InmyearlydaysIwasaman,themostweddedtohisidolsofmygeneration。Iwasadwellerunderroofs:thegullofthatwhichwecallcivilisation;asuperstitiousvotaryoftheplasticarts;acit;andapropofrestaurants。Ihadacomradeinthosedays,somewhatofanoutsider,thoughhemovedinthecompanyofartists,andamanfamousinoursmallworldforgallantry,kneebreeches,anddryandpregnantsayings。He,lookingonthelongmealsandwaxingbelliesoftheFrench,whomIconfessIsomewhatimitated,brandedmeas“acultivatorofrestaurantfat。”AndIbelievehehadhisfingeronthedangerousspot;Ibelieve,ifthingshadgonesmoothwithme,Ishouldbenowswollenlikeaprize-oxinbody,andfalleninmindtoathingperhapsaslowasmanytypesofbourgeois——theimplicitorexclusiveartist。ThatwasahomewordofPinkerton’s,deservingtobewritinlettersofgoldontheporticoofeveryschoolofart:“WhatIcan’tseeiswhyyoushouldwanttodonothingelse。”Thedullmanismade,notbythenature,butbythedegreeofhisimmersioninasinglebusiness。
Andallthemoreifthatbesedentary,uneventful,andingloriouslysafe。Morethanonehalfofhimwillthenremainunexercisedandundeveloped;therestwillbedistendedanddeformedbyover-nutrition,over-cerebration,andtheheatofrooms。AndIhaveoftenmarvelledattheimpudenceofgentlemen,whodescribeandpassjudgmentonthelifeofman,inalmostperfectignoranceofallitsnecessaryelementsandnaturalcareers。Thosewhodwellinclubsandstudiosmaypaintexcellentpicturesorwriteenchantingnovels。Thereisonethingthattheyshouldnotdo:theyshouldpassnojudgmentonman’sdestiny,foritisathingwithwhichtheyareunacquainted。Theirownlifeisanexcrescenceofthemoment,doomed,inthevicissitudeofhistory,topassanddisappear:
theeternallifeofman,spentundersunandrainandinrudephysicaleffort,liesupononeside,scarcechangedsincethebeginning。
IwouldIcouldhavecarriedalongwithmetoMidwayIslandallthewritersandthepratingartistsofmytime。Dayafterdayofhopedeferred,ofheat,ofunremittingtoil;nightafternightofachinglimbs,bruisedhands,andamindobscuredwiththegratefulvacancyofphysicalfatigue:thescene,thenatureofmyemployment;theruggedspeechandfacesofmyfellow-
toilers,theglareofthedayondeck,thestinkingtwilightinthebilge,theshrillmyriadsoftheocean-fowl:aboveall,thesenseofourimmitigableisolationfromtheworldandfromthecurrentepoch;——keepinganothertime,someerasold;thenewdayheraldedbynodailypaper,onlybytherisingsun;andtheState,thechurches,thepeopledempires,war,andtherumoursofwar,andthevoicesofthearts,allgonesilentasinthedayseretheywereyetinvented。Suchweretheconditionsofmynewexperienceinlife,ofwhichifIhadbeenableIwouldhavehadallmyconfreresandcontemporariestopartake: