Allwasmagnificent。Nothingofitskindcouldbemoresplendidthanthemassivegoldandsilverplatepileduponthelordmayor’stableandbehindit，nothingmoresumptuousthanthedinner，nothingmorequaintthantheceremonial。Nearthelordmayor，whowasarrayedinhisrobes，chain，andallthegloriesofhisoffice，stoodthetoastmaster，whoannouncedthetoastsinamannerfittomakeanAmericanthinkhimselfdreaming，——something，infact，afterthissort，inaqueersingsongway，withcomicalcadences，broughtupattheendwithasharpsnap:``Melawds，la—a—a—diesandgentleme—e—e—n，bycommawndoftheRightHonorabletheLawrdMarr，I
cha—a—awrgeyoufillyourglawse—e—e—sanddrinktothehealthoftheRightHonorabletheUr—r—rllofBeck’nsfield。’’
Amainfeatureoftheceremonywastheloving—cup。
Downeachlongtablealargesilvertankardcontainingapleasingbeverage，ofwhichthefoundationseemedtobeclaret，waspassed;and，asitcame，eachofusinturnarose，and，havingreceiveditsolemnlyfromhisneighbor，whohaddrunktohishealth，drankinreturn，andthen，turningtohisnextneighbor，dranktohim;thelatterthenreceivedthecup，returnedthecompliment，andinthesamewaypassediton。
DuringthewholeentertainmentIhadfrequentlyturnedmyeyestowardtheprimeminister，andhadbeenmuchimpressedbyhisapparentstolidity。Whenhepresentedhisarmtotheladymayoress，whenhewalkedwithher，andduringallthetimeattable，heseemedmuchlikeawoodenimagegalvanizedintotemporarylife。Whenherosetospeak，therewasthesamewoodenstiffnessandhewentoninakindofmechanicalwayuntil，suddenly，hedartedoutabrilliantstatementregardingthepolicyofthegovernmentthatarousedthewholeaudience;then，aftermoreofthesamewoodenmannerandmechanicalprocedure，anotherbrilliantsentence;andsoontotheendofthespeech。
Allthespeechesweregoodandtothepoint。TherewerenoneofthosedespairingeffortstopumpupfunwhichsofrequentlymakeAmericanpublicdinnersdistressing。Thespeakersevidentlyboreinmindthefactthatonthefollowingdaytheirstatementswouldbeponderedinthehouseholdofeverywell—to—doEnglishman，wouldbetelegraphedtoforeignnations，andwouldbeechoedbackfromfriendsandfoesinallpartsoftheworld。
Aftertheregularspeechescameatoasttothediplomaticcorps，andthepersonselectedtorespondwasourrepresentative，theHonorableEdwardsPierpont。Thishedidexceedinglywell，andinlessthanfiveminutes。
SundryAmericanpapershadindulgedindiatribesagainstfulsomespeechesatEnglishbanquetsbysomeofMr。Pierpont’spredecessors，andhehadevidentlydeterminedthatnosuchchargeshouldbeestablishedagainsthim。
Muchwasaddedtomypleasurebymyneighborsatthetable——ononeside，SirFrederickPollock，theeminentfatherofthepresentSirFrederick;andontheother，Mr。Rolf，the``remembrancer’’oftheCityofLondon。
Thissuggeststheremarkthat，inmyexperienceamongEnglishmen，Ihavefoundverylittleofthecoldnessandstiffnesswhicharesometimescomplainedof。Onthecontrary，wheneverIhavebeenthrownamongthem，whetherinGreatBritainorontheContinent，theyhavegenerallyprovedtobeagreeableconversationists。Onethinghasseemedtomeattimescuriousandevencomical:theywillfrequentlyshutthemselvesuptightlyfromtheircompatriots，——evenfromthoseoftheirownstation，——andyetbeaffable，andindeedexpansive，toanyAmericantheychancetomeet。Thereasonforthisis，toanAmerican，evenmorecuriousthanthefact。Imaydiscussitlater。
MyarrivalinBerlintookplacejustatthebeginningofthegolden—weddingfestivitiesoftheoldEmperorWilliamI。Therewasawonderfulseriesofpageants:historiccostumeballs，galaoperas，andthelike，atcourt;
butmostmemorabletomewasthekindlywelcomeextendedtousbyallinauthority，fromtheEmperorandEmpressdown。Thecordialityofthediplomaticcorpswasalsoverypleasing，andduringthepresentationstotherulingfamilyoftheempireInoticedonethingespecially:
thegreatcarewithwhichtheyall，fromthemonarchtotheyoungestprince，hadpreparedthemselvestobeginaconversationagreeabletothenew—comer。OneofthesehighpersonagesstartedadiscussionwithmeuponAmericanshipping;another，onAmericanart;another，onsceneryinColorado;another，onourrailwaysandsteamers;
stillanother，onAmericandentistsanddentistry;
and，incaseofalackofothersubjects，therewasNiagara，whichtheycouldalwaysfallbackupon。
ThedutyofaprinceofthehouseofHohenzollernisbynomeanslight;itinvolvestoil。Inmytime，whenthepresentemperor，thentheyoungPrinceWilliam，broughthisbridehome，inadditiontotheirotherreceptionsofpublicbodies，dayafterdayandhourafterhour，theyreceivedthediplomaticcorps，whowerearrangedatthepalaceinagreatcircle，theladiesformingonehalfandthegentlementheother。Theyoungprincess，accompaniedbyhertrain，beginningwiththeladies，andtheyoungprince，withhistrain，beginningwiththegentlemen，eachwalkedslowlyaroundtheinterioroftheentirecircle，stoppingateachforeignrepresentativeandspeakingtohim，ofteninthelanguageofhisowncountry，regardingsomesubjectwhichmightbesupposedtointeresthim。Itwasreallyasurprisingfeat，forwhich，nodoubt，theyhadbeencarefullyprepared，butwhichwouldbefounddifficultevenbymanyawell—trainedscholar。
AnAmericanrepresentative，inpresentinghisletterofcredencefromthePresidentoftheUnitedStatestotheruleroftheGermanEmpire，hasoneadvantageinthefactthathehasanadmirabletopicreadytohishand，suchasperhapsnootherministerhas。ThisboonwasgivenusbyFredericktheGreat。He，amongthefirstofContinentalrulers，recognizedtheAmericanStatesasanindependentpower;andthereforeeveryAmericanministersince，includingmyself，hasfounditconvenient，onpresentingthePresident’sautographlettertotheKingorEmperor，torecallthiseventandtobuilduponitsuchanoratoricaledificeascircumstancesmaywarrant。ThefactthatthegreatFrederickrecognizedthenewAmericanRepublic，notfromloveofit，butonaccountofhisdetestationofEngland，provokedbyherconductduringhisdesperatestruggleagainsthisContinentalenemies，is，ofcourse，onsuchoccasionsdiplomaticallykeptinthebackground。
ThegreatpowerinGermanyatthattimewasthechancellor，PrinceBismarck。Nothingcouldbemorefriendlyandsimplethanhisgreeting;andhoweverstatelyhisofficialentertainmentstothediplomaticcorpsmightbe，simplicityreignedathisfamilydinners，whenhisconversationwasapparentlyfrankandcertainlydelightful。
TohimIshalldevoteanotherchapter。
InthosedaysanAmericanministeratBerlinwaslikelytofindhispersonalrelationswiththeGermanministerofforeignaffairscordial，buthisofficialrelationscontinuouswar。Hardlyadaypassedwithoutsomeskirmishregardingtherightsof``German—Americans’’
intheirFatherland。Theoldstoryconstantlyrecurredinnewforms。GenerallyitwassprungbysomemanwhohadleftGermanyjustattheageforenteringthearmy，hadremainedinAmericajustlongenoughtosecurenaturalization，andthen，withoutathoughtofdischarginganyofhisAmericanduties，hadcomebacktoclaimexemptionfromhisGermanduties，andtoflaunthisAmericancitizenpapersinthefaceoftheauthoritiesoftheprovincewherehewasborn。Thiswasverygallingtotheseauthorities，fromthefactthatsuchAmericanswereofteninclinedtogloryovertheiroldschoolmatesandassociateswhohadnottakenthismeansofescapingmilitaryduty;anditwasnowonderthatthesebrand—
newcitizens，iftheirpaperswerenotperfectlyregular，weresometimesheldfordesertionuntiltheAmericanrepresentativecouldintervene。
Stillothercaseswerethosewherefineshadbeenimposeduponmenofthisclassfornon—appearancewhensummonedtomilitaryduty，andanAmericanministerwasexpectedtosecuretheirremission。
InsimplejusticetoGermany，itoughttobesaidthatthereisnoforeignmatterofsuchimportancesolittleunderstoodintheUnitedStatesasthis。TheaverageAmerican，lookingonthesurfaceofthings，cannotseewhytheyoungemigrantisnotallowedtogoandcomeashepleases。ThefactisthatGermanpolicyinthisrespecthasbeenevolvedinobediencetotheinstinctofnationalself—preservation。TheGermanEmpire，thegreatestContinentalhomeofcivilization，isanopencamp，perpetuallybesieged。Speakinginageneralway，ithasnonaturalfrontiersofanysort——neithermountainsnorwideexpansesofsea。Eastwardareonehundredandthirtymillionsofpeoplefanaticallyhostileasregardsrace，religion，andimaginaryinterests;westwardisanothergreatnationoffortymillions，withahatredonallthesepointsintensifiedbydesireforrevenge;northwardisavigorousraceestrangedbyoldquarrels;andsouthisapowerwhichislargelyhostileonracial，religious，andhistoricgrounds，andatbestaveryuncertainreliance。
Undersuchcircumstances，universalmilitaryserviceinGermanyisaconditionofitsexistence，andevasionofthisisnaturallylookeduponasasortoftreason。TherealwonderisthatGermanyhasbeensomoderateinherdealingwiththisquestion。Theyearly``budgetsofmilitarycases’’inthearchivesoftheAmericanEmbassybearampletestimonytoherdesiretobejustandevenlenient。
TounderstandthepositionofGermany，letussupposethatourCivilWarhadleftourUnion——asatonetimeseemedlikely——embracingmerelyasmallnumberofMiddleStatesandcoveringaspaceaboutaslargeasTexas，withaConfederacyonoursouthernboundarybitterlyhostile，anotherhostilenationextendingfromthewestbankoftheMississippitotheRockyMountains;aPacificconfederationjealousandfaultfinding;Britishdominionstothenorthwardvexedbycommercialandpersonalgrievances;andNewEnglandaseparateanddoubtfulfactorinthewholesituation。InthatcasewetoowouldhaveestablishedamilitarysystemakintothatofGermany;
butwhetherwewouldhaveadministereditasreasonablyasGermanyhasdoneisverydoubtful。
FortunatelyfortheUnitedStatesandforme，therewasintheministryofforeignaffairs，whenIarrived，oneofthemostadmirablemenIhaveeverknowninsuchaposition:BaronvonBlow。Hecameofanillustriousfamily，hadgreatinfluencewiththeoldEmperorWilliam，withParliament，andinsociety;wasindependent，largeinhisviews，andsincerelydevotedtomaintainingthebestrelationsbetweenhiscountryandours。Incasessuchasthosejustreferredtohewasverybroad—minded;andinoneofthefirstwhichIhadtopresenttohim，whenIperhapsshowedsomenervousness，hesaid，``Mr。
Minister，don’tallowcasesofthiskindtovexyou;IhadrathergivetheUnitedStatestwohundreddoubtfulcaseseveryyearthanhavetheslightestill—feelingarisebetweenus。’’Thisbeingthefact，itwascomparativelyeasytodealwithhim。Unfortunately，hediedearlyduringmystay，andsomeoftheministerswhosucceededhimhadneitherhisindependencenorhisbreadthofview。
Itsometimesseemedtome，whiledoingdutyattheGermancapitalinthosedaysasminister，andatamorerecentperiodasambassador，thatIcouldnotentermyofficewithoutmeetingsomevexatiouscase。OnedayitwasanAmericanwho，havingthoughtthatpatriotismrequiredhim，inacrowdedrailwaycarriage，roundlytodenounceGermany，theGermanpeople，andtheimperialgovernment，hadpassedthenightinaguard—house;
anotherday，itwasonewho，feelingcalledupon，inarestaurant，toproclaimveryloudlyandgrosslyhisunfavorableopinionoftheEmperor，hadbeenarrested;onstillanotheroccasionitwasoneofourfellow—citizenswho，havingthoughtthatheoughttobemarriedinBerlinaseasilyasinNewYork，hadfoundhimselfentangledinanetworkofregulations，prescriptions，andprohibitions。
Ofthislattersorttherewereinmytimeseveralcuriouscases。Onemorningamancamerushingintothelegationinhighexcitementandexclaimed，``Mr。Minister，Iamintheworstfixthatanydecentmanwaseverin;Iwantyoutohelpmeoutofit。’’AndhethenwentonwithabittertiradeagainsteverybodyandeverythingintheGermanEmpire。Whenhiswrathhadeffervescedsomewhat，hestatedhiscaseasfollows:``Lastyear，whiletravelingthroughGermany，IfellinlovewithayoungGermanlady，andaftermyreturntoAmericabecameengagedtoher。Ihavenowcomeformybride;theweddingisfixedfornextThursday;oursteamerpassagesaretakenadayortwolater;andIfindthattheauthoritieswillnotallowmetomarryunlessIpresentamultitudeofpaperssuchasIneverdreamedof;someofthemitwilltakemonthstoget，andsomeIcanneverget。Myintendedbrideisindistress;herfamilyevidentlydistrustme;theweddingispostponedindefinitely;andmybusinesspartneriscablingmetocomebacktoAmericaassoonaspossible。Iamaskedforabaptismalcertificate——
aTaufschein。Now，sofarasIknow，Iwasneverbaptized。Iamrequiredtopresentacertificateshowingtheconsentofmyparentstomymarriage——I，amanthirtyyearsoldandinalargebusinessofmyown！IamaskedtogivebondsforthepaymentofmydebtsinGermany。I
owenosuchdebts;butIknownoonewhowillgivesuchabond。Iamnotifiedthatthebannsmustbepublishedacertainnumberoftimesbeforethewedding。
Whatkindofacountryisthis，anyhow？’’
Wedidthebestwecould。InaninterviewwiththeministerofpublicworshipIwasabletosecureadispensationfromthepublishingofthebanns;thenabondwasdrawnupwhichIsignedandthussettledthequestionregardingpossibledebtsinGermany。Astothebaptismalcertificate，Iorderedinscribed，onthelargestpossiblesheetofofficialpaper，thegentleman’saffidavitthat，intheStateofOhio，wherehewasborn，noTaufschein，orbaptismalcertificate，wasrequiredatthetimeofhisbirth，andtothiswasaffixedthelargestsealofthelegation，withplentyofwax。Theformoftheaffidavitmaybejudgedpeculiar;butitwasthoughtbestnottostartletheauthoritieswiththeadmissionthatthemanhadnotbeenbaptizedatall。TheycouldeasilybelievethataStatelikeOhio，whichsomeofthemdoubtlessregardedasstillinthebackwoodsandmainlytenantedbytheaborigines，mighthaveomitted，indaysgoneby，torequireaTaufschein;
butthatanunbaptizedChristianshouldofferhimselftobemarriedinGermanywouldperhapshavesoparalyzedtheirpowersofbeliefthatpermissionforthemarriagecouldneverhavebeensecured。
Inthisandvariousotherwaysweovercamethedifficulties，and，thoughtheweddingdidnottakeplaceupontheappointedday，andthereturntoAmericahadtobedeferred，thecouple，atlast，aftermarriagefirstbeforethepublicauthorities，andtheninchurch，wereabletodepartinpeace。
Anothercasewastypical。Onemorningagentlemancameintothelegationinthegreatestdistress;andIsoonlearnedthatthis，too，wasamarriagecase——butverydifferentfromtheother。Thisgentleman，anaturalizedGerman—Americaninexcellentstanding，hadcomeovertoclaimhisbride。Hehadgonethroughalltheformalitiesperfectly，and，ashisbusinesspermittedit，haddecidedtoresideayearabroadinorderthathemighttakethefurnitureofhisapartmentbacktoAmericafreeofduty。Thisapartment，alargeandbeautifulsuiteofrooms，hehadalreadyrented，hadfurnisheditveryfully，andthen，forthefewdaysinterveningbeforehismarriage，hadputitundercareofhismarriedsister。But，alas！thissister’shusbandwasabankrupt，andhardlyhadshetakenchargeoftheapartmentwhenthefurniturewasseizedbyherhusband’screditors，sealsplaceduponitsdoorsbytheauthorities，``and，’’saidtheman，inhisdistress，``unlessyoudosomethingitwilltaketwoyearstoreachthecaseonthecalendar;meantimeImustpaytherentoftheapartmentandlosetheentireuseofitaswellasofthefurniture。’’``But，’’saidI，``whatcanbedone？’’Heanswered，``Mylawyersaysthatifyouwillaskitasafavorfromthejudge，hewillgrantanorderbringingthecaseupimmediately。’’TothisInaturallyrepliedthatIcouldhardlyinterferewithajudgeinanycasebeforehim;buthisanswerwaspithy。Saidhe，``YouaretheAmericanminister，andifyouarenotheretogetAmericansoutofscrapes，IshouldliketoknowwhatyouARE
herefor。’’Thiswasunanswerable，andintheafternoonIdroveinstatetothejudge，leftanofficialcarduponhim，andthenwrote，statingthecasecarefully，andsayingthat，whileIcouldnotthinkofinterferinginanycasebeforehim，still，thatasthismatterappearedtomeoneofespecialhardship，ifitcouldbereachedatoncetheendsofjusticewouldundoubtedlybefurtheredthereby。Thatmyapplicationwassuccessfulwasshownbythefactthatthemanthusrescuedneverreturnedtothankhisbenefactor。
Amoreimportantpartofaminister’sdutyisinconnectionwiththecommercialrelationsbetweenthetwonations。Eachcountrywasattempting，bymeansofitstariffs，togetalltheadvantagepossible，andthereresultedvariousGermanregulationsbearingheavilyonsomeAmericanproducts。Thisstartedquestionswhichhadtobemetwithespecialcare，requiringmanyinterviewswiththeforeignofficeandwithvariousmembersoftheimperialcabinet。
Inlookingaftercommercialrelations，ageneraloversightoftheconsulsthroughouttheempirewasnosmallpartoftheminister’sduty。Theconsularbodywasgood——remarkablygoodwhenoneconsiderstheradicallyviciouspolicywhichprevailsintheselectionandretentionofitsmembers。ButthemoreIsawofit，thestrongerbecamemyconvictionthatthefirstthingneededisthat，whenourgovernmentsecuresathoroughlygoodmaninaconsularposition，itshouldkeephimthere;and，moreover，thatitshouldestablishafullsystemofpromotionsformerit。Underthepresentsystemtheruleisthat，assoonasamanisfitfortheduties，heisrotatedoutofofficeandsupplantedbyamanwhohasallhisdutiestolearn。
Iamgladtosaythatoflateyearstherehavebeenmanyexcellentexceptionstothisrule;andoneofmymostearnesthopes，asamanlovingmycountryanddesirousofitshighstandingabroad，isthat，moreandmore，thetendency，bothasregardstheconsularanddiplomaticservice，maybeinthedirectionofsendingmencarefullyfittedforpositions，andofretainingthemwithoutregardtochangesinthehomeadministration。
Stillanotherpartoftheminister’sdutywasthecarefulcollectionoffactsregardingimportantsubjects，andthetransmissionofthemtotheStatedepartment。Thesewereembodiedindespatches。Suchsubjectsasrailwaymanagement，theorganizationandadministrationofcitygovernments，thegrowthofvariousindustries，thecreationofnewschoolsofinstruction，thedevelopmentofpubliclibraries，andthelike，aswellasamultitudeofotherpracticalmatters，werethusdweltupon。
ItwasalsoadutyoftheministertokeepageneraloversightoftheinterestsofAmericanswithinhisjurisdiction。TherearealwaysacertainnumberofAmericansindistress，——real，pretended，orimaginary，——andthesemustbelookedafter;thenthereareAmericanstatesmenseekingintroductionsorinformation，Americanscholarsinquestofsimilarthingsinadifferentfield，Americanmerchantsandmanufacturersseekingaccesstomenandestablishmentswhichwillenablethemtobuilduptheirowninterestsandthoseoftheircountry，and，mostinterestingofall，AmericanstudentsattheuniversityandotheradvancedschoolsinBerlinandthroughoutGermany。Toadvisewiththeseandnotetheirprogressformedamostpleasingrelieffromstrictlyofficialmatters。
Leastpleasingofalldutieswaslookingafterfugitivesfromjusticeorbirdsofpreyevidentlyseekingnewvictims。Onthislatterpoint，IrecallanexperiencewhichmaythrowsomelightontheGermanmodeofwatchingdoubtfulpersons。AyoungAmericanhadappearedinvariouspublicplaceswearinganavaluniformtowhichhewasnotentitled，declaringhimselfasonofthePresidentoftheUnitedStates，andapparentlymakingreadyforacareerofscoundrelism。Consultingtheministerofforeignaffairsoneday，Imentionedthiscase，askinghimtogivemesuchinformationascametohim。Heanswered，``Remindmeatyournextvisit，andperhapsI
canshowyousomething。’’Onmycallingsomedayslater，theministerhandedmeapaperonwhichwasinscribedapparentlynotonlyeveryplacetheyoungmanhadvisited，butvirtuallyeverythinghehaddoneandsaidduringthepastweek，hisconversationsintherestaurantsbeingnotedwithespecialcare;andwhilethemanwasevidentlyworthless，hewasclearlyratherafoolthanascoundrel。Onmyexpressingsurpriseatthefullnessofthisinformation，theministerseemedquiteasmuchsurprisedatmysupposingitpossibleforanygoodgovernmenttoexistwithoutsuchcompletesurveillanceofsuspectedpersons。
AnothercuriousmatterwhichthencameupwasthesellingofshamdiplomasbyapretendedAmericanuniversity。
Thiswasbroughttomynoticeinsundryletters，andfinallybycallsfromoneortwoyoungGermanswhowereconsideringtheadvisabilityofbuyingadoctoratefromamannamedBuchanan，whoclaimedtobepresidentofthe``UniversityofPhiladelphia。’’AlthoughIdemonstratedtothemtheworthlessnessofsuchshamdegreesofanon—
existentinstitution，theyevidentlythoughtthattoobtainonewouldaidthemintheirprofessions，andwereinclinedtomakeapurchase。FromtimetotimetherewereslursintheGermanpapersuponallAmericaninstitutionsoflearning，baseduponadvertisementsofsuchdiplomas;
andfinallymypatrioticwrathwasbroughttoaclimaxbyacomedyattheRoyalTheater，inwhichtherascalofthepiece，havinggonethroughalongcareerofscoundrelism，finallysecuresadiplomafromthe``UniversityofPENNSYLVANIA’’！
Inviewofthis，IwrotenotonlydespatchestotheSecretaryofState，butprivateletterstoleadingcitizensofPhiladelphia，callingtheirattentiontothesubject，andespeciallytotheinjurythatthiskindofthingwasdoingtotheUniversityofPennsylvania，aninstitutionofwhicheveryPhiladelphian，andindeedeveryAmerican，hasarighttobeproud。Asaresult，thewholethingwasbrokenup，and，thoughithasbeenoccasionallyrevived，ithasnotagaininflictedsuchastigmauponAmericaneducation。
Butperhapsthemostannoyingbusinessofallarosefrompresentationsatcourt。Themaniaofmanyofourfellow—citizensforminglingwithbirdsofthefinestfeatherhaspassedintoaEuropeanproverbwhichisunjusttothegreatbodyofAmericans;butatpresentthereseemstobenohelpforit，thereputationofthemanysufferingforthebadtasteofthefew。Nothingcouldexceedthepertinacityshowninsomecases。Differentrulesprevailatdifferentcourts，andattheimperialcourtofGermanytheruleforsomeyearshasbeenthatpersonseminentinthosewalksoflifethatareespeciallyhonoredwillalwaysbewelcome，andthattheproperauthority，onbeingnotifiedoftheirpresence，willextendsuchinvitationsasmayseemwarranted。Unfortunately，whilesomeofthemostworthyvisitorsdidnotmakethemselvesknown，somepersonsfarlessdesirabletooktoomuchpainstoattractnotice。Asatiristwouldfindrichmaterialinthearchivesofourembassiesandlegationsabroad。Ihavefoundnowheremoreelementsoftruecomedyandevenbroadfarcethaninsomeofthecorrespondenceonthissubjectthereembalmed。
Butwhilethisclassofapplicantsismainlymadeupofwomen，fairnesscompelsmetosaythatthereisasimilarclassofmen。Thesearepersonspossessedofaninsatiateandattimesalmostinsanedesiretobeable，ontheirreturn，tosaythattheyhavetalkedwithacrownedhead。
Shouldthesovereignseeoneintenofthepersonsfromforeignnationswhothusseekhim，hewouldhavenotimeforanythingelse。Hethereforeinsists，likeanyprivatepersoninanycountry，onhisrightnottogivehistimetothosewhohavenorealclaimuponhim，andsomeverygoodfellow—citizensofourshaveseemedalmostinclinedtomakethisfeelingofhisMajestyacasusbelli。
OntheotherhandtherearelargenumbersofAmericansmakingdemands，andoftenveryseriousdemands，oftimeandlaborontheirdiplomaticrepresentativewhichitisanhonorandpleasuretorender。Ofthesearesuchas，havinggainedarighttodosobyexcellentworkintheirrespectivefieldsathome，comeabroad，aslegislatorsoreducatorsorscientificinvestigatorsorengineersorscholarsormanagersofworthybusinessenterprises，toextendtheirknowledgeforthebenefitoftheircountry。
NoworkhasbeenmoresatisfactorytomyconsciencethantheaidwhichIhavebeenabletorendertomenandwomenofthissort。
Still，onehastomakediscriminations。Irememberespeciallyaverycharmingyoungladyof，say，sixteensummers，whocametomesayingthatshehadagreedtowritesomelettersforaWesternnewspaper，andthatshewishedtovisitalltheleadingprisons，reformatoryinstitutions，andasylumsofGermany。Ilookedintoherprettyface，andsoonshowedherthattheGermanGovernmentwouldneverthinkofallowingayoungladylikeherselftoinspectsuchplacesasthoseshehadnamed，andthatinmyopiniontheywerequiteright;butIsuggestedaseriesoflettersonamultitudeofthingswhichwouldcertainlyproveinterestingandinstructive，andwhichshemighteasilystudyinallpartsofGermany。Shetookmyadvice，wrotemanysuchletters，andtheselectionwhichshepublishedprovedtobedelightful。
Butattimeszealforimprovementsathomegoesperilouslyfartowardturningtheactivityofanambassadororministerfromitsproperchannels。Scoresofpeoplewriteregardingschoolsfortheirchildren，instructorsinmusic，cheapboarding—houses，andIhavehadanexcellentfellow—citizenaskmetosendhimapeckofturnips。
Butiftheapplicationsarereallyfromworthypersons，theycangenerallybedealtwithinwayswhichrequirenoespeciallabor——manyofthemthroughourconsuls，towhomtheymoreproperlybelong。
Thosewhoreallyasktoomuch，insistingthattheembassyshalllookaftertheirprivatebusiness，mayberemindedthattherulesofthediplomaticserviceforbidsuchinvestigations，inbehalfofindividuals，withoutpreviousinstructionsfromtheStateDepartment。
Ofthelessertroublesomepeoplemaybenamed，first，thosewhoarelookinguptheirgenealogies。Atypicallettermadeupfromvariousepistles，asa``composite’’
portraitismadeoutofdifferentphotographs，wouldrunmuchasfollows:
SIR:IhavereasontosupposethatIamdescendedfromanoldnoblefamilyinGermany。Mygrandfather’snamewasMaxSchulze。Hecame，Ithink，fromsomepartofAustriaorBavariaorSchleswig—Holstein。Pleasetracebackmyancestryandletmeknowtheresultatyourearliestconvenience。
Yourstruly，MARYSMITH。
Anothermoretroublesomeclassisthatofpeopleseekinginheritances。Atypicalletter，compoundedasabove，wouldrunsomewhatasfollows:
SIR:IamassuredthatafortuneofseveralmillionsofmarksleftbyoneJohnMller，whodiedinsomepartofGermanytwoorthreecenturiesago，isheldattheimperialtreasuryawaitingheirs。Mygrandmother’snamewasMiller。Pleaselookthematterupandinformmeastomyrights。
Yourstruly，JOHNMYERS。
P。S。Ifyousucceedingettingthemoney，Iwillbegladtopayyouhandsomelyforyourservices。
Suchlettersasthisareeasilyanswered。DuringthisfirstsojournofmineatBerlinasminister，Icausedacircular，goingoverthewholeground，tobecarefullypreparedandtobeforwardedtoapplicants。Inthisoccurthefollowingwords:``Wehaveyearly，fromvariouspartsoftheUnitedStates，alargenumberofapplicationsforinformationoraidregardinggreatestatesinGermanysupposedtobeawaitingheirs。Theyareallmoreorlessindefinite，manysad，andsomeludicrous……ThereareinGermanynolargeestates，awaitingdistributiontounknownheirs，inthehandsofthegovernmentorofanybody，andalleffortstodiscoversuchestatesthatthelegationhasevermadeorheardofhaveprovedfruitless。’’
Amongthemanyoddapplicationsreceivedatthatperiod，onerevealedanAmericansuperstitionbynomeansunusual。Thecircumstanceswhichledtoitwereasfollows:
Anamplefund，saidtobefortyorfiftythousanddollars，hadbeenbroughttogetherinPhiladelphiafortheerectionofanequestrianstatuetoWashington，andithadbeenfinallydecidedtointrustthecommissiontoProfessorSiemering，oneofthemosteminentofmodernGermansculptors。OnedaytherecametomealetterfromanAmericangentlemanwhomIhadmetoccasionallymanyyearsbefore，askingmetofurnishhimwithafullstatementregardingProfessorSiemering’sworksandreputation。Asaresult，Imadeinquiriesamongtheleadingauthoritiesonmodernart，and，everythingbeingmostfavorable，Iatlastvisitedhisstudio，andfoundalargenumberofdesignsandmodelsofworksonwhichhewasthenengaged，——twoorthreebeingofthehighestimportance，amongthemthegreatwarmonumentatLeipsic。
Ialsofoundthat，althoughhehadexecutedandwasexecutingimportantworksforvariousotherpartsofGermany，hehadnotyetputupanygreatpermanentworkinBerlin，thoughthedesignsoftheadmirabletemporarystatuesanddecorationsonthereturnofthetroopsfromtheFranco—PrussianWartothemetropolishadbeenintrustedlargelytohim。
ThesefactsIstatedtomycorrespondentinaletter，andinduetimereceivedananswerinsubstanceasfollows:
SIR:YourletterconfirmsmeintheopinionIhadformed。
TheintrustingofthegreatstatueofWashingtontoamanlikeSiemeringisajobandanoutrage。Itisclearthatheisamerepretender，sincehehaserectednostatueasyetinBerlin。ThatstatueoftheFatherofourCountryoughttohavebeenintrustedtonativetalent。Ihaveasonfourteenyearsoldwhohasalreadygreatlydistinguishedhimself。Hehasmodeledanumberoffiguresinbutterandputtywhichallmyfriendsthinkaremostremarkable。Iamsatisfiedthathecouldhaveproducedaworkwhich，byitsoriginalityandpower，wouldhavedonehonortoourcountryandtoart。
Yoursverytruly，————————。
Curious，too，wasthefollowing:Onemorningthemailbroughtmealargepacketfilledwithlittlesquaresofcheapcottoncloth。Iwasgreatlypuzzledtoknowtheirpurposeuntil，afewdayslater，therecamealetterwhich，withchangesofpropernames，ranasfollows:
PODUNK，————，1880。
SIR:Wearegoingtohaveafancyfairforthebenefitofthe————Churchinthistown，andwearegettingreadysomeautographbed—quilts。Ihavesentyouapackageofsmallsquaresofcottoncloth，whichpleasetaketotheEmperorWilliamandhiswife，alsotoPrinceBismarckandtheotherprincesandleadingpersonsofGermany，askingthemtowritetheirnamesonthemandsendthemtomeassoonaspossible。
Yourstruly，————————。
P。S。Tellthemtobesuretowritetheirnamesinthemiddleofthepieces，forfearthattheirautographsmaygetsewedin。
MyassociationswiththediplomaticcorpsIfoundespeciallypleasing。Thedean，asregardedseniority，wastheItalianambassador，CountDelaunay，amanoflargeexperienceandkindlymanners。HegavemevariousinterestingreminiscencesofhisrelationswithCavour，andsaidthatwhenhewasassociatedwiththegreatItalianstatesman，thelatterwasneverabletogettimeforhim，exceptatfiveo’clockinthemorning，andthatthiswastheirusualhourofwork。
AnotherveryinterestingpersonwastherepresentativeofGreatBritain——LordOdoRussell。HewasfullofinterestingreminiscencesofhislifeatWashington，atRome，andatVersailleswithBismarck。AstoRome，hegavemeinterestingstoriesofPopePiusIX，who，hesaid，wasinclinedtobejocose，andeventospeakinasportivewayregardingexceedinglyserioussubjects。[14]AstoCavour，hethoughthimagreatermaneventhanBismarck;andthisfromamansointimatewiththeGermanchancellorwasatestimonyofnosmallvalue。
[14]OneofthesereminiscencesIhavegivenelsewhere。
AstohisrecollectionsofVersailles，hewaspresentattheproclamationoftheEmpireintheGaleriedesGlaces，anddescribedthescenetomeveryvividly。
HisrelationswithBismarckwereveryclose，andthelatteroncepaidhimacomplimentwhichspedfar;sayingthat，asarule，hedistrustedanEnglishmanwhospokeFrenchverycorrectly，butthattherewasoneexception——
LordOdoRussell。
Attheriskofrepeatingatwice—toldtale，ImayreferheretohisvisittoBismarckwhenthelattercomplainedthathewasbotheredtodeathwithboreswhotookhismostprecioustime，andaskedLordOdohowhegotridofthem。Aftermakingsomereply，thelatteraskedBismarckwhatplanhehadadopted。TothisthechancelloransweredthatheandJohanna（theprincess）hadhituponaplan，whichwasthatwhenshethoughtherhusbandhadbeenboredlongenough，shecameinwithabottleandsaid，``Now，Otto，youknowthatitistimeforyoutotakeyourmedicine。’’Hardlywerethewordsoutofhismouth，whenincametheprincesswiththebottleandrepeatedtheverywordswhichherhusbandhadjustgiven。Bothburstintotitaniclaughter，andpartedonthebestofterms。
Atcourtfestivities，LordOdofrequentlybecameveryweary，andasIwasofteninthesamecase，wefromtimetotimewentoutofthemainroomstogetherandsatdowninsomequietnookforatalk。Ononeoftheseoccasions，justafterhehadbeenmadeapeerwiththetitleofBaronAmpthill，Isaidtohim，``YoumustallowmetousemyYankeeprivilegeofaskingquestions。’’
Onhisassentingtothispleasantly，Iasked，``WhyisitthatyouarewillingtogiveupthegreathistoricnameofRussellandtakeanamewhichnooneeverheardof？’’
Heanswered，``IhavenoticedthatwhenmenwhohavebeenlonginthediplomaticservicereturntoEngland，theybecomeinmanycaseslistlessandmelancholy，andwanderaboutwithnofriendsandnothingtodo。Theyhavebeensolongabroadthattheyarenolongerintouchwithleadingmenathome，andarethereforeshelved。