Whenshesighedsheexhaledaheavyperfumeofsachetpowder。
Todance`Home,SweetHome,\'withLenawaslikecominginwiththetide。
Shedancedeverydancelikeawaltz,anditwasalwaysthesamewaltz——
thewaltzofcominghometosomething,ofinevitable,fatedreturn。
Afterawhileonegotrestlessunderit,asonedoesundertheheatofasoft,sultrysummerday。
WhenyouspunoutintothefloorwithTony,youdidn\'treturntoanything。Yousetouteverytimeuponanewadventure。
Ilikedtoschottischewithher;shehadsomuchspringandvariety,andwasalwaysputtinginnewstepsandslides。
Shetaughtmetodanceagainstandaroundthehard-and-fastbeatofthemusic。If,insteadofgoingtotheendoftherailroad,oldMr。ShimerdahadstayedinNewYorkandpickedupalivingwithhisfiddle,howdifferentAntonia\'slifemighthavebeen!
AntoniaoftenwenttothedanceswithLarryDonovan,apassengerconductorwhowasakindofprofessionalladies\'man,aswesaid。
Irememberhowadmiringlyalltheboyslookedatherthenightshefirstworehervelveteendress,madelikeMrs。Gardener\'sblackvelvet。Shewaslovelytosee,withhereyesshining,andherlipsalwaysalittlepartedwhenshedanced。
Thatconstant,darkcolourinhercheeksneverchanged。
OneeveningwhenDonovanwasoutonhisrun,AntoniacametothehallwithNorwegianAnnaandheryoungman,andthatnightItookherhome。
WhenwewereintheCutters\'yard,shelteredbytheevergreens,Itoldhershemustkissmegoodnight。
`Why,sure,Jim。\'Amomentlatershedrewherfaceawayandwhisperedindignantly,`Why,Jim!Youknowyouain\'trighttokissmelikethat。
I\'lltellyourgrandmotheronyou!\'
`LenaLingardletsmekissher,\'Iretorted,`andI\'mnothalfasfondofherasIamofyou。\'
`Lenadoes?\'Tonygasped。`Ifshe\'suptoanyofhernonsensewithyou,I\'llscratchhereyesout!\'Shetookmyarmagainandwewalkedoutofthegateandupanddownthesidewalk。
`Now,don\'tyougoandbeafoollikesomeofthesetownboys。
You\'renotgoingtositaroundhereandwhittlestore-boxesandtellstoriesallyourlife。Youaregoingawaytoschoolandmakesomethingofyourself。I\'mjustawfulproudofyou。
Youwon\'tgoandgetmixedupwiththeSwedes,willyou?\'
`Idon\'tcareanythingaboutanyofthembutyou,\'Isaid。
`Andyou\'llalwaystreatmelikeakid,suppose。\'
Shelaughedandthrewherarmsaroundme。`IexpectIwill,butyou\'reakidI\'mawfulfondof,anyhow!Youcanlikemeallyouwantto,butifIseeyouhangingroundwithLenamuch,I\'llgotoyourgrandmother,assureasyourname\'sJimBurden!
Lena\'sallright,only——well,youknowyourselfshe\'ssoftthatway。
Shecan\'thelpit。It\'snaturaltoher。\'
Ifshewasproudofme,IwassoproudofherthatIcarriedmyheadhighasIemergedfromthedarkcedarsandshuttheCutters\'gatesoftlybehindme。Herwarm,sweetface,herkindarms,andthetrueheartinher;shewas,oh,shewasstillmyAntonia!Ilookedwithcontemptatthedark,silentlittlehousesaboutmeasIwalkedhome,andthoughtofthestupidyoungmenwhowereasleepinsomeofthem。
Iknewwheretherealwomenwere,thoughIwasonlyaboy;
andIwouldnotbeafraidofthem,either!
IhatedtoenterthestillhousewhenIwenthomefromthedances,anditwaslongbeforeIcouldgettosleep。
TowardmorningIusedtohavepleasantdreams:sometimesTonyandIwereoutinthecountry,slidingdownstraw-stacksasweusedtodo;climbinguptheyellowmountainsoverandover,andslippingdownthesmoothsidesintosoftpilesofchaff。
OnedreamIdreamedagreatmanytimes,anditwasalwaysthesame。
Iwasinaharvest-fieldfullofshocks,andIwaslyingagainstoneofthem。
LenaLingardcameacrossthestubblebarefoot,inashortskirt,withacurvedreaping-hookinherhand,andshewasflushedlikethedawn,withakindofluminousrosinessallabouther。Shesatdownbesideme,turnedtomewithasoftsighandsaid,`Nowtheyareallgone,andI
cankissyouasmuchasIlike。\'
IusedtowishIcouldhavethisflatteringdreamaboutAntonia,butIneverdid。
XIII
INOTICEDONEAFTERNOONthatgrandmotherhadbeencrying。
Herfeetseemedtodragasshemovedaboutthehouse,andI
gotupfromthetablewhereIwasstudyingandwenttoher,askingifshedidn\'tfeelwell,andifIcouldn\'thelpherwithherwork。
`No,thankyou,Jim。I\'mtroubled,butIguessI\'mwellenough。
Gettingalittlerustyinthebones,maybe,\'sheaddedbitterly。
Istoodhesitating。`Whatareyoufrettingabout,grandmother?
Hasgrandfatherlostanymoney?\'
`No,itain\'tmoney。Iwishitwas。ButI\'veheardthings。
Youmust\'a\'knownitwouldcomebacktomesometime。\'
Shedroppedintoachair,and,coveringherfacewithherapron,begantocry。`Jim,\'shesaid,`Iwasneveronethatclaimedoldfolkscouldbringuptheirgrandchildren。
Butitcameaboutso;therewasn\'tanyotherwayforyou,itseemedlike。\'
Iputmyarmsaroundher。Icouldn\'tbeartoseehercry。
`Whatisit,grandmother?IsittheFiremen\'sdances?\'
Shenodded。
`I\'msorryIsneakedofflikethat。Butthere\'snothingwrongaboutthedances,andIhaven\'tdoneanythingwrong。
Ilikeallthosecountrygirls,andIliketodancewiththem。
That\'sallthereistoit。\'
`Butitain\'trighttodeceiveus,son,anditbringsblameonus。
Peoplesayyouaregrowinguptobeabadboy,andthatain\'tjusttous。\'
`Idon\'tcarewhattheysayaboutme,butifithurtsyou,thatsettlesit。
Iwon\'tgototheFiremen\'sHallagain。\'
Ikeptmypromise,ofcourse,butIfoundthespringmonthsdullenough。
Isatathomewiththeoldpeopleintheeveningsnow,readingLatinthatwasnotinourhigh-schoolcourse。Ihadmadeupmymindtodoalotofcollegerequirementworkinthesummer,andtoenterthefreshmanclassattheuniversitywithoutconditionsinthefall。
Iwantedtogetawayassoonaspossible。
Disapprobationhurtme,Ifound——eventhatofpeoplewhomIdidnotadmire。
Asthespringcameon,Igrewmoreandmorelonely,andfellbackonthetelegrapherandthecigar-makerandhiscanariesforcompanionship。
IrememberItookamelancholypleasureinhangingaMay-basketforNinaHarlingthatspring。IboughttheflowersfromanoldGermanwomanwhoalwayshadmorewindowplantsthananyoneelse,andspentanafternoontrimmingalittleworkbasket。Whenduskcameon,andthenewmoonhunginthesky,IwentquietlytotheHarlings\'frontdoorwithmyoffering,rangthebell,andthenranawayaswasthecustom。
ThroughthewillowhedgeIcouldhearNina\'scriesofdelight,andIfeltcomforted。
Onthosewarm,softspringeveningsIoftenlingereddowntowntowalkhomewithFrances,andtalkedtoheraboutmyplansandaboutthereadingIwasdoing。OneeveningshesaidshethoughtMrs。Harlingwasnotseriouslyoffendedwithme。
`Mamaisasbroad-mindedasmotherseverare,Iguess。
ButyouknowshewashurtaboutAntonia,andshecan\'tunderstandwhyyouliketobewithTinyandLenabetterthanwiththegirlsofyourownset。\'
`Canyou?\'Iaskedbluntly。
Franceslaughed。`Yes,IthinkIcan。Youknewtheminthecountry,andyouliketotakesides。Insomewaysyou\'reolderthanboysofyourage。
Itwillbeallrightwithmamaafteryoupassyourcollegeexaminationsandsheseesyou\'reinearnest。\'
`Ifyouwereaboy,\'Ipersisted,`youwouldn\'tbelongtotheOwlClub,either。You\'dbejustlikeme。\'
Sheshookherhead。`IwouldandIwouldn\'t。IexpectIknowthecountrygirlsbetterthanyoudo。Youalwaysputakindofglamouroverthem。Thetroublewithyou,Jim,isthatyou\'reromantic。Mama\'sgoingtoyourCommencement。SheaskedmetheotherdayifIknewwhatyourorationistobeabout。
Shewantsyoutodowell。\'
Ithoughtmyorationverygood。ItstatedwithfervouragreatmanythingsIhadlatelydiscovered。Mrs。HarlingcametotheOperaHousetoheartheCommencementexercises,andIlookedathermostofthetimewhileImademyspeech。
Herkeen,intelligenteyesneverleftmyface。
Afterwardshecamebacktothedressing-roomwherewestood,withourdiplomasinourhands,walkeduptome,andsaidheartily:
`Yousurprisedme,Jim。Ididn\'tbelieveyoucoulddoaswellasthat。Youdidn\'tgetthatspeechoutofbooks。\'
AmongmygraduationpresentstherewasasilkumbrellafromMrs。Harling,withmynameonthehandle。
IwalkedhomefromtheOperaHousealone。AsIpassedtheMethodistChurch,Isawthreewhitefiguresaheadofme,pacingupanddownunderthearchingmapletrees,wherethemoonlightfilteredthroughthelushJunefoliage。
Theyhurriedtowardme;theywerewaitingforme——LenaandTonyandAnnaHansen。
`Oh,Jim,itwassplendid!\'Tonywasbreathinghard,asshealwaysdidwhenherfeelingsoutranherlanguage。
`Thereain\'talawyerinBlackHawkcouldmakeaspeechlikethat。Ijuststoppedyourgrandpaandsaidsotohim。
Hewon\'ttellyou,buthetoldushewasawfulsurprisedhimself,didn\'the,girls?\'
Lenasidleduptomeandsaidteasingly,`Whatmadeyousosolemn?
Ithoughtyouwerescared。Iwassureyou\'dforget。\'
Annaspokewistfully。
`Itmustmakeyouveryhappy,Jim,tohavefinethoughtslikethatinyourmindallthetime,andtohavewordstoputthemin。
Ialwayswantedtogotoschool,youknow。\'
`Oh,Ijustsatthereandwishedmypapacouldhearyou!Jim\'——Antoniatookholdofmycoatlapels——\'therewassomethinginyourspeechthatmademethinksoaboutmypapa!\'
`IthoughtaboutyourpapawhenIwrotemyspeech,Tony,\'Isaid。
`Idedicatedittohim。\'
Shethrewherarmsaroundme,andherdearfacewasallwetwithtears。
Istoodwatchingtheirwhitedressesglimmersmallerandsmallerdownthesidewalkastheywentaway。Ihavehadnoothersuccessthatpulledatmyheartstringslikethatone。
XIV
THEDAYAFTERCOMMENCEMENTImovedmybooksanddeskupstairs,toanemptyroomwhereIshouldbeundisturbed,andIfelltostudyinginearnest。
Iworkedoffayear\'strigonometrythatsummer,andbeganVirgilalone。
MorningaftermorningIusedtopaceupanddownmysunnylittleroom,lookingoffatthedistantriverbluffsandtherolloftheblondpasturesbetween,scanningthe`Aeneid\'aloudandcommittinglongpassagestomemory。SometimesintheeveningMrs。HarlingcalledtomeasIpassedhergate,andaskedmetocomeinandletherplayforme。
ShewaslonelyforCharley,shesaid,andlikedtohaveaboyabout。
Whenevermygrandparentshadmisgivings,andbegantowonderwhetherIwasnottooyoungtogoofftocollegealone,Mrs。Harlingtookupmycausevigorously。GrandfatherhadsuchrespectforherjudgmentthatIknewhewouldnotgoagainsther。
Ihadonlyoneholidaythatsummer。ItwasinJuly。
ImetAntoniadowntownonSaturdayafternoon,andlearnedthatsheandTinyandLenaweregoingtotherivernextdaywithAnnaHansen——theelderwasallinbloomnow,andAnnawantedtomakeelderblowwine。
`Anna\'stodriveusdownintheMarshalls\'deliverywagon,andwe\'lltakeanicelunchandhaveapicnic。Justus;nobodyelse。
Couldn\'tyouhappenalong,Jim?Itwouldbelikeoldtimes。\'
Iconsideredamoment。`MaybeIcan,ifIwon\'tbeintheway。\'
OnSundaymorningIroseearlyandgotoutofBlackHawkwhilethedewwasstillheavyonthelongmeadowgrasses。
Itwasthehighseasonforsummerflowers。
Thepinkbee-bushstoodtallalongthesandyroadsides,andthecone-flowersandrosemallowgreweverywhere。
Acrossthewirefence,inthelonggrass,Isawaclumpofflamingorange-colouredmilkweed,rareinthatpartofthestate。
Ilefttheroadandwentaroundthroughastretchofpasturethatwasalwayscroppedshortinsummer,wherethegaillardiacameupyearafteryearandmattedoverthegroundwiththedeep,velvetyredthatisinBokharacarpets。ThecountrywasemptyandsolitaryexceptforthelarksthatSundaymorning,anditseemedtoliftitselfuptomeandtocomeveryclose。
Theriverwasrunningstrongformidsummer;heavyrainstothewestofushadkeptitfull。Icrossedthebridgeandwentupstreamalongthewoodedshoretoapleasantdressing-roomIknewamongthedogwoodbushes,allovergrownwithwildgrapevines。Ibegantoundressforaswim。
Thegirlswouldnotbealongyet。ForthefirsttimeitoccurredtomethatIshouldbehomesickforthatriverafterIleftit。
Thesandbars,withtheircleanwhitebeachesandtheirlittlegrovesofwillowsandcottonwoodseedlings,wereasortofNoMan\'sLand,littlenewlycreatedworldsthatbelongedtotheBlackHawkboys。
CharleyHarlingandIhadhuntedthroughthesewoods,fishedfromthefallenlogs,untilIkneweveryinchoftherivershoresandhadafriendlyfeelingforeverybarandshallow。
Aftermyswim,whileIwasplayingaboutindolentlyinthewater,Iheardthesoundofhoofsandwheelsonthebridge。
Istruckdownstreamandshouted,astheopenspringwagoncameintoviewonthemiddlespan。Theystoppedthehorse,andthetwogirlsinthebottomofthecartstoodup,steadyingthemselvesbytheshouldersofthetwoinfront,sothattheycouldseemebetter。Theywerecharmingupthere,huddledtogetherinthecartandpeeringdownatmelikecuriousdeerwhentheycomeoutofthethickettodrink。
Ifoundbottomnearthebridgeandstoodup,wavingtothem。
`Howprettyyoulook!\'Icalled。
`Sodoyou!\'theyshoutedaltogether,andbrokeintopealsoflaughter。
AnnaHansenshookthereinsandtheydroveon,whileIzigzaggedbacktomyinletandclamberedupbehindanoverhangingelm。
Idriedmyselfinthesun,anddressedslowly,reluctanttoleavethatgreenenclosurewherethesunlightflickeredsobrightthroughthegrapevineleavesandthewoodpeckerhammeredawayinthecrookedelmthattrailedoutoverthewater。
AsIwentalongtheroadbacktothebridge,Ikeptpickingofflittlepiecesofscalychalkfromthedriedwatergullies,andbreakingthemupinmyhands。
WhenIcameupontheMarshalls\'deliveryhorse,tiedintheshade,thegirlshadalreadytakentheirbasketsandgonedowntheeastroadwhichwoundthroughthesandandscrub。
Icouldhearthemcallingtoeachother。Theelderbushesdidnotgrowbackintheshadyravinesbetweenthebluffs,butinthehot,sandybottomsalongthestream,wheretheirrootswerealwaysinmoistureandtheirtopsinthesun。
Theblossomswereunusuallyluxuriantandbeautifulthatsummer。
Ifollowedacattlepaththroughthethickunder-brushuntilI
cametoaslopethatfellawayabruptlytothewater\'sedge。
Agreatchunkoftheshorehadbeenbittenoutbysomespringfreshet,andthescarwasmaskedbyelderbushes,growingdowntothewaterinfloweryterraces。Ididnottouchthem。Iwasovercomebycontentanddrowsinessandbythewarmsilenceaboutme。
Therewasnosoundbutthehigh,singsongbuzzofwildbeesandthesunnygurgleofthewaterunderneath。Ipeepedovertheedgeofthebanktoseethelittlestreamthatmadethenoise;
itflowedalongperfectlyclearoverthesandandgravel,cutofffromthemuddymaincurrentbyalongsandbar。
Downthere,onthelowershelfofthebank,IsawAntonia,seatedaloneunderthepagoda-likeelders。Shelookedupwhensheheardme,andsmiled,butIsawthatshehadbeencrying。
Isliddownintothesoftsandbesideherandaskedherwhatwasthematter。
`Itmakesmehomesick,Jimmy,thisflower,thissmell,\'shesaidsoftly。
`Wehavethisflowerverymuchathome,intheoldcountry。
Italwaysgrewinouryardandmypapahadagreenbenchandatableunderthebushes。Insummer,whentheywereinbloom,heusedtosittherewithhisfriendthatplayedthetrombone。
WhenIwaslittleIusedtogodowntheretohearthemtalk——
beautifultalk,likewhatIneverhearinthiscountry。\'
`Whatdidtheytalkabout?\'Iaskedher。
Shesighedandshookherhead。`Oh,Idon\'tknow!Aboutmusic,andthewoods,andaboutGod,andwhentheywereyoung。\'
Sheturnedtomesuddenlyandlookedintomyeyes。
`Youthink,Jimmy,thatmaybemyfather\'sspiritcangobacktothoseoldplaces?\'
Itoldheraboutthefeelingofherfather\'spresenceI
hadonthatwinterdaywhenmygrandparentshadgoneovertoseehisdeadbodyandIwasleftaloneinthehouse。
IsaidIfeltsurethenthathewasonhiswaybacktohisowncountry,andthatevennow,whenIpassedhisgrave,Ialwaysthoughtofhimasbeingamongthewoodsandfieldsthatweresodeartohim。
Antoniahadthemosttrusting,responsiveeyesintheworld;
loveandcredulousnessseemedtolookoutofthemwithopenfaces。
`Whydidn\'tyouevertellmethatbefore?Itmakesmefeelmoresureforhim。\'Afterawhileshesaid:`Youknow,Jim,myfatherwasdifferentfrommymother。Hedidnothavetomarrymymother,andallhisbrothersquarrelledwithhimbecausehedid。
Iusedtoheartheoldpeopleathomewhisperaboutit。
Theysaidhecouldhavepaidmymothermoney,andnotmarriedher。
Buthewasolderthanshewas,andhewastookindtotreatherlikethat。
Helivedinhismother\'shouse,andshewasapoorgirlcomeintodothework。Aftermyfathermarriedher,mygrandmotherneverletmymothercomeintoherhouseagain。WhenIwenttomygrandmother\'sfuneralwastheonlytimeIwaseverinmygrandmother\'shouse。
Don\'tthatseemstrange?\'
Whileshetalked,Ilaybackinthehotsandandlookedupattheblueskybetweentheflatbouquetsofelder。Icouldhearthebeeshummingandsinging,buttheystayedupinthesunabovetheflowersanddidnotcomedownintotheshadowoftheleaves。
AntoniaseemedtomethatdayexactlylikethelittlegirlwhousedtocometoourhousewithMr。Shimerda。
`Someday,Tony,Iamgoingovertoyourcountry,andIamgoingtothelittletownwhereyoulived。
Doyourememberallaboutit?\'
`Jim,\'shesaidearnestly,`ifIwasputdownthereinthemiddleofthenight,Icouldfindmywayalloverthatlittletown;
andalongtherivertothenexttown,wheremygrandmotherlived。
Myfeetrememberallthelittlepathsthroughthewoods,andwherethebigrootsstickouttotripyou。Iain\'tneverforgotmyowncountry。\'
Therewasacracklinginthebranchesaboveus,andLenaLingardpeereddownovertheedgeofthebank。
`Youlazythings!\'shecried。`Allthiselder,andyoutwolyingthere!Didn\'tyouhearuscallingyou?\'
Almostasflushedasshehadbeeninmydream,sheleanedovertheedgeofthebankandbegantodemolishourflowerypagoda。
Ihadneverseenhersoenergetic;shewaspantingwithzeal,andtheperspirationstoodindropsonhershort,yieldingupperlip。
Isprangtomyfeetandranupthebank。
Itwasnoonnow,andsohotthatthedogwoodsandscrub-oaksbegantoturnupthesilveryundersideoftheirleaves,andallthefoliagelookedsoftandwilted。Icarriedthelunch-baskettothetopofoneofthechalkbluffs,whereevenonthecalmestdaystherewasalwaysabreeze。
Theflat-topped,twistedlittleoaksthrewlightshadowsonthegrass。Belowuswecouldseethewindingsoftheriver,andBlackHawk,groupedamongitstrees,and,beyond,therollingcountry,swellinggentlyuntilitmetthesky。
Wecouldrecognizefamiliarfarm-housesandwindmills。
Eachofthegirlspointedouttomethedirectioninwhichherfather\'sfarmlay,andtoldmehowmanyacreswereinwheatthatyearandhowmanyincorn。
`Myoldfolks,\'saidTinySoderball,`haveputintwentyacresofrye。
Theygetitgroundatthemill,anditmakesnicebread。
Itseemslikemymotherain\'tbeensohomesick,eversincefather\'sraisedryeflourforher。\'
`Itmusthavebeenatrialforourmothers,\'saidLena,`comingouthereandhavingtodoeverythingdifferent。
Mymotherhadalwayslivedintown。Shesaysshestartedbehindinfarm-work,andneverhascaughtup。\'
`Yes,anewcountry\'shardontheoldones,sometimes,\'
saidAnnathoughtfully。`Mygrandmother\'sgettingfeeblenow,andhermindwanders。She\'sforgotaboutthiscountry,andthinksshe\'sathomeinNorway。Shekeepsaskingmothertotakeherdowntothewatersideandthefishmarket。
Shecravesfishallthetime。WheneverIgohomeItakehercannedsalmonandmackerel。\'
`Mercy,it\'shot!\'Lenayawned。Shewassupineunderalittleoak,restingafterthefuryofherelder-hunting,andhadtakenoffthehigh-heeledslippersshehadbeensillyenoughtowear。
`Comehere,Jim。Younevergotthesandoutofyourhair。\'
Shebegantodrawherfingersslowlythroughmyhair。
Antoniapushedheraway。`You\'llnevergetitoutlikethat,\'
shesaidsharply。Shegavemyheadaroughtouzlingandfinishedmeoffwithsomethinglikeaboxontheear。
`Lena,yououghtn\'ttotrytowearthoseslippersanymore。
They\'retoosmallforyourfeet。You\'dbettergivethemtomeforYulka。\'
`Allright,\'saidLenagood-naturedly,tuckingherwhitestockingsunderherskirt。`YougetallYulka\'sthings,don\'tyou?
Iwishfatherdidn\'thavesuchbadluckwithhisfarmmachinery;
thenIcouldbuymorethingsformysisters。I\'mgoingtogetMaryanewcoatthisfall,ifthesulkyplough\'sneverpaidfor!\'
Tinyaskedherwhyshedidn\'twaituntilafterChristmas,whencoatswouldbecheaper。`Whatdoyouthinkofpoorme?\'sheadded;
`withsixathome,youngerthanIam?AndtheyallthinkI\'mrich,becausewhenIgobacktothecountryI\'mdressedsofine!\'
Sheshruggedhershoulders。`But,youknow,myweaknessisplaythings。
Iliketobuythemplaythingsbetterthanwhattheyneed。\'
`Iknowhowthatis,\'saidAnna。`Whenwefirstcamehere,andIwaslittle,weweretoopoortobuytoys。InevergotoverthelossofadollsomebodygavemebeforeweleftNorway。
AboyontheboatbrokeherandIstillhatehimforit。\'
`Iguessafteryougothereyouhadplentyoflivedollstonurse,likeme!\'
Lenaremarkedcynically。
`Yes,thebabiescamealongprettyfast,tobesure。ButIneverminded。
Iwasfondofthemall。Theyoungestone,thatwedidn\'tanyofuswant,istheonewelovebestnow。\'
Lenasighed。`Oh,thebabiesareallright;ifonlytheydon\'tcomeinwinter。Oursnearlyalwaysdid。Idon\'tseehowmotherstoodit。
Itellyouwhat,girls\'——shesatupwithsuddenenergy——\'I\'mgoingtogetmymotheroutofthatoldsodhousewhereshe\'slivedsomanyyears。
Themenwillneverdoit。Johnnie,that\'smyoldestbrother,he\'swantingtogetmarriednow,andbuildahouseforhisgirlinsteadofhismother。
Mrs。ThomassaysshethinksIcanmovetosomeothertownprettysoon,andgointobusinessformyself。IfIdon\'tgetintobusiness,I\'llmaybemarryarichgambler。\'
`Thatwouldbeapoorwaytogeton,\'saidAnnasarcastically。
`IwishIcouldteachschool,likeSelmaKronn。Justthink!
She\'llbethefirstScandinaviangirltogetapositioninthehighschool。
Weoughttobeproudofher。\'
Selmawasastudiousgirl,whohadnotmuchtoleranceforgiddythingslikeTinyandLena;buttheyalwaysspokeofherwithadmiration。
Tinymovedaboutrestlessly,fanningherselfwithherstrawhat。
`IfIwassmartlikeher,I\'dbeatmybooksdayandnight。
Butshewasbornsmart——andlookhowherfather\'strainedher!
Hewassomethinghighupintheoldcountry。\'
`Sowasmymother\'sfather,\'murmuredLena,`butthat\'sallthegooditdoesus!Myfather\'sfatherwassmart,too,buthewaswild。
HemarriedaLapp。Iguessthat\'swhat\'sthematterwithme;
theysayLappbloodwillout。\'
`ArealLapp,Lena?\'Iexclaimed。`Thekindthatwearskins?\'
`Idon\'tknowifsheworeskins,butshewasaLappsallright,andhisfolksfeltdreadfulaboutit。HewassentupNorthonsomegovernmentjobhehad,andfellinwithher。
Hewouldmarryher。\'
`ButIthoughtLaplandwomenwerefatandugly,andhadsquinteyes,likeChinese?\'Iobjected。
`Idon\'tknow,maybe。TheremustbesomethingmightytakingabouttheLappgirls,though;mothersaystheNorwegiansupNortharealwaysafraidtheirboyswillrunafterthem。\'
Intheafternoon,whentheheatwaslessoppressive,wehadalivelygameof`PussyWantsaCorner,\'ontheflatbluff-top,withthelittletreesforbases。LenawasPussysooftenthatshefinallysaidshewouldn\'tplayanymore。
Wethrewourselvesdownonthegrass,outofbreath。
`Jim,\'Antoniasaiddreamily,`IwantyoutotellthegirlsabouthowtheSpanishfirstcamehere,likeyouandCharleyHarlingusedtotalkabout。
I\'vetriedtotellthem,butIleaveoutsomuch。\'
Theysatunderalittleoak,Tonyrestingagainstthetrunkandtheothergirlsleaningagainstherandeachother,andlistenedtothelittleIwasabletotellthemaboutCoronadoandhissearchfortheSevenGoldenCities。
AtschoolweweretaughtthathehadnotgotsofarnorthasNebraska,buthadgivenuphisquestandturnedbacksomewhereinKansas。
ButCharleyHarlingandIhadastrongbeliefthathehadbeenalongthisveryriver。Afarmerinthecountynorthofours,whenhewasbreakingsod,hadturnedupametalstirrupoffineworkmanship,andaswordwithaSpanishinscriptionontheblade。
HelenttheserelicstoMr。Harling,whobroughtthemhomewithhim。
CharleyandIscouredthem,andtheywereonexhibitionintheHarlingofficeallsummer。FatherKelly,thepriest,hadfoundthenameoftheSpanishmakerontheswordandanabbreviationthatstoodforthecityofCordova。
`AndthatIsawwithmyowneyes,\'Antoniaputintriumphantly。
`SoJimandCharleywereright,andtheteacherswerewrong!\'
Thegirlsbegantowonderamongthemselves。WhyhadtheSpaniardscomesofar?Whatmustthiscountryhavebeenlike,then?
WhyhadCoronadonevergonebacktoSpain,tohisrichesandhiscastlesandhisking?Icouldn\'ttellthem。
Ionlyknewtheschoolbookssaidhe`diedinthewilderness,ofabrokenheart。\'
`Morethanhimhasdonethat,\'saidAntoniasadly,andthegirlsmurmuredassent。
Wesatlookingoffacrossthecountry,watchingthesungodown。
Thecurlygrassaboutuswasonfirenow。Thebarkoftheoaksturnedredascopper。Therewasashimmerofgoldonthebrownriver。
Outinthestreamthesandbarsglitteredlikeglass,andthelighttrembledinthewillowthicketsasiflittleflameswereleapingamongthem。Thebreezesanktostillness。Intheravinearingdovemournedplaintively,andsomewhereoffinthebushesanowlhooted。
Thegirlssatlistless,leaningagainsteachother。Thelongfingersofthesuntouchedtheirforeheads。
Presentlywesawacuriousthing:Therewerenoclouds,thesunwasgoingdowninalimpid,gold-washedsky。Justastheloweredgeofthereddiskrestedonthehighfieldsagainstthehorizon,agreatblackfiguresuddenlyappearedonthefaceofthesun。
Wesprangtoourfeet,strainingoureyestowardit。Inamomentwerealizedwhatitwas。Onsomeuplandfarm,aploughhadbeenleftstandinginthefield。Thesunwassinkingjustbehindit。
Magnifiedacrossthedistancebythehorizontallight,itstoodoutagainstthesun,wasexactlycontainedwithinthecircleofthedisk;
thehandles,thetongue,theshare——blackagainstthemoltenred。
Thereitwas,heroicinsize,apicturewritingonthesun。
Evenwhilewewhisperedaboutit,ourvisiondisappeared;theballdroppedanddroppeduntiltheredtipwentbeneaththeearth。
Thefieldsbelowusweredark,theskywasgrowingpale,andthatforgottenploughhadsunkbacktoitsownlittlenesssomewhereontheprairie。
XV
LATEINAUGUSTtheCutterswenttoOmahaforafewdays,leavingAntoniainchargeofthehouse。SincethescandalabouttheSwedishgirl,WickCuttercouldnevergethiswifetostiroutofBlackHawkwithouthim。
ThedayaftertheCuttersleft,Antoniacameovertoseeus。
Grandmothernoticedthatsheseemedtroubledanddistracted。
`You\'vegotsomethingonyourmind,Antonia,\'shesaidanxiously。
`Yes,Mrs。Burden。Icouldn\'tsleepmuchlastnight。\'Shehesitated,andthentoldushowstrangelyMr。Cutterhadbehavedbeforehewentaway。
Heputallthesilverinabasketandplaceditunderherbed,andwithitaboxofpaperswhichhetoldherwerevaluable。
Hemadeherpromisethatshewouldnotsleepawayfromthehouse,orbeoutlateintheevening,whilehewasgone。Hestrictlyforbadehertoaskanyofthegirlssheknewtostaywithheratnight。
Shewouldbeperfectlysafe,hesaid,ashehadjustputanewYalelockonthefrontdoor。
Cutterhadbeensoinsistentinregardtothesedetailsthatnowshefeltuncomfortableaboutstayingtherealone。Shehadn\'tlikedthewayhekeptcomingintothekitchentoinstructher,orthewayhelookedather。
`Ifeelasifheisuptosomeofhistricksagain,andisgoingtotrytoscareme,somehow。\'
Grandmotherwasapprehensiveatonce。`Idon\'tthinkit\'srightforyoutostaythere,feelingthatway。Isupposeitwouldn\'tberightforyoutoleavetheplacealone,either,aftergivingyourword。
MaybeJimwouldbewillingtogooverthereandsleep,andyoucouldcomeherenights。I\'dfeelsafer,knowingyouwereundermyownroof。
IguessJimcouldtakecareoftheirsilverandoldusurynotesaswellasyoucould。\'
Antoniaturnedtomeeagerly。`Oh,wouldyou,Jim?I\'dmakeupmybedniceandfreshforyou。It\'sarealcoolroom,andthebed\'srightnextthewindow。Iwasafraidtoleavethewindowopenlastnight。\'
Ilikedmyownroom,andIdidn\'tliketheCutters\'houseunderanycircumstances;butTonylookedsotroubledthatIconsentedtotrythisarrangement。IfoundthatIsleptthereaswellasanywhere,andwhenIgothomeinthemorning,Tonyhadagoodbreakfastwaitingforme。
Afterprayersshesatdownatthetablewithus,anditwaslikeoldtimesinthecountry。
ThethirdnightIspentattheCutters\',IawokesuddenlywiththeimpressionthatIhadheardadooropenandshut。
Everythingwasstill,however,andImusthavegonetosleepagainimmediately。
ThenextthingIknew,Ifeltsomeonesitdownontheedgeofthebed。Iwasonlyhalfawake,butIdecidedthathemighttaketheCutters\'silver,whoeverhewas。
PerhapsifIdidnotmove,hewouldfinditandgetoutwithouttroublingme。Iheldmybreathandlayabsolutelystill。
Ahandclosedsoftlyonmyshoulder,andatthesamemomentI
feltsomethinghairyandcologne-scentedbrushingmyface。
Iftheroomhadsuddenlybeenfloodedwithelectriclight,Icouldn\'thaveseenmoreclearlythedetestablebeardedcountenancethatIknewwasbendingoverme。
Icaughtahandfulofwhiskersandpulled,shoutingsomething。
Thehandthatheldmyshoulderwasinstantlyatmythroat。
Themanbecameinsane;hestoodoverme,chokingmewithonefistandbeatingmeinthefacewiththeother,hissingandchucklingandlettingoutafloodofabuse。
`Sothisiswhatshe\'suptowhenI\'maway,isit?
Whereisshe,younastywhelp,whereisshe?Underthebed,areyou,hussy?Iknowyourtricks!WaittillIgetatyou!
I\'llfixthisratyou\'vegotinhere。He\'scaught,allright!\'
SolongasCutterhadmebythethroat,therewasnochanceformeatall。
Igotholdofhisthumbandbentitback,untilheletgowithayell。
Inabound,Iwasonmyfeet,andeasilysenthimsprawlingtothefloor。
ThenImadeadivefortheopenwindow,struckthewirescreen,knockeditout,andtumbledafteritintotheyard。
SuddenlyIfoundmyselfrunningacrossthenorthendofBlackHawkinmynight-shirt,justasonesometimesfindsone\'sselfbehavinginbaddreams。
WhenIgothome,Iclimbedinatthekitchenwindow。Iwascoveredwithbloodfrommynoseandlip,butIwastoosicktodoanythingaboutit。
Ifoundashawlandanovercoatonthehat-rack,laydownontheparloursofa,andinspiteofmyhurts,wenttosleep。
Grandmotherfoundmethereinthemorning。Hercryoffrightawakenedme。Truly,Iwasabatteredobject。Asshehelpedmetomyroom,Icaughtaglimpseofmyselfinthemirror。
Mylipwascutandstoodoutlikeasnout。Mynoselookedlikeabigblueplum,andoneeyewasswollenshutandhideouslydiscoloured。
Grandmothersaidwemusthavethedoctoratonce,butIimploredher,asIhadneverbeggedforanythingbefore,nottosendforhim。
Icouldstandanything,Itoldher,solongasnobodysawmeorknewwhathadhappenedtome。Ientreatedhernottoletgrandfather,even,comeintomyroom。Sheseemedtounderstand,thoughIwastoofaintandmiserabletogointoexplanations。
Whenshetookoffmynight-shirt,shefoundsuchbruisesonmychestandshouldersthatshebegantocry。Shespentthewholemorningbathingandpoulticingme,andrubbingmewitharnica。
IheardAntoniasobbingoutsidemydoor,butIaskedgrandmothertosendheraway。IfeltthatIneverwantedtoseeheragain。
IhatedheralmostasmuchasIhatedCutter。Shehadletmeinforallthisdisgustingness。GrandmotherkeptsayinghowthankfulweoughttobethatIhadbeenthereinsteadofAntonia。ButIlaywithmydisfiguredfacetothewallandfeltnoparticulargratitude。
Myoneconcernwasthatgrandmothershouldkeepeveryoneawayfromme。
Ifthestoryoncegotabroad,Iwouldneverhearthelastofit。
Icouldwellimaginewhattheoldmendownatthedrugstorewoulddowithsuchatheme。
Whilegrandmotherwastryingtomakemecomfortable,grandfatherwenttothedepotandlearnedthatWickCutterhadcomehomeonthenightexpressfromtheeast,andhadleftagainonthesixo\'clocktrainforDenverthatmorning。
Theagentsaidhisfacewasstripedwithcourt-plaster,andhecarriedhislefthandinasling。Helookedsousedup,thattheagentaskedhimwhathadhappenedtohimsinceteno\'clockthenightbefore;whereatCutterbegantoswearathimandsaidhewouldhavehimdischargedforincivility。
Thatafternoon,whileIwasasleep,Antoniatookgrandmotherwithher,andwentovertotheCutters\'topackhertrunk。Theyfoundtheplacelockedup,andtheyhadtobreakthewindowtogetintoAntonia\'sbedroom。
Thereeverythingwasinshockingdisorder。Herclotheshadbeentakenoutofhercloset,thrownintothemiddleoftheroom,andtrampledandtorn。
MyowngarmentshadbeentreatedsobadlythatIneversawthemagain;
grandmotherburnedthemintheCutters\'kitchenrange。
WhileAntoniawaspackinghertrunkandputtingherroominorder,toleaveit,thefrontdoorbellrangviolently。TherestoodMrs。Cutter——
lockedout,forshehadnokeytothenewlock——herheadtremblingwithrage。
`Iadvisedhertocontrolherself,orshewouldhaveastroke,\'
grandmothersaidafterward。
GrandmotherwouldnotletherseeAntoniaatall,butmadehersitdownintheparlourwhilesherelatedtoherjustwhathadoccurredthenightbefore。
Antoniawasfrightened,andwasgoinghometostayforawhile,shetoldMrs。Cutter;itwouldbeuselesstointerrogatethegirl,forsheknewnothingofwhathadhappened。
ThenMrs。Cuttertoldherstory。SheandherhusbandhadstartedhomefromOmahatogetherthemorningbefore。TheyhadtostopoverseveralhoursatWaymoreJunctiontocatchtheBlackHawktrain。Duringthewait,CutterleftheratthedepotandwenttotheWaymorebanktoattendtosomebusiness。
Whenhereturned,hetoldherthathewouldhavetostayovernightthere,butshecouldgoonhome。Heboughtherticketandputheronthetrain。
Shesawhimslipatwenty-dollarbillintoherhandbagwithherticket。
Thatbill,shesaid,shouldhavearousedhersuspicionsatonce——butdidnot。
Thetrainsarenevercalledatlittlejunctiontowns;
everybodyknowswhentheycomein。Mr。Cuttershowedhiswife\'stickettotheconductor,andsettledherinherseatbeforethetrainmovedoff。ItwasnotuntilnearlynightfallthatshediscoveredshewasontheexpressboundforKansasCity,thatherticketwasmadeouttothatpoint,andthatCuttermusthaveplanneditso。TheconductortoldhertheBlackHawktrainwasdueatWaymoretwelveminutesaftertheKansasCitytrainleft。ShesawatoncethatherhusbandhadplayedthistrickinordertogetbacktoBlackHawkwithouther。
ShehadnochoicebuttogoontoKansasCityandtakethefirstfasttrainforhome。
Cuttercouldhavegothomeadayearlierthanhiswifebyanyoneofadozensimplerdevices;hecouldhaveleftherintheOmahahotel,andsaidhewasgoingontoChicagoforafewdays。
Butapparentlyitwaspartofhisfuntooutrageherfeelingsasmuchaspossible。
`Mr。Cutterwillpayforthis,Mrs。Burden。Hewillpay!\'
Mrs。Cutteravouched,noddingherhorse-likeheadandrollinghereyes。
Grandmothersaidshehadn\'tadoubtofit。
CertainlyCutterlikedtohavehiswifethinkhimadevil。
InsomewayhedependedupontheexcitementHecouldarouseinherhystericalnature。Perhapshegotthefeelingofbeingarakemorefromhiswife\'srageandamazementthanfromanyexperiencesofhisown。
Hiszestindebaucherymightwane,butneverMrs。Cutter\'sbeliefinit。
Thereckoningwithhiswifeattheendofanescapadewassomethinghecountedon——likethelastpowerfulliqueurafteralongdinner。
Theoneexcitementhereallycouldn\'tdowithoutwasquarrellingwithMrs。Cutter!
EndofBookII
BOOKIIILenaLingardI
ATTHEUNIVERSITYIhadthegoodfortunetocomeimmediatelyundertheinfluenceofabrilliantandinspiringyoungscholar。
GastonClerichadarrivedinLincolnonlyafewweeksearlierthanI,tobeginhisworkasheadoftheLatinDepartment。
HecameWestatthesuggestionofhisphysicians,hishealthhavingbeenenfeebledbyalongillnessinItaly。
WhenItookmyentranceexaminations,hewasmyexaminer,andmycoursewasarrangedunderhissupervision。
Ididnotgohomeformyfirstsummervacation,butstayedinLincoln,workingoffayear\'sGreek,whichhadbeenmyonlyconditiononenteringthefreshmanclass。Cleric\'sdoctoradvisedagainsthisgoingbacktoNewEngland,and,exceptforafewweeksinColorado,he,too,wasinLincolnallthatsummer。
Weplayedtennis,read,andtooklongwalkstogether。
Ishallalwayslookbackonthattimeofmentalawakeningasoneofthehappiestinmylife。GastonClericintroducedmetotheworldofideas;whenonefirstentersthatworldeverythingelsefadesforatime,andallthatwentbeforeisasifithadnotbeen。YetIfoundcurioussurvivals;
someofthefiguresofmyoldlifeseemedtobewaitingformeinthenew。
Inthosedaysthereweremanyseriousyoungmenamongthestudentswhohadcomeuptotheuniversityfromthefarmsandthelittletownsscatteredoverthethinlysettledstate。
Someofthoseboyscamestraightfromthecornfieldswithonlyasummer\'swagesintheirpockets,hungonthroughthefouryears,shabbyandunderfed,andcompletedthecoursebyreallyheroicself-sacrifice。Ourinstructorswereoddlyassorted;
wanderingpioneerschool-teachers,strandedministersoftheGospel,afewenthusiasticyoungmenjustoutofgraduateschools。
Therewasanatmosphereofendeavour,ofexpectancyandbrighthopefulnessabouttheyoungcollegethathadlifteditsheadfromtheprairieonlyafewyearsbefore。
Ourpersonallifewasasfreeasthatofourinstructors。
Therewerenocollegedormitories;welivedwherewecouldandaswecould。
Itookroomswithanoldcouple,earlysettlersinLincoln,whohadmarriedofftheirchildrenandnowlivedquietlyintheirhouseattheedgeoftown,neartheopencountry。Thehousewasinconvenientlysituatedforstudents,andonthataccountIgottworoomsforthepriceofone。Mybedroom,originallyalinen-closet,wasunheatedandwasbarelylargeenoughtocontainmycot-bed,butitenabledmetocalltheotherroommystudy。
Thedresser,andthegreatwalnutwardrobewhichheldallmyclothes,evenmyhatsandshoes,Ihadpushedoutoftheway,andIconsideredthemnon-existent,aschildreneliminateincongruousobjectswhentheyareplayinghouse。Iworkedatacommodiousgreen-toppedtableplaceddirectlyinfrontofthewestwindowwhichlookedoutovertheprairie。Inthecorneratmyrightwereallmybooks,inshelvesIhadmadeandpaintedmyself。
Ontheblankwallatmyleftthedark,old-fashionedwall-paperwascoveredbyalargemapofancientRome,theworkofsomeGermanscholar。
Clerichadordereditformewhenhewassendingforbooksfromabroad。
OverthebookcasehungaphotographoftheTragicTheatreatPompeii,whichhehadgivenmefromhiscollection。
WhenIsatatworkIhalf-facedadeep,upholsteredchairwhichstoodattheendofmytable,itshighbackagainstthewall。
Ihadboughtitwithgreatcare。Myinstructorsometimeslookedinuponmewhenhewasoutforaneveningtramp,andInoticedthathewasmorelikelytolingerandbecometalkativeifIhadacomfortablechairforhimtositin,andifhefoundabottleofBenedictineandplentyofthekindofcigarettesheliked,athiselbow。
Hewas,Ihaddiscovered,parsimoniousaboutsmallexpenditures——
atraitabsolutelyinconsistentwithhisgeneralcharacter。
Sometimeswhenhecamehewassilentandmoody,andafterafewsarcasticremarkswentawayagain,totrampthestreetsofLincoln,whichwerealmostasquietandoppressivelydomesticasthoseofBlackHawk。Again,hewouldsituntilnearlymidnight,talkingaboutLatinandEnglishpoetry,ortellingmeabouthislongstayinItaly。
Icangivenoideaofthepeculiarcharmandvividnessofhistalk。
Inacrowdhewasnearlyalwayssilent。Evenforhisclassroomhehadnoplatitudes,nostockofprofessorialanecdotes。
Whenhewastired,hislectureswereclouded,obscure,elliptical;
butwhenhewasinterestedtheywerewonderful。IbelievethatGastonClericnarrowlymissedbeingagreatpoet,andIhavesometimesthoughtthathisburstsofimaginativetalkwerefataltohispoeticgift。
Hesquanderedtoomuchintheheatofpersonalcommunication。
HowoftenIhaveseenhimdrawhisdarkbrowstogether,fixhiseyesuponsomeobjectonthewallorafigureinthecarpet,andthenflashintothelamplighttheveryimagethatwasinhisbrain。
Hecouldbringthedramaofantiquelifebeforeoneoutoftheshadows——whitefiguresagainstbluebackgrounds。
IshallneverforgethisfaceasitlookedonenightwhenhetoldmeaboutthesolitarydayhespentamongtheseatemplesatPaestum:
thesoftwindblowingthroughtherooflesscolumns,thebirdsflyinglowoverthefloweringmarshgrasses,thechanginglightsonthesilver,cloud-hungmountains。Hehadwilfullystayedtheshortsummernightthere,wrappedinhiscoatandrug,watchingtheconstellationsontheirpathdowntheskyuntil`thebrideofoldTithonus\'
roseoutofthesea,andthemountainsstoodsharpinthedawn。
ItwastherehecaughtthefeverwhichheldhimbackontheeveofhisdepartureforGreeceandofwhichhelayillsolonginNaples。
Hewasstill,indeed,doingpenanceforit。
Iremembervividlyanotherevening,whensomethingledustotalkofDante\'svenerationforVirgil。Clericwentthroughcantoaftercantoofthe`Commedia,\'repeatingthediscoursebetweenDanteandhis`sweetteacher,\'whilehiscigaretteburneditselfoutunheededbetweenhislongfingers。Icanhearhimnow,speakingthelinesofthepoetStatius,whospokeforDante:
`Iwasfamousonearthwiththenamewhichendureslongestandhonoursmost。Theseedsofmyardourwerethesparksfromthatdivineflamewherebymorethanathousandhavekindled;
Ispeakofthe“Aeneid,“mothertomeandnursetomeinpoetry。\'
AlthoughIadmiredscholarshipsomuchinCleric,Iwasnotdeceivedaboutmyself;IknewthatIshouldneverbeascholar。
Icouldneverlosemyselfforlongamongimpersonalthings。
Mentalexcitementwasapttosendmewitharushbacktomyownnakedlandandthefiguresscattereduponit。
WhileIwasintheveryactofyearningtowardthenewformsthatClericbroughtupbeforeme,mymindplungedawayfromme,andIsuddenlyfoundmyselfthinkingoftheplacesandpeopleofmyowninfinitesimalpast。Theystoodoutstrengthenedandsimplifiednow,liketheimageoftheploughagainstthesun。
TheywereallIhadforananswertothenewappeal。
IbegrudgedtheroomthatJakeandOttoandRussianPetertookupinmymemory,whichIwantedtocrowdwithotherthings。
Butwhenevermyconsciousnesswasquickened,allthoseearlyfriendswerequickenedwithinit,andinsomestrangewaytheyaccompaniedmethroughallmynewexperiences。
TheyweresomuchaliveinmethatIscarcelystoppedtowonderwhethertheywerealiveanywhereelse,orhow。
II
ONEMARCHEVENINGinmysophomoreyearIwassittingaloneinmyroomaftersupper。Therehadbeenawarmthawallday,withmushyyardsandlittlestreamsofdarkwatergurglingcheerfullyintothestreetsoutofoldsnow-banks。Mywindowwasopen,andtheearthywindblowingthroughmademeindolent。
Ontheedgeoftheprairie,wherethesunhadgonedown,theskywasturquoiseblue,likealake,withgoldlightthrobbinginit。
Higherup,intheutterclarityofthewesternslope,theeveningstarhunglikealampsuspendedbysilverchains——likethelampengraveduponthetitle-pageofoldLatintexts,whichisalwaysappearinginnewheavens,andwakingnewdesiresinmen。
Itremindedme,atanyrate,toshutmywindowandlightmywickinanswer。Ididsoregretfully,andthedimobjectsintheroomemergedfromtheshadowsandtooktheirplaceaboutmewiththehelpfulnesswhichcustombreeds。
Iproppedmybookopenandstaredlistlesslyatthepageofthe`Georgics\'wheretomorrow\'slessonbegan。
Itopenedwiththemelancholyreflectionthat,inthelivesofmortalsthebestdaysarethefirsttoflee。
\'Optimadies……primafugit。\'Iturnedbacktothebeginningofthethirdbook,whichwehadreadinclassthatmorning。
\'Primusegoinpatriammecum……deducamMusas\';`forIshallbethefirst,ifIlive,tobringtheMuseintomycountry。\'
Clerichadexplainedtousthat`patria\'heremeant,notanationorevenaprovince,butthelittleruralneighbourhoodontheMinciowherethepoetwasborn。Thiswasnotaboast,butahope,atonceboldanddevoutlyhumble,thathemightbringtheMusebutlatelycometoItalyfromhercloudyGrecianmountains,nottothecapital,thepalatiaRomana,buttohisownlittleIcountry\';tohisfather\'sfields,`slopingdowntotheriverandtotheoldbeechtreeswithbrokentops。\'
ClericsaidhethoughtVirgil,whenhewasdyingatBrindisi,musthaverememberedthatpassage。Afterhehadfacedthebitterfactthathewastoleavethe`Aeneid\'unfinished,andhaddecreedthatthegreatcanvas,crowdedwithfiguresofgodsandmen,shouldbeburnedratherthansurvivehimunperfected,thenhismindmusthavegonebacktotheperfectutteranceofthe`Georgics,\'
wherethepenwasfittedtothematterastheploughistothefurrow;
andhemusthavesaidtohimself,withthethankfulnessofagoodman,`IwasthefirsttobringtheMuseintomycountry。\'
Welefttheclassroomquietly,consciousthatwehadbeenbrushedbythewingofagreatfeeling,thoughperhapsIaloneknewClericintimatelyenoughtoguesswhatthatfeelingwas。
Intheevening,asIsatstaringatmybook,thefervourofhisvoicestirredthroughthequantitiesonthepagebeforeme。
IwaswonderingwhetherthatparticularrockystripofNewEnglandcoastaboutwhichhehadsooftentoldmewasCleric\'spatria。
BeforeIhadgotfarwithmyreading,Iwasdisturbedbyaknock。
IhurriedtothedoorandwhenIopeneditsawawomanstandinginthedarkhall。
`Iexpectyouhardlyknowme,Jim。\'
Thevoiceseemedfamiliar,butIdidnotrecognizeheruntilshesteppedintothelightofmydoorwayandIbeheld——LenaLingard!
ShewassoquietlyconventionalizedbycityclothesthatI
mighthavepassedheronthestreetwithoutseeingher。
Herblacksuitfittedherfiguresmoothly,andablacklacehat,withpale-blueforget-me-nots,satdemurelyonheryellowhair。
IledhertowardCleric\'schair,theonlycomfortableoneIhad,questioningherconfusedly。
Shewasnotdisconcertedbymyembarrassment。
ShelookedaboutherwiththenaivecuriosityIrememberedsowell。`Youarequitecomfortablehere,aren\'tyou?
IliveinLincolnnow,too,Jim。I\'minbusinessformyself。
IhaveadressmakingshopintheRaleighBlock,outonOStreet。
I\'vemadearealgoodstart。\'
`But,Lena,whendidyoucome?\'
`Oh,I\'vebeenhereallwinter。Didn\'tyourgrandmothereverwriteyou?I\'vethoughtaboutlookingyouuplotsoftimes。
Butwe\'veallheardwhatastudiousyoungmanyou\'vegottobe,andIfeltbashful。Ididn\'tknowwhetheryou\'dbegladtoseeme。\'
Shelaughedhermellow,easylaugh,thatwaseitherveryartlessorverycomprehending,oneneverquiteknewwhich。`Youseemthesame,though——exceptyou\'reayoungman,now,ofcourse。
DoyouthinkI\'vechanged?\'
`Maybeyou\'reprettier——thoughyouwerealwaysprettyenough。
Perhapsit\'syourclothesthatmakeadifference。\'
`Youlikemynewsuit?Ihavetodressprettywellinmybusiness。\'
Shetookoffherjacketandsatmoreateaseinherblouse,ofsomesoft,flimsysilk。Shewasalreadyathomeinmyplace,hadslippedquietlyintoit,asshedidintoeverything。
Shetoldmeherbusinesswasgoingwell,andshehadsavedalittlemoney。
`ThissummerI\'mgoingtobuildthehouseformotherI\'vetalkedaboutsolong。Iwon\'tbeabletopayuponitatfirst,butIwanthertohaveitbeforesheistoooldtoenjoyit。
NextsummerI\'lltakeherdownnewfurnitureandcarpets,soshe\'llhavesomethingtolookforwardtoallwinter。\'
IwatchedLenasittingtheresosmoothandsunnyandwell-cared-for,andthoughtofhowsheusedtorunbarefootovertheprairieuntilafterthesnowbegantofly,andhowCrazyMarychasedherroundandroundthecornfields。
Itseemedtomewonderfulthatsheshouldhavegotonsowellintheworld。
Certainlyshehadnoonebutherselftothankforit。
`Youmustfeelproudofyourself,Lena,\'Isaidheartily。
`Lookatme;I\'veneverearnedadollar,andIdon\'tknowthatI\'lleverbeableto。\'
`Tonysaysyou\'regoingtobericherthanMr。Harlingsomeday。
She\'salwaysbraggingaboutyou,youknow。\'
`Tellme,howISTony?\'
`She\'sfine。SheworksforMrs。Gardeneratthehotelnow。
She\'shousekeeper。Mrs。Gardener\'shealthisn\'twhatitwas,andshecan\'tseeaftereverythinglikesheusedto。
ShehasgreatconfidenceinTony。Tony\'smadeitupwiththeHarlings,too。LittleNinaissofondofherthatMrs。Harlingkindofoverlookedthings。\'
`IsshestillgoingwithLarryDonovan?\'
`Oh,that\'son,worsethanever!Iguessthey\'reengaged。
Tonytalksabouthimlikehewaspresidentoftherailroad。
Everybodylaughsaboutit,becauseshewasneveragirltobesoft。
Shewon\'thearawordagainsthim。She\'ssosortofinnocent。\'
IsaidIdidn\'tlikeLarry,andneverwould。
Lena\'sfacedimpled。`Someofuscouldtellherthings,butitwouldn\'tdoanygood。She\'dalwaysbelievehim。
That\'sAntonia\'sfailing,youknow;ifsheoncelikespeople,shewon\'thearanythingagainstthem。\'
`IthinkI\'dbettergohomeandlookafterAntonia,\'Isaid。
`Ithinkyouhad。\'Lenalookedupatmeinfrankamusement。
`It\'sagoodthingtheHarlingsarefriendlywithheragain。
Larry\'safraidofthem。Theyshipsomuchgrain,theyhaveinfluencewiththerailroadpeople。Whatareyoustudying?\'
Sheleanedherelbowsonthetableanddrewmybooktowardher。
Icaughtafaintodourofvioletsachet。`Sothat\'sLatin,isit?
Itlookshard。Youdogotothetheatresometimes,though,forI\'veseenyouthere。Don\'tyoujustloveagoodplay,Jim?
Ican\'tstayathomeintheeveningifthere\'soneintown。
I\'dbewillingtoworklikeaslave,itseemstome,toliveinaplacewheretherearetheatres。\'
`Let\'sgotoashowtogethersometime。Youaregoingtoletmecometoseeyou,aren\'tyou?\'
`Wouldyouliketo?I\'dbeeversopleased。I\'mneverbusyaftersixo\'clock,andIletmysewinggirlsgoathalf-pastfive。
Iboard,tosavetime,butsometimesIcookachopformyself,andI\'dbegladtocookoneforyou。Well\'——shebegantoputonherwhitegloves——\'it\'sbeenawfulgoodtoseeyou,Jim。\'
`Youneedn\'thurry,needyou?You\'vehardlytoldmeanythingyet。\'
`Wecantalkwhenyoucometoseeme。Iexpectyoudon\'toftenhaveladyvisitors。Theoldwomandownstairsdidn\'twanttoletmecomeupverymuch。ItoldherIwasfromyourhometown,andhadpromisedyourgrandmothertocomeandseeyou。
HowsurprisedMrs。Burdenwouldbe!\'Lenalaughedsoftlyassherose。
WhenIcaughtupmyhat,sheshookherhead。
`No,Idon\'twantyoutogowithme。I\'mtomeetsomeSwedesatthedrugstore。Youwouldn\'tcareforthem。
IwantedtoseeyourroomsoIcouldwriteTonyallaboutit,butImusttellherhowIleftyourightherewithyourbooks。
She\'salwayssoafraidsomeonewillrunoffwithyou!\'
LenaslippedhersilksleevesintothejacketIheldforher,smootheditoverherperson,andbuttoneditslowly。
Iwalkedwithhertothedoor。`Comeandseemesometimeswhenyou\'relonesome。Butmaybeyouhaveallthefriendsyouwant。
Haveyou?\'Sheturnedhersoftcheektome。`Haveyou?\'
shewhisperedteasinglyinmyear。InamomentIwatchedherfadedowntheduskystairway。
WhenIturnedbacktomyroomtheplaceseemedmuchpleasanterthanbefore。
Lenahadleftsomethingwarmandfriendlyinthelamplight。
HowIlovedtohearherlaughagain!Itwassosoftandunexcitedandappreciativegaveafavourableinterpretationtoeverything。
WhenIclosedmyeyesIcouldhearthemalllaughing——theDanishlaundrygirlsandthethreeBohemianMarys。Lenahadbroughtthemallbacktome。
Itcameoverme,asithadneverdonebefore,therelationbetweengirlslikethoseandthepoetryofVirgil。Iftherewerenogirlslikethemintheworld,therewouldbenopoetry。Iunderstoodthatclearly,forthefirsttime。Thisrevelationseemedtomeinestimablyprecious。
Iclungtoitasifitmightsuddenlyvanish。
AsIsatdowntomybookatlast,myolddreamaboutLenacomingacrosstheharvest-fieldinhershortskirtseemedtomelikethememoryofanactualexperience。Itfloatedbeforemeonthepagelikeapicture,andunderneathitstoodthemournfulline:
\'Optimadies……primafugit。\'