Thewatergatheredslowlyonhershawl,andfellontothewetstones;butshelaytherecryingbitterly。Forsothelivingsoulwillcrytothedead,andthecreaturetoitsGod;andofallthiscryingtherecomesnothing。Theliftingupofthehandsbringsnosalvation;redemptionisfromwithin,andneitherfromGodnorman;itiswroughtoutbythesoulitself,withsufferingandthroughtime。
Doss,onthekitchendoorstep,shivered,andwonderedwherehismistressstayedsolong;andonce,sittingsadlythereinthedamp,hehaddroppedasleep,anddreamedthatoldOttogavehimapieceofbread,andpattedhimonthehead,andwhenhewokehisteethchattered,andhemovedtoanotherstonetoseeifitwasdrier。Atlastheheardhismistress’step,andtheywentintothehousetogether。Shelitacandle,andwalkedtotheBoer—woman’sbedroom。Onanailundertheladyinpinkhungthekeyofthewardrobe。Shetookitdownandopenedthegreatpress。Fromalittledrawershetookfiftypounds(allshehadintheworld),relockedthedoor,andturnedtohangupthekey。Themarksoftearswerestillonherface,butshesmiled。Thenshepaused,hesitated。
\"Fiftypoundsforalover!Anoblereward!\"shesaid,andopenedthewardrobeandreturnedthenotestothedrawer,whereEmmightfindthem。
Onceinherownroom,shearrangedthefewarticlessheintendedtotaketomorrow,burntheroldletters,andthenwentbacktothefrontroomtolookatthetime。Thereweretwohoursyetbeforeshemustcallhim。Shesatdownatthedressing—tabletowait,andleanedherelbowsonit,andburiedherfaceinherhands。Theglassreflectedthelittlebrownheadwithitsevenparting,andthetinyhandsonwhichitrested。\"OnedayI
willlovesomethingutterly,andthenIwillbebetter,\"shesaidonce。
Presentlyshelookedup。Thelarge,darkeyesfromtheglasslookedbackather。Shelookeddeepintothem。
\"Weareallalone,youandI,\"shewhispered;\"noonehelpsus,nooneunderstandsus;butwewillhelpourselves。\"Theeyeslookedbackather。
Therewasaworldofassuranceintheirstilldepths。Sotheyhadlookedathereversinceshecouldremember,whenitwasbutasmallchild’sfaceaboveabluepinafore。\"Weshallneverbequitealone,youandI,\"shesaid;\"weshallalwaysbetogether,aswewerewhenwewerelittle。\"
Thebeautifuleyeslookedintothedepthsofhersoul。
\"Wearenotafraid;wewillhelpourselves!\"shesaid。Shestretchedoutherhandandpresseditoverthemontheglass。\"Deareyes!wewillneverbequitealonetilltheypartus——tillthen!\"
Chapter2。X。GregoryRoseHasAnIdea。
GregoryRosewasintheloftputtingitneat。Outsidetherainpoured;asixmonths’droughthadbroken,andthethirstyplainwasdrenchedwithwater。Whatitcouldnotswallowranoffinmadrivuletstothegreatsloot,thatnowfoamedlikeanangryriveracrosstheflat。Eventhelittlefurrowbetweenthefarmhouseandthekraalswasnowastream,knee—
deep,whichalmostboreawaytheKafferwomenwhocrossedit。Ithadrainedfortwenty—fourhours,andstilltherainpouredon。Thefowlshadcollected——amelancholycrowd——inandaboutthewagon—house,andthesolitarygander,whoalonehadsurvivedthesixmonths’wantofwater,walkedhitherandthither,printinghiswebbedfootmarksonthemud,tohavethemwashedoutthenextinstantbythepeltingrain,whichateleveno’clockstillbeatonthewallsandroofswithunabatedardour。
Gregory,asheworkedintheloft,tooknonoticeofitbeyondstuffingasackintothebrokenpanetokeepitout;and,inspiteofthepeltandpatter,Em’sclearvoicemightbeheardthroughtheopentrap—doorfromthediningroom,whereshesatatwork,singingthe\"BlueWater:\"
\"Andtakemeaway,Andtakemeaway,Andtakemeaway,TotheBlueWater\"——
thatquaint,childishsongofthepeople,thathasaworldofsweetness,andsad,vagueyearningwhensungoverandoverdreamilybyawoman’svoiceasshesitsaloneatherwork。
ButGregoryheardneitherthatnoryettheloudlaughteroftheKaffermaids,thateverynowandagainbrokethroughfromthekitchen,wheretheyjokedandworked。OflateGregoryhadgrownstrangelyimpervioustothesoundsandsightsabouthim。Hisleasehadrunout,butEmhadsaid,\"Donotrenewit;Ineedonetohelpme;juststayon。\"And,shehadadded,\"Youmustnotremaininyourownlittlehouse;livewithme;youcanlookaftermyostrichesbetterso。\"
AndGregorydidnotthankher。Whatdifferencediditmaketohim,payingrentornot,livingthereornot;itwasallone。Butyethecame。Emwishedthathewouldstillsometimestalkofthestrengthofthemaster—
rightofman;butGregorywasasonesmittenonthecheek—bone。
Shemightdowhatshepleased,hewouldfindnofault,hadnowordtosay。
Hehadforgottenthatitisman’srighttorule。Onthatrainymorninghehadlightedhispipeatthekitchenfire,andwhenbreakfastwasoverstoodinthefrontdoorwatchingthewaterrushdowntheroadtillthepipediedoutinhismouth。Emsawshemustdosomethingforhim,andfoundhimalargecalicoduster。Hehadsometimestalkedofputtingtheloftneat,andtodayshecouldfindnothingelseforhimtodo。Soshehadtheladderputtothetrap—doorthatheneednotgooutinthewet,andGregorywiththebroomanddustermountedtotheloft。Onceatworkheworkedhard。Hedusteddowntheveryrafters,andcleanedthebrokencandle—mouldsandbentforksthathadstuckinthethatchfortwentyyears。Heplacedtheblackbottlesneatlyinrowsonanoldboxinthecorner,andpiledtheskinsononeanother,andsortedtherubbishinalltheboxes;andateleveno’clockhisworkwasalmostdone。Heseatedhimselfonthepacking—casewhichhadonceheldWaldo’sbooks,andproceededtoexaminethecontentsofanotherwhichhehadnotyetlookedat。Itwascarelesslynaileddown。Heloosenedoneplank,andbegantoliftoutvariousarticlesoffemaleattire——old—fashionedcaps,aprons,dresseswithlongpointedbodiessuchasherememberedtohaveseenhismotherwearwhenhewasalittlechild。
Heshookthemoutcarefullytoseetherewerenomoths,andthensatdowntofoldthemupagainonebyone。TheyhadbelongedtoEm’smother,andthebox,aspackedatherdeath,hadstooduntouchedandforgottentheselongyears。Shemusthavebeenatallwoman,thatmotherofEm’s,forwhenhestooduptoshakeoutadresstheneckwasonalevelwithhis,andtheskirttouchedtheground。Gregorylaidanightcapoutonhisknee,andbeganrollingupthestrings;butpresentlyhisfingersmovedslowerandslower,thenhischinrestedonhisbreast,andfinallytheimploringblueeyeswerefixedonthefrillabstractedly。WhenEm’svoicecalledtohimfromthefootoftheladderhestarted,andthrewthenightcapbehindhim。
Shewasonlycometotellhimthathiscupofsoupwasready;and,whenhecouldhearthatshewasgone,hepickedupthenightcapagain,andagreatbrownsun—kapje——justsuchakapjeandsuchadressasoneofthoseherememberedtohaveseenasisterofmercywear。Gregory’smindwasveryfullofthought。Hetookdownafragmentofanoldlooking—glassfrombehindabeam,andputthekapjeon。Hisbeardlookedsomewhatgrotesqueunderit;heputuphishandtohideit——thatwasbetter。Theblueeyeslookedoutwiththemildgentlenessthatbecameeyeslookingoutfromunderakapje。Nexthetookthebrowndress,and,lookingroundfurtively,slippeditoverhishead。Hehadjustgothisarmsinthesleeves,andwastryingtohookuptheback,whenanincreaseinthepatteroftherainatthewindowmadehimdragitoffhastily。Whenheperceivedtherewasnoonecominghetumbledthethingsbackintothebox,and,coveringitcarefully,wentdowntheladder。
Emwasstillatherwork,tryingtoadjustanewneedleinthemachine。
Gregorydrankhissoup,andthensatbeforeher,anawfulandmysteriouslookinhiseyes。
\"Iamgoingtotowntomorrow,\"hesaid。
\"I’malmostafraidyouwon’tbeabletogo,\"saidEm,whowasintentonherneedle;\"Idon’tthinkitisgoingtoleaveofftoday。\"
\"Iamgoing,\"saidGregory。
Emlookedup。
\"Buttheslootsareasfullasrivers;youcannotgo。Wecanwaitforthepost,\"shesaid。
\"Iamnotgoingforthepost,\"saidGregory,impressively。
Emlookedforexplanation;nonecame。
\"Whenwillyoubeback?\"
\"Iamnotcomingback。\"
\"Areyougoingtoyourfriends?\"
Gregorywaited,thencaughtherbythewrist。
\"Lookhere,Em,\"hesaidbetweenhisteeth,\"Ican’tstanditanymore。I
amgoingtoher。\"
Sincethatday,whenhehadcomehomeandfoundLyndallgone,hehadnevertalkedofher;butEmknewwhoitwaswhoneededtobespokenofbynoname。
Shesaid,whenhehadreleasedherhand:
\"Butyoudonotknowwheresheis?\"
\"Yes,Ido。ShewasinBloemfonteinwhenIheardlast。Iwillgothere,andIwillfindoutwhereshewentthen,andthen,andthen!Iwillhaveher。\"
Emturnedthewheelquickly,andtheill—adjustedneedlesprungintotwentyfragments。
\"Gregory,\"shesaid,\"shedoesnotwantus;shetoldussoclearlyinthelettershewrote。\"Aflushroseonherfaceasshespoke。\"Itwillonlybepaintoyou,Gregory:Willsheliketohaveyounearher?\"
Therewasananswerhemighthavemade,butitwashissecret,andhedidnotchoosetoshareit。Hesaidonly:
\"Iamgoing。\"
\"Willyoubegonelong,Gregory?\"
\"Idonotknow;perhapsIshallnevercomeback。Dowhatyoupleasewithmythings。Icannotstayhere!\"
Herosefromhisseat。
\"Peoplesay,forget,forget!\"hecried,pacingtheroom。Theyaremad!
theyarefools!Dotheysaysotomenwhoaredyingofthirst——forget,forget?Whyisitonlytoustheysayso!Itisalietosaythattimemakesiteasy;itisafterward,afterwardthatiteatsinatyourheart!
\"Allthesemonths,\"hecriedbitterly,\"Ihavelivedherequietly,dayafterday,asifIcaredforwhatIate,andwhatIdrank,andwhatIdid!
Icarefornothing!Icannotbearit!Iwillnot!Forget!forget!\"
ejaculatedGregory。\"Youcanforgetalltheworld,butyoucannotforgetyourself。Whenonethingismoretoyouthanyourself,howareyoutoforgetit?
\"Iread,\"hesaid——\"yes;andthenIcometoawordsheused,anditisallbackwithmeagain!Igotocountmysheep,andIseeherfacebeforeme,andIstandandletthesheeprunby。Ilookatyou,andinyoursmile,asomethingatthecornerofyourlips,Iseeher。HowcanIforgetherwhen,wheneverIturn,sheisthere,andnotthere?Icannot,Iwillnot,livewhereIdonotseeher。
\"Iknowwhatyouthink,\"hesaid,turninguponher。\"YouthinkIammad;
youthinkIamgoingtoseewhethershewillnotlikeme!Iamnotsofoolish。Ishouldhaveknownatfirstshenevercouldsufferme。WhoamI,whatamI,thatsheshouldlookatme?Itwasrightthatsheleftme;
rightthatsheshouldnotlookatme。Ifanyonesaysitisnot,itisalie!Iamnotgoingtospeaktoher,\"headded——\"onlytoseeher;onlytostandsometimesinaplacewhereshehasstoodbefore。\"
Chapter2。XI。AnUnfinishedLetter。
GregoryRosehadbeengonesevenmonths。Emsataloneonawhitesheepskinbeforethefire。
TheAugustnight—wind,weirdandshrill,howledroundthechimneysandthroughthecrannies,andinwallsanddoors,andutteredalonglowcryasitforceditswayamongthecleftsofthestonesonthekopje。Itwasawildnight。Theprickly—peartree,stiffanduprightasithelditsarms,feltthewind’smight,andknockeditsflatleavesheavilytogether,tillgreatbranchesbrokeoff。TheKaffers,astheysleptintheirstrawhuts,whisperedonetoanotherthatbeforemorningtherewouldnotbeanarmfulofthatchleftontheroofs;andthebeamsofthewagon—housecreakedandgroanedasifitwereheavyworktoresisttheimportunityofthewind。
Emhadnotgonetobed。Whocouldsleeponanightlikethis?Sointhediningroomshehadlightedafire,andsatonthegroundbeforeit,turningtheroaster—cakesthatlayonthecoalstobake。Itwouldsaveworkinthemorning;andsheblewoutthelightbecausethewindthroughthewindow—chinksmadeitflickerandrun;andshesatsingingtoherselfasshewatchedthecakes。Theylayatoneendofthewidehearthonabedofcoals,andattheotherendafireburntupsteadily,castingitsamberglowoverEm’slighthairandblackdress,withtheruffleofcrepeabouttheneck,andoverthewhitecurlsofthesheepskinonwhichshesat。
Louderandmorefiercelyyethowledthestorm;butEmsangon,andheardnothingbutthewordsofhersong,andheardthemonlyfaintly,assomethingrestful。Itwasanold,childishsongshehadoftenheardhermothersinglongago:
Wherethereedsdancebytheriver,Wherethewillow’ssongissaid,Onthefaceofthemorningwater,Isreflectedawhiteflower’shead。
Shefoldedherhandsandsangthenextversedreamily:
Wherethereedsshakebytheriver,Wherethemoonlight’ssheenisshed,Onthefaceofthesleepingwater,Twoleavesofawhiteflowerfloatdead。
Dead,Dead,Dead!
Sheechoedtherefrainsoftlytillitdiedaway,andthenrepeatedit。Itwasasif,unknowntoherself,itharmonizedwiththepicturesandthoughtsthatsatwithhertherealoneinthefirelight。Sheturnedthecakesover,whilethewindhurleddownarowofbricksfromthegable,andmadethewallstremble。
Presentlyshepausedandlistened;therewasasoundasofsomethingknockingattheback—doorway。Butthewindhadraiseditslevelhigher,andshewentonwithherwork。Atlastthesoundwasrepeated。Thensherose,litthecandleandthefire,andwenttosee。Onlytosatisfyherself,shesaid,thatnothingcouldbeoutonsuchanight。
Sheopenedthedooralittleway,andheldthelightbehindhertodefenditfromthewind。Thefigureofatallmanstoodthere,andbeforeshecouldspeakhehadpushedhiswayin,andwasforcingthedoortoclosebehindhim。
\"Waldo!\"shecriedinastonishment。
Hehadbeengonemorethanayearandahalf。
\"Youdidnotexpecttoseeme,\"heanswered,asheturnedtowardher;\"I
shouldhavesleptintheouthouse,andnottroubledyoutonight;butthroughtheshutterIsawglimmeringsofalight。\"
\"Comeintothefire,\"shesaid;\"itisaterrificnightforanycreaturetobeout。Shallwenotgoandfetchyourthingsinfirst?\"sheadded。
\"Ihavenothingbutthis,\"hesaid,motioningtothelittlebundleinhishand。
\"Yourhorse?\"
\"Isdead。\"
Hesatdownonthebenchbeforethefire。
\"Thecakesarealmostready,\"shesaid;\"Iwillgetyousomethingtoeat。
Wherehaveyoubeenwanderingallthiswhile?\"
\"Upanddown,upanddown,\"heansweredwearily;\"andnowthewhimhasseizedmetocomebackhere。Em,\"hesaid,puttinghishandonherarmasshepassedhim,\"haveyouheardfromLyndalllately?\"
\"Yes,\"saidEm,turningquicklyfromhim。
\"Whereisshe?Ihadoneletterfromher,butthatisalmostayearagonow——justwhensheleft。Whereisshe?\"
\"IntheTransvaal。Iwillgoandgetyousomesupper;wecantalkafterward。\"
\"Canyougivemeherexactaddress?Iwanttowritetoher。\"
ButEmhadgoneintothenextroom。
Whenfoodwasonthetableshekneltdownbeforethefire,turningthecakes,babblingrestlessly,eagerly,nowofthis,nowofthat。Shewasgladtoseehim——TantSanniewascomingsoontoshowherhernewbaby——hemuststayonthefarmnow,andhelpher。AndWaldohimselfwaswellcontenttoeathismealinsilence,askingnomorequestions。
\"Gregoryiscomingbacknextweek,\"shesaid;\"hewillhavebeengonejustahundredandthreedaystomorrow。Ihadaletterfromhimyesterday。\"
\"Wherehashebeen?\"
Buthiscompanionstoopedtoliftacakefromthefire。
\"Howthewindblows!Onecanhardlyhearone’sownvoice,\"shesaid。
\"Takethiswarmcake;noone’scakesarelikemine。Why,youhaveeatennothing!\"
\"Iamalittleweary,\"hesaid;\"thewindwasmadtonight。\"
Hefoldedhisarms,andrestedhisheadagainstthefireplace,whilstsheremovedthedishesfromthetable。Onthemantelpiecestoodaninkpotandsomesheetsofpaper。Presentlyhetookthemdownandturnedupthecornerofthetablecloth。
\"Iwillwriteafewlines,\"hesaid;\"tillyouarereadytositdownandtalk。\"
Em,assheshookoutthetablecloth,watchedhimbendingintentlyoverhispaper。Hehadchangedmuch。Hisfacehadgrownthinner;hischeekswerealmosthollow,thoughtheywerecoveredbyadarkgrowthofbeard。
Shesatdownontheskinbesidehim,andfeltthelittlebundleonthebench;itwaspainfullysmallandsoft。Perhapsitheldashirtandabook,butnothingmore。Theoldblackhathadapieceofunhemmedmuslintwistedroundit,andonhiselbowwasalargepatchsofixedonwithyellowthreadthatherheartached。Onlyhishairwasnotchanged,andhunginsilkybeautifulwavesalmosttohisshoulders。
Tomorrowshewouldtaketheraggededgeoffhiscollar,andputanewbandroundhishat。Shedidnotinterrupthim,butshewonderedhowitwasthathesattowritesointentlyafterhislongwearywalk。Hewasnottirednow;hispenhurriedquicklyandrestlesslyoverthepaper,andhiseyewasbright。PresentlyEmraisedherhandtoherbreast,wherelaytheletteryesterdayhadbroughther。Soonshehadforgottenhim,asentirelyashehadforgottenher;eachwasinhisownworldwithhisown。HewaswritingtoLyndall。Hewouldtellherallhehadseen,allhehaddone,thoughitwerenothingworthrelating。Heseemedtohavecomebacktoher,andtobetalkingtohernowhesatthereintheoldhouse。
\"——andthenIgottothenexttown,andmyhorsewastired,soIcouldgonofurther,andlookedforwork。Ashopkeeperagreedtohiremeassalesman。Hemademesignapromisetoremainsixmonths,andhegavemealittleemptyroomatthebackofthestoretosleepin。Ihadstillthreepoundsofmyown,andwhenyoujustcomefromthecountrythreepoundsseemsagreatdeal。
\"WhenIhadbeenintheshopthreedaysIwantedtogoawayagain。Aclerkinashophasthelowestworktodoofallthepeople。Itismuchbettertobreakstones;youhavetheblueskyaboveyou,andonlythestonestobendto。Iaskedmymastertoletmego,andIofferedtogivehimmytwopounds,andthebagofmealiesIhadboughtwiththeotherpound;buthewouldnot。
\"Ifoundoutafterwardhewasonlygivingmehalfasmuchashegavetotheothers——thatwaswhy。IhadfearwhenIlookedattheotherclerksthatI
wouldatlastbecomelikethem。Alldaytheywerebowingandsmirkingtothewomenwhocamein;smiling,whenalltheywantedwastogettheirmoneyfromthem。Theyusedtorunandfetchthedressesandribbonstoshowthem,andtheyseemedtomelikewormswithoilon。Therewasonerespectablethinginthatstore——itwastheKafferstoreman。Hisworkwastoloadandunload,andheneverneededtosmileexceptwhenheliked,andhenevertoldlies。
\"TheotherclerksgavemethenameofOldSalvation;buttherewasonepersonIlikedverymuch。Hewasclerkinanotherstore。Heoftenwentpastthedoor。Heseemedtomenotlikeothers——hisfacewasbrightandfreshlikealittlechild’s。WhenhecametotheshopIfeltIlikedhim。
OnedayIsawabookinhispocket,andthatmademefeelnearhim。I
askedhimifhewasfondofreading,andhesaid,yes,whentherewasnothingelsetodo。Thenextdayhecametome,andaskedmeifIdidnotfeellonely;heneversawmegoingoutwiththeotherfellows;hewouldcomeandseemethatevening,hesaid。
\"Iwasglad,andboughtsomemeatandflour,becausethegreymareandI
alwaysatemealies;itisthecheapestthing;whenyouboilithardyoucan’teatmuchofit。Imadesomecakes,andIfoldedmygreatcoatontheboxtomakeitsofterforhim;andatlasthecame。
\"’You’vegotarummyplacehere,’hesaid。
\"Youseetherewasnothinginitbutpacking—casesforfurniture,anditwasratherempty。WhileIwasputtingthefoodontheboxhelookedatmybooks;hereadtheirnamesoutaloud。’ElementaryPhysiology,’’FirstPrinciples。’
\"’Golly!’hesaid;’I’vegotalotofdrystufflikethatathomeIgotforSunday—schoolprizes;butIonlykeepthemtolightmypipewithnow;theycomeinhandyforthat。’ThenheaskedmeifIhadeverreadabookcalledthe’Black—eyedCreole。’’Thatisthestyleforme,’hesaid;’therewherethefellowtakesthenigger—girlbythearm,andtheotherfellowcutsitoff!That’swhatIlike。’
\"ButwhathesaidafterthatIdon’tremember,onlyitmademefeelasifI
werehavingabaddream,andIwantedtobefaraway。
\"Whenhehadfinishedeatinghedidnotstaylong;hehadtogoandseesomegirlshomefromaprayer—meeting;andheaskedhowitwasheneversawmewalkingoutwithanyonSundayafternoons。Hesaidhehadlotsofsweethearts,andhewasgoingtoseeonethenextWednesdayonafarm,andheaskedmetolendmymare。Itoldhimshewasveryold。Buthesaiditdidn’tmatter;hewouldcomethenextdaytofetchher。
\"Afterhewasgonemylittleroomgotbacktoitsoldlook。Iloveditso;
Iwassogladtogetintoitatnight,anditseemedtobereproachingmeforbringinghimthere。Thenextdayhetookthegreymare。OnThursdayhedidnotbringherback,andonFridayIfoundthesaddleandbridlestandingatmydoor。
\"Intheafternoonhelookedintotheshop,andcalledout:’Hopeyougotyoursaddle,Farber?Yourbag—of—boneskickedoutsixmilesfromhere。
I’llsendyouacoupleofshillingstomorrow,thoughtheoldhidewasn’tworthit。Goodmorning。’
\"ButIsprungoverthecounter,andgothimbyhisthroat。Myfatherwassogentlewithher;heneverwouldrideheruphill,andnowthisfellowhadmurderedher!Iaskedhimwherehehadkilledher,andIshookhimtillheslippedoutofmyhand。Hestoodinthedoorgrinning。
\"’Itdidn’ttakemuchtokillthatbag—of—bones,whosemastersleepsinapacking—case,andwaitstillhiscompany’sfinishedtoeatontheplate。
Shouldn’twonderifyoufedheronsugar—bags,’hesaid;’andifyouthinkI’vejumpedher,you’dbettergoandlookyourself。You’llfindheralongtheroadbytheaasvogelsthatareeatingher。’
\"Icaughthimbyhiscollar,andIliftedhimfromtheground,andIthrewhimoutintothestreet,half—wayacrossit。Iheardthebookkeepersaytotheclerkthattherewasalwaysthedevilinthosemumfellows;buttheynevercalledmeSalvationafterthat。
\"Iamwritingtoyouofverysmallthings,butthereisnothingelsetotell;ithasbeenallsmallandyouwilllikeit。WheneveranythinghashappenedIhavealwaysthoughtIwouldtellittoyou。Thebackthoughtinmymindisalwaysyou。Afterthatonlyoneoldmancametovisitme。I
hadseenhiminthestreetsoften;healwaysworeverydirtyblackclothes,andahatwithcreperoundit,andhehadoneeye,soInoticedhim。Onedayhecametomyroomwithasubscription—listforaminister’ssalary。
WhenIsaidIhadnothingtogivehelookedatmewithhisoneeye。
\"’Youngman,’hesaid,’howisitIneverseeyouinthehouseoftheLord?’Ithoughthewastryingtodogood,soIfeltsorryforhim,andI
toldhimIneverwenttochapel。’Youngman,’hesaid,’itgrievesmetohearsuchgodlesswordsfromthelipsofonesoyoung——sofargoneinthepathsofdestruction。Youngman,ifyouforgetGod,Godwillforgetyou。
Thereisaseatontheright—handsideasyougoatthebottomdoorthatyoumayget。Ifyouaregivenovertotheenjoymentandfrivolitiesofthisworld,whatwillbecomeofyourneverdyingsoul?’
\"HewouldnotgotillIgavehimhalfacrownfortheminister’ssalary。
AfterwardIheardhewasthemanwhocollectedthepewrentsandgotapercentage。Ididn’tgettoknowanyoneelse。
\"WhenmytimeinthatshopwasdoneIhiredmyselftodriveoneofatransport—rider’swagons。
\"Thatfirstmorning,whenIsatinthefrontandcalledtomyoxen,andsawnothingaboutmebutthehills,withthebluecomingdowntothem,andthekaroobushes,Iwasdrunk;Ilaughed;myheartwasbeatingtillithurtme。
Ishutmyeyestight,thatwhenIopenedthemImightseetherewerenoshelvesaboutme。Theremustbeabeautyinbuyingandselling,ifthereisbeautyineverything:butitisveryuglytome。Mylifeastransport—
riderwouldhavebeenthebestlifeintheworldifIhadhadonlyonewagontodrive。Mymastertoldmehewoulddriveone,Itheother,andhewouldhireanotherpersontodrivethethird。ButthefirstdayIdrovetwotohelphim,andafterthatheletmedriveallthree。Wheneverwecametoanhotelhestoppedbehindtogetadrink,andwhenherodeuptothewagonshecouldneverstand;theHottentotandIusedtolifthimup。
Wealwaystravelledallnight,andusedtooutspanforfiveorsixhoursintheheatofthedaytorest。IplannedthatIwouldlieunderawagonandreadforanhourortwoeverydaybeforeIwenttosleep,andIdidforthefirsttwoorthree;butafterthatIonlywantedtosleep,liketherest,andIpackedmybooksaway。