第18章
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  Thewatergatheredslowlyonhershawl,andfellontothewetstones;butshelaytherecryingbitterly。Forsothelivingsoulwillcrytothedead,andthecreaturetoitsGod;andofallthiscryingtherecomesnothing。Theliftingupofthehandsbringsnosalvation;redemptionisfromwithin,andneitherfromGodnorman;itiswroughtoutbythesoulitself,withsufferingandthroughtime。

  Doss,onthekitchendoorstep,shivered,andwonderedwherehismistressstayedsolong;andonce,sittingsadlythereinthedamp,hehaddroppedasleep,anddreamedthatoldOttogavehimapieceofbread,andpattedhimonthehead,andwhenhewokehisteethchattered,andhemovedtoanotherstonetoseeifitwasdrier。Atlastheheardhismistress’step,andtheywentintothehousetogether。Shelitacandle,andwalkedtotheBoer—woman’sbedroom。Onanailundertheladyinpinkhungthekeyofthewardrobe。Shetookitdownandopenedthegreatpress。Fromalittledrawershetookfiftypounds(allshehadintheworld),relockedthedoor,andturnedtohangupthekey。Themarksoftearswerestillonherface,butshesmiled。Thenshepaused,hesitated。

  \"Fiftypoundsforalover!Anoblereward!\"shesaid,andopenedthewardrobeandreturnedthenotestothedrawer,whereEmmightfindthem。

  Onceinherownroom,shearrangedthefewarticlessheintendedtotaketomorrow,burntheroldletters,andthenwentbacktothefrontroomtolookatthetime。Thereweretwohoursyetbeforeshemustcallhim。Shesatdownatthedressing—tabletowait,andleanedherelbowsonit,andburiedherfaceinherhands。Theglassreflectedthelittlebrownheadwithitsevenparting,andthetinyhandsonwhichitrested。\"OnedayI

  willlovesomethingutterly,andthenIwillbebetter,\"shesaidonce。

  Presentlyshelookedup。Thelarge,darkeyesfromtheglasslookedbackather。Shelookeddeepintothem。

  \"Weareallalone,youandI,\"shewhispered;\"noonehelpsus,nooneunderstandsus;butwewillhelpourselves。\"Theeyeslookedbackather。

  Therewasaworldofassuranceintheirstilldepths。Sotheyhadlookedathereversinceshecouldremember,whenitwasbutasmallchild’sfaceaboveabluepinafore。\"Weshallneverbequitealone,youandI,\"shesaid;\"weshallalwaysbetogether,aswewerewhenwewerelittle。\"

  Thebeautifuleyeslookedintothedepthsofhersoul。

  \"Wearenotafraid;wewillhelpourselves!\"shesaid。Shestretchedoutherhandandpresseditoverthemontheglass。\"Deareyes!wewillneverbequitealonetilltheypartus——tillthen!\"

  Chapter2。X。GregoryRoseHasAnIdea。

  GregoryRosewasintheloftputtingitneat。Outsidetherainpoured;asixmonths’droughthadbroken,andthethirstyplainwasdrenchedwithwater。Whatitcouldnotswallowranoffinmadrivuletstothegreatsloot,thatnowfoamedlikeanangryriveracrosstheflat。Eventhelittlefurrowbetweenthefarmhouseandthekraalswasnowastream,knee—

  deep,whichalmostboreawaytheKafferwomenwhocrossedit。Ithadrainedfortwenty—fourhours,andstilltherainpouredon。Thefowlshadcollected——amelancholycrowd——inandaboutthewagon—house,andthesolitarygander,whoalonehadsurvivedthesixmonths’wantofwater,walkedhitherandthither,printinghiswebbedfootmarksonthemud,tohavethemwashedoutthenextinstantbythepeltingrain,whichateleveno’clockstillbeatonthewallsandroofswithunabatedardour。

  Gregory,asheworkedintheloft,tooknonoticeofitbeyondstuffingasackintothebrokenpanetokeepitout;and,inspiteofthepeltandpatter,Em’sclearvoicemightbeheardthroughtheopentrap—doorfromthediningroom,whereshesatatwork,singingthe\"BlueWater:\"

  \"Andtakemeaway,Andtakemeaway,Andtakemeaway,TotheBlueWater\"——

  thatquaint,childishsongofthepeople,thathasaworldofsweetness,andsad,vagueyearningwhensungoverandoverdreamilybyawoman’svoiceasshesitsaloneatherwork。

  ButGregoryheardneitherthatnoryettheloudlaughteroftheKaffermaids,thateverynowandagainbrokethroughfromthekitchen,wheretheyjokedandworked。OflateGregoryhadgrownstrangelyimpervioustothesoundsandsightsabouthim。Hisleasehadrunout,butEmhadsaid,\"Donotrenewit;Ineedonetohelpme;juststayon。\"And,shehadadded,\"Youmustnotremaininyourownlittlehouse;livewithme;youcanlookaftermyostrichesbetterso。\"

  AndGregorydidnotthankher。Whatdifferencediditmaketohim,payingrentornot,livingthereornot;itwasallone。Butyethecame。Emwishedthathewouldstillsometimestalkofthestrengthofthemaster—

  rightofman;butGregorywasasonesmittenonthecheek—bone。

  Shemightdowhatshepleased,hewouldfindnofault,hadnowordtosay。

  Hehadforgottenthatitisman’srighttorule。Onthatrainymorninghehadlightedhispipeatthekitchenfire,andwhenbreakfastwasoverstoodinthefrontdoorwatchingthewaterrushdowntheroadtillthepipediedoutinhismouth。Emsawshemustdosomethingforhim,andfoundhimalargecalicoduster。Hehadsometimestalkedofputtingtheloftneat,andtodayshecouldfindnothingelseforhimtodo。Soshehadtheladderputtothetrap—doorthatheneednotgooutinthewet,andGregorywiththebroomanddustermountedtotheloft。Onceatworkheworkedhard。Hedusteddowntheveryrafters,andcleanedthebrokencandle—mouldsandbentforksthathadstuckinthethatchfortwentyyears。Heplacedtheblackbottlesneatlyinrowsonanoldboxinthecorner,andpiledtheskinsononeanother,andsortedtherubbishinalltheboxes;andateleveno’clockhisworkwasalmostdone。Heseatedhimselfonthepacking—casewhichhadonceheldWaldo’sbooks,andproceededtoexaminethecontentsofanotherwhichhehadnotyetlookedat。Itwascarelesslynaileddown。Heloosenedoneplank,andbegantoliftoutvariousarticlesoffemaleattire——old—fashionedcaps,aprons,dresseswithlongpointedbodiessuchasherememberedtohaveseenhismotherwearwhenhewasalittlechild。

  Heshookthemoutcarefullytoseetherewerenomoths,andthensatdowntofoldthemupagainonebyone。TheyhadbelongedtoEm’smother,andthebox,aspackedatherdeath,hadstooduntouchedandforgottentheselongyears。Shemusthavebeenatallwoman,thatmotherofEm’s,forwhenhestooduptoshakeoutadresstheneckwasonalevelwithhis,andtheskirttouchedtheground。Gregorylaidanightcapoutonhisknee,andbeganrollingupthestrings;butpresentlyhisfingersmovedslowerandslower,thenhischinrestedonhisbreast,andfinallytheimploringblueeyeswerefixedonthefrillabstractedly。WhenEm’svoicecalledtohimfromthefootoftheladderhestarted,andthrewthenightcapbehindhim。

  Shewasonlycometotellhimthathiscupofsoupwasready;and,whenhecouldhearthatshewasgone,hepickedupthenightcapagain,andagreatbrownsun—kapje——justsuchakapjeandsuchadressasoneofthoseherememberedtohaveseenasisterofmercywear。Gregory’smindwasveryfullofthought。Hetookdownafragmentofanoldlooking—glassfrombehindabeam,andputthekapjeon。Hisbeardlookedsomewhatgrotesqueunderit;heputuphishandtohideit——thatwasbetter。Theblueeyeslookedoutwiththemildgentlenessthatbecameeyeslookingoutfromunderakapje。Nexthetookthebrowndress,and,lookingroundfurtively,slippeditoverhishead。Hehadjustgothisarmsinthesleeves,andwastryingtohookuptheback,whenanincreaseinthepatteroftherainatthewindowmadehimdragitoffhastily。Whenheperceivedtherewasnoonecominghetumbledthethingsbackintothebox,and,coveringitcarefully,wentdowntheladder。

  Emwasstillatherwork,tryingtoadjustanewneedleinthemachine。

  Gregorydrankhissoup,andthensatbeforeher,anawfulandmysteriouslookinhiseyes。

  \"Iamgoingtotowntomorrow,\"hesaid。

  \"I’malmostafraidyouwon’tbeabletogo,\"saidEm,whowasintentonherneedle;\"Idon’tthinkitisgoingtoleaveofftoday。\"

  \"Iamgoing,\"saidGregory。

  Emlookedup。

  \"Buttheslootsareasfullasrivers;youcannotgo。Wecanwaitforthepost,\"shesaid。

  \"Iamnotgoingforthepost,\"saidGregory,impressively。

  Emlookedforexplanation;nonecame。

  \"Whenwillyoubeback?\"

  \"Iamnotcomingback。\"

  \"Areyougoingtoyourfriends?\"

  Gregorywaited,thencaughtherbythewrist。

  \"Lookhere,Em,\"hesaidbetweenhisteeth,\"Ican’tstanditanymore。I

  amgoingtoher。\"

  Sincethatday,whenhehadcomehomeandfoundLyndallgone,hehadnevertalkedofher;butEmknewwhoitwaswhoneededtobespokenofbynoname。

  Shesaid,whenhehadreleasedherhand:

  \"Butyoudonotknowwheresheis?\"

  \"Yes,Ido。ShewasinBloemfonteinwhenIheardlast。Iwillgothere,andIwillfindoutwhereshewentthen,andthen,andthen!Iwillhaveher。\"

  Emturnedthewheelquickly,andtheill—adjustedneedlesprungintotwentyfragments。

  \"Gregory,\"shesaid,\"shedoesnotwantus;shetoldussoclearlyinthelettershewrote。\"Aflushroseonherfaceasshespoke。\"Itwillonlybepaintoyou,Gregory:Willsheliketohaveyounearher?\"

  Therewasananswerhemighthavemade,butitwashissecret,andhedidnotchoosetoshareit。Hesaidonly:

  \"Iamgoing。\"

  \"Willyoubegonelong,Gregory?\"

  \"Idonotknow;perhapsIshallnevercomeback。Dowhatyoupleasewithmythings。Icannotstayhere!\"

  Herosefromhisseat。

  \"Peoplesay,forget,forget!\"hecried,pacingtheroom。Theyaremad!

  theyarefools!Dotheysaysotomenwhoaredyingofthirst——forget,forget?Whyisitonlytoustheysayso!Itisalietosaythattimemakesiteasy;itisafterward,afterwardthatiteatsinatyourheart!

  \"Allthesemonths,\"hecriedbitterly,\"Ihavelivedherequietly,dayafterday,asifIcaredforwhatIate,andwhatIdrank,andwhatIdid!

  Icarefornothing!Icannotbearit!Iwillnot!Forget!forget!\"

  ejaculatedGregory。\"Youcanforgetalltheworld,butyoucannotforgetyourself。Whenonethingismoretoyouthanyourself,howareyoutoforgetit?

  \"Iread,\"hesaid——\"yes;andthenIcometoawordsheused,anditisallbackwithmeagain!Igotocountmysheep,andIseeherfacebeforeme,andIstandandletthesheeprunby。Ilookatyou,andinyoursmile,asomethingatthecornerofyourlips,Iseeher。HowcanIforgetherwhen,wheneverIturn,sheisthere,andnotthere?Icannot,Iwillnot,livewhereIdonotseeher。

  \"Iknowwhatyouthink,\"hesaid,turninguponher。\"YouthinkIammad;

  youthinkIamgoingtoseewhethershewillnotlikeme!Iamnotsofoolish。Ishouldhaveknownatfirstshenevercouldsufferme。WhoamI,whatamI,thatsheshouldlookatme?Itwasrightthatsheleftme;

  rightthatsheshouldnotlookatme。Ifanyonesaysitisnot,itisalie!Iamnotgoingtospeaktoher,\"headded——\"onlytoseeher;onlytostandsometimesinaplacewhereshehasstoodbefore。\"

  Chapter2。XI。AnUnfinishedLetter。

  GregoryRosehadbeengonesevenmonths。Emsataloneonawhitesheepskinbeforethefire。

  TheAugustnight—wind,weirdandshrill,howledroundthechimneysandthroughthecrannies,andinwallsanddoors,andutteredalonglowcryasitforceditswayamongthecleftsofthestonesonthekopje。Itwasawildnight。Theprickly—peartree,stiffanduprightasithelditsarms,feltthewind’smight,andknockeditsflatleavesheavilytogether,tillgreatbranchesbrokeoff。TheKaffers,astheysleptintheirstrawhuts,whisperedonetoanotherthatbeforemorningtherewouldnotbeanarmfulofthatchleftontheroofs;andthebeamsofthewagon—housecreakedandgroanedasifitwereheavyworktoresisttheimportunityofthewind。

  Emhadnotgonetobed。Whocouldsleeponanightlikethis?Sointhediningroomshehadlightedafire,andsatonthegroundbeforeit,turningtheroaster—cakesthatlayonthecoalstobake。Itwouldsaveworkinthemorning;andsheblewoutthelightbecausethewindthroughthewindow—chinksmadeitflickerandrun;andshesatsingingtoherselfasshewatchedthecakes。Theylayatoneendofthewidehearthonabedofcoals,andattheotherendafireburntupsteadily,castingitsamberglowoverEm’slighthairandblackdress,withtheruffleofcrepeabouttheneck,andoverthewhitecurlsofthesheepskinonwhichshesat。

  Louderandmorefiercelyyethowledthestorm;butEmsangon,andheardnothingbutthewordsofhersong,andheardthemonlyfaintly,assomethingrestful。Itwasanold,childishsongshehadoftenheardhermothersinglongago:

  Wherethereedsdancebytheriver,Wherethewillow’ssongissaid,Onthefaceofthemorningwater,Isreflectedawhiteflower’shead。

  Shefoldedherhandsandsangthenextversedreamily:

  Wherethereedsshakebytheriver,Wherethemoonlight’ssheenisshed,Onthefaceofthesleepingwater,Twoleavesofawhiteflowerfloatdead。

  Dead,Dead,Dead!

  Sheechoedtherefrainsoftlytillitdiedaway,andthenrepeatedit。Itwasasif,unknowntoherself,itharmonizedwiththepicturesandthoughtsthatsatwithhertherealoneinthefirelight。Sheturnedthecakesover,whilethewindhurleddownarowofbricksfromthegable,andmadethewallstremble。

  Presentlyshepausedandlistened;therewasasoundasofsomethingknockingattheback—doorway。Butthewindhadraiseditslevelhigher,andshewentonwithherwork。Atlastthesoundwasrepeated。Thensherose,litthecandleandthefire,andwenttosee。Onlytosatisfyherself,shesaid,thatnothingcouldbeoutonsuchanight。

  Sheopenedthedooralittleway,andheldthelightbehindhertodefenditfromthewind。Thefigureofatallmanstoodthere,andbeforeshecouldspeakhehadpushedhiswayin,andwasforcingthedoortoclosebehindhim。

  \"Waldo!\"shecriedinastonishment。

  Hehadbeengonemorethanayearandahalf。

  \"Youdidnotexpecttoseeme,\"heanswered,asheturnedtowardher;\"I

  shouldhavesleptintheouthouse,andnottroubledyoutonight;butthroughtheshutterIsawglimmeringsofalight。\"

  \"Comeintothefire,\"shesaid;\"itisaterrificnightforanycreaturetobeout。Shallwenotgoandfetchyourthingsinfirst?\"sheadded。

  \"Ihavenothingbutthis,\"hesaid,motioningtothelittlebundleinhishand。

  \"Yourhorse?\"

  \"Isdead。\"

  Hesatdownonthebenchbeforethefire。

  \"Thecakesarealmostready,\"shesaid;\"Iwillgetyousomethingtoeat。

  Wherehaveyoubeenwanderingallthiswhile?\"

  \"Upanddown,upanddown,\"heansweredwearily;\"andnowthewhimhasseizedmetocomebackhere。Em,\"hesaid,puttinghishandonherarmasshepassedhim,\"haveyouheardfromLyndalllately?\"

  \"Yes,\"saidEm,turningquicklyfromhim。

  \"Whereisshe?Ihadoneletterfromher,butthatisalmostayearagonow——justwhensheleft。Whereisshe?\"

  \"IntheTransvaal。Iwillgoandgetyousomesupper;wecantalkafterward。\"

  \"Canyougivemeherexactaddress?Iwanttowritetoher。\"

  ButEmhadgoneintothenextroom。

  Whenfoodwasonthetableshekneltdownbeforethefire,turningthecakes,babblingrestlessly,eagerly,nowofthis,nowofthat。Shewasgladtoseehim——TantSanniewascomingsoontoshowherhernewbaby——hemuststayonthefarmnow,andhelpher。AndWaldohimselfwaswellcontenttoeathismealinsilence,askingnomorequestions。

  \"Gregoryiscomingbacknextweek,\"shesaid;\"hewillhavebeengonejustahundredandthreedaystomorrow。Ihadaletterfromhimyesterday。\"

  \"Wherehashebeen?\"

  Buthiscompanionstoopedtoliftacakefromthefire。

  \"Howthewindblows!Onecanhardlyhearone’sownvoice,\"shesaid。

  \"Takethiswarmcake;noone’scakesarelikemine。Why,youhaveeatennothing!\"

  \"Iamalittleweary,\"hesaid;\"thewindwasmadtonight。\"

  Hefoldedhisarms,andrestedhisheadagainstthefireplace,whilstsheremovedthedishesfromthetable。Onthemantelpiecestoodaninkpotandsomesheetsofpaper。Presentlyhetookthemdownandturnedupthecornerofthetablecloth。

  \"Iwillwriteafewlines,\"hesaid;\"tillyouarereadytositdownandtalk。\"

  Em,assheshookoutthetablecloth,watchedhimbendingintentlyoverhispaper。Hehadchangedmuch。Hisfacehadgrownthinner;hischeekswerealmosthollow,thoughtheywerecoveredbyadarkgrowthofbeard。

  Shesatdownontheskinbesidehim,andfeltthelittlebundleonthebench;itwaspainfullysmallandsoft。Perhapsitheldashirtandabook,butnothingmore。Theoldblackhathadapieceofunhemmedmuslintwistedroundit,andonhiselbowwasalargepatchsofixedonwithyellowthreadthatherheartached。Onlyhishairwasnotchanged,andhunginsilkybeautifulwavesalmosttohisshoulders。

  Tomorrowshewouldtaketheraggededgeoffhiscollar,andputanewbandroundhishat。Shedidnotinterrupthim,butshewonderedhowitwasthathesattowritesointentlyafterhislongwearywalk。Hewasnottirednow;hispenhurriedquicklyandrestlesslyoverthepaper,andhiseyewasbright。PresentlyEmraisedherhandtoherbreast,wherelaytheletteryesterdayhadbroughther。Soonshehadforgottenhim,asentirelyashehadforgottenher;eachwasinhisownworldwithhisown。HewaswritingtoLyndall。Hewouldtellherallhehadseen,allhehaddone,thoughitwerenothingworthrelating。Heseemedtohavecomebacktoher,andtobetalkingtohernowhesatthereintheoldhouse。

  \"——andthenIgottothenexttown,andmyhorsewastired,soIcouldgonofurther,andlookedforwork。Ashopkeeperagreedtohiremeassalesman。Hemademesignapromisetoremainsixmonths,andhegavemealittleemptyroomatthebackofthestoretosleepin。Ihadstillthreepoundsofmyown,andwhenyoujustcomefromthecountrythreepoundsseemsagreatdeal。

  \"WhenIhadbeenintheshopthreedaysIwantedtogoawayagain。Aclerkinashophasthelowestworktodoofallthepeople。Itismuchbettertobreakstones;youhavetheblueskyaboveyou,andonlythestonestobendto。Iaskedmymastertoletmego,andIofferedtogivehimmytwopounds,andthebagofmealiesIhadboughtwiththeotherpound;buthewouldnot。

  \"Ifoundoutafterwardhewasonlygivingmehalfasmuchashegavetotheothers——thatwaswhy。IhadfearwhenIlookedattheotherclerksthatI

  wouldatlastbecomelikethem。Alldaytheywerebowingandsmirkingtothewomenwhocamein;smiling,whenalltheywantedwastogettheirmoneyfromthem。Theyusedtorunandfetchthedressesandribbonstoshowthem,andtheyseemedtomelikewormswithoilon。Therewasonerespectablethinginthatstore——itwastheKafferstoreman。Hisworkwastoloadandunload,andheneverneededtosmileexceptwhenheliked,andhenevertoldlies。

  \"TheotherclerksgavemethenameofOldSalvation;buttherewasonepersonIlikedverymuch。Hewasclerkinanotherstore。Heoftenwentpastthedoor。Heseemedtomenotlikeothers——hisfacewasbrightandfreshlikealittlechild’s。WhenhecametotheshopIfeltIlikedhim。

  OnedayIsawabookinhispocket,andthatmademefeelnearhim。I

  askedhimifhewasfondofreading,andhesaid,yes,whentherewasnothingelsetodo。Thenextdayhecametome,andaskedmeifIdidnotfeellonely;heneversawmegoingoutwiththeotherfellows;hewouldcomeandseemethatevening,hesaid。

  \"Iwasglad,andboughtsomemeatandflour,becausethegreymareandI

  alwaysatemealies;itisthecheapestthing;whenyouboilithardyoucan’teatmuchofit。Imadesomecakes,andIfoldedmygreatcoatontheboxtomakeitsofterforhim;andatlasthecame。

  \"’You’vegotarummyplacehere,’hesaid。

  \"Youseetherewasnothinginitbutpacking—casesforfurniture,anditwasratherempty。WhileIwasputtingthefoodontheboxhelookedatmybooks;hereadtheirnamesoutaloud。’ElementaryPhysiology,’’FirstPrinciples。’

  \"’Golly!’hesaid;’I’vegotalotofdrystufflikethatathomeIgotforSunday—schoolprizes;butIonlykeepthemtolightmypipewithnow;theycomeinhandyforthat。’ThenheaskedmeifIhadeverreadabookcalledthe’Black—eyedCreole。’’Thatisthestyleforme,’hesaid;’therewherethefellowtakesthenigger—girlbythearm,andtheotherfellowcutsitoff!That’swhatIlike。’

  \"ButwhathesaidafterthatIdon’tremember,onlyitmademefeelasifI

  werehavingabaddream,andIwantedtobefaraway。

  \"Whenhehadfinishedeatinghedidnotstaylong;hehadtogoandseesomegirlshomefromaprayer—meeting;andheaskedhowitwasheneversawmewalkingoutwithanyonSundayafternoons。Hesaidhehadlotsofsweethearts,andhewasgoingtoseeonethenextWednesdayonafarm,andheaskedmetolendmymare。Itoldhimshewasveryold。Buthesaiditdidn’tmatter;hewouldcomethenextdaytofetchher。

  \"Afterhewasgonemylittleroomgotbacktoitsoldlook。Iloveditso;

  Iwassogladtogetintoitatnight,anditseemedtobereproachingmeforbringinghimthere。Thenextdayhetookthegreymare。OnThursdayhedidnotbringherback,andonFridayIfoundthesaddleandbridlestandingatmydoor。

  \"Intheafternoonhelookedintotheshop,andcalledout:’Hopeyougotyoursaddle,Farber?Yourbag—of—boneskickedoutsixmilesfromhere。

  I’llsendyouacoupleofshillingstomorrow,thoughtheoldhidewasn’tworthit。Goodmorning。’

  \"ButIsprungoverthecounter,andgothimbyhisthroat。Myfatherwassogentlewithher;heneverwouldrideheruphill,andnowthisfellowhadmurderedher!Iaskedhimwherehehadkilledher,andIshookhimtillheslippedoutofmyhand。Hestoodinthedoorgrinning。

  \"’Itdidn’ttakemuchtokillthatbag—of—bones,whosemastersleepsinapacking—case,andwaitstillhiscompany’sfinishedtoeatontheplate。

  Shouldn’twonderifyoufedheronsugar—bags,’hesaid;’andifyouthinkI’vejumpedher,you’dbettergoandlookyourself。You’llfindheralongtheroadbytheaasvogelsthatareeatingher。’

  \"Icaughthimbyhiscollar,andIliftedhimfromtheground,andIthrewhimoutintothestreet,half—wayacrossit。Iheardthebookkeepersaytotheclerkthattherewasalwaysthedevilinthosemumfellows;buttheynevercalledmeSalvationafterthat。

  \"Iamwritingtoyouofverysmallthings,butthereisnothingelsetotell;ithasbeenallsmallandyouwilllikeit。WheneveranythinghashappenedIhavealwaysthoughtIwouldtellittoyou。Thebackthoughtinmymindisalwaysyou。Afterthatonlyoneoldmancametovisitme。I

  hadseenhiminthestreetsoften;healwaysworeverydirtyblackclothes,andahatwithcreperoundit,andhehadoneeye,soInoticedhim。Onedayhecametomyroomwithasubscription—listforaminister’ssalary。

  WhenIsaidIhadnothingtogivehelookedatmewithhisoneeye。

  \"’Youngman,’hesaid,’howisitIneverseeyouinthehouseoftheLord?’Ithoughthewastryingtodogood,soIfeltsorryforhim,andI

  toldhimIneverwenttochapel。’Youngman,’hesaid,’itgrievesmetohearsuchgodlesswordsfromthelipsofonesoyoung——sofargoneinthepathsofdestruction。Youngman,ifyouforgetGod,Godwillforgetyou。

  Thereisaseatontheright—handsideasyougoatthebottomdoorthatyoumayget。Ifyouaregivenovertotheenjoymentandfrivolitiesofthisworld,whatwillbecomeofyourneverdyingsoul?’

  \"HewouldnotgotillIgavehimhalfacrownfortheminister’ssalary。

  AfterwardIheardhewasthemanwhocollectedthepewrentsandgotapercentage。Ididn’tgettoknowanyoneelse。

  \"WhenmytimeinthatshopwasdoneIhiredmyselftodriveoneofatransport—rider’swagons。

  \"Thatfirstmorning,whenIsatinthefrontandcalledtomyoxen,andsawnothingaboutmebutthehills,withthebluecomingdowntothem,andthekaroobushes,Iwasdrunk;Ilaughed;myheartwasbeatingtillithurtme。

  Ishutmyeyestight,thatwhenIopenedthemImightseetherewerenoshelvesaboutme。Theremustbeabeautyinbuyingandselling,ifthereisbeautyineverything:butitisveryuglytome。Mylifeastransport—

  riderwouldhavebeenthebestlifeintheworldifIhadhadonlyonewagontodrive。Mymastertoldmehewoulddriveone,Itheother,andhewouldhireanotherpersontodrivethethird。ButthefirstdayIdrovetwotohelphim,andafterthatheletmedriveallthree。Wheneverwecametoanhotelhestoppedbehindtogetadrink,andwhenherodeuptothewagonshecouldneverstand;theHottentotandIusedtolifthimup。

  Wealwaystravelledallnight,andusedtooutspanforfiveorsixhoursintheheatofthedaytorest。IplannedthatIwouldlieunderawagonandreadforanhourortwoeverydaybeforeIwenttosleep,andIdidforthefirsttwoorthree;butafterthatIonlywantedtosleep,liketherest,andIpackedmybooksaway。

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