Thenightcame,andsuddenlythecompanywasthere。Iwaswonderingwithmyselfwhether,nightafternight,theywouldthusgoondancingtoalleternity,andwhetherIshouldnotonedayhavetojointhembecauseofmystiff—neckedness,whentheeyesofthechildrencameopen,andtheysprangtotheirfeet,wideawake。
Immediatelyeveryonecaughtholdofadancer,andawaytheywent,boundingandskipping。Thespectresseemedtoseeandwelcomethem:
perhapstheyknewallabouttheLittleOnes,fortheyhadthemselveslongbeenontheirwaybacktochildhood！Anyhow,theirinnocentgambolsmust,Ithought,bringrefreshmenttowearysoulswho,theirpresenttakenfromthemandtheirfuturedark,hadnolifesavetheshadowoftheirvanishedpast。Manyamerrybutneverarudeprankdidthechildrenplay;andiftheydidattimescauseamomentaryjarintherhythmofthedance,thepoorspectres,whohadnothingtosmilewithal,atleastmanifestednoannoyance。
Justerethemorningbegantobreak,Istartedtoseetheskeleton—princessinthedoorway,hereyesopenandglowing,thefearfulspotblackonherside。Shestoodforamoment,thencameglidingin,asifshewouldjointhedance。Isprangtomyfeet。
Acryofrepugnantfearbrokefromthechildren,andthelightsvanished。Butthelowmoonlookedin,andIsawthemclingingtoeachother。Theghostsweregone——atleasttheywerenolongervisible。Theprincesstoohaddisappeared。IdartedtothespotwhereIhadlefther:shelaywithhereyesclosed,asifshehadnevermoved。Ireturnedtothehall。TheLittleOneswerealreadyonthefloor,composingthemselvestosleep。
Thenextmorning,aswestarted,wespied,alittlewayfromus,twoskeletonsmovingaboutinathicket。TheLittleOnesbroketheirranks,andrantothem。Ifollowed;and,althoughnowwalkingatease,withoutsplintorligature,IwasabletorecognisethepairIhadbeforeseeninthatneighbourhood。Thechildrenatoncemadefriendswiththem,layingholdoftheirarms,andstrokingthebonesoftheirlongfingers;anditwasplainthepoorcreaturestooktheirattentionskindly。Thetwoseemedonexcellenttermswitheachother。Theircommondeprivationhaddrawnthemtogether！
thelossofeverythinghadbeenthebeginningofanewlifetothem！
Perceivingthattheyhadgatheredhandfulsofherbs,andwerelookingformore——presumablytorubtheirboneswith,forinwhatotherwaycouldnourishmentreachtheirsystemsorudimentary？——theLittleOnes,havingkeenlyexaminedthosetheyheld,gatheredofthesamesorts,andfilledthehandstheskeletonsheldouttoreceivethem。Thentheybidthemgoodbye,promisingtocomeandseethemagain,andresumedtheirjourney,sayingtoeachothertheyhadnotknownthereweresuchnicepeoplelivinginthesameforest。
Whenwecametothenest—village,Iremainedthereanightwiththem,toseethemresettled;forLonastilllookedlikeonejustdead,andthereseemednoneedofhaste。
Theprincesshadeatennothing,andhereyesremainedshut:fearingshemightdieerewereachedtheendofourjourney,Iwenttoherinthenight,andlaidmybarearmuponherlips。ShebitintoitsofiercelythatIcriedout。HowIgotawayfromherIdonotknow,butIcametomyselflyingbeyondherreach。Itwasthenmorning,andimmediatelyIsetaboutourdeparture。
ChoosingtwelveLittleOnes,notofthebiggestandstrongest,butofthesweetestandmerriest,Imountedthemonsixelephants,andtooktwomoreofthewiseCLUMSIES,asthechildrencalledthem,tobeartheprincess。IstillrodeLona\'shorse,andcarriedherbodywraptinhercloakbeforeme。AsnearlyasIcouldjudgeItookthedirectway,acrosstheleftbranchoftheriver—bed,totheHouseofBitterness,whereIhopedtolearnhowbesttocrossthebroaderandrougherbranch,andhowtoavoidthebasinofmonsters:
Idreadedtheformerfortheelephants,thelatterforthechildren。
Ihadoneterriblenightontheway——thethird,passedinthedesertbetweenthetwobranchesofthedeadriver。
Wehadstoppedtheelephantsinashelteredplace,andtherelettheprincessslipdownbetweenthem,tolieonthesanduntilthemorning。Sheseemedquitedead,butIdidnotthinkshewas。I
laidmyselfalittlewayfromher,withthebodyofLonabymyotherside,thustokeepwatchatonceoverthedeadandthedangerous。
Themoonwashalf—waydownthewest,apale,thoughtfulmoon,mottlingthedesertwithshadows。Ofasuddenshewaseclipsed,remainingvisible,butsendingforthnolight:athick,diaphanousfilmcoveredherpatientbeauty,andshelookedtroubled。Thefilmsweptalittleaside,andIsawtheedgeofitagainstherclearness——thejaggedoutlineofabat—likewing,tornandhooked。
Cameacoldwindwithaburningsting——andLilithwasuponme。Herhandswerestillbound,butwithherteethshepulledfrommyshoulderthecloakLonamadeforme,andfixedtheminmyflesh。I
layasoneparalysed。
Alreadytheverylifeseemedflowingfrommeintoher,whenI
remembered,andstruckheronthehand。Sheraisedherheadwithagurglingshriek,andIfelthershiver。Iflungherfromme,andsprangtomyfeet。
Shewasonherknees,androckedherselftoandfro。Asecondblastofhot—stingingcoldenvelopedus;themoonshoneoutclear,andI
sawherface——gauntandghastly,besmearedwithred。
\"Down,devil！\"Icried。
\"Whereareyoutakingme？\"sheasked,withthevoiceofadullechofromasepulchre。
\"Toyourfirsthusband,\"Ianswered。
\"Hewillkillme！\"shemoaned。
\"Atleasthewilltakeyouoffmyhands！\"
\"Givememydaughter,\"shesuddenlyscreamed,grindingherteeth。
\"Never！Yourdoomisuponyouatlast！\"
\"Loosemyhandsforpity\'ssake！\"shegroaned。\"Iamintorture。
Thecordsaresunkinmyflesh。\"
\"Idarenot。Liedown！\"Isaid。
Shethrewherselfonthegroundlikealog。
Therestofthenightpassedinpeace,andinthemorningsheagainseemeddead。
BeforeeveningwecameinsightoftheHouseofBitterness,andthenextmomentoneoftheelephantscamealongsideofmyhorse。
\"Please,king,youarenotgoingtothatplace？\"whisperedtheLittleOnewhorodeonhisneck。
\"IndeedIam！Wearegoingtostaythenightthere,\"Ianswered。
\"Oh,please,don\'t！Thatmustbewherethecat—womanlives！\"
\"Ifyouhadeverseenher,youwouldnotcallherbythatname！\"
\"Nobodyeverseesher:shehaslostherface！Herheadisbackandsideallround。\"
\"Shehidesherfacefromdull,discontentedpeople！——Whotaughtyoutocallherthecat—woman？\"
\"Iheardthebadgiantscallherso。\"
\"Whatdidtheysayabouther？\"
\"Thatshehadclawstohertoes。\"
\"Itisnottrue。Iknowthelady。Ispentanightatherhouse。\"
\"ButsheMAYhaveclawstohertoes！Youmightseeherfeet,andherclawsbefoldedupinsidetheircushions！\"
\"ThenperhapsyouthinkthatIhaveclawstomytoes？\"
\"Oh,no;thatcan\'tbe！youaregood！\"
\"Thegiantsmighthavetoldyouso！\"Ipursued。
\"Weshouldn\'tbelievethemaboutyou！\"
\"Arethegiantsgood？\"
\"No;theylovelying。\"
\"Thenwhydoyoubelievethemabouther？Iknowtheladyisgood;
shecannothaveclaws。\"
\"Pleasehowdoyouknowsheisgood？\"
\"HowdoyouknowIamgood？\"
Irodeon,whilehewaitedforhiscompanions,andtoldthemwhatIhadsaid。
Theyhastenedafterme,andwhentheycameup,——
\"IwouldnottakeyoutoherhouseifIdidnotbelievehergood,\"
Isaid。
\"Weknowyouwouldnot,\"theyanswered。
\"IfIweretodosomethingthatfrightenedyou——whatwouldyousay？\"
\"Thebeastsfrightenedussometimesatfirst,buttheyneverhurtus！\"answeredone。
\"Thatwasbeforeweknewthem！\"addedanother。
\"Justso！\"Ianswered。\"Whenyouseethewomaninthatcottage,youwillknowthatsheisgood。Youmaywonderatwhatshedoes,butshewillalwaysbegood。Iknowherbetterthanyouknowme。Shewillnothurtyou,——orifshedoes,————\"
\"Ah,youarenotsureaboutit,kingdear！YouthinksheMAYhurtus！\"
\"Iamsureshewillneverbeunkindtoyou,evenifshedohurtyou！\"
Theyweresilentforawhile。
\"I\'mnotafraidofbeinghurt——alittle！——agooddeal！\"criedOdu。
\"ButIshouldnotlikescratchesinthedark！Thegiantssaythecat—womanhasclaw—feetalloverherhouse！\"
\"Iamtakingtheprincesstoher,\"Isaid。
\"Why？\"
\"Becausesheisherfriend。\"
\"Howcanshebegoodthen？\"
\"LittleTumbledownisafriendoftheprincess,\"Ianswered;\"soisLuva:Isawthemboth,morethanonce,tryingtofeedherwithgrapes！\"
\"LittleTumbledownisgood！Luvaisverygood！\"
\"Thatiswhytheyareherfriends。\"
\"Willthecat—woman——Imeanthewomanthatisn\'tthecat—woman,andhasnoclawstohertoes——givehergrapes？\"
\"Sheismorelikelytogiveherscratches！\"
\"Why？——Yousaysheisherfriend！\"
\"Thatisjustwhy。——Afriendisonewhogivesuswhatweneed,andtheprincessissorelyinneedofaterriblescratching。\"
Theyweresilentagain。
\"Ifanyofyouareafraid,\"Isaid,\"youmaygohome;Ishallnotpreventyou。ButIcannottakeonewithmewhobelievesthegiantsratherthanme,oronewhowillcallagoodladythecat—woman！\"
\"Please,king,\"saidone,\"I\'msoafraidofbeingafraid！\"
\"Myboy,\"Ianswered,\"thereisnoharminbeingafraid。TheonlyharmisindoingwhatFeartellsyou。Fearisnotyourmaster！
Laughinhisfaceandhewillrunaway。\"
\"Theresheis——inthedoorwaitingforus！\"criedone,andputhishandsoverhiseyes。
\"Howuglysheis！\"criedanother,anddidthesame。
\"Youdonotseeher,\"Isaid;\"herfaceiscovered！\"
\"Shehasnoface！\"theyanswered。
\"Shehasaverybeautifulface。Isawitonce。——ItisindeedasbeautifulasLona\'s！\"Iaddedwithasigh。
\"Thenwhatmakesherhideit？\"
\"IthinkIknow:——anyhow,shehassomegoodreasonforit！\"
\"Idon\'tlikethecat—woman！sheisfrightful！\"
\"Youcannotlike,andyououghtnottodislikewhatyouhaveneverseen。——Oncemore,youmustnotcallherthecat—woman！\"
\"Whatarewetocallherthen,please？\"
\"LadyMara。\"
\"Thatisaprettyname！\"saidagirl;\"Iwillcallher`ladyMara\';
thenperhapsshewillshowmeherbeautifulface！\"
Mara,drestandmuffledinwhite,wasindeedstandinginthedoorwaytoreceiveus。
\"Atlast！\"shesaid。\"Lilith\'shourhasbeenlongontheway,butitiscome！Everythingcomes。ThousandsofyearshaveIwaited——andnotinvain！\"
Shecametome,tookmytreasurefrommyarms,carrieditintothehouse,andreturning,tooktheprincess。Lilithshuddered,butmadenoresistance。Thebeastslaydownbythedoor。Wefollowedourhostess,theLittleOneslookingverygrave。Shelaidtheprincessonaroughsettleatonesideoftheroom,unboundher,andturnedtous。
\"Mr。Vane,\"shesaid,\"andyou,LittleOnes,Ithankyou！Thiswomanwouldnotyieldtogentlermeasures;hardermusthavetheirturn。ImustdowhatIcantomakeherrepent！\"
Thepitiful—heartedLittleOnesbegantosobsorely。
\"Willyouhurtherverymuch,ladyMara？\"saidthegirlIhavejustmentioned,puttingherwarmlittlehandinmine。
\"Yes;IamafraidImust;Ifearshewillmakeme！\"answeredMara。
\"Itwouldbecrueltohurthertoolittle。Itwouldhavealltobedoneagain,onlyworse。\"
\"MayIstopwithher？\"
\"No,mychild。Shelovesnoone,thereforeshecannotbeWITHanyone。ThereisOnewhowillbewithher,butshewillnotbewithHim。\"
\"Willtheshadowthatcamedownthehillbewithher？\"
\"ThegreatShadowwillbeinher,Ifear,buthecannotbeWITHher,orwithanyone。ShewillknowIambesideher,butthatwillnotcomforther。\"
\"Willyouscratchherverydeep？\"askedOdu,goingnear,andputtinghishandinhers。\"Please,don\'tmaketheredjuicecome！\"
Shecaughthimup,turnedherbacktotherestofus,drewthemufflingdownfromherface,andheldhimatarms\'lengththathemightseeher。
Asifhisfacehadbeenamirror,Isawinitwhathesaw。Foronemomenthestared,hislittlemouthopen;thenadivinewonderaroseinhiscountenance,andswiftlychangedtointensedelight。
Foraminutehegazedentranced,thenshesethimdown。Yetamomenthestoodlookingupather,lostincontemplation——thenrantouswiththefaceofaprophetthatknowsablisshecannottell。
Mararearrangedhermufflings,andturnedtotheotherchildren。
\"Youmusteatanddrinkbeforeyougotosleep,\"shesaid;\"youhavehadalongjourney！\"
Shesetthebreadofherhousebeforethem,andajugofcoldwater。
Theyhadneverseenbreadbefore,andthiswashardanddry,buttheyateitwithoutsignofdistaste。Theyhadneverseenwaterbefore,buttheydrankwithoutdemur,oneaftertheotherlookingupfromthedraughtwithafaceofgladastonishment。Thensheledawaythesmallest,andtherestwenttroopingafterher。Withherowngentlehands,theytoldme,sheputthemtobedonthefloorofthegarret。
CHAPTERXXXIX
THATNIGHT
Theirnightwasatroubledone,andtheybroughtastrangereportofitintotheday。Whetherthefearoftheirsleepcameoutintotheirwaking,ortheirwakingfearsankwiththemintotheirdreams,awakeorasleeptheywereneveratrestfromit。Allnightsomethingseemedgoingoninthehouse——somethingsilent,somethingterrible,somethingtheywerenottoknow。Neverasoundawoke;thedarknesswasonewiththesilence,andthesilencewastheterror。
Once,afrightfulwindfilledthehouse,andshookitsinside,theysaid,sothatitquiveredandtrembledlikeahorseshakinghimself;
butitwasasilentwindthatmadenotevenamoanintheirchamber,andpassedawaylikeasoundlesssob。
Theyfellasleep。Buttheywokeagainwithagreatstart。Theythoughtthehousewasfillingwithwatersuchastheyhadbeendrinking。Itcamefrombelow,andswelledupuntilthegarretwasfullofittotheveryroof。Butitmadenomoresoundthanthewind,andwhenitsankaway,theyfellasleepdryandwarm。
Thenexttimetheywoke,alltheair,theysaid,insideandout,wasfullofcats。Theyswarmed——upanddown,alongandacross,everywhereabouttheroom。Theyfelttheirclawstryingtogetthroughthenight—gownsladyMarahadputonthem,buttheycouldnot;andinthemorningnotoneofthemhadascratch。Throughthedarksuddenly,cametheonlysoundtheyheardthenightlong——thefar—offhowlofthehugegreat—grandmother—catinthedesert:shemusthavebeencallingherlittleones,theythought,forthatinstantthecatsstopped,andallwasstill。Oncemoretheyfellfastasleep,anddidnotwaketillthesunwasrising。
Suchwastheaccountthechildrengaveoftheirexperiences。ButIwaswiththeveiledwomanandtheprincessallthroughthenight:
somethingofwhattookplaceIsaw;muchIonlyfelt;andtherewasmorewhicheyecouldnotsee,andheartonlycouldinameasureunderstand。
AssoonasMaralefttheroomwiththechildren,myeyesfellonthewhiteleopardess:Ithoughtwehadleftherbehindus,butthereshewas,coweringinacorner。Apparentlyshewasinmortalterrorofwhatshemightsee。Alampstoodonthehighchimney—piece,andsometimestheroomseemedfulloflamp—shadows,sometimesofcloudyforms。Theprincesslayonthesettlebythewall,andseemednevertohavemovedhandorfoot。Itwasafearsomewaiting。
WhenMarareturned,shedrewthesettlewithLilithuponittothemiddleoftheroom,thensatdownoppositeme,attheothersideofthehearth。Betweenusburnedasmallfire。
Somethingterriblewasonitsway！Thecloudypresencesflickeredandshook。Asilverycreaturelikeaslowwormcamecrawlingoutfromamongthem,slowlycrossedtheclayfloor,andcreptintothefire。Wesatmotionless。Thesomethingcamenearer。
Butthehourspassed,midnightdrewnigh,andtherewasnochange。
Thenightwasverystill。Notasoundbrokethesilence,notarustlefromthefire,notacrackfromboardorbeam。NowandagainIfeltasortofheave,butwhetherintheearthorintheairorinthewatersundertheearth,whetherinmyownbodyorinmysoul——whetheritwasanywhere,Icouldnottell。Adreadsenseofjudgmentwasuponme。ButIwasnotafraid,forIhadceasedtocareforaughtsavethethingthatmustbedone。
Suddenlyitwasmidnight。Themuffledwomanrose,turnedtowardthesettle,andslowlyunwoundthelongswathesthathidherface:
theydroppedontheground,andshesteppedoverthem。Thefeetoftheprincessweretowardthehearth;Marawenttoherhead,andturning,stoodbehindit。ThenIsawherface。Itwaslovelybeyondspeech——whiteandsad,heart—and—soulsad,butnotunhappy,andIknewitnevercouldbeunhappy。Greattearswererunningdownhercheeks:shewipedthemawaywithherrobe;hercountenancegrewverystill,andsheweptnomore。Butforthepityineverylineofherexpression,shewouldhaveseemedsevere。Shelaidherhandontheheadoftheprincess——onthehairthatgrewlowontheforehead,andstooping,breathedonthesallowbrow。Thebodyshuddered。
\"Willyouturnawayfromthewickedthingsyouhavebeendoingsolong？\"saidMaragently。
Theprincessdidnotanswer。Maraputthequestionagain,inthesamesoft,invitingtone。
Stilltherewasnosignofhearing。Shespokethewordsathirdtime。
Thentheseemingcorpseopeneditsmouthandanswered,itswordsappearingtoframethemselvesofsomethingelsethansound。——I
cannotshapethethingfurther:soundstheywerenot,yettheywerewordstome。
\"Iwillnot,\"shesaid。\"Iwillbemyselfandnotanother！\"
\"Alas,youareanothernow,notyourself！Willyounotbeyourrealself？\"
\"IwillbewhatImeanmyselfnow。\"
\"Ifyouwererestored,wouldyounotmakewhatamendsyoucouldforthemiseryyouhavecaused？\"
\"Iwoulddoaftermynature。\"
\"Youdonotknowit:yournatureisgood,andyoudoevil！\"
\"IwilldoasmySelfpleases——asmySelfdesires。\"
\"YouwilldoastheShadow,overshadowingyourSelfinclinesyou？\"
\"IwilldowhatIwilltodo。\"
\"Youhavekilledyourdaughter,Lilith！\"
\"Ihavekilledthousands。Sheismyown！\"
\"Shewasneveryoursasyouareanother\'s。\"
\"Iamnotanother\'s;Iammyown,andmydaughterismine。\"
\"Then,alas,yourhouriscome！\"
\"Icarenot。IamwhatIam;noonecantakefrommemyself！\"
\"YouarenottheSelfyouimagine。\"
\"SolongasIfeelmyselfwhatitpleasesmetothinkmyself,Icarenot。IamcontenttobetomyselfwhatIwouldbe。WhatIchoosetoseemtomyselfmakesmewhatIam。Myownthoughtmakesmeme;
myownthoughtofmyselfisme。Anothershallnotmakeme！\"
\"Butanotherhasmadeyou,andcancompelyoutoseewhatyouhavemadeyourself。Youwillnotbeablemuchlongertolooktoyourselfanythingbutwhatheseesyou！Youwillnotmuchlongerhavesatisfactioninthethoughtofyourself。Atthismomentyouareawareofthecomingchange！\"
\"Nooneevermademe。IdefythatPowertounmakemefromafreewoman！Youarehisslave,andIdefyyou！Youmaybeabletotortureme——Idonotknow,butyoushallnotcompelmetoanythingagainstmywill！\"
\"Suchacompulsionwouldbewithoutvalue。Butthereisalightthatgoesdeeperthanthewill,alightthatlightsupthedarknessbehindit:thatlightcanchangeyourwill,canmakeittrulyyoursandnotanother\'s——nottheShadow\'s。Intothecreatedcanpouritselfthecreatingwill,andsoredeemit！\"
\"Thatlightshallnotenterme:Ihateit！——Begone,slave！\"
\"Iamnoslave,forIlovethatlight,andwillwiththedeeperwillwhichcreatedmine。Thereisnoslavebutthecreaturethatwillsagainstitscreator。Whoisaslavebutherwhocries,`Iamfree,\'yetcannotceasetoexist！\"
\"Youspeakfoolishnessfromacoweringheart！Youimaginemegivenovertoyou:Idefyyou！Iholdmyselfagainstyou！WhatIchoosetobe,youcannotchange。Iwillnotbewhatyouthinkme——whatyousayIam！\"
\"Iamsorry:youmustsuffer！\"
\"Butbefree！\"
\"Shealoneisfreewhowouldmakefree;shelovesnotfreedomwhowouldenslave:sheisherselfaslave。Everylife,everywill,everyheartthatcamewithinyourken,youhavesoughttosubdue:
youaretheslaveofeveryslaveyouhavemade——suchaslavethatyoudonotknowit！——Seeyourownself！\"
Shetookherhandfromtheheadoftheprincess,andwenttwobackwardpacesfromher。
Asoundlesspresenceasofroaringflamepossessedthehouse——
thesame,Ipresume,thatwastothechildrenasilentwind。
InvoluntarilyIturnedtothehearth:itsfirewasastillsmallmovelessglow。ButIsawtheworm—thingcomecreepingout,white—hot,vividasincandescentsilver,theliveheartofessentialfire。Alongtheflooritcrawledtowardthesettle,goingveryslow。Yetmoreslowlyitcreptuponit,andlaiditself,asunwillingtogofurther,atthefeetoftheprincess。Iroseandstolenearer。Marastoodmotionless,asonethatwaitsaneventforeknown。Theshiningthingcrawledontoabarebonyfoot:itshowednosuffering,neitherwasthesettlescorchedwherethewormhadlain。Slowly,veryslowly,itcreptalongherrobeuntilitreachedherbosom,whereitdisappearedamongthefolds。
Thefaceoftheprincesslaystonilycalm,theeyelidsclosedasoverdeadeyes;andforsomeminutesnothingfollowed。Atlength,onthedry,parchment—likeskin,begantoappeardropsasofthefinestdew:inamomenttheywereaslargeasseed—pearls,rantogether,andbegantopourdowninstreams。Idartedforwardtosnatchthewormfromthepoorwitheredbosom,andcrushitwithmyfoot。ButMara,MotherofSorrow,steppedbetween,anddrewasidetheclosededgesoftherobe:noserpentwasthere——nosearingtrail;
thecreaturehadpassedinbythecentreoftheblackspot,andwaspiercingthroughthejointsandmarrowtothethoughtsandintentsoftheheart。Theprincessgaveonewrithing,contortedshudder,andIknewthewormwasinhersecretchamber。
\"Sheisseeingherself！\"saidMara;andlayingherhandonmyarm,shedrewmethreepacesfromthesettle。
Ofasuddentheprincessbentherbodyupwardinanarch,thensprangtothefloor,andstooderect。Thehorrorinherfacemademetremblelesthereyesshouldopen,andthesightofthemoverwhelmme。Herbosomheavedandsank,butnobreathissued。Herhairhunganddripped;thenitstoodoutfromherheadandemittedsparks;
againhungdown,andpouredthesweatofhertortureonthefloor。
Iwouldhavethrownmyarmsabouther,butMarastoppedme。
\"Youcannotgonearher,\"shesaid。\"Sheisfarawayfromus,afarinthehellofherself—consciousness。Thecentralfireoftheuniverseisradiatingintohertheknowledgeofgoodandevil,theknowledgeofwhatsheis。Sheseesatlastthegoodsheisnot,theevilsheis。Sheknowsthatsheisherselfthefireinwhichsheisburning,butshedoesnotknowthattheLightofLifeistheheartofthatfire。Hertormentisthatsheiswhatsheis。Donotfearforher;sheisnotforsaken。Nogentlerwaytohelpherwasleft。Waitandwatch。\"
Itmayhavebeenfiveminutesorfiveyearsthatshestoodthus——I
cannottell;butatlastsheflungherselfonherface。
Marawenttoher,andstoodlookingdownuponher。Largetearsfellfromhereyesonthewomanwhohadneverwept,andwouldnotweep。
\"Willyouchangeyourway？\"shesaidatlength。
\"Whydidhemakemesuch？\"gaspedLilith。\"Iwouldhavemademyself——oh,sodifferent！IamgladitwashethatmademeandnotImyself！HealoneistoblameforwhatIam！NeverwouldIhavemadesuchaworthlessthing！HemeantmesuchthatImightknowitandbemiserable！Iwillnotbemadeanylonger！\"
\"Unmakeyourself,then,\"saidMara。
\"Alas,Icannot！Youknowit,andmockme！HowoftenhaveInotagonisedtocease,butthetyrantkeepsmebeing！Icursehim！——Nowlethimkillme！\"
Thewordscameinjetsasfromadyingfountain。
\"Hadhenotmadeyou,\"saidMara,gentlyandslowly,\"youcouldnotevenhatehim。Buthedidnotmakeyousuch。Youhavemadeyourselfwhatyouare。——Beofbettercheer:hecanremakeyou。\"
\"Iwillnotberemade！\"
\"Hewillnotchangeyou;hewillonlyrestoreyoutowhatyouwere。\"
\"Iwillnotbeaughtofhismaking。\"
\"Areyounotwillingtohavethatsetrightwhichyouhavesetwrong？\"
Shelaysilent;hersufferingseemedabated。
\"Ifyouarewilling,putyourselfagainonthesettle。\"
\"Iwillnot,\"sheanswered,forcingthewordsthroughherclenchedteeth。
Awindseemedtowakeinsidethehouse,blowingwithoutsoundorimpact;andawaterbegantorisethathadnolapinitsripples,nosobinitsswell。Itwascold,butitdidnotbenumb。Unseenandnoiselessitcame。Itsmotenosenseinme,yetIknewitrising。Isawitliftatlastandfloather。Gentlyitboreher,unabletoresist,andleftratherthanlaidheronthesettle。Thenitsankswiftlyaway。
Thestrifeofthought,accusingandexcusing,beganafresh,andgatheredfierceness。ThesoulofLilithlaynakedtothetortureofpureinterpenetratinginwardlight。Shebegantomoan,andsighdeepsighs,thenmurmurasholdingcolloquywithadividualself:
herqueendomwasnolongerwhole;itwasdividedagainstitself。
Onemomentshewouldexultasoverherworstenemy,andweep;thenextshewouldwritheasintheembraceofafriendwhomhersoulhated,andlaughlikeademon。Atlengthshebeganwhatseemedataleaboutherself,inalanguagesostrange,andinformssoshadowy,thatIcouldbuthereandthereunderstandalittle。YetthelanguageseemedtheprimevalshapeofoneIknewwell,andtheformstobelongtodreamswhichhadoncebeenmine,butrefusedtoberecalled。ThetaleappearednowandthentotouchuponthingsthatAdamhadreadfromthedispartedmanuscript,andoftentomakeallusiontoinfluencesandforces——vicestoo,Icouldnothelpsuspecting——withwhichIwasunacquainted。
Sheceased,andagaincamethehorrorinherhair,thesparklingandflowingalternate。IsentabeseechinglooktoMara。