Emmacouldnowimaginewhyherownattentionshadbeenslighted。
Thisdiscoverylaidmanysmallermattersopen。Nodoubtithadbeenfromjealousy——InJane’seyesshehadbeenarival；andwellmightanythingshecouldofferofassistanceorregardberepulsed。
AnairingintheHartfieldcarriagewouldhavebeentherack，andarrowrootfromtheHartfieldstoreroommusthavebeenpoison。
Sheunderstooditall；andasfarashermindcoulddisengageitselffromtheinjusticeandselfishnessofangryfeelings，sheacknowledgedthatJaneFairfaxwouldhaveneitherelevationnorhappinessbeyondherdesert。ButpoorHarrietwassuchanengrossingcharge！
Therewaslittlesympathytobesparedforanybodyelse。
Emmawassadlyfearfulthatthisseconddisappointmentwouldbemoreseverethanthefirst。Consideringtheverysuperiorclaimsoftheobject，itought；andjudgingbyitsapparentlystrongereffectonHarriet’smind，producingreserveandself-command，itwould——
Shemustcommunicatethepainfultruth，however，andassoonaspossible。AninjunctionofsecresyhadbeenamongMr。Weston’spartingwords。“Forthepresent，thewholeaffairwastobecompletelyasecret。Mr。Churchillhadmadeapointofit，asatokenofrespecttothewifehehadsoveryrecentlylost；
andeverybodyadmittedittobenomorethanduedecorum。”——
Emmahadpromised；butstillHarrietmustbeexcepted。Itwashersuperiorduty。
Inspiteofhervexation，shecouldnothelpfeelingitalmostridiculous，thatsheshouldhavetheverysamedistressinganddelicateofficetoperformbyHarriet，whichMrs。Westonhadjustgonethroughbyherself。
Theintelligence，whichhadbeensoanxiouslyannouncedtoher，shewasnowtobeanxiouslyannouncingtoanother。HerheartbeatquickonhearingHarriet’sfootstepandvoice；so，shesupposed，hadpoorMrs。WestonfeltwhenshewasapproachingRandalls。
Couldtheeventofthedisclosurebearanequalresemblance！——
Butofthat，unfortunately，therecouldbenochance。
“Well，MissWoodhouse！“criedHarriet，comingeagerlyintotheroom——
“isnotthistheoddestnewsthateverwas？“
“Whatnewsdoyoumean？“repliedEmma，unabletoguess，bylookorvoice，whetherHarrietcouldindeedhavereceivedanyhint。
“AboutJaneFairfax。Didyoueverhearanythingsostrange？
Oh！——youneednotbeafraidofowningittome，forMr。Westonhastoldmehimself。Imethimjustnow。Hetoldmeitwastobeagreatsecret；and，therefore，Ishouldnotthinkofmentioningittoanybodybutyou，buthesaidyouknewit。”
“WhatdidMr。Westontellyou？“——saidEmma，stillperplexed。
“Oh！hetoldmeallaboutit；thatJaneFairfaxandMr。FrankChurchillaretobemarried，andthattheyhavebeenprivatelyengagedtooneanotherthislongwhile。Howveryodd！“
Itwas，indeed，soodd；Harriet’sbehaviourwassoextremelyodd，thatEmmadidnotknowhowtounderstandit。Hercharacterappearedabsolutelychanged。Sheseemedtoproposeshewingnoagitation，ordisappointment，orpeculiarconcerninthediscovery。Emmalookedather，quiteunabletospeak。
“Hadyouanyidea。”criedHarriet，“ofhisbeinginlovewithher？——You，perhaps，might——Youblushingasshespoke
whocanseeintoeverybody’sheart；butnobodyelse——“
“Uponmyword。”saidEmma，“Ibegintodoubtmyhavinganysuchtalent。
Canyouseriouslyaskme，Harriet，whetherIimaginedhimattachedtoanotherwomanattheverytimethatIwas——tacitly，ifnotopenly——
encouragingyoutogivewaytoyourownfeelings？——Ineverhadtheslightestsuspicion，tillwithinthelasthour，ofMr。FrankChurchill’shavingtheleastregardforJaneFairfax。YoumaybeverysurethatifIhad，Ishouldhavecautionedyouaccordingly。”
“Me！“criedHarriet，colouring，andastonished。“Whyshouldyoucautionme？——YoudonotthinkIcareaboutMr。FrankChurchill。”
“Iamdelightedtohearyouspeaksostoutlyonthesubject。”
repliedEmma，smiling；“butyoudonotmeantodenythattherewasatime——andnotverydistanteither——whenyougavemereasontounderstandthatyoudidcareabouthim？“
“Him！——never，never。DearMissWoodhouse，howcouldyousomistakeme？“
turningawaydistressed。
“Harriet！“criedEmma，afteramoment’spause——“Whatdoyoumean？——
GoodHeaven！whatdoyoumean？——Mistakeyou！——AmItosupposethen？——“
Shecouldnotspeakanotherword——Hervoicewaslost；andshesatdown，waitingingreatterrortillHarrietshouldanswer。
Harriet，whowasstandingatsomedistance，andwithfaceturnedfromher，didnotimmediatelysayanything；andwhenshedidspeak，itwasinavoicenearlyasagitatedasEmma’s。
“Ishouldnothavethoughtitpossible。”shebegan，“thatyoucouldhavemisunderstoodme！Iknowweagreednevertonamehim——
butconsideringhowinfinitelysuperiorheistoeverybodyelse，IshouldnothavethoughtitpossiblethatIcouldbesupposedtomeananyotherperson。Mr。FrankChurchill，indeed！I
donotknowwhowouldeverlookathiminthecompanyoftheother。
IhopeIhaveabettertastethantothinkofMr。FrankChurchill，whoislikenobodybyhisside。Andthatyoushouldhavebeensomistaken，isamazing！——Iamsure，butforbelievingthatyouentirelyapprovedandmeanttoencouragemeinmyattachment，Ishouldhaveconsidereditatfirsttoogreatapresumptionalmost，todaretothinkofhim。Atfirst，ifyouhadnottoldmethatmorewonderfulthingshadhappened；thattherehadbeenmatchesofgreaterdisparitythosewereyourverywords；——
Ishouldnothavedaredtogivewayto——Ishouldnothavethoughtitpossible——Butifyou，whohadbeenalwaysacquaintedwithhim——“
“Harriet！“criedEmma，collectingherselfresolutely——“Letusunderstandeachothernow，withoutthepossibilityoffarthermistake。
Areyouspeakingof——Mr。Knightley？“
“TobesureIam。Inevercouldhaveanideaofanybodyelse——
andsoIthoughtyouknew。Whenwetalkedabouthim，itwasasclearaspossible。”
“Notquite。”returnedEmma，withforcedcalmness，“forallthatyouthensaid，appearedtometorelatetoadifferentperson。
IcouldalmostassertthatyouhadnamedMr。FrankChurchill。
IamsuretheserviceMr。FrankChurchillhadrenderedyou，inprotectingyoufromthegipsies，wasspokenof。”
“Oh！MissWoodhouse，howyoudoforget！“
“MydearHarriet，IperfectlyrememberthesubstanceofwhatI
saidontheoccasion。ItoldyouthatIdidnotwonderatyourattachment；thatconsideringtheservicehehadrenderedyou，itwasextremelynatural：——andyouagreedtoit，expressingyourselfverywarmlyastoyoursenseofthatservice，andmentioningevenwhatyoursensationshadbeeninseeinghimcomeforwardtoyourrescue——Theimpressionofitisstrongonmymemory。”
“Oh，dear。”criedHarriet，“nowIrecollectwhatyoumean；butI
wasthinkingofsomethingverydifferentatthetime。Itwasnotthegipsies——itwasnotMr。FrankChurchillthatImeant。No！
withsomeelevationIwasthinkingofamuchmorepreciouscircumstance——
ofMr。Knightley’scomingandaskingmetodance，whenMr。Eltonwouldnotstandupwithme；andwhentherewasnootherpartnerintheroom。Thatwasthekindaction；thatwasthenoblebenevolenceandgenerosity；thatwastheservicewhichmademebegintofeelhowsuperiorhewastoeveryotherbeinguponearth。”
“GoodGod！“criedEmma，“thishasbeenamostunfortunate——
mostdeplorablemistake！——Whatistobedone？“
“Youwouldnothaveencouragedme，then，ifyouhadunderstoodme？
Atleast，however，IcannotbeworseoffthanIshouldhavebeen，iftheotherhadbeentheperson；andnow——itispossible——“
Shepausedafewmoments。Emmacouldnotspeak。
“Idonotwonder，MissWoodhouse。”sheresumed，“thatyoushouldfeelagreatdifferencebetweenthetwo，astomeorastoanybody。
Youmustthinkonefivehundredmilliontimesmoreabovemethantheother。ButIhope，MissWoodhouse，thatsupposing——thatif——
strangeasitmayappear。Butyouknowtheywereyourownwords，thatmorewonderfulthingshadhappened，matchesofgreaterdisparityhadtakenplacethanbetweenMr。FrankChurchillandme；and，therefore，itseemsasifsuchathingevenasthis，mayhaveoccurredbefore——
andifIshouldbesofortunate，beyondexpression，asto——
ifMr。Knightleyshouldreally——ifhedoesnotmindthedisparity，Ihope，dearMissWoodhouse，youwillnotsetyourselfagainstit，andtrytoputdifficultiesintheway。Butyouaretoogoodforthat，Iamsure。”
Harrietwasstandingatoneofthewindows。Emmaturnedroundtolookatherinconsternation，andhastilysaid，“HaveyouanyideaofMr。Knightley’sreturningyouraffection？“
“Yes。”repliedHarrietmodestly，butnotfearfully——“ImustsaythatIhave。”
Emma’seyeswereinstantlywithdrawn；andshesatsilentlymeditating，inafixedattitude，forafewminutes。Afewminutesweresufficientformakingheracquaintedwithherownheart。Amindlikehers，onceopeningtosuspicion，maderapidprogress。Shetouched——
sheadmitted——sheacknowledgedthewholetruth。WhywasitsomuchworsethatHarrietshouldbeinlovewithMr。Knightley，thanwithFrankChurchill？WhywastheevilsodreadfullyincreasedbyHarriet’shavingsomehopeofareturn？Itdartedthroughher，withthespeedofanarrow，thatMr。Knightleymustmarrynoonebutherself！
Herownconduct，aswellasherownheart，wasbeforeherinthesamefewminutes。Shesawitallwithaclearnesswhichhadneverblessedherbefore。HowimproperlyhadshebeenactingbyHarriet！Howinconsiderate，howindelicate，howirrational，howunfeelinghadbeenherconduct！Whatblindness，whatmadness，hadledheron！Itstruckherwithdreadfulforce，andshewasreadytogiveiteverybadnameintheworld。Someportionofrespectforherself，however，inspiteofallthesedemerits——
someconcernforherownappearance，andastrongsenseofjusticebyHarriet——therewouldbenoneedofcompassiontothegirlwhobelievedherselflovedbyMr。Knightley——butjusticerequiredthatsheshouldnotbemadeunhappybyanycoldnessnow，
gaveEmmatheresolutiontositandendurefartherwithcalmness，withevenapparentkindness——Forherownadvantageindeed，itwasfitthattheutmostextentofHarriet’shopesshouldbeenquiredinto；
andHarriethaddonenothingtoforfeittheregardandinterestwhichhadbeensovoluntarilyformedandmaintained——ortodeservetobeslightedbytheperson，whosecounselshadneverledherright——
Rousingfromreflection，therefore，andsubduingheremotion，sheturnedtoHarrietagain，and，inamoreinvitingaccent，renewedtheconversation；forastothesubjectwhichhadfirstintroducedit，thewonderfulstoryofJaneFairfax，thatwasquitesunkandlost——
NeitherofthemthoughtbutofMr。Knightleyandthemselves。
Harriet，whohadbeenstandinginnounhappyreverie，wasyetverygladtobecalledfromit，bythenowencouragingmannerofsuchajudge，andsuchafriendasMissWoodhouse，andonlywantedinvitation，togivethehistoryofherhopeswithgreat，thoughtremblingdelight——Emma’stremblingsassheasked，andasshelistened，werebetterconcealedthanHarriet’s，buttheywerenotless。
Hervoicewasnotunsteady；buthermindwasinalltheperturbationthatsuchadevelopmentofself，suchaburstofthreateningevil，suchaconfusionofsuddenandperplexingemotions，mustcreate——
Shelistenedwithmuchinwardsuffering，butwithgreatoutwardpatience，toHarriet’sdetail——Methodical，orwellarranged，orverywelldelivered，itcouldnotbeexpectedtobe；
butitcontained，whenseparatedfromallthefeeblenessandtautologyofthenarration，asubstancetosinkherspirit——
especiallywiththecorroboratingcircumstances，whichherownmemorybroughtinfavourofMr。Knightley’smostimprovedopinionofHarriet。
Harriethadbeenconsciousofadifferenceinhisbehavioureversincethosetwodecisivedances——Emmaknewthathehad，onthatoccasion，foundhermuchsuperiortohisexpectation。Fromthatevening，oratleastfromthetimeofMissWoodhouse’sencouraginghertothinkofhim，Harriethadbeguntobesensibleofhistalkingtohermuchmorethanhehadbeenusedtodo，andofhishavingindeedquiteadifferentmannertowardsher；amannerofkindnessandsweetness！——Latterlyshehadbeenmoreandmoreawareofit。
Whentheyhadbeenallwalkingtogether，hehadsooftencomeandwalkedbyher，andtalkedsoverydelightfully！——Heseemedtowanttobeacquaintedwithher。Emmaknewittohavebeenverymuchthecase。
Shehadoftenobservedthechange，toalmostthesameextent——
Harrietrepeatedexpressionsofapprobationandpraisefromhim——
andEmmafeltthemtobeintheclosestagreementwithwhatshehadknownofhisopinionofHarriet。Hepraisedherforbeingwithoutartoraffectation，forhavingsimple，honest，generous，feelings——
SheknewthathesawsuchrecommendationsinHarriet；hehaddweltonthemtohermorethanonce——MuchthatlivedinHarriet’smemory，manylittleparticularsofthenoticeshehadreceivedfromhim，alook，aspeech，aremovalfromonechairtoanother，acomplimentimplied，apreferenceinferred，hadbeenunnoticed，becauseunsuspected，byEmma。Circumstancesthatmightswelltohalfanhour’srelation，andcontainedmultipliedproofstoherwhohadseenthem，hadpassedundiscernedbyherwhonowheardthem；butthetwolatestoccurrencestobementioned，thetwoofstrongestpromisetoHarriet，werenotwithoutsomedegreeofwitnessfromEmmaherself——Thefirst，washiswalkingwithherapartfromtheothers，inthelime-walkatDonwell，wheretheyhadbeenwalkingsometimebeforeEmmacame，andhehadtakenpainsasshewasconvincedtodrawherfromtheresttohimself——andatfirst，hehadtalkedtoherinamoreparticularwaythanhehadeverdonebefore，inaveryparticularwayindeed！——Harrietcouldnotrecallitwithoutablush。Heseemedtobealmostaskingher，whetherheraffectionswereengaged——
ButassoonassheMissWoodhouseappearedlikelytojointhem，hechangedthesubject，andbegantalkingaboutfarming：——
Thesecond，washishavingsattalkingwithhernearlyhalfanhourbeforeEmmacamebackfromhervisit，theverylastmorningofhisbeingatHartfield——though，whenhefirstcamein，hehadsaidthathecouldnotstayfiveminutes——andhishavingtoldher，duringtheirconversation，thatthoughhemustgotoLondon，itwasverymuchagainsthisinclinationthathelefthomeatall，whichwasmuchmoreasEmmafeltthanhehadacknowledgedtoher。
ThesuperiordegreeofconfidencetowardsHarriet，whichthisonearticlemarked，gaveherseverepain。
Onthesubjectofthefirstofthetwocircumstances，shedid，afteralittlereflection，venturethefollowingquestion。
“Mighthenot？——Isnotitpossible，thatwhenenquiring，asyouthought，intothestateofyouraffections，hemightbealludingtoMr。Martin——
hemighthaveMr。Martin’sinterestinview？ButHarrietrejectedthesuspicionwithspirit。
“Mr。Martin！Noindeed！——TherewasnotahintofMr。Martin。
IhopeIknowbetternow，thantocareforMr。Martin，ortobesuspectedofit。”
WhenHarriethadclosedherevidence，sheappealedtoherdearMissWoodhouse，tosaywhethershehadnotgoodgroundforhope。
“Inevershouldhavepresumedtothinkofitatfirst。”saidshe，“butforyou。Youtoldmetoobservehimcarefully，andlethisbehaviourbetheruleofmine——andsoIhave。ButnowIseemtofeelthatImaydeservehim；andthatifhedoeschuseme，itwillnotbeanythingsoverywonderful。”
Thebitterfeelingsoccasionedbythisspeech，themanybitterfeelings，madetheutmostexertionnecessaryonEmma’sside，toenablehertosayonreply，“Harriet，Iwillonlyventuretodeclare，thatMr。Knightleyisthelastmanintheworld，whowouldintentionallygiveanywomantheideaofhisfeelingforhermorethanhereallydoes。”
Harrietseemedreadytoworshipherfriendforasentencesosatisfactory；
andEmmawasonlysavedfromrapturesandfondness，whichatthatmomentwouldhavebeendreadfulpenance，bythesoundofherfather’sfootsteps。Hewascomingthroughthehall。Harrietwastoomuchagitatedtoencounterhim。“Shecouldnotcomposeherself——
Mr。Woodhousewouldbealarmed——shehadbettergo；“——withmostreadyencouragementfromherfriend，therefore，shepassedoffthroughanotherdoor——andthemomentshewasgone，thiswasthespontaneousburstofEmma’sfeelings：“OhGod！thatIhadneverseenher！“
Therestoftheday，thefollowingnight，werehardlyenoughforherthoughts——Shewasbewilderedamidsttheconfusionofallthathadrushedonherwithinthelastfewhours。
Everymomenthadbroughtafreshsurprize；andeverysurprizemustbematterofhumiliationtoher——Howtounderstanditall！
Howtounderstandthedeceptionsshehadbeenthuspractisingonherself，andlivingunder！——Theblunders，theblindnessofherownheadandheart！——shesatstill，shewalkedabout，shetriedherownroom，shetriedtheshrubbery——ineveryplace，everyposture，sheperceivedthatshehadactedmostweakly；thatshehadbeenimposedonbyothersinamostmortifyingdegree；thatshehadbeenimposingonherselfinadegreeyetmoremortifying；thatshewaswretched，andshouldprobablyfindthisdaybutthebeginningofwretchedness。
Tounderstand，thoroughlyunderstandherownheart，wasthefirstendeavour。Tothatpointwenteveryleisuremomentwhichherfather’sclaimsonherallowed，andeverymomentofinvoluntaryabsenceofmind。
HowlonghadMr。Knightleybeensodeartoher，aseveryfeelingdeclaredhimnowtobe？Whenhadhisinfluence，suchinfluencebegun？——
Whenhadhesucceededtothatplaceinheraffection，whichFrankChurchillhadonce，forashortperiod，occupied？——Shelookedback；
shecomparedthetwo——comparedthem，astheyhadalwaysstoodinherestimation，fromthetimeofthelatter’sbecomingknowntoher——
andastheymustatanytimehavebeencomparedbyher，hadit——
oh！hadit，byanyblessedfelicity，occurredtoher，toinstitutethecomparison——ShesawthatthereneverhadbeenatimewhenshedidnotconsiderMr。Knightleyasinfinitelythesuperior，orwhenhisregardforherhadnotbeeninfinitelythemostdear。Shesaw，thatinpersuadingherself，infancying，inactingtothecontrary，shehadbeenentirelyunderadelusion，totallyignorantofherownheart——and，inshort，thatshehadneverreallycaredforFrankChurchillatall！
Thiswastheconclusionofthefirstseriesofreflection。
Thiswastheknowledgeofherself，onthefirstquestionofinquiry，whichshereached；andwithoutbeinglonginreachingit——
Shewasmostsorrowfullyindignant；ashamedofeverysensationbuttheonerevealedtoher——heraffectionforMr。Knightley——
Everyotherpartofhermindwasdisgusting。
Withinsufferablevanityhadshebelievedherselfinthesecretofeverybody’sfeelings；withunpardonablearroganceproposedtoarrangeeverybody’sdestiny。Shewasprovedtohavebeenuniversallymistaken；
andshehadnotquitedonenothing——forshehaddonemischief。
ShehadbroughtevilonHarriet，onherself，andshetoomuchfeared，onMr。Knightley——Werethismostunequalofallconnexionstotakeplace，onhermustrestallthereproachofhavinggivenitabeginning；forhisattachment，shemustbelievetobeproducedonlybyaconsciousnessofHarriet’s；——andevenwerethisnotthecase，hewouldneverhaveknownHarrietatallbutforherfolly。
Mr。KnightleyandHarrietSmith！——Itwasauniontodistanceeverywonderofthekind——TheattachmentofFrankChurchillandJaneFairfaxbecamecommonplace，threadbare，staleinthecomparison，excitingnosurprize，presentingnodisparity，affordingnothingtobesaidorthought——Mr。KnightleyandHarrietSmith！——Suchanelevationonherside！Suchadebasementonhis！ItwashorribletoEmmatothinkhowitmustsinkhiminthegeneralopinion，toforeseethesmiles，thesneers，themerrimentitwouldpromptathisexpense；themortificationanddisdainofhisbrother，thethousandinconveniencestohimself——Coulditbe？——No；itwasimpossible。
Andyetitwasfar，veryfar，fromimpossible——Wasitanewcircumstanceforamanoffirst-rateabilitiestobecaptivatedbyveryinferiorpowers？Wasitnewforone，perhapstoobusytoseek，tobetheprizeofagirlwhowouldseekhim？——Wasitnewforanythinginthisworldtobeunequal，inconsistent，incongruous——orforchanceandcircumstanceassecondcausestodirectthehumanfate？
Oh！hadsheneverbroughtHarrietforward！Hadsheleftherwheresheought，andwherehehadtoldhersheought！——Hadshenot，withafollywhichnotonguecouldexpress，preventedhermarryingtheunexceptionableyoungmanwhowouldhavemadeherhappyandrespectableinthelineoflifetowhichsheoughttobelong——
allwouldhavebeensafe；noneofthisdreadfulsequelwouldhavebeen。
HowHarrietcouldeverhavehadthepresumptiontoraiseherthoughtstoMr。Knightley！——Howshecoulddaretofancyherselfthechosenofsuchamantillactuallyassuredofit！——
ButHarrietwaslesshumble，hadfewerscruplesthanformerly——
Herinferiority，whetherofmindorsituation，seemedlittlefelt——
ShehadseemedmoresensibleofMr。Elton’sbeingtostoopinmarryingher，thanshenowseemedofMr。Knightley’s——
Alas！wasnotthatherowndoingtoo？WhohadbeenatpainstogiveHarrietnotionsofself-consequencebutherself？——Whobutherselfhadtaughther，thatshewastoelevateherselfifpossible，andthatherclaimsweregreattoahighworldlyestablishment？——
IfHarriet，frombeinghumble，weregrownvain，itwasherdoingtoo。
Chapter12CHAPTERXII
Tillnowthatshewasthreatenedwithitsloss，EmmahadneverknownhowmuchofherhappinessdependedonbeingfirstwithMr。Knightley，firstininterestandaffection——Satisfiedthatitwasso，andfeelingitherdue，shehadenjoyeditwithoutreflection；
andonlyinthedreadofbeingsupplanted，foundhowinexpressiblyimportantithadbeen——Long，verylong，shefeltshehadbeenfirst；
for，havingnofemaleconnexionsofhisown，therehadbeenonlyIsabellawhoseclaimscouldbecomparedwithhers，andshehadalwaysknownexactlyhowfarhelovedandesteemedIsabella。
Shehadherselfbeenfirstwithhimformanyyearspast。
Shehadnotdeservedit；shehadoftenbeennegligentorperverse，slightinghisadvice，orevenwilfullyopposinghim，insensibleofhalfhismerits，andquarrellingwithhimbecausehewouldnotacknowledgeherfalseandinsolentestimateofherown——butstill，fromfamilyattachmentandhabit，andthoroughexcellenceofmind，hehadlovedher，andwatchedoverherfromagirl，withanendeavourtoimproveher，andananxietyforherdoingright，whichnoothercreaturehadatallshared。Inspiteofallherfaults，sheknewshewasdeartohim；mightshenotsay，verydear？——
Whenthesuggestionsofhope，however，whichmustfollowhere，presentedthemselves，shecouldnotpresumetoindulgethem。
HarrietSmithmightthinkherselfnotunworthyofbeingpeculiarly，exclusively，passionatelylovedbyMr。Knightley。Shecouldnot。
Shecouldnotflatterherselfwithanyideaofblindnessinhisattachmenttoher。Shehadreceivedaveryrecentproofofitsimpartiality——
HowshockedhadhebeenbyherbehaviourtoMissBates！Howdirectly，howstronglyhadheexpressedhimselftoheronthesubject！——Nottoostronglyfortheoffence——butfar，fartoostronglytoissuefromanyfeelingsofterthanuprightjusticeandclear-sightedgoodwill——
Shehadnohope，nothingtodeservethenameofhope，thathecouldhavethatsortofaffectionforherselfwhichwasnowinquestion；
buttherewasahopeattimesaslightone，attimesmuchstronger，
thatHarrietmighthavedeceivedherself，andbeoverratinghisregardforher——Wishitshemust，forhissake——betheconsequencenothingtoherself，buthisremainingsingleallhislife。
Couldshebesecureofthat，indeed，ofhisnevermarryingatall，shebelievedsheshouldbeperfectlysatisfied——LethimbutcontinuethesameMr。Knightleytoherandherfather，thesameMr。Knightleytoalltheworld；letDonwellandHartfieldlosenoneoftheirpreciousintercourseoffriendshipandconfidence，andherpeacewouldbefullysecured——Marriage，infact，wouldnotdoforher。
Itwouldbeincompatiblewithwhatsheowedtoherfather，andwithwhatshefeltforhim。Nothingshouldseparateherfromherfather。
Shewouldnotmarry，evenifshewereaskedbyMr。Knightley。
ItmustbeherardentwishthatHarrietmightbedisappointed；
andshehoped，thatwhenabletoseethemtogetheragain，shemightatleastbeabletoascertainwhatthechancesforitwere——Sheshouldseethemhenceforwardwiththeclosestobservance；andwretchedlyasshehadhithertomisunderstoodeventhoseshewaswatching，shedidnotknowhowtoadmitthatshecouldbeblindedhere——
Hewasexpectedbackeveryday。Thepowerofobservationwouldbesoongiven——frightfullysoonitappearedwhenherthoughtswereinonecourse。Inthemeanwhile，sheresolvedagainstseeingHarriet——
Itwoulddoneitherofthemgood，itwoulddothesubjectnogood，tobetalkingofitfarther——Shewasresolvednottobeconvinced，aslongasshecoulddoubt，andyethadnoauthorityforopposingHarriet’sconfidence。Totalkwouldbeonlytoirritate——Shewrotetoher，therefore，kindly，butdecisively，tobegthatshewouldnot，atpresent，cometoHartfield；acknowledgingittobeherconviction，thatallfartherconfidentialdiscussionofonetopichadbetterbeavoided；andhoping，thatifafewdayswereallowedtopassbeforetheymetagain，exceptinthecompanyofothers——sheobjectedonlytoatete-a-tete——theymightbeabletoactasiftheyhadforgottentheconversationofyesterday——Harrietsubmitted，andapproved，andwasgrateful。
Thispointwasjustarranged，whenavisitorarrivedtotearEmma’sthoughtsalittlefromtheonesubjectwhichhadengrossedthem，sleepingorwaking，thelasttwenty-fourhours——Mrs。Weston，whohadbeencallingonherdaughter-in-lawelect，andtookHartfieldinherwayhome，almostasmuchindutytoEmmaasinpleasuretoherself，torelatealltheparticularsofsointerestinganinterview。
Mr。WestonhadaccompaniedhertoMrs。Bates’s，andgonethroughhisshareofthisessentialattentionmosthandsomely；butshehavingtheninducedMissFairfaxtojoinherinanairing，wasnowreturnedwithmuchmoretosay，andmuchmoretosaywithsatisfaction，thanaquarterofanhourspentinMrs。Bates’sparlour，withalltheencumbranceofawkwardfeelings，couldhaveafforded。
AlittlecuriosityEmmahad；andshemadethemostofitwhileherfriendrelated。Mrs。Westonhadsetofftopaythevisitinagooddealofagitationherself；andinthefirstplacehadwishednottogoatallatpresent，tobeallowedmerelytowritetoMissFairfaxinstead，andtodeferthisceremoniouscalltillalittletimehadpassed，andMr。Churchillcouldbereconciledtotheengagement’sbecomingknown；as，consideringeverything，shethoughtsuchavisitcouldnotbepaidwithoutleadingtoreports：——
butMr。Westonhadthoughtdifferently；hewasextremelyanxioustoshewhisapprobationtoMissFairfaxandherfamily，anddidnotconceivethatanysuspicioncouldbeexcitedbyit；orifitwere，thatitwouldbeofanyconsequence；for“suchthings。”heobserved，“alwaysgotabout。”Emmasmiled，andfeltthatMr。Westonhadverygoodreasonforsayingso。Theyhadgone，inshort——andverygreathadbeentheevidentdistressandconfusionofthelady。
Shehadhardlybeenabletospeakaword，andeverylookandactionhadshewnhowdeeplyshewassufferingfromconsciousness。Thequiet，heart-feltsatisfactionoftheoldlady，andtherapturousdelightofherdaughter——whoprovedeventoojoyoustotalkasusual，hadbeenagratifying，yetalmostanaffecting，scene。Theywerebothsotrulyrespectableintheirhappiness，sodisinterestedineverysensation；thoughtsomuchofJane；somuchofeverybody，andsolittleofthemselves，thateverykindlyfeelingwasatworkforthem。MissFairfax’srecentillnesshadofferedafairpleaforMrs。Westontoinvitehertoanairing；shehaddrawnbackanddeclinedatfirst，but，onbeingpressedhadyielded；and，inthecourseoftheirdrive，Mrs。Westonhad，bygentleencouragement，overcomesomuchofherembarrassment，astobringhertoconverseontheimportantsubject。Apologiesforherseeminglyungracioussilenceintheirfirstreception，andthewarmestexpressionsofthegratitudeshewasalwaysfeelingtowardsherselfandMr。Weston，mustnecessarilyopenthecause；butwhentheseeffusionswereputby，theyhadtalkedagooddealofthepresentandofthefuturestateoftheengagement。Mrs。Westonwasconvincedthatsuchconversationmustbethegreatestrelieftohercompanion，pentupwithinherownmindaseverythinghadsolongbeen，andwasverymuchpleasedwithallthatshehadsaidonthesubject。
“Onthemiseryofwhatshehadsuffered，duringtheconcealmentofsomanymonths。”continuedMrs。Weston，“shewasenergetic。
Thiswasoneofherexpressions。`Iwillnotsay，thatsinceI
enteredintotheengagementIhavenothadsomehappymoments；butI
cansay，thatIhaveneverknowntheblessingofonetranquilhour：’——
andthequiveringlip，Emma，whichutteredit，wasanattestationthatIfeltatmyheart。”
“Poorgirl！“saidEmma。“Shethinksherselfwrong，then，forhavingconsentedtoaprivateengagement？“
“Wrong！Noone，Ibelieve，canblamehermorethansheisdisposedtoblameherself。`Theconsequence，’saidshe，`hasbeenastateofperpetualsufferingtome；andsoitought。Butafterallthepunishmentthatmisconductcanbring，itisstillnotlessmisconduct。
Painisnoexpiation。Inevercanbeblameless。Ihavebeenactingcontrarytoallmysenseofright；andthefortunateturnthateverythinghastaken，andthekindnessIamnowreceiving，iswhatmyconsciencetellsmeoughtnottobe。’`Donotimagine，madam，’
shecontinued，`thatIwastaughtwrong。Donotletanyreflectionfallontheprinciplesorthecareofthefriendswhobroughtmeup。Theerrorhasbeenallmyown；andIdoassureyouthat，withalltheexcusethatpresentcircumstancesmayappeartogive，IshallyetdreadmakingthestoryknowntoColonelCampbell。’“
“Poorgirl！“saidEmmaagain。“Sheloveshimthenexcessively，Isuppose。Itmusthavebeenfromattachmentonly，thatshecouldbeledtoformtheengagement。Heraffectionmusthaveoverpoweredherjudgment。”
“Yes，Ihavenodoubtofherbeingextremelyattachedtohim。”
“Iamafraid。”returnedEmma，sighing，“thatImustoftenhavecontributedtomakeherunhappy。”
“Onyourside，mylove，itwasveryinnocentlydone。Butsheprobablyhadsomethingofthatinherthoughts，whenalludingtothemisunderstandingswhichhehadgivenushintsofbefore。
Onenaturalconsequenceoftheevilshehadinvolvedherselfin。”
shesaid，“wasthatofmakingherunreasonable。Theconsciousnessofhavingdoneamiss，hadexposedhertoathousandinquietudes，andmadehercaptiousandirritabletoadegreethatmusthavebeen——
thathadbeen——hardforhimtobear。`Ididnotmaketheallowances，’
saidshe，`whichIoughttohavedone，forhistemperandspirits——
hisdelightfulspirits，andthatgaiety，thatplayfulnessofdisposition，which，underanyothercircumstances，would，Iamsure，havebeenasconstantlybewitchingtome，astheywereatfirst。’
Shethenbegantospeakofyou，andofthegreatkindnessyouhadshewnherduringherillness；andwithablushwhichshewedmehowitwasallconnected，desiredme，wheneverIhadanopportunity，tothankyou——Icouldnotthankyoutoomuch——foreverywishandeveryendeavourtodohergood。Shewassensiblethatyouhadneverreceivedanyproperacknowledgmentfromherself。”
“IfIdidnotknowhertobehappynow。”saidEmma，seriously，“which，inspiteofeverylittledrawbackfromherscrupulousconscience，shemustbe，Icouldnotbearthesethanks；——for，oh！
Mrs。Weston，iftherewereanaccountdrawnupoftheevilandthegoodIhavedoneMissFairfax！——Wellcheckingherself，andtryingtobemorelively，thisisalltobeforgotten。
Youareverykindtobringmetheseinterestingparticulars。
Theyshewhertothegreatestadvantage。Iamsuresheisverygood——
Ihopeshewillbeveryhappy。Itisfitthatthefortuneshouldbeonhisside，forIthinkthemeritwillbeallonhers。”
SuchaconclusioncouldnotpassunansweredbyMrs。Weston。
ShethoughtwellofFrankinalmosteveryrespect；and，whatwasmore，shelovedhimverymuch，andherdefencewas，therefore，earnest。
Shetalkedwithagreatdealofreason，andatleastequalaffection——
butshehadtoomuchtourgeforEmma’sattention；itwassoongonetoBrunswickSquareortoDonwell；sheforgottoattempttolisten；
andwhenMrs。Westonendedwith，“Wehavenotyethadtheletterwearesoanxiousfor，youknow，butIhopeitwillsooncome。”
shewasobligedtopausebeforesheanswered，andatlastobligedtoansweratrandom，beforeshecouldatallrecollectwhatletteritwaswhichtheyweresoanxiousfor。
“Areyouwell，myEmma？“wasMrs。Weston’spartingquestion。
“Oh！perfectly。Iamalwayswell，youknow。Besuretogivemeintelligenceoftheletterassoonaspossible。”
Mrs。Weston’scommunicationsfurnishedEmmawithmorefoodforunpleasantreflection，byincreasingheresteemandcompassion，andhersenseofpastinjusticetowardsMissFairfax。Shebitterlyregrettednothavingsoughtacloseracquaintancewithher，andblushedfortheenviousfeelingswhichhadcertainlybeen，insomemeasure，thecause。HadshefollowedMr。Knightley’sknownwishes，inpayingthatattentiontoMissFairfax，whichwaseverywayherdue；hadshetriedtoknowherbetter；hadshedoneherparttowardsintimacy；
hadsheendeavouredtofindafriendthereinsteadofinHarrietSmith；
shemust，inallprobability，havebeensparedfromeverypainwhichpressedonhernow——Birth，abilities，andeducation，hadbeenequallymarkingoneasanassociateforher，tobereceivedwithgratitude；andtheother——whatwasshe？——Supposingeventhattheyhadneverbecomeintimatefriends；thatshehadneverbeenadmittedintoMissFairfax’sconfidenceonthisimportantmatter——
whichwasmostprobable——still，inknowingherassheought，andasshemight，shemusthavebeenpreservedfromtheabominablesuspicionsofanimproperattachmenttoMr。Dixon，whichshehadnotonlysofoolishlyfashionedandharbouredherself，buthadsounpardonablyimparted；anideawhichshegreatlyfearedhadbeenmadeasubjectofmaterialdistresstothedelicacyofJane’sfeelings，bythelevityorcarelessnessofFrankChurchill’s。Ofallthesourcesofevilsurroundingtheformer，sincehercomingtoHighbury，shewaspersuadedthatshemustherselfhavebeentheworst。
Shemusthavebeenaperpetualenemy。Theynevercouldhavebeenallthreetogether，withoutherhavingstabbedJaneFairfax’speaceinathousandinstances；andonBoxHill，perhaps，ithadbeentheagonyofamindthatwouldbearnomore。
Theeveningofthisdaywasverylong，andmelancholy，atHartfield。
Theweatheraddedwhatitcouldofgloom。Acoldstormyrainsetin，andnothingofJulyappearedbutinthetreesandshrubs，whichthewindwasdespoiling，andthelengthoftheday，whichonlymadesuchcruelsightsthelongervisible。
TheweatheraffectedMr。Woodhouse，andhecouldonlybekepttolerablycomfortablebyalmostceaselessattentiononhisdaughter’sside，andbyexertionswhichhadnevercostherhalfsomuchbefore。
Itremindedheroftheirfirstforlorntete-a-tete，ontheeveningofMrs。Weston’swedding-day；butMr。Knightleyhadwalkedinthen，soonaftertea，anddissipatedeverymelancholyfancy。
Alas！suchdelightfulproofsofHartfield’sattraction，asthosesortofvisitsconveyed，mightshortlybeover。Thepicturewhichshehadthendrawnoftheprivationsoftheapproachingwinter，hadprovederroneous；nofriendshaddesertedthem，nopleasureshadbeenlost——Butherpresentforebodingsshefearedwouldexperiencenosimilarcontradiction。Theprospectbeforehernow，wasthreateningtoadegreethatcouldnotbeentirelydispelled——
thatmightnotbeevenpartiallybrightened。Ifalltookplacethatmighttakeplaceamongthecircleofherfriends，Hartfieldmustbecomparativelydeserted；andshelefttocheerherfatherwiththespiritsonlyofruinedhappiness。
ThechildtobebornatRandallsmustbeatiethereevendearerthanherself；andMrs。Weston’sheartandtimewouldbeoccupiedbyit。Theyshouldloseher；and，probably，ingreatmeasure，herhusbandalso——FrankChurchillwouldreturnamongthemnomore；
andMissFairfax，itwasreasonabletosuppose，wouldsoonceasetobelongtoHighbury。Theywouldbemarried，andsettledeitheratornearEnscombe。Allthatweregoodwouldbewithdrawn；andiftotheselosses，thelossofDonwellweretobeadded，whatwouldremainofcheerfulorofrationalsocietywithintheirreach？
Mr。Knightleytobenolongercomingthereforhiseveningcomfort！——
Nolongerwalkinginatallhours，asifeverwillingtochangehisownhomefortheir’s！——Howwasittobeendured？AndifheweretobelosttothemforHarriet’ssake；ifheweretobethoughtofhereafter，asfindinginHarriet’ssocietyallthathewanted；
ifHarrietweretobethechosen，thefirst，thedearest，thefriend，thewifetowhomhelookedforallthebestblessingsofexistence；
whatcouldbeincreasingEmma’swretchednessbutthereflectionneverfardistantfromhermind，thatithadbeenallherownwork？
Whenitcametosuchapitchasthis，shewasnotabletorefrainfromastart，oraheavysigh，orevenfromwalkingabouttheroomforafewseconds——andtheonlysourcewhenceanythinglikeconsolationorcomposurecouldbedrawn，wasintheresolutionofherownbetterconduct，andthehopethat，howeverinferiorinspiritandgaietymightbethefollowingandeveryfuturewinterofherlifetothepast，itwouldyetfindhermorerational，moreacquaintedwithherself，andleaveherlesstoregretwhenitweregone。
Chapter13CHAPTERXIII
Theweathercontinuedmuchthesameallthefollowingmorning；
andthesameloneliness，andthesamemelancholy，seemedtoreignatHartfield——butintheafternoonitcleared；thewindchangedintoasofterquarter；thecloudswerecarriedoff；
thesunappeared；itwassummeragain。Withalltheeagernesswhichsuchatransitiongives，Emmaresolvedtobeoutofdoorsassoonaspossible。Neverhadtheexquisitesight，smell，sensationofnature，tranquil，warm，andbrilliantafterastorm，beenmoreattractivetoher。Shelongedfortheserenitytheymightgraduallyintroduce；andonMr。Perry’scominginsoonafterdinner，withadisengagedhourtogiveherfather，shelostnotimeillhurryingintotheshrubbery——There，withspiritsfreshened，andthoughtsalittlerelieved，shehadtakenafewturns，whenshesawMr。Knightleypassingthroughthegardendoor，andcomingtowardsher——ItwasthefirstintimationofhisbeingreturnedfromLondon。Shehadbeenthinkingofhimthemomentbefore，asunquestionablysixteenmilesdistant——Therewastimeonlyforthequickestarrangementofmind。Shemustbecollectedandcalm。
Inhalfaminutetheyweretogether。The“Howd’yedo’s“werequietandconstrainedoneachside。Sheaskedaftertheirmutualfriends；
theywereallwell——Whenhadheleftthem？——Onlythatmorning。
Hemusthavehadawetride——Yes——Hemeanttowalkwithher，shefound。“Hehadjustlookedintothedining-room，andashewasnotwantedthere，preferredbeingoutofdoors。”——Shethoughtheneitherlookednorspokecheerfully；andthefirstpossiblecauseforit，suggestedbyherfears，was，thathehadperhapsbeencommunicatinghisplanstohisbrother，andwaspainedbythemannerinwhichtheyhadbeenreceived。
Theywalkedtogether。Hewassilent。Shethoughthewasoftenlookingather，andtryingforafullerviewofherfacethanitsuitedhertogive。Andthisbeliefproducedanotherdread。
Perhapshewantedtospeaktoher，ofhisattachmenttoHarriet；
hemightbewatchingforencouragementtobegin——Shedidnot，couldnot，feelequaltoleadthewaytoanysuchsubject。
Hemustdoitallhimself。Yetshecouldnotbearthissilence。
Withhimitwasmostunnatural。Sheconsidered——resolved——and，tryingtosmile，began——
“Youhavesomenewstohear，nowyouarecomeback，thatwillrathersurprizeyou。”
“HaveI？“saidhequietly，andlookingather；“ofwhatnature？“
“Oh！thebestnatureintheworld——awedding。”
Afterwaitingamoment，asiftobesuresheintendedtosaynomore，hereplied，“IfyoumeanMissFairfaxandFrankChurchill，Ihaveheardthatalready。”
“Howisitpossible？“criedEmma，turningherglowingcheekstowardshim；for，whileshespoke，itoccurredtoherthathemighthavecalledatMrs。Goddard’sinhisway。
“IhadafewlinesonparishbusinessfromMr。Westonthismorning，andattheendofthemhegavemeabriefaccountofwhathadhappened。”
Emmawasquiterelieved，andcouldpresentlysay，withalittlemorecomposure，“Youprobablyhavebeenlesssurprizedthananyofus，foryouhavehadyoursuspicions——Ihavenotforgottenthatyouoncetriedtogivemeacaution——IwishIhadattendedtoit——but——withasinkingvoiceandaheavysighIseemtohavebeendoomedtoblindness。”
Foramomentortwonothingwassaid，andshewasunsuspiciousofhavingexcitedanyparticularinterest，tillshefoundherarmdrawnwithinhis，andpressedagainsthisheart，andheardhimthussaying，inatoneofgreatsensibility，speakinglow，“Time，mydearestEmma，timewillhealthewound——Yourownexcellentsense——yourexertionsforyourfather’ssake——Iknowyouwillnotallowyourself。”Herarmwaspressedagain，asheadded，inamorebrokenandsubduedaccent，“Thefeelingsofthewarmestfriendship——Indignation——Abominablescoundrel！“——
Andinalouder，steadiertone，heconcludedwith，“Hewillsoonbegone。TheywillsoonbeinYorkshire。Iamsorryforher。
Shedeservesabetterfate。”
Emmaunderstoodhim；andassoonasshecouldrecoverfromtheflutterofpleasure，excitedbysuchtenderconsideration，replied，“Youareverykind——butyouaremistaken——andImustsetyouright——
Iamnotinwantofthatsortofcompassion。Myblindnesstowhatwasgoingon，ledmetoactbytheminawaythatImustalwaysbeashamedof，andIwasveryfoolishlytemptedtosayanddomanythingswhichmaywelllaymeopentounpleasantconjectures，butI
havenootherreasontoregretthatIwasnotinthesecretearlier。”
“Emma！“criedhe，lookingeagerlyather，“areyou，indeed？“——
butcheckinghimself——“No，no，Iunderstandyou——forgiveme——Iampleasedthatyoucansayevensomuch——Heisnoobjectofregret，indeed！anditwillnotbeverylong，Ihope，beforethatbecomestheacknowledgmentofmorethanyourreason——Fortunatethatyouraffectionswerenotfartherentangled！——Icouldnever，Iconfess，fromyourmanners，assuremyselfastothedegreeofwhatyoufelt——
Icouldonlybecertainthattherewasapreference——andapreferencewhichIneverbelievedhimtodeserve——Heisadisgracetothenameofman——Andishetoberewardedwiththatsweetyoungwoman？——
Jane，Jane，youwillbeamiserablecreature。”
“Mr。Knightley。”saidEmma，tryingtobelively，butreallyconfused——
“Iaminaveryextraordinarysituation。Icannotletyoucontinueinyourerror；andyet，perhaps，sincemymannersgavesuchanimpression，IhaveasmuchreasontobeashamedofconfessingthatIneverhavebeenatallattachedtothepersonwearespeakingof，asitmightbenaturalforawomantofeelinconfessingexactlythereverse——
ButIneverhave。”
Helistenedinperfectsilence。Shewishedhimtospeak，buthewouldnot。Shesupposedshemustsaymorebeforeshewereentitledtohisclemency；butitwasahardcasetobeobligedstilltolowerherselfinhisopinion。Shewenton，however。
“Ihaveverylittletosayformyownconduct——Iwastemptedbyhisattentions，andallowedmyselftoappearpleased——
Anoldstory，probably——acommoncase——andnomorethanhashappenedtohundredsofmysexbefore；andyetitmaynotbethemoreexcusableinonewhosetsupasIdoforUnderstanding。Manycircumstancesassistedthetemptation。HewasthesonofMr。Weston——hewascontinuallyhere——Ialwaysfoundhimverypleasant——and，inshort，forwithasighletmeswelloutthecauseseversoingeniously，theyallcentreinthisatlast——myvanitywasflattered，andI
allowedhisattentions。Latterly，however——forsometime，indeed——
Ihavehadnoideaoftheirmeaninganything——Ithoughtthemahabit，atrick，nothingthatcalledforseriousnessonmyside。
Hehasimposedonme，buthehasnotinjuredme。Ihaveneverbeenattachedtohim。AndnowIcantolerablycomprehendhisbehaviour。
Heneverwishedtoattachme。Itwasmerelyablindtoconcealhisrealsituationwithanother——Itwashisobjecttoblindallabouthim；andnoone，Iamsure，couldbemoreeffectuallyblindedthanmyself——exceptthatIwasnotblinded——thatitwasmygoodfortune——that，inshort，Iwassomehoworothersafefromhim。”
Shehadhopedforananswerhere——forafewwordstosaythatherconductwasatleastintelligible；buthewassilent；and，asfarasshecouldjudge，deepinthought。Atlast，andtolerablyinhisusualtone，hesaid，“IhaveneverhadahighopinionofFrankChurchill——Icansuppose，however，thatImayhaveunderratedhim。Myacquaintancewithhimhasbeenbuttrifling——AndevenifIhavenotunderratedhimhitherto，hemayyetturnoutwell——Withsuchawomanhehasachance——Ihavenomotiveforwishinghimill——andforhersake，whosehappinesswillbeinvolvedinhisgoodcharacterandconduct，Ishallcertainlywishhimwell。”
“Ihavenodoubtoftheirbeinghappytogether。”saidEmma；
“Ibelievethemtobeverymutuallyandverysincerelyattached。”
“Heisamostfortunateman！“returnedMr。Knightley，withenergy。
“Soearlyinlife——atthree-and-twenty——aperiodwhen，ifamanchusesawife，hegenerallychusesill。Atthree-and-twentytohavedrawnsuchaprize！Whatyearsoffelicitythatman，inallhumancalculation，hasbeforehim！——Assuredoftheloveofsuchawoman——thedisinterestedlove，forJaneFairfax’scharactervouchesforherdisinterestedness；everythinginhisfavour，——
equalityofsituation——Imean，asfarasregardssociety，andallthehabitsandmannersthatareimportant；equalityineverypointbutone——
andthatone，sincethepurityofherheartisnottobedoubted，suchasmustincreasehisfelicity，foritwillbehistobestowtheonlyadvantagesshewants——Amanwouldalwayswishtogiveawomanabetterhomethantheonehetakesherfrom；andhewhocandoit，wherethereisnodoubtofherregard，must，Ithink，bethehappiestofmortals——FrankChurchillis，indeed，thefavouriteoffortune。
Everythingturnsoutforhisgood——Hemeetswithayoungwomanatawatering-place，gainsheraffection，cannotevenwearyherbynegligenttreatment——andhadheandallhisfamilysoughtroundtheworldforaperfectwifeforhim，theycouldnothavefoundhersuperior——Hisauntisintheway——Hisauntdies——Hehasonlytospeak——Hisfriendsareeagertopromotehishappiness——
Hehadusedeverybodyill——andtheyarealldelightedtoforgivehim——
Heisafortunatemanindeed！“
“Youspeakasifyouenviedhim。”
“AndIdoenvyhim，Emma。Inonerespectheistheobjectofmyenvy。”
Emmacouldsaynomore。TheyseemedtobewithinhalfasentenceofHarriet，andherimmediatefeelingwastoavertthesubject，ifpossible。Shemadeherplan；shewouldspeakofsomethingtotallydifferent——thechildreninBrunswickSquare；andsheonlywaitedforbreathtobegin，whenMr。Knightleystartledher，bysaying，“Youwillnotaskmewhatisthepointofenvy——Youaredetermined，Isee，tohavenocuriosity——Youarewise——butIcannotbewise。
Emma，Imusttellyouwhatyouwillnotask，thoughImaywishitunsaidthenextmoment。”
“Oh！then，don’tspeakit，don’tspeakit。”sheeagerlycried。
“Takealittletime，consider，donotcommityourself。”
“Thankyou。”saidhe，inanaccentofdeepmortification，andnotanothersyllablefollowed。
Emmacouldnotbeartogivehimpain。Hewaswishingtoconfideinher——
perhapstoconsulther；——costherwhatitwould，shewouldlisten。
Shemightassisthisresolution，orreconcilehimtoit；
shemightgivejustpraisetoHarriet，or，byrepresentingtohimhisownindependence，relievehimfromthatstateofindecision，whichmustbemoreintolerablethananyalternativetosuchamindashis——Theyhadreachedthehouse。
“Youaregoingin，Isuppose？“saidhe。
“No。”——repliedEmma——quiteconfirmedbythedepressedmannerinwhichhestillspoke——“Ishouldliketotakeanotherturn。
Mr。Perryisnotgone。”And，afterproceedingafewsteps，sheadded——
“Istoppedyouungraciously，justnow，Mr。Knightley，and，Iamafraid，gaveyoupain——Butifyouhaveanywishtospeakopenlytomeasafriend，ortoaskmyopinionofanythingthatyoumayhaveincontemplation——asafriend，indeed，youmaycommandme——Iwillhearwhateveryoulike。IwilltellyouexactlywhatIthink。”
“Asafriend！“——repeatedMr。Knightley——“Emma，thatIfearisaword——No，Ihavenowish——Stay，yes，whyshouldIhesitate？——
Ihavegonetoofaralreadyforconcealment——Emma，Iacceptyouroffer——
Extraordinaryasitmayseem，Iacceptit，andrefermyselftoyouasafriend——Tellme，then，haveInochanceofeversucceeding？“
Hestoppedinhisearnestnesstolookthequestion，andtheexpressionofhiseyesoverpoweredher。
“MydearestEmma。”saidhe，“fordearestyouwillalwaysbe，whatevertheeventofthishour’sconversation，mydearest，mostbelovedEmma——tellmeatonce。Say`No，’ifitistobesaid。”——
Shecouldreallysaynothing——“Youaresilent。”hecried，withgreatanimation；“absolutelysilent！atpresentIasknomore。”
Emmawasalmostreadytosinkundertheagitationofthismoment。
Thedreadofbeingawakenedfromthehappiestdream，wasperhapsthemostprominentfeeling。
“Icannotmakespeeches，Emma：“hesoonresumed；andinatoneofsuchsincere，decided，intelligibletendernessaswastolerablyconvincing——“IfIlovedyouless，Imightbeabletotalkaboutitmore。ButyouknowwhatIam——Youhearnothingbuttruthfromme——Ihaveblamedyou，andlecturedyou，andyouhaveborneitasnootherwomaninEnglandwouldhaveborneit——
BearwiththetruthsIwouldtellyounow，dearestEmma，aswellasyouhavebornewiththem。Themanner，perhaps，mayhaveaslittletorecommendthem。Godknows，Ihavebeenaveryindifferentlover——
Butyouunderstandme——Yes，yousee，youunderstandmyfeelings——
andwillreturnthemifyoucan。Atpresent，Iaskonlytohear，oncetohearyourvoice。”
Whilehespoke，Emma’smindwasmostbusy，and，withallthewonderfulvelocityofthought，hadbeenable——andyetwithoutlosingaword——
tocatchandcomprehendtheexacttruthofthewhole；toseethatHarriet’shopeshadbeenentirelygroundless，amistake，adelusion，ascompleteadelusionasanyofherown——thatHarrietwasnothing；
thatshewaseverythingherself；thatwhatshehadbeensayingrelativetoHarriethadbeenalltakenasthelanguageofherownfeelings；andthatheragitation，herdoubts，herreluctance，herdiscouragement，hadbeenallreceivedasdiscouragementfromherself——Andnotonlywastheretimefortheseconvictions，withalltheirglowofattendanthappiness；therewastimealsotorejoicethatHarriet’ssecrethadnotescapedher，andtoresolvethatitneednot，andshouldnot——Itwasalltheserviceshecouldnowrenderherpoorfriend；forastoanyofthatheroismofsentimentwhichmighthavepromptedhertoentreathimtotransferhisaffectionfromherselftoHarriet，asinfinitelythemostworthyofthetwo——
oreventhemoresimplesublimityofresolvingtorefusehimatonceandforever，withoutvouchsafinganymotive，becausehecouldnotmarrythemboth，Emmahaditnot。ShefeltforHarriet，withpainandwithcontrition；butnoflightofgenerosityrunmad，opposingallthatcouldbeprobableorreasonable，enteredherbrain。
Shehadledherfriendastray，anditwouldbeareproachtoherforever；butherjudgmentwasasstrongasherfeelings，andasstrongasithadeverbeenbefore，inreprobatinganysuchallianceforhim，asmostunequalanddegrading。Herwaywasclear，thoughnotquitesmooth——Shespokethen，onbeingsoentreated——
Whatdidshesay？——Justwhatsheought，ofcourse。Aladyalwaysdoes——
Shesaidenoughtoshewthereneednotbedespair——andtoinvitehimtosaymorehimself。Hehaddespairedatoneperiod；hehadreceivedsuchaninjunctiontocautionandsilence，asforthetimecrushedeveryhope；——shehadbegunbyrefusingtohearhim——Thechangehadperhapsbeensomewhatsudden；——herproposaloftakinganotherturn，herrenewingtheconversationwhichshehadjustputanendto，mightbealittleextraordinary！——Shefeltitsinconsistency；
butMr。Knightleywassoobligingastoputupwithit，andseeknofartherexplanation。
Seldom，veryseldom，doescompletetruthbelongtoanyhumandisclosure；
seldomcanithappenthatsomethingisnotalittledisguised，oralittlemistaken；butwhere，asinthiscase，thoughtheconductismistaken，thefeelingsarenot，itmaynotbeverymaterial——
Mr。KnightleycouldnotimputetoEmmaamorerelentingheartthanshepossessed，oraheartmoredisposedtoacceptofhis。
Hehad，infact，beenwhollyunsuspiciousofhisowninfluence。
Hehadfollowedherintotheshrubberywithnoideaoftryingit。
Hehadcome，inhisanxietytoseehowsheboreFrankChurchill’sengagement，withnoselfishview，noviewatall，butofendeavouring，ifsheallowedhimanopening，tosootheortocounselher——Theresthadbeentheworkofthemoment，theimmediateeffectofwhatheheard，onhisfeelings。ThedelightfulassuranceofhertotalindifferencetowardsFrankChurchill，ofherhavingaheartcompletelydisengagedfromhim，hadgivenbirthtothehope，that，intime，hemightgainheraffectionhimself；——butithadbeennopresenthope——hehadonly，inthemomentaryconquestofeagernessoverjudgment，aspiredtobetoldthatshedidnotforbidhisattempttoattachher——Thesuperiorhopeswhichgraduallyopenedweresomuchthemoreenchanting——
Theaffection，whichhehadbeenaskingtobeallowedtocreate，ifhecould，wasalreadyhis！——Withinhalfanhour，hehadpassedfromathoroughlydistressedstateofmind，tosomethingsolikeperfecthappiness，thatitcouldbearnoothername。
Herchangewasequal——Thisonehalf-hourhadgiventoeachthesamepreciouscertaintyofbeingbeloved，hadclearedfromeachthesamedegreeofignorance，jealousy，ordistrust——Onhisside，therehadbeenalong-standingjealousy，oldasthearrival，oreventheexpectation，ofFrankChurchill——HehadbeeninlovewithEmma，andjealousofFrankChurchill，fromaboutthesameperiod，onesentimenthavingprobablyenlightenedhimastotheother。
ItwashisjealousyofFrankChurchillthathadtakenhimfromthecountry——TheBoxHillpartyhaddecidedhimongoingaway。
Hewouldsavehimselffromwitnessingagainsuchpermitted，encouragedattentions——Hehadgonetolearntobeindifferent——
Buthehadgonetoawrongplace。Therewastoomuchdomestichappinessinhisbrother’shouse；womanworetooamiableaforminit；
IsabellawastoomuchlikeEmma——differingonlyinthosestrikinginferiorities，whichalwaysbroughttheotherinbrilliancybeforehim，formuchtohavebeendone，evenhadhistimebeenlonger——Hehadstayedon，however，vigorously，dayafterday——tillthisverymorning’sposthadconveyedthehistoryofJaneFairfax——Then，withthegladnesswhichmustbefelt，nay，whichhedidnotscrupletofeel，havingneverbelievedFrankChurchilltobeatalldeservingEmma，wastheresomuchfondsolicitude，somuchkeenanxietyforher，thathecouldstaynolonger。Hehadriddenhomethroughtherain；
andhadwalkedupdirectlyafterdinner，toseehowthissweetestandbestofallcreatures，faultlessinspiteofallherfaults，borethediscovery。
Hehadfoundheragitatedandlow——FrankChurchillwasavillain——
Heheardherdeclarethatshehadneverlovedhim。FrankChurchill’scharacterwasnotdesperate——ShewashisownEmma，byhandandword，whentheyreturnedintothehouse；andifhecouldhavethoughtofFrankChurchillthen，hemighthavedeemedhimaverygoodsortoffellow。
Chapter14CHAPTERXIV
WhattotallydifferentfeelingsdidEmmatakebackintothehousefromwhatshehadbroughtout！——shehadthenbeenonlydaringtohopeforalittlerespiteofsuffering；——shewasnowinanexquisiteflutterofhappiness，andsuchhappinessmoreoverasshebelievedmuststillbegreaterwhenthefluttershouldhavepassedaway。
Theysatdowntotea——thesamepartyroundthesametable——
howoftenithadbeencollected！——andhowoftenhadhereyesfallenonthesameshrubsinthelawn，andobservedthesamebeautifuleffectofthewesternsun！——Butneverinsuchastateofspirits，neverinanythinglikeit；anditwaswithdifficultythatshecouldsummonenoughofherusualselftobetheattentiveladyofthehouse，oreventheattentivedaughter。
PoorMr。Woodhouselittlesuspectedwhatwasplottingagainsthiminthebreastofthatmanwhomhewassocordiallywelcoming，andsoanxiouslyhopingmightnothavetakencoldfromhisride——Couldhehaveseentheheart，hewouldhavecaredverylittleforthelungs；
butwithoutthemostdistantimaginationoftheimpendingevil，withouttheslightestperceptionofanythingextraordinaryinthelooksorwaysofeither，herepeatedtothemverycomfortablyallthearticlesofnewshehadreceivedfromMr。Perry，andtalkedonwithmuchself-contentment，totallyunsuspiciousofwhattheycouldhavetoldhiminreturn。
AslongasMr。Knightleyremainedwiththem，Emma’sfevercontinued；
butwhenhewasgone，shebegantobealittletranquillisedandsubdued——andinthecourseofthesleeplessnight，whichwasthetaxforsuchanevening，shefoundoneortwosuchveryseriouspointstoconsider，asmadeherfeel，thatevenherhappinessmusthavesomealloy。Herfather——andHarriet。Shecouldnotbealonewithoutfeelingthefullweightoftheirseparateclaims；
andhowtoguardthecomfortofbothtotheutmost，wasthequestion。
Withrespecttoherfather，itwasaquestionsoonanswered。
ShehardlyknewyetwhatMr。Knightleywouldask；butaveryshortparleywithherownheartproducedthemostsolemnresolutionofneverquittingherfather——Sheevenweptovertheideaofit，asasinofthought。Whilehelived，itmustbeonlyanengagement；
butsheflatteredherself，thatifdivestedofthedangerofdrawingheraway，itmightbecomeanincreaseofcomforttohim——
HowtodoherbestbyHarriet，wasofmoredifficultdecision；——
howtospareherfromanyunnecessarypain；howtomakeheranypossibleatonement；howtoappearleastherenemy？——
Onthesesubjects，herperplexityanddistresswereverygreat——
andhermindhadtopassagainandagainthrougheverybitterreproachandsorrowfulregretthathadeversurroundedit