Howwidelydifferenthadbeenmyfeelingsinpaintingthatportraittowhattheynowwereinlookinguponit！HowIhadstudiedandtoiledtoproducesomething，asIthought，worthyoftheoriginal！whatmingledpleasureanddissatisfactionIhadhadintheresultofmylabours！——pleasureforthelikenessIhadcaught；dissatisfaction，becauseIhadnotmadeithandsomeenough。Now，Iseenobeautyinit——nothingpleasinginanypartofitsexpression；andyetitisfarhandsomerandfarmoreagreeable——farlessrepulsiveIshouldrathersay——thanheisnow；forthesesixyearshavewroughtalmostasgreatachangeuponhimselfasonmyfeelingsregardinghim。Theframe，however，ishandsomeenough；itwillserveforanotherpainting。ThepictureitselfIhavenotdestroyed，asIhadfirstintended；
Ihaveputitaside；not，Ithink，fromanylurkingtendernessforthememoryofpastaffection，noryettoremindmeofmyformerfolly，butchieflythatImaycomparemyson’sfeaturesandcountenancewiththis，ashegrowsup，andthusbeenabledtojudgehowmuchorhowlittleheresembleshisfather——ifImaybeallowedtokeephimwithmestill，andnevertobeholdthatfather’sfaceagain——blessingIhardlydarereckonupon。
ItseemsMr。Huntingdonismakingeveryexertiontodiscovertheplaceofmyretreat。HehasbeeninpersontoStaningley，seekingredressforhisgrievances——expectingtohearofhisvictims，ifnottofindthemthere——andhastoldsomanylies，andwithsuchunblushingcoolness，thatmyunclemorethanhalfbelieveshim，andstronglyadvocatesmygoingbacktohimandbeingfriendsagain；butmyauntknowsbetter：sheistoocoolandcautious，andtoowellacquaintedwithbothmyhusband’scharacterandmyowntobeimposeduponbyanyspeciousfalsehoodstheformercouldinvent。Buthedoesnotwantmeback；hewantsmychild；andgivesmyfriendstounderstandthatifIpreferlivingapartfromhim，hewillindulgethewhimandletmedosounmolested，andevensettleareasonableallowanceonme，providedIwillimmediatelydeliveruphisson。But，Heavenhelpme！Iamnotgoingtosellmychildforgold，thoughitweretosavebothhimandmefromstarving：itwouldbebetterthatheshoulddiewithme，thanthatheshouldlivewithhisfather。
Frederickshowedmealetterhehadreceivedfromthatgentleman，fullofcoolimpudencesuchaswouldastonishanyonewhodidnotknowhim，butsuchas，Iamconvinced，nonewouldknowbetterhowtoanswerthanmybrother。Hegavemenoaccountofhisreply，excepttotellmethathehadnotacknowledgedhisacquaintancewithmyplaceofrefuge，butratherleftittobeinferredthatitwasquiteunknowntohim，bysayingitwasuselesstoapplytohimoranyotherofmyrelationsforinformationonthesubject，asitappearedIhadbeendriventosuchextremitythatIhadconcealedmyretreatevenfrommybestfriends；butthatifhehadknownit，orshouldatanytimebemadeawareofit，mostcertainlyMr。Huntingdonwouldbethelastpersontowhomheshouldcommunicatetheintelligence；and’thatheneednottroublehimselftobargainforthechild，forheFrederickfanciedheknewenoughofhissistertoenablehimtodeclare，thatwherevershemightbe，orhoweversituated，noconsiderationwouldinducehertodeliverhimup。
30th——Alas！mykindneighbourswillnotletmealone。Bysomemeanstheyhaveferretedmeout，andIhavehadtosustainvisitsfromthreedifferentfamilies，allmoreorlessbentupondiscoveringwhoandwhatIam；whenceIcame，andwhyIhavechosensuchahomeasthis。Theirsocietyisunnecessarytome，tosaytheleast，andtheircuriosityannoysandalarmsme：ifIgratifyit，itmayleadtotheruinofmyson，andifIamtoomysterious，itwillonlyexcitetheirsuspicions，inviteconjecture，androusethemtogreaterexertions——andperhapsbethemeansofspreadingmyfamefromparishtoparish，tillitreachtheearsofsomeonewhowillcarryittothelordofGrassdaleManor。