ThesepreparationstoEmilyweresosadasalmosttobreakherheart。Shehadneverasyetpackedupherwidow’sweeds。Shehadneverasyetcontemplatedthenecessityofcomingdowntodinnerinthembeforeothereyesthanthoseofherfatherandbrother。Shehadasyetmadenoneofthosestruggleswithwhichwidowsseektolessenthedeformityoftheircostume。Itwasincumbentonhernowtogetaribbonortwolessghastlythanthoseweeperswhichhad,forthelastfivemonths,hungaboutherfaceandshoulders。Andthenhowwouldshelookifheweretobethere?ItwasnottobeexpectedthattheWhartonsshouldsecludethemselvesbecauseofhergrief。Thisverychangeinthecircumstancesofthepropertywouldbesure,ofitself,tobringtheFletcherstoWharton,——andthenhowshouldshelookathim,howanswerhim,ifhespoketohertenderly?Itisveryhardforawomantotellalietoamanwhensheloveshim。Shemayspeakthewords。Shemaybeabletoassurehimthatheisindifferenttoher。Butwhenawomanreallylovesaman,asshelovedthisman,thereisadesiretotouchhimwhichquiversatherfingers’
ends,alongingtolookathimwhichshecannotkeepoutofhereyes,aninclinationtobenearhimwhichaffectseverymotionofherbody。Shecannotrefrainherselffromexcessiveattentiontohiswords。Shehasagodtoworship,andshecannotcontrolheradmiration。OfallthisEmilyherselffeltmuch,——butfeltatthesametimethatshewouldneverpardonherselfifshebetrayedherlovebyagleamofhereye,bythetoneofaword,orthemovementofafinger。What,——shouldshebeknowntoloveagainaftersuchamistakeashers,aftersuchacatastrophe?
TheeveningbeforetheystartedwhoshouldbustleintothehousebutEveretthimself。Itwasaboutsixo’clock,andhewasgoingtoleaveLondonbythenightmail。Thatheshouldbealittlegiventobustleonsuchanoccasionmayperhapsbeforgivenhim。
HehadheardthenewsdownontheScotchcoast,andhadflownuptoLondon,telegraphingashedidsobackwardsandforwardstoWharton。Ofcoursehefeltthatthedestructionofhiscousinamongtheglaciers,——whetherbybrandyoricehedidnotmuchcare,——hadmadehimforthenonceoneoftheimportantpeopleoftheworld。Theyoungmanwhowouldnotsofeelmightbethebetterphilosopher,butonemightdoubtwhetherhewouldbethebetteryoungman。Hequiteagreedwithhisfatherthatitwashissister’sdutytogotoWharton,andhewasnowinapositiontospeakwithauthorityastothedutiesofthemembersofhisfamily。Hecouldnotwait,evenforonenight,inorderthathemighttravelwiththem。SirAluredwasimpatient。SirAluredwantedhiminHertfordshire。SirAluredhadsaidthatonsuchanoccasionhe,theheir,oughttobeonthepropertywiththeshortestpossibledelay。Hisfathersmiled——butwithanapprovingsmile。Everettthereforestartedbythenightmail,leavinghisfatherandsistertofollowhimonthemorrow。
CHAPTER68