However，youarenottheonlypersonwithwhomIambehindhand：I
assureyou，onthecontrary，thatyouareoneofaverynumerousandfashionablecompany，towhom，towardsthedischargeofmydebts，Iproposetoconsecratefourhoursto-day。Igiveyouthepreferencetoalltheworld，eventothelovelyDuchessofSanSeverino，adeliciousItalian，whom，formyspecialhappiness，I
metlastsummerattheWatersofAix。IhavealsoamostimportantnegotiationtoconcludewithoneofourPrincesofFinance：butn’importe，Icommencewiththee：friendshipbeforeloveormoney——
friendshipbeforeeverything。Mydespatchesconcluded，IamengagedtoridewiththeMarquisdeGrigneure，theComtedeCastijars，andLordCobham，inorderthatwemayrecover，forabreakfastattheRocherdeCancalethatGrigneurehaslost，theappetitewhichweallofussocruellyabusedlastnightattheAmbassador’sgala。Onmyhonor，mydearfellow，everybodywasofacapriceprestigieuxandacomfortablemirobolant。Fancy，forabanquet-hall，aroyalorangeryhungwithwhitedamask。theboxesoftheshrubstransformedintosomanysideboards。lightsgleamingthroughthefoliage。and，forguests，theloveliestwomenandmostbrilliantcavaliersofParis。OrleansandNemourswerethere，dancingandeatinglikesimplemortals。Inaword，Albiondidthethingveryhandsomely，andIaccorditmyesteem。
HereIpause，tocallformyvalet-de-chambre，andcallfortea。
formyheadisheavy，andI’venotimeforaheadache。Inservingme，thisrascalofaFrederichasbrokenacup，trueJapan，uponmyhonor——theroguedoesnothingelse。Yesterday，forinstance，didhenotthumpmeprodigiously，bylettingfallagoblet，afterCellini，ofwhichthecarvingalonecostmethreehundredfrancs？
Imustpositivelyputthewretchoutofdoors，toensurethesafetyofmyfurniture。andinconsequenceofthis，Eneas，anaudaciousyoungnegro，inwhomwisdomhathnotwaitedforyears——Eneas，mygroom，Isay，willprobablybeelevatedtothepostofvalet-de-
chambre。ButwherewasI？IthinkIwasspeakingtoyouofanoysterbreakfast，towhich，onourreturnfromtheParkduBois，acompanyofpleasantrakesareinvited。AfterquittingBorel’s，weproposetoadjourntotheBarriereduCombat，whereLordCobhamproposestotrysomebull-dogs，whichhehasbroughtoverfromEngland——oneofthese，O’ConnellLordCobhamisaTory，hasafaceinwhichIplacemuchconfidence。IhaveabetoftenlouiswithCastijarsonthestrengthofit。Afterthefight，weshallmakeouraccustomedappearanceatthe’CafedeParis，’theonlyplace，bytheway，whereamanwhorespectshimselfmaybeseen，——andthenawaywithfrocksandspurs，andonwithourdress-coatsfortherestoftheevening。Inthefirstplace，IshallgodozeforacoupleofhoursattheOpera，wheremypresenceisindispensable。forCoralie，acharmingcreature，passesthiseveningfromtherankoftheRATS
tothatoftheTIGERS，inapas-de-trois，andourboxpatronizesher。AftertheOpera，ImustshowmyfacetotwoorthreesalonsintheFaubourgSt。Honore。andhavingthusperformedmydutiestotheworldoffashion，IreturntotheexerciseofmyrightsasamemberoftheCarnival。Attwoo’clockalltheworldmeetsattheTheatreVentadour：lionsandtigers——thewholeofourmenageriewillbepresent。Evoe！offwego！roaringandboundingBacchanalandSaturnal。’tisagreedthatweshallbeeverythingthatislow。Toconclude，wesupwithCastijars，themost’furiouslydishevelled’
orgythateverwasknown。
Therestoftheletterisonmattersoffinance，equallycuriousandinstructive。Butpauseweforthepresent，toconsiderthefashionablepart：andcaricatureasitis，wehaveanaccuratepictureoftheactualFrenchdandy。Bets，breakfasts，riding，dinnersattheCafedeParis，anddeliriousCarnivalballs：theanimalgoesthroughallsuchfranticpleasuresattheseasonthatprecedesLent。HehasawondrousrespectforEnglishgentlemen-
sportsmen。heimitatestheirclubs——theirloveofhorse-flesh：hecallshispalefrenieragroom，wearsbluebirds’s-eyeneck-cloths，sportshispinkouthunting，ridessteeple-chases，andhashisJockeyClub。Thetigersandlionsalludedtointhereporthavebeenborrowedfromourowncountry，andagreatcomplimentisittoMonsieurdeBernard，thewriteroftheaboveamusingsketch，thathehassuchaknowledgeofEnglishnamesandthings，astogiveaTorylordthedecenttitleofLordCobham，andtocallhisdogO’Connell。PauldeKockcallsanEnglishnobleman，inoneofhislastnovels，LordBoulingrog，andappearsvastlydelightedattheverisimilitudeofthetitle。
Fortherugissementsetbondissements，bacchanaleetsaturnale，galopinfernal，rondedusabbattoutletremblement，thesewordsgiveamostclear，untranslatableideaoftheCarnivalball。A
sightmorehideouscanhardlystrikeaman’seye。Iwaspresentatonewherethefourthousandguestswhirledscreaming，reeling，roaring，outoftheball-roomintheRueSt。Honore，andtoredowntothecolumninthePlaceVendome，roundwhichtheywentshriekingtheirownmusic，twentymilesanhour，andsotoremadlybackagain。Letamangoalonetosuchaplaceofamusement，andthesightforhimisperfectlyterrible：thehorridfranticgayetyoftheplaceputshiminmindmoreofthemerrimentofdemonsthanofmen：bang，bang，drums，trumpets，chairs，pistol-shots，pouroutoftheorchestra，whichseemsasmadasthedancers。whiz，awhirlwindofpaintandpatches，allthecostumesunderthesun，alltheranksintheempire，alltheheandshescoundrelsofthecapital，writhedandtwistedtogether，rushbyyou。ifamanfalls，woebetohim：twothousandscreamingmenadsgotramplingoverhiscarcass：theyhaveneitherpowernorwilltostop。
AsetofMalaysdrunkwithbhangandrunningamuck，acompanyofhowlingdervishes，maypossibly，inourownday，gothroughsimilarfranticvagaries。butIdoubtifanycivilizedEuropeanpeoplebuttheFrenchwouldpermitandenjoysuchscenes。Yetourneighborsseelittleshameinthem。anditisverytruethatmenofallclasses，highandlow，herecongregateandgivethemselvesuptothedisgustingworshipofthegeniusoftheplace——FromthedandyoftheBoulevardandtheCafeAnglais，letusturntothedandyofFlicoteau’sandthePaysLatin——theParisstudent，whoseexploitsamongthegrisettesaresocelebrated，andwhosefiercerepublicanismkeepsgendarmesforeveronthealert。ThefollowingisM。deBernard’sdescriptionofhim：——
IbecameacquaintedwithDambergeacwhenwewerestudentsattheEcoledeDroit。welivedinthesameHotelonthePlaceduPantheon。Nodoubt，madam，youhaveoccasionallymetlittlechildrendedicatedtotheVirgin，and，tothisend，clothedinwhiteraimentfromheadtofoot：myfriend，Dambergeac，hadreceivedadifferentconsecration。Hisfather，agreatpatriotoftheRevolution，haddeterminedthathissonshouldbearintotheworldasignofindeliblerepublicanism。so，tothegreatdispleasureofhisgodmotherandtheparishcurate，DambergeacwaschristenedbythepagannameofHarmodius。Itwasakindofmoraltricolor-cockade，whichthechildwastobearthroughthevicissitudesofalltherevolutionstocome。Undersuchinfluences，myfriend’scharacterbegantodevelopitself，and，firedbytheexampleofhisfather，andbythewarmatmosphereofhisnativeplace，Marseilles，hegrewuptohaveanindependentspirit，andagrandliberalityofpolitics，whichwereattheirheightwhenfirstImadehisacquaintance。
Hewasthenayoungmanofeighteen，withatall，slimfigure，abroadchest，andaflamingblackeye，outofallwhichpersonalcharmsheknewhowtodrawthemostadvantage。andthoughhiscostumewassuchasStaubmightprobablyhavecriticised，hehad，nevertheless，astylepeculiartohimself——tohimselfandthestudents，amongwhomhewastheleaderofthefashion。Atightblackcoat，buttoneduptothechin，acrossthechest，setoffthatpartofhisperson。alow-crownedhat，withavoluminousrim，castsolemnshadowsoveracountenancebronzedbyasouthernsun：hewore，atonetime，enormousflowingblacklocks，whichhesacrificedpitilessly，however，andadoptedaBrutus，asbeingmorerevolutionary：finally，hecarriedanenormousclub，thatwashiscodeanddigest：inlikemanner，DeRetzusedtocarryastilettoinhispocketbywayofabreviary。
Althoughofdifferentwaysofthinkinginpolitics，certainsympathiesofcharacterandconductunitedDambergeacandmyself，andwespeedilybecameclosefriends。Idon’tthink，inthewholecourseofhisthreeyears’residence，Dambergeaceverwentthroughasinglecourseoflectures。Fortheexaminations，hetrustedtoluck，andtohisownfacility，whichwasprodigious：asforhonors，heneveraimedatthem，butwascontenttodoexactlyaslittleaswasnecessaryforhimtogainhisdegree。Inlikemannerhesedulouslyavoidedthosehorriblecirculatinglibraries，wheredailyareseentocongregatethe’readingmen’ofourschools。
But，inrevenge，therewasnotamilliner’sshop，oralingere’s，inallourquartierLatin，whichhedidnotindustriouslyfrequent，andofwhichhewasnottheoracle。Nay，itwassaidthathisvictorieswerenotconfinedtotheleftbankoftheSeine。reportsdidoccasionallycometousoffabulousadventuresbyhimaccomplishedinthefarregionsoftheRuedelaPaixandtheBoulevardPoissonniere。Suchrecitalswere，foruslessfavoredmortals，liketalesofBacchusconqueringintheEast。theyexcitedourambition，butnotourjealousy。forthesuperiorityofHarmodiuswasacknowledgedbyusall，andweneverthoughtofarivalrywithhim。NomanevercanteredahackthroughtheChampsElyseeswithsuchelegantassurance。nomanevermadesuchamassacreofdollsattheshooting-gallery。orwonyouarubberatbilliardswithmoreeasygrace。orthunderedoutacoupletoutofBerangerwithsucharoaringmelodiousbass。HewasthemonarchofthePradoinwinter：insummeroftheChaumiereandMontParnasse。
Notafrequenterofthosefashionableplacesofentertainmentshowedamoreamiablelaisser-allerinthedance——thatpeculiardanceatwhichgendarmesthinkpropertoblush，andwhichsqueamishsocietyhasbanishedfromhersalons。Inaword，Harmodiuswastheprinceofmauvaissujets，ayouthwithalltheaccomplishmentsofGottingenandJena，andalltheeminentgracesofhisowncountry。
Besidesdissipationandgallantry，ourfriendhadoneothervastandabsorbingoccupation——politics，namely。inwhichhewasasturbulentandenthusiasticasinpleasure。LaPatriewashisidol，hisheaven，hisnightmare。bydayhespouted，bynighthedreamed，ofhiscountry。IhavespokentoyouofhiscoiffurealaSylla。
needImentionhispipe，hismeerschaumpipe，ofwhichGeneralFoy’sheadwasthebowl。hishandkerchiefwiththeCharteprintedthereon。andhiscelebratedtricolorbraces，whichkepttherallyingsignofhiscountryeverclosetohisheart？Besidestheseoutwardandvisiblesignsofsedition，hehadinwardandsecretplansofrevolution：hebelongedtoclubs，frequentedassociations，readtheConstitutionnelLiberals，inthosedays，sworebytheConstitutionnel，haranguedpeersanddeputieswhohaddeservedwelloftheircountry。andifdeathhappenedtofallonsuch，andtheConstitutionneldeclaredtheirmerit，Harmodiuswastheveryfirsttoattendtheirobsequies，ortosethisshouldertotheircoffins。
Suchwerehistastesandpassions：hisantipathieswerenotlesslively。Hedetestedthreethings：aJesuit，agendarme，andaclaqueuratatheatre。Atthisperiod，missionarieswererifeaboutParis，andendeavoredtore-illumethezealofthefaithfulbypublicpreachingsinthechurches。’Infamesjesuites！’wouldHarmodiusexclaim，who，intheexcessofhistoleration，toleratednothing。and，attheheadofabandofphilosopherslikehimself，wouldattendwithscrupulousexactitudethemeetingsofthereverendgentlemen。But，insteadofacontriteheart，Harmodiusonlybroughttheabominationofdesolationintotheirsanctuary。A
perpetualfireoffulminatingballswouldbangfromunderthefeetofthefaithful。odorsofimpureassafoetidawouldminglewiththefumesoftheincense。andwickeddrinkingchoruseswouldriseupalongwiththeholycanticles，inhideousdissonance，remindingoneoftheoldorgiesunderthereignoftheAbbotofUnreason。
Hishatredofthegendarmeswasequallyferocious：andasfortheclaqueurs，woebetothemwhenHarmodiuswasinthepit！Theyknewhim，andtrembledbeforehim，liketheearthbeforeAlexander。andhisfamouswar-cry，’LaCarteauchapeau！’wassomuchdreaded，thatthe’entrepreneursdesuccesdramatiques’demandedtwiceasmuchtodotheOdeonTheatrewhichwestudentsandHarmodiusfrequented，astoapplaudatanyotherplaceofamusement：and，indeed，theirdoublepaywashardlygained。Harmodiustakingcarethattheyshouldearnthemostofitunderthebenches。
Thispassage，withwhichwehavetakensomeliberties，willgivethereaderamorelivelyideaofthereckless，jovial，turbulentParisstudent，thananywithwhichaforeignercouldfurnishhim：
thegrisetteishisheroine。anddearoldBeranger，thecynic-
epicurean，hascelebratedhimandherinthemostdelightfulversesintheworld。Ofthesewemayhaveoccasiontosayawordortwoanon。MeanwhileletusfollowMonsieurdeBernardinhisamusingdescriptionsofhiscountrymensomewhatfarther。and，havingseenhowDambergeacwasaferociousrepublican，beingabachelor，letusseehowage，sense，andalittlegovernmentpay——thegreatagentofconversionsinFrance——nay，inEngland——hasreducedhimtobeapompous，quiet，loyalsupporterofthejustemilieu：hisformerportraitwasthatofthestudent，thepresentwillstandforanadmirablelivelylikenessofTHESOUS-PREFET。
SayingthatIwouldwaitforDambergeacinhisownstudy，Iwasintroducedintothatapartment，andsawaroundmetheusualfurnitureofamaninhisstation。Therewas，inthemiddleoftheroom，alargebureau，surroundedbyorthodoxarm-chairs。andthereweremanyshelveswithboxesdulyticketed。therewereanumberofmaps，andamongthemagreatoneofthedepartmentoverwhichDambergeacruled。andfacingthewindows，onawoodenpedestal，stoodaplaster-castofthe’RoidesFrancais。’Recollectingmyfriend’sformerrepublicanism，Ismiledatthispieceoffurniture。
butbeforeIhadtimetocarrymyobservationsanyfarther，aheavyrollingsoundofcarriage-wheels，thatcausedthewindowstorattleandseemedtoshakethewholeedificeofthesub-prefecture，calledmyattentiontothecourtwithout。Itsirongateswereflungopen，andinrolled，withagreatdealofdin，achariotescortedbyabraceofgendarmes，swordinhand。Atallgentleman，withacocked-hatandfeathers，wearingablueandsilveruniformcoat，descendedfromthevehicle。andhaving，withmuchgravecondescension，salutedhisescort，mountedthestair。Amomentafterwardsthedoorofthestudywasopened，andIembracedmyfriend。
Afterthefirstwarmthandsalutations，webegantoexamineeachotherwithanequalcuriosity，foreightyearshadelapsedsincewehadlastmet。
’Youaregrownverythinandpale，’saidHarmodius，afteramoment。
’InrevengeIfindyoufatandrosy：ifIamawalkingsatireoncelibacy，——you，atleast，arealivingpanegyriconmarriage。’
Infactagreatchange，andsuchanoneasmanypeoplewouldcallachangeforthebetter，hadtakenplaceinmyfriend：hehadgrownfat，andannouncedadecideddispositiontobecomewhatFrenchpeoplecallabelhomme：thatis，averyfatone。Hiscomplexion，bronzedbefore，wasnowclearwhiteandred：therewerenomorepoliticalallusionsinhishair，whichwas，onthecontrary，neatlyfrizzed，andbrushedovertheforehead，shell-shape。Thishead-
dress，joinedtoathinpairofwhiskers，cutcrescent-wisefromtheeartothenose，gavemyfriendaregularbourgeoisphysiognomy，wax-doll-like：helookedagreatdealtoowell。and，addedtothis，thesolemnityofhisprefecturalcostume，gavehiswholeappearanceapompouswell-fedlookthatbynomeanspleased。
’Isurpriseyou，’saidI，’inthemidstofyoursplendor：doyouknowthatthiscostumeandyonderattendantshavealookexcessivelyawfulandsplendid？Youenteredyourpalacejustnowwiththeairofapasha。’
’YouseemeinuniforminhonorofMonseigneurtheBishop，whohasjustmadehisdiocesanvisit，andwhomIhavejustconductedtothelimitofthearrondissement。’
’What！’saidI，’youhavegendarmesforguards，anddanceattendanceonbishops？TherearenomorejanissariesandJesuits，Isuppose？’Thesub-prefectsmiled。
’Iassureyouthatmygendarmesareveryworthyfellows。andthatamongthegentlemenwhocomposeourclergytherearesomeoftheverybestrankandtalent：besides，mywifeisniecetooneofthevicars-general。’
’WhathaveyoudonewiththatgreatTassobeardthatpoorArmandineusedtoloveso？’
’Mywifedoesnotlikeabeard。andyouknowthatwhatispermittedtoastudentisnotverybecomingtoamagistrate。’
Ibegantolaugh。’Harmodiusandamagistrate！——howshallIevercouplethetwowordstogether？Buttellme，inyourcorrespondences，youraudiences，yoursittingswithvillagemayorsandpettycouncils，howdoyoumanagetoremainawake？’
’Inthecommencement，’saidHarmodius，gravely，’itWASverydifficult。and，inordertokeepmyeyesopen，Iusedtostickpinsintomylegs：now，however，Iamusedtoit。andI’msureIdon’ttakemorethanfiftypinchesofsnuffatasitting。’
’Ah！aproposofsnuff：youarenearSpainhere，andwerealwaysafamoussmoker。Givemeacigar，——itwilltakeawaythemustyodorofthesepilesofpapers。’
’Impossible，mydear。Idon’tsmoke。mywifecannotbearacigar。’
Hiswife！thoughtI。alwayshiswife：andIrememberJuliette，whoreallygrewsickatthesmellofapipe，andHarmodiuswouldsmoke，until，atlast，thepoorthinggrewtosmokeherself，likeatrooper。Tocompensate，however，asmuchaspossibleforthelossofmycigar，Dambergeacdrewfromhispocketanenormousgoldsnuff-box，onwhichfiguredtheself-sameheadthatIhadbeforeremarkedinplaster，butthistimesurroundedwitharingofprettyprincesandprincesses，allnicelypaintedinminiature。AsforthestatueofLouisPhilippe，that，inthecabinetofanofficial，isathingofcourse。butthesnuff-boxseemedtoindicateadegreeofsentimentalandpersonaldevotion，suchastheoldRoyalistswereonlysupposedtobeguiltyof。
’What！youareturneddecidedjustemilieu？’saidI。
’Iamasous-prefet，’answeredHarmodius。
Ihadnothingtosay，butheldmytongue，wondering，notatthechangewhichhadtakenplaceinthehabits，manners，andopinionsofmyfriend，butatmyownfolly，whichledmetofancythatI
shouldfindthestudentof’26inthefunctionaryof’34。Atthismomentadomesticappeared。
’MadameiswaitingforMonsieur，’saidhe：’thelastbellhasgone，andmassbeginning。’
’Mass！’saidI，boundingupfrommychair。’YouatmasslikeadecentseriousChristian，withoutcrackersinyourpocket，andboredkeystowhistlethrough？’——Thesous-prefetrose，hiscountenancewascalm，andanindulgentsmileplayeduponhislips，ashesaid，’Myarrondissementisverydevout。andnottointerferewiththebeliefofthepopulationisthemaximofeverywisepolitician：IhavepreciseordersfromGovernmentonthepoint，too，andgotoeleveno’clockmasseverySunday。’
ThereisagreatdealofcuriousmatterforspeculationintheaccountsheresowittilygivenbyM。deBernard：but，perhaps，itisstillmorecurioustothinkofwhathehasNOTwritten，andtojudgeofhischaracters，notsomuchbythewordsinwhichhedescribesthem，asbytheunconscioustestimonythatthewordsalltogetherconvey。Inthefirstplace，ourauthordescribesaswindlerimitatingthemannersofadandy。andmanyswindlersanddandiesbethere，doubtless，inLondonaswellasinParis。Butthereisaboutthepresentswindler，andaboutMonsieurDambergeacthestudent，andMonsieurDambergeacthesous-prefet，andhisfriend，arichstoreofcalminternaldebauch，whichdoesnot，letushopeandpray，existinEngland。HearkentoM。deGustan，andhissmirkingwhispers，abouttheDuchessofSanSeverino，whopoursonbonheurparticulier，&c。&c。ListentoMonsieurDambergeac’sfriend’sremonstrancesconcerningpauvreJuliettewhogrewsickatthesmellofapipe。tohisnaiveadmirationatthefactthatthesous-prefetgoestochurch：andwemaysetdown，asaxioms，thatreligionissouncommonamongtheParisians，astoawakenthesurpriseofallcandidobservers。thatgallantryissocommonastocreatenoremark，andtobeconsideredasamatterofcourse。Withus，atleast，theconverseofthepropositionprevails：itisthemanprofessingirreligionwhowouldberemarkedandreprehendedinEngland。and，ifthesecond-namedviceexists，atanyrate，itadoptsthedecencyofsecrecyandisnotmadepatentandnotorioustoalltheworld。AFrenchgentlemanthinksnomoreofproclaimingthathehasamistressthanthathehasatailor。andonelivesthetimeofBoccacciooveragain，inthethousandandoneFrenchnovelswhichdepictsocietyinthatcountry。
Forinstance，herearebeforeusafewspecimensdonot，madam，bealarmed，youcanskipthesentenceifyoulike，tobefoundinasmanyadmirablewittytales，bythebefore-laudedMonsieurdeBernard。HeismoreremarkablethananyotherFrenchauthor，toournotion，forwritinglikeagentleman：thereisease，graceandton，inhisstyle，which，ifwejudgearight，cannotbediscoveredinBalzac，orSoulie，orDumas。Wehavethen——Gerfaut，anovel：
alovelycreatureismarriedtoabrave，haughty，Alsaciannobleman，whoallowshertospendherwintersatParis，heremainingonhisterres，cultivating，carousing，andhuntingtheboar。Thelovely-creaturemeetsthefascinatingGerfautatParis。
instantlythelattermakeslovetoher。adueltakesplace：baronkilled。wifethrowsherselfoutofwindow。Gerfautplungesintodissipation。andsothetaleends。
Next：LaFemmedeQuaranteAns，acapitaltale，fullofexquisitefunandsparklingsatire：LafemmedequaranteanshasahusbandandTHREElovers。allofwhomfindouttheirmutualconnectiononestarrynight。fortheladyoffortyisofaromanticpoeticalturn，andhasgivenherthreeadmirersASTARAPIECE。sayingtooneandtheother，Alphonse，whenyonpaleorbrisesinheaven，thinkofme。Isadore，whenthatbrightplanetsparklesinthesky，rememberyourCaroline，&c。
UnActedeVertu，fromwhichwehavetakenDambergeac’shistory，containshim，thehusband——awife——andabraceoflovers。andagreatdealoffuntakesplaceinthemannerinwhichoneloversupplantstheother——Prettymoralstruly！
IfweexamineanauthorwhorejoicesinthearistocraticnameofleComteHoracedeViel-Castel，wefind，thoughwithinfinitelylesswit，exactlythesameintriguesgoingon。AnobleCountlivesintheFaubourgSt。Honore，andhasanobleDuchessforamistress：heintroducesherGracetotheCountesshiswife。TheCountesshiswife，inordertoramenerherlordtohisconjugalduties，iscounselled，byafriend，TOPRETENDTOTAKEALOVER：oneisfound，who，poorfellow！takestheaffairinearnest：climax——duel，death，despair，andwhatnot？IntheFaubourgSt。Germain，anothernovelbythesamewriter，whichprofessestodescribetheverypinkofthatsocietywhichNapoleondreadedmorethanRussia，Prussia，andAustria，thereisanoldhusband，ofcourse。asentimentalyoungGermannobleman，whofallsinlovewithhiswife。andthemoralofthepieceliesintheshowingupoftheconductofthelady，whoisreprehended——notfordeceivingherhusbandpoordevil！——butforbeingaflirt，ANDTAKINGASECONDLOVER，totheutterdespair，confusion，andannihilationofthefirst。
Why，yegods，doFrenchmenmarryatall？HadPereEnfantinwho，itissaid，hasshavedhisambrosialbeard，andisnowaclerkinabanking-housebeenallowedtocarryouthischaste，just，dignifiedsocialscheme，whatadealofmaritaldiscomfortmighthavebeenavoided：——woulditnotbeadvisablethatagreatreformerandlawgiverofourown，Mr。RobertOwen，shouldbepresentedattheTuileries，andtherepropoundhisschemefortheregenerationofFrance？
Hemight，perhaps，bespared，forourcountryisnotyetsufficientlyadvancedtogivesuchaphilosopherfairplay。InLondon，asyet，therearenoblessedBureauxdeMariage，whereanoldbachelormayhaveacharmingyoungmaiden——forhismoney。orawidowofseventymaybuyagayyoungfellowoftwenty，foracertainnumberofbank-billets。Ifmariagesdeconvenancetakeplacehereastheywillwhereveravarice，andpoverty，anddesire，andyearningafterrichesaretobefound，atleast，thankGod，suchunionsarenotarrangeduponaregularorganizedSYSTEM：thereisafictionofattachmentwithus，andthereisaconsolationinthedeceitthehomage，accordingtotheoldmotofRochefoucauldwhichvicepaystovirtue。fortheveryfalsehoodshowsthatthevirtueexistssomewhere。WeonceheardafuriousoldFrenchcolonelinveighingagainstthechastityofEnglishdemoiselles：Figurez-vous，sir，
saidhehehadbeenaprisonerinEngland，thatthesewomencomedowntodinnerinlowdresses，andwalkoutalonewiththemen！——
and，prayheaven，somaytheywalk，fancy-freeinallsortsofmaidenmeditations，andsuffernomoremolestationthanthatyoungladyofwhomMooresings，andwhotheremusthavebeenafamouslord-lieutenantinthosedayswalkedthroughallIreland，withrichandraregems，beauty，andagoldringonherstick，withoutmeetingorthinkingofharm。
Now，whetherMonsieurdeViel-CastelhasgivenatruepictureoftheFaubourgSt。Germain，itisimpossibleformostforeignerstosay。butsomeofhisdescriptionswillnotfailtoastonishtheEnglishreader。andallarefilledwiththatremarkablenaifcontemptoftheinstitutioncalledmarriage，whichwehaveseeninM。deBernard。TheromanticyoungnoblemanofWestphaliaarrivesatParis，andisadmittedintowhatacelebratedfemaleauthorcallslacremedelacremedelahautevoleeofParisiansociety。
Heisayouthofabouttwentyyearsofage。Nopassionhadasyetcometomovehisheart，andgivelifetohisfaculties。hewasawaitingandfearingthemomentoflove。callingforit，andyettremblingatitsapproach。feelinginthedepthsofhissoul，thatthatmomentwouldcreateamightychangeinhisbeing，anddecide，perhaps，byitsinfluence，thewholeofhisfuturelife。
Isitnotremarkable，thatayoungnobleman，withtheseideas，shouldnotpitchuponademoiselle，orawidow，atleast？butno，theroguemusthaveamarriedwoman，badlucktohim。andwhathisfateistobe，isthusrecountedbyourauthor，intheshapeofAFRENCHFASHIONABLECONVERSATION。
Alady，withagreatdealofesprit，towhomfortyyears’
experienceofthegreatworldhadgivenaprodigiousperspicacityofjudgment，theDuchessofChalux，arbitressoftheopiniontobeheldonallnewcomerstotheFaubourgSaintGermain，andoftheirdestinyandreceptioninit——oneofthosewomen，inaword，whomakeorruinaman，——said，inspeakingofGerarddeStolberg，whomshereceivedatherownhouse，andmeteverywhere，’ThisyoungGermanwillnevergainforhimselfthetitleofanexquisite，oramanofbonnesfortunes，amongus。Inspiteofhiscalmandpoliteness，IthinkIcanseeinhischaractersomerudeandinsurmountabledifficulties，whichtimewillonlyincrease，andwhichwillpreventhimforeverfrombendingtotheexigenciesofeitherprofession。but，unlessIverymuchdeceivemyself，hewill，oneday，betheheroofaveritableromance。’
’He，madame？’answeredayoungman，offaircomplexionandfairhair，oneofthemostdevotedslavesofthefashion：——’He，MadamelaDuchesse？why，themanis，atbest，butanoriginal，fishedoutoftheRhine：adull，heavycreature，asmuchcapableofunderstandingawoman’sheartasIamofspeakingbas-Breton。’
’Well，MonsieurdeBelport，youwillspeakbas-Breton。MonsieurdeStolberghasnotyouradmirableeaseofmanner，noryourfacilityoftellingprettynothings，noryour——inaword，thatparticularsomethingwhichmakesyouthemostrecherchemanoftheFaubourgSaintGermain。andevenIavowtoyouthat，wereIstillyoung，andacoquette，ANDTHATITOOKITINTOMYHEADTOHAVEA
LOVER，Iwouldpreferyou。’
AllthiswassaidbytheDuchess，withacertainairofrailleryandsuchamixtureofearnestandmalice，thatMonsieurdeBelport，piquednotalittle，couldnothelpsaying，ashebowedprofoundlybeforetheDuchess’schair，’AndmightI，madam，bepermittedtoaskthereasonofthispreference？’
’OmonDieu，oui，’saidtheDuchess，alwaysinthesametone。
’becausealoverlikeyouwouldneverthinkofcarryinghisattachmenttotheheightofpassion。andthesepassions，doyouknow，havefrightenedmeallmylife。Onecannotretreatatwillfromthegraspofapassionatelover。oneleavesbehindonesomefragmentofone’smoralSELF，orthebestpartofone’sphysicallife。Apassion，ifitdoesnotkillyou，addscruellytoyouryears。inaword，itistheverylowestpossibletaste。AndnowyouunderstandwhyIshouldpreferyou，M。deBelport——youwhoarereputedtobetheleaderofthefashion。’
’Perfectly，’murmuredthegentleman，piquedmoreandmore。
’GerarddeStolbergWILLbepassionate。Idon’tknowwhatwomanwillpleasehim，orwillbepleasedbyhim’heretheDuchessofChaluxspokemoregravely。’buthislovewillbenoplay，Irepeatittoyouoncemore。Allthisastonishesyou，becauseyou，greatleadersofthetonthatyouare，neverfancythataheroofromanceshouldbefoundamongyournumber。GerarddeStolberg——but，look，herehecomes！’
M。deBelportrose，andquittedtheDuchess，withoutbelievinginherprophecy。buthecouldnotavoidsmilingashepassedneartheHEROOFROMANCE。
ItwasbecauseM。deStolberghadnever，inallhislife，beenaheroofromance，orevenanapprentice-heroofromance。
GerarddeStolbergwasnot，asyet，initiatedintothethousandsecretsinthechronicleofthegreatworld：heknewbutsuperficiallythesocietyinwhichhelived。and，therefore，hedevotedhiseveningtothegatheringofalltheinformationwhichhecouldacquirefromtheindiscreetconversationsofthepeopleabouthim。Hiswholemanbecameearandmemory。somuchwasStolbergconvincedofthenecessityofbecomingadiligentstudentinthisnewschool，wherewastaughttheartofknowingandadvancinginthegreatworld。Intherecessofawindowhelearnedmoreonthisonenightthanmonthsofinvestigationwouldhavetaughthim。Thetalkofaballismoreindiscreetthantheconfidentialchatterofacompanyofidlewomen。Nomanpresentataball，whetherlistenerorspeaker，thinkshehasarighttoaffectanyindulgenceforhiscompanions，andthemostlearnedinmalicewillalwayspassforthemostwitty。
’How！’saidtheViscountdeMondrage：’theDuchessofRivesaltearrivesaloneto-night，withoutherinevitableDormilly！’——AndtheViscount，ashespoke，pointedtowardsatallandslenderyoungwoman，who，glidingratherthanwalking，mettheladiesbywhomshepassed，withagracefulandmodestsalute，andrepliedtothelooksofthemenBYBRILLIANTVEILEDGLANCESFULLOFCOQUETRYANDATTACK。
’Parbleu！’saidanelegantpersonagestandingneartheViscountdeMondrage，’don’tyouseeDormillyrangedbehindtheDuchess，inqualityoftrain-bearer，andhiding，underhislonglocksandhisgreatscreenofmoustaches，theblushingconsciousnessofhisgoodluck？——TheycallhimTHEFOURTHCHAPTERoftheDuchess’smemoirs。
ThelittleMarquised’Alberasisreadytodieoutofspite。butthebestofthejokeis，thatshehasonlytakenpoordeVendreforaloverinordertoventherspleenonhim。Lookathimagainstthechimneyyonder。iftheMarchionessdonotbreakatoncewithhimbyquittinghimforsomebodyelse，thepoorfellowwillturnanidiot。’
’Ishejealous？’askedayoungman，lookingasifhedidnotknowwhatjealousywasandasifhehadnotimetobejealous。
’Jealous！theveryincarnationofjealousy。thesecondedition，revised，corrected，andconsiderablyenlarged。asjealousaspoorGressigny，whoisdyingofit。’
’What！Gressignytoo？why，’tisgrowingquiteintofashion：
egad！Imusttryandbejealous，’saidMonsieurdeBeauval。’Butsee！herecomesthedeliciousDuchessofBellefiore，’&c。&c。&c。
Enough，enough：thiskindoffashionableParisianconversation，whichis，saysourauthor，aprodigiouslaborofimprovising，achef-d’oeuvre，astrangeandsingularthing，inwhichmonotonyisunknown，seemstobe，ifcorrectlyreported，astrangeandsingularthingindeed。butsomewhatmonotonousatleasttoanEnglishreader，andprodigiousonly，ifwemaytakeleavetosayso，forthewonderfulrascalitywhichalltheconversationistsbetray。MissNeveroutandtheColonel，inSwift’sfamousdialogue，areathousandtimesmoreentertainingandmoral。and，besides，wecanlaughATthoseworthiesaswellaswiththem。whereastheprodigiousFrenchwitsaretousquiteincomprehensible。FancyaduchessasoldasLady——herself，andwhoshouldbegintotellusofwhatshewoulddoifevershehadamindtotakealover。
andanotherduchess，withafourthlover，trippingmodestlyamongtheladies，andreturningthegazeofthemenbyveiledglances，fullofcoquetryandattack！——Parbleu，ifMonsieurdeViel-CastelshouldfindhimselfamongasocietyofFrenchduchesses，andtheyshouldtearhiseyesout，andsendthefashionableOrpheusfloatingbytheSeine，hisslaughtermightalmostbeconsideredasjustifiableCOUNTICIDE。
AGAMBLER’SDEATH。
AnybodywhowasatC——schoolsometwelveyearssince，mustrecollectJackAttwood：hewasthemostdashingladintheplace，withmoremoneyinhispocketthanbelongedtothewholefifthforminwhichwewerecompanions。
Whenhewasaboutfifteen，JacksuddenlyretreatedfromC——，andpresentlyweheardthathehadacommissioninacavalryregiment，andwastohaveagreatfortunefromhisfather，whenthatoldgentlemanshoulddie。Jackhimselfcametoconfirmthesestoriesafewmonthsafter，andpaidavisittohisoldschoolchums。Hehadlaidasidehislittleschool-jacketandinkycorduroys，andnowappearedinsuchasplendidmilitarysuitaswontherespectofallofus。Hishairwasdrippingwithoil，hishandswerecoveredwithrings，hehadaduskydownoverhisupperlipwhichlookednotunlikeamoustache，andamultiplicityoffrogsandbraidingonhissurtoutwhichwouldhavesufficedtolaceafield-marshal。WhenoldSwishtail，theusher，passedinhisseedyblackcoatandgaiters，Jackgavehimsuchalookofcontemptassetusalla-
laughing：infactitwashisturntolaughnow。forheusedtoroarverystoutlysomemonthsbefore，whenSwishtailwasinthecustomofbelaboringhimwithhisgreatcane。
Jack’stalkwasallabouttheregimentandthefinefellowsinit：
howhehadriddenasteeple-chasewithCaptainBoldero，andlickedhimatthelasthedge。andhowhehadverynearlyfoughtaduelwithSirGeorgeGrig，aboutdancingwithLadyMarySlamkenataball。Isoonmadethebaronetknowwhatitwastodealwithamanofthen——th，saidJack。Dammee，sir，whenIluggedoutmybarkers，andtalkedoffightingacrossthemess-roomtable，Grigturnedaspaleasasheet，oras——
Orasyouusedtodo，Attwood，whenSwishtailhauledyouup，
pipedoutlittleHicks，thefoundation-boy。
ItwasbeneathJack’sdignitytothrashanybody，now，butagrown-
upbaronet。soheletofflittleHicks，andpassedoverthegeneraltitterwhichwasraisedathisexpense。However，heentertaineduswithhishistoriesaboutlordsandladies，andso-and-soofours，
untilwethoughthimoneofthegreatestmeninhisMajesty’sservice，anduntiltheschool-bellrung。when，withaheavyheart，wegotourbookstogether，andmarchedintobewhackedbyoldSwishtail。IpromiseyouherevengedhimselfonusforJack’scontemptofhim。Igotthatdayatleasttwentycutstomyshare，whichoughttohavebelongedtoCornetAttwood，ofthen——thdragoons。
Whenwecametothinkmorecoollyoverourquondamschoolfellow’sswaggeringtalkandmanner，wewerenotquitesoimpressedbyhismeritsasathisfirstappearanceamongus。Werecollectedhowheused，informertimes，totellusgreatstories，whichweresomonstrouslyimprobablethatthesmallestboyintheschoolwouldscoutthem。howoftenwecaughthimtrippinginfacts，andhowunblushinglyheadmittedhislittleerrorsinthescoreofveracity。HeandI，thoughnevergreatfriends，hadbeenclosecompanions：IwasJack’sform-fellowwefoughtwithamazingemulationfortheLASTplaceintheclass。butstillIwasratherhurtatthecoolnessofmyoldcomrade，whohadforgottenallourformerintimacy，inhissteeple-chaseswithCaptainBolderoandhisduelwithSirGeorgeGrig。
NothingmorewasheardofAttwoodforsomeyears。atailoronedaycamedowntoC——，whohadmadeclothesforJackinhisschool-
days，andfurnishedhimwithregimentals：heproducedalongbillforonehundredandtwentypoundsandupwards，andaskedwherenewsmightbehadofhiscustomer。JackwasinIndia，withhisregiment，shootingtigersandjackals，nodoubt。Occasionally，fromthatdistantcountry，somemagnificentrumorwouldreachusofhisproceedings。OnceIheardthathehadbeencalledtoacourt-
martialforunbecomingconduct。anothertime，thathekepttwentyhorses，andwonthegoldplateattheCalcuttaraces。Presently，however，astherecollectionsofthefifthformworeaway，Jack’simagedisappearedlikewise，andIceasedtoaskorthinkaboutmycollegechum。
Ayearsince，asIwassmokingmycigarintheEstaminetduGrandBalcon，anexcellentsmoking-shop，wherethetobaccoisunexceptionable，andtheHollandsofsingularmerit，adark-
looking，thick-setman，inagreasywell-cutcoat，withashabbyhat，cockedononesideofhisdirtyface，tooktheplaceoppositeme，atthelittlemarbletable，andcalledforbrandy。Ididnotmuchadmiretheimpudenceortheappearanceofmyfriend，northefixedstarewithwhichhechosetoexamineme。Atlast，hethrustagreatgreasyhandacrossthetable，andsaid，Titmarsh，doyouforgetyouroldfriendAttwood？
Iconfessmyrecognitionofhimwasnotsojoyfulasonthedaytenyearsearlier，whenhehadcome，bedizenedwithlaceandgoldrings，toseeusatC——school：amaninthetenthpartofacenturylearnsadealofworldlywisdom，andhishand，whichgoesnaturallyforwardtoseizetheglovedfingerofamillionnaire，oramilor，drawsinstinctivelybackfromadirtyfist，encompassedbyaraggedwristbandandatatteredcuff。ButAttwoodwasinnowisesobackward。andtheironsqueezewithwhichheshookmypassivepaw，provedthathewaseitherveryaffectionateorverypoor。
You，mydearsir，whoarereadingthishistory，knowverywellthegreatartofshakinghands：recollecthowyoushookLordDash’shandtheotherday，andhowyoushookOFFpoorBlank，whenhecametoborrowfivepoundsofyou。
However，thegenialinfluenceoftheHollandsspeedilydissipatedanythinglikecoolnessbetweenusand，inthecourseofanhour’sconversation，webecamealmostasintimateaswhenweweresufferingtogetherundertheferuleofoldSwishtail。Jacktoldmethathehadquittedthearmyindisgust。andthathisfather，whowastoleavehimafortune，haddiedtenthousandpoundsindebt：
hedidnottouchuponhisowncircumstances。butIcouldreadtheminhiselbows，whichwerepeepingthroughhisoldfrock。Hetalkedagreatdeal，however，ofrunsofluck，goodandbad。andrelatedtomeaninfallibleplanforbreakingalltheplay-banksinEurope——
agreatnumberofoldtricks——andavastquantityofgin-punchwasconsumedontheoccasion。solong，infact，didourconversationcontinue，that，Iconfessitwithshame，thesentiment，orsomethingstronger，quitegotthebetterofme，andIhave，tothisday，nosortofnotionhowourpalaverconcluded——Only，onthenextmorning，Ididnotpossessacertainfive-poundnotewhichonthepreviouseveningwasinmysketch-bookbyfartheprettiestdrawingbythewayinthecollectionbutthere，instead，wasastripofpaper，thusinscribed：——
IOU
FivePounds。JOHNATTWOOD，LateoftheN——thDragoons。
IsupposeAttwoodborrowedthemoney，fromthisremarkableandceremoniousacknowledgmentonhispart：hadIbeensoberIwouldjustassoonhavelenthimthenoseonmyface。for，inmythencircumstances，thenotewasofmuchmoreconsequencetome。
AsIlay，cursingmyillfortune，andthinkinghowonearthI
shouldmanagetosubsistforthenexttwomonths，Attwoodburstintomylittlegarret——hisfacestrangelyflushed——singingandshoutingasifithadbeenthenightbefore。Titmarsh，criedhe，youaremypreserver！——mybestfriend！Lookhere，andhere，andhere！AndateverywordMr。Attwoodproducedahandfulofgold，oraglitteringheapoffive-francpieces，orabundleofgreasy，duskybank-notes，morebeautifulthaneithersilverorgold：——hehadwonthirteenthousandfrancsafterleavingmeatmidnightinmygarret。Heseparatedmypoorlittleall，ofsixpieces，fromthisshiningandimposingcollection。andthepassionofenvyenteredmysoul：Ifeltfarmoreanxiousnowthanbefore，althoughstarvationwasthenstaringmeintheface。IhatedAttwoodforCHEATINGmeoutofallthiswealth。Poorfellow！ithadbeenbetterforhimhadheneverseenashillingofit。
However，agrandbreakfastattheCafeAnglaisdissipatedmychagrin。andIwilldomyfriendthejusticetosay，thathenoblysharedsomeportionofhisgoodfortunewithme。AsfarasthecreaturecomfortswereconcernedIfeastedaswellashe，andneverwasparticularastosettlingmyshareofthereckoning。
Jacknowchangedhislodgings。hadcards，withCaptainAttwoodengravedonthem，anddroveaboutaprancingcab-horse，astallasthegiraffeattheJardindesPlantes。hehadasmanyfrogsonhiscoatasintheolddays，andfrequentedalltheflashrestaurateurs’
andboarding-housesofthecapital。MadamedeSaintLaurent，andMadamelaBaronnedeVaudrey，andMadamelaComtessedeJonville，ladiesofthehighestrank，whokeepasocietechoisieandcondescendtogivedinnersatfive-francsahead，viedwitheachotherintheirattentionstoJack。Hiswasthewingofthefowl，andthelargestportionoftheCharlotte-Russe。hiswastheplaceattheecartetable，wheretheCountesswouldeasehimnightlyofafewpieces，declaringthathewasthemostcharmingcavalier，lafleurd’Albion。Jack’ssociety，itmaybeseen，wasnotveryselect。nor，intruth，werehisinclinations：hewasacareless，daredevil，Macheathkindoffellow，whomightbeseendailywithawifeoneacharm。
Itmaybesupposedthat，withthelifeheled，hisfivehundredpoundsofwinningswouldnotlasthimlong。nordidthey。but，forsometime，hisluckneverdesertedhim。andhiscash，insteadofgrowinglower，seemedalwaystomaintainacertainlevel：heplayedeverynight。
Ofcourse，suchahumblefellowasI，couldnothopeforacontinuedacquaintanceandintimacywithAttwood。Hegrewoverbearingandcool，Ithought。atanyrateIdidnotadmiremysituationashisfolloweranddependant，andlefthisgranddinnerforacertainordinary，whereIcouldpartakeoffivecapitaldishesforninepence。Occasionally，however，Attwoodfavoredmewithavisit，orgavemeadrivebehindhisgreatcab-horse。Hehadformedawholehostoffriendsbesides。TherewasFips，thebarrister。heavenknowswhathewasdoingatParis。andGortz，theWestIndian，whowasthereonthesamebusiness，andFlapper，amedicalstudent，——allthesethreeImetonenightatFlapper’srooms，whereJackwasinvited，andagreatspreadwaslaidinhonorofhim。
Jackarrivedratherlate——helookedpaleandagitated。and，thoughheatenosupper，hedrankrawbrandyinsuchamannerasmadeFlapper’seyeswink：thepoorfellowhadbutthreebottles，andJackbadefairtoswallowthemall。However，theWestIndiangenerouslyremediedtheevil，andproducinganapoleon，wespeedilygotthechangeforitintheshapeoffourbottlesofchampagne。
Oursupperwasuproariouslyharmonious。FipssungthegoodOldEnglishGentleman。JacktheBritishGrenadiers。andyourhumbleservant，whencalledupon，sangthatbeautifulditty，WhentheBloomisontheRye，inamannerthatdrewtearsfromeveryeye，exceptFlapper’s，whowasasleep，andJack’s，whowassingingtheBayofBiscayO，atthesametime。GortzandFipswereallthetimelungingateachotherwithapairofsingle-sticks，thebarristerhavingaverystrongnotionthathewasRichardtheThird。AtlastFipshittheWestIndiansuchablowacrosshissconce，thattheothergrewfurious。heseizedachampagne-bottle，whichwas，providentially，empty，andhurleditacrosstheroomatFips：hadthatcelebratedbarristernotbowedhisheadatthemoment，theQueen’sBenchwouldhavelostoneofitsmosteloquentpractitioners。
Fipsstoodasstraightashecould。hischeekwaspalewithwrath。
M-m-isterGo-gortz，hesaid，Ialwaysheardyouwereablackguard。nowIcanpr-pr-peperoveit。Flapper，yourpistols！
everyge-ge-genlmnknowswhatImean。
YoungMr。Flapperhadasmallpairofpocket-pistols，whichthetipsybarristerhadsuddenlyremembered，andwithwhichheproposedtosacrificetheWestIndian。Gortzwasnothingloth，butwasquiteasvalorousasthelawyer。
Attwood，who，inspiteofhispotations，seemedthesoberestmanoftheparty，hadmuchenjoyedthescene，untilthissuddendemandfortheweapons。Pshaw！saidhe，eagerly，don’tgivethesementhemeansofmurderingeachother。sitdownandletushaveanothersong。Buttheywouldnotbestill。andFlapperforthwithproducedhispistol-case，andopenedit，inorderthattheduelmighttakeplaceonthespot。Therewerenopistolsthere！Ibegyourpardon，saidAttwood，lookingmuchconfused。I——Itookthepistolshomewithmetocleanthem！
Idon’tknowwhattherewasinhistone，orinthewords，butweweresoberedallofasudden。Attwoodwasconsciousofthesingulareffectproducedbyhim，forheblushed，andendeavoredtospeakofotherthings，butwecouldnotbringourspiritsbacktothemarkagain，andsoonseparatedforthenight。AsweissuedintothestreetJacktookmeaside，andwhispered，Haveyouanapoleon，Titmarsh，inyourpurse？’Alas！Iwasnotsorich。Myreplywas，thatIwascomingtoJack，onlyinthemorning，toborrowasimilarsum。
Hedidnotmakeanyreply，butturnedawayhomeward：Ineverheardhimspeakanotherword。
Twomorningsafterfornoneofourpartymetonthedaysucceedingthesupper，Iwasawakenedbymyporter，whobroughtapressingletterfromMr。Gortz：——
DEART。，——Iwishyouwouldcomeoverheretobreakfast。There’sarowaboutAttwood——Yourstruly，SOLOMONGORTZ。
IimmediatelysetforwardtoGortz’s。helivedintheRueduHelder，afewdoorsfromAttwood’snewlodging。Ifthereaderiscurioustoknowthehouseinwhichthecatastropheofthishistorytookplace，hehasbuttomarchsometwentydoorsdownfromtheBoulevarddesItaliens，whenhewillseeafinedoor，withanakedCupidshootingathimfromthehall，andaVenusbeckoninghimupthestairs。OnarrivingattheWestIndian’s，ataboutmid-dayitwasaSundaymorning，Ifoundthatgentlemaninhisdressing-gown，discussing，inthecompanyofMrFips，alargeplateofbifteckauxpommes。
Here’saprettyrow！saidGortz，quotingfromhisletter——
Attwood’soff——haveabitofbeefsteak？
Whatdoyoumean？exclaimedI，adoptingthefamiliarphraseologyofmyacquaintances：——Attwoodoff？——hashecuthisstick？
Notbad，saidthefeelingandelegantFips——notsuchabadguess，myboy。buthehasnotexactlyCUTHISSTICK。
Whatthen？
WHY，HISTHROAT。Theman’smouthwasfullofbleedingbeefasheutteredthisgentlemanlywitticism。
IwishIcouldsaythatIwasmyselfintheleastaffectedbythenews。IdidnotjokeaboutitlikemyfriendFips。thiswasmoreforpropriety’ssakethanforfeeling’s：butformyoldschoolacquaintance，thefriendofmyearlydays，themerryassociateofthelastfewmonths，Iown，withshame，thatIhadnotatearorapang。InsomeGermantalethereisanaccountofacreaturemostbeautifulandbewitching，whomallmenadmireandfollow。butthischarmingandfantasticspiritonlyleadsthem，onebyone，intoruin，andthenleavesthem。Thenovelist，whodescribesherbeauty，saysthathisheroineisafairy，andHASNOHEART。I
thinktheintimacywhichisbegottenoverthewine-bottle，isaspiritofthisnature。Ineverknewagoodfeelingcomefromit，oranhonestfriendshipmadebyit。itonlyenticesmenandruinsthem。itisonlyaphantomoffriendshipandfeeling，calledupbythedeliriousblood，andthewickedspellsofthewine。
Buttodropthisstrainofmoralizinginwhichthewriterisnottooanxioustoproceed，forhecutsinitamostpitifulfigure，wepassedsundrycriticismsuponpoorAttwood’scharacter，expressedourhorrorathisdeath——whichsentimentwasfullyprovedbyMr。Fips，whodeclaredthatthenotionofitmadehimfeelquitefaint，andwasobligedtodrinkalargeglassofbrandy。and，finally，weagreedthatwewouldgoandseethepoorfellow’scorpse，andwitness，ifnecessary，hisburial。
Flapper，whohadjoinedus，wasthefirsttoproposethisvisit：hesaidhedidnotmindthefifteenfrancswhichJackowedhimforbilliards，buthewasanxioustoGETBACKHISPISTOL。Accordingly，wesalliedforth，andspeedilyarrivedatthehotelwhichAttwoodinhabitedstill。Hehadoccupied，foratime，veryfineapartmentsinthishouse：anditwasonlyonarrivingtherethatdaythatwefoundhehadbeengraduallydrivenfromhismagnificentsuiteofroomsaupremier，toalittlechamberinthefifthstory：——wemounted，andfoundhim。Itwasalittleshabbyroom，withafewarticlesofricketyfurniture，andabedinanalcove。thelightfromtheonewindowwasfallingfulluponthebedandthebody。
Jackwasdressedinafinelawnshirt。hehadkeptit，poorfellow，TODIEIN。forinallhisdrawersandcupboardstherewasnotasinglearticleofclothing。hehadpawnedeverythingbywhichhecouldraiseapenny——desk，books，dressing-case，andclothes。andnotasinglehalfpennywasfoundinhispossession。*
*Inordertoaccountforthesetrivialdetails，thereadermustbetoldthatthestoryis，forthechiefpart，afact。andthatthelittlesketchinthispagewasTAKENFROMNATURE。Thelatterwaslikewiseacopyfromonefoundinthemannerdescribed。
HewaslyingasIhavedrawnhim，*onehandonhisbreast，theotherfallingtowardstheground。Therewasanexpressionofperfectcalmontheface，andnomarkofbloodtostainthesidetowardsthelight。Ontheotherside，however，therewasagreatpoolofblackblood，andinitthepistol。itlookedmorelikeatoythanaweapontotakeawaythelifeofthisvigorousyoungman。
Inhisforehead，attheside，wasasmallblackwound。Jack’slifehadpassedthroughit。itwaslittlebiggerthanamole。
*Thisreferstoanillustratededitionofthework。
Regardezunpeu，saidthelandlady，messieurs，ilm’agatetroismatelas，etilmedoitquarantequatrefrancs。
Thiswasallhisepitaph：hehadspoiledthreemattresses，andowedthelandladyfour-and-fortyfrancs。Inthewholeworldtherewasnotasoultolovehimorlamenthim。We，hisfriends，werelookingathisbodymoreasanobjectofcuriosity，watchingitwithakindofinterestwithwhichonefollowsthefifthactofatragedy，andleavingitwiththesamefeelingwithwhichoneleavesthetheatrewhentheplayisoverandthecurtainisdown。
BesideJack’sbed，onhislittletabledenuit，laytheremainsofhislastmeal，andanopenletter，whichweread。Itwasfromoneofhissuspiciousacquaintancesofformerdays，andranthus：——
Ouestu，cherJack？whyyounotcomeandseeme——tumedoisdel’argent，entendstu？——unchapeau，unecachemire，aboxofthePlay。Viensdemainsoir，jet’attendraiateighto’clock，PassagedesPanoramas。MySirisathiscountry。
Adieuademain。
Fifine。
Samedi。
IshudderedasIwalkedthroughthisveryPassagedesPanoramas，intheevening。Thegirlwasthere，pacingtoandfro，andlookinginthecountenanceofeverypasser-by，torecognizeAttwood。ADIEUA
DEMAIN！——therewasadreadfulmeaninginthewords，whichthewriterofthemlittleknew。Adieuademain！——themorrowwascome，andthesoulofthepoorsuicidewasnowinthepresenceofGod。Idarenotthinkofhisfate。for，exceptinthefactofhispovertyanddesperation，washeworsethananyofus，hiscompanions，whohadsharedhisdebauches，andmarchedwithhimuptotheverybrinkofthegrave？
ThereisbutonemorecircumstancetorelateregardingpoorJack——
hisburial。itwasofapiecewithhisdeath。
Hewasnailedintoapaltrycoffinandburied，attheexpenseofthearrondissement，inanookoftheburial-placebeyondtheBarrieredel’Etoile。Theyburiedhimatsixo’clock，ofabitterwinter’smorning，anditwaswithdifficultythatanEnglishclergymancouldbefoundtoreadaserviceoverhisgrave。ThethreemenwhohavefiguredinthishistoryactedasJack’smourners。andastheceremonywastotakeplacesoearlyinthemorning，thesemensatupthenightthrough，ANDWEREALMOSTDRUNK
astheyfollowedhiscoffintoitsresting-place。
MORAL。
Whenweturnedoutinourgreat-coats，saidoneofthemafterwards，reekingofcigarsandbrandy-and-water，d——e，sir，wequitefrightenedtheoldbuckofaparson。hedidnotmuchlikeourcompany。Aftertheceremonywasconcluded，thesegentlemenwereveryhappytogethometoawarmandcomfortablebreakfast，andfinishedthedayroyallyatFrascati’s。
NAPOLEONANDHISSYSTEM。
ONPRINCELOUISNAPOLEON’SWORK。
AnypersonwhorecollectsthehistoryoftheabsurdoutbreakofStrasburg，inwhichPrinceLouisNapoleonBonapartefigured，threeyearsago，mustrememberthat，howeversillytherevoltwas，however，foolishitspretext，howeverdoubtfulitsaim，andinexperienceditsleader，therewas，nevertheless，aparty，andaconsiderableoneinFrance，thatwerenotunwillingtolendthenewprojectorstheiraid。ThetroopswhodeclaredagainstthePrince，were，itwassaid，allbutwillingtodeclareforhim。anditwascertainthat，inmanyoftheregimentsofthearmy，thereexistedastrongspiritofdisaffection，andaneagerwishforthereturnoftheimperialsystemandfamily。
Astothegoodthatwastobederivedfromthechange，thatisanotherquestion。WhytheEmperoroftheFrenchshouldbebetterthantheKingoftheFrench，ortheKingoftheFrenchbetterthantheKingofFranceandNavarre，itisnotourbusinesstoinquire。
butallthethreemonarchshavenolackofsupporters。republicanismhasnolackofsupporters。St。Simoninnismwasfollowedbyarespectablebodyofadmirers。Robespierrismhasaselectpartyoffriends。If，inacountrywheresomanyquackshavehadtheirday，PrinceLouisNapoleonthoughthemightrenewtheimperialquackery，whyshouldhenot？Ithasrecollectionswithitthatmustalwaysbedeartoagallantnation。ithascertainclaptrapsinitsvocabularythatcanneverfailtoinflameavain，restless，grasping，disappointedone。
Inthefirstplace，anddon’tletusendeavortodisguiseit，theyhateus。Notalltheprotestationsoffriendship，notallthewisdomofLordPalmerston，notallthediplomacyofourdistinguishedplenipotentiary，Mr。HenryLyttonBulwer——andletusadd，notallthebenefitwhichbothcountrieswouldderivefromthealliance——canmakeit，inourtimesatleast，permanentandcordial。Theyhateus。TheCarlistorgansrevileuswithaquerulousfurythatneversleeps。themoderateparty，iftheyadmittheutilityofouralliance，arecontinuallypointingoutourtreachery，ourinsolence，andourmonstrousinfractionsofit。andfortheRepublicans，assureasthemorningcomes，thecolumnsoftheirjournalsthunderoutvolleysoffiercedenunciationsagainstourunfortunatecountry。
TheylivebyfeedingthenaturalhatredagainstEngland，bykeepingoldwoundsopen，byrecurringceaselesslytothehistoryofoldquarrels，andasinthesewe，byGod’shelp，bylandandbysea，inoldtimesandlate，havehadtheuppermost，theyperpetuatetheshameandmortificationofthelosingparty，thebitternessofpastdefeats，andtheeagerdesiretoavengethem。Apartywhichknowshowtoexploiterthishatredwillalwaysbepopulartoacertainextent。andtheimperialschemehasthis，atleast，amongitsconditions。
Thenthereisthefavoriteclaptrapofthenaturalfrontier。TheFrenchmanyearnstobeboundedbytheRhineandtheAlps。andnextfollowsthecry，LetFrancetakeherplaceamongnations，anddirect，assheoughttodo，theaffairsofEurope。Thesearethetwochiefarticlescontainedinthenewimperialprogramme，ifwemaycreditthejournalwhichhasbeenestablishedtoadvocatethecause。Anaturalboundary——standamongthenations——populardevelopment——Russianalliance，andareductionoflaperfideAlbiontoitsproperinsignificance。Asyetweknowlittlemoreoftheplan：andyetsuchfoundationsaresufficienttobuildapartyupon，andwithsuchwindyweaponsasubstantialGovernmentistobeoverthrown！
Inordertogivethesedoctrines，suchastheyare，achanceoffindingfavorwithhiscountrymen，PrinceLouishastheadvantageofbeingabletorefertoaformergreatprofessorofthem——hisuncleNapoleon。Hisattemptisatoncepiousandprudent。itexaltsthememoryoftheuncle，andfurtherstheinterestsofthenephew，whoattemptstoshowwhatNapoleon’sideasreallywere。
whatgoodhadalreadyresultedfromthepracticeofthem。howcruellytheyhadbeenthwartedbyforeignwarsanddifficulties。
andwhatvastbenefitsWOULDhaveresultedfromthem。ay，anditisreasonabletoconcludemightstill，iftheFrenchnationwouldbewiseenoughtopitchuponagovernorthatwouldcontinuetheinterruptedscheme。Itis，however，tobeborneinmindthattheEmperorNapoleonhadcertainargumentsinfavorofhisopinionsforthetimebeing，whichhisnephewhasnotemployed。Onthe13thVendemiaire，whenGeneralBonapartebelievedintheexcellenceofaDirectory，itmayberememberedthatheaidedhisopinionsbyfortypiecesofartillery，andbyColonelMuratattheheadofhisdragoons。Therewasnoresistingsuchaphilosopher。theDirectorywasestablishedforthwith，andthesacredcauseoftheminoritytriumphed，inlikemanner，whentheGeneralwasconvincedoftheweaknessoftheDirectory，andsawfullythenecessityofestablishingaConsulate，whatwerehisarguments？Moreau，Lannes，Murat，Berthier，Leclerc，Lefebvre——gentleapostlesofthetruth！——
marchedtoSt。Cloud，andthere，withfixedbayonets，causedittoprevail。Errorvanishedinaninstant。Atoncefivehundredofitshigh-prieststumbledoutofwindows，andlo！threeConsulsappearedtoguidethedestiniesofFrance！Howmuchmoreexpeditious，reasonable，andclinchingwasthisargumentofthe18thBrumaire，thananyonethatcanbefoundinanypamphlet！A
figforyourduodecimosandoctavos！Talkaboutpoints，therearenonelikethoseattheendofabayonet。andthemostpowerfulofstylesisagoodrattlingarticlefromanine-pounder。
AtleastthisisourinterpretationofthemannerinwhichwerealwayspropagatedtheIdeesNapoleoniennes。Notsuch，however，isPrinceLouis’sbelief。and，ifyouwishtogoalongwithhiminopinion，youwilldiscoverthatamoreliberal，peaceable，prudentPrinceneverexisted：youwillreadthatthemissionofNapoleon
wastobethetestamentaryexecutoroftherevolution。andthePrinceshouldhaveaddedthelegatee。or，morejustlystill，aswellastheEXECUTOR，heshouldbecalledtheEXECUTIONER，andthenhistitlewouldbecomplete。InVendemiaire，themilitaryTartuffe，hethrewasidetheRevolution’snaturalheirs，andmadeher，asitwere，ALTERHERWILL。onthe18thofBrumairehestrangledher，andonthe19thseizedonherproperty，andkeptituntilforcedeprivedhimofit。Illustrations，tobesure，arenoarguments，buttheexampleisthePrince’s，notours。
InthePrince’seyes，then，hisuncleisagod。ofallmonarchs，themostwise，upright，andmerciful。Thirtyyearsagotheopinionhadmillionsofsupporters。whilemillionsagainwerereadytoavouchtheexactcontrary。ItiscurioustothinkoftheformerdifferenceofopinionconcerningNapoleon。and，inreadinghisnephew’srapturousencomiumsofhim，onegoesbacktothedayswhenweourselveswereasloudandmadinhisdispraise。Whodoesnotrememberhisownpersonalhatredandhorror，twenty-fiveyearsago，forthemanwhomweusedtocallthebloodyCorsicanupstartandassassin？Whatstoriesdidwenotbelieveofhim？——whatmurders，rapes，robberies，notlaytohischarge？——wewhowerelivingwithinafewmilesofhisterritory，andmight，bybooksandnewspapers，bemadeaswellacquaintedwithhismeritsordemeritsasanyofhisowncountrymen。
ThenwastheagewhentheIdeesNapoleoniennesmighthavepassedthroughmanyeditions。forwhilewewerethusoutrageouslybitter，ourneighborswereasextravagantlyattachedtohimbyastrangeinfatuation——adoredhimlikeagod，whomwechosetoconsiderasafiend。andvowedthat，underhisgovernment，theirnationhadattaineditshighestpitchofgrandeurandglory。InrevengethereexistedinEnglandasisprovedbyathousandauthenticdocuments
amonstersohideous，atyrantsoruthlessandbloody，thattheworld’shistorycannotshowhisparallel。Thisruffian’snamewas，duringtheearlypartoftheFrenchrevolution，Pittetcobourg。
Pittetcobourg’semissarieswereineverycornerofFrance。
Pittetcobourg’sgoldchinkedinthepocketsofeverytraitorinEurope。itmenacedthelifeofthegodlikeRobespierre。itdroveintocellarsandfitsofdeliriumeventhegentlephilanthropistMarat。itfourteentimescausedthedaggertobeliftedagainstthebosomoftheFirstConsul，Emperor，andKing，——thatfirst，great，glorious，irresistible，cowardly，contemptible，bloodyheroandfiend，Bonaparte，beforementioned。
OnoursideoftheChannelwehavehadleisure，longsince，tore-
considerourverdictagainstNapoleon。though，tobesure，wehavenotchangedouropinionaboutPittetcobourg。Afterfive-and-thirtyyearsallpartiesbearwitnesstohishonesty，andspeakwithaffectionatereverenceofhispatriotism，hisgenius，andhisprivatevirtue。InFrance，however，or，atleastamongcertainpartiesinFrance，therehasbeennosuchmodificationofopinion。
WiththeRepublicans，PittetcobourgisPittetcobourgstill，——
crafty，bloody，seekingwhomhemaydevour。andperfideAlbionmoreperfidiousthanever。ThishatredisthepointofunionbetweentheRepublicandtheEmpire。ithasbeenfosteredeversince，andmustbecontinuedbyPrinceLouis，ifhewouldhopetoconciliatebothparties。
WithregardtotheEmperor，then，PrinceLouiserectstohismemoryasfineamonumentashiswitscanraise。Oneneednotsaythattheimperialapologist’sopinionshouldbereceivedwiththeutmostcaution。foramanwhohassuchaheroforanunclemaynaturallybeproudofandpartialtohim。andwhenthisnephewofthegreatmanwouldbehisheirlikewise，and，hearinghisname，stepalsointohisimperialshoes，onemayreasonablylookformuchaffectionatepanegyric。Theempirewasthebestofempires，
criesthePrince。andpossiblyitwas。undoubtedly，thePrincethinksitwas。butheistheverylastpersonwhowouldconvinceamanwiththepropersuspiciousimpartiality。OneremembersacertainconsultationofpoliticianswhichisrecordedintheSpelling-book。andtheopinionofthatpatrioticsagewhoavowedthat，forarealblamelessconstitution，animpenetrableshieldforliberty，andcheapdefenceofnations，therewasnothinglikeleather。
LetusexaminesomeofthePrince’sarticle。Ifwemaybeallowedhumblytoexpressanopinion，hisleatherisnotonlyquiteinsufficientforthosevastpublicpurposesforwhichhedestinesit，butis，moreover，andinitself，veryBADLEATHER。Thehidesarepoor，small，unsoundslipsofskin。or，todropthiscobblingmetaphor，thestyleisnotparticularlybrilliant，thefactsnotverystartling，and，asfortheconclusions，onemaydifferwithalmosteveryoneofthem。Hereisanextractfromhisfirstchapter，ongovernmentsingeneral：——
Ispeakitwithregret，Icanseebuttwogovernments，atthisday，whichfulfilthemissionthatProvidencehasconfidedtothem。
theyarethetwocolossiattheendoftheworld。oneattheextremityoftheoldworld，theotherattheextremityofthenew。
WhilstouroldEuropeancentreisasavolcano，consumingitselfinitscrater，thetwonationsoftheEastandtheWest，marchwithouthesitation，towardsperfection。theoneunderthewillofasingleindividual，theotherunderliberty。
ProvidencehasconfidedtotheUnitedStatesofNorthAmericathetaskofpeoplingandcivilizingthatimmenseterritorywhichstretchesfromtheAtlantictotheSouthSea，andfromtheNorthPoletotheEquator。TheGovernment，whichisonlyasimpleadministration，hasonlyhithertobeencalledupontoputinpracticetheoldadage，Laissezfaire，laissezpasser，inordertofavorthatirresistibleinstinctwhichpushesthepeopleofAmericatothewest。
InRussiaitistotheimperialdynastythatisowingallthevastprogresswhich，inacenturyandahalf，hasrescuedthatempirefrombarbarism。TheimperialpowermustcontendagainstalltheancientprejudicesofouroldEurope：itmustcentralize，asfaraspossible，allthepowersofthestateinthehandsofoneperson，inordertodestroytheabuseswhichthefeudalandcommunalfranchiseshaveservedtoperpetuate。Thelastalonecanhopetoreceivefromittheimprovementswhichitexpects。
Butthou，FranceofHenryIV。，ofLouisXIV。，ofCarnot，ofNapoleon——thou，whowertalwaysforthewestofEuropethesourceofprogress，whopossessestinthyselfthetwogreatpillarsofempire，thegeniusfortheartsofpeaceandthegeniusofwar——
hastthounofurthermissiontofulfil？Wiltthouneverceasetowastethyforceandenergiesinintestinestruggles？No。suchcannotbethydestiny：thedaywillsooncome，when，togovernthee，itwillbenecessarytounderstandthatthypartistoplaceinalltreatiesthyswordofBrennusonthesideofcivilization。
ThesearetheconclusionsofthePrince’sremarksupongovernmentsingeneral。anditmustbesupposedthatthereaderisverylittlewiserattheendthanatthebeginning。Buttwogovernmentsintheworldfulfiltheirmission：theonegovernment，whichisnogovernment。theother，whichisadespotism。ThedutyofFranceisINALLTREATIEStoplaceherswordofBrennusinthescaleofcivilization。Withoutquarrellingwiththesomewhatconfusedlanguageofthelatterproposition，mayweaskwhat，inheaven’sname，isthemeaningofallthethree？WhatisthisepeedeBrennus？andhowisFrancetouseit？Whereisthegreatsourceofpoliticaltruth，fromwhich，flowingpure，wetraceAmericanrepublicanisminonestream，Russiandespotisminanother？Vastlyprosperousisthegreatrepublic，ifyouwill：ifdollarsandcentsconstitutehappiness，thereisplentyforall：butcananyone，whohasreadoftheAmericandoingsinthelatefrontiertroubles，andthedailydisputesontheslavequestion，praisetheGOVERNMENToftheStates？——aGovernmentwhichdaresnotpunishhomicideorarsonperformedbeforeitsveryeyes，andwhichthepiratesofTexasandthepiratesofCanadacanbraveattheirwill？Thereisnogovernment，butaprosperousanarchy。asthePrince’sotherfavoritegovernmentisaprosperousslavery。What，then，istobetheepeedeBrennusgovernment？Isittobeamixtureofthetwo？
Society，writesthePrince，axiomatically，containsinitselftwoprinciples——theoneofprogressandimmortality，theotherofdiseaseanddisorganization。Nodoubt。andastheonetendstowardsliberty，sotheotherisonlytobecuredbyorder：andthen，withasingularfelicity，PrinceLouispicksusoutacoupleofgovernments，inoneofwhichthecommonregulatingpowerisasnotoriouslytooweak，asitisintheothertoostrong，andtalksinrapturoustermsofthemannerinwhichtheyfulfiltheirprovidentialmission！