MRSHPassionately。Thenshehassaidthatshecaresforyou！
Don’tbelieveher，PipIt’salie-asbadasyourstome！
CAPTGSsssteady！I’veanotionthatafriendofyoursislookingatyou。
MRSHHe！IhatehimHeintroducedyoutome。
CAPTGAside。AndsomepeoplewouldlikewomentoassistinmakingthelawsIntroductiontoimplycondonementAloud。
Well，yousee，ifyoucanremembersofarbackasthat，Icouldn’t，in’commonpoliteness，refusetheoffer。
MRSHIncommonpolitenessIWehavegotbeyondthat！
CAPTGAside。OldgroundmeansfreshtroubleAloud。OnmyhonorMRSHYourwhat？Ha，ha！
CAPTGDishonor，thenShe’snotwhatyouimagineImeantto-
MRSHDon’ttellmeanythingabouther！Shewon’tcareforyou，andwhenyoucomeback，afterhavingmadeanexhibitionofyourself，you’llfindmeoccupiedwith-
CAPTGInsolently。Youcouldn’twhileIamaliveAside。Ifthatdoesn’tbringherpridetoherrescue，nothingwill。
MRSHDr~wingherselfup。Couldn’tdoit？I’Softening。
You’rerightIdon’tbelieveIcould-thoughyouarewhatyouare-acowardandaliaringrain。
CAPTGItdoesn’thurtsomuchafteryourlittlelecture-withdemonstrations。
MRSHOnemassofvanity！Willnothingevertouchyouinthislife？TheremustbeaHereafterifit’sonlyforthebenefitof-Butyouwillhaveitalltoyourself。
CAPTGUnderhiseyebrows。Areyoucertainofthat？
MRSHIshallhavehadmineinthislife；anditwillservemeright，CAPTGButtheadmirationthatyouinsistedonsostronglyamomentago？Aside。Oh，Iamabrute！
MRSHFiercely。Willthatcon-solemeforknowingthatyouwillgotoherwiththesamewords，thesamearguments，andthe-thesamepetnamesyouusedtome？Andifshecaresforyou，youtwowilllaughovermystoryWon’tthatbepunishmentheavyenoughevenforme-evenforme？-Andit’salluselessThat’sanotherpunishment。
CAPTGFeebly。Oh，come！I’mnotsolowasyouthink。
MRSHNotnow，perhaps，butyouwillbeOh，Pip，ifawomanflattersyourvanity，there’snothingonearththatyouwouldnottellher；andnomeannessthatyouwouldnotdoHaveIknownyousolongwithoutknowingthat？
CAPTGIfyoucantrustmeinnothingelse-andIdon’ts~ewhyI
shouldbetrusted-youcancountuponmyholdingmytongue。
MRSHIfyoudeniedeverythingyou’vesaidthiseveninganddeclareditwasallin’funalongpause，I’dtrustyouNototherwiseAllIaskis，don’ttellhermynamePleasedon’tAmanmightforget：awomanneverwouldLooksuptableandseeshostessbeginningtocollecteyes。Soit’sallended，throughnofaultofmine-Haven’tIbehavedbeautifully？I’veacceptedyourdismissal，andyoumanageditascruellyasyoucould，andI
havemadeyourespectmysex，haven’tI？Arrangingglovesandfan。Ionlypraythatshe’llknowyousomedayasIknowyounow。
Iwouldn’tbeyouthen，forIthinkevenyourconceitwillbehurtI
hopeshe’llpayyoubackthehumiliationyou’vebroughtonmeI
hope-NoIdon’t！Ican’tgiveyouup！ImusthavesomethingtolookforwardtoorIshallgocrazyWhenit’sallover，comebacktome，comebacktome，andyou’llfindthatyou’remyPipstill！
CAPTGVeryclearly。Falsemove，andyoupayforitIt’sagirl！
MRSHRising。Thenitwastrue！Theysaid-butIwouldn’tinsultyoubyaskingAgirl！IwasagirlnotverylongagoBegoodtoher，PipIdaresayshebelievesin’you。
GoesoutwithanuncertainsmileHewatchesherthroughthedoor，andsettlesintoachairasthemenredistributethemselves。
CAPTGNow，ifthereisanyPowerwholooksafterthisworld，willHekindlytellmewhatIhavedone？Reachingoutfortheclaret，andhalfaloud。WhathaveIdone？
WITHANYAMAZEMENT
Andarenotafraidwithanyamazement-
MarriageService。
SCENE-Abachelor’sbedroom-toilet-tablearrangedwithunnaturalneat-nessCAPTAINGADSBYasleepandsnoringheavilyTime，10：30AM-agloriousautumndayatSimlaEnterdelicatelyCaptainMAFFLINofGADSBY’sregimentLooksatsleeper，andshakeshisheadmurmuring“PoorGaddy。”Performsviolentfantasiawithhair-brushesonchairback。
CAPTMWakeup，mysleepingbeauty！Roars。
“Uprouseye，then，mymerrymerrymen！
Itisouropeningday！
Itisouropeningda-ay！”
Gaddy，thelittledicky-birdshavebeenbillingandcooingforeversolong；andI’mhere！
CAPTGSittingupandyawning。’Mornin’Thisisawf’lygoodofyou，oldfellowMostawf’lygoodofyou’Don’tknowwhatI
shoulddowithoutyou’Ponmysoul，Idon’t’Haven’tsleptawinkallnight。
CAPTMIdidn’tgetintillhalf-pasteleven’Hadalookatyouthen，andyouseemedtobesleepingassoundlyasacondemnedcriminal。
CAPTGJack，ifyouwanttomakethosedisgustinglyworn-outjokes，you’dbettergoawayWithportentousgravity。It’sthehappiestdayinmylife。
CAPTMChucklinggrimly。Notbyaverylongchalk，myson。
You’regoingthroughsomeofthemostrefinedtortureyou’veeverknownButbecalmIamwithyou’Shun！Dress！
CAPTGEh！Wha-at？
CAPTMDoyousupposethatyouareyourownmasterforthenexttwelvehours？Ifyoudo，ofcourse-Makesforthedoor。
CAPTGNo！ForGoodness’sake，oldman，don’tdothat！You’llsee~through，won’tyou？I’vebeenmuggingupthatbeastlydrill，andcan’trememberalineofit。
CAPTMOverturningG。’suniform。GoandtubDon’tbotherme。
I’llgiveyoutenminutestodressin。
interval，filledbythenoiseasO/onesplashinginthebath-room……
CAPTGEmergingfromdressing-room。Whattimeisit？
CAPTMNearlyeleven。
CAPTGFivehoursmoreOLord！
CAPTMAside。’Firstsignoffunk，that’Wonderifit’sgoingtospreadAloud。Comealongtobreakfast。
CAPTGIcan’teatanythingIdon’twantanybreakfast。
CAPTMAside。Soearly！Aloud~CAPTAINGamsby，Iorderyoutoeatbreakfast，andadashedgoodbreak-fast，tooNoneofyourbridalairsandgraceswithme！
LeadsGdownstairsandstandsoverhimwhileheeatstwochops。
CAPTGWhohaslookedathiswatchthriceinthelastfiveminutes。Whattimeisit？
CAPTMTimetocomeforawalkLightup。
CAPTGIhaven’tsmokedfortendays，andIwon’tnowTakescherootwhichMhascutforhim，andblowssmokethroughhisnoseluxuriously。Wearen’tgoingdowntheMall，arewe？
CAPTMAside。They’reallalikeinthesestagesAloud。No，myVestalWe’regoingalongthequietestroadwecanfind。
CAPTGAnychanceofseeingHer？CAPTMInnocent！No！
Comealong，and，ifyouwantmeforthefinalobsequies，don’tcutmyeyeoutwithyourstick。
CAPTGSpinninground。Isay，isn’tShethedearestcreaturethateverwalked？What’sthetime？Whatcomesafter“wiltthoutakethiswoman“？
CAPTMYougofortheringR’clectit’llbeonthetopofmyright-handlittlefinger，andjustbecarefulhowyoudrawitoff，becauseIshallhavetheVerger’sfeessomewhereinmyglove。
CAPTGWalkingforwardhastily。D-theVerger！Comealong！
It’spasttwelveandIhaven’tseenHersinceyesterdayevening。
Spinningroundagain。She’sanabsoluteangel，Jack，andShe’sadasheddealtoogoodformeLookhere，doesShecomeuptheaisleonmyarm，orhow？
CAPTMIfIthoughtthattherewastheleastchanceofyourrememberinganythingfortwoconsecutiveminutes，I’dtellyou。
Stoppassagingaboutlikethat！
CAPTGHaltinginhemiddleoftheroad。Isay，Jack。
CAPTMKeepquietforanothertenminutesifyoucan，youlunatic；andwalk！
Thetwotrampatfivemilesanhourforfifteenminutes。
CAPTGWhat’sthetime？Howaboutthecursedwedding-cakeandtheslippers？Theydon’tthrow’emaboutinchurch，dothey？
CAPTMIn-variablyThePadreleadsoffwithhisboots。
CAPTGConfoundyoursillysoul！Don’tmakefunofmeIcan’tstandit，andIwon’t！
CAPTMUntroubled。So-ooo，oldhorseYou’llhavetosleepforacoupleofhoursthisafternoon。
CAPTGSpinninground。I’mnotgoingtobetreatedlikeadashedchildunderstandthatCAPTMAside。Nervesgonetofiddle-stringsWhatadaywe’rehaving！TenderlyputtinghishandonG。’sshoulder。MyDavid，howlonghaveyouknownthisJonathan？WouldIcomeupheretomakeafoolofyou-afteralltheseyears？
CAPTGPenitently。Iknow，Iknow，Jack-butI’masupsetasI
canbeDon’tmindwhatIsayJusthearmerunthroughthedrillandseeifI’vegotitallright：-“Tohaveandtoholdforbetterorworse，asitwasinthebeginning，isnow，andevershallbe，worldwithoutend，sohelpmeGodAmen。”
CAPTMSuffocatingwithsuppressedlaughter。YesThat’saboutthegistofitI’llpromptifyougetintoahat。
CAPTGEarnestly。Yes，you’llstickbyme，Jack，won’tyou？
I’mawfullyhappy，butIdon’tmindtellingyouthatI’minabluefunk！
CAPTMGravely。Areyou？Ishouldneverhavenoticedit。
Youdon’tlooklikeit。
CAPTGDon’tI？That’sallrightSpinninground。Onmysoulandhonor，Jack，She’sthesweetestlittleangelthatevercamedownfromtheskyThereisn’tawomanonearthfittospeaktoHer。
CAPTMAside。AndthisisoldGandy！Aloud。Goonifitrelievesyou。
CAPTGYoucanlaugh！That’sallyouwildassesofbachelorsarefitfor。
CAPTMDrawling。YouneverwouldwaitforthetrooptocomeupYouaren’tquitemarriedyet，y’know。
CAPTGUgh！ThatremindsmeIdon’tbelieveIshallbeabletogetintoanybootsLet’sgohomeandtry’emonHurriesforward。
CAPTM’Wouldn’tbeinyourshoesforanythingthatAsiahastooffer。
CAPTGSpinninground。Thatjustshowsyourhideousblacknessofsoul-yourdensestupidity-yourbrutalnarrow-mindednessThere’sonly~nefaultaboutyouYou’rethebestofgoodfellows，andIdon’tknowwhat[shouldhavedonewithoutyou，but-youaren’tmarriedWagshisheadgravely。
Takeawife，Jack。
CAPTMWithafacelikeawall。Va-asWhoseforchoice？
CAPTGIfyou’regoingtobeablackguard，I’mgoingon-What’sthetime？
CAPTMHums。-
An’since’twasveryclearwedrankonlyginger-beer，Faith，theremustha’beensomestingointheginger。”
Comeback，youmaniacI’mgoingtotakeyouhome，andyou’regoingtoliedown。
CAPTGWhatonearthdoIwanttoliedownfor？
CAPTMGivemealightfromyourcherootandsee。
CAPTGWatchingcheroot-buttquiverlikeatuning-fork。
SweetstateI’min！
CAPTMYouareI’llgetyouapegandyou’llgotosleep。
TheyreturnandMcompoundsafour-fingerpeg。
CAPTGObus！bus！It’llmakemeasdrunkasanowl。
CAPTM’Curiousthing，’twon’thavetheslightesteffectonyou。
Drinkitoff，chuckyourselfdownthere，andgotobye-bye。
CAPTGIt’sabsurdIsha’n’tsleep，IknowIsha’n’tlFallsintoheavydozeatendofsevenminutesCAPTMwatcheshimtenderly。
CAPTMPooroldGandy！I’veseenafewturnedoffbefore，butneveronewhowenttothegallowsinthiscondition’Can’ttellhowitaffects’em，thoughIt’sthethoroughbredsthatsweatwhenthey’rebackedintodouble-harness-Andthat’sthemanwhowentthroughthegunsatAmdheranlikeadevilpossessedofdevils。
LeansoverG。Butthisisworsethantheguns，oldpal-worsethantheguns，isn’tit？Gturnsinhissleep，andMtoucheshimclumsilyontheforehead。Poor，dearoldGaddyIGoingliketherestof’em-goingliketherestof’em-Friendthatstickethcloserthanabrother-eightyearsDashedbitofaslipofagirl-eightweeks！And-where’syourfriend？Smokesdisconsolatelytillchurchclockstrikesthree。
CAPTMUpwithyou！Getintoyourkit。