“Iknowthetruthnow。YouloveBrent。That”sthemilkinthecocoanut。”
Shereflectedonthis，apparentlywithperfecttranquillity，apparentlywithnomemoryofhisfuriousthreatagainstherandagainstBrent。Shesaid：
“PerhapsIwassimplypiquedbecausethere”sanotherwoman。”
“Youarejealous。”
“IguessIwas——alittle。”
“Youadmitthatyoulovehim，you——”
Hecheckedhimselfonthefirsthissingbreathofthefoulepithet。Shesaidtranquilly：
“Jealousydoesn”tmeanlove。We”rejealousinallsortsofways——andofallsortsofthings。”
“Well——_he_caresnothingabout_you_。”
“Nothing。”
“Andneverwill。He”ddespiseawomanwhohadbeen——”
“Don”thesitate。Sayit。I”musedtohearingit，Freddie——andtobeingit。Andnot`hadbeen”but`is。”I
stillam，youknow。”
“You”renot！“hecried。“Andneverwere——andnevercouldbe——forsomeunknownreason，Godknowswhy。”
Sheshruggedhershoulders，litanothercigarette。Hewenton：
“Youcan”tgetitoutofyourheadthatbecausehe”sinterestedinyouhe”smoreorlessstuckonyou。That”sthewaywithwomen。Thetruthis，hewantsyoumerelytoactinhisplays。”
“AndIwantthat，too。”
“YouthinkI”mgoingtostandquietlybyandletthisthinggoon——doyou？“
Sheshowednotthefaintestsignofnervousnessatthisrepetition，morecarefullyveiled，ofhisthreatagainsther——andagainstBrent。Shechosetheonlyhopefulcourse；
shewentathimboldlyanddirectly。Saidshewithamusedcarelessness：
“Whynot？Hedoesn”twantme。EvenifIlovehim，I”mnotgivinghimanythingyouwant。”
“HowdoyouknowwhatIwant？“criedhe，confusedbythisunexpectedwayofmeetinghisattack。“YouthinkI”msimplyabrute——withnofineinstinctsorfeelings——”
Sheinterruptedhimwithalaugh。“Don”tbeabsurd，Freddie，“
saidshe。“YouknowperfectlywellyouandIdon”tcalloutthefinerfeelingsineachother。Ifeitherofuswantedthatsortofthing，we”dhavetolookelsewhere。”
“YoumeanBrent——eh？“
Shelaughedwithconvincingderision。“Whatnonsense！“Sheputherarmsroundhisneck，andherlipsclosetohis。Theviolet-grayeyeswerehalfclosed，theperfumeofthesmoothamber-whiteskin，ofthethick，wavy，darkhair，wasinhisnostrils。Andinalanguorousmurmurshesoothedhissubjectiontoadeepsleepwith，“AslongasyougivemewhatIwantfromyou，andIgiveyouwhatyouwantfrommewhyshouldwewrangle？“
Andwithasmileheacquiesced。Shefeltthatshehadendedthefrightfuldanger——toBrentratherthantoherself——thatsuddenlythreatenedfromthosewickedeyesofPalmer”s。Butitmighteasilycomeagain。Shedidnotdarerelaxherefforts，forinthesucceedingdaysshesawthathewaslikeoneannoyedbyaconstantprickingfromapinhiddenintheclothingandsearchedforinvain。HewasnolongerjealousofBrent。Butwhilehedidn”tknowwhatwastroublinghim，hedidknowthathewasuncomfortable。XXIII
INbutoneimportantrespectwasBrent”soriginalplanmodified。InsteadofgettingherstageexperienceinFrance，SusanjoinedaLondoncompanymakingoneofthosedreary，weary，cheapandtrashytoursofthesmallercitiesoftheprovinceswithhalfadozenplaysbyJones，Pinero，andShaw。
CleliestayedinLondon，toilingatthelanguage，determinedtobereadytotakethesmallpartofFrenchmaidinBrent”splayinthefall。BrentandPalmeraccompaniedSusan；andeverydayforseveralhoursBrentandthestagemanager——hisrealnamewasThomasBoilandhisprofessionalnamewasHerbertStreathern——coachedthepatientbutmostunhappySusanlinebyline，wordbyword，gesturebygesture，inthelittlepartsshewasplaying。Palmertraveledwiththem，makingapretenseofinterestthatillconcealedhisboredomandirritation。Thisforthreeweeks；thenhebegantomaketripstoLondontoamusehimselfwiththesports，amateurandprofessional，withwhomheeasilymadefriends——someofthemmeninapositiontobeusefultohimsociallylateron。HehadnotspokenofthosesocialambitionsofhissinceSusanrefusedtogothatwaywithhim——butsheknewhehadtheminmindasstronglyasever。Hewasthesortofmanwhomusthaveanobjective，andwhatotherobjectivecouldtherebeforhimwhocaredforandbelievedintheconventionalambitionsandtriumphsonly——thesuccessesthatmadetherespectableworldgapeandgrovelandenvy？
“You”llnotstickatthislong，“hesaidtoSusan。
“I”mfrightfullydepressed，“sheadmitted。“It”stiresome——andhard——andsohideouslyuncomfortable！AndI”velostallsenseofartorprofession。Actingseemstobenothingbutatrade，andapoor，cheaponeatthat。”
Hewasnotsurprised，butwasmuchencouragedbythiscandidaccountofherstateofmind。Saidhe：
“It”smyprivateopinionthatonlyyourobstinacykeepsyoufromgivingitupstraightoff。Surelyyoumustseeit”snonsense。Dropitandcomealong——andbecomfortableandhappy。Whybeobstinate？There”snothinginit。”
“Perhapsit_is_obstinacy，“saidshe。“Iliketothinkit”ssomethingelse。”
“Dropit。Youwantto。Youknowyoudo。”
“Iwantto，butIcan”t，“repliedshe。
Herecognizedthetone，theexpressionoftheeyes，thesuddenshowingofstrengththroughthesoft，youngcontour。Andhedesisted。
Neveragaincouldtherebecomfort，muchlesshappiness，untilshehadtriedoutherreawakenedambition。ShehadgivenupallthathadbeenoccupyinghersincesheleftAmericawithFreddie；shehadabandonedherselftoalifeoftoil。
Certainlynothingcouldhavebeenmoretedious，moretormentingtosensitivenerves，thantheschoolingthroughwhichBrentwasputtingher。Itschildishnessrevoltedherandangeredher。Experiencehadlongsinceloweredveryconsiderablythepointatwhichhernaturallysweetdispositionceasedtobesweet——aprocessthroughwhicheverygood-temperedpersonmustpassunlessheorsheistobecrushedandcastasideasafailure。Thereweredays，manyofthem，whenittookallhergoodsense，allherfundamentalfaithinBrent，torestrainherfromanoutbreak。StreathernregardedBrentasacrank，andhadtocallintoserviceallhishumilityasapoorEnglishmantowardarichmantokeepfromshowinghiscontempt。AndBrentseemedtobe——indeedwas——testingherforbearancetotheuttermost。Heofferednottheslightestexplanationofhismethod。Hesimplyorderedherblindlytopursuethecoursehemarkedout。Shewassorelytemptedtoask，todemand，explanations。ButtherestoodoutaqualityinBrentthatmadeherresolveoozeaway，assoonasshefacedhim。Ofonethingshewasconfident。
AnylingeringsuspicionsFreddiemighthavehadofBrent”sinterestinherasawoman，orevenofherbeinginterestedinhimasaman，musthavebeenkilledbeyondresurrection。
FreddieshowedthathewouldhavehatedBrent，wouldhaveburstoutagainsthim，fortheunhuman，inhumanwayhewastreatingher，haditnotbeenthatBrentwassoadmirablyservinghisdesigntohaveherfinallyandforeverdisgustedanddonewiththestage。
Finallytherecameaperformanceinwhichtheaudience——thegallerypartofit”booed“her——nottheplay，nottheotherplayers，butherandnoother。Brentcamealong，apparentlybyaccident，asshemadeherexit。Hehaltedbeforeherandscannedhercountenancewiththoseall-seeingeyesofhis。
Saidhe：
“Youheardthem？“
“Ofcourse，“repliedshe。
“Thatwasforyou，“saidheandhesaiditwithanabsenceofsympathythatmadeitbrutal。
“Foronlyme，“saidshe——frivolously。
“Youseemnottomind。”
“CertainlyImind。I”mnotmadeofwoodorstone。”
“Don”tyouthinkyou”dbettergiveitup？“
Shelookedathimwithasteelylightfromthevioleteyes，alightthathadneverbeentherebefore。
“Giveup？“saidshe。“Notevenifyougivemeup。Thisthinghasgottobeputthrough。”
Hesimplynodded。“Allright，“hesaid。“Itwillbe。”
“Thatbooing——italmoststruckmedead。Whenitdidn”t，IforthefirsttimefeltsureIwasgoingtowin。”
Henoddedagain，gaveheroneofhisquickexpressive，fleetingglancesthatsomehowmadeherforgetandforgiveeverythingandfeelfreshandeagertostartinagain。Hesaid：
“Whenthebooingbeganandyoudidn”tbreakdownandrunoffthestage，IknewthatwhatIhopedandbelievedaboutyouwastrue。”
Streathernjoinedthem。Hislarge，softeyeswerefullofsympathetictears。HewassomovedthathebravedBrent。HesaidtoSusan：
“Itwasn”tyourfault，MissLenox。YouweredoingexactlyasMr。Brentordered，whenthebooingbrokeout。”
“Exactly，“saidBrent。
Streathernregardedhimwithacertainnervousnessandveiledpity。Streathernhadbeenbroughtintocontactwithmanygreatmen。Hehadfoundthem，eachandeveryone，withthissamestreakofwildfolly，thishabitofdoingthingsthatweretohimobviouslyuselessandridiculous。Itwasaprofoundmysterytohimwhysuchmensucceededwhilehehimselfwhoneverdidsuchthingsremainedinobscurity。Theonlyexplanationwastheabysmalstupidity，ignorance，andfollyofthemassesofmankind。Whataharborofrefugethatreflectionhaseverbeenformediocrity”sshatteredandsinkingvanity！Yettheoneindisputablefactaboutthegreatgeniusesoflongagoisthatintheirowncountryandage“thecommonpeopleheardthemgladly。”StreatherncouldnotnowclosehismouthupononelastappealonbehalfofthecleverandlovelyandsoamiablevictimofBrent”smania。
“Isay，Mr。Brent，“pleadedhe，“don”tyouthink——Reallynow，ifyou”llpermitachapnotwithoutexperiencetosayso——Don”tyouthinkthatbydrillinghersomuchandso——so_beastly_minutely——you”remakingherwooden——machine-like？“
“Ihopeso，“saidBrent，inatonethatsentStreathernscurryingawaytoaplacewherehecouldexpresshimselfunseenandunheard。
Inherfifthweekshebegantoimprove。Shefeltathomeonthestage；shefeltathomeinherpart，whateverithappenedtobe。Shewasgivingwhatcouldreallybecalledaperformance。Streathern，whenhewassureBrentcouldnothear，congratulatedher。“It”swonderfullypluckyofyou，mydear，“saidhe，“quiteamazinglyplucky——togetyourselftogetherandgostraightahead，inspiteofwhatyourAmericanfriendhasbeendoingtoyou。”
“Inspiteofit。”criedSusan。“Why，don”tyouseethatit”sbecauseofwhathe”sbeendoing？Ifeltit，allthetime。I
seeitnow。”
“Oh，really——doyouthinkso？“saidStreathern。
HistonemadeitapoliteandextremelydiscreetwayoftellingherhethoughtshehadbecomeasmadasBrent。Shedidnottrytoexplaintohimwhyshewasimproving。Inthatweeksheadvancedbylongstrides，andBrentwasradiant。
“Nowwe”llteachyouscales，“saidhe。“We”llteachyouthemechanicsofexpressingeveryvarietyofemotion。Thenwe”llbereadytostudyastrongpart。”
ShehadknowninthebroadfromtheoutsetwhatBrentwastryingtoaccomplish——thathewasgivingherthetradesideoftheart，wasgivingittoherquicklyandsystematically。Butshedidnotappreciatehowprofoundlyrighthewasuntilshewas“learningscales。”Thensheunderstoodwhymostsocalled“professional“performancesareamateurish，haphazard，withoutanyprecision。Shewaslearningtoposture，andtouttereveryemotionsoaccuratelythatanyspectatorwouldrecognizeitatonce。
“Andintimeyourvoiceandyourbody，“saidBrent，“willbecomeasmuchyourservantsasarePaderewski”stenfingers。
Hedoesn”trelyuponanysuchrotasinspiration。Nordoesanymasterofanyart。Amindcanbeinspiredbutnotabody。
Itmustbetaught。Youmustfirsthaveaperfectinstrument。
Then，ifyouareagenius，yourgenius，havingaperfectinstrumenttoworkwith，willproduceperfectresults。Toignoreortoneglectthemechanicsofanartistohamperortokillinspiration。Geniuses——afew——andtheynotthegreatest——havebeentoolazytotraintheirinstruments。Butanyonewhoismerelytalenteddaresnottaketherisk。Andyou——we”dbetterassume——aremerelytalented。”
Streathern，whohadadeservedreputationasacoach，wasdisgustedwithBrent”sdegradationofanart。Asopenlyashedared，hewarnedSusanagainstthedangerofbecomingameremachine——apuppet，respondingstifflytothepullingofstrings。ButSusanhadgotoverhermomentaryirritationagainstBrent，herdoubtofhisjudgmentinherparticularcase。SheignoredStreathern”sadvicethatsheshouldbenatural，thatsheshouldletherowntemperamentdictatevariationsonhiscutanddriedformulaeforexpression。Shecontinuedtodoasshewasbid。
“Ifyouare_not_anaturalbornactress，“saidBrent，“atleastyouwillbeagoodone——sogoodthatmostcriticswillcallyougreat。Andifyou_are_anaturalborngeniusatacting，youwillsoonputcolorinthecheeksofthesedollsI”mgivingyou——andeaseintotheirbodies——andnervesandmusclesandbloodinplaceofthestrings。”
IntheseventhweekheabruptlytookheroutofthecompanyanduptoLondontohaveeachdayanhourofsinging，anhourofdancing，andanhouroffencing。“You”llruinherhealth，“
protestedFreddie。“You”remakingherworklikeaditchdigger。”
Brentreplied，“Ifshehasn”tthehealth，she”sgottoabandonthecareer。Ifshehashealth，thistrainingwillgiveitsteadinessandsolidity。Ifthere”saweaknessanywhere，it”llshowitselfandcanberemedied。”
Andhepiledtheworkonher，dictatedherhoursofsleep，herhoursforrestandforwalking，herdiet——andlittlehegavehertoeat。Whenhehadherthoroughlybrokentohisregimen，heannouncedthatbusinesscompelledhisgoingimmediatelytoAmerica。“Ishallbebackinamonth，“saidhe。
“IthinkI”llrunoverwithyou，“saidPalmer。“Doyoumind，Susan？“
“ClelieandIshallgetonverywell，“shereplied。Shewouldbegladtohavebothoutofthewaythatshemightgiveherwholemindtotheonlythingthatnowinterestedher。Forthefirsttimeshewasexperiencingthehighestjoythatcomestomortals，theonlyjoythatenduresandgrowsanddefiesallthecalamitiesofcircumstances——thejoyofworkcongenialanddeveloping。
“Yes——comealong，“saidBrenttoPalmer。“Hereyou”llbetemptinghertobreaktherules。”Headded，“Notthatyouwouldsucceed。Sheunderstandswhatitallmeans，now——andnothingcouldstopher。That”swhyIfeelfreetoleaveher。”
“Yes，Iunderstand，“saidSusan。Shewasgazingawayintospace；atsightofherexpressionFreddieturnedhastilyaway。
OnaSaturdaymorningSusanandClelie，afterwaitingontheplatformatEustonStationuntilthelong，crowdedtrainforLiverpoolandthe_Lusitania_disappeared，wentbacktothelodgingsinHalfMoonStreetwithasuddensenseofthevastnessofLondon，ofitslonelinessanddreariness，ofitsawkwardinhospitalitytothestrangerunderitspalloffoggysmoke。SusanwasthinkingofBrent”slastwords：
Shehadsaid，“I”lltrytodeserveallthepainsyou”vetaken，Mr。Brent。”
“Yes，Ihavedonealotforyou，“hehadreplied。“I”veputyoubeyondthereachofanyofthecalamitiesoflife——beyondtheneedofanyofitsconsolations。Don”tforgetthatifthesteamergoesdownwithallonboard。”
Andthenshehadlookedathim——andasFreddie”sbackwashalfturned，shehopedhehadnotseen——infact，shewassurehehadnot，orshewouldnothavedared。AndBrent——hadreturnedherlookwithhisusualquizzicalsmile；butshehadlearnedhowtoseethroughthatmask。Then——shehadsubmittedtoFreddie”senergeticembrace——hadgivenherhandtoBrent”Good-by，“shehadsaid；and“Goodluck，“he。
Beyondthereachof_any_ofthecalamities？Beyondtheneedof_any_oftheconsolations？Yes——itwasalmostliterallytrue。Shefeltthebiginterest——thecareer——growingupwithinher，andexpanding，andalreadyoversteppingallotherinterestsandemotions。
BrenthadleftherandCleliemoretodothancouldbedone；
thustheyhadnotimetobothereitherabouttheabsentoraboutthemselves。LookingbackinafteryearsonthedaysthatFreddiewasaway，Susancouldrecallthatfromtimetotimeshewouldfindhermindwandering，asifgropinginthedarknessofitsowncellarsorclosetsforalostthought，amissinglinkinsomechainofthought。Thisevenawakenedherseveraltimesinthenight——madeherleapfromsleepintoacuteandpainfulconsciousnessasifshehadrecalledandinstantlyforgottensomestartlingandterriblething。
AndwhenFreddieunexpectedlycame——havingtakenpassageonthe_Lusitania_forthereturnvoyage，afteronlysixnightsandfivedaysinNewYork——shewasastonishedbyherdelightatseeinghim，andbythekindofdelightitwas。Foritratherseemedasortofrelief，asfromaheavyburdenofanxiety。
“Whydidn”tyouwaitandcomewithBrent？“askedshe。
“Couldn”tstandit，“repliedhe。“I”vegrownclearawayfromNewYork——atleastfromtheonlyNewYorkIknow。Idon”tliketheboysanymore。Theyboreme。They——offendme。AndIknowifIstayedonafewdaysthey”dbegintosuspect。No，itisn”tEurope。It”s——you。You”reresponsibleforthechangeinme。”
Hewasspeakingentirelyoftheinternalchange，whichindeedwasgreat。Forwhilehewasstillfondofallkindsofsporting，itwasnotinhisformercrudeway；hehadevenbecomesomethingofaconnoisseurofpicturesandwascultivatingarespectforthepurityoftheEnglishlanguagethatmadehimwinceatSusan”sandBrent”sslang。Butwhenhespokethusfranklyandfeelinglyofthechangeinhim，Susanlookedathim——and，nothavingseenhimintwoweeksandthreedays，shereallysawhimforthefirsttimeinmanyamonth。
Shecouldnotthinkoftheinternalchangehespokeoffornotingtheexternalchange。Hehadgrownatleastfiftypoundsheavierthanhehadbeenwhentheycameabroad。Inonewaythiswasanimprovement；itgavehimadignity，anairofconsequenceinplaceoftheboyishgoodlooksofthedaysbeforetheautomobileandbeforetheeffectsofhighlivingbegantoshow。ButitmadeofhimadifferentmaninSusan”seyes——amanwhonowseemedalmostastrangertoher。
“Yes，you_have_changed，“repliedsheabsently。Andshewentandexaminedherselfinamirror。
“You，too，“saidFreddie。“Youdon”tlookolder——asIdo。
But——there”sa——a——Ican”tdescribeit。”
Susancouldnotseeit。“I”mjustthesame，“sheinsisted。
Palmerlaughed。“Youcan”tjudgeaboutyourself。Butallthisexcitement——andstudying——andthinking——andGodknowswhat——You”renotatallthewomanIcameabroadwith。”
Thesubjectseemedtobemakingbothuncomfortable；theydroppedit。
Womenarebredtoattachenormousimportancetotheirphysicalselves——somuchsothatmanywomenhavenoothersenseofself-respect，andregardthemselvesaspossessingtheentiretyofvirtueiftheyhavechastityorcanpretendtohaveit。
ThelifeSusanhadledupsetsallthisandforcesawomaneitherutterlytodespiseherself，evenassheisdespisedofmen，ortodiscardthesexmeasureoffeminineself-respectasridiculouslyinadequate，andtoseeksomeothermeasure。
Susanhadsoughtthisothermeasure，andhadfoundit。Shewas，therefore，notalittlesurprisedtofind——afterFreddiehadbeenbackthreeorfourdays——thathewasarousinginherthesamesensationswhichastrangemanintimatelyaboutwouldhavearousedinherinthelongpastgirlhoodofinnocence。
Itwasnotphysicalrepulsion；itwasnotasenseofimmorality。Itwasakindofshyness，afeelingofviolatedmodesty。Shefeltherselfblushingifhecameintotheroomwhenshewasdressing。Assoonassheawakenedinthemorningshesprangfrombedbesidehimandhastenedintoherdressing-roomandclosedthedoor，resistinganimpulsetolockit。Apparentlythefeelingofphysicalmodestywhichshehadthoughtdead，killedtothelastroot，wasnotdead，wasoncemorestirringtowardlife。
“Whatareyoublushingabout？“askedhe，whenshe，passingthroughthebedroom，camesuddenlyuponhim，veryscantilydressed。
Shelaughedconfusedlyandbeatahurriedretreat。Shebegantorevolvetheideaofseparatebedrooms；sheresolvedthatwhentheymovedagainshewouldarrangeitonsomepretext——andshewaslookingaboutforanewplaceonthepleathattheirquartersinHalfMoonStreetweretoocramped。Allthiscloseuponhisreturn，foritwasbeforetheendofthefirstweekthatshe，takingashowerbathonemorning，sawthedoorofthebathroomopeningtoadmithim，andcriedoutsharply：
“Closethatdoor！“
“It”sI，“Freddiecalled，tomakehimselfheardabovethenoiseofthewater。“Shutoffthatwaterandlisten。”
Sheshutoffthewater，butinsteadoflistening，shesaid，nervousbutdetermined：
“Pleaseclosethedoor。I”llbeoutdirectly。”
“Listen，Itellyou，“hecried，andshenownoticedthathisvoicewascuriously，arrestingly，shrill。
“Brent——hasbeenhurt——badlyhurt。”Shewasdrippingwet。
Shethrustherarmsintoherbathrobe，flungwidethepartlyopendoor。Hewasstandingthere，anewspaperinhistremblinghand。“ThisisadispatchfromNewYork——datedyesterday，“hebegan。“Listen，“andheread：
“DuringanattempttorobthehouseofMr。RobertBrent，thedistinguishedplaywright，earlythismorning，Mr。Brentwassetuponandstabbedinadozenplaces，hisbutler，JamesFourget，waswounded，perhapsmortally，andhissecretary，Mr。
J。C。Garvey，wasknockedinsensible。Thethievesmadetheirescape。Thepolicehaveseveralclues。Mr。Brentishoveringbetweenlifeanddeath，withthechancesagainsthim。”
Susan，leaningwithallherweightagainstthedoorjamb，sawPalmer”swhitefacegoingawayfromher，heardhisagitatedvoicelessandlessdistinctly——felltothefloorwithacrashandknewnomore。
Whenshecameto，shewaslyinginthebed；aboutitornearitwerePalmer，hermaid，hisvalet，Clelie，severalstrangers。HerglanceturnedtoFreddie”sfaceandshelookedintohiseyesamidaprofoundsilence。Shesawinthoseeyesonlyintenseanxietyandintenseaffection。Hesaid：
“Whatisit，dear？Youareallright。Onlyafaintingspell。”
“Wasthattrue？“sheasked。
“Yes，buthe”llpullthrough。Thesurgeonssaveeverybodynowadays。I”vecabledhissecretary，Garvey，andtomylawyers。We”llhaveananswersoon。I”vesentoutforallthepapers。”
“Shemustnotbeagitated，“interposedamedicallookingmanwithstupidbrowneyesandathinbrownbeardsparselyveilinghisgauntandpastyface。
“Nonsense！“saidPalmer，curtly。“Mywifeisnotaninvalid。
Ourclosestfriendhasbeenalmostkilled。Tokeepthenewsfromherwouldbetomakehersick。”
Susanclosedhereyes。“Thankyou，“shemurmured。“Sendthemallaway——exceptClelie……LeavemealonewithClelie。”
Pushingtheothersbeforehim，Freddiemovedtowardthedoorintothehall。Atthethresholdhepausedtosay：
“ShallIbringthepaperswhentheycome？“
Shehesitated。“No，“sheansweredwithoutopeninghereyes。
“Sendthemin。Iwanttoreadthem，myself。”
Shelayquiet，Cleliestrokingherbrow。Fromtimetotimeashudderpassedoverher。When，inanswertoaknock，Clelietookinthebundleofnewspapers，shesatupinbedandreadthemeagerdispatches。ThelongaccountsweremadelongbytheadditionoffactsaboutBrent”slife。Theshortaccountsaddednothingtowhatshealreadyknew。Whenshehadreadall，shesankbackamongthepillowsandclosedhereyes。A
long，longsilenceintheroom。Thenasoftknockatthedoor。Clelieleftthebedsidetoanswerit，returnedtosay：
“Mr。Freddiewishestocomeinwithatelegram。”
Susanstartedupwildly。Hereyeswerewideandstaring——alookofhorror。“No——no！“shecried。Thenshecompressedherlips，passedherhandslowlyoverherbrow。“Yes——tellhimtocomein。”
Hergazewasuponthedooruntilitopened，leapedtohisface，tohiseyes，theinstantheappeared。Hewassmiling——hopefully，butnotgayly。
“Garveysays“——andhereadfromaslipofpaperinhishand”
`Noneofthewoundsnecessarilymortal。Doctorsrefusetocommitthemselves，butIbelievehehasagoodchance。”“
Heextendedthecablegramthatshemightreadforherself，andsaid，“He”llwin，mydear。Hehasluck，andluckypeoplealwayswininbigthings。”
Hergazedidnotleavehisface。Onewouldhavesaidthatshehadnotheard，thatshewasstillseekingwhatshehadadmittedhimtolearn。HesatdownwhereCleliehadbeen，andsaid：
“There”sonlyonethingforustodo，andthatistogooveratonce。”
Sheclosedhereyes。Abaffled，puzzledexpressionwasuponherdeathlypaleface。
“Wecansailonthe_Mauretania_Saturday，“continuedhe。
“I”vetelephonedandtherearegoodrooms。”
Sheturnedherfaceaway。
“Don”tyoufeelequaltogoing？“
“Asyousay，wemust。”
“Thetripcan”tdoyouanyharm。”Hisforcedcomposureabruptlyvanishedandhecriedouthysterically：“GoodGod！
It”sincredible。”Thenhegothimselfinhandagain，andwenton：“Nowonderitbowledyouout。Ihadmyanxietyaboutyoutobreaktheshock。Butyou——Howdoyoufeelnow？“
“I”mgoingtodress。”
“I”llsendyouinsomebrandy。”Hebentandkissedher。A
shudderconvulsedher——ashuddervisibleeventhroughthecovers。Butheseemednottonoteit，andwenton：“Ididn”trealizehowfondIwasofBrentuntilIsawthatthinginthepaper。Ialmostfainted，myself。IgaveClelieahorriblescare。”
“Ithoughtyouwerehavinganattack，“saidClelie。“Myhusbandlookedexactlyasyoudidwhenhediedthatway。”
Susan”sstrangeeyesweregazingintentlyathim——thesearching，baffled，persistentlyseekinglook。Sheclosedthemasheturnedfromthebed。WhensheandCleliewerealoneandshewasdressing，shesaid：
“Freddiegaveyouascare？“
“Iwasatbreakfast，“repliedClelie，“waspouringmycoffee。
Hecameintotheroominhisbathrobe——tookupthepapersfromthetableopenedtotheforeignnewsashealwaysdoes。I
happenedtobelookingathim“——Clelieflushed”heisveryhandsomeinthatrobe——andallatoncehedroppedthepaper——grewwhite——staggeredandfellintoachair。Exactlylikemyhusband。”
Susan，seatedatherdressing-table，wasstaringabsentlyoutofthewindow。Sheshookherheadimpatiently，drewalongbreath，wentonwithhertoilet。XXIV
AFEWminutesbeforethedinnerhourshecameintothedrawingroom。PalmerandMadameDelierewerealreadythere，nearthefirewhichtheunseasonablebutbynomeansunusualcoolnessoftheLondonsummereveningmadeextremelycomfortable——and，forAmericans，necessary。Palmerstoodwithhisbacktotheblaze，moodilysmokingacigarette。Thateveninghisnowalmosthugeformlookedmoredegeneratedthanusualbythefatofhighlivingandmuchautomobiling。Hisfleshyface，handsomestillandofarefinedtype，borethetracesofanxioussorrow。Clelie，sittingatthecornerofthefireplaceandabsentlyturningtheleavesofanillustratedFrenchmagazine，hadinherownwayanairasfunerealasFreddie”s。AsSusanentered，theyglancedather。
Palmerutteredandhalfsuppressedanejaculationofamazement。Susanwasdressedasforoperaorball——oneofherbesteveningdresses，thegreatestcareinarrangingherhairandthedetailsofhertoilette。Neverhadshebeenmorebeautiful。HermodeoflifesinceshecameabroadwithPalmer，thethoughtsthathadbeenfillingherbrainandgivingdirectiontoherlifesincesheacceptedBrentasherguideandBrent”splansashercareer，hadcombinedtogiveherairofdistinctionthetouchoftheextraordinary——thetouchthatcharacterizesthecomparativelyfewhumanbeingswholivethelifeaboveandapartfromthatofthecommonrun——thelifeilluminatedbyimagination。Ataglanceoneseesthattheyarenotoftheeaters，drinkers，sleepers，andseekersaftertheshalloweasypleasuresmoneyprovidesready-made。Theyshinebytheirownlight；therestofmankindshineseitherbylightreflectedfromthemornotatall。
Lookingatherthateveningasshecameintothecomfortable，old-fashionedEnglishroom，withitssomewhatheavybutundeniablydignifiedfurnitureanddraperies，theleastobservantcouldnothavesaidthatshewasingalaattirebecauseshewasingalamood。Beneaththecalmofhersurfaceexpressionlaysomethingwidelydifferent。Herface，slimandthereforealmostbeyondthereachoftheattacksoftimeandworry，wasofthetypetowhichahaggardexpressionisbecoming。Hereyes，largeanddreamy，seemedtobeseeingvisionsofunutterablesadness，andthescarletstreakofhermouthseemedtoemphasizetheirpathos。Shelookedyoung，veryyoung；yettherewasalsouponherfeaturesthestampofexperience，theexperienceofsuffering。Shedidnotnoticethetwobythefire，butwenttothepianoatthefarendoftheroomandstoodgazingoutintothelovelytwilightofthegarden。
Freddie，whosawonlythecostume，saidinanundertonetoClelie，“Whatsortoffreakisthis？“
SaidMadameDeliere：“Anuncleofminelosthiswife。Theywereyoungandhelovedhertodistraction。Betweenherdeathandthefuneralhescandalizedeverybodybytalkingincessantlyofthemosttrivialdetails——thecards，themourning，theflowers，hisownclothes。Butthenightofthefuneralhekilledhimself。”
PalmerwincedasifCleliehadstruckhim。Thenanexpressionofterror，offear，cameintohiseyes。“Youdon”tthinkshe”ddothat？“hemutteredhoarsely。
“Certainlynot，“repliedtheyoungFrenchwoman。“Iwassimplytryingtoexplainher。Shedressedbecauseshewasunconsciousofwhatshewasdoing。Realsorrowdoesn”tthinkaboutappearances。”Thenwithquicktactsheadded：“Whyshouldshekillherself？MonsieurBrentisgettingwell。
Also，whileshe”sadevotedfriendofhis，shedoesn”tlovehim，butyou。”
“I”mallupset，“saidPalmer，inconfusedapology。
HegazedfixedlyatSusan——astraight，slimfigurewiththecarriageandthepoiseofheadthatindicateself-confidenceandpride。AshegazedMadameCleliewatchedhimwithfascinatedeyes。Itwasboththrillingandterrifyingtoseesuchloveashewasrevealing——alovemoredangerousthanhate。Palmernotedthathewasobserved，abruptlyturnedtofacethefire。
Aservantopenedthedoorsintothedining-room，MadameDeliererose。“Come，Susan，“saidshe。
Susanlookedatherwithunseeingeyes。
“Dinnerisserved。”
“Idonotcarefordinner，“saidSusan，seatingherselfatthepiano。
“Oh，butyou——”
“Letheralone，“saidFreddie，curtly。“YouandIwillgoin。”
Susan，alone，droppedlistlesshandsintoherlap。Howlongshesattheremotionlessandwithmindablankshedidnotknow。Shewasarousedbyasoundinthehall——inthedirectionoftheouterdooroftheirapartment。Shestartedup，instantlyallaliveandalert，andglidedswiftlyinthedirectionofthesound。Aservantmetheratthethreshold。
Hehadacablegramonatray。
“ForMr。Palmer，“saidhe。
Butshe，nothearing，tooktheenvelopeandtoreitopen。Atasweephereyestookintheunevenlytypewrittenwords：
Brentdiedathalfpasttwothisafternoon。
GARVEY。
Shegazedwonderinglyattheservant，rereadthecablegram。
Theservantsaid：“ShallItakeittoMr。Palmer，ma”am？“
“No。Thatisall，thanks，“repliedshe。
Andshewalkedslowlyacrosstheroomtothefire。Sheshivered，adjustedoneoftheshoulderstrapsofherlow-cutpalegreendress。Shereadthecablegramathirdtime，laiditgently，thoughtfully，uponthemantel。“Brentdiedathalfpasttwothisafternoon。”Died。Yes，therewasnomistakingthemeaningofthosewords。Sheknewthatthemessagewastrue。Butshedidnotfeelit。ShewasseeingBrentashehadbeenwhentheysaidgood-by。AnditwouldtakesomethingmorethanameremessagetomakeherfeelthattheBrentsovividlyalive，soredolentoflife，ofactivity，ofenergy，ofplansandprojects，theBrentofhealthandstrength，hadceasedtobe。“Brentdiedathalfpasttwothisafternoon。”
Exceptinthegreatcrisesweallactwithacertaintheatricalism，dothethingbooksandplaysandtheexampleofothershavetaughtustodo。Butinthegreatcriseswedoaswefeel。SusanknewthatBrentwasdead。Ifhehadmeantlesstoher，shewouldhaveshriekedorfaintedorburstintowildsobs。Butnotwhenhewasherwholefuture。She_knew_
hewasdead，butshedidnot_believe_it。Soshestoodstaringattheflames，andwonderingwhy，whensheknewsuchafrightfulthing，sheshouldremaincalm。Whenshehadheardthathewasinjured，shehadfelt，nowshedidnotfeelatall。Herbody，herbrain，wentserenelyonintheirroutine。
Thepartofherthatwasherveryself——haditdied，andnotBrent？
Sheturnedherbacktothefire，gazedtowardtheoppositewall。InamirrorthereshesawthereflectionofPalmer，attableintheadjoiningroom。Aservantwasholdingadishathisleftandhewashelpinghimself。Sheobservedhiseverymotion，observedhisfattenedbody，hisroundandlargeface，theformingrolloffatatthebackofhisneck。Allatonceshegrewcold——coldasshehadnotbeensincethenightsheandEttaBrashearwalkedthestreetsofCincinnati。Theacheofthiscold，likethecoldofdeath，wasanagony。Sheshookfromheadtofoot。Sheturnedtowardthemantelagain，lookedatthecablegram。Butshedidnottakeitinherhands。Shecouldsee——intheair，beforehereyes——inclear，sharplettering”Brentdiedathalfpasttwothisafternoon。Garvey。”
Thesensationofcoldfadedintoasensationofapproachingnumbness。Shewentintothehall——toherownrooms。Inthedressing-roomhermaid，Clemence，wasputtingawaytheafternoonthingsshehadtakenoff。Shestoodatthedressingtable，unclaspingthestringofpearls。ShesaidtoClemencetranquilly：
“Pleasepackinthesmalltrunkwiththebroadstripesthreeofmyplaineststreetdresses——someunderclothes——thethingsforajourney——onlynecessaries。Someverywarmthings，please，Clemence，I”vesufferedfromcold，andIcan”tbeartheideaofit。Andpleasetelephonetothe——totheCecilforaroomandbath。WhenyouhavefinishedIshallpayyouwhatIoweandamonth”swagesextra。Icannotaffordtokeepyouanylonger。”
“But，madame“——Clemenceflutteredinagitation”MadamepromisedtotakemetoAmerica。”
“TelephonefortheroomsforMissSusanLenox，“saidSusan。
Shewasrapidlytakingoffherdress。“IfItookyoutoAmericaIshouldhavetoletyougoassoonaswelanded。”
“But，madame”Clemenceadvancedtoassisther。
“Pleasepackthetrunk，“saidSusan。“Iamleavinghereatonce。”
“IprefertogotoAmerica，evenifmadame——”
“Verywell。I”lltakeyou。Butyouunderstand？“
“Perfectly，madame——”
AsoundofhurryingfootstepsandPalmerwasatthethreshold。
Hiseyeswerewild，hisfacedistorted。Hishair，usuallycarefullyarrangedovertherapidlygrowingbaldspotabovehisbrow，wasdisarrangedinamannerthatwouldhavebeenludicrousbutfortheterribleexpressionofhisface。“Go！“
hesaidharshlytothemaid；andhestoodfrettingtheknobuntilshehastenedoutandgavehimthechancetoclosethedoor。Susan，calmandapparentlyunconsciousofhispresence，wentonwithherrapidchangeofcostume。Helitacigarettewithfingerstrembling，droppedheavilyintoachairnearthedoor。She，seatedonthefloor，wasputtingonboots。
Whenshehadfinishedoneandwasbeginningontheotherhesaidstolidly：
“YouthinkIdidit“——notaquestionbutanassertion。
“Iknowit，“repliedshe。Shewassoseatedthathewasseeingherinprofile。
“Yes——Idid，“hewenton。Hesettledhimselfmoredeeplyinthechair，crossedhisleg。“AndIamgladthatIdid。”
Shekeptonatlacingtheboot。Therewasnothinginherexpressiontoindicateemotion，oreventhatsheheard。
“Ididit，“continuedhe，“becauseIhadtheright。Heinvitedit。Heknewme——knewwhattoexpect。Isupposehedecidedthatyouwereworthtakingtherisk。It”sstrangewhatfoolsmen——allmen——wemen——areaboutwomen……
Yes，heknewit。Hedidn”tblameme。”
Shestoppedlacingtheboot，turnedsothatshecouldlookathim。
“Doyourememberhistalkingaboutmeoneday？“hewenton，meetinghergazenaturally。“HesaidIwasasurvivaloftheMiddleAges——hadamedievalItalianmind——saidIwoulddoanythingtogainmyend——andwouldhaveaclearconscienceaboutit。Doyouremember？“
“Yes。”
“Butyoudon”tseewhyIhadtherighttokillhim？“
Ashiverpassedoverher。Sheturnedawayagain，beganagaintolacetheboot——butnowherfingerswereuncertain。
“I”llexplain，“pursuedhe。“YouandIweregettingalongfine。Hehadhadhischancewithyouandhadlostit。
Well，hecomesoverhere——looksusup——putshimselfbetweenyouandme——proceedstotakeyouawayfromme。Notinasquaremanlywaybutunderthepretenseofgivingyouacareer。
Hemadeyourestless——dissatisfied。Hegotyouawayfromme。
Isn”tthatso？“
Shewassittingmotionlessnow。
Palmerwentoninthesameharsh，jerkyway：
“Now，nobodyintheworld——notevenyou——knewmebetterthanBrentdid。Heknewwhattoexpect——ifIcaughtontowhatwasdoing。AndIguessheknewIwouldbeprettysuretocatchon。”
“Heneversaidawordtomethatyoucouldn”thaveheard，“
saidSusan。
“Ofcoursenot，“retortedPalmer。“Thatisn”tthequestion。
Itdon”tmatterwhetherhewantedyouforhimselforforhisplays。Thepointisthathetookyouawayfromme——he，myfriend——anddiditbystealth。Youcan”tdenythat。”
“Heofferedmeachanceforacareer——thatwasall，“saidshe。
“Heneveraskedformylove——orshowedanyinterestinit。I
gavehimthat。”
Helaughed——hisold-time，gentle，sweet，wickedlaugh。Hesaid：
“Well——it”dhavebeenbetterforhimifyouhadn”t。Allitdidforhimwastocosthimhislife。”
Upshesprang。“Don”tsaythat！“shecriedpassionately——sopassionatelythatherwholebodyshook。“DoyousupposeI
don”tknowit？IknowthatIkilledhim。ButIdon”tfeelthathe”sdead。IfIdid，I”dnotbeabletolive。ButI
can”t！Ican”t！Formeheisasmuchaliveasever。”
“Trytothinkthat——ifitpleasesyou，“sneeredPalmer。“Thefactremainsthatitwas_you_whokilledhim。”
Againsheshivered。“Yes，“shesaid，“Ikilledhim。”
“Andthat”swhyIhateyou，“Palmerwenton，calmanddeliberate——excepthiseyes；theywereterrible。“Afewminutesago——whenIwasexultingthathewouldprobablydie——justthenIfoundthatopenedcableonthemantel。Doyouknowwhatitdidtome？Itmademehateyou。WhenIreadit——”Freddiepuffedathiscigaretteinsilence。Shedroppedweaklytothechairatthedressingtable。
“Curseit！“heburstout。“Ilovedhim。Yes，Iwascrazyabouthim——andamstill。I”mgladIkilledhim。I”ddoitagain。Ihadtodoit。Heowedmehislife。Butthatdoesn”tmakemeforgive_you_。”
Alongsilence。Herfingerswanderedamongthearticlesspreaduponthedressingtable。Hesaid：
“You”regettingreadytoleave？“
“I”mgoingtoahotelatonce。”
“Well，youneedn”t。I”mleaving。You”redonewithme。ButI”mdonewithyou。”Herose，bentuponherhiswickedglance，sneeringandcruel。“Youneverwanttoseemeagain。NomoredoIeverwanttoseeyouagain。IwishtoGodIneverhadseenyou。YoucostmetheonlyfriendIeverhadthatIcaredabout。Andwhat”sawomanbesideafriend——a_man_friend？
You”vemadeafoolofme，asawomanalwaysdoesofaman——always，byGod！Ifsheloveshim，shedestroyshim。Ifshedoesn”tlovehim，hedestroyshimself。”
Susancoveredherfacewithherbarearmsandsankdownatthedressingtable。“Forpity”ssake，“shecriedbrokenly，“spareme——spareme！“
Heseizedherroughlybytheshoulder。“Justflesh！“hesaid。
“Beautifulflesh——butjustfemale。Andlookwhatafoolyou”vemadeofme——andthebestmanintheworlddead——overyonder！Spareyou？Oh，you”llpullthroughallright。
You”llpullthrougheverythingandanything——andcomeoutstrongerandbetterlookingandbetteroff。Spareyou！Hell！
I”dhavekilledyouinsteadofhimifI”dknownIwasgoingtohateyouafterI”ddonetheotherthing。I”ddoityet——youdirtyskirt！“
Hejerkedherunresistingformtoitsfeet，gazedatherlikeaninsanefiend。Withasobheseizedherinhisarms，crushedheragainsthisbreast，sunkhisfingersdeepintoherhair，kissedit，grindinghisteethashekissed。“Ihateyou，damnyou——andIloveyou！“Heflungherbackintothechair——outofhislife。“You”llneverseemeagain！“Andhefledfromtheroom——fromthehouse。XXV
THEbigshipissuedfromtheMerseyintouglywaters——intotheweatherthatatallseasonshauntsandcursesthecoastsofNorthernEurope。FromSaturdayuntilWednesdaySusanandMadameDelierehadtrueAtlanticseasandskies；andtheshipleapedandshiveredandcrashedalonglikeabravecavalrymanintherearofarout——fightingandflying，flyingandfighting。Fourdaysofhourswhoseeverywakingsecondlaggedtorecorditselfinadistinctpangofphysicalwretchedness；
fourdaysinwhichallemotionsnotphysicalweresuspended，inwhicheventhewilltolive，mosttenaciousofprimalinstinctsinasanehumanbeing，yieldedsomewhattothegenerallassitudeanddisgust。YetforSusanLenoxfourmostfortunatedays；forinthemsheunderwentamentalchangethatenabledhertoemergedeliveredofthestrainthatthreatenedateverymomenttocauseasnap。
Onthefifthdayhermind，crutchedbyherresumingbody，tookupagainitsnormalroutine。Shebegantodressherself，toeat，toexercise——themechanicalthingsfirst，asalways——thentothink。ThegriefthathadnumbedherseemedtohavebeenleftbehindinEnglandwhereithadsuddenlystruckherdown——Englandfarawayandvagueacrossthoseimmenseandinfuriatedwaters，likethegulfofdeathbetweentwoincarnations。Nodoubtthatgriefwasawaitingherattheothershores；nodoubtthereshewouldfeelthatBrentwasgone。Butshewouldbebetterabletobearthediscovery。
Thebodycanbeaccustomedtothedeadliestpoisons，sothattheybecomeharmless——evenuseful——evenanecessaryaidtolife。Inthesamewaythemindcangrowaccustomedtothecruelestcalamities，toleratethem，usethemtoattainastrengthandpowerthehot-housedsoulnevergets。
Whenahumanbeingisabruptlyplungedintoanunnaturalunconsciousnessbymentalorphysicalcatastrophes，thegreatestcareistakenthattheawakeningtonormallifeagainbeslow，gradual，withoutshock。Otherwisethereturnwouldmeandeathorinsanityorlifelongafflictionwithradicalweakness。ItmaybethatthisseavoyagewithitsfourdaysofagitationsthatloweredSusan”sphysicallifetoaharmonyofwretchednesswithhermentalplight，andthesucceedingdaysofgradualcalmingandrestoration，acteduponhertosaveherfromdisaster。Therewillbethosereadersofherstorywho，judgingher，perhaps，bythemselves——asrevealedintheirjudgments，ratherthanintheirprofessions——willthinkitwasquiteunnecessarytoawakenhergradually；theywilldeclareherahard-heartedperson，caringdeeplyaboutnoonebutherself，oroneofthosecuriositiesofhumannaturethatareinterestedonlyinthings，notatallinpersons，eveninthemselves。Theremayalsobethosewhowillseeinherasoftandgentleheartforwhichherintelligencefinallytaughthertoconstructashield——moreorlesseffective——againstbuffetingswhichwouldhavedestroyedor，worsestill，maimedher。Thesewillfeelthattheseavoyage，theseachange，suspendingthenormalhumanlife，thelifeonland，tidedheroveracrisisthatotherwisemusthavebeendisastrous。
Howeverthismaybe——andwhodaresclaimthedefiniteknowledgeofthemazesofhumancharacterandmotivetobepositiveaboutthematter？——howeveritmaybe，onThursdayafternoontheysteamedalongatranquilandglisteningseaintothesplendorandmajestyofNewYorkHarbor。AndSusanwasagainhercalm，sweetself，astheviolet-grayeyesgazingpensivelyfromthesmall，strongly-featuredfaceplainlyshowed。Herselfagain，withthewound——deepestifnotcruelestofhermanywounds——coveredandwithitspoisonundercontrol。Shewasreadyagaintobegintolive——readytofulfillouronlycertainmissiononthisearth，forwearenotheretosuccumbandtodie，buttoadaptourselvesandlive。
Andthosewholaudthesuccumbersandthediers——yea，eventheblessedmartyrsofsundryanddiversfleetingissuesusuallydelusions——maybepayingill-deservedtributetovanity，obstinacy，lackofusefulcommonsense，passionforfutileanduntimelyagitation——orsheercowardice。Truth——andwhatistruthbutrightliving？——truthneedsnomartyrs；andtheworldneedsnotmartyrs，notcorpsesrottinginunmarkedormonumentedgraves，butintelligentmenandwomen，healthyinbodyandmind，capableofleadingthehumanraceasfastasitisabletogointhedirectionofthebesttruthtowhichitisableatthattimetoaspire。
AstheshipclearedQuarantineSusanstoodonthemaindeckwellforward，withMadameCleliebesideher。Andupwithinher，defyingallrebuke，surgedthehopethatcannotdieinstrongsoulslivinginhealthybodies。
Shehadamomentarysenseofshame，bornofthefeelingthatitisbasest，mostheartlessselfishnesstolive，torespondtothecaressofkeenairuponhealthyskin，ofgloriouslightuponhealthyeyes，whenthereareothersshutoutandshutawayfromthesejoysforever。Thenshesaidtoherself，“Butnooneneedapologizeforbeingaliveandforhoping。Imusttrytojustifyhimforallhedidforme。”
Afewmilesofbeautifulwaterhighwaybetweencirclingshoresofgreen，andafaroffthroughthemistMadameClelie”sfascinatedeyesbeheldacityofenchantment。Itappearedanddisappeared，reappearedonlytodisappearagain，asitsveilofazuremistwasblownintothickorthinfoldsbythelightbreeze。OnemomenttheFrenchwomanwouldthinktherewasnothingaheadbutmoreandevermoreofthebayglitteringinthesummersunlight。Thenextmomentshewouldseeagainthatcity——orwasitamirageofacity？——towers，mightywalls，domesrisingmassabovemass，summitabovesummit，intotheveryheavensfromthewater”sedgewheretherewasafringeofgreen。Surelythevisionmustbereal；yethowcouldtinymanoutofearthanduponearthrearinsuchenchantmentoflineandcolorthoseenormousmasses，thosepeak-likepiercingsofthesky？
“Isthat——_it？_“sheaskedinanawedundertone。
Susannodded。She，too，wasgazingspellbound。HerbelovedCityoftheSun。
“Butitisbeautiful——beautifulbeyondbelief。AndIhavealwaysheardthatNewYorkwasugly。”
“Itisbeautiful——andugly——bothbeyondbelief！“repliedSusan。
“Nowonderyouloveit！“
“Yes——Iloveit。IhaveloveditfromthefirstmomentIsawit。I”veneverstoppedlovingit——noteven——”Shedidnotfinishhersentencebutgazeddreamilyatthecityappearinganddisappearinginitsveilsofthin，luminousmist。HerthoughtstraveledagainthejourneyofherlifeinNewYork。
Whenshespokeagain，itwastosay：
“Yes——whenIfirstsawit——thatspringevening——IcalleditmyCityoftheStars，then，forIdidn”tknowthatitbelongedtothesun——Yes，thatspringeveningIwashappierthanIeverhadbeen——orevershallbeagain。”
“Butyouwillbehappyagain“dear“saidClelie，tenderlypressingherarm。
Afaintsadsmile——sadbutstillasmile——madeSusan”sbeautifulfacelovely。“Yes，Ishallbehappy——notinthoseways——buthappy，forIshallbebusy……No，Idon”ttakethetragicviewoflife——notatall。AndasI”veknownmisery，I
don”ttrytoholdtoit。”
“Leavethat，“saidClelie，“tothosewhohaveknownonlythecomfortablemake-believemiseriesthatrustleincrepeandshedtears——wheneverthere”sanyonebytosee。”
“Likethebeggarswhobegintowhineandexhibittheiraggravatedsoresassoonasapossiblegivercomesintoview，“
saidSusan。“I”velearnedtoacceptwhatcomes，andtotrytomakethebestofit，whateveritis……IsayI”velearned。
ButhaveI？Doesoneeverchange？IguessIwasbornthatsortofphilosopher。”
SherecalledhowsheputtheWarhamsoutofherlifeassoonasshediscoveredwhattheyreallymeanttoherandshetothem——howshehadputJebFergusonoutofherlife——howshehadconqueredthegriefanddesolationofthelossofBurlingham——howshehadsurvivedEtta”sgoingawaywithouther——theinnermeaningofherepisodeswithRod——withFreddiePalmer——
Andnowthislastsupremetest——withhersoulrisingupandgatheringitselftogetherandliftingitsheadinstrength——
“Yes，Iwasborntomakethebestofthings，“sherepeated。
“Thenyouwerebornlucky，“sighedClelie，whowasofthosewhomustleaniftheywouldnotfallandliewheretheyfell。
Susangaveacuriouslittlelaugh——withnomirth，withagreatdealofmockery。“Doyouknow，Ineverthoughtsobefore，butIbelieveyou”reright，“saidshe。Againshelaughedinthatqueerway。“Ifyouknewmylifeyou”dthinkIwasjoking。
ButI”mnot。ThefactthatI”vesurvivedandamwhatIamprovesIwasbornlucky。”Hertonechanged，herexpressionbecameunreadable。“Ifit”sluckytobebornabletolive。
Andifthatisn”tluck，whatis？“
ShethoughthowBrentsaidshewasbornluckybecauseshehadthetalentthatenablesonetoriseabovethesordidnessofthatcapitalismhesooftendenounced——thesordidnessofthelotofitsslaves，thesordidnessofthelotofitsmasters。
Brent！Ifitwereheleaningbesideher——ifheandshewerecomingupthebaytowardtheCityoftheSun！
Abillowofheartsickdesolationsurgedoverher。
Alone——alwaysalone。Andstillalone。Andalwaystobealone。
Garveycameaboardwhenthegangwaywasrunout。Hewasinblackwhereverblackcouldbedisplayed。Butthegriefshadowinghislarge，simplecountenancehadthestampofthegenuine。Anditwasgenuine，ofthemostapprovedenervatingkind。Hehaddonenothingbutgrievesincehismaster”sdeath——hadleftunattendedallthemattersthemanhelovedandgrievedforwouldhavewishedputinorder。Isitoutofcharityfortheweaknessofhumannatureandthatwemaythinkaswellaspossibleofit——isthatwhyweadmireandpraisemostenthusiasticallythekindofloveandthekindoffriendshipandthekindofgriefthatmanifestthemselvesinobstreperousfeelingandwordiness，withnostrengthleftforanyattemptto_do？_AsGarveygreetedthemthetearsfilledClelie”seyesandsheturnedaway。ButSusangazedathimsteadily；inhereyestherewerenotears，butalookthatmadeGarveychokebacksobsandbendhisheadtohidehisexpression。Whathesaw——orfelt——behindhercalmnessfilledhimwithawe，withakindofterror。Buthedidnotrecognizewhathesawasgrief；itdidnotresembleanygriefhehadfeltorhadheardabout。
“Hemadeawilljustbeforehedied，“hesaidtoSusan。“Helefteverythingtoyou。”
Thenshehadnotbeenmistaken。Hehadlovedher，evenasshelovedhim。Sheturnedandwalkedquicklyfromthem。Shehastenedintohercabin，closedthedoorandflungherselfacrossthebed。Andforthefirsttimeshegaveway。Inthatstormhersoulwaslikealittlelandbirdintheclutchofaseahurricane。Shedidnotunderstandherself。Shestillhadnosensethathewasdead；yethadhisdeadbodybeenlyingthereinherarmsshecouldnothavebeenmoreshakenbyparoxysmsofgrief，withouttearsorsobs——griefthatventsitselfinshrieksandpealsofhorriblelaughter-likescreams——shesmotheredtheminthepillowsinwhichsheburiedherface。Cleliecame，openedthedoor，glancedin，closedit。Anhourpassed——anhourandahalf。ThenSusanappearedondeck——amber-whitepallor，calm，beautiful，thefashionablewomanintravelingdress。
“Ineverbeforesawyouwithyourlipsnotrouged！“exclaimedClelie。
“Youwillneverseethemrougedagain，“saidSusan。
“Butitmakesyoulookolder。”
“NotsooldasIam，“repliedshe。
Andshebusiedherselfaboutthedetailsofthelandingandthecustoms，wavingasideGarveyandhiseagerurgingsthatshesitquietlyandleaveeverythingtohim。Inthecarriage，onthewaytothehotel，sherousedherselffromherapparentlytranquilreverieandbrokethestrainedsilencebysaying：
“HowmuchshallIhave？“
Thequestionwasmerelytheprotrudingendofatrainofthoughtyearslongandpursuedallthattimewithscarcelyaninterruption。Itseemedabrupt；toGarveyitsoundedbrutal。
Offhisguard，heshowedinfloodingcolorandstaringeyehowprofoundlyitshockedhim。Susansaw，butshedidnotexplain；shewasnotkeepingaccountsinemotionwiththeworld。Shewaitedpatiently。Afteralongpausehesaidinatonethatcontainedasmuchofrebukeassomildadependentdaredexpress：
“Heleftaboutthirtythousandayear，MissLenox。”
TheexultantlightthatleapedtoSusan”seyehorrifiedhim。
ItevendisturbedClelie，thoughshebetterunderstoodSusan”snatureandwasnotnearlysoreverentasGarveyofthehypocrisiesofconventionality。ButSusanhadlongsincelostthelasttraceofaweoftheopinionofothers。Shewasnotseekingtoconveyanimpressionofgrief。Griefwastoorealtoher。ShewouldassoonhaveburstoutwithvolubleconfessionofthesecretofherloveforBrent。ShesawwhatGarveywasthinking；butshewasnotconcerned。Shecontinuedtobeherself——naturalandsimple。AndtherewasnoreasonwhysheshouldconcealasathingtobeashamedofthefactthatBrenthadaccomplishedthepurposeheintended，hadfilledherwithhonestexultation——notwithdelightmerely，notwithtriumph，butwiththatstrongeranddeeperjoywhichtheunhopedforpardonbringstothecondemnedman。
Shemustliveon。Thethoughtofsuicide，ofanyformofgivingup——thethoughtthatinstantlypossessestheweakandthediseased——couldnotfindlodgmentinthatyoung，healthybodyandmindofhers。Shemustliveon；andsuddenlyshediscoveredthatshecouldlive_free！_Notafteryearsofdoubtfulstruggles，ofreverses，ofsuccesssohardlywonthatshewasleftexhausted。Butnow——atonce——_free！_Theheavyshackleshadbeenstrickenoffatablow。Shewasfree——foreverfree！Free，foreverfree，fromthewolvesofpovertyandshame，ofwantandragsandfilth，thewolvesthathadbeenpursuingherwithswift，hideouspaddedstride，thewolvesthatmorethanoncehaddraggedherdownandtornandtrampledher，andlappedherblood。Freetoenterofherownrighttheworldworthlivingin，theworldfromwhichallbutafewareshutout，theworldwhichonlyafewofthoseprivilegedtoenterknowhowtoenjoy。Freetolivethelifeworthwhilethelifeofleisuretowork，insteadofslavingtomakeleisureandluxuryandcomfortforothers。Freetoachievesomethingbesidefood，clothing，andshelter。Freetoliveas_she_pleased，insteadofforthepleasureofamasterormasters。Free——free——free！Theecstasyofitsurgedupinher，forthemomentpossessingherandsubmergingeventhoughtofhowshehadbeenfreed。
Shewhohadneveracquiredthehabitofhypocrisyfranklyexultedincountenanceexultantbeyondlaughter。Shecouldconcealherfeelings，couldrefrainfromexpressing。Butifsheexpressedatall，itmustbehertrueself——whatshehonestlyfelt。Garveyhunghisheadinshame。HewouldnothavebelievedSusancouldbesounfeeling。Hewouldnotlethiseyesseethepainfulsight。Hewouldtrytoforget，woulddenytohimselfthathehadseen。Fortohisshallow，conventionalnatureSusan”sexpressioncouldonlymeandelightinwealth，intheopportunitythatnowofferedtoidleandtoluxuriateinthedeadman”smoney，torealizethecrudedreamingsofthoselessermindswhoseinitialimpulsestowardgrowthhavebeenstifledbytheroutineoursocialsystemimposesuponallbutthefewwiththestrengthtopersistindividual。
Free！Shetriedtosummonthehauntingvisionoftheoldwomenwiththetincupsofwhiskyreelingandstaggeringintimetothehunchback”splaying。Shecouldremembereverydetail，butthesememorieswouldnotassembleevenintoavividpictureandthepicturewouldhavebeenfarenoughfromthehorrorofactualityinthevisionsheformerlycouldnotbanish。Asamenace，asaprophecy，theoldwomenandthehunchbackandthestrummingpianohadgoneforever。
Free——secure，independent——free！
AfteralongsilenceGarveyventuredstammeringly：
“Hesaidtome——heaskedmetorequest——hedidn”tmakeitacondition——justawish——ahope，MissLenox——thatifyoucould，andfeltitstronglyenough——”
“Wishedwhat？“saidSusan，withasharpimpatiencethatshowedhowhernerveswereunstrung。
“Thatyou”dgoon——goonwiththeplays——withtheacting。”
Thevioleteyesexpressedwonder。“Goon？“sheinquired，“Goon？“TheninatonethatmadeCleliesobandGarvey”seyesfillshesaid：
“Whatelseistheretolivefor，now？“
“I”m——I”mgladforhissake，“stammeredGarvey。
Hewasdisconcertedbyhersmile。Shemadenootheranswer——aloud。For_his_sake！Forherownsake，rather。
Whatotherlifehadshebutthelife_he_hadgivenher？“AndheknewIwould，“shesaidtoherself。“Hesaidthatmerelytoletmeknowheleftmeentirelyfree。Howlikehim，todothat！“
Atthehotelsheshutherselfin；shesawnoone，notevenClelie，fornearlyaweek。Then——shewenttowork——andworkedlikeareincarnationofBrent。
SheinquiredforSperry，foundthatheandRodhadseparatedastheynolongerneededeachother；shewentintoasortofpartnershipwithSperryfortheproductionofBrent”splays——he，anexcellentcoachaswellasstagedirector，helpinghertofinishherformaleducationforthestage。SheplayedwithsuccesshalfadozenofthealreadyproducedBrentplays。Atthebeginningofhersecondseasonsheappearedinwhathasbecomehermostfamouspart——_Roxy_inBrent”slastplay，“TheScandal。”Withtheopeningnighthercareeroftriumphbegan。Eventhecritics——therefore，notunnaturally，suspiciousofanactresswhowassobeautiful，sobeautifullydressed，sowellsupported，andsowelloutfittedwithactor-proofplayseventhecriticsconcededherability。ShewasworthyofthegreatcharacterBrenthadcreated——thewayward，many-sided，evergay_RoxyGrandon_。
When，atthefirstnightof“TheScandal，“theaudiencelingered，cheeringBrent”spicturethrownuponadrop，cheeringSusan，callingheroutagainandagain，refusingtoleavethetheateruntilitwasannouncedthatshecouldanswernomorecalls，asshehadgonehome——whenshewasthusfinallyandfirmlyestablishedinherownright——shesaidtoSperry：
“WillyouseetoitthateverysketchofmethatappearstomorrowsaysthatIamthenaturaldaughterofLorellaLenox？“
Sperry”sPunch-likefacereddened。
“I”vebeenashamedofthatfact，“shewenton。“Ithasmademeashamedtobealiveinthebottomofmyheart。”
“Absurd，“saidSperry。
“Exactly，“repliedSusan。“Absurd。EvenstrongerthanmyshameaboutithasbeenmyshamethatIcouldbesosmallastofeelashamedofit。Now——tonight“shewasstillinherdressing-room。Asshepausedtheyheardthefaintfarawaythundersoftheapplauseofthelingeringaudience”Listen！“
shecried。“Iamashamednolonger。Sperry，_IchbineinIch！_“
“Ishouldsay，“laughedhe。“Allyouhavetosayis`SusanLenox”andyouanswerallquestions。”
“AtlastI”mproudofit，“shewenton。“I”vejustifiedmyself。I”vejustifiedmymother。Iamproudofher，andshewouldbeproudofme。Soseethatit”sdone，Sperry。”
“Sure，“saidhe。“You”reright。”
Hetookherhandandkissedit。Shelaughed，pattedhimontheshoulder，kissedhimonbothcheeksinfriendly，sisterlyfashion。
Hehadjustgonewhenacardwasbroughttoher”Dr。RobertStevens“——with“Sutherland，Indiana，“penciledunderneath。
Instantlysheremembered，andhadhimbroughttoher——themanwhohadrescuedherfromdeathatherbirth。Heprovedtobeaquiet，elderlygentleman，subduedandagedbeyondhisfifty-fiveyearsbythemonotonouslifeofthedrowsyoldtown。Heapproachedwithamannerofembarrassedrespectanddeference，stammeringold-fashionedcompliments。ButSusanwasthesimple，unaffectedgirlagain，sonaturalthathesoonfeltasmuchateaseaswithoneofhispatientsinSutherland。
ShetookhimawayinhercartoherapartmentforsupperwithherandClelie，whowasinthecompany，andSperry。Shekepthimhourafterhour，questioninghimabouteveryoneandeverythingintheoldtown，drawinghimout，insistinguponmoreandmoredetails。Themorningpaperswerebroughtandtheyreadtheaccountsofplayandauthorandplayers。Foroncetherewasnotadissent；allthecriticsagreedthatitwasagreatperformanceofagreatplay。AndSusanmadeSperryreadaloudthefinestandthelongestoftheaccountsofBrenthimself——hislife，hisdeath，hiswork，hislastingfamenowpeculiarlyassuredbecauseinSusanLenoxtherehadbeenfoundacompetentinterpreterofhisgenius。
Afterthereadingtherefellsilence。Susan，herpallidfaceandherluminous，inquiringvioleteyesinscrutable，satgazingintovacancy。AtlastDoctorStevensmoveduneasilyandrosetogo。Susanrousedherself，accompaniedhimtotheadjoiningroom。Saidtheolddoctor。
“I”vetoldyouabouteverybody。Butyou”vetoldmenothingaboutthemostinterestingSutherlanderofall——yourself。”
Susanlookedathim。Andhesawthewoundhiddenfromalltheworld——thewoundshehidfromherselfasmuchofthetimeasshecould。He，thedoctor，theprofessionalconfessor，hadseensuchwoundsoften；inalltheworldthereishardlyaheartwithoutone。Hesaid：
“Sincesorrowisthecommonlot，Iwonderthatmencanbesoselfishorsounthinkingasnottohelpeachotherineverywaytoitsconsolations。Poorcreaturesthatweare——wanderinginthedark，fightingdesperately，notknowingfriendfromfoe！“
“ButIamgladthatyousavedme，“saidshe。
“Youhavetheconsolations——success——fame——honor。”
“Thereisnoconsolation，“repliedsheinhergravesweetway。
“Ihadthebest。I——losthim。Ishallspendmylifeinflyingfrommyself。”
Afterapauseshewenton：“IshallneverspeaktoanyoneasIhavespokentoyou。Youwillunderstandall。Ihadthebest——themanwhocouldhavegivenmeallawomanseeksfromaman——love，companionship，sympathy，theshelterofstrongarms。Ihadthat。Ihavelostit。So——”
Alongpause。Thensheadded：
“Usuallylifeisalmosttastelesstome。Again——foranhourortwoitisalittlelessso——untilIrememberwhatIhavelost。Then——thetasteisverybitter——verybitter。”
Andsheturnedaway。
Sheisafamousactress，reputedgreat。Somedayshewillbeindeedgreat——whenshehasthestageexperienceandtheyears。
ExceptforClelie，sheisalone。Notthattherehavebeennofriendshipsinherlife。Therehaveevenbeenpassions。Withmenandwomenofhervigorandvitality，passionisinevitable。Butthosesheadmitsfindthatshehaslittletogive，andtheygoaway，shemakingnoefforttodetainthem；
orshefindsthatshehasnothingtogive，andsendsthemawayasgentlyasmaybe。Shehasthereputationofcaringfornothingbutherart——andforthegreatestablishmentfororphansuptheHudson，intowhichaboutallherearningsgo。
TheestablishmentisnamedforBrentandisdedicatedtohermother。Isshehappy？Idonotknow。Idonotthinksheknows。Probablysheis——aslongasshecanavoidpausingtothinkwhethersheisornot。Whatbetterhappinesscanintelligentmortalhave，orhopefor？Certainlysheistriumphant，isliftedhighabovethestormsthattorturedhergirlhoodandearlyyouth，thesordidwoesthatmakelifeanunrelievedtragedyofcalamitythreatenedandcalamityrealizedforthemassesofmankind。ThelasttimeIsawher——
Itwasafeweveningsago，andshewascrossingthesidewalkbeforeherhousetowardthebiglimousinethatwastotakehertothetheater。Sheisstillyoung；shelookedevenyoungerthansheis。HerdresshadthesameexquisitequalitythatmadeherthetalkofParisinthedaysofhersojournthere。
Butitisnotherdressthatmostinterestsme，northeluxuryandperfectionofallhersurroundings。Itisnotevenherbeauty——thatis，thewholeofherbeauty。
Everythingandeverybeingthatisindividualinappearancehassomeonequality，trait，characteristic，whichstandsoutabovealltheresttomakeaclimaxofinterestandcharm。
Withtheroseitisitsperfume；withthebird，perhapsthescarletorsnowyfeathersuponitsbreast。Amonghumanbeingswhohavetheraredivinedowerofclearindividualitythecrownandcapofdistinctiondiffers。Inher——forme，atleast——theconsummatefascinationisnotinhereyes，thoughI
ammovedbythesoftgloryoftheirlight，norinthelovelyovalcontourofhersweet，healthilypallidface。No，itisinhermouth——sensitive，strongyetgentle，suggestiveofallthepassionandsufferingandstrivingthathavebuiltupherlife。Hermouth——thecurveofit——Ithinkitis，thatsendsfromtimetotimethemysteriousthrillthroughheraudiences。
AndIimaginethosewhoknowherbestlookalwaysfirstatthosestrangelypalelips，curvedinawaythatsuggestsbitternessmeltingintosympathy，sadnesschangingintomirth——awaythatseemstosay：“Ihavesuffered——but，see！
Ihavestoodfast！“
Canalifeteachanydeeperlesson，giveanyhigherinspiration？
AsIwassaying，thelasttimeIsawhershewasabouttoenterherautomobile。Ihaltedandwatchedthegracefulmovementswithwhichshetookherseatandgatheredtherobesabouther。AndthenInotedherprofile，bythelightofthebiglampsguardingherdoor。Youknowthatprofile？Youhaveseenitssameexpressionineveryprofileofsuccessfulmanorwomanwhoeverlived。Yes，shemaybehappy——doubtlessismorehappythanunhappy。But——Idonotenvyher——oranyotherofthesonsanddaughtersofmenwhoisblessed——andcursed——withimagination。
AndFreddie——andRod——andEtta——andthepeopleofSutherland——andalltherestwhopassedthroughherlifeandout？Whatdoesitmatter？Somewentup，somedown——notwithoutreason，but，alas！notforreasonofdesert。Forthejudgmentsoffateare，forthemostpart，notunlikeblowsfromalunaticstrikingoutinthedark；iftheylandwheretheyshould，itisrarelyandbysheerchance。Ruth”sparentsaredead；sheismarriedtoSamWright。Helosthisfather”smoneyinwheatspeculationinChicago——inoneofthemostsuccessfuloftheplutocracy”sconstantlyrecurringraidsuponthehoardingsofthemiddleclass。TheyliveinalittlehouseinoneofthebackstreetsofSutherlandandheisheadclerkinArthurSinclair”sstore——apositionheowestothefactthatSinclairishisrichbrother-in-law。Ruthhaschildrenandsheishappierinthemthansherealizesorthanherdiscontentedfaceandvoicesuggest。Ettaisfatandcontented，themotherofmany，andfondofherfat，fussyAugust，therichbrewer。JohnRedmond——acongressman，apossessionoftheBeefTrust，Ibelieve——butnotsohighlyprizedapossessionaswashisablerfather。
Freddie？IsawhimayearagoattheracesatAuteuil。Heishugeandlooseandcoarse，isinthewaysoontodieofBright”sdisease，Isuspect。Therewasawomanwithhim——verypretty，very_chic_。Isawnootherwomansimilarlyplacedwhoseeyesheldsoassiduously，andwithouteverawanderingflutter，tothefaceofthemanwhowaspaying。ButFreddienevernoticedher。Hechewedsavagelyathiscigar，lookingaboutthewhileforthingstogrumbleatortocurse。Rod？
Heisstillwritingindifferentplayswithvaryingsuccess。
HelongsinceweariedofConstanceFrancklyn，butsheclingstohimand，assheisasteadymoneymaker，hetoleratesher。
Brent？HeisstatelilyensconcedupatWoodlawn。Susanhasneverbeentohisgrave——there。Hisgraveinherheart——sheavoidsthattoo，whenshecan。Buttherearetimes——therealwayswillbetimes——
Ifyoudoubtit，lookatherprofile。
Yes，shehaslearnedtolive。But——shehaspaidtheprice。
End