Forthemostpartthesurfaceofthehillswasnaked-dryandcomposedofsandandrock。Ourwayfollowedthesand-bottomsbetweenthehills。Andthesand-bottomswerebare，saveforspotsofscrub，withhereandthereshorttuftsofdryandwitheredgrass。
Watertherewasnone，norsignofwater，exceptforwashedgulliesthattoldofancientandtorrentialrains。
Myfatherwastheonlyonewhohadhorsestohiswagon。Thewagonswentinsinglefile，andasthetrainwoundandcurvedIsawthattheotherwagonsweredrawnbyoxen。Threeorfouryokeofoxenstrainedandpulledweaklyateachwagon，andbesidethem，inthedeepsand，walkedmenwithox-goads，whoproddedtheunwillingbeastsalong。OnacurveIcountedthewagonsaheadandbehind。I
knewthattherewerefortyofthem，includingourown；foroftenI
hadcountedthembefore。AndasIcountedthemnow，asachildwilltowhileawaytedium，theywereallthere，fortyofthem，allcanvas-topped，bigandmassive，crudelyfashioned，pitchingandlurching，grindingandjarringoversandandsage-brushandrock。
Torightandleftofus，scatteredalongthetrain，rodeadozenorfifteenmenandyouthsonhorses。Acrosstheirpommelswerelong-
barrelledrifles。WheneveranyofthemdrewneartoourwagonI
couldseethattheirfaces，underthedust，weredrawnandanxiouslikemyfather’s。Andmyfather，likethem，hadalong-barrelledrifleclosetohandashedrove。
Also，tooneside，limpedascoreormoreoffoot-sore，yoke-galled，skeletonoxen，thateverpausedtonipattheoccasionaltuftsofwitheredgrass，andthateverwereproddedonbythetired-facedyouthswhoherdedthem。Sometimesoneoranotheroftheseoxenwouldpauseandlow，andsuchlowingseemedasominousasallelseaboutme。
Far，farawayIhaveamemoryofhavinglived，asmallerlad，bythetree-linedbanksofastream。Andasthewagonjoltsalong，andI
swayontheseatwithmyfather，Icontinuallyreturnanddwelluponthatpleasantwaterflowingbetweenthetrees。IhaveasensethatforaninterminableperiodIhavelivedinawagonandtravelledon，everon，withthispresentcompany。
Butstrongestofalluponmeiswhatisstronguponallthecompany，namely，asenseofdriftingtodoom。Ourwaywaslikeafuneralmarch。Neverdidalaugharise。NeverdidIhearahappytoneofvoice。Neitherpeacenoreasemarchedwithus。Thefacesofthemenandyouthswhooutrodethetrainweregrim，set，hopeless。AndaswetoiledthroughtheluriddustofsunsetoftenIscannedmyfather’sfaceinvainquestofsomemessageofcheer。Iwillnotsaythatmyfather’sface，inallitsdustyhaggardness，washopeless。Itwasdogged，andoh！sogrimandanxious，mostanxious。
Athrillseemedtorunalongthetrain。Myfather’sheadwentup。
Sodidmine。Andourhorsesraisedtheirwearyheads，scentedtheairwithlong-drawnsnorts，andforthenoncepulledwillingly。Thehorsesoftheoutridersquickenedtheirpace。Andasfortheherdofscarecrowoxen，itbrokeintoaforthrightgallop。Itwasalmostludicrous。Thepoorbrutesweresoclumsyintheirweaknessandhaste。Theyweregallopingskeletonsdrapedinmangyhide，andtheyout-distancedtheboyswhoherdedthem。Butthiswasonlyforatime。Thentheyfellbacktoawalk，aquick，eager，shambling，sore-footedwalk；andtheynolongerwereluredasidebythedrybunch-grass。
\"Whatisit？\"mymotheraskedfromwithinthewagon。
\"Water，\"wasmyfather’sreply。\"ItmustbeNephi。\"
Andmymother:\"ThankGod！Andperhapstheywillsellusfood。\"
AndintoNephi，throughblood-reddust，withgrindandgrateandjoltandjar，ourgreatwagonsrolled。Adozenscattereddwellingsorshantiescomposedtheplace。Thelandscapewasmuchthesameasthatthroughwhichwehadpassed。Therewerenotrees，onlyscrubgrowthsandsandybareness。Buthereweresignsoftilledfields，withhereandthereafence。Alsotherewaswater。Downthestreamrannocurrent。Thebed，however，wasdamp，withnowandagainawater-holeintowhichthelooseoxenandthesaddle-horsesstampedandplungedtheirmuzzlestotheeyes。Here，too，grewanoccasionalsmallwillow。
\"ThatmustbeBillBlack’smilltheytoldusabout，\"myfathersaid，pointingoutabuildingtomymother，whoseanxiousnesshaddrawnhertopeeroutoverourshoulders。
Anoldman，withbuckskinshirtandlong，matted，sunburnthair，rodebacktoourwagonandtalkedwithfather。Thesignalwasgiven，andtheheadwagonsofthetrainbegantodeployinacircle。
Thegroundfavouredtheevolution，and，fromlongpractice，itwasaccomplishedwithoutahitch，sothatwhenthefortywagonswerefinallyhaltedtheyformedacircle。Allwasbustleandorderlyconfusion。Manywomen，alltired-facedanddustylikemymother，emergedfromthewagons。Alsopouredforthaveryhordeofchildren。Theremusthavebeenatleastfiftychildren，anditseemedIknewthemalloflongtime；andtherewereatleasttwoscoreofwomen。Thesewentaboutthepreparationsforcookingsupper。
Whilesomeofthemenchoppedsage-brushandwechildrencarriedittothefiresthatwerekindling，othermenunyokedtheoxenandletthemstampedeforwater。Nextthemen，inbigsquads，movedthewagonssnuglyintoplace。Thetongueofeachwagonwasontheinsideofthecircle，and，frontandrear，eachwagonwasinsolidcontactwiththenextwagonbeforeandbehind。Thegreatbrakeswerelockedfast；but，notcontentwiththis，thewheelsofallthewagonswereconnectedwithchains。Thiswasnothingnewtouschildren。Itwasthetroublesignofacampinhostilecountry。
Onewagononlywasleftoutofthecircle，soastoformagatetothecorral。Lateron，asweknew，erethecampslept，theanimalswouldbedriveninside，andthegate-wagonwouldbechainedliketheothersinplace。Inthemeanwhile，andforhours，theanimalswouldbeherdedbymenandboystowhatscantgrasstheycouldfind。
Whilethecamp-makingwentonmyfather，withseveralothersofthemen，includingtheoldmanwiththelong，sunburnthair，wentawayonfootinthedirectionofthemill。Irememberthatallofus，men，women，andeventhechildren，pausedtowatchthemdepart；anditseemedtheirerrandwasofgraveimport。
Whiletheywereawayothermen，strangers，inhabitantsofdesertNephi，cameintocampandstalkedabout。Theywerewhitemen，likeus，buttheywerehard-faced，stern-faced，sombre，andtheyseemedangrywithallourcompany。Badfeelingwasintheair，andtheysaidthingscalculatedtorousethetempersofourmen。Butthewarningwentoutfromthewomen，andwaspassedoneverywheretoourmenandyouths，thattheremustbenowords。
Oneofthestrangerscametoourfire，wheremymotherwasalone，cooking。Ihadjustcomeupwithanarmfulofsage-brush，andI
stoppedtolistenandtostareattheintruder，whomIhated，becauseitwasintheairtohate，becauseIknewthateverylastpersoninourcompanyhatedthesestrangerswhowerewhite-skinnedlikeusandbecauseofwhomwehadbeencompelledtomakeourcampinacircle。
Thisstrangeratourfirehadblueeyes，hardandcoldandpiercing。
Hishairwassandy。Hisfacewasshaventothechin，andfromunderthechin，coveringtheneckandextendingtotheears，sproutedasandyfringeofwhiskerswell-streakedwithgray。Motherdidnotgreethim，nordidhegreether。Hestoodandgloweredatherforsometime，heclearedhisthroatandsaidwithasneer:
\"WishtyouwasbackinMissourirightnowIbet。\"
Isawmothertightenherlipsinself-controleresheanswered:
\"WearefromArkansas。\"
\"Iguessyougotgoodreasonstodenywhereyoucomefrom，\"henextsaid，\"youthatdrovetheLord’speoplefromMissouri。\"
Mothermadenoreply。
\"……Seein’，\"hewenton，afterthepauseaccordedher，\"asyou’renowcomin’a-whinin’an’a-beggin’breadatourhandsthatyoupersecuted。\"
Whereupon，andinstantly，childthatIwas，Iknewanger，theold，red，intolerantwrath，everunrestrainableandunsubduable。
\"Youlie！\"Ipipedup。\"Weain’tMissourians。Weain’twhinin’。
An’weain’tbeggars。Wegotthemoneytobuy。\"
\"Shutup，Jesse！\"mymothercried，landingthebackofherhandstinginglyonmymouth。Andthen，tothestranger，\"Goawayandlettheboyalone。\"
\"I’llshootyoufulloflead，youdamnedMormon！\"Iscreamedandsobbedathim，tooquickformymotherthistime，anddancingawayaroundthefirefromtheback-sweepofherhand。
Asforthemanhimself，myconducthadnotdisturbedhimintheslightest。IwaspreparedforIknewnotwhatviolentvisitationfromthisterriblestranger，andIwatchedhimwarilywhileheconsideredmewiththeutmostgravity。
Atlasthespoke，andhespokesolemnly，withsolemnshakingofthehead，asifdeliveringajudgment。
\"Likefatherslikesons，\"hesaid。\"Theyounggenerationisasbadastheelder。Thewholebreedisunregenerateanddamned。Thereisnosavingit，theyoungortheold。Thereisnoatonement。NoteventhebloodofChristcanwipeoutitsiniquities。\"
\"DamnedMormon！\"wasallIcouldsobathim。\"DamnedMormon！
DamnedMormon！DamnedMormon！\"
AndIcontinuedtodamnhimandtodancearoundthefirebeforemymother’savenginghand，untilhestrodeaway。
Whenmyfather，andthemenwhohadaccompaniedhim，returned，camp-
workceased，whileallcrowdedanxiouslyabouthim。Heshookhishead。
\"Theywillnotsell？\"somewomandemanded。
Againheshookhishead。
Amanspokeup，ablue-eyed，blond-whiskeredgiantofthirty，whoabruptlypressedhiswayintothecentreofthecrowd。
\"Theysaytheyhaveflourandprovisionsforthreeyears，Captain，\"
hesaid。\"Theyhavealwayssoldtotheimmigrationbefore。Andnowtheywon’tsell。Anditain’tourquarrel。Theirquarrel’swiththegovernment，an’they’retakin’itoutonus。Itain’tright，Captain。Itain’tright，Isay，uswithourwomenan’children，an’
Californiamonthsaway，wintercomin’on，an’nothin’butdesertinbetween。Weain’tgotthegrubtofacethedesert。\"
Hebrokeoffforamomenttoaddressthewholecrowd。
\"Why，you-alldon’tknowwhatdesertis。Thisaroundhereain’tdesert。Itellyouit’sparadise，andheavenlypasture，an’flowin’
withmilkan’honeyalongsidewhatwe’regoin’toface。\"
\"Itellyou，Captain，wegottogetflourfirst。Iftheywon’tsellit，thenwemustjustupan’takeit。\"
Manyofthemenandwomenbegancryingoutinapproval，butmyfatherhushedthembyholdinguphishand。
\"Iagreewitheverythingyousay，Hamilton，\"hebegan。
Butthecriesnowdrownedhisvoice，andheagainhelduphishand。
\"Exceptonethingyouforgottotakeintoaccount，Hamilton——athingthatyouandallofusmusttakeintoaccount。BrighamYounghasdeclaredmartiallaw，andBrighamYounghasanarmy。WecouldwipeoutNephiintheshakeofalamb’stailandtakealltheprovisionswecancarry。Butwewouldn’tcarrythemveryfar。Brigham’sSaintswouldbedownuponusandwewouldbewipedoutinanothershakeofalamb’stail。Youknowit。Iknowit。Weallknowit。\"
Hiswordscarriedconvictiontolistenersalreadyconvinced。Whathehadtoldthemwasoldnews。Theyhadmerelyforgottenitinaflurryofexcitementanddesperateneed。
\"NobodywillfightquickerforwhatisrightthanIwill，\"fathercontinued。\"Butitjusthappenswecan’taffordtofightnow。Ifeveraructionstartswehaven’tachance。Andwe’veallgotourwomenandchildrentorecollect。We’vegottobepeaceableatanyprice，andputupwithwhateverdirtisheapedonus。\"
\"Butwhatwillwedowiththedesertcoming？\"criedawomanwhonursedababeatherbreast。
\"There’sseveralsettlementsbeforewecometothedesert，\"fatheranswered。\"Fillmore’ssixtymilessouth。ThencomesCornCreek。
AndBeaver’sanotherfiftymiles。NextisParowan。Thenit’stwentymilestoCedarCity。ThefartherwegetawayfromSaltLakethemorelikelythey’llsellusprovisions。\"
\"Andiftheywon’t？\"thesamewomanpersisted。
\"Thenwe’requitofthem，\"saidmyfather。\"CedarCityisthelastsettlement。We’llhavetogoon，that’sall，andthankourstarswearequitofthem。Twodays’journeybeyondisgoodpasture，andwater。TheycallitMountainMeadows。Nobodylivesthere，andthat’stheplacewe’llrestourcattleandfeedthemupbeforewetacklethedesert。Maybewecanshootsomemeat。Andiftheworstcomestotheworst，we’llkeepgoingaslongaswecan，thenabandonthewagons，packwhatwecanonouranimals，andmakethelaststagesonfoot。Wecaneatourcattleaswegoalong。ItwouldbebettertoarriveinCaliforniawithoutaragtoourbacksthantoleaveourboneshere；andleavethemwewillifwestartaruction。\"
Withfinalreiteratedwarningsagainstviolenceofspeechoract，theimpromptumeetingbrokeup。Iwasslowinfallingasleepthatnight。MyrageagainsttheMormonhadleftmybraininsuchatinglethatIwasstillawakewhenmyfathercrawledintothewagonafteralastroundofthenight-watch。TheythoughtIslept，butI
heardmotheraskhimifhethoughtthattheMormonswouldletusdepartpeacefullyfromtheirland。Hisfacewasturnedasidefromherashebusiedhimselfwithpullingoffaboot，whileheansweredherwithheartyconfidencethathewassuretheMormonswouldletusgoifnoneofourowncompanystartedtrouble。
ButIsawhisfaceatthatmomentinthelightofasmalltallowdip，andinitwasnoneoftheconfidencethatwasinhisvoice。SoitwasthatIfellasleep，oppressedbythedirefatethatseemedtooverhangus，andponderinguponBrighamYoungwhobulkedinmychildimaginationasafearful，malignantbeing，averydevilwithhornsandtailandall。
AndIawoketotheoldpainofthejacketinsolitary。Aboutmewerethecustomaryfour:WardenAtherton，CaptainJamie，DoctorJackson，andAlHutchins。Icrackedmyfacewithmywilledsmile，andstrugglednottolosecontrolundertheexquisitetormentofreturningcirculation。Idrankthewatertheyheldtome，wavedasidetheprofferedbread，andrefusedtospeak。Iclosedmyeyesandstrovetowinbacktothechain-lockedwagon-circleatNephi。
ButsolongasmyvisitorsstoodaboutmeandtalkedIcouldnotescape。
OnesnatchofconversationIcouldnottearmyselfawayfromhearing。
\"Justasyesterday，\"DoctorJacksonsaid。\"Nochangeonewayortheother。\"
\"Thenhecangoonstandingit？\"WardenAthertonqueried。
\"Withoutaquiver。Thenexttwenty-fourhoursaseasyasthelast。
He’sawooz，Itellyou，aperfectwooz。IfIdidn’tknowitwasimpossible，I’dsayhewasdoped。\"
\"Iknowhisdope，\"saidtheWarden。\"It’sthatcursedwillofhis。
I’dbet，ifhemadeuphismind，thathecouldwalkbarefootacrossred-hotstones，likethoseKanakapriestsfromtheSouthSeas。\"
Nowperhapsitwastheword\"priests\"thatIcarriedawaywithmethroughthedarknessofanotherflightintime。Perhapsitwasthecue。Moreprobablyitwasamerecoincidence。AtanyrateIawoke，lyinguponaroughrockyfloor，andfoundmyselfonmyback，myarmscrossedinsuchfashionthateachelbowrestedinthepalmoftheoppositehand。AsIlaythere，eyesclosed，halfawake，IrubbedmyelbowswithmypalmsandfoundthatIwasrubbingprodigiouscalluses。Therewasnosurpriseinthis。Iacceptedthecallusesasoflongtimeandamatterofcourse。
Iopenedmyeyes。Myshelterwasasmallcave，nomorethanthreefeetinheightandadozeninlength。Itwasveryhotinthecave。
Perspirationnoduledtheentiresurfaceofmybody。Nowandagainseveralnodulescoalescedandformedtinyrivulets。Iworenoclothingsaveafilthyragaboutthemiddle。Myskinwasburnedtoamahoganybrown。Iwasverythin，andIcontemplatedmythinnesswithastrangesortofpride，asifitwereanachievementtobesothin。EspeciallywasIenamouredofmypainfullyprominentribs。
Theverysightofthehollowsbetweenthemgavemeasenseofsolemnelation，or，rather，touseabetterword，ofsanctification。
Mykneeswerecallusedlikemyelbows。Iwasverydirty。Mybeard，evidentlyonceblond，butnowadirt-stainedandstreakybrown，sweptmymidriffinatangledmass。Mylonghair，similarlystainedandtangled，wasallaboutmyshoulders，whilewispsofitcontinuallystrayedinthewayofmyvisionsothatsometimesIwascompelledtobrushitasidewithmyhands。Forthemostpart，however，Icontentedmyselfwithpeeringthroughitlikeawildanimalfromathicket。
Justatthetunnel-likemouthofmydimcavethedayreareditselfinawallofblindingsunshine。AfteratimeIcrawledtotheentrance，and，forthesakeofgreaterdiscomfort，laydownintheburningsunshineonanarrowledgeofrock。Itpositivelybakedme，thatterriblesun，andthemoreithurtmethemoreIdelightedinit，orinmyselfrather，inthatIwasthusthemasterofmyfleshandsuperiortoitsclaimsandremonstrances。WhenIfoundundermeaparticularlysharp，butnottoosharp，rock-projection，Igroundmybodyuponthepointofit，rowelledmyfleshinaveryecstasyofmasteryandofpurification。
Itwasastagnantdayofheat。NotabreathofairmovedovertherivervalleyonwhichIsometimesgazed。Hundredsoffeetbeneathmethewideriverransluggishly。Thefarthershorewasflatandsandyandstretchedawaytothehorizon。Abovethewaterwerescatteredclumpsofpalm-trees。
Onmyside，eatenintoacurvebytheriver，werelofty，crumblingcliffs。Fartheralongthecurve，inplainviewfrommyeyrie，carvedoutofthelivingrock，werefourcolossalfigures。Itwasthestatureofamantotheiranklejoints。Thefourcolossisat，withhandsrestingonknees，witharmscrumbledquiteaway，andgazedoutupontheriver。Atleastthreeofthemsogazed。Ofthefourthallthatremainedwerethelowerlimbstothekneesandthehugehandsrestingontheknees。Atthefeetofthisone，ridiculouslysmall，crouchedasphinx；yetthissphinxwastallerthanI。
Ilookeduponthesecarvenimageswithcontempt，andspatasI
looked。Iknewnotwhattheywere，whetherforgottengodsorunrememberedkings。Buttometheywererepresentativeofthevanityofearth-menandearth-aspirations。
Andoverallthiscurveofriverandsweepofwaterandwidesandsbeyondarchedaskyofachingbrassunfleckedbythetiniestcloud。
ThehourspassedwhileIroastedinthesun。Often，forquitedecentintervals，Iforgotmyheatandpainindreamsandvisionsandinmemories。AllthisIknew——crumblingcolossiandriverandsandandsunandbrazensky——wastopassawayinthetwinklingofaneye。Atanymomentthetrumpsofthearchangelsmightsound，thestarsfalloutofthesky，theheavensrollupasascroll，andtheLordGodofallcomewithhishostsforthefinaljudgment。
Ah，IknewitsoprofoundlythatIwasreadyforsuchsublimeevent。
ThatwaswhyIwashereinragsandfilthandwretchedness。Iwasmeekandlowly，andIdespisedthefrailneedsandpassionsoftheflesh。AndIthoughtwithcontempt，andwithacertainsatisfaction，ofthefarcitiesoftheplainIhadknown，allunheeding，intheirpompandlust，ofthelastdaysonearathand。
Well，theywouldseesoonenough，buttoolateforthem。AndI
shouldsee。ButIwasready。AndtotheircriesandlamentationswouldIarise，rebornandglorious，andtakemywell-earnedandrightfulplaceintheCityofGod。
Attimes，betweendreamsandvisionsinwhichIwasverilyandbeforemytimeintheCityofGod，Iconnedoverinmymindolddiscussionsandcontroversies。Yes，Novatuswasrightinhiscontentionthatpenitentapostatesshouldneveragainbereceivedintothechurches。Also，therewasnodoubtthatSabellianismwasconceivedofthedevil。SowasConstantine，thearch-fiend，thedevil’srighthand。
ContinuallyIreturnedtocontemplationofthenatureoftheunityofGod，andwentoverandoverthecontentionsofNoetus，theSyrian。Better，however，didIlikethecontentionsofmybelovedteacher，Arius。Truly，ifhumanreasoncoulddetermineanythingatall，theremusthavebeenatime，intheverynatureofsonship，whentheSondidnotexist。InthenatureofsonshiptheremusthavebeenatimewhentheSoncommencedtoexist。Afathermustbeolderthanhisson。ToholdotherwisewereablasphemyandabelittlementofGod。
AndIrememberedbacktomyyoungdayswhenIhadsatatthefeetofArius，whohadbeenapresbyterofthecityofAlexandria，andwhohadbeenrobbedofthebishopricbytheblasphemousandhereticalAlexander。AlexandertheSabellianite，thatiswhathewas，andhisfeethadfastholdofhell。
Yes，IhadbeentotheCouncilofNicea，andseenitavoidtheissue。AndIrememberedwhentheEmperorConstantinehadbanishedAriusforhisuprightness。AndIrememberedwhenConstantinerepentedforreasonsofstateandpolicyandcommandedAlexander——
theotherAlexander，thricecursed，BishopofConstantinople——toreceiveAriusintocommuniononthemorrow。AndthatverynightdidnotAriusdieinthestreet？TheysaiditwasaviolentsicknessvisiteduponhiminanswertoAlexander’sprayertoGod。ButI
said，andsosaidallweArians，thattheviolentsicknesswasduetoapoison，andthatthepoisonwasduetoAlexanderhimself，BishopofConstantinopleanddevil’spoisoner。
AndhereIgroundmybodybackandforthonthesharpstones，andmutteredaloud，drunkwithconviction:
\"LettheJewsandPagansmock。Letthemtriumph，fortheirtimeisshort。Andforthemtherewillbenotimeaftertime。\"
Italkedtomyselfaloudagreatdealonthatrockyshelfoverlookingtheriver。Iwasfeverish，andonoccasionIdranksparinglyofwaterfromastinkinggoatskin。ThisgoatskinIkepthanginginthesunthatthestenchoftheskinmightincreaseandthattheremightbenorefreshmentofcoolnessinthewater。Foodtherewas，lyinginthedirtonmycave-floor——afewrootsandachunkofmouldybarley-cake；andhungryIwas，althoughIdidnoteat。
AllIdidthatblessed，livelongdaywastosweatandswelterinthesun，mortifymyleanfleshupontherock，gazeoutofthedesolation，resurrectoldmemories，dreamdreams，andmuttermyconvictionsaloud。
Andwhenthesunset，intheswifttwilightItookalastlookattheworldsosoontopass。AboutthefeetofthecolossiIcouldmakeoutthecreepingformsofbeaststhatlairedintheonceproudworksofmen。AndtothesnarlsofthebeastsIcrawledintomyhole，and，mutteringanddozing，visioningfeveredfanciesandprayingthatthelastdaycomequickly，Iebbeddownintothedarknessofsleep。
Consciousnesscamebacktomeinsolitary，withthequartetoftorturersaboutme。
\"BlasphemousandhereticalWardenofSanQuentinwhosefeethavefastholdofhell，\"Igibed，afterIhaddrunkdeepofthewatertheyheldtomylips。\"Letthejailersandthetrustiestriumph。
Theirtimeisshort，andforthemthereisnotimeaftertime。\"
\"He’soutofhishead，\"WardenAthertonaffirmed。
\"He’sputtingitoveronyou，\"wasDoctorJackson’ssurerjudgment。
\"Butherefusesfood，\"CaptainJamieprotested。
\"Huh，hecouldfastfortydaysandnothurthimself，\"thedoctoranswered。
\"AndIhave，\"Isaid，\"andfortynightsaswell。Domethefavourtotightenthejacketandthengetoutofhere。\"
Theheadtrustytriedtoinserthisforefingerinsidethelacing。
\"Youcouldn’tgetaquarterofaninchofslackwithblockandtackle，\"heassuredthem。
\"Haveyouanycomplainttomake，Standing？\"theWardenasked。
\"Yes，\"wasmyreply。\"Ontwocounts。\"
\"Whatarethey？\"
\"First，\"Isaid，\"thejacketisabominablyloose。Hutchinsisanass。Hecouldgetafootofslackifhewanted。\"
\"Whatistheothercount？\"WardenAthertonasked。
\"Thatyouareconceivedofthedevil，Warden。\"
CaptainJamieandDoctorJacksontittered，andtheWarden，withasnort，ledthewayoutofmycell。
Leftalone，IstrovetogointothedarkandgainbacktothewagoncircleatNephi。Iwasinterestedtoknowtheoutcomeofthatdoomeddriftingofourfortygreatwagonsacrossadesolateandhostileland，andIwasnotatallinterestedinwhatcameofthemangyhermitwithhisrock-roweledribsandstinkingwater-skin。
AndIgainedback，neithertoNephinortheNile，butto-
ButhereImustpauseinthenarrative，myreader，inordertoexplainafewthingsandmakethewholemattereasiertoyourcomprehension。Thisisnecessary，becausemytimeisshortinwhichtocompletemyjacket-memoirs。Inalittlewhile，inaverylittlewhile，theyaregoingtotakemeoutandhangme。DidIhavethefulltimeofathousandlifetimes，Icouldnotcompletethelastdetailsofmyjacketexperiences。WhereforeImustbriefenthenarrative。
Firstofall，Bergsonisright。Lifecannotbeexplainedinintellectualterms。AsConfuciussaidlongago:\"Whenwearesoignorantoflife，canweknowdeath？\"Andignorantoflifewetrulyarewhenwecannotexplainitintermsoftheunderstanding。Weknowlifeonlyphenomenally，asasavagemayknowadynamo；butweknownothingoflifenoumenonally，nothingofthenatureoftheintrinsicstuffoflife。
Secondly，Marinettiiswrongwhenheclaimsthatmatteristheonlymysteryandtheonlyreality。Isayandasyou，myreader，realize，Ispeakwithauthority——Isaythatmatteristheonlyillusion。
Comtecalledtheworld，whichistantamounttomatter，thegreatfetich，andIagreewithComte。
Itislifethatistherealityandthemystery。Lifeisvastlydifferentfrommerechemicmatterfluxinginhighmodesofnotion。
Lifepersists。Lifeisthethreadoffirethatpersiststhroughallthemodesofmatter。Iknow。Iamlife。Ihavelivedtenthousandgenerations。Ihavelivedmillionsofyears。Ihavepossessedmanybodies。I，thepossessorofthesemanybodies，havepersisted。I
amlife。Iamtheunquenchedsparkeverflashingandastonishingthefaceoftime，everworkingmywillandwreakingmypassiononthecloddyaggregatesofmatter，calledbodies，whichIhavetransientlyinhabited。
Forlookyou。Thisfingerofmine，soquickwithsensation，sosubtletofeel，sodelicateinitsmultifariousdexterities，sofirmandstrongtocrookandbendorstiffenbymeansofcunningleverages——thisfingerisnotI。Cutitoff。Ilive。Thebodyismutilated。Iamnotmutilated。ThespiritthatisIiswhole。
Verywell。Cutoffallmyfingers。IamI。Thespiritisentire。
Cutoffbothhands。Cutoffbotharmsattheshoulder-sockets。Cutoffbothlegsatthehip-sockets。AndI，theunconquerableandindestructibleI，survive。AmIanythelessforthesemutilations，forthesesubtractionsoftheflesh？Certainlynot。Clipmyhair。
Shavefrommewithsharprazorsmylips，mynose，myears——ay，andtearouttheeyesofmebytheroots；andthere，mewedinthatfeaturelessskullthatisattachedtoahackedandmangledtorso，thereinthatcellofthechemicflesh，willstillbeI，unmutilated，undiminished。
Oh，theheartstillbeats。Verywell。Cutouttheheart，or，better，flingtheflesh-remnantintoamachineofathousandbladesandmakemincemeatofit——andI，I，don’tyouunderstand，allthespiritandthemysteryandthevitalfireandlifeofme，amoffandaway。Ihavenotperished。Onlythebodyhasperished，andthebodyisnotI。
IbelieveColoneldeRochaswascorrectwhenheassertedthatunderthecompulsionofhiswillhesentthegirlJosephine，whileshewasinhypnotictrance，backthroughtheeighteenyearsshehadlived，backthroughthesilenceandthedarkereshehadbeenborn，backtothelightofapreviouslivingwhenshewasabed-riddenoldman，theex-artilleryman，Jean-ClaudeBourdon。AndIbelievethatColoneldeRochasdidtrulyhypnotizethisresurrectedshadeoftheoldmanand，bycompulsionofwill，sendhimbackthroughtheseventyyearsofhislife，backintothedarkandthroughthedarkintothelightofdaywhenhehadbeenthewickedoldwoman，PhilomeneCarteron。
Already，haveInotshownyou，myreader，thatinprevioustimes，inhabitingvariouscloddyaggregatesofmatter，IhavebeenCountGuillaumedeSainte-Maure，amangyandnamelesshermitofEgypt，andtheboyJesse，whosefatherwascaptainoffortywagonsinthegreatwestwardemigration。And，also，amInotnow，asIwritetheselines，DarrellSanding，undersentenceofdeathinFolsomPrisonandonetimeprofessorofagronomyintheCollegeofAgricultureoftheUniversityofCalifornia？
Matteristhegreatillusion。Thatis，mattermanifestsitselfinform，andformisapparitional。Where，now，arethecrumblingrock-
cliffsofoldEgyptwhereonceIlairedmelikeawildbeastwhileI
dreamedoftheCityofGod？Where，now，isthebodyofGuillaumedeSainte-Maurethatwasthrustthroughonthemoonlitgrasssolongagobytheflame-headedGuydeVillehardouin？Where，now，arethefortygreatwagonsinthecircleatNephi，andallthemenandwomenandchildrenandleancattlethatshelteredinsidethatcircle？Allsuchthingsnolongerare，fortheywereforms，manifestationsoffluxingmattereretheymeltedintothefluxagain。Theyhavepassedandarenot。
Andnowmyargumentbecomesplain。Thespiritistherealitythatendures。Iamspirit，andIendure。I，DarrellStanding，thetenantofmanyfleshlytenements，shallwriteafewmorelinesofthesememoirsandthenpassonmyway。Theformofmethatismybodywillfallapartwhenithasbeensufficientlyhangedbytheneck，andofitnaughtwillremaininalltheworldofmatter。Intheworldofspiritthememoryofitwillremain。Matterhasnomemory，becauseitsformsareevanescent，andwhatisengravedonitsformsperisheswiththeforms。
OnewordmoreereIreturntomynarrative。InallmyjourneysthroughthedarkintootherlivesthathavebeenmineIhaveneverbeenabletoguideanyjourneytoaparticulardestination。ThusmanynewexperiencesofoldliveswereminebeforeeverIchancedtoreturntotheboyJesseatNephi。Possibly，alltold，IhavelivedoverJesse’sexperiencesascoreoftimes，sometimestakinguphiscareerwhenhewasquitesmallintheArkansassettlements，andatleastadozentimescarryingonpastthepointwhereIlefthimatNephi。Itwereawasteoftimetodetailthewholeofit；andso，withoutprejudicetotheverityofmyaccount，Ishallskipmuchthatisvagueandtortuousandrepetitional，andgivethefactsasI
haveassembledthemoutofthevarioustimes，inwholeandpart，asIrelivedthem。
CHAPTERXIII
LongbeforedaylightthecampatNephiwasastir。Thecattleweredrivenouttowaterandpasture。Whilethemenunchainedthewheelsanddrewthewagonsapartandclearforyokingin，thewomencookedfortybreakfastsoverfortyfires。Thechildren，inthechillofdawn，clusteredaboutthefires，sharingplaces，hereandthere，withthelastreliefofthenight-watchwaitingsleepilyforcoffee。
Itrequirestimetogetalargetrainsuchasoursunderway，foritsspeedisthespeedoftheslowest。SothesunwasanhourhighandthedaywasalreadyuncomfortablyhotwhenwerolledoutofNephiandonintothesandybarrens。Noinhabitantoftheplacesawusoff。Allchosetoremainindoors，thusmakingourdepartureasominousastheyhadmadeourarrivalthenightbefore。
Againitwaslonghoursofparchingheatandbitingdust，sage-brushandsand，andalandaccursed。Nodwellingsofmen，neithercattlenorfences，noranysignofhumankind，didweencounterallthatday；andatnightwemadeourwagon-circlebesideanemptystream，inthedampsandofwhichwedugmanyholesthatfilledslowlywithwaterseepage。
Oursubsequentjourneyisalwaysabrokenexperiencetome。Wemadecampsomanytimes，alwayswiththewagonsdrawnincircle，thattomychildmindawearylongtimepassedafterNephi。Butalways，stronguponallofus，wasthatsenseofdriftingtoanimpendingandcertaindoom。
Weaveragedaboutfifteenmilesaday。Iknow，formyfatherhadsaiditwassixtymilestoFillmore，thenextMormonsettlement，andwemadethreecampsontheway。Thismeantfourdaysoftravel。
FromNephitothelastcampofwhichIhaveanymemorywemusthavetakentwoweeksoralittleless。
AtFillmoretheinhabitantswerehostile，asallhadbeensinceSaltLake。Theylaughedatuswhenwetriedtobuyfood，andwerenotabovetauntinguswithbeingMissourians。
Whenweenteredtheplace，hitchedbeforethelargesthouseofthedozenhousesthatcomposedthesettlementweretwosaddle-horses，dusty，streakedwithsweat，anddrooping。TheoldmanIhavementioned，theonewithlong，sunburnthairandbuckskinshirtandwhoseemedasortofaideorlieutenanttofather，rodeclosetoourwagonandindicatedthejadedsaddle-animalswithacockofhishead。
\"Notsparin’horseflesh，Captain，\"hemutteredinalowvoice。\"An’
whatinthenameofSamHillaretheyhard-ridingforifitain’tforus？\"
Butmyfatherhadalreadynotedtheconditionofthetwoanimals，andmyeagereyeshadseenhim。AndIhadseenhiseyesflash，hislipstighten，andhaggardlinesformforamomentonhisdustyface。
Thatwasall。ButIputtwoandtwotogether，andknewthatthetwotiredsaddle-horseswerejustonemoreaddedtouchofominousnesstothesituation。
\"Iguessthey’rekeepinganeyeonus，Laban，\"wasmyfather’ssolecomment。
ItwasatFillmorethatIsawamanthatIwastoseeagain。Hewasatall，broad-shoulderedman，welloninmiddleage，withalltheevidenceofgoodhealthandimmensestrength——strengthnotaloneofbodybutofwill。UnlikemostmenIwasaccustomedtoaboutme，hewassmooth-shaven。Severaldays’growthofbeardshowedthathewasalreadywell-grayed。Hismouthwasunusuallywide，withthinlipstightlycompressedasifhehadlostmanyofhisfrontteeth。Hisnosewaslarge，square，andthick。Sowashisfacesquare，widebetweenthecheekbones，underhungwithmassivejaws，andtoppedwithabroad，intelligentforehead。Andtheeyes，rathersmall，alittlemorethanthewidthofaneyeapart，werethebluestblueIhadeverseen。
Itwasattheflour-millatFillmorethatIfirstsawthisman。
Father，withseveralofourcompany，hadgonetheretotrytobuyflour，andI，disobeyingmymotherinmycuriositytoseemoreofourenemies，hadtaggedalongunperceived。Thismanwasoneoffourorfivewhostoodinagroupwiththemillerduringtheinterview。
\"Youseenthatsmooth-facedoldcuss？\"Labansaidtofather，afterwehadgotoutsideandwerereturningtocamp。
Fathernodded。
\"Well，that’sLee，\"Labancontinued。\"Iseen’minSaltLake。He’saregularson-of-a-gun。Gotnineteenwivesandfiftychildren，theyallsay。An’he’srankcrazyonreligion。Now，what’shefollowin’
usupforthroughthisGod-forsakencountry？\"
Ourweary，doomeddriftingwenton。Thelittlesettlements，whereverwaterandsoilpermitted，werefromtwentytofiftymilesapart。Betweenstretchedthebarrennessofsandandalkalianddrought。Andateverysettlementourpeacefulattemptstobuyfoodwerevain。Theydeniedusharshly，andwantedtoknowwhoofushadsoldthemfoodwhenwedrovethemfromMissouri。ItwasuselessonourparttotellthemwewerefromArkansas。FromArkansaswetrulywere，buttheyinsistedonourbeingMissourians。
AtBeaver，fivedays’journeysouthfromFillmore，wesawLeeagain。
Andagainwesawhard-riddenhorsestetheredbeforethehouses。ButwedidnotseeLeeatParowan。
CedarCitywasthelastsettlement。Laban，whohadriddenonahead，camebackandreportedtofather。Hisfirstnewswassignificant。
\"IseenthatLeeskedaddlingoutasIridin，Captain。An’there’smoremen-folkan’horsesinCedarCitythanthesizeoftheplace’dwarrant。\"
Butwehadnotroubleatthesettlement。Beyondrefusingtosellusfood，theyleftustoourselves。Thewomenandchildrenstayedinthehouses，andthoughsomeofthemenappearedinsighttheydidnot，asonformeroccasions，enterourcampandtauntus。
ItwasatCedarCitythattheWainwrightbabydied。IrememberMrs。
WainwrightweepingandpleadingwithLabantotrytogetsomecow’smilk。
\"Itmaysavethebaby’slife，\"shesaid。\"Andthey’vegotcow’smilk。Isawfreshcowswithmyowneyes。Goon，please，Laban。Itwon’thurtyoutotry。Theycanonlyrefuse。Buttheywon’t。Tellthemit’sforababy，aweelittlebaby。Mormonwomenhavemother’shearts。Theycouldn’trefuseacupofmilkforaweelittlebaby。\"
AndLabantried。But，ashetoldfatherafterward，hedidnotgettoseeanyMormonwomen。HesawonlytheMormonmen，whoturnedhimaway。
ThiswasthelastMormonoutpost。Beyondlaythevastdesert，with，ontheothersideofit，thedreamland，ay，themythland，ofCalifornia。AsourwagonsrolledoutoftheplaceintheearlymorningI，sittingbesidemyfatheronthedriver’sseat，sawLabangiveexpressiontohisfeelings。Wehadgoneperhapshalfamile，andweretoppingalowrisethatwouldsinkCedarCityfromview，whenLabanturnedhishorsearound，haltedit，andstoodupinthestirrups。Wherehehadhaltedwasanew-madegrave，andIknewitfortheWainwrightbaby’s——notthefirstofourgravessincewehadcrossedtheWasatchmountains。
Hewasaweirdfigureofaman。Agedandlean，long-faced，hollow-
checked，withmatted，sunburnthairthatfellbelowtheshouldersofhisbuckskinshirt，hisfacewasdistortedwithhatredandhelplessrage。Holdinghislongrifleinhisbridle-hand，heshookhisfreefistatCedarCity。
\"God’scurseonallofyou！\"hecriedout。\"Onyourchildren，andonyourbabesunborn。Maydroughtdestroyyourcrops。Mayyoueatsandseasonedwiththevenomofrattlesnakes。Maythesweetwaterofyourspringsturntobitteralkali。May……\"
Herehiswordsbecameindistinctasourwagonsrattledon；buthisheavingshouldersandbrandishingfistattestedthathehadonlybeguntolaythecurse。Thatheexpressedthegeneralfeelinginourtrainwasevidencedbythemanywomenwholeanedfromthewagons，thrustingoutgauntforearmsandshakingbony，labour-
malformedfistsatthelastofMormondom。Aman，whowalkedinthesandandgoadedtheoxenofthewagonbehindours，laughedandwavedhisgoad。Itwasunusual，thatlaugh，fortherehadbeennolaughterinourtrainformanydays。
\"Give’mhell，Laban，\"heencouraged。\"Them’smysentiments。\"
AndasourtrainrolledonIcontinuedtolookbackatLaban，standinginhisstirrupsbythebaby’sgrave。Trulyhewasaweirdfigure，withhislonghair，hismoccasins，andfringedleggings。Sooldandweather-beatenwashisbuckskinshirtthatraggedfilaments，hereandthere，showedwhereproudfringesoncehadbeen。Hewasamanofflyingtatters。Iremember，athiswaist，dangleddirtytuftsofhairthat，farbackinthejourney，afterashowerofrain，werewonttoshowglossyblack。TheseIknewwereIndianscalps，andthesightofthemalwaysthrilledme。
\"Itwilldohimgood，\"fathercommended，moretohimselfthantome。
\"I’vebeenlookingfordaysforhimtoblowup。\"
\"Iwishhe’dgobackandtakeacoupleofscalps，\"Ivolunteered。
Myfatherregardedmequizzically。
\"Don’tliketheMormons，eh，son？\"
Ishookmyheadandfeltmyselfswellingwiththeinarticulatehatethatpossessedme。
\"WhenIgrowup，\"Isaid，afteraminute，\"I’mgoin’gunningforthem。\"
\"You，Jesse！\"camemymother’svoicefrominsidethewagon。\"Shutyourmouthinstanter。\"Andtomyfather:\"Yououghttobeashamedlettingtheboytalkonlikethat。\"
Twodays’journeybroughtustoMountainMeadows，andhere，wellbeyondthelastsettlement，forthefirsttimewedidnotformthewagon-circle。Thewagonswereroughlyinacircle，butthereweremanygaps，andthewheelswerenotchained。Preparationsweremadetostopaweek。Thecattlemustberestedfortherealdesert，thoughthiswasdesertenoughinallseeming。Thesamelowhillsofsandwereaboutus，butsparselycoveredwithscrubbrush。Theflatwassandy，buttherewassomegrass——morethanwehadencounteredinmanydays。Notmorethanahundredfeetfromcampwasaweakspringthatbarelysuppliedhumanneeds。Butfartheralongthebottomvariousotherweakspringsemergedfromthehillsides，anditwasatthesethatthecattlewatered。
Wemadecampearlythatday，and，becauseoftheprogrammetostayaweek，therewasageneraloverhaulingofsoiledclothesbythewomen，whoplannedtostartwashingonthemorrow。Everybodyworkedtillnightfall。Whilesomeofthemenmendedharnessothersrepairedtheframesandironworkofthewagons。Themwasmuchheatingandhammeringofironandtighteningofboltsandnuts。AndIremembercominguponLaban，sittingcross-leggedintheshadeofawagonandsewingawaytillnightfallonanewpairofmoccasins。Hewastheonlymaninourtrainwhoworemoccasinsandbuckskin，andI
haveanimpressionthathehadnotbelongedtoourcompanywhenitleftArkansas。Also，hehadneitherwife，norfamily，norwagonofhisown。Allhepossessedwashishorse，hisrifle，theclotheshestoodupin，andacoupleofblanketsthatwerehauledintheMasonwagon。
Nextmorningitwasthatourdoomfell。Twodays’journeybeyondthelastMormonoutpost，knowingthatnoIndianswereaboutandapprehendingnothingfromtheIndiansonanycount，forthefirsttimewehadnotchainedourwagonsinthesolidcircle，placedguardsonthecattle，norsetanight-watch。
Myawakeningwaslikeanightmare。Itcameasasuddenblastofsound。Iwasonlystupidlyawakeforthefirstmomentsanddidnothingexcepttotrytoanalyzeandidentifythevariousnoisesthatwenttocomposetheblastthatcontinuedwithoutletup。I
couldhearnearanddistantexplosionsofrifles，shoutsandcursesofmen，womenscreaming，andchildrenbawling。ThenIcouldmakeoutthethudsandsquealsofbulletsthathitwoodandironinthewheelsandunder-constructionofthewagon。Whoeveritwasthatwasshooting，theaimwastoolow。WhenIstartedtorise，mymother，evidentlyjustintheactofdressing，pressedmedownwithherhand。Father，alreadyupandabout，atthisstageeruptedintothewagon。
\"Outofit！\"heshouted。\"Quick！Totheground！\"
Hewastednotime。Withahook-likeclutchthatwasalmostablow，soswiftwasit，heflungmebodilyoutoftherearendofthewagon。Ihadbarelytimetocrawloutfromunderwhenfather，mother，andthebabycamedownpell-mellwhereIhadbeen。
\"Here，Jesse！\"fathershoutedtome，andIjoinedhiminscoopingoutsandbehindtheshelterofawagon-wheel。Weworkedbare-handedandwildly。Motherjoinedin。
\"Goaheadandmakeitdeeper，Jesse，\"fatherordered，Hestoodupandrushedawayinthegraylight，shoutingcommandsasheran。Ihadlearnedbynowmysurname。IwasJesseFancher。MyfatherwasCaptainFancher。
\"Liedown！\"Icouldhearhim。\"Getbehindthewagonwheelsandburrowinthesand！Familymen，getthewomenandchildrenoutofthewagons！Holdyourfire！Nomoreshooting！Holdyourfireandbereadyfortherushwhenitcomes！Singlemen，joinLabanattheright，Cochraneattheleft，andmeinthecentre！Don’tstandup！
Crawlforit！\"
Butnorushcame。Foraquarterofanhourtheheavyandirregularfiringcontinued。Ourdamagehadcomeinthefirstmomentsofsurprisewhenanumberoftheearly-risingmenwerecaughtexposedinthelightofthecampfirestheywerebuilding。TheIndians——forIndiansLabandeclaredthemtobe——hadattackedusfromtheopen，andwerelyingdownandfiringatus。Inthegrowinglightfathermadereadyforthem。HispositionwasneartowhereIlayintheburrowwithmothersothatIheardhimwhenhecriedout:
\"Now！alltogether！\"
Fromleft，right，andcentreourriflesloosedinavolley。Ihadpoppedmyheaduptosee，andIcouldmakeoutmorethanonestrickenIndian。Theirfireimmediatelyceased，andIcouldseethemscamperingbackonfootacrosstheopen，draggingtheirdeadandwoundedwiththem。
Allwasworkwithusontheinstant。Whilethewagonswerebeingdraggedandchainedintothecirclewithtonguesinside——Isawwomenandlittleboysandgirlsflingingtheirstrengthonthewheelspokestohelp——wetooktollofourlosses。First，andgravestofall，ourlastanimalhadbeenrunoff。Next，lyingaboutthefirestheyhadbeenbuilding，weresevenofourmen。Fourweredead，andthreeweredying。Othermen，wounded，werebeingcaredforbythewomen。LittleRishHardacrehadbeenstruckinthearmbyaheavyball。Hewasnomorethansix，andIrememberlookingonwithmouthagapewhilehismotherheldhimonherlapandhisfathersetaboutbandagingthewound。LittleRishhadstoppedcrying。Icouldseethetearsonhischeekswhilehestaredwonderinglyatasliverofbrokenbonestickingoutofhisforearm。
GrannyWhitewasfounddeadintheFoxwellwagon。Shewasafatandhelplessoldwomanwhoneverdidanythingbutsitdownallthetimeandsmokeapipe。ShewasthemotherofAbbyFoxwell。AndMrs。
Granthadbeenkilled。Herhusbandsatbesideherbody。Hewasveryquiet。Therewerenotearsinhiseyes。Hejustsatthere，hisrifleacrosshisknees，andeverybodylefthimalone。
Underfather’sdirectionsthecompanywasworkinglikesomanybeavers。Themendugabigriflepitinthecentreofthecorral，formingabreastworkoutofthedisplacedsand。Intothispitthewomendraggedbedding，food，andallsortsofnecessariesfromthewagons。Allthechildrenhelped。Therewasnowhimpering，andlittleornoexcitement。Therewasworktobedone，andallofuswerefolksborntowork。
Thebigriflepitwasforthewomenandchildren。Underthewagons，completelyaroundthecircle，ashallowtrenchwasdugandanearthworkthrownup。Thiswasforthefightingmen。
Labanreturnedfromascout。HereportedthattheIndianshadwithdrawnthematterofhalfamile，andwereholdingapowwow。
Alsohehadseenthemcarrysixoftheirnumberoffthefield，threeofwhich，hesaid，weredeaders。
Fromtimetotime，duringthemorningofthatfirstday，weobservedcloudsofdustthatadvertisedthemovementsofconsiderablebodiesofmountedmen。Thesecloudsofdustcametowardus，hemmingusinonallsides。Butwesawnolivingcreature。Onecloudofdirtonlymovedawayfromus。Itwasalargecloud，andeverybodysaiditwasourcattlebeingdrivenoff。AndourfortygreatwagonsthathadrolledovertheRockiesandhalfacrossthecontinentstoodinahelplesscircle。Withoutcattletheycouldrollnofarther。
AtnoonLabancameinfromanotherscout。HehadseenfreshIndiansarrivingfromthesouth，showingthatwewerebeingclosedin。Itwasatthistimethatwesawadozenwhitemenrideoutonthecrestofalowhilltotheeastandlookdownonus。
\"Thatsettlesit，\"Labansaidtofather。\"TheIndianshavebeenputuptoit。\"
\"They’rewhitelikeus，\"IheardAbbyFoxwellcomplaintomother。
\"Whydon’ttheycomeintous？\"
\"Theyain’twhites，\"Ipipedup，withawaryeyefortheswoopofmother’shand。\"They’reMormons。\"
Thatnight，afterdark，threeofouryoungmenstoleoutofcamp。I
sawthemgo。TheywereWillAden，AbelMilliken，andTimothyGrant。
\"TheyareheadingforCedarCitytogethelp，\"fathertoldmotherwhilehewassnatchingahastybiteofsupper。
Mothershookherhead。
\"There’splentyofMormonswithincallingdistanceofcamp，\"shesaid。\"Iftheywon’thelp，andtheyhaven’tshownanysigns，thentheCedarCityoneswon’teither。\"
\"ButtherearegoodMormonsandbadMormons——\"fatherbegan。
\"Wehaven’tfoundanygoodonessofar，\"sheshuthimoff。
NotuntilmorningdidIhearofthereturnofAbelMillikenandTimothyGrant，butIwasnotlonginlearning。Thewholecampwasdowncastbyreasonoftheirreport。Thethreehadgoneonlyafewmileswhentheywerechallengedbywhitemen。AssoonasWillAdenspokeup，tellingthattheywerefromtheFancherCompany，goingtoCedarCityforhelp，hewasshotdown。MillikenandGrantescapedbackwiththenews，andthenewssettledthelasthopeintheheartsofourcompany。ThewhiteswerebehindtheIndians，andthedoomsolongapprehendedwasuponus。
Thismorningoftheseconddayourmen，goingforwater，werefiredupon。Thespringwasonlyahundredfeetoutsideourcircle，butthewaytoitwascommandedbytheIndianswhonowoccupiedthelowhilltotheeast。Itwascloserange，forthehillcouldnothavebeenmorethanfifteenrodsaway。ButtheIndianswerenotgoodshots，evidently，forourmenbroughtinthewaterwithoutbeinghit。
Beyondanoccasionalshotintocampthemorningpassedquietly。Wehadsettleddownintheriflepit，and，beingusedtoroughliving，werecomfortableenough。Ofcourseitwasbadforthefamiliesofthosewhohadbeenkilled，andtherewasthetakingcareofthewounded。Iwasforeverstealingawayfrommotherinmyinsatiablecuriositytoseeeverythingthatwasgoingon，andImanagedtoseeprettymuchofeverything。Insidethecorral，tothesouthofthebigriflepit，themendugaholeandburiedthesevenmenandtwowomenalltogether。OnlyMrs。Hastings，whohadlostherhusbandandfather，mademuchtrouble。Shecriedandscreamedout，andittooktheotherwomenalongtimetoquiether。
OnthelowhilltotheeasttheIndianskeptupatremendouspowwowingandyelling。Butbeyondanoccasionalharmlessshottheydidnothing。
\"What’sthematterwiththeornerycusses？\"Labanimpatientlywantedtoknow。\"Can’ttheymakeuptheirmindswhatthey’regoin’todo，an’thendoit？\"
Itwashotinthecorralthatafternoon。Thesunblazeddownoutofacloudlesssky，andtherewasnowind。Themen，lyingwiththeirriflesinthetrenchunderthewagons，werepartlyshaded；butthebigriflepit，inwhichwereoverahundredwomenandchildren，wasexposedtothefullpowerofthesun。Here，too，werethewoundedmen，overwhomweerectedawningsofblankets。Itwascrowdedandstiflinginthepit，andIwasforeverstealingoutofittothefiring-line，andmakingagreatto-doatcarryingmessagesforfather。
Ourgravemistakehadbeeninnotformingthewagon-circlesoastoinclosethespring。Thishadbeenduetotheexcitementofthefirstattack，whenwedidnotknowhowquicklyitmightbefollowedbyasecondone。Andnowitwastoolate。Atfifteenrods’
distancefromtheIndianpositiononthehillwedidnotdareunchainourwagons。Insidethecorral，southofthegraves，weconstructedalatrine，and，northoftheriflepitinthecentre，acoupleofmenweretoldoffbyfathertodigawellforwater。
Inthemid-afternoonofthatday，whichwasthesecondday，wesawLeeagain。Hewasonfoot，crossingdiagonallyoverthemeadowtothenorth-westjustoutofrifle-shotfromus。Fatherhoistedoneofmother’ssheetsonacoupleofox-goadslashedtogether。Thiswasourwhiteflag。ButLeetooknonoticeofit，continuingonhisway。
Labanwasfortryingalongshotathim，butfatherstoppedhim，sayingthatitwasevidentthewhiteshadnotmadeuptheirmindswhattheyweregoingtodowithus，andthatashotatLeemighthurrythemintomakinguptheirmindsthewrongway。
\"Here，Jesse，\"fathersaidtome，tearingastripfromthesheetandfasteningittoanox-goad。\"Takethisandgooutandtrytotalktothatman。Don’ttellhimanythingaboutwhat’shappenedtous。
Justtrytogethimtocomeinandtalkwithus。\"
AsIstartedtoobey，mychestswellingwithprideinmymission，JedDunhamcriedoutthathewantedtogowithme。Jedwasaboutmyownage。
\"Dunham，canyourboygoalongwithJesse？\"fatheraskedJed’sfather。\"Two’sbetterthanone。They’llkeepeachotheroutofmischief。\"
SoJedandI，twoyoungstersofnine，wentoutunderthewhiteflagtotalkwiththeleaderofourenemies。ButLeewouldnottalk。
Whenhesawuscominghestartedtosneakaway。Wenevergotwithincallingdistanceofhim，andafterawhilehemusthavehiddeninthebrush；forweneverlaideyesonhimagain，andweknewhecouldn’thavegotclearaway。
JedandIbeatupthebrushforhundredsofyardsallaround。Theyhadn’ttoldushowlongweweretobegone，andsincetheIndiansdidnotfireonuswekeptongoing。Wewereawayovertwohours，thoughhadeitherofusbeenalonehewouldhavebeenbackinaquarterofthetime。ButJedwasboundtooutbraveme，andIwasequallyboundtooutbravehim。
Ourfoolishnesswasnotwithoutprofit。Wewalked，boldlyaboutunderourwhiteflag，andlearnedhowthoroughlyourcampwasbeleaguered。Tothesouthofourtrain，notmorethanhalfamileaway，wemadeoutalargeIndiancamp。Beyond，onthemeadow，wecouldseeIndianboysridinghardontheirhorses。
ThentherewastheIndianpositiononthehilltotheeast。Wemanagedtoclimbalowhillsoastolookintothisposition。JedandIspenthalfanhourtryingtocountthem，andconcluded，withmuchguessing，thattheremustbeatleastacoupleofhundred。
Also，wesawwhitemenwiththemanddoingagreatdealoftalking。
North-eastofourtrain，notmorethanfourhundredyardsfromit，wediscoveredalargecampofwhitesbehindalowriseofground。
Andbeyondwecouldseefiftyorsixtysaddle-horsesgrazing。Andamileorsoaway，tothenorth，wesawatinycloudofdustapproaching。JedandIwaiteduntilwesawasingleman，ridingfast，gallopintothecampofthewhites。
Whenwegotbackintothecorralthefirstthingthathappenedtomewasasmackfrommotherforhavingstayedawaysolong；butfatherpraisedJedandmewhenwegaveourreport。
\"Watchforanattacknowmaybe，Captain，\"AaronCochranesaidtofather。\"Thatmantheboysseenhasridinforapurpose。ThewhitesareholdingtheIndianstilltheygetordersfromhigherup。
Maybethatmanbrungtheordersonewayortheother。Theyain’tsparinghorseflesh，that’sonethingsure。\"
HalfanhourafterourreturnLabanattemptedascoutunderawhiteflag。ButhehadnotgonetwentyfeetoutsidethecirclewhentheIndiansopenedfireonhimandsenthimbackontherun。
JustbeforesundownIwasintheriflepitholdingthebaby，whilemotherwasspreadingtheblanketsforabed。Thereweresomanyofusthatwewerepackedandjammed。Solittleroomwastherethatmanyofthewomenthenightbeforehadsatupandsleptwiththeirheadsbowedontheirknees。Rightalongsideofme，sonearthatwhenhetossedhisarmsabouthestruckmeontheshoulder，SilasDunlapwasdying。Hehadbeenshotintheheadinthefirstattack，andalltheseconddaywasoutofhisheadandravingandsingingdoggerel。Oneofhissongs，thathesangoverandover，untilitmademotherfranticnervous，was:
\"Saidthefirstlittledeviltothesecondlittledevil，’Givemesometobaccyfromyouroldtobaccybox。’
Saidthesecondlittledeviltothefirstlittledevil，’Stickclosetoyourmoneyandclosetoyourrocks，An’you’llalwayshavetobaccyinyouroldtobaccybox。’\"
Iwassittingdirectlyalongsideofhim，holdingthebaby，whentheattackburstonus。Itwassundown，andIwasstaringwithallmyeyesatSilasDunlapwhowasjustinthefinalactofdying。Hiswife，Sarah，hadonehandrestingonhisforehead。BothsheandherAuntMarthawerecryingsoftly。Andthenitcame——explosionsandbulletsfromhundredsofrifles。Cleararoundfromeasttowest，bywayofthenorth，theyhadstrungoutinhalfacircleandwerepumpingleadinourposition。Everybodyintheriflepitflatteneddown。Lotsoftheyoungerchildrensetupa-squalling，anditkeptthewomenbusyhushingthem。Someofthewomenscreamedatfirst，butnotmany。
Thousandsofshotsmusthavenrainedinonusinthenextfewminutes。HowIwantedtocrawlouttothetrenchunderthewagonswhereourmenwerekeepingupasteadybutirregularfire！Eachwasshootingonhisownwheneverhesawamantopulltriggeron。Butmothersuspectedme，forshemademecrouchdownandkeeprightonholdingthebaby。
IwasjusttakingalookatSilasDunlap——hewasstillquivering——
whenthelittleCastletonbabywaskilled。DorothyCastleton，herselfonlyaboutten，washoldingit，sothatitwaskilledinherarms。Shewasnothurtatall。Iheardthemtalkingaboutit，andtheyconjecturedthatthebulletmusthavestruckhighononeofthewagonsandbeendeflecteddownintotheriflepit。Itwasjustanaccident，theysaid，andthatexceptforsuchaccidentsweweresafewherewewere。
WhenIlookedagainSilasDunlapwasdead，andIsuffereddistinctdisappointmentinbeingcheatedoutofwitnessingthatparticularevent。Ihadneverbeenluckyenoughtoseeamanactuallydiebeforemyeyes。
DorothyCastletongothystericsoverwhathadhappened，andyelledandscreamedforalongtimeandshesetMrs。Hastingsgoingagain。
AltogethersucharowwasraisedthatfathersentWattCummingscrawlingbacktoustofindoutwhatwasthematter。
Wellalongintotwilighttheheavyfiringceased，althoughtherewerescatteringshotsduringthenight。Twoofourmenwerewoundedinthissecondattack，andwerebroughtintotheriflepit。BillTylerwaskilledinstantly，andtheyburiedhim，SilasDunlap，andtheCastletonbaby，inthedarkalongsideoftheothers。
Allduringthenightmenrelievedoneanotheratsinkingthewelldeeper；buttheonlysignofwatertheygotwasdampsand。Someofthemenfetchedafewpailsofwaterfromthespring，butwerefiredupon，andtheygaveitupwhenJeremyHopkinshadhislefthandshotoffatthewrist。
Nextmorning，thethirdday，itwashotteranddryerthanever。Weawokethirsty，andtherewasnocooking。Sodrywereourmouthsthatwecouldnoteat。Itriedapieceofstalebreadmothergaveme，buthadtogiveitup。Thefiringroseandfell。Sometimestherewerehundredsshootingintothecamp。Atothertimescamelullsinwhichnotashotwasfired。Fatherwascontinuallycautioningourmennottowasteshotsbecausewewererunningshortofammunition。
Andallthetimethemenwentondiggingthewell。Itwassodeepthattheywerehoistingthesandupinbuckets。Themenwhohoistedwereexposed，andoneofthemwaswoundedintheshoulder。HewasPeterBromley，whodroveoxenfortheBloodgoodwagon，andhewasengagedtomarryJaneBloodgood。Shejumpedoutoftheriflepitandranrighttohimwhilethebulletswereflyingandledhimbackintoshelter。Aboutmiddaythewellcavedin，andtherewaslivelyworkdiggingoutthecouplewhowereburiedinthesand。AmosWentworthdidnotcometoforanhour。Afterthattheytimberedthewellwithbottomboardsfromthewagonsandwagontongues，andthediggingwenton。Butalltheycouldget，andtheyweretwentyfeetdown，wasdampsand。Thewaterwouldnotseep。
Bythistimetheconditionsintheriflepitwereterrible。Thechildrenwerecomplainingforwater，andthebabies，hoarsefrommuchcrying，wentoncrying。RobertCarr，anotherwoundedman，layabouttenfeetfrommotherandme。Hewasoutofhishead，andkeptthrashinghisarmsaboutandcallingforwater。Andsomeofthewomenwerealmostasbad，andkeptravingagainsttheMormonsandIndians。Someofthewomenprayedagreatdeal，andthethreegrownDemdikesisters，withtheirmother，sanggospelhymns。Otherwomengotdampsandthatwashoistedoutofthebottomofthewell，andpackeditagainstthebarebodiesofthebabiestotrytocoolandsoothethem。
ThetwoFairfaxbrotherscouldn’tstanditanylonger，and，withpailsintheirhands，crawledoutunderawagonandmadeadashforthespring。Gilesnevergothalfway，whenhewentdown。Rogermadeitthereandbackwithoutbeinghit。Hebroughttwopailspart-full，forsomesplashedoutwhenheran。Gilescrawledback，andwhentheyhelpedhimintotheriflepithewasbleedingatthemouthandcoughing。
Twopart-pailsofwatercouldnotgofaramongoverahundredofus，notcountingthe，men。Onlythebabies，andtheverylittlechildren，andthewoundedmen，gotany。Ididnotgetasip，althoughmotherdippedabitofclothintotheseveralspoonfulsshegotforthebabyandwipedmymouthout。Shedidnotevendothatforherself，forsheleftmethebitofdampragtochew。
Thesituationgrewunspeakablyworseintheafternoon。Thequietsunblazeddownthroughtheclearwindlessairandmadeafurnaceofourholeinthesand。AndallaboutusweretheexplosionsofriflesandyellsoftheIndians。Onlyonceinawhiledidfatherpermitasingleshotfromthetrench，andatthatonlybyourbestmarksmen，suchasLabanandTimothyGrant。Butasteadystreamofleadpouredintoourpositionallthetime。Therewerenomoredisastrousricochets，however；andourmeninthetrench，nolongerfiring，laylowandescapeddamage。Onlyfourwerewounded，andonlyoneofthemverybadly。
Fathercameinfromthetrenchduringalullinthefiring。Hesatforafewminutesalongsidemotherandmewithoutspeaking。Heseemedtobelisteningtoallthemoaningandcryingforwaterthatwasgoingup。Onceheclimbedoutoftheriflepitandwentovertoinvestigatethewell。Hebroughtbackonlydampsand，whichheplasteredthickonthechestandshouldersofRobertCarr。ThenhewenttowhereJedDunhamandhismotherwere，andsentforJed’sfathertocomeinfromthetrench。Socloselypackedwerewethatwhenanybodymovedaboutinsidetheriflepithehadtocrawlcarefullyoverthebodiesofthoselyingdown。
Afteratimefathercamecrawlingbacktous。
\"Jesse，heasked，\"areyouafraidoftheIndians？\"
Ishookmyheademphatically，guessingthatIwastobeseatonanotherproudmission。
\"AreyouafraidofthedamnedMormons？\"
\"NotofanydamnedMormon，\"Ianswered，takingadvantageoftheopportunitytocurseourenemieswithoutfearoftheavengingbackofmother’shand。
Inotedthelittlesmilethatcurledhistiredlipsforthemomentwhenheheardmyreply。
\"Well，then，Jesse，\"hesaid，\"willyougowithJedtothespringforwater？\"
Iwasalleagerness。
\"We’regoingtodressthetwoofyouupasgirls，\"hecontinued，\"sothatmaybetheywon’tfireonyou。\"
IinsistedongoingasIwas，asamalehumanthatworepants；butI
surrenderedquicklyenoughwhenfathersuggestedthathewouldfindsomeotherboytodressupandgoalongwithJed。