TableofContentsRUDYARDKIPLING1865-
MyOwnTrueGhostStoryTheSendingofDanaDaIntheHouseofSuddhooHisWeddedWifeA。CONANDOYLE1859-
ACaseofIdentityAScandalinBohemiaTheRed-HeadedLeagueEGERTONCASTLE1858-
TheBaron”sQuarrySTANLEYJ。WEYMAN1855-
TheFowlinthePotROBERTLOUISSTEVENSON1850-94
ThePavilionontheLinksWILKIECOLLINS1824-89
TheDreamWomanANONYMOUS
TheLostDuchessTheMinorCanonThePipeThePuzzleTheGreatValdezSapphireModernEnglishMysteryStoriesRudyardKiplingMyOwnTrueGhostStoryAsIcamethroughtheDesertthusitwas——
AsIcamethroughtheDesert。
TheCityofDreadfulNight。
SomewhereintheOtherWorld，wheretherearebooksandpicturesandplaysandshopwindowstolookat，andthousandsofmenwhospendtheirlivesinbuildingupallfour，livesagentlemanwhowritesrealstoriesabouttherealinsidesofpeople；andhisnameisMr。WalterBesant。Buthewillinsistupontreatinghisghosts——
hehaspublishedhalfaworkshopfulofthem——withlevity。Hemakeshisghost-seerstalkfamiliarly，and，insomecases，flirtoutrageously，withthephantoms。Youmaytreatanything，fromaViceroytoaVernacularPaper，withlevity；butyoumustbehavereverentlytowardaghost，andparticularlyanIndianone。
Thereare，inthisland，ghostswhotaketheformoffat，cold，pobbycorpses，andhideintreesneartheroadsidetillatravelerpasses。Thentheydropuponhisneckandremain。Therearealsoterribleghostsofwomenwhohavediedinchild-bed。Thesewanderalongthepathwaysatdusk，orhideinthecropsnearavillage，andcallseductively。Buttoanswertheircallisdeathinthisworldandthenext。Theirfeetareturnedbackwardthatallsobermenmayrecognizethem。Thereareghostsoflittlechildrenwhohavebeenthrownintowells。Thesehauntwellcurbsandthefringesofjungles，andwailunderthestars，orcatchwomenbythewristandbegtobetakenupandcarried。Theseandthecorpseghosts，however，areonlyvernaculararticlesanddonotattackSahibs。NonativeghosthasyetbeenauthenticallyreportedtohavefrightenedanEnglishman；butmanyEnglishghostshavescaredthelifeoutofbothwhiteandblack。
NearlyeveryotherStationownsaghost。TherearesaidtobetwoatSimla，notcountingthewomanwhoblowsthebellowsatSyreedak-bungalowontheOldRoad；MussooriehasahousehauntedofaverylivelyThing；aWhiteLadyissupposedtodonight-watchmanroundahouseinLahore；Dalhousiesaysthatoneofherhouses“repeats“onautumneveningsalltheincidentsofahorriblehorse-
and-precipiceaccident；Murreehasamerryghost，and，nowthatshehasbeensweptbycholera，willhaveroomforasorrowfulone；
thereareOfficers”QuartersinMianMirwhosedoorsopenwithoutreason，andwhosefurnitureisguaranteedtocreak，notwiththeheatofJunebutwiththeweightofInvisibleswhocometoloungeinthechairs；Peshawurpossesseshousesthatnonewillwillinglyrent；andthereissomething——notfever——wrongwithabigbungalowinAllahabad。TheolderProvincessimplybristlewithhauntedhouses，andmarchphantomarmiesalongtheirmainthoroughfares。
Someofthedak-bungalowsontheGrandTrunkRoadhavehandylittlecemeteriesintheircompound——witnessestothe“changesandchancesofthismortallife“inthedayswhenmendrovefromCalcuttatotheNorthwest。Thesebungalowsareobjectionableplacestoputupin。Theyaregenerallyveryold，alwaysdirty，whilethekhansamahisasancientasthebungalow。Heeitherchatterssenilely，orfallsintothelongtrancesofage。Inbothmoodsheisuseless。
Ifyougetangrywithhim，hereferstosomeSahibdeadandburiedthesethirtyyears，andsaysthatwhenhewasinthatSahib”sservicenotakhansamahintheProvincecouldtouchhim。Thenhejabbersandmowsandtremblesandfidgetsamongthedishes，andyourepentofyourirritation。
Inthesedak-bungalows，ghostsaremostlikelytobefound，andwhenfound，theyshouldbemadeanoteof。Notlongagoitwasmybusinesstoliveindak-bungalows。Ineverinhabitedthesamehouseforthreenightsrunning，andgrewtobelearnedinthebreed。IlivedinGovernment-builtoneswithredbrickwallsandrailceilings，aninventoryofthefurniturepostedineveryroom，andanexcitedsnakeatthethresholdtogivewelcome。Ilivedin“converted“ones——oldhousesofficiatingasdak-bungalows——wherenothingwasinitsproperplaceandtherewasn”tevenafowlfordinner。Ilivedinsecond-handpalaceswherethewindblewthroughopen-workmarbletraceryjustasuncomfortablyasthroughabrokenpane。Ilivedindak-bungalowswherethelastentryinthevisitors”bookwasfifteenmonthsold，andwheretheyslashedoffthecurry-kid”sheadwithasword。Itwasmygoodlucktomeetallsortsofmen，fromsobertravelingmissionariesanddesertersflyingfromBritishRegiments，todrunkenloaferswhothrewwhiskybottlesatallwhopassed；andmystillgreatergoodfortunejusttoescapeamaternitycase。Seeingthatafairproportionofthetragedyofourlivesouthereacteditselfindak-bungalows，I
wonderedthatIhadmetnoghosts。Aghostthatwouldvoluntarilyhangaboutadak-bungalowwouldbemadofcourse；butsomanymenhavediedmadindak-bungalowsthattheremustbeafairpercentageoflunaticghosts。
InduetimeIfoundmyghost，orghostsrather，forthereweretwoofthem。UptillthathourIhadsympathizedwithMr。Besant”smethodofhandlingthem，asshownin“TheStrangeCaseofMr。
LucraftandOtherStories。”IamnowintheOpposition。
WewillcallthebungalowKatmaldak-bungalow。ButTHATwasthesmallestpartofthehorror。Amanwithasensitivehidehasnorighttosleepindak-bungalows。Heshouldmarry。Katmaldak-
bungalowwasoldandrottenandunrepaired。Thefloorwasofwornbrick，thewallswerefilthy，andthewindowswerenearlyblackwithgrime。ItstoodonabypathlargelyusedbynativeSub-DeputyAssistantsofallkinds，fromFinancetoForests；butrealSahibswererare。Thekhansamah，whowasnearlybentdoublewitholdage，saidso。
WhenIarrived，therewasafitful，undecidedrainonthefaceoftheland，accompaniedbyarestlesswind，andeverygustmadeanoiseliketherattlingofdrybonesinthestifftoddypalmsoutside。Thekhansamahcompletelylosthisheadonmyarrival。HehadservedaSahibonce。DidIknowthatSahib？Hegavemethenameofawell-knownmanwhohasbeenburiedformorethanaquarterofacentury，andshowedmeanancientdaguerreotypeofthatmaninhisprehistoricyouth。IhadseenasteelengravingofhimattheheadofadoublevolumeofMemoirsamonthbefore，andI
feltancientbeyondtelling。
Thedayshutinandthekhansamahwenttogetmefood。Hedidnotgothroughthepretenseofcallingit“khana“——man”svictuals。Hesaid“ratub，“andthatmeans，amongotherthings，“grub“——dog”srations。Therewasnoinsultinhischoiceoftheterm。Hehadforgottentheotherword，Isuppose。
Whilehewascuttingupthedeadbodiesofanimals，Isettledmyselfdown，afterexploringthedak-bungalow。Therewerethreerooms，besidemyown，whichwasacornerkennel，eachgivingintotheotherthroughdingywhitedoorsfastenedwithlongironbars。
Thebungalowwasaverysolidone，butthepartitionwallsoftheroomswerealmostjerry-builtintheirflimsiness。Everysteporbangofatrunkechoedfrommyroomdowntheotherthree，andeveryfootfallcamebacktremulouslyfromthefarwalls。ForthisreasonIshutthedoor。Therewerenolamps——onlycandlesinlongglassshades。Anoilwickwassetinthebathroom。
Forbleak，unadulteratedmiserythatdak-bungalowwastheworstofthemanythatIhadeversetfootin。Therewasnofireplace，andthewindowswouldnotopen；soabrazierofcharcoalwouldhavebeenuseless。Therainandthewindsplashedandgurgledandmoanedroundthehouse，andthetoddypalmsrattledandroared。
Halfadozenjackalswentthroughthecompoundsinging，andahyenastoodafaroffandmockedthem。AhyenawouldconvinceaSadduceeoftheResurrectionoftheDead——theworstsortofDead。Thencametheratub——acuriousmeal，halfnativeandhalfEnglishincomposition——withtheoldkhansamahbabblingbehindmychairaboutdeadandgoneEnglishpeople，andthewind-blowncandlesplayingshadow-bo-peepwiththebedandthemosquito-curtains。Itwasjustthesortofdinnerandeveningtomakeamanthinkofeverysingleoneofhispastsins，andofalltheothersthatheintendedtocommitifhelived。
Sleep，forseveralhundredreasons，wasnoteasy。Thelampinthebath-roomthrewthemostabsurdshadowsintotheroom，andthewindwasbeginningtotalknonsense。
Justwhenthereasonsweredrowsywithblood-suckingIheardtheregular”Let——us——take——and——heave——him——over“gruntofdoolie-
bearersinthecompound。Firstonedooliecamein，thenasecond，andthenathird。Iheardthedooliesdumpedontheground，andtheshutterinfrontofmydoorshook。“That”ssomeonetryingtocomein，“Isaid。Butnoonespoke，andIpersuadedmyselfthatitwasthegustywind。Theshutteroftheroomnexttominewasattacked，flungback，andtheinnerdooropened。“That”ssomeSub-
DeputyAssistant，“Isaid，“andhehasbroughthisfriendswithhim。Nowthey”lltalkandspitandsmokeforanhour。”
Buttherewerenovoicesandnofootsteps。Noonewasputtinghisluggageintothenextroom。Thedoorshut，andIthankedProvidencethatIwastobeleftinpeace。ButIwascurioustoknowwherethedoolieshadgone。Igotoutofbedandlookedintothedarkness。Therewasneverasignofadoolie。JustasIwasgettingintobedagain，Iheard，inthenextroom，thesoundthatnomaninhissensescanpossiblymistake——thewhirofabilliardballdownthelengthoftheslateswhenthestrikerisstringingforbreak。Noothersoundislikeit。Aminuteafterwardstherewasanotherwhir，andIgotintobed。Iwasnotfrightened——indeedIwasnot。Iwasverycurioustoknowwhathadbecomeofthedoolies。Ijumpedintobedforthatreason。
NextminuteIheardthedoubleclickofacannonandmyhairsatup。Itisamistaketosaythathairstandsup。Theskinoftheheadtightensandyoucanfeelafaint，prickly，bristlingalloverthescalp。Thatisthehairsittingup。
Therewasawhirandaclick，andbothsoundscouldonlyhavebeenmadebyonething——abilliardball。Iarguedthematteroutatgreatlengthwithmyself；andthemoreIarguedthelessprobableitseemedthatonebed，onetable，andtwochairs——allthefurnitureoftheroomnexttomine——couldsoexactlyduplicatethesoundsofagameofbilliards。Afteranothercannon，athree-
cushiononetojudgebythewhir，Iarguednomore。Ihadfoundmyghostandwouldhavegivenworldstohaveescapedfromthatdak-
bungalow。Ilistened，andwitheachlistenthegamegrewclearer。
Therewaswhironwhirandclickonclick。Sometimestherewasadoubleclickandawhirandanotherclick。Beyondanysortofdoubt，peoplewereplayingbilliardsinthenextroom。Andthenextroomwasnotbigenoughtoholdabilliardtable！
BetweenthepausesofthewindIheardthegamegoforward——strokeafterstroke。ItriedtobelievethatIcouldnothearvoices；butthatattemptwasafailure。
Doyouknowwhatfearis？Notordinaryfearofinsult，injuryordeath，butabject，quiveringdreadofsomethingthatyoucannotsee——fearthatdriestheinsideofthemouthandhalfofthethroat——fearthatmakesyousweatonthepalmsofthehands，andgulpinordertokeeptheuvulaatwork？ThisisafineFear——agreatcowardice，andmustbefelttobeappreciated。Theveryimprobabilityofbilliardsinadak-bungalowprovedtherealityofthething。Noman——drunkorsober——couldimagineagameatbilliards，orinventthespittingcrackofa“screw-cannon。”
Aseverecourseofdak-bungalowshasthisdisadvantage——itbreedsinfinitecredulity。Ifamansaidtoaconfirmeddak-bungalow-
haunter：”Thereisacorpseinthenextroom，andthere”samadgirlinthenextbutone，andthewomanandmanonthatcamelhavejustelopedfromaplacesixtymilesaway，“thehearerwouldnotdisbelievebecausehewouldknowthatnothingistoowild，grotesque，orhorribletohappeninadak-bungalow。
Thiscredulity，unfortunately，extendstoghosts。Arationalpersonfreshfromhisownhousewouldhaveturnedonhissideandslept。Ididnot。SosurelyasIwasgivenupasabadcarcassbythescoresofthingsinthebedbecausethebulkofmybloodwasinmyheart，sosurelydidIheareverystrokeofalonggameatbilliardsplayedintheechoingroombehindtheiron-barreddoor。
Mydominantfearwasthattheplayersmightwantamarker。Itwasanabsurdfear；becausecreatureswhocouldplayinthedarkwouldbeabovesuchsuperfluities。Ionlyknowthatthatwasmyterror；
anditwasreal。
Afteralong，longwhilethegamestopped，andthedoorbanged。I
sleptbecauseIwasdeadtired。OtherwiseIshouldhavepreferredtohavekeptawake。NotforeverythinginAsiawouldIhavedroppedthedoor-barandpeeredintothedarkofthenextroom。
Whenthemorningcame，IconsideredthatIhaddonewellandwisely，andinquiredforthemeansofdeparture。
“Bytheway，khansamah，“Isaid，“whatwerethosethreedooliesdoinginmycompoundinthenight？“
“Therewerenodoolies，“saidthekhansamah。
Iwentintothenextroomandthedaylightstreamedthroughtheopendoor。Iwasimmenselybrave。Iwould，atthathour，haveplayedBlackPoolwiththeownerofthebigBlackPooldownbelow。
“Hasthisplacealwaysbeenadak-bungalow？“Iasked。
“No，“saidthekhansamah。“Tenortwentyyearsago，Ihaveforgottenhowlong，itwasabilliardroom。”
“Ahowmuch？“
“AbilliardroomfortheSahibswhobuilttheRailway。IwaskhansamahtheninthebighousewherealltheRailway-Sahibslived，andIusedtocomeacrosswithbrandy-shrab。Thesethreeroomswereallone，andtheyheldabigtableonwhichtheSahibsplayedeveryevening。ButtheSahibsarealldeadnow，andtheRailwayruns，yousay，nearlytoKabul。”
“DoyourememberanythingabouttheSahibs？“
“Itislongago，butIrememberthatoneSahib，afatmanandalwaysangry，wasplayinghereonenight，andhesaidtome：——”MangalKhan，brandy-panido”andIfilledtheglass，andhebentoverthetabletostrike，andhisheadfelllowerandlowertillithitthetable，andhisspectaclescameoff，andwhenwe——theSahibsandImyself——rantolifthimhewasdead。Ihelpedtocarryhimout。Aha，hewasastrongSahib！ButheisdeadandI，oldMangalKhan，amstillliving，byyourfavor。”
Thatwasmorethanenough！Ihadmyghost——afirsthand，authenticatedarticle。IwouldwritetotheSocietyforPsychicalResearch——IwouldparalyzetheEmpirewiththenews！ButIwould，firstofall，puteightymilesofassessedcroplandbetweenmyselfandthatdak-bungalowbeforenightfall。TheSocietymightsendtheirregularagenttoinvestigatelateron。
Iwentintomyownroomandpreparedtopackafternotingdownthefactsofthecase。AsIsmokedIheardthegamebeginagain，——withamissinbalkthistime，forthewhirwasashortone。
ThedoorwasopenandIcouldseeintotheroom。Click——c1ick！
Thatwasacannon。Ienteredtheroomwithoutfear，fortherewassunlightwithinandafreshbreezewithout。Theunseengamewasgoingonatatremendousrate。Andwellitmight，whenarestlesslittleratwasrunningtoandfroinsidethedingyceiling-cloth，andapieceofloosewindow-sashwasmakingfiftybreaksoffthewindow-boltasitshookinthebreeze！
Impossibletomistakethesoundofbilliardballs！Impossibletomistakethewhirofaballovertheslate！ButIwastobeexcused。EvenwhenIshutmyenlightenedeyesthesoundwasmarvelouslylikethatofafastgame。
Enteredangrilythefaithfulpartnerofmysorrows，KadirBaksh。
“Thisbungalowisverybadandlow-caste！NowonderthePresencewasdisturbedandisspeckled。Threesetsofdoolie-bearerscametothebungalowlatelastnightwhenIwassleepingoutside，andsaidthatitwastheircustomtorestintheroomssetapartfortheEnglishpeople！Whathonorhasthekhansamah？Theytriedtoenter，butItoldthemtogo。Nowonder，iftheseOoriashavebeenhere，thatthePresenceissorelyspotted。Itisshame，andtheworkofadirtyman！“
KadirBakshdidnotsaythathehadtakenfromeachgangtwoannasforrentinadvance，andthen，beyondmyearshot，hadbeatenthemwiththebiggreenumbrellawhoseuseIcouldneverbeforedivine。
ButKadirBakshhasnonotionsofmorality。
Therewasaninterviewwiththekhansamah，butashepromptlylosthishead，wrathgaveplacetopity，andpityledtoalongconversation，inthecourseofwhichheputthefatEngineer-
Sahib”stragicdeathinthreeseparatestations——twoofthemfiftymilesaway。ThethirdshiftwastoCalcutta，andtheretheSahibdiedwhiledrivingadogcart。
IfIhadencouragedhimthekhansamahwouldhavewanderedallthroughBengalwithhiscorpse。
IdidnotgoawayassoonasIintended。Istayedforthenight，whilethewindandtheratandthesashandthewindow-boltplayedading-dong“hundredandfiftyup。”Thenthewindranoutandthebilliardsstopped，andIfeltthatIhadruinedmyonegenuine，hall-markedghoststory。
HadIonlystoppedatthepropertime，IcouldhavemadeANYTHING
outofit。
Thatwasthebitterestthoughtofall！
TheSendingofDanaDaWhentheDevilridesonyourchest，rememberthechamar——
NativeProverb。
OnceuponatimesomepeopleinIndiamadeanewheavenandanewearthoutofbrokenteacups，amissingbroochortwo，andahairbrush。Thesewerehiddenunderbushes，orstuffedintoholesinthehillside，andanentirecivilserviceofsubordinategodsusedtofindormendthemagain；andeveryonesaid：“Therearemorethingsinheavenandearththanaredreamedofinourphilosophy。”
Severalotherthingshappenedalso，butthereligionneverseemedtogetmuchbeyonditsfirstmanifestations；thoughitaddedanair-linepostaldak，andorchestraleffectsinordertokeepabreastofthetimes，andstalloffcompetition。
Thisreligionwastooelasticforordinaryuse。Itstretcheditselfandembracedpiecesofeverythingthatmedicinemenofallageshavemanufactured。ItapprovedandstolefromFreemasonry；
lootedtheLatter-dayRosicruciansofhalftheirpetwords；tookanyfragmentsofEgyptianphilosophythatitfoundintheEncyclopaediaBritannica；annexedasmanyoftheVedasashadbeentranslatedintoFrenchorEnglish，andtalkedofalltherest；
builtintheGermanversionsofwhatisleftoftheZendAvesta；
encouragedwhite，gray，andblackmagic，includingSpiritualism，palmistry，fortune-tellingbycards，hotchestnuts，double-kernelednutsandtallowdroppings；wouldhaveadoptedVoodooandOboehaditknownanythingaboutthem，andshoweditself，ineveryway，oneofthemostaccommodatingarrangementsthathadeverbeeninventedsincethebirthofthesea。
Whenitwasinthoroughworkingorder，withallthemachinerydowntothesubscriptionscomplete，DanaDacamefromnowhere，withnothinginhishands，andwroteachapterinitshistorywhichhashithertobeenunpublished。HesaidthathisfirstnamewasDana，andhissecondwasDa。Now，settingasideDanaoftheNewYorkSun，DanaisaBhilname，andDafitsnonativeofIndiaunlessyouaccepttheBengaliDeastheoriginalspelling。DaisLaporFinnish；andDanaDawasneitherFinn，Chin，Bhil，Bengali，Lap，Nair，Gond，Romaney，Magh，Bokhariot，Kurd，Armenian，Levantine，Jew，Persian，Punjabi，Madrasi，Parsee，noranythingelseknowntoethnologists。HewassimplyDanaDa，anddeclinedtogivefurtherinformation。Forthesakeofbrevity，andasroughlyindicatinghisorigin，hewascalled“TheNative。”HemighthavebeentheoriginalOldManoftheMountains，whoissaidtobetheonlyauthorizedheadoftheTeacupCreed。Some，peoplesaidthathewas；butDanaDausedtosmileanddenyanyconnectionwiththecult；explainingthathewasan“independentexperimenter。”
AsIhavesaid，hecamefromnowhere，withhishandsbehindhisback，andstudiedthecreedforthreeweeks；sittingatthefeetofthosebestcompetenttoexplainitsmysteries。Thenhelaughedaloudandwentaway，butthelaughmighthavebeeneitherofdevotionorderision。
Whenhereturnedhewaswithoutmoney，buthispridewasunabated。
Hedeclaredthatheknewmoreaboutthethingsinheavenandearththanthosewhotaughthim，andforthiscontumacywasabandonedaltogether。
HisnextappearanceinpubliclifewasatabigcantonmentinUpperIndia，andhewasthentellingfortuneswiththehelpofthreeleadendice，averydirtyoldcloth，andalittletinboxofopiumpills。Hetoldbetterfortuneswhenhewasallowedhalfabottleofwhisky；butthethingswhichheinventedontheopiumwerequiteworththemoney。Hewasinreducedcircumstances。Amongotherpeople”shetoldthefortuneofanEnglishmanwhohadoncebeeninterestedintheSimlacreed，butwho，lateron，hadmarriedandforgottenallhisoldknowledgeinthestudyofbabiesandExchange。TheEnglishmanallowedDanaDatotellafortuneforcharity”ssake，andgavehimfiverupees，adinner，andsomeoldclothes。Whenhehadeaten，DanaDaprofessedgratitude，andaskediftherewereanythinghecoulddoforhishost——intheesotericline。
“Isthereanyonethatyoulove？“saidDanaDa。TheEnglishmanlovedhiswife，buthadnodesiretodraghernameintotheconversation。Hethereforeshookhishead。
“Isthereanyonethatyouhate？“saidDanaDa。TheEnglishmansaidthattherewereseveralmenwhomhehateddeeply。
“Verygood，“saidDanaDa，uponwhomthewhiskyandtheopiumwerebeginningtotell。“Onlygivemetheirnames，andIwilldispatchaSendingtothemandkillthem。”
NowaSendingisahorriblearrangement，firstinvented，theysay，inIceland。Itisathingsentbyawizard，andmaytakeanyform，butmostgenerallywandersaboutthelandintheshapeofalittlepurplecloudtillitfindsthesendee，andhimitkillsbychangingintotheformofahorse，oracat，oramanwithoutaface。Itisnotstrictlyanativepatent，thoughchamarscan，ifirritated，dispatchaSendingwhichsitsonthebreastoftheirenemybynightandnearlykillshim。Veryfewnativescaretoirritatechamarsforthisreason。
“LetmedispatchaSending，“saidDanaDa；“Iamnearlydeadnowwithwant，anddrink，andopium；butIshouldliketokillamanbeforeIdie。IcansendaSendinganywhereyouchoose，andinanyformexceptintheshapeofaman。”
TheEnglishmanhadnofriendsthathewishedtokill，butpartlytosootheDanaDa，whoseeyeswererolling，andpartlytoseewhatwouldbedone，heaskedwhetheramodifiedSendingcouldnotbearrangedfor——suchaSendingasshouldmakeaman”slifeaburdentohim，andyetdohimnoharm。Ifthiswerepossible，henotifiedhiswillingnesstogiveDanaDatenrupeesforthejob。
“IamnotwhatIwasonce，“saidDanaDa，“andImusttakethemoneybecauseIampoor。TowhatEnglishmanshallIsendit？“
“SendaSendingtoLoneSahib，“saidtheEnglishman，namingamanwhohadbeenmostbitterinrebukinghimforhisapostasyfromtheTeacupCreed。DanaDalaughedandnodded。
“Icouldhavechosennobettermanmyself，“saidhe。“IwillseethathefindstheSendingabouthispathandabouthisbed。”
Helaydownonthehearthrug，turnedupthewhitesofhiseyes，shiveredallover，andbegantosnort。Thiswasmagic，oropium，ortheSending，orallthree。WhenheopenedhiseyeshevowedthattheSendinghadstarteduponthewarpath，andwasatthatmomentflyinguptothetownwhereLoneSahiblives。
“Givememytenrupees，“saidDanaDa，wearily，“andwritealettertoLoneSahib，tellinghim，andallwhobelievewithhim，thatyouandafriendareusingapowergreaterthantheirs。Theywillseethatyouarespeakingthetruth。”
Hedepartedunsteadily，withthepromiseofsomemorerupeesifanythingcameoftheSending。
TheEnglishmansentalettertoLoneSahib，couchedinwhatherememberedoftheterminologyofthecreed。Hewrote：“Ialso，inthedaysofwhatyouheldtobemybacksliding，haveobtainedenlightenment，andwithenlightenmenthascomepower。”Thenhegrewsodeeplymysteriousthattherecipientofthelettercouldmakeneitherheadnortailofit，andwasproportionatelyimpressed；forhefanciedthathisfriendhadbecomea“fifthrounder。”Whenamanisa“fifthrounder“hecandomorethanSladeandHoudincombined。
LoneSahibreadtheletterinfivedifferentfashions，andwasbeginningasixthinterpretation，whenhisbearerdashedinwiththenewsthattherewasacatonthebed。Now，iftherewasonethingthatLoneSahibhatedmorethananotheritwasacat。Heratedthebearerfornotturningitoutofthehouse。Thebearersaidthathewasafraid。Allthedoorsofthebedroomhadbeenshutthroughoutthemorning，andnorealcatcouldpossiblyhaveenteredtheroom。Hewouldprefernottomeddlewiththecreature。
LoneSahibenteredtheroomgingerly，andthere，onthepillowofhisbed，sprawledandwhimperedaweewhitekitten，notajumpsome，friskylittlebeast，butasluglikecrawlerwithitseyesbarelyopenedanditspawslackingstrengthordirection——akittenthatoughttohavebeeninabasketwithitsmamma。LoneSahibcaughtitbythescruffofitsneck，handeditovertothesweepertobedrowned，andfinedthebearerfourannas。
Thatevening，ashewasreadinginhisroom，hefanciedthathesawsomethingmovingaboutonthehearthrug，outsidethecircleoflightfromhisreadinglamp。Whenthethingbegantomyowl，herealizedthatitwasakitten——aweewhitekitten，nearlyblindandverymiserable。Hewasseriouslyangry，andspokebitterlytohisbearer，whosaidthattherewasnokittenintheroomwhenhebroughtinthelamp，andrealkittensoftenderagegenerallyhadmothercatsinattendance。
“IfthePresencewillgooutintotheverandaandlisten，“saidthebearer，“hewillhearnocats。How，therefore，canthekittenonthebedandthekittenonthehearthrugberealkittens？“
LoneSahibwentouttolisten，andthebearerfollowedhim，buttherewasnosoundofRachelmewingforherchildren。Hereturnedtohisroom，havinghurledthekittendownthehillside，andwroteouttheincidentsofthedayforthebenefitofhiscoreligionists。
Thosepeopleweresoabsolutelyfreefromsuperstitionthattheyascribedanythingalittleoutofthecommontoagencies。Asitwastheirbusinesstoknowallabouttheagencies，theywereontermsofalmostindecentfamiliaritywithmanifestationsofeverykind。Theirlettersdroppedfromtheceiling——un-stamped——andspiritsusedtosquatterupanddowntheirstaircasesallnight。
Buttheyhadnevercomeintocontactwithkittens。LoneSahibwroteoutthefacts，notingthehourandtheminute，aseverypsychicalobserverisboundtodo，andappendingtheEnglishman”sletterbecauseitwasthemostmysteriousdocumentandmighthavehadabearinguponanythinginthisworldorthenext。Anoutsiderwouldhavetranslatedallthetanglethus：“Lookout！Youlaughedatmeonce，andnowIamgoingtomakeyousitup。”
LoneSahib”scoreligionistsfoundthatmeaninginit；buttheirtranslationwasrefinedandfulloffour-syllablewords。Theyheldasederunt，andwerefilledwithtremulousjoy，for，inspiteoftheirfamiliaritywithalltheotherworldsandcycles，theyhadaveryhumanaweofthingssentfromghostland。TheymetinLoneSahib”sroominshroudedandsepulchralgloom，andtheirconclavewasbrokenupbyaclinkingamongthephotoframesonthemantelpiece。Aweewhitekitten，nearlyblind，wasloopingandwrithingitselfbetweentheclockandthecandlesticks。Thatstoppedallinvestigationsordoubtings。Herewasthemanifestationintheflesh。Itwas，sofarascouldbeseen，devoidofpurpose，butitwasamanifestationofundoubtedauthenticity。
TheydraftedaroundrobintotheEnglishman，thebacksliderofolddays，adjuringhimintheinterestsofthecreedtoexplainwhethertherewasanyconnectionbetweentheembodimentofsomeEgyptiangodorotherIhaveforgottenthenameandhiscommunication。
TheycalledthekittenRa，orToth，orShem，orNoah，orsomething；
andwhenLoneSahibconfessedthatthefirstonehad，athismostmisguidedinstance，beendrownedbythesweeper，theysaidconsolinglythatinhisnextlifehewouldbea“bounder，“andnotevena“rounder“ofthelowestgrade。Thesewordsmaynotbequitecorrect，buttheyexpressthesenseofthehouseaccurately。
WhentheEnglishmanreceivedtheroundrobin——itcamebypost——hewasstartledandbewildered。HesentintothebazaarforDanaDa，whoreadtheletterandlaughed。“ThatismySending，“saidhe。
“ItoldyouIwouldworkwell。Nowgivemeanothertenrupees。”
“ButwhatintheworldisthisgibberishaboutEgyptiangods？“
askedtheEnglishman。
“Cats，“saidDanaDa，withahiccough，forhehaddiscoveredtheEnglishman”swhiskybottle。“Catsandcatsandcats！NeverwassuchaSending。Ahundredofcats。NowgivemetenmorerupeesandwriteasIdictate。”
DanaDa”sletterwasacuriosity。ItboretheEnglishman”ssignature，andhintedatcats——ataSendingofcats。Themerewordsonpaperwerecreepyanduncannytobehold。
“Whathaveyoudone，though？“saidtheEnglishman；“Iamasmuchinthedarkasever。DoyoumeantosaythatyoucanactuallysendthisabsurdSendingyoutalkabout？“
“Judgeforyourself，“saidDanaDa。“Whatdoesthatlettermean？
Inalittletimetheywillallbeatmyfeetandyours，andI，oh，glory！willbedruggedordrunkalldaylong。”
DanaDaknewhispeople。
Whenamanwhohatescatswakesupinthemorningandfindsalittlesquirmingkittenonhisbreast，orputshishandintohisulsterpocketandfindsalittlehalf-deadkittenwherehisglovesshouldbe，oropenshistrunkandfindsavilekittenamonghisdressshirts，orgoesforalongridewithhismackintoshstrappedonhissaddle-bowandshakesalittlesprawlingkittenfromitsfoldswhenheopensit，orgoesouttodinnerandfindsalittleblindkittenunderhischair，orstaysathomeandfindsawrithingkittenunderthequilt，orwrigglingamonghisboots，orhanging，headdownward，inhistobaccojar，orbeingmangledbyhisterrierintheveranda——whensuchamanfindsonekitten，neithermorenorless，onceadayinaplacewherenokittenrightlycouldorshouldbe，heisnaturallyupset。Whenhedarenotmurderhisdailytrovebecausehebelievesittobeamanifestation，anemissary，anembodiment，andhalfadozenotherthingsalloutoftheregularcourseofnature，heismorethanupset。Heisactuallydistressed。SomeofLoneSahib”scoreligioniststhoughtthathewasahighlyfavoredindividual；butmanysaidthatifhehadtreatedthefirstkittenwithproperrespect——assuitedaToth-RaTum-SennacheribEmbodiment——allhistroublewouldhavebeenaverted。TheycomparedhimtotheAncientMariner，butnonethelesstheywereproudofhimandproudoftheEnglishmanwhohadsentthemanifestation。TheydidnotcallitaSendingbecauseIcelandicmagicwasnotintheirprogramme。
Aftersixteenkittens——thatistosay，afteronefortnight，fortherewerethreekittensonthefirstdaytoimpressthefactoftheSending，thewholecampwasupliftedbyaletter——itcameflyingthroughawindow——fromtheOldManoftheMountains——theheadofallthecreed——explainingthemanifestationinthemostbeautifullanguageandsoakingupallthecreditofitforhimself。
TheEnglishman，saidtheletter，wasnotthereatall。Hewasabacksliderwithoutpowerorasceticism，whocouldn”tevenraiseatablebyforceofvolition，muchlessprojectanarmyofkittensthroughspace。Theentirearrangement，saidtheletter，wasstrictlyorthodox，workedandsanctionedbythehighestauthoritieswithinthepaleofthecreed。Therewasgreatjoyatthis，forsomeoftheweakerbrethrenseeingthatanoutsiderwhohadbeenworkingonindependentlinescouldcreatekittens，whereastheirownrulershadnevergonebeyondcrockery——andbrokenatthat——wereshowingadesiretobreaklineontheirowntrail。Infact，therewasthepromiseofaschism。AsecondroundrobinwasdraftedtotheEnglishman，beginning：“Oh，Scoffer，“andendingwithaselectionofcursesfromtheritesofMizraimandMemphisandtheComminationofJugana；whowasa“fifthrounder，“uponwhosenameanupstart“thirdrounder“oncetraded。Apapalexcommunicationisabillet-douxcomparedtotheComminationofJugana。TheEnglishmanhadbeenprovedunderthehandandsealoftheOldManoftheMountainstohaveappropriatedvirtueandpretendedtohavepowerwhich，inreality，belongedonlytothesupremehead。
Naturallytheroundrobindidnotsparehim。
HehandedthelettertoDanaDatotranslateintodecentEnglish。
TheeffectonDanaDawascurious。Atfirsthewasfuriouslyangry，andthenhelaughedforfiveminutes。
“Ihadthought，“hesaid，“thattheywouldhavecometome。InanotherweekIwouldhaveshownthatIsenttheSending，andtheywouldhavediscrownedtheOldManoftheMountainswhohassentthisSendingofmine。Doyoudonothing。Thetimehascomeformetoact。WriteasIdictate，andIwillputthemtoshame。Butgivemetenmorerupees。”
AtDanaDa”sdictationtheEnglishmanwrotenothinglessthanaformalchallengetotheOldManoftheMountains。Itwoundup：
“Andifthismanifestationbefromyourhand，thenletitgoforward；butifitbefrommyhand，IwillthattheSendingshallceaseintwodays”time。Onthatdaythereshallbetwelvekittensandthenceforwardnoneatall。Thepeopleshalljudgebetweenus。”
ThiswassignedbyDanaDa，whoaddedpentaclesandpentagrams，andacruxansata，andhalfadozenswastikas，andaTripleTautohisname，justtoshowthathewasallhelaidclaimtobe。
Thechallengewasreadouttothegentlemenandladies，andtheyrememberedthenthatDanaDahadlaughedatthemsomeyearsago。
ItwasofficiallyannouncedthattheOldManoftheMountainswouldtreatthematterwithcontempt；DanaDabeinganindependentinvestigatorwithoutasingle“round“atthebackofhim。Butthisdidnotsoothehispeople。Theywantedtoseeafight。Theywereveryhumanforalltheirspirituality。LoneSahib，whowasreallybeingwornoutwithkittens，submittedmeeklytohisfate。Hefeltthathewasbeing“kittenedtoprovethepowerofDanaDa，“asthepoetsays。
Whenthestateddaydawned，theshowerofkittensbegan。Somewerewhiteandsomeweretabby，andallwereaboutthesameloathsomeage。Threewereonhishearth-rug，threeinhisbathroom，andtheothersixturnedupatintervalsamongthevisitorswhocametoseetheprophecybreakdown。NeverwasamoresatisfactorySending。
Onthenextdaytherewerenokittens，andthenextdayandalltheotherdayswerekittenlessandquiet。ThepeoplemurmuredandlookedtotheOldManoftheMountainsforanexplanation。A
letter，writtenonapalmleaf，droppedfromtheceiling，buteveryoneexceptLoneSahibfeltthatletterswerenotwhattheoccasiondemanded。Thereshouldhavebeencats，thereshouldhavebeencats——full-grownones。Theletterprovedconclusivelythattherehadbeenahitchinthepsychiccurrentwhich，collidingwithadualidentity，hadinterferedwiththepercipientactivityallalongthemainline。Thekittenswerestillgoingon，butowingtosomefailureinthedevelopingfluid，theywerenotmaterialized。
Theairwasthickwithlettersforafewdaysafterwards。UnseenhandsplayedGluckandBeethovenonfinger-bowlsandclockshades；
butallmenfeltthatpsychiclifewasamockerywithoutmaterializedkittens。EvenLoneSahibshoutedwiththemajorityonthishead。DanaDa”sletterswereveryinsulting，andifhehadthenofferedtoleadanewdeparture，thereisnoknowingwhatmightnothavehappened。
ButDanaDawasdyingofwhiskyandopiumintheEnglishman”sgo-
down，andhadsmallheartfornewcreeds。
“Theyhavebeenputtoshame，“saidhe。“NeverwassuchaSending。
Ithaskilledme。”
“Nonsense，“saidtheEnglishman，“youaregoingtodie，DanaDa，andthatsortofstuffmustbeleftbehind。I”lladmitthatyouhavemadesomequeerthingscomeabout。Tellmehonestly，now，howwasitdone？“
“Givemetenmorerupees，“saidDanaDa，faintly，“andifIdiebeforeIspendthem，burythemwithme。”ThesilverwascountedoutwhileDanaDawasfightingwithdeath。Hishandcloseduponthemoneyandhesmiledagrimsmile。
“Bendlow，“hewhispered。TheEnglishmanbent。
“Bunnia——missionschool——expelled——box-wallahpeddler——Ceylonpearlmerchant——allmineEnglisheducation——outcasted，andmadeupnameDanaDa——EnglandwithAmericanthought-readingmanand——and——
yougavemetenrupeesseveraltimes——IgavetheSahib”sbearertwo-eightamonthforcats——little，littlecats。Iwrote，andheputthemabout——verycleverman。Veryfewkittensnowinthebazaar。AskLoneSahib”ssweeper”swife。”
Sosaying，DanaDagaspedandpassedawayintoalandwhere，ifallbetrue，therearenomaterializationsandthemakingofnewcreedsisdiscouraged。
Butconsiderthegorgeoussimplicityofitall！
INTHEHOUSEOFSUDDHOO
Astone”sthrowoutoneitherhandFromthatwell-orderedroadwetread，Andalltheworldiswildandstrange；
ChurelandghoulandDjinnandspriteShallbearuscompanyto-night，ForwehavereachedtheOldestLandWhereinthePowersofDarknessrange。
FromtheDusktotheDawn。
ThehouseofSuddhoo，neartheTaksaliGate，istwo-storied，withfourcarvedwindowsofoldbrownwood，andaflatroof。Youmayrecognizeitbyfiveredhand-printsarrangedliketheFiveofDiamondsonthewhitewashbetweentheupperwindows。BhagwanDass，thebunnia，andamanwhosayshegetshislivingbyseal-cutting，liveinthelowerstorywithatroopofwives，servants，friends，andretainers。ThetwoupperroomsusedtobeoccupiedbyJanooandAzizunandalittleblack-and-tanterrierthatwasstolenfromanEnglishman”shouseandgiventoJanoobyasoldier。To-day，onlyJanoolivesintheupperrooms。Suddhoosleepsontheroofgenerally，exceptwhenhesleepsinthestreet。HeusedtogotoPeshawarinthecoldweathertovisithisson，whosellscuriositiesneartheEdwardes”Gate，andthenhesleptunderarealmudroof。Suddhooisagreatfriendofmine，becausehiscousinhadasonwhosecured，thankstomyrecommendation，thepostofhead-
messengertoabigfirmintheStation。SuddhoosaysthatGodwillmakemeaLieutenant-Governoroneofthesedays。Idaresayhisprophecywillcometrue。Heisvery，veryold，withwhitehairandnoteethworthshowing，andhehasoutlivedhiswits——outlivednearlyeverythingexcepthisfondnessforhissonatPeshawar。
JanooandAzizunareKashmiris，LadiesoftheCity，andtheirswasanancientandmoreorlesshonorableprofession；butAzizunhassincemarriedamedicalstudentfromtheNorth-WestandhassettleddowntoamostrespectablelifesomewherenearBareilly。BhagwanDassisanextortionateandanadulterator。Heisveryrich。Themanwhoissupposedtogethislivingbyseal-cuttingpretendstobeverypoor。ThisletsyouknowasmuchasisnecessaryofthefourprincipaltenantsinthehouseofSuddhoo。ThenthereisMe，ofcourse；butIamonlythechorusthatcomesinattheendtoexplainthings。SoIdonotcount。
Suddhoowasnotclever。Themanwhopretendedtocutsealswasthecleverestofthemall——BhagwanDassonlyknewhowtolie——exceptJanoo。Shewasalsobeautiful，butthatwasherownaffair。
Suddhoo”ssonatPeshawarwasattackedbypleurisy，andoldSuddhoowastroubled。Theseal-cuttermanheardofSuddhoo”sanxietyandmadecapitaloutofit。Hewasabreastofthetimes。HegotafriendinPeshawartotelegraphdailyaccountsoftheson”shealth。
Andherethestorybegins。
Suddhoo”scousin”ssontoldme，oneevening，thatSuddhoowantedtoseeme；thathewastoooldandfeebletocomepersonally，andthatIshouldbeconferringaneverlastinghonorontheHouseofSuddhooifIwenttohim。Iwent；butIthink，seeinghowwell-offSuddhoowasthen，thathemighthavesentsomethingbetterthananekka，whichjoltedfearfully，tohauloutafutureLieutenant-GovernortotheCityonamuggyAprilevening。Theekkadidnotrunquickly。
ItwasfulldarkwhenwepulledupoppositethedoorofRanjitSingh”sTombnearthemaingateoftheFort。HerewasSuddhooandhesaidthat，byreasonofmycondescension，itwasabsolutelycertainthatIshouldbecomeaLieutenant-Governorwhilemyhairwasyetblack。Thenwetalkedabouttheweatherandthestateofmyhealth，andthewheatcrops，forfifteenminutes，intheHuzuriBagh，underthestars。
Suddhoocametothepointatlast。HesaidthatJanoohadtoldhimthattherewasanorderoftheSirkaragainstmagic，becauseitwasfearedthatmagicmightonedaykilltheEmpressofIndia。I
didn”tknowanythingaboutthestateofthelaw；butIfanciedthatsomethinginterestingwasgoingtohappen。IsaidthatsofarfrommagicbeingdiscouragedbytheGovernmentitwashighlycommended。
ThegreatestofficialsoftheStatepracticeditthemselves。IftheFinancialStatementisn”tmagic，Idon”tknowwhatis。Then，toencouragehimfurther，Isaidthat，iftherewasanyjadooafoot，Ihadnottheleastobjectiontogivingitmycountenanceandsanction，andtoseeingthatitwascleanjadoo——whitemagic，asdistinguishedfromtheuncleanjadoowhichkillsfolk。IttookalongtimebeforeSuddhooadmittedthatthiswasjustwhathehadaskedmetocomefor。Thenhetoldme，injerksandquavers，thatthemanwhosaidhecutsealswasasorcererofthecleanestkind；
thateverydayhegaveSuddhoonewsofthesicksoninPeshawarmorequicklythanthelightningcouldfly，andthatthisnewswasalwayscorroboratedbytheletters。Further，thathehadtoldSuddhoohowagreatdangerwasthreateninghisson，whichcouldberemovedbycleanjadoo；and，ofcourse，heavypayment。Ibegantoseehowthelandlay，andtoldSuddhoothatIalsounderstoodalittlejadoointheWesternline，andwouldgotohishousetoseethateverythingwasdonedecentlyandinorder。Wesetofftogether；andonthewaySuddhootoldmehehadpaidtheseal-
cutterbetweenonehundredandtwohundredrupeesalready；andthejadooofthatnightwouldcosttwohundredmore。Whichwascheap，hesaid，consideringthegreatnessofhisson”sdanger；butIdonotthinkhemeantit。
Thelightswereallcloakedinthefrontofthehousewhenwearrived。Icouldhearawfulnoisesfrombehindtheseal-cutter”sshop-front，asifsomeoneweregroaninghissoulout。Suddhooshookallover，andwhilewegropedourwayupstairstoldmethatthejadoohadbegun。JanooandAzizunmetusatthestair-head，andtoldusthatthejadoo-workwascomingoffintheirrooms，becausetherewasmorespacethere。Janooisaladyofafreethinkingturnofmind。ShewhisperedthatthejadoowasaninventiontogetmoneyoutofSuddhoo，andthattheseal-cutterwouldgotoahotplacewhenhedied。Suddhoowasnearlycryingwithfearandoldage。Hekeptwalkingupanddowntheroominthehalflight，repeatinghisson”snameoverandoveragain，andaskingAzizuniftheseal-cutteroughtnottomakeareductioninthecaseofhisownlandlord。Janoopulledmeovertotheshadowintherecessofthecarvedbow-windows。Theboardswereup，andtheroomswereonlylitbyonetinylamp。TherewasnochanceofmybeingseenifIstayedstill。
Presently，thegroansbelowceased，andweheardstepsonthestaircase。Thatwastheseal-cutter。HestoppedoutsidethedoorastheterrierbarkedandAzizunfumbledatthechain，andhetoldSuddhootoblowoutthelamp。Thislefttheplaceinjetdarkness，exceptfortheredglowfromthetwohuqasthatbelongedtoJanooandAzizun。Theseal-cuttercamein，andIheardSuddhoothrowhimselfdownonthefloorandgroan。Azizuncaughtherbreath，andJanoobackedtooneofthebedswithashudder。Therewasaclinkofsomethingmetallic，andthenshotupapaleblue-greenflameneartheground。ThelightwasjustenoughtoshowAzizun，pressedagainstonecorneroftheroomwiththeterrierbetweenherknees；
Janoo，withherhandsclasped，leaningforwardasshesatonthebed；Suddhoo，facedown，quivering，andtheseal-cutter。
IhopeImayneverseeanothermanlikethatseal-cutter。Hewasstrippedtothewaist，withawreathofwhitejasmineasthickasmywristroundhisforehead，asalmon-coloredloin-clothroundhismiddle，andasteelbangleoneachankle。Thiswasnotawe-
inspiring。Itwasthefaceofthemanthatturnedmecold。Itwasblue-grayinthefirstplace。Inthesecond，theeyeswererolledbacktillyoucouldonlyseethewhitesofthem；and，inthethird，thefacewasthefaceofademon——aghoul——anythingyoupleaseexceptofthesleek，oilyoldruffianwhosatintheday-timeoverhisturning-lathedownstairs。Hewaslyingonhisstomach，withhisarmsturnedandcrossedbehindhim，asifhehadbeenthrowndownpinioned。Hisheadandneckweretheonlypartsofhimoffthefloor。Theywerenearlyatrightanglestothebody，liketheheadofacobraatspring。Itwasghastly。Inthecentreoftheroom，onthebareearthfloor，stoodabig，deep，brassbasin，withapaleblue-greenlightfloatinginthecentrelikeanight-light。
Roundthatbasinthemanonthefloorwriggledhimselfthreetimes。
HowhediditIdonotknow。Icouldseethemusclesripplealonghisspineandfallsmoothagain；butIcouldnotseeanyothermotion。Theheadseemedtheonlythingaliveabouthim，exceptthatslowcurlanduncurlofthelaboringback-muscles。Janoofromthebedwasbreathingseventytotheminute；Azizunheldherhandsbeforehereyes；andoldSuddhoo，fingeringatthedirtthathadgotintohiswhitebeard，wascryingtohimself。Thehorrorofitwasthatthecreeping，crawlythingmadenosound——onlycrawled！
And，remember，thislastedfortenminutes，whiletheterrierwhined，andAzizunshuddered，andJanoogasped，andSuddhoocried。
Ifeltthehairliftatthebackofmyhead，andmyheartthumplikeathermantidotepaddle。Luckily，theseal-cutterbetrayedhimselfbyhismostimpressivetrickandmademecalmagain。Afterhehadfinishedthatunspeakabletriplecrawl，hestretchedhisheadawayfromthefloorashighashecould，andsentoutajetoffirefromhisnostrils。Now，Iknewhowfire-spoutingisdone——I
candoitmyself——soIfeltatease。Thebusinesswasafraud。Ifhehadonlykepttothatcrawlwithouttryingtoraisetheeffect，goodnessknowswhatImightnothavethought。Boththegirlsshriekedatthejetoffireandtheheaddropped，chindown，onthefloorwithathud；thewholebodylyingthenlikeacorpsewithitsarmstrussed。Therewasapauseoffivefullminutesafterthis，andtheblue-greenflamedieddown。Janoostoopedtosettleoneofheranklets，whileAzizunturnedherfacetothewallandtooktheterrierinherarms。SuddhooputoutanarmmechanicallytoJanoo”shuqa，andshesliditacrossthefloorwithherfoot。
Directlyabovethebodyandonthewall，wereacoupleofflamingportraits，instampedpaperframes，oftheQueenandthePrinceofWales。Theylookeddownontheperformance，and，tomythinking，seemedtoheightenthegrotesquenessofitall。
Justwhenthesilencewasgettingunendurable，thebodyturnedoverandrolledawayfromthebasintothesideoftheroom，whereitlaystomachup。Therewasafaint“plop“fromthebasin——exactlylikethenoiseafishmakeswhenittakesafly——andthegreenlightinthecentrerevived。
Ilookedatthebasin，andsaw，bobbinginthewater，thedried，shrivelled，blackheadofanativebaby——openeyes，openmouthandshavedscalp。Itwasworse，beingsoverysudden，thanthecrawlingexhibition。Wehadnotimetosayanythingbeforeitbegantospeak。
ReadPoe”saccountofthevoicethatcamefromthemesmerizeddyingman，andyouwillrealizelessthanone-halfofthehorrorofthathead”svoice。
Therewasanintervalofasecondortwobetweeneachword，andasortof“ring，ring，ring，“inthenoteofthevoice，likethetimbreofabell。Itpealedslowly，asiftalkingtoitself，forseveralminutesbeforeIgotridofmycoldsweat。Thentheblessedsolutionstruckme。Ilookedatthebodylyingnearthedoorway，andsaw，justwherethehollowofthethroatjoinsontheshoulders，amusclethathadnothingtodowithanyman”sregularbreathing，twitchingawaysteadily。ThewholethingwasacarefulreproductionoftheEgyptianteraphinthatonereadaboutsometimesandthevoicewasascleverandasappallingapieceofventriloquismasonecouldwishtohear。Allthistimetheheadwas“lip-lip-lapping“againstthesideofthebasin，andspeaking。
IttoldSuddhoo，onhisfaceagainwhining，ofhisson”sillnessandofthestateoftheillnessuptotheeveningofthatverynight。Ialwaysshallrespecttheseal-cutterforkeepingsofaithfullytothetimeofthePeshawartelegrams。Itwentontosaythatskilleddoctorswerenightanddaywatchingovertheman”slife；andthathewouldeventuallyrecoverifthefeetothepotentsorcerer，whoseservantwastheheadinthebasin，weredoubled。
Herethemistakefromtheartisticpointofviewcamein。ToaskfortwiceyourstipulatedfeeinavoicethatLazarusmighthaveusedwhenherosefromthedead，isabsurd。Janoo，whoisreallyawomanofmasculineintellect，sawthisasquicklyasIdid。I
heardhersay“Aslinahin！Fareib！“scornfullyunderherbreath；
andjustasshesaidso，thelightinthebasindiedout，theheadstoppedtalking，andweheardtheroomdoorcreakonitshinges。
ThenJanoostruckamatch，litthelamp，andwesawthathead，basin，andseal-cutterweregone。Suddhoowaswringinghishandsandexplainingtoanyonewhocaredtolisten，that，ifhischancesofeternalsalvationdependedonit，hecouldnotraiseanothertwohundredrupees。Azizunwasnearlyinhystericsinthecorner；
whileJanoosatdowncomposedlyononeofthebedstodiscusstheprobabilitiesofthewholethingbeingabunao，or“make-up。”
IexplainedasmuchasIknewoftheseal-cutter”swayofjadoo；
butherargumentwasmuchmoresimple：”Themagicthatisalwaysdemandinggiftsisnotruemagic，“saidshe。“Mymothertoldmethattheonlypotentlove-spellsarethosewhicharetoldyouforlove。Thisseal-cuttermanisaliarandadevil。Idarenottell，doanything，orgetanythingdone，becauseIamindebttoBhagwanDassthebunniafortwogoldringsandaheavyanklet。I
mustgetmyfoodfromhisshop。Theseal-cutteristhefriendofBhagwanDass，andhewouldpoisonmyfood。Afool”sjadoohasbeengoingonfortendays，andhascostSuddhoomanyrupeeseachnight。
Theseal-cutterusedblackhensandlemonsandmantrasbefore。Henevershowedusanythinglikethistillto-night。Azizunisafool，andwillbeapurdahnashinsoon。Suddhoohaslosthisstrengthandhiswits。Seenow！IhadhopedtogetfromSuddhoomanyrupeeswhilehelived，andmanymoreafterhisdeath；andbehold，heisspendingeverythingonthatoffspringofadevilandashe-ass，theseal-cutter！“
HereIsaid：”ButwhatinducedSuddhootodragmeintothebusiness？OfcourseIcanspeaktotheseal-cutter，andheshallrefund。Thewholethingischild”stalk——shame——andsenseless。”
“SuddhooISanoldchild，“saidJanoo。“Hehaslivedontheroofstheseseventyyearsandisassenselessasamilch-goat。HebroughtyouheretoassurehimselfthathewasnotbreakinganylawoftheSirkar，whosesaltheatemanyyearsago。Heworshipsthedustoffthefeetoftheseal-cutter，andthatcow-devourerhasforbiddenhimtogoandseehisson。WhatdoesSuddhooknowofyourlawsorthelightning-post？Ihavetowatchhismoneygoingdaybydaytothatlyingbeastbelow。”
Janoostampedherfootonthefloorandnearlycriedwithvexation；
whileSuddhoowaswhimperingunderablanketinthecorner，andAzizunwastryingtoguidethepipe-stemtohisfoolisholdmouth……
Nowthecasestandsthus。Unthinkingly，Ihavelaidmyselfopentothechargeofaidingandabettingtheseal-cutterinobtainingmoneyunderfalsepretences，whichisforbiddenbySection420oftheIndianPenalCode。Iamhelplessinthematterforthesereasons，IcannotinformthePolice。Whatwitnesseswouldsupportmystatements？Janoorefusesflatly，AzizunisaveiledwomansomewherenearBareilly——lostinthisbigIndiaofours。Icannotagaintakethelawintomyownhands，andspeaktotheseal-cutter；
forcertainamIthat，notonlywouldSuddhoodisbelieveme，butthisstepwouldendinthepoisoningofJanoo，whoisboundhandandfootbyherdebttothebunnia。Suddhooisanolddotard；andwheneverwemeetmumblesmyidioticjokethattheSirkarratherpatronizestheBlackArtthanotherwise。Hissoniswellnow；butSuddhooiscompletelyundertheinfluenceoftheseal-cutter，bywhoseadviceheregulatestheaffairsofhislife。JanoowatchesdailythemoneythatshehopedtowheedleoutofSuddhootakenbytheseal-cutter，andbecomesdailymorefuriousandsullen。
Shewillnevertell，becauseshedarenot；but，unlesssomethinghappenstopreventher，Iamafraidthattheseal-cutterwilldieofcholera——thewhitearsenickind——aboutthemiddleofMay。AndthusIshallhavetobeprivytoamurderintheHouseofSuddhoo。
HISWEDDEDWIFE。
Cry“Murder！“inthemarket-place，andeachWillturnuponhisneighboranxiouseyesThatask：”Artthoutheman？“WehuntedCain，Somecenturiesago，acrosstheworld，ThatbredthefearourownmisdeedsmaintainTo-day。
Vibart”sMoralities。
Shakespearesayssomethingaboutworms，oritmaybegiantsorbeetles，turningifyoutreadonthemtooseverely。Thesafestplanisnevertotreadonaworm——notevenonthelastnewsubalternfromHome，withhisbuttonshardlyoutoftheirtissuepaper，andtheredofsappyEnglishbeefinhischeeks。Thisisthestoryofthewormthatturned。Forthesakeofbrevity，wewillcallHenryAugustusRamsayFaizanne，“TheWorm，“althoughhereallywasanexceedinglyprettyboy，withoutahaironhisface，andwithawaistlikeagirl”swhenhecameouttotheSecond“Shikarris“andwasmadeunhappyinseveralways。The“Shikarris“
areahigh-casteregiment，andyoumustbeabletodothingswell——
playabanjoorridemorethanalittle，orsing，oract——togetonwiththem。
TheWormdidnothingexceptfalloffhispony，andknockchipsoutofgate-postswithhistrap。Eventhatbecamemonotonousafteratime。Heobjectedtowhist，cuttheclothatbilliards，sangoutoftune，keptverymuchtohimself，andwrotetohisMammaandsistersatHome。Fourofthesefivethingswereviceswhichthe“Shikarris“objectedtoandsetthemselvestoeradicate。Everyoneknowshowsubalternsare，bybrothersubalterns，softenedandnotpermittedtobeferocious。Itisgoodandwholesome，anddoesnooneanyharm，unlesstempersarelost；andthenthereistrouble。
Therewasamanonce——butthatisanotherstory。
The“Shikarris“shikarredTheWormverymuch，andheboreeverythingwithoutwinking。Hewassogoodandsoanxioustolearn，andflushedsopink，thathiseducationwascutshort，andhewaslefttohisowndevicesbyeveryoneexcepttheSeniorSubaltern，whocontinuedtomakelifeaburdentoTheWorm。TheSeniorSubalternmeantnoharm；buthischaffwascoarse，andhedidn”tquiteunderstandwheretostop。Hehadbeenwaitingtoolongforhiscompany；andthatalwayssoursaman。Alsohewasinlove，whichmadehimworse。
Oneday，afterhehadborrowedTheWorm”strapforaladywhoneverexisted，hadusedithimselfalltheafternoon，hadsentanotetoTheWormpurportingtocomefromthelady，andwastellingtheMessallaboutit，TheWormroseinhisplaceandsaid，inhisquiet，ladylikevoice：“Thatwasaveryprettysell；butI”lllayyouamonth”spaytoamonth”spaywhenyougetyourstep，thatIworkasellonyouthatyou”llrememberfortherestofyourdays，andtheRegimentafteryouwhenyou”redeadorbroke。”TheWormwasn”tangryintheleast，andtherestoftheMessshouted。ThentheSeniorSubalternlookedatTheWormfromthebootsupwards，anddownagain，andsaid，“Done，Baby。”TheWormtooktherestoftheMesstowitnessthatthebethadbeentaken，andretiredintoabookwithasweetsmile。
Twomonthspassed，andtheSeniorSubalternstilleducatedTheWorm，whobegantomoveaboutalittlemoreasthehotweathercameon。IhavesaidthattheSeniorSubalternwasinlove。ThecuriousthingisthatagirlwasinlovewiththeSeniorSubaltern。
ThoughtheColonelsaidawfulthings，andtheMajorssnorted，andmarriedCaptainslookedunutterablewisdom，andthejuniorsscoffed，thosetwowereengaged。
TheSeniorSubalternwassopleasedwithgettinghisCompanyandhisacceptanceatthesametimethatheforgottobotherTheWorm。
Thegirlwasaprettygirl，andhadmoneyofherown。Shedoesnotcomeintothisstoryatall。
Onenight，atthebeginningofthehotweather，alltheMess，exceptTheWorm，whohadgonetohisownroomtowriteHomeletters，weresittingontheplatformoutsidetheMessHouse。TheBandhadfinishedplaying，butnoonewantedtogoin。AndtheCaptains”wivesweretherealso。Thefollyofamaninloveisunlimited。TheSeniorSubalternhadbeenholdingforthonthemeritsofthegirlhewasengagedto，andtheladieswerepurringapproval，whilethemenyawned，whentherewasarustleofskirtsinthedark，andatired，faintvoicelifteditself：
“Where”smyhusband？“
Idonotwishintheleasttoreflectonthemoralityofthe“Shikarris；“butitisonrecordthatfourmenjumpedupasiftheyhadbeenshot。Threeofthemweremarriedmen。PerhapstheywereafraidthattheirwiveshadcomefromHomeunbeknownst。Thefourthsaidthathehadactedontheimpulseofthemoment。Heexplainedthisafterwards。
Thenthevoicecried：”Oh，Lionel！“LionelwastheSeniorSubaltern”sname。Awomancameintothelittlecircleoflightbythecandlesonthepeg-tables，stretchingoutherhandstothedarkwheretheSeniorSubalternwas，andsobbing。Werosetoourfeet，feelingthatthingsweregoingtohappenandreadytobelievetheworst。Inthisbad，smallworldofours，oneknowssolittleofthelifeofthenextman——which，afterall，isentirelyhisownconcern——thatoneisnotsurprisedwhenacrashcomes。Anythingmightturnupanydayforanyone。PerhapstheSeniorSubalternhadbeentrappedinhisyouth。Menarecrippledthatwayoccasionally。Wedidn”tknow；wewantedtohear；andtheCaptains”
wiveswereasanxiousaswe。IfheHADbeentrapped，hewastobeexcused；forthewomanfromnowhere，inthedustyshoes，andgraytravellingdress，wasverylovely，withblackhairandgreateyesfulloftears。Shewastall，withafinefigure，andhervoicehadarunningsobinitpitifultohear。AssoonastheSeniorSubalternstoodup，shethrewherarmsroundhisneck，andcalledhim“mydarling，“andsaidshecouldnotbearwaitingaloneinEngland，andhislettersweresoshortandcold，andshewashistotheendoftheworld，andwouldheforgiveher。Thisdidnotsoundquitelikealady”swayofspeaking。Itwastoodemonstrative。
Thingsseemedblackindeed，andtheCaptains”wivespeeredundertheireyebrowsattheSeniorSubaltern，andtheColonel”sfacesetliketheDayofJudgmentframedingraybristles，andnoonespokeforawhile。
NexttheColonelsaid，veryshortly：”Well，Sir？“andthewomansobbedafresh。TheSeniorSubalternwashalfchokedwiththearmsroundhisneck，buthegaspedout：”It”sad——dlie！Ineverhadawifeinmylife！““Don”tswear，“saidtheColonel。“ComeintotheMess。Wemustsiftthisclearsomehow，“andhesighedtohimself，forhebelievedinhis“Shikarris，“didtheColonel。
Wetroopedintotheante-room，underthefulllights，andtherewesawhowbeautifulthewomanwas。Shestoodupinthemiddleofusall，sometimeschokingwithcrying，thenhardandproud，andthenholdingoutherarmstotheSeniorSubaltern。Itwaslikethefourthactofatragedy。ShetoldushowtheSeniorSubalternhadmarriedherwhenhewasHomeonleaveeighteenmonthsbefore；andsheseemedtoknowallthatweknew，andmoretoo，ofhispeopleandhispastlife。Hewaswhiteandashygray，tryingnowandagaintobreakintothetorrentofherwords；andwe，notinghowlovelyshewasandwhatacriminalhelooked，esteemedhimabeastoftheworstkind。Wefeltsorryforhim，though。
IshallneverforgettheindictmentoftheSeniorSubalternbyhiswife。Norwillhe。Itwassosudden，rushingoutofthedark，unannounced，intoourdulllives。TheCaptains”wivesstoodback；
buttheireyeswerealight，andyoucouldseethattheyhadalreadyconvictedandsentencedtheSeniorSubaltern。TheColonelseemedfiveyearsolder。OneMajorwasshadinghiseyeswithhishandandwatchingthewomanfromunderneathit。Anotherwaschewinghismoustacheandsmilingquietlyasifhewerewitnessingaplay。
Fullintheopenspaceinthecentre，bythewhist-tables，theSeniorSubaltern”sterrierwashuntingforfleas。Irememberallthisasclearlyasthoughaphotographwereinmyhand。IrememberthelookofhorrorontheSeniorSubaltern”sface。Itwasratherlikeseeingamanhanged；butmuchmoreinteresting。Finally，thewomanwoundupbysayingthattheSeniorSubalterncarriedadoubleF。M。intattooonhisleftshoulder。Weallknewthat，andtoourinnocentmindsitseemedtoclinchthematter。ButoneoftheBachelorMajorssaidverypolitely：”Ipresumethatyourmarriagecertificatewouldbemoretothepurpose？“
Thatrousedthewoman。ShestoodupandsneeredattheSeniorSubalternforacur，andabusedtheMajorandtheColonelandalltherest。Thenshewept，andthenshepulledapaperfromherbreast，sayingimperially：”Takethat！Andletmyhusband——mylawfullyweddedhusband——readitaloud——ifhedare！“
Therewasahush，andthemenlookedintoeachother”seyesastheSeniorSubalterncameforwardinadazedanddizzyway，andtookthepaper。Wewerewonderingaswestared，whethertherewasanythingagainstanyoneofusthatmightturnuplateron。TheSeniorSubaltern”sthroatwasdry；but，asheranhiseyeoverthepaper，hebrokeoutintoahoarsecackleofrelief，andsaidtothewoman：”Youyoungblackguard！“
Butthewomanhadfledthroughadoor，andonthepaperwaswritten：”ThisistocertifythatI，TheWorm，havepaidinfullmydebtstotheSeniorSubaltern，and，further，thattheSeniorSubalternismydebtor，byagreementonthe23dofFebruary，asbytheMessattested，totheextentofonemonth”sCaptain”spay，inthelawfulcurrencyoftheIndiaEmpire。”
ThenadeputationsetoffforTheWorm”squartersandfoundhim，betwixtandbetween，unlacinghisstays，withthehat，wig，sergedress，etc。，onthebed。Hecameoverashewas，andthe“Shikarris“shoutedtilltheGunners”Messsentovertoknowiftheymighthaveashareofthefun。Ithinkwewereall，excepttheColonelandtheSeniorSubaltern，alittledisappointedthatthescandalhadcometonothing。Butthatishumannature。TherecouldbenotwowordsaboutTheWorm”sacting。Itleanedasneartoanastytragedyasanythingthissideofajokecan。WhenmostoftheSubalternssatuponhimwithsofa-cushionstofindoutwhyhehadnotsaidthatactingwashisstrongpoint，heansweredveryquietly：”Idon”tthinkyoueveraskedme。IusedtoactatHomewithmysisters。”ButnoactingwithgirlscouldaccountforTheWorm”sdisplaythatnight。Personally，Ithinkitwasinbadtaste。Besidesbeingdangerous。Thereisnosortofuseinplayingwithfire，evenforfun。
The“Shikarris“madehimPresidentoftheRegimentalDramaticClub；
and，whentheSeniorSubalternpaiduphisdebt，whichhedidatonce，TheWormsankthemoneyinsceneryanddresses。HewasagoodWorm；andthe“Shikarris“areproudofhim。Theonlydrawbackisthathehasbeenchristened“Mrs。SeniorSubaltern；“andastherearenowtwoMrs。SeniorSubalternsintheStation，thisissometimesconfusingtostrangers。
Lateron，Iwilltellyouofacasesomethinglike，this，butwithallthejestleftoutandnothinginitbutrealtrouble。
A。ConanDoyleACaseofIdentity“Mydearfellow，“saidSherlockHolmes，aswesatoneithersideofthefireinhislodgingsatBakerStreet，“lifeisinfinitelystrangerthananythingwhichthemindofmancaninvent。Wewouldnotdaretoconceivethethingswhicharereallymerecommonplacesofexistence。Ifwecouldflyoutofthatwindowhandinhand，hoveroverthisgreatcity，gentlyremovetheroofs，andpeepinatthequeerthingswhicharegoingon，thestrangecoincidences，theplannings，thecross-purposes，thewonderfulchainsofevents，workingthroughgenerations，andleadingtothemostoutreresults，itwouldmakeallfiction，withitsconventionalitiesandforeseenconclusions，moststaleandunprofitable。”
“AndyetIamnotconvincedofit，“Ianswered。“Thecaseswhichcometolightinthepapersare，asarule，baldenough，andvulgarenough。Wehaveinourpolicereportsrealismpushedtoitsextremelimits，andyettheresultis，itmustbeconfessed，neitherfascinatingnorartistic。”
“Acertainselectionanddiscretionmustbeusedinproducingarealisticeffect，“remarkedHolmes。“Thisiswantinginthepolicereport，wheremorestressislaidperhapsupontheplatitudesofthemagistratethanuponthedetails，whichtoanobservercontainthevitalessenceofthewholematter。Dependuponit，thereisnothingsounnaturalasthecommonplace。”
Ismiledandshookmyhead。“Icanquiteunderstandyourthinkingso，“Isaid。“Ofcourse，inyourpositionofunofficialadviserandhelpertoeverybodywhoisabsolutelypuzzled，throughoutthreecontinents，youarebroughtincontactwithallthatisstrangeandbizarre。Buthere，“——Ipickedupthemorningpaperfromtheground”letusputittoapracticaltest。HereisthefirstheadinguponwhichIcome。”Ahusband”scrueltytohiswife。”
Thereishalfacolumnofprint，butIknowwithoutreadingitthatitisallperfectlyfamiliartome。Thereis，ofcourse，theotherwoman，thedrink，thepush，theblow，thebruise，theunsympatheticsisterorlandlady。Thecrudestofwriterscouldinventnothingmorecrude。”
“Indeedyourexampleisanunfortunateoneforyourargument，“saidHolmes，takingthepaper，andglancinghiseyedownit。“ThisistheDundasseparationcase，and，asithappens，Iwasengagedinclearingupsomesmallpointsinconnectionwithit。Thehusbandwasateetotaler，therewasnootherwoman，andtheconductcomplainedofwasthathehaddriftedintothehabitofwindingupeverymealbytakingouthisfalseteethandhurlingthemathiswife，whichyouwillallowisnotanactionlikelytooccurtotheimaginationoftheaveragestoryteller。Takeapinchofsnuff，doctor，andacknowledgethatIhavescoredoveryouinyourexample。”
Heheldouthissnuffboxofoldgold，withagreatamethystinthecenterofthelid。ItssplendorwasinsuchcontrasttohishomelywaysandsimplelifethatIcouldnothelpcommentinguponit。