Yaletooktohimselfaglassoftheoldbrandy，threecheroots，andhisfriend，Martyn；andtheyalllefttheMesstogetherYaleandMartynconferredfortwohoursinYale’squarters；butonlythebull-terrierwhokeepswatchoverYale’sboot-treesknowswhattheysaidAhorse，hoodedandsheetedtohisears，leftYale’sstablesandwastaken，veryunwillingly，intotheCivilLinesYale’sgroomwentwithhimTwomenbrokeintotheRegimentalTheatreandtookseveralpaint-potsandsomelargescenerybrushesThennightfellovertheCantonments，andtherewasanoiseasofahorsekickinghisloose-boxtopiecesinYale’sstablesYalehadabig，old，whiteWalertrap-horse。
ThenextdaywasaThursday，andthemen，hearingthatYalewasgoingtoshoottheDrum-Horseintheevening，determinedtogivethebeastaregularregimentalfuneral——afineronethantheywouldhavegiventheColonelhadhediedjustthenTheygotabullock-cartandsomesacking，andmoundsandmoundsofroses，andthebody，undersacking，wascarriedouttotheplacewheretheanthraxcaseswerecremated；two-thirdsoftheRegimentfollowedTherewasnoBand，buttheyallsang“ThePlacewheretheoldHorsedied“assomethingrespectfulandappropriatetotheoccasionWhenthecorpsewasdumpedintothegraveandthemenbeganthrowingdownarmfulsofrosestocoverit，theFarrier-Sergeantrippedoutanoathandsaidaloud：——“Why，itain’ttheDrum-Horseanymorethanit’sme！”TheTroop-Sergeant-MajorsaskedhimwhetherhehadlefthisheadintheCanteenTheFarrier-SergeantsaidthatheknewtheDrum-Horse’sfeetaswellasheknewhisown；buthewassilencedwhenhesawtheregimentalnumberburntinonthepoorstiff，upturnednear-fore。
ThuswastheDrum-HorseoftheWhiteHussarsburied；theFarrier-
SergeantgrumblingThesackingthatcoveredthecorpsewassmearedinplaceswithblackpaint；andtheFarrier-SergeantdrewattentiontothisfactButtheTroop-Sergeant-MajorofETroopkickedhimseverelyontheshin，andtoldhimthathewasundoubtedlydrunk。
OntheMondayfollowingtheburial，theColonelsoughtrevengeontheWhiteHussarsUnfortunately，beingatthattimetemporarilyinCommandoftheStation，heorderedaBrigadefield-dayHesaidthathewishedtomaketheregiment“sweatfortheirdamnedinsolence。”andhecarriedouthisnotionthoroughlyThatMondaywasoneofthehardestdaysinthememoryoftheWhiteHussars。
Theywerethrownagainstaskeleton-enemy，andpushedforward，andwithdrawn，anddismounted，and“scientificallyhandled“ineverypossiblefashionoverdustycountry，tilltheysweatedprofusely。
Theironlyamusementcamelateintheday，whentheyfelluponthebatteryofHorseArtilleryandchaseditfortwomile’sThiswasapersonalquestion，andmostofthetroopershadmoneyontheevent；
theGunnerssayingopenlythattheyhadthelegsoftheWhiteHussarsTheywerewrongAmarch-pastconcludedthecampaign，andwhentheRegimentgotbacktotheirLines，themenwerecoatedwithdirtfromspurtochin-strap。
TheWhiteHussarshaveonegreatandpeculiarprivilegeTheywonitatFontenoy，Ithink。
ManyRegimentspossessspecialrights，suchaswearingcollarswithundressuniform，orabowofribbonbetweentheshoulders，orredandwhiterosesintheirhelmetsoncertaindaysoftheyearSomerightsareconnectedwithregimentalsaints，andsomewithregimentalsuccessesAllarevaluedhighly；butnonesohighlyastherightoftheWhiteHussarstohavetheBandplayingwhentheirhorsesarebeingwateredintheLinesOnlyonetuneisplayed。
andthattunenevervariesIdon’tknowitsrealname，buttheWhiteHussarscallit：——“TakemetoLondonagain。”Itsound’sveryprettyTheRegimentwouldsoonerbestruckofftherosterthanforegotheirdistinction。
Afterthe“dismiss“wassounded，theofficersrodeoffhometoprepareforstables；andthemenfiledintothelines，ridingeasy。
Thatistosay，theyopenedtheirtightbuttons，shiftedtheirhelmets，andbegantojokeortoswearasthehumortookthem；themorecarefulslippingoffandeasinggirthsandcurbsAgoodtroopervalueshismountexactlyasmuchashevalueshimself，andbelieves，orshouldbelieve，thatthetwotogetherareirresistiblewherewomenormen，girl’sorgun’s，areconcerned。
ThentheOrderly-Officergavetheorder：——“Waterhorses。”andtheRegimentloafedofftothesquadron-troughs，whichwereinrearofthestablesandbetweentheseandthebarracksTherewerefourhugetroughs，oneforeachsquadron，arrangedenechelon，sothatthewholeRegimentcouldwaterintenminutesifitlikedButitlingeredforseventeen，asarule，whiletheBandplayed。
Thebandstruckupasthesquadronsfiledoffthetroughsandthemenslippedtheirfeetoutofthestirrupsandchaffedeachother。
Thesunwasjustsettinginabig，hotbedofredcloud，andtheroadtotheCivilLinesseemedtorunstraightintothesun’seye。
TherewasalittledotontheroadItgrewandgrewtillitshowedasahorse，withasortofgridironthingonhisbackTheredcloudglaredthroughthebarsofthegridironSomeofthetroopersshadedtheireyeswiththeirhandsandsaid：——“Whatthemischiefasthatthere’orsegoton’im！”
Inanotherminutetheyheardaneighthateverysoul——horseandman——
intheRegimentknew，andsaw，headingstraighttowardstheBand，thedeadDrum-HorseoftheWhiteHussars！
Onhiswithersbangedandbumpedthekettle-drumsdrapedincrape，andonhisback，verystiffandsoldierly，satabare-headedskeleton。
Thebandstoppedplaying，and，foramoment，therewasahush。
ThensomeoneinEtroop——mensaiditwastheTroop-Sergeant-Major——
swunghishorseroundandyelledNoonecanaccountexactlyforwhathappenedafterwards；butitseemsthat，atleast，onemanineachtroopsetanexampleofpanic，andtherestfollowedlikesheepThehorsesthathadbarelyputtheirmuzzlesintothetrough’srearedandcapered；but，assoonastheBandbroke，whichitdidwhentheghostoftheDrum-Horsewasaboutafurlongdistant，allhoovesfollowedsuit，andtheclatterofthestampede——quitedifferentfromtheorderlythrobandroarofamovementonparade，ortheroughhorse-playofwateringincamp——madethemonlymoreterrifiedTheyfeltthatthemenontheirbackswereafraidofsomethingWhenhorsesonceknowTHAT，allisoverexceptthebutchery。
Troopaftertroopturnedfromthetroughsandran——anywhere，andeverywhere——likespitquicksilverItwasamostextraordinaryspectacle，formenandhorseswereinallstagesofeasiness，andthecarbine-bucketsfloppingagainsttheirsidesurgedthehorsesonMenwereshoutingandcursing，andtryingtopullclearoftheBandwhichwasbeingchasedbytheDrum-Horsewhoseriderhadfallenforwardandseemedtobespurringforawager。
TheColonelhadgoneovertotheMessforadrinkMostoftheofficerswerewithhim，andtheSubalternoftheDaywaspreparingtogodowntothelines，andreceivethewateringreportsfromtheTroop-SergeantMajorsWhen“TakemetoLondonagain“
stopped，aftertwentybars，everyoneintheMesssaid：——“Whatonearthhashappened？”Aminutelater，theyheardunmilitarynoises，andsaw，faracrosstheplain，theWhiteHussarsscattered，andbroken，andflying。
TheColonelwasspeechlesswithrage，forhethoughtthattheRegimenthadrisenagainsthimorwasunanimouslydrunkTheBand，adisorganizedmob，torepast，andatit’sheelslaboredtheDrum-
Horse——thedeadandburiedDrum-Horse——withthejolting，clatteringskeletonHogan-YalewhisperedsoftlytoMartyn：——“Nowirewillstandthattreatment。”andtheBand，whichhaddoubledlikeahare，camebackagainButtherestoftheRegimentwasgone，wasriotingallovertheProvince，fortheduskhadshutinandeachmanwashowlingtohisneighborthattheDrum-Horsewasonhisflank。
Troop-HorsesarefartootenderlytreatedasaruleTheycan，onemergencies，doagreatdeal，evenwithseventeenstoneontheirbacksAsthetroopersfoundout。
HowlongthispaniclastedIcannotsayIbelievethatwhenthemoonrosethemensawtheyhadnothingtofear，and，bytwosandthreesandhalf-troops，creptbackintoCantonmentsverymuchashamedofthemselvesMeantime，theDrum-Horse，disgustedathistreatmentbyoldfriends，pulledup，wheeledround，andtrotteduptotheMessverandah-stepsforbreadNoonelikedtorun；butnoonecaredtogoforwardtilltheColonelmadeamovementandlaidholdoftheskeleton’sfootTheBandhadhaltedsomedistanceaway，andnowcamebackslowlyTheColonelcalledit，individuallyandcollectively，everyevilnamethatoccurredtohimatthetime；
forhehadsethishandonthebosomoftheDrum-HorseandfoundfleshandbloodThenhebeatthekettle-drumswithhisclenchedfist，anddiscoveredthattheywerebutmadeofsilveredpaperandbambooNext，stillswearing，hetriedtodragtheskeletonoutofthesaddle，butfoundthatithadbeenwiredintothecantleThesightoftheColonel，withhisarmsroundtheskeleton’spelvisandhiskneeintheoldDrum-Horse’sstomach，wasstrikingNottosayamusingHeworriedthethingoffinaminuteortwo，andthrewitdownontheground，sayingtotheBand：——“Here，youcurs，that’swhatyou’reafraidof。”TheskeletondidnotlookprettyinthetwilightTheBand-Sergeantseemedtorecognizeit，forhebegantochuckleandchoke“ShallItakeitaway，sir？”saidtheBand-
Sergeant“Yes。”saidtheColonel，“takeittoHell，andridethereyourselves！”
TheBand-Sergeantsaluted，hoistedtheskeletonacrosshissaddle-
bow，andledofftothestablesThentheColonelbegantomakeinquiriesfortherestoftheRegiment，andthelanguageheusedwaswonderfulHewoulddisbandtheRegiment——hewouldcourt-martialeverysoulinit——hewouldnotcommandsuchasetofrabble，andsoon，andsoonAsthemendroppedin，hislanguagegrewwilder，untilatlastitexceededtheutmostlimitsoffreespeechallowedeventoaColonelofHorse。
MartyntookHogan-YaleasideandsuggestedcompulsoryretirementfromtheserviceasanecessitywhenallwasdiscoveredMartynwastheweakermanofthetwo，Hogan-Yaleputuphiseyebrowsandremarked，firstly，thathewasthesonofaLord，andsecondly，thathewasasinnocentasthebabeunbornofthetheatricalresurrectionoftheDrum-Horse。
“Myinstructions。”saidYale，withasingularlysweetsmile，“werethattheDrum-Horseshouldbesentbackasimpressivelyaspossible。
Iaskyou，AMIresponsibleifamule-headedfriendsendshimbackinsuchamannerastodisturbthepeaceofmindofaregimentofHerMajesty’sCavalry？”
Martynsaid：——“youareagreatmanandwillintimebecomeaGeneral；butI’dgivemychanceofatrooptobesafeoutofthisaffair。”
ProvidencesavedMartynandHogan-YaleTheSecond-in-CommandledtheColonelawaytothelittlecurtainedalcovewhereinthesubalternsofthewhiteHussarswereaccustomedtoplaypokerofnights；andthere，aftermanyoathsontheColonel’spart，theytalkedtogetherinlowtonesIfancythattheSecond-in-Commandmusthaverepresentedthescareastheworkofsometrooperwhomitwouldbehopelesstodetect；andIknowthathedweltuponthesinandtheshameofmakingapubliclaughingstockofthescare。
“Theywillcallus。”saidtheSecond-in-Command，whohadreallyafineimagination，“theywillcallusthe’Fly-by-Nights’；theywillcallusthe’GhostHunters’；theywillnicknameusfromoneendoftheArmylisttotheotherAlltheexplanationsintheworldwon’tmakeoutsidersunderstandthattheofficerswereawaywhenthepanicbeganForthehonoroftheRegimentandforyourownsakekeepthisthingquiet。”
TheColonelwassoexhaustedwithangerthatsoothinghimdownwasnotsodifficultasmightbeimaginedHewasmadetosee，gentlyandbydegrees，thatitwasobviouslyimpossibletocourt-martialthewholeRegiment，andequallyimpossibletoproceedagainstanysubalternwho，inhisbelief，hadanyconcerninthehoax。
“Butthebeast’salive！He’sneverbeenshotatall！”shoutedtheColonel“It’sflat，flagrantdisobedience！I’veknownamanbrokeforless，d——dsightlessThey’remockingme，Itellyou，Mutman！
They’remockingme！”
Oncemore，theSecond-in-CommandsethimselftosooththeColonel，andwrestledwithhimforhalf-an-hourAttheendofthattime，theRegimentalSergeant-MajorreportedhimselfThesituationwasrathernoveltelltohim；buthewasnotamantobeputoutbycircumstancesHesalutedandsaid：“Regimentallcomeback，Sir。”
Then，topropitiatetheColonel：——“An’noneofthehorsesanytheworse，Sir。”
TheColonelonlysnortedandanswered：——“You’dbettertuckthemenintotheircots，then，andseethattheydon’twakeupandcryinthenight。”TheSergeantwithdrew。
HislittlestrokeofhumorpleasedtheColonel，and，further，hefeltslightlyashamedofthelanguagehehadbeenusingTheSecond-in-Commandworriedhimagain，andthetwosattalkingfarintothenight。
Nextdaybutone，therewasaCommandingOfficer’sparade，andtheColonelharanguedtheWhiteHussarsvigorouslyThepithofhisspeechwasthat，sincetheDrum-HorseinhisoldagehadprovedhimselfcapableofcuttinguptheWholeRegiment，heshouldreturntohispostofprideattheheadoftheband，BUTtheRegimentwereasetofruffianswithbadconsciences。
TheWhiteHussarsshouted，andthreweverythingmovableaboutthemintotheair，andwhentheparadewasover，theycheeredtheColoneltilltheycouldn’tspeakNocheerswereputupforLieutenantHogan-Yale，whosmiledverysweetlyinthebackground。
SaidtheSecond-in-CommandtotheColonel，unofficially：——“Theselittlethingsensurepopularity，anddonottheleastaffectdiscipline。”
“ButIwentbackonmyword。”saidtheColonel。
“Nevermind。”saidtheSecond-in-Command“TheWhiteHussarswillfollowyouanywherefromto-dayRegiment’sarejustlikewomen。
Theywilldoanythingfortrinketry。”
Aweeklater，Hogan-Yalereceivedanextraordinaryletterfromsomeonewhosignedhimself“SecretaryCharityandZeal，3709，EC……”
andaskedfor“thereturnofourskeletonwhichwehavereasontobelieveisinyourpossession。”
“Whothedeuceisthislunaticwhotradesinbones？”saidHogan-
Yale。