Howcanyou，askanythingofawomanwhodoesn\'twanttogiveit。
Hisfriend\'svoicebecamejudicial。
CHAPTERIII
AZOOLOGICALGARDEN
AfterhisjourneyupfromDover，SheltonwasstillfatheringhisluggageatCharingCross，whentheforeigngirlpassedhim，and，inspiteofhisdesiretosaysomethingcheering，hecouldgetnothingoutbutashame-facedsmile。Herfigurevanished，waveringintothehurly-burly；oneofhisbagshadgoneastray，andsoallthoughtofhersoonfadedfromhismind。Hiscab，however，overtooktheforeignvagrantmarchingalongtowardsPallMallwithacurious，lengthystride——anobservant，disillusionedfigure。
Thefirstbustleofinstallationover，timehungheavyonhishands。
Julyloomeddistant，asinsomefuturecentury；Antonia\'seyesbeckonedhimfaintly，hopelessly。ShewouldnotevenbecomingbacktoEnglandforanothermonth……ImetayoungforeignerinthetrainfromDover[hewrotetoher]——acurioussortofpersonaltogether，whoseemstohaveinfectedme。Everythingherehasgoneflatandunprofitable；theonlygoodthingsinlifeareyourletters……JohnNobledinedwithmeyesterday；thepoorfellowtriedtopersuademetostandforParliament。WhyshouldIthinkmyselffittolegislatefortheunhappywretchesoneseesaboutinthestreets？Ifpeople\'sfacesareafairtestoftheirhappiness，I\'drathernotfeelinanywayresponsible……
Thestreets，infact，afterhislongabsenceintheEast，affordedhimmuchfoodforthought:thecurioussmugnessofthepassers-by；
theutterlyunendingbustle；thefearfulmedleyofmiserable，over-
drivenwomen，andfull-fedmen，withleering，bull-beefeyes，whomhesaweverywhere——inclubwindows，ontheirbeats，onboxseats，onthestepsofhotels，dischargingdilatoryduties；theappallingchoasofhard-eyed，capabledameswithdefiantclothes，andwhite-cheekedhunted-lookingmen；ofsplendidcreaturesintheircabs，andcadgingcreaturesintheirbrokenhats——thecallousnessandthemonotony!
OneafternooninMayhereceivedthislettercouchedinFrench:
3，BLANKROW
WESTMINSTER。
MYDEARSIR，ExcusemeforrecallingtoyourmemorytheofferofassistanceyousokindlymademeduringthejourneyfromDovertoLondon，inwhichI
wassofortunateastotravelwithamanlikeyou。Havingbeatenthewholetown，ignorantofwhatwoodtomakearrows，nearlyattheendofmyresources，myspiritprofoundlydiscouraged，Iventuretoavailmyselfofyourpermission，knowingyourgoodheart。SinceIsawyouIhaverunthroughallthemisfortunesofthecalendar，andcannottellwhatdoorisleftatwhichIhavenotknocked。Ipresentedmyselfatthebusinessfirmwithwhosenameyousuppliedme，butbeingunfortunatelyinrags，theyrefusedtogivemeyouraddress。
IsthisnotverymuchintheEnglishcharacter？Theytoldmetowrite，andsaidtheywouldforwardtheletter。Iputallmyhopesinyou。
Believeme，mydearsir，whateveryoumaydecide
YourdevotedLOUISFERRAND。
Sheltonlookedattheenvelope，andsaw，thatit，boredateaweekago。Thefaceoftheyoungvagrantrosebeforehim，vital，mocking，sensitive；thesoundofhisquickFrenchbuzzedinhisears，and，oddly，thewholewhiffofhimhadapowerofraisingmorevividlythaneverhismemoriesofAntonia。IthadbeenattheendofthejourneyfromHyerestoLondonthathehadmethim；thatseemedtogivetheyouthaclaim。
Hetookhishatandhurried，toBlankRow。DismissinghiscabatthecornerofVictoriaStreethewithdifficultyfoundthehouseinquestion。Itwasadoorlessplace，withstone-flaggedcorridor——inotherwords，a\"doss-house。\"Bytappingonasortofticket-officewithaslidingwindow，heattractedtheattentionofablowsywomanwithsoap-sudsonherarms，whoinformedhimthatthepersonhewaslookingforhadgonewithoutleavinghisaddress。
\"Butisn\'tthereanybody，\"askedShelton，\"ofwhomIcanmakeinquiry？\"
\"Yes；there\'saFrenchman。\"Andopeninganinnerdoorshebellowed:
\"Frenchy!Wanted!\"anddisappeared。
Adried-up，yellowlittleman，cynicalandwearyintheface，asifamoralsteam-rollerhadpassedoverit，answeredthiscall，andstood，sniffing，asitwere，atShelton，onwhomhemadethesingularimpressionofsomelittlecreatureinacage。
\"Heleftheretendaysago，inthecompanyofamulatto。Whatdoyouwantwithhim，ifImayask？\"Thelittleman\'syellowcheekswerewrinkledwithsuspicion。
Sheltonproducedtheletter。
\"Ah!nowIknowyou\"——apalesmilebrokethroughtheFrenchman\'scrow\'s-feet——\"hespokeofyou。\'IfIcanonlyfindhim，\'heusedtosay，\'I\'msaved。\'Ilikedthatyoungman；hehadideas。\"
\"Istherenowayofgettingathimthroughhisconsul？\"
TheFrenchmanshookhishead。
\"Mightaswelllookfordiamondsatthebottomofthesea。\"
\"Doyouthinkhewillcomebackhere？ButbythattimeIsuppose，you\'llhardlybehereyourself？\"
AgleamofamusementplayedabouttheFrenchman\'steeth:
\"I？Oh，yes，sir!OnceuponatimeIcherishedthehopeofemerging；
Inolongerhaveillusions。Ishavethesespecimensforaliving，andshallshavethemtillthedayofjudgment。Butleavealetterwithmebyallmeans；hewillcomeback。There\'sanovercoatofhishereonwhichheborrowedmoney——it\'sworthmore。Oh，yes；hewillcomeback——ayouthofprinciple。Leavealetterwithme；I\'malwayshere。\"
Sheltonhesitated，butthoselastthreewords，\"I\'malwayshere，\"
touchedhimintheirsimplicity。Nothingmoredreadfulcouldbesaid。
\"Canyoufindmeasheetofpaper，then？\"heasked；\"pleasekeepthechangeforthetroubleIamgivingyou。\"
\"Thankyou，\"saidtheFrenchmansimply；\"hetoldmethatyourheartwasgood。Ifyoudon\'tmindthekitchen，youcouldwritethereatyourease。\"
Sheltonwrotehisletteratthetableofthisstone-flaggedkitchenincompanywithanaged，dried-upgentleman；whowasmutteringtohimself；andSheltontriedtoavoidattractinghisattention，suspectingthathewasnotsober。Justashewasabouttotakehisleave，however，theoldfellowthusaccostedhim:
\"Didyouevergotothedentist，mister？\"hesaid，workingataloosetoothwithhisshrivelledfingers。\"Iwenttoadentistonce，whoprofessedtostopteethwithoutgivingpain，andthebeggardidstopmyteethwithoutpain；butdidtheystayin，thosestoppings？No，mybhoy；theycameoutbeforeyoucouldsayJackRobinson。Now，I
shimplyaskyou，d\'youcallthatdentistry？\"FixinghiseyesonShelton\'scollar，whichhadthemisfortunetobehighandclean，heresumedwithdrunkenscorn:\"Ut\'sthesamealloverthispharisaicalcounthry。TalkofhighmoralityandAnglo-Shaxoncivilisation!Theworldwasneveratsuchlowebb!Phwhat\'sallthismorality？Utstinksoftheshop。LookattheconditionofArtinthiscounthry!
lookatthefoolsyouseeuponth\'stage!lookatthepicturesandbooksthatsell!IknowwhatI\'mtalkingabout，thoughIamasandwichman。Phwhat\'sthesecretofutall？Shop，mybhoy!Utdon\'tpaytogobelowacertaindepth!Scratchtheskin，butpierceut——Oh!dear，no!Wehatetoseethebloodfly，eh？\"
Sheltonstooddisconcerted，notknowingifhewereexpectedtoreply；
buttheoldgentleman，pursinguphislips，wenton:
\"Sir，therearenoextremesinthisfog-smittenland。Doyethinkblanksloikemeoughttoexist？Whoydon\'ttheykillusoff？
Palliatives——palliatives——andwhoy？Becausetheyobjecttoth\'
extremecourse。Lookatwomen:thestreetshereareascandaltotheworld。Theywon\'trecognisethattheyexist——theirnosesaresodamhigh!Theyblinkthetruthinthismiddle-classcounthry。Mybhoy\"——
andhewhisperedconfidentially——\"utpays\'em。Eh？yousay，whyshouldn\'tthey，then？\"ButSheltonhadnotspoken。\"Well，let\'em!
let\'em!。Butdon\'ttellmethat\'shmorality，don\'ttellmethat\'shcivilisation!Whatcanyouexpectinacounthrywherethecrimson，emotionsareneverallowedtosmelltheair？Andwhat\'shtheresult？
Mybhoy，theresultissentiment，ayellowthingwithbluespots，likeafungusoraStiltoncheese。Gotothetheatre，andseeoneofthesethingstheycallplays。Tellme，aretheyfoodformenandwomen？Why，they\'repapforbabesandshop-boys!Iwasablankyactormoyself!\"
Sheltonlistenedwithmingledfeelingsofamusementanddismay，tilltheoldactor，havingfinished，resumedhiscrouchingpostureatthetable。
\"Youdon\'tgetdhrunk，Isuppose？\"hesaidsuddenly——\"toomuchof\'nEnglishman，nodoubt。\"
\"Veryseldom，\"saidShelton。
\"Pity!Thinkofthepleasuresofoblivion!Oi\'mdhrunkeverynight。\"
\"Howlongwillyoulastatthatrate？\"
\"TherespeakstheEnglishman!WhyshouldOigiveupmeonlypleasuretokeepmewretchedlifein？Ifyou\'veanythingleftworththekeepingshoberfor，keepshoberbyallmeans；ifnot，thesooneryouaredhrunkthebetter——thatstandstoreason。\"
InthecorridorSheltonaskedtheFrenchmanwheretheoldmancamefrom。
\"Oh，andEnglishman!Yes，yes，fromBelfastverydrunkenoldman。
Youareadrunkennation\"——hemadeamotionwithhishands\"henolongereats——noinsideleft。Itisunfortunate-amanofspirit。Ifyouhaveneverseenoneofthesepalaces，monsieur，Ishallbehappytoshowyouoverit。\"
Sheltontookouthiscigarettecase。
\"Yes，yes，\"saidtheFrenchman，makingawrynoseandtakingacigarette；\"I\'maccustomedtoit。Butyou\'rewisetofumigatetheair；oneisn\'tinaharem。\"
AndSheltonfeltashamedofhisfastidiousness。
\"This，\"saidtheguide，leadinghimup-stairsandopeningadoor，\"isaspecimenoftheapartmentsreservedfortheseprincesoftheblood。\"Therewerefouremptybedsonironlegs，and，withtheairofashowman，theFrenchmantwitchedawayadingyquilt。\"Theygooutinthemornings，earnenoughtomakethemdrunk，sleepitoff，andthenbeginagain。That\'stheirlife。Therearepeoplewhothinktheyoughttobereformed。\'Monchermonsieur\'，onemustfacerealityalittle，eveninthiscountry。ItwouldbeahundredtimesbetterforthesepeopletospendtheirtimereforminghighSociety。
YourhighSocietymakesallthesecreatures；there\'snoharvestwithoutcuttingstalks。\'Selonmoi\'，\"hecontinued，puttingbackthequilt，anddribblingcigarettesmokethroughhisnose，\"there\'snogranddifferencebetweenyourhighSocietyandtheseindividualshere；bothwantpleasure，boththinkonlyofthemselves，whichisverynatural。Onelothavehadtheluck，theother——well，yousee。\"
Heshrugged。\"Acommonset!I\'vebeenrobbedherehalfadozentimes。Ifyouhavenewshoes，agoodwaistcoat，anovercoat，youwanteyesinthebackofyourhead。Andtheyarepopulated!Changeyourbed，andyou\'llrunallthedangersofnotsleepingalone。
\'V\'lamaclientele\'!Thehalfofthemdon\'tpayme!\"He，snappedhisyellowsticksoffingers。\"Apennyforashave，twopenceacut!
\'Quellevie\'!Here，\"hecontinued，standingbyabed，\"isagentlemanwhoowesmefivepence。Here\'sonewhowasasoldier；he\'sdonefor!Allbrutalised；notonewithanycourageleft!But，believeme，monsieur，\"hewenton，openinganotherdoor，\"whenyoucomedowntohousesofthissortyoumusthaveavice；it\'sasnecessaryasbreathistothelungs。Nomatterwhat，youmusthaveavicetogiveyoualittlesolace——\'unpeudesoulagement\'。Ah，yes!
beforeyoujudgetheseswine，reflectonlife!I\'vebeenthroughit。
Monsieur，itisnotnicenevertoknowwheretogetyournextmeal。
Gentlemenwhohavefoodintheirstomachs，moneyintheirpockets，andknowwheretogetmore，theyneverthink。Whyshouldthey——\'pasdedanger\'!Allthesecagesarethesame。Comedown，andyoushallseethepantry。\"HetookSheltonthroughthekitchen，whichseemedtheonlysitting-roomoftheestablishment，toaninnerroomfurnishedwithdirtycupsandsaucers，plates，andknives。Anotherfirewasburningthere。\"Wealwayshavehotwater，\"saidtheFrenchman，\"andthreetimesaweektheymakeafiredownthere\"——hepointedtoacellar——\"forourclientstoboiltheirvermin。Oh，yes，wehavealltheluxuries。\"
Sheltonreturnedtothekitchen，anddirectlyaftertookleaveofthelittleFrenchman，whosaid，withakindofmoralbutton-holing，asiftryingtoadopthimasapatron:
\"Trustme，monsieur；ifhecomesback——thatyoungman——heshallhaveyourletterwithoutfail。MynameisCarolanJulesCarolan；andI
amalwaysatyourservice。\"
CHAPTERIV
THEPLAY
Sheltonwalkedaway；hehadbeenindulginginanightmare。\"Thatoldactorwasdrunk，\"thoughthe，\"andnodoubthewasanIrishman；
still，theremaybetruthinwhathesaid。IamaPharisee，likealltherestwhoaren\'tinthepit。Myrespectabilityisonlyluck。
WhatshouldIhavebecomeifI\'dbeenbornintohiskindoflife？\"
andhestaredatastreamofpeoplecomingfromtheStares，tryingtopiercethemaskoftheirserious，complacentfaces。Iftheseladiesandgentlemenwereputintothatpitintowhichhehadbeenlooking，wouldasingleoneofthememergeagain？Buttheeffortofpicturingthemtherewastoomuchforhim；itwastoofar——tooridiculouslyfar。
Oneparticularcouple，alarge；finemanandwife，who，inthemidstofallthedirtandrumblinghurry，thegloomy，ludicrous，anddesperatelyjovialstreets，walkedsidebysideinwell-bredsilence，hadevidentlyboughtsomearticlewhichpleasedthem。Therewasnothingoffensiveintheirmanner；theyseemedquiteunconcernedatthepassingoftheotherpeople。Themanhadthatfinesolidityofshoulderandofwaist，theglossyself-possessionthatbelongstothosewithhorses，guns，anddressing-bags。Thewife，herchincomfortablysettledinherfur，kepthergreyeyesontheground，and，whenshespoke，herevenandunruffledvoicereachedShelton\'searsaboveallthewhirringofthetraffic。Itwasleisurelyprecise，asifithadneverhurried，hadneverbeenexhausted，orpassionate，orafraid。Theirtalk，likethatofmanydozensoffinecouplesinvadingLondonfromtheircountryplaces，wasofwheretodine，whattheatretheyshouldgoto，whomtheyhadseen，whattheyshouldbuy。AndSheltonknewthatfromday\'sendtoend，andevenintheirbed，thesewouldbethesubjectsoftheirconversation。Theywerethebest-bredpeopleofthesorthemetincountryhousesandacceptedasofcourse，withavaguediscomfortatthebottomofhissoul。Antonia\'shome，forinstance，hadbeenfullofthem。Theywerethebest-bredpeopleofthesortwhosupportedcharities，kneweverybody，hadclear，calmjudgment，andintoleranceofallsuchconductasseemedtothem\"impossible，\"allbreachesofmorality，suchasmistakesofetiquette，suchasdishonesty，passion，sympathyexceptwithacanonisedclassofobjects——thelegitimatesufferings，forinstance，oftheirownfamiliesandclass。Howhealthytheywere!Thememoryofthedoss-houseworkedinShelton\'smindlikepoison。Hewasconsciousthatinhisowngroomedfigure，intheundemonstrativeassuranceofhiswalk，heboreresemblancetothecoupleheapostrophised。\"Ah!\"hethought，\"howvulgarourrefinementis!\"Buthehardlybelievedinhisownoutburst。Thesepeopleweresowellmannered，sowellconducted，andsohealthy，hecouldnotreallyunderstandwhatirritatedhim。Whatwasthematterwiththem？Theyfulfilledtheirduties，hadgoodappetites，clearconsciences，allthefurnitureofperfectcitizens；theymerelylacked-feelers，alossthat，hehadread，wassufferedbyplantsandanimalswhichnolongerhadaneedforusingthem。Somerarenationalfacultyofseeingonlytheobviousandmateriallyusefulhaddestroyedtheirpowerofcatchinggleamsorscentstorightorleft。
Theladylookedupatherhusband。Thelightofquiet，proprietaryaffectionshoneinhercalmgreyeyes，decorouslyilluminingherfeaturesslightlyreddenedbythewind。Andthehusbandlookedbackather，calm，practical，protecting。Theywereverymuchalike。Sodoubtlesshelookedwhenhepresentedhimselfinsnowyshirt-sleevesforhertostraightenthebowofhiswhitetie；sonightlyshewouldlook，standingbeforethefull-lengthmirror，fixinghisgiftsuponherbosom。Calm，proprietary，kind!Hepassedthemandwalkedbehindasecondlessdistinguishedcouple，whomanifestedamutualdislikeasmatter-of-factandfreefromnonsenseastheunruffledsatisfactionofthefirst；thisdislikewasjustashealthy，andproducedinSheltonaboutthesamesensation。Itwaslikeknockingatanever-openeddoor，lookingatacircle——coupleaftercoupleallthesame。Noheads，toes，anglesoftheirsoulsstuckoutanywhere。
Intheseaoftheirenvironmentstheyweredrowned；nolegbravedtheair，noarmemergedwetandnakedwavingattheskies；shop-persons，aristocrats，workmen，officials，theywereallrespectable。Andhehimselfasrespectableasany。
Hereturned，thusmoody，tohisroomsand，withtheimpetuositywhichdistinguishedhimwhenabouttodoanunwisething，heseizedapenandpouredoutbeforeAntoniasomeofhisimpressions:……Meanistheword，darling；wearemean，that\'swhat\'sthematterwithus，dukesanddustmen，thewholehumanspecies——asmeanascaterpillars。Tosecureourownpropertyandourowncomfort，todoleoutoursympathyaccordingtorulejustsothatitwon\'treallyhurtus，iswhatwe\'reallafter。There\'ssomethingabouthumannaturethatisawfullyrepulsive，andthehealthierpeopleare，themorerepulsivetheyseemtometobe……
Hepaused，bitinghispen。Hadheoneacquaintancewhowouldnotcounselhimtoseeadoctorforwritinginthatstyle？Howwouldtheworldgoround，howcouldSocietyexist，withoutcommon-sense，practicalability，andthelackofsympathy？
Helookedoutoftheopenwindow。Downinthestreetafootmanwassettlingtherugoverthekneesofaladyinacarriage，andthedecorousimmovabilityofboththeirfaces，whichwereclearlyvisibletohim，waslikeaportionofsomewell-oiledengine。
Hegotupandwalkedupanddown。Hisrooms，inanarrowsquareskirtingBelgravia，wereunchangedsincethedeathofhisfatherhadmadehimamanofmeans。Selectedfortheircentrality，theywerefurnishedinaverymiscellaneousway。Theywerenotbare，butcloseinspectionrevealedthateverythingwasdamaged，moreorless，andtherewasabsolutelynothingthatseemedtohaveaninteresttakeninit。Hisgoodswereaccidents，presents，orthehaphazardacquisitionsofapressingneed。Nothing，ofcourse，wasfrowsy，buteverythingwassomewhatdusty，asifbelongingtoamanwhoneverrebukedaservant。Aboveall，therewasnothingthatindicatedhobbies。
Threedayslaterhehadheranswertohisletter:……Idon\'tthinkIunderstandwhatyoumeanby\"thehealthierpeopleare，themorerepulsivetheyseemtobe\"；onemustbehealthytobeperfect，mustn\'tone？Idon\'tlikeunhealthypeople。Ihadtoplayonthatwretchedpianoafterreadingyourletter；itmademefeelunhappy。I\'vebeenhavingasplendidlotoftennislately，gottheback-handedliftingstrokeatlast——hurrah!……
Bythesamepost，too，camethefollowingnoteinanautocraticwriting:
DEARBIRD[forthiswasShelton\'scollegenickname]，Mywifehasgonedowntoherpeople，soI\'m\'engarcon\'forafewdays。Ifyou\'venothingbettertodo，comeanddineto-nightatseven，andgotothetheatre。It\'sagessinceIsawyou。
Yoursasever，B。M。HALIDOME。
Sheltonhadnothingbettertodo，forpleasantwerehisfriendHalidome\'swell-appointeddinners。Atseven，therefore，hewenttoChesterSquare。Hisfriendwasinhisstudy，readingMatthewArnoldbythelightofanelectriclamp。Thewallsoftheroomwerehungwithcostlyetchings，arrangedwithsolidandunfailingtaste；fromthecarvingofthemantel-piecetothebindingofthebooks，fromthemiraculously-colouredmeerschaumstothechasedfire-irons，everythingdisplayedanunpretentiousluxury，anorderandafinishsignificantoflifecompletelyunderruleofthumb。Everythinghadbeencollected。ThecollectorroseasSheltonentered，afinefigureofaman，cleanshaven，——withdarkhair，aRomannose，goodeyes，andtheratherweightydignityofattitudewhichcomesfromtheassurancethatoneisintheright。
TakingSheltonbythelapel，hedrewhimintotheradiusofthelamp，whereheexaminedhim，smilingaslowsmile。\"Gladtoseeyou，oldchap。Iratherlikeyourbeard，\"hesaidwithgenialbrusqueness；
andnothing，perhaps，couldbetterhavesummeduphisfacultyforformingindependentjudgmentswhichSheltonfoundsoadmirable。Hemadenoapologyforthesmallnessofthedinner，which，consistingofeightcoursesandthreewines，servedbyabutlerandonefootman，smackedofthesameperfectionasthefurniture；infact，heneverapologisedforanything，exceptwithajovialbrusquenessthatwasworsethantheoffence。ThesuaveandreasonableweightofhisdislikesandhisapprovalsstirredSheltonuptofeelironicalandinsignificant；butwhetherfromasenseofthesolid，humane，andhealthyqualityofhisfriend\'segoism，ormerelyfromthefactthatthisfriendshiphadbeenlonginbottle，hedidnotresenthismixedsensations。