THEsubjectofourpresentnarrativewouldappeartohavedevotedhimselftothepirateprofessionatacomparativelyearlyage。Wefindhimincommandofasplendidschoonerofonehundredgunsloadedtothemuzzle，ereyethehadhadapartyinhonourofhistenthbirthday。
Itseemsthatourhero，consideringhimselfspitedbyaLatin—
grammarmaster，demandedthesatisfactionduefromonemanofhonourtoanother。—Notgettingit，heprivatelywithdrewhishaughtyspiritfromsuchlowcompany，boughtasecond—handpocket—
pistol，foldedupsomesandwichesinapaperbag，madeabottleofSpanishliquorice—water，andenteredonacareerofvalour。
ItweretedioustofollowBoldheart（forsuchwashisname）throughthecommencingstagesofhisstory。Sufficeit，thatwefindhimbearingtherankofCapt。Boldheart，reclininginfulluniformonacrimsonhearth—rugspreadoutuponthequarter—deckofhisschooner’TheBeauty，’intheChinaseas。Itwasalovelyevening；and，ashiscrewlaygroupedabouthim，hefavouredthemwiththefollowingmelody：
Olandsmenarefolly！
Opiratesarejolly！
OdiddleumDolly，Di！
CHORUS。—Heaveyo。
Thesoothingeffectoftheseanimatedsoundsfloatingoverthewaters，asthecommonsailorsunitedtheirroughvoicestotakeuptherichtonesofBoldheart，maybemoreeasilyconceivedthandescribed。
Itwasunderthesecircumstancesthatthelook—outatthemastheadgavetheword，’Whales！’
Allwasnowactivity。
’Whereaway？’criedCapt。Boldheart，startingup。
’Onthelarboardbow，sir，’repliedthefellowatthemasthead，touchinghishat。Forsuchwastheheightofdisciplineonboardof’TheBeauty，’that，evenatthatheight，hewasobligedtomindit，orbeshotthroughthehead。
’Thisadventurebelongstome，’saidBoldheart。’Boy，myharpoon。
Letnomanfollow；’andleapingaloneintohisboat，thecaptainrowedwithadmirabledexterityinthedirectionofthemonster。
Allwasnowexcitement。
’Henearshim！’saidanelderlyseaman，followingthecaptainthroughhisspy—glass。
’Hestrikeshim！’saidanotherseaman，amerestripling，butalsowithaspy—glass。
’Hetowshimtowardsus！’saidanotherseaman，amaninthefullvigouroflife，butalsowithaspy—glass。
Infact，thecaptainwasseenapproaching，withthehugebulkfollowing。Wewillnotdwellonthedeafeningcriesof’Boldheart！
Boldheart！’withwhichhewasreceived，when，carelesslyleapingonthequarter—deck，hepresentedhisprizetohismen。Theyafterwardsmadetwothousandfourhundredandseventeenpoundtenandsixpencebyit。
Orderingthesailtobebracedup，thecaptainnowstoodW。N。W。
’TheBeauty’flewratherthanfloatedoverthedarkbluewaters。
Nothingparticularoccurredforafortnight，excepttaking，withconsiderableslaughter，fourSpanishgalleons，andasnowfromSouthAmerica，allrichlyladen。Inactionbegantotelluponthespiritsofthemen。Capt。Boldheartcalledallhandsaft，andsaid，’Mylads，Iheartherearediscontentedonesamongye。Letanysuchstandforth。’
Aftersomemurmuring，inwhichtheexpressions，’Ay，ay，sir！’
’UnionJack，’’Avast，’’Starboard，’’Port，’’Bowsprit，’andsimilarindicationsofamutinousundercurrent，thoughsubdued，wereaudible，BillBoozey，captainoftheforetop，cameoutfromtherest。Hisformwasthatofagiant，buthequailedunderthecaptain’seye。
’Whatareyourwrongs？’saidthecaptain。
’Why，d’yesee，Capt。Boldheart，’repliedthetoweringmanner，’I’vesailed，manandboy，formanyayear，butIneveryetknow’dthemilkservedoutfortheship’scompany’steastobesosouras’tisaboardthiscraft。’
Atthismomentthethrillingcry，’Manoverboard！’announcedtotheastonishedcrewthatBoozey，insteppingback，asthecaptain（inmerethoughtfulness）laidhishanduponthefaithfulpocket—pistolwhichheworeinhisbelt，hadlosthisbalance，andwasstrugglingwiththefoamingtide。
Allwasnowstupefaction。
ButwithCapt。Boldheart，tothrowoffhisuniformcoat，regardlessofthevariousrichorderswithwhichitwasdecorated，andtoplungeintotheseaafterthedrowninggiant，wastheworkofamoment。Maddeningwastheexcitementwhenboatswerelowered；
intensethejoywhenthecaptainwasseenholdingupthedrowningmanwithhisteeth；deafeningthecheeringwhenbothwererestoredtothemaindeckof’TheBeauty。’And，fromtheinstantofhischanginghiswetclothesfordryones，Capt。BoldhearthadnosuchdevotedthoughhumblefriendasWilliamBoozey。
Boldheartnowpointedtothehorizon，andcalledtheattentionofhiscrewtothetapersparsofashiplyingsnuginharbourunderthegunsofafort。
’Sheshallbeoursatsunrise，’saidhe。’Serveoutadoubleallowanceofgrog，andprepareforaction。’
Allwasnowpreparation。
Whenmorningdawned，afterasleeplessnight，itwasseenthatthestrangerwascrowdingonallsailtocomeoutoftheharbourandofferbattle。Asthetwoshipscamenearertoeachother，thestrangerfiredagunandhoistedRomancolours。BoldheartthenperceivedhertobetheLatin—grammarmaster’sbark。Suchindeedshewas，andhadbeentackingabouttheworldinunavailingpursuit，fromthetimeofhisfirsttakingtoarovinglife。
Boldheartnowaddressedhismen，promisingtoblowthemupifheshouldfeelconvincedthattheirreputationrequiredit，andgivingordersthattheLatin—grammarmastershouldbetakenalive。Hethendismissedthemtotheirquarters，andthefightbeganwithabroadsidefrom’TheBeauty。’Shethenveeredaround，andpouredinanother。’TheScorpion’（sowasthebarkoftheLatin—grammarmasterappropriatelycalled）wasnotslowtoreturnherfire；andaterrificcannonadingensued，inwhichthegunsof’TheBeauty’didtremendousexecution。
TheLatin—grammarmasterwasseenuponthepoop，inthemidstofthesmokeandfire，encouraginghismen。Todohimjustice，hewasnocraven，thoughhiswhitehat，hisshortgraytrousers，andhislongsnuff—colouredsurtoutreachingtohisheels（theself—samecoatinwhichhehadspitedBoldheart），contrastedmostunfavourablywiththebrilliantuniformofthelatter。Atthismoment，Boldheart，seizingapikeandputtinghimselfattheheadofhismen，gavethewordtoboard。
Adesperateconflictensuedinthehammock—nettings，—orsomewhereinaboutthatdirection，—untiltheLatin—grammarmaster，havingallhismastsgone，hishullandriggingshotthrough，andseeingBoldheartslashingapathtowardshim，hauleddownhisflaghimself，gaveuphisswordtoBoldheart，andaskedforquarter。
Scarcehadhebeenputintothecaptain’sboat，ere’TheScorpion’
wentdownwithallonboard。
OnCapt。Boldheart’snowassemblinghismen，acircumstanceoccurred。Hefounditnecessarywithoneblowofhiscutlasstokillthecook，who，havinglosthisbrotherinthelateaction，wasmakingattheLatin—grammarmasterinaninfuriatedstate，intentonhisdestructionwithacarving—knife。
Capt。BoldheartthenturnedtotheLatin—grammarmaster，severelyreproachinghimwithhisperfidy，andputittohiscrewwhattheyconsideredthatamasterwhospitedaboydeserved。
Theyansweredwithonevoice，’Death。’
’Itmaybeso，’saidthecaptain；’butitshallneverbesaidthatBoldheartstainedhishouroftriumphwiththebloodofhisenemy。
Preparethecutter。’
Thecutterwasimmediatelyprepared。
’Withouttakingyourlife，’saidthecaptain，’Imustyetforeverdepriveyouofthepowerofspitingotherboys。Ishallturnyouadriftinthisboat。Youwillfindinhertwooars，acompass，abottleofrum，asmallcaskofwater，apieceofpork，abagofbiscuit，andmyLatingrammar。Go！andspitethenatives，ifyoucanfindany。’
Deeplyconsciousofthisbittersarcasm，theunhappywretchwasputintothecutter，andwassoonleftfarbehind。Hemadenoefforttorow，butwasseenlyingonhisbackwithhislegsup，whenlastmadeoutbytheship’stelescopes。
Astiffbreezenowbeginningtoblow，Capt。BoldheartgaveorderstokeepherS。S。W。，easingheralittleduringthenightbyfallingoffapointortwoW。byW。，orevenbyW。S。，ifshecomplainedmuch。Hethenretiredforthenight，havingintruthmuchneedofrepose。Inadditiontothefatigueshehadundergone，thisbraveofficerhadreceivedsixteenwoundsintheengagement，buthadnotmentionedit。
Inthemorningawhitesquallcameon，andwassucceededbyothersquallsofvariouscolours。Itthunderedandlightenedheavilyforsixweeks。Hurricanesthensetinfortwomonths。Waterspoutsandtornadoesfollowed。Theoldestsailoronboard—andhewasaveryoldone—hadneverseensuchweather。’TheBeauty’lostallideawhereshewas，andthecarpenterreportedsixfeettwoofwaterinthehold。Everybodyfellsenselessatthepumpseveryday。
Provisionsnowranverylow。Ourheroputthecrewonshortallowance，andputhimselfonshorterallowancethananymanintheship。Buthisspiritkepthimfat。Inthisextremity，thegratitudeofBoozey，thecaptainoftheforetop，whomourreadersmayremember，wastrulyaffecting。ThelovingthoughlowlyWilliamrepeatedlyrequestedtobekilled，andpreservedforthecaptain’stable。
Wenowapproachachangeofaffairs。Onedayduringagleamofsunshine，andwhentheweatherhadmoderated，themanatthemasthead—tooweaknowtotouchhishat，besidesitshavingbeenblownaway—calledout，’Savages！’
Allwasnowexpectation。
Presentlyfifteenhundredcanoes，eachpaddledbytwentysavages，wereseenadvancinginexcellentorder。Theywereofalightgreencolour（thesavageswere），andsang，withgreatenergy，thefollowingstrain：
Chooachooachootooth。
Muntch，muntch。Nycey！
Chooachooachootooth。
Muntch，muntch。Nycey！
Astheshadesofnightwerebythistimeclosingin，theseexpressionsweresupposedtoembodythissimplepeople’sviewsoftheeveninghymn。Butittoosoonappearedthatthesongwasatranslationof’Forwhatwearegoingtoreceive，’&c。
Thechief，imposinglydecoratedwithfeathersoflivelycolours，andhavingthemajesticappearanceofafightingparrot，nosoonerunderstood（heunderstoodEnglishperfectly）thattheshipwas’TheBeauty，’Capt。Boldheart，thanhefelluponhisfaceonthedeck，andcouldnotbepersuadedtoriseuntilthecaptainhadliftedhimup，andtoldhimhewouldn’thurthim。Alltherestofthesavagesalsofellontheirfaceswithmarksofterror，andhadalsotobelifteduponebyone。ThusthefameofthegreatBoldhearthadgonebeforehim，evenamongthesechildrenofNature。
Turtlesandoysterswerenowproducedinastonishingnumbers；andontheseandyamsthepeoplemadeaheartymeal。AfterdinnerthechieftoldCapt。Boldheartthattherewasbetterfeedingupatthevillage，andthathewouldbegladtotakehimandhisofficersthere。Apprehensiveoftreachery，Boldheartorderedhisboat’screwtoattendhimcompletelyarmed。Andwellwereitforothercommandersiftheirprecautions—butletusnotanticipate。
Whenthecanoesarrivedatthebeach，thedarknessofthenightwasilluminedbythelightofanimmensefire。Orderinghisboat’screw（withtheintrepidthoughilliterateWilliamattheirhead）tokeepcloseandbeupontheirguard，Boldheartbravelywenton，arminarmwiththechief。
Buthowtodepictthecaptain’ssurprisewhenhefoundaringofsavagessinginginchorusthatbarbaroustranslationof’Forwhatwearegoingtoreceive，’&c。，whichhasbeengivenabove，anddancinghandinhandroundtheLatin—grammarmaster，inahamperwithhisheadshaved，whiletwosavagesflouredhim，beforeputtinghimtothefiretobecooked！
Boldheartnowtookcounselwithhisofficersonthecoursetobeadopted。Inthemeantime，themiserablecaptiveneverceasedbeggingpardonandimploringtobedelivered。OnthegenerousBoldheart’sproposal，itwasatlengthresolvedthatheshouldnotbecooked，butshouldbeallowedtoremainraw，ontwoconditions，namely：
1。Thatheshouldnever，underanycircumstances，presumetoteachanyboyanythinganymore。
2。That，iftakenbacktoEngland，heshouldpasshislifeintravellingtofindoutboyswhowantedtheirexercisesdone，andshoulddotheirexercisesforthoseboysfornothing，andneversayawordaboutit。
Drawingtheswordfromitssheath，Boldheartsworehimtotheseconditionsonitsshiningblade。Theprisonerweptbitterly，andappearedacutelytofeeltheerrorsofhispastcareer。
Thecaptainthenorderedhisboat’screwtomakereadyforavolley，andafterfiringtore—loadquickly。’Andexpectascoreortwoonyetogoheadoverheels，’murmuredWilliamBoozey；’forI’ma—lookingatye。’Withthosewords，thederisivethoughdeadlyWilliamtookagoodaim。
’Fire！’
TheringingvoiceofBoldheartwaslostinthereportofthegunsandthescreechingofthesavages。Volleyaftervolleyawakenedthenumerousechoes。Hundredsofsavageswerekilled，hundredswounded，andthousandsranhowlingintothewoods。TheLatin—
grammarmasterhadasparenight—caplenthim，andalong—tailcoat，whichheworehindsidebefore。Hepresentedaludicrousthoughpitiableappearance，andservehimright。
WenowfindCapt。Boldheart，withthisrescuedwretchonboard，standingoffforotherislands。Atoneofthese，notacannibalisland，butaporkandvegetableone，hemarried（onlyinfunonhispart）theking’sdaughter。Hereherestedsometime，receivingfromthenativesgreatquantitiesofpreciousstones，golddust，elephants’teeth，andsandalwood，andgettingveryrich。This，too，thoughhealmosteverydaymadepresentsofenormousvaluetohismen。
Theshipbeingatlengthasfullasshecouldholdofallsortsofvaluablethings，Boldheartgaveorderstoweightheanchor，andturn’TheBeauty’s’headtowardsEngland。Theseorderswereobeyedwiththreecheers；anderethesunwentdownfullmanyahornpipehadbeendancedondeckbytheuncouththoughagileWilliam。
WenextfindCapt。BoldheartaboutthreeleaguesoffMadeira，surveyingthroughhisspy—glassastrangerofsuspiciousappearancemakingsailtowardshim。Onhisfiringagunaheadofhertobringherto，sheranupaflag，whichheinstantlyrecognisedastheflagfromthemastintheback—gardenathome。
Inferringfromthis，thathisfatherhadputtoseatoseekhislong—lostson，thecaptainsenthisownboatonboardthestrangertoinquireifthiswasso，and，ifso，whetherhisfather’sintentionswerestrictlyhonourable。Theboatcamebackwithapresentofgreensandfreshmeat，andreportedthatthestrangerwas’TheFamily，’oftwelvehundredtons，andhadnotonlythecaptain’sfatheronboard，butalsohismother，withthemajorityofhisauntsanduncles，andallhiscousins。ItwasfurtherreportedtoBoldheartthatthewholeoftheserelationshadexpressedthemselvesinabecomingmanner，andwereanxioustoembracehimandthankhimforthegloriouscredithehaddonethem。
Boldheartatonceinvitedthemtobreakfastnextmorningonboard’TheBeauty，’andgaveordersforabrilliantballthatshouldlastallday。
ItwasinthecourseofthenightthatthecaptaindiscoveredthehopelessnessofreclaimingtheLatin—grammarmaster。Thatthanklesstraitorwasfoundout，asthetwoshipslayneareachother，communicatingwith’TheFamily’bysignals，andofferingtogiveupBoldheart。Hewashangedattheyard—armthefirstthinginthemorning，afterhavingitimpressivelypointedouttohimbyBoldheartthatthiswaswhatspiterscameto。
Themeetingbetweenthecaptainandhisparentswasattendedwithtears。Hisunclesandauntswouldhaveattendedtheirmeetingwithtearstoo，buthewasn’tgoingtostandthat。Hiscousinswereverymuchastonishedbythesizeofhisshipandthedisciplineofhismen，andweregreatlyovercomebythesplendourofhisuniform。
Hekindlyconductedthemroundthevessel，andpointedouteverythingworthyofnotice。Healsofiredhishundredguns，andfounditamusingtowitnesstheiralarm。
Theentertainmentsurpassedeverythingeverseenonboardship，andlastedfromteninthemorninguntilseventhenextmorning。Onlyonedisagreeableincidentoccurred。Capt。BoldheartfoundhimselfobligedtoputhiscousinTominirons，forbeingdisrespectful。
Ontheboy’spromisingamendment，however，hewashumanelyreleasedafterafewhours’closeconfinement。
Boldheartnowtookhismotherdownintothegreatcabin，andaskedaftertheyoungladywithwhom，itwaswellknowntotheworld，hewasinlove。HismotherrepliedthattheobjectofhisaffectionswasthenatschoolatMargate，forthebenefitofsea—bathing（itwasthemonthofSeptember），butthatshefearedtheyounglady’sfriendswerestillopposedtotheunion。Boldheartatonceresolved，ifnecessary，tobombardthetown。
Takingthecommandofhisshipwiththisintention，andputtingallbutfightingmenonboard’TheFamily，’withorderstothatvesseltokeepincompany，BoldheartsoonanchoredinMargateRoads。Herehewentashorewell—armed，andattendedbyhisboat’screw（attheirheadthefaithfulthoughferociousWilliam），anddemandedtoseethemayor，whocameoutofhisoffice。
’Dostknowthenameofyonship，mayor？’askedBoldheartfiercely。
’No，’saidthemayor，rubbinghiseyes，whichhecouldscarcebelieve，whenhesawthegoodlyvesselridingatanchor。
’Sheisnamed\"TheBeauty，\"’saidthecaptain。
’Hah！’exclaimedthemayor，withastart。’Andyou，then，areCapt。Boldheart？’
’Thesame。’
Apauseensued。Themayortrembled。
’Now，mayor，’saidthecaptain，’choose！Helpmetomybride，orbebombarded。’
Themayorbeggedfortwohours’grace，inwhichtomakeinquiriesrespectingtheyounglady。Boldheartaccordedhimbutone；andduringthatoneplacedWilliamBoozeysentryoverhim，withadrawnsword，andinstructionstoaccompanyhimwhereverhewent，andtorunhimthroughthebodyifheshowedasignofplayingfalse。
Attheendofthehourthemayorre—appearedmoredeadthanalive，closelywaitedonbyBoozeymorealivethandead。
’Captain，’saidthemayor，’Ihaveascertainedthattheyoungladyisgoingtobathe。Evennowshewaitsherturnforamachine。Thetideislow，thoughrising。I，inoneofourtown—boats，shallnotbesuspected。Whenshecomesforthinherbathing—dressintotheshallowwaterfrombehindthehoodofthemachine，myboatshallinterceptherandpreventherreturn。Doyoutherest。’
’Mayor，’returnedCapt。Boldheart，’thouhastsavedthytown。’
Thecaptainthensignalledhisboattotakehimoff，and，steeringherhimself，orderedhercrewtorowtowardsthebathing—ground，andtheretorestupontheiroars。Allhappenedashadbeenarranged。Hislovelybridecameforth，themayorglidedinbehindher，shebecameconfused，andhadfloatedoutofherdepth，when，withoneskilfultouchoftherudderandonequiveringstrokefromtheboat’screw，heradoringBoldheartheldherinhisstrongarms。
Therehershrieksofterrorwerechangedtocriesofjoy。
Before’TheBeauty’couldgetunderway，thehoistingofalltheflagsinthetownandharbour，andtheringingofallthebells，announcedtothebraveBoldheartthathehadnothingtofear。Hethereforedeterminedtobemarriedonthespot，andsignalledforaclergymanandclerk，whocameoffpromptlyinasailing—boatnamed’TheSkylark。’Anothergreatentertainmentwasthengivenonboard’TheBeauty，’inthemidstofwhichthemayorwascalledoutbyamessenger。HereturnedwiththenewsthatgovernmenthadsentdowntoknowwhetherCapt。Boldheart，inacknowledgmentofthegreatserviceshehaddonehiscountrybybeingapirate，wouldconsenttobemadealieutenant—colonel。Forhimselfhewouldhavespurnedtheworthlessboon；buthisbridewishedit，andheconsented。
Onlyonethingfurtherhappenedbeforethegoodship’Family’wasdismissed，withrichpresentstoallonboard。Itispainfultorecord（butsuchishumannatureinsomecousins）thatCapt。
Boldheart’sunmannerlyCousinTomwasactuallytieduptoreceivethreedozenwitharope’send’forcheekinessandmakinggame，’
whenCapt。Boldheart’sladybeggedforhim，andhewasspared。
’TheBeauty’thenrefitted，andthecaptainandhisbridedepartedfortheIndianOceantoenjoythemselvesforevermore。
PARTIV。—ROMANCEFROMTHEPENOFMISSNETTIEASHFORD（Agedhalf—
pastsix。）
THEREisacountry，whichIwillshowyouwhenIgetintomaps，wherethechildrenhaveeverythingtheirownway。Itisamostdelightfulcountrytolivein。Thegrown—uppeopleareobligedtoobeythechildren，andareneverallowedtosituptosupper，exceptontheirbirthdays。Thechildrenorderthemtomakejamandjellyandmarmalade，andtartsandpiesandpuddings，andallmannerofpastry。Iftheysaytheywon’t，theyareputinthecornertilltheydo。Theyaresometimesallowedtohavesome；butwhentheyhavesome，theygenerallyhavepowdersgiventhemafterwards。
Oneoftheinhabitantsofthiscountry，atrulysweetyoungcreatureofthenameofMrs。Orange，hadthemisfortunetobesadlyplaguedbyhernumerousfamily。Herparentsrequiredagreatdealoflookingafter，andtheyhadconnectionsandcompanionswhowerescarcelyeveroutofmischief。SoMrs。Orangesaidtoherself，’I
reallycannotbetroubledwiththesetormentsanylonger：Imustputthemalltoschool。’
Mrs。Orangetookoffherpinafore，anddressedherselfverynicely，andtookupherbaby，andwentouttocalluponanotherladyofthenameofMrs。Lemon，whokeptapreparatoryestablishment。Mrs。
Orangestooduponthescrapertopullatthebell，andgivearing—
ting—ting。
Mrs。Lemon’sneatlittlehousemaid，pullinguphersocksasshecamealongthepassage，answeredthering—ting—ting。
’Good—morning，’saidMrs。Orange。’Fineday。Howdoyoudo？Mrs。
Lemonathome！’
’Yes，ma’am。’
’WillyousayMrs。Orangeandbaby？’
’Yes，ma’am。Walkin。’
Mrs。Orange’sbabywasaveryfineone，andrealwaxallover。
Mrs。Lemon’sbabywasleatherandbran。However，whenMrs。Lemoncameintothedrawing—roomwithherbabyinherarms，Mrs。Orangesaidpolitely，’Good—morning。Fineday。Howdoyoudo？AndhowislittleTootleumboots？’
’Well，sheisbutpoorly。Cuttingherteeth，ma’am，’saidMrs。
Lemon。
’O，indeed，ma’am！’saidMrs。Orange。’Nofits，Ihope？’
’No，ma’am。’
’Howmanyteethhasshe，ma’am？’
’Five，ma’am。’
’MyEmilia，ma’am，haseight，’saidMrs。Orange。’Shallwelaythemonthemantelpiecesidebyside，whileweconverse？’
’Byallmeans，ma’am，’saidMrs。Lemon。’Hem！’
’Thefirstquestionis，ma’am，’saidMrs。Orange，’Idon’tboreyou？’
’Notintheleast，ma’am，’saidMrs。Lemon。’Farfromit，Iassureyou。’
’ThenprayHAVEyou，’saidMrs。Orange，—’HAVEyouanyvacancies？’
’Yes，ma’am。Howmanymightyourequire？’
’Why，thetruthis，ma’am，’saidMrs。Orange，’Ihavecometotheconclusionthatmychildren，’—O，Iforgottosaythattheycallthegrown—uppeoplechildreninthatcountry！—’thatmychildrenaregettingpositivelytoomuchforme。Letmesee。Twoparents，twointimatefriendsoftheirs，onegodfather，twogodmothers，andanaunt。HAVEyouasmanyaseightvacancies？’
’Ihavejusteight，ma’am，’saidMrs。Lemon。
’Mostfortunate！Termsmoderate，Ithink？’
’Verymoderate，ma’am。’
’Dietgood，Ibelieve？’
’Excellent，ma’am。’
’Unlimited？’
’Unlimited。’
’Mostsatisfactory！Corporalpunishmentdispensedwith？’
’Why，wedooccasionallyshake，’saidMrs。Lemon，’andwehaveslapped。Butonlyinextremecases。’
’COULDI，ma’am，’saidMrs。Orange，—’COULDIseetheestablishment？’
’Withthegreatestofpleasure，ma’am，’saidMrs。Lemon。
Mrs。LemontookMrs。Orangeintotheschoolroom，wheretherewereanumberofpupils。’Standup，children，’saidMrs。Lemon；andtheyallstoodup。
Mrs。OrangewhisperedtoMrs。Lemon，’Thereisapale，baldchild，withredwhiskers，indisgrace。MightIaskwhathehasdone？’
’Comehere，White，’saidMrs。Lemon，’andtellthisladywhatyouhavebeendoing。’
’Bettingonhorses，’saidWhitesulkily。
’Areyousorryforit，younaughtychild？’saidMrs。Lemon。
’No，’saidWhite。’Sorrytolose，butshouldn’tbesorrytowin。’
’There’saviciousboyforyou，ma’am，’saidMrs。Lemon。’Goalongwithyou，sir。ThisisBrown，Mrs。Orange。O，asadcase，Brown’s！Neverknowswhenhehashadenough。Greedy。Howisyourgout，sir？’
’Bad，’saidBrown。
’Whatelsecanyouexpect？’saidMrs。Lemon。’Yourstomachisthesizeoftwo。Goandtakeexercisedirectly。Mrs。Black，comeheretome。Now，hereisachild，Mrs。Orange，ma’am，whoisalwaysatplay。Shecan’tbekeptathomeasingledaytogether；alwaysgaddingaboutandspoilingherclothes。Play，play，play，play，frommorningtonight，andtomorningagain。Howcansheexpecttoimprove？’
’Don’texpecttoimprove，’sulkedMrs。Black。’Don’twantto。’
’Thereisaspecimenofhertemper，ma’am，’saidMrs。Lemon。’Toseeherwhensheistearingabout，neglectingeverythingelse，youwouldsupposehertobeatleastgood—humoured。Butblessyou！
ma’am，sheisaspertandflouncingaminxaseveryoumetwithinallyourdays！’
’Youmusthaveagreatdealoftroublewiththem，ma’am，’saidMrs。
Orange。
’Ah，Ihave，indeed，ma’am！’saidMrs。Lemon。’Whatwiththeirtempers，whatwiththeirquarrels，whatwiththeirneverknowingwhat’sgoodforthem，andwhatwiththeiralwayswantingtodomineer，delivermefromtheseunreasonablechildren！’
’Well，Iwishyougood—morning，ma’am，’saidMrs。Orange。
’Well，Iwishyougood—morning，ma’am，’saidMrs。Lemon。
SoMrs。Orangetookupherbabyandwenthome，andtoldthefamilythatplaguedhersothattheywereallgoingtobesenttoschool。
Theysaidtheydidn’twanttogotoschool；butshepackeduptheirboxes，andpackedthemoff。
’Odearme，dearme！Restandbethankful！’saidMrs。Orange，throwingherselfbackinherlittlearm—chair。’Thosetroublesometroublesaregotridof，pleasethepigs！’
Justthenanotherlady，namedMrs。Alicumpaine，camecallingatthestreet—doorwitharing—ting—ting。
’MydearMrs。Alicumpaine，’saidMrs。Orange，’howdoyoudo？Praystaytodinner。Wehavebutasimplejointofsweet—stuff，followedbyaplaindishofbreadandtreacle；but，ifyouwilltakeusasyoufindus，itwillbeSOkind！’
’Don’tmentionit，’saidMrs。Alicumpaine。’Ishallbetooglad。
ButwhatdoyouthinkIhavecomefor，ma’am？Guess，ma’am。’
’Ireallycannotguess，ma’am，’saidMrs。Orange。
’Why，Iamgoingtohaveasmalljuvenilepartyto—night，’saidMrs。Alicumpaine；’andifyouandMr。Orangeandbabywouldbutjoinus，weshouldbecomplete。’
’Morethancharmed，Iamsure！’saidMrs。Orange。
’Sokindofyou！’saidMrs。Alicumpaine。’ButIhopethechildrenwon’tboreyou？’
’Dearthings！Notatall，’saidMrs。Orange。’Idoteuponthem。’
Mr。Orangeherecamehomefromthecity；andhecame，too，witharing—ting—ting。
’Jameslove，’saidMrs。Orange，’youlooktired。Whathasbeendoinginthecityto—day？’
’Trap，bat，andball，mydear，’saidMr。Orange，’anditknocksamanup。’
’Thatdreadfullyanxiouscity，ma’am，’saidMrs。OrangetoMrs。
Alicumpaine；’sowearing，isitnot？’
’O，sotrying！’saidMrs。Alicumpaine。’Johnhaslatelybeenspeculatinginthepeg—topring；andIoftensaytohimatnight，\"John，IStheresultworththewearandtear？\"’
Dinnerwasreadybythistime：sotheysatdowntodinner；andwhileMr。Orangecarvedthejointofsweet—stuff，hesaid，’It’sapoorheartthatneverrejoices。Jane，godowntothecellar，andfetchabottleoftheUpestginger—beer。’
Attea—time，Mr。andMrs。Orange，andbaby，andMrs。AlicumpainewentofftoMrs。Alicumpaine’shouse。Thechildrenhadnotcomeyet；buttheball—roomwasreadyforthem，decoratedwithpaperflowers。
’Howverysweet！’saidMrs。Orange。’Thedearthings！Howpleasedtheywillbe！’
’Idon’tcareforchildrenmyself，’saidMr。Orange，gaping。
’Notforgirls？’saidMrs。Alicumpaine。’Come！youcareforgirls？’
Mr。Orangeshookhishead，andgapedagain。’Frivolousandvain，ma’am。’
’MydearJames，’criedMrs。Orange，whohadbeenpeepingabout，’dolookhere。Here’sthesupperforthedarlings，readylaidintheroombehindthefolding—doors。Here’stheirlittlepickledsalmon，Idodeclare！Andhere’stheirlittlesalad，andtheirlittleroastbeefandfowls，andtheirlittlepastry，andtheirwee，wee，weechampagne！’
’Yes，Ithoughtitbest，ma’am，’saidMrs。Alicumpaine，’thattheyshouldhavetheirsupperbythemselves。Ourtableisinthecornerhere，wherethegentlemencanhavetheirwineglassofnegus，andtheiregg—sandwich，andtheirquietgameatbeggar—my—neighbour，andlookon。Asforus，ma’am，weshallhavequiteenoughtodotomanagethecompany。’
’O，indeed，youmaysayso！Quiteenough，ma’am，’saidMrs。
Orange。
Thecompanybegantocome。Thefirstofthemwasastoutboy，withawhitetop—knotandspectacles。Thehousemaidbroughthiminandsaid，’Compliments，andatwhattimewashetobefetched！’Mrs。
Alicumpainesaid，’Notamomentlaterthanten。Howdoyoudo，sir？Goandsitdown。’Thenanumberofotherchildrencame；boysbythemselves，andgirlsbythemselves，andboysandgirlstogether。Theydidn’tbehaveatallwell。Someofthemlookedthroughquizzing—glassesatothers，andsaid，’Whoarethose？
Don’tknowthem。’Someofthemlookedthroughquizzing—glassesatothers，andsaid，’Howdo？’Someofthemhadcupsofteaorcoffeehandedtothembyothers，andsaid，’Thanks；much！’Agoodmanyboysstoodabout，andfelttheirshirt—collars。FourtiresomefatboysWOULDstandinthedoorway，andtalkaboutthenewspapers，tillMrs。Alicumpainewenttothemandsaid，’Mydears，Ireallycannotallowyoutopreventpeoplefromcomingin。Ishallbetrulysorrytodoit；but，ifyouputyourselfineverybody’sway，Imustpositivelysendyouhome。’Oneboy，withabeardandalargewhitewaistcoat，whostoodstraddlingonthehearth—rugwarminghiscoat—tails，WASsenthome。’Highlyincorrect，mydear，’saidMrs。Alicumpaine，handinghimoutoftheroom，’andI
cannotpermitit。’
Therewasachildren’sband，—harp，cornet，andpiano，—andMrs。
AlicumpaineandMrs。Orangebustledamongthechildrentopersuadethemtotakepartnersanddance。Buttheyweresoobstinate！Forquitealongtimetheywouldnotbepersuadedtotakepartnersanddance。Mostoftheboyssaid，’Thanks；much！Butnotatpresent。’
Andmostoftherestoftheboyssaid，’Thanks；much！Butneverdo。’
’O，thesechildrenareverywearing！’saidMrs。AlicumpainetoMrs。
Orange。
’Dearthings！Idoteuponthem；buttheyAREwearing，’saidMrs。
OrangetoMrs。Alicumpaine。
Atlasttheydidbegininaslowandmelancholywaytoslideabouttothemusic；thougheventhentheywouldn’tmindwhattheyweretold，butwouldhavethispartner，andwouldn’thavethatpartner，andshowedtemperaboutit。Andtheywouldn’tsmile，—no，notonanyaccounttheywouldn’t；but，whenthemusicstopped，wentroundandroundtheroomindismaltwos，asifeverybodyelsewasdead。
’O，it’sveryhardindeedtogetthesevexingchildrentobeentertained！’saidMrs。AlicumpainetoMrs。Orange。
’Idoteuponthedarlings；butitishard，’saidMrs。OrangetoMrs。Alicumpaine。
Theyweretryingchildren，that’sthetruth。First，theywouldn’tsingwhentheywereasked；andthen，wheneverybodyfullybelievedtheywouldn’t，theywould。’Ifyouserveussoanymore，mylove，’
saidMrs。Alicumpainetoatallchild，withagooddealofwhiteback，inmauvesilktrimmedwithlace，’itwillbemypainfulprivilegetoofferyouabed，andtosendyoutoitimmediately。’
Thegirlsweresoridiculouslydressed，too，thattheywereinragsbeforesupper。Howcouldtheboyshelptreadingontheirtrains？
Andyetwhentheirtrainsweretroddenon，theyoftenshowedtemperagain，andlookedasblack，theydid！However，theyallseemedtobepleasedwhenMrs。Alicumpainesaid，’Supperisready，children！’
Andtheywentcrowdingandpushingin，asiftheyhadhaddrybreadfordinner。
’Howarethechildrengettingon？’saidMr。OrangetoMrs。Orange，whenMrs。Orangecametolookafterbaby。Mrs。OrangehadleftbabyonashelfnearMr。Orangewhileheplayedatbeggar—my—
neighbour，andhadaskedhimtokeephiseyeuponhernowandthen。
’Mostcharmingly，mydear！’saidMrs。Orange。’Sodrolltoseetheirlittleflirtationsandjealousies！Docomeandlook！’
’Muchobligedtoyou，mydear，’saidMr。Orange；’butIdon’tcareaboutchildrenmyself。’
SoMrs。Orange，havingseenthatbabywassafe，wentbackwithoutMr。Orangetotheroomwherethechildrenwerehavingsupper。
’Whataretheydoingnow？’saidMrs。OrangetoMrs。Alicumpaine。
’Theyaremakingspeeches，andplayingatparliament，’saidMrs。
AlicumpainetoMrs。Orange。
Onhearingthis，Mrs。OrangesetoffoncemorebackagaintoMr。
Orange，andsaid，’Jamesdear，docome。Thechildrenareplayingatparliament。’
’Thankyou，mydear，’saidMr。Orange，’butIdon’tcareaboutparliamentmyself。’
SoMrs。OrangewentonceagainwithoutMr。Orangetotheroomwherethechildrenwerehavingsupper，toseethemplayingatparliament。
Andshefoundsomeoftheboyscrying，’Hear，hear，hear！’whileotherboyscried’No，no！’andothers，’Question！’’Spoke！’andallsortsofnonsensethateveryouheard。Thenoneofthosetiresomefatboyswhohadstoppedthedoorwaytoldthemhewasonhislegs（asiftheycouldn’tseethathewasn’tonhishead，oronhisanythingelse）toexplain，andthat，withthepermissionofhishonourablefriend，ifhewouldallowhimtocallhimso（anothertiresomeboybowed），hewouldproceedtoexplain。Thenhewentonforalongtimeinasing—song（whateverhemeant），didthistroublesomefatboy，aboutthatheheldinhishandaglass；andaboutthathehadcomedowntothathousethatnighttodischargewhathewouldcallapublicduty；andaboutthat，onthepresentoccasion，hewouldlayhishand（hisotherhand）uponhisheart，andwouldtellhonourablegentlementhathewasabouttoopenthedoortogeneralapproval。Thenheopenedthedoorbysaying，’Toourhostess！’andeverybodyelsesaid’Toourhostess！’andthentherewerecheers。Thenanothertiresomeboystartedupinsing—
song，andthenhalfadozennoisyandnonsensicalboysatonce。
ButatlastMrs。Alicumpainesaid，’Icannothavethisdin。Now，children，youhaveplayedatparliamentverynicely；butparliamentgetstiresomeafteralittlewhile，andit’stimeyouleftoff，foryouwillsoonbefetched。’
Afteranotherdance（withmoretearingtoragsthanbeforesupper），theybegantobefetched；andyouwillbeverygladtobetoldthatthetiresomefatboywhohadbeenonhislegswaswalkedofffirstwithoutanyceremony。Whentheywereallgone，poorMrs。
Alicumpainedroppeduponasofa，andsaidtoMrs。Orange，’Thesechildrenwillbethedeathofmeatlast，ma’am，—theywillindeed！’
’Iquiteadorethem，ma’am，’saidMrs。Orange；’buttheyDOwantvariety。’
Mr。Orangegothishat，andMrs。Orangegotherbonnetandherbaby，andtheysetouttowalkhome。TheyhadtopassMrs。Lemon’spreparatoryestablishmentontheirway。
’Iwonder，Jamesdear，’saidMrs。Orange，lookingupatthewindow，’whetherthepreciouschildrenareasleep！’
’Idon’tcaremuchwhethertheyareornot，myself，’saidMr。
Orange。
’Jamesdear！’
’Youdoteuponthem，youknow，’saidMr。Orange。’That’sanotherthing。’
’Ido，’saidMrs。Orangerapturously。’O，IDO！’
’Idon’t，’saidMr。Orange。
’ButIwasthinking，Jameslove，’saidMrs。Orange，pressinghisarm，’whetherourdear，good，kindMrs。Lemonwouldlikethemtostaytheholidayswithher。’
’Ifshewaspaidforit，Idaresayshewould，’saidMr。Orange。
’Iadorethem，James，’saidMrs。Orange，’butSUPPOSEwepayher，then！’
Thiswaswhatbroughtthatcountrytosuchperfection，andmadeitsuchadelightfulplacetolivein。Thegrown—uppeople（thatwouldbeinothercountries）soonleftoffbeingallowedanyholidaysafterMr。andMrs。Orangetriedtheexperiment；andthechildren（thatwouldbeinothercountries）keptthematschoolaslongasevertheylived，andmadethemdowhatevertheyweretold。