\"Hewasafriendofsomecousinsofmine，\"Jephsonbegan，\"peopleI
usedtoseeagooddealofinmyundergraduatedays。WhenImethimfirsthewasayoungfellowoftwenty—six，strongmentallyandphysically，andofasternandstubbornnaturethatthosewholikedhimcalledmasterful，andthatthosewhodislikedhim——amorenumerousbody——termedtyrannical。WhenIsawhimthreeyearslater，hewasanoldmanoftwenty—nine，gentleandyieldingbeyondtheborder—lineofweakness，mistrustfulofhimselfandconsiderateofotherstoadegreethatwasoftenunwise。Formerly，hisangerhadbeenathingveryeasilyandfrequentlyaroused。SincethechangeofwhichIspeak，Ihaveneverknowntheshadeofangertocrosshisfacebutonce。Inthecourseofawalk，oneday，wecameuponayoungroughterrifyingasmallchildbypretendingtosetadogather。Heseizedtheboywithagripthatalmostchokedhim，andadministeredtohimapunishmentthatseemedtomealtogetheroutofproportiontothecrime，brutalthoughitwas。
\"Iremonstratedwithhimwhenherejoinedme。
\"’Yes，’herepliedapologetically；’IsupposeI’mahardjudgeofsomefollies。’And，knowingwhathishauntedeyeswerelookingat，Isaidnomore。
\"HewasjuniorpartnerinalargefirmofteabrokersintheCity。
TherewasnotmuchforhimtodointheLondonoffice，andwhen，therefore，astheresultofsomemortgagetransactions，aSouthIndianteaplantationfellintothehandsofthefirm，itwassuggestedthatheshouldgooutandtakethemanagementofit。Theplansuitedhimadmirably。Hewasamanineverywayqualifiedtoleadaroughlife；tofaceabynomeanscontemptibleamountofdifficultyanddanger，togovernasmallarmyofnativeworkersmoreamenabletofearthantoaffection。Suchalife，demandingthoughtandaction，wouldaffordhisstrongnaturegreaterinterestandenjoymentthanhecouldeverhopetoobtainamidthecrampedsurroundingsofcivilisation。
\"Onlyonethingcouldinreasonhavebeenurgedagainstthearrangement，thatthingwashiswife。Shewasafragile，delicategirl，whomhehadmarriedinobediencetothatinstinctofattractiontowardstheoppositewhichNature，forthepurposeofmaintainingheraverage，hasimplantedinourbreasts——atimid，meek—eyedcreature，oneofthosewomentowhomdeathislessterriblethandanger，andfateeasiertofacethanfear。Suchwomenhavebeenknowntorunscreamingfromamouseandtomeetmartyrdomwithheroism。Theycannomorekeeptheirnervesfromtremblingthananaspentreecanstaythequiveringofitsleaves。
\"Thatshewastotallyunfittedfor，andwouldbemadewretchedbythelifetowhichhisacceptanceofthepostwouldcondemnhermighthavereadilyoccurredtohim，hadhestoppedtoconsiderforamomentherfeelingsinthematter。Buttoviewaquestionfromanyotherstandpointthanhisownwasnothishabit。Thathelovedherpassionately，inhisway，asathingbelongingtohimself，therecanbenodoubt，butitwaswiththelovethatsuchmenhaveforthedogtheywillthrash，thehorsetheywillspurtoabrokenback。Toconsultheronthesubjectneverenteredhishead。Heinformedheronedayofhisdecisionandofthedateoftheirsailing，and，handingherahandsomecheque，toldhertopurchaseallthingsnecessarytoher，andtolethimknowifsheneededmore；andshe，lovinghimwithadog—likedevotionthatwasnotgoodforhim，openedherbigeyesalittlewider，butsaidnothing。Shethoughtmuchaboutthecomingchangetoherself，however，and，whennobodywasby，shewouldcrysoftly；then，hearinghisfootsteps，wouldhastilywipeawaythetracesofhertears，andgotomeethimwithasmile。
\"Now，hertimidityandnervousness，whichathomehadbeenabuttformerechaff，became，underthenewcircumstancesoftheirlife，aseriousannoyancetotheman。Awomanwhoseemedunabletorepressascreamwheneversheturnedandsawinthegloomapairofpiercingeyeslookingoutatherfromaduskyface，whowasliabletodropoffherhorsewithfearatthesoundofawildbeast’sroaramileoff，andwhowouldturnwhiteandlimpwithhorroratthemeresightofasnake，wasnotacompanionablepersontolivewithintheneighbourhoodofIndianjungles。
\"Hehimselfwasentirelywithoutfear，andcouldnotunderstandit。
Tohimitwaspureaffectation。Hehadamuddledidea，commontomenofhisstamp，thatwomenassumenervousnessbecausetheythinkitprettyandbecomingtothem，andthatifonecouldonlyconvincethemofthefollyofittheymightbeinducedtolayitaside，inthesamewaythattheylayasidemincingstepsandsimperingvoices。
Amanwhopridedhimself，ashedid，uponhisknowledgeofhorses，might，onewouldthink，havegraspedatruernotionofthenatureofnervousness，whichisamerematteroftemperament。Butthemanwasafool。
\"Thethingthatvexedhimmostwasherhorrorofsnakes。Hewasunblessed——oruncursed，whicheveryoumayprefer——withimaginationofanykind。Therewasnospecialenmitybetweenhimandtheseedoftheserpent。Acreaturethatcrawleduponitsbellywasnomoreterribletohimthanacreaturethatwalkeduponitslegs；indeed，lessso，forheknewthat，asarule，therewaslessdangertobeapprehendedfromthem。Areptileisonlytooeageratalltimestoescapefromman。Unlessattackedorfrightened，itwillmakenoonset。Mostpeoplearecontenttoacquiretheirknowledgeofthisfactfromthenaturalhistorybooks。Hehadproveditforhimself。
Hisservant，anoldsergeantofdragoons，hastoldmethathehasseenhimstopwithhisfacesixinchesfromtheheadofahoodedcobra，andstandwatchingitthroughhiseye—glassasitcrawledawayfromhim，knowingthatonetouchofitsfangswouldmeandeathfromwhichtherecouldbenopossibleescape。Thatanyreasoningbeingshouldbeinspiredwithterror——sickening，deadlyterror——bysuchpitifullyharmlessthings，seemedtohimmonstrous；andhedeterminedtotryandcureherofherfearofthem。
\"Hesucceededindoingthiseventuallysomewhatmorethoroughlythanhehadanticipated，butitleftaterrorinhisowneyesthathasnotgoneoutofthemtothisday，andthatneverwill。
\"Oneevening，ridinghomethroughapartofthejunglenotfarfromhisbungalow，heheardasoft，lowhissclosetohisear，and，lookingup，sawapythonswingitselffromthebranchofatreeandmakeoffthroughthelonggrass。Hehadbeenoutantelope—shooting，andhisloadedriflehungbyhisstirrup。Springingfromthefrightenedhorse，hewasjustintimetogetashotatthecreaturebeforeitdisappeared。Hehadhardlyexpected，underthecircumstances，toevenhitit。Bychancethebulletstruckitatthejunctionofthevertebraewiththehead，andkilleditinstantly。Itwasawell—markedspecimen，and，exceptforthesmallwoundthebullethadmade，quiteuninjured。Hepickeditup，andhungitacrossthesaddle，intendingtotakeithomeandpreserveit。
\"Gallopingalong，glancingdowneverynowandagainatthehuge，hideousthingswayingandwrithinginfrontofhimalmostasifstillalive，abrilliantideaoccurredtohim。Hewouldusethisdeadreptiletocurehiswifeofherfearoflivingones。Hewouldfixmatterssothatsheshouldseeit，andthinkitwasalive，andbeterrifiedbyit；thenhewouldshowherthatshehadbeenfrightenedbyameredeadthing，andshewouldfeelashamedofherself，andbehealedofherfolly。Itwasthesortofideathatwouldoccurtoafool。
\"Whenhereachedhome，hetookthedeadsnakeintohissmoking—room；
then，lockingthedoor，theidiotsetouthisprescription。Hearrangedthemonsterinaverynaturalandlife—likeposition。Itappearedtobecrawlingfromtheopenwindowacrossthefloor，andanyonecomingintotheroomsuddenlycouldhardlyavoidtreadingonit。Itwasverycleverlydone。
\"Thatfinished，hepickedoutabookfromtheshelves，openedit，andlaiditfacedownwarduponthecouch。Whenhehadcompletedallthingstohissatisfactionheunlockedthedoorandcameout，verypleasedwithhimself。
\"Afterdinnerhelitacigarandsatsmokingawhileinsilence。
\"’Areyoufeelingtired？’hesaidtoheratlength，withasmile。
\"Shelaughed，and，callinghimalazyoldthing，askedwhatitwashewanted。
\"’OnlymynovelthatIwasreading。Ileftitinmyden。Doyoumind？Youwillfinditopenonthecouch。’
\"Shesprangupandranlightlytothedoor。
\"Asshepausedthereforamomenttolookbackathimandaskthenameofthebook，hethoughthowprettyandhowsweetshewas；andforthefirsttimeafaintglimmerofthetruenatureofthethinghewasdoingforceditselfintohisbrain。
\"’Nevermind，’hesaid，halfrising，’I’ll——’；then，enamouredofthebrilliancyofhisplan，checkedhimself；andshewasgone。
\"Heheardherfootstepspassingalongthemattedpassage，andsmiledtohimself。Hethoughttheaffairwasgoingtoberatheramusing。
Onefindsitdifficulttopityhimevennowwhenonethinksofit。
\"Thesmoking—roomdooropenedandclosed，andhestillsatgazingdreamilyattheashofhiscigar，andsmiling。
\"Onemoment，perhapstwopassed，butthetimeseemedmuchlonger。
Themanblewthegraycloudfrombeforehiseyesandwaited。Thenheheardwhathehadbeenexpectingtohear——apiercingshriek。
Thenanother，which，expectingtoheartheclangingofthedistantdoorandthescurryingbackofherfootstepsalongthepassage，puzzledhim，sothatthesmilediedawayfromhislips。
\"Thenanother，andanother，andanother，shriekaftershriek。
\"Thenativeservant，glidingnoiselesslyabouttheroom，laiddownthethingthatwasinhishandandmovedinstinctivelytowardsthedoor。Themanstartedupandheldhimback。
\"’Keepwhereyouare，’hesaidhoarsely。’Itisnothing。Yourmistressisfrightened，thatisall。Shemustlearntogetoverthisfolly。’Thenhelistenedagain，andtheshrieksendedwithwhatsoundedcuriouslylikeasmotheredlaugh；andtherecameasuddensilence。
\"Andoutofthatbottomlesssilence，Fearforthefirsttimeinhislifecametotheman，andheandtheduskyservantlookedateachotherwitheyesinwhichtherewasastrangelikeness；andbyacommoninstinctmovedtogethertowardstheplacewherethesilencecamefrom。
\"Whenthemanopenedthedoorhesawthreethings：onewasthedeadpython，lyingwherehehadleftit；thesecondwasalivepython，itscomradeapparently，slowlycrawlingroundit；thethirdacrushed，bloodyheapinthemiddleofthefloor。
\"Hehimselfrememberednothingmoreuntil，weeksafterwards，heopenedhiseyesinadarkened，unfamiliarplace，butthenativeservant，beforehefledscreamingfromthehouse，sawhismasterflinghimselfuponthelivingserpentandgraspitwithhishands，andwhen，lateron，othersburstintotheroomandcaughthimstaggeringintheirarms，theyfoundthesecondpythonwithitsheadtornoff。
\"Thatistheincidentthatchangedthecharacterofmyman——ifitbechanged，\"concludedJephson。\"Hetolditmeonenightaswesatonthedeckofthesteamer，returningfromBombay。Hedidnotsparehimself。Hetoldmethestory，muchasIhavetoldittoyou，butinaneven，monotonoustone，freefromemotionofanykind。Iaskedhim，whenhehadfinished，howhecouldbeartorecallit。
\"’Recallit！’hereplied，withaslightaccentofsurprise；’itisalwayswithme。’\"
CHAPTERVIII
Onedaywespokeofcrimeandcriminals。Wehaddiscussedthepossibilityofanovelwithoutavillain，buthaddecidedthatitwouldbeuninteresting。
\"Itisaterriblysadreflection，\"remarkedMacShaughnassy，musingly；\"butwhatadesperatelydullplacethisearthwouldbeifitwerenotforourfriendsthebadpeople。Doyouknow，\"hecontinued，\"whenIhearoffolksgoingabouttheworldtryingtoreformeverybodyandmakethemgood，Igetpositivelynervous。Oncedoawaywithsin，andliteraturewillbecomeathingofthepast。
Withoutthecriminalclassesweauthorswouldstarve。\"
\"Ishouldn’tworry，\"repliedJephson，drily；\"onehalfmankindhasbeen’reforming’theotherhalfprettysteadilyeversincetheCreation，yetthereappearstobeafairlyappreciableamountofhumannatureleftinit，notwithstanding。Suppressingsinismuchthesamesortoftaskthatsuppressingavolcanowouldbe——pluggingoneventmerelyopensanother。Evilwilllastourtime。\"
\"Icannottakeyouroptimisticviewofthecase，\"answeredMacShaughnassy。\"Itseemstomethatcrime——atallevents，interestingcrime——isbeingslowlydrivenoutofourexistence。
Piratesandhighwaymenhavebeenpracticallyabolished。Dearold’SmugglerBill’hasmelteddownhiscutlassintoapint—canwithafalsebottom。Thepressgangthatwasalwayssoreadytorescueourherofromhisapproachingmarriagehasbeendisbanded。There’snotaluggerfitforthepurposesofabductionleftuponthecoast。Mensettletheir’affairsofhonour’inthelawcourts，andreturnhomewoundedonlyinthepocket。Assaultsonunprotectedfemalesareconfinedtotheslums，whereheroesdonotdwell，andareavengedbythenearestmagistrate。Yourmodernburglarisgenerallyanout—of—
workgreen—grocer。His’swag’usuallyconsistsofanovercoatandapairofboots，inattemptingtomakeoffwithwhichheiscapturedbytheservant—girl。Suicidesandmurdersaregettingscarcereveryseason。Atthepresentrateofdecrease，deathsbyviolencewillbeunheardofinanotherdecade，andamurderstorywillbelaughedatastooimprobabletobeinteresting。Acertainsectionofbusybodiesareevencryingoutfortheenforcementoftheseventhcommandment。Iftheysucceedauthorswillhavetofollowtheadvicegenerallygiventothembythecritics，andretirefrombusinessaltogether。Itellyouourmeansoflivelihoodarebeingfilchedfromusonebyone。Authorsoughttoformthemselvesintoasocietyforthesupportandencouragementofcrime。\"
MacShaughnassy’sleadingintentioninmakingtheseremarkswastoshockandgrieveBrown，andinthisobjecthesucceeded。Brownis——
orwas，inthosedays——anearnestyoungmanwithanexalted——somewereinclinedtosayanexaggerated——viewoftheimportanceanddignityoftheliteraryprofession。Brown’snotionoftheschemeofCreationwasthatGodmadetheuniversesoastogivetheliterarymansomethingtowriteabout。IusedatonetimetocreditBrownwithoriginalityforthisidea；butasIhavegrownolderIhavelearnedthatthetheoryisaverycommonandpopularoneinculturedcircles。
BrownexpostulatedwithMacShaughnassy。\"Youspeak，\"hesaid，\"asthoughliteratureweretheparasiteofevil。\"
\"Andwhatelseisshe？\"repliedtheMacShaughnassy，withenthusiasm。
\"Whatwouldbecomeofliteraturewithoutfollyandsin？Whatistheworkoftheliterarymanbutrakingalivingforhimselfoutofthedust—heapofhumanwoe？Imagine，ifyoucan，aperfectworld——aworldwheremenandwomenneversaidfoolishthingsandneverdidunwiseones；wheresmallboyswerenevermischievousandchildrennevermadeawkwardremarks；wheredogsneverfoughtandcatsneverscreeched；wherewivesneverhenpeckedtheirhusbandsandmothers—
in—lawnevernagged；wheremenneverwenttobedintheirbootsandsea—captainsneverswore；whereplumbersunderstoodtheirworkandoldmaidsneverdressedasgirls；whereniggersneverstolechickensandproudmenwereneversea—sick！wherewouldbeyourhumourandyourwit？Imagineaworldwhereheartswereneverbruised；wherelipswereneverpressedwithpain；whereeyeswereneverdim；wherefeetwereneverweary；wherestomachswereneverempty！wherewouldbeyourpathos？Imagineaworldwherehusbandsneverlovedmorewivesthanone，andthattherightone；wherewiveswereneverkissedbutbytheirhusbands；wheremen’sheartswereneverblackandwomen’sthoughtsneverimpure；wheretherewasnohatingandnoenvying；nodesiring；nodespairing！wherewouldbeyourscenesofpassion，yourinterestingcomplications，yoursubtlepsychologicalanalyses？MydearBrown，wewriters——novelists，dramatists，poets——
wefattenonthemiseryofourfellow—creatures。Godcreatedmanandwoman，andthewomancreatedtheliterarymanwhensheputherteethintotheapple。Wecameintotheworldundertheshadowoftheserpent。WearespecialcorrespondentswiththeDevil’sarmy。
Wereporthisvictoriesinourthree—volumenovels，hisoccasionaldefeatsinourfive—actmelodramas。\"
\"Allofwhichisverytrue，\"remarkedJephson；\"butyoumustrememberitisnotonlytheliterarymanwhotrafficsinmisfortune。
Thedoctor，thelawyer，thepreacher，thenewspaperproprietor，theweatherprophet，willhardly，Ishouldsay，welcomethemillennium。
Ishallneverforgetananecdotemyuncleusedtorelate，dealingwiththeperiodwhenhewaschaplainoftheLincolnshirecountyjail。Onemorningtherewastobeahanging；andtheusuallittlecrowdofwitnesses，consistingofthesheriff，thegovernor，threeorfourreporters，amagistrate，andacoupleofwarders，wasassembledintheprison。Thecondemnedman，abrutalruffianwhohadbeenfoundguiltyofmurderingayounggirlunderexceptionallyrevoltingcircumstances，wasbeingpinionedbythehangmanandhisassistant；andmyunclewasemployingthelastfewmomentsathisdisposalintryingtobreakdownthesullenindifferencethefellowhadthroughoutmanifestedtowardsbothhiscrimeandhisfate。
Myunclefailingtomakeanyimpressionuponhim，thegovernorventuredtoaddafewwordsofexhortation，uponwhichthemanturnedfiercelyonthewholeofthem。
\"’Gotohell，’hecried，’withyoursnivellingjaw。Whoareyou，topreachatme？YOU’REgladenoughI’mhere——allofyou。Why，I’mtheonlyoneofyouasain’tgoingtomakeabitoverthisjob。
Wherewouldyouallbe，Ishouldliketoknow，youcantingswine，ifitwasn’tformeandmysort？Why，it’sthelikesofmeasKEEPS
thelikesofyou，’withwhichhewalkedstraighttothegallowsandtoldthehangmanto’hurryup’andnotkeepthegentlemenwaiting。\"
\"Therewassome’grit’inthatman，\"saidMacShaughnassy。
\"Yes，\"addedJephson，\"andwholesomewitalso。\"
MacShaughnassypuffedamouthfulofsmokeoveraspiderwhichwasjustabouttokillafly。Thiscausedthespidertofallintotheriver，fromwhereasupper—huntingswallowquicklyrescuedhim。
\"Youremindme，\"hesaid，\"ofasceneIoncewitnessedintheofficeofTheDaily——well，intheofficeofacertaindailynewspaper。Itwasthedeadseason，andthingsweresomewhatslow。Anendeavourhadbeenmadetolaunchadiscussiononthequestion’AreBabiesaBlessing？’Theyoungestreporteronthestaff，writingoverthesimplebuttouchingsignatureof’MotherofSix，’hadledoffwithascathing，thoughsomewhatirrelevant，attackuponhusbands，asaclass；theSportingEditor，signinghimself’WorkingMan，’andgarnishinghiscontributionwithpainfullyelaboratedorthographicallapses，arrangedtogiveanairofverisimilitudetothecorrespondence，while，atthesametime，nottooffendthesusceptibilitiesofthedemocracy（fromwhomthepaperderiveditschiefsupport），hadreplied，vindicatingtheBritishfather，andgivingwhatpurportedtobestirringmidnightexperiencesofhisown。TheGalleryMan，callinghimself，withaburstofimagination，’GentlemanandChristian，’wroteindignantlythatheconsideredtheagitationofthesubjecttobebothimpiousandindelicate，andaddedhewassurprisedthatapaperholdingtheexalted，anddeservedlypopular，positionofThe——shouldhaveopeneditscolumnstothebrainlessvapouringsof’MotherofSix’and’WorkingMan。’
\"Thetopichad，however，fallenflat。Withtheexceptionofonemanwhohadinventedanewfeeding—bottle，andthoughthewasgoingtoadvertiseitfornothing，theoutsidepublicdidnotrespond，andovertheeditorialdepartmentgloomhadsettleddown。
\"Oneevening，astwoorthreeofusweremooningaboutthestairs，prayingsecretlyforawarorafamine，Todhunter，thetownreporter，rushedpastuswithacheer，andburstintotheSub—
editor’sroom。Wefollowed。Hewaswavinghisnotebookabovehishead，andclamouring，afterthemannerofpeopleinFrenchexercises，forpens，ink，andpaper。
\"’What’sup？’criedtheSub—editor，catchinghisenthusiasm；
’influenzaagain？’
\"’Betterthanthat！’shoutedTodhunter。’Excursionsteamerrundown，ahundredandtwenty—fiveliveslost——fourgoodcolumnsofheartrendingscenes。’
\"’ByJove！’saidtheSub，’couldn’thavehappenedatabettertimeeither’——andthenhesatdownanddashedoffaleaderette，inwhichhedweltuponthepainandregretthepaperfeltathavingtoannouncethedisaster，anddrewattentiontotheexceptionallyharrowingaccountprovidedbytheenergyandtalentof’ourspecialreporter。’\"
\"Itisthelawofnature，\"saidJephson：\"wearenotthefirstpartyofyoungphilosopherswhohavebeenstruckwiththefactthatoneman’smisfortuneisanotherman’sopportunity。\"
\"Occasionally，anotherwoman’s，\"Iobserved。
Iwasthinkingofanincidenttoldmebyanurse。Ifanurseinfairpracticedoesnotknowmoreabouthumannature——doesnotseeclearerintothesoulsofmenandwomenthanallthenovelistsinlittleBooklandputtogether——itmustbebecausesheisphysicallyblindanddeaf。Alltheworld’sastage，andallthemenandwomenmerelyplayers；solongasweareingoodhealth，weplayourpartsoutbravelytotheend，actingthem，onthewhole，artisticallyandwithstrenuousness，eventotheextentofsometimesfancyingourselvesthepeoplewearepretendingtobe。Butwithsicknesscomesforgetfulnessofourpart，andcarelessnessoftheimpressionwearemakingupontheaudience。Wearetooweaktoputthepaintandpowderonourfaces，thestagefineryliesunheededbyourside。
Theheroicgestures，thevirtuoussentimentsareawearinesstous。
Inthequiet，darkenedroom，wherethefoot—lightsofthegreatstagenolongerglareuponus，whereourearsarenolongerstrainedtocatchtheclappingorthehissingofthetown，weare，forabriefspace，ourselves。
Thisnursewasaquiet，demurelittlewoman，withapairofdreamy，softgrayeyesthathadacuriouspowerofabsorbingeverythingthatpassedbeforethemwithoutseemingtolookatanything。Gazinguponmuchlife，laidbare，hadgiventothemaslightlycynicalexpression，buttherewasabackgroundofkindlinessbehind。
Duringtheeveningsofmyconvalescenceshewouldtalktomeofhernursingexperiences。IhavesometimesthoughtIwouldputdowninwritingthestoriesthatshetoldme，buttheywouldbesadreading。
Themajorityofthem，Ifear，wouldshowonlythetangled，seamysideofhumannature，andGodknowsthereislittleneedforustopointthatouttoeachother，thoughsomanynowadaysseemtothinkittheonlyworkworthdoing。Afewofthemweresweet，butIthinktheywerethesaddest；andoveroneortwoamanmightlaugh，butitwouldnotbeapleasantlaugh。
\"IneverenterthedoorofahousetowhichIhavebeensummoned，\"
shesaidtomeoneevening，\"withoutwondering，asIstepoverthethreshold，whatthestoryisgoingtobe。Ialwaysfeelinsideasick—roomasifIwerebehindthescenesoflife。Thepeoplecomeandgoaboutyou，andyoulistentothemtalkingandlaughing，andyoulookintoyourpatient’seyes，andyoujustknowthatit’sallaplay。\"
TheincidentthatJephson’sremarkhadremindedmeof，shetoldmeoneafternoon，asIsatproppedupbythefire，tryingtodrinkaglassofportwine，andfeelingsomewhatdepressedatdiscoveringI
didnotlikeit。
\"Oneofmyfirstcases，\"shesaid，\"wasasurgicaloperation。Iwasveryyoungatthetime，andImaderatheranawkwardmistake——I
don’tmeanaprofessionalmistake——butamistakeneverthelessthatI
oughttohavehadmoresensethantomake。
\"Mypatientwasagood—looking，pleasant—spokengentleman。Thewifewasapretty，darklittlewoman，butIneverlikedherfromthefirst；shewasoneofthoseperfectlyproper，frigidwomen，whoalwaysgivemetheideathattheywereborninachurch，andhavenevergotoverthechill。However，sheseemedveryfondofhim，andheofher；andtheytalkedveryprettilytoeachother——tooprettilyforittobequitegenuine，Ishouldhavesaid，ifI’dknownasmuchoftheworldthenasIdonow。
\"Theoperationwasadifficultanddangerousone。WhenIcameondutyintheeveningIfoundhim，asIexpected，highlydelirious。I
kepthimasquietasIcould，buttowardsnineo’clock，asthedeliriumonlyincreased，Ibegantogetanxious。Ibentdownclosetohimandlistenedtohisravings。OverandoveragainIheardthename’Louise。’Whywouldn’t’Louise’cometohim？Itwassounkindofher——theyhaddugagreatpit，andwerepushinghimdownintoit—
—oh！whydidn’tshecomeandsavehim？Heshouldbesavedifshewouldonlycomeandtakehishand。
\"HiscriesbecamesopitifulthatIcouldbearthemnolonger。Hiswifehadgonetoattendaprayer—meeting，butthechurchwasonlyinthenextstreet。Fortunately，theday—nursehadnotleftthehouse：
Icalledherintowatchhimforaminute，and，slippingonmybonnet，ranacross。Itoldmyerrandtooneofthevergersandhetookmetoher。Shewaskneeling，butIcouldnotwait。Ipushedopenthepewdoor，and，bendingdown，whisperedtoher，’Pleasecomeoveratonce；yourhusbandismoredeliriousthanIquitecareabout，andyoumaybeabletocalmhim。’
\"Shewhisperedback，withoutraisingherhead，’I’llbeoverinalittlewhile。Themeetingwon’tlastmuchlonger。’
\"Heranswersurprisedandnettledme。’You’llbeactingmorelikeaChristianwomanbycominghomewithme，’Isaidsharply，’thanbystoppinghere。Hekeepscallingforyou，andIcan’tgethimtosleep。’
\"Sheraisedherheadfromherhands：’Callingforme？’sheasked，withaslightlyincredulousaccent。
\"’Yes，’Ireplied，’ithasbeenhisonecryforthelasthour：
Where’sLouise，whydoesn’tLouisecometohim。’
\"Herfacewasinshadow，butassheturneditaway，andthefaintlightfromoneoftheturned—downgas—jetsfellacrossit，IfanciedIsawasmileuponit，andIdislikedhermorethanever。
\"’I’llcomebackwithyou，’shesaid，risingandputtingherbooksaway，andweleftthechurchtogether。
\"Sheaskedmemanyquestionsontheway：Didpatients，whentheyweredelirious，knowthepeopleaboutthem？Didtheyrememberactualfacts，orwastheirtalkmereincoherentrambling？Couldoneguidetheirthoughtsinanyway？
\"Themomentwewereinsidethedoor，sheflungoffherbonnetandcloak，andcameupstairsquicklyandsoftly。
\"Shewalkedtothebedside，andstoodlookingdownathim，buthewasquiteunconsciousofherpresence，andcontinuedmuttering。I
suggestedthatsheshouldspeaktohim，butshesaidshewassureitwouldbeuseless，anddrawingachairbackintotheshadow，satdownbesidehim。
\"Seeingshewasnogoodtohim，Itriedtopersuadehertogotobed，butshesaidshewouldratherstop，andI，beinglittlemorethanagirlthen，andwithoutmuchauthority，lether。Allnightlonghetossedandraved，theonenameonhislipsbeingeverLouise——Louise——andallnightlongthatwomansatthereintheshadow，nevermoving，neverspeaking，withasetsmileonherlipsthatmademelongtotakeherbytheshouldersandshakeher。
\"Atonetimeheimaginedhimselfbackinhiscourtingdays，andpleaded，’Sayyouloveme，Louise。Iknowyoudo。Icanreaditinyoureyes。What’stheuseofourpretending？WeKNOWeachother。
Putyourwhitearmsaboutme。Letmefeelyourbreathuponmyneck。
Ah！Iknewit，mydarling，mylove！’
\"Thewholehousewasdeadlystill，andIcouldheareverywordofhistroubledravings。IalmostfeltasifIhadnorighttobethere，listeningtothem，butmydutyheldme。Lateron，hefanciedhimselfplanningaholidaywithher，soIconcluded。’IshallstartonMondayevening，’hewassaying，andyoucanjoinmeinDublinatJackson’sHotelontheWednesday，andwe’llgostraighton。’
\"Hisvoicegrewalittlefaint，andhiswifemovedforwardonherchair，andbentherheadclosertohislips。
\"’No，no，’hecontinued，afterapause，’there’snodangerwhatever。
It’salonelylittleplace，rightintheheartoftheGalwayMountains——O’Mullen’sHalf—wayHousetheycallit——fivemilesfromBallynahinch。Weshan’tmeetasoulthere。We’llhavethreeweeksofheavenalltoourselves，mygoddess，myMrs。MaddoxfromBoston——
don’tforgetthename。’
\"Helaughedinhisdelirium；andthewoman，sittingbyhisside，laughedalso；andthenthetruthflashedacrossme。
\"Iranuptoherandcaughtherbythearm。’Yourname’snotLouise，’Isaid，lookingstraightather。Itwasanimpertinentinterference，butIfeltexcited，andactedonimpulse。
\"’No，’shereplied，veryquietly；’butit’sthenameofaverydearschoolfriendofmine。I’vegottheclueto—nightthatI’vebeenwaitingtwoyearstoget。Good—night，nurse，thanksforfetchingme。’
\"Sheroseandwentout，andIlistenedtoherfootstepsgoingdownthestairs，andthendrewuptheblindandletinthedawn。
\"I’venevertoldthatincidenttoanyoneuntilthisevening，\"mynurseconcluded，asshetooktheemptyportwineglassoutofmyhand，andstirredthefire。\"Anursewouldn’tgetmanyengagementsifshehadthereputationformakingblundersofthatsort。\"
Anotherstorythatshetoldmeshowedmarriedlifemorelovelit，butthen，assheadded，withthatcynicaltwinklewhichglintedsooddlyfromhergentle，demureeyes，thiscouplehadonlyveryrecentlybeenwed——had，infact，onlyjustreturnedfromtheirhoneymoon。
TheyhadbeentravellingontheContinent，andtherehadbothcontractedtyphoidfever，whichshoweditselfimmediatelyontheirhome—coming。
\"Iwascalledintothemontheverydayoftheirarrival，\"shesaid；\"thehusbandwasthefirsttotaketohisbed，andthewifefollowedsuittwelvehoursafterwards。Weplacedtheminadjoiningrooms，and，asoftenaswaspossible，weleftthedoorajarsothattheycouldcallouttooneanother。
\"Poorthings！Theywerelittleelsethanboyandgirl，andtheyworriedmoreabouteachotherthantheythoughtaboutthemselves。
Thewife’sonlytroublewasthatshewouldn’tbeabletodoanythingfor’poorJack。’’Oh，nurse，youwillbegoodtohim，won’tyou？’
shewouldcry，withherbigchildisheyesfulloftears；andthemomentIwentintohimitwouldbe：’Oh，don’ttroubleaboutme，nurse，I’mallright。Justlookafterthewifie，willyou？’
\"Ihadahardtimebetweenthetwoofthem，for，withthehelpofhersister，Iwasnursingthemboth。Itwasanunprofessionalthingtodo，butIcouldseetheywerenotwelloff，andIassuredthedoctorthatIcouldmanage。Tomeitwasworthwhilegoingthroughthedoubleworkjusttobreathetheatmosphereofunselfishnessthatsweetenedthosetwosick—rooms。Theaverageinvalidisnotthepatientsuffererpeopleimagine。Itisafretful，querulous，self—
pityinglittleworldthatweliveinasarule，andthatwegrowhardin。Itgavemeanewheart，nursingtheseyoungpeople。
\"Themanpulledthrough，andbegansteadilytorecover，butthewifewasaweeslipofagirl，andherstrength——whattherewasofit——
ebbeddaybyday。Ashegotstrongerhewouldcalloutmoreandmorecheerfullytoherthroughtheopendoor，andaskherhowshewasgettingon，andshewouldstruggletocallbacklaughinganswers。Ithadbeenamistaketoputthemnexttoeachother，andIblamedmyselfforhavingdoneso，butitwastoolatetochangethen。Allwecoulddowastobeghernottoexhaustherself，andtoletus，whenhecalledout，tellhimshewasasleep。Butthethoughtofnotansweringhimorcallingtohimmadehersowretchedthatitseemedsafertoletherhaveherway。
\"Heroneanxietywasthatheshouldnotknowhowweakshewas。’Itwillworryhimso，’shewouldsay；’heissuchanoldfidgetoverme。AndIAMgettingstronger，slowly；ain’tI，nurse？’
\"Onemorninghecalledouttoher，asusual，askingherhowshewas，andsheanswered，thoughshehadtowaitforafewsecondstogatherstrengthtodoso。Heseemedtodetecttheeffort，forhecalledbackanxiously，’AreyouSUREyou’reallright，dear？’
\"’Yes，’shereplied，’gettingonfamously。Why？’
\"’Ithoughtyourvoicesoundedalittleweak，dear，’heanswered；
’don’tcalloutifittriesyou。’
\"Thenforthefirsttimeshebegantoworryaboutherself——notforherownsake，butbecauseofhim。
\"’DoyouthinkIAMgettingweaker，nurse？’sheaskedme，fixinghergreateyesonmewithafrightenedlook。
\"’You’remakingyourselfweakbycallingout，’Ianswered，alittlesharply。’Ishallhavetokeepthatdoorshut。’
\"’Oh，don’ttellhim’——thatwasallherthought——’don’tlethimknowit。TellhimI’mstrong，won’tyou，nurse？ItwillkillhimifhethinksI’mnotgettingwell。’
\"Iwasgladwhenhersistercameup，andIcouldgetoutoftheroom，foryou’renotmuchgoodatnursingwhenyoufeel，asIfeltthen，asthoughyouhadswallowedatablespoonanditwasstickinginyourthroat。
\"Lateron，whenIwentintohim，hedrewmetothebedside，andwhisperedmetotellhimtrulyhowshewas。Ifyouaretellingalieatall，youmayjustaswellmakeitagoodone，soItoldhimshewasreallywonderfullywell，onlyalittleexhaustedaftertheillness，aswasnatural，andthatIexpectedtohaveherupbeforehim。
\"Poorlad！thatliedidhimmoregoodthanaweek’sdoctoringandnursing；andnextmorninghecalledoutmorecheerilythanevertoher，andofferedtobetheranewbonnetagainstanewhatthathewouldraceher，andbeupfirst。
\"Shelaughedbackquitemerrily（Iwasinhisroomatthetime）。
’Allright，’shesaid，’you’lllose。Ishallbewellfirst，andI
shallcomeandvisityou。’
\"Herlaughwassobright，andhervoicesoundedsomuchstronger，thatIreallybegantothinkshehadtakenaturnforthebetter，sothatwhenongoingintoherIfoundherpillowwetwithtears，I
couldnotunderstandit。
\"’Why，weweresocheerfuljustaminuteago，’Isaid；’what’sthematter？’
\"’Oh，poorJack！’shemoaned，asherlittle，wastedfingersopenedandcloseduponthecounterpane。’PoorJack，itwillbreakhisheart。’
\"Itwasnogoodmysayinganything。Therecomesamomentwhensomethingtellsyourpatientallthatistobeknownaboutthecase，andthedoctorandthenursecankeeptheirhopefulassurancesforwheretheywillbeofmoreuse。Theonlythingthatwouldhavebroughtcomforttoherthenwouldhavebeentoconvinceherthathewouldsoonforgetherandbehappywithouther。Ithoughtitatthetime，andItriedtosaysomethingofthekindtoher，butI
couldn’tgetitout，andshewouldn’thavebelievedmeifIhad。
\"SoallIcoulddowastogobacktotheotherroom，andtellhimthatIwantedhertogotosleep，andthathemustnotcallouttoheruntilItoldhim。
\"Shelayverystillallday。Thedoctorcameathisusualhourandlookedather。Hepattedherhand，andjustglancedattheuntouchedfoodbesideher。
\"’Yes，’hesaid，quietly。’Ishouldn’tworryher，nurse。’AndI
understood。
\"Towardseveningsheopenedhereyes，andbeckonedtohersister，whowasstandingbythebedside，tobenddown。
\"’Jeanie，’shewhispered，’doyouthinkitwrongtodeceiveanyonewhenit’sfortheirowngood？’
\"’Idon’tknow，’saidthegirl，inadryvoice；’Ishouldn’tthinkso。Whydoyouask？’
\"’Jeanie，yourvoicewasalwaysverymuchlikemine——doyouremember，theyusedtomistakeusathome。Jeanie，calloutforme—
—justtill——tillhe’sabitbetter；promiseme。’
\"Theyhadlovedeachother，thosetwo，morethaniscommonamongsisters。Jeaniecouldnotanswer，butshepressedhersistercloserinherarms，andtheotherwassatisfied。
\"Then，drawingallherlittlestockoflifetogetherforonefinaleffort，thechildraisedherselfinhersister’sarms。
\"’Good—night，Jack，’shecalledout，loudandclearenoughtobeheardthroughthecloseddoor。
\"’Good—night，littlewife，’hecriedback，cheerily；’areyouallright？’
\"’Yes，dear。Good—night。’
\"Herlittle，worn—outframedroppedbackuponthebed，andthenextthingIrememberissnatchingupapillow，andholdingittight—
pressedagainstJeanie’sfaceforfearthesoundofhersobsshouldpenetrateintothenextroom；andafterwardswebothgotout，somehow，bytheotherdoor，andrusheddownstairs，andclungtoeachotherinthebackkitchen。
\"Howwetwowomenmanagedtokeepupthedeceit，as，forthreewholedays，wedid，Ishallnevermyselfknow。Jeaniesatintheroomwhereherdeadsister，fromitsheadtoitssticking—upfeet，layoutlinedunderthewhitesheet；andIstayedbesidethelivingman，andtoldliesandactedlies，tillItookajoyinthem，andhadtoguardagainstthedangerofover—elaboratingthem。
\"Hewonderedatwhathethoughtmy’newmerrymood，’andItoldhimitwasbecauseofmydelightthathiswifewasoutofdanger；andthenIwentonforthepuredevilmentofthething，andtoldhimthataweekago，whenwehadlethimthinkhiswifewasgrowingstronger，wehadbeendeceivinghim；that，asamatteroffact，shewasatthattimeingreatperil，andIhadbeeninhourlyalarmconcerningher，butthatnowthestrainwasover，andshewassafe；
andIdroppeddownbythefootofthebed，andburstintoafitoflaughter，andhadtoclutchholdofthebedsteadtokeepmyselffromrollingonthefloor。
\"HehadstartedupinbedwithawildwhitefacewhenJeaniehadfirstansweredhimfromtheotherroom，thoughthesisters’voiceshadbeensouncannilyalikethatIhadneverbeenabletodistinguishonefromtheotheratanytime。Itoldhimtheslightchangewastheresultofthefever，thathisownvoicealsowaschangedalittle，andthatsuchwasalwaysthecasewithapersonrecoveringfromalongillness。Toguidehisthoughtsawayfromtherealclue，ItoldhimJeaniehadbrokendownwiththelongwork，andthat，theneedforherbeingpast，Ihadpackedheroffintothecountryforashortrest。Thatafternoonweconcoctedalettertohim，andIwatchedJeanie’seyeswithatowelinmyhandwhileshewroteit，sothatnotearsshouldfallonit，andthatnightshetravelledtwentymilesdowntheGreatWesternlinetopostit，returningbythenextup—train。
\"Nosuspicionofthetrutheveroccurredtohim，andthedoctorhelpedusoutwithourdeception；yethispulse，whichdaybydayhadbeengettingstronger，nowbeatfeeblereveryhour。InthatpartofthecountrywhereIwasbornandgrewup，thefolkssaythatwhereverthedeadlie，thereroundaboutthem，whetherthetimebesummerorwinter，theairgrowscoldandcolder，andthatnofire，thoughyoupilethelogshalf—wayupthechimney，willevermakeitwarm。Afewmonths’hospitaltraininggenerallycuresoneofallfancifulnotionsaboutdeath，butthisideaIhaveneverbeenabletogetridof。Mythermometermayshowmesixty，andImaytrytobelievethatthetemperatureISsixty，butifthedeadarebesidemeIfeelcoldtothemarrowofmybones。IcouldSEEthechillfromthedeadroomcrawlingunderneaththedoor，andcreepingupabouthisbed，andreachingoutitshandtotouchhisheart。
\"JeanieandIredoubledourefforts，foritseemedtousasifDeathwerewaitingjustoutsideinthepassage，watchingwithhiseyeatthekeyholeforeitherofustomakeablunderandletthetruthslipout。Ihardlyeverlefthissideexceptnowandagaintogointothatnextroom，andpokeanimaginaryfire，andsayafewchaffingwordstoanimaginarylivingwomanonthebedwherethedeadonelay；andJeaniesatclosetothecorpse，andcalledoutsaucymessagestohim，orreassuringanswerstohisanxiousquestions。
\"Attimes，knowingthatifwestoppedanothermomentintheseroomsweshouldscream，wewouldstealsoftlyoutandrushdownstairs，and，shuttingourselvesoutofhearinginacellarunderneaththeyard，laughtillwereeledagainstthedirtywalls。Ithinkwewerebothgettingalittlemad。
\"Oneday——itwasthethirdofthatnightmarelife，soIlearnedafterwards，thoughforallIcouldhavetoldthenitmighthavebeenthethreehundredth，forTimeseemedtohavefledfromthathouseasfromadream，sothatallthingsweretangled——Imadeaslipthatcameneartoendingthematter，thenandthere。
\"Ihadgoneintothatotherroom。Jeaniehadleftherpostforamoment，andtheplacewasempty。
\"IdidnotthinkwhatIwasdoing。IhadnotclosedmyeyesthatI
canremembersincethewifehaddied，andmybrainandmysenseswerelosingtheirholdofoneanother。Iwentthroughmyusualperformanceoftalkingloudlytothethingunderneaththewhitesheet，andnoisilypattingthepillowsandrattlingthebottlesonthetable。
\"Onmyreturn，heaskedmehowshewas，andIanswered，halfinadream，’Oh，bonny，she’stryingtoreadalittle，’andheraisedhimselfonhiselbowandcalledouttoher，andforanswertherecamebacksilence——notthesilencethatISsilence，butthesilencethatisasavoice。IdonotknowifyouunderstandwhatImeanbythat。IfyouhadlivedamongthedeadaslongasIhave，youwouldknow。
\"Idartedtothedoorandpretendedtolookin。’She’sfallenasleep，’Iwhispered，closingit；andhesaidnothing，buthiseyeslookedqueerlyatme。
\"Thatnight，JeanieandIstoodinthehalltalking。Hehadfallentosleepearly，andIhadlockedthedoorbetweenthetworooms，andputthekeyinmypocket，andhadstolendowntotellherwhathadhappened，andtoconsultwithher。
\"’Whatcanwedo！Godhelpus，whatcanwedo！’wasallthatJeaniecouldsay。Wehadthoughtthatinadayortwohewouldbestronger，andthatthetruthmightbebrokentohim。Butinsteadofthathehadgrownsoweak，thattoexcitehissuspicionsnowbymovinghimorherwouldbetokillhim。
\"Westoodlookingblanklyineachother’sfaces，wonderinghowtheproblemcouldbesolved；andwhilewedidsotheproblemsolveditself。
\"Theonewoman—servanthadgoneout，andthehousewasverysilent——
sosilentthatIcouldhearthetickingofJeanie’swatchinsideherdress。Suddenly，intothestillnesstherecameasound。Itwasnotacry。Itcamefromnohumanvoice。IhaveheardthevoiceofhumanpaintillIknowitseverynote，andhavegrowncarelesstoit；butIhaveprayedGodonmykneesthatImayneverhearthatsoundagain，foritwasthesobofasoul。
\"Itwailedthroughthequiethouseandpassedaway，andneitherofusstirred。
\"Atlength，withthereturnofthebloodtoourveins，wewentupstairstogether。Hehadcreptfromhisownroomalongthepassageintohers。Hehadnothadstrengthenoughtopullthesheetoff，thoughhehadtried。Helayacrossthebedwithonehandgraspinghers。\"
Mynursesatforawhilewithoutspeaking，asomewhatunusualthingforhertodo。
\"Yououghttowriteyourexperiences，\"Isaid。
\"Ah！\"shesaid，givingthefireacontemplativepoke，\"ifyou’dseenasmuchsorrowintheworldasIhave，youwouldn’twanttowriteasadbook。\"
\"Ithink，\"sheadded，afteralongpause，withthepokerstillinherhand，\"itcanonlybethepeoplewhohaveneverKNOWNsufferingwhocancaretoreadofit。IfIcouldwriteabook，Ishouldwriteamerrybook——abookthatwouldmakepeoplelaugh。\"
CHAPTERIX
Thediscussionaroseinthisway。Ihadproposedamatchbetweenourvillainandthedaughterofthelocalchemist，asingularlynobleandpure—mindedgirl，thehumblebutworthyfriendoftheheroine。
Brownhadrefusedhisconsentonthegroundofimprobability。\"WhatinthunderwouldinducehimtomarryHER？\"heasked。
\"Love！\"Ireplied；\"love，thatburnsasbrightlyinthemeanestvillain’sbreastasintheproudheartofthegoodyoungman。\"
\"Areyoutryingtobelightandamusing，\"returnedBrown，severely，\"orareyousupposedtobediscussingthematterseriously？WhatattractioncouldsuchagirlhaveforsuchamanasReubenNeil？\"
\"Everyattraction，\"Iretorted。\"Sheistheexactmoralcontrasttohimself。Sheisbeautiful（ifshe’snotbeautifulenough，wecantouchherupabit），and，whenthefatherdies，therewillbetheshop。\"
\"Besides，\"Iadded，\"itwillmakethethingseemmorenaturalifeverybodywonderswhatonearthcouldhavebeenthereasonfortheirmarryingeachother。\"
Brownwastednofurtherwordsonme，butturnedtoMacShaughnassy。
\"CanYOUimagineourfriendReubenseizedwithaburningdesiretomarryMaryHolme？\"heasked，withasmile。
\"OfcourseIcan，\"saidMacShaughnassy；\"Icanimagineanything，andbelieveanythingofanybody。Itisonlyinnovelsthatpeopleactreasonablyandinaccordancewithwhatmightbeexpectedofthem。I
knewanoldsea—captainwhousedtoreadtheYoungLadies’Journalinbed，andcryoverit。IknewabookmakerwhoalwayscarriedBrowning’spoemsaboutwithhiminhispockettostudyinthetrain。
IhaveknownaHarleyStreetdoctortodevelopatforty—eightasuddenandovermasteringpassionforswitchbacks，andtospendeveryhourhecouldsparefromhispracticeatoneorotheroftheexhibitions，havingthree—pen’orthsoneaftertheother。Ihaveknownabook—reviewergiveoranges（notpoisonedones）tochildren。
Amanisnotacharacter，heisadozencharacters，oneofthemprominent，theotherelevenmoreorlessundeveloped。Iknewamanonce，twoofwhosecharacterswereofequalvalue，andtheconsequenceswerepeculiar。\"
Webeggedhimtorelatethecasetous，andhedidso。
\"HewasaBalliolman，\"saidMacShaughnassy，\"andhisChristiannamewasJoseph。Hewasamemberofthe’Devonshire’atthetimeIknewhim，andwas，Ithink，themostsuperiorpersonIhaveevermet。HesneeredattheSaturdayReviewasthepetjournalofthesuburbanliteraryclub；andattheAthenaeumasthetradeorganoftheunsuccessfulwriter。Thackeray，heconsidered，wasfairlyentitledtohispositionoffavouriteauthortotheculturedclerk；andCarlyleheregardedastheexponentoftheearnestartisan。Livingauthorsheneverread，butthisdidnotpreventhiscriticisingthemcontemptuously。TheonlyinhabitantsofthenineteenthcenturythatheeverpraisedwereafewobscureFrenchnovelists，ofwhomnobodybuthimselfhadeverheard。HehadhisownopinionaboutGodAlmighty，andobjectedtoHeavenonaccountofthestrongClaphamcontingentlikelytobefoundinresidencethere。Humourmadehimsad，andsentimentmadehimill。Artirritatedhimandscienceboredhim。Hedespisedhisownfamilyanddislikedeverybodyelse。
Forexerciseheyawned，andhisconversationwasmainlyconfinedtoanoccasionalshrug。
\"Nobodylikedhim，buteverybodyrespectedhim。Onefeltgratefultohimforhiscondescensioninlivingatall。
\"Onesummer，IwasfishingovertheNorfolkBroads，andontheBankHoliday，thinkingIwouldliketoseetheLondon’Arryinhisglory，IranovertoYarmouth。Walkingalongthesea—frontintheevening，Isuddenlyfoundmyselfconfrontedbyfourremarkablychoicespecimensoftheclass。Theywereurgingontheirwildanderraticcareerarm—in—arm。Theonenearesttheroadwasplayinganunusuallywheezyconcertina，andtheotherthreewerebawlingoutthechorusofamusic—hallsong，theheroineofwhichappearedtobe’Hemmer。’
Theyspreadthemselvesrightacrossthepavement，compellingallthewomenandchildrentheymettostepintotheroadway。Istoodmygroundonthekerb，andastheybrushedbymesomethinginthefaceoftheonewiththeconcertinastruckmeasfamiliar。
\"Iturnedandfollowedthem。Theywereevidentlyenjoyingthemselvesimmensely。Toeverygirltheypassedtheyyelledout，’Oh，youlittlejamtart！’andeveryoldladytheyaddressedas’Mar。’Thenoisiestandthemostvulgarofthefourwastheonewiththeconcertina。
\"Ifollowedthemontothepier，andthen，hurryingpast，waitedforthemunderagas—lamp。WhenthemanwiththeconcertinacameintothelightandIsawhimclearlyIstarted。FromthefaceIcouldhaveswornitwasJoseph；buteverythingelseabouthimrenderedsuchanassumptionimpossible。Puttingasidethetimeandtheplace，andforgettinghisbehaviour，hiscompanions，andhisinstrument，whatremainedwassufficienttomakethesuggestionabsurd。Josephwasalwayscleanshaven；thisyouthhadasmudgymoustacheandapairofincipientredwhiskers。HewasdressedintheloudestchecksuitIhaveeverseen，offthestage。Heworepatent—leatherbootswithmother—of—pearlbuttons，andanecktiethatinanearlieragewouldhavecalleddownlightningoutofHeaven。Hehadalow—crownedbillycockhatonhishead，andabigevil—smellingcigarbetweenhislips。
\"ArgueasIwould，however，thefacewasthefaceofJoseph；and，movedbyacuriosityIcouldnotcontrol，Ikeptnearhim，watchinghim。
\"Once，foralittlewhile，Imissedhim；buttherewasnotmuchfearoflosingthatsuitforlong，andafteralittlelookingaboutI
struckitagain。Hewassittingattheendofthepier，whereitwaslesscrowded，withhisarmroundagirl’swaist。Icreptclose。
Shewasajolly，red—facedgirl，good—lookingenough，butcommontothelastdegree。Herhatlayontheseatbesideher，andherheadwasrestingonhisshoulder。Sheappearedtobefondofhim，buthewasevidentlybored。
\"’Don’tcherlikeme，Joe？’Iheardhermurmur。
\"’Yas，’hereplied，somewhatunconvincingly，’o’courseIlikesyer。’
\"Shegavehimanaffectionateslap，buthedidnotrespond，andafewminutesafterwards，mutteringsomeexcuse，heroseandlefther，andIfollowedhimashemadehiswaytowardstherefreshment—room。
Atthedoorhemetoneofhispals。
\"’Hullo！’wasthequestion，’wot’ayerdonewi’’Liza？’
\"’Oh，Icarn’tstand’er，’washisreply；’shegivesmethebloomin’
’ump。You’aveaturnwith’er。’
\"Hisfrienddisappearedinthedirectionof’Liza，andJoepushedintotheroom，Ikeepingclosebehindhim。NowthathewasaloneI
wasdeterminedtospeaktohim。ThelongerIhadstudiedhisfeaturesthemoreresemblanceIhadfoundinthemtothoseofmysuperiorfriendJoseph。
\"Hewasleaningacrossthebar，clamouringfortwoofgin，whenI
tappedhimontheshoulder。Heturnedhishead，andthemomenthesawme，hisfacewentlivid。
\"’Mr。JosephSmythe，Ibelieve，’Isaidwithasmile。
\"’Who’sMr。JosephSmythe？’heansweredhoarsely；’myname’sSmith，Iain’tnobloomin’Smythe。Whoareyou？Idon’tknowyer。’
\"Ashespoke，myeyesresteduponacuriousgoldringofIndianworkmanshipwhichheworeuponhislefthand。Therewasnomistakingthering，atallevents：ithadbeenpassedroundtheclubonmorethanoneoccasionasauniquecuriosity。Hiseyesfollowedmygaze。Heburstintotears，andpushingmebeforehimintoaquietcornerofthesaloon，satdownfacingme。
\"’Don’tgivemeaway，oldman，’hewhimpered；’forGawd’ssake，don’tletontoanyofthechaps’erethatI’mamemberofthatblessedoldwaxworkshowinSaintJames’s：they’dneverspeaktomeagen。AndkeepyermugshutaboutOxford，there’sagoodsort。I
wouldn’t’ave’emknowas’owIwasoneo’themcollegeblokesforanythink。’
\"Isataghast。Ihadlistenedtohearhimentreatmetokeep’Smith，’therorty’Arry，asecretfromtheacquaintancesof’Smythe，’thesuperiorperson。Herewas’Smith’inmortalterrorlesthispalsshouldhearofhisidentitywiththearistocratic’Smythe，’anddiscardhim。Hisattitudepuzzledmeatthetime，but，whenIcametoreflect，mywonderwasatmyselfforhavingexpectedtheopposite。
\"’Icarn’t’elpit，’hewenton；’I’avetolivetwolives。’ArfmytimeI’mastuck—upprig，asorterbejollywellkicked——’
\"’Atwhichtimes，’Iinterrupted，’Ihaveheardyouexpresssomeextremelyuncomplimentaryopinionsconcerning’Arries。’
\"’Iknow，’hereplied，inavoicebetrayingstrongemotion；’that’swhereit’ssopreciousroughonme。WhenI’matoffIdespisesmyself，’cosIknowsthatunderneathmysneeringphizI’mabloomin’
’Arry。WhenI’man’Arry，I’atesmyself’cosIknowsI’matoff。’
\"’Can’tyoudecidewhichcharacteryouprefer，andsticktoit？’I
asked。
\"’No，’heanswered，’Icarn’t。It’sarumthing，butwhicheverI
am，sureasfate，’bouttheendofamonthIbegintogetsicko’
myself。’
\"’Icanquiteunderstandit，’Imurmured；’Ishouldgivewaymyselfinafortnight。’
\"’I’vebeenmyself，now，’hecontinued，withoutnoticingmyremark，’forsomethin’liketendays。Onemornin’，in’boutthreeweeks’
time，IshallgetupinmydigginsintheMileEndRoad，andIshalllookroundtheroom，andattheseclothes’angin’overthebed，andatthisyerconcertina’（hegaveitanaffectionatesqueeze），’andI
shallfeelmyselfgettin’scarletallover。ThenIshalljumpouto’bed，andlookatmyselfintheglass。\"Youhowlinglittlecad，\"
Ishallsaytomyself，\"Ihavehalfamindtostrangleyou\"；andI
shallshavemyself，andputonaquietbluesergesuitandabowler’at，tellmylandladytokeepmyroomsformetillIcomesback，slipouto’the’ouse，andintothefust’ansomImeets，andbacktotheHalbany。Andamontharterthat，IshallcomeintomychambersattheHalbany，flingVoltaireandPariniintothefire，shyme’atatthebustofgoodold’Omer，sliponmybluesuitagen，andbacktotheMileEndRoad。’
\"’Howdoyouexplainyourabsencetobothparties？’Iasked。
\"’Oh，that’ssimpleenough，’hereplied。’Ijusttellsmy’ousekeeperattheHalbanyasI’mgoin’ontheContinong；andmymates’erethinksI’matraveller。’
\"’Nobodymissesmemuch，’headded，pathetically；’Ihain’tapartic’larlyfetchin’sorto’bloke，eitherofme。I’msichanout—
and—outer。WhenI’man’Arry，I’mtoomuchofan’Arry，andwhenI’maprig，I’mareg’larfustprizeprig。SeemstomeasifIwastwoendsofamanwithoutanymiddle。IfIcouldonlymixmyselfupabitmore，I’dbeallright。’
\"Hesniffedonceortwice，andthenhelaughed。’Ah，well，’hesaid，castingasidehismomentarygloom；’it’sallagame，andwot’stheoddssolongasyer’appy。’Aveawet？’
\"Ideclinedthewet，andlefthimplayingsentimentalairstohimselfupontheconcertina。
\"Oneafternoon，aboutamonthlater，theservantcametomewithacardonwhichwasengravedthenameof’Mr。JosephSmythe。’I
requestedhertoshowhimup。Heenteredwithhisusualairoflanguidsuperciliousness，andseatedhimselfinagracefulattitudeuponthesofa。
\"’Well，’Isaid，assoonasthegirlhadclosedthedoorbehindher，’soyou’vegotridofSmith？’
\"Asicklysmilepassedoverhisface。’Youhavenotmentionedittoanyone？’heaskedanxiously。
\"’Nottoasoul，’Ireplied；’thoughIconfessIoftenfeeltemptedto。’
\"’Isincerelytrustyouneverwill，’hesaid，inatoneofalarm。
’Youcanhavenoconceptionofthemiserythewholethingcausesme。
Icannotunderstandit。Whatpossibleaffinitytherecanbebetweenmyselfandthatdisgustinglittlesnobpassesmycomprehension。I
assureyou，mydearMac，theknowledgethatIwasaghoul，oravampire，wouldcausemelessnauseathanthereflectionthatIamoneandthesamewiththatodiouslittleWhitechapelbounder。WhenIthinkofhimeverynerveinmybody——’
\"’Don’tthinkabouthimanymore，’Iinterrupted，perceivinghisstrongly—suppressedemotion。’Youdidn’tcomeheretotalkabouthim，I’msure。Letusdismisshim。’
\"’Well，’hereplied，’inacertainroundaboutwayitisslightlyconnectedwithhim。Thatisreallymyexcuseforinflictingthesubjectuponyou。YouaretheonlymanICANspeaktoaboutit——ifIshallnotboreyou？’
\"’Notintheleast，’Isaid。’Iammostinterested。’Ashestillhesitated，Iaskedhimpoint—blankwhatitwas。
\"Heappearedembarrassed。’Itisreallyveryabsurdofme，’hesaid，whilethefaintestsuspicionofpinkcrossedhisusuallycolourlessface；’butIfeelImusttalktosomebodyaboutit。Thefactis，mydearMac，Iaminlove。’
\"’Capital！’Icried；’I’mdelightedtohearit。’（Ithoughtitmightmakeamanofhim。）’DoIknowthelady？’
\"’Iaminclinedtothinkyoumusthaveseenher，’hereplied；’shewaswithmeonthepieratYarmouththateveningyoumetme。’
\"’Not’Liza！’Iexclaimed。
\"’Thatwasshe，’heanswered；’MissElizabethMuggins。’Hedweltlovinglyuponthename。