ThusdiditcometopassthatwhileIwasutterlyabsorbedinprideandsensuality,divinegrace,thecureforbothdiseases,wasforceduponme,eventhoughI,forsoothwouldfainhaveshunnedit。FirstwasIpunishedformysensuality,andthenformypride。FormysensualityIlostthosethingswherebyIpracticedit;formypride,engenderedinmebymyknowledgeoflettersanditisevenastheApostlesaid:\"Knowledgepuffethitselfup\"(ICor。viii。1)——IknewthehumiliationofseeingburnedtheverybookinwhichImostgloried。Andnowitismydesirethatyoushouldknowthestoriesofthesetwohappenings,understandingthemmoretrulyfromlearningtheveryfactsthanfromhearingwhatisspokenofthem,andintheorderinwhichtheycameabout。BecauseIhadeverheldinabhorrencethefoulnessofprostitutes,becauseIhaddiligentlykeptmyselffromallexcessesandfromassociationwiththewomenofnoblebirthwhoattendedtheschool,becauseIknewsolittleofthecommontalkofordinarypeople,perverseandsubtlyflatteringchancegavebirthtoanoccasionforcastingmelightlydownfromtheheightsofmyownexaltation。Nay,insuchcasenotevendivinegoodnesscouldredeemonewho,havingbeensoproud,wasbroughttosuchshame,wereitnotfortheblessedgiftofgrace。CHAPTERVIOFHOW,BROUGHTLOWBYHISLOVEFORHELOISE,HEWASWOUNDEDIN
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NOWtheredweltinthatsamecityofParisacertainyounggirlnamedHeloise,theneiceofacanonwhowascalledFulbert。Heruncle’sloveforherwasequalledonlybyhisdesirethatsheshouldhavethebesteducationwhichhecouldpossiblyprocureforher。Ofnomeanbeauty,shestoodoutaboveallbyreasonofherabundantknowledgeofletters。Nowthisvirtueisrareamongwomen,andforthatveryreasonitdoublygracedthemaiden,andmadeherthemostworthyofrenownintheentirekingdom。ItwasthisyounggirlwhomI,aftercarefullyconsideringallthosequalitieswhicharewonttoattractlovers,determinedtounitewithmyselfinthebondsoflove,andindeedthethingseemedtomeveryeasytobedone。Sodistinguishedwasmyname,andIpossessedsuchadvantagesofyouthandcomeliness,thatnomatterwhatwomanImightfavourwithmylove,Idreadedrejectionofnone。Then,too,IbelievedthatIcouldwinthemaiden’sconsentallthemoreeasilybyreasonofherknowledgeoflettersandherzealtherefor;
so,evenifwewereparted,wemightyetbetogetherinthoughtwiththeaidofwrittenmessages。Perchance,too,wemightbeabletowritemoreboldlythanwecouldspeak,andthusatalltimescouldweliveinjoyousintimacy。
Thus,utterlyaflamewithmypassionforthismaiden,IsoughttodiscovermeanswherebyImighthavedailyandfamiliarspeechwithher,therebythemoreeasilytowinherconsent。ForthispurposeIpersuadedthegirl’suncle,withtheaidofsomeofhisfriendstotakemeintohishousehold——forhedwelthardbymyschool——inreturnforthepaymentofasmallsum。Mypretextforthiswasthatthecareofmyownhouseholdwasaserioushandicaptomystudies,andlikewiseburdenedmewithanexpensefargreaterthanIcouldafford。Nowhewasamankeeninavariceandlikewisehewasmostdesirousforhisniecethatherstudyoflettersshouldevergoforward,so,forthesetworeasonsIeasilywonhisconsenttothefulfillmentofmywish,forhewasfairlyagapeformymoney,andatthesametimebelievedthathisniecewouldvastlybenefitbymyteaching。Moreeventhanthis,byhisownearnestentreatieshefellinwithmydesiresbeyondanythingIhaddaredtohope,openingthewayformylove;forheentrustedherwhollytomyguidance,beggingmetogiveherinstructionwhensoeverI