Thereisnopossibilityofmysuspicionsbeingwrong;notuntiltheyhavereachedabsolutecertaintyhaveIdaredeventoadmitthetruthtomyself.Hisconductto-daywouldhaveprovedthemtruehadI
entertainednopreviousapprehensions.Somephotographsofmyselfcameformebypost,andtheywerehandedroundatthebreakfasttableandcriticised.Iputthemtemporarilyonasidetable,anddidnotrememberthemuntilanhourafterwardswhenIwasinmyownroom.OngoingtofetchthemIdiscoveredhimstandingatthetablewithhisbacktowardsthedoorbendingoverthephotographs,oneofwhichheraisedtohislips.
ThewitnessingthisactsofrightenedmethatIcreptawaytoescapeobservation.Itwastheclimaxtoaseriesofslightandsignificantactionsalltendingtothesameconclusion.Thequestionformenowis,whatamItodo?Togoawayiswhatfirstoccurstome,butwhatreasoncanIgiveCarolineandmyfatherforsuchastep;besides,itmightprecipitatesomesortofcatastrophebydrivingCharlestodesperation.Forthepresent,therefore,IhavedecidedthatIcanonlywait,thoughhiscontiguityisstrangelydisturbingtomenow,andIhardlyretainstrengthofmindtoencounterhim.Howwillthedistressingcomplicationend?
May19——Andsoithascome!Mymereavoidanceofhimhasprecipitatedtheworstissue——adeclaration.Ihadoccasiontogointothekitchengardentogathersomeofthedoubleragged-robinswhichgrewinacornerthere.AlmostassoonasIhadenteredI
heardfootstepswithout.Thedooropenedandshut,andIturnedtobeholdhimjustinsideit.Asthegardenisclosedbyfourwallsandthegardenerwasabsent,thespotensuredabsoluteprivacy.Hecamealongthepathbytheasparagus-bed,andovertookme.
\'YouknowwhyIcome,Alicia?\'saidhe,inatremulousvoice.
Isaidnothing,andhungmyhead,forbyhistoneIdidknow.
\'Yes,\'hewenton,\'itisyouIlove;mysentimenttowardsyoursisterisoneofaffectiontoo,butprotective,tutelaryaffection——
nomore.SaywhatyouwillIcannothelpit.Imistookmyfeelingforher,andIknowhowmuchIamtoblameformywantofself-
knowledge.Ihavefoughtagainstthisdiscoverynightandday;butitcannotbeconcealed.WhydidIeverseeyou,sinceIcouldnotseeyoutillIhadcommittedmyself?Atthemomentmyeyesbeheldyouonthatdayofmyarrival,Isaid,\"Thisisthewomanforwhommymanhoodhaswaited.\"Eversinceanunaccountablefascinationhasrivetedmyhearttoyou.Answeroneword!\'
\'O,M.delaFeste!\'Iburstout.WhatIsaidmoreIcannotremember,butIsupposethatthemiseryIwasinshowedprettyplainly,forhesaid,\'Somethingmustbedonetoletherknow;
perhapsIhavemistakenheraffection,too;butalldependsuponwhatyoufeel.\'
\'IcannottellwhatIfeel,\'saidI,\'exceptthatthisseemsterribletreachery;andeverymomentthatIstaywithyouheremakesitworse!
Trytokeepfaithwithher——heryoungheartistender;
believemethereisnomistakeinthequalityofherloveforyou.
Wouldtherewere!Thiswouldkillherifsheknewit!\'
Hesighedheavily.\'Sheoughtnevertobemywife,\'hesaid.
\'Leavingmyownhappinessoutofthequestion,itwouldbeacrueltytohertounitehertome.\'
IsaidIcouldnothearsuchwordsfromhim,andbeggedhimintearstogoaway;heobeyed,andIheardthegardendoorshutbehindhim.
Whatistobetheendoftheannouncement,andthefateofCaroline?
May20——Iputagooddealonpaperyesterday,andyetnotall.I
was,intruth,hopingagainsthope,againstconviction,againsttooconsciousself-judgment.Iscarcelydareownthetruthnow,yetitrelievesmyachinghearttosetitdown.Yes,Ilovehim——thatisthedreadfulfact,andIcannolongerparry,evade,ordenyittomyselfthoughtotherestoftheworlditcanneverbeowned.IloveCaroline\'sbetrothed,andhelovesme.Itisnoyesterday\'spassion,cultivatedbyourconverse;itcameatfirstsight,independentlyofmywill;andmytalkwithhimyesterdaymaderatheragainstitthanforit,but,alas,didnotquenchit.Godforgiveusbothforthisterribletreachery.
May25——Allisvague;ourcoursesshapeless.Hecomesandgoes,beingoccupied,ostensiblyatleast,withsketchinginhistentinthewood.WhetherheandsheseeeachotherprivatelyIcannottell,butIratherthinktheydonot;thatshesadlyawaitshim,andhedoesnotappear.Notasignfromhimthatmyrepulsehasdonehimanygood,orthathewillendeavourtokeepfaithwithher.O,ifI
onlyhadthecompulsionofagod,andtheself-sacrificeofamartyr!
May31——Ithasallended——orratherthisactofthesaddramahasended——innothing.Hehasleftus.NodayforthefulfilmentoftheengagementwithCarolineisnamed,myfathernotbeingthemantopressanyoneonsuchamatter,or,indeed,tointerfereinanyway.
Wetwogirlsare,infact,quitedefencelessinacaseofthiskind;
loversmaycomewhentheychoose,anddesertwhentheychoose;poorfatheristoourbanetoutterawordofremonstranceorinquiry.
Moreover,astheapprovedofmydeadmother,M.delaFestehasasortofautocraticpowerwithmyfather,whoholdsitunkindtohermemorytohaveanopinionabouthim.I,feelingitmyduty,askedM.
delaFesteatthelastmomentabouttheengagement,inavoiceI
couldnotkeepfirm.
\'Sincethedeathofyourmotherallhasbeenindefinite——all!\'hesaidgloomily.Thatwasthewhole.Possibly,WherryborneRectorymayseehimnomore.
June7——M.delaFestehaswritten——onelettertoher,onetome.
Herscouldnothavebeenverywarm,forshedidnotbrightenonreadingit.Minewasanordinarynoteoffriendship,fillinganordinarysheetofpaper,whichIhandedovertoCarolinewhenIhadfinishedlookingitthrough.Buttherewasascrapofpaperinthebottomoftheenvelope,whichIdarednotshowanyone.Thisscrapishisrealletter:Iscanneditaloneinmyroom,trembling,hotandcoldbyturns.Hetellsmeheisverywretched;thathedeploreswhathashappened,butwashelpless.WhydidIlethimseeme,ifonlytomakehimfaithless.Alas,alas!
June21——MydearCarolinehaslostappetite,spirits,health.Hopedeferredmakeththeheartsick.Hisletterstohergrowcolder——ifindeedhehaswrittenmorethanone.Hehasrefrainedfromwritingagaintome——heknowsitisnouse.AltogetherthesituationthatheandsheandIareinismelancholyintheextreme.Whyarehumanheartssoperverse?
CHAPTERVI——HERINGENUITYINSTIGATESHER
September19——Threemonthsofanxiouscare——tillatlengthIhavetakentheextremestepofwritingtohim.OurchiefdistresshasbeencausedbythestateofpoorCaroline,who,aftersinkingbydegreesintosuchextremeweaknessastomakeitdoubtfulifshecaneverrecoverfullvigour,hasto-daybeentakenmuchworse.Herpositionisverycritical.Thedoctorsaysplainlythatsheisdyingofabrokenheart——andthateventheremovalofthecausemaynotnowrestoreher.OughtItohavewrittentoCharlessooner?ButhowcouldIwhensheforbademe?Itwasherprideonlywhichinstigatedher,andIshouldnothaveobeyed.
Sept.26——Charleshasarrivedandhasseenher.Heisshocked,conscience-stricken,remorseful.Ihavetoldhimthathecandonogoodbeyondcheeringherbyhispresence.Idonotknowwhathethinksofproposingtoherifshegetsbetter,buthesayslittletoheratpresent:indeedhedaresnot:hiswordsagitateherdangerously.
Sept.28——Afterastrugglebetweendutyandselfishness,suchasI
praytoHeavenImayneverhavetoundergoagain,Ihaveaskedhimforpity\'ssaketomakeherhiswife,hereandnow,asshelies.I
saidtohimthatthepoorchildwouldnottroublehimlong;andsuchasolemnizationwouldsootheherlasthoursasnothingelsecoulddo.
Hesaidthathewouldwillinglydoso,andhadthoughtofithimself;
butforoneforbiddingreason:intheeventofherdeathashiswifehecannevermarryme,hersister,accordingtoourlaws.Istartedathiswords.Hewenton:\'Ontheotherhand,ifIweresurethatimmediatemarriagewithmewouldsaveherlife,Iwouldnotrefuse,forpossiblyImightafterawhile,andoutofsightofyou,makemyselffairlycontentwithoneofsosweetadispositionashers;butif,asisprobable,neithermymarryinghernoranyotheractcanavailtosaveherlife,bysodoingIlosebothherandyou.\'I
couldnotanswerhim.
Sept.29——Hecontinuedfirminhisreasonsforrefusaltillthismorning,andthenIbecamepossessedwithanidea,whichIatoncepropoundedtohim.ItwasthatheshouldatleastconsenttoaFORM
ofmarriagewithCaroline,inconsiderationofherlove;aformwhichneednotbealegalunion,butonewhichwouldsatisfyhersickandenfeebledsoul.Suchthingshavebeendone,andthesentimentoffeelingherselfhiswouldinexpressiblycomforthermind,Iamsure.
Then,ifsheistakenfromus,Ishouldnothavelostthepowerofbecominghislawfulwifeatsomefutureday,ifitindeedshouldbedeemedexpedient;if,ontheotherhand,shelives,hecanonherrecoveryinformheroftheincompletenessoftheirmarriagecontract,theceremonycanberepeated,andIcan,andIamsurewillinglywould,avoidtroublingthemwithmypresencetillgreyhairsandwrinklesmakehisunfortunatepassionformeathingofthepast.I
putallthisbeforehim;buthedemurred.
Sept.30——Ihaveurgedhimagain.Hesayshewillconsider.Itisnotimetomincematters,andasafurtherinducementIhaveofferedtoenterintoasolemnengagementtomarryhimmyselfayearafterherdeath.
Sept.30.Later——Anagitatinginterview.HesayshewillagreetowhateverIpropose,thethreepossibilitiesandourcontingentactsbeingrecordedasfollows:First,intheeventofdearCarolinebeingtakenfromus,Imarryhimontheexpirationofayear:
Second,intheforlornchanceofherrecoveryItakeuponmyselftheresponsibilityofexplainingtoCarolinethetruenatureoftheceremonyhehasgonethroughwithher,thatitwasdoneatmysuggestiontomakeherhappyatonce,beforeaspeciallicencecouldbeobtained,andthatapublicceremonyatchurchisawaitingher:
Third,intheunlikelyeventofhercooling,andrefusingtorepeattheceremonywithhim,IleaveEngland,joinhimabroad,andtherewedhim,agreeingnottoliveinEnglandagaintillCarolinehaseithermarriedanotherorregardsherattachmenttoCharlesasabygonematter.Ihavethoughtovertheseconditions,andhaveagreedtothemallastheystand.
11p.m——Idonotmuchlikethisscheme,afterall.Foronething,I
havejustsoundedmyfatheronitbeforepartingwithhimforthenight,myimpressionhavingbeenthathewouldseenoobjection.Buthesayshecouldonnoaccountcountenanceanysuchunrealproceeding;howevergoodourintentions,andeventhoughthepoorgirlweredying,itwouldnotberight.SoIsadlyseekmypillow.
October1——Iamsuremyfatheriswronginhisview.Whyisitnotright,ifitwouldbebalmtoCaroline\'swoundedsoul,andifarealceremonyisabsolutelyrefusedbyCharles——moreoverishardlypracticableinthedifficultyofgettingaspeciallicence,ifhewereagreed?Myfatherdoesnotknow,orwillnotbelieve,thatCaroline\'sattachmenthasbeenthecauseofherhopelesscondition.
Butthatitisso,andthattheformofwordswouldgiveherinexpressiblehappiness,Iknowwell;forIwhisperedtentativelyinherearonsuchmarriages,andtheeffectwasgreat.HenceforthmyfathercannotbetakenintoconfidenceonthesubjectofCaroline.
Hedoesnotunderstandher.
12o\'clocknoon——Ihavetakenadvantageofmyfather\'sabsenceto-
daytoconfidemysecretnotiontoathoughtfulyoungman,whocalledherethismorningtospeaktomyfather.HeistheMr.TheophilusHigham,ofwhomIhavealreadyhadoccasiontospeak——aScripturereaderinthenexttown,andissoongoingtobeordained.Itoldhimthepitiablecase,andmyremedy.Hesaysardentlythathewillassistme——woulddoanythingformeheis,intruth,anadmirerofmine;heseesnowronginsuchanactofcharity.Heiscomingagaintothehousethisafternoonbeforemyfatherreturns,tocarryouttheidea.IhavespokentoCharles,whopromisestobeready.I
mustnowbreakthenewstoCaroline.
11o\'clockp.m——Ihavebeenintoomuchexcitementtillnowtosetdowntheresult.Wehaveaccomplishedourplan;andthoughIfeellikeaguiltysinner,Iamglad.Myfather,ofcourse,isnottobeinformedasyet.Carolinehashadaseraphicexpressionuponherwasted,transparentfaceeversince.Ishouldhardlybesurprisedifitreallysavedherlifeevennow,andrenderedalegitimateunionnecessarybetweenthem.Inthatcasemyfathercanbeinformedofthewholeproceeding,andinthefaceofsuchwonderfulsuccesscannotdisapprove.MeanwhilepoorCharleshasnotlostthepossibilityoftakingunworthymetofillherplaceshouldshe.
ButIcannotcontemplatethatalternativeunmoved,andwillnotwriteit.CharlesleftfortheSouthofEuropeimmediatelyaftertheceremony.Hewasinahigh-strung,throbbing,almostwildstateofmindatfirst,butgrewcalmerundermyexhortations.Ihadtopaythepenaltyofreceivingafarewellkissfromhim,whichImuchregret,consideringitsmeaning;buthetookmesounexpectedly,andinamomentwasgone.
Oct.6——Shecertainlyisbetter,andevenwhenshefoundthatCharleshadbeensuddenlyobligedtoleave,shereceivedthenewsquitecheerfully.Thedoctorsaysthatherapparentimprovementmaybedelusive;butIthinkourimpressinguponherthenecessityofkeepingwhathasoccurredasecretfrompapa,andeverybody,helpstogiveherazestforlife.
Oct.8——Sheisstillmending.Iamgladtohavesavedher——myonlysister——ifIhavedoneso;thoughIshallnowneverbecomeCharles\'swife.
CHAPTERVII——ASURPRISEAWAITSHER
Feb.5——Writinghasbeenabsolutelyimpossibleforalongwhile;butInowreachastageatwhichitseemspossibletojotdownaline.
Caroline\'srecovery,extendingoverfourmonths,hasbeenveryengrossing;atfirstslow,latterlyrapid.Butafearfulcomplicationofaffairsattendsit!
OwhatatangledwebweweaveWhenfirstwepractisetodeceive!
CharleshaswrittenreproachfullytomefromVenice,whereheis.Hesayshowcanhefulfilintherealwhathehasenactedinthecounterfeit,whilehestilllovesme?Yethow,ontheotherhand,canheleaveitunfulfilled?AllthistimeIhavenottoldher,anduptothisminuteshebelievesthathehasindeedtakenherforbetter,forworse,tilldeaththemdopart.Itisaharassingpositionforme,andallthree.Intheawfulapproachofdeath,one\'sjudgmentlosesitsbalance,andwedoanythingtomeettheexigenciesofthemoment,withasingleeyetotheonewhoexcitesoursympathy,andfromwhomweseemonthebrinkofbeingseparatedforever.
Hadhereallymarriedheratthattimeallwouldbesettlednow.Buthetooktoomuchthought;shemighthavedied,andthenhehadhisreason.Ifindeedithadturnedoutso,Ishouldnowbeperhapsasadwoman;butnotatempest-tossedoneThepossibilityofhisclaimingmeafteralliswhatliesattherootofmyagitation.
Everythinghangsbyathread.SupposeItellherthemarriagewasamockery;supposesheisindignantwithmeandwithhimforthedeception——andthen?Otherwise,supposesheisnotindignantbutforgivesall;heisboundtomarryher;andhonourconstrainsmetourgehimthereto,inspiteofwhatheprotests,andtosmooththewaytothisissuebymymethodofinformingher.Ihavemeanttotellherthelastmonth——eversinceshehasbeenstrongenoughtobearsuchtidings;butIhavebeenwithoutthepower——themoralforce.
SurelyImustwrite,andgethimtocomeandassistme.
March14——Shecontinuallywonderswhyhedoesnotcome,thefivemonthsofhisenforcedabsencehavingexpired;andstillmoreshewonderswhyhedoesnotwriteoftener.Hislastletterwascold,shesays,andshefearsheregretshismarriage,whichhemayonlyhavecelebratedwithherforpity\'ssake,thinkingshewassuretodie.
Itmakesone\'sheartbleedtohearherhoveringthussonearthetruth,andyetneverdiscerningitsactualshape.
Aminortroublebesetsme,too,inthepersonoftheyoungScripturereader,whoseconscienceprickshimforthepartheplayed.SurelyI
ampunished,ifeverwomanwere,foratooingeniousperversionofherbetterjudgment!
April2——Sheispracticallywell.Thefaintpinkrevivesinhercheek,thoughitisnotquitesofullasheretofore.Butshestillwonderswhatshecanhavedonetooffend\'herdearhusband,\'andI
havebeenobligedtotellthesmallestpartofthetruth——anunimportantfragmentofthewhole,infact,IsaidthatIfearedforthemomenthemightregrettheprecipitancyoftheact,whichherillnesscaused,hisaffairsnothavingbeenquitesufficientlyadvancedformarriagejustthen,thoughhewilldoubtlesscometoherassoonashehasahomeready.MeanwhileIhavewrittentohim,peremptorily,tocomeandrelievemeinthisawfuldilemma.Hewillfindnonoteofloveinthat.
April10——TomyalarmtheletterIlatelyaddressedtohimatVenice,whereheisstaying,aswellasthelastoneshesenthim,havereceivednoreply.Shethinksheisill.Idonotquitethinkthat,butIwishwecouldhearfromhim.Perhapstheperemptorinessofmywordshadoffendedhim;itgrievesmetothinkitpossible.
_I_offendhim!Buttoomuchofthis.IMUSTtellherthetruth,orshemayinherignorancecommitherselftosomecourseorotherthatmayberuinouslycompromising.Shesaidplaintivelyjustnowthatifhecouldseeher,andknowhowoccupiedwithhimandhimaloneishereverywakinghour,sheissurehewouldforgiveherthewickedpresumptionofbecominghiswife.Verysweetallthat,andtouching.
Icouldnotconcealmytears.
April15——Thehouseisinconfusion;myfatherisangryanddistressed,andIamdistracted.Carolinehasdisappeared——goneawaysecretly.IcannothelpthinkingthatIknowwheresheisgoneto.
HowguiltyIseem,andhowinnocentshe!OthatIhadtoldherbeforenow!
1o\'clock——Notraceofherasyet.Wefindalsothatthelittlewaiting-maidwehavehereintraininghasdisappearedwithCaroline,andthereisnotmuchdoubtthatCaroline,fearingtotravelalone,hasinducedthisgirltogowithherascompanion.Iamalmostsureshehasstartedindesperationtofindhim,andthatVeniceishergoal.Whyshouldsherunaway,ifnottojoinherhusband,asshethinkshim?NowthatIconsider,therehavebeenindicationsofthiswishinherfordays,asinbirdsofpassagetherelurksignsoftheirincipientintention;andyetIdidnotthinkshewouldhavetakensuchanextremestep,unaided,andwithoutconsultingme.I
canonlyjotdownthebarefacts——Ihavenotimeforreflections.
ButfancyCarolinetravellingacrossthecontinentofEuropewithachitofagirl,whowillbemoreofachargethananassistance!
Theywillbeamarkforeverymarauderwhoencountersthem.
Evening:8o\'clock——Yes,itisasIsurmised.Shehasgonetojoinhim.AnotepostedbyherinBudmouthRegisatdaybreakhasreachedmethisafternoon——thankstothefortunatechanceofoneoftheservantscallingforlettersintownto-day,orIshouldnothavegotituntilto-morrow.Shemerelyassertsherdeterminationofgoingtohim,andhasstartedprivately,thatnothingmayhinderher;statingnothingaboutherroute.Thatsuchagentlethingshouldsuddenlybecomesocalmlyresolutequitesurprisesme.Alas,hemayhaveleftVenice——shemaynotfindhimforweeks——maynotatall.
Myfather,onlearningthefacts,bademeatoncehaveeverythingreadybyninethisevening,intimetodrivetothetrainthatmeetsthenightsteam-boat.ThisIhavedone,andtherebeinganhourtosparebeforewestart,Irelievethesuspenseofwaitingbytakingupmypen.Hesaysovertakeherwemust,andcallsCharlesthehardestofnames.Hebelieves,ofcourse,thatsheismerelyaninfatuatedgirlrushingofftomeetherlover;andhowcanthewretchedItellhimthatsheismore,andinasensebetterthanthat——yetnotsufficientlymoreandbettertomakethisflighttoCharlesanythingbutastillgreaterdangertoherthanamerelover\'simpulse.WeshallgobywayofParis,andwethinkwemayovertakeherthere.I
hearmyfatherwalkingrestlesslyupanddownthehall,andcanwritenomore.
CHAPTERVIII——SHETRAVELSINPURSUIT
April16.Evening,Paris,Hotel——Thereisnoovertakingheratthisplace;butshehasbeenhere,asIthought,nootherhotelinParisbeingknowntoher.Wegoonto-morrowmorning.
April18.Venice——Amorningofadventuresandemotionswhichleavemesickandweary,andyetunabletosleep,thoughIhavelaindownonthesofaofmyroomformorethananhourintheattempt.I
thereforemakeupmydiarytodateinahurriedfashion,forthesakeoftheriddanceitaffordstoideaswhichotherwiseremainsuspendedhotlyinthebrain.
Wearrivedherethismorninginbroadsunlight,whichlitupthesea-
girtbuildingsasweapproachedsothattheyseemedlikeacityofcorkfloatingraft-likeonthesmooth,bluedeep.ButIonlyglancedfromthecarriagewindowatthelovelyscene,andweweresoonacrosstheinterveningwaterandinsidetherailwaystation.Whenwegottothefrontstepstherowofblackgondolasandtheshoutsofthegondolierssobewilderedmyfatherthathewasunderstoodtorequiretwogondolasinsteadofonewithtwooars,andsoIfoundhiminoneandmyselfinanother.Wegotthisrightedafterawhile,andwererowedatoncetothehotelontheRivadegliSchiavoniwhereM.delaFestehadbeenstayingwhenwelastheardfromhim,thewaybeingdowntheGrandCanalforsomedistance,undertheRialto,andthenbynarrowcanalswhicheventuallybroughtusundertheBridgeofSighs——
harmonioustoourmoods!——andoutagainintoopenwater.Thescenewaspurityitselfastocolour,butitwascruelthatIshouldbeholditforthefirsttimeundersuchcircumstances.
AssoonasIenteredthehotel,whichisanold-fashionedplace,likemostplaceshere,wherepeoplearetakenenpensionaswellastheordinaryway,Irushedtotheframedlistofvisitorshanginginthehall,andinamomentIsawCharles\'snameuponitamongtherest.
Butshewasourchiefthought.Iturnedtothehallporter,and——
knowingthatshewouldhavetravelledas\'MadamedelaFeste\'——I
askedforherunderthatname,withoutmyfatherhearing.He,poorsoul,wasmakingconfusedinquiriesoutsidethedoorabout\'anEnglishlady,\'asiftherewerenotascoreofEnglishladiesathand.
\'Shehasjustcome,\'saidtheporter.\'Madamecamebytheveryearlytrainthismorning,whenMonsieurwasasleep,andsherequestedusnottodisturbhim.Sheisnowinherroom.\'
WhetherCarolinehadseenusfromthewindow,oroverheardme,Idonotknow,butatthatmomentIheardfootstepsonthebaremarblestairs,andsheappearedinpersondescending.
\'Caroline!\'Iexclaimed,\'whyhaveyoudonethis?\'andrusheduptoher.
Shedidnotanswer;butlookeddowntohideheremotion,whichsheconqueredafterthelapseofafewseconds,puttingonapracticaltonethatbeliedher.
\'Iamjustgoingtomyhusband,\'shesaid.\'Ihavenotyetseenhim.
Ihavenotbeenherelong.\'Shecondescendedtogivenofurtherreasonforhermovements,andmadeasiftomoveon.IimploredhertocomeintoaprivateroomwhereIcouldspeaktoherinconfidence,butsheobjected.However,thedining-room,closeathand,wasquiteemptyatthishour,andIgotherinsideandclosedthedoor.IdonotknowhowIbeganmyexplanation,orhowIendedit,butItoldherbrieflyandbrokenlyenoughthatthemarriagewasnotreal.
\'Notreal?\'shesaidvacantly.
\'Itisnot,\'saidI.\'YouwillfindthatitisallasIsay.\'
Shecouldnotbelievemymeaningeventhen.\'Nothiswife?\'shecried.\'Itisimpossible.WhatamI,then?\'
Iaddedmoredetails,andreiteratedthereasonformyconductaswellasIcould;butHeavenknowshowverydifficultIfoundittofeelajotmorejustificationforitinmyownmindthanshedidinhers.
Therevulsionoffeeling,assoonasshereallycomprehendedall,wasmostdistressing.Afterhergriefhadinsomemeasurespentitselfsheturnedagainstbothhimandme.
\'WhyshouldhaveIbeendeceivedlikethis?\'shedemanded,withabitterhaughtinessofwhichIhadnotdeemedsuchatractablecreaturecapable.\'DoyousupposethatANYTHINGcouldjustifysuchanimposition?What,Owhatasnareyouhavespreadforme!\'
Imurmured,\'Yourlifeseemedtorequireit,\'butshedidnothearme.Shesankdowninachair,coveredherface,andthenmyfathercamein.\'O,hereyouare!\'hesaid.\'Icouldnotfindyou.AndCaroline!\'
\'AndwereYOU,papa,apartytothisstrangedeedofkindness?\'
\'Towhat?\'saidhe.
Thenoutitallcame,andforthefirsttimehewasmadeacquaintedwiththefactthattheschemeforsoothingherillness,whichIhadsoundedhimupon,hadbeenreallycarriedout.InamomenthesidedwithCaroline.Myrepeatedassurancethatmymotivewasgoodavailedlessthannothing.InaminuteortwoCarolinearoseandwentabruptlyoutoftheroom,andmyfatherfollowedher,leavingmealonetomyreflections.
IwassobentuponfindingCharlesimmediatelythatIdidnotnoticewhithertheywent.TheservantstoldmethatM.delaFestewasjustoutsidesmoking,andoneofthemwenttolookforhim,Ifollowing;
butbeforewehadgonemanystepshecameoutofthehotelbehindme.
Iexpectedhimtobeamazed;butheshowednosurpriseatseeingme,thoughheshowedanotherkindoffeelingtoanextentwhichdismayedme.Imayhaverevealedsomethingsimilar;butIstruggledhardagainstallemotion,andassoonasIcouldItoldhimshehadcome.
Hesimplysaid\'Yes\'inalowvoice.
\'Youknowit,Charles?\'saidI.
\'Ihavejustlearntit,\'hesaid.
\'O,Charles,\'Iwenton,\'havingdelayedcompletingyourmarriagewithhertillnow,Ifear——ithasbecomeaseriouspositionforus.
Whydidyounotreplytoourletters?\'
\'Iwaspurposingtoreplyinperson:Ididnotknowhowtoaddressheronthepoint——howtoaddressyou.Butwhathasbecomeofher?\'
\'Shehasgoneoffwithmyfather,\'saidI;\'indignantwithyou,andscorningme.\'
Hewassilent:andIsuggestedthatweshouldfollowthem,pointingoutthedirectionwhichIfanciedtheirgondolahadtaken.Astheonewegotintowasdoublymannedwesooncameinviewoftheirtwofiguresaheadofus,whiletheywerenotlikelytoobserveus,ourboathavingthe\'felze\'on,whiletheirswasuncovered.TheyshotintoanarrowcanaljustbeyondtheGiardinoReale,andbythetimewewerefloatingupbetweenitsslimywallswesawthemgettingoutoftheirgondolaatthestepswhichleadupneartheendoftheVia22Marzo.WhenwereachedthesamespottheywerewalkingupanddowntheViainconsultation.Gettingouthestoodonthelowerstepswatchingthem.Iwatchedhim.Heseemedtofallintoareverie.
\'Willyounotgoandspeaktoher?\'saidIatlength.
Heassented,andwentforward.Stillhedidnothastentojointhem,but,screenedbyaprojectingwindow,observedtheirmusingconverse.
Atlasthelookedbackatme;whereuponIpointedforward,andheinobediencesteppedout,andmetthemfacetoface.Carolineflushedhot,bowedhaughtilytohim,turnedaway,andtakingmyfather\'sarmviolently,ledhimoffbeforehehadhadtimetousehisownjudgment.Theydisappearedintoanarrowcalle,oralley,leadingtothebackofthebuildingsontheGrandCanal.
M.delaFestecameslowlyback;ashesteppedinbesidemeI
realizedmypositionsovividlythatmyheartmightalmosthavebeenheardtobeat.Thethirdconditionhadarisen——theleastexpectedbyeitherofus.Shehadrefusedhim;hewasfreetoclaimme.
Wereturnedintheboattogether.HeseemedquiteabsorbedtillwehadturnedtheangleintotheGrandCanal,whenhebrokethesilence.
\'Shespokeverybitterlytoyouinthesalle-a-manger,\'hesaid.\'I
donotthinkshewasquitewarrantedinspeakingsotoyou,whohadnursedhersotenderly.\'
\'O,butIthinkshewas,\'Ianswered.\'ItwasthereItoldherwhathadbeendone;shedidnotknowtillthen.\'
\'Shewasverydignified——verystriking,\'hemurmured.\'Youweremore.\'
\'Buthowdoyouknowwhatpassedbetweenus,\'saidI.Hethentoldmethathehadseenandheardall.Thedining-roomwasdividedbyfolding-doorsfromaninnerportion,andhehadbeensittinginthelatterpartwhenweenteredtheouter,sothatourwordsweredistinctlyaudible.
\'But,dearAlicia,\'hewenton,\'Iwasmoreimpressedbytheaffectionofyourapologytoherthanbyanythingelse.Anddoyouknowthatnowtheconditionshavearisenwhichgivemelibertytoconsideryoumyaffianced?\'Ihadbeenexpectingthis,butyetwasnotprepared.Istammeredoutthatwewouldnotdiscussitthen.
\'Whynot?\'saidhe.\'Doyouknowthatwemaymarryhereandnow?
Shehascastoffbothyouandme.\'
\'Itcannotbe,\'saidI,firmly.\'Shehasnotbeenfairlyaskedtobeyourwifeinfact——torepeattheservicelawfully;anduntilthathasbeendoneitwouldbegrievoussininmetoacceptyou.\'
Ihadnotnoticedwherethegondolierswererowingus.Isupposehehadgiventhemsomedirectionunheardbyme,forasIresignedmyselfindespairingindolencetothemotionofthegondola,IperceivedthatitwastakingusuptheCanal,and,turningintoasideopeningnearthePalazzoGrimani,drewupatsomestepsneartheendofalargechurch.
\'Wherearewe?\'saidI.
\'ItistheChurchoftheFrari,\'hereplied.\'Wemightbemarriedthere.Atanyrate,letusgoinside,andgrowcalm,anddecidewhattodo.\'
WhenwehadenteredIfoundthatwhetheraplacetomarryinornot,itwasonetodepress.ThewordwhichVenicespeaksmostconstantly——
decay——wasinasenseaccentuatedhere.Thewholelargefabricitselfseemedsinkingintoanearthwhichwasnotsolidenoughtobearit.Cobwebbedcrackszigzaggedthewalls,andsimilarwebscloudedthewindow-panes.Asickly-sweetsmellpervadedtheaisles.
Afterwalkingaboutwithhimalittlewhileinembarrassingsilences,dividedonlybyhiscursoryexplanationsofthemonumentsandotherobjects,andalmostfearinghemightproduceamarriagelicence,I
wenttoadoorinthesouthtranseptwhichopenedintothesacristy.
Iglancedthroughit,towardsthesmallaltarattheupperend.Theplacewasemptysaveofonefigure;andshewaskneelinghereinfrontofthebeautifulaltarpiecebyBellini.Beautifulthoughitwassheseemednottoseeit.Shewasweepingandprayingasthoughherheartwasbroken.ShewasmysisterCaroline.IbeckonedtoCharles,andhecametomyside,andlookedthroughthedoorwithme.
\'Speaktoher,\'saidI.\'Shewillforgiveyou.\'
Igentlypushedhimthroughthedoorway,andwentbackintothetransept,downthenave,andonwardtothewestdoor.ThereIsawmyfather,towhomIspoke.Heansweredseverelythat,havingfirstobtainedcomfortablequartersinapensionontheGrandCanal,hehadgonebacktothehotelontheRivadegliSchiavonitofindme;butthatIwasnotthere.HewasnowwaitingforCaroline,toaccompanyherbacktothepension,atwhichshehadrequestedtobelefttoherselfasmuchaspossibletillshecouldregainsomecomposure.
Itoldhimthatitwasuselesstodwellonwhatwaspast,thatInodoubthaderred,thattheremedylayinthefutureandtheirmarriage.Inthishequiteagreedwithme,andonmyinforminghimthatM.delaFestewasatthatmomentwithCarolineinthesacristy,heassentedtomyproposalthatweshouldleavethemtothemselves,andreturntogethertoawaitthematthepension,wherehehadalsoengagedaroomforme.Thiswedid,andgoinguptothechamberhehadchosenforme,whichoverlookedtheCanal,IleantfromthewindowtowatchforthegondolathatshouldcontainCharlesandmysister.
Theywerenotlongincoming.Irecognizedthembythecolourofhersunshadeassoonastheyturnedthebendonmyrighthand.Theyweresidebysideofnecessity,buttherewasnoconversationbetweenthem,andIthoughtthatshelookedflushedandhepale.Whentheywererowedintothestepsofourhousehehandedherup.Ifanciedshemighthaverefusedhisassistance,butshedidnot.SoonIheardherpassmydoor,andwishingtoknowtheresultoftheirinterviewI
wentdownstairs,seeingthatthegondolahadnotputoffwithhim.
Hewasturningfromthedoor,butnottowardsthewater,intendingapparentlytowalkhomebywayofthecallewhichledintotheVia22
Marzo.
\'Hassheforgivenyou?\'saidI.
\'Ihavenotaskedher,\'hesaid.
\'Butyouareboundtodoso,\'Itoldhim.
Hepaused,andthensaid,\'Alicia,letusunderstandeachother.Doyoumeantotellme,onceforall,thatifyoursisteriswillingtobecomemywifeyouabsolutelymakewayforher,andwillnotentertainanythoughtofwhatIsuggestedtoyouanymore?\'
\'Idotellyouso,\'saidIwithdrylips.\'Youbelongtoher——howcanIdootherwise?\'
\'Yes;itisso;itispurelyaquestionofhonour,\'hereturned.
\'Verywellthen,honourshallbemyword,andnotmylove.Iwillputthequestiontoherfrankly;ifshesaysyes,themarriageshallbe.Butnothere.ItshallbeatyourownhouseinEngland.\'
\'When?\'saidI.
\'Iwillaccompanyherthere,\'hereplied,\'anditshallbewithinaweekofherreturn.Ihavenothingtogainbydelay.ButIwillnotanswerfortheconsequences.\'
\'Whatdoyoumean?\'saidI.Hemadenoreply,wentaway,andIcamebacktomyroom.
CHAPTERIX——SHEWITNESSESTHEEND
April20.Milan,10.30p.m——Wearethusfaronourwayhomeward.
I,beingdecidedlydetrop,travelapartfromtherestasmuchasI
can.Havingdinedatthehotelhere,Iwentoutbymyself;
regardlessoftheproprieties,forIcouldnotstayin.IwalkedataleisurelypacealongtheViaAllesandroManzonitillmyeyewascaughtbythegrandGalleriaVittorioEmanuele,andIenteredunderthehighglassarcadestillIreachedthecentraloctagon,whereI
satdownononeofagroupofchairsplacedthere.Becomingaccustomedtothestreamofpromenaders,Isoonobserved,seatedonthechairsopposite,CarolineandCharles.ThiswasthefirstoccasiononwhichIhadseenthementete-a-tetesincemyconversationwithhim.Shesooncaughtsightofme;avertedhereyes;then,apparentlyabandoningherselftoanimpulse,shejumpedupfromherseatandcameacrosstome.WehadnotspokentoeachothersincethemeetinginVenice.
\'Alicia,\'shesaid,sittingdownbymyside,\'Charlesasksmetoforgiveyou,andIdoforgiveyou.\'
Ipressedherhand,withtearsinmyeyes,andsaid,\'Anddoyouforgivehim?\'
\'Yes,\'saidshe,shyly.
\'Andwhat\'stheresult?\'saidI.
\'Wearetobemarrieddirectlywereachhome.\'
Thiswasalmostthewholeofourconversation;shewalkedhomewithme,Charlesfollowingalittlewaybehind,thoughshekeptturningherhead,asifanxiousthatheshouldovertakeus.\'Honourandnotlove\'seemedtoringinmyears.Somattersstand.Carolineisagainhappy.
April25——Wehavereachedhome,Charleswithus.Eventsarenowmovinginsilentspeed,almostwithvelocity,indeed;andIsometimesfeeloppressedbythestrangeandpreternaturaleasewhichseemstoaccompanytheirflow.Charlesisstayingattheneighbouringtown;
heisonlywaitingforthemarriagelicence;whenobtainedheistocomehere,bequietlymarriedtoher,andcarryheroff.Itisratherresignationthancontentwhichsitsonhisface;buthehasnotspokenawordmoretomeontheburningsubject,ordeviatedonehair\'sbreadthfromthecoursehelaiddown.Theymaybehappyintimetocome:Ihopeso.ButIcannotshakeoffdepression.
May6——Eveofthewedding.Carolineisserenelyhappy,thoughnotblithe.Butthereisnothingtoexciteanxietyabouther.IwishI
couldsaythesameofhim.Hecomesandgoeslikeaghost,andyetnobodyseemstoobservethisstrangenessinhismien.
Icouldnothelpbeingherefortheceremony;butmyabsencewouldhaveresultedinlessdisquietonhispart,Ibelieve.However,I
maybewronginattributingcauses:myfathersimplysaysthatCharlesandCarolinehaveasgoodachanceofbeinghappyasotherpeople.Well,to-morrowsettlesall.
May7——Theyaremarried:wehavejustreturnedfromchurch.
Charleslookedsopalethismorningthatmyfatheraskedhimifhewasill.Hesaid,\'No:onlyaslightheadache;\'andwestartedforthechurch.
Therewasnohitchorhindrance;andthethingisdone.
4p.m——Theyoughttohavesetoutontheirjourneybythistime;butthereisanunaccountabledelay.Charleswentouthalf-an-hourago,andhasnotyetreturned.Carolineiswaitinginthehall;butIamdreadfullyafraidtheywillmissthetrain.Isupposethetriflinghindranceisofnoaccount;andyetIamfullofmisgivings
Sept.14——Fourmonthshavepassed;ONLYfourmonths!Itseemslikeyears.CanitbethatonlyseventeenweeksagoIsetonthispaperthefactoftheirmarriage?Iamnowanagedwomanbycomparison!
Onthatnevertobeforgottendaywewaitedandwaited,andCharlesdidnotreturn.Atsixo\'clock,whenpoorlittleCarolinehadgonebacktoherroominastateofsuspenseimpossibletodescribe,amanwhoworkedinthewater-meadowscametothehouseandaskedformyfather.Hehadaninterviewwithhiminthestudy.Myfatherthenranghisbell,andsentforme.Iwentdown;andIthenlearntthefatalnews.Charleswasnomore.Thewatermanhadbeengoingtoshutdownthehatchesofaweirinthemeadswhenhesawahatontheedgeofthepoolbelow,floatingroundandroundintheeddy,andlookingintothepoolsawsomethingstrangeatthebottom.Heknewwhatitmeant,andloweringthehatchessothatthewaterwasstill,coulddistinctlyseethebody.Itisneedlesstowriteparticularsthatwereinthenewspapersatthetime.Charleswasbroughttothehouse,buthewasdead.
WeallfearedforCaroline;andshesufferedmuch;butstrangetosay,hersufferingwaspurelyofthenatureofdeepgriefwhichfoundreliefinsobbingandtears.ItcameoutattheinquestthatCharleshadbeenaccustomedtocrossthemeadstogiveanoccasionalhalf-
crowntoanoldmanwholivedontheoppositehill,whohadoncebeenalandscapepainterinanhumblewaytillhelosthiseyesight;anditwasassumedthathehadgonethitherforthesamepurposeto-day,andtobidhimfarewell.Onthisinformationthecoroner\'sjuryfoundthathisdeathhadbeencausedbymisadventure;andeverybodybelievestothishourthathewasdrownedwhilecrossingtheweirtorelievetheoldman.Exceptone:shebelievesinnoaccident.
Afterthestunningeffectofthefirstnews,Ithoughtitstrangethatheshouldhavechosentogoonsuchanerrandatthelastmoment,andtogopersonally,whentherewassolittletimetospare,sinceanygiftcouldhavebeensoeasilysentbyanotherhand.
Furtherreflectionhasconvincedmethatthisstepoutoflifewasasmuchapartoftheday\'splanaswastheweddinginthechurchhardby.TheywerethetwohalvesofhiscompleteintentionwhenhegavemeontheGrandCanalthatassurancewhichIshallneverforget:
\'Verywell,then;honourshallbemyword,notlove.Ifshesays\"Yes,\"themarriageshallbe.\'
IdonotknowwhyIshouldhavemadethisentryatthisparticulartime;butithasoccurredtometodoit——tocomplete,inameasure,thatpartofmydesultorychroniclewhichrelatestothelove-storyofmysisterandCharles.Shelivesonmeeklyinhergrief;andwillprobablyoutliveit;whileI——butnevermindme.
CHAPTERX——SHEADDSANOTELONGAFTER
Five-yearslater——Ihavelighteduponthisolddiary,whichithasinterestedmetolookover,containing,asitdoes,recordsofthetimewhenlifeshonemorewarmlyinmyeyethanitdoesnow.Iamimpelledtoaddonesentencetoroundoffitsrecordofthepast.
AboutayearagomysisterCaroline,afterapersistentwooing,acceptedthehandandheartofTheophilusHigham,oncetheblushingyoungScripturereaderwhoassistedatthesubstituteforamarriageIplanned,andnowthefully-ordainedcurateofthenextparish.Hispenitenceforthepartheplayedendedinlove.Wehaveallnowmadeatonementforoursinsagainsther:mayshebedeceivednomore.
1887.
THEGRAVEBYTHEHANDPOST
IneverpassthroughChalk-Newtonwithoutturningtoregardtheneighbouringupland,atapointwherealanecrossesthelonestraighthighwaydividingthisfromthenextparish;asightwhichdoesnotfailtorecalltheeventthatoncehappenedthere;and,thoughitmayseemsuperfluous,atthisdate,todisintermorememoriesofvillagehistory,thewhispersofthatspotmayclaimtobepreserved.
Itwasonadark,yetmildandexceptionallydryeveningatChristmas-timeaccordingtothetestimonyofWilliamDewyofMellstock,MichaelMail,andothers,thatthechoirofChalk-Newton——
alargeparishsituateabouthalf-waybetweenthetownsofIvelandCasterbridge,andnowarailwaystation——lefttheirhomesjustbeforemidnighttorepeattheirannualharmoniesunderthewindowsofthelocalpopulation.Thebandofinstrumentalistsandsingerswasoneofthelargestinthecounty;and,unlikethesmallerandfinerMellstockstring-band,whicheschewedallbutthecatgut,itincludedbrassandreedperformersatfullSundayservices,andreachedallacrossthewestgallery.
Onthisnightthereweretwoorthreeviolins,two\'cellos,atenorviol,doublebass,hautboy,clarionets,serpent,andsevensingers.
Itwas,however,notthechoir\'slabours,butwhatitsmemberschancedtowitness,thatparticularlymarkedtheoccasion.
Theyhadpursuedtheirroundsformanyyearswithoutmeetingwithanyincidentofanunusualkind,butto-night,accordingtotheassertionsofseveral,thereprevailed,tobeginwith,anexceptionallysolemnandthoughtfulmoodamongtwoorthreeoftheoldestintheband,asiftheywerethinkingtheymightbejoinedbythephantomsofdeadfriendswhohadbeenoftheirnumberinearlieryears,andnowweremuteinthechurchyardunderflatteningmounds——
friendswhohadshowngreaterzestformelodyintheirtimethanwasshowninthis;orthatsomepastvoiceofasemi-transparentfiguremightquaverfromsomebedroom-windowitsacknowledgmentoftheirnocturnalgreeting,insteadofafamiliarlivingneighbour.Whetherthiswerefactorfancy,theyoungermembersofthechoirmettogetherwiththeircustomarythoughtlessnessandbuoyancy.Whentheyhadgatheredbythestonestumpofthecrossinthemiddleofthevillage,neartheWhiteHorseInn,whichtheymadetheirstartingpoint,someoneobservedthattheywerefullearly,thatitwasnotyettwelveo\'clock.ThelocalwaitsofthosedaysmostlyrefrainedfromsoundinganotebeforeChristmasmorninghadastronomicallyarrived,andnotcaringtoreturntotheirbeer,theydecidedtobeginwithsomeoutlyingcottagesinSidlinchLane,wherethepeoplehadnoclocks,andwouldnotknowwhetheritwerenightormorning.
Inthatdirectiontheyaccordinglywent;andastheyascendedtohighergroundtheirattentionwasattractedbyalightbeyondthehouses,quiteatthetopofthelane.
TheroadfromChalk-NewtontoBroadSidlinchisabouttwomileslongandinthemiddleofitscourse,whereitpassesovertheridgedividingthetwovillages,itcrossesatrightangles,ashasbeenstated,thelonelymonotonousoldhighwayknownasLongAshLane,whichruns,straightasasurveyor\'sline,manymilesnorthandsouthofthisspot,onthefoundationofaRomanroad,andhasoftenbeenmentionedinthesenarratives.Thoughnowquitedesertedandgrass-
grown,atthebeginningofthecenturyitwaswellkeptandfrequentedbytraffic.Theglimmeringlightappearedtocomefromtheprecisepointwheretheroadsintersected.
\'IthinkIknowwhatthatmidmean!\'oneofthegroupremarked.
Theystoodafewmoments,discussingtheprobabilityofthelighthavingorigininaneventofwhichrumourshadreachedthem,andresolvedtogoupthehill.
Approachingthehighlandtheirconjectureswerestrengthened.LongAshLanecutathwartthem,rightandleft;andtheysawthatatthejunctionofthefourways,underthehand-post,agravewasdug,intowhich,asthechoirdrewnigh,acorpsehadjustbeenthrownbythefourSidlinchmenemployedforthepurpose.Thecartandhorsewhichhadbroughtthebodythitherstoodsilentlyby.
ThesingersandmusiciansfromChalk-Newtonhalted,andlookedonwhilethegravediggersshovelledinandtroddowntheearth,till,theholebeingfilled,thelatterthrewtheirspadesintothecart,andpreparedtodepart.
\'Whomidyebea-buryingthere?\'askedLotSwanhillsinaraisedvoice.\'Notthesergeant?\'
TheSidlinchmenhadbeensodeeplyengrossedintheirtaskthattheyhadnotnoticedthelanternsoftheChalk-Newtonchoirtillnow.
\'What——beyoutheNewtoncarol-singers?\'returnedtherepresentativesofSidlinch.
\'Ay,sure.CanitbethatitisoldSergeantHolwayyou\'vea-buriedthere?\'
\'\'Tisso.You\'veheardaboutit,then?\'
Thechoirknewnoparticulars——onlythathehadshothimselfinhisapple-closetonthepreviousSunday.\'Nobodyseem\'thtoknowwhat\'adiditfor,\'ab\'lieve?Leastwise,wedon\'tknowatChalk-Newton,\'
continuedLot.
\'Oyes.Itallcameoutattheinquest.\'
Thesingersdrewclose,andtheSidlinchmen,pausingtorestaftertheirlabours,toldthestory.\'Itwasallowingtothatsonofhis,pooroldman.Itbrokehisheart.\'
\'Butthesonisasoldier,surely;nowwithhisregimentintheEastIndies?\'
\'Ay.Andithavebeenroughwiththearmyovertherelately.\'Twasapityhisfatherpersuadedhimtogo.ButLukeshouldn\'thavetwytedthesergeanto\'t,since\'adiditforthebest.\'
Thecircumstances,inbrief,werethese:Thesergeantwhohadcometothislamentableend,fatheroftheyoungsoldierwhohadgonewithhisregimenttotheEast,hadbeensingularlycomfortableinhismilitaryexperiences,thesehavingendedlongbeforetheoutbreakofthegreatwarwithFrance.Onhisdischarge,afterdulyservinghistime,hehadreturnedtohisnativevillage,andmarried,andtakenkindlytodomesticlife.ButthewarinwhichEnglandnextinvolvedherselfhadcosthimmanyfrettingsthatageandinfirmitypreventedhimfrombeingeveragainanactiveunitofthearmy.Whenhisonlysongrewtoyoungmanhood,andthequestionaroseofhisgoingoutinlife,theladexpressedhiswishtobeamechanic.Buthisfatheradvisedenthusiasticallyforthearmy.
\'Tradeiscomingtonothinginthesedays,\'hesaid.\'AndifthewarwiththeFrenchlasts,asitwill,tradewillbestillworse.Thearmy,Luke——that\'sthethingfor\'ee.\'Twasthemakingofme,and\'twillbethemakingofyou.Ihadn\'thalfsuchachanceasyou\'llhaveinthesesplendidhottertimes.\'
Lukedemurred,forhewasahome-keeping,peace-lovingyouth.But,puttingrespectfultrustinhisfather\'sjudgment,heatlengthgaveway,andenlistedinthe——dFoot.InthecourseofafewweekshewassentouttoIndiatohisregiment,whichhaddistinguisheditselfintheEastunderGeneralWellesley.
ButLukewasunlucky.Newscamehomeindirectlythathelaysickoutthere;andthenononerecentdaywhenhisfatherwasoutwalking,theoldmanhadreceivedtidingsthataletterawaitedhimatCasterbridge.Thesergeantsentaspecialmessengerthewholeninemiles,andtheletterwaspaidforandbroughthome;butthough,ashehadguessed,itcamefromLuke,itscontentswereofanunexpectedtenor.
Theletterhadbeenwrittenduringatimeofdeepdepression.Lukesaidthathislifewasaburdenandaslavery,andbitterlyreproachedhisfatherforadvisinghimtoembarkonacareerforwhichhefeltunsuited.Hefoundhimselfsufferingfatiguesandillnesseswithoutgainingglory,andengagedinacausewhichhedidnotunderstandorappreciate.Ifithadnotbeenforhisfather\'sbadadvicehe,Luke,wouldnowhavebeenworkingcomfortablyatatradeinthevillagethathehadneverwishedtoleave.
Afterreadingtheletterthesergeantadvancedafewstepstillhewasquiteoutofsightofeverybody,andthensatdownonthebankbythewayside.
Whenhearosehalf-an-hourlaterhelookedwitheredandbroken,andfromthatdayhisnaturalspiritslefthim.Woundedtothequickbyhisson\'ssarcasticstings,heindulgedinliquormoreandmorefrequently.Hiswifehaddiedsomeyearsbeforethisdate,andthesergeantlivedaloneinthehousewhichhadbeenhers.OnemorningintheDecemberundernoticethereportofagunhadbeenheardonhispremises,andonenteringtheneighboursfoundhiminadyingstate.Hehadshothimselfwithanoldfirelockthatheusedforscaringbirds;andfromwhathehadsaidthedaybefore,andthearrangementshehadmadeforhisdecease,therewasnodoubtthathisendhadbeendeliberatelyplanned,asaconsequenceofthedespondencyintowhichhehadbeenthrownbyhisson\'sletter.Thecoroner\'sjuryreturnedaverdictoffelodese.
\'Here\'shisson\'sletter,\'saidoneoftheSidlinchmen.\'\'Twasfoundinhisfather\'spocket.Youcanseebythestateo\'thowmanytimeshereaditover.Howsomever,theLord\'swillbedone,sinceitmust,whetherorno.\'
Thegravewasfilledupandlevelled,nomoundbeingshapedoverit.
TheSidlinchmenthenbadetheChalk-Newtonchoirgood-night,anddepartedwiththecartinwhichtheyhadbroughtthesergeant\'sbodytothehill.Whentheirtreadhaddiedawayfromtheear,andthewindsweptovertheisolatedgravewithitscustomarysiffleofindifference,LotSwanhillsturnedandspoketooldRichardToller,thehautboyplayer.
\'\'Tisharduponaman,andheawoldsojer,toserveenso,Richard.
Notthatthesergeantwaseverinabattlebiggerthanwouldgointoahalf-acrepaddock,that\'strue.Still,hissouloughttohaeasgoodachanceasanotherman\'s,allthesame,hey?\'
Richardrepliedthathewasquiteofthesameopinion.\'Whatd\'yesaytoliftingupacarreloverhisgrave,as\'tisChristmas,andnohurrytobegindowninparish,and\'twouldn\'ttakeuptenminutes,andnotasoulupheretosayusnay,orknowanythingaboutit?\'
Lotnoddedassent.\'Themanoughttohaehischances,\'herepeated.
\'Yemayaswellspetuponhisgrave,forallthegoodweshalldoenbywhatweliftup,nowhe\'sgotsofar,\'saidNotton,theclarionetmanandprofessedscepticofthechoir.\'ButI\'magreediftherestbe.\'
Theythereuponplacedthemselvesinasemicirclebythenewlystirredearth,androusedthedullairwiththewell-knownNumberSixteenoftheircollection,whichLotgaveoutasbeingtheonehethoughtbestsuitedtotheoccasionandthemoodHecomes\'thepri\'-sonersto\'re-lease\',InSa\'-tan\'sbon\'-dageheld\'.
\'Jownit——we\'veneverplayedtoadeadmanafore,\'saidEzraCattstock,when,havingconcludedthelastverse,theystoodreflectingforabreathortwo.\'Butitdoseemmoremercifulthantogoawayandleaveen,astheyt\'otherfellershavedone.\'
\'NowbackalongtoNewton,andbythetimewegetoverrightthepa\'son\'s\'twillbehalfaftertwelve,\'saidtheleader.
Theyhadnot,however,donemorethangatheruptheirinstrumentswhenthewindbroughttotheirnoticethenoiseofavehiclerapidlydrivenupthesamelanefromSidlinchwhichthegravediggershadlatelyretraced.Toavoidbeingrunoverwhenmovingon,theywaitedtillthebenightedtraveller,whoeverhemightbe,shouldpassthemwheretheystoodinthewiderareaoftheCross.
Inhalfaminutethelightofthelanternsfelluponahiredfly,drawnbyasteamingandjadedhorse.Itreachedthehand-post,whenavoicefromtheinsidecried,\'Stophere!\'Thedriverpulledrein.
Thecarriagedoorwasopenedfromwithin,andthereleaptoutaprivatesoldierintheuniformofsomelineregiment.Helookedaround,andwasapparentlysurprisedtoseethemusiciansstandingthere.
\'Haveyouburiedamanhere?\'heasked.
\'No.Webain\'tSidlinchfolk,thankGod;webeNewtonchoir.Thoughamanisjustburiedhere,that\'strue;andwe\'veraisedacarreloverthepoormortal\'snatomy.What——domyeyesseebeforemeyoungLukeHolway,thatwentwi\'hisregimenttotheEastIndies,ordoI
seehisspiritstraightfromthebattlefield?Beyouthesonthatwrotetheletter——\'
\'Don\'t——don\'taskme.Thefuneralisover,then?\'
\'Therewernofuneral,inaChristenmannerofspeaking.But\'sburied,sureenough.Youmusthavemetthemengoingbackintheemptycart.\'
\'Likeadoginaditch,andallthroughme!\'
Heremainedsilent,lookingatthegrave,andtheycouldnothelppityinghim.\'Myfriends,\'hesaid,\'Iunderstandbetternow.Youhave,Isuppose,inneighbourlycharity,sungpeacetohissoul?I
thankyou,frommyheart,foryourkindpity.Yes;IamSergeantHolway\'smiserableson——I\'mthesonwhohasbroughtabouthisfather\'sdeath,astrulyasifIhaddoneitwithmyownhand!\'
\'No,no.Don\'tyetakeonso,youngman.He\'dbeennaturallylowforagoodwhile,offandon,sowehear.\'