TosaythatRickiewasacat’s—pawistoputittoostrongly。
Herbertwasstrictlyhonourable，andneverpushedhimintoanillegalorreallydangerousposition;butthereisnodoubtthatonthisandonmanyotheroccasionshehadtodothingsthathewouldnototherwisehavedone。Therewasalwayssomediplomaticcornerthathadtobeturned，alwayssomethingthathehadtosayornottosay。Asthetermworeonhelosthisindependence——
almostwithoutknowingit。Hehadmuchtolearnaboutboys，andhelearntnotbydirectobservation——forwhichhebelievedhewasunfitted——butbysedulousimitationofthemoreexperiencedmasters。Originallyhehadintendedtobefriendswithhispupils，andMr。Pembrokecommendedtheintentionhighly;butyoucannotbefriendseitherwithboyormanunlessyougiveyourselfawayintheprocess，andMr。Pembrokedidnotcommendthis。He，for\"personalintercourse，\"substitutedthesafer\"personalinfluence，\"andgavehisjuniorhintsonthesettingofkindlytraps，inwhichtheboydoesgivehimselfawayandrevealshisshydelicatethoughts，whilethemaster，intact，commendsorcorrectsthem。OriginallyRickiehadmeanttohelpboysintheanxietiesthattheyundergowhenchangingintomen:atCambridgehehadnumberedthisamonglife’sduties。Buthereisasubjectinwhichwemustinevitablyspeakasonehumanbeingtoanother，notasonewhohasauthorityortheshadowofauthority，andforthisreasontheelderschool—mastercouldsuggestnothingbutafewformulae。Formulae，likekindlytraps，werenotinRickie’sline，soheabandonedthesesubjectsaltogetherandconfinedhimselftoworkinghardatwhatwaseasy。InthehousehedidasHerbertdid，andreferredalldoubtfulsubjectstohim。Inhisform，oddlyenough，hebecameamartinet。Itissomuchsimplertobesevere。Hegraspedtheschoolregulations，andinsistedonpromptobediencetothem。Headoptedthedoctrineofcollectiveresponsibility。Whenoneboywaslate，hepunishedthewholeform。\"Ican’thelpit，\"hewouldsay，asifhewasapowerofnature。Asateacherhewasratherdull。Hecurbedhisownenthusiasms，findingthattheydistractedhisattention，andthatwhilehethrobbedtothemusicofVirgiltheboysinthebackrowweregettingunruly。Butonthewholehelikedhisformwork:heknewwhyhewasthere，andHerbertdidnotovershadowhimsocompletely。
WhatwasamisswithHerbert？Hehadknownthatsomethingwasamiss，andhadenteredintopartnershipwithopeneyes。Themanwaskindandunselfish;morethanthathewastrulycharitable，anditwasarealpleasuretohimtogive——pleasuretoothers。
Certainlyhemighttalktoomuchaboutitafterwards;butitwasthedoing，notthetalking，thathereallyvalued，andbenefactorsofthissortarenottoocommon。Hewas，moreover，diligentandconscientious:hisheartwasinhiswork，andhisadherencetotheChurchofEnglandnomerematterofform。Hewascapableofaffection:hewasusuallycourteousandtolerant。Thenwhatwasamiss？Why，inspiteofallthesequalities，shouldRickiefeelthattherewassomethingwrongwithhim——nay，thathewaswrongasawhole，andthatiftheSpiritofHumanityshouldeverholdajudgmenthewouldassuredlybeclassedamongthegoats？Theansweratfirstsightappearedagracelessone——itwasthatHerbertwasstupid。Notstupidintheordinarysense——hehadabusiness—likebrain，andacquiredknowledgeeasily——butstupidintheimportantsense:hiswholelifewascolouredbyacontemptoftheintellect。Thathehadatolerableintellectofhisownwasnotthepoint:itisinwhatwevalue，notinwhatwehave，thatthetestofusresides。Now，Rickie’sintellectwasnotremarkable。Hecametohisworthierresultsratherbyimaginationandinstinctthanbylogic。Anargumentconfusedhim，andhecouldwithdifficultyfollowitevenonpaper。Buthesawinthisnoreasonforsatisfaction，andtriedtomakesuchuseofhisbrainashecould，justasaweakathletemightlovinglyexercisehisbody。Likeaweakathlete，too，helovedtowatchtheexploits，orrathertheefforts，ofothers——theireffortsnotsomuchtoacquireknowledgeastodispelalittleofthedarknessbywhichweandallouracquisitionsaresurrounded。Cambridgehadtaughthimthis，andheknew，iffornootherreason，thathistimetherehadnotbeeninvain。AndHerbert’scontemptforsucheffortsrevoltedhim。Hesawthatforallhisfinetalkaboutaspirituallifehehadbutonetestforthings——success:
successforthebodyinthislifeorforthesoulinthelifetocome。AndforthisreasonHumanity，andperhapssuchothertribunalsastheremaybe，wouldassuredlyrejecthim。
XVIII
Meanwhilehewasahusband。Perhapshisunionshouldhavebeenemphasizedbefore。Thecrownoflifehadbeenattained，thevagueyearnings，themisreadimpulses，hadfoundaccomplishmentatlast。Neveragainmusthefeellonely，orasonewhostandsoutofthebroadhighwayoftheworldandfears，likepoorShelley，toundertakethelongestjourney。Sohereasoned，andatfirsttooktheaccomplishmentforgranted。Butasthetermpassedheknewthatbehindtheyearningthereremainedayearning，behindthedrawnveilaveilthathecouldnotdraw。Hisweddinghadbeennomightylandmark:hewouldoftenwonderwhethersuchandsuchaspeechorincidentcameafteritorbefore。SincethatmeetingintheSohorestauranttherehadbeensomuchtodo——
clothestobuy，presentstothankfor，abriefvisittoaTrainingCollege，ahoneymoonasbrief。Insuchabustle，whatspiritualunioncouldtakeplace？Surelythedustwouldsettlesoon:inItaly，atEaster，hemightperceivetheinfinitiesoflove。Butlovehadshownhimitsinfinitiesalready。Neitherbymarriagenorbyanyotherdevicecanmeninsurethemselvesavision;andRickie’shadbeengrantedhimthreeyearsbefore，whenhehadseenhiswifeandadeadmanclaspedineachother’sarms。Shewasnevertobesorealtohimagain。
Sheranaboutthehouselookinghandsomerthanever。Hercheerfulvoicegaveorderstotheservants。Ashesatinthestudycorrectingcompositions，shewoulddartinandgivehimakiss。
\"Deargirl——\"hewouldmurmur，withaglanceattheringsonherhand。Thetoneoftheirmarriagelifewassoonset。Itwastobeafrankgood—fellowship，andbeforelonghefounditdifficulttospeakinadeeperkey。
Oneeveninghemadetheeffort。TherehadbeenmorebeautythanwasusualatSawston。Theairwaspureandquiet。Tomorrowthefogmightbehere，buttodayonesaid，\"Itislikethecountry。\"
Arminarmtheystrolledintheside—garden，stoppingattimestonoticethecrocuses，ortowonderwhenthedaffodilswouldflower。Suddenlyhetightenedhispressure，andsaid，\"Darling，whydon’tyoustillwearear—rings？\"
\"Ear—rings？\"Shelaughed。\"Mytastehasimproved，perhaps。\"
SoafteralltheynevermentionedGerald’sname。Buthehopeditwasstilldeartoher。Hedidnotwanthertoforgetthegreatestmomentinherlife。Hislovedesirednotownershipbutconfidence，andtoalovesopureitdoesnotseemterribletocomesecond。
Hevaluedemotion——notforitself，butbecauseitistheonlyfinalpathtointimacy。She，everrobustandpractical，alwaysdiscouragedhim。Shewasnotcold;shewouldwillinglyembracehim。Butshehatedbeingupset，andwouldlaughorthrusthimoffwhenhisvoicegrewserious。Inthissheremindedhimofhismother。Buthismother——hehadneverconcealeditfromhimself——
hadgloriestowhichhiswifewouldneverattain:gloriesthathadunfoldedagainstalifeofhorror——alifeevenmorehorriblethanhehadguessed。Hethoughtofheroftenduringtheseearliermonths。Didsheblesshisunion，sodifferenttoherown？Didshelovehiswife？HetriedtospeakofhertoAgnes，butagainshewasreluctant。Andperhapsitwasthisaversiontoacknowledgethedead，whoseimagesalonehaveimmortality，thatmadeherownimagesomewhattransient，sothatwhenhelefthernomysticinfluenceremained，andonlybyaneffortcouldherealizethatGodhadunitedthemforever。
Theyconversedanddifferedhealthilyuponothertopics。Ariflecorpswastobeformed:shehopedthattheboyswouldhaveproperuniforms，insteadofshootingintheiroldclothes，asMr。
Jacksonhadsuggested。TherewasTewson;couldnothingbedoneabouthim？Hewouldslinkawayfromtheotherprefectsandgowithboysofhisownage。TherewasLloyd:hewouldnotlearntheschoolanthem，sayingthatithurthisthroat。AndabovealltherewasVarden，who，toRickie’sbewilderment，wasnowamemberofDunwoodHouse。
\"Hehadtogosomewhere，\"saidAgnes。\"Luckyforhismotherthatwehadavacancy。\"
\"Yes——butwhenImeetMrs。Orr——Ican’thelpfeelingashamed。\"
\"Oh，Mrs。Orr！Whocaresforher？Herteetharedrawn。Ifshechoosestoinsinuatethatweplannedit，lether。Herswasrankdishonesty。Sheattemptedtosetupaboarding—house。\"
Mrs。Orr，whowasquiterich，hadattemptednosuchthing。Shehadtakentheboyoutofcharity，andwithoutathoughtofbeingunconstitutional。Butinhadcomethisofficious\"Limpet\"andupsettheheadmaster，andshewasscolded，andMrs。Vardenwasscolded，andMr。Jacksonwasscolded，andtheboywasscoldedandplacedwithMr。Pembroke，whomshereveredlessthananymanintheworld。Naturallyenough，sheconsidereditafurtherattemptoftheauthoritiestosnubtheday—boys，forwhoseadvantagetheschoolhadbeenfounded。SheandMrs。Jacksondiscussedthesubjectattheirtea—parties，andthelatterladywassurethatnogood，nogoodofanykind，wouldcometoDunwoodHousefromsuchill—gottenplunder。
\"Wesay，’Letthemtalk，’\"persistedRickie，\"butIneverdidlikelettingpeopletalk。Wearerightandtheyarewrong，butI
wishthethingcouldhavebeendonemorequietly。Theheadmasterdoesgetsoexcited。Hehasgivenagangoffoolishpeopletheiropportunity。Idon’tlikebeingbrandedastheday—boy’sfoe，whenIthinkhowmuchIwouldhavegiventobeaday—boymyself。
Myfatherfoundmeanuisance，andputmethroughthemill，andI
canneverforgetitparticularlytheevenings。\"
\"There’sverylittlebullyinghere，\"saidAgnes。
\"Therewasverylittlebullyingatmyschool。Therewassimplytheatmosphereofunkindness，whichnodisciplinecandispel。It’snotwhatpeopledotoyou，butwhattheymean，thathurts。\"
\"Idon’tunderstand。\"
\"Physicalpaindoesn’thurt——atleastnotwhatIcallhurt——ifamanhitsyoubyaccidentorplay。Butjustalittletap，whenyouknowitcomesfromhatred，istooterrible。Boysdohateeachother:Irememberit，andseeitagain。Theycanmakestrongisolatedfriendships，butofgeneralgood—fellowshiptheyhaven’tanotion。\"
\"AllIknowisthere’sverylittlebullyinghere。\"
\"Yousee，thenotionofgood—fellowshipdevelopslate:youcanjustseeitsbeginninghereamongtheprefects:upatCambridgeitflourishesamazingly。That’swhyIpitypeoplewhodon’tgouptoCambridge:notbecauseaUniversityissmart，butbecausethosearethemagicyears，and——withluck——youseeuptherewhatyoucouldn’tseebeforeandmayn’teverseeagain。
\"Aren’tthesethemagicyears？\"theladydemanded。
Helaughedandhitather。\"I’mgettingsomewhatinvolved。Buthearme，OAgnes，forIampractical。Iapproveofourpublicschools。Longmaythey，flourish。ButIdonotapproveoftheboarding—housesystem。Itisn’taninevitableadjunct——\"
\"Goodgraciousme！\"sheshrieked。\"Haveyougonemad？\"
\"Silence，madam。Don’tbetraymetoHerbert，orI’llgiveusthesack。Butseriously，whatisthegoodof，throwingboyssomuchtogether？Isn’titbuildingtheirlivesonawrongbasis？Theydon’tunderstandeachother。Iwishtheydid，buttheydon’t。
Theydon’trealizethathumanbeingsaresimplymarvellous。
Whentheydo，thewholeoflifechanges，andyougetthetruething。Butdon’tpretendyou’vegotitbeforeyouhave。
Patriotismandespritdecorpsareallverywell，butmastersalittleforgetthattheymustgrowfromsentiment。Theycannotcreateone。Cannot—cannot——cannot。InevercaredastrawforEnglanduntilIcaredforEnglishmen，andboyscan’tlovetheschoolwhentheyhateeachother。Ladiesandgentlemen，Iwillnowconcludemyaddress。AndmostofitiscopiedoutofMr。
Ansell。\"
Thetruthis，hewassuddenlyashamed。Hehadbeencarriedawayonthefloodofhisoldemotions。Cambridgeandallthatitmeanthadstoodbeforehimpassionatelyclear，andbesideitstoodhismotherandthesweetfamilylifewhichnursesupaboyuntilhecansalutehisequals。Hewasashamed，forherememberedhisnewresolution——toworkwithoutcriticizing，tothrowhimselfvigorouslyintothemachine，nottomindifhewaspinchednowandthenbytheelaboratewheels。
\"Mr。Ansell！\"criedhiswife，laughingsomewhatshrilly。\"Aha！
NowIunderstand。It’sjustthekindofthingpoorMr。Ansellwouldsay。Well，I’mbrutal。IbelieveitdoesVardengoodtohavehisearspullednowandthen，andIdon’tcarewhethertheypulltheminplayornot。Boysoughttoroughit，ortheynevergrowupintomen，andyourmotherwouldhaveagreedwithme。Ohyes;andyou’reallwrongaboutpatriotism。Itcan，can，createasentiment。\"
Shewasunusuallyprecise，andhadfollowedhisthoughtswithanattentionthatwasalsounusual。Hewonderedwhethershewasnotright，andregrettedthatsheproceededtosay，\"Mydearboy，youmustn’ttalktheseheresiesinsideDunwoodHouse！YousoundjustlikeoneofthatreactionaryJacksonset，whowanttoflingtheschoolbackahundredyearsandhavenothingbutday—boysalldressedanyhow。\"
\"TheJacksonsethavetheirpoints。\"
\"You’dbetterjoinit。\"
\"TheDunwoodHousesethasitspoints。\"ForRickiesufferedfromthePrimalCurse，whichisnot——astheAuthorizedVersionsuggests——theknowledgeofgoodandevil，buttheknowledgeofgood—and—evil。
\"ThensticktotheDunwoodHouseset。\"
\"Ido，andshall。\"Againhewasashamed。Whywouldheseetheothersideofthings？Herebukedhissoul，notunsuccessfully，andthentheyreturnedtothesubjectofVarden。
\"I’mcertainhesuffers，\"saidhe，forshewoulddonothingbutlaugh。\"Eachboywhopassespullshisears——veryfunny，nodoubt;
buteverydaytheystickoutmoreandgetredder，andthisafternoon，whenhedidn’tknowhewasbeingwatched，hewasholdinghisheadandmoaning。Ihatethelookabouthiseyes。\"
\"Ihatethewholeboy。Nastyweedything。\"
\"Well，I’manastyweedything，ifitcomestothat。\"
\"No，youaren’t，\"shecried，kissinghim。Butheledherbacktothesubject。Couldnothingbesuggested？Hedrewupsomenewrules——alterationsinthetimesofgoingtobed，andsoon——theeffectofwhichwouldbetoprovidefeweropportunitiesforthepullingofVarden’sears。TherulesweresubmittedtoHerbert，whosympathizedwithweaklinessmorethandidhissister，andgavethemhiscarefulconsideration。Butunfortunatelytheycollidedwithotherrules，andonacloserexaminationhefoundthattheyalsorancontrarytothefundamentalsonwhichthegovernmentofDunwoodHousewasbased。Sonothingwasdone。Agneswasratherpleased，andtooktoteasingherhusbandaboutVarden。
Atlastheaskedhertostop。Hefeltuneasyabouttheboy——
almostsuperstitious。Hisfirstmorning’sworkhadbroughtsixtypoundsayeartotheirhotel。
XIX
TheydidnotgettoItalyatEaster。Herberthadtheofferofsomeprivatepupils，andneededRickie’shelp。ItseemedunreasonabletoleaveEnglandwhenmoneywastobemadeinit，sotheywenttoIlfracombeinstead。Theyspentthreeweeksamongthenaturaladvantagesandunnaturaldisadvantagesofthatresort。Itwasoutoftheseason，andtheyencampedinahugehotel，whichtookthematareduction。ByadisastrouschancetheJacksonsweredowntheretoo，andagooddealofconstrainedcivilityhadtopassbetweenthetwofamilies。ConstraineditwasnotinMr。
Jackson’scase。Atalltimeshewasreadytotalk，andaslongastheykeptofftheschoolitwaspleasantenough。Buthewasveryindiscreet，andfemininetacthadoftentointervene。\"Goaway，dearladies，\"hewouldthenobserve。\"Youthinkyouseelifebecauseyouseethechasmsinit。Yetallthechasmsarefulloffemaleskeletons。\"Theladiessmiledanxiously。ToRickiehewasfriendlyandevenintimate。TheyhadlongtalksonthedesertedCapstone，whiletheirwivessatreadingintheWinterGardenandMr。Pembrokekeptaneyeuponthetutoredyouths。\"OnceIhadtutoredyouths，\"saidMr。Jackson，\"butIlostthemallbylettingthempaddlewithmynieces。Itissoimpossibletorememberwhatisproper。\"Andsoonerorlatertheirtalkgravitatedtowardshiscentralpassion——theFragmentsofSophocles。Someday（\"never，\"saidHerbert）hewouldeditthem。
Atpresenttheyweremerelyinhisblood。Withthezealofascholarandtheimaginationofapoethereconstructedlostdramas——Niobe，Phaedra，PhiloctetesagainstTroy，whosenames，butforanaccident，wouldhavethrilledtheworld。\"Isitworthit？\"hecried。\"Hadwebetterbeplantingpotatoes？\"Andthen:
\"Wehad;butthisisthesecondbest。\"
Agnesdidnotapproveofthesecolloquies。Mr。Jacksonwasnotabuffoon，buthebehavedlikeone，whichiswhatmatters;andfromtheWinterGardenshecouldseepeoplelaughingathim，andatherhusband，whogotexcitedtoo。Shehintedonceortwice，butnonoticewastaken，andatlastshesaidrathersharply，\"Now，you’renotto，Rickie。Iwon’thaveit。\"
\"He’satypethatsuitsme。HeknowspeopleIknow，orwouldliketohaveknown。HewasafriendofTonyFailing’s。Itissohardtorealizethatamanconnectedwithonewasgreat。UncleTonyseemstohavebeen。Helovedpoetryandmusicandpictures，andeverythingtemptedhimtoliveinakindofculturedparadise，withthedoorshutuponsqualor。Buttohavemoredecentpeopleintheworld——hesacrificedeverythingtothat。Hewouldhave’smashedthewholebeauty—shop’ifitwouldhelphim。Ireallycouldn’tgoasfarasthat。Idon’tthinkoneneedgoasfar——
picturesmighthavetobesmashed，butnotmusicorpoetry;
surelytheyhelp——andJacksondoesn’tthinksoeither。\"
\"Well，Iwon’thaveit，andthat’senough。\"Shelaughed，forhervoicehadalittlebeenthatoftheprofessionalscold。\"Youseewemusthangtogether。He’sinthereactionarycamp。\"
\"Hedoesn’tknowit。Hedoesn’tknowthatheisinanycampatall。\"
\"Hiswifeis，whichcomestothesame。\"
\"Still，it’stheholidays——\"HeandMr。Jacksonhaddriftedapartintheterm，chieflyowingtotheaffairofVarden。\"Weweretohavetheholidaystoourselves，youknow。\"Andfollowingsomelineofthought，hecontinued，\"Hecheersoneup。Hedoesbelieveinpoetry。Smart，sentimentalbooksdoseemabsolutelyabsurdtohim，andgodsandfairiesfarnearertoreality。HetriestoexpressallmodernlifeinthetermsofGreekmythology，becausetheGreekslookedverystraightatthings，andDemeterorAphroditearethinnerveilsthan’Thesurvivalofthefittest’，or’Amarriagehasbeenarranged，’andotherdraperiesofmodernjournalese。\"
\"Anddoyouknowwhatthatmeans？\"
\"Itmeansthatpoetry，notprose，liesatthecore。\"
\"No。Icantellyouwhatitmeans——balder—dash。\"
Hismouthfell。Shewassweepingawaythecobwebswithavengeance。\"Ihopeyou’rewrong，\"hereplied，\"forthosearethelinesonwhichI’vebeenwriting，howeverbadly，forthelasttwoyears。\"
\"Butyouwritestories，notpoems。\"
Helookedathiswatch。\"Lessonsagain。Oneneverhasamoment’speace。\"
\"PoorRickie。Youshallhavearealholidayinthesummer。\"Andshecalledafterhimtosay，\"Remember，dear，aboutMr。Jackson。
Don’tgotalkingsomuchtohim。\"
Ratherarbitrary。Hertonehadbeenalittlearbitraryoflate。
Butwhatdiditmatter？Mr。Jacksonwasnotafriend，andhemustriskthechanceofoffendingWiddrington。AfterthelessonhewrotetoAnsell，whomhehadnotseensinceJune，askinghimtocomedowntoIlfracombe，ifonlyforaday。Onreadingtheletterover，itstonedispleasedhim。Itwasquitepathetic:itsoundedlikeacryfromprison。\"Ican’tsendhimsuchnonsense，\"hethought，andwroteagain。Butphraseitashewouldtheletteralwayssuggestedthathewasunhappy。\"What’swrong？\"hewondered。\"IcouldwriteanythingIwantedtohimonce。\"Sohescrawled\"Come！\"onapost—card。Buteventhisseemedtooserious。Thepost—cardfollowedtheletters，andAgnesfoundthemallinthewaste—paperbasket。
Thenshesaid，\"I’vebeenthinking——oughtn’tyoutoaskMr。
Ansellover？Abreathofseaairwoulddothepoorthinggood。\"
Therewasnodifficultynow。Hewroteatonce，\"MydearStewart，Webothsomuchwishyoucouldcomeover。\"Buttheinvitationwasrefused。Alittleuneasyhewroteagain，usingthedialectoftheirpastintimacy。Theeffectofthisletterwasnotpatheticbutjaunty，andhefeltakeenregretassoonasitslippedintothebox。Itwasarelieftoreceivenoreply。
Hebroodedagooddealoverthispainfulyetintangibleepisode。
Wasthepainallofhisowncreating？orhaditbeenproducedbysomethingexternal？Andhegottheanswerthatbroodingalwaysgives——itwasboth。Hewasmorbid，andhadbeensosincehisvisittoCadover——quickertoregisterdiscomfortthanjoy。But，nonetheless，Ansellwasdefinitelybrutal，andAgnesdefinitelyjealous。Brutalityhecouldunderstand，alienasitwastohimself。Jealousy，equallyalien，wasahardermatter。Lethusbandandwifebeassunandmoon，orasmoonandsun。Shalltheythereforenotgivegreetingtothestars？Hewaswillingtograntthatthelovethatinspiredhermightbehigherthanhisown。Yetdiditnotexcludethembothfrommuchthatisgracious？
ThatdreamofhiswhenherodeontheWiltshireexpanses——acuriousdream:thelarksilent，theearthdissolving。Andheawokefromitintoavalleyfullofmen。
Shewasjealousinmanyways——sometimesinanopenhumorousfashion，sometimesmoresubtly，nevercontenttill\"we\"hadextendedourpatronage，and，ifpossible，ourpity。ShebegantopatronizeandpityAnsell，andmostsincerelytrustedthathewouldgethisfellowship。Otherwisewhatwasthepoorfellowtodo？Ridiculousasitmayseem，shewasevenjealousofNature。
OnedayherhusbandescapedfromIlfracombetoMorthoe，andcamebackecstaticoveritsfangsofslate，piercinganoilysea。
\"Soundslikeanhippopotamus，\"shesaidpeevishly。AndwhentheyreturnedtoSawstonthroughtheVirgiliancounties，shedislikedhimlookingoutofthewindows，foralltheworldasifNaturewassomedangerouswoman。
Heresumedhisdutieswithafeelingthathehadneverleftthem。Againheconfrontedtheassembledhouse。Thistermwasagaintheterm;schoolstilltheworldinminiature。Themusicofthefour—partfugueenteredintohimmoredeeply，andhebegantohumitslittlephrases。Thesameroutine，thesamediplomacies，thesameoldsenseofonlyhalfknowingboysormen——hereturnedtoitall:andallthatchangedwasthecloudofunreality，whicheverbroodedalittlemoredenselythanbefore。Hespoketohiswifeaboutthis，hespoketoherabouteverything，andshewasalarmed，andwantedhimtoseeadoctor。Butheexplainedthatitwasnothingofanypracticalimportance，nothingthatinterferedwithhisworkorhisappetite，nothingmorethanafeelingthatthecowwasnotreallythere。Shelaughed，and\"howisthecowtoday？\"soonpassedintoadomesticjoke。
XX
Ansellwasinhisfavouritehaunt——thereading—roomoftheBritishMuseum。
Inthatbook—encircledspacehealwayscouldfindpeace。Helovedtoseethevolumesrisingtierabovetierintothemistydome。Helovedthechairsthatglidesonoiselessly，andtheradiatingdesks，andthecentralarea，wherethecatalogueshelvescurve，roundthesuperintendent’sthrone。
Thereheknewthathislifewasnotignoble。Itwasworthwhiletogrowoldanddustyseekingfortruththoughtruthisunattainable，restatingquestionsthathavebeenstatedatthebeginningoftheworld。Failurewouldawaithim，butnotdisillusionment。Itwasworthwhilereadingbooks，andwritingabookortwowhichfewwouldread，andnoone，perhaps，endorse。Hewasnotahero，andheknewit。Hisfatherandsister，bytheirsteadygoodness，hadmadethislifepossible。But，allthesame，itwasnotthelifeofaspoiltchild。
InthenextchairtohimsatWiddrington，engagedinhishistoricalresearch。Hisdeskwasedgedwithenormousvolumes，andeveryfewmomentsanassistantbroughthimmore。TheyroselikeawallagainstAnsell。Towardstheendofthemorningagapwasmade，andthroughittheyheldthefollowingconversation。
\"I’vebeenstoppingwithmycousinatSawston。\"
\"M’m。\"
\"Itwasquiteexciting。Theairrangwithbattle。Abouttwo—thirdsofthemastershavelosttheirheads，andaretryingtoproduceagimcrackcopyofEton。Lastterm，youknow，withagreatdealofpuffingandblowing，theyfixedthenumbersoftheschool。Thistermtheywanttocreateanewboarding—house。\"
\"Theyareverywelcome。\"
\"Butthemoreboarding—housestheycreate，thelessroomtheyleaveforday—boys。Thelocalmothersarefrantic，andsoismyqueercousin。Ineverknewhimsoexcitedoversub—Hellenicthings。Therewasanindignationmeetingathishouse。Heissupposedtolookaftertheday—boys’interests，butnoonethoughthewould——leastofallthepeoplewhogavehimthepost。
Thespeechesweremosteloquent。Theyarguedthattheschoolwasfoundedforday—boys，andthatit’sintolerabletohandicapthem。
Onepoorladycried，’Here’smyHaroldintheschool，andmyToddiecomingon。AslikelyasnotIshallbetoldthereisnovacancyforhim。ThenwhatamItodo？IfIgo，what’stobecomeofHarold;andifIstop，what’stobecomeofToddie？’ImustsayIwastouched。Familylifeismorerealthannationallife——atleastI’veorderedallthesebookstoproveitis——andIfancythatthebustofEuripidesagreedwithme，andwassorryforthehot—facedmothers。Jacksonwilldowhathecan。Hedidn’tquiteliketostatethenakedtruth—whichis，thatboardinghousespay。
Heexplainedittomeafterwards:theyaretheonly，futureopentoastupidmaster。It’seasyenoughtobeabeakwhenyou’reyoungandathletic，andcanofferthelatestUniversitysmattering。Thedifficultyistokeepyourplacewhenyougetoldandstiff，andyoungersmatterersarepushingupbehindyou。
Crawlintoaboarding—houseandyou’resafe。Amaster’slifeisfrightfullytragic。Jackson’sfairlyrighthimself，becausehehasgotafirst—classintellect。ButImetapoorbrutewhowashiredasanathlete。Hehasmissedhisshotataboarding—house，andthere’snothingintheworldforhimtodobuttotrundledownthehill。\"