第27章
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  Thisoughttohavegonelastmailandwasforgotten。MybestexcuseisthatIwasengagedinstartinganinfluenza,towhichclassofexploitourhouseholdhasbeensincethenentirelydedicated。Wehadeightcases,oneofthemverybad,andone-mine-complicatedwithmyoldfriendBluidyJack。LuckilyneitherFanny,LloydorBelletooktheconfoundedthing,andtheywereabletorunthehouseholdandnursethesicktoadmiration。

  Someofourboysbehavedlikerealtrumps。PerhapstheprettiestperformancewasthatofourexcellentHenrySimele,or,aswesometimescallhim,DavyBalfour。Henry,Imaunpremeese,isachief;thehumblestSamoanrecoilsfromemptyingslopsasyouwouldfromcheatingatcards;nowthelastnightsofourbadtimewhenwehadsevendowntogether,itwasenoughtohavemadeanybodylaughorcrytoseeHenrygoingtheroundswithaslop-bucketandgoinginsidethemosquitonetofeachofthesick,ProtestantandCatholicalike,topraywiththem。

  ImusttellyouthatinmysicknessIhadahugealleviationandbegananewstory。ThisIamwritingbydictation,andreallythinkitisanartIcanmanagetoacquire。Thereliefisbeyonddescription;itisjustlikeaschool-treattomeandtheamanuensisbearsupextraordinar’。ThestoryistobecalledST。IVES;Igiveyouyourchoicewhetherornotitshouldbearthesubtitle,’ExperiencesofaFrenchprisonerinEngland。’Wewerejustgettingonsplendidlywithit,whenthiscursedmailarrivedandrequirestobeattendedto。ItlookstomeverylikeasifSt。Iveswouldbereadybeforeanyoftheothers,butyouknowmeandhowimpossibleitisIshouldpredict。TheAmanuensishasherheadquiteturnedandbelievesherselftobetheauthorofthisnovelandIStosomeextent-andasthecreature!

  hasnotbeenwhollyuselessinthematterItoldyouso!

  A。M。Iproposetofosterhervanitybyalittlecommemorationgift!ThenameoftheheroisAnnedeSt。Yves-heEnglisheshisnametoSt。Ivesduringhisescape。ItismyideatogetaringmadewhichshalleitherrepresentANNE

  orA。S。Y。A。,ofcourse,wouldbeAmethystandS。Sapphire,whichismyfavouritestoneanywayandwasmyfather’sbeforeme。Butwhatwouldtheex-SladeprofessordoabouttheletterY?Orsupposehetooktheotherversion,howwouldhemeetthecase,thetwoN。’s?Thesethingsarebeyondmyknowledge,whichitwouldperhapsbemoredescriptivetocallignorance。ButIplacethematterinthemeanwhileunderyourconsiderationandbegtohearyourviews。IshalltellyouonsomeotheroccasionandwhentheA。M。isoutofhearinghowVERYmuchIproposetoinvestinthistestimonial;butImayaswellinformyouatoncethatI

  intendittobecheap,sir,damnedcheap!Myideaofrunningamanuensesisbypraise,notpudding,flatteryandnotcoins!

  Ishallsendyouwhenthetimeisripearingtomeasureby。

  Toresumeoursadtale。AftertheothersevenwerealmostwhollyrecoveredHenrylaydowntoinfluenzaonhisownaccount。HeisbutjustbetteranditlooksasthoughFannywereabouttobringuptherear。Asforme,Iamallright,thoughIWASreducedtodictatingANNEinthedeafanddumbalphabet,whichIthinkyouwilladmitisaCOMBLE。

  Politicsleavemeextraordinarycold。Itseemsthatsomuchofmypurposehascomeoff,andCedarcrantzandPilsacharesacked。Therestofithasallgonetowater。Thetriple-

  headedassathome,inhisplenitudeofignorance,preferstocollectthetaxesandscattertheMataafasbyforceorthethreatofforce。Itmaysucceed,andIsupposeitwill。Itisnonethelessforthatexpensive,harsh,unpopularandunsettling。Iamyoungenoughtohavebeenannoyed,andaltogetherejectandrenegatethewholeideaofpoliticalaffairs。Successinthatfieldappearstobetheorganisationoffailureenlivenedwithdefamationofcharacter;and,muchasIlovepicklesandhotwaterinyourtruephraseIshalltakemypicklesinfuturefromCrosseandBlackwellandmyhotwaterwithadoseofgoodGlenlivat。

  Donotbotheratallaboutthewall-papers。Wehavehadthewholeofournewhousevarnished,anditlooksbeautiful。I

  wishyoucouldseethehall;poorroom,ithadtobeginlifeasaninfirmaryduringourrecentvisitation;butitisreallyahandsomecomelyplace,andwhenwegetthefurniture,andthepictures,andwhatissoverymuchmoredecorative,thepictureframes,willlooksublime。

  JAN。30TH。

  IhavewrittentoCharlesaskingforRowlandson’sSyntaxandDanceofDeathoutofourhouse,andbeggingforanythingaboutfashionsandmannersfashionsparticularlyfor1814。

  Canyouhelp?BoththeJusticeClerkandSt。Ivesfallinthatfatedyear。IndeedIgotintoSt。IveswhilegoingovertheAnnualRegisterfortheother。ThereisakindoffancylistofChaps。ofSt。Ives。ItbeginsinEdinburghCastle。

  I。Storyofalionrampantthatwasatoyhehadmade,andgiventoagirlvisitor。II。Storyofapairofscissors。

  III。St。Ivesreceivesabundleofmoney。IV。St。Ivesisshownahouse。V。TheEscape。VI。TheCottageSwanstonCollege。VII。TheHen-house。VIII。Threeiscompanyandfournone。IX。TheDrovers。X。TheGreatNorthRoad。XI。

  BurchellFenn。XII。Thecoveredcart。XIII。Thedoctor。

  XIV。TheLuddites。V。Setathieftocatchathief。XXVI。

  M。leComtedeKerouallehisuncle,therichEMIGRE,whomhefindsmurdered。XVII。Thecousins。XVIII。Mr。SergeantGarrow。XIX。AmeetingattheShip,Dover。XX。Diane。XXI。

  TheDuke’sPrejudices。XXII。TheFalseMessenger。XXIII。

  Thegardener’sladder。XXIV。Theofficers。XXV。TroublewiththeDuke。XXVI。Fouquetagain。XXVII。TheAeronaut。

  XXVIII。TheTrue-BloodedYankee。XXIX。InFrance。Idon’tknowwheretostop。Apropos,IwantabookaboutParis,andtheFIRSTRETURNoftheEMIGRESandalluptotheCENTJOURS:

  d’yekenanythinginmyway?IwantinparticulartoknowaboutthemandtheNapoleonicfunctionariesandofficers,andtogetthecolourandsomevitaldetailsofthebusinessofexchangeofdepartmentsfromonesidetotheother。Tenchaptersaredrafted,andVIII。re-copiedbyme,butwillwantanotherdressingforluck。Itismerelyastoryofadventure,ramblingalong;butthatisperhapstheguardthat’setsmygeniusbest,’asAlanmighthavesaid。IwishI

  couldfeelaseasyabouttheother!Butthere,allnovelsareaheavyburthenwhiletheyaredoing,andasensibledisappointmentwhentheyaredone。

  ForGod’ssake,letmehaveacopyofthenewGermanSamoaWhitebook。R。L。S。

  ATSEA,S。S。&MARIPOSA,FEB。19th,’93。

  MYDEARCOLVIN,-YouwillseefromthisheadingthatIamnotdeadyetnorlikelytobe。Iwasprettyconsiderablyoutofsorts,andthatisindeedonereasonwhyFanny,Belle,andIhavestartedoutforamonth’slark。Tobequiteexact,I

  thinkitwillbeaboutfiveweeksbeforewegethome。WeshallstaybetweentwoandthreeinSydney。Already,thoughweonlysailedyesterday,Iamfeelingasfitasafiddle。

  Fannyateawholefowlforbreakfast,tosaynothingofatowerofhotcakes。BelleandIflooredanotherhenbetwixtthepairofus,andIshallbenosoonerdonewiththepresentamanuensingracketthanIshallputmyselfoutsideapintofGuinness。IfyouthinkthislookslikedyingofconsumptioninApiaIcanonlysayIdifferfromyou。InthematterofDavid,Ihaveneveryetreceivedmyproofsatall,butshallcertainlywaitforyoursuggestions。Certainly,Chaps。17to20arethehitch,andIconfessIhurriedoverthemwithbothwingsspread。Thisisdoubtlesswhatyoucomplainof。Indeed,IplacedmysinglerelianceonMissGrant。Ifshecouldn’tferrymeover,IfeltIhadtostaythere。

  AboutISLANDNIGHTS’ENTERTAINMENTSallyousayishighlysatisfactory。Goinandwin。

  TheextractsfromtheTIMESIreallycannottrustmyselftocommentupon。Theywereinfernallysatisfactory;so,andperhapsstillmoreso,wasaletterIhadatthesametimefromLordPembroke。IfIhavetimeasIgothroughAuckland,IamgoingtoseeSirGeorgeGrey。

  NowIreallythinkthat’sallthebusiness。Ihavebeenrathersickandhavehadtwosmallhemorrhages,butthesecondIbelievetohavebeenaccidental。Nogooddenyingthatthisannoys,becauseitdo。However,youmustexpectinfluenzatoleavesomeharm,andmyspirits,appetite,peaceonearthandgoodwilltomenareallonarisingmarket。

  Duringthelastweektheamanuensiswasotherwiseengaged,whereuponItookup,pitchedinto,andaboutonehalfdemolishedanothertale,onceintendedtobecalledTHEPEARL

  FISHER,butnowrazeedandcalledTHESCHOONERFARRALONE。Wehadacapitalstart,thesteamercominginatsunrise,andjustgivingustimetogetourlettersereshesailedagain。

  ThemanageroftheGermanfirmOstrange,changeddays!

  dancedattendanceuponusallmorning;hisboatconveyedustoandfromthesteamer。

  FEB。21ST。

  Allcontinueswell。Amanuensisbowledoverforaday,butafootagainandjolly;Fannyenormouslybetteredbythevoyage;Ihavebeenasjollyasasand-boyasusualatsea。

  TheAmanuensissitsoppositetomewritingtoheroffspring。

  Fannyisondeck。IhavejustsuppliedherwiththeCanadianPacificAgent,andsoleftheringoodhands。YoushouldhearmeattablewiththeUlsterpurserandalittlepunningmicroscopistcalledDavis。BelledoessomekindofabstruseBoswellising;afterthefirstmeal,havinggaugedthekindofjeststhatwouldpayhere,Iobserved,’BoswellisBarredduringthiscruise。’

  23RD

  WeapproachAucklandandImustclosemymail。Allgoeswellwiththetrio。Boththeladiesarehangingroundabeau-

  thesame-thatIunearthedforthem:Iamgeneralprovider,andespeciallygreatinthebeauxbusiness。IcorrectedsomeproofsforFannyyesterdayafternoon,fellasleepovertheminthesaloon-andthewholeshipseemstohavebeendownbeholdingme。AfterIwokeup,hadahotbath,awhiskeypunchandacigarette,andwenttobed,andtosleeptoo,at8。30;arecrudescenceofVailimahours。Awoketo-day,andhadtogotothesaloonclockforthehour-nosignofdawn-allheavengreyrainyfog。Havejusthadbreakfast,writtenuponeletter,registerandclosethis。

  Badpen,badink,badlight,badblotting-paper。

  S。S。MARIPOSA,ATSEA。

  APIADUEBYDAYBREAKTO-MORROW9P。M。

  MYDEARCOLVIN,-Havehadanamusingbuttragicholiday,fromwhichwereturnindisarray。Fannyquitesick,butI

  thinkslowlyandsteadilymending;Belleinaterrificstateofdentistrytroubleswhichnowseemcalmed;andmyselfwithasuccessionofgentlecoldsoutofwhichIatlastsucceededincookingupafinepleurisy。Bystoppingandstewinginaperfectlyairlessstate-roomIseemtohavegotridofthepleurisy。PoorFannyhadverylittlefunofhervisit,havingbeenmostofthetimeonadietofmaltineandslops-

  andthiswhiletherestofuswereriotingonoystersandmushrooms。Belle’sonlydevilinthehedgewasthedentist。

  Asforme,IwasentertainedattheGeneralAssemblyofthePresbyterianChurch,likewiseatasortofartisticclub;

  madespeechesatboth,andmaythereforebesaidtohavebeen,likeSaintPaul,allthingstoallmen。IhaveanaccountofthelatterracketwhichImeanttohaveenclosedinthis……Hadsomesplendidphotostaken,likewiseamedallionbyaFrenchsculptor;metGraham,whoreturnedwithusasfarasAuckland。HaveseenagooddealtooofSirGeorgeGrey;whatawonderfuloldhistoricfiguretobewalkingonyourarmandrecallingancienteventsandinstances!Itmakesamansmall,andyettheextenttowhichheapprovedwhatIhaddone-orratherhavetriedtodo-

  encouragedme。SirGeorgeisanexpertatleast,heknowstheseraces:heisnotasmallemployewithanink-potandaWhittaker。

  Takeitforallinall,itwashugefun:evenFannyhadsomelivelysportatthebeginning;BelleandIallthrough。WegotFannyadressonthesly,gaudyblackvelvetandDuchesselace。Andalas!shewasonlyabletowearitonce。Butwe’llhopetoseemoreofitatSamoa;itreallyislovely。

  Bothdamesareroyallyoutfittedinsilkstockings,etc。Wereturn,asfromaraid,withourspoilsandourwounded。I

  amnowverydandy:IannouncedtwoyearsagothatIshouldchange。Slovenlyyouth,allright-notslovenlyage。SoreallynowIamprettyspruce;alwaysawhiteshirt,whitenecktie,freshshave,silk,socks,Oagreatsight!-Nomorepossible,R。L。S。

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