofBateson——perhapsyouknewhim;he\'sdeadnow——theHonourableBateson。Thankye,sir;I\'llbesuretocome\";
and,snatchingathisbatteredhat,hetoilsomelysecretedShelton\'scardamongsthischaracter。Aminutelaterhebeganagaintonod。
Thepolicemanpassedasecondtime;hisgazeseemedtosay,\"Now,what\'satoffdoingonthatseatwiththosetworotters?\"AndSheltoncaughthiseye。
\"Ah!\"hethought;\"exactly!Youdon\'tknowwhattomakeofme——amanofmypositionsittinghere!Poordevil!tospendyourdaysinspyingonyourfellow-creatures!Poordevil!Butyoudon\'tknowthatyou\'reapoordevil,andsoyou\'renotone。\"
Themanonthenextbenchsneezed——ashrillanddisapprovingsneeze。
Thepolicemanpassedagain,and,seeingthatthelowercreatureswerebothdozing,hespoketoShelton:
\"Notverysafeonthese\'erebenches,sir,\"hesaid;\"youneverknowwhoyoumaybesittin\'nextto。IfIwereyou,sir,Ishouldbegettin\'on——ifyou\'renotgoin\'tospendthenighthere,thatis\";
andhelaughed,asatanadmirablejoke。
Sheltonlookedathim,anditchedtosay,\"Whyshouldn\'tI?\"butitstruckhimthatitwouldsoundveryodd。\"Besides,\"hethought,\"I
shallonlycatchacold\";and,withoutspeaking,helefttheseat,andwentalongtowardshisrooms。
CHAPTERXXXIII
THEEND
Hereachedhisroomsatmidnightsoexhaustedthat,withoutwaitingtolightup,hedroppedintoachair。Thecurtainsandblindshadbeenremovedforcleaning,andthetallwindowsadmittedthenight\'sstaringgaze。Sheltonfixedhiseyesonthatoutsidedarkness,asonelostmanmightfixhiseyesuponanother。
Anunaired,dustyodourclungabouttheroom,but,likesomeGod-sentwhiffofgrassorflowerswaftedtoonesometimesinthestreets,aperfumecametohim,thespicefromthewitheredclovecarnationstillclinging,tohisbutton-hole;andhesuddenlyawokefromhis。
queertrance。Therewasadecisiontobemade。Herosetolightacandle;thedustwasthickoneverythinghetouched。\"Ugh!\"hethought,\"howwretched!\"andthelonelinessthathadseizedhimonthestoneseatatHolmOaksthedaybeforereturnedwithfearfulforce。
Onhistable,heapedwithoutorder,wereapileofbillsandcirculars。Heopenedthem,tearingattheircoverswiththerandomhasteofmenbackfromtheirholidays。Asinglelongenvelopewasplacedapart。
MYDEARDICK[heread],Iencloseyouherewiththereviseddraftofyourmarriagesettlement。
Itisnowshipshape。Returnitbeforetheendoftheweek,andI
willhaveitengrossedforsignature。IgotoScotlandnextWednesdayforamonth;shallbebackingoodtimeforyourwedding。
Mylovetoyourmotherwhenyouseeher。
Your-affectionateuncle,EDMUNDPARAMOR。
Sheltonsmiledandtookoutthedraft。
\"ThisIndenturemadethe____dayof190_,betweenRichardParamorShelton——\"
Heputitdownandsankbackinhischair,thechairinwhichtheforeignvagranthadbeenwonttositonmorningswhenhecametopreachphilosophy。
Hedidnotstaytherelong,butinsheerunhappinessgotup,and,takinghiscandle,roamedabouttheroom,fingeringthings,andgazinginthemirrorathisface,whichseemedtohimrepulsiveinitswretchedness。Hewentatlastintothehallandopenedthedoor,togodownstairsagainintothestreet;butthesuddencertaintythat,instreetorhouse,intownorcountry,hewouldhavetotakehistroublewithhim,madehimshutitto。Hefeltintheletter-
box,drewforthaletter,andwiththishewentbacktothesitting-
room。
ItwasfromAntonia。Andsuchwashisexcitementthathewasforcedtotakethreeturnsbetweenthewindowandthewallbeforehecouldread;then,withaheartbeatingsothathecouldhardlyholdthepaper,hebegan:
Iwaswrongtoaskyoutogoaway。Iseenowthatitwasbreakingmypromise,andIdidn\'tmeantodothat。Idon\'tknowwhythingshavecometobesodifferent。YouneverthinkasIdoaboutanything。
IhadbettertellyouthatthatletterofMonsieurFerrand\'stomotherwasimpudent。Ofcourseyoudidn\'tknowwhatwasinit;butwhenProfessorBraynewasaskingyouabouthimatbreakfast,Ifeltthatyoubelievedthathewasrightandwewerewrong,andIcan\'tunderstandit。Andthenintheafternoon,whenthatwomanhurtherhorse,itwasallasifyouwereonherside。Howcanyoufeellikethat?
Imustsaythis,becauseIdon\'tthinkIoughttohaveaskedyoutogoaway,andIwantyoutobelievethatIwillkeepmypromise,orI
shouldfeelthatyouandeverybodyelsehadarighttocondemnme。
Iwasawakealllastnight,andhaveabadheadachethismorning。I
can\'twriteanymore。
ANTONIA。
Hisfirstsensationwasasortofstupefactionofreliefthathadinitanelementofanger。Hewasreprieved!Shewouldnotbreakherpromise;sheconsideredherselfbound!Inthemidstoftheexaltationofthisthoughthesmiled,andthatsmilewasstrange。
Hereaditthroughagain,and,likeajudge,begantoweighwhatshehadwritten,herthoughtswhenshewaswriting,thefactswhichhadleduptothis。
Thevagrant\'sfarewelldocumenthaddonethebusiness。Truetohisfatalgiftofdivestingthingsofclothing,Ferrandhadnotvanishedwithoutshowinguphispatroninhispropercolours;eventoSheltonthosecoloursweremadeplain。Antoniahadfeltherloverwasatraitor。Soundinghishearteveninhisstressofindecision,Sheltonknewthatthiswastrue。
\"Thenintheafternoon,whenthatwomanhurtherhorse-\"Thatwoman!
\"Itwasasifyouwereonherside!\"
Hesawtoowellhermind,itsclearrigidity,itsintuitiveperceptionofthatwithwhichitwasnotsafetosympathise,itsinstinctforself-preservation,itsspontaneouscontemptforthosewithoutthatinstinct。Andshehadwrittenthesewordsconsideringherselfboundtohim——amanofsentiment,ofrebellioussympathies,ofuntidinessofprinciple!Herewastheanswertothequestionhehadaskedallday:\"Howhavethingscometosuchapass?\"andhebegantofeelcompassionforher。
Poorchild!Shecouldnotjilthim;therewassomethingvulgarintheword!NevershoulditbesaidthatAntoniaDennanthadaccentedhimandthrownhimover。Noladydidthesethings!Theywereimpossible!Atthebottomofhishearthehadaqueer,unconscioussympathywith,thisimpossibility。
Onceagainhereadtheletter,whichseemednowimpregnatedwithfreshmeaning,andtheangerwhichhadmingledwithhisfirstsensationofreliefdetacheditselfandgrewinforce。Inthatlettertherewassomethingtyrannous,adenialofhisrighttohaveaseparatepointofview。Itwaslikeafingerpointedathimasanunsoundperson。Inmarryingherhewouldbemarryingnotonlyher,butherclass——hisclass。Shewouldbetherealwaystomakehimlookonherandonhimself,andallthepeoplethattheyknewandallthethingstheydid,complacently;shewouldbetheretomakehimfeelhimselfsuperiortoeveryonewhoselifewascastinothermoralmoulds。Tofeelhimselfsuperior,notblatantly,notconsciously,butwithsubconsciousrighteousness。
Buthisanger,whichwasliketheparoxysmthattwodaysbeforehadmadehimmutterattheConnoisseur,\"Ihateyourd——dsuperiority,\"
struckhimallatonceasimpotentandludicrous。Whatwasthegoodofbeingangry?Hewasonthepointoflosingher!Andtheanguishofthatthought,reactingonhisanger,intensifieditthreefold。
Shewassocertainofherself,sosuperiortoheremotions,tohernaturalimpulses——superiortoherverylongingtobefreefromhim。
Ofthatfact,atallevents,Sheltonhadnolongeranydoubt。Itwasbeyondargument。Shedidnotreallylovehim;shewantedtobefreeofhim!
AphotographhunginhisbedroomatHolmOaksofagrouproundthehalldoor;theHonourableCharlottePenguin,Mrs。Dennant,LadyBonington,Halidome,Mr。Dennant,andthestained-glassman——allwerethere;andontheleft-handside,lookingstraightinfrontofher,Antonia。Herfaceinitsyouthfulness,morethanallthoseothers,expressedtheirpointofview:Behindthosecalmyoungeyeslayaworldofsafetyandtradition。\"Iamnotasothersare,\"theyseemedtosay。
AndfromthatphotographMr。andMrs。Dennantsingledthemselvesout;
hecouldseetheirfacesastheytalked——theirfaceswithapeculiaranduneasylookonthem;andhecouldheartheirvoices,stilldecisive,butalittleacid,asiftheyhadbeenquarrelling:
\"He\'smadeadonkeyofhimself!\"
\"Ah!it\'stoodistressin\'!\"
They,too,thoughthimunsound,anddidn\'twanthim;buttosavethesituationtheywouldbegladtokeephim。Shedidn\'twanthim,butsherefusedtoloseherrighttosay,\"Commonergirlsmaybreaktheirpromises;Iwillnot!\"Hesatdownatthetablebetweenthecandles,coveringhisface。Hisgriefandangergrewandgrewwithinhim。Ifshewouldnotfreeherself,thedutywasonhim!Shewasreadywithoutlovetomarryhim,asasacrificetoheridealofwhatsheoughttobe!
Butshehadn\'t,afterall,themonopolyofpride!
Asifshestoodbeforehim,hecouldseetheshadowsunderneathhereyesthathehaddreamedofkissing,theeagermovementsofherlips。
Forseveralminutesheremained,notmovinghandorlimb。Thenoncemorehisangerblazed。Shewasgoingtosacrificeherselfand——him!
Allhismanhoodscoffedatsuchasenselesssacrifice。Thatwasnotexactlywhathewanted!
Hewenttothebureau,tookapieceofpaperandanenvelope,andwroteasfollows:
Thereneverwas,isnot,andneverwouldhavebeenanyquestionofbeingboundbetweenus。Irefusetotradeonanysuchthing。Youareabsolutelyfree。Ourengagementisatanendbymutualconsent。
RICHARDSHELTON。
Hesealedit,and,sittingwithhishandsbetweenhisknees,helethisforeheaddrooplowerandlowertothetable,tillitrestedonhismarriagesettlement。Andhehadafeelingofrelief,likeonewhodropsexhaustedathisjourney\'send。