第66章
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  “Specialrisks“becamefrequent。Ilethimexplainhimselfout。

  ItappearedhewasalsodemandinganapologyforsomethingIhadsaid。NodoubtIhadinsultedhimgenerously。Atlastcamedefiniteoffers。Ibrokemysilenceandbargained。

  “Pollack!”Icriedandhammeredthepartition。

  “What’sup?”askedPollack。

  Istatedthecaseconcisely。

  Therecameasilence。

  “He’saCard。”saidPollack。“Let’sgivehimhiscommission。I

  don’tmind。”

  “Eh?”Icried。

  “IsaidhewasaCard,that’sall。”saidPollack。“I’mcoming。”

  Heappearedinmydoorwayafaintwhitefigurejoinedourvehementwhisperings。

  Wehadtobuythecaptainoff;wehadtopromisehimtenpercent。ofourproblematicalprofits。Weweretogivehimtenpercent。onwhatwesoldthecargoforoverandabovehislegitimatepay,andIfoundinmyout-bargainedanddisorderedstatesmallconsolationinthethoughtthatI,astheGordon-Nasmythexpedition,wastosellthestufftomyselfasBusinessOrganisations。Andhefurtherexasperatedmebyinsistingonhavingourbargaininwriting。“Intheformofaletter。”heinsisted。

  “Allright。”Iacquiesced,“intheformofaletter。Heregoes!

  Getalight!”

  “Andtheapology。”hesaid,foldinguptheletter。

  “Allright。”Isaid;“Apology。”

  MyhandshookwithangerasIwrote,andafterwardsIcouldnotsleepforhateofhim。AtlastIgotup。Isuffered,Ifound,fromanunusualclumsiness。Istruckmytoeagainstmycabindoor,andcutmyselfasIshaved。Ifoundmyselfatlastpacingthedeckunderthedawninamoodofextremeexasperation。ThesunroseabruptlyandsplashedlightblindinglyintomyeyesandIsworeatthesun。Ifoundmyselfimaginingfreshobstacleswiththemenandtalkingaloudinanticipatoryrehearsaloftheconsequentrow。

  Themalariaofthequapwasalreadyinmyblood。

  SoonerorlatertheridiculousembargothatnowliesuponallthecoasteastwardofMordetIslandwillbeliftedandtherealityofthedepositsofquapascertained。Iamsurethatweweremerelytakingtheoutcropofastratumofnodulateddepositsthatdipsteeplyseaward。Thoseheapsweremerelythecrumbledoutcontentsoftwoirregularcavitiesintherock;theyareasnaturalasanytalusorheapofthatkind,andthemudalongtheedgeofthewaterformilesismixedwithquap,andisradio-activeandlifelessandfaintlyphosphorescentatnight。

  ButthereaderwillfindthefullparticularsofmyimpressionofallthisintheGeologicalMagazineforOctober,l905,andtothatImustreferhim。There,too,hewillfindmyunconfirmedtheoriesofitsnature。IfIamrightitissomethingfarmoresignificantfromthescientificpointofviewthanthoseincidentalconstituentsofvariousraremetals,pitchblende,rutile,andthelike,uponwhichtherevolutionarydiscoveriesofthelastdecadearebased。Thosearejustlittlemolecularcentresofdisintegration,ofthatmysteriousdecayandrottingofthoseelements,elementsonceregardedasthemoststablethingsinnature。Butthereissomething——theonlywordthatcomesnearitisCANCEROUS——andthatisnotverynear,aboutthewholeofquap,somethingthatcreepsandlivesasadiseaselivesbydestroying;anelementalstirringanddisarrangement,incalculablymaleficentandstrange。

  Thisisnoimaginativecomparisonofmine。Tomymindradio-activityisarealdiseaseofmatter。Moreover,itisacontagiousdisease。Itspreads。Youbringthosedebasedandcrumblingatomsnearothersandthosetoopresentlycatchthetrickofswingingthemselvesoutofcoherentexistence。Itisinmatterexactlywhatthedecayofouroldcultureisinsociety,alossoftraditionsanddistinctionsandassuredreactions。WhenIthinkoftheseinexplicabledissolventcentresthathavecomeintobeinginourglobe——thesequapheapsaresurelybyfarthelargestthathaveyetbeenfoundintheworld;

  therestasyetmerespecksingrainsandcrystals——Iamhauntedbyagrotesquefancyoftheultimateeatingawayanddry-rottinganddispersalofallourworld。Sothatwhilemanstillstrugglesanddreamshisverysubstancewillchangeandcrumblefrombeneathhim。Imentionthishereasaqueerpersistentfancy。Suppose,indeed,thatistobetheendofourplanet;nosplendidclimaxandfinale,notoweringaccumulationofachievements,butjust——atomicdecay!Iaddthattotheideasofthesuffocatingcomet,thedarkbodyoutofspace,theburningoutofthesun,thedistortedorbit,asanewandfarmorepossibleend——asSciencecanseeends——tothisstrangeby-playofmatterthatwecallhumanlife。Idonotbelievethiscanbetheend;nohumansoulcanbelieveinsuchanendandgoonliving,buttoitsciencepointsasapossiblething,scienceandreasonalike。Ifsinglehumanbeings——ifonesinglerickettyinfant——canbebornasitwerebyaccidentanddiefutile,whynotthewholerace?ThesearequestionsIhaveneveranswered,thatnowIneverattempttoanswer,butthethoughtofquapanditsmysteriesbringsthembacktome。

  Icanwitnessthatthebeachandmudfortwomilesormoreeitherwaywasalifelessbeach——lifelessasIcouldhaveimaginednotropicalmudcouldeverbe,andallthedeadbranchesandleavesandrottingdeadfishandsoforththatdriftedashorebecamepresentlyshrivelledandwhite。Sometimescrocodileswouldcomeupoutofthewaterandbask,andnowandthenwaterbirdswouldexplorethemudandrockyribsthatroseoutofit,inamoodoftransitoryspeculation。Thatwasitsutmostadmiration。Andtheairfeltatoncehotandaustere,dryandblistering,andaltogetherdifferentthewarmmoistembracethathadmetusatourfirstAfricanlandfallandtowhichwehadgrownaccustomed。

  Ibelievethattheprimaryinfluenceofthequapuponuswastoincreasetheconductivityofournerves,butthatisamereunjustifiablespeculationonmypart。Atanyrateitgaveasortofeastwindeffecttolife。Weallbecameirritable,clumsy,languidanddisposedtobeimpatientwithourlanguor。Wemooredthebrigtotherockswithdifficulty,andgotagroundonmudanddecidedtostickthereandtowoffwhenwehaddone——thebottomwasasgreasyasbutter。Oureffortstofixupplanksandsleepersinordertowheelthequapaboardwereasill-conceivedasthatsortofworkcanbe——andthatsortofworkcanattimesbeveryill-conceived。Thecaptainhadasuperstitiousfearofhishold:hebecamewildlygesticulatoryandexpositoryandincompetentatthebarethoughtofit。Hisshoutsstillechoinmymemory,becomingaseachcrisisapproachedlessandlesslikeanyknowntongue。

  ButIcannotnowwritethehistoryofthosedaysofblunderingandtoil:ofhowMilton,oneoftheboys,fellfromaplanktothebeach,thirtyfeetperhaps,withhisbarrowandbrokehisarmandIbelievearib,ofhowIandPollacksetthelimbandnursedhimthroughthefeverthatfollowed,ofhowonemanafteranothersuccumbedtoafeverishmalaria,andhowI——byvirtueofmyscientificreputation——wasobligedtoplaythepartofdoctoranddosethemwithquinine,andthenfindingthatworsethannothing,withrumandsmalldosesofEaston’sSyrup,ofwhichtherechancedtobeacaseofbottlesaboard——HeavenandGordon-Nasmythknowwhy。Forthreelongdayswelayinmiseryandnevershippedabarrow-load。Then,whentheyresumed,themen’shandsbrokeoutintosores。Therewerenoglovesavailable;andItriedtogetthem,whiletheyshovelledandwheeled,tocovertheirhandswithstockingsorgreasedrags。

  Theywouldnotdothisonaccountoftheheatanddiscomfort。

  Thisattemptofminedid,however,directtheirattentiontothequapasthesourceoftheirillnessandprecipitatedwhatintheendfinishedourlading,aninformalstrike。“We’vehadenoughofthis。”theysaid,andtheymeantit。Theycameafttosayasmuch。Theycowedthecaptain。

  Throughallthesedaystheweatherwasvariouslyvile,firstafurnaceheatunderaskyofascowlingintensityofblue,thenahotfogthatstuckinone’sthroatlikewoolandturnedthemenontheplanksintocolourlessfiguresofgiants,thenawildburstofthunderstorms,madelementaluproarandrain。Throughitall,againstillness,heat,confusionofmind,onemasterimpetusprevailedwithme,tokeeptheshippinggoing,tomaintainonemotifatleast,whateverelsearoseorceased,thechuffofthespades,thesqueakingandshriekofthebarrows,thepluppa,pluppa,pluppa,asthemencametrottingalongtheswinginghighplanks,andthenatlast,thedollop,dollop,asthestuffshotintothehold。“Anotherbarrow-load,thankGod!

  Anotherfifteenhundred,oritmaybetwothousandpounds,forthesavingofPonderevo!。!”

  IfoundoutmanythingsaboutmyselfandhumanityinthoseweeksofeffortbehindMordetIsland。Iunderstandnowtheheartofthesweater,oftheharshemployer,ofthenigger-driver。Ihadbroughtthesemenintoadangertheydidn’tunderstand,Iwasfiercelyresolvedtoovercometheiroppositionandbendandusethemformypurpose,andIhatedthemen。ButIhatedallhumanityduringthetimethatthequapwasnearme。

  Andmymindwaspervaded,too,byasenseofurgencyandbythefearthatweshouldbediscoveredandourproceedingsstopped。I

  wantedtogetouttoseaagain——tobebeatingupnorthwardwithourplunder。Iwasafraidourmastsshowedtoseawardandmightbetrayustosomecuriouspasseronthehighsea。AndoneeveningneartheendIsawacanoewiththreenativesfaroffdownthelake;Igotfield-glassesfromthecaptainandscrutinisedthem,andIcouldseethemstaringatus。Onemanmighthavebeenahalf-breedandwasdressedinwhite。Theywatchedusforsometimeveryquietlyandthenpaddledoffintosomechannelintheforestshadows。

  Andforthreenightsrunning,sothatittookapainfulgripuponmyinflamedimagination,Idreamtofmyuncle’sface,onlythatitwasghastlywhitelikeaclown’s,andthethroatwascutfromeartoear——alongochreouscut。“Toolate。”hesaid;“Toolate!。”

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