Amightyquestionindeed！WhoshallbePremier，andtakeinhandthe“rudderofgovernment，“otherwisecalledthe“spigotoftaxation；“shallitbetheHonorableFelixParvulus，ortheRightHonorableFelicissimusZero？ByourelectioneeringsandHansardDebatings，andever-enduringtempestofjargonthatgoesoneverywhere，wemanagetosettlethat；tohaveitdeclared，withnobloodshedexceptinsignificantbloodfromthenoseinhustings-time，butwithimmensebeershedandinkshedandexplosionofnonsense，whichdarkensalltheair，thattheRightHonorableZeroistobetheman。Thatwefirmlysettle；Zero，allshiveringwithraptureandwithterror，mountsintothehighsaddle；crampshimselfon，withknees，heels，handsandfeet；andthehorsegallops——whitheritlists。ThattheRightHonorableZeroshouldattemptcontrollingthehorse——Alas，alas，he，stickingonwithbeakandclaws，istoohappyifthehorsewillonlygallopany-whither，andnotthrowhim。Measure，polity，planorschemeofpublicgoodorevil，isnotintheheadofFelicissimus；except，ifhecouldbutdeviseit，somemeasurethatwouldpleasehishorseforthemoment，andencouragehimtogowithsofterpaces，godwardordevilwardasitmightbe，andsaveFelicissimus’sleather，whichisfastwearing。ThisiswhatwecallaGovernmentinEngland，fornearlytwocenturiesnow。
IwishFelicissimusweresaddle-sickforeverandaday！Heisadreadfulobject，howevermuchweareusedtohim。Ifthehorsehadnotbeenbredandbrokenin，forathousandyears，byrealridersandhorse-subduers，perhapsthebestandbravesttheworldeversaw，whatwouldhavebecomeofFelicissimusandhimlongsince？Thishorse，bysecond-nature，religiouslyrespectsallfences；gallops，ifneversomadly，onthehighwaysalone；——seemstome，oflate，likeadesperateSleswickthunder-horsewhohadlosthisway，gallopinginthelabyrinthiclanesofawoodyflatcountry；passionatetoreachhisgoal；
unabletoreachit，becauseintheflatleafylanesthereisnooutlookwhatever，andinthebridlethereisnoguidancewhatever。Sohegallopsstormfullyalong，thinkingitisforwardandforward；andalas，itisonlyroundandround，outofoneoldlaneintotheother；——nayaccordingtosome“hemistakes_hisownfootprints_，whichofcoursegrowevermorenumerous，forthesignofamoreandmorefrequentedroad；“andhisdespairishourlyincreasing。Myimpressionis，heiscertainsoon，suchisthegrowthofhisnecessityandhisdespair，to——plunge_across_thefence，intoanopenersurveyofthecountry；andtosweepFelicissimusoffhisback，andcombhimawayverytragicallyintheprocess！PoorSleswicker，Iwishyouwerebetterridden。IperceiveitliesintheFatesyoumustnoweitherbebetterridden，orelsenotlongatall。Thisplungingintheheavylabyrinthofover-shadedlanes，withone’sstomachgettingempty，one’sIrelandfallingintocannibalism，andnovestigeofagoaleithervisibleorpossible，cannotlast。
ColonialOffices，Foreign，HomeandotherOffices，gottogetherunderthesestrangecircumstances，cannotwellbeexpectedtobethebestthathumaningenuitycoulddevise；thewonderratheristoseethemsogoodastheyare。Whomadethem，askmenot。
Madetheyclearlywere；forweseethemhereinaconcretecondition，writingdespatches，anddrawingsalarywithaviewtobuypudding。ButhowthoseOfficesinDowningStreetweremade；