And，ifyoudon’tbelieveme，getshikarredyourselfThat’sall。
ACODEOFMORALS
LestyoushouldthinkthisstorytrueImerelymentionI
Evolveditlately’TisamostUnmitigatedmisstatement。
NowJoneshadlefthisnew-wedbridetokeephishouseinorder，AndhiedawaytotheHurrumHillsabovetheAfghanborder，Tositonarockwithaheliograph；buterehelefthetaughtHiswifetheworkingoftheCodethatsetsthemilesatnaught。
AndLovehadmadehimverysage，asNaturemadeherfair；
SoCupidandApollolinked，perheliograph，thepair。
Atdawn，acrosstheHurrumHills，heflashedhercounselwise——
Ate’en，thedyingsunsetboreherbusband’shomilies。
Hewarnedher’gainstseductiveyouthsinscarletcladandgold，Asmuchas’gainsttheblandishmentspaternaloftheold；
Butkepthisgravestwarningsforherebythedittyhangs
Thatsnowy-hairedLothario，Lieutenant-GeneralBangs。
’TwasGeneralBangs，withAideandStaff，whotittuppedontheway，Whentheybeheldaheliographtempestuouslyatplay。
TheythoughtofBorderrisings，andofstationssackedandburnt——
Sostoppedtotakethemessagedown——andthisiswhaytheylearnt——
“Dashdotdot，dot，dotdash，dotdashdot“twiceTheGeneralswore。
“WaseverGeneralOfficeraddressedas’dear’before？
“’MyLove，’i’faith！’MyDuck，’Gadzooks！’Mydarlingpopsy-wop！’
“SpiritofgreatLordWolseley，whoisonthatmountaintop？”
TheartlessAide-de-campwasmute；thegildedStaffwerestill，As，dumbwithpent-upmirth，theybookedthatmessagefromthehill；
Forclearassummerlightning-flare，thehusband’swarningran：——
“Don’tdanceorridewithGeneralBangs——amostimmoralman。”
[Atdawn，acrosstheHurrumHills，heflashedhercounselwise——
But，howsoeverLovebeblind，theworldatlargehatheyes。]
WithdamnatorydotanddashheheliographedhiswifeSomeinterestingdetailsoftheGeneral’sprivatelife。
TheartlessAide-de-campwasmute，theshiningStaffwerestill，AndredandeverreddergrewtheGeneral’sshavengill。
Andthisiswhathesaidatlasthisfeelingsmatternot：——
“Ithinkwe’vetappedaprivatelineHi！Threesaboutthere！Trot！”
AllhonouruntoBangs，forne’erdidJonesthereafterknowBywordoractofficialwhoreadoffthathelio。
ButthetaleisontheFrontier，andfromMichnitoMooltanTheyknowtheworthyGeneralas“thatmostimmoralman。”
THELASTDEPARTMENT
TwelvehundredmillionmenarespreadAboutthisEarth，andIandYouWonder，whenYouandIaredead，“Whatwillthoselucklessmillionsdo？”
Nonewholeorclean，“wecry，“orfreefromstainOffavour。”Waitawhile，tillweattainTheLastDepartmentwherenorfraudnorfools，Norgradenorgreed，shalltroubleusagain。
Fear，Favour，orAffection——whataretheseTothegrimHeadwhoclaimsourservices？
IneverknewawifeorinterestyetDelaythatpukkastep，miscalled“decease“；
Whenleave，longoverdue，nonecandeny；
WhenidlenessofallEternityBecomesourfurlough，andthemarigoldOurthriftless，bullion-mintingTreasuryTransferredtotheEternalSettlement，Eachinhisstrait，wood-scantledofficepent，NolongerBrownreversesSmith’sappeals，OrJonesrecordshisMinuteofDissent。
AndOne，longsinceapillaroftheCourt，Asmudbetweenthebeamsthereofiswrought；
AndOnewhowroteonphosphatesforthecropsIssubject-matterofhisownReport。
Thesebethegloriousendswheretowepass——
LetHimwhoIs，gocallonHimwhoWas；
AndHeshallseethemalliestealstheslabForcurrie-grinder，andforgoatsthegrass。
Abreathofwind，aBorderbullet’sflight，Adraughtofwater，orahorse’sfirght——
ThedroningofthefatSheristadarCeases，thepunkahstops，andfallsthenightForyouorMeDothosewholivedeclineThestepthatoffers，ortheirworkresign？
Trustme，To-day’sMostIndispensables，Fivehundredmencantakeyourplaceormine。
OTHERVERSES
RECESSIONAL
AVictorianOde
Godofourfathers，knownofold——
Lordofourfar-flungbattleline——
BeneathwhoseawfulhandweholdDominionoverpalmandpine——
LordGodofHosts，bewithusyet，Lestweforget——lestweforget！
Thetumultandtheshoutingdies——
TheCaptainsandtheKingsdepart——
StillstandsThineancientsacrifice，Anhumbleandacontriteheart。
LordGodofHosts，bewithusyet，Lestweforget——lestweforget！
Far-calledournaviesmeltaway——
Onduneandheadlandsinksthefire——
Lo，allourpompofyesterdayIsonewithNinevehandTyre！
JudgeoftheNations，spareusyet，Lestweforget——lestweforget！
If，drunkwithsightofpower，welooseWildtonguesthathavenotTheeinawe——
SuchboastingsastheGentilesuse，OrlesserbreedswithouttheLaw——
LordGodofHosts，bewithusyet，Lestweforget——lestweforget！
ForheathenheartthatputshertrustInreekingtubeandironshard——
Allvaliantdustthatbuildsondust，AndguardingcallsnotTheetoguard。
Forfranticboastandfoolishword，ThyMercyonThyPeople，Lord！
Amen。
THEVAMPIRE
Theverses——assuggestedbythepaintingbyPhilipBurneJones，firstexhibitedatthenewgalleryinLondonin1897。
AfooltherewasandhemadhisprayerEvenasyouandI！
ToaragandaboneandahankofhairWecalledherthewomanwhodidnotcare，ButthefoolhecalledherhisladyfairEvenasyouandI！
OhtheyearswewasteandthetearswewasteAndtheworkofourheadandhand，BelongtothewomanwhodidnotknowAndnowweknowthatshenevercouldknow
Anddidnotunderstand。
AfooltherewasandhisgoodshespentEvenasyouandI！
HonorandfaithandasureintentButafoolmustfollowhisnaturalbentAnditwasn’ttheleastwhattheladymeant，EvenasyouandI！
OhthetoilwelostandthespoilwelostAndtheexcellentthingsweplanned，Belongtothewomanwhodidn’tknowwhyAndnowweknowsheneverknewwhy
Anddidnotunderstand。
ThefoolwestrippedtohisfoolishhideEvenasyouandI！
Whichshemighthaveseenwhenshethrewhimaside——
Butitisn’tonrecordtheladytried
Sosomeofhimlivedbutthemostofhimdied——
EvenasyouandI！
Anditisn’ttheshameanditisn’ttheblameThatstingslikeawhitehotbrand。
It’scomingtoknowthatsheneverknewwhySeeingatlastshecouldneverknowwhy
Andnevercouldunderstand。
TOTHEUNKNOWNGODDESS
Willyouconquermyheartwithyourbeauty；mysouldgoingoutfromafar？
ShallIfalltoyourhandasavictimofcraftyandcautionsshikar？
HaveImetyouandpassedyoualready，unknowing，unthinkingandblind？
ShallImeetyounextsessionatSimla，Osweetestandbestofyourkind？
DoesthePandObearyoutomeward，or，cladinshortfrocksintheWest，Areyougrowingthecharmsthatshallcaptureandtorturetheheartinmybreast？
WillyoustayinthePlainstillSeptember——mypassionaswarmastheday？
WillyoubringmetobookontheMountains，orwherethethermantidotesplay？
WhenthelightofyoureyesshallmakepallidthemeanlesserlightsIpursue，Andthecharmofyourpresenceshallluremefromloveofthegay“thirteen-two“；
Whenthepegandthepig-skinshallpleasenot；whenIbuymeCalcutta-buildclothes；
WhenIquittheDelightofWildAsses；foreswearingtheswearingofoaths；
AsadeertothehandofthehunterwhenIturn’midthegibesofmyfriends；
Whenthedaysofmyfreedomarenumbered，andthelifeofthebachelorends。
Ah，Goddess！child，spinster，orwidow——asofoldonMarsHillwheytheyraisedTotheGodthattheyknewnotanaltar——soI，ayoungPagan，havepraisedTheGoddessIknownotnorworship；yet，ifhalfthatmentellmebetrue，Youwillcomeinthefuture，andthereforetheseversesarewrittentoyou。
TheRupaiyatofOmarKal’vin[Allowingforthedifference’twixtproseandrhymedexaggeration，thisoughttoreproducethesenseofwhatSirA——toldthenationsometimeago，whentheGovernmentstruckfromourincomestwopercent。]
NowtheNewYear，revivinglastYear’sDebt，TheThoughtfulFishercastethwidehisNet；
SoIwithbeggingDishandreadyTongueAssailallMenforallthatIcanget。
ImportsindeedaregonewithalltheirDues——
Lo！SaltaLeverthatIdarenotuse，NormayIasktheTillersinBengal——
SurelymyKithandKinwillnotrefuse！
Pay——andIpromisebytheDustofSpring，RetrenchmentIfmypromisescanbringComfort，YehaveThemnowathousandfold——
ByAllah！IwillpromiseAnything！
Indeed，indeed，RetrenchmentoftbeforeIsore——butdidImeanitwhenIswore？
Andthen，andthen，WewanderedtotheHills，AndsotheLittleLessbecameMuchMore。
WhetheraBoileaugungeorBabylon，IknownothowthewretchedThingisdone，TheItemsofReceiptgrowsurelysmall；
TheItemsofExpensemountonebyone。
IcannothelpitWhathaveItodoWithOneandFive，orFour，orThree，orTwo？
LetScribesspitBloodandSulphurastheyplease，OrStatesmencallmefoolish——Heednotyou。
Behold，Ipromise——AnythingYouwill。
Behold，IgreetyouwithanemptyTill——
Ah！Fellow-Sinners，ofyourCharitySeeknottheReasonoftheDearth，butfill。
ForifIsinnedandfell，whereliestheGainOfKnowledge？WoulditeaseyouofyourPainToknowthetangledThreadsofRevenue，IraveldeeperinahopelessSkein？
“WhohathnotPrudence“——whatwasitIsaid，OfHerwhopaintsherEyesandtiresHerHead，AndgibesandmocksandPeopleintheStreet，AndfawnsuponthemforHerthriftlessBread？
AccursedisSheofEve’sdaughters——SheHathcastoffPrudence，andHerEndshallbeDestructionBrethren，ofyourBountySomeportionofyourdailyBreadtoMe。
LANUITBLANCHE
Amuch-discerningPublicholdTheSingergenerallysingsAndprintsandsellshispastforgold。
WhateverImayheredisclaim，TheverycleverfolkIsingtoWillmostindubitablyclingtoTheirpetdelusion，justthesame。
Ihadseen，asthedawnwasbreakingAndIstaggeredtomyrest，TariDevisoftlyshakingFromtheCartRoadtothecrest。
IhadseenthespursofJakkoHeaveandquiver，swellandsink。
WasitEarthquakeortobacco，DayofDoom，orNightofDrink？
Inthefull，freshfragrantmorningIobservedacamelcrawl，Lawsofgravitationscorning，Ontheceilingandthewall；
ThenIwatchedafenderwalking，AndIheardgreyleechessing，Andared-hotmonkeytalkingDidnotseemtheproperthing。
ThenaCreature，skinnedandcrimson，Ranaboutthefloorandcried，AndtheysaidthatIhadthe“jims“on，Andtheydosedmewithbromide，Andtheylockedmeinmybedroom