ULYSSES

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第139章

ULYSSES James Joyce

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ULYSSES
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  likemewheresoftlysighsoflovethelightguitarwherepoetryisintheairtheblueseaandthemoonshiningsobeautifullycomingbackonthenightboatfromTarifathelighthouseatEuropapointtheguitarthatfellowplayedwassoexpressivewillInevergobackthereagainallnewfacestwoglancingeyesalatticehidIllsingthatforhimtheyremyeyesifhesanythingofapoettwoeyesasdarklybrightaslovesownstararentthosebeautifulwordsaslovesyoungstaritllbeachangetheLordknowstohaveanintelligentpersontotalktoaboutyourselfnotalwayslisteningtohimandBillyPrescottsadandKeyessadandTomtheDevilsadthen,ifanythinggoeswrongintheirbusinesswehavetosufferImsurehesverydistinguishedIdliketomeetamanlikethatGodnotthoseotherruckbesideshesyoungthosefineyoungmenIcouldseedowninMargatestrandbathingplacefromthesideoftherockstandingupinthesunnakedlikeaGodorsomethingandthenplungingintotheseawiththemwhyarentallmenlikethattheredbesomeconsolationforawomanlikethatlovelylittlestatueheboughtIcouldlookathimall-daylongcurlyheadandhisshouldershisfingerupforyoutolistentheresrealbeautyandpoetryforyouIoftenfeltIwantedtokisshimalloveralsohislovelyyoungcocktheresosimplyIwouldntmindtakinghiminmymouthifnobodywaslookingasifitwasaskingyoutosuckitsocleanandwhitehelookedwithhisboyishfaceIwouldtooin1/2aminuteevenifsomeofitwentdownwhatitsonlylikegruelorthedewtheresnodangerbesideshedbesocleancomparedwiththosepigsofmenIsupposeneverdreamofwashingitfrom1yearsendtotheotherthemostofthemonlythatswhatgivesthewomenthemoustachesImsureitllbegrandifIcanonlygetinwithahandsomeyoungpoetatmyageIllthrowthemthe1stthinginthemorningtillIseeifthewishcardcomesoutorIlltrypairingtheladyherselfandseeifhecomesoutIllreadandstudyallIcanfindorlearnabitoffbyheartifIknewwhohelikessohewontthinkmestupidifhethinksallwomenarethesameandIcanteachhimtheotherpartIllmakehimfeelalloverhimtillhehalffaintsundermethenhellwriteaboutmeloverandmistresspubliclytoowithour2photographsinallthepaperswhenhebecomesfamousObutthenwhatamIgoingtodoabouthimthoughnothatsnowayforhimhashenomannersnornorefinementnornonothinginhisnatureslappingusbehindlikethatonmybottombecauseIdidn’tcallhimHughtheignoramusthatdoesntknowpoetryfromacabbagethatswhatyougetfornotkeepingthemintheirproperplacepullingoffhisshoesandtrousersthereonthechairbeforemesobarefacedwithoutevenaskingpermissionandstandingoutthatvulgarwayinthehalfofashirttheyweartobeadmiredlikeapriestorabutcherorthoseoldhypocritesinthetimeofJuliusCaesarofcoursehesrightenoughinhiswaytopassthetimeasajokesureyoumightaswellbeinbedwithwhatwithalionGodImsurehedhavesomethingbettertosayforhimselfanoldLionwouldOwellIsupposeitsbecausetheyweresoplumpandtemptinginmyshortpetticoathecouldntresisttheyexcitemyselfsometimesitswellformenalltheamountofpleasuretheygetoffawomansbodyweresoroundandwhiteforthemalwaysIwishedIwasonemyselfforachangejusttotrywiththatthingtheyhaveswellinguponyousohardandatthesametimesosoftwhenyoutouchitmyuncleJohnhasathinglongIheardthosecornerboyssayingpassingthecornerofMarrowbonelanemyauntMaryhasathinghairybecauseitwasdarkandtheyknewagirlwaspassingitdidntmakemeblushwhyshoulditeitheritsonlynatureandheputshisthinglongintomyauntMaryshairyetceteraandturnsouttobeyouputthehandleinasweepingbrushmenagainallovertheycanpickandchoosewhattheypleaseamarriedwomanorafastwidoworagirlfortheirdifferenttasteslikethosehousesroundbehindIrishstreetnobutweretobealwayschaineduptheyrenotgoingtobechainingmeupnodamnfearonceIstartItellyouforstupidhusbandsjealousywhycantweallremainfriendsoveritinsteadofquarrellingherhusbandfounditoutwhattheydidtogetherwellnaturallyandifhedidcanheundoithescoronadoanywaywhateverhedoesandthenhegoingtotheothermadextremeaboutthewifeinFairTyrantsofcoursethemanneverevencastsa2ndthoughtonthehusbandorwifeeitheritsthewomanhewantsandhegetsherwhatelsewerewegivenallthosedesiresforIdliketoknowIcanthelpitifImyoungstillcanIitsawonderImnotanoldshrivelledhagbeforemytimelivingwithhimsocoldneverembracingmeexceptsometimeswhenhesasleepthewrongendofmenotknowingIsupposewhohehasanymanthatdkissawomansbottomIdthrowmyhatathimafterthathedkissanythingunnaturalwherewehavent1atomofanykindofexpressioninusallofusthesame2lumpsoflardbeforeeverIdothattoamanpfoohthedirtybrutesthemerethoughtisenoughIkissthefeetofyousenoritatheressomesenseinthatdidnthekissourhalldooryeshedidwhatamadmannobodyunderstandshiscrackedideasbutmestillofcourseawomanwantstobeembraced20

  timesadayalmosttomakeherlookyoungnomatterbywhosolongastobeinloveorlovedbysomebodyifthefellowyouwantisnttheresometimesbytheLordGodIwasthinkingwouldIgoaroundbythequaystheresomedarkeveningwherenobodydknowmeandpickupasailorofftheseathatdbehotonforitandnotcareapinwhoseIwasonlytodoitoffupinagatesomewhereoroneofthosewildlookinggipsiesinRathfarnhamhadtheircamppitchedneartheBloomfieldlaundrytotryandstealourthingsiftheycouldIonlysentminethereafewtimesforthenamemodellaundrysendingmebackoverandoversomeoldonesoldstockingsthatblackguardlookingfellowwiththefineeyespeelingaswitchattackmeinthedarkandridemeupagainstthewallwithoutawordoramurdereranybodywhattheydothemselvesthefinegentlemenintheirsilkhatsthatKClivesupsomewherethiswaycomingoutofHardwickelanethenighthegaveusthefishsupperonaccountofwinningovertheboxingmatchofcourseitwasformehegaveitIknewhimbyhisgaitersandthewalkandwhenIturnedroundaminuteafterjusttoseetherewasawomanaftercomingoutofittoosomefilthyprostitutethenhegoeshometohiswifeafterthatonlyI

  supposethehalfofthosesailorsarerottenagainwithdiseaseOmoveoveryourbigcarcassoutofthatfortheloveofMikelistentohimthewindsthatwaftmysighstotheesowellhemaysleepandsighthegreatSuggesterDonPoldodelaFloraifheknewhowhecameoutonthecardsthismorninghedhavesomethingtosighforadarkmaninsomeperplexitybetween27stooinprisonforLordknowswhathedoesthatIdontknowandImtobesloochingarounddowninthekitchentogethislordshiphisbreakfastwhilehesrolleduplikeamummywillIindeeddidyoueverseemerunningIdjustliketoseemyselfatitshowthemattentionandtheytreatyoulikedirtIdontcarewhatanybodysaysitdbemuchbetterfortheworldtobegovernedbythewomeninityouwouldntseewomengoingandkillingoneanotherandslaughteringwhendoyoueverseewomenrollingarounddrunkliketheydoorgamblingeverypennytheyhaveandlosingitonhorsesyesbecauseawomanwhatevershedoessheknowswheretostopsuretheywouldn’tbeintheworldatallonlyforustheydontknowwhatitistobeawomanandamotherhowcouldtheywherewouldtheyallofthembeiftheyhadntallamothertolookafterthemwhatIneverhadthatswhyIsupposehesrunningwildnowoutatnightawayfromhisbooksandstudiesandnotlivingathomeonaccountoftheusualrowdyhouseIsupposewellitsapoorcasethatthosethathaveafinesonlikethattheyrenotsatisfiedandInonewashenotabletomakeoneitwasntmyfaultwecametogetherwhenIwaswatchingthetwodogsupinherbehindinthemiddleofthenakedstreetthatdisheartenedmealtogetherIsupposeIoughtnttohaveburiedhiminthatlittlewoollyjacketIknittedcryingaswasbutgiveittosomepoorchildbutIknewwellIdneverhaveanotherour1stdeathtooitwaswewereneverthesamesinceOImnotgoingtothinkmyselfintothegloomsaboutthatanymoreIwonderwhyhewouldntstaythenightIfeltallthetimeitwassomebodystrangehebroughtininsteadofrovingaroundthecitymeetingGodknowswhonightwalkersandpickpocketshispoormotherwouldntlikethatifshewasaliveruininghimselfforlifeperhapsstillitsalovelyhoursosilentIusedtolovecominghomeafterdancestheairofthenighttheyhavefriendstheycantalktowevenoneeitherhewantswhathewontgetoritssomewomanreadytostickherknifeinyouIhatethatinwomennowondertheytreatusthewaytheydoweareadreadfullotofbitchesIsupposeitsallthetroubleswehavemakesussosnappyImnotlikethathecouldeasyhavesleptinthereonthesofaintheotherroomsupposehewasasshyasaboyhebeingsoyounghardly20ofmeinthenextroomhedhaveheardmeonthechamberarrahwhatharmDedalusIwonderitslikethosenamesinGibraltarDelapazDelagraciatheyhadthedevilsqueernamestherefatherVialplanaofSantaMariathatgavemetherosaryRosalesyOReillyintheCallelasSieteRevueltasandPisimboandMrsOpissoinGovernorstreetOwhatanameIdgoanddrownmyselfinthefirstriverifIhadanamelikeherOmyandallthebitsofstreetsParadiserampandBedlamrampandRodgersrampandCrutchettsrampandthedevilsgapstepswellsmallblametomeifIamaharumscarumIknowIamabitIdeclaretoGodI

  dontfeeladayolderthanthenIwondercouldIgetmytongueroundanyoftheSpanishcomoestaustedmuybiengraciasyustedseeIhaven’tforgottenitallIthoughtIhadonlyforthegrammaranounisthenameofanypersonplaceorthingpityInevertriedtoreadthatnovelcantankerousMrsRubiolentmebyValerawiththequestionsinitallupsidedownthetwowaysIalwaysknewwedgoawayintheendIcantellhimtheSpanishandhetellmetheItalianthenhellseeImnotsoignorantwhatapityhedidntstayImsurethepoorfellowwasdeadtiredandwantedagoodsleepbadlyIcouldhavebroughthiminhisbreakfastinbedwithabitoftoastsolongasIdidntdoitontheknifeforbadluckorifthewomanwasgoingherroundswiththewatercressandsomethingniceandtastythereareafewolivesinthekitchenhemightlikeInevercouldbearthelookoftheminAbrinesIcoulddothecriadatheroomlooksallrightsinceI

  changedittheotherwayyouseesomethingwastellingmeallthetimeIdhavetointroducemyselfnotknowingmefromAdamveryfunnywouldntitImhiswifeorpretendwewereinSpainwithhimhalfawakewithoutaGodsnotionwhereheisdoshuevosestrelladossenorLordthecrackedthingscomeintomyheadsometimesitdbegreatfunsupposinghestayedwithuswhynottherestheroomupstairsemptyandMillysbedinthebackroomhecoulddohiswritingandstudiesatthetableinthereforallthescribblinghedoesatitandifhewantstoreadinbedinthemorninglikemeashesmakingthebreakfastforIhecanmakeitfor2ImsureImnotgoingtotakeinlodgersoffthestreetforhimifhetakesagesaboofahouselikethisIdlovetohavealongtalkwithanintelligentwell-educatedpersonIdhavetogetanicepairofredslipperslikethoseTurkswiththefezusedtoselloryellowandanicesemitransparentmorninggownthatIbadlywantorapeachblossomdressingjacketliketheonelongagoinWalpolesonly8/6or18/6IlljustgivehimonemorechanceIllgetupearlyinthemorningImsickofCohensoldbedinanycaseImightgoovertothemarketstoseeallthevegetablesandcabbagesandtomatoesandcarrotsandallkindsofsplendidfruitsallcominginlovelyandfreshwhoknowswhodbethe1stmanIdmeettheyreoutlookingforitinthemorningMamyDillonusedtosaytheyareandthenighttoothatwashermassgoingIdloveabigjuicypearnowtomeltinyourmouthlikewhenIusedtobeinthelongingwaythenIllthrowhimuphiseggsandteainthemoustachecupshegavehimtomakehismouthbiggerIsupposehedlikemynicecreamtooIknowwhatIlldoIllgoaboutrathergaynottoomuchsingingabitnowandthenmifapietiMasettothenIllstartdressingmyselftogooutprestononsonpillforteIllputonmybestshiftanddrawerslethimhaveagoodeyefuloutofthattomakehismickystandforhimIlllethimknowifthatswhathewantedthathiswifeisfuckedyesanddamnwellfuckedtoouptomynecknearlynotbyhim5or6timeshandrunningtheresthemarkofhisspunkonthecleansheetIwouldntbothertoevenironitoutthatoughttosatisfyhimifyoudontbelievemefeelmybellyunlessImadehimstandthereandputhimintomeIveamindtotellhimeveryscrapandmakehimdoitinfrontofmeservehimrightitsallhisownfaultifIamanadulteressasthethinginthegallerysaidOmuchaboutitifthatsalltheharmeverwedidinthisvaleoftearsGodknowsitsnotmuchdoesnteverybodyonlytheyhideitIsupposethatswhatawomanissupposedtobetherefororHewouldnthavemadeusthewayHedidsoattractivetomenthenifhewantstokissmybottomIlldragopenmydrawersandbulgeitrightoutinhisfaceaslargeaslifehecanstickhistongue7milesupmyholeashestheremybrownpartthenIlltellhimIwant#1orperhaps30/-IlltellhimIwanttobuyunderclothesthenifhegivesmethatwellhewontbetoobadIdontwanttosoakitalloutofhimlikeotherwomendoIcouldoftenhavewrittenoutafinechequeformyselfandwritehisnameonitforacoupleofpoundsafewtimesheforgottolockitupbesideshewontspenditIlllethimdoitoffonmebehindprovidedhedoesntsmearallmygooddrawersOI

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