第6章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG MAN",免费读到尾

  MrDedalushadordereddrisheensforbreakfastandduringthemealhecross-examinedthewaiterforlocalnews。Forthemostparttheyspokeatcrosspurposeswhenanamewasmentioned,thewaiterhavinginmindthepresentholderandMrDedalushisfatherorperhapshisgrandfather——

  Well,Ihopetheyhaven\'tmovedtheQueen\'sCollegeanyhow,saidMrDedalus,forIwanttoshowittothisyoungsterofmine。

  AlongtheMardykethetreeswereinbloom。Theyenteredthegroundsofthecollegeandwereledbythegarrulousporteracrossthequadrangle。

  Buttheirprogressacrossthegravelwasbroughttoahaltaftereverydozenorsopacesbysomereplyoftheporter\'s——

  Ah,doyoutellmeso?AndispoorPottlebellydead?——

  Yes,sir。Dead,sir。

  DuringthesehaltsStephenstoodawkwardlybehindthetwomen,wearyofthesubjectandwaitingrestlesslyfortheslowmarchtobeginagain。

  Bythetimetheyhadcrossedthequadranglehisrestlessnesshadrisentofever。Hewonderedhowhisfather,whomheknewforashrewdsuspiciousman,couldbedupedbytheservilemannersoftheporter;andthelivelysouthernspeechwhichhadentertainedhimallthemorningnowirritatedhisears。

  TheypassedintotheanatomytheatrewhereMrDedalus,theporteraidinghim,searchedthedesksforhisinitials。Stephenremainedinthebackground,depressedmorethaneverbythedarknessandsilenceofthetheatreandbytheairitworeofjadedandformalstudy。OnthedeskhereadthewordFoetuscutseveraltimesinthedarkstainedwood。Thesuddenlegendstartledhisblood:heseemedtofeeltheabsentstudentsofthecollegeabouthimandtoshrinkfromtheircompany。Avisionoftheirlife,whichhisfather\'swordshadbeenpowerlesstoevoke,sprangupbeforehimoutofthewordcutinthedesk。Abroad-shoulderedstudentwithamoustachewascuttingintheletterswithajack-knife,seriously。Otherstudentsstoodorsatnearhimlaughingathishandiwork。Onejoggedhiselbow。

  Thebigstudentturnedonhim,frowning。Hewasdressedinloosegreyclothesandhadtanboots。

  Stephen\'snamewascalled。Hehurrieddownthestepsofthetheatresoastobeasfarawayfromthevisionashecouldbeand,peeringcloselyathisfather\'sinitials,hidhisflushedface。

  Butthewordandthevisioncaperedbeforehiseyesashewalkedbackacrossthequadrangleandtowardsthecollegegate。Itshockedhimtofindintheouterworldatraceofwhathehaddeemedtillthenabrutishandindividualmaladyofhisownmind。Hismonstrousreveriescamethrongingintohismemory。Theytoohadsprungupbeforehim,suddenlyandfuriously,outofmerewords。Hehadsoongivenintothemandallowedthemtosweepacrossandabasehisintellect,wonderingalwayswheretheycamefrom,fromwhatdenofmonstrousimages,andalwaysweakandhumbletowardsothers,restlessandsickenedofhimselfwhentheyhadsweptoverhim——

  Ay,bedad!Andthere\'stheGroceriessureenough!criedMrDedalus。

  YouoftenheardmespeakoftheGroceries,didn\'tyou,Stephen。Many\'sthetimewewentdowntherewhenournameshadbeenmarked,acrowdofus,HarryPeardandlittleJackMountainandBobDyasandMauriceMoriarty,theFrenchman,andTomO\'GradyandMickLacythatItoldyouofthismorningandJoeyCorbetandpoorlittlegood-heartedJohnnyKeeversoftheTantiles。

  TheleavesofthetreesalongtheMardykewereastirandwhisperinginthesunlight。Ateamofcricketerspassed,agileyoungmeninflannelsandblazers,oneofthemcarryingthelonggreenwicket-bag。InaquietbystreetaGermanbandoffiveplayersinfadeduniformsandwithbatteredbrassinstrumentswasplayingtoanaudienceofstreetarabsandleisurelymessengerboys。Amaidinawhitecapandapronwaswateringaboxofplantsonasillwhichshonelikeaslaboflimestoneinthewarmglare。Fromanotherwindowopentotheaircamethesoundofapiano,scaleafterscalerisingintothetreble。

  Stephenwalkedonathisfather\'sside,listeningtostorieshehadheardbefore,hearingagainthenamesofthescatteredanddeadrevellerswhohadbeenthecompanionsofhisfather\'syouth。Andafaintsicknesssighedinhisheart。

  HerecalledhisownequivocalpositioninBelvedere,afreeboy,aleaderafraidofhisownauthority,proudandsensitiveandsuspicious,battlingagainstthesqualorofhislifeandagainsttheriotofhismind。Theletterscutinthestainedwoodofthedeskstareduponhim,mockinghisbodilyweaknessandfutileenthusiasmsandmakinghimloathehimselfforhisownmadandfilthyorgies。Thespittleinhisthroatgrewbitterandfoultoswallowandthefaintsicknessclimbedtohisbrainsothatforamomentheclosedhiseyesandwalkedonindarkness。

  Hecouldstillhearhisfather\'svoice——

  Whenyoukickoutforyourself,Stephen-asIdaresayyouwilloneofthesedays-remember,whateveryoudo,tomixwithgentlemen。WhenIwasayoungfellowItellyouIenjoyedmyself。Imixedwithfinedecentfellows。Everyoneofuscouldlosomething。Onefellowhadagoodvoice,anotherfellowwasagoodactor,anothercouldsingagoodcomicsong,anotherwasagoodoarsmanoragoodracketplayer,anothercouldtellagoodstoryandsoon。Wekepttheballrollinganyhowandenjoyedourselvesandsawabitoflifeandwewerenonetheworseofiteither。Butwewereallgentlemen,Stephen-atleastIhopewewere-andbloodygoodhonestIrishmentoo。That\'sthekindoffellowsIwantyoutoassociatewith,fellowsoftherightkidney。I\'mtalkingtoyouasafriend,Stephen。I

  don\'tbelieveasonshouldbeafraidofhisfather。No,ItreatyouasyourgrandfathertreatedmewhenIwasayoungchap。Weweremorelikebrothersthanfatherandson。I`Ilneverforgetthefirstdayhecaughtmesmoking。IwasstandingattheendoftheSouthTerraceonedaywithsomemaneenslikemyselfandsurewethoughtweweregrandfellowsbecausewehadpipesstuckinthecornersofourmouths。Suddenlythegovernorpassed。Hedidn\'tsayaword,orstopeven。Butthenextday,Sunday,wewereoutforawalktogetherandwhenwewerecominghomehetookouthiscigarcaseandsaid:-Bytheby,Simon,Ididn\'tknowyousmoked,orsomethinglikethat-OfcourseItriedtocarryitoffasbestIcould-Ifyouwantagoodsmoke,hesaid,tryoneofthesecigars。AnAmericancaptainmademeapresentofthemlastnightinQueenstown。

  Stephenheardhisfather\'svoicebreakintoalaughwhichwasalmostasob——

  HewasthehandsomestmaninCorkatthattime,byGodhewas!Thewomenusedtostandtolookafterhiminthestreet。

  Heheardthesobpassingloudlydownhisfather\'sthroatandopenedhiseyeswithanervousimpulse。Thesunlightbreaking-suddenlyonhissightturnedtheskyandcloudsintoafantasticworldofsombremasseswithlakelikespacesofdarkrosylight。Hisverybrainwassickandpowerless。

  Hecouldscarcelyinterpretthelettersofthesignboardsoftheshops。

  Byhismonstrouswayoflifeheseemedtohaveputhimselfbeyondthelimitsofreality。Nothingmovedhimorspoketohimfromtherealworldunlessheheardinitanechooftheinfuriatedcrieswithinhim。Hecouldrespondtonoearthlyorhumanappeal,dumbandinsensibletothecallofsummerandgladnessandcompanionship,weariedanddejectedbyhisfather\'svoice。

  Hecouldscarcelyrecognizeashisownthoughts,andrepeatedslowlytohimself:——

  IamStephenDedalus。IamwalkingbesidemyfatherwhosenameisSimonDedalus。WeareinCork,inIreland。Corkisacity。OurroomisintheVictoriaHotel。VictoriaandStephenandSimon。SimonandStephenandVictoria。Names。

  Thememoryofhischildhoodsuddenlygrewdim。Hetriedtocallforthsomeofitsvividmomentsbutcouldnot。Herecalledonlynames。Dante,Parnell,Clane,Clongowes。Alittleboyhadbeentaughtgeographybyanoldwomanwhokepttwobrushesinherwardrobe。Thenhehadbeensentawayfromhometoacollege,hehadmadehisfirstcommunionandeatenslimjimoutofhiscricketcapandwatchedthefirelightleapinganddancingonthewallofalittlebedroomintheinfirmaryanddreamedofbeingdead,ofmassbeingsaidforhimbytherectorinablackandgoldcope,ofbeingburiedtheninthelittlegraveyardofthecommunityoffthemainavenueoflimes。Buthehadnotdiedthen。Parnellhaddied。Therehadbeennomassforthedeadinthechapelandnoprocession。Hehadnotdiedbuthehadfadedoutlikeafilminthesun。Hehadbeenlostorhadwanderedoutofexistenceforhenolongerexisted。Howstrangetothinkofhimpassingoutofexistenceinsuchaway,notbydeathbutbyfadingoutinthesunorbybeinglostandforgottensomewhereintheuniverse!Itwasstrangetoseehissmallbodyappearagainforamoment:alittleboyinagreybeltedsuit。Hishandswereinhisside-pocketsandhistrousersweretuckedinatthekneesbyelasticbands。

  OntheeveningofthedayonwhichthepropertywassoldStephenfollowedhisfathermeeklyaboutthecityfrombartobar。Tothesellersinthemarket,tothebarmenandbarmaids,tothebeggarswhoimportunedhimforalobMrDedalustoldthesametale-thathewasanoldCorkonian,thathehadbeentryingforthirtyyearstogetridofhisCorkaccentupinDublinandthatPeterPickackafaxbesidehimwashiseldestsonbutthathewasonlyaDublinjackeen。

  TheyhadsetoutearlyinthemorningfromNewcombe\'scoffee-house,whereMrDedalus\'scuphadrattlednoisilyagainstitssaucer,andStephenhadtriedtocoverthatshamefulsignofhisfather\'sdrinkingboutofthenightbeforebymovinghischairandcoughing。Onehumiliationhadsucceededanother-thefalsesmilesofthemarketsellers,thecurvetingsandoglingsofthebarmaidswithwhomhisfatherflirted,thecomplimentsandencouragingwordsofhisfather\'sfriends。TheyhadtoldhimthathehadagreatlookofhisgrandfatherandMrDedalushadagreedthathewasanuglylikeness。TheyhadunearthedtracesofaCorkaccentinhisspeechandmadehimadmitthattheLeewasamuchfinerriverthantheLiffey。

  Oneofthem,inordertoputhisLatintotheproof,hadmadehimtranslateshortpassagesfromDilectusandaskedhimwhetheritwascorrecttosay:TemporamutanturnosetmutamurinillisorTemporamutanturetnosmutamurinillis。Another,abriskoldman,whomMrDedaluscalledJohnnyCashman,hadcoveredhimwithconfusionbyaskinghimtosaywhichwereprettier,theDublingirlsortheCorkgirls——

  He\'snotthatwaybuilt,saidMrDedalus。Leavehimalone。He\'salevel-headedthinkingboywhodoesn\'tbotherhisheadaboutthatkindofnonsense——

  Thenhe\'snothisfather\'sson,saidthelittleoldman——

  Idon\'tknow,I\'msure,saidMrDedalus,smilingcomplacently——

  Yourfather,saidthelittleoldmantoStephen,wastheboldestflirtintheCityofCorkinhisday。Doyouknowthat?

  Stephenlookeddownandstudiedthetiledfloorofthebarintowhichtheyhaddrifted——

  Nowdon\'tbeputtingideasintohishead,saidMrDedalusLeavehimtohisMaker——

  Yerra,sureIwouldn\'tputanyideasintohishead。I\'moldenoughtobehisgrandfather。AndIamagrandfather,saidthelittleoldmantoStephen。Doyouknowthat?——

  Areyou?askedStephen——

  BedadIam,saidthelittleoldman。IhavetwobouncinggrandchildrenoutatSunday\'sWell。Now,then!WhatagedoyouthinkIam?AndIrememberseeingyourgrandfatherinhisredcoatridingouttohounds。Thatwasbeforeyouwereborn——

  Ay,orthoughtof,saidMrDedalus——

  BedadIdid,repeatedthelittleoldman。And,morethanthat,I

  canrememberevenyourgreat-grandfather,oldJohnStephenDedalus,andafierceoldfire-eaterhewas。Now,then!There\'samemoryforyou!——

  That\'sthreegenerations-fourgenerations,saidanotherofthecompany。Why,JohnnyCashman,youmustbenearingthecentury——

  Well,I\'lltellyouthetruth,saidthelittleoldman。I\'mjusttwenty-sevenyearsofage——

  We\'reasoldaswefeel,Johnny,saidMrDedalus。Andjustfinishwhatyouhavethereandwe\'llhaveanother。Here,TimorTomorwhateveryournameis,giveusthesameagainhere。ByGod,Idon\'tfeelmorethaneighteenmyself。There\'sthatsonofminetherenothalfmyageandI\'mabettermanthanheisanydayoftheweek——

  Drawitmildnow,Dedalus。Ithinkit\'stimeforyoutotakeabackseat,saidthegentlemanwhohadspokenbefore——

  No,byGod!assertedMrDedalus。I\'llsingatenorsongagainsthimorI\'llvaultafive-barredgateagainsthimorI\'llrunwithhimafterthehoundsacrossthecountryasIdidthirtyyearsagoalongwiththeKerryBoyandthebestmanforit——

  Buthe\'llbeatyouhere,saidthelittleoldman,tappinghisforeheadandraisinghisglasstodrainit——

  Well,Ihopehe\'llbeasgoodamanashisfather。That\'sallIcansay,saidMrDedalus——

  Ifheis,he\'lldo,saidthelittleoldman——

  AndthanksbetoGod,Johnny,saidMrDedalus,thatwelivedsolonganddidsolittleharm——

  Butdidsomuchgood,Simon,saidthelittleoldmangravely。ThanksbetoGodwelivedsolonganddidsomuchgood。

  Stephenwatchedthethreeglassesbeingraisedfromthecounterashisfatherandhistwocroniesdranktothememoryoftheirpast。Anabyssoffortuneoroftemperamentsunderedhimfromthem。Hismindseemedolderthantheirs:itshonecoldlyontheirstrifesandhappinessandregretslikeamoonuponayoungerearth。Nolifeoryouthstirredinhimasithadstirredinthem。Hehadknownneitherthepleasureofcompanionshipwithothersnorthevigourofrudemalehealthnorfilialpiety。Nothingstirredwithinhissoulbutacoldandcruelandlovelesslust。Hischildhoodwasdeadorlostandwithithissoulcapableofsimplejoysandhewasdriftingamidlifelikethebarrenshellofthemoon。ArtthoupaleforwearinessOfclimbingheavenandgazingontheearth,Wanderingcompanionless?HerepeatedtohimselfthelinesofShelley\'sfragment。Itsalternationofsadhumanineffectivenesswithvastinhumancyclesofactivitychilledhimandheforgothisownhumanandineffectualgrieving。

  Stephen\'smotherandhisbrotherandoneofhiscousinswaitedatthecornerofquietFosterPlacewhileheandhisfatherwentupthestepsandalongthecolonnadewheretheHighlandsentrywasparading。WhentheyhadpassedintothegreathallandstoodatthecounterStephendrewforthhisordersonthegovernorofthebankofIrelandforthirtyandthreepounds;andthesesums,themoneysofhisexhibitionandessayprize,werepaidovertohimrapidlybythetellerinnotesandincoinrespectively。

  Hebestowedtheminhispocketswithfeignedcomposureandsufferedthefriendlyteller,towhomhisfatherchatted,totakehishandacrossthebroadcounterandwishhimabrilliantcareerinafterlife。Hewasimpatientoftheirvoicesandcouldnotkeephisfeetatrest。Butthetellerstilldeferredtheservingofotherstosayhewaslivinginchangedtimesandthattherewasnothinglikegivingaboythebesteducationthatmoneycouldbuy。MrDedaluslingeredinthehallgazingabouthimandupattheroofandtellingStephen,whourgedhimtocomeout,thattheywerestandinginthehouseofcommonsoftheoldIrishparliament——

  Godhelpus!hesaidpiously,tothinkofthemenofthosetimes,Stephen,HelyHutchinsonandFloodandHenryGrattanandCharlesKendalBushe,andthenoblemenwehavenow,leadersoftheIrishpeopleathomeandabroad。Why,byGod,theywouldn\'tbeseendeadinaten-acrefieldwiththem。No,Stephen,oldchap,I\'msorrytosaythattheyareonlyasIrovedoutonefineMaymorninginthemerrymonthofsweetJuly。

  AkeenOctoberwindwasblowingroundthebank。Thethreefiguresstandingattheedgeofthemuddypathhadpinchedcheeksandwateryeyes。StephenlookedathisthinlycladmotherandrememberedthatafewdaysbeforehehadseenamantlepricedattwentyguineasinthewindowsofBarnardo\'s——

  Wellthat\'sdone,saidMrDedalus——

  Wehadbettergotodinner,saidStephen。Where?——

  Dinner?saidMrDedalus。Well,Isupposewehadbetter,what?——

  Someplacethat\'snottoodear,saidMrsDedalus——

  Underdone\'s?——

  Yes。Somequietplace——

  Comealong,saidStephenquickly。Itdoesn\'tmatteraboutthedearness。

  Hewalkedonbeforethemwithshortnervoussteps,smiling。Theytriedtokeepupwithhim,smilingalsoathiseagerness——

  Takeiteasylikeagoodyoungfellow,saidhisfather。We\'rehotoutforthehalfmile,arewe?

  ForaswiftseasonofmerrymakingthemoneyofhisprizesranthroughStephen\'sfingers。Greatparcelsofgroceriesanddelicaciesanddriedfruitsarrivedfromthecity。EverydayhedrewupabilloffareforthefamilyandeverynightledapartyofthreeorfourtothetheatretoseeIngomarorTheLadyofLyons。InhiscoatpocketshecarriedsquaresofViennachocolateforhisguestswhilehistrousers\'pocketbulgedwithmassesofsilverandcoppercoins。Heboughtpresentsforeveryone,overhauledhisroom,wroteoutresolutions,marshalledhisbooksupanddowntheirshelves,poreduponallkindsofpricelists,drewupaformofcommonwealthforthehouseholdbywhicheverymemberofitheldsomeoffice,openedaloanbankforhisfamilyandpressedloansonwillingborrowerssothathemighthavethepleasureofmakingoutreceiptsandreckoningtheinterestsonthesumslent。Whenhecoulddonomorehedroveupanddownthecityintrams。Thentheseasonofpleasurecametoanend。

  Thepotofpinkenamelpaintgaveoutandthewainscotofhisbedroomremainedwithitsunfinishedandill-plasteredcoat。

  Hishouseholdreturnedtoitsusualwayoflife。Hismotherhadnofurtheroccasiontoupbraidhimforsquanderinghismoney。Hetooreturnedtohisoldlifeatschoolandallhisnovelenterprisesfelltopieces。Thecommonwealthfell,theloanbankcloseditscoffersanditsbooksonasensibleloss,therulesoflifewhichhehaddrawnabouthimselffellintodesuetude。

  Howfoolishhisaimhadbeen!Hehadtriedtobuildabreak-wateroforderandeleganceagainstthesordidtideoflifewithouthimandtodamup,byrulesofconductandactiveinterestandnewfilialrelations,thepowerfulrecurrenceofthetideswithinhim。Useless。Fromwithoutasfromwithinthewatershadflowedoverhisbarriers:theirtidesbeganoncemoretojostlefiercelyabovethecrumbledmole。

  Hesawclearlytoohisownfutileisolation。Hehadnotgoneonestepnearertheliveshehadsoughttoapproachnorbridgedtherestlessshameandrancourthathaddividedhimfrommotherandbrotherandsister。Hefeltthathewashardlyoftheonebloodwiththembutstoodtothemratherinthemysticalkinshipoffosterage,fosterchildandfosterbrother。

  Heturnedtoappeasethefiercelongingsofhisheartbeforewhicheverythingelsewasidleandalien。Hecaredlittlethathewasinmortalsin,thathislifehadgrowntobeatissueofsubterfugeandfalsehood。Besidethesavagedesirewithinhimtorealizetheenormitieswhichhebroodedonnothingwassacred。Heborecynicallywiththeshamefuldetailsofhissecretriotsinwhichheexultedtodefilewithpatiencewhateverimagehadattractedhiseyes。Bydayandbynighthemovedamongdistortedimagesoftheouterworld。Afigurethathadseemedtohimbydaydemureandinnocentcametowardshimbynightthroughthewindingdarknessofsleep,herfacetransfiguredbyalecherouscunning,hereyesbrightwithbrutishjoy。

  Onlythemorningpainedhimwithitsdimmemoryofdarkorgiasticriot,itskeenandhumiliatingsenseoftransgression。

  Hereturnedtohiswanderings。TheveiledautumnaleveningsledhimfromstreettostreetastheyhadledhimyearsbeforealongthequietavenuesofBlackrock。Butnovisionoftrimfrontgardensorofkindlylightsinthewindowspouredatenderinfluenceuponhimnow。Onlyattimes,inthepausesofhisdesire,whentheluxurythatwaswastinghimgaveroomtoasofterlanguor,theimageofMercedestraversedthebackgroundofhismemory。Hesawagainthesmallwhitehouseandthegardenofrose-bushesontheroadthatledtothemountainsandherememberedthesadlyproudgestureofrefusalwhichhewastomakethere,standingwithherinthemoonlitgardenafteryearsofestrangementandadventure。AtthosemomentsthesoftspeechesofClaudeMelnotterosetohislipsandeasedhisunrest。

  Atenderpremonitiontouchedhimofthetrysthehadthenlookedforwardtoand,inspiteofthehorriblerealitywhichlaybetweenhishopeofthenandnow,oftheholyencounterhehadthenimaginedatwhichweaknessandtimidityandinexperienceweretofallfromhim。

  Suchmomentspassedandthewastingfiresoflustsprangupagain。Theversespassedfromhislipsandtheinarticulatecriesandtheunspokenbrutalwordsrushedforthfromhisbraintoforceapassage。Hisbloodwasinrevolt。Hewanderedupanddownthedarkslimystreetspeeringintothegloomoflanesanddoorways,listeningeagerlyforanysound。Hemoanedtohimselflikesomebaffledprowlingbeast。Hewantedtosinwithanotherofhiskind,toforceanotherbeingtosinwithhimandtoexultwithherinsin。Hefeltsomedarkpresencemovingirresistiblyuponhimfromthedarkness,apresencesubtleandmurmurousasafloodfillinghimwhollywithitself。Itsmurmurbesiegedhisearslikethemurmurofsomemultitudeinsleep;itssubtlestreamspenetratedhisbeing。Hishandsclenchedconvulsivelyandhisteethsettogetherashesufferedtheagonyofitspenetration。

  Hestretchedouthisarmsinthestreettoholdfastthefrailswooningformthateludedhimandincitedhim:andthecrythathehadstrangledforsolonginhisthroatissuedfromhislips。Itbrokefromhimlikeawailofdespairfromahellofsufferersanddiedinawailoffuriousentreaty,acryforaniniquitousabandonment,acrywhichwasbuttheechoofanobscenescrawlwhichhehadreadontheoozingwallofaurinal。

  Hehadwanderedintoamazeofnarrowanddirtystreets。Fromthefoullanewaysheheardburstsofhoarseriotandwranglingandthedrawlingofdrunkensingers。Hewalkedonward,dismayed,wonderingwhetherhehadstrayedintothequarteroftheJews。Womenandgirlsdressedinlongvividgownstraversedthestreetfromhousetohouse。Theywereleisurelyandperfumed。Atremblingseizedhimandhiseyesgrewdim。Theyellowgas-flamesarosebeforehistroubledvisionagainstthevapourysky,burningasifbeforeanaltar。Beforethedoorsandinthelightedhallsgroupsweregatheredarrayedasforsomerite。Hewasinanotherworld:hehadawakenedfromaslumberofcenturies。

  Hestoodstillinthemiddleoftheroadway,hisheartclamouringagainsthisbosominatumult。Ayoungwomandressedinalongpinkgownlaidherhandonhisarmtodetainhimandgazedintohisface。Shesaidgaily:——

  Goodnight,Williedear!

  Herroomwaswarmandlightsome。Ahugedollsatwithherlegsapartinthecopiouseasy-chairbesidethebed。Hetriedtobidhistonguespeakthathemightseematease,watchingherassheundidhergown,notingtheproudconsciousmovementsofherperfumedhead。

  Ashestoodsilentinthemiddleoftheroomshecameovertohimandembracedhimgailyandgravely。Herroundarmsheldhimfirmlytoherandhe,seeingherfaceliftedtohiminseriouscalmandfeelingthewarmcalmriseandfallofherbreast,allbutburstintohystericalweeping。

  Tearsofjoyandreliefshoneinhisdelightedeyesandhislipspartedthoughtheywouldnotspeak。

  Shepassedhertinklinghandthroughhishair,callinghimalittlerascal——

  Givemeakiss,shesaid。

  Hislipswouldnotbendtokissher。Hewantedtobeheldfirmlyinherarms,tobecaressedslowly,slowly,slowly。Inherarmshefeltthathehadsuddenlybecomestrongandfearlessandsureofhimself。Buthislipswouldnotbendtokissher。

  Withasuddenmovementshebowedhisheadandjoinedherlipstohisandhereadthemeaningofhermovementsinherfrankupliftedeyes。Itwastoomuchforhim。Heclosedhiseyes,surrenderinghimselftoher,bodyandmind,consciousofnothingintheworldbutthedarkpressureofhersoftlypartinglips。Theypresseduponhisbrainasuponhislipsasthoughtheywerethevehicleofavaguespeech;andbetweenthemhefeltanunknownandtimidpressure,darkerthantheswoonofsin,softerthansoundorodour。

  Chapter3TheswiftDecemberduskhadcometumblingclownishlyafteritsdulldayand,ashestaredthroughthedullsquareofthewindowoftheschoolroom,hefelthisbellycraveforitsfood。Hehopedtherewouldbestewfordinner,turnipsandcarrotsandbruisedpotatoesandfatmuttonpiecestobeladledoutinthickpepperedflour-fattenedsauce。Stuffitintoyou,hisbellycounselledhim。

  Itwouldbeagloomysecretnight。Afterearlynightfalltheyellowlampswouldlightup,hereandthere,thesqualidquarterofthebrothels。

  Hewouldfollowadeviouscourseupanddownthestreets,circlingalwaysnearerandnearerinatremoroffearandjoy,untilhisfeetledhimsuddenlyroundadarkcorner。Thewhoreswouldbejustcomingoutoftheirhousesmakingreadyforthenight,yawninglazilyaftertheirsleepandsettlingthehairpinsintheirclustersofhair。Hewouldpassbythemcalmlywaitingforasuddenmovementofhisownwillorasuddencalltohissin-lovingsoulfromtheirsoftperfumedflesh。Yetasheprowledinquestofthatcall,hissenses,stultifiedonlybyhisdesire,wouldnotekeenlyallthatwoundedorshamedthem;hiseyes,aringofporterfrothonaclothlesstableoraphotographoftwosoldiersstandingtoattentionoragaudyplaybill;hisears,thedrawlingjargonofgreeting:——

  Hello,Bertie,anygoodinyourmind?——

  Isthatyou,pigeon?——

  Numberten。FreshNellyiswaitingonyou——

  Goodnight,husband!Comingintohaveashorttime?

  Theequationonthepageofhisscribblerbegantospreadoutawideningtail,eyedandstarredlikeapeacock\'s;and,whentheeyesandstarsofitsindiceshadbeeneliminated,beganslowlytofolditselftogetheragain。

  Theindicesappearinganddisappearingwereeyesopeningandclosing;theeyesopeningandclosingwerestarsbeingbornandbeingquenched。Thevastcycleofstarrylifeborehiswearymindoutwardtoitsvergeandinwardtoitscentre,adistantmusicaccompanyinghimoutwardandinward。

  Whatmusic?Themusiccamenearerandherecalledthewords,thewordsofShelley\'sfragmentuponthemoonwanderingcompanionless,paleforweariness。

  Thestarsbegantocrumbleandacloudoffinestardustfellthroughspace。

  Thedulllightfellmorefaintlyuponthepagewhereonanotherequationbegantounfolditselfslowlyandtospreadabroaditswideningtail。Itwashisownsoulgoingforthtoexperience,unfoldingitselfsinbysin,spreadingabroadthebale-fireofitsburningstarsandfoldingbackuponitself,fadingslowly,quenchingitsownlightsandfires。Theywerequenched:

  andthecolddarknessfilledchaos。

  Acoldlucidindifferencereignedinhissoul。Athisfirstviolentsinhehadfeltawaveofvitalitypassoutofhimandhadfearedtofindhisbodyorhissoulmaimedbytheexcess。Insteadthevitalwavehadcarriedhimonitsbosomoutofhimselfandbackagainwhenitreceded:andnopartofbodyorsoulhadbeenmaimedbutadarkpeacehadbeenestablishedbetweenthem。Thechaosinwhichhisardourextinguisheditselfwasacoldindifferentknowledgeofhimself。Hehadsinnedmortallynotoncebutmanytimesandheknewthat,whilehestoodindangerofeternaldamnationforthefirstsinalone,byeverysucceedingsinhemultipliedhisguiltandhispunishment。Hisdaysandworksandthoughtscouldmakenoatonementforhim,thefountainsofsanctifyinggracehavingceasedtorefreshhissoul。Atmost,byanalmsgiventoabeggarwhoseblessinghefledfrom,hemighthopewearilytowinforhimselfsomemeasureofactualgrace。

  Devotionhadgonebytheboard。Whatdiditavailtopraywhenheknewthathissoullustedafteritsowndestruction?Acertainpride,acertainawe,withheldhimfromofferingtoGodevenoneprayeratnight,thoughheknewitwasinGod\'spowertotakeawayhislifewhilehesleptandhurlhissoulhellwarderehecouldbegformercy。Hisprideinhisownsin,hislovelessaweofGod,toldhimthathisoffencewastoogrievoustobeatonedforinwholeorinpartbyafalsehomagetotheAll-seeingandAll-knowing——

  Wellnow,Ennis,Ideclareyouhaveaheadandsohasmystick!Doyoumeantosaythatyouarenotabletotellmewhatasurdis?

  Theblunderinganswerstirredtheembersofhiscontemptofhisfellows。

  Towardsothershefeltneithershamenorfear。OnSundaymorningsashepassedthechurchdoorheglancedcoldlyattheworshipperswhostoodbareheaded,fourdeep,outsidethechurch,morallypresentatthemasswhichtheycouldneitherseenorhear。Theirdullpietyandthesicklysmellofthecheaphair-oilwithwhichtheyhadanointedtheirheadsrepelledhimfromthealtartheyprayedat。Hestoopedtotheevilofhypocrisywithothers,scepticaloftheirinnocencewhichhecouldcajolesoeasily。

  Onthewallofhisbedroomhunganilluminatedscroll,thecertificateofhisprefectureinthecollegeofthesodalityoftheBlessedVirginMary。OnSaturdaymorningswhenthesodalitymetinthechapeltorecitethelittleofficehisplacewasacushionedkneeling-deskattherightofthealtarfromwhichheledhiswingofboysthroughtheresponses。

  Thefalsehoodofhispositiondidnotpainhim。Ifatmomentshefeltanimpulsetorisefromhispostofhonourand,confessingbeforethemallhisunworthiness,toleavethechapel,aglanceattheirfacesrestrainedhim。Theimageryofthepsalmsofprophecysoothedhisbarrenpride。ThegloriesofMaryheldhissoulcaptive:spikenardandmyrrhandfrankincense,symbolizingherroyallineage,heremblems,thelate-floweringplantandlate-blossomingtree,symbolizingtheage-longgradualgrowthofhercultusamongmen。Whenitfelltohimtoreadthelessontowardsthecloseoftheofficehereaditinaveiledvoice,lullinghisconsciencetoitsmusic。QuasicedrusexaltatasuminLibanonetquasicupressusinmonteSion。QuasipalmaexaltatasuminGadesetquasiplantatiorosaeinJericho。Quasiulivaspeciosaincampisetquasiplatanusexaltatasumjuxtaaquaminplateis。Sicutcinnamomumetbalsamumaromatizansodoremdedietquasimyrrhaelectadedisuavitatemodoris。Hissin,whichhadcoveredhimfromthesightofGod,hadledhimnearertotherefugeofsinners。Hereyesseemedtoregardhimwithmildpity;

  herholiness,astrangelightglowingfaintlyuponherfrailflesh,didnothumiliatethesinnerwhoapproachedher。Ifeverhewasimpelledtocastsinfromhimandtorepenttheimpulsethatmovedhimwasthewishtobeherknight。Ifeverhissoul,re-enteringherdwellingshylyafterthefrenzyofhisbody\'slusthadspentitself,wasturnedtowardsherwhoseemblemisthemorningstar,brightandmusical,tellingofheavenandinfusingpeace,itwaswhenhernamesweremurmuredsoftlybylipswhereontherestilllingeredfoulandshamefulwords,thesavouritselfofalewdkiss。

  Thatwasstrange。Hetriedtothinkhowitcouldbe。Butthedusk,deepeningintheschoolroom,coveredoverhisthoughts。Thebellrang。Themastermarkedthesumsandcutstobedoneforthenextlessonandwentout。Heron,besideStephen,begantohumtunelessly。MyexcellentfriendBombados。Ennis,whohadgonetotheyard,cameback,saying:——

  Theboyfromthehouseiscomingupfortherector。

  AtallboybehindStephenrubbedhishandsandsaid:——

  That\'sgameball。Wecanscutthewholehour。Hewon\'tbeintillafterhalftwo。Thenyoucanaskhimquestionsonthecatechism,Dedalus。

  Stephen,leaningbackanddrawingidlyonhisscribbler,listenedtothetalkabouthimwhichHeroncheckedfromtimetotimebysaying:——

  Shutup,willyou。Don\'tmakesuchaballyracket!

  Itwasstrangetoothathefoundanaridpleasureinfollowinguptotheendtherigidlinesofthedoctrinesofthechurchandpenetratingintoobscuresilencesonlytohearandfeelthemoredeeplyhisowncondemnation。

  ThesentenceofsaintJameswhichsaysthathewhooffendsagainstonecommandmentbecomesguiltyofall,hadseemedtohimfirstaswollenphraseuntilhehadbeguntogropeinthedarknessofhisownstate。Fromtheevilseedoflustallotherdeadlysinshadsprungforth:prideinhimselfandcontemptofothers,covetousnessInusingmoneyforthepurchaseofunlawfulpleasures,envyofthosewhoseviceshecouldnotreachtoandcalumniousmurmuringagainstthepious,gluttonousenjoymentoffood,thedullgloweringangeramidwhichhebroodeduponhislonging,theswampofspiritualandbodilyslothinwhichhiswholebeinghadsunk。

  Ashesatinhisbenchgazingcalmlyattherector\'sshrewdharshface,hismindwounditselfinandoutofthecuriousquestionsproposedtoit。

  Ifamanhadstolenapoundinhisyouthandhadusedthatpoundtoamassahugefortunehowmuchwasheobligedtogiveback,thepoundhehadstolenonlyorthepoundtogetherwiththecompoundinterestaccruinguponitorallhishugefortune?Ifalaymaningivingbaptismpourthewaterbeforesayingthewordsisthechildbaptized?Isbaptismwithamineralwatervalid?Howcomesitthatwhilethefirstbeatitudepromisesthekingdomofheaventothepoorofheartthesecondbeatitudepromisesalsotothemeekthattheyshallpossesstheland?WhywasthesacramentoftheeucharistinstitutedunderthetwospeciesofbreadandwineifJesus`Christbepresentbodyandblood,soulanddivinity,inthebreadaloneandinthewinealone?DoesatinyparticleoftheconsecratedbreadcontainallthebodyandbloodofJesusChristorapartonlyofthebodyandblood?Ifthewinechangeintovinegarandthehostcrumbleintocorruptionaftertheyhavebeenconsecrated,isJesusChriststillpresentundertheirspeciesasGodandasman?——

  Hereheis!Hereheis!

  Aboyfromhispostatthewindowhadseentherectorcomefromthehouse。Allthecatechismswereopenedandallheadsbentuponthemsilently。

  Therectorenteredandtookhisseatonthedais。AgentlekickfromthetallboyinthebenchbehindurgedStephentoaskadifficultquestion。

  Therectordidnotaskforacatechismtohearthelessonfrom。Heclaspedhishandsonthedeskandsaid:——

  TheretreatwillbeginonWednesdayafternooninhonourofsaintFrancisXavierwhosefeastdayisSaturday。TheretreatwillgoonfromWednesdaytoFriday。OnFridayconfessionwillbeheardalltheafternoonafterbeads。Ifanyboyshavespecialconfessorsperhapsitwillbebetterforthemnottochange。MasswillbeonSaturdaymorningatnineo\'clockandgeneralcommunionforthewholecollege。Saturdaywillbeafreeday。

  ButSaturdayandSundaybeingfreedayssomeboysmightbeinclinedtothinkthatMondayisafreedayalso。Bewareofmakingthatmistake。I

  thinkyou,Lawless,arelikelytomakethatmistake。

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