\"’Youhavebecomeabsolutelyimpossible，’shebegan，orsomesuchphraseasthatregardingmycharacter，trying，asusual，togivemeasmuchpainaspossible。’Afterwhatyouhavedonetomysister（shereferredtoanincidentwithhersister，inwhich，besidemyself，Ihadutteredbrutalities；sheknewthatthattorturedme，andtriedtotouchmeinthattenderspot）nothingwillastonishme。’
\"’Yes，offended，humiliated，anddishonored，andafterthattoholdmestillresponsible，’thoughtI，andsuddenlyarage，suchahatredinvadedmeasIdonotremembertohaveeverfeltbefore。ForthefirsttimeIdesiredtoexpressthishatredphysically。Ileapeduponher，butatthesamemomentI
understoodmycondition，andIaskedmyselfwhetheritwouldbewellformetoabandonmyselftomyfury。AndIansweredmyselfthatitwouldbewell，thatitwouldfrightenher，and，insteadofresisting，Ilashedandspurredmyselfon，andwasgladtofeelmyangerboilingmoreandmorefiercely。
\"’Goaway，orIwillkillyou！’Icried，purposely，withafrightfulvoice，andIgraspedherbythearm。Shedidnotgoaway。ThenItwistedherarm，andpushedherawayviolently。
\"’Whatisthematterwithyou？Cometoyoursenses！’sheshrieked。
\"’Goaway，’roaredI，louderthanever，rollingmyeyeswildly。
’Ittakesyoutoputmeinsuchafury。Idonotanswerformyself！Goaway！’
\"Inabandoningmyselftomyanger，Ibecamesteepedinit，andI
wantedtocommitsomeviolentacttoshowtheforceofmyfury。
Ifeltaterribledesiretobeather，tokillher，butIrealizedthatthatcouldnotbe，andIrestrainedmyself。Idrewbackfromher，rushedtothetable，graspedthepaper-weight，andthrewitonthefloorbyherside。Itookcaretoaimalittletooneside，and，beforeshedisappeared（Ididitsothatshecouldseeit），Igraspedacandlestick，whichIalsohurled，andthentookdownthebarometer，continuingtoshout：
\"’Goaway！Idonotanswerformyself！’
\"Shedisappeared，andIimmediatelyceasedmydemonstrations。Anhourlatertheoldservantcametomeandsaidthatmywifewasinafitofhysterics。Iwenttoseeher。Shesobbedandlaughed，incapableofexpressinganything，herwholebodyinatremble。Shewasnotshamming，shewasreallysick。Wesentforthedoctor，andallnightlongIcaredforher。Towarddaylightshegrewcalmer，andwebecamereconciledundertheinfluenceofthatfeelingwhichwecalled’love。’Thenextmorning，when，afterthereconciliation，IconfessedtoherthatIwasjealousofTroukhatchevsky，shewasnotatallembarrassed，andbegantolaughinthemostnaturalway，sostrangedidthepossibilityofbeingledastraybysuchamanappeartoher。
\"’Withsuchamancananhonestwomanentertainanyfeelingbeyondthepleasureofenjoyingmusicwithhim？Butifyoulike，Iamreadytoneverseehimagain，evenonSunday，althougheverybodyhasbeeninvited。WritehimthatIamindisposed，andthatwillendthematter。Onlyonethingannoysme，——thatanyonecouldhavethoughthimdangerous。Iamtooproudnottodetestsuchthoughts。’
\"Andshedidnotlie。Shebelievedwhatshesaid。Shehopedbyherwordstoprovokeinherselfacontemptforhim，andtherebytodefendherself。Butshedidnotsucceed。Everythingwasdirectedagainsther，especiallythatabominablemusic。Soendedthequarrel，andonSundayourguestscame，andTroukhatchevskyandmywifeagainplayedtogether。
CHAPTERXXIII。
\"IthinkthatitissuperfluoustosaythatIwasveryvain。Ifonehasnovanityinthislifeofours，thereisnosufficientreasonforliving。SoforthatSundayIhadbusiedmyselfintastefullyarrangingthingsforthedinnerandthemusicalsoiree。Ihadpurchasedmyselfnumerousthingsforthedinner，andhadchosentheguests。Towardsixo’clocktheyarrived，andafterthemTroukhatchevsky，inhisdress-coat，withdiamondshirt-studs，inbadtaste。Heborehimselfwithease。Toallquestionsherespondedpromptly，withasmileofcontentmentandunderstanding，andthatpeculiarexpressionwhichwasintendedtomean：’AllthatyoumaydoandsaywillbeexactlywhatI
expected。’EverythingabouthimthatwasnotcorrectInownoticedwithespecialpleasure，foritalltendedtotranquillizeme，andprovetomethattomywifehestoodinsuchadegreeofinferioritythat，asshehadtoldme，shecouldnotstooptohislevel。Lessbecauseofmywife’sassurancesthanbecauseoftheatrocioussufferingswhichIfeltinjealousy，Inolongerallowedmyselftobejealous。
\"Inspiteofthat，Iwasnotateasewiththemusicianorwithherduringdinner-timeandthetimethatelapsedbeforethebeginningofthemusic。InvoluntarilyIfollowedeachoftheirgesturesandlooks。Thedinner，likealldinners，wastiresomeandconventional。Notlongafterwardthemusicbegan。Hewenttogethisviolin；mywifeadvancedtothepiano，andrummagedamongthescores。Oh，howwellIrememberallthedetailsofthatevening！Irememberhowhebroughttheviolin，howheopenedthebox，tookoffthesergeembroideredbyalady’shand，andbegantotunetheinstrument。Icanstillseemywifesitdown，withafalseairofindifference，underwhichitwasplainthatshehidagreattimidity，atimiditythatwasespeciallyduetohercomparativelackofmusicalknowledge。Shesatdownwiththatfalseairinfrontofthepiano，andthenbegantheusualpreliminaries，——thepizzicatioftheviolinandthearrangementofthescores。Irememberthenhowtheylookedateachother，andcastaglanceattheirauditorswhoweretakingtheirseats。
Theysaidafewwordstoeachother，andthemusicbegan。TheyplayedBeethoven’s’KreutzerSonata。’Doyouknowthefirstpresto？Doyouknowit？Ah！\"……
Posdnicheffheavedasigh，andwassilentforalongtime。
\"Aterriblethingisthatsonata，especiallythepresto！Andaterriblethingismusicingeneral。Whatisit？Whydoesitdowhatitdoes？Theysaythatmusicstirsthesoul。Stupidity！A
lie！Itacts，itactsfrightfully（Ispeakformyself），butnotinanennoblingway。Itactsneitherinanennoblingnoradebasingway，butinanirritatingway。HowshallIsayit？
Musicmakesmeforgetmyrealsituation。Ittransportsmeintoastatewhichisnotmyown。UndertheinfluenceofmusicIreallyseemtofeelwhatIdonotfeel，tounderstandwhatIdonotunderstand，tohavepowerswhichIcannothave。Musicseemstometoactlikeyawningorlaughter；Ihavenodesiretosleep，butI
yawnwhenIseeothersyawn；withnoreasontolaugh，IlaughwhenIhearotherslaugh。Andmusictransportsmeimmediatelyintotheconditionofsoulinwhichhewhowrotethemusicfoundhimselfatthattime。Ibecomeconfoundedwithhissoul，andwithhimIpassfromoneconditiontoanother。Butwhythat？I
knownothingaboutit？ButhewhowroteBeethoven’s’KreutzerSonata’knewwellwhyhefoundhimselfinacertaincondition。
Thatconditionledhimtocertainactions，andforthatreasontohimhadameaning，buttomenone，nonewhatever。Andthatiswhymusicprovokesanexcitementwhichitdoesnotbringtoaconclusion。Forinstance，amilitarymarchisplayed；thesoldierpassestothesoundofthismarch，andthemusicisfinished。Adanceisplayed；Ihavefinisheddancing，andthemusicisfinished。Amassissung；Ireceivethesacrament，andagainthemusicisfinished。Butanyothermusicprovokesanexcitement，andthisexcitementisnotaccompaniedbythethingthatneedsproperlytobedone，andthatiswhymusicissodangerous，andsometimesactssofrightfully。
\"InChinamusicisunderthecontroloftheState，andthatisthewayitoughttobe。Isitadmissiblethatthefirstcomershouldhypnotizeoneormorepersons，andthendowiththemashelikes？Andespeciallythatthehypnotizershouldbethefirstimmoralindividualwhohappenstocomealong？Itisafrightfulpowerinthehandsofanyone，nomatterwhom。Forinstance，shouldtheybeallowedtoplaythis’KreutzerSonata，’thefirstpresto，——andtherearemanylikeit，——inparlors，amongladieswearinglowneckeddresses，orinconcerts，thenfinishthepiece，receivetheapplause，andthenbeginanotherpiece？Thesethingsshouldbeplayedundercertaincircumstances，onlyincaseswhereitisnecessarytoincitecertainactionscorrespondingtothemusic。Buttoinciteanenergyoffeelingwhichcorrespondstoneitherthetimenortheplace，andisexpendedinnothing，cannotfailtoactdangerously。Onmeinparticularthispieceactedinafrightfulmanner。Onewouldhavesaidthatnewsentiments，newvirtualities，ofwhichIwasformerlyignorant，haddevelopedinme。’Ah，yes，that’sit！
NotatallasIlivedandthoughtbefore！Thisistherightwaytolive！’
\"ThusIspoketomysoulasIlistenedtothatmusic。WhatwasthisnewthingthatIthuslearned？ThatIdidnotrealize，buttheconsciousnessofthisindefinitestatefilledmewithjoy。
Inthatstatetherewasnoroomforjealousy。Thesamefaces，andamongthemHEandmywife，Isawinadifferentlight。Thismusictransportedmeintoanunknownworld，wheretherewasnoroomforjealousy。Jealousyandthefeelingsthatprovokeitseemedtometrivialities，norworththinkingof。
\"Aftertheprestofollowedtheandante，notverynew，withcommonplacevariations，andthefeeblefinale。Thentheyplayedmore，attherequestoftheguests，——firstanelegybyErnst，andthenvariousotherpieces。Theywereallverywell，butdidnotproduceuponmeatenthpartoftheimpressionthattheopeningpiecedid。Ifeltlightandgaythroughouttheevening。Asformywife，neverhadIseenherasshewasthatnight。Thosebrillianteyes，thatseverityandmajesticexpressionwhileshewasplaying，andthenthatutterlanguor，thatweak，pitiable，andhappysmileaftershehadfinished，——Isawthemallandattachednoimportancetothem，believingthatshefeltasIdid，thattoher，astome，newsentimentshadbeenrevealed，asthroughafog。DuringalmostthewholeeveningIwasnotjealous。
\"TwodayslaterIwastostartfortheassemblyoftheZemstvo，andforthatreason，ontakingleaveofmeandcarryingallhisscoreswithhim，TroukhatchevskyaskedmewhenIshouldreturn。
Iinferredfromthatthathebelieveditimpossibletocometomyhouseduringmyabsence，andthatwasagreeabletome。NowIwasnottoreturnbeforehisdeparturefromthecity。Sowebadeeachotheradefinitefarewell。ForthefirsttimeIshookhishandwithpleasure，andthankedhimforthesatisfactionthathehadgivenme。Helikewisetookleaveofmywife，andtheirpartingseemedtomeverynaturalandproper。Allwentmarvellously。MywifeandIretired，wellsatisfiedwiththeevening。Wetalkedofourimpressionsinageneralway，andwewerenearertogetherandmorefriendlythanwehadbeenforalongtime。
CHAPTERXXIV。
\"TwodayslaterIstartedfortheassembly，havingbidfarewelltomywifeinanexcellentandtranquilstateofmind。Inthedistricttherewasalwaysmuchtobedone。Itwasaworldandalifeapart。DuringtwodaysIspenttenhoursatthesessions。
Theeveningofthesecondday，onreturningtomydistrictlodgings，Ifoundaletterfrommywife，tellingmeofthechildren，oftheiruncle，oftheservants，and，amongotherthings，asifitwereperfectlynatural，thatTroukhatchevskyhadbeenatthehouse，andhadbroughtherthepromisedscores。Hehadalsoproposedthattheyplayagain，butshehadrefused。
\"Formypart，Ididnotrememberatallthathehadpromisedanyscore。IthadseemedtomeonSundayeveningthathetookadefiniteleave，andforthisreasonthenewsgavemeadisagreeablesurprise。Ireadtheletteragain。Therewassomethingtenderandtimidaboutit。Itproducedanextremelypainfulimpressionuponme。Myheartswelled，andthemadbeastofjealousybegantoroarinhislair，andseemedtowanttoleapuponhisprey。ButIwasafraidofthisbeast，andIimposedsilenceuponit。
\"Whatanabominablesentimentisjealousy！’Whatcouldbemorenaturalthanwhatshehaswritten？’saidItomyself。Iwenttobed，thinkingmyselftranquilagain。Ithoughtofthebusinessthatremainedtobedone，andIwenttosleepwithoutthinkingofher。
\"DuringtheseassembliesoftheZemstvoIalwayssleptbadlyinmystrangequarters。ThatnightIwenttosleepdirectly，but，assometimeshappens，asortofsuddenshockawokeme。Ithoughtimmediatelyofher，ofmyphysicalloveforher，ofTroukhatchevsky，andthatbetweenthemeverythinghadhappened。
Andafeelingofragecompressedmyheart，andItriedtoquietmyself。
\"’Howstupid！’saidItomyself；’thereisnoreason，noneatall。Andwhyhumiliateourselves，herselfandmyself，andespeciallymyself，bysupposingsuchhorrors？Thismercenaryviolinist，knownasabadman，——shallIthinkofhiminconnectionwitharespectablewoman，themotherofafamily，MY
wife？Howsilly！’Butontheotherhand，Isaidtomyself：’Whyshoulditnothappen？’
\"Why？WasitnotthesamesimpleandintelligiblefeelinginthenameofwhichImarried，inthenameofwhichIwaslivingwithher，theonlythingIwantedofher，andthatwhich，consequently，othersdesired，thismusicianamongtherest？Hewasnotmarried，wasingoodhealth（Irememberhowhisteethgroundthegristleofthecutlets，andhoweagerlyheemptiedtheglassofwinewithhisredlips），wascarefulofhisperson，wellfed，andnotonlywithoutprinciples，butevidentlywiththeprinciplethatoneshouldtakeadvantageofthepleasurethatoffersitself。Therewasabondbetweenthem，music，——themostrefinedformofsensualvoluptuousness。Whatwastheretorestrainthem？Nothing。Everything，onthecontrary，attractedthem。Andshe，shehadbeenandhadremainedamystery。Ididnotknowher。Iknewheronlyasananimal，andananimalnothingcanorshouldrestrain。AndnowIremembertheirfacesonSundayevening，when，afterthe’KreutzerSonata，’theyplayedapassionatepiece，writtenIknownotbywhom，butapiecepassionatetothepointofobscenity。
\"’HowcouldIhavegoneaway？’saidItomyself，asIrecalledtheirfaces。’Wasitnotclearthatbetweenthemeverythingwasdonethatevening？Wasitnotclearthatbetweenthemnotonlytherewerenomoreobstacles，butthatboth——especiallyshe——feltacertainshameafterwhathadhappenedatthepiano？Howweakly，pitiably，happilyshesmiled，asshewipedtheperspirationfromherreddenedface！Theyalreadyavoidedeachother’seyes，andonlyatthesupper，whenshepouredsomewaterforhim，didtheylookateachotherandsmileimperceptibly。’
\"NowIrememberwithfrightthatlookandthatscarcelyperceptiblesmile。’Yes，everythinghashappened，’avoicesaidtome，anddirectlyanothersaidtheopposite。’Areyoumad？Itisimpossible！’saidthesecondvoice。
\"Itwastoopainfultometoremainthusstretchedinthedarkness。Istruckamatch，andthelittleyellow-paperedroomfrightenedme。Ilightedacigarette，and，asalwayshappens，whenoneturnsinacircleofinextricablecontradiction，Ibegantosmoke。Ismokedcigaretteaftercigarettetodullmysenses，thatImightnotseemycontradictions。AllnightIdidnotsleep，andatfiveo’clock，whenitwasnotyetlight，IdecidedthatIcouldstandthisstrainnolonger，andthatIwouldleavedirectly。Therewasatrainateighto’clock。Iawakenedthekeeperwhowasactingasmyservant，andsenthimtolookforhorses。TotheassemblyofZemstvoIsentamessagethatIwascalledbacktoMoscowbypressingbusiness，andthatIbeggedthemtosubstituteformeamemberoftheCommittee。Ateighto’clockIgotintoatarantassandstartedoff。
CHAPTERXXV。
\"Ihadtogotwenty-fiveverstsbycarriageandeighthoursbytrain。Bycarriageitwasaverypleasantjourney。Thecoolnessofautumnwasaccompaniedbyabrilliantsun。Youknowtheweatherwhenthewheelsimprintthemselvesuponthedirtyroad。
Theroadwaslevel，andthelightstrong，andtheairstrengthening。Thetarantasswascomfortable。AsIlookedatthehorses，thefields，andthepeoplewhomwepassed，IforgotwhereIwasgoing。SometimesitseemedtomethatIwastravellingwithoutanobject，——simplypromenading，——andthatI
shouldgoonthustotheendoftheworld。AndIwashappywhenIsoforgotmyself。ButwhenIrememberedwhereIwasgoing，I
saidtomyself：’Ishallseelater。Don’tthinkaboutit。’
\"Whenhalfway，anincidenthappenedtodistractmestillfurther。Thetarantass，thoughnew，brokedown，andhadtoberepaired。Thedelaysinlookingforatelegue，therepairs，thepayment，theteaintheinn，theconversationwiththedvornik，allservedtoamuseme。Towardnightfallallwasready，andI
startedoffagain。Bynightthejourneywasstillpleasanterthanbyday。Themooninitsfirstquarter，aslightfrost，theroadstillingoodcondition，thehorses，thesprightlycoachman，allservedtoputmeingoodspirits。Iscarcelythoughtofwhatawaitedme，andwasgayperhapsbecauseoftheverythingthatawaitedme，andbecauseIwasabouttosayfarewelltothejoysoflife。
\"Butthistranquilstate，thepowerofconqueringmypreoccupation，allendedwiththecarriagedrive。ScarcelyhadIenteredthecars，whentheotherthingbegan。ThoseeighthoursontherailweresoterribletomethatIshallneverforgettheminmylife。WasitbecauseonenteringthecarIhadavividimaginationofhavingalreadyarrived，orbecausetherailwayactsuponpeopleinsuchanexcitingfashion？Atanyrate，afterboardingthetrainIcouldnolongercontrolmyimagination，whichincessantly，withextraordinaryvivacity，drewpicturesbeforemyeyes，eachmorecynicalthanitspredecessor，whichkindledmyjealousy。Andalwaysthesamethingsaboutwhatwashappeningathomeduringmyabsence。Iburnedwithindignation，withrage，andwithapeculiarfeelingwhichsteepedmeinhumiliation，asIcontemplatedthesepictures。AndIcouldnottearmyselfoutofthiscondition。Icouldnothelplookingatthem，Icouldnoteffacethem，Icouldnotkeepfromevokingthem。
\"ThemoreIlookedattheseimaginarypictures，themoreI
believedintheirreality，forgettingthattheyhadnoseriousfoundation。Thevivacityoftheseimagesseemedtoprovetomethatmyimaginationswereareality。Onewouldhavesaidthatademon，againstmywill，wasinventingandbreathingintomethemostterriblefictions。Aconversationwhichdatedalongtimeback，withthebrotherofTroukhatchevsky，Irememberedatthatmoment，inasortofecstasy，andittoremyheartasIconnecteditwiththemusicianandmywife。Yes，itwasverylongago。
ThebrotherofTroukhatchevsky，answeringmyquestionsastowhetherhefrequenteddisreputablehouses，saidthatarespectablemandoesnotgowherehemaycontractadisease，inalowanduncleanspot，whenonecanfindanhonestwoman。Andherehe，hisbrother，themusician，hadfoundthehonestwoman。
’Itistruethatsheisnolongerinherearlyyouth。Shehaslostatoothononeside，andherfaceisslightlybloated，’
thoughtIforTroukhatchevsky。’Butwhatistobedone？Onemustprofitbywhatonehas。’
\"’Yes，heisboundtotakeherforhismistress，’saidItomyselfagain；’andbesides，sheisnotdangerous。’
\"’No，itisnotpossible’Irejoinedinfright。’Nothing，nothingofthekindhashappened，andthereisnoreasontosupposetherehas。DidshenottellmethattheveryideathatIcouldbejealousofherbecauseofhimwashumiliatingtoher？’’Yes，butshelied，’Icried，andallbeganoveragain。
\"Therewereonlytwotravellersinmycompartment：anoldwomanwithherhusband，neitherofthemverytalkative；andeventheygotoutatoneofthestations，leavingmeallalone。Iwaslikeabeastinacage。NowIjumpedupandapproachedthewindow，nowIbegantowalkbackandforth，staggeringasifIhopedtomakethetraingofasterbymyefforts，andthecarwithitsseatsanditswindowstrembledcontinually，asoursdoesnow。\"
AndPosdnicheffroseabruptly，tookafewsteps，andsatdownagain。
\"Oh，Iamafraid，Iamafraidofrailwaycarriages。Fearseizesme。Isatdownagain，andIsaidtomyself：’Imustthinkofsomethingelse。Forinstance，oftheinnkeeperatwhosehouseI
tooktea。’Andthen，inmyimaginationarosethedvornik，withhislongbeard，andhisgrandson，alittlefellowofthesameageasmylittleBasile。MylittleBasile！MylittleBasile！Hewillseethemusiciankisshismother！Whatthoughtswillpassthroughhispoorsoul！Butwhatdoesthatmattertoher！Sheloves。
\"Andagainitallbegan，thecircleofthesamethoughts。I
sufferedsomuchthatatlastIdidnotknowwhattodowithmyself，andanideapassedthroughmyheadthatpleasedmemuch，——togetoutupontherails，throwmyselfunderthecars，andthusfinisheverything。Onethingpreventedmefromdoingso。
Itwaspity！Itwaspityformyself，evokingatthesametimeahatredforher，forhim，butnotsomuchforhim。TowardhimI
feltastrangesentimentofmyhumiliationandhisvictory，buttowardheraterriblehatred。
\"’ButIcannotkillmyselfandleaveherfree。Shemustsuffer，shemustunderstandatleastthatIhavesuffered，’saidItomyself。
\"AtastationIsawpeopledrinkingatthelunchcounter，anddirectlyIwenttoswallowaglassofvodki。BesidemestoodaJew，drinkingalso。Hebegantotalktome，andI，inordernottobeleftaloneinmycompartment，wentwithhimintohisthird-class，dirty，fullofsmoke，andcoveredwithpeelingsandsunflowerseeds。ThereIsatdownbesidetheJew，and，asitseemed，hetoldmanyanecdotes。
\"FirstIlistenedtohim，butIdidnotunderstandwhathesaid。
Henoticedit，andexactedmyattentiontohisperson。ThenI
roseandenteredmyowncompartment。
\"’Imustconsider，’saidItomyself，’whetherwhatIthinkistrue，whetherthereisanyreasontotormentmyself。’Isatdown，wishingtoreflectquietly；butdirectly，insteadofthepeacefulreflections，thesamethingbeganagain。Insteadofthereasoning，thepictures。
\"’HowmanytimeshaveItormentedmyselfinthisway，’Ithought（Irecalledpreviousandsimilarfitsofjealousy），’andthenseenitendinnothingatall？Itisthesamenow。Perhaps，yes，surely，Ishallfindherquietlysleeping。Shewillawaken，shewillbeglad，andinherwordsandlooksIshallseethatnothinghashappened，thatallthisisvain。Ah，ifitwouldonlysoturnout！’’Butno，thathashappenedtoooften！Nowtheendhascome，’avoicesaidtome。
\"Andagainitallbegan。Ah，whattorture！ItisnottoahospitalfilledwithsyphiliticpatientsthatIwouldtakeayoungmantodeprivehimofthedesireforwomen，butintomysoul，toshowhimthedemonwhichtoreit。ThefrightfulpartwasthatIrecognizedinmyselfanindisputablerighttothebodyofmywife，asifherbodywereentirelymine。AndatthesametimeIfeltthatIcouldnotpossessthisbody，thatitwasnotmine，thatshecoulddowithitassheliked，andthatshelikedtodowithitasIdidnotlike。AndIwaspowerlessagainsthimandagainsther。He，liketheVankaofthesong，wouldsing，beforemountingthegallows，howhewouldkisshersweetlips，etc。，andhewouldevenhavethebestofitbeforedeath。Withheritwasstillworse。IfsheHADNOTDONEIT，shehadthedesire，shewishedtodoit，andIknewthatshedid。Thatwasworseyet。Itwouldbebetterifshehadalreadydoneit，torelievemeofmyuncertainty。
\"Inshort，IcouldnotsaywhatIdesired。IdesiredthatshemightnotwantwhatsheMUSTwant。Itwascompletemadness。
CHAPTERXXVI。
\"Atthestationbeforethelast，whentheconductorcametotakethetickets，Itookmybaggageandwentoutonthecarplatform，andtheconsciousnessthattheclimaxwasnearathandonlyaddedtomyagitation。Iwascold，myjawtrembledsothatmyteethchattered。MechanicallyIleftthestationwiththecrowd，I
tookatchik，andIstarted。Ilookedatthefewpeoplepassinginthestreetsandatthedvorniks。Ireadthesigns，withoutthinkingofanything。Aftergoinghalfaverstmyfeetbegantofeelcold，andIrememberedthatinthecarIhadtakenoffmywoollensocks，andhadputtheminmytravellingbag。WherehadIputthebag？Wasitwithme？Yes，andthebasket？
\"IbethoughtmyselfthatIhadtotallyforgottenmybaggage。I
tookoutmycheck，andthendecideditwasnotworthwhiletoreturn。Icontinuedonmyway。Inspiteofallmyeffortstoremember，IcannotatthismomentmakeoutwhyIwasinsuchahurry。IknowonlythatIwasconsciousthataseriousandmenacingeventwasapproachinginmylife。Itwasacaseofrealauto-suggestion。WasitsoseriousbecauseIthoughtitso？OrhadIapresentiment？Idonotknow。Perhaps，too，afterwhathashappened，allpreviouseventshavetakenonalugubrioustintinmymemory。
\"Iarrivedatthesteps。Itwasanhourpastmidnight。Afewisvotchikswerebeforethedoor，awaitingcustomers，attractedbythelightedwindows（thelightedwindowswerethoseofourparlorandreceptionroom）。Withouttryingtoaccountforthislateillumination，Iwentupthesteps，alwayswiththesameexpectationofsomethingterrible，andIrang。Theservant，agood，industrious，andverystupidbeing，namedGregor，openedthedoor。Thefirstthingthatleapedtomyeyesinthehall，onthehat-stand，amongothergarments，wasanovercoat。Ioughttohavebeenastonished，butIwasnotastonished。Iexpectedit。
’That’sit！’Isaidtomyself。
\"WhenIhadaskedGregorwhowasthere，andhehadnamedTroukhatchevsky，Iinquiredwhethertherewereothervisitors。
Heanswered：’Nobody。’Iremembertheairwithwhichhesaidthat，withatonethatwasintendedtogivemepleasure，anddissipatemydoubts。’That’sit！that’sit！’Ihadtheairofsayingtomyself。’Andthechildren？’
\"’ThankGod，theyareverywell。Theywenttosleeplongago。’
\"Iscarcelybreathed，andIcouldnotkeepmyjawfromtrembling。
ThenitwasnotasIthought。Ihadoftenbeforereturnedhomewiththethoughtthatamisfortunehadawaitedme，buthadbeenmistaken，andeverythingwasgoingonasusual。Butnowthingswerenotgoingonasusual。AllthatIhadimagined，allthatI
believedtobechimeras，allreallyexisted。Herewasthetruth。
\"Iwasonthepointofsobbing，butstraightwaythedemonwhisperedinmyear：’Weepandbesentimental，andtheywillseparatequietly，andtherewillbenoproofs，andallyourlifeyouwilldoubtandsuffer。’Andpityformyselfvanished，andthereremainedonlythebestialneedofsomeadroit，cunning，andenergeticaction。Ibecameabeast，anintelligentbeast。
\"’No，no，’saidItoGregor，whowasabouttoannouncemyarrival。’Dothis，takeacarriage，andgoatonceformybaggage。Hereisthecheck。Start。’
\"Hewentalongthehalltogethisovercoat。Fearinglesthemightfrightenthem，Iaccompaniedhimtohislittleroom，andwaitedforhimtoputonhisthings。Inthedining-roomcouldbeheardthesoundofconversationandtherattlingofknivesandplates。Theywereeating。Theyhadnotheardthering。’Nowiftheyonlydonotgoout，’Ithought。
\"Gregorputonhisfur-collaredcoatandwentout。Iclosedthedoorafterhim。IfeltanxiouswhenIwasalone，thinkingthatdirectlyIshouldhavetoact。How？Ididnotyetknow。Iknewonlythatallwasended，thattherecouldbenodoubtofhisinnocence，andthatinaninstantmyrelationswithherweregoingtobeterminated。Before，Ihadstilldoubts。Isaidtomyself：’Perhapsthisisnottrue。PerhapsIammistaken。’Nowalldoubthaddisappeared。Allwasdecidedirrevocably。
Secretly，allalonewithhim，atnight！Itisaviolationofallduties！Or，worseyet，shemaymakeashowofthataudacity，ofthatinsolenceincrime，which，byitsexcess，tendstoproveinnocence。Allisclear。Nodoubt。Ifearedbutonething，——thattheymightrunindifferentdirections，thattheymightinventsomenewlie，andthusdeprivemeofmaterialproof，andofthesorrowfuljoyofpunishing，yes，ofexecutingthem。
\"Andtosurprisethemmorequickly，Istartedontiptoeforthedining-room，notthroughtheparlor，butthroughthehallandthechildren’srooms。Inthefirstroomsleptthelittleboy。Inthesecond，theoldnursemovedinherbed，andseemedonthepointofwaking，andIwonderedwhatshewouldthinkwhensheknewall。AndpityformyselfgavemesuchapangthatIcouldnotkeepthetearsback。Nottowakethechildren，Iranlightlythroughthehallintomystudy。Idroppeduponthesofa，andsobbed。’I，anhonestman，I，thesonofmyparents，whoallmylifelonghavedreamedoffamilyhappiness，Iwhohaveneverbetrayed！……Andheremyfivechildren，andsheembracingamusicianbecausehehasredlips！No，sheisnotawoman！Sheisabitch，adirtybitch！Besidethechamberofthechildren，whomshehadpretendedtoloveallherlife！Andthentothinkofwhatshewroteme！AndhowdoIknow？Perhapsithasalwaysbeenthus。Perhapsallthesechildren，supposedtobemine，arethechildrenofmyservants。AndifIhadarrivedto-morrow，shewouldhavecometomeetmewithhercoiffure，withhercorsage，herindolentandgracefulmovements（andIseeherattractiveandignoblefeatures），andthisjealousanimalwouldhaveremainedforeverinmyheart，tearingit。Whatwilltheoldnursesay？
AndGregor？AndthepoorlittleLise？Shealreadyunderstandsthings。Andthisimpudence，thisfalsehood，thisbestialsensuality，thatIknowsowell，’Isaidtomyself。
\"Itriedtorise。Icouldnot。MyheartwasbeatingsoviolentlythatIcouldnotholdmyselfuponmylegs。’Yes，I
shalldieofarushofblood。Shewillkillme。Thatiswhatshewants。Whatisittohertokill？Butthatwouldbetooagreeabletohim，andIwillnotallowhimtohavethispleasure。
Yes，hereIam，andtheretheyare。Theyarelaughing，they……Yes，inspiteofthefactthatsheisnolongerinherearlyyouth，hehasnotdisdainedher。Atanyrate，sheisbynomeansugly，andaboveall，notdangeroustohisdearhealth，tohim。
WhydidInotstifleherthen？’saidItomyself，asIrememberedthatothersceneofthepreviousweek，whenIdroveherfrommystudy，andbrokethefurniture。
\"AndIrecalledthestateinwhichIwasthen。NotonlydidI
recallit，butIagainenteredintothesamebestialstate。Andsuddenlytherecametomeadesiretoact，andallreasoning，exceptsuchaswasnecessarytoaction，vanishedfrommybrain，andIwasintheconditionofabeast，andofamanundertheinfluenceofphysicalexcitementpendingadanger，whoactsimperturbably，withouthaste，andyetwithoutlosingaminute，pursuingadefiniteobject。
\"ThefirstthingthatIdidwastotakeoffmyboots，andnow，havingonlystockingson，Iadvancedtowardthewall，overthesofa，wherefirearmsanddaggerswerehanging，andItookdownacurvedDamascusblade，whichIhadneverused，andwhichwasverysharp。Itookitfromitssheath。Irememberthatthesheathfelluponthesofa，andthatIsaidtomyself：’Imustlookforitlater；itmustnotbelost。’
\"ThenItookoffmyovercoat，whichIhadkeptonallthetime，andwithwolf-liketreadstartedforTHEROOM。IdonotrememberhowIproceeded，whetherIranorwentslowly，throughwhatchambersIpassed，howIapproachedthedining-room，howIopenedthedoor，howIentered。Iremembernothingaboutit。
CHAPTERXXVII。
\"IRememberonlytheexpressionoftheirfaceswhenIopenedthedoor。Irememberthat，becauseitawakenedinmeafeelingofsorrowfuljoy。Itwasanexpressionofterror，suchasI
desired。NevershallIforgetthatdesperateandsuddenfrightthatappearedontheirfaceswhentheysawme。He，Ibelieve，wasatthetable，and，whenhesaworheardme，hestarted，jumpedtohisfeet，andretreatedtothesideboard。Fearwastheonlysentimentthatcouldbereadwithcertaintyinhisface。Inhers，too，fearwastoberead，butaccompaniedbyotherimpressions。Andyet，ifherfacehadexpressedonlyfear，perhapsthatwhichhappenedwouldnothavehappened。Butintheexpressionofherfacetherewasatthefirstmoment——atleast，I
thoughtIsawit——afeelingofennui，ofdiscontent，atthisdisturbanceofherloveandhappiness。OnewouldhavesaidthathersoledesirewasnottobedisturbedINTHEMOMENTOFHER
HAPPINESS。Buttheseexpressionsappearedupontheirfacesonlyforamoment。Terroralmostimmediatelygaveplacetointerrogation。Wouldtheylieornot？Ifyes，theymustbegin。
Ifnot，somethingelsewasgoingtohappen。Butwhat？
\"Hegaveheraquestioningglance。Onherfacetheexpressionofanguishandennuichanged，itseemedtome，whenshelookedathim，intoanexpressionofanxietyforHIM。ForamomentIstoodinthedoorway，holdingthedaggerhiddenbehindmyback。
Suddenlyhesmiled，andinavoicethatwasindifferentalmosttothepointofridicule，hesaid：
\"’Wewerehavingsomemusic。’
\"’Ididnotexpect——，’shebeganatthesametime，chiminginwiththetoneoftheother。
\"Butneitherhenorshefinishedtheirremarks。ThesameragethatIhadfeltthepreviousweektookpossessionofme。Ifelttheneedofgivingfreecoursetomyviolenceand’thejoyofwrath。’
\"No，theydidnotfinish。Thatotherthingwasgoingtobegin，ofwhichhewasafraid，andwasgoingtoannihilatewhattheywantedtosay。Ithrewmyselfuponher，stillhidingthedagger，thathemightnotpreventmefromstrikingwhereIdesired，inherbosom，underthebreast。Atthatmomenthesaw……and，whatIdidnotexpectonhispart，hequicklyseizedmyhand，andcried：
\"’Cometoyoursenses！Whatareyoudoing？Help！Help！’
\"Itoremyhandsfromhisgrasp，andleapeduponhim。Imusthavebeenveryterrible，forheturnedaswhiteasasheet，tohislips。Hiseyesscintillatedsingularly，and——againwhatI
didnotexpectofhim——hescrambledunderthepiano，towardtheotherroom。Itriedtofollowhim，butaveryheavyweightfelluponmyleftarm。Itwasshe。
\"Imadeanefforttoclearmyself。Sheclungmoreheavilythanever，refusingtoletgo。Thisunexpectedobstacle，thisburden，andthisrepugnanttouchonlyirritatedmethemore。IperceivedthatIwascompletelymad，thatImustbefrightful，andIwasgladofit。Withasuddenimpulse，andwithallmystrength，I
dealther，withmyleftelbow，ablowsquarelyintheface。
\"Sheutteredacryandletgomyarm。Iwantedtofollowtheother，butIfeltthatitwouldberidiculoustopursueinmystockingstheloverofmywife，andIdidnotwishtobegrotesque，Iwishedtobeterrible。Inspiteofmyextremerage，IwasallthetimeconsciousoftheimpressionthatIwasmakinguponothers，andeventhisimpressionpartiallyguidedme。
\"Iturnedtowardher。Shehadfallenonthelongeasychair，and，coveringherfaceatthespotwhereIhadstruckher，shelookedatme。Herfeaturesexhibitedfearandhatredtowardme，herenemy，suchastheratexhibitswhenoneliftstherat-trap。
Atleast，Isawnothinginherbutthatfearandhatred，thefearandhatredwhichloveforanotherhadprovoked。PerhapsIstillshouldhaverestrainedmyself，andshouldnothavegonetothelastextremity，ifshehadmaintainedsilence。Butsuddenlyshebegantospeak；shegraspedmyhandthatheldthedagger。
\"’Cometoyoursenses！Whatareyoudoing？Whatisthematterwithyou？Nothinghashappened，nothing，nothing！Iswearittoyou！’
\"Imighthavedelayedlonger，buttheselastwords，fromwhichI
inferredthecontraryofwhattheyaffirmed，——thatis，thatEVERYTHINGhadhappened，——thesewordscalledforareply。AndthereplymustcorrespondtotheconditionintowhichIhadlashedmyself，andwhichwasincreasingandmustcontinuetoincrease。
Ragehasitslaws。
\"’Donotlie，wretch。Donotlie！’Iroared。
\"WithmylefthandIseizedherhands。Shedisengagedherself。
Then，withoutdroppingmydagger，Iseizedherbythethroat，forcedhertothefloor，andbegantostrangleher。Withhertwohandssheclutchedmine，tearingthemfromherthroat，stifling。
ThenIstruckherablowwiththedagger，intheleftside，betweenthelowerribs。
\"Whenpeoplesaythattheydonotrememberwhattheydoinafitoffury，theytalknonsense。Itisfalse。Iremembereverything。
Ididnotlosemyconsciousnessforasinglemoment。ThemoreI
lashedmyselftofury，theclearermymindbecame，andIcouldnothelpseeingwhatIdid。IcannotsaythatIknewinadvancewhatIwoulddo，butatthemomentwhenIacted，anditseemstomeevenalittlebefore，IknewwhatIwasdoing，asiftomakeitpossibletorepent，andtobeabletosaylaterthatIcouldhavestopped。
\"IknewthatIstrucktheblowbetweentheribs，andthatthedaggerentered。
\"AtthesecondwhenIdidit，IknewthatIwasperformingahorribleact，suchasIhadneverperformed，——anactthatwouldhavefrightfulconsequences。Mythoughtwasasquickaslightning，andthedeedfollowedimmediately。Theact，tomyinnersense，hadanextraordinaryclearness。Iperceivedtheresistanceofthecorsetandthensomethingelse，andthenthesinkingoftheknifeintoasoftsubstance。Sheclutchedatthedaggerwithherhands，andcutherselfwithit，butcouldnotrestraintheblow。
\"Longafterward，inprisonwhenthemoralrevolutionhadbeeneffectedwithinme，Ithoughtofthatminute，IremembereditasfarasIcould，andIco-ordinatedallthesuddenchanges。I
rememberedtheterribleconsciousnesswhichIfelt，——thatIwaskillingawife，MYwife。
\"IwellrememberthehorrorofthatconsciousnessandIknowvaguelythat，havingplungedinthedagger，Idrewitoutagainimmediately，wishingtorepairandarrestmyaction。Shestraightenedupandcried：
\"’Nurse，hehaskilledme！’
\"Theoldnurse，whohadheardthenoise，wasstandinginthedoorway。Iwasstillerect，waiting，andnotbelievingmyselfinwhathadhappened。Butatthatmoment，fromunderhercorset，thebloodgushedforth。ThenonlydidIunderstandthatallreparationwasimpossible，andpromptlyIdecidedthatitwasnotevennecessary，thatallhadhappenedinaccordancewithmywish，andthatIhadfulfilledmydesire。Iwaiteduntilshefell，anduntilthenurse，exclaiming，’Oh，myGod！’rantoher；thenonlyIthrewawaythedaggerandwentoutoftheroom。
\"’Imustnotbeagitated。ImustbeconsciousofwhatIamdoing，’Isaidtomyself，lookingneitherathernorattheoldnurse。Thelattercriedandcalledthemaid。Ipassedthroughthehall，and，afterhavingsentthemaid，startedformystudy。
\"’WhatshallIdonow？’Iaskedmyself。
\"AndimmediatelyIunderstoodwhatIshoulddo。Directlyafterenteringthestudy，Iwentstraighttothewall，tookdowntherevolver，andexamineditattentively。Itwasloaded。ThenI
placeditonthetable。NextIpickedupthesheathofthedagger，whichhaddroppeddownbehindthesofa，andthenIsatdown。Iremainedthusforalongtime。Ithoughtofnothing，I
didnottrytorememberanything。Iheardastiflednoiseofsteps，amovementofobjectsandoftapestries，thenthearrivalofaperson，andthenthearrivalofanotherperson。ThenIsawGregorbringintomyroomthebaggagefromtherailway；asifanyoneneededit！
\"’Haveyouheardwhathashappened？’Iaskedhim。’Haveyoutoldthedvorniktoinformthepolice？’
\"Hemadenoanswer，andwentout。Irose，closedthedoor，tookthecigarettesandthematches，andbegantosmoke。Ihadnotfinishedonecigarette，whenadrowsyfeelingcameovermeandsentmeintoadeepsleep。Isurelyslepttwohours。IrememberhavingdreamedthatIwasongoodtermswithher，thatafteraquarrelwewereintheactofmakingup，thatsomethingpreventedus，butthatwewerefriendsallthesame。
\"Aknockatthedoorawokeme。
\"’Itisthepolice，’thoughtI，asIopenedmyeyes。’Ihavekilled，Ibelieve。ButperhapsitisSHE；perhapsnothinghashappened。’
\"Anotherknock。Ididnotanswer。Iwassolvingthequestion：
’Hasithappenedornot？Yes，ithashappened。’
\"Irememberedtheresistanceofthecorset，andthen……
’Yes，ithashappened。Yes，ithashappened。Yes，nowImustexecutemyself，’saidItomyself。
\"Isaidit，butIknewwellthatIshouldnotkillmyself。
Nevertheless，Iroseandtooktherevolver，but，strangething，I
rememberedthatformerlyIhadveryoftenhadsuicidalideas，thatthatverynight，onthecars，ithadseemedtomeeasy，especiallyeasybecauseIthoughthowitwouldstupefyher。NowInotonlycouldnotkillmyself，butIcouldnoteventhinkofit。
\"’Whydoit？’Iaskedmyself，withoutanswering。
\"Anotherknockatthedoor。
\"’Yes，butImustfirstknowwhoisknocking。Ihavetimeenough。’
\"Iputtherevolverbackonthetable，andhiditundermynewspaper。Iwenttothedooranddrewbackthebolt。
\"Itwasmywife’ssister，——agoodandstupidwidow。
\"’Basile，whatdoesthismean？’saidshe，andhertears，alwaysready，begantoflow。
\"’Whatdoyouwant？’Iaskedroughly。
\"Isawclearlythattherewasnonecessityofbeingroughwithher，butIcouldnotspeakinanyothertone。
\"’Basile，sheisdying。IvanFedorowitchsaysso。’
\"IvanFedorowitchwasthedoctor，HERdoctor，hercounsellor。
\"’Ishehere？’Iinquired。
\"Andallmyhatredofheraroseanew。
\"Well，what？
\"’Basile，gotoher！Ah！howterribleitis！’saidshe。
\"’Gotoher？’Iaskedmyself；andimmediatelyImadeanswertomyselfthatIoughttogo，thatprobablythatwasthethingthatisusuallydonewhenahusbandlikemyselfkillshiswife，thatitwasabsolutelynecessarythatIshouldgoandseeher。
\"’Ifthatistheproperthing，Imustgo，’Irepeatedtomyself。
’Yes，ifitisnecessary，Ishallstillhavetime，’saidItomyself，thinkingofmyintentionofblowingmybrainsout。
\"AndIfollowedmysister-in-law。’Nowtherearegoingtobephrasesandgrimaces，butIwillnotyield，’Ideclaredtomyself。
\"’Wait，’saidItomysister-in-law，’itisstupidtobewithoutboots。Letmeatleastputonmyslippers。’
CHAPTERXXVIII。
\"Strangething！Again，whenIhadleftmystudy，andwaspassingthroughthefamiliarrooms，againthehopecametomethatnothinghadhappened。Buttheodorofthedrugs，iodoformandphenicacid，broughtmebacktoasenseofreality。
\"’No，everythinghashappened。’
\"Inpassingthroughthehall，besidethechildren’schamber，I
sawlittleLise。Shewaslookingatme，witheyesthatwerefulloffear。Ieventhoughtthatallthechildrenwerelookingatme。AsIapproachedthedoorofoursleeping-room，aservantopeneditfromwithin，andcameout。ThefirstthingthatI
noticedwasHERlightgraydressuponachair，alldarkwithblood。Onourcommonbedshewasstretched，withkneesdrawnup。
Shelayveryhigh，uponpillows，withherchemisehalfopen。
Linenhadbeenplaceduponthewound。Aheavysmellofiodoformfilledtheroom。Before，andmorethananythingelse，Iwasastonishedatherface，whichwasswollenandbruisedundertheeyesandoverapartofthenose。ThiswastheresultoftheblowthatIhadstruckherwithmyelbow，whenshehadtriedtoholdmeback。Ofbeautytherewasnotraceleft。Isawsomethinghideousinher。Istoppeduponthethreshold。
\"’Approach，approachher，’saidhersister。
\"’Yes，probablysherepents，’thoughtI；’shallIforgiveher？
Yes，sheisdying，Imustforgiveher，’Iadded，tryingtobegenerous。
\"Iapproachedthebedside。Withdifficultysheraisedhereyes，oneofwhichwasswollen，andutteredthesewordshaltingly：
\"’Youhaveaccomplishedwhatyoudesired。Youhavekilledme。’
\"Andinherface，throughthephysicalsufferings，inspiteoftheapproachofdeath，wasexpressedthesameoldhatred，sofamiliartome。
\"’Thechildren……Iwillnotgivethemtoyou……allthesame……She（hersister）shalltakethem。’……
\"ButofthatwhichIconsideredessential，ofherfault，ofhertreason，onewouldhavesaidthatshedidnotthinkitnecessarytosayevenaword。
\"’Yes，revelinwhatyouhavedone。’
\"Andshesobbed。
\"Atthedoorstoodhersisterwiththechildren。
\"’Yes，seewhatyouhavedone！’
\"Icastaglanceatthechildren，andthenatherbruisedandswollenface，andforthefirsttimeIforgotmyself（myrights，mypride），andforthefirsttimeIsawinherahumanbeing，asister。
\"Andallthatwhichamomentbeforehadbeensooffensivetomenowseemedtomesopetty，——allthisjealousy，——and，onthecontrary，whatIhaddoneseemedtomesoimportantthatIfeltlikebendingover，approachingmyfacetoherhand，andsaying：
\"’Forgiveme！’
\"ButIdidnotdare。Shewassilent，witheyelidslowered，evidentlyhavingnostrengthtospeakfurther。Thenherdeformedfacebegantotrembleandshrivel，andshefeeblypushedmeback。
\"’Whyhasallthishappened？Why？’
\"’Forgiveme，’saidI。
\"’Yes，ifyouhadnotkilledme，’shecriedsuddenly，andhereyesshonefeverishly。’Forgiveness——thatisnothing……IfIonlydonotdie！Ah，youhaveaccomplishedwhatyoudesired！
Ihateyou！’
\"Thenshegrewdelirious。Shewasfrightened，andcried：
\"’Fire，Idonotfear……butstrikethemall……Hehasgone……Hehasgone。’……
\"Thedeliriumcontinued。Shenolongerrecognizedthechildren，notevenlittleLise，whohadapproached。Towardnoonshedied。