\"I\'vegotholdofanideaforsomethingimmense，\"hebabbled，\"somethingthatissimplyIt。\"
Bassetgaveashortlaughthatwouldhavedoneequallywellasasnort，ifonehadwantedtomaketheexchange。Hishalf-brotherwasinthehabitofdiscoveringfutilitiesthatwere\"simplyIt\"atfrequentlyrecurringintervals。Thediscoverygenerallymeantthatheflewuptotown，precededbyglowingly-
wordedtelegrams，toseesomeoneconnectedwiththestageorthepublishingworld，gottogetheroneortwomomentousluncheonparties，flittedinandoutof\"Gambrinus\"foroneortwoevenings，andreturnedhomewithanairofsubduedimportanceandtheasparagustintslightlyintensified。Thegreatideawasgenerallyforgottenafewweekslaterintheexcitementofsomenewdiscovery。
\"TheinspirationcametomewhilstIwasdressing，\"
announcedLucas；\"itwillbeTHEthinginthenextmusic-
hallREVUE。AllLondonwillgomadoverit。It\'sjustacouplet；ofcoursetherewillbeotherwords，buttheywon\'tmatter。Listen：
CousinTeresatakesoutCaesar，Fido，Jock，andthebigborzoi。
Alifting，catchysortofrefrain，yousee，andbig-
drumbusinessonthetwosyllablesofbor-zoi。It\'simmense。AndI\'vethoughtoutallthebusinessofit；
thesingerwillsingthefirstversealone，thenduringthesecondverseCousinTeresawillwalkthrough，followedbyfourwoodendogsonwheels；CaesarwillbeanIrishterrier，Fidoablackpoodle，Jockafox-terrier，andtheborzoi，ofcourse，willbeaborzoi。DuringthethirdverseCousinTeresawillcomeonalone，andthedogswillbedrawnacrossbythemselvesfromtheoppositewing；thenCousinTeresawillcatchontothesingerandgooff-stageinonedirection，whilethedogs\'processiongoesoffintheother，crossingenroute，whichisalwaysveryeffective。There\'llbealotofapplausethere，andforthefourthverseCousinTeresawillcomeoninsablesandthedogswillallhavecoatson。ThenI\'vegotagreatideaforthefifthverse；eachofthedogswillbeledonbyaNut，andCousinTeresawillcomeonfromtheoppositeside，crossingenroute，alwayseffective，andthensheturnsroundandleadsthewholelotofthemoffonastring，andallthetimeeveryonesinginglikemad：
CousinTeresatakesoutCaesarFido，Jock，andthebigborzoi。
Tum-Tum！Drumbusinessonthetwolastsyllables。
I\'msoexcited，Ishan\'tsleepawinkto-night。I\'moffto-morrowbytheten-fifteen。I\'vewiredtoHermanovatolunchwithme。\"
IfanyoftherestofthefamilyfeltanyexcitementoverthecreationofCousinTeresa，theyweresignallysuccessfulinconcealingthefact。
\"PoorLucasdoestakehissillylittleideasseriously，\"saidColonelHarrowcluffafterwardsinthesmoking-room。
\"Yes，\"saidhisyoungerson，inaslightlylesstoleranttone，\"inadayortwohe\'llcomebackandtellusthathissensationalmasterpieceisabovetheheadsofthepublic，andinaboutthreeweeks\'timehe\'llbewildwithenthusiasmoveraschemetodramatisethepoemsofHerrickorsomethingequallypromising。\"
Andthenanextraordinarythingbefell。IndefianceofallprecedentLucas\'sglowinganticipationswerejustifiedandendorsedbythecourseofevents。IfCousinTeresawasabovetheheadsofthepublic，thepublicheroicallyadapteditselftoheraltitude。
IntroducedasanexperimentatadullmomentinanewREVUE，thesuccessoftheitemwasunmistakable；thecallsweresoinsistentanduproariousthatevenLucas\'
ampledevisingsofadditional\"business\"scarcelysufficedtokeeppacewiththedemand。Packedhousesonsuccessiveeveningsconfirmedtheverdictofthefirstnightaudience，stallsandboxesfilledsignificantlyjustbeforetheturncameon，andemptiedsignificantlyafterthelastENCOREhadbeengiven。ThemanagertearfullyacknowledgedthatCousinTeresawasIt。Stagehandsandsupersandprogrammesellersacknowledgedittooneanotherwithouttheleastreservation。ThenameoftheREVUEdwindledtosecondaryimportance，andvastlettersofelectricblueblazonedthewords\"CousinTeresa\"fromthefrontofthegreatpalaceofpleasure。
And，ofcourse，themagicofthefamousrefrainlaiditsspellallovertheMetropolis。Restaurantproprietorswereobligedtoprovidethemembersoftheirorchestraswithpaintedwoodendogsonwheels，inorderthatthemuch-demandedandalwaysconcededmelodyshouldberenderedwiththenecessaryspectaculareffects，andthecrashofbottlesandforksonthetablesatthementionofthebigborzoiusuallydrownedthesinceresteffortsofdrumorcymbals。Nowhereandatnotimecouldonegetawayfromthedoublethumpthatbroughtuptherearoftherefrain；revellersreelinghomeatnightbangeditondoorsandhoardings，milkmenclashedtheircanstoitscadence，messengerboyshitsmallermessengerboysresoundingdoublesmacksonthesameprinciple。Andthemorethoughtfulcirclesofthegreatcitywerenotdeaftotheclaimsandsignificanceofthepopularmelody。Anenterprisingandemancipatedpreacherdiscoursedfromhispulpitontheinnermeaningof\"CousinTeresa，\"andLucasHarrowcluffwasinvitedtolectureonthesubjectofhisgreatachievementtomembersoftheYoungMens\'EndeavourLeague，theNineArtsClub，andotherlearnedandwilling-to-learnbodies。InSocietyitseemedtobetheonethingpeoplereallycaredtotalkabout；menandwomenofmiddleageandaverageeducationmightbeseentogetherincornersearnestlydiscussing，notthequestionwhetherServiashouldhaveanoutletontheAdriatic，orthepossibilitiesofaBritishsuccessininternationalpolocontests，butthemoreabsorbingtopicoftheproblematicAztecorNiloticoriginoftheTeresaMOTIV。
\"Politicsandpatriotismaresoboringandsooutofdate，\"saidareveredladywhohadsomepretensionstooracularutterance；\"wearetoocosmopolitannowadaystobereallymovedbythem。Thatiswhyonewelcomesanintelligibleproductionlike\'CousinTeresa，\'thathasagenuinemessageforone。Onecan\'tunderstandthemessageallatonce，ofcourse，butonefeltfromtheveryfirstthatitwasthere。I\'vebeentoseeiteighteentimesandI\'mgoingagainto-morrowandonThursday。Onecan\'tseeitoftenenough。\"
****
\"ItwouldberatherapopularmoveifwegavethisHarrowcluffpersonaknighthoodorsomethingofthesort，\"saidtheMinisterreflectively。
\"WhichHarrowcluff？\"askedhissecretary。
\"Which？Thereisonlyone，isn\'tthere？\"saidtheMinister；\"the\'CousinTeresa\'man，ofcourse。Ithinkeveryonewouldbepleasedifweknightedhim。Yes，youcanputhimdownonthelistofcertainties-undertheletterL。\"
\"TheletterL，\"saidthesecretary，whowasnewtohisjob；\"doesthatstandforLiberalismorliberality？\"
MostoftherecipientsofMinisterialfavourwereexpectedtoqualifyinbothofthosesubjects。
\"Literature，\"explainedtheMinister。
Andthus，afterafashion，ColonelHarrowcluff\'sexpectationofseeinghisson\'snameinthelistofHonourswasgratified。
THEYARKANDMANNER
SIRLULWORTHQUAYNEwasmakingaleisurelyprogressthroughtheZoologicalSociety\'sGardensincompanywithhisnephew，recentlyreturnedfromMexico。ThelatterwasinterestedincomparingandcontrastingalliedtypesofanimalsoccurringintheNorthAmericanandOldWorldfauna。
\"Oneofthemostremarkablethingsinthewanderingsofspecies，\"heobserved，\"isthesuddenimpulsetotrekandmigratethatbreaksoutnowandagain，fornoapparentreason，incommunitiesofhithertostay-at-homeanimals。\"
\"Inhumanaffairsthesamephenomenonisoccasionallynoticeable，\"saidSirLulworth；\"perhapsthemoststrikinginstanceofitoccurredinthiscountrywhileyouwereawayinthewildsofMexico。ImeanthewanderfeverwhichsuddenlydisplayeditselfinthemanagingandeditorialstaffsofcertainLondonnewspapers。ItbeganwiththestampedeoftheentirestaffofoneofourmostbrilliantandenterprisingweekliestothebanksoftheSeineandtheheightsofMontmartre。Themigrationwasabriefone，butitheraldedaneraofrestlessnessinthePressworldwhichlentquiteanewmeaningtothephrase\'newspapercirculation。\'Othereditorialstaffswerenotslowtoimitatetheexamplethathadbeensetthem。Parissoondroppedoutoffashionasbeingtoonearhome；Nurnberg，Seville，andSalonicabecamemorefavouredasplanting-
outgroundsforthepersonnelofnotonlyweeklybutdailypapersaswell。Thelocalitieswereperhapsnotalwayswellchosen；thefactofaleadingorganofEvangelicalthoughtbeingeditedfortwosuccessivefortnightsfromTrouvilleandMonteCarlowasgenerallyadmittedtohavebeenamistake。Andevenwhenenterprisingandadventurouseditorstookthemselvesandtheirstaffsfurtherafieldthereweresomeunavoidableclashings。Forinstance，theSCRUTATOR，SPORTINGBLUFF，andTHEDAMSELS\'OWNPAPERallpitchedonKhartoumforthesameweek。Itwas，perhaps，adesiretoout-distanceallpossiblecompetitionthatinfluencedthemanagementoftheDAILYINTELLIGENCER，oneofthemostsolidandrespectedorgansofLiberalopinion，initsdecisiontotransferitsofficesforthreeorfourweeksfromFleetStreettoEasternTurkestan，allowing，ofcourse，anecessarymarginoftimeforthejourneythereandback。
Thiswas，inmanyrespects，themostremarkableofallthePressstampedesthatwereexperiencedatthistime。
Therewasnomake-believeabouttheundertaking；
proprietor，manager，editor，sub-editors，leader-writers，principalreporters，andsoforth，alltookpartinwhatwaspopularlyalludedtoastheDRANGNACHOSTEN；anintelligentandefficientoffice-boywasallthatwasleftinthedesertedhiveofeditorialindustry。\"
\"Thatwasdoingthingsratherthoroughly，wasn\'tit？\"saidthenephew。
\"Well，yousee，\"saidSirLulworth，\"themigrationideawasfallingsomewhatintodisreputefromthehalf-
heartedmannerinwhichitwasoccasionallycarriedout。
YouwerenotimpressedbytheinformationthatsuchandsuchapaperwasbeingeditedandbroughtoutatLisbonorInnsbruckifyouchancedtoseetheprincipalleader-
writerorthearteditorlunchingasusualattheiraccustomedrestaurants。TheDAILYINTELLIGENCERwasdeterminedtogivenoloopholeforcavilatthegenuinenessofitspilgrimage，anditmustbeadmittedthattoacertainextentthearrangementsmadefortransmittingcopyandcarryingontheusualfeaturesofthepaperduringthelongoutwardjourneyworkedsmoothlyandwell。TheseriesofarticleswhichcommencedatBakuon\'WhatCobdenismmightdoforthecamelindustry\'ranksamongthebestoftherecentcontributionstoFreeTradeliterature，whiletheviewsonforeignpolicyenunciated\'fromaroofinYarkand\'showedatleastasmuchgraspoftheinternationalsituationasthosethathadgerminatedwithinhalfamileofDowningStreet。Quiteinkeeping，too，withtheolderandbettertraditionsofBritishjournalismwasthemannerofthehome-coming；nobombast，nopersonaladvertisement，noflamboyantinterviews。
EvenacomplimentaryluncheonattheVoyagers\'Clubwascourteouslydeclined。Indeed，itbegantobefeltthattheself-effacementofthereturnedpressmenwasbeingcarriedtoapedanticlength。Foremancompositors，advertisementclerks，andothermembersofthenon-
editorialstaff，whohad，ofcourse，takennopartinthegreattrek，founditasimpossibletogetintodirectcommunicationwiththeeditorandhissatellitesnowthattheyhadreturnedaswhentheyhadbeenexcusablyinaccessibleinCentralAsia。Thesulky，overworkedoffice-boy，whowastheoneconnectinglinkbetweentheeditorialbrainandthebusinessdepartmentsofthepaper，sardonicallyexplainedthenewaloofnessasthe\'Yarkandmanner。\'Mostofthereportersandsub-editorsseemedtohavebeendismissedinautocraticfashionsincetheirreturnandnewonesengagedbyletter；tothesetheeditorandhisimmediateassociatesremainedanunseenpresence，issuingitsinstructionssolelythroughthemediumofcurttypewrittennotes。SomethingmysticandTibetanandforbiddenhadreplacedthehumanbustleanddemocraticsimplicityofpre-migrationdays，andthesameexperiencewasencounteredbythosewhomadesocialoverturestothereturnedwanderers。ThemostbrillianthostessofTwentiethCenturyLondonflungthepearlofherhospitalityintotheunresponsivetroughoftheeditorialletter-box；itseemedasifnothingshortofaRoyalcommandwoulddragthehermit-souledREVENANTSfromtheirself-imposedseclusion。PeoplebegantotalkunkindlyoftheeffectofhighaltitudesandEasternatmosphereonmindsandtemperamentsunusedtosuchluxuries。TheYarkandmannerwasnotpopular。\"
\"Andthecontentsofthepaper，\"saidthenephew，\"didtheyshowtheinfluenceofthenewstyle？\"
\"Ah！\"saidSirLulworth，\"thatwastheexcitingthing。Inhomeaffairs，socialquestions，andtheordinaryeventsofthedaynotmuchchangewasnoticeable。AcertainOrientalcarelessnessseemedtohavecreptintotheeditorialdepartment，andperhapsanoteoflassitudenotunnaturalintheworkofmenwhohadreturnedfromwhathadbeenafairlyarduousjourney。
Theaforetimestandardofexcellencewasscarcelymaintained，butatanyratethegenerallinesofpolicyandoutlookwerenotdepartedfrom。Itwasintherealmofforeignaffairsthatastartlingchangetookplace。
Blunt，forcible，outspokenarticlesappeared，couchedinlanguagewhichnearlyturnedtheautumnmanoeuvresofsiximportantPowersintomobilisations。WhateverelsetheDAILYINTELLIGENCERhadlearnedintheEast，ithadnotacquiredtheartofdiplomaticambiguity。Themaninthestreetenjoyedthearticlesandboughtthepaperashehadneverboughtitbefore；themeninDowningStreettookadifferentview。TheForeignSecretary，hithertoaccountedaratherreticentman，becamepositivelygarrulousinthecourseofperpetuallydisavowingthesentimentsexpressedintheDAILYINTELLIGENCER\'S
leaders；andthenonedaytheGovernmentcametotheconclusionthatsomethingdefiniteanddrasticmustbedone。Adeputation，consistingofthePrimeMinister，theForeignSecretary，fourleadingfinanciers，andawell-knownNonconformistdivine，madeitswaytotheofficesofthepaper。Atthedoorleadingtotheeditorialdepartmentthewaywasbarredbyanervousbutdefiantoffice-boy。
\"\'Youcan\'tseetheeditornoranyofthestaff，\'
heannounced。
\"\'Weinsistonseeingtheeditororsomeresponsibleperson，\'saidthePrimeMinister，andthedeputationforceditswayin。Theboyhadspokentruly；
therewasnoonetobeseen。Inthewholesuiteofroomstherewasnosignofhumanlife。
\"\'Whereistheeditor？\'\'Ortheforeigneditor？\'
\'Orthechiefleader-writer？Oranybody？\'
\"Inanswertotheshowerofquestionstheboyunlockedadrawerandproducedastrange-lookingenvelope，whichboreaKhokandpostmark，andadateofsomesevenoreightmonthsback。Itcontainedascrapofpaperonwhichwaswrittenthefollowingmessage：
\"\'Entirepartycapturedbybrigandtribeonhomewardjourney。Quarterofmilliondemandedasransom，butwouldprobablytakeless。InformGovernment，relations，andfriends。\'
\"Therefollowedthesignaturesoftheprincipalmembersofthepartyandinstructionsastohowandwherethemoneywastobepaid。
\"Theletterhadbeendirectedtotheoffice-boy-in-
charge，whohadquietlysuppressedit。Nooneisaherotoone\'sownoffice-boy，andheevidentlyconsideredthataquarterofamillionwasanunwarrantableoutlayforsuchadoubtfullyadvantageousobjectastherepatriationofanerrantnewspaperstaff。Sohedrewtheeditorialandothersalaries，forgedwhatsignatureswerenecessary，engagednewreporters，didwhatsub-editinghecould，andmadeasmuchuseaspossibleofthelargeaccumulationofspecialarticlesthatwasheldinreserveforemergencies。Thearticlesonforeignaffairswereentirelyhisowncomposition。
\"Ofcoursethewholethinghadtobekeptasquietaspossible；aninterimstaff，pledgedtosecrecy，wasappointedtokeepthepapergoingtillthepiningcaptivescouldbesoughtout，ransomed，andbroughthome，intwosandthreestoescapenotice，andgraduallythingswereputbackontheiroldfooting。Thearticlesonforeignaffairsrevertedtothewontedtraditionsofthepaper。\"
\"But，\"interposedthenephew，\"howonearthdidtheboyaccounttotherelativesallthosemonthsforthenon-appearance-\"
\"That，\"saidSirLulworth，\"wasthemostbrilliantstrokeofall。Tothewifeornearestrelativeofeachofthemissingmenheforwardedaletter，copyingthehandwritingofthesupposedwriteraswellashecould，andmakingexcusesaboutvilepensandink；ineachletterhetoldthesamestory，varyingonlythelocality，totheeffectthatthewriter，aloneofthewholeparty，wasunabletotearhimselfawayfromthewildlibertyandallurementsofEasternlife，andwasgoingtospendseveralmonthsroaminginsomeselectedregion。Manyofthewivesstartedoffimmediatelyinpursuitoftheirerranthusbands，andittooktheGovernmentaconsiderabletimeandmuchtroubletoreclaimthemfromtheirfruitlessquestsalongthebanksoftheOxus，theGobiDesert，theOrenburgsteppe，andotheroutlandishplaces。Oneofthem，Ibelieve，isstilllostsomewhereintheTigrisValley。\"
\"Andtheboy？\"
\"Isstillinjournalism。\"
THEBYZANTINEOMELETTE
SOPHIECHATTEL-MONKHEIMwasaSocialistbyconvictionandaChattel-Monkheimbymarriage。Theparticularmemberofthatwealthyfamilywhomshehadmarriedwasrich，evenashisrelativescountedriches。
Sophiehadveryadvancedanddecidedviewsastothedistributionofmoney：itwasapleasingandfortunatecircumstancethatshealsohadthemoney。Whensheinveighedeloquentlyagainsttheevilsofcapitalismatdrawing-roommeetingsandFabianconferencesshewasconsciousofacomfortablefeelingthatthesystem，withallitsinequalitiesandiniquities，wouldprobablylasthertime。Itisoneoftheconsolationsofmiddle-agedreformersthatthegoodtheyinculcatemustliveafterthemifitistoliveatall。
Onacertainspringevening，somewheretowardsthedinner-hour，Sophiesattranquillybetweenhermirrorandhermaid，undergoingtheprocessofhavingherhairbuiltintoanelaboratereflectionoftheprevailingfashion。
Shewashedgedroundwithagreatpeace，thepeaceofonewhohasattainedadesiredendwithmucheffortandperseverance，andwhohasfounditstilleminentlydesirableinitsattainment。TheDukeofSyriahadconsentedtocomebeneathherroofasaguest，wasevennowinstalledbeneathherroof，andwouldshortlybesittingatherdining-table。AsagoodSocialist，Sophiedisapprovedofsocialdistinctions，andderidedtheideaofaprincelycaste，butifthereweretobetheseartificialgradationsofrankanddignityshewaspleasedandanxioustohaveanexaltedspecimenofanexaltedorderincludedinherhouse-party。Shewasbroad-mindedenoughtolovethesinnerwhilehatingthesin-notthatsheentertainedanywarmfeelingofpersonalaffectionfortheDukeofSyria，whowasacomparativestranger，butstill，asDukeofSyria，hewasvery，verywelcomebeneathherroof。Shecouldnothaveexplainedwhy，butnoonewaslikelytoaskherforanexplanation，andmosthostessesenviedher。
\"Youmustsurpassyourselfto-night，Richardson，\"
shesaidcomplacentlytohermaid；\"Imustbelookingmyverybest。Wemustallsurpassourselves。\"
Themaidsaidnothing，butfromtheconcentratedlookinhereyesandthedeftplayofherfingersitwasevidentthatshewasbesetwiththeambitiontosurpassherself。
Aknockcameatthedoor，aquietbutperemptoryknock，asofsomeonewhowouldnotbedenied。
\"Goandseewhoitis，\"saidSophie；\"itmaybesomethingaboutthewine。\"
Richardsonheldahurriedconferencewithaninvisiblemessengeratthedoor；whenshereturnedtherewasnoticeableacuriouslistlessnessinplaceofherhithertoalertmanner。
\"Whatisit？\"askedSophie。
\"Thehouseholdservantshave\'downedtools，\'
madame，\"saidRichardson。
\"Downedtools！\"exclaimedSophie；\"doyoumeantosaythey\'vegoneonstrike？\"
\"Yes，madame，\"saidRichardson，addingtheinformation：\"It\'sGasparethatthetroubleisabout。\"
\"Gaspare？\"saidSophiewanderingly；\"theemergencychef！Theomelettespecialist！\"
\"Yes，madame。Beforehebecameanomelettespecialisthewasavalet，andhewasoneofthestrike-
breakersinthegreatstrikeatLordGrimford\'stwoyearsago。Assoonasthehouseholdstaffherelearnedthatyouhadengagedhimtheyresolvedto`downtools\'asaprotest。Theyhaven\'tgotanygrievanceagainstyoupersonally，buttheydemandthatGaspareshouldbeimmediatelydismissed。\"
\"But，\"protestedSophie，\"heistheonlymaninEnglandwhounderstandshowtomakeaByzantineomelette。
IengagedhimspeciallyfortheDukeofSyria\'svisit，anditwouldbeimpossibletoreplacehimatshortnotice。IshouldhavetosendtoParis，andtheDukelovesByzantineomelettes。Itwastheonethingwetalkedaboutcomingfromthestation。\"
\"Hewasoneofthestrike-breakersatLordGrimford\'s，\"reiteratedRichardson。
\"Thisistooawful，\"saidSophie；\"astrikeofservantsatamomentlikethis，withtheDukeofSyriastayinginthehouse。Somethingmustbedoneimmediately。Quick，finishmyhairandI\'llgoandseewhatIcandotobringthemround。\"
\"Ican\'tfinishyourhair，madame，\"saidRichardsonquietly，butwithimmensedecision。\"IbelongtotheunionandIcan\'tdoanotherhalf-minute\'sworktillthestrikeissettled。I\'msorrytobedisobliging。\"
\"Butthisisinhuman！\"exclaimedSophietragically；
\"I\'vealwaysbeenamodelmistressandI\'verefusedtoemployanybutunionservants，andthisistheresult。I
can\'tfinishmyhairmyself；Idon\'tknowhowto。WhatamItodo？It\'swicked！\"
\"Wickedistheword，\"saidRichardson；\"I\'magoodConservativeandI\'venopatiencewiththisSocialistfoolery，askingyourpardon。It\'styranny，that\'swhatitis，allalongtheline，butI\'vemylivingtomake，sameasotherpeople，andI\'vegottobelongtotheunion。Icouldn\'ttouchanotherhair-pinwithoutastrikepermit，notifyouwastodoublemywages。\"
ThedoorburstopenandCatherineMalsomragedintotheroom。
\"Here\'saniceaffair，\"shescreamed，\"astrikeofhouseholdservantswithoutamoment\'swarning，andI\'mleftlikethis！Ican\'tappearinpublicinthiscondition。\"
AfteraveryhastyscrutinySophieassuredherthatshecouldnot。
\"Havetheyallstruck？\"sheaskedhermaid。
\"Notthekitchenstaff，\"saidRichardson，\"theybelongtoadifferentunion。\"
\"Dinneratleastwillbeassured，\"saidSophie，\"thatissomethingtobethankfulfor。\"
\"Dinner！\"snortedCatherine，\"whatonearthisthegoodofdinnerwhennoneofuswillbeabletoappearatit？Lookatyourhair-andlookatme！orrather，don\'t。\"
\"Iknowit\'sdifficulttomanagewithoutamaid；
can\'tyourhusbandbeanyhelptoyou？\"askedSophiedespairingly。
\"Henry？He\'sinworsecasethananyofus。Hismanistheonlypersonwhoreallyunderstandsthatridiculousnew-fangledTurkishbaththatheinsistsontakingwithhimeverywhere。\"
\"SurelyhecoulddowithoutaTurkishbathforoneevening，\"saidSophie；\"Ican\'tappearwithouthair，butaTurkishbathisaluxury。\"
\"Mygoodwoman，\"saidCatherine，speakingwithafearfulintensity，\"Henrywasinthebathwhenthestrikestarted。Init，doyouunderstand？He\'stherenow。\"
\"Can\'thegetout？\"
\"Hedoesn\'tknowhowto。Everytimehepullsthelevermarked\'release\'heonlyreleaseshotsteam。Therearetwokindsofsteaminthebath，\'bearable\'and\'scarcelybearable\'；hehasreleasedthemboth。BythistimeI\'mprobablyawidow。\"
\"Isimplycan\'tsendawayGaspare，\"wailedSophie；
\"Ishouldneverbeabletosecureanotheromelettespecialist。\"
\"AnydifficultythatImayexperienceinsecuringanotherhusbandisofcourseatriflebeneathanyone\'sconsideration，\"saidCatherinebitterly。
Sophiecapitulated。\"Go，\"shesaidtoRichardson，\"andtelltheStrikeCommittee，orwhoeveraredirectingthisaffair，thatGaspareisherewithdismissed。AndaskGasparetoseemepresentlyinthelibrary，whenIwillpayhimwhatisduetohimandmakewhatexcusesIcan；
andthenflybackandfinishmyhair。\"
SomehalfanhourlaterSophiemarshalledherguestsintheGrandSalonpreparatorytotheformalmarchtothedining-room。ExceptthatHenryMalsomwasoftheriperaspberrytintthatonesometimesseesatprivatetheatricalsrepresentingthehumancomplexion，therewaslittleoutwardsignamongthoseassembledofthecrisisthathadjustbeenencounteredandsurmounted。Butthetensionhadbeentoostupefyingwhileitlastednottoleavesomementaleffectsbehindit。Sophietalkedatrandomtoherillustriousguest，andfoundhereyesstrayingwithincreasingfrequencytowardsthegreatdoorsthroughwhichwouldpresentlycometheblessedannouncementthatdinnerwasserved。Nowandagainsheglancedmirror-wardatthereflectionofherwonderfullycoiffedhair，asaninsuranceunderwritermightgazethankfullyatanoverduevesselthathadriddensafelyintoharbourinthewakeofadevastatinghurricane。
Thenthedoorsopenedandthewelcomefigureofthebutlerenteredtheroom。Buthemadenogeneralannouncementofabanquetinreadiness，andthedoorsclosedbehindhim；hismessagewasforSophiealone。
\"Thereisnodinner，madame，\"hesaidgravely；\"thekitchenstaffhave\'downedtools。\'GasparebelongstotheUnionofCooksandKitchenEmployees，andassoonastheyheardofhissummarydismissalatamoment\'snoticetheystruckwork。Theydemandhisinstantreinstatementandanapologytotheunion。Imayadd，madame，thattheyareveryfirm；I\'vebeenobligedeventohandbackthedinnerrollsthatwerealreadyonthetable。\"
AfterthelapseofeighteenmonthsSophieChattel-
Monkheimisbeginningtogoaboutagainamongheroldhauntsandassociates，butshestillhastobeverycareful。Thedoctorswillnotletherattendanythingatallexciting，suchasadrawing-roommeetingoraFabianconference；itisdoubtful，indeed，whethershewantsto。
THEFEASTOFNEMESIS
\"IT\'SagoodthingthatSaintValentine\'sDayhasdroppedoutofvogue，\"saidMrs。Thackenbury；\"whatwithChristmasandNewYearandEaster，nottospeakofbirthdays，therearequiteenoughremembrancedaysasitis。ItriedtosavemyselftroubleatChristmasbyjustsendingflowerstoallmyfriends，butitwouldn\'twork；
Gertrudehaselevenhot-housesandaboutthirtygardeners，soitwouldhavebeenridiculoustosendflowerstoher，andMillyhasjuststartedaflorist\'sshop，soitwasequallyoutofthequestionthere。ThestressofhavingtodecideinahurrywhattogivetoGertrudeandMillyjustwhenIthoughtI\'dgotthewholequestionnicelyoffmymindcompletelyruinedmyChristmas，andthentheawfulmonotonyofthelettersofthanks：\'Thankyousomuchforyourlovelyflowers。Itwassogoodofyoutothinkofme。\'OfcourseinthemajorityofcasesIhadn\'tthoughtabouttherecipientsatall；theirnamesweredowninmylistof\'peoplewhomustnotbeleftout。\'IfItrustedtorememberingthemtherewouldbesomeawfulsinsofomission。\"
\"Thetroubleis，\"saidClovistohisaunt，\"allthesedaysofintrusiveremembranceharpsopersistentlyononeaspectofhumannatureandentirelyignoretheother；thatiswhytheybecomesoperfunctoryandartificial。AtChristmasandNewYearyouareemboldenedandencouragedbyconventiontosendgushingmessagesofoptimisticgoodwillandservileaffectiontopeoplewhomyouwouldscarcelyasktolunchunlesssomeoneelsehadfailedyouatthelastmoment；ifyouaresuppingatarestaurantonNewYear\'sEveyouarepermittedandexpectedtojoinhandsandsing\'ForAuldLangSyne\'withstrangerswhomyouhaveneverseenbeforeandneverwanttoseeagain。Butnolicenceisallowedintheoppositedirection。\"
\"Oppositedirection；whatoppositedirection？\"
queriedMrs。Thackenbury。
\"Thereisnooutletfordemonstratingyourfeelingstowardspeoplewhomyousimplyloathe。Thatisreallythecryingneedofourmoderncivilisation。Justthinkhowjollyitwouldbeifarecogniseddayweresetapartforthepayingoffofoldscoresandgrudges，adaywhenonecouldlayoneselfouttobegracefullyvindictivetoacarefullytreasuredlistof\'peoplewhomustnotbeletoff。\'IrememberwhenIwasataprivateschoolwehadoneday，thelastMondayofthetermIthinkitwas，consecratedtothesettlementoffeudsandgrudges；ofcoursewedidnotappreciateitasmuchasitdeserved，because，afterall，anydayofthetermcouldbeusedforthatpurpose。Still，ifonehadchastisedasmallerboyforbeingcheekyweeksbefore，onewasalwayspermittedonthatdaytorecalltheepisodetohismemorybychastisinghimagain。ThatiswhattheFrenchcallreconstructingthecrime。\"
\"Ishouldcallitreconstructingthepunishment，\"
saidMrs。Thackenbury；\"and，anyhow，Idon\'tseehowyoucouldintroduceasystemofprimitiveschoolboyvengeanceintocivilisedadultlife。Wehaven\'toutgrownourpassions，butwearesupposedtohavelearnedhowtokeepthemwithinstrictlydecorouslimits。\"
\"Ofcoursethethingwouldhavetobedonefurtivelyandpolitely，\"saidClovis；\"thecharmofitwouldbethatitwouldneverbeperfunctoryliketheotherthing。
Now，forinstance，yousaytoyourself：\'ImustshowtheWebleyssomeattentionatChristmas，theywerekindtodearBertieatBournemouth，\'andyousendthemacalendar，anddailyforsixdaysafterChristmasthemaleWebleyasksthefemaleWebleyifshehasrememberedtothankyouforthecalendaryousentthem。Well，transplantthatideatotheotherandmorehumansideofyournature，andsaytoyourself：\'NextThursdayisNemesisDay；whatonearthcanIdotothoseodiouspeoplenextdoorwhomadesuchanabsurdfusswhenPingYangbittheiryoungestchild？\'Thenyou\'dgetupawfullyearlyontheallotteddayandclimboverintotheirgardenanddigfortrufflesontheirtenniscourtwithagoodgardeningfork，choosing，ofcourse，thatpartofthecourtthatwasscreenedfromobservationbythelaurelbushes。Youwouldn\'tfindanytrufflesbutyouwouldfindagreatpeace，suchasnoamountofpresent-givingcouldeverbestow。\"
\"Ishouldn\'t，\"saidMrs。Thackenbury，thoughherairofprotestsoundedabitforced；\"Ishouldfeelratherawormfordoingsuchathing。\"
\"Youexaggeratethepowerofupheavalwhichawormwouldbeabletobringintoplayinthelimitedtimeavailable，\"saidClovis；\"ifyouputinastrenuoustenminuteswithareallyusefulfork，theresultoughttosuggesttheoperationsofanunusuallymasterfulmoleorabadgerinahurry。\"
\"TheymightguessIhaddoneit，\"saidMrs。
Thackenbury。
\"Ofcoursetheywould，\"saidClovis；\"thatwouldbehalfthesatisfactionofthething，justasyoulikepeopleatChristmastoknowwhatpresentsorcardsyou\'vesentthem。Thethingwouldbemucheasiertomanage，ofcourse，whenyouwereonoutwardlyfriendlytermswiththeobjectofyourdislike。ThatgreedylittleAgnesBlaik，forinstance，whothinksofnothingbutherfood，itwouldbequitesimpletoaskhertoapicnicinsomewildwoodlandspotandloseherjustbeforelunchwasserved；whenyoufoundheragaineverymorseloffoodcouldhavebeeneatenup。\"
\"ItwouldrequirenoordinaryhumanstrategytoloseAgnesBlaikwhenluncheonwasimminent：infact，Idon\'tbelieveitcouldbedone。\"
\"Thenhavealltheotherguests，peoplewhomyoudislike，andlosetheluncheon。Itcouldhavebeensentbyaccidentinthewrongdirection。\"
\"Itwouldbeaghastlypicnic，\"saidMrs。
Thackenbury。
\"Forthem，butnotforyou，\"saidClovis；\"youwouldhavehadanearlyandcomfortinglunchbeforeyoustarted，andyoucouldimprovetheoccasionbymentioningindetailtheitemsofthemissingbanquet-thelobsterNewburgandtheeggmayonnaise，andthecurrythatwastohavebeenheatedinachafing-dish。AgnesBlaikwouldbedeliriouslongbeforeyougottothelistofwines，andinthelongintervalofwaiting，beforetheyhadquiteabandonedhopeofthelunchturningup，youcouldinducethemtoplaysillygames，suchasthatidioticoneof\'theLordMayor\'sdinner-party，\'inwhicheveryonehastochoosethenameofadishanddosomethingfutilewhenitiscalledout。Inthiscasetheywouldprobablyburstintotearswhentheirdishismentioned。Itwouldbeaheavenlypicnic。\"
Mrs。Thackenburywassilentforamoment；shewasprobablymakingamentallistofthepeopleshewouldliketoinvitetotheDukeHumphreypicnic。Presentlysheasked：\"Andthatodiousyoungman，WaldoPlubley，whoisalwayscoddlinghimself-haveyouthoughtofanythingthatonecoulddotohim？\"EvidentlyshewasbeginningtoseethepossibilitiesofNemesisDay。
\"Iftherewasanythinglikeageneralobservanceofthefestival，\"saidClovis，\"Waldowouldbeinsuchdemandthatyouwouldhavetobespeakhimweeksbeforehand，andeventhen，iftherewereaneastwindblowingoracloudortwointheskyhemightbetoocarefulofhispreciousselftocomeout。Itwouldberatherjollyifyoucouldlurehimintoahammockintheorchard，justnearthespotwherethereisawasps\'nesteverysummer。Acomfortablehammockonawarmafternoonwouldappealtohisindolenttastes，andthen，whenhewasgettingdrowsy，alightedfuseethrownintothenestwouldbringthewaspsoutinanindignantmass，andtheywouldsoonfinda\'homeawayfromhome\'onWaldo\'sfatbody。Ittakessomedoingtogetoutofahammockinahurry。\"
\"Theymightstinghimtodeath，\"protestedMrs。
Thackenbury。
\"Waldoisoneofthosepeoplewhowouldbeenormouslyimprovedbydeath，\"saidClovis；\"butifyoudidn\'twanttogoasfarasthat，youcouldhavesomewetstrawreadytohand，andsetitalightunderthehammockatthesametimethatthefuseewasthrownintothenest；
thesmokewouldkeepallbutthemostmilitantofthewaspsjustoutsidethestingingline，andaslongasWaldoremainedwithinitsprotectionhewouldescapeseriousdamage，andcouldbeeventuallyrestoredtohismother，kipperedalloverandswolleninplaces，butstillperfectlyrecognisable。\"
\"Hismotherwouldbemyenemyforlife，\"saidMrs。
Thackenbury。
\"ThatwouldbeonegreetinglesstoexchangeatChristmas，\"saidClovis。
THEDREAMER
ITwastheseasonofsales。TheaugustestablishmentofWalpurgisandNettlepinkhadlowereditspricesforanentireweekasaconcessiontotradeobservances，muchasanArch-duchessmightprotestinglycontractanattackofinfluenzafortheunsatisfactoryreasonthatinfluenzawaslocallyprevalent。AdelaChemping，whoconsideredherselfinsomemeasuresuperiortotheallurementsofanordinarybargainsale，madeapointofattendingthereductionweekatWalpurgisandNettlepink\'s。
\"I\'mnotabargainhunter，\"shesaid，\"butIliketogowherebargainsare。\"
Whichshowedthatbeneathhersurfacestrengthofcharacterthereflowedagraciousundercurrentofhumanweakness。
WithaviewtoprovidingherselfwithamaleescortMrs。Chempinghadinvitedheryoungestnephewtoaccompanyheronthefirstdayoftheshoppingexpedition，throwingintheadditionalallurementofacinematographtheatreandtheprospectoflightrefreshment。AsCyprianwasnotyeteighteenshehopedhemightnothavereachedthatstageinmasculinedevelopmentwhenparcel-carryingislookedonasathingabhorrent。
\"Meetmejustoutsidethefloraldepartment，\"shewrotetohim，\"anddon\'tbeamomentlaterthaneleven。\"
Cyprianwasaboywhocarriedwithhimthroughearlylifethewonderinglookofadreamer，theeyesofonewhoseesthingsthatarenotvisibletoordinarymortals，andinveststhecommonplacethingsofthisworldwithqualitiesunsuspectedbyplainerfolk-theeyesofapoetorahouseagent。Hewasquietlydressed-thatsartorialquietudewhichfrequentlyaccompaniesearlyadolescence，andisusuallyattributedbynovel-writerstotheinfluenceofawidowedmother。Hishairwasbrushedbackinasmoothnessasofribbonseaweedandseamedwithanarrowfurrowthatscarcelyaimedatbeingaparting。Hisauntparticularlynotedthisitemofhistoiletwhentheymetattheappointedrendezvous，becausehewasstandingwaitingforherbare-headed。
\"Whereisyourhat？\"sheasked。
\"Ididn\'tbringonewithme，\"hereplied。
AdelaChempingwasslightlyscandalised。
\"YouarenotgoingtobewhattheycallaNut，areyou？\"sheinquiredwithsomeanxiety，partlywiththeideathataNutwouldbeanextravagancewhichhersister\'ssmallhouseholdwouldscarcelybejustifiedinincurring，partly，perhaps，withtheinstinctiveapprehensionthataNut，eveninitsembryostage，wouldrefusetocarryparcels。
Cyprianlookedatherwithhiswondering，dreamyeyes。
\"Ididn\'tbringahat，\"hesaid，\"becauseitissuchanuisancewhenoneisshopping；Imeanitissoawkwardifonemeetsanyoneoneknowsandhastotakeone\'shatoffwhenone\'shandsarefullofparcels。Ifonehasn\'tgotahatononecan\'ttakeitoff。\"
Mrs。Chempingsighedwithgreatrelief；herworstfearhadbeenlaidatrest。
\"Itismoreorthodoxtowearahat，\"sheobserved，andthenturnedherattentionbrisklytothebusinessinhand。
\"Wewillgofirsttothetable-linencounter，\"shesaid，leadingthewayinthatdirection；\"Ishouldliketolookatsomenapkins。\"
ThewonderinglookdeepenedinCyprian\'seyesashefollowedhisaunt；hebelongedtoagenerationthatissupposedtobeover-fondoftheroleofmerespectator，butlookingatnapkinsthatonedidnotmeantobuywasapleasurebeyondhiscomprehension。Mrs。Chempingheldoneortwonapkinsuptothelightandstaredfixedlyatthem，asthoughshehalfexpectedtofindsomerevolutionarycypherwrittenontheminscarcelyvisibleink；thenshesuddenlybrokeawayinthedirectionoftheglasswaredepartment。
\"Millicentaskedmetogetheracoupleofdecantersiftherewereanygoingreallycheap，\"sheexplainedontheway，\"andIreallydowantasaladbowl。Icancomebacktothenapkinslateron。\"
Shehandledandscrutinisedalargenumberofdecantersandalongseriesofsaladbowls，andfinallyboughtsevenchrysanthemumvases。
\"Nooneusesthatkindofvasenowadays，\"sheinformedCyprian，\"buttheywilldoforpresentsnextChristmas。\"
TwosunshadesthatweremarkeddowntoapricethatMrs。Chempingconsideredabsurdlycheapwereaddedtoherpurchases。
\"OneofthemwilldoforRuthColson；sheisgoingouttotheMalayStates，andasunshadewillalwaysbeusefulthere。AndImustgethersomethinwritingpaper。Ittakesupnoroominone\'sbaggage。\"
Mrs。Chempingboughtstacksofwritingpaper；itwassocheap，anditwentsoflatinatrunkorportmanteau。
Shealsoboughtafewenvelopes-envelopessomehowseemedratheranextragavancecomparedwithnotepaper。
\"DoyouthinkRuthwilllikeblueorgreypaper？\"
sheaskedCyprian。
\"Grey，\"saidCyprian，whohadnevermettheladyinquestion。
\"Haveyouanymauvenotepaperofthisquality？\"
Adelaaskedtheassistant。
\"Wehaven\'tanymauve，\"saidtheassistant，\"butwe\'vetwoshadesofgreenandadarkershadeofgrey。\"
Mrs。Chempinginspectedthegreensandthedarkergrey，andchosetheblue。
\"Nowwecanhavesomelunch，\"shesaid。
Cyprianbehavedinanexemplaryfashionintherefreshmentdepartment，andcheerfullyacceptedafishcakeandamincepieandasmallcupofcoffeeasadequaterestorativesaftertwohoursofconcentratedshopping。Hewasadamant，however，inresistinghisaunt\'ssuggestionthatahatshouldbeboughtforhimatthecounterwheremen\'sheadwearwasbeingdisposedofattemptinglyreducedprices。
\"I\'vegotasmanyhatsasIwantathome，\"hesaid，\"andbesides，itrumplesone\'shairso，tryingthemon。\"
PerhapshewasgoingtodevelopintoaNutafterall。Itwasadisquietingsymptomthatheleftalltheparcelsinchargeofthecloak-roomattendant。
\"Weshallbegettingmoreparcelspresently，\"hesaid，\"soweneednotcollectthesetillwehavefinishedourshopping。\"
Hisauntwasdoubtfullyappeased；someofthepleasureandexcitementofashoppingexpeditionseemedtoevaporatewhenonewasdeprivedofimmediatepersonalcontactwithone\'spurchases。
\"I\'mgoingtolookatthosenapkinsagain，\"shesaid，astheydescendedthestairstothegroundfloor。
\"Youneednotcome，\"sheadded，asthedreaminglookintheboy\'seyeschangedforamomentintooneofmuteprotest，\"youcanmeetmeafterwardsinthecutlerydepartment；I\'vejustrememberedthatIhaven\'tacorkscrewinthehousethatcanbedependedon。\"
Cyprianwasnottobefoundinthecutlerydepartmentwhenhisauntinduecoursearrivedthere，butinthecrushandbustleofanxiousshoppersandbusyattendantsitwasaneasymattertomissanyone。ItwasintheleathergoodsdepartmentsomequarterofanhourlaterthatAdelaChempingcaughtsightofhernephew，separatedfromherbyarampartofsuit-casesandportmanteauxandhemmedinbythejostlingcrushofhumanbeingsthatnowinvadedeverycornerofthegreatshoppingemporium。ShewasjustintimetowitnessapardonablebutratherembarrassingmistakeonthepartofaladywhohadwriggledherwaywithunstayabledeterminationtowardsthebareheadedCyprian，andwasnowbreathlesslydemandingthesalepriceofahandbagwhichhadtakenherfancy。
\"Therenow，\"exclaimedAdelatoherself，\"shetakeshimforoneoftheshopassistantsbecausehehasn\'tgotahaton。Iwonderithasn\'thappenedbefore。\"
Perhapsithad。Cyprian，atanyrate，seemedneitherstartlednorembarrassedbytheerrorintowhichthegoodladyhadfallen。Examiningtheticketonthebag，heannouncedinaclear，dispassionatevoice：
\"Blackseal，thirty-fourshillings，markeddowntotwenty-eight。Asamatteroffact，weareclearingthemoutataspecialreductionpriceoftwenty-sixshillings。
Theyaregoingoffratherfast。\"
\"I\'lltakeit，\"saidthelady，eagerlydiggingsomecoinsoutofherpurse。
\"Willyoutakeitasitis？\"askedCyprian；\"itwillbeamatterofafewminutestogetitwrappedup，thereissuchacrush。\"
\"Nevermind，I\'lltakeitasitis，\"saidthepurchaser，clutchinghertreasureandcountingthemoneyintoCyprian\'spalm。
SeveralkindstrangershelpedAdelaintotheopenair。
\"It\'sthecrushandtheheat，\"saidonesympathisertoanother；\"it\'senoughtoturnanyonegiddy。\"
WhenshenextcameacrossCyprianhewasstandinginthecrowdthatpushedandjostledaroundthecountersofthebookdepartment。Thedreamlookwasdeeperthaneverinhiseyes。HehadjustsoldtwobooksofdevotiontoanelderlyCanon。
THEQUINCETREE
\"I\'VEjustbeentoseeoldBetsyMullen，\"announcedVeratoheraunt，Mrs。BebberlyCumble；\"sheseemsinratherabadwayaboutherrent。Sheowesaboutfifteenweeksofit，andsaysshedoesn\'tknowwhereanyofitistocomefrom。\"
\"BetsyMullenalwaysisindifficultieswithherrent，andthemorepeoplehelpherwithitthelessshetroublesaboutit，\"saidtheaunt。\"Icertainlyamnotgoingtoassistheranymore。Thefactis，shewillhavetogointoasmallerandcheapercottage；thereareseveraltobehadattheotherendofthevillageforhalftherentthatsheispaying，orsupposedtobepaying，now。Itoldherayearagothatsheoughttomove。\"
\"Butshewouldn\'tgetsuchanicegardenanywhereelse，\"protestedVera，\"andthere\'ssuchajollyquincetreeinthecorner。Idon\'tsupposethere\'sanotherquincetreeinthewholeparish。Andshenevermakesanyquincejam；Ithinktohaveaquincetreeandnottomakequincejamshowssuchstrengthofcharacter。Oh，shecan\'tpossiblymoveawayfromthatgarden。\"
\"Whenoneissixteen，\"saidMrs。BebberlyCumbleseverely，\"onetalksofthingsbeingimpossiblewhicharemerelyuncongenial。ItisnotonlypossiblebutitisdesirablethatBetsyMullenshouldmoveintosmallerquarters；shehasscarcelyenoughfurnituretofillthatbigcottage。\"