第14章
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  ProfessorStarbuckgivesananalogouscase,andaconversecaseofhatredsuddenlyturningintolove,inhisPsychologyofReligion,p。141。Comparetheotherhighlycuriousinstanceswhichhegivesonpp。137-144,ofsuddennon-religiousalterationsofhabitorcharacter。Heseemsrightinconceivingallsuchsuddenchangesasresultsofspecialcerebralfunctionsunconsciouslydevelopinguntiltheyarereadytoplayacontrollingpartwhentheymakeirruptionintotheconsciouslife。Whenwetreatofsudden’conversion,’IshallmakeasmuchuseasIcanofthishypothesisofsubconsciousincubation。

  InJohnFoster’sEssayonDecisionofCharacter,thereisanaccountofacaseofsuddenconversiontoavarice,whichisillustrativeenoughtoquote:——

  Ayoungman,itappears,“wasted,intwoorthreeyears,alargepatrimonyinprofligaterevelswithanumberofworthlessassociateswhocalledthemselveshisfriends,andwho,whenhislastmeanswereexhausted,treatedhimofcoursewithneglectorcontempt。Reducedtoabsolutewant,heonedaywentoutofthehousewithanintentiontoputanendtohislife,butwanderingawhilealmostunconsciously,hecametothebrowofaneminencewhichoverlookedwhatwerelatelyhisestates。Herehesatdown,andremainedfixedinthoughtanumberofhours,attheendofwhichhesprangfromthegroundwithavehement,exultingemotion。Hehadformedhisresolution,whichwas,thatalltheseestatesshouldbehisagain;hehadformedhisplan,too,whichheinstantlybegantoexecute。Hewalkedhastilyforward,determinedtoseizethefirstopportunity,ofhoweverhumbleakind,togainanymoney,thoughitwereeversodespicableatrifle,andresolvedabsolutelynottospend,ifhecouldhelpit,afarthingofwhateverhemightobtain。Thefirstthingthatdrewhisattentionwasaheapofcoalsshotoutofcartsonthepavementbeforeahouse。Heofferedhimselftoshovelorwheelthemintotheplacewheretheyweretobelaid,andwasemployed。

  Hereceivedafewpenceforthelabor;andthen,inpursuanceofthesavingpartofhisplanrequestedsomesmallgratuityofmeatanddrink,whichwasgivenhim。Hethenlookedoutforthenextthingthatmightchance;andwent,withindefatigableindustry,throughasuccessionofservileemploymentsindifferentplaces,oflongerandshorterduration,stillscrupulousinavoiding,asfaraspossible,theexpenseofapenny。Hepromptlyseizedeveryopportunitywhichcouldadvancehisdesign,withoutregardingthemeannessofoccupationorappearance。Bythismethodhehadgained,afteraconsiderabletime,moneyenoughtopurchaseinordertosellagainafewcattle,ofwhichhehadtakenpainstounderstandthevalue。Hespeedilybutcautiouslyturnedhisfirstgainsintosecondadvantages;retainedwithoutasingledeviationhisextremeparsimony;andthusadvancedbydegreesintolargertransactionsandincipientwealth。Ididnothear,orhaveforgotten,thecontinuedcourseofhislife,butthefinalresultwas,thathemorethanrecoveredhislostpossessions,anddiedaninveteratemiser,worthL60,000。”[94]

  [94]Op。cit。,LetterIII。,abridged。

  Letmeturnnowtothekindofcase,thereligiouscase,namely,thatimmediatelyconcernsus。Hereisoneofthesimplestpossibletype,anaccountoftheconversiontothesystematicreligionofhealthy-mindednessofamanwhomustalreadyhavebeennaturallyofthehealthy-mindedtype。Itshowshow,whenthefruitisripe,atouchwillmakeitfall。

  Mr。HoraceFletcher,inhislittlebookcalledMenticulture,relatesthatafriendwithwhomhewastalkingoftheself-controlattainedbytheJapanesethroughtheirpracticeoftheBuddhistdisciplinesaid:——

  “’Youmustfirstgetridofangerandworry。’’But,’saidI,’isthatpossible?’’Yes,’repliedhe;’itispossibletotheJapanese,andoughttobepossibletous。’

  “OnmywaybackIcouldthinkofnothingelsebutthewordsgetrid,getrid’;andtheideamusthavecontinuedtopossessmeduringmysleepinghours,forthefirstconsciousnessinthemorningbroughtbackthesamethought,withtherevelationofadiscovery,whichframeditselfintothereasoning,’Ifitispossibletogetridofangerandworry,whyisitnecessarytohavethematall?’Ifeltthestrengthoftheargument,andatonceacceptedthereasoning。Thebabyhaddiscoveredthatitcouldwalk。Itwouldscorntocreepanylonger。

  “FromtheinstantIrealizedthatthesecancerspotsofworryandangerwereremovable,theyleftme。Withthediscoveryoftheirweaknesstheywereexorcised。Fromthattimelifehashadanentirelydifferentaspect。

  “Althoughfromthatmomentthepossibilityanddesirabilityoffreedomfromthedepressingpassionshasbeenarealitytome,ittookmesomemonthstofeelabsolutesecurityinmynewposition;

  but,astheusualoccasionsforworryandangerhavepresentedthemselvesoverandoveragain,andIhavebeenunabletofeelthemintheslightestdegree,Inolongerdreadorguardagainstthem,andIamamazedatmyincreasedenergyandvigorofmind,atmystrengthtomeetsituationsofallkindsandatmydispositiontoloveandappreciateeverything。

  “Ihavehadoccasiontotravelmorethantenthousandmilesbyrailsincethatmorning。ThesamePullmanporter,conductor,hotel-waiter,peddler,book-agent,cabman,andotherswhowereformerlyasourceofannoyanceandirritationhavebeenmet,butIamnotconsciousofasingleincivility。Allatoncethewholeworldhasturnedgoodtome。Ihavebecome,asitwere,sensitiveonlytotheraysofgood。

  “Icouldrecountmanyexperienceswhichproveabrand-newconditionofmind,butonewillbesufficient。Withouttheslightestfeelingofannoyanceorimpatience,IhaveseenatrainthatIhadplannedtotakewithagooddealofinterestedandpleasurableanticipationmoveoutofthestationwithoutme,becausemybaggagedidnotarrive。Theporterfromthehotelcamerunningandpantingintothestationjustasthetrainpulledoutofsight。Whenhesawme,helookedasifhefearedascolding。andbegantotellofbeingblockedinacrowdedstreetandunabletogetout。Whenhehadfinished,Isaidtohim:’Itdoesn’tmatteratall,youcouldn’thelpit,sowewilltryagainto-morrow。Hereisyourfee,Iamsorryyouhadallthistroubleinearningit。’ThelookofsurprisethatcameoverhisfacewassofilledwithpleasurethatIwasrepaidonthespotforthedelayinmydeparture。Nextdayhewouldnotacceptacentfortheservice,andheandIarefriendsforlife。

  “DuringthefirstweeksofmyexperienceIwasonguardonlyagainstworryandanger;but,inthemeantime,havingnoticedtheabsenceoftheotherdepressinganddwarfingpassions,I

  begantotracearelationship,untilIwasconvincedthattheyareallgrowthsfromthetworootsIhavespecified。IhavefeltthefreedomnowforsolongatimethatIamsureofmyrelationtowardit;andIcouldnomoreharboranyofthethievinganddepressinginfluencesthatonceInursedasaheritageofhumanitythanafopwouldvoluntarilywallowinafilthygutter。

  “ThereisnodoubtinmymindthatpureChristianityandpureBuddhism,andtheMentalSciencesandallReligionsfundamentallyteachwhathasbeenadiscoverytome;butnoneofthemhavepresenteditinthelightofasimpleandeasyprocessofelimination。AtonetimeIwonderediftheeliminationwouldnotyieldtoindifferenceandsloth。Inmyexperience,thecontraryistheresult。IfeelsuchanincreaseddesiretodosomethingusefulthatitseemsasifIwereaboyagainandtheenergyforplayhadreturned。Icouldfightasreadilyasandbetterthan

  ever,iftherewereoccasionforit。Itdoesnotmakeoneacoward。Itcan’t,sincefearisoneofthethingseliminated。I

  noticetheabsenceoftimidityinthepresenceofanyaudience。

  Whenaboy,Iwasstandingunderatreewhichwasstruckbylightning,andreceivedashockfromtheeffectsofwhichIneverknewexemptionuntilIhaddissolvedpartnershipwithworry。

  Sincethen,lightningandthunderhavebeenencounteredunderconditionswhichwouldformerlyhavecausedgreatdepressionanddiscomfort,without[my]experiencingatraceofeither。

  Surpriseisalsogreatlymodified,andoneislessliabletobecomestartledbyunexpectedsightsornoises。

  “AsfarasIamindividuallyconcerned,Iamnotbotheringmyselfatpresentastowhattheresultsofthisemancipatedconditionmaybe。IhavenodoubtthattheperfecthealthaimedatbyChristianSciencemaybeoneofthepossibilities,forInoteamarkedimprovementinthewaymystomachdoesitsdutyinassimilatingthefoodIgiveittohandle,andIamsureitworksbettertothesoundofasongthanunderthefrictionofafrown。

  NeitheramIwastinganyofthisprecioustimeformulatinganideaofafutureexistenceorafutureHeaven。TheHeaventhatI

  havewithinmyselfisasattractiveasanythathasbeenpromisedorthatIcanimagine;andIamwillingtoletthegrowthleadwhereitwill,aslongastheangerandtheirbroodhavenopartinmisguidingit。”[95]

  [95]H。Fletcher:Menticulture,ortheA-B-CofTrueLiving,NewYorkandChicago,1899,pp。26,36,abridged。

  Theoldermedicineusedtospeakoftwoways,lysisandcrisis,onegradual,theotherabrupt,inwhichonemightrecoverfromabodilydisease。Inthespiritualrealmtherearealsotwoways,onegradual,theothersudden,inwhichinnerunificationmayoccur。TolstoyandBunyanmayagainserveusasexamples,examples,asithappens,ofthegradualway,thoughitmustbeconfessedattheoutsetthatitishardtofollowthesewindingsoftheheartsofothers,andonefeelsthattheirwordsdonotrevealtheirtotalsecret。

  Howe’erthisbe,Tolstoy,pursuinghisunendingquestioning,seemedtocometooneinsightafteranother。Firstheperceivedthathisconvictionthatlifewasmeaninglesstookonlythisfinitelifeintoaccount。Hewaslookingforthevalueofonefiniteterminthatofanother,andthewholeresultcouldonlybeoneofthoseindeterminateequationsinmathematicswhichendwithinfinity。Yetthisisasfarasthereasoningintellectbyitselfcango,unlessirrationalsentimentorfaithbringsintheinfinite。Believeintheinfiniteascommonpeopledo,andlifegrowspossibleagain。

  “Sincemankindhasexisted,whereverlifehasbeen,therealsohasbeenthefaiththatgavethepossibilityofliving。Faithisthesenseoflife,thatsensebyvirtueofwhichmandoesnotdestroyhimself,butcontinuestoliveon。Itistheforcewherebywelive。IfMandidnotbelievethathemustliveforsomething,hewouldnotliveatall。TheideaofaninfiniteGod,ofthedivinityofthesoul,oftheunionofmen’sactionswithGod——theseareideaselaboratedintheinfinitesecretdepthsofhumanthought。Theyareideaswithoutwhichtherewouldbenolife,withoutwhichImyself。”saidTolstoy,“wouldnotexist。IbegantoseethatIhadnorighttorelyonmyindividualreasoningandneglecttheseanswersgivenbyfaith,fortheyaretheonlyanswerstothequestion。”

  Yethowbelieveasthecommonpeoplebelieve,steepedastheyareingrossestsuperstition?Itisimpossible——butyettheirlife!

  theirlife!Itisnormal。Itishappy!Itisananswertothequestion!

  Littlebylittle,Tolstoycametothesettledconviction——hesaysittookhimtwoyearstoarrivethere——thathistroublehadnotbeenwithlifeingeneral,notwiththecommonlifeofcommonmen,butwiththelifeoftheupper,intellectual,artisticclasses,thelifewhichhehadpersonallyalwaysled,thecerebrallife,thelifeofconventionality,artificiality,andpersonalambition。Hehadbeenlivingwronglyandmustchange。

  Toworkforanimalneeds,toabjureliesandvanities,torelievecommonwants,tobesimple,tobelieveinGod,thereinlayhappinessagain。

  “Iremember。”hesays,“onedayinearlyspring,Iwasaloneintheforest,lendingmyeartoitsmysteriousnoises。Ilistened,andmythoughtwentbacktowhatforthesethreeyearsitalwayswasbusywith——thequestofGod。Buttheideaofhim,Isaid,howdidIevercomebytheidea?

  “Andagaintherearoseinme,withthisthought,gladaspirationstowardslife。Everythinginmeawokeandreceivedameaning……WhydoIlookfarther?avoicewithinmeasked。Heisthere:

  he,withoutwhomonecannotlive。ToacknowledgeGodandtoliveareoneandthesamething。Godiswhatlifeis。Well,then!

  live,seekGod,andtherewillbenolifewithouthim……

  “Afterthis,thingsclearedupwithinmeandaboutmebetterthanever,andthelighthasneverwhollydiedaway。Iwassavedfromsuicide。JusthoworwhenthechangetookplaceIcannottell。

  Butasinsensiblyandgraduallyastheforceoflifehadbeenannulledwithinme,andIhadreachedmymoraldeath-bed,justasgraduallyandimperceptiblydidtheenergyoflifecomeback。

  Andwhatwasstrangewasthatthisenergythatcamebackwasnothingnew。Itwasmyancientjuvenileforceoffaith,thebeliefthatthesolepurposeofmylifewastobeBETTER。I

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