ThePrincesswentuptoherhusband，kissedhim，andwouldhavegoneaway，butheheldherback，embracedher，andtenderly，asayounglover，kissedherseveraltimes，smiling。Theoldpeoplewereobviouslymuddledforamoment，anddidnotquiteknowwhetheritwastheywhowereinloveagainortheirdaughter。WhenthePrinceandthePrincesshadgone，Levinwentuptohisbetrothedandtookherhand。Hewasself-possessednowandcouldspeak，andhehadagreatdealhewantedtotellher。Buthedidnotsayatallwhathehadtosay。
`HowIknewitwouldbeso！Ineverhopedforit；andyetinmyheartIwasalwayssure，’hesaid。`Ibelievethatitwasordained。’
`AndI？’shesaid。`Evenwhen……’Shestoppedandwentonagain，lookingathimresolutelywithhertruthfuleyes，`EvenwhenIthrustmyhappinessfromme。Ialwayslovedyouonly，butIwascarriedaway。Ioughttotellyou……Canyouforgiveit？’
`Perhapsitwasforthebest。Youwillhavetoforgivemesomuch。
Ioughttotellyou……’
Thiswasoneofthethingshehadmeanttospeakabout。Hehadresolvedfromthefirsttotellhertwothings-thathewasnotchasteasshewas，andthathewasnotabeliever。Itwasagonizing，butheconsideredheoughttotellherboththesefacts。
`No，notnow，later！’hesaid。
`Verywell，later，butyoumustcertainlytellme。I’mnotafraidofanything。Iwanttoknoweverything。Nowitissettled。’
Headded:
`Settledthatyou’lltakemewhateverImaybe-youwon’tgivemeup？Yes？’
`Yes，yes。’
TheirconversationwasinterruptedbyMademoiselleLinon，whowithanaffectedbuttendersmilecametocongratulateherfavoritepupil。
Beforeshehadgone，theservantscameinwiththeircongratulations。Thenrelationsarrived，andtherebeganthatstateofblissfulabsurdityfromwhichLevindidnotemergetillthedayafterhiswedding。Levinwasinacontinualstateofawkwardnessanddiscomfort，buttheintensityofhishappinesswentonincreasingallthewhile。Hefeltcontinuallythatagreatdealwasbeingexpectedofhim-what，hedidnotknow；andhedideverythinghewastold，anditallgavehimhappiness。Hehadthoughthisengagementwouldhavenothingaboutitlikeothers，thattheordinaryconditionsofengagedcoupleswouldspoilhisspecialhappiness；butitendedinhisdoingexactlyasotherpeopledid，andhishappinessbeingonlyincreasedtherebyandbecomingmoreandmorespecial，moreandmoreunlikeanythingthathadeverhappened。
`Nowweshallhavesweetmeatstoeat，’saidMademoiselleLinon-andLevindroveofftobuysweetmeats。
`Well，I’mveryglad，’saidSviiazhsky。`IadviseyoutogetthebouquetsfromFomin’s。’
`Oh，aretheywanted？’AndhedrovetoFomin’s。
Hisbrotherrecommendedlendingmoneytohim，ashewouldhavesomanyexpenses，presentstogive……
`Oh，arepresentswanted？’AndhegallopedtoFoulde’s。
Andattheconfectioner’s，andatFomin’s，andatFoulde’shesawthathewasexpected；thattheywerepleasedtoseehim，andpridedthemselvesonhishappiness，justaseveryonedidwhomhehadtodowithduringthosedays。Whatwasextraordinarywasthateveryonenotonlylikedhim，butevenpeoplepreviouslyunsympathetic，cold，andcallous，wereenthusiasticoverhim，gavewaytohimineverything，treatedhisfeelingswithtendernessanddelicacy，andsharedhisconvictionthathewasthehappiestmanintheworldbecausehisbetrothedwasbeyondperfection。
Kittytoofeltthesamething。WhenCountessNordstoneventuredtohintthatshehadhopedforsomethingbetter，KittywassoangryandprovedsoconclusivelythatnothingintheworldcouldbebetterthanLevin，thatCountessNordstonehadtoadmitit，andinKitty’spresencenevermetLevinwithoutasmileofecstaticadmiration。
Theconfessionhehadpromisedwastheonepainfulincidentofthistime。HeconsultedtheoldPrince，andwithhissanctiongaveKittyhisdiary，inwhichtherewaswrittentheconfessionthattorturedhim。
Hehadwrittenthisdiaryatthetimewithaviewtohisfuturewife。Twothingscausedhimanguish:hislackofpurityandhislackoffaith。Hisconfessionofunbeliefpassedunnoticed。Shewasreligious，hadneverdoubtedthetruthsofreligion，buthisexternalunbeliefdidnotaffectherintheleast。Throughlovesheknewallhissoul，andinhissoulshesawwhatshewanted，andthatsuchastateofsoulshouldbecalledunbelievingwastoheramatterofnoaccount。Theotherconfessionsetherweepingbitterly。
Levin，notwithoutaninnerstruggle，handedherhisdiary。Heknewthatbetweenhimandhertherecouldnotbe，andshouldnotbe，anysecrets，andsohehaddecidedthatsoitmustbe。Buthehadnotrealizedwhataneffectitwouldhaveonher，hehadnotputhimselfinherplace。
Itwasonlywhenthesameeveninghecametotheirhousebeforethetheater，wentintoherroom，andsawhertearstained，pitiful，sweetface，miserablewiththesufferinghehadcausedandnothingcouldundo，thathefelttheabyssthatseparatedhisshamefulpastfromherdovelikepurity，andwasappalledatwhathehaddone。
`Takethem，takethesedreadfulbooks！’shesaid，pushingawaythenotebookslyingbeforeheronthetable。`Whydidyougivethemme？
No，itwasbetteranyway，’sheadded，touchedbyhisdespairingface。`Butit’sawful，awful！’
Hisheadsank，andhewassilent。Hecouldsaynothing。
`Youcan’tforgiveme，’hewhispered。
`Yes，Iforgiveyou；butit’shorrible！’
Buthishappinesswassoimmensethatthisconfessiondidnotshatterit，itonlyaddedanothershadetoit。Sheforgavehim；butfromthattime，morethanever，heconsideredhimselfunworthyofher，morallyboweddownlowerthaneverbeforeher，andprizedmorehighlythaneverhisundeservedhappiness。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart4，Chapter17[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter17Unconsciouslygoingoverinhismemorytheconversationsthathadtakenplaceduringandafterdinner，AlexeiAlexandrovichreturnedtohissolitaryroom。DaryaAlexandrovna’swordsaboutforgivenesshadarousedinhimnothingbutannoyance。TheapplicabilityornonapplicabilityoftheChristianprecepttohisowncasewastoodifficultaquestiontobediscussedlightly，andthisquestionhadlongagobeenansweredbyAlexeiAlexandrovichinthenegative。Ofallthathadbeensaid，whatstuckmostinhismemorywasthephraseofstupid，good-naturedTurovtsin:`Actedlikeaman，hedid！
Calledhimoutandshothim！’Everyonehadapparentlysharedthisfeeling，thoughfrompolitenesstheyhadnotexpressedit。
`Butthematterissettled；it’suselessthinkingaboutit，’AlexeiAlexandrovichtoldhimself。Andthinkingofnothingbutthejourneybeforehim，andtherevisionworkhehadtodo，hewentintohisroomandaskedtheporterwhoescortedhimwherehismanwas；theportersaidthatthemanhadjustgoneout。AlexeiAlexandrovichorderedteatobesenthim，satdowntothetable，and，takingtheschedule，beganconsideringtherouteofhisjourney。
`Twotelegrams，’saidhisvalet，comingintotheroom。`Ibegyourpardon，YourExcellency；I’djuststeppedoutthisveryminute。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichtookthetelegramsandopenedthem。ThefirsttelegramwastheannouncementofStremov’sappointmenttotheverypostKareninhadcoveted。AlexeiAlexandrovichflungthetelegramdown，and，flushing，gotupandbegantopaceupanddowntheroom。`Quosvultperderedementat，’hesaid，meaningbyquosthepersonsresponsibleforthisappointment。Hewasnotsomuchannoyedatnotreceivingthepost，asathavingbeensoconspicuouslypassedover；butitwasincomprehensible，amazingtohimthattheydidnotseethatthewordyphrasemongerStremovwasthelastmanfitforit。Howcouldtheyfailtoseetheywereruiningthemselves，loweringtheirprestigebythisappointment？
`Somethingelseinthesameline，’hesaidtohimselfbitterly，openingthesecondtelegram。Thetelegramwasfromhiswife。Hername，writteninbluepencil，`Anna，’wasthefirstthingthatcaughthiseye。
`Iamdying；Ibeg，Iimploreyoutocome。Ishalldieeasierwithyourforgiveness，’heread。Hesmiledcontemptuously，andflungdownthetelegram。
Thatthiswasatrickandafraud，ofthat-hethoughtforthefirstminute-therecouldbenodoubt。
`Thereisnodeceitshewouldstickat。Shewasnearherconfinement。
Perhapsitistheconfinement。Butwhatcanbetheiraim？Tolegitimizethechild，tocompromiseme，andpreventadivorce，’hethought。`Butsomethingwassaidinit:Iamdying……’Hereadthetelegramagain，andsuddenlytheplainmeaningofwhatwassaidinitstruckhim。`Andifitistrue？’
hesaidtohimself。`Ifitistruethatinthemomentofagonyandnearnesstodeathsheisgenuinelypenitent，andI，takingitforatrick，refusetogo？Thatwouldnotonlybecruel，andeveryonewouldblameme，butitwouldbestupidonmypart。’
`Piotr，callacoach；IamgoingtoPeterburg，’hesaidtohisservant。
AlexeiAlexandrovichdecidedthathewouldgotoPeterburgandseehiswife。Ifherillnesswasatrick，hewouldsaynothingandgoawayagain。Ifshewerereallyindanger，andwishedtoseehimbeforeherdeath，hewouldforgiveherifhefoundheralive，andpayherthelastdutiesifhecametoolate。
Allthewayhethoughtnomoreofwhatheoughttodo。
Withasenseofwearinessanduncleannessfromthenightspentinthetrain，intheearlyfogofPeterburg，AlexeiAlexandrovichdrovethroughthedesertedNevskyProspect，andstaredstraightbeforehim，withoutthinkingofwhatwasawaitinghim。Hecouldnotthinkaboutit，becauseinpicturingwhatwouldhappen，hecouldnotdriveawaythereflectionthatherdeathwouldatonceremoveallthedifficultyofhisposition。
Bakers，closedshops，nightcabmen，streetsweeperssweepingthepavementsflashedpasthiseyes，andhewatcheditall，tryingtosmotherthethoughtofwhatwasawaitinghim，andwhathedarednothopefor，andyetwashopingfor。Hedroveuptothesteps。Ahackneysleigh，andacoachwithitscoachmanasleep，stoodattheentrance。Ashewentintotheentry，AlexeiAlexandrovichseemedtogetouthisresolutionfromtheremotestcornerofhisbrain，andmastereditthoroughly。Itsmeaningran:`Ifit’satrick，thencalmcontemptanddeparture。Iftruth，dowhatisseemly。’
TheporteropenedthedoorbeforeAlexeiAlexandrovichrang。Theporter，Kapitonich，lookedqueerinanoldcoat，withoutatie，andinslippers。
`Howisyourmistress？’
`Shewasconfinedyesterday，successfully。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichstoppedshortandturnedwhite。Hefeltdistinctlynowhowintenselyhehadlongedforherdeath。
`Andhowisshe？’
Korneiinhismorningapronrandownstairs。
`Veryill，’heanswered。`Therewasaconsultationyesterday，andthedoctor’sherenow。’
`Takemythings，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，and，feelingsomereliefatthenewsthattherewasstillhopeofherdeath，hewentintothehall。
Onthehatstandtherewasamilitaryovercoat。AlexeiAlexandrovichnoticeditandasked:
`Whoishere？’
`Thedoctor，themidwife，andCountVronsky。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichwentintotheinnerrooms。
Inthedrawingroomtherewasnoone；atthesoundofhisstepsthemidwifecameoutofAnna’sboudoir，inacapwithlilacribbons。
ShewentuptoAlexeiAlexandrovich，andwiththefamiliaritygivenbytheapproachofdeathtookhimbythearmanddrewhimtowardthebedroom。
`ThankGodyou’vecome！Shekeepsontalkingaboutyou，andnothingbutyou，’shesaid。
`Makehastewiththeice！’thedoctor’speremptoryvoicecamefromthebedroom。
AlexeiAlexandrovichwentintotheboudoir。Athertable，sittingsidewaysinalowchair，wasVronsky，hisfacehiddeninhishands，weeping。
Hejumpedupatthedoctor’svoice，tookhishandsfromhisface，andsawAlexeiAlexandrovich。Seeingthehusband，hewassooverwhelmedthathesatdownagain，drawinghisheadintohisshoulders，asifhewantedtodisappear；buthemadeaneffortoverhimself，gotupandsaid:
`Sheisdying。Thedoctorssaythereisnohope。Iamentirelyinyourpower，onlyletmebehere……thoughIamatyourdisposal。I……’
AlexeiAlexandrovich，seeingVronsky’stears，feltarushofthatnervousemotionalwaysproducedinhimbythesightofotherpeople’ssufferings，and，turningawayhisface，hemovedhurriedlytothedoor，withouthearingtherestofthewords。FromthebedroomcamethesoundofAnna’svoicesayingsomething。Hervoicewaslively，animated，withexceedinglydistinctintonations。AlexeiAlexandrovichwentintothebedroom，andwalkeduptothebed。Shewaslyingwithherfaceturnedtowardhim。Hercheekswereflushedcrimson，hereyesglittered，herlittlewhitehandsthrustoutfromthecuffsofherdressinggownwereplayingwiththequilt，twistingitabout。Itseemedasthoughshewerenotonlywellandblooming，butinthehappiestframeofmind。Shewastalkingrapidly，musically，andwithexceptionallycorrectarticulationandexpressiveintonation。
`BecauseAlexei-IamspeakingofAlexeiAlexandrovichwhatastrangeandawfulthingthatbothareAlexeis，isn’tit？-Alexeiwouldnotrefuseme。Ishouldforget，hewouldforgive……Butwhydoesn’thecome？He’ssogood，hedoesn’tknowhimselfhowgoodheis。Ah，myGod，whatpangs！Givemesomewater，quick！Oh，thatwillbebadforher-mylittlegirl！Oh，verywellthen，givehertoanurse。Yes，Iagree，it’sbetterinfact。He’llbecoming；itwillhurthimtoseeher。Givehertothenurse。’
`AnnaArkadyevna，hehascome。Hereheis！’saidthemidwife，tryingtoattractherattentiontoAlexeiAlexandrovich。
`Oh，whatnonsense！’Annawenton，notseeingherhusband。`No，givehertome；givememylittleone！Hehasnotcomeyet。Yousayhewon’tforgiveme，becauseyoudon’tknowhim。Nooneknowshim。I’mtheonlyone，anditwashardformeeven。Ioughttoknowhiseyes-Seriozhahasjustsucheyes-andIcan’tbeartoseethembecauseofit。HasSeriozhahadhisdinner？Iknoweveryonewillforgettodoit。Hewouldnotforget。
Seriozhamustbemovedintothecornerroom，andMariettemustbeaskedtosleepwithhim。’
Allofasuddensheshrankback，andwassilent；andinterror，asthoughexpectingablow，asthoughtodefendherself，sheraisedherhandstoherface。Shehadseenherhusband。
`No，no！’shebegan。`Iamnotafraidofhim；Iamafraidofdeath。
Alexei，comehere。Iaminahurry，becauseI’venotime，Ihaven’tlonglefttolive；thefeverwillbegindirectlyandIshallunderstandnothingmore。NowIunderstand，Iunderstanditall-Iseeitall！’
AlexeiAlexandrovich’swrinkledfaceworeanexpressionofsuffering；
hetookherbythehandandtriedtosaysomething，buthecouldnotutterit；hislowerlipquivered，buthestillwentonstrugglingwithhisemotion，andonlynowandthenglancedather。Andeachtimeheglancedather，hesawhereyesgazingathimwithsuchpassionateandexultanttendernessashehadneveryetseeninthem。
`Waitaminute，youdon’tknow……Stayalittle，stay！……’Shestopped，asthoughcollectingherideas。`Yes，’shebegan，`yes，yes，yes！
ThisiswhatIwantedtosay。Don’tbesurprisedatme。I’mstillthesame……
Butthereisanotherwomaninme-I’mafraidofher:shelovedthatman，andItriedtohateyou，andcouldnotforgetaboutherthatusedtobe。
Thatwomanisn’tmyself。NowI’mmyrealself。I’mdyingnow，IknowI
shalldie-askhim。EvennowIfeel-seehere，theweightsonmyfeet，onmyhands，onmyfingers。Myfingers-seehowhugetheyare！Butthiswillsoonbeallover……OnlyonethingIwant:forgiveme，forgivemequite。I’mterrible，butmynursewouldtellme-theholymartyr-whatwashername？Shewasworse。AndI’llgotoRome；there’sawilderness，andthereIshallbenotroubletoanyone，onlyI’lltakeSeriozhaandthelittleone……No，youcan’tforgiveme！Iknow，itcan’tbeforgiven！
No，no，goaway，you’retoogood！’Sheheldhishandinoneburninghand，whileshepushedhimawaywiththeother。
ThenervousagitationofAlexeiAlexandrovichkeptincreasing，andhadbynowreachedsuchapointthatheceasedtostrugglewithit。
Hesuddenlyfeltthatwhathehadregardedasnervousagitationwasonthecontraryablissfulspiritualconditionthatgavehimallatonceanewhappinesshehadneverknown。HedidnotthinkthattheChristianlaw，whichhehadbeenallhislifetryingtofollow，enjoinedonhimtoforgiveandlovehisenemies；butajoyousfeelingofloveandforgivenessforhisenemiesfilledhisheart。Hekneltdown，andlayinghisheadinthecurveofherarm，whichburnedhimaswithfirethroughthesleeve，hesobbedlikealittlechild。Sheputherarmaroundhishead，whichwasbeginningtogrowbald，movedtowardhim，andwithdefiantpridelifteduphereyes。
`Thatishe。Iknewhim！Now，good-by，everyone，good-by！……They’vecomeagain；whydon’ttheygoaway？……Oh，takethesefurcoatsoffme！’
Thedoctorunloosedherhands，carefullylayingheronthepillow，andcoveredheruptotheshoulders。Shelaybacksubmissively，andlookedbeforeherwithbeamingeyes。
`Rememberonething，thatIneedednothingbutforgiveness，andIwantnothingmore……Whydoesn’thecome？’shesaid，turningtothedoor，towardVronsky。`Docome，docome！Givehimyourhand。’
Vronskycametothesideofthebed，andseeingAnna，againhidhisfaceinhishands。
`Uncoveryourface-lookathim！He’sasaint，’shesaid。`Oh！
uncoveryourface，douncoverit！’shesaidangrily。`AlexeiAlexandrovich，douncoverhisface！Iwanttoseehim。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichtookVronsky’shandsanddrewthemawayfromhisface，whichwasawfulwiththeexpressionofagonyandshameuponit。
`Givehimyourhand。Forgivehim。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichgavehimhishand，notattemptingtorestrainthetearsthatstreamedfromhiseyes。
`ThankGod，thankGod！’shesaid，`noweverythingisready。Onlytostretchmylegsalittle。There，that’scapital。Howbadlytheseflowersaredone-notabitlikeaviolet，’shesaid，pointingtothehangings。
`MyGod，myGod！whenwillitend？Givemesomemorphine。Doctor，givemesomemorphine！Oh，myGod，myGod！’
Andshetossedaboutonthebed。
Thedoctorssaidthatitwaspuerperalfever，andthatninety-ninechancesinahundreditwouldendindeath。Thewholedaylongtherewasfever，delirium，andunconsciousness。Atmidnightthepatientlaywithoutconsciousness，andalmostwithoutpulse。
Theendwasexpectedeveryminute。
Vronskyhadgonehome，butinthemorninghecametoinquire，andAlexeiAlexandrovich，meetinghiminthehall，said:`Betterstay，shemightaskforyou，’andhimselfledhimtohiswife’sboudoir。Towardmorningtherewasareturnagainofexcitement，rapidthoughtandtalk，andagainitendedinunconsciousness。Onthethirddayitwasthesamething，andthedoctorssaidtherewashope。ThatdayAlexeiAlexandrovichwentintotheboudoirwhereVronskywassitting，and，closingthedoor，satdownoppositehim。
`AlexeiAlexandrovich，’saidVronsky，feelingthatastatementofthesituationwascoming，`Ican’tspeak，Ican’tunderstand。Spareme！Howeverharditisforyou，believeme，itismoreterribleforme。’
Hewouldhaverisen；butAlexeiAlexandrovichtookhimbythehandandsaid:
`Ibegyoutohearmeout；itisnecessary。Imustexplainmyfeelings，thefeelingsthathaveguidedme，andwillguideme，sothatyoumaynotbeinerrorregardingme。YouknowIhadresolvedonadivorce，andhadevenbeguntotakeproceedings。Iwon’tconcealfromyouthatinbeginningthisIwasinuncertainty，Iwasinmisery；IwillconfessthatIwaspursuedbyadesiretorevengemyselfonyouandonher。WhenIgotthetelegram，Icameherewiththesamefeelings；Iwillsaymore-Ilongedforherdeath。But……’Hepaused，ponderingwhethertodiscloseornottodisclosehisfeelings。`ButIsawherandforgaveher。Andthehappinessofforgivenesshasrevealedtomemyduty。Iforgivecompletely。Iwouldoffertheothercheek，Iwouldgivemycloakifmycoatbetaken。IpraytoGodonlynottotakefrommetheblissofforgiveness！’
Tearsstoodinhiseyes，andtheluminous，serenelookinthemimpressedVronsky。
`Thisismyposition:youcantramplemeinthemud，makemethelaughingstockoftheworld-Iwillnotabandonher，andIwillneverutterawordofreproachtoyou，’AlexeiAlexandrovichwenton。`Mydutyisclearlymarkedforme；Ioughttobewithher，andIwillbe。Ifshewishestoseeyou，Iwillletyouknow，butnowIsupposeitwouldbebetterforyoutogoaway。’
Hegotup，andsobscutshorthiswords。Vronskytoowasgettingup，andinastooping，notyeterectposture，lookedupathimfromunderhisbrows。HedidnotunderstandAlexeiAlexandrovich’sfeeling，buthefeltthatitwassomethinghigher，andevenunattainableforhimwithhisviewoflife。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart4，Chapter18[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter18AftertheconversationwithAlexeiAlexandrovich，VronskywentoutonthestepsoftheKarenins’houseandstoodstill，withdifficultyrememberingwherehewas，andwhereheoughttowalkordrive。Hefeltdisgraced，humiliated，guilty，anddeprivedofallpossibilityofwashingawayhishumiliation。
Hefeltthrustoutofthebeatentrackalongwhichhehadsoproudlyandlightlywalkedtillthen。Allthehabitsandrulesofhislifethathadseemedsofirm，hadturnedoutsuddenlyfalseandinapplicable。Thebetrayedhusband，whohadfiguredtillthattimeasapitifulcreature，anincidentalandsomewhatludicrousobstacletohishappiness，hadsuddenlybeensummonedbyherherself，elevatedtoanawe-inspiringpinnacle，andonthepinnaclethathusbandhadshownhimself-notmalignant，notfalse，notludicrous-butkindandstraightforwardandgrand。Vronskycouldnotbutfeelthis，andtherolesweresuddenlyreversed。Vronskyfelttheother’selevationandhisownabasement，theother’struthandhisownfalsehood。Hefeltthatthehusbandwasmagnanimouseveninhissorrow，whilehehadbeenbaseandpettyinhisdeceit。Butthissenseofhisownhumiliationbeforethemanhehadunjustlydespisedmadeuponlyasmallpartofhismisery。
Hefeltunutterablywretchednow，forhispassionforAnna，whichhadseemedtohimoflatetobegrowingcooler，nowthatheknewhehadlostherforever，wasstrongerthaneverithadbeen。Hehadseenallofherinherillness，hadcometoknowherverysoul，anditseemedtohimthathehadneverlovedhertillthen。Andnow，whenhehadlearnedtoknowher，toloveherassheshouldbeloved，hehadbeenhumiliatedbeforeher，andhadlostherforever，leavingwithhernothingofhimselfbutashamefulmemory。
Mostterribleofallhadbeenhisludicrous，shamefulpositionwhenAlexeiAlexandrovichhadpulledhishandsawayfromhishumiliatedface。HestoodonthestepsoftheKarenins’houselikeonedistraught，anddidnotknowwhattodo。
`Ahack，sir？’askedtheporter。
`Yes-ahack。’
Ongettinghome，afterthreesleeplessnights，Vronsky，withoutundressing，layproneonthesofa，claspinghishandsandlayinghisheadonthem。Hisheadwasheavy。Images，memories，andideasofthestrangestdescriptionfollowedoneanotherwithextraordinaryrapidityandvividness。
Firstitwasthemedicinehehadpouredoutforthepatientandspilledoutofthespoon；thenthemidwife’swhitehands；thenthequeerpostureofAlexeiAlexandrovichonthefloorbesidethebed。
`Tosleep！Toforget！’hesaidtohimselfwiththesereneconfidenceofahealthymanthatifheistiredandsleepy，hewillgotosleepatonce。Andthesameinstanthisheaddidbegintofeeldrowsyandhebegantodropoffintoforgetfulness。Thewavesoftheseaofunconsciousnesshadbeguntomeetoverhishead，whenallatonceitseemedasthoughaviolentshockofelectricityhadpassedoverhim。Hestartedsothatheleapeduponthespringsofthesofa，andleaningonhisarmsgotonhiskneesinafright。Hiseyeswerewideopenasthoughhehadneverbeenasleep。Theheavinessinhisheadandtheflabbinessinhislimbsthathehadfeltaminutebeforehadsuddenlygone。
`Youmaytramplemeinthemud，’heheardAlexeiAlexandrovich’swordsandsawhimstandingbeforehim，andsawAnna’sfacewithitsburningflushandglitteringeyes，gazingwithloveandtendernessnotathimbutatAlexeiAlexandrovich；hesawhisown，ashefancied，foolishandludicrousfigurewhenAlexeiAlexandrovichhadtakenhishandsawayfromhisface。
Hestretchedouthislegsagainandflunghimselfonthesofainthesamepositionandshuthiseyes。
`Tosleep！Tosleep！’herepeatedtohimself。ButwithhiseyesshuthesawmoredistinctlythaneverAnna’sfaceasithadbeenonthememorableeveningbeforetheraces。
`Thiscannot，andwillnotbe，andshewantstowipeitoutofhermemory。ButIcannotlivewithoutit。Howcanwebereconciled？Howcanwebereconciled？’hesaidaloud，andunconsciouslybegantorepeatthesewords。Thisrepetitionofwordscheckedtherisingoffreshimagesandmemories，whichhefeltwerethronginginhisbrain。Butrepeatingwordsdidnotcheckhisimaginationforlong。Again，inextraordinarilyrapidsuccession，hisbestmomentsrosebeforehismind，andthenhisrecenthumiliation。`Takeawayhishands，’Anna’svoicewassaying。Hetakesawayhishandsandfeelstheshame-struckandidioticexpressionofhisface。
Hewasstilllyingdown，tryingtosleep，thoughhefelttherewasnotthesmallesthopeofit，andkeptrepeatingstraywordsfromsomechainofthought，tryingbythistochecktherisingfloodoffreshimages。
Helistened，andheardwordsrepeatedinastrange，madwhisper:`Youdidnotappreciateit，didnotmakeenoughofit。Youdidnotappreciateit，didnotmakeenoughofit。’
`What’sthis？AmIgoingoutofmymind？’hesaidtohimself`Perhaps。
Whatmakesmengooutoftheirminds-whatmakesmenshootthemselves？’
heansweredhimself，and，openinghiseyes，hesawwithwonderanembroideredcushionbesidehim，workedbyVaria，hisbrother’swife。Hetouchedthetasselofthecushion，andtriedtothinkofVaria，ofwhenhehadseenherlast。Buttothinkofanythingextraneouswasanagonizingeffort。
`No，Imustsleep！’Hemovedthecushionup，andpressedhisheadintoit，buthehadtomakeanefforttokeephiseyesshut。Hejumpedupandsatdown。`That’salloverforme，’hesaidtohimself。`Imustthinkwhattodo。Whatisleft？’HismindrapidlyranthroughhislifeapartfromhisloveofAnna。
`Ambition？Serpukhovskoy？Society？TheCourt？’Hecouldnotcometoapauseanywhere。Allofithadhadmeaningbefore，butnowtherewasnorealityinit。Hegotupfromthesofa，tookoffhiscoat，undidhisbelt，and，uncoveringhishairychesttobreathemorefreely，walkedupanddowntheroom。`Thisishowpeoplegomad，’herepeated，`andhowtheyshootthemselves……toescapehumiliation，’headdedslowly。
Hewenttothedoorandclosedit，andthenwithfixedeyesandclenchedteethhewentuptothetable，tookarevolver，lookeditabout，turnedittoaloadedbarrel，andsankintothought。Fortwominutes，hisheadbentforwardwithanexpressionofanintenseeffortofthought，hestoodwiththerevolverinhishand，motionless，thinking。`Ofcourse，’
hesaidtohimself，asthoughalogical，continuous，andclearchainofreasoninghadbroughthimtoanindubitableconclusion。Inrealitythis`ofcourse，’soconvincingtohim，wassimplytheresultofrepeatingexactlythesamecircleofmemoriesandimagesthroughwhichhehadalreadypassedtentimesduringthelasthour。Therewerethesamememoriesofhappinesslostforever，thesameconceptionofthesenselessnessofeverythingtocomeinlife，thesameconsciousnessofhumiliation。Therewasthesamesequenceoftheseimagesandemotionstoo。
`Ofcourse，’herepeated，whenforthethirdtimehisthoughtpassedagainroundthesamespellboundcircleofmemoriesandimages，and，puttingtherevolvertotheleftsideofhischest，andtwitchingvigorouslywithhiswholehand，asthoughsqueezingitinhisfist，hepulledthetrigger。Hedidnothearthesoundoftheshot，butaviolentblowonhischestknockedhimdown。Hetriedtoclutchattheedgeofthetable，droppedtherevolver，staggered，andsatdownontheground，lookingabouthiminastonishment。Hedidnotrecognizehisroom，ashelookedupfromthegroundatthebentlegsofthetable，atthewastepaperbasket，andthetigerskinrug。Thehurried，creakingstepsofhisservantcomingthroughthedrawingroombroughthimtohissenses。Hemadeaneffortatthought，andwasawarethathewasonthefloor；andseeingbloodonthetigerskinrugandonhisarm，heknewhehadshothimself。
`Idiotic！Missed！’hesaid，fumblingaftertherevolver。Therevolverwasclosebesidehim-hewasgropingfartheroff。Stillgropingforit，hestretchedouttotheotherside，andnotbeingstrongenoughtokeephisbalance，fellover，streamingwithblood。
Theelegant，whiskeredmanservant，whousedtobecontinuallycomplainingtohisacquaintancesofthedelicacyofhisnerves，wassopanic-strickenonseeinghismasterlyingonthefloorthathelefthimlosingbloodwhileheranforassistance。AnhourlaterVaria，hisbrother’swife，hadarrived，andwiththeassistanceofthreedoctors，whomshehadsentforinalldirections，andwhoallappearedatthesamemoment，shegotthewoundedmantobed，andremainedtonursehim。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart4，Chapter19[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter19ThemistakemadebyAlexeiAlexandrovich，whenpreparingtoseehiswife，inhavingoverlookedthepossibilitythatherrepentancemightbesincere，andthathemightforgiveher，andshemightnotdie-thismistakewastwomonthsafterhisreturnfromMoscowbroughthometohiminallitssignificance。Butthemistakemadebyhimhadarisennotsimplyfromhishavingoverlookedthatcontingency，butalsofromthefactthat，untilthedayofhisinterviewwithhisdyingwife，hehadnotknownhisownheart。Athissickwife’sbedsidehehadforthefirsttimeinhislifegivenwaytothatfeelingofsympatheticsufferingalwaysrousedinhimbythesufferingsofothers，andhithertolookedonbyhimwithshameasaharmfulweakness。Andpityforher，andremorseforhavingdesiredherdeath，and，mostofall，thejoyofforgiveness，madehimatonceconscious，notsimplyofthereliefofhisownsufferings，butofaspiritualpeacehehadneverexperiencedbefore。Hesuddenlyfeltthattheverythingthatwasthesourceofhissufferingshadbecomethesourceofhisspiritualjoy；thatwhathadseemedinsolvablewhilehewasjudging，blaming，andhating，hadbecomeclearandsimplewhenheforgaveandloved。
Heforgavehiswifeandpitiedherforhersufferingsandherremorse。HeforgaveVronsky，andpitiedhim，especiallyafterreportsreachedhimofhisdespairingaction。Hefeltmoreforhissonthanbefore。Andheblamedhimselfnowforhavingtakentoolittleinterestinhim。Butforthelittlenewbornbabyhefeltaquitepeculiarsentiment，notofpityonly，butoftenderness。Atfirst，fromafeelingofcompassionalone，hehadbeeninterestedinthedelicatelittlecreature，whowasnothischild，andwhowasneglectedduringhermother’sillness，andwouldcertainlyhavediedifhehadnottroubledabouther；andhedidnothimselfobservehowfondhebecameofher。Hewouldgointothenurseryseveraltimesaday，andsitthereforalongwhile，sothatthenurseandwetnurses，whowereatfirstafraidofhim，gotquiteusedtohispresence。Sometimes，forhalfanhouratastretch，hewouldsitsilentlygazingatthesaffron-red，downy，wrinkledfaceofthesleepingbaby，watchingthemovementsofthefrowningbrows，andtheplumplittlehandswithclenchedfingers，thatrubbedthelittleeyesandbridgeofthenosewiththebackoftheirpalms。
AtsuchmomentsparticularlyAlexeiAlexandrovichhadasenseofperfectpeaceandinwardharmony，andsawnothingextraordinaryinhisposition，nothingthatoughttobechanged。
But，astimewenton，hesawmoreandmoredistinctlythathowevernaturalthepositionnowseemedtohim，hewouldnotlongbeallowedtoremaininit。Hefeltthatbesidestheblessedspiritualforcecontrollinghissoul，therewasanother，abrutalforce，aspowerful，ormorepowerful，whichcontrolledhislife，andthatthisforcewouldnotallowhimthathumblepeacehelongedfor。Hefeltthateveryonewaslookingathimwithinquiringwonder，thathewasnotunderstood，andthatsomethingwasexpectedofhim。Aboveall，hefelttheinstabilityandunnaturalnessofhisrelationswithhiswife。
Whenthesofteningeffectofthenearapproachofdeathhadpassedaway，AlexeiAlexandrovichbegantonoticethatAnnawasafraidofhim，illateasewithhim，andcouldnotlookhimstraightintheface。Sheseemedtobewanting，yetnotdaring，totellhimsomething；and，asthoughforeseeingthattheirpresentrelationscouldnotcontinue，sheseemedtobeexpectingsomethingfromhim。
TowardtheendofFebruaryAnna’sbabydaughter，whohadalsobeennamedAnna，happenedtofallill。AlexeiAlexandrovichwasinthenurseryinthemorning，andleavingordersforthedoctortobesentfor，hewenttohisoffice。Onfinishinghiswork，hereturnedhomeatfour。
Goingintothehallhesawahandsomefootman，inagalloonedliveryandabear-furcape，holdingawhitefurcloak。
`Whoishere？’askedAlexeiAlexandrovich。
`PrincessElizavetaFiodorovnaTverskaia，’thefootmananswered，anditseemedtoAlexeiAlexandrovichthatthefellowgrinned。
DuringallthisdifficulttimeAlexeiAlexandrovichhadnoticedthathisworldlyacquaintances，especiallywomen，tookapeculiarinterestinhimandhiswife。Heobservedalltheseacquaintanceswithdifficultyconcealingtheirmirthatsomething-thesamemirththathehadperceivedinthelawyer’seyes，and，justnow，intheeyesofthisfootman。Everyoneseemed，somehow，hugelydelighted，asthoughjustcomefromawedding。
Whentheymethim，theyinquiredwithill-disguisedenjoymentafterhiswife’shealth。
ThepresenceofPrincessTverskaiawasunpleasanttoAlexeiAlexandrovichfromthememoriesassociatedwithher，andalsobecausehedislikedher，andhewentstraighttothenursery。InthedaynurserySeriozha，leaningonthetablewithhislegsonachair，wasdrawingandchattingawaymerrily。
TheEnglishgoverness，whohadduringAnna’sillnessreplacedtheFrenchone，wassittingneartheboy，knittingmignardise。Shehurriedlygotup，curtsied，andpulledSeriozha。
AlexeiAlexandrovichstrokedhisson’shair，answeredthegoverness’sinquiriesabouthiswife，andaskedwhatthedoctorhadsaidofthebaby。
`Thedoctorsaiditwasnothingserious，andheorderedabath，sir。’
`Butsheisstillinpain，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，listeningtothebaby’sscreaminginthenextroom。
`Ithinkit’sthewetnurse，sir，’theEnglishwomansaidfirmly。
`Whatmakesyouthinkso？’heasked，stoppingshort。
`It’sjustasitwasatCountessPaul’s，sir。Theygavethebabymedicine，anditturnedoutthatthebabywassimplyhungry:thewetnursehadnomilk，sir。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichpondered，andafterstandingstillafewsecondshewentinattheotherdoor。Thebabywaslyingwithitsheadthrownback，stiffeningitselfinthenurse’sarms，andwouldnottaketheplumpbreastofferedit；anditneverceasedscreaminginspiteofthedoublehushingofthewetnurseandtheothernurse，whowasbendingoverher。
`Stillnobetter？’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich。
`She’sveryrestless，’answeredthenurseinawhisper。
`MissEdwardssaysthatperhapsthewetnursehasnomilk，’hesaid。
`Ithinksotoo，AlexeiAlexandrovich。’
`Thenwhydidn’tyousayso？’
`Who’sonetosayitto？AnnaArkadyevnaisstillill……’saidthenursediscontentedly。
Thenursewasanoldservantofthefamily。AndinhersimplewordsthereseemedtoAlexeiAlexandrovichanallusiontohisposition。
Thebabyscreamedlouderthanever，strugglingandchoking。Thenurse，withagestureofdespair，wenttoit，tookitfromthewetnurse’sarms，andbeganwalkingupanddown，rockingit。
`Youmustaskthedoctortoexaminethewetnurse，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich。
Thesmartlydressedandhealthy-lookingnurse，frightenedattheideaoflosingherplace，mutteredsomethingtoherself，and，coveringherbosom，smiledcontemptuouslyattheideaofdoubtsbeingcastonherabundanceofmilk。Inthatsmile，too，AlexeiAlexandrovichsawasneerathisposition。
`Lucklesschild，’saidthenurse，hushingthebaby，andstillwalkingupanddownwithit。
AlexeiAlexandrovichsatdown，andwithadespondentandsufferingfacewatchedthenursewalkingtoandfro。
Whenthechildatlastwasstill，andhadbeenputinadeepbed，andthenurse，aftersmoothingthelittlepillow，hadlefther，AlexeiAlexandrovichgotup，and，walkingawkwardlyontiptoe，approachedthebaby。Foraminutehewasstill，andwiththesamedespondentfacegazedatthebaby；butallatonceasmilethatmovedhishairandtheskinofhisforehead，cameoutonhisface，andhewentassoftlyoutoftheroom。
Inthediningroomherangthebell，andtoldtheservantwhocameintosendagainforthedoctor。Hefeltvexedwithhiswifefornotbeinganxiousaboutthischarmingbaby，andinthisvexedhumorhehadnowishtogotoher；hehadnowish，either，toseePrincessBetsy。Buthiswifemightwonderwhyhedidnotgotoherasusual；andso，overcominghisdisinclination，hewenttowardherbedroom。Ashewalkedoverthesoftrugtowardthedoor，hecouldnothelpoverhearingaconversationhedidnotwanttohear。
`Ifhehadn’tbeengoingaway，Icouldhaveunderstoodyourrefusalandhistoo。Butyourhusbandoughttobeabovethat，’Betsywassaying。
`It’snotformyhusband-it’sformyselfIdon’twishit。Don’tsaythat！’answeredAnna’sexcitedvoice。
`Yes，butyoumustcaretosaygood-bytoamanwhohasshothimselfonyouraccount……’
`That’sjustwhyIdon’twantto。’
Withadismayedandguiltyexpression，AlexeiAlexandrovichstoppedandwouldhavegonebackunobserved。Butreflectingthatthiswouldbeundignified，heturnedbackagain，and，clearinghisthroat，heapproachedthebedroom。Thevoicesweresilent，andhewentin。
Anna，inagraydressinggown，withacropofshortclusteringblackcurlsonherroundhead，wassittingonasettee。Theanimationdiedoutofherface，asitalwaysdid，atthesightofherhusband；shedroppedherheadandlookedrounduneasilyatBetsy。Betsy，dressedintheheightofthelatestfashion，inahatthattoweredoverherheadlikeashadeonalamp，inadove-coloreddresswithcrudeobliquestripes，slantingonewayonthebodiceandtheotherwayontheskirt，wassittingbesideAnna，hertallflatfigurehelderect。Bowingherhead，shegreetedAlexeiAlexandrovichwithanironicalsmile。
`Ah！’shesaid，asthoughsurprised。`I’mverygladyou’reathome。Youneverputinanappearanceanywhere，andIhaven’tseenyoueversinceAnnahasbeenill。Ihaveheardallaboutit-youranxiety。Yes，you’reawonderfulhusband！’shesaid，withasignificantandaffableair，asthoughshewerebestowinganorderofmagnanimityonhimforhisconducttowardhiswife。
AlexeiAlexandrovichbowedfrigidly，and，kissinghiswife’shand，askedhowshewas。
`Better，Ithink，’shesaid，avoidinghiseyes。
`Butyou’veratherafeverishcomplexion，’hesaid，layingstressontheword`feverish。’
`We’vebeentalkingtoomuch，’saidBetsy。`Ifeelit’sselfishnessonmypart，andIamgoingaway。’
Shegotup，butAnna，suddenlyflushing，quicklycaughtatherhand。
`No，waitaminute，please。Imusttellyou……no，Imeanyou，’
sheturnedtoAlexeiAlexandrovich，andherneckandbrowweresuffusedwithcrimson。`Iwon’tandcan’tkeepanythingsecretfromyou，’shesaid。
AlexeiAlexandrovichcrackedhisfingersandbowedhishead。
`Betsy’sbeentellingmethatCountVronskywantstocomeheretosaygood-bybeforehisdepartureforTashkend。’Shedidnotlookatherhusband，andwasevidentlyinhastetohaveeverythingout，howeverharditmightbeforher。`ItoldherIcouldnotreceivehim。’
`Yousaid，mydear，thatitwoulddependonAlexeiAlexandrovich，’
Betsycorrectedher。
`Oh，no，Ican’treceivehim；andwhatobjectwouldtherebein……’
Shestoppedsuddenly，andglancedinquiringlyatherhusbandhedidnotlookather。`Inshort，Idon’twishit……’
AlexeiAlexandrovichadvancedandwouldhavetakenherhand。
Herfirstimpulsewastojerkbackherhandfromthedamphandwithbigswollenveinsthatsoughthers，butwithanobviousefforttocontrolherselfshepressedhishand。
`Iamverygratefultoyouforyourconfidence，but……’hesaid，feelingwithconfusionandannoyancethatwhathecoulddecideeasilyandclearlybyhimself，hecouldnotdiscussbeforePrincessTverskaia，whotohimstoodfortheincarnationofthatbruteforcewhichwouldinevitablycontrolhiminthelifeheledintheeyesoftheworld，andhinderhimfromgivingwaytohisfeelingofloveandforgiveness。Hestoppedshort，lookingatPrincessTverskaia。
`Well，good-by，mydarling，’saidBetsy，gettingup。ShekissedAnna，andwentout。AlexeiAlexandrovichescortedherout。
`AlexeiAlexandrovich！Iknowyouareatrulymagnanimousman，’
saidBetsy，stoppinginthelittledrawingroom，andwithspecialwarmthshakinghandswithhimoncemore。`Iamanoutsider，butIloveherso，andrespectyou，thatIventuretoadvise。Receivehim。AlexeiVronskyisthesoulofhonor，andheisgoingawaytoTashkend。’
`Thankyou，Princess，foryoursympathyandadvice。Butthequestionofwhethermywifecanorcannotseeanyoneshemustdecideherself。’
Hesaidthisfromhabit，liftinghisbrowswithdignity，andreflectedimmediatelythatwhateverhiswordsmightbe，therecouldbenodignityinhisposition。Andhesawthisbythesuppressed，malicious，andironicalsmilewithwhichBetsyglancedathimafterthisphrase。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart4，Chapter20[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter20AlexeiAlexandrovichtookleaveofBetsyinthedrawingroom，andwenttohiswife。Shewaslyingdown，buthearinghisstepsshesatuphastilyinherformerattitude，andlookedinascaredwayathim。Hesawshehadbeencrying。
`Iamverygratefulforyourconfidenceinme。’HerepeatedgentlyinRussianthephrasehehadsaidinBetsy’spresenceinFrench，andsatdownbesideher。WhenhespoketoherinRussian，usingtheRussian`thou’
ofintimacyandaffection，itwasinsufferablyirritatingtoAnna。`AndIamverygratefulforyourdecision。I，too，imaginethatsinceheisgoingaway，thereisnosortofnecessityforCountVronskytocomehere。
However，if……’
`ButI’vesaidsoalready，sowhyrepeatit？’Annasuddenlyinterruptedhim，withanirritationshecouldnotsucceedinrepressing。`Nosortofnecessity，’shethought，`foramantocomeandsaygood-bytothewomanheloves，forwhomhewasreadytoruinhimself，andhasruinedhimself，andwhocannotlivewithouthim。Nosortofnecessity！’Shecompressedherlips，anddroppedherburningeyestohishandswiththeirswollenveins。Theywereslowlyrubbingeachother。`Letusneverspeakofit，’
sheaddedmorecalmly。
`Ihaveleftthisquestiontoyoutodecide，andIamverygladtosee……’AlexeiAlexandrovichwasbeginning。
`Thatmywishcoincideswithyourown，’shefinishedquickly，exasperatedathistalkingsoslowlywhilesheknewbeforehandallhewouldsay。
`Yes，’heassented；`andPrincessTverskaia’sinterferenceinthemostdifficultprivateaffairsisutterlyuncalledfor。Sheespecially……’
`Idon’tbelieveawordofwhat’ssaidabouther，’saidAnnaquickly。
`Iknowshereallycaresforme。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichsighedandsaidnothing。Sheplayednervouslywiththetasselofherdressinggown，glancingathimwiththattorturingsensationofphysicalrepulsionforwhichsheblamedherself，thoughshecouldnotcontrolit。Heronlydesirenowwastoberidofhisrepellingpresence。
`Ihavejustsentforthedoctor，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich。
`Iamverywell；whatdoIwantthedoctorfor？’
`No-thelittleonecries，andtheysaythewetnursehasn’tenoughmilk。’
`Whydidn’tyouletmenurseher，whenIbeggedto？Anyway’AlexeiAlexandrovichknewwhatwasmeantbythat`anyway’，`she’sababy，andthey’rekillingher。’Sherangthebellandorderedthebabytobebroughther。`Ibeggedtonurseher，Iwasn’tallowedto，andnowI’mblamedforit。’
`Idon’tblame……’
`Yes，youdoblameme！MyGod！Whydidn’tIdie！’Andshebrokeintosobs。`Forgiveme，I’mnervous，I’munjust，’shesaid，controllingherself，`butdogoaway……’
`No，itcan’tgoonlikethis，’AlexeiAlexandrovichsaidtohimselfresolutelyashelefthiswife’sroom。
Neverhadtheimpossibilityofhispositionintheworld’seyes，andhiswife’shatredofhim，and，aboveall，themightofthatmysteriousbrutalforcethatguidedhislifeagainsthisspiritualinclinationsandexactedconformitywithitsdecreesandachangeinhispresentattitudetohiswife-neverhaditbeenpresentedtohimwithsuchdistinctnessasonthatday。HesawclearlythatalltheworldandAnnaexpectedsomethingofhim，butwhatexactlyhecouldnotmakeout。Hefeltthatthiswasrousinginhissoulafeelingofangerdestructiveofhispeaceofmind，andofallthegoodofhisachievement。HebelievedthatforAnnaherselfitwouldbebettertobreakoffallrelationswithVronsky；butiftheyallthoughtthisoutofthequestion，hewasevenreadytoallowtheserelationstoberenewed，solongasthechildrenwerenotdisgraced，andhewasnotdeprivedofthemnorforcedtochangehisposition。Badasthismightbe，itwasatanyratebetterthanarupture，whichwouldputherinahopelessandshamefulposition，anddeprivehimofeverythinghecaredfor。Buthefelthelpless；heknewbeforehandthateveryonewasagainsthim，andthathewouldnotbeallowedtodowhatseemedtohimnowsonaturalandright，butwouldbeforcedtodowhatwaswrong，thoughtothemitseemedtheproperthing。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart4，Chapter21[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter21BeforeBetsyhadtimetowalkoutofthedrawingroom，shewasmetinthedoorwaybyStepanArkadyevich，whohadjustcomefromIelisseev’s，whereaconsignmentoffreshoystershadbeenreceived。
`Ah！Princess！Whatadelightfulmeeting！’hebegan。`I’vebeentoseeyou。’
`Ameetingforoneminute，forI’mgoing，’saidBetsy，smilingandputtingonherglove。
`Don’tputonyourgloveyet，Princess；letmekissyourhand。
There’snothingI’msothankfultotherevivaloftheoldfashionsforaskissingthehand。’HekissedBetsy’shand。`Whenshallweseeeachother？’
`Youdon’tdeserveit，’answeredBetsy，smiling。
`Oh，yes，Ideserveagreatdeal，forI’vebecomeamostseriousperson。Inotonlymanagemyowndomesticaffairs，butotherpeople’stoo，’
hesaid，withasignificantexpression。
`Oh，I’msoglad！’answeredBetsy，atonceunderstandingthathewasspeakingofAnna。And，goingbackintothedrawingroom，theystoodinacorner。`He’skillingher，’saidBetsyinawhisperfullofmeaning。
`It’simpossible，impossible……’
`I’msogladyouthinkso，’saidStepanArkadyevich，shakinghisheadwithaseriousandsympatheticallydistressedexpression，`that’swhatI’vecometoPeterburgfor。’
`Thewholetown’stalkingofit，’shesaid。`It’sanimpossiblesituation。Shepinesandpinesaway。Hedoesn’tunderstandthatshe’soneofthosewomenwhocan’ttriflewiththeirfeelings。Oneoftwothings:
eitherlethimtakeheraway，actwithenergy，orgiveheradivorce。Thisisstiflingher。’
`Yes，yes……justso……’Oblonskysaid，sighing。
`That’swhatI’vecomefor。Atleastnotsolelyforthat……I’vebeenmadeaKammerherr；ofcourse，onehastogivethanks。Butthechiefthingwashavingtosettlethis。’
`Well，Godhelpyou！’saidBetsy。
AfteraccompanyingBetsytotheoutsidehall，oncemorekissingherhandabovetheglove，atthepointwherethepulsebeats，andmurmuringtohersuchunseemlynonsensethatshedidnotknowwhethertolaughortobeangry，StepanArkadyevichwenttohissister。Hefoundherintears。
Althoughhehappenedtobebubblingoverwithgoodspirits，StepanArkadyevichimmediatelyandquitenaturallyfellintothesympathetic，poeticallyemotionaltonewhichharmonizedwithhermood。Heaskedherhowshewas，andhowshehadspentthemorning。
`Very，verymiserably。Today，andthismorning，andallpastdays，andallthedaystocome，’shesaid。
`Ithinkyou’regivingwaytopessimism。Youmustrouseyourself，youmustlooklifeintheface。Iknowit’shard，but……’
`Ihavehearditsaidthatwomenlovemenevenfortheirvices，’
Annabegansuddenly，`butIhatehimforhisvirtues。Ican’tlivewithhim。Doyouunderstand？Thesightofhimhasaphysicaleffectinme-
Iambesidemyselffromit。Ican’t，Ican’tlivewithhim。WhatamItodo？Ihavebeenunhappy，andusedtothinkonecouldn’tbeunhappier，buttheawfulstateofthingsIamgoingthroughnowIcouldneverhaveconceived。